January 6, 2025 • 35 mins
Happy New Year, 2025! 🎉 In this episode, we debate the usefulness of New Year’s resolutions, reflect on our highs and lows from 2024, and dive into the hard-fought lessons this year taught us—including finally accepting that not everyone deserves a spot in your life (or your bed).
Join us as we chat about personal growth, share our plans for the new year, and, somehow, learn about cloacas. Because no Kozy with Chloe episode is complete without a little too much information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chloe (00:08):
Hello there!
K (00:09):
Hey Chloe.
Chloe (00:11):
Hi Kay.
K (00:12):
I have a question for you.
Chloe (00:13):
Okay.
K (00:14):
How many dogs would you be okay with sleeping in our bed?
At the same time.
Chloe (00:22):
Oh, you always get mad at me with these questions.
Okay, how big are the dogs?
K (00:27):
Medium to large.
Chloe (00:29):
Is it, okay, so medium, so, so not giant breed dogs?
K (00:34):
Could be.
Chloe (00:36):
Could be, okay.
Is there, is there adistribution of like, or are
they, could it potentiallybe all giant breed dogs?
K (00:46):
The point of this question.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
What
Chloe (00:48):
I I would very comfortably allow two giant
breed dogs and two cats Possiblythree cats to sleep in our
bed at the same time at least
K (01:00):
After
Chloe (01:01):
that, it gets complicated because it would really depend
on the distribution of dog
K (01:08):
I first asked this question your question was
How many dogs do we have?
Which is completely irrelevant.
It is not
Chloe (01:17):
irrelevant.
K (01:18):
And when I told you we had infinite dogs.
Chloe (01:21):
Oh, I got upset.
We don't have infinite dogs.
No, listen.
It's a
K (01:27):
hypothetical question.
of how many you wouldallow onto the bed.
Chloe (01:32):
Okay, this is where your beautiful little neurodivergent
brain doesn't understand mysensitive neurotypical brain.
I understand.
Because the number ofdogs that we have has a
profound impact on how manyI would allow in the bed.
I'm not going to let some dogsin the bed and not others.
That will hurt their feelings.
K (01:53):
Okay, so it's zero or all?
Chloe (01:55):
Yeah, I mean, unless we have a dog who, say, doesn't
like to sleep on, like,there's, there's so many.
In order to answer thisquestion in a real way, I need
to know more about these dogs.
K (02:06):
This is why I don't ask you hypotheticals anymore.
Yet somehow, the hypotheticalsyou ask me are stuff like, if
all these ships were giants,How would you feel about it?
Chloe (02:20):
No.
I said, if you were in the oceanand everywhere around you, all
you could see were ships and allof those ships contained giants,
would you fight them for me?
K (02:35):
See, that's just a much more narrative question.
It makes a lot of sense versusmy like outlandish question
that could never happen.
Chloe (02:43):
Let's talk about the topic today.
So.
It's New Year's Eve.
K (02:53):
Correct.
It is New Year's Eve.
Chloe (02:57):
It is.
And so we're going to talk aboutNew Year's resolution stuff.
K (03:02):
Okay.
Chloe (03:03):
Okay.
So what are your thoughtson New Year's resolutions?
K (03:09):
I think they're really stupid.
Chloe (03:10):
I knew you would think they're really stupid.
Largely because I askedyou earlier today.
K (03:13):
I told you.
And
Chloe (03:14):
you said, I feel really strongly about them.
And I got excited.
I'm like, really?
He likes them.
I like them.
And then when you came backand you chugged a mango lasse
and like, Three seconds.
That's how I
K (03:27):
like to drink.
Chloe (03:29):
You, you then went on a two minute rant about
how much you hate them.
And I kept telling youto shut up and save it
for the podcast, but youignored me and kept talking.
K (03:38):
Listen, New Year's resolutions are like when
someone finds out they're.
Family member or somethingis dying and like, oh,
you know, now I'm going tospend more time with them.
Okay?
Why the fuck didn't you spendmore time with them earlier?
Chloe (03:53):
Well, because you didn't know they were dying and so
there wasn't this like sense oflike you're running out of time.
K (03:59):
Sure But why does the running out of time have
anything to do with it?
If this is something you wantedto do, you should just do it.
Chloe (04:07):
I've seen you do the exact same thing.
K (04:10):
You have not.
Chloe (04:10):
When a family member of yours was
sick, you talked to them.
Like three times asoften as you do now.
And you talk to themalmost every day now.
K (04:21):
Very slightly, but most of that was to check on
her and maintain, helpmaintain her health.
But I actually specifically toldyou when that happened, that.
You know, I was happy withthe amount of times I had
seen her and visited herbecause you asked me about it.
That's
Chloe (04:36):
true.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
K (04:39):
Yeah.
Chloe (04:39):
Like, the way that you live your life just
makes me really jealous.
K (04:45):
I try to live in a very logical fashion.
Chloe (04:47):
You really do.
I think, I agree with you that,like, picking This is my mom
K (04:52):
and she wants children.
Ranch children.
I'm working on it.
Chloe (04:58):
You're working on it.
This
K (04:59):
is, you're, you're the limiting factor here.
Chloe (05:01):
Yeah.
K (05:02):
Open up.
Chloe (05:06):
We're getting there.
Also K has the largesthead on planet earth.
So the idea of producinga child from my womb.
K (05:16):
Cloaca.
Chloe (05:18):
What?
K (05:20):
Cloaca.
Chloe (05:21):
No, that is not what we would name that baby.
That's
K (05:24):
not, that's not what a cloaca, do you
know what a cloaca is?
Chloe (05:29):
No.
K (05:32):
So birds have one hole that they pee, poop, and have sex
out of, it's called a cloaca.
And so what I was implyingwas that when you give birth
to my large headed baby.
Chloe (05:46):
That is all I will have.
K (05:47):
Yeah.
Chloe (05:49):
Yeah.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
We are going to adopt.
K (05:57):
Okay.
New Year's resolutions.
We're getting off track.
Chloe (06:00):
Okay, okay.
So, I know that the arbitrarydate is stupid, and in fact,
it's not great for success.
Like, less than 30 percent ofpeople continues with it after
the first month, and I thinkit's like 20 percent of them
stop after the first week.
K (06:18):
Yeah, it's awful.
Chloe (06:19):
But I think it could be helpful though.
Like people who ordinarilywouldn't create goals by
themselves, at least this makesthem think about how they want
their life to be different.
K (06:28):
Sure.
Think about, but Ijust feel it's setting
people up for failure.
It's kind of like diets, right?
They're like, okay, I'mgoing to have this diet now.
And they set thesereally arbitrary goals.
And most of the times thegoals are unreasonable
Chloe (06:41):
and
K (06:41):
it just, it doesn't work.
It's not.
Effective.
It's not intelligent and youknow, it would be just much
better if they didn't put the,this pressure on themselves
and did a slow buildup andincremental and didn't have
it based off resolution.
Anytime it's like,I'm going to do this.
I'm going to stick to it.
(07:02):
Just never works out.
Chloe (07:03):
The goals that my clients are creating are like, I want
to find the love of my life.
Or, I want to find agirlfriend, or The goals
K (07:10):
are too high.
Chloe (07:11):
Well, it isn't just that they're too high.
They're not entirelywithin their control.
Finding the love ofyour life isn't a goal.
It's a wish, right?
Like, how is it an actual goal?
Well, how is
K (07:25):
it
Chloe (07:26):
No, it's not like
K (07:27):
you just start meeting women.
Chloe (07:29):
Sure.
But that goal would begoing out on dates, right?
Or,
K (07:35):
or,
Chloe (07:36):
or with intention searching for a long
term relationship.
