February 13, 2023 • 46 mins
It is no secret that one meaning to life centers in the company that we keep. Understanding that the people God sends along the journey to keep us company, and to help us advance towards our destination, make up our special tribe. These very people that God gifts us in fact molds, grows, teaches, and inspires us how to grow closer to fulfilling our purpose in life with each day. It is true that we are only as good as each individual in our tribe, and it is also true that discerning these God-sent people is a task. Come with me, and some of my favorite Queens Beza, Danielle, Shelandria and Sierra who are bold spiritual women unique in their approach of their own respective tribes, as we explore some interesting components of love, connection, and friendships. These ladies are phenomenal, and full of magic. Envision the experience, feel the energy, and deep dive into yourself as we take you on a journey of the familiarities that accompany life's best friendship dynamics in the modern era.
Xoxoxo & Blessings.
With Peace & Love,
ThaPrettyRebel
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to Crown Culture ofthe podcast.
MacBook Air Microphone-1 (00:02):
Today we're here for episode two.
You're only as good as yourtribe.
MacBook Air Micropho (00:05):
friendship dynamics explored.
We are here just to talk aboutsome of the, I think, things we
experience every day throughfriendships and relationships,
and really just explore how thatis in real time.
I'm here today with some of mylovely, lovely featured guests
my amazing friends and lovelyladies.
So, to the right of me, I've gotthe beautiful Sierra Jones-Ward.
(00:29):
And I've got the beautiful,amazing Danielle Poullard, I've
got Beza Solomon, my amazing,phenomenal.
She is.
She's my girl, y'all.
And then I've got my amazing,awesome wisdom bearing, okay?
Okay.
Prayer warrior.
(00:49):
Okay, here.
You, that's why we all up here,by the way, miss Shelandria just
wanna take the time to start.
If everybody could just bowtheir heads, close their, Father
God, we're thanking you fortoday.
We're thanking you for anamazing, magnificent experience.
We ask that you just go beforeus in this conversation and
allow you to just articulate thethoughts and the things that you
(01:12):
need to be shared with peoplethat are listening.
We just thank you for yourpresence and your goodness, and
you are just so amazing ineverything that you do.
We are pursuing you.
We're chasing after you andeverything in Jesus' name.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Faith is in session.
Amen.
So y'all know it's no secretthat the friends we meet to keep
(01:33):
us company along our journey inthe pursuit of life matters the
most.
And I like to believe thatthey're godsend angels in the
flesh.
So, I like to know, just tostart, you know, cuz I like to
pose questions to myself often.
And I think that that just fuelsconversations, the questions
that we ask and how we explorethem.
So I'd like to know kind of.
(01:55):
how are you?
What type of friend are you?
You know, if you had to describeyourself, how would you describe
yourself as a friend?
I guess I'll start, and I'd sayfor me, I am extremely big on
loyalty, love, and respect.
And I just believe in showing upfor people in the most authentic
way possible.
I believe in meeting peoplewhere they are.
I believe learning to speakdifferent love languages and
(02:16):
learning to speak differentfriends with different purposes
love languages.
So that's kind of the type offriend that I am.
I'm the friend that's gonna showup for you no matter what.
If you need me to get in thecar, you need us to pull up.
No, we don't do that no more ButI am that friend very much so.
And I cheer for my friends and Iclap for them.
And so that was, that would behow I would describe the type of
(02:38):
friend I am.
I think it described all of us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, yeah, I think thatdescribes all of us, but also I
think that for me and friendshipbeing a.
Yeah.
And just serving your friends inwhatever way they need.
Whatever the season calls for.
Yeah.
And just like really valuing to,if you're both serving each
other, then there's thatbalance.
Yeah.
That's good.
I agree with that.
(02:58):
Yeah, I can definitely agreewith that.
Yeah.
I mean, I agree with all of the,what was said.
I think I'm very present.
I'm very loyal.
I'm a very, I'm very big onbeing present, especially
because that's what I expect ofmy friends as well.
Mm-hmm.
um, for the little things, evenon a day-to-day basis, but also
for the big things, like I'mvery big on being present on
achievements, life and death, sobaby showers, birthdays, you
(03:22):
know, funerals, that type ofthing.
I'm very passionate.
Mm-hmm.
I go to war for my people andI'm more invested sometimes, but
it's, you know, it's a very goodand bad thing about me, so.
Nothing that we could, we couldsay that about all of us.
Yeah.
That part.
I agree.
Yeah, I can agree with that.
Um, I mean, I think to all thethings that you guys have said,
really the only thing I thinkthat I add is just like that
(03:43):
intention with your friends.
Mm-hmm.
In terms of I know Beza, we kindof talked about this before, but
the idea of just knowing thehearts of your friends mm-hmm.
and I think that that's been soimportant and why friendships of
mine have lasted as long as theyhave, because.
We all have different moods.
We have different every day.
(04:04):
You might not feel the way youdid yesterday, or maybe you
talked to me 30 minutes ago andnow 30 minutes later I'm
tripping.
You know what I mean?
And that's just part of life.
But making sure you're a friendthat says, I know your heart.
Yeah.
And so when you're having amoment like that, I try to make
sure that, that I'm the friendthat's like, I see, I see what's
in your heart.
And so I'm not going to takethis a moment right here and
take that so personally becauselike I know your heart.
(04:25):
And so I try to make sure thatI'm the friend that reminds all
of my friends that like girl, weknow each other's heart, like
mm-hmm.
never let some of the emotionsof today get in the way of, you
know, the bigger picture of ourfriendship.
So I try to be that friend cuzgirl, we be having days, so,
okay.
We all do.
We all do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
um, I would say, Well, myfriends pretty much look at me
(04:48):
as like the mom.
Yeah.
Give back you give back Very,the accountability friend.
Yeah.
But I'm also just, justdependable, loving.
I'm like, which can be a badthing at times, but a lot of the
times my friends don't knoweverything that's going on with
me because I, I just wanna bethat, I wanna be that strong
(05:11):
friend.
Facts.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I take that role alot.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
I think that would explain me.
Yeah.
Yeah, I definitely agree.
One, I think that's also whyI've curated this group of
wonderful women because we, wehave that common thread and I
think when you start to talkabout like your friendships, the
(05:31):
people who are in your circle.
I think you have to kind ofidentify and know your personnel
because if you don't know.
the people that you're dealingwith, and what friend gives you
what on what day?
Like I know if I pick up thephone and I call Sierra, yeah.
We, we might go into prayer.
Okay.
Or we might go deep into prayerbecause that's just what's
necessary.
Or we might, you know, I don'tknow.
(05:52):
Sh I, I joke, I play all day.
She, she knows that everybody uphere knows I play all day.
So I have those friends whereit's just like, maybe sometimes
we're on joke time, but then,you know, I also have friends
where I know if I neededsomething, like if I needed.
anything.
I don't know anything.
They are going to dropeverything like for me.
Yeah.
So I think that when we talkabout that that's really
(06:15):
important.
What about, how do y'all feelabout y'all tribe?
Like, like I think when we talkabout tribes and the people that
surround us, because that couldinclude your mentors.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
that could include, you know,your family.
Cuz family, I believe is that'spart of your tribe.
They help you, they shape you,they mowed you.
Yeah.
How do y'all feel about yourtribe?
(06:35):
Basically I go to war, you knowwhat I mean?
But it's because they are soloyal, you know?
They are so genuine.
But I think in a lot of waysthis.
All of your relationships bringsomething to your life where,
not that you're lacking, butthat you can grow.
Mm-hmm.
you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
And I feel like that abouteverybody who's in my circle is
like, oh, this friend is for, isthis friend?
(06:56):
Is this Like, it's like, dang, Iknow.
And I'm trying to make adecision regarding this.
Like, this is who I go to forthis.
Mm-hmm.
or when I know when I'm in thistype of situation, this is who I
would call for this.
Like, this is who you call tocalm down.
This is who you call to go.
You know what I mean?
Like this is, and so I feel sostrongly about my tribe because
they feel like my puzzle.
You know what I mean?
Like they just intertwine andconnect with me and it's like
(07:17):
when it's all, it's like, oh myGod, like I'm so warm.
You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
like that's how you feel andthat's why you go to war for
that.
Cuz you're like, now you playingwith my puzzle feeds like, okay,
like stop playing.
I can't be complete without mytribe.
So I love that.
That's how I think about it.
Yeah, I agree 100%.
I think that my perspective onmy tribe is a little different
just cuz I'm older than all ofyou.
(07:38):
Mm-hmm.
And so I think that I've grownto accept that my needs in
friendship change and that ofthe people around me also
change.
So as we go through differentseasons, being able to adjust
and then also I think not beingafraid to dial back for a season
or to push in and lean in foranother.
And then with two people whorespect each other, then you'll
understand like, okay, we mighthave been, you know, a lot
(08:00):
closer three, four years ago.
Yeah.
But life took me this way.
And life took you that way.
Yeah.
And now it's a little different,but there's always love there.
There's always gonna be respectthere.
But I think.
Me, like I personally approachfriendship in that way of
knowing that okay, while my lifeis here in this current season
mm-hmm.
this is the type of friend thatI can be to you.
This is the type of friend youcan be to me.
And then this is how we, youknow, does this work for both of
(08:21):
us.
Right, right.
And are we equally aligned inthat way?
Yeah.
Our lives Like you, like Dannysaid, Puzzle piece is like no
puzzle piece is the same.
Right?
And so the way that it connectsto you, it might not connect to
another friend you have.
And so recognizing and notputting people in that position
of, okay, building this person,like, why are my friends not
getting along, but recognizing,oh, they might not be supposed
to get along.
You know what I mean?
(08:41):
They're not meant for that.
It's they're connected to me.
Right.
And that is the, the commondenominator.
Yeah.
But then over time though, asyou get older, and I think where
I am now, I'm realizing that,oh, the, I guess the people that
I have around, It's based on mycore values, who I am.
And so those people, they end upfinding things in common.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
and some of my friends, likethey might have met at like a
(09:02):
birthday party or something, andthen they, they're talking on
Instagram and now they'refriends and I'm like, oh, okay.
When your friendship is based onthe right, Y yes you are.
Yes.
Then your friends, like all yourfriends, like there's gonna be
some type of commonality.
For sure.
100% agree with that.
I was reading this book andthat's it.
And if people wanna write thatdown, this is a, it's called
(09:22):
Relational Intelligence byPastor Darius Daniels.
And the same way we talk aboutemotional intelligence and iq it
breaks down the roles thatpeople play in your life, but
also how to navigate and takethe correct actions to be
strategic in your friendships.
Mm-hmm.
knowing when some people mayhave been more.
So, and your friends can turninto an assignment in your life
at one part.
(09:43):
Oh yeah.
Because sometimes you grow andyou experience things that takes
you a little bit ahead and itgive, God puts more knowledge
into your, and it's like you nolonger get to connect, like you
said, with those people in yourcircle the same way you used to.
Mm-hmm.
And so that book really helpedme at a pivotal point with my
best friend because, I was doinga lot of reading and I was just
hungry for knowledge like crazy,and she just wasn't there yet.
(10:05):
Mm-hmm.
and I was feeling strainedbecause I'm like, that's who I
talk to about these things.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And God just was like, the wordwas grace, like mm-hmm.
Yeah.
This, it's grace right now, youknow?
Yes.
Because you guys are not at thesame place, but that doesn't
mean that you bring yourself.
You know, you act like you don'thave the knowledge so that you
can connect, but you also don'thave expectations of of her to
have that.
(10:25):
And so that Grace allowed us tostill be able to be the friends
that we were, but to have alittle bit of a shift.
So relational intelligence byPastor Darius Daniels.
Great read.
Love that.
And to touch on what Danny said,like of course Grace and what I
just said as well, like and whatBridge just said, knowing your
people and then also atdifferent stages in life, like I
know I could personally usemyself as an.
You know, all y'all know I'm onbeat to all the kids.
(10:47):
So all, all my friends that nowhave children, and that really,
you know, honestly, I didn'treally realize how much of a
difference it would make in lifeuntil we got here and now that,
um, we're here because all ofmy, my tribe, I could say, you
know, these are friendships thatI've had for.
10, 20 years.
