July 12, 2025 • 40 mins
In this episode of Kyle Talks, we dive into a powerful truth about connection in a divided world: people often judge us by labels; political, religious, etc. before they know us. But what if kindness and genuine curiosity can break through those walls?
Episode Topic Starts @ 15:49
Kyle shares personal stories and explores how leading with respect and humility, rather than identity or ideology, can open doors to meaningful conversations. We look at why young adults today are craving authentic connection more than ever, and why kindness is not weakness but a radical form of strength.
Follow me on X/Insta @ Kylethehorton
Resources & Further Reading:
- Millennials and Gen Z Views on Christianity
Barna Group reports that many young adults associate Christianity more with judgment than love:
https://www.barna.com/research/generations-and-faith/
- Stress and Social Interaction Among Young Adults
The American Psychological Association highlights the increase in anger and communication struggles among young people:
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2023/sia-2023-social-media
- The Science of Kindness and Connection
Research from The Journal of Positive Psychology shows how acts of kindness improve meaning and connection even amid disagreement:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17439760.2023.2162367
- Political Division and Dialogue Barriers
Axios reports on how deeply divided Americans, especially under 30, feel conversations have become impossible:
https://www.axios.com/political-polarization-young-adults-2023.html
- Reducing Ideological Distrust Through Connection
Harvard research finds interpersonal connection lowers ideological distrust significantly:
https://projects.iq.harvard.edu/polarization
- Religious Disaffiliation Among Young Adults
Pew Research explores why many under 30 are leaving organized religion but remain spiritually curious:
https://www.pewforum.org/2021/05/12/religious-disaffiliation-rises-among-young-adults/
- Warmth vs. Competence in Building Trust
Classic psychology research on why warmth (kindness) is key to influence and trust-building:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167204271325
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
She said, you can never be like one of them, a
Christian.
And I just checked her out and Isaid, have a good rest of your
day, ma'am.
Thank you for the compliment.
But that's always stuck to me.
What do you mean by one of them?
(00:27):
Welcome back to Kyle Talks,where I'm Kyle and we talk.
Yo, yo, yo, what it do be do bedo be do do be do in the
streets.
How is it going?
All you beautiful people.
Thank you so much for tuninginto another episode of Kyle
(00:49):
Talks, a show where you can haveconversations with someone who
doesn't vote, believe, dress,look, Pray the same as you, and
it's still a great conversation.
I've really enjoyed this.
Guys, you know I like to yap.
Before I yap, if this is yourfirst time checking out Kyle
Talks, whether you came fromsocial media, the reels, I'm an
(01:11):
A1 reel maker.
Look, I get it.
Those reels are good.
I get it.
Actually, let me know what youthink of those.
Wherever you're coming from,Kyle Talks Podcast, if this is
your first time, it's all abouthaving conversations.
Listening to ordinary people whohave done extraordinary things.
Hearing their story.
Most importantly, it's abouthaving conversations with
(01:33):
someone who doesn't look, vote,pray, believe, eat the same as
you.
And having good conversations.
At Kyle Talks, we believe wehave lost time.
The art of having aconversation.
Everything has been sopoliticized with us Gen Zers.
One day we will run the country.
One day we're going to leadimportant decisions.
(01:55):
We need to know how to talk andwe're changing that here.
We're changing that now.
So if this is something you wantto be a part of, get plugged
into great community who cantalk.
You have found it.
You have found it here.
Go ahead and review and sharethat episode.
Review it.
Give five stars or one star,whatever it is you want to do.
Give it that.
And if you've been here before,time and time again, thank you
(02:17):
for contributing to theconversation and making your
voice heard.
I'm glad to have you here.
We are located in sunny LosAngeles, California, where the
wine and the LaCroix flows like.
Honey, so please take a seat.
The butlers know what you need.
They know what kind of drinksyou like.
I like Pamplemousse, but to eachtheir own.
There's all my e-begging out theway.
But no, I'd really love for youto join this community.
(02:39):
We've had some greatconversations with people who
are solving cancer, who've lost500 pounds, voice actors,
business owners.
Good conversations where welearn how to talk with each
other.
Successful people.
And whatever you want to thinksuccess means, find out by
listening to those episodes whatit means to them.
But I'm so glad to have you guyshere today.
(03:00):
I'm really excited.
And also, I want to say, too,before we jump into the gap,
thank you guys so much for themost recent love on the Big
Beautiful Bill episode.
So everyone knows I have two onKyle Talks.
I do the Kyle Talks and I alsodo Fyconomy where I talk about
the finance, your economy.
I enjoy talking about thosethings and I make it.
(03:22):
And I give it and deliver it ina way where it's easy to
understand, hey, what's goingon?
That gives you a base level tounderstand what's happening with
your finances because you shouldknow what's happening with your
money.
And so I just did an episode onthe big, beautiful bill that was
just passed last week by thecurrent administration.
And I've received so muchfeedback, good, bad, how can it
(03:46):
be better?
And I just want to say thankyou, guys.
I can clearly tell there's apassion there.
So I appreciate all the feedbackI've gotten in regards to the
episode.
What's new?
What's new in Kyle TalksOlandia?
Nothing much.
I'm grateful.
I'm feeling grateful lately.
So, like, I just feel grateful.
(04:09):
God's good.
If this is your first time, I'ma Christian.
I don't push that on you.
If you're not a Christian,that's totally fine.
You know, that's that's up toyou.
But, you know.
My relationship with God feelsgood, and I see him providing.
As you guys know, I'm currentlyunemployed.
Yay, layoffs.
Yay.
But rent's being paid for.
(04:31):
Groceries are paid for.
Thank you, Jesus.
I'm doing the whole interviewthing still.
Still interviewing.
That's taking some time.
Fun, if that's what you want tocall that.
If you are interviewing, if youhave...
Done interviews.
You have a look for jobs.
You know exactly what I mean.
So there's that.
But I'm really.
I know I say this every week,but I mean it.
(04:54):
We're growing at the podcast.
I was just talking to unofficialproducer Rio who this show
cannot happen without him.
We spent so many hours on thephone brainstorming.
Here's what you do.
Here's what you could done.
Here's some.
Ideas for next episode, what'sgoing on, facts checks, our
artist.
I mean, this show can't happenwithout Rio.
(05:14):
And so I was talking to Rio, andwe were just going over
statistics as we do, stats,things like that.
And in the past seven days ofthis podcast, we have received
500 downloads.
That is insane.
I'm used to like 100 downloads.
(05:34):
If it's a really good week, 200.
You know what I mean?
Like the fact we're having 500,people are sharing it.
I share those to my stories allthe time.
So if you want to see these, goahead and follow me on Instagram
or X at Kyle the Horton.
But we have people sharing,tagging me.
Thank you, guys.
You know who you are, who you doit.
Thank you, guys, so much.
They're stories.
Thank you, guys.
(05:55):
It's crazy.
The reach is happening.
And we are...
the fastest growing podcast inthe world.
And you, by sharing and byretweeting, sharing, whatever it
is you're doing, leaving areview, you're helping us become
the fastest growing podcast.
So thank you guys so much.
You single-handedly have a handin that.
And if you would continue tocontribute for us to still grow,
(06:17):
please go ahead and leave areview on wherever you're
listening.
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podify,Podbean.
That's...
I've never heard a pod mean, ifI'm being super honest.
But me and unofficial producerRhea were having a laugh about
that.
So please leave a review.
But what leaving a review doesis it lets other people know you
(06:40):
like this content.
So it will push out the episodesto other people.
Say, hey, a lot of people likeyou, like Kyle Talks, go ahead
and maybe you like it too.
And that helps us get morepeople involved in the
conversation.
Conversations are best whenthere's two people or more
people.
We already have at least twopeople.
Let's invite more into thisconversation so we can learn.
(07:01):
So yeah, thank you guys so much.
That's actually really great.
Before, you've already seen thetitle.
There's a few new things,actually, since you're looking
at the title.
I have decided to number myepisodes, so it's a little bit
easier for me to refer to whatepisodes I'm speaking of.
So today is the first, or thisepisode, is the first episode
(07:23):
that will be numbered, and Ibelieve it's number 156.
We've had 155 episodes beforethis.
But going forward for if Ieconomy Kyle talks, et cetera,
these episodes will be numbered.
Just some critique I've heardfrom more than one person.
And I think it's actually areally good idea.
