January 24, 2023 • 22 mins
We’re still early in 2023 and if you’re like me, you’re still jazzed about goals, intentions, resolutions, etc. Julie DeLucca-Collins joins host Carmelita Tiu to talk about the power of tiny habits, and how small habits can build into big results.
Listen to hear:
- How motivation doesn’t work when creating habits, and what does
- The recipe for creating tiny habits that stick
- The importance of celebrating even the small wins
About Our Guest
Julie DeLucca-Collins is the Founder and CEO of Go Confidently Services, the host of the popular Casa DeConfidence Podcast®, and her weekly Radio Show Confident You featured on a global talk radio network.
As a Business and Life Strategist Coach, Julie helps women business owners launch or grow their businesses, get clients, be productive, and achieve their dreams. Julie helps her clients create simple habits to achieve goals and change their lives.
Julie is a sought-after public speaker, author, trainer, and course creator. She is certified as a coach in Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, Holistic Coach, and Tiny Habits. She is also certified as a Social Emotional Learning Facilitator and has completed her 200-hour Yoga Teacher Certification. Julie enjoys helping her clients build mental fitness and improve their mindset to be at peace and improve peak performance. Julie is also the #1 best-selling author of the book Confident You (simple habits to live the life you've imagined).
Julie has been honored with the "25 Most Powerful Minority Women in Business Award." by the Minority Enterprise Executive Council in Washington, DC. Julie and her Podcast co-host/producer husband Dan reside in Vernon, CT, with their fur babies, Yogi Bear, Junior, and Simba.
To learn more about Julie and her work, connect with her here:
References in this Episode:
About Your Host, Carmelita / Cat / Millie Tiu
Mom, spouse, coach, podcaster, wordsmith, legal eagle. Endlessly curious about how we can show up better for ourselves – because when we do that, we also show up better for our kids and those around us. Visit carmelitatiu.com to learn more about Cat, and for info on 1:1 coaching, the mom collective, and her monthly newsletter.
Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them
Love staying informed and inspired? Subscribe here: Apple, Spotify, Google.
Leave a 5-star review by...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host:
Welcome to know them. (00:02):
undefined
Be them, raise them a show to helpmoms stay informed and inspired so
they can show up for themselves andtheir daughters the way they want to.
I'm your host Carmelita to join me eachweek as I cover a variety of topics,
all designed to support mindful.
And growth-oriented moms ofgirls, especially girls in their
crucial tween and teen years.
(00:24):
My guest today is Julie DeLuca Collins,the founder and CEO of go confidently
services and the host of the popular.
Casa de confidence podcast and a weeklyradio show confident you featured
on a global talk radio network.
She's also the number one bestsellingauthor of the book, confident you simple
(00:44):
habits to live the life you've imagined.
And
Julia is a certified coach incognitive behavioral techniques,
holistic coaching and tiny habits.
She's also certified as a social emotionallearning facilitator and has completed
her 200 hour yoga teacher certification.
As a business and life strategist coachJulie helps women business owners launch
(01:06):
or grow their businesses, get clientsbe productive and achieve their dreams.
I invited Julie to chat and shed somelight on the power of tiny habits.
Here's our conversation.
Julie, I am so excitedto connect with you.
Um, your wisdom and your light isjust infectious, and I can't wait
(01:30):
to share that with the listeners.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (01:31):
Carmelita Kat, thank you so much for having me.
It is a pleasure to hang out with youbecause I know that surrounding yourself
with the people that you admire isan honor, and I, I'm excited to be
a guest on your show that I admire
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (01:46):
Thank you.
Well, um, in your bio, confidence is sucha linchpin that your work revolves around.
I'd love to hear a little, a littlebit about your personal journey and
where we can take that from there,when it comes to raising our daughter,
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (02:01):
Yeah.
You know, when I, I was growingup, I was born in El Salvador.
My mom is from El Salvador.
My dad was from New York and he happenedto meet my mom and they settled there.
I was the first granddaughter and I,I was born to a woman who was, um,
very privileged to have been educatedin the states, traveled abroad.
(02:24):
And my dad grew up in a very, humblehome in in the projects of New York,
but he grew up with a strong woman aswell, and that really set the stage.
And my mom's mother also wassomeone who was ahead of her time.
My grandmother, my maternal grandmotherwas someone who was expected to
(02:47):
because she grew up in an affluenthome, get married, raise children.
But no, she wanted a career.
She wanted to be an educator and she keptgoing through and getting education and
my great-grandfather, wanted her to settledown and she said, no, I wanna work.
And finally he gave in anddecided to build a school for.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that's amazing. (03:07):
undefined
Wow.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (03:10):
it's like, okay, you have a school you can teach here.
And my grandmother began teachingand subsequently took over the school
when my great-grandfather passed,and I was born in this environment
in which women were very strong.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (03:26):
Hmm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (03:27):
that's what I saw at an early age.
