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November 18, 2025 14 mins

We dig into holiday perfectionism and replace it with peace, presence, and practical boundaries. Through simple tools and honest scripts, we show how to protect energy, money, and meaning without losing joy.

• naming how perfectionism hijacks worth and joy
• the three-list exercise to find the sweet spot
• redefining success as good enough with love
• breathwork, grounding, and micro breaks
• boundary scripts for family and social pressure
• simpler traditions that deepen connection
• honest money limits and sustainable gifting
• nightly self-compassion check-in
• a short toolkit to protect rest and presence

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kris Harris (00:10):
Welcome back to season five of the KoreKast.
I'm Kris Harris, and we'rediving deeper than ever into the
core ideas that shapeeverything around us.
This season, we're exploringthe essential questions, the
breakthrough discoveries, andthe game-changing conversations
that matter most.
From science and technology tophilosophy and culture, we get

(00:31):
straight to the heart of what'sdriving our world forward.
Season five is going to blowyour mind.
Welcome to today's episode.
I'm Chris Harris, and todaywe're talking about something
that touches so many of ourlives this time of year: peace
over perfection, managingexpectations, and holiday
stress.
If you're feeling the weight ofholiday perfectionism right

(00:54):
now, if you're wondering howyou'll possibly get everything
done, or if you're alreadyfeeling overwhelmed by all the
expectations swirling aroundthis season, I want you to know
that you're not alone.
And more importantly, there's agentler way forward.
I remember last December,sitting in a Target parking lot,
looking at my calendar andfeeling overwhelmed.

(01:15):
Seventeen events, 23 people onmy gift list, multiple potluck
commitments, and the pressure tocreate magical memories.
I wondered when the holidaysbecame this elaborate
performance instead of therestful celebration I
remembered.
If that resonates with you,this conversation is for you.
Let's start by acknowledgingsomething important.

(01:38):
The holidays weren't alwaysthis complicated.
Somewhere along the way, whatwas meant to be a time of
connection, gratitude, andcelebration became a season of
endless to-do lists, perfectInstagram moments, and pressure
to create magical experiencesfor everyone around us.
We've turned December into amarathon of perfection, and
frankly, it's exhausting.

(01:59):
Here's what I've learned aboutholiday perfectionism.
It's not really about theholidays at all.
It's about our deep human needto feel worthy, to feel loved,
to feel like we're enough.
We think that if we can justcreate the perfect meal, give
the perfect gifts, decorate theperfect home, or orchestrate the

(02:21):
perfect gathering, then we'llfinally feel that sense of
worthiness we're seeking.
But perfectionism is a movingtarget.
There's always something morethat could be done, something
that could be better.
Holiday perfectionism shows upas staying up until 2 a.m.
making homemade ornaments whenstore-bought ones would bring
just as much joy.
It's overspending on gifts outof fear that anything less means

(02:44):
you don't care enough.
It's redoing things multipletimes trying to match Pinterest
perfection.
It's that voice saying,everyone else seems to have this
figured out, while you scrollthrough social media, believing
others' holidays areeffortlessly magical.
But those perfect photos don'tshow the stress, debt,
exhaustion, and tears thathappen behind the scenes.

(03:07):
So let's talk about settingrealistic expectations because
this is where real peace begins.
First, I want you to get honestabout what you actually have
capacity for this season.
Not what you think you shouldhave capacity for, not what you
had capacity for last year, butwhat feels manageable right now
in your current life with yourcurrent resources and energy

(03:29):
levels.
This isn't about being lazy orlowering your standards.
This is about being kind toyourself and creating space for
what truly matters.
Here's a powerful exercise.
Make three lists.
The first list is everythingyou feel like you should do this
holiday season.
Write it all down, everyexpectation, every tradition,

(03:52):
every obligation.
Don't edit yourself, just letit all out.
The second list is what yougenuinely want to do.
The things that bring you joy,the traditions that feel
meaningful, the activities thatalign with your values, and the
third list, that's what yourealistically can do, given your
time, energy, and resources.

(04:12):
Now look at where these listsoverlap.
The magic happens in theintersection between what you
want to do and what you canactually do.
This is your sweet spot.
This is where you'll find bothjoy and sustainability.
Everything else?
It's optional.
And I know that might feelscary because we've been

(04:33):
conditioned to believe thatsaying no to holiday
expectations means we'redisappointing people or being
selfish.
But here's the truth.
Showing up authentically andsustainably is a much greater
gift than showing up overwhelmedand resentful.
Now that gap between what youwant to do and what you
realistically can do isn't afailure, it's information.
Let's work through thispractically.

