May 8, 2025 • 25 mins
Caring for your elderly parents from a distance.
That can be a challenge can’t it?
Have you been caring from a distance?
Listeners called in and shared their insights, which might just inspire you to keep going!
7 Helpful Tips for Long Distance Caregivers:
https://www.caringbridge.org/resources/long_distance_caregiving
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:00):
Kurt and Kate mornings. Not just on the radio.
S2 (00:03):
It's a podcast too.
S1 (00:06):
Caring for a loved one from a distance could be
an elderly parent. Kate could be like, uh, like you
caring for your special needs daughter, Leah.
S2 (00:18):
Wright.
S1 (00:19):
Who's had some health problems. She's out on the West
Coast and you're way over here in Florida. This can
be a challenge for folks, can it?
S2 (00:27):
Yeah, it does have its challenges, but it also is
a great opportunity to watch God work.
S1 (00:33):
We had and that's one of the reasons why we
wanted to talk about it. We brought our community together.
We just opened the phones, had you share some stories,
and then we shared some tips as well, some practical
things that that we can do. So maybe you're tuning
in today and this is the season of life where
you are like, I don't know what to do. I
need some encouragement and need some ideas. You've come to
(00:55):
the right place. Let's tell people about this really cool
phone call that happened yesterday during our morning show meeting
your daughter Leah, who has experienced some very challenging health issues. Yeah,
it was so cool. She called you and we were
able all of us here were able to say hi
to her.
S2 (01:13):
Yeah, yeah. And she. And so, like, I turned the
phone so you guys can see her and you usually see, like,
she doesn't hold the phone over her face too well,
but I, it's good for her to be able to
see that. Oh, yeah. Mom's at work. Okay. And so
I after I left, um, I was wondering if you guys, like,
sent up a prayer for her.
S1 (01:34):
This is kind of the way I've been praying for
her ever since her health challenges. I've been praying for you, too.
S2 (01:41):
She's been in the hospital two months.
S1 (01:42):
She has dealt with so much, and I think about her.
And so I didn't pray for her right after. But
my heart in my mind went to her. Yeah. And
I was thinking because I could see her in the bed.
S2 (01:59):
Yeah.
S1 (01:59):
And I was thinking she. She was waving. Yeah. And
and because I've been praying for her and praying for
you guys. My heart was like God activated my heart.
So I didn't actually pray. But it's almost like.
S2 (02:13):
A prayer, but I believe. Yeah. I think that's.
S1 (02:16):
It's one of those prayers that you don't pray. Does
that make sense?
S2 (02:19):
Yeah. You don't have the words. You don't even know
what to say. But you you know, you.
S1 (02:23):
My heart went.
S2 (02:24):
Out to God with it. Yeah.
S1 (02:25):
It's like God, you know, reactivated my compassion for her.
And I was thinking these thoughts. Oh, Lord. Um, please
be compassionate to Leah. Please help her. So I guess. Yeah,
that's a it's not a formal prayer, but it's like
praying without ceasing. Right. So it's praying with. So I
guess it was a prayer not to think about it.
S2 (02:43):
I think so, because a little bit later when I
got home and I pulled up and I stayed in
the car and was talking to her and she was
having moments, she's getting well enough to know she wants
to get out Before she was just so sick. She
sat there, but now she wants to go home. She's
sad and she's like, all this. All these feelings and
emotions bubble up every once in a while. And she
(03:04):
was in that moment. And then it stopped. And then
she said, oh, mother, God is comforting me.
S1 (03:11):
Oh.
S2 (03:13):
Oh, my. It was.
S1 (03:14):
You.
S2 (03:14):
Know, she's it's just so beautiful, you know? And she's special,
but they certainly can know God. She'll just once and
I'll say, you know, I love Jesus. And she just said, oh, oh, mother,
God is comforting me. And I knew you could see
it on her. It was a it was a beautiful thing.
S1 (03:33):
So really, you know what that was? That was an
answer to a lot of prayers. Yes, yes. Just kind
of building up. Oh, man, that's so sweet. You know,
that's God showing up in your life, too, because you're
a mom a long ways away.
S2 (03:49):
Yeah.
S1 (03:50):
And it's so very difficult. My mom is in great health. Again,
praise the Lord for that. She lives way out on
the West Coast. She's going to be 88 in August,
so it's coming up. And she loves Jesus. And Jesus
has taken such good care of my mom. But obviously
(04:11):
me being way over here. My brother's in Dallas, so
he's a little bit closer, but mom is out there
on her own, but she's not on her own. She's
alone but not alone because the Lord is with her.
And I'm grateful for all of that. But when health
issues come into play, that's when the rubber meets the road.
(04:32):
How can you be a caregiver to your older your
elderly parents from a long ways away? Maybe they can't
come and live with you for whatever reason, and they
need to be where they are. And yet Obviously we
love them. We want to take care of them. This
(04:54):
is biblical. We respect and honor our parents. We take
care of them. But it can really be a situation
where you're torn. And how in the world can I
be a caregiver when I'm so far away?
S3 (05:12):
Thank you for taking some time to listen to this
episode of the Curtin Kate Mornings podcast. We always welcome
a review with your thoughts and comments, and please feel
free to subscribe and follow us, as well.
