June 14, 2025 • 43 mins
Hey friend, welcome back to Kyle Talks. I’m genuinely glad you’re here, showing up and sharing this space with me.
This episode? A good one. Hopefully it gave you a fresh take, challenged a perspective, or just made you feel seen. If it did, I’d love to hear from you or better yet, send it to someone who’d vibe with the convo too. Every share and message means more than you know, and it’s how this show keeps growing thank you for being part of that.
Got a thought, question, or something that stuck with you from today? Let’s keep the conversation going. You can always reach me on socials @KyleTHEHorton—I’m always down for a good chat.
And just in case no one’s said it lately: You matter. You’re doing better than you think. If you ever need a reset or a little push, this space will always be here for you.
Thanks for listening. I’ll catch you in the next one.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome back to Kyle Talks, where I'm Kyle and we
talk.
(00:22):
Yo, yo, yo, what it doobiedoobie do in these streets?
How's it going on my boys andgirls?
How it doobie do?
Go do doobie do.
Go doobie.
What is going on on my beautifulpeople?
Happy Saturday.
Man, just stop for a second.
Smell.
Breathing.
I let go.
Man, it's a good day.
(00:44):
It is a good day, and we'regoing to be talking about it
today.
I am so happy to be here withyou guys.
First things first, e-begging.
If this is your first time atthe Call Talk Studio in sunny
Los Angeles, California, come onin.
We got LaCroix and White Claw ontap.
What you like?
I like Pamplemousse andLimoncello, but what do you
like?
We got it.
(01:04):
We got it.
If this is your millionth timeat the studio, welcome back in.
You already know where to go.
You know your way around.
Thank you so much for being andbeing a part of Kyle Talks.
This is the podcast where if youdon't agree with someone, you
still have great conversations.
We hear stories from people,from ordinary people doing
extraordinary things.
And even if you disagree withevery little thing this person
(01:27):
says, you have a conversation.
In fact, you might go, theymight be playing, their band
might be playing next week onFriday and you just might go to
it, even though you disagree oneverything.
That's the community we arebuilding, not we're trying, that
we are building, have built, andare expanding here at Kyle
Talks.
That is what we're doing.
(01:48):
So if this is your first timehere, thank you for being a part
of that.
I appreciate it.
To help us have moreconversations, to build this
great community where we canhave conversations with people
who don't look the same, boththe same, believe the same, pray
the same, choose the same, eatthe same, cook the same.
If you want to help support thismission, Please leave a review
(02:08):
wherever you're listening tothis.
We are the fastest growingpodcast on Spotify.
Leave a review on Spotify andyou will help us grow single
handedly.
Those reviews really mean a lot.
So thank you guys.
If you want to contribute tothis mission, keep us growing.
Go ahead and do that before weget started.
But I'm excited to be here withyou guys today.
I'm excited to be here and wehave so much to talk about.
(02:32):
But you know what I like to dobefore we jump into our topic
today?
I like to yap.
I'm a yap guy.
That's a staple of the KyleTalks podcast is yapping.
We're getting into the episode.
You guys know what's up.
But yeah, I'm going to keep itshort because I don't have any
real updates.
God is good.
We are doing great things.
(02:55):
As you guys may know, if you'velistened to in the past, we were
laid off.
Shout out to Trump and RFK.
We were laid off because ofthem.
But we're looking forward.
We're still applying.
We're doing interviews.
We're doing great things.
And it's been good.
God has provided, and I'mappreciative.
And on the other hand, you guysare doing great with this
(03:18):
podcast.
Obviously, I don't say this as adiss to myself or the community.
We're not huge.
You know what I mean?
Like Joe Rogan and a few otherSWAT podcasters out there.
Not yet, at least.
But one day we will get there.
I firmly believe that.
Our mission is too crucial.
It's too important.
There's too many greatconversations to be had for us
not to get there, so I know wewill.
(03:38):
In the meantime, you guys havebeen sharing the podcast,
reaching out to me, DMing me,resharing it on Instagram or X,
and I've been resharing those.
If you want to check those out,go to Kyle V.
Horton on Instagram or X.
I'm feeling appreciative.
We hear stories about people whoare like, man, I disagree with
(04:01):
you, Kyle, but you actually,you're onto something or I look
forward to these episodes, Kyle,every week.
I look forward to it, whetheryou're going to work or
whatever, like it's just to hearthat one time from one person,
you know, is enough, but you'rehearing it from multiple people,
you know?
So it's like one is more thanenough.
It's like, we're making animpact at least on one person's
life and who knows that will go,but we're doing it multiple now.
(04:24):
So I am beyond grateful.
Thank you guys for the love onthe podcast.
And thank you guys for uskeeping going.
Um, Shout out to unofficialproducer Rio.
Without Rio, I couldn't do thispodcast.
He is my right-hand man.
We get on the phone all thetime.
He listens to me talk all thetime about this.
I couldn't be more appreciative.
Thank you, Rio.
Shout out.
Love you.
I couldn't do this without mywife.
(04:47):
My wife is literally my rock.
It generally can't happenwithout an amazing wife.
Shout out to my wife.
I love you more than anything.
Might be an episode with herbecause she's a licensed
therapist coming up in the next,but Yeah, I'm just beyond
grateful for the love and forwhat we're building.
We have the best community inthe world and we're just
(05:09):
expanding it now.
That's all we're doing.
We're not trying to get there.
We are already there.
We just got to show more people.
That's it.
We got to get more peopleinvolved in the community.
So I am beyond grateful.
Yeah, thank you.
With that in mind, we are apodcast about communication.
(05:29):
Talking with others, having thatconnection, whether you do
everything the same oreverything completely different.
This podcast is all aboutcommunication and how to talk.
So with that in mind, I would bea sham, a charlatan, a scam
artist if I didn't havesomething in my podcast where it
(05:50):
gives us an opportunity to havea conversation.
Enter in our boss segment beforeopening show.
So every episode...
If you're new here, before everyepisode, we jump into our boss,
BOSS question, and it's just anopportunity for us to have a
conversation.
It could be about anything.
I just broke up.
I'm looking for a new job.
I can't decide if I want to gohere or go there.
(06:13):
It's just a place for homies tohave questions and for us to
talk to each other.
That's it.
If you'd like to send in yourquestion to Be featured on a
Boss segment.
Go ahead and send it in tokyletalkspodcast at gmail.com.
I really look forward to comingin.
And today's question, before wejump into the episode, is a good
one.
So here it is.
