June 1, 2023 • 41 mins
It can be disappointing trying to navigate the complications of life, trying to gain a better understanding of yourself and how to reroute after we experience the pains and traumas of life. If you are looking for more ways to be more intentional, and proactive about your singular journey as an individual--this is the episode for you. Be encouraged. I love you foreal!
With Peace & Love,
ThaPrettyRebel
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Welcome back to Krowned Culture,the podcast.
I know it's been a minute.
Y'all haven't heard from me.
I've been journeying as I'vemade note.
Just experiencing life, the upsand downs, the turns, the joys,
as well as the pains.
So thank you for bearing withme.
We were on a seasonedintermission as I just continue
(00:25):
to get a feel for life.
And one thing you all shouldknow about me is I am never
gonna force any information.
I'm never gonna just force itjust to put it out.
So I would much rather sit andbask in God's presence, regroup,
and come back to you all asauthentic and as true and
genuine as I am.
So with that, We always begin anepisode in prayer, so just
(00:50):
Father God, thank you for thisday.
Thank you for everything thatyou have done.
Thank you for everything thatyou have placed down on the
inside of us.
Thank you, God, for giving usbreath and life.
Thank you God for the ability tofloat and move and maneuver.
Thank you for the activity ofour limbs.
Thank you for our sound mind.
And Father God, if we like, ourmind is insane.
Father God, make our minds sane,do a work in us, transform us
(01:10):
and make us new.
God, I ask, that you go beforeus as we speak, as I speak on
something so important intoday's society and, and the
ability of being single andliving life as a single
individual, and not even justconnected to relationship, but
how to be the best version ofourselves.
So Father God, I just pray andask that you break down any
wall, any barrier.
(01:32):
You allow me to flow intouncharted territory and to
provide the people with what youneed for them.
In your name, father God wepray.
Amen.
Faith is in session.
Did you all miss me?
I missed you all.
I really genuinely did.
And you know, I can't begin anepisode without dedicating it.
(01:55):
To someone prominent, someonewhom I admire, or who has
inspired me in different ways.
So what you should know is I'mdedicating this episode to my
beautiful godchildren, Ariah,AIAN Williams, and Nair ali
Sessums.
So I'm dedicating this episodeto my godchildren because had it
(02:18):
not been for them, my trajectoryin life, especially my first
godchild would've been a bitdifferent.
So I'm calling, I'm thanking,I'm appreciating, and that's who
I'm dedicating this episode too.
So I love you, God.
Mommy loves you.
So welcome to today's episodewhere we discuss.
(02:39):
Living single a path back toyou.
Now when you hear me talk aboutliving single, you know,
ultimately people think I'mtalking about, a single journey.
Obviously that's not connectedto someone else, and I wanna
really focus on not.
The aspect of how to betteryourself for relationships, but
(03:01):
how to better yourself foryourself so that you can in turn
be better in relationships.
Because relationships are allaround us.
They are not strictly romantic.
We have friends, we have family,and how you sit within yourself,
where your spirit rests, whereyour heart rest, where your mind
is at ease, really determinesand dictates the trajectory of
(03:23):
those relationships.
So, The pursuit of life truly isa journey.
If, I've learned nothing so far,is that genuinely the pursuit of
life is really a journey, andit's so beautiful because we
experience life, lessons like Italked about, the joys, the
(03:44):
pains, the traumas, thevictories.
You know, God built you for it.
Let's start there.
He built you for it.
He's waiting on you to maybe askfor his help to better equip
you.
You know?
So understanding that we arefearfully, marvelously made in
this life and there'll never beanother you, you know?
(04:06):
And how do you navigate thatjourney?
I always say God gifts us withso many blessings, right?
But truly what we do with thosegifts is our gift back to him.
That's how we honor him.
That's how we show him that weare grateful.
We can say we're grateful, we'rethankful a thousand times over,
you know, until our final day.
(04:28):
But showing him, I think showsit's more intimate.
It really shows him how much youvalue what he's placed in front
of you.
And so, make no mistake aboutit.
We do, we, we live, I would saywe live in a grossly insecure
world, you know?
Where people are wrestling witha number of things on any given
day that they speak about orthey don't want to speak about.
(04:49):
You know?
And you have so many peoplebearing the burdens of
themselves and then of othersbecause then you have other
people who are walking aroundunwell, and then you got the
sick leading, helping the sickand the blind leading the blind.
And it's nothing wrong with thatbecause sometimes you do need.
That along your journey, butsometimes it turns into misery
(05:10):
Loves company and the same very,maybe you're on the pursuit and
you want to get well and youwant to do better and be more
for yourself and for thoseconnected to you.
But maybe that person doesn't,right?
Maybe they're in the same boatas you, but they don't want get
out.
Maybe they don't wanna.
Change how their life is going.
They don't wanna changedirection.
They don't wanna have to comeout of their comfort zone to do
(05:32):
such.
And so the thing about it is,when you know yourself, when
you're learning yourself, youhave to, pray for the
discernment for the ability, notonly for the discernment, but
the ability to apply thatdiscernment so that.
People aren't draining you, orpeople aren't running off with
all of the things that you haveworked to gather over your
(05:53):
years.
You know, so I always start withquestions, right?
Like, what does life look like?
Pursuing God first, and thenyourself, if God told you,
things about yourself, would youeven believe them?
Right.
Do you love yourself enough toendure the trials of life and
then turn around and ask God forassistance on how to pick
(06:19):
yourself up when life knocks youdown?
What does intention look likefor you?
What are you doing while youwait on God to manifest the
desires of your heart?
Are you disciplined?
Are you purposeful?
Is your waiting purposeful?
I mean, when we heal, right?
Because we can't talk aboutsingleness without speaking
(06:42):
about relationships thattraumatize us, be it maternal,
paternal, or our friends, right?
Or our lovers, right?
People hurt us.
Life happens.
People pass away, theytransition on.
That's pain.
And so when you're waiting onGod, What are you doing in that
(07:04):
meantime?
Because life is never gonna stoplifeing, right?
And we know that.
So I wanna kind of talk aboutself-love first, right?
Because self-love is really a,um, It's so beautiful.
It's multifaceted, but it's sosimple all in one.
(07:27):
And self-love really stems and,and centers in knowing who you
truly are.
And that's, I believe, why myfirst episode, specifically, I
talked about peace of mind and Ispoke about the mind the heart.
And your soul spirit, right?
Because without your mind, beingwell without your heart, being
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well, without your spirit,without those three components
of yourself being well, you'regonna have a hard time
navigating your self-lovejourney because you're gonna
have a hard time knowing who youare.
And if you don't know who youare, then you allow, you give
people the ability to tell youwho you are.
Instead of believing what Godsays about you, you give people
(08:09):
the ability to say, oh, youangry.
Oh, you're bitter.
Oh, you're this, oh, you'rethat.
Whatever label people try toplace on you, you give people
the ability to do that when youdon't know who you are, as an
individual.
And so I always say in terms ofself-love, you know when you are
navigating life and you are,pursuing, that's one of my
(08:29):
favorite words, pursuingpassion.
That's the first part ofself-love because it's
determining what do I like, whatdo I not like?
What drives me, what sets mysoul on fire?
Right.
You know?
I just actually led a panel and,evangelist Melody talked about
how passion chases you.
Passion chases you.
(08:50):
And so you can either allowpassion to chase you or you can
run from it, but I guaranteeyou, you're gonna have to
surrender at some point becauseit's gonna come to a head.
And so when we talk aboutcomponents of self-love, right?
Do you trust yourself when youmake a decision?
Do you trust yourself?