And I don't question or doubttheir heart, their intention,
but as life moved on, I realizedthat, hey, this person might
(11:07):
not, you know, might not bethere for me the way I want them
to.
Yeah.
But that also led me to thinkabout expectations, especially
in regards to their life and howthey can, because I think it's
also important we have.
realistic expectations becausefor people that can't be there
for themselves or that are busy,you know, raising a whole
family, you know, like I alwayssay, I'm still barely raising
myself.
You know, I can't imagine.
So, you know, you're raising afamily, you're doing this,
(11:28):
you're doing that.
You're trying to be mentally,spiritually sane, and then also
be present for your friends.
Mm-hmm.
So grace is a very big thingbecause I'm not, I know I could
speak for myself personally.
I'm not one to quick, you know,to quickly cut somebody off.
Yeah.
Cause I'm gonna think about howthis person has been there for
me.
Their intentions, their heart,their life circumstances, and
everybody's different in the waythat they show up for people.
Yeah, that's my take on that aswell.
(11:49):
But grace is very important.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think too, something Ithought about as Beza mentioned
it's the other side of showinggrace, but also recognizing that
as life moves forward, notholding onto a friendship simply
because of the history again.
Oh, yeah.
As you shift, I love that.
Yeah.
Like as you shift, it's like,oh, but I've been friends with
this person since I was five.
It's like, yeah, but God issaying it's time to keep on
(12:10):
going and not, you know what Imean?
I think it's like finding thatbalance.
Yeah.
Because I literally was thinkingabout proximity friends.
Mm-hmm.
As I'm doing like an evaluationof the people who are in my life
now and connected to me.
I'm just like, I'm not evenhesitant because I have, what
I'm experiencing is I have afriend who, or a couple friends
(12:31):
who like do just enough.
Mm-hmm.
just to say that they'reconnected or have that access,
but they're not necessarilydoing what it requires.
Right.
You know, or speaking my lovelanguage to actually.
Say like, this is me.
I'm, I'm your friend and this,I'm honoring this friendship.
And I just, I just, I'm like,you gotta go.
So I have a question.
Yeah.
For, for everybody.
(12:52):
when that happens in that typeof situation, do you, how do you
communicate that to yourfriends?
Mm-hmm.
are you the type of friend whopulls back or do you know how to
bring that up and say, Hey,you're not serving me in this
way.
Mm-hmm.
or is it that awkward?
Like, we both know something'soff, it's the elephant in the
room, and then time is passing,and then you're like, oh, I
don't know.
This feels different.
Mm-hmm.
but neither of us has verbalizedit.
Mm-hmm.
(13:12):
you know, we actually weretalking, sorry, go ahead.
I, I think it's all aboutdelivery one.
Mm-hmm.
Well, well, you have to discernwhether or.
Is this a friendship that Ireally want to keep?
Is it, is it gonna be more of astrain, right?
Yeah.
To try to explain, you know, howyou're feeling.
Yeah.
You know, so you discern whichone, and then sometimes you,
(13:32):
there's nothing needs to besaid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You.
You just, you just know that,okay, maybe this is, I don't
wanna say my way out, but a lotof times you realize that like,
you know, this is too much.
They been too far.
This has been too much for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You, I just Go ahead.
Yeah.
And take, take the exit.
Yeah.
But when going to your friend,it's all about delivery.
(13:53):
Yep.
Yep.
When you have, when you have thelove for your, or just love for
people.
Yes.
It's about the delivery, how yousay things cuz you don't want
them to feel bad per.
But just you want them tounderstand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So delivery and, you know, sooften that sometimes they don't
even know that they're notshowing up for anyways, like,
Experiences in their life andhow people have shown up for
(14:15):
them or haven't shown up forthem in all this time, you might
be their first experience havingexpectations within a friendship
that actually last mm-hmm.
like within putting work into afriendship.
Mm-hmm.
And so that's why that deliveryis so important because you have
to almost be like, like, I knowyou, but at the same time, like
these, this is what friendshiprequires for me.
Yeah.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(14:36):
I do have, I was a picky pack,piggy pack off of piggy pack.
Go ahead.
I was just gonna say You know, Iagree with what everybody said,
but I also feel like ourgeneration is so fixated on, and
not only in regards to like, youknow, having a conversation
about friendships, but everylittle thing and sometimes
nothing needs to be said.
Yeah.
Like you don't always have tosay, if I just naturally outgrow
somebody, and over the days, Wespeak less, but it's, you know,
(14:58):
Hey, how are you?
I genuinely hope you're doingwell.
That's okay.
It happens all the time.
I don't have to have aconversation with every single
person.
Like, Hey, you know, I'm goingthis way in life and I gonna do
this and that, and that.
You know, I'm growing in thespirit where I'm, you know, and
we're not there.
Yeah.
I don't have to have thatconversation with every single
person.
I personally don't feel like Ido, and not everybody gets that.
Mm-hmm.
So I think a lot of people haveto really understand and apply
(15:20):
that to their lives, becausenowadays it's always.
Well, we never talked about it.
Right?
And part of being in tune withyourself is knowing and feeling
that that separation mm-hmm.
you know, and if you trust thatyou're around the same people or
similar people who would feelthat similar situation, that
separation.
So if I'm not, I guess if I'mnot, That's another disconnect
(15:42):
for me.
If you can't feel it or youcan't sense it, like you don't
sense there's an issue, that'ssomething that's major for me,
it's concerning.
Mm-hmm.
And that's like, um, oh wait.
See, did you wanna go first?
Because I said No, go ahead.
I'm gonna shift this.
Okay.
Okay.
Because I was gonna say a fewthings came to my mind, but
something that's important withfriendship is, like you said,
knowing yourself.
Like starting with that level ofself-awareness and starting with
almost.
(16:03):
understanding what's importantfor you in friendship.
Yes, yes.
Before you can even like pickyour tribe and before the right
people can be attracted to you.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And then realizing that, okay,there might be people, like
friends that I've already hadwho might not be the most
self-aware.
Yeah.
And like being able to notoverlook those types of things.
Mm-hmm.
And as you shift recognizingthat, okay, this might have been
okay with me when I was incollege, but it's not okay with
me now.
(16:23):
And then it's like as you startto move differently, whether it
requires a conversation or.
As you move differently and theother person might notice as
well.
Yeah.
And if they take offense to it,then that's essentially their
prerogative.
Yeah.
Just depending on how it's, howor what the situation calls for,
I'll say.
Exactly.
And so I think for me as well,again, I keep bringing up my
age.
I'm not old.
I'm 29, but I'm not old.
(16:47):
But I will say that I, I amobviously older than everyone
here, but also I have always hadolder friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I do have friends that are inlike their, you know, their mid
to late.
And just in totally differentseasons in life.
Right.
Um, but something that I havelearned just from just who I am
as a person, but also thosefriendships you like, it's
really like this dance.
And I, like one of my friends,we use this analogy all the
(17:08):
time.
It really is this dance.
And as the music changes, likethe beat switches, the steps,
they change and it's like youhave to adjust.
And that can be applied to, youknow, friendship and romantic
relationships, but essentiallyany interaction with other
people, it's like, oh, okay.
The.
And it's like you, you could besomewhere and you're not really
in control.
Like we're, none of us are incontrol.
God is in control.
Right.
So it's like he's a dj.
So when he's ready, he's donewith that song.
(17:29):
Moving on.
Ooh.
Yeah.
That's good.
One, one that's heavy.
Y'all heard that dramatic.
He is the dj.
I that she get it.
Yeah, because shift us.
See?
Yeah.
So I know we've been talking alot about.
(17:50):
you know, when those friendshipsare coming to an end.
Mm-hmm.
maybe not saying much, but Ihave to bring up, I don't like
the narrative of girlfriendscutting each other off so
quickly.
Girl, and for, that's so weird.
For very, very small reasons,like not showing up to my
birthday dinner.
Can, can we speak on that?
(18:12):
I don't like it.
Yeah.
Which just doesn't.
All I'm gonna say on that isthose who know grace, show
Grace.
Yeah.
I had someone not show up to mybirthday dinner.
She ended up getting caught up.
There was a lot of things goingon.
I still love her.
I'll see her later today.
Yeah, it's nothing wrong withthat.
I'm not cutting her off.
(18:32):
I know her heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Period.
Point blank.
I think that's what it comesdown to, and, and I have this
conversation so often, so manypeople use the term friend so
loosely, let alone Oh my gosh.
Close friend or my sister, myeighth, boom, coon, whatever you
wanna call them.
Yeah.
And you really do not know theirhearts because anybody I and.
Just like I said two secondsago, anybody that I consider a
(18:53):
close friend or part of mytribe, I've never had to
question.
Right.
I don't have to question theirheart.
I don't have to question theirloyalty.
If they cannot make something,it's cuz they genuinely
couldn't.
Mm-hmm.
whether they make it up to me ornot, it doesn't change how great
of a friend they Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So, and I think that's the rootof the, a lot of the problem
when you see these girls, oh,she ain't come to my right
dinner.
Forget her.
I'm not friends with her nomore.
Yeah, she was, I left her lastyear.
That's, that's crazy.
(19:13):
That's crazy.
I'm insane.
It's okay to grow separately.
You don't have to.
I think that's also somethingwith the world that we're living
in now, where we feel likeeverything has to be so harsh.
Like, oh my God.
You know, just to let somebodyknow, like they just wanna be so
rude.
Yeah.
It doesn't call for that.
Like, and I think it's also thisis like, it can be applied to
(19:34):
everything in life.
Just learning how to not takeeverything so personal.
Oh my god.
Because it's like, it, it mightnot have even been about you.
Like, yes, it's your birthday,your birthday's important to
you.
Them not showing up.
It doesn't mean that yourbirthday's any less important to
them.
No.
And, and both of you not takingit personally, you're not going
to be offended as much.
You're going to be able to avoida lot of those petty arguments,
right?
And whatever else.
And then those like, all right,we, you know, ACE, that one
(19:56):
particular friend.
Where we talk heavily for thisseason and then six, seven
months, but neither of us saidanything and neither of us
checked in.
Right.
And all that.
Like that kind of those weirddynamics.
Yeah.
But like with a birthday dinner,like just cutting somebody off
for a reason like that, itdoesn't really make sense.
And it's also digging deeper, soOkay.
If you're so willing to cut themoff for that particular reason,
what did that friendship looklike anyway?
(20:17):
Is that really your friend?
Yep.
And like it has been off for awhile.
If something like this has nowcaused you, someone wanna like,
okay, I'm done.
I think, and I think what all ofus said too is it goes back to
knowing yourself.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
like, you don't take thingspersonally when you know
yourself because you know thatin your character, you've never
shown someone signs that theyshould remove you that fast from
(20:39):
their life.
Right.
And so you get it.
It's, it's easy to not take itpersonally when it's like girl,
like.
That's got everything to do withhow you perceive things like
that has everything to do with,there's trauma that's playing a
part in that.
Mm-hmm.
there's, there's pastexperiences that are playing a
part in that.
There's recent trauma, there'srecent hurt, there's recent
pain, and all of those thingshave nothing to do with me.
(21:01):
Yeah.
But right now, in this moment,you're taking them out on me and
that's never been a reflectionof my character.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And so when you know yourself tothe point where you're like, I
know my character, like, and Idon't question my character.
Mm-hmm.
am I perfect?
Of course not.
Is there room to grow?
Of course there is.
Mm-hmm.
But I know that to this person,I have not shown you anything in
my character that would revealthat I have any malicious intent
(21:21):
towards you.
Mm-hmm.
why would we do that to eachother?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I, I think the more thatpeople learn themselves, the
less you'll see that.
Because it's almost like in whatBraysia said, it's like it's so
harsh outside.
Like I would say it all thetime, like it's so evil outside.
Yeah, but it's evil becausepeople treat human decency.
Like it's only preserved forfriendship now.
(21:42):
Right.
And it's like human, like justdecency.
We're humans.
We both are experiencing lifeand things that are out of our
control things.
Sometimes have, you know, likeeverything happens for a reason.
I felt that way.
So, but there's sometimesthere's honestly things just
happened.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I think when you get to thatplace in your life where you're
like, things just happen.
And there's also things thathappen for a reason.
(22:03):
It's like, okay.