S1 (05:24):
As go to our good friend Jean, who is joining
us from Sebring. Hi, Jean. How you doing? Good morning.
S4 (05:32):
Listen, I facilitate a caregivers group for dementia patients. Right.
And one of the things we always have trouble with, um,
being down here in Florida, we're often relying on neighbors
to step in and take care of our loved one.
So I encourage everybody to have a health care surrogate
(05:53):
form filled out so that if something happens to your
loved one, the person, the neighbor or friend has a
health care surrogate that they can get immediate help for
your loved one.
S1 (06:08):
Wow. This is such a good suggestion. Okay, we're going
to mark that one. Something else you want to share?
S4 (06:14):
You also need power of attorney. Make sure the family
members have power of attorney because if they're called to
make a decision for their loved one, they need that
power of attorney or they won't be able to be
heard at all. Yeah, those are two very important papers.
You can get them online. Print them out, fill them out.
(06:37):
Have them notarized so that you have legal papers to
help take care of your loved one.
S1 (06:44):
Well, see, this is great. And, Jeanne, you yourself are
a long distance caregiver, aren't you?
S4 (06:49):
Yes. My daughter is in Delaware and I'm in Florida,
so all these papers are taken care of because, like Kate,
it's going to take us hours to get to our person.
S2 (07:00):
Right.
S1 (07:00):
Yes.
S4 (07:01):
And we need somebody stepping in in the meantime to
make decisions, help us make the right decisions.
S1 (07:09):
Well that's great. Jeanne, thank you so much for calling.
Blessings to you. And would you please tell Donna that
we said hello?
S4 (07:16):
I will do that. Thank you.
S1 (07:19):
We love Donna. Yeah. Let's go to Shelley next in Bradenton. Hi, Shelley.
We're really glad you're joining in the conversation this morning.
Good morning.
S5 (07:26):
My mom is now in a nursing facility, but before
she was, um, we had, uh, you know, my dad
had dementia. He passed away. Um, and, you know, being
in Florida and them being in Virginia was, uh, very challenging.
(07:47):
But like my mom said to me, you know, give
me a call. And, um, so I started calling pretty
much every day. Um, and then she was like, you
don't have to call every day. Call every other day,
you know? Um, and so that's one of the big
(08:07):
things that I did. Um, I pray for them. Um,
I'm also in contact with my brother, who's a little
bit closer to, um, mom, and he does a lot
of the of the work, and I listen to him
as well. So I'm supportive to him and I pray
(08:27):
for him as well because I'm like, um, you know,
I can only do so much here in Florida. Um,
I have made.
S1 (08:38):
Those. Therein lies the quandary, right? Yeah. Shelly. Yeah. You
mentioned you just made the trips, but it's that emotional. Uh,
the emotions, the emotional part of all of this can
it can be very difficult to deal with because. And
then we get into the situation where we're thinking, well,
what if what if she falls? Or what if something,
you know, you could just go on and on with
(08:59):
the what ifs. See, that's where our faith in the
Lord comes in, right?
S5 (09:05):
Absolutely. And we had a situation. It was about a
week ago where the nursing home was saying that they
were having trouble getting the paperwork through for her approval.
And my brother heard that she was getting kicked out,
and that was not the case. Um, but he, you know,
(09:25):
jumped to the wrong conclusion. And there was a whole
lot of, you know, anxiety. Yes. Um, and I contacted
the nursing home, and they turned around and they told me,
they said, no, it's a misunderstanding. Um. She's fine. She's
going to be able to stay in the nursing home. Um,
and that was my mother's decision, you know, to to
(09:48):
go to a nursing home instead of an assisted living.
S1 (09:51):
See, here's the other part of it as well. We
don't want to treat our elderly parents like their children.
We want to respect them. We we don't want them
to feel less than, um, we just don't. So approaching
things in a way that is helpful without minimizing, uh,
the independence that they have, you know, as an adult,
(10:14):
it's kind of a fine line to walk sometimes, isn't it?
S5 (10:18):
It is a very fine line.
S2 (10:20):
Yeah. I think that's another level of of complications when
you you have to still respect your parents, even though
they may be dwindling in their ability to care for themselves.
S1 (10:32):
And sometimes they're just frustrated and they're like, you know,
they lash out.
S2 (10:37):
Yeah, yeah.
S1 (10:38):
They and and we need to have Lord, please give
us patience. Again, I keep going back to the fruit
of the spirit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness
and self-control. Yeah, yeah, we need the Lord.
S2 (10:53):
Can't be too sensitive as far as if what somebody
says to you, you just can't.
S1 (10:59):
Let it roll off your.
S2 (10:59):
Back. Yeah. You can't hold them to what they're saying.
Sometimes you can't.
S1 (11:04):
Thank you so much. Blessings to you. Let me see.
Let's go to Alan, who's joining us from celebration. Hi, Alan.
Thanks for grabbing your phone. Some thoughts from you.
S6 (11:15):
Yeah. I just wanted to kind of echo some of
the things that have been said. Uh, the first caller,
I think, mentioned power of attorney. Um, you know, my
I have elderly parents up in North Carolina, and so
I wanted to make sure that I had that power
of attorney. And I appreciate her mentioning the health care surrogate.