Are you willing to makesacrifices for yourself?
(09:12):
Are you willing to go the extramile for you?
That doesn't mean, oh, I'm goingto the mall and now I'm in Sax
fifth Ave and I'm over here andI'm buying all this stuff for
myself.
That's not self-love.
You feel what I'm saying?
That's, that is aspects ofself-love, right?
But it's not self-love.
You know, if your self-love isrooted in any type of
(09:33):
materialistic, Worldly thing,then you're already behind the
curve.
And I encourage you to figureout who you truly are, what you
really like, where you wanna go,who you wanna be, because that
will answer a lot of yourquestions because then you'll
start to ask questions.
Why do I want to be in theseplaces?
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And everything is not alwaysabout what will I gain from this
situation, right?
Your questions to yourselfshould now center in how do I
impact this situation?
How do I influence?
And inspire myself to, to getmyself to another place, to the
next level.
So self-love really, really it'swide, right?
(10:17):
It's so many aspects ofself-love.
It's a wide field, but it's sosimple because you have to.
I'm gonna tell you when you'veachieved self-love, when you've
achieved self-love, you begin tosee yourself through the lens
that God sees you.
That doesn't make you perfect,it just makes you pure.
(10:42):
So I think people are out herestriving for perfection when
you've gotta just find yourformula and then that is
perfection.
You're not gonna always get itright.
So then if we talk about that,we talk about intention because
intentions flow from self-loveyou set your intentions based
(11:02):
upon how much you love yourself,how well you love yourself, how
well you take care of yourself,how much you value yourself.
And knowing what I bring to thetable, you know, I hear all the
time like, oh, I am, I am thetable.
I am the table.
I don't have to, I don't have toknow what I, I am the table.
(11:23):
No, no, no.
Tell us what you bring to thetable.
Because if it's, oh, I have myown house, I have my own car.
I make this amount of money, Ido this, this, this.
No baby.
No.
You're just a little bit offtrack.
You, you have a, you're, it's abit of a misunderstanding
because when I ask you what youbring to the table, what is your
heart posture like?
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What is your ability to nurture,to grow, to impact, to guide,
and to encourage, to inspire thenext person, let alone yourself.
And so I think the mindset on itis so off base.
We've gotten so off base.
And so my next question, justintention, right?
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What are your intentions foryourself?
Where do you intend to go?
What do you intend to do in thislife?
How do you wanna make the worldbetter for the next person, for
your children, your legacy?
You feel what I'm saying?
These are questions that you'vegotta ask.
If you, let me ask you this.
If you do everything in yourlife, if you strive to do
everything in your life, Withintention, why would you let
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someone, be it a friend, be ityour man, be it, family members
who can't get right.
I understand grace, but there'salso people who will take
advantage of you if you do nottake control of the reigns.
So I ask if you do all of the,if you strive to be intentional
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in your life, then.
Why would you allow someone tocome into your life who has no
intention for you, who won't doit the way that it needs to be
done, but yet you extendopportunities to those and then
we end up hurt in the endbecause we didn't red flag their
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intention based upon theirmovements and how they value
you.
Intentions really.
It's really about, it's about aunderstanding, an intricate
understanding, I would say withyourself.
Because if you're going to theright and someone comes in your
life and they cool with going tothe right with you for a little
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while, and then they start goingto the left and you still let
them go left, and you still letthem go left, and then now you
looking over your shoulder like,oh my goodness.
Don't leave, and now youstarting to veer to the left and
now you are far off your lifejourney.
Your life purpose, your lifepath, and everything that God
has for you.
You feel what I'm saying?
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So you have to be intentional.
You have to be steadfast.
And also being okay with thefact that everybody is not meant
to walk the journey with you.
Everybody is not meant to gowith you.
Certain parts of your journey,sometimes you just gotta let'em
release them.
You have to release them and youhave to be okay with releasing
them.
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You have to be okay with thefact that people are not always
gonna do right in your life andyou just pray that God gives
peace and he mend your brokenheart when they are removed.
So, you know, when we talk aboutself-love and intentions, you
know, do you.
You know who you truly are.
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If I asked you who you are, notthe kind of car you drive the
property, you own your title,but genuinely who you are.
Have you asked God lately?
God, who am I?
Show me myself.
You know?
When you don't know who you are,you respond in an unpredictable
way.
That's why you outside his housetrying to look, see, oh.
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No, I'm not chasing, I attract,I'm not going on my way to go
see if some dude is doing rightor going to see if my friend is,
you know, if I can't trust, ifmy spirit tells me that I can't
trust you in a room full ofpeople, or you're in a room full
of my enemies comfortable.
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And not even enemies, but justpeople who wish bad upon me, and
I can't trust that you are notmy friend.
Simply put, it's no debate.
You feel what I'm saying?
And that's the disconnect.
But you have to be willing toleave all of that because that's
not what God has for you.
God has pulled me outta so manyplaces y'all.
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Seriously place.
I had no business being inplaces that people had no
business being connected to me.
I'm serious.
And, and I was just, oh God, no.
No.
God was like, absolutely not.
So, you know, um, when we'retalking about aspects of
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intention and or we're talkingabout aspects of self-love,
really.
And how intention flows intothat.
You have to also understand, andthis goes for romantic
relationships, you have tounderstand attention versus
connection.
Okay?
So attention, anybody, you getattention from anywhere.
I go to the grocery storelooking like ladies, y we know
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when we be looking crazy, youknow, not even, Hey look, don't
talk to me, whatever.
And that's, that's the day thatpeople come and they want to
talk to you.
You can get attention fromanywhere people think.
You know, social media is theend all, be all.
That is garbage.
It is a facade.
It is a glimpse of what peopleshow.
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You know what I'm saying?
I say it all the time.
So you can get attention fromanybody, anywhere, anytime.
But, you don't get connection.
Connection is rare.
The ability to connect withpeople and places and things and
engage in unique ways isunderrated.
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I would say you have to learn topray and really have a
conversation with God about.
Who's meant to be there andwho's not meant to be there.
This is not an easy journey tonavigate knowing who's, and
that's why you have to put trustin him, to allow him to show
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you, to reveal people to you.
Maybe he put them in your lifeto teach you something.
The learning process of life isnever ending.
You have to be a sponge.
That is one of the biggest keysto life is being a sponge,
allowing people to teach you andrepel whatever does not apply,
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right?
So, you know, if you just inviteGod in and you allow him to
teach you who you are at yourcore and show you yourself in
ways that you've never seen you,then I'm not gonna say you
master your self-love journey,but I would say you really start
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to take stride in your self-lovejourney, and then your
intentions become clearer andthen when people come into your
life, it becomes clearer.
Oh no, they're not meant, youknow, now I, my spirit will go
off like a red fire truck.
I'm not playing.
If somebody's not, if my spiritdon't mm-hmm.
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It will tell me.
It will halt and it'll be in mymovements.
So pay attention to that.
You know, if I'm notnecessarily, I'm not
comfortable, not that I'm scaredor fearful, but I'm not
comfortable.
You feel what I'm saying?
I don't really do a whole lot oftalking and I wonder why.
And those are reasons why.
So, also understanding, when youare single, you have to really
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understand what you want versuswhat you really need.
You've gotta work on you, you'vegotta work on all aspects
concerning you.
We talked about this in my firstepisode, peace of Mind because
you could literally wantsomething that you aren't
prepared for.
You also could, you could wantsomething that you're not
(19:32):
prepared for.
You could ask God of somethingthat you're not true to.
Right, because God can't blesswho you pretend to be.