So going forward, these episodeswill be numbered.
(07:45):
You'll notice that.
And I'm excited for that.
Before we jump into our bossquestion, I want to talk about
what that is.
This podcast is meant for us tohave conversations.
It's meant for us to have a wayto talk to each other.
And I would be a sham if I didnot have that opportunity for us
to have that conversation.
(08:07):
So we have something we dobefore we jump into the main
idea of the episode called theBOSS segment.
And it's acronym for BeforeOpening Show.
The second S is silent.
Sorry if you...
Wong, Madeline, you know whereI'm going.
You, you, like, you, it...
If you know, you know.
But what this segment for isbefore we jump into the main
(08:29):
discussion, this is just anopportunity for us to have a
discussion and speak with eachother about literally anything.
So if you would like to send inthose questions, please send it
in to KyleTalksPodcast atgmail.com and put Boss, B-O-S-S
in the subject line so it's alittle bit easier to find and
filter through.
With that, we have a...
(08:51):
Good one today, and we're goingto jump right into our boss
segment.
Hey, unofficial producer Rio, asevery one of these starts, it's
always Rio first.
Hey, Kyle, I love the podcastand how you keep things real.
To be honest, I'm in a weirdspot right now because I've been
(09:16):
working what I would like tocall hard.
On something that matters to me,not necessarily a business, but
something that represents who Iam.
And it feels like no onenotices.
I do share.
I talk about it.
I don't know you or so youwouldn't see it because you
don't follow me.
(09:37):
Feels like a jab.
I will follow you, though.
And it just feels like there'sno traction or it feels the
traction is slow.
And it feels like no one seesit.
And it's hard not to feelinvisible sometimes.
My question is, how do you staymotivated when it feels like
nobody's paying attention?
I realize you always say you'renot like Joe Rogan yet.
The yet self-capitalized.
(09:57):
I feel like you're not.
I know you always say you're notJoe Rogan yet, but it's clearly
you're doing something that'sgrowing.
So how do you keep showing up orwhat are some examples of you
keeping showing up or even theguests day after day when you're
not seeing results?
Would love to see your thoughtson this.
And there's a little thing.
This message comes from Jay, andI currently live in Sacramento.
(10:21):
You put that there, so if Iwasn't supposed to say that, my
fault.
But you put it, this messagecomes from Jay, and I'm from
Sacramento.
Shout out to Central Valley, forreal.
Thank you, Jay, for sending inthat question, by the way.
As you know, I've shared on thispodcast, I'm from Fresno,
California.
So Fresno, Sacramento,Bakersfield, Tulare, Visalia...
(10:43):
You know, yeah, I know.
I know you've been to Sacramentomany times, obviously.
Actually gives me some context.
That's good.
That's good.
Thanks for sending in thosequestions, that question, Jay.
And I'm going to be honest.
This is just a conversation.
This is not boss segments aremeant for us to have a
(11:05):
conversation.
They are not meant to be.
Kyle knows everything.
He knows the answers toeverything.
What's the word they use?
Like discretion warning orpre-warning, whatever.
I can't think of the word rightnow, but I do not know
everything.
I am 28 years young.
I don't even know what I don'tknow yet.
(11:26):
So I can only, this is aconversation.
This is not, there's an answerhere.
This is a conversation and weshare experiences.
That's what it is.
So you shared with me yourexperience.
I'm gonna share with you myexperience.
Yeah, it's hard.
The...
I think, like, I'm going to giveyou lots of fluff, but I think
the first thing's first.
(11:47):
You're doing it for yourself.
Who cares who sees it?
I don't know if you're Christianor not, Jay, but the Lord
definitely sees it.
God sees it, and he notices.
What I want to say is message ofthe story, do it for yourself.
No one else, not a single soul,do it for yourself.
(12:07):
And the reason why I say that isI have two experiences.
One, this podcast.
This podcast started in 2020.
And we're we've like barelytaken a few baby steps up the
stairs.
We are growing, which I'mextremely grateful for.
But we're still, for all intentsand purposes, an extremely small
podcast experiencing somegrowth.
(12:28):
So I started this podcast in2020 because I like talking to
people and then I want to talkto more people.
And it is during the covidshutdown, everything like that.
And it's taken time to get righttoday.
And we're not even like We havenot even come close to arriving.
The second thing I want to talkabout that makes me think of
that answer that I've given youis losing weight.
(12:49):
So I put my story.
If you've listened to otherepisodes, you've heard it.
But for those who are listeningfor the first time.
I used to play collegiatefootball.
I was really fit, 280, muscular.
I looked good, to be honest.
And I stopped playing football,and I ballooned up to 360
pounds.
And I remember one day I lookedat that weight and said, I want
(13:12):
to be attractive for my wife.
I want to take off my shirt atthe beach.
I want to look like I work out.
Because at 360 something, I didnot look like I worked out.
And I want to look like that.
So anyways, I started losingweight for me.
Yeah, there's these other thingsattached to it, but I'm the one
who has to sleep in my body.
(13:33):
I'm the one who has to do thingsin my body.
My wife doesn't do that.
My mom, dad, brother, sister.
I'm the one who lives in mybody.
So I did it for me currently.
So my goal is 280 pounds rightnow.
I'm at 326.
So I've lost About 40 pounds.
But, again, it's just for me.
And it took almost two, two anda half, three years to get here.
(13:56):
I remember starting.
And it took a long time.
I'm not even where I want to beyet.
But I've had people share love,like, Kyle, you're doing good.
I see it every day.
I see the posting, you know,this and that.
Or, oh, what curls are youdoing?
Or, like, I see you going.
What kind of squats are youdoing?
I ain't doing nothing different.
(14:17):
I'm doing it for me I need to bebetter than me I have to beat
myself that means picking up thepace or doing it with intensity
or doing it with purpose andintention then that's for me to
do and for you just to see butthat's really for me that's not
for you and that can come offweird but maybe it can sound
(14:37):
selfish but it's true no one cando something for you.
No one can want something foryou.
They can want all they want.
It ain't going to happen.
You know what I mean?
Like you have to want it foryourself.
So those two examples make meone.
I relate to your question, Jay.
Um, and we're just havingconversation to hopefully that
helps keep that in mind.
(14:57):
You're doing it for you.
So you said it's like a brand orsomething, whatever it, I don't
care what, honestly, what you'rebuilding, but whatever it is,
you have to do it for you, Jay.
You can't do it for anyone else.
So, um, Hopefully that's atleast what I've experienced in
my own personal life.
So if that helps in any kind orway, let me know.
And also DM me.
(15:18):
I want to follow you and seewhat you're doing and maybe
share it as well.
Please let me know.
But thank you for sending thatquestion, Jay.
I hope that conversation washelpful.
If you guys would like to sendin your own questions,
conversation starters, whateverit may be, send it in to
KyleTalksPodcast at gmail.com.
and put Boss B-O-S-S in thesubject line.
(15:41):
We got a big episode.
You've heard the spoiler.
You've heard the intro.
You've heard the hook.
Let's jump into it.
Yeah, that's a real story thathappened.
I was a cashier working in 2020.
This was during the whole timeof like the Biden and Trump The
first debate was coming up and Iwas being I was a cashier at
Target and this older, wiserlady came through my line and
(16:04):
she was saying like, oh, blah,blah, blah.
Christians, Democrats, like shewas kind of throwing shade to
both sides, mainly Christians.
And she was like, oh, you'reyou're one of the best people
I've met.
You're so kind.
And it gives me hope for theyounger generation.
You could never be like one ofthem.
I was like, what do you mean byI was like, yeah, what do you
mean by them?
You know, I was.
(16:26):
Twenty two.
And she was like a Christian.
You can never be like one tobless your heart.
And she said bless her heart,which is kind of interesting.
And she said other thingspolitical, too.
But she left, you know, wentaway.
We had a conversation and sheleft.
The whole time we're having thatconversation.
I'm Christian.
(16:48):
You know, and she was sayingthose things and assumed a lot
and.
Really, really like.
I don't know.
That has stuck with me to thisday.
You're not one of them.
Turns out I was one of them thewhole time we're having a
conversation.
Never changed.
(17:10):
I was one of them.
And that has stuck with me along time.
And we're talking a lot recentlyabout how the conversation
dialogue and it's resonatingwith a lot of people listening
to the podcast.
And I want to talk about thisstory.