Like, and you know what, I thinkalso too with the relationships,
I think a lot of what we see,There's a lot of relationships
where they've become moretransactional in nature.
Oh my God.
Rather than relational innature.
And people have focused so muchon the transactional piece of it
where it's like, you do this forme and I do this for you.
(22:24):
I scratch your back.
And they've made that theemphasis where it's like your
aim should be to be relational.
Yeah.
Like do the.
love.
Mm-hmm.
just love, you know what I'msaying?
Just trust, be reliable.
Yes.
Show up.
You know what I mean?
Respect people's boundaries.
Yeah.
Like people aren't, they'regetting away from that, I think.
And I think that's the challengein what we see and people are so
willing to just up and leavebecause you're just not
(22:46):
scratching my back anymore.
Yeah.
I mean, and that's just like, SoI was having this conversation
today, like, that's so funny.
This is so timely.
God is crazy.
He's amazing.
He's so funny.
God, you're such a funny guy.
I was having this conversationtoday in the spirit of like
Valentine's Day and everything,and I was having a conversation
with a guy like, who's a friendof mine, and I asked him like,
do you celebrate Valentine's Daywith the girls that you're
(23:08):
dating?
And he's like, I've never likedanybody enough for me to
celebrate Valentine's Day.
And I had to give him theperspective of like, so many
people think that social media,right?
Sad boy this so sad Anyway, likepeople like hope he, people walk
around and say, yeah, I hope hedoes.
I hope he does.
I hope he doesn't say, I reallynot for real.
We're talking to you.
Right?
No, fyi.
(23:28):
Like, relax.
And I was listening to him and Isaid, I was like, okay.
If I, if I, first of all, whywouldn't you celebrate the
holiday?
That's just about love.
And then people do the whole,well, if you show people you
love them every day, then why doyou need a day to do it?
And it's like, well, why not?
Right?
Because every other day is justevil as they come.
Yeah.
And so you're telling me thisday is for love.
(23:50):
I'm okay.
Like there's nothing that's likeweighing on me so bad that I
can't just honor the people inmy life that I love a little bit
more.
Right.
Or like you hear the thought ofin the transactional in.
Men, like, well I don'tcelebrate that cuz like, that's
not my girl.
Or, I'm dating her.
But it's not, and it's like youspend time with that girl, like
you spend, you're with herdaily, you go on dates with her
(24:11):
and you, maybe you are intimatewith her and maybe you're, your
experience.
You share life experiences withthis other person.
love doesn't have to be, you'rein love with people.
I just love, I literally loveall the ladies here because I
really do love y'all.
But like even, I love that yourexistence, I'm even allowed to
be around your existence.
I'm allowed to even have a pieceof your mind.
(24:32):
I love that.
Yeah.
And so on Valentine's Day, Icould celebrate y'all with the
same type of love that I, youknow what I mean?
And that's just like thetransactional piece of, okay,
well I'm gonna give this all toher, but it doesn't mean she
means that much to me.
And.
are you not grateful for herexistence?
Like, can you just not love thatshe is a person who is in this
earth that you've gotten to havea conversation with?
(24:53):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Obviously you appreciate her tothat point, so why couldn't you?
It's really evil outside guys.
It's a perfect, I was gonna say,I think he goes back to heart
posture.
And I like that term.
I love that.
Like your heart posture and thenhaving a servant heart.
Because if you have a servantheart in general, you're going
to serve everyone around you.
Mm-hmm.
And you're going to give it all,like give everything your best.
(25:15):
Give everything your all.
And I think that the unfortunatepart is that with like, when it
comes to transaction, you'renot, not going to work on the
days that aren't payday, right?
Mm-hmm.
like that, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
So it's like people approachfriendship in that way of like,
oh, well what am I getting fromthis?
Right?
Yeah.
Whereas like, if we, okay.
Try to go to your job once everytwo weeks and see what happens.
Yeah.
But you know, not to, not to saythat they're the same thing, but
(25:37):
in general, like people arealways looking to, uh, or people
have to grow to a point wherethey're not looking to see like,
well, what is in it for me?
Yeah.
And just doing it from like thekindness of their heart.
and if they have a heartenedheart, and not to get too, like
biblical, go ahead.
Get people what they need.
The food, you know, it's like,it's like moving yourself out of
the way to let God soften yourheart and let him clean it out.
(25:59):
Yeah.
And renew your spirit in thatway.
Mm-hmm.
And it's like a lot of people,they don't take the, the issue
with that is a lot of people areafraid.
to sit in solitude.
Mm-hmm.
because a lot of the work thatGod has to do in your heart,
like you have to be by yourself,yourself, and people.
And that's why people are alsoafraid to approach conversations
and friendship.
Yep.
Because they're like, well, if Idon't have this friend, then
what am I gonna do?
(26:20):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Like, I'm gonna, I'd ratherendure.
It's almost like, what is that?
What is the phrase like thedevil, you know?
Yeah, like, I don't really usethat phrase, but like, I think
the meaning of it is that, okay,well, I mean, I know this friend
don't ever answer the phone andnever call me back.
I know she never shows up toanything.
I know she's not there for mewhen this happens and whatever.
However, I've known her foreveror you know, this, whatever,
whatever it means to them,whatever that particular
(26:40):
friendship.
But if people take the time outto be okay with, all right, if
I, you know, if I speak on how Ifeel in this situation, if that
means that this person is nowoffended or this friendship is
over, then I'm okay with that,right?
Because I believe that whetherthat puts you by yourself or you
rely on other friends, but it'slike, okay, I believe that.
It's gonna come back to me.
(27:01):
God is gonna return whatever,like, whatever it is that I feel
like I lost.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
because it's like once you,because a lot of the time when
it happens, people realize like,oh, I feel lighter.
Like I am better off Withoutthat friendship, it was, you
know, really kind of drainingand not just, you know, it
wasn't, the effort that you putin wasn't being reciprocated in
that way.
Mm-hmm.
But yeah, it goes back to theheart for sure.
It really is a privilege to bein people's lives and I don't
(27:23):
think people like understandthat.
as much that it's really aprivilege to be in people's
lives.
We're gonna shift gears a littlebit.
What about expectations?
How do, how do we feel aboutexpectations?
Um, you know, like I touched onearlier, I feel like I became an
ex expectation expert of myfriends.
(27:44):
Life shifted for all of us.
You know, we're no longer justin the house on the phone all
day.
You know, people are married,people have kids, people are,
you know, in different,different companies and jobs and
things of that nature.
So I realized like, people arenot gonna be available 24 7.
Mm-hmm.
So I think that's when I wasable to actually really
understand and apply the whole,you know, concept of having
realistic expectations for eachfriend and each friend will be
(28:06):
different.
I think that's really importantbecause then you're able to tie
in the grace aspect of itbecause it.
Hey, I, okay, I'm not gonnaexpect what, you know, my friend
that is, is single versus myfriend with three kids is going
to do, or how they're gonna showup and be present for me.
Like, you're not gonna come toevery, you know, work conference
to support me or, you know,every, whatever the case may be.
Because you just don't have thetime.
(28:27):
But you may be the one to dropin and, you know, stop by the
house and just randomly gimme ahug, which, My love language and
what I need, you know, everybodyhas something different to offer
and that's why you really haveto know your people and have
realistic expectations for eachone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Agree.
I agree with that.
Yeah.
I don't have, I have anothercomment.
That's it.
I always have comments.
Have another, I have anothercomment.
(28:48):
Go ahead.
I think with expectations,especially.
in the season of black that I'min, and I, I'd say the season
that I've been in, maybe forabout a year or so, it's just
recognizing that, okay, I'm goodwith people showing up for me in
the best possible way that theycan, in the, the best way that
they know how to Yeah.
And we can work with that.
Mm-hmm.
whether that's in the same wayin which I would show up for
(29:10):
them, like that's notnecessarily the.
that's not necessarily whatmatters.
It's just okay because like,like Danny said, I think it was
Danny at the beginning of theconversation, how people are
raised really takes a toll onhow they, that's why I was like,
we don't have time to dig deepinto that.
But recognizing, and it's like,it all ties together because
it's like you can, when yourecognize how people are raised
and how that pours into the typeof person, they show up as in
(29:32):
the.
You can then give them grace,but then you also can see like,
okay, is this something that Ican, you know, is this the type
of person that I can have in mylife moving forward?
Is it, are they willing to grow?
Are they willing to change?
Do they even know these thingsabout themselves?
Have I done everything in mypower and within just my realm
of responsibility as a humanbeing to whether it's, you know,
(29:54):
whether your job is to make themaware of these things mm-hmm.
that you know they have goingon, what they're doing, not
doing whatever.
Or if it's just to speak on howyou feel, right.
About how they're maneuvering.
Have I done everything that Godhas led me to do in this
situation?
And if so, being able to walkaway if that's the case or if
like is it, it could be yourassignment to then show them
something different, right?
And you put in the energy andthe effort in that way.
(30:15):
But just being able, like shesaid earlier, to discern like,
alright, what is it about thisfriendship?
Like why is this person in mylife?
Yes.
And if you don't know, askScott.
Yes.
Because he will always tell you,he will always tell you, clarify
that.
And you also can't be afraid ofwhat he showed you.
Yep.
Oh my God.
Yep.
So it's like, don't ask if youdon't wanna know the, don't ask
don't act like him and don't actlike that part.
(30:39):
You talk about my other friendsabout that one, like, you know,
like we all touched on, but thegrace part, you know, a lot.
This whole conversation that'sreally important.
And knowing your friends, butalso I feel like that goes hand
in hand with forgiveness.
Like, you know, number one, andwe're all Christians up here,
you have to forgive unless you,you don't wanna be forgiven.
(31:02):
You don't have a choice, right?
Um, but you know, outside ofthat, we are human.
And I feel like when you knowyour personnel, you know your
people, you can have grace.
And even when you don't haveenough, enough grace, there also
comes a time where it's like, Iknow this person.
I know their heart.
by faith, I'm gonna just goahead and forgive them because I
know that they didn't mean itand we're gonna move forward.
Right?
Yeah.
And I think that's really hardfor a lot of women to do, and I
mean, it's hard for people ingeneral to do, but especially
(31:24):
women.
Mm-hmm.
And we can go ahead and get intoa talk about it because I don't
know why it is so hard for womento do that in their
relationships and theirsisterhoods, whatever you wanna
call it.
but they'd be so quick to do itfor their men.
Ooh, I think you gonna make meup.
Here's the thing.
I think that I really, there'sso many things that play a part,
I feel like in that, and I thinka lot of them are variables that
(31:49):
you have to, like, things thatyou have to unlearn.
Yeah.
And we talked about the traumaand, and it goes back, but it,
it really does go back to that,I think so many times and why
women are so forgiving with themen that they're dealing with,
rather than their women andtheir friendships.
Think about when you watch themovies.
Right.
When you watch the movies, thegirls are best friends and when
they stop being friends, they'rereally like enemies now.
(32:09):
Right?
Like that's all you've seen.
You're programmed to think like,if my friend violates me that
way, then that's what needs tohappen.
I have to get rid of her.
You know?
But what they're with men, it'slike all you see in movies is a
man doing something wrong to awoman, but then him trying to
make up for it and her forgivingand oh, it still could be a
happy Leah Raptor.
And that's what we see.
So that's.
I feel like so often women areoperating within that realm of
(32:30):
like, well, what I've alwaysseen, been programmed to know,
or they could.
I hate to say a bitter mama whois heart, whose heart was broken
and hurt from her ownfriendships and has, is a lonely
person, love, and therefore hasraised a daughter who, I'm a
teacher.
So I teach third, fourth, andfifth grade.
I get third graders who arelike, yo, she's fake.
I don't never wanna be herfriend anymore.
If she's so scary, she can stop.
(32:51):
And I'm like, can you stillfake?
Could you read fake?
If I put it on a piece of paperin front of you, stop playing in
my face.
And it's like, and I'm like, whyare you saying that?
She's like my mama.
Like, and the court thing shesays is my mama said, my mama
said that I shouldn't betrusting.
And my mama said, if she does,and it's like, oh my god, can I
call your mama?
Because what happened to mom forreal?
(33:12):
Right?
And why is she raising you tohate women?
Women so much.
Yeah.
And then raising them to hatemen too.
But that's not what we'retalking about today.
