March 25, 2025 • 21 mins
Healthy boundaries protect our mental wellbeing, yet many of us struggle with feeling guilty when setting them due to deep psychological conditioning and fear of rejection.
• Boundaries are guidelines that teach people how to treat us with respect, not walls that keep others out
• The guilt we feel when setting boundaries often stems from childhood messages about being "selfish"
• Warning signs you need stronger boundaries include resentment, exhaustion, and feeling taken advantage of
• Different types include emotional, physical, time, work, digital, and social boundaries
• Effective boundary-setting uses clear language like "I won't be checking emails after 6pm"
• When boundaries are tested, stay calm and consistent without over-explaining
• Self-care is boundary practice with yourself – each time you honor your needs, you strengthen boundary-setting muscles
• Setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's an act of self-respect that ultimately benefits everyone
Visit www.kore-fit.com and follow us on Instagram at @korefitnessaz to join our community and continue this wellness journey together. Consider supporting the podcast through the donation link in the description.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kris Harris (00:09):
Welcome back to the Kore Kast.
I'm your host, Kris Harris, andI'm thrilled to kick off season
four of our journey togetherthrough the vibrant world of
health and wellness.
Whether you're a fitnessfanatic, a Pilates enthusiast or
someone just beginning toexplore your wellness journey,
(00:30):
you're in the right place.
In this season, we're going todive deep into a wide array of
topics that matter, everythingfrom the latest in Pilates
techniques and fitness trends toessential mental health
insights and holistic wellnesspractices.
With nearly two decades ofexperience as a certified
personal trainer, pilatesinstructor and health coach, I'm
here to share expert tips,inspiring stories and practical
advice to help you live yourhealthiest, happiest life.
(00:52):
It's time to unlock your truepotential.
Welcome to Season 4.
Welcome to Kore Kast.
I'm your host, Kris, and todaywe're diving into a topic that
touches all of our lives butthat many of us struggle with
setting boundaries to protectour mental health.
How many times have you saidyes when you really wanted to
(01:12):
say no, or felt that knot inyour stomach when you finally
stood up for yourself, only tobe flooded with guilt afterwards
?
You're definitely not alone.
You're definitely not alone.
So many of us find itchallenging to establish and
maintain healthy boundaries,even when we know they're
essential for our well-being.
Today's episode is yourguilt-free guide to boundaries
(01:34):
understanding what they are, whythey matter and how to set them
, without that nagging feelingthat you're somehow being
selfish or unkind, becausehere's the truth Boundaries
aren't walls that keep othersout.
They're guidelines that teachpeople how to treat you with
respect and care, and that'ssomething everyone deserves.
So what exactly are boundaries?
(01:54):
At their core, boundaries arethe limits and rules we set for
ourselves within relationships.
Think of them as invisibleproperty lines that define where
you end and another personbegins psychologically,
emotionally and physically.
Boundaries aren't rigid walls,but rather flexible guidelines
that help you protect yourenergy, time and mental space.
(02:17):
In everyday life, boundariesmight look like declining a
request to work late becauseyou've committed to family time,
telling a friend you can't betheir therapist, or simply
letting someone know certaintopics are off-limits in
conversation.
These aren't acts of rejection.
They're acts ofself-preservation and respect.
Boundaries serve as the immunesystem for our mental health.
(02:40):
Without them, we becomevulnerable to the demands,
expectations and sometimesunconscious intrusions of others
.
When we fail to establish clearboundaries, we often find
ourselves overextended, mentallydrained and eventually
resentful.
Boundaries also allow forgenuine connection.
It might seem counterintuitive.
(03:02):
But by clearly defining yourlimits, you create space for
authentic relationships based onmutual respect rather than
obligation or fear.
When people know where theystand with you, they can
interact with the real you, nota resentful version who's
secretly keeping score.
Remember, setting boundariesisn't selfish.
It's an act of self-respectthat ultimately benefits
(03:25):
everyone involved.
Healthy boundaries preventrelationship deterioration by
addressing issues before theybecome insurmountable.
They protect your finiteresources of time and energy,
ensuring you have enough leftfor the people and activities
that truly matter to you.
Even when we intellectuallyunderstand the importance of
boundaries, many of us stillexperience an overwhelming sense
(03:48):
of guilt when we try toimplement them.
This guilt isn't random orirrational.
It has deep psychological rootsthat are worth exploring.
For many people, the discomfortwith setting boundaries begins
in childhood.
Think about the messages youreceived growing up.
Were you praised for beingselfless and putting others
(04:12):
first?
Were you taught that saying nowas rude or selfish?
These early lessons becomedeeply ingrained beliefs that
can be extraordinarily difficultto unlearn.