And again, preface, if you wouldlike your question sent in to be
(06:36):
asked, go ahead and send it tokyletalkspodcast at gmail.com.
Put Boss, B-O-S-S in the subjectline.
Today's one's short and sweet,so let's jump into it.
Hey, Kyle.
Hey, unofficial producer, real.
My question is short today.
How do you stay grounded?
Everything's really fast,especially in our age group.
(06:58):
I am 29 a shout out.
I'm 28.
I'll be there soon.
And I feel like with gettinginto life and having a family
and really get into my career.
The world's kind of being goinga super fast.
And I'm just curious, do you doanything specifically like with
your mindset, whatever?
I know you've mentioned you'velistened to music and I know
that you're a Christian.
I am not, but I'm not hostile tothat.
(07:21):
And I was just curious, is it amix of songs, religion, that
keep you grounded, or what isit?
Because that's something I'mlooking at for my time in my
life.
Hey, thanks for sending that in.
That's a really good question.
Yeah, you kind of answered it.
So how, like I said, I'm 28years old, 28 years young.
I don't even know what I don'tknow yet.
There's so much in the world forme to experience, to see, to
(07:45):
live through.
Now, I have lived through...
a share of things.
Shout out COVID.
I have lived through things, butnot everything.
So I don't know.
I say that to say I don't havethe answers to everything.
I don't know everything.
So these questions, they're notmeant to like, I'm going to get
an answer.
We're just homies talking.
That's all this is.
Keep that in mind.
(08:06):
So to answer your question, youkept your short and sweet.
I'm going to keep mine short andsweet.
Religion really helps me viewsomething bigger than myself and
For those who have listened tothe guests and listened to the
podcast, you know that's astaple.
It doesn't have to beChristianity.
And you see that it's notChristianity in these
(08:28):
conversations that I've had withordinary people doing
extraordinary things.
But you notice there needs to besomething that's bigger than
yourself that you subscribe to.
That is a very common theme inall conversations of people
doing great things.
And it just continues.
It doesn't have to beChristianity.
I would pray for you and hopethat it is because I am a
(08:51):
Christian.
I'm not trying to force my faithdown your throat or anything
like that.
You can be Christian ornon-Christian and still be a
part of this community.
But like I said, I'm going toreiterate it because it's
important.
Everyone who has a genuine goaland they're chasing it has
something in their mind thatThat's bigger than themselves,
(09:13):
that they're going for.
So for me, exactly, that'sJesus.
And knowing that Jesus is God,and I'm a sinner, but God's
like, you know what?
This Kyle guy, he's made somemistakes, but I can still use
him to do good things.
That's what's great to me,because I'm not the author and
finisher of my life or faith.
I am to a degree, but I am smalland infinitesimal compared to
(09:38):
the Almighty God.
He authors, the author andfinisher of everything.
And I just get to play a part init.
He is the big picture.
I am the little tiny ink splot.
He says, you know what?
I'll use him.
Why not?
Thank you, Lord, for using me.
Even though I'm a human, I poop,pee, throw up.
You get what I'm trying to sayhere.
(09:58):
And the almighty creator says, Iwant to use you.
So that's how I stay grounded.
Hopefully, I do like songs too.
Like I do listen to a lot of, Ilisten to rap songs sometimes.
A lot more when I playedfootball, but when I work out a
lot, I just can't.
Everyone's friends is justtrying to bench like 450.
(10:20):
I can't do it.
We're all friends.
We love you.
I can't do it.
I'm sorry.
I have to be listening tosomething hard.
That's what I have to do when Iwork out.
But yeah, I would say for me,it's religion and Christianity
and the belief of Jesus,specifically him being God.
He died or rose three dayslater.
(10:40):
But if you've listened to theseepisodes, you know that not
everyone subscribes to theChristian faith that I've had on
the podcast.
And on top of that, you need tohave something bigger than
yourself to stay grounded.
So my friend, for me, it'sreligion, but you need to have
something bigger than yourself.
If the world revolved aroundyou, it would be boring.
(11:02):
Not good.
Hopefully that was good.
Again, if you'd like yourquestions sent in, go ahead and
send them to kyletalkspodcast atgmail.com.
And let's jump into today'sepisode.
It's a good one, and it's one weneed to hear.
So you've seen the title alreadyalready.
You know what this is about.
I have notes here.
All the links to the statisticsI'll be sharing are in the
(11:23):
description.
But we have to learn to move onfrom cancel culture to having a
conversation.
We have to learn to have to havethe conversation.
You don't know how to talk topeople.
I don't know how to talk topeople.
But let's learn together.
We need to have conversations.
It is important now more thanever to have good, respectful
(11:44):
conversations, even with peoplethat disagree with you.
We need to have a conversationculture.
And that's what we're buildinghere at the podcast.
And we already have it here atthe podcast.
We just have to invite more ofyou into it.
That's all we're doing.
And so why this is matter.
There's tension.
We all have tension.
I have tension with maybe somefriends that don't believe the
same or think the same.
(12:05):
Coworkers, especially family.
And of course, friends.
Everyone that listens to thispodcast and I really connect
with, they're between 20 and 29.
I fall there, too.
We're young adults.
We're coming into this world.
Especially with online, youknow, social media stuff,
whatever.
Like, it's true.
You're going to hear so...
Some of it's bait.
(12:26):
Some of it's, like, not real.
They just want to say whateverto say whatever.
And we know that, right?
Like, we know that.
We can sense that.
We can sense bait where it is.
There's so many ideas that...
And stuff that might make usmad.
And some of us end up in theseloopholes.
Whether it be politics,religion, whatever.
It doesn't matter whatever itis.
We get sucked up into it.
(12:47):
And we say, oh, they say this.
I hate that.
You're a terrible person.
Now, if they're saying stufflike I'm going to kill you or
something, that's different.
But if they're just expressingan opinion, keep that in mind,
an opinion that's different thanyours, let's calm down.
Track yourself.
See where you're at.
Because your response is moreevident of you.
(13:08):
I believe this firmly, and I'mgoing to say this.
Your response to people thatdon't agree with you is more of
a reflection of yourself thanwhat the person said.
I fully believe that.
And jumping into just to share afew articles, why this is
important, why we need to haveconversations.
Young adults, age 20 to 29...
(13:29):
have struggled withconversations in general, but
conversation anxiety,polarization, what we talked
about being passive aggressiveand not being able to adequately
speak on what they believe orwhy they believe or have nuanced
conversations with people whomay not agree with them.
(13:53):
Again, this is from the PewResearch.
This is linked in the show notesif you want to check it out.