S2 (11:33):
Yeah. Yeah, those are important things.
S1 (11:36):
Yes. Alan, thank you for echoing that. Yeah. And amen. Thanks, Alan.
Appreciate it. Uh, let's go next to Terry, who is
joining us from Orlando. Hi, Terry. Good morning.
S7 (11:46):
I'm just calling to encourage your listeners. Um, I had
the blessing of taking care of my mom. Uh, but
I have to tell you this. It takes a village.
It really does. And going through a very, very long goodbye.
It was a very long goodbye. She suffered from Alzheimer's,
(12:08):
and it was so sweet of an exit. And many
of my friends and colleagues in my business would say, well,
how are you able to do this? She doesn't even
know you. And I would say, well, I know her.
And that's really through prayer. It was such a sweet,
(12:29):
sweet time because the Lord is the one who will
give you the strength to do it. Having said that,
just like your callers have said, you need to have
your ducks in order.
S1 (12:40):
Yes.
S7 (12:41):
So to have the correct paperwork and to align with
other caregivers, that really helped us. We had a chart.
I mean, she had a slow goodbye, which was really
quite a blessing because we just followed her lead. So
(13:02):
in the beginning, when she was losing her memory and
repeating herself, we just followed her lead and we went
with her and took her to all the doctors that
she needed to go to. And as it progressed and
she went into her different stages, we inevitably moved her
(13:22):
into our home and she stayed with us for five years.
We had another room in the house for her. At
that point I went ahead and developed a chart. You know,
of her routine, so it just made it so much easier.
And I want to really encourage your listeners to take
care of themselves in the process of taking care of
(13:45):
their elderly parent, because without the much needed rest you're needing,
you're going to need. You're not. It won't be as fruitful,
you're going to be exhausted, and you're going to be
short on being able to provide everything she needs. So
one of the the better blessings that we had was
(14:06):
we tapped in to caregivers, and I had a schedule
of caregivers because I run a business and I was
able to care for my mom during the early morning
of the hours for her, for feeding her and and
her well-being. We also tapped into hospice. That was an
(14:27):
interesting story, and I don't want to take all this time,
but she was kicked off The fastest three times. And
the Lord guided us. Yeah, it was so we were like,
oh no, what are we going to do? Because they
would come over three days a week and they would
do bed baths when she got to that point and,
(14:49):
you know, and provide some of the pull ups and
the things that go with having an elderly parent that
is not self-sufficient in any capacity. Yeah. So we of course,
appealed it. And the Lord is so gracious. We won.
So she was literally on hospice for three years, which
(15:12):
they really are not used to. And the blessing of
it all was through the service of a schedule of having.
So I'd have nannies that would come over from like
11 to 6. So I'd be able to run my business,
do my thing, then I'd I come home and care.
(15:33):
Give her through the evening hours and, you know, sometimes
even throughout the other days as well. But I found
that once I resolved myself to getting it organized, having
her paperwork in order, much prayer, much prayer, because it's
so hard when you first realize that, oh my goodness,
(15:53):
you know, this is going to be a full time job.
And it is. But God provides people in your path.
Pray it up, provide for you where he guides you, provides.
And he did. And to this day, my mother passed
just shy of her 95th birthday. 95th birthday. And it
(16:17):
was a sweet goodbye. And the caregivers that we had.
And it's such a great story because we utilized her funds.
She had a home And of course, when she moved
in with us, we ended up blessing one of our
caregivers with her home. So part of being able to
(16:41):
take care of my mom was the caregiver was able
to provide a home for her family.
S1 (16:50):
Look at that.
S2 (16:51):
Yeah.
S1 (16:51):
The blessings, the ripple effect. Terry, we can see God's
fingerprints all over this. Thank you so much for picking
up the phone to share your thoughts, your story, with us.
Let's go to Beth in Fort Myers. Hi, Beth. Good morning.
S8 (17:06):
I had spent many years with my husband overseas as
a missionary. And so when I came back, we lived
in Georgia and my mother was in Indiana. I had
a brother and a sister who were within driving distance. Um,
but I started working from Georgia as a nurse. and
(17:28):
so that I only had weekends, and I made sure
that I was able to go and see her, um,
on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, quick trips that I drove. And
I was very thankful that I was able to do that.
She was in at that point. She was in a, um,
continuing care facility and had, uh, friends that took her
(17:51):
back and forth from, um, the facility. And she was
able to go to church, and she was very happy there. Um,
at one point along the road, a good many years
after she was there, there was something that just didn't
seem right. And she communicated and she said, um, can
(18:13):
I come and live with you? And she had always
said she didn't want to live with any of her children.
She was independent, but a strong believer and was content.
And I said, mom, you're very welcome to live with us.