He can't bless where what youpretend to be because he knows
you by your name that he createdintimately in your mother's womb
(19:52):
by you.
You know?
So understanding that, right,that you have to work on you
because you have to do your partin this.
So if that means I gotta heal,That means I gotta figure out
what my traumas are.
I gotta figure out what mytriggers are.
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If I, if that means I, I needlove, right?
We are not just, oh, thatdoesn't mean love from
Instagram.
That doesn't mean love fromthis.
This dude who sometimes show up,sometimes don't.
You know, kind of here, kind ofthere.
He got his toe in today.
He got his whole upper thigh intomorrow, and now we back at the
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toenail, right?
Mm-hmm.
No more that ladies, stopyielding your power.
Stop yielding your power to yourfriends who don't deserve it to
your, it shouldn't be your man.
Well, I guess if they are, I amspeaking to you, so I guess your
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man, if you don't stop yieldingyour power, let it go.
This stops right here.
I had to give it because d o a,we are going to leave it here.
We are going to let it go righthere.
As you listen to my voice as youlisten to me, we are leaving
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this right here.
Stop yielding your power, okay?
And when you, when you don'tknow who you are, you don't know
what you like, you don't knowwhy you don't like it.
You don't know this, you don'tknow.
You yield your power.
Again, you give somebody theability to tell you what your
value is, to dictate how theytreat you.
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Instead of walking in with yourhand held high, you walking in
with your shoulder slumped.
Because you don't know who youare because you yield your
power.
Not even knowing that if youwalk into the room like God sent
you there on assignment andproud that he sent you on
assignment the way you walked inyour stride, your step will be
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different.
I walk into every single roomlike that.
No more imposter syndrome, nomore.
Oh, I'm, I don't belong here.
Oh, I'm so, no way.
Absolutely not.
The enemy tries to creep in.
Not only are you battling with,with the enemy, now you telling
me you wanna battle withyourself?
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No, ma'am.
So spend time with you.
Oftentimes, God isolates us towork on us to do something new
within us.
All those prayers that you pray,all those the desires of your
heart that you revealed to him,everything that you asked to
manifest.
How can you know your trueheart's desires if you
constantly are connected tosomeone or better yet constantly
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connected to your trauma andyour pain, and you don't even
know it?
There's so many people out herein the world that are literally
walking around, bleeding oneveryone they come in contact
with.
Not even not even knowing thatthey were wounded, but they pick
it up and they carry on and moveand there's blood everywhere on
everything.
Because they won't even stop toacknowledge that they've been
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wounded in the battles thatthey've faced.
So you have to also understandthat when you ask things of God,
we don't get what we ask for.
We, get what we believe God for.
We get what we believe aboutourselves.
It shows up in our energy.
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Again, walking into a room ishow we communicate.
Why would we be okay with thebare minimum?
Don't, oh God, please don't giveme more.
Sometimes we, we are afraid ofincrease, but why would you
stunt your own growth by fearingto be great or magnificent or
tapping into the magic down onthe inside of you?
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There isn't nothing scary aboutthis so, Navigating your faith
is such a challenge, but it's abeautiful struggle.
My dad used to always say this,it's a beautiful struggle and it
genuinely is.
It's a beautiful struggle, butoperating in your power, it
power is the capacity or abilityto direct or influence the
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behavior of others or the courseof events power.
Control the power to influenceor direct people's behavior or
the course of events.
So power.
Power is what you operatewithin, right?
Power is what God gives us.
He gives us authority.
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It's authority at its core to doand to be all that he's called
and allowed you to be right.
And control is the ability, Iwould say to.
When you learn control, youlearn what it is to be okay.
When God says no, you learn.
(25:06):
You learn what it is to be okayin spite of what people don't do
for you.
When you surrender to that.
Instead of getting all up inarms, oh, they didn't do this.
They didn't do that.
Oh my goodness.
I used to be like that often.
I used to be like that.
I used to get so angry or so upin arms about, you know, people
(25:30):
not doing right or not beinglike me.
Not understanding that again,what are we start the episode
with?
There is never going to beanother you why am I spending it
or wasting it on this, ongetting, outta character.
I'm a peacemaker, but I do alsounderstand that a little anarchy
(25:53):
has to come to, to create somepeace.
There has to be fire beforethere's peace, you know?
So, We have to stop yielding ourpower to people and to places to
that job.
Surrender to God, you know,pursue life in a different way.
Pursue life in a way you'venever seen, and watch your life
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change.
Pursue God in a different way,and watch your life change and
watch him change your life.
That's literally what happenedfor me.
On my single journey.
So I'll be honest, you know, Idon't mind.
Um, so I've been single, um,over a year, over, probably
(26:34):
going on two years now.
Uh, no, it's over a year, kindof like a year and some change.
And so, you know what I've beendoing, I can't even, like, it's
hard to describe because I'vekind of just been operating
within it, but.
You know, I've really taken thistime to sit with God and for him
(26:54):
to show me everything aboutmyself.
Have I had tests and trials andyou know, people try me and
things like that.
Yeah.
You know, but sometimes Godsends you tests to see if you
still are where you were, or ifyou are where you believe
yourself to be.
Now, you know?
And if you're ready for next,right?
Because we all know all hellbreaks looses before your
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breakthrough.
So being single, you know, beendoing the, just pursuing self,
pursuing life, pursuing mypassions.
And really, I, I would say thisyear has set me apart from like
anywhere where I, I'm not evenclose to where I used to be in
my, in terms of my mindset.
Like it takes so much to agitatemy spirit.
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Now I will, I'm off you.
You feel what I'm saying?
I'm not, I'm not even about togo there.
I'm not even going to take itthere.
It takes so much to get me outof place, out of a position
because I fell victim in my pastto being, or allowing myself to
get out of position.
So now, you know, um, the way I,even, the way I allow, men to
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court me is different.
You feel what I'm saying?
It's truly the definition of Idon't chase, I attract.
And I genuinely, I would say I,have a great, friendship.
I have a great connection withthis guy now, and we've spent
just time, just talking, justtimes, just getting to know one
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another and the fact that he satdown to get to know me in such
an intimate way, in a way thatGod knows me, lets me know
something about him.
You feel what I'm saying?
And so, I'm allowed to.
I can be myself.
I don't have to, and never, I'venever done anything that was
sucker or, uh, outta characteror not true to myself.
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So let's make that clear.
But the way I was pursuing lifewas different and I literally
just halted myself in my tracks.
Like, okay, God, this is notworking for me.
I had dad issues.
My biological father, he veryinteresting man.
Okay.
But I mean, it's all worked outfor my good, you know?
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I started to see myself throughthe lens that God gifted me, and
I knew my mother was chosen tobe my mother.
I couldn't have had anothermother, I swear.
My dad.
My dad is, that is my dad onlyman.
I, I've never seen theintegrity, the love, the, the
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passion, the care, the concern,the sacrifice.
I've never, and that's why Ihave such a high standard when
it comes to men who are, anytimeI'm dating and any man that I
marry, I'm not saying you haveto match my dad or compete with
my dad, but you have to havethose characteristics and
qualities.
My dad, God sent him into mylife.
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And so once I started to see mylife in a full picture as a
masterpiece, that God had beenpainting all along, I'm telling
you it was literally like shift.
Talk about a shift in theatmosphere.
And my prayers would get sodetailed.
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My prayers would just, myconversations with him were so
intimate and I was just prayingto be better.
Better than the last year,better than the last week.
I was just praying just God makeme better.
I knew that I was angry.
I knew that I was dealing withall the trauma and everything
that I had dealt with in mylife.
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God do something new in me.
I don't wanna live like this nomore.