At about five years old, my grandmotherhad her leg amputated because she
had a rare form of cancer, andmost people thought that someone
at 70 something was done right.
And this illustrious careerwas pretty much behind her.
(03:47):
But instead, my grandmother madeit her mission that she was going
to come back and come back greater.
And I watched her.
Um, continue to rehabilitateherself, teach herself to walk with
a prosthesis that weighed a hundredpounds, and continue to give and
volunteer and have a successful career.
(04:09):
and I was told that I wasa leader from an early age.
Someone that was told thatservice was important, that
needed to be part of my life.
And most importantly, I learned my voice.
I learned to speak.
I was never afraid to speak to, to adultsand have a conversation, and I read a lot.
So all of that contributedto who I am today.
(04:32):
Ultimately, you know, confidence wassomething that I never knew not having
it, but there were moments in which,especially in middle, When I started
to be teased and you, you start tokind of, you know, this is who you
are and your family tell you you are,and then you hit middle school and
(04:53):
your classmates like, who are you?
You, and, and all your confidenceis kind of knocked out.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (04:58):
Yes.
there's that dissonance between whatyour family, your parents tell you.
Like I tell them they're beautiful andstrong and whatnot, and then they go
off into the world and then have theseexperiences that kind of knock 'em down.
So, yeah, totally
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (05:12):
sure.
You know, in my, in, in my book,I actually talk about this.
There's an experience that I hadin the locker room and changing
for gym and how I came in full ofconfidence and sure enough, surely
thereafter, um I was knocked down.
And I remember at that time myparents had divorced at, and we're
living in Miami at this point.
(05:33):
Um, but my dad shared a quote withme that's become my mantra through
my life, and that's what my businessis called, is Go Confidently Services
because of the Henry David Thoreau quote,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (05:43):
Mm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (05:44):
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
And it became the mantra when Ididn't feel confident, when I felt
like I didn't have it all together,I kept saying, just go forward.
Just do it.
Just it's okay.
And we don't always feel confident.
And this is something that I wish, um,you know, when I look back at that 11
(06:07):
year old girl, she just kept going, right.
And I, and I wanna tellher that it turns out okay.
And then you don't have it all together.
But that's part of the process oflearning and becoming stronger.
Someone has to be a beginnerat everything in order to get
to be who you want to become.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (06:26):
Hmm mm-hmm.
. Yeah, that's a, a great insight thatsometimes I, forget, but that you have
to anticipate and normalize and acceptthat things are gonna feel awkward or
unknown or uncertain, just by virtue ofthe fact that you're trying new things.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (06:43):
Yeah, for sure.
And I think this is wherein my career, right?
I started to look around meas I got higher and higher
in that corporate ladder.
And I thought, where are my sisters?
Where are the girlfriends?
Where are the ladies?
You know, we, we can deepdive into this so much.
But ultimately like Cheryl Sandberg says,right, like, lean in, it's okay, and
(07:07):
maybe you don't feel like you belong,but the more that you lean in, the more
that you create a space for yourself.
And that's something that I wantwomen, young women and girls to
really know and pay attention to.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (07:21):
Mm mm, on that point, you know
what women and girls can do.
I know that you have some thoughts onhow habits can really contribute into
building up this sense of confidence.
I'd love to hear you say more about that.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (07:36):
Well, you know, habits for me have been that
frenemy because we love it, but alsothey're hard and for many years, I just
kept thinking, what's wrong with me?
I really wanna create these greathabits, but my motivation is not there.
What can I do to motivate myself more?
And then I kept learning abouthabits and wanting to adopt them,
(07:59):
and I was successful at them.
There was a piece missing, andthen eventually I found that.
Well, one, your brain does wanna havehabits, and if you don't create good ones,
your brain is gonna create not so goodones because your brain I is, is going to
want to change the uncertainty of thingsand wants to automate the processes.
(08:22):
Number two, motivation is something thatyou can start, it's a feeling, but when
something gets hard, motivation goes away.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:30):
Oh, so
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (08:31):
And this is why we cannot rely on
motivation to create habits.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:36):
Mm.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (08:36):
early in 2020.
As I launched my career, my secondcareer, my business as, as I was laid
off at the beginning of the pandemic.
I started to really explore this conceptof simple habits and I had created some
great ones that have served me, butalso was struggling to create others.
(08:57):
And what I found is that when you haveconsistent action and you learn the thing,
you hone in your skills, then you'redoing it, and you automate it and becomes
a habit, then your confidence grows.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:07):
Mm mm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (09:08):
And that's when I, I read a book that was life
changing and I've read a lot ofbooks and I love reading, but Tiny
Habits, it's a book written by Dr.
BJ Fogg, who is A behavior researcherout of Stanford University, and
he has made in his life work to beresearching behavior change and how
people change and what creates change.