But I'm not quite sure why this big change has happened. Thankfully,
(18:35):
my brother went and there were just some things that
were not going as they should have in the facility
that she was in. And so, um, I said, would
you like to come and live with us? And she said, yes. And, um,
so our, our kids and within 2 or 3 days,
we drove up to Indiana with a truck and packed
(18:59):
her up. And she came down to Georgia. And, um,
people might be questioning, you know, can I do this
when I'm working? And my husband was working part time,
I was working full time. And what was, um, as
it as it turned out, there were people that my
(19:19):
husband was with her during the day. She was still mobile,
using a wheelchair in our home, and we were able
to go out and go to church. And she made that.
That change and transition. Um, I think because she was
with us and we had missed so many years of
being apart and, um, my husband would help her get
(19:43):
breakfast and then, um, other things that if she needed help,
he was there. And if not, um, you know, she
didn't need anything. She was fairly independent, but she became
weaker and weaker. And, um, there were some friends that
were willing to we were able to hire at a
(20:03):
very reasonable price because that that was a very important thing,
you know, how were we going to be able to
have people to stay with her? And so we had
friends that actually volunteered. And if she needed an hour
or 2 or 3, as we were out, we were
able to, um, pay them what was a reasonable rate.
(20:25):
And well, it was probably less, but they were very kind. And, um,
she was with us till almost she was almost 96
for three years. And, um, I guess the biggest thing
I would say question if they're saying something about the
facility they're in.
S1 (20:44):
Yes.
S8 (20:45):
Make check that.
S2 (20:46):
Yeah.
S8 (20:47):
That was pretty important. And, um, she had been fine
there for like 12 years, but things changed. And the
other thing, I did work, um, in a nursing facility
for a short time. And if you can, if you
can go weekly or go on a regular basis so
(21:08):
that they know that the family member is going to
be there.
S1 (21:13):
I ran across some helpful tips, and I'm just going
to run a few down here. Let's see. Number one
Sign your loved one up for food delivery.
S2 (21:24):
Oh great idea.
S1 (21:26):
Isn't that a great idea? Also, there are some other
helpful at home services you can sign them up for.
Maybe like, you know, lawn mowing, house cleaning, stuff like that.
And so that might be a good idea, but you
have to vet them. Okay. I've run into this with
my mom. She's healthy. She's 88. She's on the West Coast.
I'm over here. My brother's in Dallas, so he's kind
(21:48):
of halfway up. You know, my mom. One of the
biggest concerns with my mom is, you know, her being
targeted by scams and bad people who try to rip
her off, which has happened a couple of times. If
I was there. Yeah.
S2 (22:06):
Yeah.
S1 (22:07):
I might have lost my testimony. I'm just saying. But
that's one of the things too. But yeah, make sure
you vet these folks if you can. But but don't
rob your your elderly parent of the respect of I'm
an adult, I can make adult decisions. Please don't treat
me like a child. There's a fine line you don't
(22:29):
want to step over. There's a boundary. Yeah, and don't
cross it. Uh, hiring a part time caregiver might be
a possibility. Ask for help from nearby family members or friends.
My mom does have a nice circle of friends at
her church, and that's nice. She lives in a 55
plus community, so she has a couple of neighbors. You know,
(22:51):
we live in a very transient society, right? People are
moving all the time. But her neighbors, one in particular,
who I know they've been there, this couple, they've been
there since well before my mom moved in. So they're
good friends. Uh. Let's see. Try a tech tool to
stay connected. We can always use FaceTime. Yeah. Uh, video calling,
(23:12):
whatever the case, by the way, Skype is no longer
in existence. Did you see that?
S2 (23:16):
Yeah. It's gone. Bye bye.
S1 (23:18):
It was zoom and FaceTime and all that. That, uh,
that took care of that. Says here digital photo frames.
Another easy way to stay connected is with a digital
photo frame. These frames can be synced to your phone.
So anytime you take a photo, it's shared on the frame.
S2 (23:34):
Oh, I like that.
S1 (23:35):
Isn't that a great idea?
S2 (23:36):
I didn't know that. I'll have to. Oh, I got
I need one for Leah now. Yeah. Okay.
S1 (23:41):
Yeah, yeah. Your older parents, or in your case, uh,
your your daughter Leah, um, your loved 1st May enjoy
seeing updated photos of you or their smiling grandchildren, etc.. Wow,
that's really a good idea. Uh, help with monthly bills,
help them out in a tangible way. Create and store
a critical information binder that was brought up by a
(24:01):
power of attorney. Right? Working through all of that, navigating
the paperwork.
S2 (24:06):
Not want the state making decisions.
S1 (24:08):
Yeah, well that's true. And then, of course, spend quality
time when you can with your loved one. I'm going
out to see my mom in July. Uh, she, uh.
And I'm looking forward to it. Uh, you know, it's
one of those situations where the time passes so quickly. But,
you know, I do stuff when I'm there, though. Little things,
you know, changing light bulbs and batteries and helping her
with this and that, what have you. Um, help your
(24:32):
loved ones set up a caring bridge site. As a caregiver,
it can be overwhelming. It says here to try and
keep everybody updated on the status of your loved one.
And a plethora of phone calls and texts each day
may be hard, may be hard on you during this time.
By setting up a caring bridge site, you or your
loved one can update everyone on how they're doing with
(24:54):
just a few clicks.