I don't wanna feel like this nomore.
I don't wanna feel like peopleare walking off with all of my
stuff, with my heart, with my,with my mind.
And it'll be people, friendsthat I really thought were
friends, but they, standard ofloyalty wasn't like mine.
(30:56):
You feel what I'm saying?
It was that it was those aspectsof the journey that I really
got.
He agitated me so much so that Ibecame uncomfortable in my
normal.
And he shifted me.
He's like, okay, I got you.
And shifted me gradually.
And that's what you should knowtoo.
(31:16):
Anything that comes from God isgradual.
He's never gonna rush in unlessit's a, it's never a suddenly
because you're always workingthrough these things with him.
But it is a suddenly because youcould be here one day and then
in transition tomorrow, and thenby Friday you on the platform
(31:37):
because it all is in his timing.
And so the way I begin to pursueGod, I began to pursue God with
this, obedience.
With this, I actually, I pursueGod through obedience, but I
pursued him with such adiligence.
Obedience is compliance with anorder, right?
(32:00):
Because these things that heplaces on our, down on the
inside of us, they're not arequest, they're a demand.
And when I learned diligence, itwas the careful and persistent
work or effort of see.
Obedience to me is the answeringof one.
(32:21):
Or a couple orders from God,whereas my diligence was the
constant pursuit in a preciseway.
It was such a precise way.
So you have to really understandyourself.
You have to understand what youneed.
You have to understand what yourtraumas, your healing, your
(32:43):
scars, your pain.
You have to bear it all andleave it at the cross.
Your value does not decreasebased upon someone's inability
to see it.
And if no one sees it, it stillcounts.
But God has you hidden for areason.
(33:03):
He's not ready for you to be ondisplay and sometimes isolation
and work.
You can't work on a movingplane.
You don't see mechanics up inthe air working on planes while
they're flying.
No, all times they have to begrounded.
Right.
They have to be grounded.
So you have to be grounded inChrist so that he can work on
(33:26):
you, so that you can betterserve yourself, you can better
serve God, and you can betterserve the people that are
connected to you and the peoplethat He sends to you to help in
whatever shape, form he needs.
So know that he'll give you thedesires of your heart, you know?
(33:47):
God will give you the desires ofyour heart, the size of your
dream.
the size of your dreams shouldalways exceed your current
capacity to achieve them.
And if you aren't frightened byyour dreams, if you aren't
frightened by your plans, byyour intentions, then they
aren't big enough.
Go back to the drawing board.
They aren't big enough.
You know, we don't understandthe concept of delayed
(34:09):
gratification.
We don't seem to understand thatthe best promises often come
After the longest delays.
Shout out to TD Jakes cause Ilearned that through him.
The best promises often come outof the longest delays.
Stay the course when God isabout to bless you again.
(34:31):
I told you it halted my spirit.
He makes your currentcircumstances uncomfortable and
even unbearable.
So ask God to show you yourselfand when he shows you who you
are, don't be afraid of what yousee.
Don't be fearful cuz you arethat great.
You are that phenomenal.
You are that beautiful.
You are that anointed to go intothat space, to go into that room
(34:55):
because the world needs you.
I'm encouraging you.
Be encouraged.
So understand.
That there are aspects of singlenature and how to navigate and
what to do.
I just spent time with God.
I journaled.
(35:16):
I always say that I journaled.
I have three completely fulljournals.
I have a journal that started in20, I think it started in 2020,
and I'm like down to the finalpages this year.
It's a prayer journal, butjournal and don't always
(35:36):
constantly, oh God, help me withthis job.
Help me with this.
Help me with that.
How about God help me with myheart.
Help me with my mind, help mewith my spirit.
My mind is cloudy.
My body is not operating in theway that it needs.
I'm not operating from a spaceof love because I'm struggling
with loving myself.
Love of self is the mostimportant driving force.
(36:01):
That you have to learn tonavigate and learn to love the
process of on your journey,because grace is gonna be
important here.
Give yourself grace.
You can't expect everything tohappen overnight.
And if you do, I can guaranteeyou if you got it overnight,
it'll be gone tomorrow.
(36:22):
Make no mistake about it.
So when you're navigating singlelife, how to date, who to allow
in your space, in your circle,in your corner, you have to be
so, so, so very intentionalabout everything.
(36:46):
And if the people in your life,oh, you doing too much, you're
doing, those are not the peoplethat are meant to be around you.
And you need to release thosepeople to their own
recognizance.
Seriously, sincerely, let it go.
Stop holding on to people inplaces that force you to yield
your power.
Stop yielding your power.
(37:08):
Stop yielding your power.
Oh, he bought me this.
He bought me a louisie bag.
He bought me roses.
He, he must really like me.
No, that don't mean that.
That just mean he knows thatthat money is coming back and at
the end of the day, you aregonna bust it open.
If he gives that to you, heknows what he's gonna get at the
end of that.
(37:29):
Because he made you go, Aw, buthe don't really care about you
for real.
And then you wonder why thegifts stop.
The gifts stop, because thatwasn't, he wasn't being true to
his self.
He was only doing it to gainsomething from you, not because
he genuinely wanted to pursueyou and know you.
So attention, connection, all ofthese things go together.
Self-love, all of them when youunderstand.
(37:53):
That all attention is not goodattention.
And when you love yourself, youwill value and desire connection
over attention any day.
So the journey is light, but theblessings are heavy.
Feel what I'm saying?
I love that the journey islight, but the blessings are
(38:15):
heavy.
God's gonna bless you.
Just the same way he blessed me,just the same way he blesses all
the people that I've watched andwitnessed them grow.
God is phenomenal.
He's ENT and he's all knowing.
He's always in your presence, sotrust in that.
(38:35):
Trust in that aspect of it andtrust that if you're single
right now, he's gonna do it foryou.
It might not be fast, but trustthat if it's not fast, if you're
not off to the races, then it's100% God sent because he does
nothing in a haste.
(38:59):
Nothing in a haste.
But self-love.
Pursuing life, uh, with adiligence and, being obedient to
what he's called you to do andto be, and clean your heart
posture, you know, clean yourheart posture, heal your mind.
(39:22):
What does healing look like?
Maybe I'll talk to y'all alittle bit more about what
healing looks like in anotherepisode, but live, love and
learn, pursue life, pursue yourpassions, pursue God.
Consistently with an obedienceand a diligence and watch him
(39:46):
work.
Watch him grant you all thedesires of your heart while you
waiting on God.
Prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself for thoseblessings.
It's not just on him.
You gotta prepare you as well.
So I genuinely want to thank youall for an amazing.
(40:10):
Episode, I hope that this reallyhelp someone.
If you have any questions aboutLiving Single that are more
specific or concentrated space,please send the Send me an email
via KrownCulture@gmail.com.
(40:34):
I'd be happy to converse if youhave any specific questions
about how to navigate, how todate, how to love, how to learn,
and how to really create aconcentrated heart within you.
So I love you all for real.
(40:54):
You all have been nothing butphenomenal.
Nothing but impeccable.
I really appreciate all that youknow you guys do for me and all
of the support that you'vegranted.
It truly, truly, truly, itdoesn't go unnoticed.
(41:14):
So thank you.
And.
I just encourage you, I'll leaveyou with this.
I encourage you to remindyourself that you are love.
Remind yourself to love onyourself, and remind yourself to
(41:35):
love on all of those connectedto you.
Life is about love.
Blessings and let peace reignsupreme.
Welcome back to Krowned Culture,the podcast.
I know it's been a minute.
Y'all haven't heard from me.
I've been journeying as I'vemade note.