Talk about my thoughts and whatI've learned from it, and
hopefully it's relevant to you.
But the main point, really, if Ihad to boil everything down, is
(17:34):
be a human.
Be a decent human being andlisten.
And who knows, that listening,instead of assuming all these
things, I tell unofficialproducer Rio all the time,
especially during the whole 2020thing, like, oh, you're
Christian, you must love Trump.
Okay, like I get why you wouldsay that stereotype because
(17:58):
that's what's being showed toyou, but that is a very gross
overgeneralization, and it's nottrue for everyone who subscribes
to the Christian faith.
I'm using Christianity as anexample.
You put in whatever blank,Republican, Republican,
anti-vax, vax, Democrat, doesn'twork out or works out and
(18:23):
doesn't eat right or whateverthe issue or dilemma you want to
put in there, you can.
It doesn't matter.
What matters is the main pointabout how do we have
conversations, really?
And it starts with just being abasic, decent, a decent human
being and talking with someone.
(18:44):
And not assuming and bringingall these things.
I've found out if we just talkkindly and not like the weird
kind of what people say, wokekind, you know, like people will
say woke as if that's a badthing.
The word itself or they'll saylike, oh, you're being too nice
(19:06):
to be.
OK, OK.
I guess I understand what you'resaying.
I see where it's coming from forsure.
But at the same time, being kindto people and just being a
decent human goes a long way.
So let's jump into it.
There are some notes andresearch points that I used for
(19:26):
this article for this episode,and they're all in the show
notes.
Nothing is hidden.
I use all these articles in thelinks.
Please check them out foryourself for yourself to read.
But we live in a really labeledworld.
world like and what i mean bythat is everyone has a label for
something someone does somethingoh yeah this guy's uh this guy
(19:50):
this this guy's a big truck thisis like super you know i mean
like this guy's a big truck it'swhite big old wheels oh he's
that kind of guy oh pleasecompensate okay or um this is a
real story that i've had um thati've seen um A gentleman goes by
(20:11):
super tattooed from his head tohis toes and a not so nice
looking car.
Look at that gangster.
Well, you could be right.
You know, like use.
We have these intuitions for areason.
You know what I mean?
Like we is to keep us safe.
And to avoid certain things.
(20:31):
So you definitely could beright.
A thousand percent.
I'm not saying ignore thatcompletely.
Don't.
If it's someone that looksscary.
You know.
Use some caution.
These are good feelings.
We have them for a reason.
But it's like.
That could be the nicest guyyou've ever met.
And I have experience in that.
Because my uncle.
Uncle dude.
Uncle Ninja.
(20:52):
He is one of the greatest peopleI've ever met.
But he is tattooed from the topof his head.
Like literally tattooed.
Like, all across.
And I was raised watching himgive tattoos.
And I really liked that processbecause of watching him and my
aunt give tattoos.
I thought it was really cool.
(21:13):
And I'm like, just because theyhave tattoos doesn't mean
they're, like, scary.
I mean, I guess it can beindicative of it.
And we have these emotions for areason to be cautious.
But at the same time...
The point is we put people inthese boxes.
So a 2023 poll found that 71% ofadults under 30, which is 90% of
(21:33):
this podcast, feel like we aretoo divided to have productive
conversations.
63% of people under 30 also saythey're more likely to assume
bad intent based on politics,race, religion, gender, whatever
it is, what we were just talkingabout.
(21:54):
And these are statistics toprove the stories that we're
just sharing.
We are kind of engineered bysociety whether that be parents
grandparents whatever it is umto hear something identifying by
someone and put them in a boxfor example that lady at target
you could never be like one ofthem who's them a christian she
(22:17):
it was like like imagine likethe hard r that's almost like
what she's i don't okay i don'tknow if that makes sense but you
get what like it was hard like achristian Okay.
Yikes.
Like she, she was adding, maybethose things come from
experience, but I was notwhoever she was deciding.
(22:42):
I've actually had just anotherstory to go on with this.
I've had many conversations withgreat people from, and I'm only
28.
I'm so grateful for theconversations I've had.
I was having a conversation withthis one individual and this
person said, Wow.
You're this person believed.
(23:03):
So at one point in time, I dididentify with the Republic Party
politically.
At one point, this isn't thisepisode is not about politics.
This is just about like howwhere I've come, how I've grown.
And so anyways, this was likehigh school, like fresh into
college.
At that point of time, Iidentified with being a
Republican.
And this individual came up tome and said, For being a
(23:27):
Republican, you are one of themost coolest guys, and I don't
really understand how you can bea Republican being how cool you
are.
That happened like my firstyear, like 2016, like when Trump
got elected for the first time.
I remember that.
I remember sitting in a classwhere my teacher was like, I
don't know if teachers should dothis, to be honest, but he was
(23:48):
throwing a fit that Trump won.
Like he really wasn't beingprofessional in the slightest.
He doesn't like Trump.
That was fine.
I don't care about that.
But he was not beingprofessional in the slightest to
a bunch of like 18, 19 yearolds.
So, um, but anyways, I remembersomeone in that class who now
works for the democratic party.
Um, she's awesome.
Um, was telling me that like, ohyeah, you, you're a Republican.
(24:12):
You're so cool.
The whole point of that is Iidentify differently now.
Um, I have different ideas, morebroader ideas on certain things,
but the point of that is there'sa lot of these labels tied, uh,
to this name, whatever it maybe.
Gay, straight, trans, Christian,Democrat, Republican.
(24:32):
You pick the title.
But there are so many labelsthat she's like, oh, you
actually don't fit in thatlabel.
But you say you're that label,but you actually don't fit.
A lot of people will jump to,maybe you're mislabeling
yourself.
Or maybe you are actually thisand not this.
Maybe you don't understand.
My counter-argument would be asfollows.
(24:56):
Maybe you're the one who doesn'tunderstand.
Maybe you're the one who'sthinking about these labels and
wanting to put on people.
Maybe you aren't the onethinking.
Maybe you aren't the oneactually applying critical
thinking.
And I think there's somethingthere.
What do we take from all this?
What do we see from all this?
Agreeing, hearing someone speak.
(25:20):
does not mean agreement.
Understanding someone's point ofview, hearing where they're
coming from, their thoughts,whatever, thoughts on literally
whatever.
Like Call of Duty, ModernWarfare 3 was better than World
War, which it is.
I'm hearing these things like,why do you get that?
How do you get there?
And just because you say, oh, Iunderstand, or oh, I see,
(25:42):
doesn't mean you agree.
We have to divorce these two.
If agreement does not...
Being kind and hearing someone,understanding someone does not
inherently mean agreement.
I'm getting passionate a littlebit here.
It could.
It most certainly could.
(26:05):
It's a possibility.
It's in the realm of what'sreal.
But just understanding someoneand being kind and polite and a
basic, decent human being andlistening to them and
understanding their POV does notmean agreement.
Being polite, being kind doesnot mean you're soft.
I hear this a lot because offootball and other things.
(26:28):
Oh, you're a softie forlistening to someone?
Oh, you're soft.
You're not going to challengethem.
You're a soft guy.
Brother in Christ, this is aconversation.
Let me refer back to theprevious episodes, cancel
culture to conversation culture.
Not everything needs to be adebate brother or sister in
(26:51):
Christ.
Not everything needs to be this.
I need to stand in attention andgive you a laundry list of why I
believe in what I know.
And if you're having dialoguewith someone who believes like
that, you live in a greatcountry where you can choose not
to have that conversation withthem.
You know what I mean?
(27:11):
Like you don't have to, ifsomeone honestly is, and I've
met individuals who believelike, oh, you just said this in
this casual conversation.
Now all of a sudden we're in adebate and I need the, there are
people out there like that.
If someone subscribes to thatbelief, I personally believe
that's wrong and that's notokay.
(27:33):
You don't have to talk withthem.
Again, you're being kind.
Hey, I appreciate that, but thisisn't really like the time or
place for this.
Um, we can talk about it someother time, maybe over coffee,
but right now I'm not trying togive a dissertation on whatever
it is, I believe.
And that's okay.
People will say that soft.
Oh, you're soft.
(27:53):
No, it's not.
It's being a intellectual,logical human being.
You see the person and not theirlabel.
That's what we need to startdoing.
Um, Ideas to support everythingwe just talked about.