Children who were rewarded forbeing helpful, compliant and
accommodating often develop intoadults with people-pleasing
tendencies.
The approval and validationreceived for saying yes creates
a powerful psychological rewardsystem.
(04:33):
Over time, your brain literallyassociates agreement and
compliance with safety andacceptance.
This makes setting boundariesfeel not just uncomfortable but
actually threatening on asubconscious level.
Family dynamics play a crucialrole too.
If you grew up in a householdwhere boundaries were routinely
violated, where privacy wasn'trespected, where emotional needs
(04:56):
were dismissed or where nowasn't accepted as an answer,
you may not have developed theinternal framework for what
healthy boundaries even looklike.
The fear of rejection sits atthe core of boundary guilt for
many people.
There's an often unspokenbelief that if we assert our
needs, people will abandon us.
This fear isn't entirelyirrational.
(05:17):
Setting boundaries sometimesdoes result in pushback or
relationship changes.
However, the anticipation ofrejection is typically far worse
than the reality, andrelationships built on
boundaryless self-sacrificearen't sustainable anyway.
The good news is thatunderstanding these
psychological mechanisms givesus power over them.
(05:37):
Recognizing that your boundaryguilt isn't a moral failing but
rather a product of conditioningis the first step toward
freedom.
This awareness creates spacebetween the automatic guilt
response and your consciouschoice to establish healthy
limits anyway.
Remember that guilt, whileuncomfortable, is just an
emotion, not a command to beobeyed.
(06:00):
With practice, the intensity ofboundary guilt diminishes,
replaced by the growingconfidence that comes from
honoring your own needsalongside others.
How do you know when it's timeto strengthen your boundaries?
Let's explore some key warningsigns that your current
boundaries might needreinforcement or that you need
to establish new ones where noneexist.
(06:21):
One of the most reliableindicators is persistent
resentment, when you findyourself internally seething
about requests from friends,family or colleagues.
That's not random irritability,it's valuable information.
Resentment typically surfaceswhen you've said yes, when you
really wanted to say no.
It's your emotional systemsignaling that your boundaries
(06:44):
have been crossed, perhapsrepeatedly.
Chronic exhaustion and energydepletion are equally important
signals.
If you constantly feel drainedafter interactions with certain
people or situations, yourboundaries may be too porous.
Healthy relationships andcommitments should generally
energize you or at least leaveyour energy levels relatively
(07:05):
stable, not consistently depleteyou.
Pay attention if you'reexperiencing the uncomfortable
sensation of being takenadvantage of.
This manifests as the feelingthat exchanges in your
relationships are decidedlyone-sided, with you giving far
more than you receive.
While relationships naturallyebb and flow, a constant pattern
(07:25):
of imbalance suggests boundaryissues.
Certain situations commonlyrequire clearer boundaries.
At work, this might includeresponding to messages after
hours, taking on tasks outsideyour job description or
tolerating inappropriatebehavior from colleagues.
In personal relationships, itcould be lending money,
providing unlimited emotionalsupport or accepting
(07:48):
disrespectful treatment.
Family dynamics often presentboundary challenges around
holidays, parenting decisions,unsolicited advice or
expectations about visits andcalls.
Digital boundaries have becomeincreasingly important, too,
around social media engagement,content consumption and calls.
Digital boundaries have becomeincreasingly important, too,
(08:11):
around social media engagement,content consumption and 24-7
availability.
Remember that needing strongerboundaries doesn't mean you're
deficient or that you failed insome way.
Rather, it indicates you'redeveloping greater
self-awareness and readiness forhealthier relationships.
The discomfort you feel is notan obstacle.
It's the first step towardpositive change.
Now that we've identified whenboundaries are needed, let's
(08:32):
explore the different types ofboundaries you might want to
establish in your life.
Understanding these categoriescan help you pinpoint exactly
where protection is needed foryour mental well-being.
Emotional boundaries protectyour right to your own feelings
and emotional energy.
These boundaries involvelimiting emotional labor,
refusing to take responsibilityfor others' feelings and
(08:54):
declining to engage with toxicbehaviors like guilt-tripping or
emotional manipulation.
When your emotional boundariesare strong, you can empathize
with others without absorbingtheir emotional state or losing
your sense of self.
Physical boundaries relate toyour body, personal space and
physical comfort with otherswithout absorbing their
emotional state or losing yoursense of self.
Physical boundaries relate toyour body, personal space and
physical comfort.
These include defining yourcomfort level with touch,
(09:16):
establishing privacy needs andsetting limits around your
physical environment.
Strong physical boundariesprotect your sense of safety and
bodily autonomy, which arefoundational to overall mental
health.
Time boundaries might be themost commonly violated in our
always-on culture.
