Relationships in the Modern Era

Relationships in the Modern Era is an episode full of authentic gems with my amazing featured special guest Campus Minister Trevon Gross of Hope Cathedral in New Jersey.  We dive head first into hot topics surrounding important aspects of dating culture from the feminine and masculine perspective like expectations, how to identify red flags, how to be intimate, and how to honor your position whether single, dating, or married.  We unpacked highly debated disconnects that social media presents to reality.  This episode is jam packed full of intention filled guidance on how to navigate remaining true to oneself during the modern era of dating. As always, do what works best for you, but always take what you need. This is arguably my best episode yet.  I hope you enjoy!

Blessings to you and yours.

With Peace & Love,
ThaPrettyRebel

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to Krowned culture,the podcast tonight.
We're going to discussrelationships in the modern era.
And today I actually have aspecial guest with me.
It's an honor to be here.
He's so modest.
He's great.
Minister Trevon gross.
He also is a fellow podcasterand Super helpful with all the
technology because your girl,don't be knowing.

(00:22):
She's doing just fine.
I do what I can to help.
Certainly has a great team hereas well to make it all happen.
So that's also appreciative, butit's an honor to be here.
Thank you for allowing me inyour space.
This is, I would say is the mostcomfortable pod I've ever done.
So I'm happy to be here forthat.
I'm excited.
We love that.
It's gonna be good.
Yeah, he loves to help people,you know, find a path back to

(00:43):
themselves, kind of what we dohere, how we can better
themselves.
In a lot of ways, there's a lotof similarity.
So a little background about me.
First off, I serve as a campusminister at my home church, Hope
Cathedral.
Along with that, I am anentrepreneur through and
through.
So I truly love, helping peoplein any way that I can.
I run two companies.
First is my non profit, coachingbusiness, Craft Your Dream,

(01:05):
where I help people.
Build their faith and mastertheir craft.
And then I have my productioncompany, Ten Media, where I
basically just, help people lookgood.
But yeah, so, you know, I enjoyit.
I love being here.
I love podcasting.
I love the art just because it'sa great way to get your message
out to people.
And so today we're talking aboutrelationships.
Yeah, I'm excited.

(01:26):
I think we're gonna bring a lotof value to people.
Now, I know, I just know youdidn't start this episode about
relationships and did notmention the fact that he's
recently married.
Yes.
As of like, last weekend.
Shout out to wifey, she's in thehouse.
Yes, my wifey is here.
Joy Groce is in the buildingwith me.
So, for sure, anytime you seeme, she is right there.
I love that.

(01:47):
I can tell you that right now.
That's how she is.
But yeah, no.
Recently got married.
Yeah.
Best decision of my life.
Yeah.
Found my good thing and got outof the streets.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Thank God I got out of there.
Yes, because the streets aretreacherous, I hear.
Well.
They, they're tough.

(02:08):
They're tougher, I think, thanit's ever been.
But I do think, and I wasthinking about this as we were,
preparing for the episode.
Relationships are actually oneof the, in my opinion, is the
only area where I think peoplegive up too easily.
And the reason why I say that isbecause, you know, we can have a
bad experience with money, butwe don't say, I'll never make
money again.

(02:29):
We can have a bad experiencewith our job.
We're not going to say I'llnever have a job again.
Right.
But it's only in relationshipswhere we have a bad experience
with a person where we enterinto these absolutes.
I'll never be in a relationshipagain.
I'll never do this.
I'll never do that.
And I think it limits us a lotbecause ultimately.
I mean, depending on how youwant to look at it, from a
spiritual perspective, you canjust say, well, God said that

(02:52):
man should not be alone, right?
We saw that in the creationstory.
But even on a practical sense,it's a numbers game.
There's billions of people outon the earth, so even if you,
dated ten people, you stillhaven't even scratched the
surface of what's really outthere., and then of course you
deal with social media involvedand how it can make things look
a way.
Talk about it.

(03:12):
But hey, you know, it's...
I would say you get what you putinto it when it comes to,
relationships and dating andstuff like that.
Yeah.
And I just think, the modernera, I don't even know where to
start.
Like, it's almost like I justhave a mouthful of words and I
just, I want them to all comeout at once because I just feel
like it's so multifaceted.

(03:33):
I feel like.
Understanding being relationaland to your point of God created
us to be relational in nature.
He didn't create one woman to bealone.
He didn't create one man to bealone.
And so I think when we start tounpack this, we might ruffle a
little feathers.
Listen, I came here to rufflefeathers.
I didn't come here to just havea normal PC conversation.

(03:55):
And the reason why I say that, Isay it jokingly, but we have to
be honest.
We do.
Like we have to be honest aboutit and that's from A male's
perspective, right?
Like, I, I'm not a woman.
So I can't, there's certainthings I can speak to, there's
certain things that I justsimply can't.
But there's also, and the samething vice versa.
But we have to be honest ifwe're actually gonna fix
anything.
Right?
Because again, everyone's sayingit's bad.

(04:17):
It isn't just women saying it'sbad.
Fellas are saying the exact samething.
But again, if we're gonnaactually fix it, we gotta
actually be honest.
We can't keep having theseconversations where it sounds
really good, everyone is...
Into it, but then no one doesanything different.
Agreed.
Right?
But everyone wants to be in arelationship, but no one does
anything different.
Nobody wants to do the work.

(04:37):
Yeah.
Exactly.
Right.
And that's the root of all ofit, honestly.
It is.
Because relationships are work.
Yeah.
They are.
I can tell you.
Yeah.
And so, I guess, so how thisepisode really birthed was, I
was sitting in the hair shop as,It's non cliche as I'm trying to
be right now, but I was reallyjust sitting in the hair shop
and I was getting my hair done.
We were having an open, honestdialogue with the hairstylist

(04:59):
and the barbers in the place.
There were two barber chairsthat were on the other side and
there was a young woman, youknow, she was telling a little
bit of her story.
Looking in retrospect, it mighthave been too much, but she was
telling us about, how she wasseeing this guy, and, you know,
she didn't really want to havehis kids, so, you know, I'm

(05:19):
like, okay, but if you datedhim, and you're intimate with
him, you have to understand thatthere is some type of
Possibility that you could havethis man's child, right?
So did that thought not crossedyour mind?
So that was like my first.
Okay, red flag.
All right, so then she keepstalking and she just you know,
good and going and just says,yeah, I just had an abortion and

(05:42):
like didn't even flinch.
No flinches.
No flinches.
She was really giving it up.
She just in the public bar, butjust giving it.
Okay.
I was like, Okay.
So then the, so this is reallywhat like kind of broke my neck
was like the barber, one of thegentlemen asked her like, so if
you never had any abortions, howmany kids would you have?

(06:07):
Cause it was getting to thatpoint.
Okay.
Okay.
And she says four.
Oh wow.
She says I flushed another guy'stwins down the drain.
Wee.
Bye.
I kid you not.
So I'm like, okay, that's a verysacred experience to be with
child, to you know, make thedecision.

(06:30):
Hey, maybe I'm not equipped todo this right now, but most
people kind of walk through thisexperience, but like, she was
just kind of like numb.
That's scary.
Like, that's, that is, that is,that's, that's scary on a number
of levels.
On a number of levels that'sscary.
I'll start with just from aman's perspective.
Yeah.
That is scary.

(06:51):
Yeah.
And the reason why I say that isbecause ultimately most men,
what do they care about?
Legacy.
Right?
They care about legacy.
And so we're in a time now wherewherever you fall in the
abortion debate as a Christian,like I know where I stand on it
just because what the Biblesays.
But we're in a time now where.
There are women that behave thatway, where it is just like as

(07:13):
easy as what grocery store yougo to, I'm gonna go get an
abortion or whatever.
And so that's a scary thing as aman, when you're actually trying
to build something, you want toactually build something of
significance.
And you want to have a partner.
And so it's like when that's onthe table and it's like a real
easy accessible option.
Yeah.
That's a scary thing.
And then on top of that is like.