A 2022 Harvard study onpolarization, which is linked in
(28:14):
the show notes, and I found thisinteresting, found that
interpersonal connectionreduces, this is a big word,
ideological distrust by over40%, even if neither person
changes their belief.
2022 is about three years old,but what is found is amazing.
(28:36):
And it supports everything youand I have been saying these
past five minutes or howeverlong it's been on this topic.
Understanding with someone isnot agreement.
It could be usually time.
Most time it's not.
And what this means,interpersonal connection reduces
ideological distrust by over40%.
(28:56):
You know what?
I understand.
For example, one of my best, andI've used this example before,
but it fits perfectly.
One of my best friends today, tothis day, um, At that point in
time, he's like, all cops arebastards.
They shouldn't be trusted.
They are disgusting.
They're pigs.
A cab, I believe, was the word.
(29:17):
Things like that.
And obviously, I didn't agree.
But in that moment, I was like,share with me why.
Oh, you've seen family membersget killed by the police.
Oh, every time you've heard run,like get away.
What did you see on the news inall of 2020?
It actually makes sense that youwould think that.
(29:39):
I may disagree, but can I blameyou for even thinking that?
And to this day, he's one of mybest friends I've ever had.
I love this man.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Do you get the point of what I'mtrying to say here?
There was an ideological gap, Iwould say, in that relationship
(30:00):
at that time, but I knew thatperson.
I knew what they were saying.
I knew where they were comingfrom.
That doesn't mean we agreed.
That does not mean I'll say thatone more time.
I understood where they'recoming.
I knew the person.
I knew their life story.
I knew where they were comingfrom.
I understood it.
It doesn't mean we agreed.
(30:21):
But you know what?
Based on that, I can't.
I can't fault you.
And there can be moreconversations that happen on.
whatever so-called what isright, what is wrong.
There can be more conversationsthat be had from that point on.
But in that point, you knowwhat?
I understand.
Understanding does not erasedifferences.
(30:42):
I want you to hear me.
Understanding does not erasedifferences.
It just makes room for arelationship.
It makes room to lower yourdistrust by 40% statistically
speaking.
We don't want to lead withlabels anymore.
(31:04):
And I want you to imagine this,wherever you are.
Imagine if I, Kyle, walked intoevery conversation with, I waved
at you, smiled.
Hi, I'm Kyle.
And here's what I believe abouteverything.
Here's what I believe about X,Y, Z.
And I just met you.
What are you going to think?
I'm not even going to say whatyou're thinking because you're
(31:25):
probably thinking a lot of...
You know what I mean?
Imagine someone you just met.
Hi, I'm an official producer.
Rio, here's what I believe abouteverything.
Whoa.
That's not connection.
That's not interpersonalconnection that reduces
ideological distrust by over40%.
That's performance.
(31:50):
People, and in my experience,maybe I'm wrong on this, people
want to feel safe They want toknow how you made them feel.
You ever heard the old thing?
People will remember how youmade them feel, not what you
said.
It's said a lot, but there'ssomething to it.
They want to feel safe.
(32:12):
They want to know how you makethem feel before they know what
you stand for, before they evencare.
Trust is earned throughcharacter, not certain belief
systems.
People...
And again, this is a psychinsight.
The link is down below, but ithas been noticed in 2023, people
tend to respond to warmth beforecompetence.
(32:33):
People respond to warmth.
People respond to relationshipsbefore ideas.
A long established finding inleadership and psychology, you
have to build rapport before youbuild influence.
That's literally psych 101.
Like, I didn't go to school forpsych, but you see what I mean?
(32:56):
What I want to say, what doesthat mean?
There's power in being known.
There's power of being known.
I'm not talking about some,like, super famous, oh, you're
known by everyone, everyoneloves you.
Power of just, oh, yeah, that'sKyle.
Oh, yeah, that's, oh, yeah,that's Emily.
Oh, yeah, that's Matthew.
Oh yeah, that's Sarah.
(33:17):
Oh yeah, that's Annie.
That's Gilbert.
That power of being known goesso much further.
It needs to be psychologicallyand statistically speaking, that
needs to be introduced first andforemost before any of your
ideas or what you believe caneven become close to being
(33:39):
understood.
Remember, the goal is not toagree.
The goal is to be understood.
When people experience you as aperson, your identity, they're
likely to rethink biases.
You become a living, I likethis, look, I like this word.
You become a livingcontradiction.
The stereotype they hold aboutwhatever it is, about whatever
(34:02):
stereotype.
They know you.
Oh, I know Kyle.
He thinks of this.
Kyle's a great guy.
He made me feel good.
Nice guy.
He brought me food.
You know what?
He says he's Christian.
Maybe I've thought aboutChristians wrong.
SPEAKER_01 (34:21):
Oh, I love this guy.
UNKNOWN (34:23):
Oh, he hates cops and thinks they should all die.
SPEAKER_00 (34:26):
Wait, I know this person.
I actually understand why theywould think that.
Because I know them.
I'm not just hearing theirideologies.
I know them as a person.
You know what?
That makes sense.
There's trust there.
I may not agree, but man, I'd belying if I didn't say I
(34:50):
understood.
People will call you differentso many times.
Using this, what we're talking,what we're discussing today,
people will call you different.
But they're actually sayingunderneath that, oh, you're
actually different.
You made me feel safe.
(35:12):
I understand who you are.
And I actually wasn't expectingthat.
And that's where the bridgestarts.
You're not like them.
Oh, wait.
You actually are them.
Wait a minute.
But I know you.
And I know this is what thiscertain whatever idea thinks.
(35:32):
And there's that bridge.
Getting formed.
You see what I'm trying to painthere?
The picture I'm trying to showyou?
What do we do with all thisinformation?
We took...
We talked about buildingconnection, letting them know
who you are, building trust, andthen understanding.
What do we do with all this?
Go into a conversation withcuriosity about the person.
(35:55):
Oh, man, Jim, this guy is socool.
He's like the best atvolleyball.
And his wife is really cool.
Or, oh, yeah, Samantha.
Samantha is so cool.
And her wife is really cool,too.
You know, they can cook up agreen bean casserole like no one
else can, and they're so homely.
(36:16):
You see what I'm trying, youunderstand them as a person.
So you're leading with that.
Lead with interpersonalconnection, not with ideologies.
You want, that's one.
Two, choose relationships overreactions.
Build that relationship anddon't build reactions.
Three, ask those questions.
(36:38):
Oh, what?
How did you get there?
Why do you think all cops arebastards?
How do you get there?
Why?
I'm just curious, why?
Instead of, what side are youon?
Do you believe this or that?
And ask, why do you believethat?
(37:01):
What made you think that?
Let their values, let yourvalues come through your
actions.
This is a quote from the lastepisode.
You don't there is there's atime and a place for a debate.
Not every conversation is adebate.
You just have to show up as aperson and let your life speak.
(37:24):
And then maybe if you're likeChristian, like myself, life
speaks to that or whatever it isyou're thinking of.
Let that speak for that.
So what I want you to take away.
I want you to take all theinformation.
Maybe we're listening to thisepisode if you have to.
But if this spoke to you andsaid, hey, I do that, or hey,
that's been done to me, or ooh,I've done both of those things.
(37:49):
I see both sides.
I've been on both sides of this.
I want you to stop giving peoplea label.
I want you to give them a chanceas a person.
Break out of the habit of, oh,you're one of them.
There's a tag, tag, boom, tag,boom, tag, boom, tag, boom, tag.
Break out of that habit.
(38:10):
I'm inviting you right now tolead with relationship, to start
with relationship.
Debates, who's right, that canall come later.
We're just starting with arelationship.
Not weakness, not silence, but arelationship.
(38:32):
In 2025, conversation isradical.
Guys, I hope you enjoyed theepisode.
That's everything I have to say.
I hope you got something goodout of it.
My goal is for us to haveconversations and lead with
personal connection, lead withrelationships.
(38:53):
And I believe this is based ondata, science and personal
experiences that I'm pretty sureyou can connect with as well.
I think that's where it starts.
Conversations.
I believe it starts.
Not labeling them, butunderstanding individuality.
You're not like them, but you'rean individual person.
(39:15):
What do you think?
How did you get there?
Start with the relationships.
That's what we're building atKyle Talks.
We're having conversations withpeople who don't look, vote,
dress, eat, pray the same, andwe still have conversations.
Great conversations.
If you enjoyed this conversationor you got anything out of it,
Please, please help us reviewthe podcast.