You're
K (07:40):
talking about smart goals.
Do you want to tell I don't knowif you can tell our audience
Chloe (07:48):
what a SMART goal is.
Somehow this feelscondescending.
Okay, so a SMARTgoal is an acronym.
The S stands for Specific,Measurable, Achievable,
Relevant, and Time bound.
So it's making surethat this goal that
you are creating is somethingthat is realistic, you
(08:09):
can measure that you haveaccomplished it, um, and that
you have a reasonable goal.
Amount of time to complete it.
The problem with, with somethingwith your goal being, I'm going
to find my soulmate, you couldtry very, very hard and not
find your soulmate in a year.
That's not a very good goal.
A goal could be is I'm goingto work on the parts of myself.
(08:32):
That are preventing me frombeing in healthy relationship.
So let's dig downinto what is that?
Is it insecurity?
Is it anxiety?
Is it that I don'tput myself out there?
Like what exactly is the problemthat is stopping you from
finding what you're looking for?
And then let'smake that the goal.
Stuff like I'm going to getsuper fit, or I'm going to
find the love of my life justisn't really a very good goal.
(08:56):
And it's really hard to knowif you've accomplished it.
So.
Did you have a New Year'sresolution last year?
No.
I know.
I knew that answer was coming.
K (09:08):
What's your resolution this year?
You realize you don'thave much time, right?
Chloe (09:12):
Yeah, I know.
Well, you don't have todo it on the first day.
Yes, you do.
No, you don't.
You just have to finishit by the end of the year.
K (09:21):
Oh, so I could, okay, here's my New Year's resolution.
I'm not gonna poop.
Chloe (09:28):
I mean, you would need to start it three hours or
less before the New Year.
Yep,
K (09:32):
yep.
I've started it.
Here's my resolution for 2024.
Chloe (09:36):
You have accomplished it.
K (09:37):
Yeah.
Do you know anyone else whohas a resolution of haven't
pooped for the New Year?
Like, stupid.
You start on day one.
Chloe (09:46):
You were just preaching about how arbitrary
dates make it worse.
Okay.
K (09:50):
Yeah.
I'm just saying.
If you're going to doit, then you do it on
before the new year.
You don't decide on like January5th, here's my resolution.
You do on Jan 1.
Chloe (10:00):
My vague and non smart goal is I want to be more
intentional with my time.
I'm trying to figureout how to make it.
actionable.
But like, it isn't that Idon't want to watch Below
Deck with you anymore.
Like, I really enjoy usjust being lazy and cozy.
Like, I really enjoy thatwith you, but I want when
(10:24):
I do that for it to bea decision that I make.
What I find happensLike my biggest time
waster is me, right?
I just, I like, I watch YouTubeor I, you know, I tell myself
that I can listen to musicwhile I work, but then I'm just
singing along the whole time.
Or I listened to criticalrole and then I get
(10:46):
like really sucked in.
Um, and then all my freetime is gone, but it's
because I just wasted it.
Just kind of.
fucking around.
Like, I, I don't want mywhole life to be scheduled,
but I want to, wheneverI'm doing something, I
want it to be because Ihave made the conscious
choice to do this thing.
(11:08):
But that's really hardto make actionable, so
I'm still working it out.
K (11:14):
So you don't have a goal.
Chloe (11:16):
I have almost a goal.
I have a dumb goal.
Soon it will be a smart goal.
K (11:21):
Yeah.
Chloe (11:22):
So, what do you want to accomplish this year?
K (11:26):
I want to not have to work as much.
Chloe (11:30):
I want you to not have to work as much.
In fact, I feel like thatneeds to be a requirement.
Like you That is my
K (11:37):
goal.
Chloe (11:38):
Okay.
Is it a smart goal yet?
Like, do, do we havea timeline here?
K (11:44):
I don't need smart goals.
I've evolved beyond that.
I have quantifiable objectivesand I'm working towards
them very diligently.
Chloe (11:56):
So there are smart goals and then one step
above that are cables.
They're not,
K (12:00):
they're not, they're not time bound because
I'm not bound by time.
Okay.
They'll get donewhen they get done.
I'm working on them.
I prioritize.
Chloe (12:10):
Yeah.
Nice.
So what was the best momentor the best experience
that you had in 2024?
K (12:17):
It's the best moment would be closing on my acquisition.
Chloe (12:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was really, really good.
I was so proud of you.
I wanted to.
Do bad things.
I was so, so proud.
And it was somehow so hot.
I was, I'm still, I'm justoverwhelmingly proud of you.
K (12:40):
Thank you.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Chloe (12:43):
What was the hardest thing this year?
K (12:46):
Running my acquisition.
Do you want me totalk in specifics?
Chloe (12:51):
Yeah, because you had a absolute bat shit crazy year.
K (12:55):
So basically, you know, I had a small business and there
was an acquisition opportunity.
And so the person involved with.
Selling it was just anincredibly shady person.
Incredibly scummy.
I think it's sociopath.
Chloe (13:10):
Wait.
So this business, wheneverwe first started dating, it
came across your path event.
Right.
And, and it was like,like 10 million more.
Right.
And then you had decidedthat it wasn't worth it.
And then it came back acrossyour path a year later and
it was just crazy discounted.
K (13:32):
Yep.
Chloe (13:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was really crazy.
I mean,
K (13:35):
well, this is why.
Chloe (13:36):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
K (13:38):
So once we close, I mean, this is already going to be a
really huge undertaking for mebecause my business basically
four times is overnight.
And it's And
Chloe (13:48):
he has no COO, by the way.
It's just him.
It's just him.
Just him.
And he confidently says.
To me, I'm not evengoing to look for a COO.
I can do the job of five men.
And it's true, he isdoing the job of five men.
But he's also going to dielike two years earlier.
(14:10):
Because he works twelve hoursa day, every single day.
What
K (14:16):
is life for if not to suffer?
Chloe (14:18):
To be nice to me.
Okay.
K (14:21):
So while this is all going on, you know, I buy it, right?
So it's already ahuge undertaking.
I have to figure out howto make my business work
as it's gone four times.
I have to turn around theexisting business that
is just doing terribly.
Suffering has no leadership,just doing awful.
So there's, there's justa ton of stuff to do.
(14:41):
And this scumbag stops payingme because of the way it was
set up, just logistically moneystill had to go through him
and he just stops paying me.
Cause I knew his nature.
Um, and then I just instantlysue him and the thing most
people don't know aboutlawsuits is they suck.
He owes me six figures andthat owes, he still owes me.
(15:03):
This lawsuit's beengoing on for months.
It's even with six, himowing me six figures, it's
barely worth it to sue him.
And it's just veryblack and white, too.
Chloe (15:13):
It's black and white in that if this gets to court
instead of it gets settled,you will 100 percent win.
K (15:21):
100%.
There is just nota shadow of doubt.
There is not like, oh,maybe this, maybe that.
It is very, very clear.
Money went in here.
It needs to go out to me.
Chloe (15:32):
You are guaranteed essentially to win because 100
percent of the laws on yourside here, you are still barely
going to break even for alawsuit that is worth hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
K (15:46):
I mean, I might not even be able to collect,
he might just go bankrupt.
Yeah.
Right.
So, cause he's also
Chloe (15:51):
getting sued by like a million other people.
Right.
He
K (15:54):
just lost a massive multimillion dollar lawsuit
for killing people atone of his buildings.
Right.
So this guy just
Chloe (16:01):
negligence, right?
K (16:02):
And there are multiple other lawsuits against, it's just
a massive, massive scumbag.
This was one of thehardest parts of my life.