(07:35):
One you got another situationwhere she's just giving up all
the business in the shop, right?
And it's like cool.
I get it.
Like you should have people youshare, you know your
relationship with but likeThere's certain spaces where you
don't necessarily give it allup, bro.
Is there any like is there anyshame?
I'm not saying you have to, butlike you getting up, like you

(07:55):
getting past two and three, likeyou him, like you knocking on
four's door.
And so I'm just, as a woman,it's like, I'm very intentional
about everything that I do.
Even down to the gentlemen, likethat I'm, I'm dealing with,
like, I'm very intentional.
So I'm just wondering, like, yourun that risk.
If you, if you don't like thecharacteristics or qualities

(08:17):
that he possesses.
You understand that yourintimacy with him, you can
produce his child with the samecharacteristics, qualities, and
then you're looking him in theeyes, your son in the eyes, with
the father's characteristics,and now you hate the son.
Like it, it has this revolvingdoor effect, which is unhealthy.
It's, poisonous to our culturebecause it's like, where does

(08:38):
toxicity end in healthy naturestart?
How do we foster these healthyrelationships?
I don't, I don't think we reallyunderstand as a people and it's
not just our people because Ithink in, a total, people are
not as relational anymorebecause they're just like, well,
I got my money.
I got my bag, you know, it keepsme warm at night, even though I

(09:00):
will say money do keep you warmat night.
I mean, money helps, moneyhelps, but, but when you in
trouble.
And you ain't got nobody tocall.
I called Jesus.
Yeah, but Jesus, as far as I'mconcerned, he ain't coming down
on that one request.
Like, when you home alone...
And you just in that big oldbed, you got the nice high
thread count, but you still justby yourself, this, that's still

(09:23):
right.
And we, we went through anentire pandemic where people
live that, right?
So it's like, cool, get yourbag.
Right.
Like any real man wants theirgirl to get a bag, but there are
just some qualities that a man'sgoing to be able to bring that
are irreplaceable.
And in the same way, vice versa,there are qualities that a woman
can bring into a man's life thatare irreplaceable back to just

(09:44):
what we said earlier about.
How we need each other, right?
In order for any society togrow, you need men and you need
women.
But to even go back to what youhad said about, you know, where
does the line of toxicity stop?
And where does healthy livingstart?
I think it all boils down toaccountability.
It all boils down to decisionmaking, because if we were to
use the young lady that you hadmentioned in your story, in your

(10:05):
example.
It's the decision to even beintimate, right?
Like, you have to at least be,uh, hold yourself accountable
to, like you said, thepossibility that, okay, if you
engage in sex, a baby canhappen, right?
Like, whether you use a condom,whether you use the IUD, whether
you're on birth control, it'sstill on the table, right?
So you gotta be able to holdyourself accountable to...

(10:27):
What can happen, right?
And again, we're not I'm noteven talking about in the sense
of like telling you what to doWhat not to do but the reality
is you should be able to look atyour own decisions as a grown
adult Yeah, and be able to sayokay, this could happen or this
can happen.
Am I okay with either?
Am I okay with that one versusthe other right?
It all goes down to decisionmaking It's just how you want to
live your life.
Yeah, right because and thathappens a lot where There isn't

(10:50):
a level of accountability oneither side and there's this
blame game.
Well, I'm in this positionbecause of The man I'm dealing
with, I'm in this positionbecause she didn't blah, blah,
blah, blah.
But it's like, no, let's justtalk about what you did first.
Because that's ultimately howyou, that, to me, that's healthy
living.
Like healthy living istransparent living, right?
If I'm able to really evaluatemy decisions and be comfortable

(11:12):
with them, right?
Where I'm not like making adecision, but in my spirit I'm
really disruptive.
Even though I know I shouldn'tbe doing, I'm not really as
comfortable, whatever it is.
But I go through with it, thenI'm dealing with the
consequences.
Now I'm blaming everybody elsearound me because I got
consequences that are comingfrom my poor decision making.
Like, that's just not the way tolive.
So do you think that the waythat society, like how we kind

(11:33):
of shape our standards or Iwould say the most, a majority.
Because what I've experiencedand what I've heard is just,
I've heard an array of things.
And I'm wondering if it has todo with like the modern
idolization of celebrities andtheir relationships.
I think to me, like that's notrealistic, right?
Mm-Hmm.
like, I think you looking at,this is a terrible example'cause

(11:55):
the timing is bad, but like,you're looking at a, a Diddy and
a Isha, right?
Ooh.
You're looking at, you know, I'mlike, that's a horrible, you's a
horrible thing, but whoa.
You look at, you look at these Dand they're like, well, I'm fine
with accepting the fact that I'mnot the only one.
You know, as long as he makemoney and give it to me.
To me, that's crazy.
Like from real talk, from awoman's perspective, you're
dating a man.

(12:15):
And I think I came to this,like, I think I had this
conversation with one of myhomegirls the other day and I
just was like, I wouldn't, I'venever used a man like I've never
actually used them.
You never got a free meal.
No.
If I do not like you, you will,no.
You are in the minority.
You are in the minority.
You ain't never just got a freemeal.
I don't like that.

(12:36):
I laugh at that only becauseI've heard from multiple of my
friends that are women.
They're like, well, I washungry, so I just text so and
so.
I was, and it's like, as thehomie, I can't be mad because it
makes sense.
Like, I get the logic.
But that's why men are actingthe way that they're acting.
Why would I, why would I go outand spend money on you and take
you to Maestro's or take you tosomewhere nice if you're just

(12:56):
sitting here, I don't even knowwho like me for real.
Well yeah, if you talking likeMaestro's and stuff like that,
then yeah.
But some women like come, likemaybe come Oh, I, I, this is my
standard.
That's not your standard.
That's, and I get there are somewomen who, they typically you
know, they won't go toApplebee's.
They will not go to CheesecakeFactory.
That's okay.
They are bugged out.
It's okay if that's their thing,but it's just like, to me, it's
like, you know, just like awoman has to discern whether

(13:19):
this man is safe to explore, youhave to give a man the
opportunity and the space to dothat as well.
That's 100%.
So let me ask you, how do you,from a woman's perspective, how
do you determine whether a manis safe?
How do you determine whether aman is worth, I guess, investing
into?
So...
This is the, to me this is theeasy no brainer answer, but my

(13:41):
discernment, my spiritualdiscernment is like crazy.
Like it's like, and I'm, andthat's because I spent so much
time in isolation with God tolike really consecrate and like
spent, no, he will tell me ifsomething is off, if my spirit
is off, if I feel like I'mhaving a conversation and it's
not that he not giving me theright answers back, but it's
just like the mannerisms, thefeedback, you're, are you in,

(14:04):
are you into me?
Like, you don't have to be,cause I think sometimes women,
we as women want you to be like.
Texting me, texting me five,every five seconds, but it's
like, that's your ego, right?
Your ego want this man to blowyour phone up.
But a healthy love, a safe loveis like, he's still gonna be
here.
You're still gonna be over here,I'm still gonna be over there.
And it's, it's not, I'm nottalking about like check ins,

(14:26):
right?
Cause when you're more, when youget closer and more in
relationship, deeper intorelationship with a person.
I feel like that is where, youknow, my spiritual discernment
really turns me away from a lotof people.
All right.
Yeah.
Like that's, and that's justself work.
Like to your point of like work,like it's just like self work
that I'm like, I'm.
That's a red flag, and I'm notoverlooking red flag.