Just experiencing life, the upsand downs, the turns, the joys,
as well as the pains.
So thank you for bearing withme.
We were on a seasonedintermission as I just continue
(00:25):
to get a feel for life.
And one thing you all shouldknow about me is I am never
gonna force any information.
I'm never gonna just force itjust to put it out.
So I would much rather sit andbask in God's presence, regroup,
and come back to you all asauthentic and as true and
genuine as I am.
So with that, We always begin anepisode in prayer, so just
(00:50):
Father God, thank you for thisday.
Thank you for everything thatyou have done.
Thank you for everything thatyou have placed down on the
inside of us.
Thank you, God, for giving usbreath and life.
Thank you God for the ability tofloat and move and maneuver.
Thank you for the activity ofour limbs.
Thank you for our sound mind.
And Father God, if we like, ourmind is insane.
Father God, make our minds sane,do a work in us, transform us
(01:10):
and make us new.
God, I ask, that you go beforeus as we speak, as I speak on
something so important intoday's society and, and the
ability of being single andliving life as a single
individual, and not even justconnected to relationship, but
how to be the best version ofourselves.
So Father God, I just pray andask that you break down any
wall, any barrier.
(01:32):
You allow me to flow intouncharted territory and to
provide the people with what youneed for them.
In your name, father God wepray.
Amen.
Faith is in session.
Did you all miss me?
I missed you all.
I really genuinely did.
And you know, I can't begin anepisode without dedicating it.
(01:55):
To someone prominent, someonewhom I admire, or who has
inspired me in different ways.
So what you should know is I'mdedicating this episode to my
beautiful godchildren, Ariah,AIAN Williams, and Nair ali
Sessums.
So I'm dedicating this episodeto my godchildren because had it
(02:18):
not been for them, my trajectoryin life, especially my first
godchild would've been a bitdifferent.
So I'm calling, I'm thanking,I'm appreciating, and that's who
I'm dedicating this episode too.
So I love you, God.
Mommy loves you.
So welcome to today's episodewhere we discuss.
(02:39):
Living single a path back toyou.
Now when you hear me talk aboutliving single, you know,
ultimately people think I'mtalking about, a single journey.
Obviously that's not connectedto someone else, and I wanna
really focus on not.
The aspect of how to betteryourself for relationships, but
(03:01):
how to better yourself foryourself so that you can in turn
be better in relationships.
Because relationships are allaround us.
They are not strictly romantic.
We have friends, we have family,and how you sit within yourself,
where your spirit rests, whereyour heart rest, where your mind
is at ease, really determinesand dictates the trajectory of
(03:23):
those relationships.
So, The pursuit of life truly isa journey.
If, I've learned nothing so far,is that genuinely the pursuit of
life is really a journey, andit's so beautiful because we
experience life, lessons like Italked about, the joys, the
(03:44):
pains, the traumas, thevictories.
You know, God built you for it.
Let's start there.
He built you for it.
He's waiting on you to maybe askfor his help to better equip
you.
You know?
So understanding that we arefearfully, marvelously made in
this life and there'll never beanother you, you know?
(04:06):
And how do you navigate thatjourney?
I always say God gifts us withso many blessings, right?
But truly what we do with thosegifts is our gift back to him.
That's how we honor him.
That's how we show him that weare grateful.
We can say we're grateful, we'rethankful a thousand times over,
you know, until our final day.
(04:28):
But showing him, I think showsit's more intimate.
It really shows him how much youvalue what he's placed in front
of you.
And so, make no mistake aboutit.
We do, we, we live, I would saywe live in a grossly insecure
world, you know?
Where people are wrestling witha number of things on any given
day that they speak about orthey don't want to speak about.
(04:49):
You know?
And you have so many peoplebearing the burdens of
themselves and then of othersbecause then you have other
people who are walking aroundunwell, and then you got the
sick leading, helping the sickand the blind leading the blind.
And it's nothing wrong with thatbecause sometimes you do need.
That along your journey, butsometimes it turns into misery
(05:10):
Loves company and the same very,maybe you're on the pursuit and
you want to get well and youwant to do better and be more
for yourself and for thoseconnected to you.
But maybe that person doesn't,right?
Maybe they're in the same boatas you, but they don't want get
out.
Maybe they don't wanna.
Change how their life is going.
They don't wanna changedirection.
They don't wanna have to comeout of their comfort zone to do
(05:32):
such.
And so the thing about it is,when you know yourself, when
you're learning yourself, youhave to, pray for the
discernment for the ability, notonly for the discernment, but
the ability to apply thatdiscernment so that.
People aren't draining you, orpeople aren't running off with
all of the things that you haveworked to gather over your
(05:53):
years.
You know, so I always start withquestions, right?
Like, what does life look like?
Pursuing God first, and thenyourself, if God told you,
things about yourself, would youeven believe them?
Right.
Do you love yourself enough toendure the trials of life and
then turn around and ask God forassistance on how to pick
(06:19):
yourself up when life knocks youdown?
What does intention look likefor you?
What are you doing while youwait on God to manifest the
desires of your heart?
Are you disciplined?
Are you purposeful?
Is your waiting purposeful?
I mean, when we heal, right?
Because we can't talk aboutsingleness without speaking
(06:42):
about relationships thattraumatize us, be it maternal,
paternal, or our friends, right?
Or our lovers, right?
People hurt us.
Life happens.
People pass away, theytransition on.
That's pain.
And so when you're waiting onGod, What are you doing in that
(07:04):
meantime?
Because life is never gonna stoplifeing, right?
And we know that.
So I wanna kind of talk aboutself-love first, right?
Because self-love is really a,um, It's so beautiful.
It's multifaceted, but it's sosimple all in one.
(07:27):
And self-love really stems and,and centers in knowing who you
truly are.
And that's, I believe, why myfirst episode, specifically, I
talked about peace of mind and Ispoke about the mind the heart.
And your soul spirit, right?
Because without your mind, beingwell without your heart, being
(07:48):
well, without your spirit,without those three components
of yourself being well, you'regonna have a hard time
navigating your self-lovejourney because you're gonna
have a hard time knowing who youare.
And if you don't know who youare, then you allow, you give
people the ability to tell youwho you are.
Instead of believing what Godsays about you, you give people
(08:09):
the ability to say, oh, youangry.
Oh, you're bitter.
Oh, you're this, oh, you'rethat.
Whatever label people try toplace on you, you give people
the ability to do that when youdon't know who you are, as an
individual.
And so I always say in terms ofself-love, you know when you are
navigating life and you are,pursuing, that's one of my
(08:29):
favorite words, pursuingpassion.
That's the first part ofself-love because it's
determining what do I like, whatdo I not like?
What drives me, what sets mysoul on fire?
Right.
You know?
I just actually led a panel and,evangelist Melody talked about
how passion chases you.
Passion chases you.
(08:50):
And so you can either allowpassion to chase you or you can
run from it, but I guaranteeyou, you're gonna have to
surrender at some point becauseit's gonna come to a head.
And so when we talk aboutcomponents of self-love, right?
Do you trust yourself when youmake a decision?
Do you trust yourself?
Are you willing to makesacrifices for yourself?
(09:12):
Are you willing to go the extramile for you?
That doesn't mean, oh, I'm goingto the mall and now I'm in Sax
fifth Ave and I'm over here andI'm buying all this stuff for
myself.
That's not self-love.
You feel what I'm saying?
That's, that is aspects ofself-love, right?
But it's not self-love.
You know, if your self-love isrooted in any type of
(09:33):
materialistic, Worldly thing,then you're already behind the
curve.