(04:55):
Say you want to bake 12different cookies, but
realistically only have time forthree.
Instead of abandoning thetradition or exhausting
yourself, make three really goodtypes, or supplement with some
from a local bakery.
The spirit of sharing treatsremains intact.
Or maybe you want to sendpersonalized cards to 50 people,

(05:15):
but you have zero hours forcard making.
Could you send a heartfeltgroup text?
Call the five people who mattermost, use printed cards with
personal notes?
The goal isn't to eliminatejoy, it's to find sustainable
ways to express it.
Let's talk about some practicalstress management techniques
that can help you navigate thisseason with more ease.

(05:38):
First, the power of the pause.
When you feel that familiarsurge of holiday anxiety, maybe
you're looking at your calendarand feeling overwhelmed, or
you're comparing yourpreparations to someone else's.
Take three deep breaths.
Breathe in for four counts,hold for four, exhale for six.
This simple practice activatesyour parasympathetic nervous

(06:00):
system, moving you out of fightor flight mode and into a calmer
state where you can think moreclearly.
Another powerful tool is what Icall good enough thinking.
Perfectionism tells us thatanything less than perfect is a
failure.
But what if we redefine successas good enough with love?
Your cookies don't have to bePinterest perfect if they're

(06:21):
made with care.
Your decorations don't have torival a magazine spread if they
create a warm atmosphere.
Your gift doesn't have to bethe most expensive if it's
chosen thoughtfully.
Good enough with love isactually quite extraordinary.
Here are additional stressmanagement tools for the holiday
season.
Try the 54321 groundingtechnique when anxiety rises.

(06:43):
Name five things you can see,four you can touch, three you
can hear, two you can smell, andone you can taste.
This brings you back into yourbody and out of anxious
thoughts.
Next, embrace micro breaks.
You don't need a full spa day,you need 30 seconds to step
outside, two minutes to make teamindfully, five minutes to sit

(07:05):
quietly before gatherings.
These tiny pockets of calm canbe incredibly restorative.
And remember, your environmentaffects your stress levels.
Spend 15 minutes daily puttingthings back in place.
It's about creating visualcalm, not perfection.
Now let's address the elephantin the room, family and social

(07:26):
pressures.
The holidays often intensifyfamily dynamics and social
expectations in ways that canfeel overwhelming.
Maybe there's pressure to hostthe perfect dinner, to buy
expensive gifts you can'tafford, to maintain traditions
that no longer serve you, or tokeep peace in complicated family
situations.
Remember that you have moreagency than you might think.

(07:48):
You can love your family andstill set boundaries.
You can honor traditions andstill adapt them to fit your
current life.
Here are some gentle ways tonavigate social pressures.
First, practice the art of theloving no.
I wish I could, but I won't beable to make it work this year
is a complete sentence.

(08:09):
You don't owe anyone a detailedexplanation of your
limitations.
Second, suggest alternativeswhen possible.
If you can't host the bigfamily dinner, maybe you can
contribute a dish or help withcleanup.
If you can't afford expensivegifts, maybe you can offer your
time or a handmade creationinstead.
And please, please remember toextend compassion to yourself

(08:34):
during this process.
Change is hard, especially whenit involves shifting
long-standing family or socialpatterns.
People might not understandyour new boundaries at first.
They might expressdisappointment or try to guilt
you into old patterns.
This doesn't mean you're doinganything wrong.
It means you're growing.
And growth sometimes feelsuncomfortable for everyone

(08:55):
involved.
Let me share a practicalexample.
Maybe your mother-in-lawexpects you to recreate her late
mother's famous stuffingrecipe, but you've never made it
and you're intimidated.
Instead of weeks of stress,have an honest conversation.
I'd love to honor thattradition, but I'm worried I
won't do it justice.
Could we make it together thisyear?
When family expects multiplecostly celebrations or elaborate

(09:18):
outings beyond your budget,try.
That sounds wonderful, but it'snot feasible for me this year.
Could we do something simpler?
True friends and family willunderstand and work with your
limitations.
Releasing perfectionistexpectations creates space for
new traditions that actually fityour life.
Instead of elaborate spreads,maybe your holiday morning is

(09:39):
pancakes and pajamas.
Instead of expensive gifts,maybe you share gratitude
letters.
Instead of perfect decorations,one string of lights feels
magical.
I want to challenge the ideathat simpler means less
meaningful.
Some of my most treasuredholiday memories are the
simplest ones.
Hot chocolate while looking atChristmas lights, board games by
the fire, breakfast for dinneron Christmas Eve.