(14:48):
It's not pink.
It's not orange.
It's not yellow I'm not sittinghere like playing with you in
that sense now if you prove mewrong Right cuz maybe my spirit
ain't really ever been wrong cuzit's God giving baby but If you
prove me wrong Then you knowwhat I'm saying.
I feel like We can explore it,but no, I like that.
That's, that's really how I gotNo, it's so spiritual

(15:10):
discernment.
All right.
I like that.
That's what it's, I like that.
You gotta listen for God, yougotta listen for God in
everything that you do.
Nah.
That's a fact.
That, see, and if youincorporate him in your daily
living on a consistent basis,your decision making, everything
that you do, it'll even changethe people that surround you.
Mm-Hmm.
It'll change the people thatpursue you.
'cause you'll have men that'llbe like, Mm-Hmm.
I'm not coming to, I'm notcoming to her with no mess.

(15:31):
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not, I'm not, I'm notpresenting you with no mess.
So if you not a game, you won'tbe played with.
Not well, I will say even justfrom, you know, with my marriage
now, like that's literally, mywife was on that type of time.
Like anyone that knows my wifefor sure.
That's exactly why.
Cause you know, I knew that Iknew her well enough for even
from afar.
Okay.
You don't, she's not one tojust, you know.

(15:53):
I gotta become correct if I'mgonna approach her.
you know, quick funny story.
When me and her first evenstarted talking, I wasn't even
trying to shoot my shot,originally.
Like, I just, so I like todebate.
I can argue with the best ofthem.
I love me a good argument, forsure.
I argue with the best of them.
I can, I can create a fact.
But, you know, she had postedsomething on, um, on Instagram,

(16:17):
and it was a good topic, so Ijust, you know, debate, debate,
debate, debate.
And we end up talking, and like,two weeks into it, she's like,
and we're talking, we're talkinglike, you know, from sun up, sun
down.
FaceTime, text, the whole nine,right?
Just sharing.
And then, she hits me with anokie doke.
She's like, so what are we doinghere?
Period.
What are we now granted grantedi'm just living with you to look

(16:38):
like i'm just like You know, Ifound someone I like I like this
woman like, you know I mean andi'm praying myself like okay, is
this like god is is this mywife, you know Um, but she put
the screws to me.
She said what are we doing?
What are we doing?
And I told her straight up Idon't know.
I ain't think that far ahead.
Straight, well, because ofcourse, like, I was honest.
Like, I was honest in saying,like, hey, I didn't, I wasn't

(17:00):
expecting to be here, but, I'llgo back in my prayer closet and
figure it out.
But, long story less long, fastforward maybe three days after
that conversation, I was like,alright, I'm shooting my shot.
I like you.
And now here we are married, so.
And that's, and but see, I thinkthat that was a great small
microcosm of, like, even theimportance of the male and The
woman in the relationship whereGod gives a man vision, but a

(17:25):
woman is really going to helpyou execute that vision.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
So she's like doing thatmaintenance check.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, so as the man, as thehead, the woman is the neck and
she kind of gave you that, like,all right.
And she also was testing to seeif you as the man had vision,
because I think a lot of timesmen.
I'm not gonna submit to you ifyou can't lead me You know, so I

(17:48):
think that's what women aretrying to get at when they're
like plan a date, right?
Like plan something special forme and it's not to be grandiose,
but I think it's just a woman'sway I wouldn't say that the way
it's channeled in today's timeIs as well because I think
sometimes it gets misconstruedBut I think it's a woman's way
of testing like do you have?

(18:08):
Vision and can you lead me andwould I be willing to follow
where you lead me?
Because if you like I wasn'tthinking that far You know,
cause a real, a man's like,alright, I might not have been
thinking that far, but I'm goingto figure it out.
Right.
Right.
Cause I got a, I got somebodywith me.
Well, I think, I think, I thinkwhere there's a disconnect,
right?
Cause I hear that a lot.
Women want to be led.
They want to be led.

(18:29):
They gotta be.
But.
There are a lot of differentforms of leadership.
So I think like, if I were to,if I were to get in women's
business for a second.
Alright, we'll let you.
Please, thank you, thank you.
Set me into the club for asecond.
There's a lot of different formsof leadership, right?
So, to, at least in the datingstage, you hear, I want him to
plan the date.
I want him to plan the date,right?

(18:52):
Depending on his personality,that just might not be his form
of leadership, right?
He might tell you, yo, you planit.
I'll pay for it.
I'll pick you up.
I'll do handle all thelogistics, right?
It's just a different form ofleadership because leaders like
real leaders empower otherpeople.
So he may just be empowering.
Now again, I'm not saying, youknow, he should never plan a

(19:12):
date or nothing like, I'm notsaying that, but I'm just saying
if the benchmark of, I got toknow if this man is going to
leave me is if he plans thedate, To me that's not the most
effective indicator.
Yeah, right because again,there's a lot of different forms
of leadership yeah, and I thinkin the name of planning a date,
I think is You just gotta makesure a man cares Because of you

(19:38):
know, I think that's what itcomes down to so even if a man
says I guess it's what works foryou.
I will preface that, but I knowfor me,, yeah, I got to know you
care.
I got to know you, you at leasttaking the time to learn the
things that I like.
That's so like, I got to makesure you listening to me, that
you're incorporating it's in asmall details.

(19:59):
Like people think it's likethese grandiose gestures.
Cause you see, like, let me holdon.
Let me pause because I just feellike women expect.
Celebrity gifts andrelationships from regular men
that make like, he's a teacher,nothing wrong with being a

(20:19):
teacher, but he's a teacher.
He might be a mechanic, youknow, he might have a trade, but
like he's a regular person andyou're expecting the black XL
car to come pick you up.
Um, the.
Three dozen long stem roses andit's like you're not even
allowing for this man to develophis romantic romanticization.

(20:40):
Is that a word?
Well, it, we will work with ittoday.
It works.
We'll take it.
Yeah, we gonna work with it.
Yeah.
But even, but you're not evenallowing him to romance you.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
You're not even allowing that tobuild up.
You're not even allowing.
So that's what I think, that'swhat I mean in, in the name of,
'cause you are also, as thewoman being present in his life,
you're supposed to inspire himto be his best self.

(21:02):
Oh, for sure.
The best man.
For sure.
And when you kind of propel himin that direction, then you'll
see the romance.
Then you'll see his love foryou, your friendship kind of
bloom and blossom.
Yeah.
I don't think people wait aroundfor that, to your point of why
people leave.
I think even to, to the pointyou said, right, like that is, a
lot of women, I understood thatjust, a lot of women are looking
for material affection.

(21:23):
Yes.
Right, where, again, like, theywant the things.
Right to indicate whether or notthey're listening whereas to
your point the real thing is ishe listening to you when you
say?
You know you like doing this youyour hobby is this whatever it
is But even on the man's partone a man actually has to be
listening.
Yes, but two and this is goodadvice for the fellas Fellas

(21:44):
When it comes to dates, yeah,lock you in a solid two or three
dates that are just timelessthat are always going to work
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, and especially at least onthe first one.
Yeah, the first one get liketemplate it Yeah, and then the
second and third you plan basedon how the conversation yeah,
because again I'm a firmbeliever and sometimes you've

(22:06):
got to play the game life ain'tfair sometimes so If you're a
man and you want to be in arelationship, play the game.
If these women want you to bethe leader, macho man and plan a
date, bet.
Template you three dates.
Alright, this restaurant overhere on that street, this
restaurant over there on thatstreet.
Boom, I know the manager, I'mgonna make the call so I can
look fly, boo.
You template it, so that way youget the look and you get a

(22:27):
chance to have the conversation.
That's just my opinion.
It works for me.
Cause a woman won't ever forgether first date.
For sure.
She won't.
For sure.
I sure won't forget mine.
Ha ha ha.
Shout out to Joyful.
Yeah, yeah.
Shout out to Joyful.
I know we've kind of talked alittle bit about kind of like
those expectations.
But I'm just wondering, where'sthe disconnect in reality?