These involve protecting howyou spend your hours and
defining what constitutesreasonable availability.
(09:39):
This includes setting workhours, creating buffers between
activities and reserving timefor rest and personal pursuits.
Well-maintained time boundariesprevent burnout and ensure you
have the resources needed forself-care.
Work boundaries deserve specialattention in an era when
professional and personal livesincreasingly overlap.
(09:59):
These include clarifying jobexpectations, declining projects
when overloaded andestablishing communication
protocols for after-hourscontact.
Solid work boundaries protectagainst job creep and help
maintain work-life balance.
Digital boundaries have becomeessential for mental well-being.
These involve managing screentime, controlling notifications,
(10:23):
curating your social mediaenvironment and establishing
expectations around digitalcommunication.
Effective digital boundariesprevent information overload and
protect your attention, one ofyour most valuable resources.
Social boundaries define theterms of your interactions and
relationships.
They include choosing the depthand nature of relationships,
(10:45):
deciding who has access todifferent parts of your life and
determining what behaviors youwill and won't accept from
others.
Strong social boundaries allowyou to nurture meaningful
connections while protectingyourself from draining or
harmful dynamics.
The beauty of understandingthese different boundary types
is that you can be selective.
You might need stronger digitalboundaries with everyone,
(11:07):
tighter emotional boundarieswith certain family members and
clearer time boundaries at work.
The goal isn't isolation, butrather intentional connection
that honors your mental healthneeds.
Remember that different lifephases may require adjusting
these boundaries.
During high stress periods, youmight need to strengthen
multiple boundary typestemporarily.
(11:27):
During high stress periods, youmight need to strengthen
multiple boundary typestemporarily.
The key is recognizing thatestablishing boundaries across
these categories isn't selfish.
It's essential mental healthmaintenance.
Let's get practical aboutsetting boundaries without the
side order of guilt.
Setting boundaries isn't aboutbuilding walls.
It's about creating healthydoors that you control.
Here's how to establish themeffectively while keeping guilt
(11:50):
at bay.
First, identify your specificneeds by paying attention to
what drains you Notice when youfeel resentful, anxious or
exhausted after certaininteractions.
These emotional responses arevaluable data points signaling
where boundaries are needed.
Take time to reflect.
Are you overextending at work,giving too much emotional
(12:13):
support without reciprocation,allowing people to interrupt
your personal time?
Get clear on precisely whatneeds protection Once you've
identified the boundary needed,start small.
You don't need to revolutionizeall your relationships
overnight.
Choose one boundary that feelsmanageable, perhaps declining
after-hours work emails orsetting a time limit on family
(12:35):
phone calls.
Starting with lower-stakessituations builds your
confidence muscle for morechallenging boundaries later.
When communicating your boundary, use clear, direct language
without over-explaining.
The boundary-setting formula issurprisingly simple Name the
situation, state your limit andoffer an alternative if
(12:56):
appropriate.
For example, I won't bechecking emails after 6 pm.
If there's an emergency, youcan reach me by phone.
One of the most effectivetechniques for guilt-free
boundary setting is using Istatements Instead of saying
you're always dumping yourproblems on me.
Try, I need some quiet time tomyself today, or I feel
(13:17):
overwhelmed when ourconversations focus only on
problems.
This approach expresses yourneeds without casting blame,
which reduces defensiveness inothers and guilt in yourself.
Timing matters too.
Set boundaries during neutralmoments, not in the heat of
conflict.
A calm I've realized I need tomake a change.
(13:38):
Conversation is more effectivethan a reactive.
I can't take this anymore.
Outburst Proactive boundarysetting.
Feels empowering rather thanguilt-inducing.
Remember that tone conveys asmuch as words.
Aim for calm, confidence ratherthan apology or aggression.
You don't need to justify yourright to have boundaries.
(13:58):
Practice saying your boundarystatement aloud before
delivering it, paying attentionto whether you're slipping into
apologetic territory withphrases like I'm sorry, but or I
hate to ask.
When someone pushes against yourboundary, first recognize this
as a normal part of the process,not a sign you should abandon
(14:19):
your limits.
Their resistance doesn't meanyour boundary is wrong.
It often means your boundary isnecessary.
Take a deep breath and remindyourself of why you set this
boundary in the first place.
Stay calm and consistent withyour response.
The first time someone crossesyour boundary, restate it
clearly.
As I mentioned, I'm notdiscussing work during family
(14:42):
dinners no-transcript.
I've asked several times thatwe keep work conversations at
the office.
I'm going to step away fromthis conversation now.
Notice how this response isfirm without being hostile.
Resist the urge to justify ordefend your boundary excessively
(15:02):
.
Overjustification often stemsfrom guilt and can inadvertently
invite debate about whetheryour reasons are good enough.