In 2023, Pew Research found that74% of adults under 30, I would
fall under that.
Most of you who listen to thispodcast would fall under that.
Field conversations aboutpolitics, identity, etc.
are harder now than they werefive years ago.
(14:14):
And I found that interestingbecause...
I always tell Rio this.
You can ask Rio.
You can ask my friends who Iassociate with closely.
Shout out Dave.
I've had lots of conversationswith Dave about this.
I feel like when we were kids,politics weren't this divisive.
I'm talking specifically aboutpolitics for this example,
(14:35):
right?
I remember as a kid, who cared?
I didn't really hear the adultstalk about it too much.
The only time I ever heard anadult talk about politics was
like when Obama was elected.
And I don't remember if it wasgood or bad.
I just remember there was a lotof conversation.
This was 2008, so I was 10, 11.
(14:56):
And I remember hearing somestuff, but I don't remember if
it was good or bad, but I doremember hearing about it.
And that is, yeah.
So, and again, another stat Ilike to share.
And when I was in high school,this was right before the 2016
election.
So this was like 2015.
(15:17):
I remember we're going overpresidential debates in my US
world history.
And dude, we have lost it.
We have lost it.
There was there was a debatebetween Obama and Mitt Romney or
something like that.
Or it was sometime in the 2000s.
It was Obama and someone else.
I can't remember.
But they were so respectful inthis conversation.
(15:38):
They said, hey, I may not agreewith this person, but I see what
they want to do.
I don't think that will beeffective for X, Y, Z reasons.
But I don't think they wanted todestroy America.
It was so respectful, it almostfelt criminal in today's age,
comparatively.
And you look at today, I'm goingto lock you in jail.
This country is a poop hole.
(15:59):
This is terrible.
I'm going to put you...
It's become so emotional.
You can't even have aconversation.
Our leaders, and I'm speaking tous in America, and world
leaders, it doesn't matter who,where you are at, quite frankly,
our leaders...
don't know how to haveconversations without being
emotional.
So why do you think that thepeople that follow them are
(16:22):
gonna be able to have emotionalconversations, not have
emotional conversations?
Well, that's what we freaking doat Kyle Talks.
That's why it's importantbecause leaders can't have good
conversations and we're gonnachange that.
That's why this is important.
And there's some things we getwrong about these conversations.
(16:43):
That I've noticed with peoplethat I like, for example, I'll
put myself out there.
One of the things I used to goand I've shared this before, but
I went back and forth with BLMfor so long when George Floyd
first passed away unjustly, likehe did not need to pass away.
I believe that firmly.
I was like, of course I supportBLM.
Like I am a half blackindividual.
(17:03):
I'm also half white.
And I was like, of course Isupport them.
Black lives do matter.
Like, this is insane that weeven have to say that.
Or it's insane that this groupexisted.
And then things came out.
I went to not supporting them,to supporting them, to not
supporting them, to supportingthem.
And then something came outwhere the leader, don't know her
name, she's buying milliondollar houses in white
(17:23):
neighborhoods.
I don't care what neighborhoodit's in, but it's just kind of
ironic that someone, the leaderof BLM is buying million dollars
worth of homes in paying herfamily 100K a year plus to be
security, quote unquote.
And where'd that money comefrom?
Donations of genuine people.
(17:44):
I don't support them.
They also believe in not havingstrong father or mother figures
in the home.
They don't believe in that.
I don't believe in thatwhatsoever.
I think that's ludicrous, and Ithink the statistics back that
up.
I am firmly against, as a blackAmerican, I am firmly against
this.
be alum now, and that may changein the future.
(18:05):
But I say that as a backdrop.
So when I've had conversationswith that about people, I never
am accusing, judging.
I've had great conversations,great conversations.
A lot of common mistakes I seeonline, people who are having
these conversations.
One, it gets so emotional.
(18:25):
Understandably so, becausethere's a lot of things that go
into it.
There's a lot of things that gointo where you may stand.
And unfortunately, if you heardnothing else hear this, your who
you choose, whatever politics,religion, you pick the medium
doesn't matter.
Those decisions are not you, youare bigger than politics, you
(18:48):
like that may soundcontradictory, because I just
said, find something that'sbigger than yourself.
But you as a whole are not onething, if that makes sense, like
politics, for example.
I will stand by this, and I saythis with my chest.
If your whole personality ispolitics, you are boring, and I
probably don't want to have aconversation with you.
(19:10):
And I mean that respectfully.
I genuinely believe that.
I'll say that again.
If your entire personality ispolitics, you're boring, you
have no original thought, and Idon't want to have a
conversation with you.
Probably.
I probably don't.
Well, who knows?
I probably don't want to have aconversation with you.
(19:31):
This is what I mean.
You are not your, like, well, Ibelieve in whatever it is.
That's not, I believe in thispolitical agenda, whatever it
may be, right or left, doesn'tmatter.
You are not that.
You are not them.
That is not, that ideology isnot your entire, entire
personage.
That's insane.
(19:52):
And it, and it happens a lotwith, um, Politics,
unfortunately.
It's just, I know this is kindof floated around that.
It has happened a lot withpolitics, unfortunately.
So, becoming emotional andtaking these attacks personal.
We need to attack the idea, notthe person.
Because we don't like the idea.
Another thing is disagreementsturning into debates.
(20:15):
Brother, we have all seen this.
We have seen this all the time.
Another very common thing.
What we're doing wrong aboutdiscussions is turning
disagreements into baits.
For example, and I'm speakingfrom experience, I shared my BLM
position, where I stand, how Iwent through that.
Oh, well, what about this?
(20:35):
Blah, blah.
What about this?
Blah, blah, blah.
Okay, I am not here to have adebate with you.
There's a time and a place forthat.
Whatever you believe.
I don't care what you believe.
Literally, I don't care.
whatever you believe in.
If you're not in a debatesetting or you're not open to
that or that's not like what youneed to have, that conversation,
there is a time and place foreverything.
(20:57):
I truly believe that.
And just because you're notwilling to debate something
right there on the spot doesn'tmean you don't firmly believe
it.
Maybe you need to come back andreaddress what you're looking
at.
Why do I believe certain thingsthat I do?
When it comes to religion, whydo I believe Jesus is God?
I got to be ready to give that.
Maybe I'm not ready to have awhole debate about it.
Like, There's a time and place,and there's this delusion that
(21:21):
you need to have a debate withsomeone every time they disagree
with you.
Brother in Christ, sister inChrist, no, you do not.
No, you do not.