S2 (24:57):
Thanks for listening to Kurt and Kate Mornings podcast. Please
take a minute to follow, subscribe and review us. And
no matter where in the world you are, you can
listen to us live from 6 to 9 a.m. weekdays
on the Moody Radio app.
Kurt and Kate mornings. Not just on the radio.
S2 (00:03):
It's a podcast too.
S1 (00:06):
Caring for a loved one from a distance could be
an elderly parent. Kate could be like, uh, like you
caring for your special needs daughter, Leah.
S2 (00:18):
Wright.
S1 (00:19):
Who's had some health problems. She's out on the West
Coast and you're way over here in Florida. This can
be a challenge for folks, can it?
S2 (00:27):
Yeah, it does have its challenges, but it also is
a great opportunity to watch God work.
S1 (00:33):
We had and that's one of the reasons why we
wanted to talk about it. We brought our community together.
We just opened the phones, had you share some stories,
and then we shared some tips as well, some practical
things that that we can do. So maybe you're tuning
in today and this is the season of life where
you are like, I don't know what to do. I
need some encouragement and need some ideas. You've come to
(00:55):
the right place. Let's tell people about this really cool
phone call that happened yesterday during our morning show meeting
your daughter Leah, who has experienced some very challenging health issues. Yeah,
it was so cool. She called you and we were
able all of us here were able to say hi
to her.
S2 (01:13):
Yeah, yeah. And she. And so, like, I turned the
phone so you guys can see her and you usually see, like,
she doesn't hold the phone over her face too well,
but I, it's good for her to be able to
see that. Oh, yeah. Mom's at work. Okay. And so
I after I left, um, I was wondering if you guys, like,
sent up a prayer for her.
S1 (01:34):
This is kind of the way I've been praying for
her ever since her health challenges. I've been praying for you, too.
S2 (01:41):
She's been in the hospital two months.
S1 (01:42):
She has dealt with so much, and I think about her.
And so I didn't pray for her right after. But
my heart in my mind went to her. Yeah. And
I was thinking because I could see her in the bed.
S2 (01:59):
Yeah.
S1 (01:59):
And I was thinking she. She was waving. Yeah. And
and because I've been praying for her and praying for
you guys. My heart was like God activated my heart.
So I didn't actually pray. But it's almost like.
S2 (02:13):
A prayer, but I believe. Yeah. I think that's.
S1 (02:16):
It's one of those prayers that you don't pray. Does
that make sense?
S2 (02:19):
Yeah. You don't have the words. You don't even know
what to say. But you you know, you.
S1 (02:23):
My heart went.
S2 (02:24):
Out to God with it. Yeah.
S1 (02:25):
It's like God, you know, reactivated my compassion for her.
And I was thinking these thoughts. Oh, Lord. Um, please
be compassionate to Leah. Please help her. So I guess. Yeah,
that's a it's not a formal prayer, but it's like
praying without ceasing. Right. So it's praying with. So I
guess it was a prayer not to think about it.
S2 (02:43):
I think so, because a little bit later when I
got home and I pulled up and I stayed in
the car and was talking to her and she was
having moments, she's getting well enough to know she wants
to get out Before she was just so sick. She
sat there, but now she wants to go home. She's
sad and she's like, all this. All these feelings and
emotions bubble up every once in a while. And she
(03:04):
was in that moment. And then it stopped. And then
she said, oh, mother, God is comforting me.
S1 (03:11):
Oh.
S2 (03:13):
Oh, my. It was.
S1 (03:14):
You.
S2 (03:14):
Know, she's it's just so beautiful, you know? And she's special,
but they certainly can know God. She'll just once and
I'll say, you know, I love Jesus. And she just said, oh, oh, mother,
God is comforting me. And I knew you could see
it on her. It was a it was a beautiful thing.
S1 (03:33):
So really, you know what that was? That was an
answer to a lot of prayers. Yes, yes. Just kind
of building up. Oh, man, that's so sweet. You know,
that's God showing up in your life, too, because you're
a mom a long ways away.
S2 (03:49):
Yeah.
S1 (03:50):
And it's so very difficult. My mom is in great health. Again,
praise the Lord for that. She lives way out on
the West Coast. She's going to be 88 in August,
so it's coming up. And she loves Jesus. And Jesus
has taken such good care of my mom. But obviously
(04:11):
me being way over here. My brother's in Dallas, so
he's a little bit closer, but mom is out there
on her own, but she's not on her own. She's
alone but not alone because the Lord is with her.
And I'm grateful for all of that. But when health
issues come into play, that's when the rubber meets the road.
(04:32):
How can you be a caregiver to your older your
elderly parents from a long ways away? Maybe they can't
come and live with you for whatever reason, and they
need to be where they are. And yet Obviously we
love them. We want to take care of them. This
(04:54):
is biblical. We respect and honor our parents. We take
care of them. But it can really be a situation
where you're torn. And how in the world can I
be a caregiver when I'm so far away?
S3 (05:12):
Thank you for taking some time to listen to this
episode of the Curtin Kate Mornings podcast. We always welcome
a review with your thoughts and comments, and please feel
free to subscribe and follow us, as well.
S1 (05:24):
As go to our good friend Jean, who is joining
us from Sebring. Hi, Jean. How you doing? Good morning.