Your needs are valid on theirown terms.
A simple this is what works forme is sufficient explanation.
When faced with persistentboundary violations, employ the
broken record technique, calmlyrepeating your boundary
(15:24):
statement without adding newmaterial that could be argued
with.
This technique works because itavoids getting sidetracked into
debates, while clearlycommunicating that your position
won't change.
For relationships whereviolations continue, consider
implementing consequences.
These aren't punishments butnatural results of not
respecting your limits.
For instance, if you continueto call after 9 pm for
(15:48):
non-emergencies, I'll need tosilence my phone overnight.
Then follow throughconsistently.
Some people respond toboundaries with emotional
manipulation, guilt trips,passive-aggressive comments or
playing the victim.
Recognize these tactics forwhat they are Attempts to
control your behavior.
Respond with compassion, butfirmness.
(16:08):
I understand you'redisappointed, but this decision
is important for my well-being.
For those struggling withconfrontation, practice boundary
reinforcement with supportivefriends first Role-play
challenging scenarios to buildconfidence.
Having prepared responsesreduces anxiety when real
situations arise.
(16:29):
Remember that your discomfortwith others' disappointment will
typically pass faster than theresentment of continuously
violated boundaries.
The temporary discomfort ofstanding firm is the price of
long-term mental healthprotection.
Self-care isn't just bubblebaths and scented candles.
It's the essential foundationupon which healthy boundaries
(16:49):
are built.
When you consistentlyprioritize your own well-being,
you're sending yourself apowerful message my needs matter
.
This internal validation makesit significantly easier to
express and maintain boundarieswith others without being
consumed by guilt.
Think of self-care as boundarypractice with yourself Each time
(17:09):
you honor your own needs,whether that's getting adequate
rest, nourishing your body orprotecting your mental space,
you're strengthening the musclethat allows you to honor those
same needs in relationships withothers.
Many of us struggle withboundaries precisely because we
haven't established a strongenough relationship with
ourselves.
When you're disconnected fromyour own needs, it's nearly
(17:31):
impossible to communicate themeffectively to others.
Regular self-care practiceshelp you tune into your internal
signals and recognize whensomething feels wrong or
depleting.
There's a direct correlationbetween how you treat yourself
and how you allow others totreat you.
If you consistently overrideyour own needs, skipping meals,
(17:52):
sacrificing sleep or abandoningpersonal time, you're
essentially programming yourselfto believe that your needs are
optional.
This mindset makes it extremelydifficult to hold firm
boundaries when tested.
Self-care also replenishes theenergy required for boundary
maintenance.
Enforcing boundaries,especially new ones, requires
(18:14):
emotional resources.
When you're depleted, you'remore likely to give in at the
first sign of resistance.
Regular self-care ensures youhave the resilience to withstand
the discomfort that sometimesaccompanies standing your ground
.
Start viewing your self-careroutines as non-negotiable
appointments with yourself.
This practice reinforces theunderstanding that your time and
(18:35):
energy are valuable limitedresources that require
protection.
When you genuinely believe this, communicating boundaries
becomes less about confrontationand more about simple resource
management.
Remember that self-care isn'tselfish, it's strategic.
By maintaining your ownwell-being, you ensure you have
more to give in the areas andrelationships that truly matter
(18:59):
to you.
The most compassionate peoplearen't those who never say no.
They're those who carefullyprotect their energy so they can
show up fully when they say yes.
When they say yes.
Let me share a few real storiesthat demonstrate just how
transformative strong boundariescan be.
I've changed names and specificdetails to protect privacy, but
the core lessons remain intact.
(19:21):
As we wrap up today's episode onguilt-free boundary setting, I
hope you're feeling empoweredrather than overwhelmed.
Remember, boundaries aren'twalls built to keep others out.
They're guidelines that helpyou protect your mental health
while still maintainingmeaningful connections.
We've covered a lot of groundtoday, from understanding what
boundaries actually are and whywe feel that nagging guilt when
(19:45):
setting them, to recognizingwhen you need stronger limits in
your life.
We've explored different typesof boundaries, practical steps
for establishing them andstrategies for handling the
inevitable pushback thatsometimes comes.
The most important takeaway isthis Setting boundaries isn't
selfish.
It's an act of self-respectthat ultimately benefits
(20:06):
everyone in your life.
When you protect your energyand mental space, you show up as
a better friend, partner,parent and colleague.
Thank you for joining me on thisepisode of the Kore Kast.
I hope you're feeling inspiredand empowered to take your
health and wellness journey tothe next level.
Remember, every small stepcounts and I'm here to support
(20:27):
you every step of the way.
If you enjoyed today's episode,I'd love for you to share it
with your friends and family,and if you're feeling generous,
consider donating at the linkprovided in the description.