(09:30):
And in the book, one of the thingsthat he talks about is how motivation
cannot be relied upon, number one.
Number two, the ABCs of habits arehaving that anchor moment, doing the
behavior, and then creating the oneaction that allows your brain to.
Make that habit stick.
(09:51):
Your brain changes when you feel good.
So when we beat ourselves up becausewe didn't do the thing right, then your
brain is like, I don't wanna do that.
Because , if I'm not good atit, then I don't wanna do it.
I'm gonna beat myself up.
I'm not gonna feel bad.
But if you do it and do it in a minimalmanner, and you celebrate that you did
(10:13):
it, even if it's a tiny step, your brainis like, oh, I like feeling that, and it
begins to say, I better do that again.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:21):
Hmm.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (10:22):
And that's when you begin to create these habits.
So the premise or the method fortiny habits is finding the anchor
moments or the prompts that willremind you to do the behavior, create
a behavior that is small enough,and then celebrate that you did it.
And if you go above and beyondthat tiny behavior, then great.
(10:42):
And you start to grow your habits.
But really starting tiny is key.
And when I started to create tinyhabits for myself, and I noticed that
even those habits that I had alreadyestablished, they were born out outta
doing something in a very minimal way.
Feeling good about having it done.
And then continuing to start again iffor some reason, oh, I didn't do it.
(11:04):
Okay, let me try again.
But always celebratingthat, oh, I remember that.
I didn't do it.
Good for you, Julie.
You remembered.
Let's try again
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:11):
Yeah.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (11:13):
And then that creates the ability for your brain to
be a able to automate some of that.
So tiny habits.
I am then pursued a certificationas a coach, as a tiny habits coach.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:23):
very cool.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (11:24):
and really has been so instrumental in my life
and in the life of the women thatI work with because when you create
those habits and you feel proud, thenimmediately you gain more confidence
and when you are more confident,you're gonna go and do the thing.
And the more that you'resuccessful at it, then guess what?
Your motivation starts to show up as
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:45):
Right.
It's all linked together.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
That makes complete sense.
When you talked about celebratingthat, oftentimes I'm just reflecting
on my kind of my own day-to-day, butI feel like that part can go missing.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:02):
Yes.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (12:03):
Reminding and encouraging our daughters to do
that feels really important becauselike you said, if there's no sort
of positive outcome or positivereflection moment, then that, feeling
of success , is less likely to be there.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:19):
absolutely.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (12:20):
I never really thought about the
importance of celebrating and kindof patting yourself on the back,
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:26):
Yeah.
And it doesn't have tobe a big celebration.
And, and I think that this is wherepeople also, I, well, I know when we coach
Tiny Habits, um, and we, we have a fiveday, it's a free, uh, five day coaching.
The, the Tiny Habits Academy does.
It goes on every week.
And, um, I jump in there andI coach every once in a while.
I will tell you that 90% ofthe people is like, I didn't
(12:48):
celebrate, I don't feel good.
I don't know how to celebrate.
And we really struggle.
And I think that if this is normal for 90%of the population, I think it's much more
so for us women who we are so used to notgiving ourselves credit for what we do.
Um, I was speaking to my, my niece whowas nine the other day, and I, we speak
(13:09):
a lot and she was practicing the violin.
And she's like, oh, I'mjust so terrible at it.
I said, I know, but you should.
You know what you should do whenyou're going to practice the violin?
You should, when you come finishyour homework, that's her prompt.
Open your violin case.
And then say, good job.
(13:29):
I opened my violin case to practiceand that's all she has to do.
And guess what?
That's her tiny habit.
But then she, once shecelebrates, we'll do, it's an
open, I might as well practice.
Right?
That's where she goes.
And what that creates islike, oh, I feel good.
And that little hit of dopamine feeling.
Um, then helps her keep going.
(13:52):
And the celebration is mainlygiving yourselves a little thumbs
up or just saying, oh, smile, Idid that, or, Hmm, I remembered.
And, and those little thingscan create big momentum.
Dr.
Fog says, tiny ismighty, and it's so true.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (14:07):
Mm I'm, I'm still kind of processing.
I think that thought of celebrationand what that can look like, I'm
thinking through some of the, theroutines that, I'm trying to
build into my daughter's lives.
Like they both take their lunchesto school and then when they
get home, they're supposed toempty it out, wash out, you know,
the, the plastic containers and
whatnot.
(14:28):
Mm-hmm.
, uh, and sadly, I know that I often pointout when they bring the lunchbox to the
kitchen, but they don't empty it out and.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: let's, let's create the recipe (14:37):
undefined
so that, because this is whatwe do, we create recipes, right?
So first you have to have that ability.
And the ability to make the habithappen means that you have to have
the right space, the right time.
So when you're coming home fromschool, what happens, right?
Do you come in the door?
Because that's already automated, right?
(14:57):
You've been doing that.
Um, so think of what is the prom?