S4 (05:32):
Listen, I facilitate a caregivers group for dementia patients. Right.
And one of the things we always have trouble with, um,
being down here in Florida, we're often relying on neighbors
to step in and take care of our loved one.
So I encourage everybody to have a health care surrogate
(05:53):
form filled out so that if something happens to your
loved one, the person, the neighbor or friend has a
health care surrogate that they can get immediate help for
your loved one.
S1 (06:08):
Wow. This is such a good suggestion. Okay, we're going
to mark that one. Something else you want to share?
S4 (06:14):
You also need power of attorney. Make sure the family
members have power of attorney because if they're called to
make a decision for their loved one, they need that
power of attorney or they won't be able to be
heard at all. Yeah, those are two very important papers.
You can get them online. Print them out, fill them out.
(06:37):
Have them notarized so that you have legal papers to
help take care of your loved one.
S1 (06:44):
Well, see, this is great. And, Jeanne, you yourself are
a long distance caregiver, aren't you?
S4 (06:49):
Yes. My daughter is in Delaware and I'm in Florida,
so all these papers are taken care of because, like Kate,
it's going to take us hours to get to our person.
S2 (07:00):
Right.
S1 (07:00):
Yes.
S4 (07:01):
And we need somebody stepping in in the meantime to
make decisions, help us make the right decisions.
S1 (07:09):
Well that's great. Jeanne, thank you so much for calling.
Blessings to you. And would you please tell Donna that
we said hello?
S4 (07:16):
I will do that. Thank you.
S1 (07:19):
We love Donna. Yeah. Let's go to Shelley next in Bradenton. Hi, Shelley.
We're really glad you're joining in the conversation this morning.
Good morning.
S5 (07:26):
My mom is now in a nursing facility, but before
she was, um, we had, uh, you know, my dad
had dementia. He passed away. Um, and, you know, being
in Florida and them being in Virginia was, uh, very challenging.
(07:47):
But like my mom said to me, you know, give
me a call. And, um, so I started calling pretty
much every day. Um, and then she was like, you
don't have to call every day. Call every other day,
you know? Um, and so that's one of the big
(08:07):
things that I did. Um, I pray for them. Um,
I'm also in contact with my brother, who's a little
bit closer to, um, mom, and he does a lot
of the of the work, and I listen to him
as well. So I'm supportive to him and I pray
(08:27):
for him as well because I'm like, um, you know,
I can only do so much here in Florida. Um,
I have made.
S1 (08:38):
Those. Therein lies the quandary, right? Yeah. Shelly. Yeah. You
mentioned you just made the trips, but it's that emotional. Uh,
the emotions, the emotional part of all of this can
it can be very difficult to deal with because. And
then we get into the situation where we're thinking, well,
what if what if she falls? Or what if something,
you know, you could just go on and on with
(08:59):
the what ifs. See, that's where our faith in the
Lord comes in, right?
S5 (09:05):
Absolutely. And we had a situation. It was about a
week ago where the nursing home was saying that they
were having trouble getting the paperwork through for her approval.
And my brother heard that she was getting kicked out,
and that was not the case. Um, but he, you know,
(09:25):
jumped to the wrong conclusion. And there was a whole
lot of, you know, anxiety. Yes. Um, and I contacted
the nursing home, and they turned around and they told me,
they said, no, it's a misunderstanding. Um. She's fine. She's
going to be able to stay in the nursing home. Um,
and that was my mother's decision, you know, to to
(09:48):
go to a nursing home instead of an assisted living.
S1 (09:51):
See, here's the other part of it as well. We
don't want to treat our elderly parents like their children.
We want to respect them. We we don't want them
to feel less than, um, we just don't. So approaching
things in a way that is helpful without minimizing, uh,
the independence that they have, you know, as an adult,
(10:14):
it's kind of a fine line to walk sometimes, isn't it?
S5 (10:18):
It is a very fine line.
S2 (10:20):
Yeah. I think that's another level of of complications when
you you have to still respect your parents, even though
they may be dwindling in their ability to care for themselves.
S1 (10:32):
And sometimes they're just frustrated and they're like, you know,
they lash out.
S2 (10:37):
Yeah, yeah.
S1 (10:38):
They and and we need to have Lord, please give
us patience. Again, I keep going back to the fruit
of the spirit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness
and self-control. Yeah, yeah, we need the Lord.
S2 (10:53):
Can't be too sensitive as far as if what somebody
says to you, you just can't.
S1 (10:59):
Let it roll off your.
S2 (10:59):
Back. Yeah. You can't hold them to what they're saying.
Sometimes you can't.
S1 (11:04):
Thank you so much. Blessings to you. Let me see.
Let's go to Alan, who's joining us from celebration. Hi, Alan.
Thanks for grabbing your phone. Some thoughts from you.
S6 (11:15):
Yeah. I just wanted to kind of echo some of
the things that have been said. Uh, the first caller,
I think, mentioned power of attorney. Um, you know, my
I have elderly parents up in North Carolina, and so
I wanted to make sure that I had that power
of attorney. And I appreciate her mentioning the health care surrogate.