Your support helps us to keepbringing you the Kore Kast every
week, packed with valuableinsights and expert advice For
more resources, tips and updates.
Don't forget to visit ourwebsite at www.
(20:50):
k ore-fit.
com and follow us on Instagramat korefitnessaz.
Join our community and let'scontinue this journey together.
Until next time, stay healthy,stay happy and keep striving for
your best self.
This is Kris Harris signing offfrom the Kore Kast and I'll see
you next week.
Welcome back to the Kore Kast.
I'm your host, Kris Harris, andI'm thrilled to kick off season
four of our journey togetherthrough the vibrant world of
health and wellness.
Whether you're a fitnessfanatic, a Pilates enthusiast or
someone just beginning toexplore your wellness journey,
(00:30):
you're in the right place.
In this season, we're going todive deep into a wide array of
topics that matter, everythingfrom the latest in Pilates
techniques and fitness trends toessential mental health
insights and holistic wellnesspractices.
With nearly two decades ofexperience as a certified
personal trainer, pilatesinstructor and health coach, I'm
here to share expert tips,inspiring stories and practical
advice to help you live yourhealthiest, happiest life.
(00:52):
It's time to unlock your truepotential.
Welcome to Season 4.
Welcome to Kore Kast.
I'm your host, Kris, and todaywe're diving into a topic that
touches all of our lives butthat many of us struggle with
setting boundaries to protectour mental health.
How many times have you saidyes when you really wanted to
(01:12):
say no, or felt that knot inyour stomach when you finally
stood up for yourself, only tobe flooded with guilt afterwards
?
You're definitely not alone.
You're definitely not alone.
So many of us find itchallenging to establish and
maintain healthy boundaries,even when we know they're
essential for our well-being.
Today's episode is yourguilt-free guide to boundaries
(01:34):
understanding what they are, whythey matter and how to set them
, without that nagging feelingthat you're somehow being
selfish or unkind, becausehere's the truth Boundaries
aren't walls that keep othersout.
They're guidelines that teachpeople how to treat you with
respect and care, and that'ssomething everyone deserves.
So what exactly are boundaries?
(01:54):
At their core, boundaries arethe limits and rules we set for
ourselves within relationships.
Think of them as invisibleproperty lines that define where
you end and another personbegins psychologically,
emotionally and physically.
Boundaries aren't rigid walls,but rather flexible guidelines
that help you protect yourenergy, time and mental space.
(02:17):
In everyday life, boundariesmight look like declining a
request to work late becauseyou've committed to family time,
telling a friend you can't betheir therapist, or simply
letting someone know certaintopics are off-limits in
conversation.
These aren't acts of rejection.
They're acts ofself-preservation and respect.
Boundaries serve as the immunesystem for our mental health.
(02:40):
Without them, we becomevulnerable to the demands,
expectations and sometimesunconscious intrusions of others
.
When we fail to establish clearboundaries, we often find
ourselves overextended, mentallydrained and eventually
resentful.
Boundaries also allow forgenuine connection.
It might seem counterintuitive.
(03:02):
But by clearly defining yourlimits, you create space for
authentic relationships based onmutual respect rather than
obligation or fear.
When people know where theystand with you, they can
interact with the real you, nota resentful version who's
secretly keeping score.
Remember, setting boundariesisn't selfish.
It's an act of self-respectthat ultimately benefits
(03:25):
everyone involved.
Healthy boundaries preventrelationship deterioration by
addressing issues before theybecome insurmountable.
They protect your finiteresources of time and energy,
ensuring you have enough leftfor the people and activities
that truly matter to you.
Even when we intellectuallyunderstand the importance of
boundaries, many of us stillexperience an overwhelming sense
(03:48):
of guilt when we try toimplement them.
This guilt isn't random orirrational.
It has deep psychological rootsthat are worth exploring.
For many people, the discomfortwith setting boundaries begins
in childhood.
Think about the messages youreceived growing up.
Were you praised for beingselfless and putting others
(04:12):
first?
Were you taught that saying nowas rude or selfish?
These early lessons becomedeeply ingrained beliefs that
can be extraordinarily difficultto unlearn.
Children who were rewarded forbeing helpful, compliant and
accommodating often develop intoadults with people-pleasing
tendencies.
The approval and validationreceived for saying yes creates
a powerful psychological rewardsystem.
(04:33):
Over time, your brain literallyassociates agreement and
compliance with safety andacceptance.
This makes setting boundariesfeel not just uncomfortable but
actually threatening on asubconscious level.
Family dynamics play a crucialrole too.