I'm going to leave that there.
And then lastly, and this is, Ithink, the biggest thing we get
wrong about havingconversations.
Well, the second biggest thing.
The first is emotional.
The second biggest thing is wejust avoid having conversations.
(21:45):
And that is what's so sad.
Avoiding having hardconversations has led us to
where we're at today.
Because whether, like I said, itdoesn't matter the medium you
pick, but not having us havehard conversations is, yeah,
that's why we're here.
(22:05):
We're not willing to sit downacross and look someone in the
eye and in the eyes whodisagrees with us and have a
just a regular conversationwhether it's a debate or you're
just having a friendlyconversation you can have
friendly conversation disagreeby the way those aren't that's
not oxymoronic we just avoid itthat's a huge mistake what
(22:25):
happens when we can't talk toeach other humans are social
creatures we talk to each otherwe take joy in being in social
some take more joy being an echochamber and that's unfortunate
But we need to have thoseconversations.
We need to have hardconversations.
Some people think, oh, we haveto have a hard conversation
every second.
No, because not everydisagreement needs to be a
(22:46):
debate.
No, you don't have to have hardconversations every second of
every day.
No, I like where you're going.
You have the right idea, butyou're just executing it big
wrong.
No, there's a time and place tohave hard conversations.
It shouldn't be everyconversation, but have them.
It's healthy to It's extremelyhealthy.
And what happens when we talk toeach other?
(23:07):
We talk to each other'sunderstanding.
What happens when we talk towhen we have those hard talks
and don't turn it into a debate?
Oh, I may disagree with you, butI genuinely understand where
you're coming from.
You have the hard conversations.
You don't turn to wait in three.
You're listening to understand.
You're not like, oh, I can'twait till they stop yapping so I
can just come at them with thesehard, stone cold, the stone cold
(23:33):
reply.
I can't wait until they're donetalking.
Brother, what have they said?
You don't even know what theybelieve in.
You're making something up inyour head because social media
has done little gotchas and liketwo sentence statements.
So you think that you alreadyknow their entire position
because you've generalized them.
(23:53):
And this whole time they'retalking, you're thinking about,
oh, I can't wait to shove thisin their face.
You're not going to change theirmind.
You're not even have aconversation.
You have no idea what theybelieve or why.
You have zero, no clue.
You can lie to yourself and sayyou do.
That's fine if you want to dothat and lie to yourself.
But you know that you don'treally understand.
(24:14):
Oh, yeah, I understand thegeneral things, maybe.
That's been told to me on socialmedia in little gotcha moments.
But I don't understand.
We need to listen to understand.
Now, just to be square, theseare very things that I've
noticed that we're getting wrongabout conversations.
How do we get conversationsright?
(24:36):
What does it look like in aconversation right?
One, we have those harddiscussions.
That's getting conversationsright.
It doesn't have to be everytime.
Two, we don't turn disagreementsinto debates.
That's what we get right aboutconversations.
Oh, I disagree with you.
This isn't a debate, so I'm notgoing to hard-press you about
these beliefs or whatever,whether you may be wrong or
(24:58):
right in my eyes or whatever.
This isn't a debate.
This is not the right time forthat.
And I'm going to check myselfemotionally and say, you're your
own person with your ownexperiences, sure.
What's the one thing we can doto get conversations right?
The golden rule ofconversations, you listen to
understand.
(25:18):
You're not waiting for them tofinish yapping.
To come at, oh, boom, I just hithim with this big thing.
Disagreements are healthy.
We don't need to make themtoxic.
That's what we can do right.
We can have those hardconversations.
We don't have to turn everylittle thing into a debate.
And we have to understand.
You may disagree, and that'sfine.
No one's saying you have toagree.
(25:39):
I'm not saying that.
And people who are thinkingshould not tell you you need to
agree.
Even if you understand, itdoesn't mean you have to agree.
But now you understand.
For example, one of my bestfriends in the whole wide world,
he's a great man.
I remember when we just met, hesaid he hates cops.
To him, all cops were bastards.
(26:01):
And while I disagree with that,because obviously I've had
family members and close friendswho have served, I heard his
experience.
He saw family members get killedin front of him from cops.
All he sees on social media wascops shooting people.
Cops doing crazy things.
(26:22):
Can I blame him?
I may disagree, but can I blamehim if I have that experience?
No, I cannot blame him.
No.
And surprise, I love this man tothis day.
I love that man.
He's a good man.
A good man.
A good heart and a good man.
(26:43):
So I'm not saying like I'm thegolden poster child.
I'm definitely not.
I want to make that clear.
I am not.
This is just for me as it is foryou because I get caught up.
I'm also in my 20s.
I get caught up in these samethings.
But we have to not get caught upin them together.
We have to disagree with othersand not make it this weird old
thing.
Because I know from personalexperience, it's possible.
(27:05):
It's possible.
There are things we're doingwrong.
That's how we can do them right.
There are multiple...
programs they're going and it'ssad and it's sad there's it's
sad but it's needed that there'smultiple programs um that are
trying to like teach gen zershow to talk to people how to
(27:27):
have conversations we know whatto do right and there's programs
out there again they're doinggood thing they're teaching
college students how to hear howhow to tolerate different
opinions, how to have thoseconversations.
So Teen Vogue has a programcalled Bridging the Gap.
(27:47):
The link is in the show notes.
The UK, there's multiple,multiple, multiple programs in
the UK that are teachingconversation skills and empathy
specifically to Gen Zers.
That's a Guardian article downin the show notes below.
You can read more about it.
And these are just two programsthat I picked because I love
(28:08):
what they're doing.
There's a sea of programs outthere, but we have programs that
are specifically being aimedtowards the Gen Z, me, you, the
vast majority of people wholisten to this podcast, about
how to have conversations.
Now let's think about why arethese being introduced?
(28:30):
Because we're gettingconversations wrong.
We're making them intubate.
We're listening to respond, notlistening to understand.
And we're avoiding hardconversations.
I can't wait until they're donetalking so I can say this.
You're not having aconversation.
You're going to turn that personoff completely.
Maybe you'll never change theirmind, but maybe they'll
understand.
Maybe you can understand.
(28:52):
We're doing things wrong andbridging the gap program.
Multiple programs in the UK aredoing what's right.
Here's how we can change this.
Here's how it should bedifferent.
If you want to learn more aboutthose programs, they're in the
show notes below.
But again, I will continue thisand saying like I have
(29:12):
personally experienced like thatwith that with my friend who I
mentioned who shared his opinionabout cops.