And I encourage you to figureout who you truly are, what you
really like, where you wanna go,who you wanna be, because that
will answer a lot of yourquestions because then you'll
start to ask questions.
Why do I want to be in theseplaces?
(09:54):
And everything is not alwaysabout what will I gain from this
situation, right?
Your questions to yourselfshould now center in how do I
impact this situation?
How do I influence?
And inspire myself to, to getmyself to another place, to the
next level.
So self-love really, really it'swide, right?
(10:17):
It's so many aspects ofself-love.
It's a wide field, but it's sosimple because you have to.
I'm gonna tell you when you'veachieved self-love, when you've
achieved self-love, you begin tosee yourself through the lens
that God sees you.
That doesn't make you perfect,it just makes you pure.
(10:42):
So I think people are out herestriving for perfection when
you've gotta just find yourformula and then that is
perfection.
You're not gonna always get itright.
So then if we talk about that,we talk about intention because
intentions flow from self-loveyou set your intentions based
(11:02):
upon how much you love yourself,how well you love yourself, how
well you take care of yourself,how much you value yourself.
And knowing what I bring to thetable, you know, I hear all the
time like, oh, I am, I am thetable.
I am the table.
I don't have to, I don't have toknow what I, I am the table.
(11:23):
No, no, no.
Tell us what you bring to thetable.
Because if it's, oh, I have myown house, I have my own car.
I make this amount of money, Ido this, this, this.
No baby.
No.
You're just a little bit offtrack.
You, you have a, you're, it's abit of a misunderstanding
because when I ask you what youbring to the table, what is your
heart posture like?
(11:44):
What is your ability to nurture,to grow, to impact, to guide,
and to encourage, to inspire thenext person, let alone yourself.
And so I think the mindset on itis so off base.
We've gotten so off base.
And so my next question, justintention, right?
(12:08):
What are your intentions foryourself?
Where do you intend to go?
What do you intend to do in thislife?
How do you wanna make the worldbetter for the next person, for
your children, your legacy?
You feel what I'm saying?
These are questions that you'vegotta ask.
If you, let me ask you this.
If you do everything in yourlife, if you strive to do
everything in your life, Withintention, why would you let
(12:33):
someone, be it a friend, be ityour man, be it, family members
who can't get right.
I understand grace, but there'salso people who will take
advantage of you if you do nottake control of the reigns.
So I ask if you do all of the,if you strive to be intentional
(12:55):
in your life, then.
Why would you allow someone tocome into your life who has no
intention for you, who won't doit the way that it needs to be
done, but yet you extendopportunities to those and then
we end up hurt in the endbecause we didn't red flag their
(13:17):
intention based upon theirmovements and how they value
you.
Intentions really.
It's really about, it's about aunderstanding, an intricate
understanding, I would say withyourself.
Because if you're going to theright and someone comes in your
life and they cool with going tothe right with you for a little
(13:39):
while, and then they start goingto the left and you still let
them go left, and you still letthem go left, and then now you
looking over your shoulder like,oh my goodness.
Don't leave, and now youstarting to veer to the left and
now you are far off your lifejourney.
Your life purpose, your lifepath, and everything that God
has for you.
You feel what I'm saying?
(14:00):
So you have to be intentional.
You have to be steadfast.
And also being okay with thefact that everybody is not meant
to walk the journey with you.
Everybody is not meant to gowith you.
Certain parts of your journey,sometimes you just gotta let'em
release them.
You have to release them and youhave to be okay with releasing
them.
(14:20):
You have to be okay with thefact that people are not always
gonna do right in your life andyou just pray that God gives
peace and he mend your brokenheart when they are removed.
So, you know, when we talk aboutself-love and intentions, you
know, do you.
You know who you truly are.
(14:41):
If I asked you who you are, notthe kind of car you drive the
property, you own your title,but genuinely who you are.
Have you asked God lately?
God, who am I?
Show me myself.
You know?
When you don't know who you are,you respond in an unpredictable
way.
That's why you outside his housetrying to look, see, oh.
(15:05):
No, I'm not chasing, I attract,I'm not going on my way to go
see if some dude is doing rightor going to see if my friend is,
you know, if I can't trust, ifmy spirit tells me that I can't
trust you in a room full ofpeople, or you're in a room full
of my enemies comfortable.
(15:25):
And not even enemies, but justpeople who wish bad upon me, and
I can't trust that you are notmy friend.
Simply put, it's no debate.
You feel what I'm saying?
And that's the disconnect.
But you have to be willing toleave all of that because that's
not what God has for you.
God has pulled me outta so manyplaces y'all.
(15:47):
Seriously place.
I had no business being inplaces that people had no
business being connected to me.
I'm serious.
And, and I was just, oh God, no.
No.
God was like, absolutely not.
So, you know, um, when we'retalking about aspects of
(16:10):
intention and or we're talkingabout aspects of self-love,
really.
And how intention flows intothat.
You have to also understand, andthis goes for romantic
relationships, you have tounderstand attention versus
connection.
Okay?
So attention, anybody, you getattention from anywhere.
I go to the grocery storelooking like ladies, y we know
(16:32):
when we be looking crazy, youknow, not even, Hey look, don't
talk to me, whatever.
And that's, that's the day thatpeople come and they want to
talk to you.
You can get attention fromanywhere people think.
You know, social media is theend all, be all.
That is garbage.
It is a facade.
It is a glimpse of what peopleshow.
(16:55):
You know what I'm saying?
I say it all the time.
So you can get attention fromanybody, anywhere, anytime.
But, you don't get connection.
Connection is rare.
The ability to connect withpeople and places and things and
engage in unique ways isunderrated.
(17:21):
I would say you have to learn topray and really have a
conversation with God about.
Who's meant to be there andwho's not meant to be there.
This is not an easy journey tonavigate knowing who's, and
that's why you have to put trustin him, to allow him to show
(17:43):
you, to reveal people to you.
Maybe he put them in your lifeto teach you something.
The learning process of life isnever ending.
You have to be a sponge.
That is one of the biggest keysto life is being a sponge,
allowing people to teach you andrepel whatever does not apply,
(18:05):
right?
So, you know, if you just inviteGod in and you allow him to
teach you who you are at yourcore and show you yourself in
ways that you've never seen you,then I'm not gonna say you
master your self-love journey,but I would say you really start
(18:27):
to take stride in your self-lovejourney, and then your
intentions become clearer andthen when people come into your
life, it becomes clearer.
Oh no, they're not meant, youknow, now I, my spirit will go
off like a red fire truck.
I'm not playing.
If somebody's not, if my spiritdon't mm-hmm.
(18:47):
It will tell me.
It will halt and it'll be in mymovements.
So pay attention to that.
You know, if I'm notnecessarily, I'm not
comfortable, not that I'm scaredor fearful, but I'm not
comfortable.
You feel what I'm saying?
I don't really do a whole lot oftalking and I wonder why.
And those are reasons why.
So, also understanding, when youare single, you have to really
(19:11):
understand what you want versuswhat you really need.
You've gotta work on you, you'vegotta work on all aspects
concerning you.
We talked about this in my firstepisode, peace of Mind because
you could literally wantsomething that you aren't
prepared for.
You also could, you could wantsomething that you're not
(19:32):
prepared for.
You could ask God of somethingthat you're not true to.
Right, because God can't blesswho you pretend to be.
He can't bless where what youpretend to be because he knows
you by your name that he createdintimately in your mother's womb
(19:52):
by you.
You know?
So understanding that, right,that you have to work on you
because you have to do your partin this.
So if that means I gotta heal,That means I gotta figure out
what my traumas are.