So for instance, when we walkinto the house and we put our, our
backpack down, then we take outthe container and we celebrate.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (15:12):
Uhhuh.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: the tiny behavior, right? (15:12):
undefined
So pay attention to whathappens when you're coming in.
Where do they drop their backpack ordo they go into their rooms directly?
So as soon as I put my backpackdown, I will take out the container.
So the recipe typically is when Iblank, I will blank and then celebrate.
That's the framework of the recipe.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (15:35):
When I blank, I will blank and then celebrate.
that's actually super powerful
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (15:40):
So I'll give you one of my ma basic automations.
I try to drink a gallon of water.
I don't always hit it, but thewater bottle has to be filled.
So in the morning Ialready have an automation.
I have to let my dogs out in the morning.
The door to the backyardis next to the sink.
So when I let the dogs out,I fill my water bottle,
(16:03):
that's all, and, andthen I'm like, Woohoo.
We filled my water bottle.
I'm there.
Right?
And of course, if it's alreadyfull, I typically start to drink a
glass of water right then and there.
And once I drink my glass of water,then of course, you know, we get
into the other other habits, right?
Where I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
So after I go to the bathroom, I drinka full glass of water and celebrate.
(16:27):
So, so throughout the day, thatone action kind of is the domino
effect to the rest of the actions.
. And you know, and I think that you canmake it into, a fun competition into like,
okay, who, who was able to, you know,who came up with the most interesting
celebration and who went ahead and right.
(16:48):
And who did.
After I bring it into the kitchen,I will empty out the container.
Something like that.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:55):
That's, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to try
and sort of, you know, incorporatethis into our routines now
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (17:02):
and Carmen, you know, the, tiny Habits Academy.
Again, it's, we don't try to sellanything or do anything other
than teach people tiny habits.
It's a free five day and it takes lessthan five minutes a day to participate.
So if you go to tiny habits.com, you canparticipate in in the process and it's
great because then you get a coach that.
(17:23):
Coaches you through the week and says,Hey, by the way, did you try this?
And they can actually look at your recipesbecause as you're creating you, we ask
you to create three recipes and thenyou get a two minute teaching from Dr.
Fogg, and then you just emailback and share whether or
not you did your tiny habit.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (17:39):
So fun.
I will include thatlink in the show notes.
Even the idea of a recipefeels super empowering.
Like, what's my recipe gonna be?
What habits do I already have thatI can build upon using this recipe?
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (17:52):
Yeah.
There's so many things that can be doneand, and I have to tell you, you know,
one, one thing that I say all the time,I is consistent action gets you traction.
it's just that showing up,you know, yes, we're gonna be
imperfect, but show up again,
and that's consistent action is gonnamove you forward, is that compounding
(18:12):
effect that we really are looking for.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:16):
I loved that closing reminder about consistency.
It's been several weeks since Irecorded that interview with Julie.
And I'll say that.
I've been more consciousabout celebrating my wins.
Instead of jumping rightinto the next thing.
I actually do smile.
I try to make myself smile,even if no one's around.
I'll take a few deepbreaths to savor the moment.
(18:38):
And I think it's working.
I do seem to feel less angsty whentackling things that I need to do,
but don't want to like flossing.
Don't tell my dentist.
Um, and with my daughters, I thinkthere's been an overlap of celebration
and kind of positive reinforcement.
And.
And this does seem to help withthem wanting to show up and do.
(19:01):
The thing again, for example,My older daughter is way better
at feeding the cat lately.
And I think it's because we'veidentified a prompt, which.
Is.
Finishing dinner, putting the dishes away.
And I've expressed appreciation and givenher positive reinforcement when she does
it, which is kind of like celebrating.
So now she's actually waymore inclined to just do it.
(19:23):
No nagging.
So that's my very anecdotaland unscientific report out.
Um, but hopefully some inspirationto try the celebration and recipes
that Julie's talking about.
So to recap, here are my key takeawaysfrom this conversation with Julie.
And remember these can be shared withmodeled um you know discussed with
(19:45):
your daughters as well Number one.
To learn and become stronger.
You are going to feelawkward and uncertain.
You're going to make mistakes and.
I'd be a beginner andthis is all part of it.
Anticipate and normalize these feelings.
So when you feel them, you canremind yourself that this is
exactly where you're supposed to be.
Just keep going.
(20:06):
Number two.
Julie advises like Sheryl Sandbergsays don't be afraid to lean in.
Maybe you don't feel like you belong,but the more you lean in, the more
that you create a space for yourself.
Number three, your brainwants to have habits.
And if you don't create good ones, yourbrain is going to create not so good ones.
(20:27):
And motivation is a feeling youcan't rely on it to create habits.
Instead, we have to turnto consistent action.
Number four, starting with the tinyhabit is key because you're more
likely to accomplish it, celebrate itand feel good about having it done.
Number five.