And of course, I was like, whoa,I disagree.
But look at that.
We are amazing friends today.
I will love that man until I seehim in heaven.
And then for eternity after Iwill be rooting for him.
(29:33):
We sit down, we text each othersometimes, ask if I could pray
for him.
I don't know where those beliefslie today, but I know that was
the start of our relationship.
That's how it started.
And he may not even know this.
He may not even know that I hadthese thoughts.
He might not never know.
But look at us five to sevenyears later, you know, from that
(30:00):
initial point.
And we're disconnected.
This is what the Kyle Talkspodcast is about.
This is why we want to getconversations right.
This is why we need to stop withthe cancel culture stuff and
continue with the conversationstuff.
So how do you have thatconversation?
I've heard what we're doingwrong.
I hear what we're doing right.
(30:20):
I hear there's multiple programsteaching us Gen Zers
specifically to have aconversation.
I say us.
I'm there with you, too.
I'm right there with you.
What can we do?
We can start with respect.
There's so much disrespect goingon in today's conversation
environment.
It's disgusting.
And we've shared that multipletimes throughout this podcast.
(30:43):
Multiple times.
Better Up, linked in the shownotes, amazing article.
But they have tips.
They're used by these groups whoteach us how to have a
conversation.
This is how you can actually geta better response.
These are some tools and somephrases that you can use to get
(31:04):
a better position on what youbelieve in.
I just noticed my fan was on thewhole time, so hopefully it
didn't bother too much.
But a whole website discussingtools on how to set up the
conversation to be respectful,to have an eloquent
(31:28):
conversation.
One of those tools...
And of course, you want tochange it over time, something
that fits like what you'd say,because you don't want to copy
your word for word because thenit's not authentic.
It doesn't feel real.
And I love this.
And this is linked in the shownotes below.
If you want to check this outfor yourself.
Beginning conversations withaffirmation.
(31:49):
Hey, I respect you.
Hey, I may disagree with you,but I want to understand your
point of view.
How did you get there?
Why?
For my friend, hey, I respectyou greatly.
Why do you think all cops arebastards?
How did you get there?
I want to understand.
I might have a visceral,emotional, whatever.
(32:10):
At that time, I might have that.
But why do you think that?
How did you get there?
Why did you get there?
Why is that your belief today?
And that will completely changethe conversation by just saying
I respect you.
And I want to, even if you don'trespect them, you don't even
need to say that.
You said, I may disagree.
(32:31):
You can say something like, I, Idisagree.
If you want to add stronglydisagree, sure.
Flavor it up.
I strongly disagree with yourpoint of view, but I also want
to understand it.
How did you get there?
Whoa.
We did all three feet, all threethings in that conversation.
(32:52):
We're having fun.
In that statement, we've donethree things to get a
conversation right.
We're having that hardconversation.
We're not turning it into adebate because I just want to
understand how you got there.
And I'm listening to understand.
I'm listening to understandbecause you said that.
And I could come back at youwith all these stats on why
maybe that's stupid, whatever.
(33:13):
But I'm not understanding you.
Why do you get there?
You just, with that onestatement, you did three things
that will set you up forsuccess.
Wow.
Isn't that crazy?
And we have to listen like it'sour job.
I know we've talked about thisbefore.
But we have to listen.
Oh, you believe?
Oh, you saw your uncle.
(33:33):
You've seen family members bekilled in front of cops.
Is that right?
Is that how you got there?
Yeah, that is right.
That's how I got there.
Whoa.
Now you're getting trust.
Because why?
You're listening to understand.
And the other person is like,whoa, he's actually listening to
me.
He may disagree with me, buthe's listening to me.
(33:54):
He's not saying, well, that'sstupid.
You're stupid.
Well, you actually get it.
I get it, right?
So you believe that becauseyou've seen family members get
hurt.
Yes.
Okay.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
You're listening.
You're understanding.
(34:16):
Again, I'm going to rephrasethis.
How do you come to that point ofview?
You don't even have to say Irespect them.
I disagree with your point ofview strongly if you want to get
saucy with it.
I disagree.
How do you believe that?
How did you get there?
Like what experiences has ledyou to that?
Whoa, now you're understanding.
Now we're having a conversation.
(34:37):
You're stupid.
That's stupid.
You're ignorant.
You're not having aconversation.
You won't even be heard if youstart with that.
And then what we've alwaystalked about, hearing that.
Yeah, I hear you.
Oh, you did that because you'veseen family members shot and
hurt from police officers.
Yeah, I hear that.
(34:58):
That actually makes sense.
I understand that.
And then you can go into thefurther in the conversation.
Well, I understand your point ofview.
Where I come from, I see itdifferently because X, Y, Z.
Where I see it like this, X, Y,Z.
I understand what you're saying.
If I want to properly show whatI believe, I think it's because
(35:18):
of this experience.
XYZ.
Whatever it is.
Whoa.
Now we're having conversation.
Now it's respectful.
We're listening to understand.
And we're having that hardconversation.
That's how we get conversationsright.
Whoa.
Whoa.
(35:39):
You see the difference there.
Can you hear the difference injust those words?
Few statements.
You're doing so many good thingswith those few statements.
I'll share one more personalstory about a hard conversation
where I was, but I was taught agood lesson.
(36:01):
And it's with the framework thatwe were discussing earlier.
And that conversation was havingwith someone I disagreed with
theologically.
We disagreed on an aspect of it.
And I remember it was over thephone.
I was driving.
Me and this person are having aconversation.
(36:22):
And me and this person say, hey,I believe in this.
The subject doesn't matter asmuch.
But keeping this framework inmind, I want to give you an
example.
I believe that this is okay.
I think this is why.
And this is one of my bestfriends to this day.
I love this person with all myheart.
(36:43):
Oh, OK, like I may disagree withyou, but I want to keep this
relationship and friendshipintact.
I disagree with you because ofthis.
I understand where you're comingfrom.
That makes sense because that'show you view it.
And that's logical.
And I don't think you're makingany leaps.
I think I can see how you getthere.
(37:04):
I just have to disagree.
And this is how I see it.
With that in mind, I still wantto be your friend.
And although we disagree on thistopic, on this specific topic,
we're still friends.
I know that was very vague, butthe language is still we listen
to understand.
He listened to understand me.
(37:24):
I listen to understand him.
We talked about where we're atand we had that hard
conversation and we understoodeach other.
It wasn't a debate.
You're stupid for believing thisor I can't believe you believe
this, whatever.
Like it was nothing like that.
We understood where we're comingfrom.
We listened.