(22:47):
I know I've said you know, youexpect in rapper, get like
rappers, he's not a little baby.
He's not a money bag.
Yo.
And you want him to come and doall these things.
So like, where is thedisconnect, in reality and
dating?
Well, I think it is to yourpoint, the expectations, right?
Like there are men who expecttheir woman to cook clean and
Everything like that at home andbe submissive and everything

(23:10):
like that when the truth isthey're not focusing on being a
man That's worth being submittedto right as number one now on
the women's side They'reexpecting again the rapper the
send me on this trip fly me outDo this do that and the other
when the truth is the economyisn't even gonna allow that on
both sides The economy is justnot going to allow it like And

(23:33):
that's just practical, right?
So I'm not even gonna get likesuper deep spiritual.
Like, let's just thinkpractically for a second.
Practically.
Both sides, or at least from thewoman's perspective of the man
to have a bag, do all thesethings.
Yeah.
Right?
It's very difficult for there toeven be one income households
anymore, so if it's impossibleto be one income households
anymore We're now basically thewoman has to work which again.

(23:55):
That's not the man's fault.
It's just the economy That'sjust where we're at homes need
two incomes to even functionright so that creates a
disconnect Where it's like womenare expecting their man to?
Make six figures.
It's hard making six figures.
It is.
And there's like maybe 6 percentof men and I think it's lower
than that.
It is lower than that.
Wow.
It's lower than that.
You're talking like three, 4percent especially.

(24:17):
No.
Well, you tell me what we'resaying.
Yeah.
Okay.
But the whole men is 6%.
Oh, of all the, of black men,I'm pretty sure that that's 2%.
It's either two or three.
It might be, but, but it's asuper, super small population.
And so it's like, again, it.
And social media plays a role inall of this, right?
When you think aboutexpectations, but it's, to me,

(24:39):
it is, again, the disconnectwhere men are focusing on the
wrong thing, where again, menshould be focusing on, okay, let
me be a man that's worth beingsubmitted to, but then women
should also be focusing on theself development piece that we
mentioned earlier.
So that way they're able to befound.
So I'm glad that you actuallysaid that cause I want to
piggyback off of that.
And I'm probably going.

(24:59):
Really make a few women mad whenI say this.
Come on, give it up.
Give it up.
Get them mad.
They need truth.
Bro, though, stop expecting aman to do something for you that
you cannot do for yourself.
Stop.
Like, stop.
Like, if you expecting a man tohave his own house, his own car,
no kids, you should have yourown house, your own car, and no

(25:20):
kids.
And I mean that as serious as Isay it.
Because, it's just like, youmight meet a man when he's on
his way up, right?
He might not be at hisdestination.
He might be just on his, youknow, still on his journey.
That's okay.
If that's where you are,exactly.
So it's like sometimes when youmeet.

(25:42):
When you meet your man or yourBoaz, check that, Boaz and Ruth
in the Bible, um, when you meetyour Boaz, it's like sometimes
you have to stay down untily'all both come up.
And so sometimes you might notmeet your man where he's meant
to be, but it's your job as thewoman to help him get to where
God needs him to go.
And that's okay, but I just feellike sometimes people don't

(26:05):
understand that aspect.
I think women, we as women,we're like, I want him, he need
to be the top executive and heneed to be at the top suite and
doing all these things.
And it's like, if you're at thetop suite and you're the top
executive, that's fine.
But it also means sometimes too,that maybe God is.
Teaching you humility.
Maybe God needs you to come downoff your high horse a little bit

(26:28):
so you can help someone elseRight and it's okay and look I
lived in a household where Forall of my life my mother always
made more than my father.
Mm hmm.
She never hung it over his headShe actually she never I've
never heard my mom disrespect mydad.
He always made the finaldecisions, but he didn't have

(26:48):
his degree when they met My momwould sit at the computer Got
him, help him get into school,help him to get his degree.
And now my dad, the joint, he'slike, that's your degree, but
his name is on it.
You know what I'm saying?
So that's what I saw.
Yeah, and that's what I meanwhen sometimes you just going to
have to like really get down inthe trenches with the person

(27:08):
That you love and the personthat you call your partner in
life That's a fact and I wouldeven add to like to the just
fixing all of it It's reallygetting real with just
everything right honestly.
I won't go high spiritual, butjust let's go practical for a
second Sure, right like numberone.
You got to understand that womenfilter and men choose Those
that's just a fact.
That's just how it is Women areable to filter the man that

(27:32):
Choose them, right?
So you kind of have your pickwhereas men, they actually have
to go out and choose.
That's the whole thing ofshooting your shot and
everything like that, right?
So it's just understanding thatfact.
Now, I'm not discouraging womenfrom shooting your shot.
Yeah, you might have to do thatfrom time to time.
I'm not in the dating streetslike I used to be.
But from my understanding, likeI said, Women filter, men
choose.
Yeah, but then secondly, it'salso just getting real about

(27:54):
your own personal situation.
I'm not saying this to Talk badabout anybody.
I'm not saying this todiscourage nobody, but you do
have to be just honest aboutyour situation.
Right?
Like for me, I'll talk about me.
Then, I'll generalize it.
Right.
So for me, I am tallentrepreneur, ex athlete, right?

(28:15):
Those are some pretty good PKnow.
To some people, those are likethree red flags.
I was about to say, because theycould actually play.
Right?
They could change like, thatcould be a red flag.
Yeah, like those are three redflags.
I'm an entrepreneur, so they'regoing to say, Oh, he's just a
dreamer who ain't going to makeno money.
I'm an ex athlete, so they'regoing to say, Oh, you just

(28:35):
probably had a whole list ofhoes and had a whole roster and
everything like that.
Yeah.
And then I'm a PK, so that justmeans I just live life wild.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the stereotypes, right?
Yeah.
So I have to make sure Iapproach all my conversations
with that in mind.
So like I'm intentionallydisproving them when I have to
now.
It's also, I have to be honestabout just basic things.

(28:56):
Yeah.
My physical appearance, right?
I can't be overweight talkingabout, you know, well, I need a
man to do that.
I need a girl that's going blah,blah, blah, blah.
If I look busted and disgusted.
Right.
Right.
And again, and I don't even sayit like that because I might be
too hard for somebody.
If I don't love myself.
Physically, if I'm not there,then I shouldn't even be

(29:17):
focusing on a relationship atthat point.
Right?
At a certain point.
Like obviously all this isvariable, we're talking about an
absolute.
Yeah.
But, I, but that's just oneexample.
But you gotta be real.
You gotta be real about, youknow, where you're at with your
emotional health.
Be real with where you're at,,mentally, like where you're at,
just life in your career.
Mm.
Right?
So that way you're actuallypresenting the real you when it

(29:37):
comes to dating.
Mm-Hmm.
right?
Mm-Hmm.
As opposed to, well, I'm noteven gonna look at my stuff, but
I know what I'm going out tolook for.
'cause that's what I believe Ineed.
And how do you even have a validblueprint if you don't even know
yourself?
You don't even know what youneed.
Most people date based upon whatthey want.
Not what they need And now Ithink that's a part of this
connect too, because I know forme, I'm very traditional.

(29:58):
Like I'm like, how you was like,you don't got to be cooking.
I do that for fun.
Okay.
I cook, I clean, I enjoy justdoing running errands, whatever.
So whatever man that I'm with, Iknow that he really is going to
have to send the DM.
I hope y'all hear what she'ssaying.
You got to hear what she'ssaying.
Oh Lord.
Don't, listen.