So listen, they're just raisingto hate everybody.
Hate everybody.
The hate and their heart and,and yeah, it definitely does
start at home.
Yeah, it definitely.
And how you nurture yourfriendships.
You learn.
You learned the how to nurtureyour heart from your mother,
your father mm-hmm.
(33:32):
your, your parental figures inyour life.
Very, very much so.
Yeah.
I definitely would say that.
That's 100%.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
I like those hand in hand withbasic forgiveness, though.
Some people, it's, for somepeople it's equivalent actually
for men and women and for a lotof women though.
It's actually not.
It's not, you know?
Mm-hmm.
we're all the women listening.
Let's just do better in life andset examples for the younger
generations.
Please, if anything, you know,sisters before mister Okay, the
(33:56):
babies need us.
Enough.
Enough, we might as well cometogether.
Yeah.
And it's like, and even if youdon't have the example in your
own life of like positive women,Don't take that as it doesn't
exist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Them, yeah, create them, butalso like first, like work on
yourself.
Work on becoming the friend lovethat you want to have.
(34:17):
Yes.
And then those people will beattracted to you.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
because I can say a lot of thefriends that I have now at 29, I
didn't go seeking thosefriendships.
Mm-hmm.
or they were friends or peoplethat I knew.
Mm-hmm.
But we, you know, we weren'tintentional about watering it,
but not because we, it's just wedidn't realize that, oh, there's
something here.
Yeah.
We're like, oh.
I've known you for 15 years, butI didn't realize we had all this
(34:37):
in common.
But that's because the season oflife that we were both in maybe
15 years ago, we weren't meantto be friends and really just
kind of letting God lead us inthat way.
I love that.
In whatever time he decides.
Yeah, and he's like, boo, Ijust, yeah, you've been
following this person for 10years, but now all something has
put.
something as in Holy Spirit Hasnudged you to now like DM this
person, or, oh, this person hasbeen liking on their pictures.
Like, oh, she goes to the gymtoo.
(34:58):
Or, oh, like we're both vegan orwhatever.
Like whatever it is.
Right?
And it can be something reallytiny.
Like we have, I have this randomhobby that nobody knows about.
God knows.
Yeah.
And so he has created some otherpeople that also have that.
It's like, oh my gosh, you dothat too.
I have no clue.
Right.
And so it's like, you know, justbeing open in that way to kind
of just whatever shifts come,and if that means.
(35:18):
you're developing newfriendships or letting go of old
ones, or the dynamics arechanging.
Just being open and flowing inthat way.
Yes.
Oh, I love the word flow.
Yeah, flow.
That just arrested my spirit.
I literally love the word flow.
I love the word flow because itliterally starts with yourself.
Yeah.
And you have to be free flowingwithin you, which is why we
started with mindset of mentalgoodness.
Because if you're clogged up,you cannot flow.
(35:40):
You can't flow.
And then if you're, if you can'tflow, you can't flow with the
people in your life.
Right.
And then you're, you're outtasync.
You're outta whack.
You're not in a.
So I think that that's superbig.
And also too, something thatcame to my mind is expectations
go both ways.
So you have to do the work.
Yeah.
Anytime like expectation with noeffort is entitlement.
(36:01):
And then you start getting intoego driven desires like.
That is just like, that's wherewe don't want to go.
Right?
We want to flow in love.
We want to flow in, you know,the happy place of the Holy
Spirit.
I love, I feel like t-shirts onthe way.
I was gonna say, I actually haveand I won't go too into detail,
(36:22):
but I actually had experiencedsomething like Angia was
talking.
where I had a friendship andliterally it, it had, it just
had to flow.
Mm-hmm.
I was best friends with, um, oneof my girlfriends, like from
elementary all the way up untillike, uh, freshman year of
college.
And we had some, you know, someouts.
(36:45):
And we had to separate.
Yeah.
It wasn't a huge falling out oranything like that, but it was
just we weren't in alignment.
I was somewhere she wasn't and Icouldn't be like, I couldn't be
what she needed for me and shecouldn't be what I needed for
her.
Mm-hmm.
But fast forward about lastyear, we DMed.
Mm-hmm.
(37:05):
you know what we should, weshould get together.
She's like, okay.
We get together and when I say.
Like literally tears of likethat separation.
We both were able to grow.
We became totally differentpeople to where when we came
back together, it was like, thisis only God.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
(37:25):
So it's possible, and I say thatto say like if you, if you're
struggling if you're strugglingwith, you know, whether you know
you want to become friends withsomeone again, or whether you
need to take a.
pray about it.
Yes.
Talk to God like y said, and youmight just need to do that.
So that, and it, it might not bethe end.
Yeah.
If it's not supposed to beright.
(37:47):
Yes.
But take, do what you need to dofor yourself and for that
person.
Just, just watch God workhowever it's supposed to, but
it's very possible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
These are grateful.
Yeah.
So I guess if we could kind ofsummarize I guess if everybody
wants to choose something, thatwas their favorite piece of
today that we can leave theseamazing listeners with.
(38:11):
I guess I, let me start.
You start, yeah.
Yeah.
Cause I wanna steal for somebodyelse.
Puzzle pieces.
The puzzle pieces.
And you can piggy back on, but.
How all puzzle pieces aren't thesame.
(38:33):
Mm-hmm.
but how they come together, howthey're supposed to.
Mm-hmm.
where your friends can becomefriends.
Mm-hmm.
But just recognizing that noneof your friends are the same.
Yeah.
Don't expect the same type offriendship from each of your
friends.
Recognizing who they are, theirhearts, how they need to be
(38:54):
loved.
Yes.
How they are able to show lovein that season.
Mm-hmm.
and just having that, that, thatheart posture to be able to
heart pressure.
Yeah.
I love that too.
I'm taking it all So just, youknow, be, be, be that good
friend.
Yeah.
(39:14):
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take grace.
Ooh.
Because I just, grace, honestly,it's like, it's everything.
But the big reason Grace pulledis because there's times where,
it's easy to have grace becausethat's not a personal thing for
you.
Mm-hmm.
And then sometime when there's atrigger there that you haven't
really healed from yet, or thatyou're still, that still brings
(39:36):
out those emotions, sometimesit's a little harder to have
grace.
And so Grace was just a reallybig part of this conversation
because it goes everywhere.
Yes.
In your life.
And just to practice grace.
So classy.
So classy.
It's the best thing.
Yeah.
Trust me.
I think, cuz I don't wanna golast, I don't want y'all to
steal everything.
(39:57):
But no, just kidding.
I'm actually gonna go back tothe puzzle piece because that
just sparked an additionalthought.
So it kind of counts to thesummary, I hope.
Yeah.
With the puzzle pieces, not onlylike recognizing that everything
doesn't fit right next to eachother, recognizing that it's a
part of a bigger picture so it'sbigger than.
Like friendship is bigger thanus.
And when everybody is looking atit from the, like the vantage
(40:17):
point of, oh, it's not about me.
Right?
It's about whatever God wants todo.
Yeah.
Then we are all approaching it.
And then because of that, again,like I said, I'm not gonna go
too deep, but like recognizingthat we're all a part of the
body of Christ.
And so because of that, themission is bigger.
Mm-hmm.
And no one person is any lessimportant than another.
No one friend is any lessimportant than another.
And it causes you to be able togive that respect and that same
(40:40):
love to everybody.
Mm-hmm.
you gotta preach on pastor.
That's what I'm saying.
Word platform.
Oh my God.
Did you?
Okay, we'll save, we'll save thebest for last.
I would definitely say, Danny'sstill my, everybody had
something great to say's comingforward.
(41:00):
we had conversations beforethis, but I think that goes in
hand in hand with expectations,like I said, like knowing your,
your tribe is so important.
And also I think.
This generation as a whole needsto do better with not using the
term friend and and sister andall that stuff Loosely.
Yeah.
Because that is something veryintimate and sacred I know, for
me at least.
So just be mindful of that.
And also, like I said, knowingyour tribe.
(41:21):
Like if I can't, I could promiseyou every single person in my
tribe I could trust with my bankaccount in my pen, in my
passport.
That's true.
And if I can't do that trust andbelieve, I do not call you part
of my tribe.
Right.
So I feel like knowing that, andlike you said, Knowing that
person's heart, their heart'sposture.
Mm-hmm.
that is super important becausethat trickles down to everything
else in every single aspect andconversation and component that
we've had of, of thisconversation period.
(41:41):
So I feel like that's reallyimportant.
And then that helps, you know,have realistic expectations of
what you, what you have of eachfriend.
It's like, yeah, I know thisperson loves me to death, but
just can't do that.
And that's okay because a lot ofthese friendships are ruined and
not only ruined, but alsocreates.
Beef, whatever y'all want,whatever term y'all wanna use.
And just unnecessary hate inthis world.
And it's just, it's not it.
(42:02):
So I think just having graceand, and also just knowing your
people and knowing yourself issuper important.
So that would be my takeaway inall of this for sure.
And the best for last, wrap usup in a, a bow bre Literally I
don't know if we've said this.
but it, it, it dawned on me Godsends you people to not only
(42:26):
keep you company along theirjourney, but to help you get to
your destination.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
There's times when he sends youpeople, like, I, like we talked
about up here, you gotta discernthe ones who are not meant to
assist you and help you get toyour journey.
But there's also trusting.
there are people that he sends.
Mm-hmm.
And how do you honor that?
How do you lift them up?
How do you keep them healthy?
(42:46):
Because like anything in life,like a plant, you have to water
it.
Yeah.
If you have a pet puppy, youhave to feed it and take it out.
Like you have to make sure thatyou nurture every component of,
of, or every aspect of yourlife.
Yeah.
And that includes yourfriendships.
Because truthfully, do you seeall these women up.
And for the listeners you can'tsee, but you can feel the women
(43:06):
up here and you feel the powerin the room.
There's so much power in ourtribe.
There's so much power in thepeople that we call friends.
So it's really truly a, aconstant evaluation of.
The people in your life and notnecessarily an assessment where
you're trying to test them.
Right.
Right.
Because there's no right orwrong answer here.
(43:27):
But more so like a dance.
Mm-hmm.
a dance.
I think that that was one of myfavorite things.
Cool.
And it's just a survey of howtheir actions match their words.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then also I think if wecould, charge you all with
anything as well.
It's just maybe ask yourself, dothe people connected to you
fully help you fulfill yourpurpose in life?
Or are they hindering you fromfulfilling your purpose in life?
(43:49):
Mm-hmm.
Um, it, I think it determineswhere you go ultimately.
And maybe what are some betterways you can love on your tribe?
What's some better ways that wecan engage?
What's some better ways you canbuild your tribe up.
so that the people that they arejust a genuine reflection of
yourself.
Mm-hmm.
So I think that we can we canpause here.
(44:11):
Now I meant to do the episodededication, but I got so
overwhelmed with these amazingand beautiful faces.
This episode is going to bededicated to my favorite.
Most inspiring woman, I wouldsay in history.
Everyone knows her.
She's most prominent for theCivil rights movement.
Ms.
Rosa Parks, well, she's reallysore or, and she, I literally
(44:34):
have a picture of her in my roombecause she just is a woman's
woman.
Like, you know how people arethe, you know, we say girls
girl.
She's the woman's woman.
She shows up, she showed up forMs.
Risi Taylor.
I don't know if anyone knows.
RISI Taylor.
Risi Taylor was a young blackwoman in, I believe, from
Alabama who was sexuallyassaulted by six white men.
(44:55):
And Rosa actually traveled backand forth from where she was to
accompany her in court when theywouldn't even let them in the
courtroom because they wereblack.
Mm-hmm.
So she was just, A truetrailblazer in so many different
ways.
I think we, we all know her fromnot giving up her seat on the
bus, but if you start to diginto her history and her legacy,
(45:16):
she really, really stood forwomen empowerment.
So it's amazing that God led meto her right here.
And I'm just so grateful tohonor her.
And lastly, we will do the crownher.
Segment, which is going to go tothe phenomenal Miss Mia
Williams.
(45:36):
She, she's been doing her thingwith the colors of her success.
Yes.
She really has been trulyblazing a trail.
She really believes ininspiration through
representation.
She's.
Partnered with a number ofcompanies.