We had that.
(37:44):
It was a hard conversation.
It was not easy.
I'll tell you that.
We had that conversation.
And to this day, we're stillfriends.
We may disagree, which is fine.
Disagreement is healthy.
We disagree, but we're stillthat that relationship is
intact.
Even amid a disagreement, westill love each other.
I care about this person morethan anything.
(38:08):
And we still have thoseconversations.
This was, I'm 28 now, I wasmaybe 24, 25 when this
conversation was had.
The point is, the Gen Zers,we're young adults coming into
our adult years.
We can have more nuancedconversations.
We can do it.
(38:28):
Our leaders can't even do that.
Our leaders need to listen tothis podcast because we're
already, we're having thosebetter tailored conversations
where we disagree, but we havegood conversation with each
other.
That's what we need to be doing.
That's what we're doing.
And I'm inviting you to do thatwith me.
So what I want you to do, thisis new.
(38:49):
And I want to talk about this,but I also want to give us tools
for this week.
And the tools is, you've beendoing conversation wrong your
whole life.
Here's how you do it right.
How do you do it right?
One, have the hardconversations.
Doesn't need to happen everytime.
There's a time and place foreverything.
Have those hard conversations.
Two, how do you have a rightconversation?
(39:12):
Don't turn it into a debate.
Not everything has to be adebate.
There's a time and place foreverything.
Because your emotions will getthe best of you.
You control your emotions.
You have a master of youremotions.
You tell them what to do.
They don't tell you what to do.
Don't turn it into a debate.
And three, listen to understand.
Today, this week, I want you togo up to someone who you know
(39:34):
you disagree with and ask themhow they got there.
I want you to do that.
And I want you to not listen torespond.
Oh, I cannot wait to give themthese stats.
Understand what I may strongly.
I strongly disagree with that.
But how did you get there?
Oh, that makes sense.
I see.
I disagree.
I see, though.
(39:54):
I may disagree, but I at least Isee.
Now you're one.
You understand you've createdthat connection.
It's not hostile.
And really, the secret toolabout that is to now you're
becoming more dangerous.
Oh, I understand that.
You're understanding more.
Is that conflict with my view ordoes that actually support my
(40:16):
view?
You don't need to say that inthat conversation.
That's something you go over inyour head down the road after
the conversation.
Oh, they said this.
Oh, okay.
Does that help my view ordestroy it and think about what
they said?
That's why I want you to dothose three things.
Have the hard conversations.
Don't make it into a debate andlisten to understand.
I want you to do those thingsthis week.
(40:37):
Because we are different.
We are different at the KyleTalks.
And Gen Zers, we are going tohave better, more healthy
conversation.
So in a world that is soobsessed with being heard, in a
world that's so obsessed withmaking everything a debate, in a
world that's so obsessed thatthey don't want to understand,
they just want to speak, be theone who knows how to listen.
(41:04):
Be the one who knows how to havea conversation.
Be the one who doesn't turn itinto a debate.
Be that one.
And you'll see doors will openlike crazy for better
conversations.
That was just what's on myheart.
I really want to talk about thatbecause I think now more than
ever, it's very important forwhat we're talking about.
(41:25):
And I hope that you've enjoyedif you've made it to this far.
You've learned anything ofvalue.
Please let me know.
Thank you so much for takingtime to tune into this podcast.
I want us to be a better.
I want us to be better.
I want my generation.
One day we're going to bepresidents.
One day we're going to lead thecountry.
One day Zoomers will lead thecountry.
(41:46):
And I want us to be able to havenuanced conversations.
And you know what?
I may disagree, but here.
Oh my gosh.
When we start serving inpolitical positions of power.
and we start talking like that,we are gonna change the world.
You can change your life.
You can change the world rightnow with those tools.
(42:07):
Thank you guys so much.
If you enjoyed anything fromthis episode, please go ahead
and give it a review.
Help us be the fastest growingpodcast ever across all
platforms.
Leave a review.
Help us grow and help us havemore conversations with others.
It doesn't have to be withZoomers.
It helps us have conversationwith boomers, millennials, so we
can all start having betterconversations.
(42:28):
Share the podcast.
Tag at Calvin Horton onInstagram or X.
Thank you guys so much for yourlove.
Share, leave a review.
And remember, one man died onthe For you, for you, for you
specifically, because he lovesyou more than you can ever know.
And he wants to give you thebest tools to succeed.
Thank you guys so much.
(42:49):
Now guys, talk to you guys nextweek.
Peace.
Welcome back to Kyle Talks, where I'm Kyle and we
talk.
(00:22):
Yo, yo, yo, what it doobiedoobie do in these streets?
How's it going on my boys andgirls?
How it doobie do?
Go do doobie do.
Go doobie.
What is going on on my beautifulpeople?
Happy Saturday.
Man, just stop for a second.
Smell.
Breathing.
I let go.
Man, it's a good day.
(00:44):
It is a good day, and we'regoing to be talking about it
today.
I am so happy to be here withyou guys.
First things first, e-begging.
If this is your first time atthe Call Talk Studio in sunny
Los Angeles, California, come onin.
We got LaCroix and White Claw ontap.
What you like?
I like Pamplemousse andLimoncello, but what do you
like?
We got it.
(01:04):
We got it.
If this is your millionth timeat the studio, welcome back in.
You already know where to go.
You know your way around.
Thank you so much for being andbeing a part of Kyle Talks.
This is the podcast where if youdon't agree with someone, you
still have great conversations.
We hear stories from people,from ordinary people doing
extraordinary things.
And even if you disagree withevery little thing this person
(01:27):
says, you have a conversation.
In fact, you might go, theymight be playing, their band
might be playing next week onFriday and you just might go to
it, even though you disagree oneverything.
That's the community we arebuilding, not we're trying, that
we are building, have built, andare expanding here at Kyle
Talks.
That is what we're doing.
(01:48):
So if this is your first timehere, thank you for being a part
of that.
I appreciate it.
To help us have moreconversations, to build this
great community where we canhave conversations with people
who don't look the same, boththe same, believe the same, pray
the same, choose the same, eatthe same, cook the same.
If you want to help support thismission, Please leave a review
(02:08):
wherever you're listening tothis.
We are the fastest growingpodcast on Spotify.
Leave a review on Spotify andyou will help us grow single
handedly.
Those reviews really mean a lot.
So thank you guys.
If you want to contribute tothis mission, keep us growing.
Go ahead and do that before weget started.
But I'm excited to be here withyou guys today.
I'm excited to be here and wehave so much to talk about.