I'm saying again, review thepodcast.
(39:35):
It helps us grow.
It helps us push the podcast outso more individuals can see it
and invite more to thisconversation.
If you would like to support thepodcast, have more conversations
like that.
Every dollar made from Patreongoes back into the podcast.
It's making it as best as it canbe.
Those links are in thedescription.
The articles I use for datapoints are also in the
(39:57):
description.
Check them out for yourself.
And I'm happy with what we'rebuilding.
At Kyle Talks, we are the bestpodcast to exist and we're
building something great.
We're making conversation coolagain.
We're having personalconversations again.
All that in mind, one personhung up on the cross for you
(40:20):
because he loved you and couldnever imagine a world without
you.
Jesus could never imagine worldwithout you.
So we died for you.
You guys enjoyed.
Thank you guys so much.
And I'll see you guys next time.
I'm by economy.
Peace.
She said, you can never be like one of them, a
Christian.
And I just checked her out and Isaid, have a good rest of your
day, ma'am.
Thank you for the compliment.
But that's always stuck to me.
What do you mean by one of them?
(00:27):
Welcome back to Kyle Talks,where I'm Kyle and we talk.
Yo, yo, yo, what it do be do bedo be do do be do in the
streets.
How is it going?
All you beautiful people.
Thank you so much for tuninginto another episode of Kyle
(00:49):
Talks, a show where you can haveconversations with someone who
doesn't vote, believe, dress,look, Pray the same as you, and
it's still a great conversation.
I've really enjoyed this.
Guys, you know I like to yap.
Before I yap, if this is yourfirst time checking out Kyle
Talks, whether you came fromsocial media, the reels, I'm an
(01:11):
A1 reel maker.
Look, I get it.
Those reels are good.
I get it.
Actually, let me know what youthink of those.
Wherever you're coming from,Kyle Talks Podcast, if this is
your first time, it's all abouthaving conversations.
Listening to ordinary people whohave done extraordinary things.
Hearing their story.
Most importantly, it's abouthaving conversations with
(01:33):
someone who doesn't look, vote,pray, believe, eat the same as
you.
And having good conversations.
At Kyle Talks, we believe wehave lost time.
The art of having aconversation.
Everything has been sopoliticized with us Gen Zers.
One day we will run the country.
One day we're going to leadimportant decisions.
(01:55):
We need to know how to talk andwe're changing that here.
We're changing that now.
So if this is something you wantto be a part of, get plugged
into great community who cantalk.
You have found it.
You have found it here.
Go ahead and review and sharethat episode.
Review it.
Give five stars or one star,whatever it is you want to do.
Give it that.
And if you've been here before,time and time again, thank you
(02:17):
for contributing to theconversation and making your
voice heard.
I'm glad to have you here.
We are located in sunny LosAngeles, California, where the
wine and the LaCroix flows like.
Honey, so please take a seat.
The butlers know what you need.
They know what kind of drinksyou like.
I like Pamplemousse, but to eachtheir own.
There's all my e-begging out theway.
But no, I'd really love for youto join this community.
(02:39):
We've had some greatconversations with people who
are solving cancer, who've lost500 pounds, voice actors,
business owners.
Good conversations where welearn how to talk with each
other.
Successful people.
And whatever you want to thinksuccess means, find out by
listening to those episodes whatit means to them.
But I'm so glad to have you guyshere today.
(03:00):
I'm really excited.
And also, I want to say, too,before we jump into the gap,
thank you guys so much for themost recent love on the Big
Beautiful Bill episode.
So everyone knows I have two onKyle Talks.
I do the Kyle Talks and I alsodo Fyconomy where I talk about
the finance, your economy.
I enjoy talking about thosethings and I make it.
(03:22):
And I give it and deliver it ina way where it's easy to
understand, hey, what's goingon?
That gives you a base level tounderstand what's happening with
your finances because you shouldknow what's happening with your
money.
And so I just did an episode onthe big, beautiful bill that was
just passed last week by thecurrent administration.
And I've received so muchfeedback, good, bad, how can it
(03:46):
be better?
And I just want to say thankyou, guys.
I can clearly tell there's apassion there.
So I appreciate all the feedbackI've gotten in regards to the
episode.
What's new?
What's new in Kyle TalksOlandia?
Nothing much.
I'm grateful.
I'm feeling grateful lately.
So, like, I just feel grateful.
(04:09):
God's good.
If this is your first time, I'ma Christian.
I don't push that on you.
If you're not a Christian,that's totally fine.
You know, that's that's up toyou.
But, you know.
My relationship with God feelsgood, and I see him providing.
As you guys know, I'm currentlyunemployed.
Yay, layoffs.
Yay.
But rent's being paid for.
(04:31):
Groceries are paid for.
Thank you, Jesus.
I'm doing the whole interviewthing still.
Still interviewing.
That's taking some time.
Fun, if that's what you want tocall that.
If you are interviewing, if youhave...
Done interviews.
You have a look for jobs.
You know exactly what I mean.
So there's that.
But I'm really.
I know I say this every week,but I mean it.
(04:54):
We're growing at the podcast.
I was just talking to unofficialproducer Rio who this show
cannot happen without him.
We spent so many hours on thephone brainstorming.
Here's what you do.
Here's what you could done.
Here's some.
Ideas for next episode, what'sgoing on, facts checks, our
artist.
I mean, this show can't happenwithout Rio.
(05:14):
And so I was talking to Rio, andwe were just going over
statistics as we do, stats,things like that.
And in the past seven days ofthis podcast, we have received
500 downloads.
That is insane.
I'm used to like 100 downloads.
(05:34):
If it's a really good week, 200.
You know what I mean?
Like the fact we're having 500,people are sharing it.
I share those to my stories allthe time.
So if you want to see these, goahead and follow me on Instagram
or X at Kyle the Horton.
But we have people sharing,tagging me.
Thank you, guys.
You know who you are, who you doit.
Thank you, guys, so much.
They're stories.
Thank you, guys.
(05:55):
It's crazy.
The reach is happening.
And we are...
the fastest growing podcast inthe world.
And you, by sharing and byretweeting, sharing, whatever it
is you're doing, leaving areview, you're helping us become
the fastest growing podcast.
So thank you guys so much.
You single-handedly have a handin that.
And if you would continue tocontribute for us to still grow,
(06:17):
please go ahead and leave areview on wherever you're
listening.
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podify,Podbean.
That's...
I've never heard a pod mean, ifI'm being super honest.
But me and unofficial producerRhea were having a laugh about
that.
So please leave a review.
But what leaving a review doesis it lets other people know you
(06:40):
like this content.
So it will push out the episodesto other people.
Say, hey, a lot of people likeyou, like Kyle Talks, go ahead
and maybe you like it too.
And that helps us get morepeople involved in the
conversation.
Conversations are best whenthere's two people or more
people.
We already have at least twopeople.
Let's invite more into thisconversation so we can learn.
(07:01):
So yeah, thank you guys so much.
That's actually really great.
Before, you've already seen thetitle.
There's a few new things,actually, since you're looking
at the title.
I have decided to number myepisodes, so it's a little bit
easier for me to refer to whatepisodes I'm speaking of.
So today is the first, or thisepisode, is the first episode
(07:23):
that will be numbered, and Ibelieve it's number 156.
We've had 155 episodes beforethis.
But going forward for if Ieconomy Kyle talks, et cetera,
these episodes will be numbered.
Just some critique I've heardfrom more than one person.
And I think it's actually areally good idea.
So going forward, these episodeswill be numbered.
(07:45):
You'll notice that.
And I'm excited for that.
Before we jump into our bossquestion, I want to talk about
what that is.
This podcast is meant for us tohave conversations.
It's meant for us to have a wayto talk to each other.
And I would be a sham if I didnot have that opportunity for us
to have that conversation.
(08:07):
So we have something we dobefore we jump into the main
idea of the episode called theBOSS segment.
And it's acronym for BeforeOpening Show.
The second S is silent.
Sorry if you...
Wong, Madeline, you know whereI'm going.
You, you, like, you, it...
If you know, you know.
But what this segment for isbefore we jump into the main
(08:29):
discussion, this is just anopportunity for us to have a
discussion and speak with eachother about literally anything.
So if you would like to send inthose questions, please send it
in to KyleTalksPodcast atgmail.com and put Boss, B-O-S-S
in the subject line so it's alittle bit easier to find and
filter through.