She's moderating a number ofconversations in terms of
minority women, and you reallyshould just check out her
(45:56):
platform.
She does career networking andcareer services, so check her
out when you have anopportunity.
The colors of her success, wewill post her on our page.
Love this.
Anything else you, anyone wouldlike to leave with?
We love you.
No, thank you.
We love you so much.
Love you.
This was great.
You was amazing.
I love you all.
12 outta ten.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(46:18):
It's a wrap.
Till next time.
Until next time.
Yay.
Welcome back to Crown Culture ofthe podcast.
MacBook Air Microphone-1 (00:02):
Today we're here for episode two.
You're only as good as yourtribe.
MacBook Air Micropho (00:05):
friendship dynamics explored.
We are here just to talk aboutsome of the, I think, things we
experience every day throughfriendships and relationships,
and really just explore how thatis in real time.
I'm here today with some of mylovely, lovely featured guests
my amazing friends and lovelyladies.
So, to the right of me, I've gotthe beautiful Sierra Jones-Ward.
(00:29):
And I've got the beautiful,amazing Danielle Poullard, I've
got Beza Solomon, my amazing,phenomenal.
She is.
She's my girl, y'all.
And then I've got my amazing,awesome wisdom bearing, okay?
Okay.
Prayer warrior.
(00:49):
Okay, here.
You, that's why we all up here,by the way, miss Shelandria just
wanna take the time to start.
If everybody could just bowtheir heads, close their, Father
God, we're thanking you fortoday.
We're thanking you for anamazing, magnificent experience.
We ask that you just go beforeus in this conversation and
allow you to just articulate thethoughts and the things that you
(01:12):
need to be shared with peoplethat are listening.
We just thank you for yourpresence and your goodness, and
you are just so amazing ineverything that you do.
We are pursuing you.
We're chasing after you andeverything in Jesus' name.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Faith is in session.
Amen.
So y'all know it's no secretthat the friends we meet to keep
(01:33):
us company along our journey inthe pursuit of life matters the
most.
And I like to believe thatthey're godsend angels in the
flesh.
So, I like to know, just tostart, you know, cuz I like to
pose questions to myself often.
And I think that that just fuelsconversations, the questions
that we ask and how we explorethem.
So I'd like to know kind of.
(01:55):
how are you?
What type of friend are you?
You know, if you had to describeyourself, how would you describe
yourself as a friend?
I guess I'll start, and I'd sayfor me, I am extremely big on
loyalty, love, and respect.
And I just believe in showing upfor people in the most authentic
way possible.
I believe in meeting peoplewhere they are.
I believe learning to speakdifferent love languages and
(02:16):
learning to speak differentfriends with different purposes
love languages.
So that's kind of the type offriend that I am.
I'm the friend that's gonna showup for you no matter what.
If you need me to get in thecar, you need us to pull up.
No, we don't do that no more ButI am that friend very much so.
And I cheer for my friends and Iclap for them.
And so that was, that would behow I would describe the type of
(02:38):
friend I am.
I think it described all of us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, yeah, I think thatdescribes all of us, but also I
think that for me and friendshipbeing a.
Yeah.
And just serving your friends inwhatever way they need.
Whatever the season calls for.
Yeah.
And just like really valuing to,if you're both serving each
other, then there's thatbalance.
Yeah.
That's good.
I agree with that.
(02:58):
Yeah, I can definitely agreewith that.
Yeah.
I mean, I agree with all of the,what was said.
I think I'm very present.
I'm very loyal.
I'm a very, I'm very big onbeing present, especially
because that's what I expect ofmy friends as well.
Mm-hmm.
um, for the little things, evenon a day-to-day basis, but also
for the big things, like I'mvery big on being present on
achievements, life and death, sobaby showers, birthdays, you
(03:22):
know, funerals, that type ofthing.
I'm very passionate.
Mm-hmm.
I go to war for my people andI'm more invested sometimes, but
it's, you know, it's a very goodand bad thing about me, so.
Nothing that we could, we couldsay that about all of us.
Yeah.
That part.
I agree.
Yeah, I can agree with that.
Um, I mean, I think to all thethings that you guys have said,
really the only thing I thinkthat I add is just like that
(03:43):
intention with your friends.
Mm-hmm.
In terms of I know Beza, we kindof talked about this before, but
the idea of just knowing thehearts of your friends mm-hmm.
and I think that that's been soimportant and why friendships of
mine have lasted as long as theyhave, because.
We all have different moods.
We have different every day.
(04:04):
You might not feel the way youdid yesterday, or maybe you
talked to me 30 minutes ago andnow 30 minutes later I'm
tripping.
You know what I mean?
And that's just part of life.
But making sure you're a friendthat says, I know your heart.
Yeah.
And so when you're having amoment like that, I try to make
sure that, that I'm the friendthat's like, I see, I see what's
in your heart.
And so I'm not going to takethis a moment right here and
take that so personally becauselike I know your heart.
(04:25):
And so I try to make sure thatI'm the friend that reminds all
of my friends that like girl, weknow each other's heart, like
mm-hmm.
never let some of the emotionsof today get in the way of, you
know, the bigger picture of ourfriendship.
So I try to be that friend cuzgirl, we be having days, so,
okay.
We all do.
We all do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
um, I would say, Well, myfriends pretty much look at me
(04:48):
as like the mom.
Yeah.
Give back you give back Very,the accountability friend.
Yeah.
But I'm also just, justdependable, loving.
I'm like, which can be a badthing at times, but a lot of the
times my friends don't knoweverything that's going on with
me because I, I just wanna bethat, I wanna be that strong
(05:11):
friend.
Facts.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I take that role alot.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
I think that would explain me.
Yeah.
Yeah, I definitely agree.
One, I think that's also whyI've curated this group of
wonderful women because we, wehave that common thread and I
think when you start to talkabout like your friendships, the
(05:31):
people who are in your circle.
I think you have to kind ofidentify and know your personnel
because if you don't know.
the people that you're dealingwith, and what friend gives you
what on what day?
Like I know if I pick up thephone and I call Sierra, yeah.
We, we might go into prayer.
Okay.
Or we might go deep into prayerbecause that's just what's
necessary.
Or we might, you know, I don'tknow.
(05:52):
Sh I, I joke, I play all day.
She, she knows that everybody uphere knows I play all day.
So I have those friends whereit's just like, maybe sometimes
we're on joke time, but then,you know, I also have friends
where I know if I neededsomething, like if I needed.
anything.
I don't know anything.
They are going to dropeverything like for me.
Yeah.
So I think that when we talkabout that that's really
(06:15):
important.
What about, how do y'all feelabout y'all tribe?
Like, like I think when we talkabout tribes and the people that
surround us, because that couldinclude your mentors.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
that could include, you know,your family.
Cuz family, I believe is that'spart of your tribe.
They help you, they shape you,they mowed you.
Yeah.
How do y'all feel about yourtribe?
(06:35):
Basically I go to war, you knowwhat I mean?
But it's because they are soloyal, you know?
They are so genuine.
But I think in a lot of waysthis.
All of your relationships bringsomething to your life where,
not that you're lacking, butthat you can grow.
Mm-hmm.
you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
And I feel like that abouteverybody who's in my circle is
like, oh, this friend is for, isthis friend?
(06:56):
Is this Like, it's like, dang, Iknow.
And I'm trying to make adecision regarding this.
Like, this is who I go to forthis.
Mm-hmm.
or when I know when I'm in thistype of situation, this is who I
would call for this.
Like, this is who you call tocalm down.
This is who you call to go.
You know what I mean?
Like this is, and so I feel sostrongly about my tribe because
they feel like my puzzle.
You know what I mean?
Like they just intertwine andconnect with me and it's like
(07:17):
when it's all, it's like, oh myGod, like I'm so warm.
You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
like that's how you feel andthat's why you go to war for
that.
Cuz you're like, now you playingwith my puzzle feeds like, okay,
like stop playing.
I can't be complete without mytribe.
So I love that.
That's how I think about it.
Yeah, I agree 100%.
I think that my perspective onmy tribe is a little different
just cuz I'm older than all ofyou.
(07:38):
Mm-hmm.
And so I think that I've grownto accept that my needs in
friendship change and that ofthe people around me also
change.
So as we go through differentseasons, being able to adjust
and then also I think not beingafraid to dial back for a season
or to push in and lean in foranother.
And then with two people whorespect each other, then you'll
understand like, okay, we mighthave been, you know, a lot
(08:00):
closer three, four years ago.
Yeah.
But life took me this way.
And life took you that way.
Yeah.
And now it's a little different,but there's always love there.
There's always gonna be respectthere.
But I think.
Me, like I personally approachfriendship in that way of
knowing that okay, while my lifeis here in this current season
mm-hmm.
this is the type of friend thatI can be to you.
This is the type of friend youcan be to me.
And then this is how we, youknow, does this work for both of
(08:21):
us.
Right, right.
And are we equally aligned inthat way?
Yeah.
Our lives Like you, like Dannysaid, Puzzle piece is like no
puzzle piece is the same.
Right?
And so the way that it connectsto you, it might not connect to
another friend you have.
And so recognizing and notputting people in that position
of, okay, building this person,like, why are my friends not
getting along, but recognizing,oh, they might not be supposed
to get along.
You know what I mean?
(08:41):
They're not meant for that.
It's they're connected to me.
Right.
And that is the, the commondenominator.
Yeah.
But then over time though, asyou get older, and I think where
I am now, I'm realizing that,oh, the, I guess the people that
I have around, It's based on mycore values, who I am.
And so those people, they end upfinding things in common.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
and some of my friends, likethey might have met at like a
(09:02):
birthday party or something, andthen they, they're talking on
Instagram and now they'refriends and I'm like, oh, okay.
When your friendship is based onthe right, Y yes you are.
Yes.
Then your friends, like all yourfriends, like there's gonna be
some type of commonality.
For sure.
100% agree with that.
I was reading this book andthat's it.
And if people wanna write thatdown, this is a, it's called
(09:22):
Relational Intelligence byPastor Darius Daniels.
And the same way we talk aboutemotional intelligence and iq it
breaks down the roles thatpeople play in your life, but
also how to navigate and takethe correct actions to be
strategic in your friendships.
Mm-hmm.
knowing when some people mayhave been more.
So, and your friends can turninto an assignment in your life
at one part.
(09:43):
Oh yeah.
Because sometimes you grow andyou experience things that takes
you a little bit ahead and itgive, God puts more knowledge
into your, and it's like you nolonger get to connect, like you
said, with those people in yourcircle the same way you used to.
Mm-hmm.
And so that book really helpedme at a pivotal point with my
best friend because, I was doinga lot of reading and I was just
hungry for knowledge like crazy,and she just wasn't there yet.
(10:05):
Mm-hmm.
and I was feeling strainedbecause I'm like, that's who I
talk to about these things.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And God just was like, the wordwas grace, like mm-hmm.
Yeah.
This, it's grace right now, youknow?
Yes.
Because you guys are not at thesame place, but that doesn't
mean that you bring yourself.
You know, you act like you don'thave the knowledge so that you
can connect, but you also don'thave expectations of of her to
have that.
(10:25):
And so that Grace allowed us tostill be able to be the friends
that we were, but to have alittle bit of a shift.
So relational intelligence byPastor Darius Daniels.
Great read.
Love that.
And to touch on what Danny said,like of course Grace and what I
just said as well, like and whatBridge just said, knowing your
people and then also atdifferent stages in life, like I
know I could personally usemyself as an.
You know, all y'all know I'm onbeat to all the kids.
(10:47):
So all, all my friends that nowhave children, and that really,
you know, honestly, I didn'treally realize how much of a
difference it would make in lifeuntil we got here and now that,
um, we're here because all ofmy, my tribe, I could say, you
know, these are friendships thatI've had for.
10, 20 years.
And I don't question or doubttheir heart, their intention,
but as life moved on, I realizedthat, hey, this person might
(11:07):
not, you know, might not bethere for me the way I want them
to.
Yeah.
But that also led me to thinkabout expectations, especially
in regards to their life and howthey can, because I think it's
also important we have.
realistic expectations becausefor people that can't be there
for themselves or that are busy,you know, raising a whole
family, you know, like I alwayssay, I'm still barely raising
myself.
You know, I can't imagine.