(02:32):
But you know what I like to dobefore we jump into our topic
today?
I like to yap.
I'm a yap guy.
That's a staple of the KyleTalks podcast is yapping.
We're getting into the episode.
You guys know what's up.
But yeah, I'm going to keep itshort because I don't have any
real updates.
God is good.
We are doing great things.
(02:55):
As you guys may know, if you'velistened to in the past, we were
laid off.
Shout out to Trump and RFK.
We were laid off because ofthem.
But we're looking forward.
We're still applying.
We're doing interviews.
We're doing great things.
And it's been good.
God has provided, and I'mappreciative.
And on the other hand, you guysare doing great with this
(03:18):
podcast.
Obviously, I don't say this as adiss to myself or the community.
We're not huge.
You know what I mean?
Like Joe Rogan and a few otherSWAT podcasters out there.
Not yet, at least.
But one day we will get there.
I firmly believe that.
Our mission is too crucial.
It's too important.
There's too many greatconversations to be had for us
not to get there, so I know wewill.
(03:38):
In the meantime, you guys havebeen sharing the podcast,
reaching out to me, DMing me,resharing it on Instagram or X,
and I've been resharing those.
If you want to check those out,go to Kyle V.
Horton on Instagram or X.
I'm feeling appreciative.
We hear stories about people whoare like, man, I disagree with
(04:01):
you, Kyle, but you actually,you're onto something or I look
forward to these episodes, Kyle,every week.
I look forward to it, whetheryou're going to work or
whatever, like it's just to hearthat one time from one person,
you know, is enough, but you'rehearing it from multiple people,
you know?
So it's like one is more thanenough.
It's like, we're making animpact at least on one person's
life and who knows that will go,but we're doing it multiple now.
(04:24):
So I am beyond grateful.
Thank you guys for the love onthe podcast.
And thank you guys for uskeeping going.
Um, Shout out to unofficialproducer Rio.
Without Rio, I couldn't do thispodcast.
He is my right-hand man.
We get on the phone all thetime.
He listens to me talk all thetime about this.
I couldn't be more appreciative.
Thank you, Rio.
Shout out.
Love you.
I couldn't do this without mywife.
(04:47):
My wife is literally my rock.
It generally can't happenwithout an amazing wife.
Shout out to my wife.
I love you more than anything.
Might be an episode with herbecause she's a licensed
therapist coming up in the next,but Yeah, I'm just beyond
grateful for the love and forwhat we're building.
We have the best community inthe world and we're just
(05:09):
expanding it now.
That's all we're doing.
We're not trying to get there.
We are already there.
We just got to show more people.
That's it.
We got to get more peopleinvolved in the community.
So I am beyond grateful.
Yeah, thank you.
With that in mind, we are apodcast about communication.
(05:29):
Talking with others, having thatconnection, whether you do
everything the same oreverything completely different.
This podcast is all aboutcommunication and how to talk.
So with that in mind, I would bea sham, a charlatan, a scam
artist if I didn't havesomething in my podcast where it
(05:50):
gives us an opportunity to havea conversation.
Enter in our boss segment beforeopening show.
So every episode...
If you're new here, before everyepisode, we jump into our boss,
BOSS question, and it's just anopportunity for us to have a
conversation.
It could be about anything.
I just broke up.
I'm looking for a new job.
I can't decide if I want to gohere or go there.
(06:13):
It's just a place for homies tohave questions and for us to
talk to each other.
That's it.
If you'd like to send in yourquestion to Be featured on a
Boss segment.
Go ahead and send it in tokyletalkspodcast at gmail.com.
I really look forward to comingin.
And today's question, before wejump into the episode, is a good
one.
So here it is.
And again, preface, if you wouldlike your question sent in to be
(06:36):
asked, go ahead and send it tokyletalkspodcast at gmail.com.
Put Boss, B-O-S-S in the subjectline.
Today's one's short and sweet,so let's jump into it.
Hey, Kyle.
Hey, unofficial producer, real.
My question is short today.
How do you stay grounded?
Everything's really fast,especially in our age group.
(06:58):
I am 29 a shout out.
I'm 28.
I'll be there soon.
And I feel like with gettinginto life and having a family
and really get into my career.
The world's kind of being goinga super fast.
And I'm just curious, do you doanything specifically like with
your mindset, whatever?
I know you've mentioned you'velistened to music and I know
that you're a Christian.
I am not, but I'm not hostile tothat.
(07:21):
And I was just curious, is it amix of songs, religion, that
keep you grounded, or what isit?
Because that's something I'mlooking at for my time in my
life.
Hey, thanks for sending that in.
That's a really good question.
Yeah, you kind of answered it.
So how, like I said, I'm 28years old, 28 years young.
I don't even know what I don'tknow yet.
There's so much in the world forme to experience, to see, to
(07:45):
live through.
Now, I have lived through...
a share of things.
Shout out COVID.
I have lived through things, butnot everything.
So I don't know.
I say that to say I don't havethe answers to everything.
I don't know everything.
So these questions, they're notmeant to like, I'm going to get
an answer.
We're just homies talking.
That's all this is.
Keep that in mind.
(08:06):
So to answer your question, youkept your short and sweet.
I'm going to keep mine short andsweet.
Religion really helps me viewsomething bigger than myself and
For those who have listened tothe guests and listened to the
podcast, you know that's astaple.
It doesn't have to beChristianity.
And you see that it's notChristianity in these
(08:28):
conversations that I've had withordinary people doing
extraordinary things.
But you notice there needs to besomething that's bigger than
yourself that you subscribe to.
That is a very common theme inall conversations of people
doing great things.
And it just continues.
It doesn't have to beChristianity.
I would pray for you and hopethat it is because I am a
(08:51):
Christian.
I'm not trying to force my faithdown your throat or anything
like that.
You can be Christian ornon-Christian and still be a
part of this community.
But like I said, I'm going toreiterate it because it's
important.
Everyone who has a genuine goaland they're chasing it has
something in their mind thatThat's bigger than themselves,
(09:13):
that they're going for.
So for me, exactly, that'sJesus.
And knowing that Jesus is God,and I'm a sinner, but God's
like, you know what?
This Kyle guy, he's made somemistakes, but I can still use
him to do good things.
That's what's great to me,because I'm not the author and
finisher of my life or faith.
I am to a degree, but I am smalland infinitesimal compared to
(09:38):
the Almighty God.
He authors, the author andfinisher of everything.
And I just get to play a part init.
He is the big picture.
I am the little tiny ink splot.