Be sure to remember to celebrate.
(20:49):
That little hit of dopaminewill help rewire your brain.
Because it likes feeling good.
And it'll start wanting todo that thing more often.
Number six, the premise of tiny habits isfinding an anchor moment, which acts as a
prompt for you to do the desired behavior.
Then celebrate that you did it.
Create a recipe.
When I blank.
(21:09):
I will blank.
Then I'll celebrate.
Number seven.
Consistent action gets you traction.
We aren't going to be perfect, butjust keep showing up those consistent
tiny steps can add up to big things.
Thanks so much for listening.
It takes action to claim something.
And by tuning in, you're showingup for yourself and your daughter.
(21:32):
And embodying curiosityand a growth mindset.
Celebrate that.
If you haven't done so already followon your favorite podcasting platform,
tell a friend and leave a review.
Also visit no B raise them.com anddrop me a line or a voice memo.
If you have questions,comments, or topic ideas.
Again, I am grateful for your time andhere's to strong women may we know them
(21:57):
may we be them and may we raise them
undefined
Be them, raise them a show to helpmoms stay informed and inspired so
they can show up for themselves andtheir daughters the way they want to.
I'm your host Carmelita to join me eachweek as I cover a variety of topics,
all designed to support mindful.
And growth-oriented moms ofgirls, especially girls in their
crucial tween and teen years.
(00:24):
My guest today is Julie DeLuca Collins,the founder and CEO of go confidently
services and the host of the popular.
Casa de confidence podcast and a weeklyradio show confident you featured
on a global talk radio network.
She's also the number one bestsellingauthor of the book, confident you simple
(00:44):
habits to live the life you've imagined.
And
Julia is a certified coach incognitive behavioral techniques,
holistic coaching and tiny habits.
She's also certified as a social emotionallearning facilitator and has completed
her 200 hour yoga teacher certification.
As a business and life strategist coachJulie helps women business owners launch
(01:06):
or grow their businesses, get clientsbe productive and achieve their dreams.
I invited Julie to chat and shed somelight on the power of tiny habits.
Here's our conversation.
Julie, I am so excitedto connect with you.
Um, your wisdom and your light isjust infectious, and I can't wait
(01:30):
to share that with the listeners.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (01:31):
Carmelita Kat, thank you so much for having me.
It is a pleasure to hang out with youbecause I know that surrounding yourself
with the people that you admire isan honor, and I, I'm excited to be
a guest on your show that I admire
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (01:46):
Thank you.
Well, um, in your bio, confidence is sucha linchpin that your work revolves around.
I'd love to hear a little, a littlebit about your personal journey and
where we can take that from there,when it comes to raising our daughter,
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (02:01):
Yeah.
You know, when I, I was growingup, I was born in El Salvador.
My mom is from El Salvador.
My dad was from New York and he happenedto meet my mom and they settled there.
I was the first granddaughter and I,I was born to a woman who was, um,
very privileged to have been educatedin the states, traveled abroad.
(02:24):
And my dad grew up in a very, humblehome in in the projects of New York,
but he grew up with a strong woman aswell, and that really set the stage.
And my mom's mother also wassomeone who was ahead of her time.
My grandmother, my maternal grandmotherwas someone who was expected to
(02:47):
because she grew up in an affluenthome, get married, raise children.
But no, she wanted a career.
She wanted to be an educator and she keptgoing through and getting education and
my great-grandfather, wanted her to settledown and she said, no, I wanna work.
And finally he gave in anddecided to build a school for.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Oh, that's amazing. (03:07):
undefined
Wow.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (03:10):
it's like, okay, you have a school you can teach here.
And my grandmother began teachingand subsequently took over the school
when my great-grandfather passed,and I was born in this environment
in which women were very strong.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (03:26):
Hmm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (03:27):
that's what I saw at an early age.
At about five years old, my grandmotherhad her leg amputated because she
had a rare form of cancer, andmost people thought that someone
at 70 something was done right.
And this illustrious careerwas pretty much behind her.
(03:47):
But instead, my grandmother madeit her mission that she was going
to come back and come back greater.
And I watched her.
Um, continue to rehabilitateherself, teach herself to walk with
a prosthesis that weighed a hundredpounds, and continue to give and
volunteer and have a successful career.
(04:09):
and I was told that I wasa leader from an early age.
Someone that was told thatservice was important, that
needed to be part of my life.
And most importantly, I learned my voice.
I learned to speak.
I was never afraid to speak to, to adultsand have a conversation, and I read a lot.
So all of that contributedto who I am today.
(04:32):
Ultimately, you know, confidence wassomething that I never knew not having
it, but there were moments in which,especially in middle, When I started
to be teased and you, you start tokind of, you know, this is who you
are and your family tell you you are,and then you hit middle school and
(04:53):
your classmates like, who are you?