I took a really big gamble.
I put everything intoit to try and grow.
And while I'm trying to getthere, I thought it was already
very stressful and tough.
And I ended up in a spotwhere instead of having a year
(16:22):
plus to turn things around,now I have three months.
And so the end of three months.
I'm going to lose everythingif I don't resolve this lawsuit
and figure out how to get paidwhile I'm trying to turn around
this business, while I'm tryingto figure out how to run a
business of this size becauseI've never done it before.
(16:42):
I have no one showingme how to do it.
I'm just trying to figure out.
Figure it out myself.
And then I have a buildingthat has, you know, burst, pipe
bursting with water damage.
I have a building that'sgetting burglared.
I have my staff who areall very immature, let's
say a bunch of them and arearguing with each other.
Yeah, there's just a lot ofstuff that be figured out.
(17:03):
And I was, I was overmy head and I'm working.
I was trying to work literally,I mean, it's, I need to
work every waking hourand I'm taking stimulants.
Legal, legal stimulants atall so that I can maximize
my, my work efficiency.
It's when, when you say
Chloe (17:23):
negative impact on your health.
K (17:24):
Yeah.
My health would definitely,I consciously chose, I'm
like, this is giving uplike years, maybe a year,
I hope not years of my lifeso that I can get through
this period in time of time.
It was, it was terrible.
And then we were havingarguments because you.
Rightfully wanted to talklike I sometimes was not
(17:44):
very nice to you and hewanted to talk about it.
And I would tell you, Hey, Idon't have the time or bandwidth
to talk to you about feelings.
I'm going to lose everythingif I, I need to focus on this.
It was incredibly hard for me.
Chloe (17:58):
Yeah, it was very, very hard to watch you struggle
and not be able to help you,especially like, and, and
then I feel really guiltybecause I'm like a doer and
it drives you crazy, right?
Because I, I want to thinkof something that's going
to cheer you up or help youand I can't do anything.
So then I just kind of harassyou with, with things that
(18:21):
I think are nice, but are
K (18:22):
really just.
Do you want to see thesetwo fat babies wrestling?
Chloe (18:26):
It took me a little while to figure out that the
only correct move in supportingyou was just letting you be.
And like that, andit's still hard for me.
Actually, you, you praisedme a few days ago, which felt
really, really good becauseyou were having a bad day.
And my instinct isalways to like, do you
(18:46):
want to hear a joke?
Do
K (18:48):
you,
Chloe (18:48):
do you want to do this?
Do you want to do that?
And just try to like harass youinto being in a better mood.
But I like a bit mytongue and I said nothing.
And then 20 minuteslater, you're like,
I'm so proud of you.
So I
K (19:03):
was prepping myself.
I was like, okay,don't be mean to her.
When she says something,she's trying to help.
Don't be mean.
Don't be mean.
Just be nice.
What are you goingto say to her?
Chloe (19:13):
I'm a fast, well, I'm a learner.
You learned.
Four years in, I gotthis shit figured out.
K (19:22):
Even if I directly told you repeatedly, I mean, I know
you've had a hard year too.
What was your low point?
Chloe (19:29):
I think my low point and my high point.
We're the same as weird as thatsounds because my low point
was definitely just kind ofmaking the conscious decision
to walk away from relationshipsthat were very bad for me,
but I have, but I had had.
(19:50):
My whole life.
So they were very important tome, but just like reaching the
place, which I think I worked ona lot last year, trying to reach
that place of, of accepting,Hey, this is not going to
be what you want it to be.
This is just always goingto be painful for you.
(20:10):
And just walking away andtrying to walk away without
lighting and match and explodingeverything behind me, because
I didn't want to regret it.
Years later.
Right?
That was a brutally,brutally painful for me.
, because your girlhas rejection issues.
. Okay, so, so, so walkingaway and not being chased
(20:34):
to come back, one ofthe hardest experiences
I have ever, ever had.
Um, but then that also just.
Like, I feel like itjust really changed me.
And I feel like you really,really helped with that because
when I no longer spent all ofmy time trying to appease people
(20:54):
who didn't really respect me orreally care about what I needed.
And that wasn't what Iwas spending all of my
emotional energy on anymore.
I had room to do thingsthat I cared about.
Right.
And, and all of a sudden, likemy confidence just skyrocketed.
(21:15):
Like I, I just feel like anentirely different person.
I can say no andnot feel guilty.
Like, at all, right?
K (21:23):
Didn't know that.
That's awesome.
Chloe (21:25):
I say no to you a lot more often.
Well,
K (21:27):
yeah, that's normal.
Chloe (21:29):
But just think about, like, how, how worried I
used to be about hurtingyour feelings versus And
now you're not worried abouthurting my feelings at all?
K (21:41):
Is this, is this the point of what you're saying?
I don't think it's a good thing.
Chloe (21:46):
You know what I mean, like.
No,
K (21:47):
I don't.
Chloe (21:48):
You, you don't remember whenever we first
started to date, I wouldapologize all the time.
Oh, yeah.
To, to, to a point that youwould like try to stop me and
you like had a talk like, hey,you're doing this too much.
Why are you apologizingall the time?
What are you sorry for?
Right?
K (22:04):
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's true.
You did, you have stopped that.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Chloe (22:07):
I don't do that anymore.
I don't say I'm sorryunless I'm actually sorry.
K (22:12):
I'll make you sorry.
Chloe (22:13):
Yeah, I'm gonna make you sorry.
K (22:18):
Yeah, you're right.
That's awesome.
You've grown so much.
That's awesome.
Chloe (22:22):
It's crazy.
And it all came fromwalking away from people
who treated me poorly.
And all of a sudden, I nolonger feel the need to
apologize for existing.
Right?
K (22:35):
Yeah.
What took you so long?
Oh,
Chloe (22:40):
okay.
Um, I think I think it was justa really slow escalation over
the period of several yearsthat just kind of cumulated to,
holy crap, I think I'm ready.
K (22:57):
Yeah.
What kind of escalation?
Chloe (22:59):
At first, when I was a lot younger, I just
wanted to please them, right?
Like I wanted, I wanted tobe what they wanted me to be.
And so I just spent atremendous amount of time
trying to become that.
And when I realized howunhappy I was, And it also
(23:20):
wasn't working, right?
Like, I wasn't successful.
And also, I really didn't likewho I was pretending to be.
I then tried to findalternative solutions.
So just, you know, yearsof trying to be super
accommodating and then tryingto be, you know, like really
honest about how I feel.
(23:41):
Trying to, like, havesit down conversations.
Like, hey, what you'redoing is really hurting me.
I really want you to stop.
Or, you know, like trying thenumber of things that I tried
for years and years and years.
And then I, and thenI got into therapy.
Right.
And, and I went to collegewhere I was taking courses
(24:07):
for social work, where I waslearning about the fact that
I don't really have controlover these relationships.
Right.
Like I can put ineverything that I can.
And still have a poor outcomebecause that person needs to
be trying to, they, they needto want to treat me well too.
(24:32):
I just learned this lessonvery slowly and brutally by
just consistently sacrificingmyself until I couldn't anymore,
and I had a breakdown, andthen after my breakdown, I
started to prioritize myself.
K (24:49):
Like the phoenix arising from the ashes?
Chloe (24:53):
Well, it was, it was a very wounded, weak,
tired phoenix, but sure.
K (25:00):
So did you?
Did it go according to plan?
Chloe (25:05):
It didn't.
It didn't.
It went according toplan that I was able to
K (25:09):
eventually
Chloe (25:10):
maintain those boundaries, right?
But it still didn't work becauseit was, it was really painful.