With that, we have a...
(08:51):
Good one today, and we're goingto jump right into our boss
segment.
Hey, unofficial producer Rio, asevery one of these starts, it's
always Rio first.
Hey, Kyle, I love the podcastand how you keep things real.
To be honest, I'm in a weirdspot right now because I've been
(09:16):
working what I would like tocall hard.
On something that matters to me,not necessarily a business, but
something that represents who Iam.
And it feels like no onenotices.
I do share.
I talk about it.
I don't know you or so youwouldn't see it because you
don't follow me.
(09:37):
Feels like a jab.
I will follow you, though.
And it just feels like there'sno traction or it feels the
traction is slow.
And it feels like no one seesit.
And it's hard not to feelinvisible sometimes.
My question is, how do you staymotivated when it feels like
nobody's paying attention?
I realize you always say you'renot like Joe Rogan yet.
The yet self-capitalized.
(09:57):
I feel like you're not.
I know you always say you're notJoe Rogan yet, but it's clearly
you're doing something that'sgrowing.
So how do you keep showing up orwhat are some examples of you
keeping showing up or even theguests day after day when you're
not seeing results?
Would love to see your thoughtson this.
And there's a little thing.
This message comes from Jay, andI currently live in Sacramento.
(10:21):
You put that there, so if Iwasn't supposed to say that, my
fault.
But you put it, this messagecomes from Jay, and I'm from
Sacramento.
Shout out to Central Valley, forreal.
Thank you, Jay, for sending inthat question, by the way.
As you know, I've shared on thispodcast, I'm from Fresno,
California.
So Fresno, Sacramento,Bakersfield, Tulare, Visalia...
(10:43):
You know, yeah, I know.
I know you've been to Sacramentomany times, obviously.
Actually gives me some context.
That's good.
That's good.
Thanks for sending in thosequestions, that question, Jay.
And I'm going to be honest.
This is just a conversation.
This is not boss segments aremeant for us to have a
(11:05):
conversation.
They are not meant to be.
Kyle knows everything.
He knows the answers toeverything.
What's the word they use?
Like discretion warning orpre-warning, whatever.
I can't think of the word rightnow, but I do not know
everything.
I am 28 years young.
I don't even know what I don'tknow yet.
(11:26):
So I can only, this is aconversation.
This is not, there's an answerhere.
This is a conversation and weshare experiences.
That's what it is.
So you shared with me yourexperience.
I'm gonna share with you myexperience.
Yeah, it's hard.
The...
I think, like, I'm going to giveyou lots of fluff, but I think
the first thing's first.
(11:47):
You're doing it for yourself.
Who cares who sees it?
I don't know if you're Christianor not, Jay, but the Lord
definitely sees it.
God sees it, and he notices.
What I want to say is message ofthe story, do it for yourself.
No one else, not a single soul,do it for yourself.
(12:07):
And the reason why I say that isI have two experiences.
One, this podcast.
This podcast started in 2020.
And we're we've like barelytaken a few baby steps up the
stairs.
We are growing, which I'mextremely grateful for.
But we're still, for all intentsand purposes, an extremely small
podcast experiencing somegrowth.
(12:28):
So I started this podcast in2020 because I like talking to
people and then I want to talkto more people.
And it is during the covidshutdown, everything like that.
And it's taken time to get righttoday.
And we're not even like We havenot even come close to arriving.
The second thing I want to talkabout that makes me think of
that answer that I've given youis losing weight.
(12:49):
So I put my story.
If you've listened to otherepisodes, you've heard it.
But for those who are listeningfor the first time.
I used to play collegiatefootball.
I was really fit, 280, muscular.
I looked good, to be honest.
And I stopped playing football,and I ballooned up to 360
pounds.
And I remember one day I lookedat that weight and said, I want
(13:12):
to be attractive for my wife.
I want to take off my shirt atthe beach.
I want to look like I work out.
Because at 360 something, I didnot look like I worked out.
And I want to look like that.
So anyways, I started losingweight for me.
Yeah, there's these other thingsattached to it, but I'm the one
who has to sleep in my body.
(13:33):
I'm the one who has to do thingsin my body.
My wife doesn't do that.
My mom, dad, brother, sister.
I'm the one who lives in mybody.
So I did it for me currently.
So my goal is 280 pounds rightnow.
I'm at 326.
So I've lost About 40 pounds.
But, again, it's just for me.
And it took almost two, two anda half, three years to get here.
(13:56):
I remember starting.
And it took a long time.
I'm not even where I want to beyet.
But I've had people share love,like, Kyle, you're doing good.
I see it every day.
I see the posting, you know,this and that.
Or, oh, what curls are youdoing?
Or, like, I see you going.
What kind of squats are youdoing?
I ain't doing nothing different.
(14:17):
I'm doing it for me I need to bebetter than me I have to beat
myself that means picking up thepace or doing it with intensity
or doing it with purpose andintention then that's for me to
do and for you just to see butthat's really for me that's not
for you and that can come offweird but maybe it can sound
(14:37):
selfish but it's true no one cando something for you.
No one can want something foryou.
They can want all they want.
It ain't going to happen.
You know what I mean?
Like you have to want it foryourself.
So those two examples make meone.
I relate to your question, Jay.
Um, and we're just havingconversation to hopefully that
helps keep that in mind.
(14:57):
You're doing it for you.
So you said it's like a brand orsomething, whatever it, I don't
care what, honestly, what you'rebuilding, but whatever it is,
you have to do it for you, Jay.
You can't do it for anyone else.
So, um, Hopefully that's atleast what I've experienced in
my own personal life.
So if that helps in any kind orway, let me know.
And also DM me.
(15:18):
I want to follow you and seewhat you're doing and maybe
share it as well.
Please let me know.
But thank you for sending thatquestion, Jay.
I hope that conversation washelpful.
If you guys would like to sendin your own questions,
conversation starters, whateverit may be, send it in to
KyleTalksPodcast at gmail.com.
and put Boss B-O-S-S in thesubject line.
(15:41):
We got a big episode.
You've heard the spoiler.
You've heard the intro.
You've heard the hook.
Let's jump into it.
Yeah, that's a real story thathappened.
I was a cashier working in 2020.
This was during the whole timeof like the Biden and Trump The
first debate was coming up and Iwas being I was a cashier at
Target and this older, wiserlady came through my line and
(16:04):
she was saying like, oh, blah,blah, blah.
Christians, Democrats, like shewas kind of throwing shade to
both sides, mainly Christians.
And she was like, oh, you'reyou're one of the best people
I've met.
You're so kind.
And it gives me hope for theyounger generation.
You could never be like one ofthem.
I was like, what do you mean byI was like, yeah, what do you
mean by them?
You know, I was.
(16:26):
Twenty two.
And she was like a Christian.
You can never be like one tobless your heart.
And she said bless her heart,which is kind of interesting.
And she said other thingspolitical, too.
But she left, you know, wentaway.
We had a conversation and sheleft.
The whole time we're having thatconversation.
I'm Christian.
(16:48):
You know, and she was sayingthose things and assumed a lot
and.
Really, really like.
I don't know.
That has stuck with me to thisday.
You're not one of them.
Turns out I was one of them thewhole time we're having a
conversation.
Never changed.
(17:10):
I was one of them.
And that has stuck with me along time.
And we're talking a lot recentlyabout how the conversation
dialogue and it's resonatingwith a lot of people listening
to the podcast.
And I want to talk about thisstory.
Talk about my thoughts and whatI've learned from it, and
hopefully it's relevant to you.
But the main point, really, if Ihad to boil everything down, is
(17:34):
be a human.
Be a decent human being andlisten.
And who knows, that listening,instead of assuming all these
things, I tell unofficialproducer Rio all the time,
especially during the whole 2020thing, like, oh, you're
Christian, you must love Trump.
Okay, like I get why you wouldsay that stereotype because
(17:58):
that's what's being showed toyou, but that is a very gross
overgeneralization, and it's nottrue for everyone who subscribes
to the Christian faith.
I'm using Christianity as anexample.
You put in whatever blank,Republican, Republican,
anti-vax, vax, Democrat, doesn'twork out or works out and
(18:23):
doesn't eat right or whateverthe issue or dilemma you want to
put in there, you can.
It doesn't matter.
What matters is the main pointabout how do we have
conversations, really?