(30:19):
They be acting crazy already.
I don't need extra.
I said filter.
I said women filter.
You filter through it.
That don't be sitting there.
If you send a DM, it's going tobe sitting there.
For me.
For other women, send it.
For other women.
Not me.
Yeah.
What?
Girl, what?
We'll deal with it after theclock.
That's correct.
I have to leave my man on thedoorstep like, like he do the

(30:40):
stork, the babies.
That's what we tell them whenthey first get born.
Yeah, this is when I leave myman like that.
Girl, that ain't going to work.
No.
You better read them.
dms at least respond and say hi.
Hello.
Okay.
So you know, the disconnect withreality.

(31:00):
Do you think that that kind offosters?
a distrust in the currentenvironment that we're in.
I feel like there's a veryblanketed lack of trust in the
environment.
For sure.
For sure.
But it's just because people,one, in my opinion, don't really
understand what being in arelationship takes.
But the thing is, especiallywith social media, there are a

(31:21):
whole lot more options.
Ooh, cyber.
There's a whole lot moreoptions.
Cyber and fidelity.
Well, yeah, cool.
Cause I mean, we the same age.
You remember when Instagramfirst came out?
Man.
What?
Talk about MySpace though, wasyou?
I was on MySpace.
I was on MySpace.
Listen, before I was saved.
But, nah, like, there's, therewas, there's, you went from, you

(31:42):
know, before it was, alright,somebody in your town, somebody
you might have went, you know,we hoop, so you might go, you
know, over, so you might meetsomebody after the game, that
type of thing.
It went from that, to where itwas just like local, in your
state, to wait, I could behaving a conversation with, in
my case, a girl all the way overthere, I could talk to.
Them and and I was back in theday when they even have dms on

(32:05):
instagram.
You had to comment underneaththe picture You had to go back
86 weeks Comment the number andpray you would get a text soon.
Like that was you can see dmsyou guys see look anyway anyway,
anyway, anyway, but There areway more options.
So like the reality is I canunderstand why it's harder to
trust, but ultimately inanything, you just got to do it.

(32:26):
It's difficult.
It's work.
It is work to actually, buildtrust.
And so it's just a willingnessto go through the process.
Right.
And the same way you would buildtrust, if you're trying to build
a brand.
It takes work.
If you're trying to build trustin a friendship, it takes work.
Right.
And it also takes experiences.
It takes experiences.
That's why I responded the way Idid when you were like, you

(32:47):
ain't even responding to the DMor whatever, but it's like you
need those experiences toactually decide if you're
willing to take the half stepforward.
Right.
Whereas before, when thereweren't as many options, you'd
be more willing to take a fullstep.
You'd be willing to take twosteps, three steps, four steps,
five steps at a time.
Whereas now, like I said, thereality is there's way more
options.

(33:07):
I could go from, okay, I likeher.
Wait a minute, there's anotherone over there that I like too.
Right?
If I'm a single man, I'm sureit's the same thing vice versa.
So, rather than finding thestrength personally to take the
one whole step, find enoughstrength to at least take half a
step.
Right?
And give yourself thoseexperiences.
So, I'm going to sum up what hejust said in one word.

(33:31):
It comes down to discipline.
It comes down to discipline.
If you're with somebody, If youcan't even have the discipline
to say, Okay, I'm going to wakeup in the morning, I'm going to
go to church, I'm going to go tothe gym, I'm going to go to the
gym.
If you don't even have thediscipline to hold yourself to
those small things, how youthink you're going to have the
discipline to tell a woman, agorgeous woman, might not be

(33:53):
your woman at the time, but Youcan't tell her no.
Like, how do you expect to sayno, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you can't even challengeyourself, because that's what I
challenge my levels ofdiscipline.
I'm like, I'm gonna do this, I'mgonna do this, I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna do this.
And I just hold myself to see,like, how I was able to fare in
the day.
Yeah.
As a man, as a woman, because, Imean, women, like, we're

(34:15):
beautiful.
Dudes are always, you know, inour DMs, how you doing, da da da
da.
I'm not talking about nothing.
Me personally, that's mine.
That's part of the problem, butgo ahead.
But they don't be talking aboutnothing.
I can be honest, like, I canweed it out.
I can weed it out.
You know what I'm saying?
So I just feel like it justcomes down to this space of I

(34:37):
think that's where trust is ableto be blind.
Like you're able to, if I canblindly trust you to tackle
whatever you, matter of fact Dowhat you say you're going to do.
Like be a man of your word.
Right.
And then that allows me to seelike if you holding yourself to
those standards, I can get withyou.
And I think even anotherpractical point to even flip how

(34:59):
you just said it is if you aredating someone or looking to
date someone, ask them abouttheir habits.
Right ask them about what theydo on a day to day.
Yeah, you mentioned, Things likegoing to go into the gym going
to church consistently likethings like that That will be an
indicator and that's the thingtoo.
You gotta be able to look atsomething, but really look at
the source of it.
You gotta really look at thefoundation of a thing.

(35:19):
So like, if you're able to lookat that man, that woman, and
say, Okay, she does thisconsistently.
She is, you know, superinvolved.
She is always in the gym.
She is always in church.
Yeah, you can't look at those,especially when you're in the
dating phase or where you're,you know, shooting your shot,
whatever it is, just talking,you got to be able to look at

(35:40):
the heart of that and be like,okay, that person does have a
level of discipline to yourright.
Like if they're like, well, youknow, barely go to church
sometimes when I feel like it,or, I mean, I go to the gym,
like when I start seeing thingsthat I don't like, like that is
an indicator that, okay, thisperson might not have the level
of discipline because again, thereality is, There are way more
options.
Yeah.
Like, I can tell you from firsthand experience, I'm tall, dark,

(36:01):
handsome.
It's not like I'm just blind towomen.
Right.
Right?
But it's because I, I've builtmy discipline up to the point
where it's, it's very easy tosay no.
Yeah.
But I've, I had to work towardsthat.
Right.
Right?
When I was immature, whenthere's immature men, it's
harder to say no to those typesof things.
And that's where those habits,it's important that people...
Look at those habits, so thatway they build up the strength

(36:24):
to, again, sustain and do thework that's necessary in a
relationship.
Yeah, because if you, if youchase after women harder than
you chase after your goals.
Big, big, big red flag.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you have to really, and Ithink it's a pursuit of self,
right?
Like, cause once you pursueyourself in a relentless way,

(36:45):
that inspires whoever you'rewith, whoever you come in
contact with, whoever you'reconnected to, to then.
Relentlessly chase afterthemselves.
May I preach for a second?
So, here's the thing.
Let me go spiritual for you.
So, when God created the Earth,He created Adam from the dirt,
right?
And it wasn't until He gave Adaman assignment, and Adam did the
assignment, Did God give him Eveand so to even your point That's

(37:10):
a biblical principle of the factis you should be chasing after
whatever it is God has calledyou to because when you chase
after what God has called you tothe person that you are supposed
to be with Will presentthemselves to you.
So yeah, you may be in a seasonwhere you're intentionally
trying to work on your love lifeRight, but you ultimately want
to be making sure that you'rechasing after God.
What have you called me to do?

(37:31):
What is my assignment?
right because Me as a man theright woman will find you right
and because I was very clear onmy assignment what you mean?
No, no What he who finds the WiFi is a good thing 100 percent
but here's what I'm saying Oh,here's what I said when I say
when I say that she'll find youI more so mean that So as a man,
using my story as an example, Iknow very clearly what I'm

(37:54):
called to do.
I'm very clear in, okay, I'mcalled to lead people to Christ
and I'm called to help peoplewith their goals.
Very clear in that.
And I was able to communicatethat to my wife.
Just like, this is going tohappen with or without you or
with anyone else.
Right?
And so it's because I speak withthat confidence and I do the
work.
That's important too.
It's a two sided thing.
I'm doing the work and handlingmy assignment.