So many people have had thisexperience where you just
spend your whole lives tryingto make these relationships
work when they're nevergoing to work because
this person does not know.
How to be good to you, andthat is never going to change.
(25:33):
And so this year wasme kind of recognizing.
When I don't talk tothese people, I'm happier.
And it wasn't justthat I felt happier.
I received comments from myboyfriend and from my friends.
Like you, you'reso much happier.
Like you haven't cried in weeks.
(25:55):
It took other people seeing.
That I am a better, happierperson when these people
are not in my life, thatreally did it for me.
So I started off with a break.
I just took a break.
I'm like, I'm not gonnatalk to them for a month and
let's just see what happens.
And that was the most brutaltwo weeks, I think, of my life
(26:18):
because I kept waiting forthem to bang down the door.
And swear how much theyloved me and that they
would never do this again.
And they just can'tlive without me.
Right.
But of course thatdidn't happen.
So the next few weeksstarted to feel like freedom.
I had accepted.
They weren't, they weren'tgoing to call me and I didn't
have to think about it anymore.
I wasn't pulled in tointerpersonal drama.
(26:40):
I didn't want to be a part of,I couldn't be the scapegoat
because I wasn't involved.
Right.
K (26:45):
So you.
You tried being what they wantedto be, or at least what they
said they wanted you to be.
That didn't work.
You tried setting boundaries.
That didn't work.
And then you triedhaving breaks.
That didn't really work.
And then you progress to justthe full cutting them out.
Chloe (27:08):
The life that we have is really colored by
our environment, right?
When you've spent your wholelife surrounded by people
who put you down, it isvery hard to like yourself.
It doesn't matter howaccomplished you are, or
how nice you are, or howgood of a person you are.
If every day you are treated asthough there is something really
(27:31):
wrong with you, It is, it'svery hard not to believe them.
And I just spent a tremendousamount of my life really
not liking myself very much.
And I think that is what allowedme to stay in a bad situation.
It's just so, it's.
It's so horrible becauseit's, it's this, it's a self
(27:52):
fulfilling prophecy, right?
I'm treated like Idon't really matter.
Therefore, I believe thatI don't really matter.
Therefore, I seek outother relationships in
which I'm treated like Idon't really matter, right?
And it just goes onand on and on and on.
And
K (28:06):
yeah, you know, the crazy part to me is that it's not like
you're a homeless drug addict.
You know, you're anincredibly impressive person.
Every, every partof you is just.
Incredibly, incrediblyimpressive and you're an
incredibly nice person andlikable person too, right?
Just from any metric I canlook at, you're awesome.
(28:29):
And you have a lot ofpeople in your life who are,
Genuinely love you and whoyour friends and they, and
people who meet you, you'rejust a very likable person.
And so the fact that you hadthese things in your head, the
fact that these people treatyou this way is crazy to me.
Chloe (28:49):
I love you.
K (28:50):
I love you, too.
Chloe (28:52):
Yeah.
I mean, for the firsttime in my life, you know,
like, I agree with you.
I think I'm apretty nice person.
I, I try really, really hardand I'm proud of myself.
I worked really, really hard.
K (29:05):
Do you bought groceries for someone because, or you
gave them a ride because yousaw them walking with a limp?
Chloe (29:12):
Yeah, I do.
You were not pleased.
K (29:17):
Wait, no.
Yeah.
So you saw them walkingwith a, what was it?
You saw themwalking with a limp.
So he gave them a ride andthen you found out that
they were a single mom.
And so you started buyingthem groceries and lying
to them and saying, Ohyeah, I get free groceries.
So let me give you some whileyou were very poor yourself.
Chloe (29:43):
Thank you.
That, that felt really good.
I love you.
Yeah.
And it's also not likeI don't have good people
in my life, right?
I have really, reallygood people in my life.
I don't know.
It sounds really stupidto say out loud, but I
didn't understand thatI could choose them.
I just genuinelydidn't understand.
I was allowed to say.
(30:05):
These people are not the onesI'm going to spend my time
with or put my energy into.
I'm going to change itto these other people.
It, and I feel like so, so manyof us kind of fall into that
same trap of, of you think,okay, well, if I, if I grew
up in this town, then likethese, these are the people
(30:26):
I have to spend my life with.
Right.
I had them in my childhood.
Therefore, they'remy forever people.
And it's just.
Bullshit, like, your,your forever people can be
whoever you want them to be.
You're allowed to pickthem out yourself.
K (30:40):
Yeah, when you described your friends to me, and when
I met them, the relationshipyou have with them is more
of a, it's a traditionalhealthy family dynamic
than anything else, right?
They are your family.
Chloe (30:57):
Yeah.
Yeah, they are.
I'm sorry.
I feel
K (31:02):
emotional.
Chloe (31:05):
I love them so much.
It's been a pretty goodyear and that I felt
like myself this year.
I truly feel like I'vebecome who I am, right?
When my days aren't spentWorrying and feeling sorry for
myself and trying to figure outhow, you know, how to navigate
(31:26):
really difficult relationshipsor worrying about the decisions
that other people are making.
I'm free to do thingsthat I want to do.
I'm free to think aboutthings I want to think about.
I don't think it's a coincidencethat the year that I walked
away from these really toxicrelationships is a year that
(31:47):
my business has just explodedin a way it never has before.
Right?
Like it's, it's because Iwas able to put more energy
into it and my relationshipshave flourished and I
think that our relationshipwent another layer, right?
Of, of closeness.
And I think a lot of it was,I, I just had, like, if, if
you think about all the timewe spent in our early days of
(32:08):
me just stressing out aboutthings I had no control over.
You're
K (32:13):
triggering me.
Yeah.
You're healthy.
You're healthynow is what it is.
Chloe (32:18):
I'm healthy now!
K (32:19):
Body and mind and soul and as trite as that is,
you know, you're justtaking care of yourself.
Chloe (32:27):
And it's good.
I think I really underestimated.
That being healthy isn't justthe thing you're supposed
to do, but you feel better.
Like I, I like myself.
K (32:38):
I like you too.
Chloe (32:39):
I like you.
That is what Ilearned this year.
So it was both the hardestthing I have ever done in
my whole life and the bestdecision I have ever made.
ever made, right?
It doesn't mean thatit's not painful.
It still hurts.
I still get sad sometimes,but I am a happier person.
(33:00):
It felt like I was literallycutting something out of myself,
and then I felt a hole wherethey were supposed to be.
And the pain of feelingthat emptiness was
really, really difficult.
But then I realized I couldfill that hole with, with Dick.
(33:23):
I was like waiting.
I was like, I have to, I haveto figure out this thought
really quickly or else he'sgoing to make a dick joke.
But now it's not empty anymore.
Like it's, it's,it's full of people.
They're, they're just people.
I won't
K (33:39):
say it.
I won't say it.
Chloe (33:43):
It also doesn't help that my two closest
friends are dudes.
K (33:48):
Right?
Chloe (33:49):
Well, that, that felt like a very cathartic.
It was a really toughstart of the year.
But then it justgot really good.
K (33:57):
I love you.
Chloe (33:58):
I love you too.
K (34:01):
We should end this.
I want to bring in the new yearwatching Below Deck with you.
Chloe (34:05):
I want to end the new year watching
Below Deck with you.
Well, before we go watch BelowDeck, I do want to say really
quickly that we're going tostart hosting a new podcast
every other week, and our thirdepisode is going to be about
the evolution of online dating,which was really fun to record.
K (34:23):
I'm ready to share my knowledge.
Yeah.
I lived it.
I'm a historian.
Chloe (34:27):
He's a very important dinosaur.
You really deserveto be in a museum.