If you grew up in a householdwhere boundaries were routinely
violated, where privacy wasn'trespected, where emotional needs
(04:56):
were dismissed or where nowasn't accepted as an answer,
you may not have developed theinternal framework for what
healthy boundaries even looklike.
The fear of rejection sits atthe core of boundary guilt for
many people.
There's an often unspokenbelief that if we assert our
needs, people will abandon us.
This fear isn't entirelyirrational.
(05:17):
Setting boundaries sometimesdoes result in pushback or
relationship changes.
However, the anticipation ofrejection is typically far worse
than the reality, andrelationships built on
boundaryless self-sacrificearen't sustainable anyway.
The good news is thatunderstanding these
psychological mechanisms givesus power over them.
(05:37):
Recognizing that your boundaryguilt isn't a moral failing but
rather a product of conditioningis the first step toward
freedom.
This awareness creates spacebetween the automatic guilt
response and your consciouschoice to establish healthy
limits anyway.
Remember that guilt, whileuncomfortable, is just an
emotion, not a command to beobeyed.
(06:00):
With practice, the intensity ofboundary guilt diminishes,
replaced by the growingconfidence that comes from
honoring your own needsalongside others.
How do you know when it's timeto strengthen your boundaries?
Let's explore some key warningsigns that your current
boundaries might needreinforcement or that you need
to establish new ones where noneexist.
(06:21):
One of the most reliableindicators is persistent
resentment, when you findyourself internally seething
about requests from friends,family or colleagues.
That's not random irritability,it's valuable information.
Resentment typically surfaceswhen you've said yes, when you
really wanted to say no.
It's your emotional systemsignaling that your boundaries
(06:44):
have been crossed, perhapsrepeatedly.
Chronic exhaustion and energydepletion are equally important
signals.
If you constantly feel drainedafter interactions with certain
people or situations, yourboundaries may be too porous.
Healthy relationships andcommitments should generally
energize you or at least leaveyour energy levels relatively
(07:05):
stable, not consistently depleteyou.
Pay attention if you'reexperiencing the uncomfortable
sensation of being takenadvantage of.
This manifests as the feelingthat exchanges in your
relationships are decidedlyone-sided, with you giving far
more than you receive.
While relationships naturallyebb and flow, a constant pattern
(07:25):
of imbalance suggests boundaryissues.
Certain situations commonlyrequire clearer boundaries.
At work, this might includeresponding to messages after
hours, taking on tasks outsideyour job description or
tolerating inappropriatebehavior from colleagues.
In personal relationships, itcould be lending money,
providing unlimited emotionalsupport or accepting
(07:48):
disrespectful treatment.
Family dynamics often presentboundary challenges around
holidays, parenting decisions,unsolicited advice or
expectations about visits andcalls.
Digital boundaries have becomeincreasingly important, too,
around social media engagement,content consumption and calls.
Digital boundaries have becomeincreasingly important, too,
(08:11):
around social media engagement,content consumption and 24-7
availability.
Remember that needing strongerboundaries doesn't mean you're
deficient or that you failed insome way.
Rather, it indicates you'redeveloping greater
self-awareness and readiness forhealthier relationships.
The discomfort you feel is notan obstacle.
It's the first step towardpositive change.
Now that we've identified whenboundaries are needed, let's
(08:32):
explore the different types ofboundaries you might want to
establish in your life.
Understanding these categoriescan help you pinpoint exactly
where protection is needed foryour mental well-being.
Emotional boundaries protectyour right to your own feelings
and emotional energy.
These boundaries involvelimiting emotional labor,
refusing to take responsibilityfor others' feelings and
(08:54):
declining to engage with toxicbehaviors like guilt-tripping or
emotional manipulation.
When your emotional boundariesare strong, you can empathize
with others without absorbingtheir emotional state or losing
your sense of self.
Physical boundaries relate toyour body, personal space and
physical comfort with otherswithout absorbing their
emotional state or losing yoursense of self.
Physical boundaries relate toyour body, personal space and
physical comfort.
These include defining yourcomfort level with touch,
(09:16):
establishing privacy needs andsetting limits around your
physical environment.
Strong physical boundariesprotect your sense of safety and
bodily autonomy, which arefoundational to overall mental
health.
Time boundaries might be themost commonly violated in our
always-on culture.
These involve protecting howyou spend your hours and
defining what constitutesreasonable availability.
(09:39):
This includes setting workhours, creating buffers between
activities and reserving timefor rest and personal pursuits.
Well-maintained time boundariesprevent burnout and ensure you
have the resources needed forself-care.
Work boundaries deserve specialattention in an era when
professional and personal livesincreasingly overlap.
(09:59):
These include clarifying jobexpectations, declining projects
when overloaded andestablishing communication
protocols for after-hourscontact.
Solid work boundaries protectagainst job creep and help
maintain work-life balance.