(38:15):
Because she's called to me.
She, there wasn't a thought of,Oh, he's taking me to
Cheesecake.
Oh, we're not going to here.
Oh, he's not doing this for me.
Oh, he didn't pay my rent thismonth.
It wasn't any of that.
Right, right.
Because again, the same Godthat's in me is in her.
And so when I guess I found herand we started talking, she had

(38:37):
enough God in her to discern.
Okay, that's a vision I can getbehind.
That's a man that I can submitto.
But it wasn't until I developedmyself as a man to, again, like
I mentioned earlier.
Develop myself to be a manthat's worth submitting to.
Yep.
But I'm also clear on myassignment.
Even now that we're married, I'mstill focused on my assignment
because I know as long as Ihandle my assignment, God's

(38:59):
going to take care of everythingelse.
Yeah.
As opposed to I change, Iinterchange my assignment with
my marriage.
Yeah.
Now, everything's going to go...
Out of whack.
Right.
And so, when you think about,you know, relationships, and
there's me preaching now.
Ha, ha, ha.
Go after your assignment.
Like, relationships, I think,are one of those things that
people overthink it.
Like, it's, it's really not thathard if you're willing to work

(39:21):
at it.
If you're willing to understandthe reality that it's work.
It's not a glamorized thing.
Yes, you're gonna be able totake cool Instagram pictures.
Yeah, you're gonna be able tohave amazing experiences, but
you got to understand there'sback room work That's necessary
in any relationship And thesooner you accept that the
realities of the relationshipthe sooner you will find
yourself going after what Godhas called you to And the sooner

(39:43):
you will find the person thatyou're supposed to be with and
life's gonna be easy But you'regonna be focused On the right
thing in the same way when Jesuscalled Peter out of the boat.
Yeah, it's the same thing Yeah,you focus on Jesus and you'll be
able to walk on the water You'llbe able to do the impossible as
long as you do that And so,that's just I think people again
need to understand relationshipsproperly so that way they can

(40:04):
handle them and that's why wetalked about the truth, but then
Even, once they get to the pointwhere they understand them, they
have to be intentional in them.
Yeah, and I think that's what,exactly what you just outlined.
I think you outlined exactlywhat it means to be intentional
in your relationship.
You understand that as a man,God put you on assignment.
And you also understand that heputs us as women on assignment.

(40:26):
That's a fact.
Right?
And we, so we have...
Our own individual assignmentsand then we have our God given
combined what he has for us todo in the world, right?
Whether that's to be a greatexample of God centered
relationship I think that that'show you start to carve out the
intentionality in your life.

(40:46):
Yes Absolutely, and I think youreally have to understand
yourself as a person To get tobeing intentional because once
you're intentional, it's likenothing you can do can sway me
off of what I know God told me.
Absolutely.
So when the roots are deep, youdon't get stirred by the way.
And the thing is like from amale perspective, right.

(41:09):
When it comes to beingintentional in relationships, I
believe.
That, you know, as a man, youcan be intentionally in a
relationship when you're veryclear on just what God has
called you to.
Right?
Like that is a way you can beintentional just because again,
no one wants to be with someonethat has no direction.
Right?
Just from a, a woman, a Godfearing woman who wants to be
led, you got to actually have aplace to lead her to.

(41:31):
So you got to actually be clearon where you're going.
Second thing is you got to be,and this is my opinion.
This is from the book of Trevon.
I'm just saying.
Right.
My second thing is I think youhave to be very clear on how
you're going to make money, whatyour career is going to be.
And I'm not saying and be, beclear.
There's a difference betweenknowing how you make money and
having seven, eight figuressaved up in the bank.
Yeah.

(41:51):
Because I hear this conversationfrom a lot of guys where they're
like, you know, I'm not eventhinking about marriage right
now or relationship because Igot to get my money right.
I got to get my money right.
Meanwhile, they got a six figurejob, drive a nice car, all these
things.
And I'm just like, Well, whatdoes ready look like?
You know, because again, youknow, I've had so many
conversations about this.
There's no point in workingsuper hard if you still come

(42:14):
home to an empty house.
Like there's no point, right?
Like as, as an entrepreneurmyself, I work super hard.
And I can tell you it's not funwhen you do all that working
just to then.
Oh, I got no one to talk toabout my, how my day made me
feel right.
Like you can close all the dealsyou want.
You can close six figure deals,five figure deals, 10 figure

(42:35):
deals.
But if you don't have thatperson, what good is it?
Right.
And so to me, you know, as aman, you're able to be
intentional in relation whenyou're very clear on, you know,
what you're called to and howyou're going to make money, just
how you're going to, but thenit's also.
Being intentional to listen andunderstand whoever it is that
you're dating.
Right, like, really beingintentional to listen and

(42:55):
understand.
But even involve.
Like, even involve them in yourday to day.
In your, I shouldn't even say inyour day to day, but just in
your world.
In your world.
Yeah, just involve them in yourworld.
Like, if you, You know, if youjust have some free time and
you're going to lunch, invitethem out.
Shoot them the text.
Like, for me, I'm the type, andlike, I'm a little different for
this, but I want to talk allday.

(43:16):
Like, when me and my wife weredating, like, I'm like, you're,
what?
Why haven't I heard from you intwo hours?
What's happening?
Like, hold on.
Right?
Where you at?
Yeah, like, where you at?
I know you're just sitting atyour desk working from home, but
um, I'm here.
Hello.
Right?
But, you know, but it's, it's Iwanted to involve her in my
world like hey, I'm thinkingabout you like was you know, and

(43:37):
that's me now again I knowthere's some guys that probably
disagree.
They're like look.
I've just saw her.
I just talked to her kudos foryou I'm just telling you as a
married man who's done thisthing, right?
Yeah, look how else you gonnabuild that trust and everything
that we talked about if youdon't actually spend time
together Yeah and so to me theintentionality piece It's as a
man, if you're listening, it'sto understand what God has put

(43:58):
you, put, given you as anassignment.
Yeah.
Number two, to just understandhow you're going to make money
and then throw everything you'vegot at that vehicle.
And then number three, it'slistening, understanding and
involving that woman thatwhoever you're dating into your
world at a level you'recomfortable with.
So that way, again, I've notseen anyone fail that was
intentional.

(44:20):
Can I zoom in on it?
I have not seen anyone who wasintentional in any area of their
life fail.
And I mean truly intentional,not like talking about it.
I mean like, they wereintentional.
They set a plan.
They built the disciplinenecessary to do that thing.
And so I think, you know, again,from a guy's perspective,
that's, that's how intentionalrelationships should work.

(44:40):
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I think.
I guess from a woman'sperspective.
I Always preach on my platformabout literally, I can't say it
enough, like, know yourself.
You have to know, like, it's onething, you don't have to relive
your trauma in order to justhave that, like, boundary
reminder of like, I'm not goingback to that place.

(45:00):
You know what I mean?
So, I think, In the name of andand sticking to that right like
holding yourself That's why Isaid discipline like if you
can't even hold yourselfaccountable in the small things
like how can you hold yourselfaccountable to?
People to your boundaries, andif you can't hold yourself
accountable to your boundariesThen how can you expect somebody
else to withstand yourboundaries?

(45:21):
So it's just like you know thatintentional piece as a woman
vetting your resources I knowthe man might look good, he
might have a nice house, hemight have a nice car, but as we
know, there's fool's gold outhere, right?
There's more to people than whatmeets the eye, and people give
you a synopsis or a snap of themevery day.
It's really in that getting toknow you through our

(45:42):
interactions, we're hanging out,we're texting, we're FaceTiming.
It's really...
through those moments where youreally kind of get to know if
somebody's invested.
Absolutely.
And invested doesn't mean oh,he's taking me out, but invested
means, Hey, I got a businessidea and can I run it by you?
Can I run it by you?
Hey, what's, what's been on yourmind lately?
What's on your mind?