Happy New Year, everybody!
K (34:34):
Yay!
Chloe (34:38):
That's the most unnatural sound I've ever heard you make.
I'm keeping that.
I'm keeping that.
It's
K (34:45):
fine.
Are we done?
Hello there!
K (00:09):
Hey Chloe.
Chloe (00:11):
Hi Kay.
K (00:12):
I have a question for you.
Chloe (00:13):
Okay.
K (00:14):
How many dogs would you be okay with sleeping in our bed?
At the same time.
Chloe (00:22):
Oh, you always get mad at me with these questions.
Okay, how big are the dogs?
K (00:27):
Medium to large.
Chloe (00:29):
Is it, okay, so medium, so, so not giant breed dogs?
K (00:34):
Could be.
Chloe (00:36):
Could be, okay.
Is there, is there adistribution of like, or are
they, could it potentiallybe all giant breed dogs?
K (00:46):
The point of this question.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
What
Chloe (00:48):
I I would very comfortably allow two giant
breed dogs and two cats Possiblythree cats to sleep in our
bed at the same time at least
K (01:00):
After
Chloe (01:01):
that, it gets complicated because it would really depend
on the distribution of dog
K (01:08):
I first asked this question your question was
How many dogs do we have?
Which is completely irrelevant.
It is not
Chloe (01:17):
irrelevant.
K (01:18):
And when I told you we had infinite dogs.
Chloe (01:21):
Oh, I got upset.
We don't have infinite dogs.
No, listen.
It's a
K (01:27):
hypothetical question.
of how many you wouldallow onto the bed.
Chloe (01:32):
Okay, this is where your beautiful little neurodivergent
brain doesn't understand mysensitive neurotypical brain.
I understand.
Because the number ofdogs that we have has a
profound impact on how manyI would allow in the bed.
I'm not going to let some dogsin the bed and not others.
That will hurt their feelings.
K (01:53):
Okay, so it's zero or all?
Chloe (01:55):
Yeah, I mean, unless we have a dog who, say, doesn't
like to sleep on, like,there's, there's so many.
In order to answer thisquestion in a real way, I need
to know more about these dogs.
K (02:06):
This is why I don't ask you hypotheticals anymore.
Yet somehow, the hypotheticalsyou ask me are stuff like, if
all these ships were giants,How would you feel about it?
Chloe (02:20):
No.
I said, if you were in the oceanand everywhere around you, all
you could see were ships and allof those ships contained giants,
would you fight them for me?
K (02:35):
See, that's just a much more narrative question.
It makes a lot of sense versusmy like outlandish question
that could never happen.
Chloe (02:43):
Let's talk about the topic today.
So.
It's New Year's Eve.
K (02:53):
Correct.
It is New Year's Eve.
Chloe (02:57):
It is.
And so we're going to talk aboutNew Year's resolution stuff.
K (03:02):
Okay.
Chloe (03:03):
Okay.
So what are your thoughtson New Year's resolutions?
K (03:09):
I think they're really stupid.
Chloe (03:10):
I knew you would think they're really stupid.
Largely because I askedyou earlier today.
K (03:13):
I told you.
And
Chloe (03:14):
you said, I feel really strongly about them.
And I got excited.
I'm like, really?
He likes them.
I like them.
And then when you came backand you chugged a mango lasse
and like, Three seconds.
That's how I
K (03:27):
like to drink.
Chloe (03:29):
You, you then went on a two minute rant about
how much you hate them.
And I kept telling youto shut up and save it
for the podcast, but youignored me and kept talking.
K (03:38):
Listen, New Year's resolutions are like when
someone finds out they're.
Family member or somethingis dying and like, oh,
you know, now I'm going tospend more time with them.
Okay?
Why the fuck didn't you spendmore time with them earlier?
Chloe (03:53):
Well, because you didn't know they were dying and so
there wasn't this like sense oflike you're running out of time.
K (03:59):
Sure But why does the running out of time have
anything to do with it?
If this is something you wantedto do, you should just do it.
Chloe (04:07):
I've seen you do the exact same thing.
K (04:10):
You have not.
Chloe (04:10):
When a family member of yours was
sick, you talked to them.
Like three times asoften as you do now.
And you talk to themalmost every day now.
K (04:21):
Very slightly, but most of that was to check on
her and maintain, helpmaintain her health.
But I actually specifically toldyou when that happened, that.
You know, I was happy withthe amount of times I had
seen her and visited herbecause you asked me about it.
That's
Chloe (04:36):
true.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
K (04:39):
Yeah.
Chloe (04:39):
Like, the way that you live your life just
makes me really jealous.
K (04:45):
I try to live in a very logical fashion.
Chloe (04:47):
You really do.
I think, I agree with you that,like, picking This is my mom
K (04:52):
and she wants children.
Ranch children.
I'm working on it.
Chloe (04:58):
You're working on it.
This
K (04:59):
is, you're, you're the limiting factor here.
Chloe (05:01):
Yeah.
K (05:02):
Open up.
Chloe (05:06):
We're getting there.
Also K has the largesthead on planet earth.
So the idea of producinga child from my womb.
K (05:16):
Cloaca.
Chloe (05:18):
What?
K (05:20):
Cloaca.
Chloe (05:21):
No, that is not what we would name that baby.
That's
K (05:24):
not, that's not what a cloaca, do you
know what a cloaca is?
Chloe (05:29):
No.
K (05:32):
So birds have one hole that they pee, poop, and have sex
out of, it's called a cloaca.
And so what I was implyingwas that when you give birth
to my large headed baby.
Chloe (05:46):
That is all I will have.
K (05:47):
Yeah.
Chloe (05:49):
Yeah.
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
We are going to adopt.
K (05:57):
Okay.
New Year's resolutions.
We're getting off track.
Chloe (06:00):
Okay, okay.
So, I know that the arbitrarydate is stupid, and in fact,
it's not great for success.
Like, less than 30 percent ofpeople continues with it after
the first month, and I thinkit's like 20 percent of them
stop after the first week.
K (06:18):
Yeah, it's awful.
Chloe (06:19):
But I think it could be helpful though.
Like people who ordinarilywouldn't create goals by
themselves, at least this makesthem think about how they want
their life to be different.
K (06:28):
Sure.
Think about, but Ijust feel it's setting
people up for failure.
It's kind of like diets, right?
They're like, okay, I'mgoing to have this diet now.
And they set thesereally arbitrary goals.
And most of the times thegoals are unreasonable
Chloe (06:41):
and
K (06:41):
it just, it doesn't work.
It's not.
Effective.
It's not intelligent and youknow, it would be just much
better if they didn't put the,this pressure on themselves
and did a slow buildup andincremental and didn't have
it based off resolution.
Anytime it's like,I'm going to do this.
I'm going to stick to it.
(07:02):
Just never works out.
Chloe (07:03):
The goals that my clients are creating are like, I want
to find the love of my life.
Or, I want to find agirlfriend, or The goals
K (07:10):
are too high.
Chloe (07:11):
Well, it isn't just that they're too high.
They're not entirelywithin their control.
Finding the love ofyour life isn't a goal.
It's a wish, right?
Like, how is it an actual goal?
Well, how is
K (07:25):
it
Chloe (07:26):
No, it's not like
K (07:27):
you just start meeting women.
Chloe (07:29):
Sure.
But that goal would begoing out on dates, right?
Or,
K (07:35):
or,
Chloe (07:36):
or with intention searching for a long
term relationship.
You're
K (07:40):
talking about smart goals.
Do you want to tell I don't knowif you can tell our audience
Chloe (07:48):
what a SMART goal is.
Somehow this feelscondescending.