And it starts with just being abasic, decent, a decent human
being and talking with someone.
(18:44):
And not assuming and bringingall these things.
I've found out if we just talkkindly and not like the weird
kind of what people say, wokekind, you know, like people will
say woke as if that's a badthing.
The word itself or they'll saylike, oh, you're being too nice
(19:06):
to be.
OK, OK.
I guess I understand what you'resaying.
I see where it's coming from forsure.
But at the same time, being kindto people and just being a
decent human goes a long way.
So let's jump into it.
There are some notes andresearch points that I used for
(19:26):
this article for this episode,and they're all in the show
notes.
Nothing is hidden.
I use all these articles in thelinks.
Please check them out foryourself for yourself to read.
But we live in a really labeledworld.
world like and what i mean bythat is everyone has a label for
something someone does somethingoh yeah this guy's uh this guy
(19:50):
this this guy's a big truck thisis like super you know i mean
like this guy's a big truck it'swhite big old wheels oh he's
that kind of guy oh pleasecompensate okay or um this is a
real story that i've had um thati've seen um A gentleman goes by
(20:11):
super tattooed from his head tohis toes and a not so nice
looking car.
Look at that gangster.
Well, you could be right.
You know, like use.
We have these intuitions for areason.
You know what I mean?
Like we is to keep us safe.
And to avoid certain things.
(20:31):
So you definitely could beright.
A thousand percent.
I'm not saying ignore thatcompletely.
Don't.
If it's someone that looksscary.
You know.
Use some caution.
These are good feelings.
We have them for a reason.
But it's like.
That could be the nicest guyyou've ever met.
And I have experience in that.
Because my uncle.
Uncle dude.
Uncle Ninja.
(20:52):
He is one of the greatest peopleI've ever met.
But he is tattooed from the topof his head.
Like literally tattooed.
Like, all across.
And I was raised watching himgive tattoos.
And I really liked that processbecause of watching him and my
aunt give tattoos.
I thought it was really cool.
(21:13):
And I'm like, just because theyhave tattoos doesn't mean
they're, like, scary.
I mean, I guess it can beindicative of it.
And we have these emotions for areason to be cautious.
But at the same time...
The point is we put people inthese boxes.
So a 2023 poll found that 71% ofadults under 30, which is 90% of
(21:33):
this podcast, feel like we aretoo divided to have productive
conversations.
63% of people under 30 also saythey're more likely to assume
bad intent based on politics,race, religion, gender, whatever
it is, what we were just talkingabout.
(21:54):
And these are statistics toprove the stories that we're
just sharing.
We are kind of engineered bysociety whether that be parents
grandparents whatever it is umto hear something identifying by
someone and put them in a boxfor example that lady at target
you could never be like one ofthem who's them a christian she
(22:17):
it was like like imagine likethe hard r that's almost like
what she's i don't okay i don'tknow if that makes sense but you
get what like it was hard like achristian Okay.
Yikes.
Like she, she was adding, maybethose things come from
experience, but I was notwhoever she was deciding.
(22:42):
I've actually had just anotherstory to go on with this.
I've had many conversations withgreat people from, and I'm only
28.
I'm so grateful for theconversations I've had.
I was having a conversation withthis one individual and this
person said, Wow.
You're this person believed.
(23:03):
So at one point in time, I dididentify with the Republic Party
politically.
At one point, this isn't thisepisode is not about politics.
This is just about like howwhere I've come, how I've grown.
And so anyways, this was likehigh school, like fresh into
college.
At that point of time, Iidentified with being a
Republican.
And this individual came up tome and said, For being a
(23:27):
Republican, you are one of themost coolest guys, and I don't
really understand how you can bea Republican being how cool you
are.
That happened like my firstyear, like 2016, like when Trump
got elected for the first time.
I remember that.
I remember sitting in a classwhere my teacher was like, I
don't know if teachers should dothis, to be honest, but he was
(23:48):
throwing a fit that Trump won.
Like he really wasn't beingprofessional in the slightest.
He doesn't like Trump.
That was fine.
I don't care about that.
But he was not beingprofessional in the slightest to
a bunch of like 18, 19 yearolds.
So, um, but anyways, I remembersomeone in that class who now
works for the democratic party.
Um, she's awesome.
Um, was telling me that like, ohyeah, you, you're a Republican.
(24:12):
You're so cool.
The whole point of that is Iidentify differently now.
Um, I have different ideas, morebroader ideas on certain things,
but the point of that is there'sa lot of these labels tied, uh,
to this name, whatever it maybe.
Gay, straight, trans, Christian,Democrat, Republican.
(24:32):
You pick the title.
But there are so many labelsthat she's like, oh, you
actually don't fit in thatlabel.
But you say you're that label,but you actually don't fit.
A lot of people will jump to,maybe you're mislabeling
yourself.
Or maybe you are actually thisand not this.
Maybe you don't understand.
My counter-argument would be asfollows.
(24:56):
Maybe you're the one who doesn'tunderstand.
Maybe you're the one who'sthinking about these labels and
wanting to put on people.
Maybe you aren't the onethinking.
Maybe you aren't the oneactually applying critical
thinking.
And I think there's somethingthere.
What do we take from all this?
What do we see from all this?
Agreeing, hearing someone speak.
(25:20):
does not mean agreement.
Understanding someone's point ofview, hearing where they're
coming from, their thoughts,whatever, thoughts on literally
whatever.
Like Call of Duty, ModernWarfare 3 was better than World
War, which it is.
I'm hearing these things like,why do you get that?
How do you get there?
And just because you say, oh, Iunderstand, or oh, I see,
(25:42):
doesn't mean you agree.
We have to divorce these two.
If agreement does not...
Being kind and hearing someone,understanding someone does not
inherently mean agreement.
I'm getting passionate a littlebit here.
It could.
It most certainly could.
(26:05):
It's a possibility.
It's in the realm of what'sreal.
But just understanding someoneand being kind and polite and a
basic, decent human being andlistening to them and
understanding their POV does notmean agreement.
Being polite, being kind doesnot mean you're soft.
I hear this a lot because offootball and other things.
(26:28):
Oh, you're a softie forlistening to someone?
Oh, you're soft.
You're not going to challengethem.
You're a soft guy.
Brother in Christ, this is aconversation.
Let me refer back to theprevious episodes, cancel
culture to conversation culture.
Not everything needs to be adebate brother or sister in
(26:51):
Christ.
Not everything needs to be this.
I need to stand in attention andgive you a laundry list of why I
believe in what I know.
And if you're having dialoguewith someone who believes like
that, you live in a greatcountry where you can choose not
to have that conversation withthem.
You know what I mean?
(27:11):
Like you don't have to, ifsomeone honestly is, and I've
met individuals who believelike, oh, you just said this in
this casual conversation.
Now all of a sudden we're in adebate and I need the, there are
people out there like that.
If someone subscribes to thatbelief, I personally believe
that's wrong and that's notokay.
(27:33):
You don't have to talk withthem.
Again, you're being kind.
Hey, I appreciate that, but thisisn't really like the time or
place for this.
Um, we can talk about it someother time, maybe over coffee,
but right now I'm not trying togive a dissertation on whatever
it is, I believe.
And that's okay.
People will say that soft.
Oh, you're soft.
(27:53):
No, it's not.
It's being a intellectual,logical human being.
You see the person and not theirlabel.
That's what we need to startdoing.
Um, Ideas to support everythingwe just talked about.
A 2022 Harvard study onpolarization, which is linked in
(28:14):
the show notes, and I found thisinteresting, found that
interpersonal connectionreduces, this is a big word,
ideological distrust by over40%, even if neither person
changes their belief.
2022 is about three years old,but what is found is amazing.
(28:36):
And it supports everything youand I have been saying these
past five minutes or howeverlong it's been on this topic.
Understanding with someone isnot agreement.
It could be usually time.
Most time it's not.
And what this means,interpersonal connection reduces
ideological distrust by over40%.
(28:56):
You know what?
I understand.
For example, one of my best, andI've used this example before,
but it fits perfectly.
One of my best friends today, tothis day, um, At that point in
time, he's like, all cops arebastards.
They shouldn't be trusted.
They are disgusting.
They're pigs.
A cab, I believe, was the word.
(29:17):
Things like that.
And obviously, I didn't agree.
But in that moment, I was like,share with me why.
Oh, you've seen family membersget killed by the police.