I gotta figure out what mytriggers are.
(20:14):
If I, if that means I, I needlove, right?
We are not just, oh, thatdoesn't mean love from
Instagram.
That doesn't mean love fromthis.
This dude who sometimes show up,sometimes don't.
You know, kind of here, kind ofthere.
He got his toe in today.
He got his whole upper thigh intomorrow, and now we back at the
(20:37):
toenail, right?
Mm-hmm.
No more that ladies, stopyielding your power.
Stop yielding your power to yourfriends who don't deserve it to
your, it shouldn't be your man.
Well, I guess if they are, I amspeaking to you, so I guess your
(21:00):
man, if you don't stop yieldingyour power, let it go.
This stops right here.
I had to give it because d o a,we are going to leave it here.
We are going to let it go righthere.
As you listen to my voice as youlisten to me, we are leaving
(21:23):
this right here.
Stop yielding your power, okay?
And when you, when you don'tknow who you are, you don't know
what you like, you don't knowwhy you don't like it.
You don't know this, you don'tknow.
You yield your power.
Again, you give somebody theability to tell you what your
value is, to dictate how theytreat you.
(21:48):
Instead of walking in with yourhand held high, you walking in
with your shoulder slumped.
Because you don't know who youare because you yield your
power.
Not even knowing that if youwalk into the room like God sent
you there on assignment andproud that he sent you on
assignment the way you walked inyour stride, your step will be
(22:11):
different.
I walk into every single roomlike that.
No more imposter syndrome, nomore.
Oh, I'm, I don't belong here.
Oh, I'm so, no way.
Absolutely not.
The enemy tries to creep in.
Not only are you battling with,with the enemy, now you telling
me you wanna battle withyourself?
(22:32):
No, ma'am.
So spend time with you.
Oftentimes, God isolates us towork on us to do something new
within us.
All those prayers that you pray,all those the desires of your
heart that you revealed to him,everything that you asked to
manifest.
How can you know your trueheart's desires if you
constantly are connected tosomeone or better yet constantly
(22:55):
connected to your trauma andyour pain, and you don't even
know it?
There's so many people out herein the world that are literally
walking around, bleeding oneveryone they come in contact
with.
Not even not even knowing thatthey were wounded, but they pick
it up and they carry on and moveand there's blood everywhere on
everything.
Because they won't even stop toacknowledge that they've been
(23:17):
wounded in the battles thatthey've faced.
So you have to also understandthat when you ask things of God,
we don't get what we ask for.
We, get what we believe God for.
We get what we believe aboutourselves.
It shows up in our energy.
(23:39):
Again, walking into a room ishow we communicate.
Why would we be okay with thebare minimum?
Don't, oh God, please don't giveme more.
Sometimes we, we are afraid ofincrease, but why would you
stunt your own growth by fearingto be great or magnificent or
tapping into the magic down onthe inside of you?
(24:00):
There isn't nothing scary aboutthis so, Navigating your faith
is such a challenge, but it's abeautiful struggle.
My dad used to always say this,it's a beautiful struggle and it
genuinely is.
It's a beautiful struggle, butoperating in your power, it
power is the capacity or abilityto direct or influence the
(24:23):
behavior of others or the courseof events power.
Control the power to influenceor direct people's behavior or
the course of events.
So power.
Power is what you operatewithin, right?
Power is what God gives us.
He gives us authority.
(24:44):
It's authority at its core to doand to be all that he's called
and allowed you to be right.
And control is the ability, Iwould say to.
When you learn control, youlearn what it is to be okay.
When God says no, you learn.
(25:06):
You learn what it is to be okayin spite of what people don't do
for you.
When you surrender to that.
Instead of getting all up inarms, oh, they didn't do this.
They didn't do that.
Oh my goodness.
I used to be like that often.
I used to be like that.
I used to get so angry or so upin arms about, you know, people
(25:30):
not doing right or not beinglike me.
Not understanding that again,what are we start the episode
with?
There is never going to beanother you why am I spending it
or wasting it on this, ongetting, outta character.
I'm a peacemaker, but I do alsounderstand that a little anarchy
(25:53):
has to come to, to create somepeace.
There has to be fire beforethere's peace, you know?
So, We have to stop yielding ourpower to people and to places to
that job.
Surrender to God, you know,pursue life in a different way.
Pursue life in a way you'venever seen, and watch your life
(26:13):
change.
Pursue God in a different way,and watch your life change and
watch him change your life.
That's literally what happenedfor me.
On my single journey.
So I'll be honest, you know, Idon't mind.
Um, so I've been single, um,over a year, over, probably
(26:34):
going on two years now.
Uh, no, it's over a year, kindof like a year and some change.
And so, you know what I've beendoing, I can't even, like, it's
hard to describe because I'vekind of just been operating
within it, but.
You know, I've really taken thistime to sit with God and for him
(26:54):
to show me everything aboutmyself.
Have I had tests and trials andyou know, people try me and
things like that.
Yeah.
You know, but sometimes Godsends you tests to see if you
still are where you were, or ifyou are where you believe
yourself to be.
Now, you know?
And if you're ready for next,right?
Because we all know all hellbreaks looses before your
(27:19):
breakthrough.
So being single, you know, beendoing the, just pursuing self,
pursuing life, pursuing mypassions.
And really, I, I would say thisyear has set me apart from like
anywhere where I, I'm not evenclose to where I used to be in
my, in terms of my mindset.
Like it takes so much to agitatemy spirit.
(27:40):
Now I will, I'm off you.
You feel what I'm saying?
I'm not, I'm not even about togo there.
I'm not even going to take itthere.
It takes so much to get me outof place, out of a position
because I fell victim in my pastto being, or allowing myself to
get out of position.
So now, you know, um, the way I,even, the way I allow, men to
(28:04):
court me is different.
You feel what I'm saying?
It's truly the definition of Idon't chase, I attract.
And I genuinely, I would say I,have a great, friendship.
I have a great connection withthis guy now, and we've spent
just time, just talking, justtimes, just getting to know one
(28:25):
another and the fact that he satdown to get to know me in such
an intimate way, in a way thatGod knows me, lets me know
something about him.
You feel what I'm saying?
And so, I'm allowed to.
I can be myself.
I don't have to, and never, I'venever done anything that was
sucker or, uh, outta characteror not true to myself.
(28:47):
So let's make that clear.
But the way I was pursuing lifewas different and I literally
just halted myself in my tracks.
Like, okay, God, this is notworking for me.
I had dad issues.
My biological father, he veryinteresting man.
Okay.
But I mean, it's all worked outfor my good, you know?
(29:10):
I started to see myself throughthe lens that God gifted me, and
I knew my mother was chosen tobe my mother.
I couldn't have had anothermother, I swear.
My dad.
My dad is, that is my dad onlyman.
I, I've never seen theintegrity, the love, the, the
(29:32):
passion, the care, the concern,the sacrifice.
I've never, and that's why Ihave such a high standard when
it comes to men who are, anytimeI'm dating and any man that I
marry, I'm not saying you haveto match my dad or compete with
my dad, but you have to havethose characteristics and
qualities.
My dad, God sent him into mylife.
(29:55):
And so once I started to see mylife in a full picture as a
masterpiece, that God had beenpainting all along, I'm telling
you it was literally like shift.
Talk about a shift in theatmosphere.
And my prayers would get sodetailed.
(30:15):
My prayers would just, myconversations with him were so
intimate and I was just prayingto be better.
Better than the last year,better than the last week.
I was just praying just God makeme better.
I knew that I was angry.