Okay, so a SMARTgoal is an acronym.
The S stands for Specific,Measurable, Achievable,
Relevant, and Time bound.
So it's making surethat this goal that
you are creating is somethingthat is realistic, you
(08:09):
can measure that you haveaccomplished it, um, and that
you have a reasonable goal.
Amount of time to complete it.
The problem with, with somethingwith your goal being, I'm going
to find my soulmate, you couldtry very, very hard and not
find your soulmate in a year.
That's not a very good goal.
A goal could be is I'm goingto work on the parts of myself.
(08:32):
That are preventing me frombeing in healthy relationship.
So let's dig downinto what is that?
Is it insecurity?
Is it anxiety?
Is it that I don'tput myself out there?
Like what exactly is the problemthat is stopping you from
finding what you're looking for?
And then let'smake that the goal.
Stuff like I'm going to getsuper fit, or I'm going to
find the love of my life justisn't really a very good goal.
(08:56):
And it's really hard to knowif you've accomplished it.
So.
Did you have a New Year'sresolution last year?
No.
I know.
I knew that answer was coming.
K (09:08):
What's your resolution this year?
You realize you don'thave much time, right?
Chloe (09:12):
Yeah, I know.
Well, you don't have todo it on the first day.
Yes, you do.
No, you don't.
You just have to finishit by the end of the year.
K (09:21):
Oh, so I could, okay, here's my New Year's resolution.
I'm not gonna poop.
Chloe (09:28):
I mean, you would need to start it three hours or
less before the New Year.
Yep,
K (09:32):
yep.
I've started it.
Here's my resolution for 2024.
Chloe (09:36):
You have accomplished it.
K (09:37):
Yeah.
Do you know anyone else whohas a resolution of haven't
pooped for the New Year?
Like, stupid.
You start on day one.
Chloe (09:46):
You were just preaching about how arbitrary
dates make it worse.
Okay.
K (09:50):
Yeah.
I'm just saying.
If you're going to doit, then you do it on
before the new year.
You don't decide on like January5th, here's my resolution.
You do on Jan 1.
Chloe (10:00):
My vague and non smart goal is I want to be more
intentional with my time.
I'm trying to figureout how to make it.
actionable.
But like, it isn't that Idon't want to watch Below
Deck with you anymore.
Like, I really enjoy usjust being lazy and cozy.
Like, I really enjoy thatwith you, but I want when
(10:24):
I do that for it to bea decision that I make.
What I find happensLike my biggest time
waster is me, right?
I just, I like, I watch YouTubeor I, you know, I tell myself
that I can listen to musicwhile I work, but then I'm just
singing along the whole time.
Or I listened to criticalrole and then I get
(10:46):
like really sucked in.
Um, and then all my freetime is gone, but it's
because I just wasted it.
Just kind of.
fucking around.
Like, I, I don't want mywhole life to be scheduled,
but I want to, wheneverI'm doing something, I
want it to be because Ihave made the conscious
choice to do this thing.
(11:08):
But that's really hardto make actionable, so
I'm still working it out.
K (11:14):
So you don't have a goal.
Chloe (11:16):
I have almost a goal.
I have a dumb goal.
Soon it will be a smart goal.
K (11:21):
Yeah.
Chloe (11:22):
So, what do you want to accomplish this year?
K (11:26):
I want to not have to work as much.
Chloe (11:30):
I want you to not have to work as much.
In fact, I feel like thatneeds to be a requirement.
Like you That is my
K (11:37):
goal.
Chloe (11:38):
Okay.
Is it a smart goal yet?
Like, do, do we havea timeline here?
K (11:44):
I don't need smart goals.
I've evolved beyond that.
I have quantifiable objectivesand I'm working towards
them very diligently.
Chloe (11:56):
So there are smart goals and then one step
above that are cables.
They're not,
K (12:00):
they're not, they're not time bound because
I'm not bound by time.
Okay.
They'll get donewhen they get done.
I'm working on them.
I prioritize.
Chloe (12:10):
Yeah.
Nice.
So what was the best momentor the best experience
that you had in 2024?
K (12:17):
It's the best moment would be closing on my acquisition.
Chloe (12:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was really, really good.
I was so proud of you.
I wanted to.
Do bad things.
I was so, so proud.
And it was somehow so hot.
I was, I'm still, I'm justoverwhelmingly proud of you.
K (12:40):
Thank you.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Chloe (12:43):
What was the hardest thing this year?
K (12:46):
Running my acquisition.
Do you want me totalk in specifics?
Chloe (12:51):
Yeah, because you had a absolute bat shit crazy year.
K (12:55):
So basically, you know, I had a small business and there
was an acquisition opportunity.
And so the person involved with.
Selling it was just anincredibly shady person.
Incredibly scummy.
I think it's sociopath.
Chloe (13:10):
Wait.
So this business, wheneverwe first started dating, it
came across your path event.
Right.
And, and it was like,like 10 million more.
Right.
And then you had decidedthat it wasn't worth it.
And then it came back acrossyour path a year later and
it was just crazy discounted.
K (13:32):
Yep.
Chloe (13:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was really crazy.
I mean,
K (13:35):
well, this is why.
Chloe (13:36):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
K (13:38):
So once we close, I mean, this is already going to be a
really huge undertaking for mebecause my business basically
four times is overnight.
And it's And
Chloe (13:48):
he has no COO, by the way.
It's just him.
It's just him.
Just him.
And he confidently says.
To me, I'm not evengoing to look for a COO.
I can do the job of five men.
And it's true, he isdoing the job of five men.
But he's also going to dielike two years earlier.
(14:10):
Because he works twelve hoursa day, every single day.
What
K (14:16):
is life for if not to suffer?
Chloe (14:18):
To be nice to me.
Okay.
K (14:21):
So while this is all going on, you know, I buy it, right?
So it's already ahuge undertaking.
I have to figure out howto make my business work
as it's gone four times.
I have to turn around theexisting business that
is just doing terribly.
Suffering has no leadership,just doing awful.
So there's, there's justa ton of stuff to do.
(14:41):
And this scumbag stops payingme because of the way it was
set up, just logistically moneystill had to go through him
and he just stops paying me.
Cause I knew his nature.
Um, and then I just instantlysue him and the thing most
people don't know aboutlawsuits is they suck.
He owes me six figures andthat owes, he still owes me.
(15:03):
This lawsuit's beengoing on for months.
It's even with six, himowing me six figures, it's
barely worth it to sue him.
And it's just veryblack and white, too.
Chloe (15:13):
It's black and white in that if this gets to court
instead of it gets settled,you will 100 percent win.
K (15:21):
100%.
There is just nota shadow of doubt.
There is not like, oh,maybe this, maybe that.
It is very, very clear.
Money went in here.
It needs to go out to me.
Chloe (15:32):
You are guaranteed essentially to win because 100
percent of the laws on yourside here, you are still barely
going to break even for alawsuit that is worth hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
K (15:46):
I mean, I might not even be able to collect,
he might just go bankrupt.
Yeah.
Right.
So, cause he's also
Chloe (15:51):
getting sued by like a million other people.
Right.
He
K (15:54):
just lost a massive multimillion dollar lawsuit
for killing people atone of his buildings.
Right.
So this guy just
Chloe (16:01):
negligence, right?
K (16:02):
And there are multiple other lawsuits against, it's just
a massive, massive scumbag.
This was one of thehardest parts of my life.
I took a really big gamble.
I put everything intoit to try and grow.
And while I'm trying to getthere, I thought it was already
very stressful and tough.
And I ended up in a spotwhere instead of having a year
(16:22):
plus to turn things around,now I have three months.