S2 (11:33):
Yeah. Yeah, those are important things.
S1 (11:36):
Yes. Alan, thank you for echoing that. Yeah. And amen. Thanks, Alan.
Appreciate it. Uh, let's go next to Terry, who is
joining us from Orlando. Hi, Terry. Good morning.
S7 (11:46):
I'm just calling to encourage your listeners. Um, I had
the blessing of taking care of my mom. Uh, but
I have to tell you this. It takes a village.
It really does. And going through a very, very long goodbye.
It was a very long goodbye. She suffered from Alzheimer's,
(12:08):
and it was so sweet of an exit. And many
of my friends and colleagues in my business would say, well,
how are you able to do this? She doesn't even
know you. And I would say, well, I know her.
And that's really through prayer. It was such a sweet,
(12:29):
sweet time because the Lord is the one who will
give you the strength to do it. Having said that,
just like your callers have said, you need to have
your ducks in order.
S1 (12:40):
Yes.
S7 (12:41):
So to have the correct paperwork and to align with
other caregivers, that really helped us. We had a chart.
I mean, she had a slow goodbye, which was really
quite a blessing because we just followed her lead. So
(13:02):
in the beginning, when she was losing her memory and
repeating herself, we just followed her lead and we went
with her and took her to all the doctors that
she needed to go to. And as it progressed and
she went into her different stages, we inevitably moved her
(13:22):
into our home and she stayed with us for five years.
We had another room in the house for her. At
that point I went ahead and developed a chart. You know,
of her routine, so it just made it so much easier.
And I want to really encourage your listeners to take
care of themselves in the process of taking care of
(13:45):
their elderly parent, because without the much needed rest you're needing,
you're going to need. You're not. It won't be as fruitful,
you're going to be exhausted, and you're going to be
short on being able to provide everything she needs. So
one of the the better blessings that we had was
(14:06):
we tapped in to caregivers, and I had a schedule
of caregivers because I run a business and I was
able to care for my mom during the early morning
of the hours for her, for feeding her and and
her well-being. We also tapped into hospice. That was an
(14:27):
interesting story, and I don't want to take all this time,
but she was kicked off The fastest three times. And
the Lord guided us. Yeah, it was so we were like,
oh no, what are we going to do? Because they
would come over three days a week and they would
do bed baths when she got to that point and,
(14:49):
you know, and provide some of the pull ups and
the things that go with having an elderly parent that
is not self-sufficient in any capacity. Yeah. So we of course,
appealed it. And the Lord is so gracious. We won.
So she was literally on hospice for three years, which
(15:12):
they really are not used to. And the blessing of
it all was through the service of a schedule of having.
So I'd have nannies that would come over from like
11 to 6. So I'd be able to run my business,
do my thing, then I'd I come home and care.
(15:33):
Give her through the evening hours and, you know, sometimes
even throughout the other days as well. But I found
that once I resolved myself to getting it organized, having
her paperwork in order, much prayer, much prayer, because it's
so hard when you first realize that, oh my goodness,
(15:53):
you know, this is going to be a full time job.
And it is. But God provides people in your path.
Pray it up, provide for you where he guides you, provides.
And he did. And to this day, my mother passed
just shy of her 95th birthday. 95th birthday. And it
(16:17):
was a sweet goodbye. And the caregivers that we had.
And it's such a great story because we utilized her funds.
She had a home And of course, when she moved
in with us, we ended up blessing one of our
caregivers with her home. So part of being able to
(16:41):
take care of my mom was the caregiver was able
to provide a home for her family.
S1 (16:50):
Look at that.
S2 (16:51):
Yeah.
S1 (16:51):
The blessings, the ripple effect. Terry, we can see God's
fingerprints all over this. Thank you so much for picking
up the phone to share your thoughts, your story, with us.
Let's go to Beth in Fort Myers. Hi, Beth. Good morning.
S8 (17:06):
I had spent many years with my husband overseas as
a missionary. And so when I came back, we lived
in Georgia and my mother was in Indiana. I had
a brother and a sister who were within driving distance. Um,
but I started working from Georgia as a nurse. and
(17:28):
so that I only had weekends, and I made sure
that I was able to go and see her, um,
on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, quick trips that I drove. And
I was very thankful that I was able to do that.
She was in at that point. She was in a, um,
continuing care facility and had, uh, friends that took her
(17:51):
back and forth from, um, the facility. And she was
able to go to church, and she was very happy there. Um,
at one point along the road, a good many years
after she was there, there was something that just didn't
seem right. And she communicated and she said, um, can
(18:13):
I come and live with you? And she had always
said she didn't want to live with any of her children.
She was independent, but a strong believer and was content.
And I said, mom, you're very welcome to live with us.
But I'm not quite sure why this big change has happened. Thankfully,
(18:35):
my brother went and there were just some things that
were not going as they should have in the facility
that she was in. And so, um, I said, would
you like to come and live with us? And she said, yes. And, um,
so our, our kids and within 2 or 3 days,
we drove up to Indiana with a truck and packed
(18:59):
her up. And she came down to Georgia. And, um,
people might be questioning, you know, can I do this
when I'm working? And my husband was working part time,
I was working full time. And what was, um, as
it as it turned out, there were people that my
(19:19):
husband was with her during the day. She was still mobile,
using a wheelchair in our home, and we were able
to go out and go to church. And she made that.