You, and, and all your confidenceis kind of knocked out.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (04:58):
Yes.
there's that dissonance between whatyour family, your parents tell you.
Like I tell them they're beautiful andstrong and whatnot, and then they go
off into the world and then have theseexperiences that kind of knock 'em down.
So, yeah, totally
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (05:12):
sure.
You know, in my, in, in my book,I actually talk about this.
There's an experience that I hadin the locker room and changing
for gym and how I came in full ofconfidence and sure enough, surely
thereafter, um I was knocked down.
And I remember at that time myparents had divorced at, and we're
living in Miami at this point.
(05:33):
Um, but my dad shared a quote withme that's become my mantra through
my life, and that's what my businessis called, is Go Confidently Services
because of the Henry David Thoreau quote,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (05:43):
Mm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (05:44):
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
And it became the mantra when Ididn't feel confident, when I felt
like I didn't have it all together,I kept saying, just go forward.
Just do it.
Just it's okay.
And we don't always feel confident.
And this is something that I wish, um,you know, when I look back at that 11
(06:07):
year old girl, she just kept going, right.
And I, and I wanna tellher that it turns out okay.
And then you don't have it all together.
But that's part of the process oflearning and becoming stronger.
Someone has to be a beginnerat everything in order to get
to be who you want to become.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (06:26):
Hmm mm-hmm.
. Yeah, that's a, a great insight thatsometimes I, forget, but that you have
to anticipate and normalize and acceptthat things are gonna feel awkward or
unknown or uncertain, just by virtue ofthe fact that you're trying new things.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (06:43):
Yeah, for sure.
And I think this is wherein my career, right?
I started to look around meas I got higher and higher
in that corporate ladder.
And I thought, where are my sisters?
Where are the girlfriends?
Where are the ladies?
You know, we, we can deepdive into this so much.
But ultimately like Cheryl Sandberg says,right, like, lean in, it's okay, and
(07:07):
maybe you don't feel like you belong,but the more that you lean in, the more
that you create a space for yourself.
And that's something that I wantwomen, young women and girls to
really know and pay attention to.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (07:21):
Mm mm, on that point, you know
what women and girls can do.
I know that you have some thoughts onhow habits can really contribute into
building up this sense of confidence.
I'd love to hear you say more about that.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (07:36):
Well, you know, habits for me have been that
frenemy because we love it, but alsothey're hard and for many years, I just
kept thinking, what's wrong with me?
I really wanna create these greathabits, but my motivation is not there.
What can I do to motivate myself more?
And then I kept learning abouthabits and wanting to adopt them,
(07:59):
and I was successful at them.
There was a piece missing, andthen eventually I found that.
Well, one, your brain does wanna havehabits, and if you don't create good ones,
your brain is gonna create not so goodones because your brain I is, is going to
want to change the uncertainty of thingsand wants to automate the processes.
(08:22):
Number two, motivation is something thatyou can start, it's a feeling, but when
something gets hard, motivation goes away.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:30):
Oh, so
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (08:31):
And this is why we cannot rely on
motivation to create habits.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:36):
Mm.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (08:36):
early in 2020.
As I launched my career, my secondcareer, my business as, as I was laid
off at the beginning of the pandemic.
I started to really explore this conceptof simple habits and I had created some
great ones that have served me, butalso was struggling to create others.
(08:57):
And what I found is that when you haveconsistent action and you learn the thing,
you hone in your skills, then you'redoing it, and you automate it and becomes
a habit, then your confidence grows.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:07):
Mm mm
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (09:08):
And that's when I, I read a book that was life
changing and I've read a lot ofbooks and I love reading, but Tiny
Habits, it's a book written by Dr.
BJ Fogg, who is A behavior researcherout of Stanford University, and
he has made in his life work to beresearching behavior change and how
people change and what creates change.
(09:30):
And in the book, one of the thingsthat he talks about is how motivation
cannot be relied upon, number one.
Number two, the ABCs of habits arehaving that anchor moment, doing the
behavior, and then creating the oneaction that allows your brain to.
Make that habit stick.
(09:51):
Your brain changes when you feel good.
So when we beat ourselves up becausewe didn't do the thing right, then your
brain is like, I don't wanna do that.
Because , if I'm not good atit, then I don't wanna do it.
I'm gonna beat myself up.
I'm not gonna feel bad.
But if you do it and do it in a minimalmanner, and you celebrate that you did
(10:13):
it, even if it's a tiny step, your brainis like, oh, I like feeling that, and it
begins to say, I better do that again.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:21):
Hmm.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (10:22):
And that's when you begin to create these habits.
So the premise or the method fortiny habits is finding the anchor
moments or the prompts that willremind you to do the behavior, create
a behavior that is small enough,and then celebrate that you did it.
And if you go above and beyondthat tiny behavior, then great.
(10:42):
And you start to grow your habits.
But really starting tiny is key.