(10:01):
These weren't backup plans.
They were perfect exactly asthey were.
What would feel celebratory toyou?
What would help you connectwith loved ones while staying
present instead of stressed?
Your answers might be simplerthan expected.
And that's not settling.
That's wisdom.
Let's address holiday financialpressure.
Your financial limitationsdon't reflect your love or

(10:23):
worth.
If money is tight, you canstill have a meaningful holiday.
Thoughtful gifts cost little,playlists, handwritten letters
sharing favorite memories,coupon books for shared
experiences.
Communicate honestly aboutfinancial boundaries.
I'm working with a smallerbudget this year, so let's set a
spending limit for gifts.

(10:44):
Many families are relieved whensomeone brings this up.
And please don't go into debtfor the holidays.
January credit card stress willfar outlast any momentary joy
from expensive gifts.
Self-compassion is perhaps yourgreatest tool for managing
holiday stress.
When perfectionism rears itshead, when you find yourself
comparing your reality tosomeone else's highlight reel,

(11:06):
when you make a mistake orsomething doesn't go as planned,
can you speak to yourself theway you would speak to a dear
friend?
Would you tell a friend thatthey're failing if their holiday
cookies burned or their giftwrapping looks messy?
Of course not.
You'd remind them that theirworth isn't measured by their
performance.
Here's a practice I want toleave you with.

(11:28):
Each evening during the holidayseason, before you go to bed,
place your hand on your heartand ask yourself three
questions.
What went well today?
What am I grateful for?
And how can I show myselfkindness tomorrow?
This simple practice helps youend each day with appreciation
rather than a mental list ofeverything you didn't
accomplish.
Here's your peaceoverperfection holiday toolkit.

(11:50):
First, block out time for restthis week.
Schedule it like any importantappointment.
Even 30 minutes counts.
Second, identify your threenon-negotiables for this season,
the things that would make itfeel meaningful.
Everything else is bonus.
Third, practice saying, thatsounds lovely, but I can't make

(12:10):
it work this year.
This phrase will be your bestfriend this season.
Fourth, find your supportsystem.
Don't navigate this seasonalone.
We're not meant to do hardthings in isolation.
Remember, the goal isn't tohave a perfect holiday season.
The goal is to have anauthentic one.
The goal is to be present forthe moments that matter, to

(12:32):
connect genuinely with thepeople you love, and to create
space for joy and gratitudeamidst all the chaos.
Your holiday season doesn'thave to look like anyone else's.
It just has to feel true toyou.
As we close today, I want youto know that choosing peace over
perfection isn't giving up orsettling for less.

(12:53):
It's choosing what's real overwhat's expected.
It's choosing connection overconsumption.
It's choosing presence overperformance.
And in a world that'sconstantly telling us we need to
do more, be more, achieve more,choosing enough is actually
quite radical.
So take a deep breath, trustyourself, honor your limits,

(13:15):
celebrate your efforts, not justyour outcomes.
And remember that the mostbeautiful holiday moments are
often the unplanned ones, thespontaneous laughter, the quiet
conversations, the simplepresence of being together.
Those moments can't bemanufactured through perfection,
but they can be receivedthrough presence.
Thank you for spending thistime with me today.

(13:39):
I hope you carry thesereminders with you as you
navigate the coming weeks.
Be gentle with yourself, you'redoing better than you think you
are.
Until next time, I'm KrisHarris, wishing you peace,
presence, and permission to letgood enough be extraordinary.
Thank you for joining me onthis episode of the KoreKast.
I hope you're feeling inspiredand empowered to take your

(14:01):
health and wellness journey tothe next level.
Remember, every small stepcounts, and I'm here to support
you every step of the way.
If you'd enjoy today's episode,I'd love for you to share it
with your friends and family.
And if you're feeling generous,consider donating at the link
provided in the description.
Your support helps us to keepbringing you the core cast every
week, packed with valuableinsights and expert advice.

(14:24):
For more resources, tips, andupdates, don't forget to visit
our website at www.kore-fit.comand follow us on Instagram at
kore fitness az.
Join our community and let'scontinue this journey together.
Until next time, stay healthy,stay happy, and keep striving
for your best self.
This is Kris Harris signing offfrom the KoreKast, and I'll see

(14:47):
you next week.
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