(46:03):
Yeah.
Little things like that.
Again, it's, it's not so muchwhat's community, it's just
what's subconsciouslycommunicated.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like I like that.
I was super intentional withthat, where it's like, look.
We don't even necessarily needto talk about nothing deep right
now.
But just I want you to know I'mthinking about you.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
So, I guess what are somenecessary components of healthy
relationships for you?

(46:23):
You communication?
Yeah.
Number one is communication andI would say over communication.
Yeah.
Facts.
Like, and, and I'm the type, soI'm the type of personality
type.
Like I, I'm nosy.
I want to know everything.
Like,'cause and, and the reasonwhy I say that though is so that
way I can properly handlesituations.
Mm.
Right.
Handling with care.
Yeah.
Like I want be able to handlestuff with care.
So, but if I don't have a fullpicture Mm-Hmm.

(46:44):
And this goes.
Not just my marriage, but myfriendships and everything like
that.
Like, I need, like, yo, if youwant me to help you and support
you, I have to know everythingthat's going on so I can give
you sound advice.
Um, but even in the relationshipsphere, communication, for sure.
Over communicate.
Like, I think there's, like, tome, in my opinion, there are
people that disagree with me,but I think you will never lose
if you over communicate.

(47:06):
Like, you will never lose.
Another thing, key componentthat I believe is transparency.
Transparency.
Right?
Transparency.
And, in order to be transparent,you have to have a level of
acceptance of yourself.
Right?
Like, when I was dating my wife,I was transparent.
And the reason why is justbecause...
I, everywhere I go, I'm takingme with me, so I'm taking my

(47:26):
history, I'm taking my trauma,I'm taking my triumphs, I'm
taking my mistakes, so on and soforth.
So I need to work myself to aplace where I'm comfortable
sharing, and then if she acceptsit or not, that's not on me,
right?
Because again, I want to be withwhoever God's called me to, so
if God orders my steps.
And I share who I am just againjust sharing who I am now I'm

(47:46):
not saying over share like younecessarily got depending on the
stage.
You don't necessarily just giveall your business out, right?
Like you don't tell tell theperson your bank account the
first day But yeah, I meanlisten but if if you are looking
for someone that you want to beYou're forever if you're looking
for your spouse You got to betransparent and that's being
transparent at any stage justbeing trained like I'm very

(48:08):
transparent my wife about justWhere I'm at with business I'm
transparent about the things Ifailed at in business, which
it's interesting just because ifyou look at my Instagram profile
and you see all I'm doing, itprobably doesn't look like I
fail much, but baby, let me tellyou, right?
Yeah, like I've had to take alot of lumps, but I have to be,

(48:29):
I've, I had to be transparent intelling my now wife, yo, I tried
this.
It didn't work right.
Just because.
I'm also getting information byme sharing that yeah, so I'm
gonna see how she's gonna handleme when I communicate to her Hey
this thing.
I thought was gonna work failedHow are you gonna react and as a

(48:50):
woman how do you take that and Ithink one of the biggest things
that women lack Nowadays is theability to nurture.
I think that that's somethingthat is Completely overlooked
when you're talking about beingin relationships And
understanding what's necessaryis that the world is hard,
right?
The world is hard on us as womenbecause we as black women take
up the backbone of a lot insociety We take on the brunt of

(49:14):
a lot of the beatings that takeplace like that and not in a
literal sense but like in a in amore figurative sense, we're
typically either brushed underthe rug doing most of the work
or we're right under the headfigure and they're taking credit
for all that we do, you know,and I, and I can only for black
men, it's the same.
And so it's like that piece ofwhen I'm coming home, if I give

(49:35):
you my day, how do you nurturethat?
That's good.
So I think women have, I thinkwe've gotten out of touch a bit
in that spirit of nurture.
Yeah, but say, cause women ismessing up the market now.
Hey, men is messing up themarket.
No, no, no.
I will say, I will say, no, no,no.
Listen.
There's fault on both sides.
It is.
And we can end on this point.
There's fault on both sides.
We gotta teach the people howthey can honor their position

(49:58):
whether they're single, dating,in a relationship.
How do they honor whereverthey're at?
So, so you had said that I lovethat answer of nurture, right?
You said that women today needto learn the skills of
nurturing.
What else in your mind, likefrom a woman's perspective, is
like necessary in arelationship?
Yeah.
For me, I think loyalty.
I know.
Loyalty, love, and respect.

(50:20):
I think everything stems fromthat.
I'm real big on loyalty.
I think that's a black or white.
I think love is black or white.
You either love somebody or youdon't.
You either respect somebody oryou don't.
You either, you know, you'redevoted to the union that y'all
have or you're not.
Those topics are not somethingthat's like one toe in, one toe

(50:41):
out.
That's a fact.
And so I think and communicationobviously, but from a woman's
standpoint, I think reallyunderstanding I know I touched
on nurture, but I think thatthose are the kind of the four
largest themes when we talkabout and women I think
sometimes we just I think we'vegot another touch with being
women I've seen like that videokind of pop up a little bit
about you know How you build upyour king Is how he's gonna go

(51:10):
out into the world.
That's a fact.
So if you give him hell at home,He's never coming home.
He's never coming home.
Right.
If you give him peace at home,I'm home every night.
Every night.
Because you can't put a pricetag on peace.
That's a fact.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you can't, And who wantschaos?
You know what I mean?
Like you wanna come home, Youfighting with the world, You

(51:32):
gotta come home and fight.
Uh, in your house, you know, andlike one of my favorite
philosophers, well, he was arapper, but Nipsey Hussle
talking about being at you,would you rather be at peace
with the world and at war withyourself or at war with the
world and at peace withyourself?
That's a fact.
You know what I'm saying?
So I think that a lot of thatstems from what's important in a

(51:54):
relationship, what's necessary.
Yeah.
And I like the last three thatyou gave just because they're.
Both ways, it goes both wayswith those, right?
Nurturing, that's definitely awoman, like, yeah, y'all
nurture, right?
And nature.
But, the, you know, respect,loyalty, love, like that, that's
a two way street right there.
So I think, I think that'sdefinitely, you know, that's

(52:16):
good.
Thanks.
Thank you.
So, let me ask.
How do you spice up your lovelife?
Right?
Cause you might be in arelationship already.
So this is not for singles.
What?
Or maybe it could be forsingles.
But how do you spice up yourlove life in the digital age
without monetary materialisticthings?
What do you do nice for yourwife?

(52:37):
What do you like?
Come on.
What?
How did you get her?
I'm gonna have to, I'm gonnahave to do things.
So, I think one of the thingsthat you can do to spice up your
love life today is like themcute, corny, relationship vids.
I find them corny.
I find them corny.
I find them cor Listen, justcause Absolutely, and because
she thinks they're nice, I'll dothem.

(52:58):
But I still think they're corny.
But either way, but like, Ithink things like that.
Like just doing things...
Whether it's, I mean, if we did,uh, Uh, it was like some
pointing game where like the,somebody would say something
like, Who's the first one to sayI love you?
And we'd point and see like ifit was wrong.
Like, little stuff like that,um, is just fun.
So I think like those socialmedia type of game.

(53:20):
Now, again, and what's coolthing is too, like, and this
might be a not a big secret.
This might be a, this is a wellkept secret.
You don't have to post about it.
You can do it and not post it.
It's okay.
Right?
Like, everyone feels like youhave to share it.
But, again, it's whatever you'recomfortable with.
But, I think one of the ways inwhich you can spice up your
relationship today is, you know,following some of these fun

(53:45):
social media trends.
Now, I said, you're going togive me trouble because now I'm
going to have to do one of them.
Um, but, you know what I mean?
Just doing things like that.
Like, I mean, it's not so much.
Being public, right?
So where I'm not telling anybodyto post so you're seen more.
It's not even necessarily that,but just post in a way where,
you know, or record in a way orjust do the activity in a way

(54:07):
where you're just saying, Hey,let's just do something really
dope together, you know?
I think that's one of the waysin which you could do it.
You know, I gotta get better atit cause I, but again, I think
it's corny, but you know, it'sfine.
I hope y'all saw me rub my eyes.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
I just think it's corny.
Yeah, you're gonna drag yourfeet, but you're gonna do it.
We know that.