And when I started to create tinyhabits for myself, and I noticed that
even those habits that I had alreadyestablished, they were born out outta
doing something in a very minimal way.
Feeling good about having it done.
And then continuing to start again iffor some reason, oh, I didn't do it.
(11:04):
Okay, let me try again.
But always celebratingthat, oh, I remember that.
I didn't do it.
Good for you, Julie.
You remembered.
Let's try again
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:11):
Yeah.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (11:13):
And then that creates the ability for your brain to
be a able to automate some of that.
So tiny habits.
I am then pursued a certificationas a coach, as a tiny habits coach.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:23):
very cool.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (11:24):
and really has been so instrumental in my life
and in the life of the women thatI work with because when you create
those habits and you feel proud, thenimmediately you gain more confidence
and when you are more confident,you're gonna go and do the thing.
And the more that you'resuccessful at it, then guess what?
Your motivation starts to show up as
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:45):
Right.
It's all linked together.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
That makes complete sense.
When you talked about celebratingthat, oftentimes I'm just reflecting
on my kind of my own day-to-day, butI feel like that part can go missing.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:02):
Yes.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (12:03):
Reminding and encouraging our daughters to do
that feels really important becauselike you said, if there's no sort
of positive outcome or positivereflection moment, then that, feeling
of success , is less likely to be there.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:19):
absolutely.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (12:20):
I never really thought about the
importance of celebrating and kindof patting yourself on the back,
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (12:26):
Yeah.
And it doesn't have tobe a big celebration.
And, and I think that this is wherepeople also, I, well, I know when we coach
Tiny Habits, um, and we, we have a fiveday, it's a free, uh, five day coaching.
The, the Tiny Habits Academy does.
It goes on every week.
And, um, I jump in there andI coach every once in a while.
I will tell you that 90% ofthe people is like, I didn't
(12:48):
celebrate, I don't feel good.
I don't know how to celebrate.
And we really struggle.
And I think that if this is normal for 90%of the population, I think it's much more
so for us women who we are so used to notgiving ourselves credit for what we do.
Um, I was speaking to my, my niece whowas nine the other day, and I, we speak
(13:09):
a lot and she was practicing the violin.
And she's like, oh, I'mjust so terrible at it.
I said, I know, but you should.
You know what you should do whenyou're going to practice the violin?
You should, when you come finishyour homework, that's her prompt.
Open your violin case.
And then say, good job.
(13:29):
I opened my violin case to practiceand that's all she has to do.
And guess what?
That's her tiny habit.
But then she, once shecelebrates, we'll do, it's an
open, I might as well practice.
Right?
That's where she goes.
And what that creates islike, oh, I feel good.
And that little hit of dopamine feeling.
Um, then helps her keep going.
(13:52):
And the celebration is mainlygiving yourselves a little thumbs
up or just saying, oh, smile, Idid that, or, Hmm, I remembered.
And, and those little thingscan create big momentum.
Dr.
Fog says, tiny ismighty, and it's so true.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (14:07):
Mm I'm, I'm still kind of processing.
I think that thought of celebrationand what that can look like, I'm
thinking through some of the, theroutines that, I'm trying to
build into my daughter's lives.
Like they both take their lunchesto school and then when they
get home, they're supposed toempty it out, wash out, you know,
the, the plastic containers and
whatnot.
(14:28):
Mm-hmm.
, uh, and sadly, I know that I often pointout when they bring the lunchbox to the
kitchen, but they don't empty it out and.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: let's, let's create the recipe (14:37):
undefined
so that, because this is whatwe do, we create recipes, right?
So first you have to have that ability.
And the ability to make the habithappen means that you have to have
the right space, the right time.
So when you're coming home fromschool, what happens, right?
Do you come in the door?
Because that's already automated, right?
(14:57):
You've been doing that.
Um, so think of what is the prom?
So for instance, when we walkinto the house and we put our, our
backpack down, then we take outthe container and we celebrate.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (15:12):
Uhhuh.
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell: the tiny behavior, right? (15:12):
undefined
So pay attention to whathappens when you're coming in.
Where do they drop their backpack ordo they go into their rooms directly?
So as soon as I put my backpackdown, I will take out the container.
So the recipe typically is when Iblank, I will blank and then celebrate.
That's the framework of the recipe.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (15:35):
When I blank, I will blank and then celebrate.
that's actually super powerful
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (15:40):
So I'll give you one of my ma basic automations.
I try to drink a gallon of water.
I don't always hit it, but thewater bottle has to be filled.
So in the morning Ialready have an automation.
I have to let my dogs out in the morning.
The door to the backyardis next to the sink.
So when I let the dogs out,I fill my water bottle,
(16:03):
that's all, and, andthen I'm like, Woohoo.
We filled my water bottle.
I'm there.
Right?
And of course, if it's alreadyfull, I typically start to drink a
glass of water right then and there.