Digital boundaries have becomeessential for mental well-being.
These involve managing screentime, controlling notifications,
(10:23):
curating your social mediaenvironment and establishing
expectations around digitalcommunication.
Effective digital boundariesprevent information overload and
protect your attention, one ofyour most valuable resources.
Social boundaries define theterms of your interactions and
relationships.
They include choosing the depthand nature of relationships,
(10:45):
deciding who has access todifferent parts of your life and
determining what behaviors youwill and won't accept from
others.
Strong social boundaries allowyou to nurture meaningful
connections while protectingyourself from draining or
harmful dynamics.
The beauty of understandingthese different boundary types
is that you can be selective.
You might need stronger digitalboundaries with everyone,
(11:07):
tighter emotional boundarieswith certain family members and
clearer time boundaries at work.
The goal isn't isolation, butrather intentional connection
that honors your mental healthneeds.
Remember that different lifephases may require adjusting
these boundaries.
During high stress periods, youmight need to strengthen
multiple boundary typestemporarily.
(11:27):
During high stress periods, youmight need to strengthen
multiple boundary typestemporarily.
The key is recognizing thatestablishing boundaries across
these categories isn't selfish.
It's essential mental healthmaintenance.
Let's get practical aboutsetting boundaries without the
side order of guilt.
Setting boundaries isn't aboutbuilding walls.
It's about creating healthydoors that you control.
Here's how to establish themeffectively while keeping guilt
(11:50):
at bay.
First, identify your specificneeds by paying attention to
what drains you Notice when youfeel resentful, anxious or
exhausted after certaininteractions.
These emotional responses arevaluable data points signaling
where boundaries are needed.
Take time to reflect.
Are you overextending at work,giving too much emotional
(12:13):
support without reciprocation,allowing people to interrupt
your personal time?
Get clear on precisely whatneeds protection Once you've
identified the boundary needed,start small.
You don't need to revolutionizeall your relationships
overnight.
Choose one boundary that feelsmanageable, perhaps declining
after-hours work emails orsetting a time limit on family
(12:35):
phone calls.
Starting with lower-stakessituations builds your
confidence muscle for morechallenging boundaries later.
When communicating your boundary, use clear, direct language
without over-explaining.
The boundary-setting formula issurprisingly simple Name the
situation, state your limit andoffer an alternative if
(12:56):
appropriate.
For example, I won't bechecking emails after 6 pm.
If there's an emergency, youcan reach me by phone.
One of the most effectivetechniques for guilt-free
boundary setting is using Istatements Instead of saying
you're always dumping yourproblems on me.
Try, I need some quiet time tomyself today, or I feel
(13:17):
overwhelmed when ourconversations focus only on
problems.
This approach expresses yourneeds without casting blame,
which reduces defensiveness inothers and guilt in yourself.
Timing matters too.
Set boundaries during neutralmoments, not in the heat of
conflict.
A calm I've realized I need tomake a change.
(13:38):
Conversation is more effectivethan a reactive.
I can't take this anymore.
Outburst Proactive boundarysetting.
Feels empowering rather thanguilt-inducing.
Remember that tone conveys asmuch as words.
Aim for calm, confidence ratherthan apology or aggression.
You don't need to justify yourright to have boundaries.
(13:58):
Practice saying your boundarystatement aloud before
delivering it, paying attentionto whether you're slipping into
apologetic territory withphrases like I'm sorry, but or I
hate to ask.
When someone pushes against yourboundary, first recognize this
as a normal part of the process,not a sign you should abandon
(14:19):
your limits.
Their resistance doesn't meanyour boundary is wrong.
It often means your boundary isnecessary.
Take a deep breath and remindyourself of why you set this
boundary in the first place.
Stay calm and consistent withyour response.
The first time someone crossesyour boundary, restate it
clearly.
As I mentioned, I'm notdiscussing work during family
(14:42):
dinners no-transcript.
I've asked several times thatwe keep work conversations at
the office.
I'm going to step away fromthis conversation now.
Notice how this response isfirm without being hostile.
Resist the urge to justify ordefend your boundary excessively
(15:02):
.
Overjustification often stemsfrom guilt and can inadvertently
invite debate about whetheryour reasons are good enough.
Your needs are valid on theirown terms.
A simple this is what works forme is sufficient explanation.
When faced with persistentboundary violations, employ the
broken record technique, calmlyrepeating your boundary
(15:24):
statement without adding newmaterial that could be argued
with.
This technique works because itavoids getting sidetracked into
debates, while clearlycommunicating that your position
won't change.
For relationships whereviolations continue, consider
implementing consequences.
These aren't punishments butnatural results of not
respecting your limits.