(54:27):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I just, I think just, just thedesire to continue to get to
know the person and to deeply,intimately know.
So like, that's how you kind ofbuild up that, I know what you
thinking before you even say ittype of vibe.
So I think that that's reallybeautiful and you know, just

(54:47):
that continuous.
Pursuit of one another.
You know, I think that that'sreally, really nice.
Now it cannot answer a differentquestion.
So I think if you are single andyou're listening and you're
trying to figure out how to,we'll call it, give your love
life a renovation, how toimprove your love life.

(55:08):
Pay attention to what you post,pay attention to what you post.
Really think about.
If a man were to come on, a manor a woman, both ways, but in my
case I'm a man, right?
If a man were to go on my page,what would he think?
Not just postin the super, supersexy, with the caption, this
her, this is, this her pic,like, no, no, no, mama, look at

(55:30):
your whole page, because it'sgonna communicate something
about you, right?
Now, that works both ways.
There's some women you're gonnabe listenin and you're like,
ooh, I gotta go delete somethings.
But some of you out there needto start posting some things,
too.
Yeah.
Because it also ain't a goodlook if the last picture you
posted is September of 2019.

(55:50):
Yeah.
Talking about some, oh, I don'tbe on social media that much.
And then you show up differentthan what you...
Right.
So, it's a two way street.
So, like, I would say, like,really leveraging your social
media and actually participatingin it, like, is a way to
really...
And just again, be intentionalwith what you post, like, again,
I'm not saying just don't postnothing.
If you like how you look in thatfit, do it, but just be aware of

(56:14):
how that could come across.
If we just being real, we havean honest conversation.
I know there's an honest space.
And there's a difference betweensexy, right?
For the ladies, there's adifference between sexy and then
just like letting it all hangout.
Like, let me just say this, youmight not like me for this, but
you are not sexy red.
Nothing wrong with sexy red.
She can do her thing.
She's a performer.

(56:35):
You're not a performer.
Yeah.
You're out here living reallife, knowing what you do.
So.
And men love mystery.
I'm gonna say that and I'm gonnaget out.
But men love mystery.
So when you think about outfitsyou want to buy, you think about
how you want to look.
Men like mystery.
A woman's mystique.
That's what it's called.
It's a color.
Blinker.
Blinker for me.
It's called a woman's mystique.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(56:56):
And you don't have, like I said,you don't have to.
You don't have to take this andbe like they're telling me how
to dress cuz I would never tellyou how to dress I believe God
loves you exactly how you areLike I'll say that but in what
you're attracting Thatcontributes to what you attract
So, you know women divinefeminine when you are in your

(57:17):
divine feminine energy fully youdon't chase you attract so I
guess how can we leave thepeople We can leave them.
How do we leave them with how tohonor their position, whether
you're single, whether you're ina relationship, whether you're
married, you know, how do youhonor where you are?

(57:37):
I think number one, it's gettingreally clear on what your
assignment is.
And when I say assignment, youcan look at it from just a
practical, like, what's my goalstype of thing, or you look at it
from a spiritual, I wouldsuggest spiritual sense.
What is God telling me to do innot only this current season,
but what's God telling me to dowith my life?
What's my purpose here on thisearth?

(57:59):
And I believe that's how you'reable to honor your position.
If we're talking on the lens ofrelationship, whether you're
single, married, dating,whatever, right?
It's asking God, all right, whatis my assignment in this season,
right?
When, when I was single, I had acertain assignment.
I have an assignment over mylife, but I had a certain
assignment that I had to handlein my singleness.

(58:20):
When I was dating my wife, I hada certain assignment while I was
dating my wife.
And now that I'm married,there's a certain assignment on
that thing.
And so, to me, it all boils downto getting clear on the
assignment.
Yeah, that's how you're able toreally honor your position
because when you're chasing, asI mentioned before, when you're
chasing that assignment,everything else will be added
onto you.
That's right.

(58:41):
I agree with thatwholeheartedly, 100%.
And I keep saying this, butstand true to yourself, right?
Like sticking to your gunsbecause When you know who you
are and you know whose you areyou operate accordingly I'm the
daughter of a king So you're notgonna come over here.
You know, I'm saying trying totreat me like I'm a pauper.
That's right You know what?

(59:02):
I mean?
So I think when you have thatunderstanding within Wherever
you rest, right?
Whether, I'm single and I'mlooking to date, whether I am in
a relationship looking to marryor whether I'm in a relationship
and just continuing to buildhealthy pillars in my
relationship, I think looking atit from that perspective and
it's, it's a borderline of, youdon't have to carry it

(59:24):
arrogantly, you know what Imean?
You can carry it with humility,but it's all about how you carry
yourself, how you, How youchoose to navigate, how you
choose to make your decisions.
Are you basing them based uponsomeone else or fear?
Or, you know what I mean, or areyou basing them on your needs?

(59:44):
So really, really groundingyourself, and then hashing out.
What do I need?
How do I be intentional?
What does that look like for me?
Yeah, just incorporating God inall that you do.
I think that that's somethingthat, that people underestimate.
You have to, you can't, youcan't consult him when it's too

(01:00:04):
late.
Right?
Like you can't, you can't cometo him at midnight like, God, I
need that check by 8 a.
m.
And God is like, I am a miracleworker, but I don't move when
you tell me to move.
That's facts.
That's a fact.
You feel what I'm saying?
He, he moves according to hisplan and his time.
That's right.
So.
If you've been praying onsomething, trust that he's

(01:00:27):
teaching you something andyou're waiting.
Maybe that you're not focusingon, that you're missing.
Or maybe he's keeping you whereyou are because, again, you need
to focus on something in thatposition that you are missing.
Sound advice right there.
I like that.
Thank you.
I like that.
So.
So, we did not pray.
Oh.
At the beginning.
Hmm.
Alright.
So minister gross.

(01:00:49):
Alright, well.
Alright, y'all.
Let's pray.
Well, Father, I thank you.
Thank you for this platform,God.
I thank you that you have givenit a mandate and I thank you
that it has a purpose.
God, I thank you for thelistener.
I thank you Lord that thelistener was able to take
something from this conversationand not only take something just
for knowledge sake, but God, Ithank you that they're able to
take it and apply.
God, I think that they're ableto take action, from the wisdom

(01:01:11):
that we were able to impart.
God, we thank you for allowingus to be vessels.
Lord, I thank you that, we wereable to speak truth, in your
name.
And I thank you that, westewarded our job well.
And so we have an expectationthat you're going to go out,
into the earth and do amarvelous work, God.
So I thank you, for this time.
I think that it was just fun.
I think it was relaxed.
And I thank you, Lord, that youwere going to multiply this

(01:01:32):
platform to reach the masses.
And it's in Jesus name that Ipray.
Amen.
All right.
And if you haven't checked outcraft your dream pod, that's a
fact lifestyle podcast everyThursday.
All right.
We, it drops, we're coveringsuccess, goals, mindset, if you
want to grow, if you want tobuild your faith, if you want to
master your craft, check it out.

(01:01:53):
Also, Braise's DMS are openfellas, so go ahead, send you
something.
All right.
Her DMS are open.
She's saying this now.
It's cat.
All right.
It's cat.
Send the DM.
That's all I'm saying.
Don't call me.
Call Jesus.
Oh my God.
That's a wrap.
Oh my God.

(01:02:14):
We did a whole thing onrelationships.