And so the end of three months.
I'm going to lose everythingif I don't resolve this lawsuit
and figure out how to get paidwhile I'm trying to turn around
this business, while I'm tryingto figure out how to run a
business of this size becauseI've never done it before.
(16:42):
I have no one showingme how to do it.
I'm just trying to figure out.
Figure it out myself.
And then I have a buildingthat has, you know, burst, pipe
bursting with water damage.
I have a building that'sgetting burglared.
I have my staff who areall very immature, let's
say a bunch of them and arearguing with each other.
Yeah, there's just a lot ofstuff that be figured out.
(17:03):
And I was, I was overmy head and I'm working.
I was trying to work literally,I mean, it's, I need to
work every waking hourand I'm taking stimulants.
Legal, legal stimulants atall so that I can maximize
my, my work efficiency.
It's when, when you say
Chloe (17:23):
negative impact on your health.
K (17:24):
Yeah.
My health would definitely,I consciously chose, I'm
like, this is giving uplike years, maybe a year,
I hope not years of my lifeso that I can get through
this period in time of time.
It was, it was terrible.
And then we were havingarguments because you.
Rightfully wanted to talklike I sometimes was not
(17:44):
very nice to you and hewanted to talk about it.
And I would tell you, Hey, Idon't have the time or bandwidth
to talk to you about feelings.
I'm going to lose everythingif I, I need to focus on this.
It was incredibly hard for me.
Chloe (17:58):
Yeah, it was very, very hard to watch you struggle
and not be able to help you,especially like, and, and
then I feel really guiltybecause I'm like a doer and
it drives you crazy, right?
Because I, I want to thinkof something that's going
to cheer you up or help youand I can't do anything.
So then I just kind of harassyou with, with things that
(18:21):
I think are nice, but are
K (18:22):
really just.
Do you want to see thesetwo fat babies wrestling?
Chloe (18:26):
It took me a little while to figure out that the
only correct move in supportingyou was just letting you be.
And like that, andit's still hard for me.
Actually, you, you praisedme a few days ago, which felt
really, really good becauseyou were having a bad day.
And my instinct isalways to like, do you
(18:46):
want to hear a joke?
Do
K (18:48):
you,
Chloe (18:48):
do you want to do this?
Do you want to do that?
And just try to like harass youinto being in a better mood.
But I like a bit mytongue and I said nothing.
And then 20 minuteslater, you're like,
I'm so proud of you.
So I
K (19:03):
was prepping myself.
I was like, okay,don't be mean to her.
When she says something,she's trying to help.
Don't be mean.
Don't be mean.
Just be nice.
What are you goingto say to her?
Chloe (19:13):
I'm a fast, well, I'm a learner.
You learned.
Four years in, I gotthis shit figured out.
K (19:22):
Even if I directly told you repeatedly, I mean, I know
you've had a hard year too.
What was your low point?
Chloe (19:29):
I think my low point and my high point.
We're the same as weird as thatsounds because my low point
was definitely just kind ofmaking the conscious decision
to walk away from relationshipsthat were very bad for me,
but I have, but I had had.
(19:50):
My whole life.
So they were very important tome, but just like reaching the
place, which I think I worked ona lot last year, trying to reach
that place of, of accepting,Hey, this is not going to
be what you want it to be.
This is just always goingto be painful for you.
(20:10):
And just walking away andtrying to walk away without
lighting and match and explodingeverything behind me, because
I didn't want to regret it.
Years later.
Right?
That was a brutally,brutally painful for me.
, because your girlhas rejection issues.
. Okay, so, so, so walkingaway and not being chased
(20:34):
to come back, one ofthe hardest experiences
I have ever, ever had.
Um, but then that also just.
Like, I feel like itjust really changed me.
And I feel like you really,really helped with that because
when I no longer spent all ofmy time trying to appease people
(20:54):
who didn't really respect me orreally care about what I needed.
And that wasn't what Iwas spending all of my
emotional energy on anymore.
I had room to do thingsthat I cared about.
Right.
And, and all of a sudden, likemy confidence just skyrocketed.
(21:15):
Like I, I just feel like anentirely different person.
I can say no andnot feel guilty.
Like, at all, right?
K (21:23):
Didn't know that.
That's awesome.
Chloe (21:25):
I say no to you a lot more often.
Well,
K (21:27):
yeah, that's normal.
Chloe (21:29):
But just think about, like, how, how worried I
used to be about hurtingyour feelings versus And
now you're not worried abouthurting my feelings at all?
K (21:41):
Is this, is this the point of what you're saying?
I don't think it's a good thing.
Chloe (21:46):
You know what I mean, like.
No,
K (21:47):
I don't.
Chloe (21:48):
You, you don't remember whenever we first
started to date, I wouldapologize all the time.
Oh, yeah.
To, to, to a point that youwould like try to stop me and
you like had a talk like, hey,you're doing this too much.
Why are you apologizingall the time?
What are you sorry for?
Right?
K (22:04):
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's true.
You did, you have stopped that.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Chloe (22:07):
I don't do that anymore.
I don't say I'm sorryunless I'm actually sorry.
K (22:12):
I'll make you sorry.
Chloe (22:13):
Yeah, I'm gonna make you sorry.
K (22:18):
Yeah, you're right.
That's awesome.
You've grown so much.
That's awesome.
Chloe (22:22):
It's crazy.
And it all came fromwalking away from people
who treated me poorly.
And all of a sudden, I nolonger feel the need to
apologize for existing.
Right?
K (22:35):
Yeah.
What took you so long?
Oh,
Chloe (22:40):
okay.
Um, I think I think it was justa really slow escalation over
the period of several yearsthat just kind of cumulated to,
holy crap, I think I'm ready.
K (22:57):
Yeah.
What kind of escalation?
Chloe (22:59):
At first, when I was a lot younger, I just
wanted to please them, right?
Like I wanted, I wanted tobe what they wanted me to be.
And so I just spent atremendous amount of time
trying to become that.
And when I realized howunhappy I was, And it also
(23:20):
wasn't working, right?
Like, I wasn't successful.
And also, I really didn't likewho I was pretending to be.
I then tried to findalternative solutions.
So just, you know, yearsof trying to be super
accommodating and then tryingto be, you know, like really
honest about how I feel.
(23:41):
Trying to, like, havesit down conversations.
Like, hey, what you'redoing is really hurting me.
I really want you to stop.
Or, you know, like trying thenumber of things that I tried
for years and years and years.
And then I, and thenI got into therapy.
Right.
And, and I went to collegewhere I was taking courses
(24:07):
for social work, where I waslearning about the fact that
I don't really have controlover these relationships.
Right.
Like I can put ineverything that I can.
And still have a poor outcomebecause that person needs to
be trying to, they, they needto want to treat me well too.
(24:32):
I just learned this lessonvery slowly and brutally by
just consistently sacrificingmyself until I couldn't anymore,
and I had a breakdown, andthen after my breakdown, I
started to prioritize myself.
K (24:49):
Like the phoenix arising from the ashes?
Chloe (24:53):
Well, it was, it was a very wounded, weak,
tired phoenix, but sure.
K (25:00):
So did you?
Did it go according to plan?
Chloe (25:05):
It didn't.
It didn't.
It went according toplan that I was able to
K (25:09):
eventually
Chloe (25:10):
maintain those boundaries, right?
But it still didn't work becauseit was, it was really painful.
So many people have had thisexperience where you just
spend your whole lives tryingto make these relationships
work when they're nevergoing to work because
this person does not know.
How to be good to you, andthat is never going to change.
(25:33):
And so this year wasme kind of recognizing.
When I don't talk tothese people, I'm happier.