For instance, if you continueto call after 9 pm for
(15:48):
non-emergencies, I'll need tosilence my phone overnight.
Then follow throughconsistently.
Some people respond toboundaries with emotional
manipulation, guilt trips,passive-aggressive comments or
playing the victim.
Recognize these tactics forwhat they are Attempts to
control your behavior.
Respond with compassion, butfirmness.
(16:08):
I understand you'redisappointed, but this decision
is important for my well-being.
For those struggling withconfrontation, practice boundary
reinforcement with supportivefriends first Role-play
challenging scenarios to buildconfidence.
Having prepared responsesreduces anxiety when real
situations arise.
(16:29):
Remember that your discomfortwith others' disappointment will
typically pass faster than theresentment of continuously
violated boundaries.
The temporary discomfort ofstanding firm is the price of
long-term mental healthprotection.
Self-care isn't just bubblebaths and scented candles.
It's the essential foundationupon which healthy boundaries
(16:49):
are built.
When you consistentlyprioritize your own well-being,
you're sending yourself apowerful message my needs matter
.
This internal validation makesit significantly easier to
express and maintain boundarieswith others without being
consumed by guilt.
Think of self-care as boundarypractice with yourself Each time
(17:09):
you honor your own needs,whether that's getting adequate
rest, nourishing your body orprotecting your mental space,
you're strengthening the musclethat allows you to honor those
same needs in relationships withothers.
Many of us struggle withboundaries precisely because we
haven't established a strongenough relationship with
ourselves.
When you're disconnected fromyour own needs, it's nearly
(17:31):
impossible to communicate themeffectively to others.
Regular self-care practiceshelp you tune into your internal
signals and recognize whensomething feels wrong or
depleting.
There's a direct correlationbetween how you treat yourself
and how you allow others totreat you.
If you consistently overrideyour own needs, skipping meals,
(17:52):
sacrificing sleep or abandoningpersonal time, you're
essentially programming yourselfto believe that your needs are
optional.
This mindset makes it extremelydifficult to hold firm
boundaries when tested.
Self-care also replenishes theenergy required for boundary
maintenance.
Enforcing boundaries,especially new ones, requires
(18:14):
emotional resources.
When you're depleted, you'remore likely to give in at the
first sign of resistance.
Regular self-care ensures youhave the resilience to withstand
the discomfort that sometimesaccompanies standing your ground
.
Start viewing your self-careroutines as non-negotiable
appointments with yourself.
This practice reinforces theunderstanding that your time and
(18:35):
energy are valuable limitedresources that require
protection.
When you genuinely believe this, communicating boundaries
becomes less about confrontationand more about simple resource
management.
Remember that self-care isn'tselfish, it's strategic.
By maintaining your ownwell-being, you ensure you have
more to give in the areas andrelationships that truly matter
(18:59):
to you.
The most compassionate peoplearen't those who never say no.
They're those who carefullyprotect their energy so they can
show up fully when they say yes.
When they say yes.
Let me share a few real storiesthat demonstrate just how
transformative strong boundariescan be.
I've changed names and specificdetails to protect privacy, but
the core lessons remain intact.
(19:21):
As we wrap up today's episode onguilt-free boundary setting, I
hope you're feeling empoweredrather than overwhelmed.
Remember, boundaries aren'twalls built to keep others out.
They're guidelines that helpyou protect your mental health
while still maintainingmeaningful connections.
We've covered a lot of groundtoday, from understanding what
boundaries actually are and whywe feel that nagging guilt when
(19:45):
setting them, to recognizingwhen you need stronger limits in
your life.
We've explored different typesof boundaries, practical steps
for establishing them andstrategies for handling the
inevitable pushback thatsometimes comes.
The most important takeaway isthis Setting boundaries isn't
selfish.
It's an act of self-respectthat ultimately benefits
(20:06):
everyone in your life.
When you protect your energyand mental space, you show up as
a better friend, partner,parent and colleague.
Thank you for joining me on thisepisode of the Kore Kast.
I hope you're feeling inspiredand empowered to take your
health and wellness journey tothe next level.
Remember, every small stepcounts and I'm here to support
(20:27):
you every step of the way.
If you enjoyed today's episode,I'd love for you to share it
with your friends and family,and if you're feeling generous,
consider donating at the linkprovided in the description.
Your support helps us to keepbringing you the Kore Kast every
week, packed with valuableinsights and expert advice For
more resources, tips and updates.
Don't forget to visit ourwebsite at www.
(20:50):
k ore-fit.
com and follow us on Instagramat korefitnessaz.
Join our community and let'scontinue this journey together.
Until next time, stay healthy,stay happy and keep striving for
your best self.
This is Kris Harris signing offfrom the Kore Kast and I'll see
you next week.
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