So, you know, you're raising afamily, you're doing this,
(11:28):
you're doing that.
You're trying to be mentally,spiritually sane, and then also
be present for your friends.
Mm-hmm.
So grace is a very big thingbecause I'm not, I know I could
speak for myself personally.
I'm not one to quick, you know,to quickly cut somebody off.
Yeah.
Cause I'm gonna think about howthis person has been there for
me.
Their intentions, their heart,their life circumstances, and
everybody's different in the waythat they show up for people.
Yeah, that's my take on that aswell.
(11:49):
But grace is very important.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think too, something Ithought about as Beza mentioned
it's the other side of showinggrace, but also recognizing that
as life moves forward, notholding onto a friendship simply
because of the history again.
Oh, yeah.
As you shift, I love that.
Yeah.
Like as you shift, it's like,oh, but I've been friends with
this person since I was five.
It's like, yeah, but God issaying it's time to keep on
(12:10):
going and not, you know what Imean?
I think it's like finding thatbalance.
Yeah.
Because I literally was thinkingabout proximity friends.
Mm-hmm.
As I'm doing like an evaluationof the people who are in my life
now and connected to me.
I'm just like, I'm not evenhesitant because I have, what
I'm experiencing is I have afriend who, or a couple friends
(12:31):
who like do just enough.
Mm-hmm.
just to say that they'reconnected or have that access,
but they're not necessarilydoing what it requires.
Right.
You know, or speaking my lovelanguage to actually.
Say like, this is me.
I'm, I'm your friend and this,I'm honoring this friendship.
And I just, I just, I'm like,you gotta go.
So I have a question.
Yeah.
For, for everybody.
(12:52):
when that happens in that typeof situation, do you, how do you
communicate that to yourfriends?
Mm-hmm.
are you the type of friend whopulls back or do you know how to
bring that up and say, Hey,you're not serving me in this
way.
Mm-hmm.
or is it that awkward?
Like, we both know something'soff, it's the elephant in the
room, and then time is passing,and then you're like, oh, I
don't know.
This feels different.
Mm-hmm.
but neither of us has verbalizedit.
Mm-hmm.
(13:12):
you know, we actually weretalking, sorry, go ahead.
I, I think it's all aboutdelivery one.
Mm-hmm.
Well, well, you have to discernwhether or.
Is this a friendship that Ireally want to keep?
Is it, is it gonna be more of astrain, right?
Yeah.
To try to explain, you know, howyou're feeling.
Yeah.
You know, so you discern whichone, and then sometimes you,
(13:32):
there's nothing needs to besaid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You.
You just, you just know that,okay, maybe this is, I don't
wanna say my way out, but a lotof times you realize that like,
you know, this is too much.
They been too far.
This has been too much for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You, I just Go ahead.
Yeah.
And take, take the exit.
Yeah.
But when going to your friend,it's all about delivery.
(13:53):
Yep.
Yep.
When you have, when you have thelove for your, or just love for
people.
Yes.
It's about the delivery, how yousay things cuz you don't want
them to feel bad per.
But just you want them tounderstand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So delivery and, you know, sooften that sometimes they don't
even know that they're notshowing up for anyways, like,
Experiences in their life andhow people have shown up for
(14:15):
them or haven't shown up forthem in all this time, you might
be their first experience havingexpectations within a friendship
that actually last mm-hmm.
like within putting work into afriendship.
Mm-hmm.
And so that's why that deliveryis so important because you have
to almost be like, like, I knowyou, but at the same time, like
these, this is what friendshiprequires for me.
Yeah.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(14:36):
I do have, I was a picky pack,piggy pack off of piggy pack.
Go ahead.
I was just gonna say You know, Iagree with what everybody said,
but I also feel like ourgeneration is so fixated on, and
not only in regards to like, youknow, having a conversation
about friendships, but everylittle thing and sometimes
nothing needs to be said.
Yeah.
Like you don't always have tosay, if I just naturally outgrow
somebody, and over the days, Wespeak less, but it's, you know,
(14:58):
Hey, how are you?
I genuinely hope you're doingwell.
That's okay.
It happens all the time.
I don't have to have aconversation with every single
person.
Like, Hey, you know, I'm goingthis way in life and I gonna do
this and that, and that.
You know, I'm growing in thespirit where I'm, you know, and
we're not there.
Yeah.
I don't have to have thatconversation with every single
person.
I personally don't feel like Ido, and not everybody gets that.
Mm-hmm.
So I think a lot of people haveto really understand and apply
(15:20):
that to their lives, becausenowadays it's always.
Well, we never talked about it.
Right?
And part of being in tune withyourself is knowing and feeling
that that separation mm-hmm.
you know, and if you trust thatyou're around the same people or
similar people who would feelthat similar situation, that
separation.
So if I'm not, I guess if I'mnot, That's another disconnect
(15:42):
for me.
If you can't feel it or youcan't sense it, like you don't
sense there's an issue, that'ssomething that's major for me,
it's concerning.
Mm-hmm.
And that's like, um, oh wait.
See, did you wanna go first?
Because I said No, go ahead.
I'm gonna shift this.
Okay.
Okay.
Because I was gonna say a fewthings came to my mind, but
something that's important withfriendship is, like you said,
knowing yourself.
Like starting with that level ofself-awareness and starting with
almost.
(16:03):
understanding what's importantfor you in friendship.
Yes, yes.
Before you can even like pickyour tribe and before the right
people can be attracted to you.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And then realizing that, okay,there might be people, like
friends that I've already hadwho might not be the most
self-aware.
Yeah.
And like being able to notoverlook those types of things.
Mm-hmm.
And as you shift recognizingthat, okay, this might have been
okay with me when I was incollege, but it's not okay with
me now.
(16:23):
And then it's like as you startto move differently, whether it
requires a conversation or.
As you move differently and theother person might notice as
well.
Yeah.
And if they take offense to it,then that's essentially their
prerogative.
Yeah.
Just depending on how it's, howor what the situation calls for,
I'll say.
Exactly.
And so I think for me as well,again, I keep bringing up my
age.
I'm not old.
I'm 29, but I'm not old.
(16:47):
But I will say that I, I amobviously older than everyone
here, but also I have always hadolder friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I do have friends that are inlike their, you know, their mid
to late.
And just in totally differentseasons in life.
Right.
Um, but something that I havelearned just from just who I am
as a person, but also thosefriendships you like, it's
really like this dance.
And I, like one of my friends,we use this analogy all the
(17:08):
time.
It really is this dance.
And as the music changes, likethe beat switches, the steps,
they change and it's like youhave to adjust.
And that can be applied to, youknow, friendship and romantic
relationships, but essentiallyany interaction with other
people, it's like, oh, okay.
The.
And it's like you, you could besomewhere and you're not really
in control.
Like we're, none of us are incontrol.
God is in control.
Right.
So it's like he's a dj.
So when he's ready, he's donewith that song.
(17:29):
Moving on.
Ooh.
Yeah.
That's good.
One, one that's heavy.
Y'all heard that dramatic.
He is the dj.
I that she get it.
Yeah, because shift us.
See?
Yeah.
So I know we've been talking alot about.
(17:50):
you know, when those friendshipsare coming to an end.
Mm-hmm.
maybe not saying much, but Ihave to bring up, I don't like
the narrative of girlfriendscutting each other off so
quickly.
Girl, and for, that's so weird.
For very, very small reasons,like not showing up to my
birthday dinner.
Can, can we speak on that?
(18:12):
I don't like it.
Yeah.
Which just doesn't.
All I'm gonna say on that isthose who know grace, show
Grace.
Yeah.
I had someone not show up to mybirthday dinner.
She ended up getting caught up.
There was a lot of things goingon.
I still love her.
I'll see her later today.
Yeah, it's nothing wrong withthat.
I'm not cutting her off.
(18:32):
I know her heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Period.
Point blank.
I think that's what it comesdown to, and, and I have this
conversation so often, so manypeople use the term friend so
loosely, let alone Oh my gosh.
Close friend or my sister, myeighth, boom, coon, whatever you
wanna call them.
Yeah.
And you really do not know theirhearts because anybody I and.
Just like I said two secondsago, anybody that I consider a
(18:53):
close friend or part of mytribe, I've never had to
question.
Right.
I don't have to question theirheart.
I don't have to question theirloyalty.
If they cannot make something,it's cuz they genuinely
couldn't.
Mm-hmm.
whether they make it up to me ornot, it doesn't change how great
of a friend they Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So, and I think that's the rootof the, a lot of the problem
when you see these girls, oh,she ain't come to my right
dinner.
Forget her.
I'm not friends with her nomore.
Yeah, she was, I left her lastyear.
That's, that's crazy.
(19:13):
That's crazy.
I'm insane.
It's okay to grow separately.
You don't have to.
I think that's also somethingwith the world that we're living
in now, where we feel likeeverything has to be so harsh.
Like, oh my God.
You know, just to let somebodyknow, like they just wanna be so
rude.
Yeah.
It doesn't call for that.
Like, and I think it's also thisis like, it can be applied to
(19:34):
everything in life.
Just learning how to not takeeverything so personal.
Oh my god.
Because it's like, it, it mightnot have even been about you.
Like, yes, it's your birthday,your birthday's important to
you.
Them not showing up.
It doesn't mean that yourbirthday's any less important to
them.
No.
And, and both of you not takingit personally, you're not going
to be offended as much.
You're going to be able to avoida lot of those petty arguments,
right?
And whatever else.
And then those like, all right,we, you know, ACE, that one
(19:56):
particular friend.
Where we talk heavily for thisseason and then six, seven
months, but neither of us saidanything and neither of us
checked in.
Right.
And all that.
Like that kind of those weirddynamics.
Yeah.
But like with a birthday dinner,like just cutting somebody off
for a reason like that, itdoesn't really make sense.
And it's also digging deeper, soOkay.
If you're so willing to cut themoff for that particular reason,
what did that friendship looklike anyway?
(20:17):
Is that really your friend?
Yep.
And like it has been off for awhile.
If something like this has nowcaused you, someone wanna like,
okay, I'm done.
I think, and I think what all ofus said too is it goes back to
knowing yourself.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
like, you don't take thingspersonally when you know
yourself because you know thatin your character, you've never
shown someone signs that theyshould remove you that fast from
(20:39):
their life.
Right.
And so you get it.
It's, it's easy to not take itpersonally when it's like girl,
like.
That's got everything to do withhow you perceive things like
that has everything to do with,there's trauma that's playing a
part in that.
Mm-hmm.
there's, there's pastexperiences that are playing a
part in that.
There's recent trauma, there'srecent hurt, there's recent
pain, and all of those thingshave nothing to do with me.
(21:01):
Yeah.
But right now, in this moment,you're taking them out on me and
that's never been a reflectionof my character.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And so when you know yourself tothe point where you're like, I
know my character, like, and Idon't question my character.
Mm-hmm.
am I perfect?
Of course not.
Is there room to grow?
Of course there is.
Mm-hmm.
But I know that to this person,I have not shown you anything in
my character that would revealthat I have any malicious intent
(21:21):
towards you.
Mm-hmm.
why would we do that to eachother?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I, I think the more thatpeople learn themselves, the
less you'll see that.
Because it's almost like in whatBraysia said, it's like it's so
harsh outside.
Like I would say it all thetime, like it's so evil outside.
Yeah, but it's evil becausepeople treat human decency.
Like it's only preserved forfriendship now.
(21:42):
Right.
And it's like human, like justdecency.
We're humans.
We both are experiencing lifeand things that are out of our
control things.
Sometimes have, you know, likeeverything happens for a reason.
I felt that way.
So, but there's sometimesthere's honestly things just
happened.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And I think when you get to thatplace in your life where you're
like, things just happen.
And there's also things thathappen for a reason.
(22:03):
It's like, okay.
Like, and you know what, I thinkalso too with the relationships,
I think a lot of what we see,There's a lot of relationships
where they've become moretransactional in nature.
Oh my God.
Rather than relational innature.
And people have focused so muchon the transactional piece of it
where it's like, you do this forme and I do this for you.
(22:24):
I scratch your back.
And they've made that theemphasis where it's like your
aim should be to be relational.
Yeah.
Like do the.
love.
Mm-hmm.
just love, you know what I'msaying?
Just trust, be reliable.
Yes.