And once I drink my glass of water,then of course, you know, we get
into the other other habits, right?
Where I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
So after I go to the bathroom, I drinka full glass of water and celebrate.
(16:27):
So, so throughout the day, thatone action kind of is the domino
effect to the rest of the actions.
. And you know, and I think that you canmake it into, a fun competition into like,
okay, who, who was able to, you know,who came up with the most interesting
celebration and who went ahead and right.
(16:48):
And who did.
After I bring it into the kitchen,I will empty out the container.
Something like that.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:55):
That's, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to try
and sort of, you know, incorporatethis into our routines now
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (17:02):
and Carmen, you know, the, tiny Habits Academy.
Again, it's, we don't try to sellanything or do anything other
than teach people tiny habits.
It's a free five day and it takes lessthan five minutes a day to participate.
So if you go to tiny habits.com, you canparticipate in in the process and it's
great because then you get a coach that.
(17:23):
Coaches you through the week and says,Hey, by the way, did you try this?
And they can actually look at your recipesbecause as you're creating you, we ask
you to create three recipes and thenyou get a two minute teaching from Dr.
Fogg, and then you just emailback and share whether or
not you did your tiny habit.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (17:39):
So fun.
I will include thatlink in the show notes.
Even the idea of a recipefeels super empowering.
Like, what's my recipe gonna be?
What habits do I already have thatI can build upon using this recipe?
Julie DeLucca-Caldwell (17:52):
Yeah.
There's so many things that can be doneand, and I have to tell you, you know,
one, one thing that I say all the time,I is consistent action gets you traction.
it's just that showing up,you know, yes, we're gonna be
imperfect, but show up again,
and that's consistent action is gonnamove you forward, is that compounding
(18:12):
effect that we really are looking for.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:16):
I loved that closing reminder about consistency.
It's been several weeks since Irecorded that interview with Julie.
And I'll say that.
I've been more consciousabout celebrating my wins.
Instead of jumping rightinto the next thing.
I actually do smile.
I try to make myself smile,even if no one's around.
I'll take a few deepbreaths to savor the moment.
(18:38):
And I think it's working.
I do seem to feel less angsty whentackling things that I need to do,
but don't want to like flossing.
Don't tell my dentist.
Um, and with my daughters, I thinkthere's been an overlap of celebration
and kind of positive reinforcement.
And.
And this does seem to help withthem wanting to show up and do.
(19:01):
The thing again, for example,My older daughter is way better
at feeding the cat lately.
And I think it's because we'veidentified a prompt, which.
Is.
Finishing dinner, putting the dishes away.
And I've expressed appreciation and givenher positive reinforcement when she does
it, which is kind of like celebrating.
So now she's actually waymore inclined to just do it.
(19:23):
No nagging.
So that's my very anecdotaland unscientific report out.
Um, but hopefully some inspirationto try the celebration and recipes
that Julie's talking about.
So to recap, here are my key takeawaysfrom this conversation with Julie.
And remember these can be shared withmodeled um you know discussed with
(19:45):
your daughters as well Number one.
To learn and become stronger.
You are going to feelawkward and uncertain.
You're going to make mistakes and.
I'd be a beginner andthis is all part of it.
Anticipate and normalize these feelings.
So when you feel them, you canremind yourself that this is
exactly where you're supposed to be.
Just keep going.
(20:06):
Number two.
Julie advises like Sheryl Sandbergsays don't be afraid to lean in.
Maybe you don't feel like you belong,but the more you lean in, the more
that you create a space for yourself.
Number three, your brainwants to have habits.
And if you don't create good ones, yourbrain is going to create not so good ones.
(20:27):
And motivation is a feeling youcan't rely on it to create habits.
Instead, we have to turnto consistent action.
Number four, starting with the tinyhabit is key because you're more
likely to accomplish it, celebrate itand feel good about having it done.
Number five.
Be sure to remember to celebrate.
(20:49):
That little hit of dopaminewill help rewire your brain.
Because it likes feeling good.
And it'll start wanting todo that thing more often.
Number six, the premise of tiny habits isfinding an anchor moment, which acts as a
prompt for you to do the desired behavior.
Then celebrate that you did it.
Create a recipe.
When I blank.
(21:09):
I will blank.
Then I'll celebrate.
Number seven.
Consistent action gets you traction.
We aren't going to be perfect, butjust keep showing up those consistent
tiny steps can add up to big things.
Thanks so much for listening.
It takes action to claim something.
And by tuning in, you're showingup for yourself and your daughter.
(21:32):
And embodying curiosityand a growth mindset.
Celebrate that.
If you haven't done so already followon your favorite podcasting platform,
tell a friend and leave a review.
Also visit no B raise them.com anddrop me a line or a voice memo.
If you have questions,comments, or topic ideas.
Again, I am grateful for your time andhere's to strong women may we know them
(21:57):
may we be them and may we raise them
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.