And it wasn't justthat I felt happier.
I received comments from myboyfriend and from my friends.
Like you, you'reso much happier.
Like you haven't cried in weeks.
(25:55):
It took other people seeing.
That I am a better, happierperson when these people
are not in my life, thatreally did it for me.
So I started off with a break.
I just took a break.
I'm like, I'm not gonnatalk to them for a month and
let's just see what happens.
And that was the most brutaltwo weeks, I think, of my life
(26:18):
because I kept waiting forthem to bang down the door.
And swear how much theyloved me and that they
would never do this again.
And they just can'tlive without me.
Right.
But of course thatdidn't happen.
So the next few weeksstarted to feel like freedom.
I had accepted.
They weren't, they weren'tgoing to call me and I didn't
have to think about it anymore.
I wasn't pulled in tointerpersonal drama.
(26:40):
I didn't want to be a part of,I couldn't be the scapegoat
because I wasn't involved.
Right.
K (26:45):
So you.
You tried being what they wantedto be, or at least what they
said they wanted you to be.
That didn't work.
You tried setting boundaries.
That didn't work.
And then you triedhaving breaks.
That didn't really work.
And then you progress to justthe full cutting them out.
Chloe (27:08):
The life that we have is really colored by
our environment, right?
When you've spent your wholelife surrounded by people
who put you down, it isvery hard to like yourself.
It doesn't matter howaccomplished you are, or
how nice you are, or howgood of a person you are.
If every day you are treated asthough there is something really
(27:31):
wrong with you, It is, it'svery hard not to believe them.
And I just spent a tremendousamount of my life really
not liking myself very much.
And I think that is what allowedme to stay in a bad situation.
It's just so, it's.
It's so horrible becauseit's, it's this, it's a self
(27:52):
fulfilling prophecy, right?
I'm treated like Idon't really matter.
Therefore, I believe thatI don't really matter.
Therefore, I seek outother relationships in
which I'm treated like Idon't really matter, right?
And it just goes onand on and on and on.
And
K (28:06):
yeah, you know, the crazy part to me is that it's not like
you're a homeless drug addict.
You know, you're anincredibly impressive person.
Every, every partof you is just.
Incredibly, incrediblyimpressive and you're an
incredibly nice person andlikable person too, right?
Just from any metric I canlook at, you're awesome.
(28:29):
And you have a lot ofpeople in your life who are,
Genuinely love you and whoyour friends and they, and
people who meet you, you'rejust a very likable person.
And so the fact that you hadthese things in your head, the
fact that these people treatyou this way is crazy to me.
Chloe (28:49):
I love you.
K (28:50):
I love you, too.
Chloe (28:52):
Yeah.
I mean, for the firsttime in my life, you know,
like, I agree with you.
I think I'm apretty nice person.
I, I try really, really hardand I'm proud of myself.
I worked really, really hard.
K (29:05):
Do you bought groceries for someone because, or you
gave them a ride because yousaw them walking with a limp?
Chloe (29:12):
Yeah, I do.
You were not pleased.
K (29:17):
Wait, no.
Yeah.
So you saw them walkingwith a, what was it?
You saw themwalking with a limp.
So he gave them a ride andthen you found out that
they were a single mom.
And so you started buyingthem groceries and lying
to them and saying, Ohyeah, I get free groceries.
So let me give you some whileyou were very poor yourself.
Chloe (29:43):
Thank you.
That, that felt really good.
I love you.
Yeah.
And it's also not likeI don't have good people
in my life, right?
I have really, reallygood people in my life.
I don't know.
It sounds really stupidto say out loud, but I
didn't understand thatI could choose them.
I just genuinelydidn't understand.
I was allowed to say.
(30:05):
These people are not the onesI'm going to spend my time
with or put my energy into.
I'm going to change itto these other people.
It, and I feel like so, so manyof us kind of fall into that
same trap of, of you think,okay, well, if I, if I grew
up in this town, then likethese, these are the people
(30:26):
I have to spend my life with.
Right.
I had them in my childhood.
Therefore, they'remy forever people.
And it's just.
Bullshit, like, your,your forever people can be
whoever you want them to be.
You're allowed to pickthem out yourself.
K (30:40):
Yeah, when you described your friends to me, and when
I met them, the relationshipyou have with them is more
of a, it's a traditionalhealthy family dynamic
than anything else, right?
They are your family.
Chloe (30:57):
Yeah.
Yeah, they are.
I'm sorry.
I feel
K (31:02):
emotional.
Chloe (31:05):
I love them so much.
It's been a pretty goodyear and that I felt
like myself this year.
I truly feel like I'vebecome who I am, right?
When my days aren't spentWorrying and feeling sorry for
myself and trying to figure outhow, you know, how to navigate
(31:26):
really difficult relationshipsor worrying about the decisions
that other people are making.
I'm free to do thingsthat I want to do.
I'm free to think aboutthings I want to think about.
I don't think it's a coincidencethat the year that I walked
away from these really toxicrelationships is a year that
(31:47):
my business has just explodedin a way it never has before.
Right?
Like it's, it's because Iwas able to put more energy
into it and my relationshipshave flourished and I
think that our relationshipwent another layer, right?
Of, of closeness.
And I think a lot of it was,I, I just had, like, if, if
you think about all the timewe spent in our early days of
(32:08):
me just stressing out aboutthings I had no control over.
You're
K (32:13):
triggering me.
Yeah.
You're healthy.
You're healthynow is what it is.
Chloe (32:18):
I'm healthy now!
K (32:19):
Body and mind and soul and as trite as that is,
you know, you're justtaking care of yourself.
Chloe (32:27):
And it's good.
I think I really underestimated.
That being healthy isn't justthe thing you're supposed
to do, but you feel better.
Like I, I like myself.
K (32:38):
I like you too.
Chloe (32:39):
I like you.
That is what Ilearned this year.
So it was both the hardestthing I have ever done in
my whole life and the bestdecision I have ever made.
ever made, right?
It doesn't mean thatit's not painful.
It still hurts.
I still get sad sometimes,but I am a happier person.
(33:00):
It felt like I was literallycutting something out of myself,
and then I felt a hole wherethey were supposed to be.
And the pain of feelingthat emptiness was
really, really difficult.
But then I realized I couldfill that hole with, with Dick.
(33:23):
I was like waiting.
I was like, I have to, I haveto figure out this thought
really quickly or else he'sgoing to make a dick joke.
But now it's not empty anymore.
Like it's, it's,it's full of people.
They're, they're just people.
I won't
K (33:39):
say it.
I won't say it.
Chloe (33:43):
It also doesn't help that my two closest
friends are dudes.
K (33:48):
Right?
Chloe (33:49):
Well, that, that felt like a very cathartic.
It was a really toughstart of the year.
But then it justgot really good.
K (33:57):
I love you.
Chloe (33:58):
I love you too.
K (34:01):
We should end this.
I want to bring in the new yearwatching Below Deck with you.
Chloe (34:05):
I want to end the new year watching
Below Deck with you.
Well, before we go watch BelowDeck, I do want to say really
quickly that we're going tostart hosting a new podcast
every other week, and our thirdepisode is going to be about
the evolution of online dating,which was really fun to record.
K (34:23):
I'm ready to share my knowledge.
Yeah.
I lived it.
I'm a historian.
Chloe (34:27):
He's a very important dinosaur.
You really deserveto be in a museum.
Happy New Year, everybody!
K (34:34):
Yay!
Chloe (34:38):
That's the most unnatural sound I've ever heard you make.
I'm keeping that.
I'm keeping that.
It's
K (34:45):
fine.
Are we done?
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