Show up.
You know what I mean?
Respect people's boundaries.
Yeah.
Like people aren't, they'regetting away from that, I think.
And I think that's the challengein what we see and people are so
willing to just up and leavebecause you're just not
(22:46):
scratching my back anymore.
Yeah.
I mean, and that's just like, SoI was having this conversation
today, like, that's so funny.
This is so timely.
God is crazy.
He's amazing.
He's so funny.
God, you're such a funny guy.
I was having this conversationtoday in the spirit of like
Valentine's Day and everything,and I was having a conversation
with a guy like, who's a friendof mine, and I asked him like,
do you celebrate Valentine's Daywith the girls that you're
(23:08):
dating?
And he's like, I've never likedanybody enough for me to
celebrate Valentine's Day.
And I had to give him theperspective of like, so many
people think that social media,right?
Sad boy this so sad Anyway, likepeople like hope he, people walk
around and say, yeah, I hope hedoes.
I hope he does.
I hope he doesn't say, I reallynot for real.
We're talking to you.
Right?
No, fyi.
(23:28):
Like, relax.
And I was listening to him and Isaid, I was like, okay.
If I, if I, first of all, whywouldn't you celebrate the
holiday?
That's just about love.
And then people do the whole,well, if you show people you
love them every day, then why doyou need a day to do it?
And it's like, well, why not?
Right?
Because every other day is justevil as they come.
Yeah.
And so you're telling me thisday is for love.
(23:50):
I'm okay.
Like there's nothing that's likeweighing on me so bad that I
can't just honor the people inmy life that I love a little bit
more.
Right.
Or like you hear the thought ofin the transactional in.
Men, like, well I don'tcelebrate that cuz like, that's
not my girl.
Or, I'm dating her.
But it's not, and it's like youspend time with that girl, like
you spend, you're with herdaily, you go on dates with her
(24:11):
and you, maybe you are intimatewith her and maybe you're, your
experience.
You share life experiences withthis other person.
love doesn't have to be, you'rein love with people.
I just love, I literally loveall the ladies here because I
really do love y'all.
But like even, I love that yourexistence, I'm even allowed to
be around your existence.
I'm allowed to even have a pieceof your mind.
(24:32):
I love that.
Yeah.
And so on Valentine's Day, Icould celebrate y'all with the
same type of love that I, youknow what I mean?
And that's just like thetransactional piece of, okay,
well I'm gonna give this all toher, but it doesn't mean she
means that much to me.
And.
are you not grateful for herexistence?
Like, can you just not love thatshe is a person who is in this
earth that you've gotten to havea conversation with?
(24:53):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Obviously you appreciate her tothat point, so why couldn't you?
It's really evil outside guys.
It's a perfect, I was gonna say,I think he goes back to heart
posture.
And I like that term.
I love that.
Like your heart posture and thenhaving a servant heart.
Because if you have a servantheart in general, you're going
to serve everyone around you.
Mm-hmm.
And you're going to give it all,like give everything your best.
(25:15):
Give everything your all.
And I think that the unfortunatepart is that with like, when it
comes to transaction, you'renot, not going to work on the
days that aren't payday, right?
Mm-hmm.
like that, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
So it's like people approachfriendship in that way of like,
oh, well what am I getting fromthis?
Right?
Yeah.
Whereas like, if we, okay.
Try to go to your job once everytwo weeks and see what happens.
Yeah.
But you know, not to, not to saythat they're the same thing, but
(25:37):
in general, like people arealways looking to, uh, or people
have to grow to a point wherethey're not looking to see like,
well, what is in it for me?
Yeah.
And just doing it from like thekindness of their heart.
and if they have a heartenedheart, and not to get too, like
biblical, go ahead.
Get people what they need.
The food, you know, it's like,it's like moving yourself out of
the way to let God soften yourheart and let him clean it out.
(25:59):
Yeah.
And renew your spirit in thatway.
Mm-hmm.
And it's like a lot of people,they don't take the, the issue
with that is a lot of people areafraid.
to sit in solitude.
Mm-hmm.
because a lot of the work thatGod has to do in your heart,
like you have to be by yourself,yourself, and people.
And that's why people are alsoafraid to approach conversations
and friendship.
Yep.
Because they're like, well, if Idon't have this friend, then
what am I gonna do?
(26:20):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Like, I'm gonna, I'd ratherendure.
It's almost like, what is that?
What is the phrase like thedevil, you know?
Yeah, like, I don't really usethat phrase, but like, I think
the meaning of it is that, okay,well, I mean, I know this friend
don't ever answer the phone andnever call me back.
I know she never shows up toanything.
I know she's not there for mewhen this happens and whatever.
However, I've known her foreveror you know, this, whatever,
whatever it means to them,whatever that particular
(26:40):
friendship.
But if people take the time outto be okay with, all right, if
I, you know, if I speak on how Ifeel in this situation, if that
means that this person is nowoffended or this friendship is
over, then I'm okay with that,right?
Because I believe that whetherthat puts you by yourself or you
rely on other friends, but it'slike, okay, I believe that.
It's gonna come back to me.
(27:01):
God is gonna return whatever,like, whatever it is that I feel
like I lost.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
because it's like once you,because a lot of the time when
it happens, people realize like,oh, I feel lighter.
Like I am better off Withoutthat friendship, it was, you
know, really kind of drainingand not just, you know, it
wasn't, the effort that you putin wasn't being reciprocated in
that way.
Mm-hmm.
But yeah, it goes back to theheart for sure.
It really is a privilege to bein people's lives and I don't
(27:23):
think people like understandthat.
as much that it's really aprivilege to be in people's
lives.
We're gonna shift gears a littlebit.
What about expectations?
How do, how do we feel aboutexpectations?
Um, you know, like I touched onearlier, I feel like I became an
ex expectation expert of myfriends.
(27:44):
Life shifted for all of us.
You know, we're no longer justin the house on the phone all
day.
You know, people are married,people have kids, people are,
you know, in different,different companies and jobs and
things of that nature.
So I realized like, people arenot gonna be available 24 7.
Mm-hmm.
So I think that's when I wasable to actually really
understand and apply the whole,you know, concept of having
realistic expectations for eachfriend and each friend will be
(28:06):
different.
I think that's really importantbecause then you're able to tie
in the grace aspect of itbecause it.
Hey, I, okay, I'm not gonnaexpect what, you know, my friend
that is, is single versus myfriend with three kids is going
to do, or how they're gonna showup and be present for me.
Like, you're not gonna come toevery, you know, work conference
to support me or, you know,every, whatever the case may be.
Because you just don't have thetime.
(28:27):
But you may be the one to dropin and, you know, stop by the
house and just randomly gimme ahug, which, My love language and
what I need, you know, everybodyhas something different to offer
and that's why you really haveto know your people and have
realistic expectations for eachone.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Agree.
I agree with that.
Yeah.
I don't have, I have anothercomment.
That's it.
I always have comments.
Have another, I have anothercomment.
(28:48):
Go ahead.
I think with expectations,especially.
in the season of black that I'min, and I, I'd say the season
that I've been in, maybe forabout a year or so, it's just
recognizing that, okay, I'm goodwith people showing up for me in
the best possible way that theycan, in the, the best way that
they know how to Yeah.
And we can work with that.
Mm-hmm.
whether that's in the same wayin which I would show up for
(29:10):
them, like that's notnecessarily the.
that's not necessarily whatmatters.
It's just okay because like,like Danny said, I think it was
Danny at the beginning of theconversation, how people are
raised really takes a toll onhow they, that's why I was like,
we don't have time to dig deepinto that.
But recognizing, and it's like,it all ties together because
it's like you can, when yourecognize how people are raised
and how that pours into the typeof person, they show up as in
(29:32):
the.
You can then give them grace,but then you also can see like,
okay, is this something that Ican, you know, is this the type
of person that I can have in mylife moving forward?
Is it, are they willing to grow?
Are they willing to change?
Do they even know these thingsabout themselves?
Have I done everything in mypower and within just my realm
of responsibility as a humanbeing to whether it's, you know,
(29:54):
whether your job is to make themaware of these things mm-hmm.
that you know they have goingon, what they're doing, not
doing whatever.
Or if it's just to speak on howyou feel, right.
About how they're maneuvering.
Have I done everything that Godhas led me to do in this
situation?
And if so, being able to walkaway if that's the case or if
like is it, it could be yourassignment to then show them
something different, right?
And you put in the energy andthe effort in that way.
(30:15):
But just being able, like shesaid earlier, to discern like,
alright, what is it about thisfriendship?
Like why is this person in mylife?
Yes.
And if you don't know, askScott.
Yes.
Because he will always tell you,he will always tell you, clarify
that.
And you also can't be afraid ofwhat he showed you.
Yep.
Oh my God.
Yep.
So it's like, don't ask if youdon't wanna know the, don't ask
don't act like him and don't actlike that part.
(30:39):
You talk about my other friendsabout that one, like, you know,
like we all touched on, but thegrace part, you know, a lot.
This whole conversation that'sreally important.
And knowing your friends, butalso I feel like that goes hand
in hand with forgiveness.
Like, you know, number one, andwe're all Christians up here,
you have to forgive unless you,you don't wanna be forgiven.
(31:02):
You don't have a choice, right?
Um, but you know, outside ofthat, we are human.
And I feel like when you knowyour personnel, you know your
people, you can have grace.
And even when you don't haveenough, enough grace, there also
comes a time where it's like, Iknow this person.
I know their heart.
by faith, I'm gonna just goahead and forgive them because I
know that they didn't mean itand we're gonna move forward.
Right?
Yeah.
And I think that's really hardfor a lot of women to do, and I
mean, it's hard for people ingeneral to do, but especially
(31:24):
women.
Mm-hmm.
And we can go ahead and get intoa talk about it because I don't
know why it is so hard for womento do that in their
relationships and theirsisterhoods, whatever you wanna
call it.
but they'd be so quick to do itfor their men.
Ooh, I think you gonna make meup.
Here's the thing.
I think that I really, there'sso many things that play a part,
I feel like in that, and I thinka lot of them are variables that
(31:49):
you have to, like, things thatyou have to unlearn.
Yeah.
And we talked about the traumaand, and it goes back, but it,
it really does go back to that,I think so many times and why
women are so forgiving with themen that they're dealing with,
rather than their women andtheir friendships.
Think about when you watch themovies.
Right.
When you watch the movies, thegirls are best friends and when
they stop being friends, they'rereally like enemies now.
(32:09):
Right?
Like that's all you've seen.
You're programmed to think like,if my friend violates me that
way, then that's what needs tohappen.
I have to get rid of her.
You know?
But what they're with men, it'slike all you see in movies is a
man doing something wrong to awoman, but then him trying to
make up for it and her forgivingand oh, it still could be a
happy Leah Raptor.
And that's what we see.
So that's.
I feel like so often women areoperating within that realm of
(32:30):
like, well, what I've alwaysseen, been programmed to know,
or they could.
I hate to say a bitter mama whois heart, whose heart was broken
and hurt from her ownfriendships and has, is a lonely
person, love, and therefore hasraised a daughter who, I'm a
teacher.
So I teach third, fourth, andfifth grade.
I get third graders who arelike, yo, she's fake.
I don't never wanna be herfriend anymore.
If she's so scary, she can stop.
(32:51):
And I'm like, can you stillfake?
Could you read fake?
If I put it on a piece of paperin front of you, stop playing in
my face.
And it's like, and I'm like, whyare you saying that?
She's like my mama.
Like, and the court thing shesays is my mama said, my mama
said that I shouldn't betrusting.
And my mama said, if she does,and it's like, oh my god, can I
call your mama?
Because what happened to mom forreal?
(33:12):
Right?
And why is she raising you tohate women?
Women so much.
Yeah.
And then raising them to hatemen too.
But that's not what we'retalking about today.
So listen, they're just raisingto hate everybody.
Hate everybody.
The hate and their heart and,and yeah, it definitely does
start at home.
Yeah, it definitely.
And how you nurture yourfriendships.
You learn.
You learned the how to nurtureyour heart from your mother,
your father mm-hmm.
(33:32):
your, your parental figures inyour life.
Very, very much so.
Yeah.
I definitely would say that.
That's 100%.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
I like those hand in hand withbasic forgiveness, though.