Oh, every time you've heard run,like get away.
What did you see on the news inall of 2020?
It actually makes sense that youwould think that.
(29:39):
I may disagree, but can I blameyou for even thinking that?
And to this day, he's one of mybest friends I've ever had.
I love this man.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Do you get the point of what I'mtrying to say here?
There was an ideological gap, Iwould say, in that relationship
(30:00):
at that time, but I knew thatperson.
I knew what they were saying.
I knew where they were comingfrom.
That doesn't mean we agreed.
That does not mean I'll say thatone more time.
I understood where they'recoming.
I knew the person.
I knew their life story.
I knew where they were comingfrom.
I understood it.
It doesn't mean we agreed.
(30:21):
But you know what?
Based on that, I can't.
I can't fault you.
And there can be moreconversations that happen on.
whatever so-called what isright, what is wrong.
There can be more conversationsthat be had from that point on.
But in that point, you knowwhat?
I understand.
Understanding does not erasedifferences.
(30:42):
I want you to hear me.
Understanding does not erasedifferences.
It just makes room for arelationship.
It makes room to lower yourdistrust by 40% statistically
speaking.
We don't want to lead withlabels anymore.
(31:04):
And I want you to imagine this,wherever you are.
Imagine if I, Kyle, walked intoevery conversation with, I waved
at you, smiled.
Hi, I'm Kyle.
And here's what I believe abouteverything.
Here's what I believe about X,Y, Z.
And I just met you.
What are you going to think?
I'm not even going to say whatyou're thinking because you're
(31:25):
probably thinking a lot of...
You know what I mean?
Imagine someone you just met.
Hi, I'm an official producer.
Rio, here's what I believe abouteverything.
Whoa.
That's not connection.
That's not interpersonalconnection that reduces
ideological distrust by over40%.
That's performance.
(31:50):
People, and in my experience,maybe I'm wrong on this, people
want to feel safe They want toknow how you made them feel.
You ever heard the old thing?
People will remember how youmade them feel, not what you
said.
It's said a lot, but there'ssomething to it.
They want to feel safe.
(32:12):
They want to know how you makethem feel before they know what
you stand for, before they evencare.
Trust is earned throughcharacter, not certain belief
systems.
People...
And again, this is a psychinsight.
The link is down below, but ithas been noticed in 2023, people
tend to respond to warmth beforecompetence.
(32:33):
People respond to warmth.
People respond to relationshipsbefore ideas.
A long established finding inleadership and psychology, you
have to build rapport before youbuild influence.
That's literally psych 101.
Like, I didn't go to school forpsych, but you see what I mean?
(32:56):
What I want to say, what doesthat mean?
There's power in being known.
There's power of being known.
I'm not talking about some,like, super famous, oh, you're
known by everyone, everyoneloves you.
Power of just, oh, yeah, that'sKyle.
Oh, yeah, that's, oh, yeah,that's Emily.
Oh, yeah, that's Matthew.
Oh yeah, that's Sarah.
(33:17):
Oh yeah, that's Annie.
That's Gilbert.
That power of being known goesso much further.
It needs to be psychologicallyand statistically speaking, that
needs to be introduced first andforemost before any of your
ideas or what you believe caneven become close to being
(33:39):
understood.
Remember, the goal is not toagree.
The goal is to be understood.
When people experience you as aperson, your identity, they're
likely to rethink biases.
You become a living, I likethis, look, I like this word.
You become a livingcontradiction.
The stereotype they hold aboutwhatever it is, about whatever
(34:02):
stereotype.
They know you.
Oh, I know Kyle.
He thinks of this.
Kyle's a great guy.
He made me feel good.
Nice guy.
He brought me food.
You know what?
He says he's Christian.
Maybe I've thought aboutChristians wrong.
SPEAKER_01 (34:21):
Oh, I love this guy.
UNKNOWN (34:23):
Oh, he hates cops and thinks they should all die.
SPEAKER_00 (34:26):
Wait, I know this person.
I actually understand why theywould think that.
Because I know them.
I'm not just hearing theirideologies.
I know them as a person.
You know what?
That makes sense.
There's trust there.
I may not agree, but man, I'd belying if I didn't say I
(34:50):
understood.
People will call you differentso many times.
Using this, what we're talking,what we're discussing today,
people will call you different.
But they're actually sayingunderneath that, oh, you're
actually different.
You made me feel safe.
(35:12):
I understand who you are.
And I actually wasn't expectingthat.
And that's where the bridgestarts.
You're not like them.
Oh, wait.
You actually are them.
Wait a minute.
But I know you.
And I know this is what thiscertain whatever idea thinks.
(35:32):
And there's that bridge.
Getting formed.
You see what I'm trying to painthere?
The picture I'm trying to showyou?
What do we do with all thisinformation?
We took...
We talked about buildingconnection, letting them know
who you are, building trust, andthen understanding.
What do we do with all this?
Go into a conversation withcuriosity about the person.
(35:55):
Oh, man, Jim, this guy is socool.
He's like the best atvolleyball.
And his wife is really cool.
Or, oh, yeah, Samantha.
Samantha is so cool.
And her wife is really cool,too.
You know, they can cook up agreen bean casserole like no one
else can, and they're so homely.
(36:16):
You see what I'm trying, youunderstand them as a person.
So you're leading with that.
Lead with interpersonalconnection, not with ideologies.
You want, that's one.
Two, choose relationships overreactions.
Build that relationship anddon't build reactions.
Three, ask those questions.
(36:38):
Oh, what?
How did you get there?
Why do you think all cops arebastards?
How do you get there?
Why?
I'm just curious, why?
Instead of, what side are youon?
Do you believe this or that?
And ask, why do you believethat?
(37:01):
What made you think that?
Let their values, let yourvalues come through your
actions.
This is a quote from the lastepisode.
You don't there is there's atime and a place for a debate.
Not every conversation is adebate.
You just have to show up as aperson and let your life speak.
(37:24):
And then maybe if you're likeChristian, like myself, life
speaks to that or whatever it isyou're thinking of.
Let that speak for that.
So what I want you to take away.
I want you to take all theinformation.
Maybe we're listening to thisepisode if you have to.
But if this spoke to you andsaid, hey, I do that, or hey,
that's been done to me, or ooh,I've done both of those things.
(37:49):
I see both sides.
I've been on both sides of this.
I want you to stop giving peoplea label.
I want you to give them a chanceas a person.
Break out of the habit of, oh,you're one of them.
There's a tag, tag, boom, tag,boom, tag, boom, tag, boom, tag.
Break out of that habit.
(38:10):
I'm inviting you right now tolead with relationship, to start
with relationship.
Debates, who's right, that canall come later.
We're just starting with arelationship.
Not weakness, not silence, but arelationship.
(38:32):
In 2025, conversation isradical.
Guys, I hope you enjoyed theepisode.
That's everything I have to say.
I hope you got something goodout of it.
My goal is for us to haveconversations and lead with
personal connection, lead withrelationships.
(38:53):
And I believe this is based ondata, science and personal
experiences that I'm pretty sureyou can connect with as well.
I think that's where it starts.
Conversations.
I believe it starts.
Not labeling them, butunderstanding individuality.
You're not like them, but you'rean individual person.
(39:15):
What do you think?
How did you get there?
Start with the relationships.
That's what we're building atKyle Talks.
We're having conversations withpeople who don't look, vote,
dress, eat, pray the same, andwe still have conversations.
Great conversations.
If you enjoyed this conversationor you got anything out of it,
Please, please help us reviewthe podcast.
I'm saying again, review thepodcast.
(39:35):
It helps us grow.
It helps us push the podcast outso more individuals can see it
and invite more to thisconversation.
If you would like to support thepodcast, have more conversations
like that.
Every dollar made from Patreongoes back into the podcast.
It's making it as best as it canbe.
Those links are in thedescription.
The articles I use for datapoints are also in the
(39:57):
description.
Check them out for yourself.
And I'm happy with what we'rebuilding.
At Kyle Talks, we are the bestpodcast to exist and we're
building something great.
We're making conversation coolagain.
We're having personalconversations again.
All that in mind, one personhung up on the cross for you
(40:20):
because he loved you and couldnever imagine a world without
you.
Jesus could never imagine worldwithout you.
So we died for you.
You guys enjoyed.
Thank you guys so much.
And I'll see you guys next time.
I'm by economy.
Peace.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.