That change and transition. Um, I think because she was
with us and we had missed so many years of
being apart and, um, my husband would help her get
(19:43):
breakfast and then, um, other things that if she needed help,
he was there. And if not, um, you know, she
didn't need anything. She was fairly independent, but she became
weaker and weaker. And, um, there were some friends that
were willing to we were able to hire at a
(20:03):
very reasonable price because that that was a very important thing,
you know, how were we going to be able to
have people to stay with her? And so we had
friends that actually volunteered. And if she needed an hour
or 2 or 3, as we were out, we were
able to, um, pay them what was a reasonable rate.
(20:25):
And well, it was probably less, but they were very kind. And, um,
she was with us till almost she was almost 96
for three years. And, um, I guess the biggest thing
I would say question if they're saying something about the
facility they're in.
S1 (20:44):
Yes.
S8 (20:45):
Make check that.
S2 (20:46):
Yeah.
S8 (20:47):
That was pretty important. And, um, she had been fine
there for like 12 years, but things changed. And the
other thing, I did work, um, in a nursing facility
for a short time. And if you can, if you
can go weekly or go on a regular basis so
(21:08):
that they know that the family member is going to
be there.
S1 (21:13):
I ran across some helpful tips, and I'm just going
to run a few down here. Let's see. Number one
Sign your loved one up for food delivery.
S2 (21:24):
Oh great idea.
S1 (21:26):
Isn't that a great idea? Also, there are some other
helpful at home services you can sign them up for.
Maybe like, you know, lawn mowing, house cleaning, stuff like that.
And so that might be a good idea, but you
have to vet them. Okay. I've run into this with
my mom. She's healthy. She's 88. She's on the West Coast.
I'm over here. My brother's in Dallas, so he's kind
(21:48):
of halfway up. You know, my mom. One of the
biggest concerns with my mom is, you know, her being
targeted by scams and bad people who try to rip
her off, which has happened a couple of times. If
I was there. Yeah.
S2 (22:06):
Yeah.
S1 (22:07):
I might have lost my testimony. I'm just saying. But
that's one of the things too. But yeah, make sure
you vet these folks if you can. But but don't
rob your your elderly parent of the respect of I'm
an adult, I can make adult decisions. Please don't treat
me like a child. There's a fine line you don't
(22:29):
want to step over. There's a boundary. Yeah, and don't
cross it. Uh, hiring a part time caregiver might be
a possibility. Ask for help from nearby family members or friends.
My mom does have a nice circle of friends at
her church, and that's nice. She lives in a 55
plus community, so she has a couple of neighbors. You know,
(22:51):
we live in a very transient society, right? People are
moving all the time. But her neighbors, one in particular,
who I know they've been there, this couple, they've been
there since well before my mom moved in. So they're
good friends. Uh. Let's see. Try a tech tool to
stay connected. We can always use FaceTime. Yeah. Uh, video calling,
(23:12):
whatever the case, by the way, Skype is no longer
in existence. Did you see that?
S2 (23:16):
Yeah. It's gone. Bye bye.
S1 (23:18):
It was zoom and FaceTime and all that. That, uh,
that took care of that. Says here digital photo frames.
Another easy way to stay connected is with a digital
photo frame. These frames can be synced to your phone.
So anytime you take a photo, it's shared on the frame.
S2 (23:34):
Oh, I like that.
S1 (23:35):
Isn't that a great idea?
S2 (23:36):
I didn't know that. I'll have to. Oh, I got
I need one for Leah now. Yeah. Okay.
S1 (23:41):
Yeah, yeah. Your older parents, or in your case, uh,
your your daughter Leah, um, your loved 1st May enjoy
seeing updated photos of you or their smiling grandchildren, etc.. Wow,
that's really a good idea. Uh, help with monthly bills,
help them out in a tangible way. Create and store
a critical information binder that was brought up by a
(24:01):
power of attorney. Right? Working through all of that, navigating
the paperwork.
S2 (24:06):
Not want the state making decisions.
S1 (24:08):
Yeah, well that's true. And then, of course, spend quality
time when you can with your loved one. I'm going
out to see my mom in July. Uh, she, uh.
And I'm looking forward to it. Uh, you know, it's
one of those situations where the time passes so quickly. But,
you know, I do stuff when I'm there, though. Little things,
you know, changing light bulbs and batteries and helping her
with this and that, what have you. Um, help your
(24:32):
loved ones set up a caring bridge site. As a caregiver,
it can be overwhelming. It says here to try and
keep everybody updated on the status of your loved one.
And a plethora of phone calls and texts each day
may be hard, may be hard on you during this time.
By setting up a caring bridge site, you or your
loved one can update everyone on how they're doing with
(24:54):
just a few clicks.
S2 (24:57):
Thanks for listening to Kurt and Kate Mornings podcast. Please
take a minute to follow, subscribe and review us. And
no matter where in the world you are, you can
listen to us live from 6 to 9 a.m. weekdays
on the Moody Radio app.
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