Some people, it's, for somepeople it's equivalent actually
for men and women and for a lotof women though.
It's actually not.
It's not, you know?
Mm-hmm.
we're all the women listening.
Let's just do better in life andset examples for the younger
generations.
Please, if anything, you know,sisters before mister Okay, the
(33:56):
babies need us.
Enough.
Enough, we might as well cometogether.
Yeah.
And it's like, and even if youdon't have the example in your
own life of like positive women,Don't take that as it doesn't
exist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Them, yeah, create them, butalso like first, like work on
yourself.
Work on becoming the friend lovethat you want to have.
(34:17):
Yes.
And then those people will beattracted to you.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
because I can say a lot of thefriends that I have now at 29, I
didn't go seeking thosefriendships.
Mm-hmm.
or they were friends or peoplethat I knew.
Mm-hmm.
But we, you know, we weren'tintentional about watering it,
but not because we, it's just wedidn't realize that, oh, there's
something here.
Yeah.
We're like, oh.
I've known you for 15 years, butI didn't realize we had all this
(34:37):
in common.
But that's because the season oflife that we were both in maybe
15 years ago, we weren't meantto be friends and really just
kind of letting God lead us inthat way.
I love that.
In whatever time he decides.
Yeah, and he's like, boo, Ijust, yeah, you've been
following this person for 10years, but now all something has
put.
something as in Holy Spirit Hasnudged you to now like DM this
person, or, oh, this person hasbeen liking on their pictures.
Like, oh, she goes to the gymtoo.
(34:58):
Or, oh, like we're both vegan orwhatever.
Like whatever it is.
Right?
And it can be something reallytiny.
Like we have, I have this randomhobby that nobody knows about.
God knows.
Yeah.
And so he has created some otherpeople that also have that.
It's like, oh my gosh, you dothat too.
I have no clue.
Right.
And so it's like, you know, justbeing open in that way to kind
of just whatever shifts come,and if that means.
(35:18):
you're developing newfriendships or letting go of old
ones, or the dynamics arechanging.
Just being open and flowing inthat way.
Yes.
Oh, I love the word flow.
Yeah, flow.
That just arrested my spirit.
I literally love the word flow.
I love the word flow because itliterally starts with yourself.
Yeah.
And you have to be free flowingwithin you, which is why we
started with mindset of mentalgoodness.
Because if you're clogged up,you cannot flow.
(35:40):
You can't flow.
And then if you're, if you can'tflow, you can't flow with the
people in your life.
Right.
And then you're, you're outtasync.
You're outta whack.
You're not in a.
So I think that that's superbig.
And also too, something thatcame to my mind is expectations
go both ways.
So you have to do the work.
Yeah.
Anytime like expectation with noeffort is entitlement.
(36:01):
And then you start getting intoego driven desires like.
That is just like, that's wherewe don't want to go.
Right?
We want to flow in love.
We want to flow in, you know,the happy place of the Holy
Spirit.
I love, I feel like t-shirts onthe way.
I was gonna say, I actually haveand I won't go too into detail,
(36:22):
but I actually had experiencedsomething like Angia was
talking.
where I had a friendship andliterally it, it had, it just
had to flow.
Mm-hmm.
I was best friends with, um, oneof my girlfriends, like from
elementary all the way up untillike, uh, freshman year of
college.
And we had some, you know, someouts.
(36:45):
And we had to separate.
Yeah.
It wasn't a huge falling out oranything like that, but it was
just we weren't in alignment.
I was somewhere she wasn't and Icouldn't be like, I couldn't be
what she needed for me and shecouldn't be what I needed for
her.
Mm-hmm.
But fast forward about lastyear, we DMed.
Mm-hmm.
(37:05):
you know what we should, weshould get together.
She's like, okay.
We get together and when I say.
Like literally tears of likethat separation.
We both were able to grow.
We became totally differentpeople to where when we came
back together, it was like, thisis only God.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
(37:25):
So it's possible, and I say thatto say like if you, if you're
struggling if you're strugglingwith, you know, whether you know
you want to become friends withsomeone again, or whether you
need to take a.
pray about it.
Yes.
Talk to God like y said, and youmight just need to do that.
So that, and it, it might not bethe end.
Yeah.
If it's not supposed to beright.
(37:47):
Yes.
But take, do what you need to dofor yourself and for that
person.
Just, just watch God workhowever it's supposed to, but
it's very possible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
These are grateful.
Yeah.
So I guess if we could kind ofsummarize I guess if everybody
wants to choose something, thatwas their favorite piece of
today that we can leave theseamazing listeners with.
(38:11):
I guess I, let me start.
You start, yeah.
Yeah.
Cause I wanna steal for somebodyelse.
Puzzle pieces.
The puzzle pieces.
And you can piggy back on, but.
How all puzzle pieces aren't thesame.
(38:33):
Mm-hmm.
but how they come together, howthey're supposed to.
Mm-hmm.
where your friends can becomefriends.
Mm-hmm.
But just recognizing that noneof your friends are the same.
Yeah.
Don't expect the same type offriendship from each of your
friends.
Recognizing who they are, theirhearts, how they need to be
(38:54):
loved.
Yes.
How they are able to show lovein that season.
Mm-hmm.
and just having that, that, thatheart posture to be able to
heart pressure.
Yeah.
I love that too.
I'm taking it all So just, youknow, be, be, be that good
friend.
Yeah.
(39:14):
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take grace.
Ooh.
Because I just, grace, honestly,it's like, it's everything.
But the big reason Grace pulledis because there's times where,
it's easy to have grace becausethat's not a personal thing for
you.
Mm-hmm.
And then sometime when there's atrigger there that you haven't
really healed from yet, or thatyou're still, that still brings
(39:36):
out those emotions, sometimesit's a little harder to have
grace.
And so Grace was just a reallybig part of this conversation
because it goes everywhere.
Yes.
In your life.
And just to practice grace.
So classy.
So classy.
It's the best thing.
Yeah.
Trust me.
I think, cuz I don't wanna golast, I don't want y'all to
steal everything.
(39:57):
But no, just kidding.
I'm actually gonna go back tothe puzzle piece because that
just sparked an additionalthought.
So it kind of counts to thesummary, I hope.
Yeah.
With the puzzle pieces, not onlylike recognizing that everything
doesn't fit right next to eachother, recognizing that it's a
part of a bigger picture so it'sbigger than.
Like friendship is bigger thanus.
And when everybody is looking atit from the, like the vantage
(40:17):
point of, oh, it's not about me.
Right?
It's about whatever God wants todo.
Yeah.
Then we are all approaching it.
And then because of that, again,like I said, I'm not gonna go
too deep, but like recognizingthat we're all a part of the
body of Christ.
And so because of that, themission is bigger.
Mm-hmm.
And no one person is any lessimportant than another.
No one friend is any lessimportant than another.
And it causes you to be able togive that respect and that same
(40:40):
love to everybody.
Mm-hmm.
you gotta preach on pastor.
That's what I'm saying.
Word platform.
Oh my God.
Did you?
Okay, we'll save, we'll save thebest for last.
I would definitely say, Danny'sstill my, everybody had
something great to say's comingforward.
(41:00):
we had conversations beforethis, but I think that goes in
hand in hand with expectations,like I said, like knowing your,
your tribe is so important.
And also I think.
This generation as a whole needsto do better with not using the
term friend and and sister andall that stuff Loosely.
Yeah.
Because that is something veryintimate and sacred I know, for
me at least.
So just be mindful of that.
And also, like I said, knowingyour tribe.
(41:21):
Like if I can't, I could promiseyou every single person in my
tribe I could trust with my bankaccount in my pen, in my
passport.
That's true.
And if I can't do that trust andbelieve, I do not call you part
of my tribe.
Right.
So I feel like knowing that, andlike you said, Knowing that
person's heart, their heart'sposture.
Mm-hmm.
that is super important becausethat trickles down to everything
else in every single aspect andconversation and component that
we've had of, of thisconversation period.
(41:41):
So I feel like that's reallyimportant.
And then that helps, you know,have realistic expectations of
what you, what you have of eachfriend.
It's like, yeah, I know thisperson loves me to death, but
just can't do that.
And that's okay because a lot ofthese friendships are ruined and
not only ruined, but alsocreates.
Beef, whatever y'all want,whatever term y'all wanna use.
And just unnecessary hate inthis world.
And it's just, it's not it.
(42:02):
So I think just having graceand, and also just knowing your
people and knowing yourself issuper important.
So that would be my takeaway inall of this for sure.
And the best for last, wrap usup in a, a bow bre Literally I
don't know if we've said this.
but it, it, it dawned on me Godsends you people to not only
(42:26):
keep you company along theirjourney, but to help you get to
your destination.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
There's times when he sends youpeople, like, I, like we talked
about up here, you gotta discernthe ones who are not meant to
assist you and help you get toyour journey.
But there's also trusting.
there are people that he sends.
Mm-hmm.
And how do you honor that?
How do you lift them up?
How do you keep them healthy?
(42:46):
Because like anything in life,like a plant, you have to water
it.
Yeah.
If you have a pet puppy, youhave to feed it and take it out.
Like you have to make sure thatyou nurture every component of,
of, or every aspect of yourlife.
Yeah.
And that includes yourfriendships.
Because truthfully, do you seeall these women up.
And for the listeners you can'tsee, but you can feel the women
(43:06):
up here and you feel the powerin the room.
There's so much power in ourtribe.
There's so much power in thepeople that we call friends.
So it's really truly a, aconstant evaluation of.
The people in your life and notnecessarily an assessment where
you're trying to test them.
Right.
Right.
Because there's no right orwrong answer here.
(43:27):
But more so like a dance.
Mm-hmm.
a dance.
I think that that was one of myfavorite things.
Cool.
And it's just a survey of howtheir actions match their words.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then also I think if wecould, charge you all with
anything as well.
It's just maybe ask yourself, dothe people connected to you
fully help you fulfill yourpurpose in life?
Or are they hindering you fromfulfilling your purpose in life?
(43:49):
Mm-hmm.
Um, it, I think it determineswhere you go ultimately.
And maybe what are some betterways you can love on your tribe?
What's some better ways that wecan engage?
What's some better ways you canbuild your tribe up.
so that the people that they arejust a genuine reflection of
yourself.
Mm-hmm.
So I think that we can we canpause here.
(44:11):
Now I meant to do the episodededication, but I got so
overwhelmed with these amazingand beautiful faces.
This episode is going to bededicated to my favorite.
Most inspiring woman, I wouldsay in history.
Everyone knows her.
She's most prominent for theCivil rights movement.
Ms.
Rosa Parks, well, she's reallysore or, and she, I literally
(44:34):
have a picture of her in my roombecause she just is a woman's
woman.
Like, you know how people arethe, you know, we say girls
girl.
She's the woman's woman.
She shows up, she showed up forMs.
Risi Taylor.
I don't know if anyone knows.
RISI Taylor.
Risi Taylor was a young blackwoman in, I believe, from
Alabama who was sexuallyassaulted by six white men.
(44:55):
And Rosa actually traveled backand forth from where she was to
accompany her in court when theywouldn't even let them in the
courtroom because they wereblack.
Mm-hmm.
So she was just, A truetrailblazer in so many different
ways.
I think we, we all know her fromnot giving up her seat on the
bus, but if you start to diginto her history and her legacy,
(45:16):
she really, really stood forwomen empowerment.
So it's amazing that God led meto her right here.
And I'm just so grateful tohonor her.
And lastly, we will do the crownher.
Segment, which is going to go tothe phenomenal Miss Mia
Williams.
(45:36):
She, she's been doing her thingwith the colors of her success.
Yes.
She really has been trulyblazing a trail.
She really believes ininspiration through
representation.
She's.
Partnered with a number ofcompanies.
She's moderating a number ofconversations in terms of
minority women, and you reallyshould just check out her
(45:56):
platform.
She does career networking andcareer services, so check her
out when you have anopportunity.
The colors of her success, wewill post her on our page.
Love this.
Anything else you, anyone wouldlike to leave with?
We love you.
No, thank you.
We love you so much.
Love you.
This was great.
You was amazing.
I love you all.
12 outta ten.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(46:18):
It's a wrap.
Till next time.
Until next time.
Yay.
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