I knew that I was dealing withall the trauma and everything
that I had dealt with in mylife.
(30:35):
God do something new in me.
I don't wanna live like this nomore.
I don't wanna feel like this nomore.
I don't wanna feel like peopleare walking off with all of my
stuff, with my heart, with my,with my mind.
And it'll be people, friendsthat I really thought were
friends, but they, standard ofloyalty wasn't like mine.
(30:56):
You feel what I'm saying?
It was that it was those aspectsof the journey that I really
got.
He agitated me so much so that Ibecame uncomfortable in my
normal.
And he shifted me.
He's like, okay, I got you.
And shifted me gradually.
And that's what you should knowtoo.
(31:16):
Anything that comes from God isgradual.
He's never gonna rush in unlessit's a, it's never a suddenly
because you're always workingthrough these things with him.
But it is a suddenly because youcould be here one day and then
in transition tomorrow, and thenby Friday you on the platform
(31:37):
because it all is in his timing.
And so the way I begin to pursueGod, I began to pursue God with
this, obedience.
With this, I actually, I pursueGod through obedience, but I
pursued him with such adiligence.
Obedience is compliance with anorder, right?
(32:00):
Because these things that heplaces on our, down on the
inside of us, they're not arequest, they're a demand.
And when I learned diligence, itwas the careful and persistent
work or effort of see.
Obedience to me is the answeringof one.
(32:21):
Or a couple orders from God,whereas my diligence was the
constant pursuit in a preciseway.
It was such a precise way.
So you have to really understandyourself.
You have to understand what youneed.
You have to understand what yourtraumas, your healing, your
(32:43):
scars, your pain.
You have to bear it all andleave it at the cross.
Your value does not decreasebased upon someone's inability
to see it.
And if no one sees it, it stillcounts.
But God has you hidden for areason.
(33:03):
He's not ready for you to be ondisplay and sometimes isolation
and work.
You can't work on a movingplane.
You don't see mechanics up inthe air working on planes while
they're flying.
No, all times they have to begrounded.
Right.
They have to be grounded.
So you have to be grounded inChrist so that he can work on
(33:26):
you, so that you can betterserve yourself, you can better
serve God, and you can betterserve the people that are
connected to you and the peoplethat He sends to you to help in
whatever shape, form he needs.
So know that he'll give you thedesires of your heart, you know?
(33:47):
God will give you the desires ofyour heart, the size of your
dream.
the size of your dreams shouldalways exceed your current
capacity to achieve them.
And if you aren't frightened byyour dreams, if you aren't
frightened by your plans, byyour intentions, then they
aren't big enough.
Go back to the drawing board.
They aren't big enough.
You know, we don't understandthe concept of delayed
(34:09):
gratification.
We don't seem to understand thatthe best promises often come
After the longest delays.
Shout out to TD Jakes cause Ilearned that through him.
The best promises often come outof the longest delays.
Stay the course when God isabout to bless you again.
(34:31):
I told you it halted my spirit.
He makes your currentcircumstances uncomfortable and
even unbearable.
So ask God to show you yourselfand when he shows you who you
are, don't be afraid of what yousee.
Don't be fearful cuz you arethat great.
You are that phenomenal.
You are that beautiful.
You are that anointed to go intothat space, to go into that room
(34:55):
because the world needs you.
I'm encouraging you.
Be encouraged.
So understand.
That there are aspects of singlenature and how to navigate and
what to do.
I just spent time with God.
I journaled.
(35:16):
I always say that I journaled.
I have three completely fulljournals.
I have a journal that started in20, I think it started in 2020,
and I'm like down to the finalpages this year.
It's a prayer journal, butjournal and don't always
(35:36):
constantly, oh God, help me withthis job.
Help me with this.
Help me with that.
How about God help me with myheart.
Help me with my mind, help mewith my spirit.
My mind is cloudy.
My body is not operating in theway that it needs.
I'm not operating from a spaceof love because I'm struggling
with loving myself.
Love of self is the mostimportant driving force.
(36:01):
That you have to learn tonavigate and learn to love the
process of on your journey,because grace is gonna be
important here.
Give yourself grace.
You can't expect everything tohappen overnight.
And if you do, I can guaranteeyou if you got it overnight,
it'll be gone tomorrow.
(36:22):
Make no mistake about it.
So when you're navigating singlelife, how to date, who to allow
in your space, in your circle,in your corner, you have to be
so, so, so very intentionalabout everything.
(36:46):
And if the people in your life,oh, you doing too much, you're
doing, those are not the peoplethat are meant to be around you.
And you need to release thosepeople to their own
recognizance.
Seriously, sincerely, let it go.
Stop holding on to people inplaces that force you to yield
your power.
Stop yielding your power.
(37:08):
Stop yielding your power.
Oh, he bought me this.
He bought me a louisie bag.
He bought me roses.
He, he must really like me.
No, that don't mean that.
That just mean he knows thatthat money is coming back and at
the end of the day, you aregonna bust it open.
If he gives that to you, heknows what he's gonna get at the
end of that.
(37:29):
Because he made you go, Aw, buthe don't really care about you
for real.
And then you wonder why thegifts stop.
The gifts stop, because thatwasn't, he wasn't being true to
his self.
He was only doing it to gainsomething from you, not because
he genuinely wanted to pursueyou and know you.
So attention, connection, all ofthese things go together.
Self-love, all of them when youunderstand.
(37:53):
That all attention is not goodattention.
And when you love yourself, youwill value and desire connection
over attention any day.
So the journey is light, but theblessings are heavy.
Feel what I'm saying?
I love that the journey islight, but the blessings are
(38:15):
heavy.
God's gonna bless you.
Just the same way he blessed me,just the same way he blesses all
the people that I've watched andwitnessed them grow.
God is phenomenal.
He's ENT and he's all knowing.
He's always in your presence, sotrust in that.
(38:35):
Trust in that aspect of it andtrust that if you're single
right now, he's gonna do it foryou.
It might not be fast, but trustthat if it's not fast, if you're
not off to the races, then it's100% God sent because he does
nothing in a haste.
(38:59):
Nothing in a haste.
But self-love.
Pursuing life, uh, with adiligence and, being obedient to
what he's called you to do andto be, and clean your heart
posture, you know, clean yourheart posture, heal your mind.
(39:22):
What does healing look like?
Maybe I'll talk to y'all alittle bit more about what
healing looks like in anotherepisode, but live, love and
learn, pursue life, pursue yourpassions, pursue God.
Consistently with an obedienceand a diligence and watch him
(39:46):
work.
Watch him grant you all thedesires of your heart while you
waiting on God.
Prepare yourself.
Prepare yourself for thoseblessings.
It's not just on him.
You gotta prepare you as well.
So I genuinely want to thank youall for an amazing.
(40:10):
Episode, I hope that this reallyhelp someone.
If you have any questions aboutLiving Single that are more
specific or concentrated space,please send the Send me an email
via KrownCulture@gmail.com.
(40:34):
I'd be happy to converse if youhave any specific questions
about how to navigate, how todate, how to love, how to learn,
and how to really create aconcentrated heart within you.
So I love you all for real.
(40:54):
You all have been nothing butphenomenal.
Nothing but impeccable.
I really appreciate all that youknow you guys do for me and all
of the support that you'vegranted.
It truly, truly, truly, itdoesn't go unnoticed.
(41:14):
So thank you.
And.
I just encourage you, I'll leaveyou with this.
I encourage you to remindyourself that you are love.
Remind yourself to love onyourself, and remind yourself to
(41:35):
love on all of those connectedto you.
Life is about love.
Blessings and let peace reignsupreme.
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