He says, you know what?
I'll use him.
Why not?
Thank you, Lord, for using me.
Even though I'm a human, I poop,pee, throw up.
You get what I'm trying to sayhere.
(09:58):
And the almighty creator says, Iwant to use you.
So that's how I stay grounded.
Hopefully, I do like songs too.
Like I do listen to a lot of, Ilisten to rap songs sometimes.
A lot more when I playedfootball, but when I work out a
lot, I just can't.
Everyone's friends is justtrying to bench like 450.
(10:20):
I can't do it.
We're all friends.
We love you.
I can't do it.
I'm sorry.
I have to be listening tosomething hard.
That's what I have to do when Iwork out.
But yeah, I would say for me,it's religion and Christianity
and the belief of Jesus,specifically him being God.
He died or rose three dayslater.
(10:40):
But if you've listened to theseepisodes, you know that not
everyone subscribes to theChristian faith that I've had on
the podcast.
And on top of that, you need tohave something bigger than
yourself to stay grounded.
So my friend, for me, it'sreligion, but you need to have
something bigger than yourself.
If the world revolved aroundyou, it would be boring.
(11:02):
Not good.
Hopefully that was good.
Again, if you'd like yourquestions sent in, go ahead and
send them to kyletalkspodcast atgmail.com.
And let's jump into today'sepisode.
It's a good one, and it's one weneed to hear.
So you've seen the title alreadyalready.
You know what this is about.
I have notes here.
All the links to the statisticsI'll be sharing are in the
(11:23):
description.
But we have to learn to move onfrom cancel culture to having a
conversation.
We have to learn to have to havethe conversation.
You don't know how to talk topeople.
I don't know how to talk topeople.
But let's learn together.
We need to have conversations.
It is important now more thanever to have good, respectful
(11:44):
conversations, even with peoplethat disagree with you.
We need to have a conversationculture.
And that's what we're buildinghere at the podcast.
And we already have it here atthe podcast.
We just have to invite more ofyou into it.
That's all we're doing.
And so why this is matter.
There's tension.
We all have tension.
I have tension with maybe somefriends that don't believe the
same or think the same.
(12:05):
Coworkers, especially family.
And of course, friends.
Everyone that listens to thispodcast and I really connect
with, they're between 20 and 29.
I fall there, too.
We're young adults.
We're coming into this world.
Especially with online, youknow, social media stuff,
whatever.
Like, it's true.
You're going to hear so...
Some of it's bait.
(12:26):
Some of it's, like, not real.
They just want to say whateverto say whatever.
And we know that, right?
Like, we know that.
We can sense that.
We can sense bait where it is.
There's so many ideas that...
And stuff that might make usmad.
And some of us end up in theseloopholes.
Whether it be politics,religion, whatever.
It doesn't matter whatever itis.
We get sucked up into it.
(12:47):
And we say, oh, they say this.
I hate that.
You're a terrible person.
Now, if they're saying stufflike I'm going to kill you or
something, that's different.
But if they're just expressingan opinion, keep that in mind,
an opinion that's different thanyours, let's calm down.
Track yourself.
See where you're at.
Because your response is moreevident of you.
(13:08):
I believe this firmly, and I'mgoing to say this.
Your response to people thatdon't agree with you is more of
a reflection of yourself thanwhat the person said.
I fully believe that.
And jumping into just to share afew articles, why this is
important, why we need to haveconversations.
Young adults, age 20 to 29...
(13:29):
have struggled withconversations in general, but
conversation anxiety,polarization, what we talked
about being passive aggressiveand not being able to adequately
speak on what they believe orwhy they believe or have nuanced
conversations with people whomay not agree with them.
(13:53):
Again, this is from the PewResearch.
This is linked in the show notesif you want to check it out.
In 2023, Pew Research found that74% of adults under 30, I would
fall under that.
Most of you who listen to thispodcast would fall under that.
Field conversations aboutpolitics, identity, etc.
are harder now than they werefive years ago.
(14:14):
And I found that interestingbecause...
I always tell Rio this.
You can ask Rio.
You can ask my friends who Iassociate with closely.
Shout out Dave.
I've had lots of conversationswith Dave about this.
I feel like when we were kids,politics weren't this divisive.
I'm talking specifically aboutpolitics for this example,
(14:35):
right?
I remember as a kid, who cared?
I didn't really hear the adultstalk about it too much.
The only time I ever heard anadult talk about politics was
like when Obama was elected.
And I don't remember if it wasgood or bad.
I just remember there was a lotof conversation.
This was 2008, so I was 10, 11.
(14:56):
And I remember hearing somestuff, but I don't remember if
it was good or bad, but I doremember hearing about it.
And that is, yeah.
So, and again, another stat Ilike to share.
And when I was in high school,this was right before the 2016
election.
So this was like 2015.
(15:17):
I remember we're going overpresidential debates in my US
world history.
And dude, we have lost it.
We have lost it.
There was there was a debatebetween Obama and Mitt Romney or
something like that.
Or it was sometime in the 2000s.
It was Obama and someone else.
I can't remember.
But they were so respectful inthis conversation.
(15:38):
They said, hey, I may not agreewith this person, but I see what
they want to do.
I don't think that will beeffective for X, Y, Z reasons.
But I don't think they wanted todestroy America.
It was so respectful, it almostfelt criminal in today's age,
comparatively.
And you look at today, I'm goingto lock you in jail.
This country is a poop hole.
(15:59):
This is terrible.
I'm going to put you...
It's become so emotional.
You can't even have aconversation.
Our leaders, and I'm speaking tous in America, and world
leaders, it doesn't matter who,where you are at, quite frankly,
our leaders...
don't know how to haveconversations without being
emotional.
So why do you think that thepeople that follow them are
(16:22):
gonna be able to have emotionalconversations, not have
emotional conversations?
Well, that's what we freaking doat Kyle Talks.
That's why it's importantbecause leaders can't have good
conversations and we're gonnachange that.
That's why this is important.
And there's some things we getwrong about these conversations.
(16:43):
That I've noticed with peoplethat I like, for example, I'll
put myself out there.
One of the things I used to goand I've shared this before, but
I went back and forth with BLMfor so long when George Floyd
first passed away unjustly, likehe did not need to pass away.
I believe that firmly.
I was like, of course I supportBLM.
Like I am a half blackindividual.
(17:03):
I'm also half white.
And I was like, of course Isupport them.
Black lives do matter.
Like, this is insane that weeven have to say that.
Or it's insane that this groupexisted.
And then things came out.
I went to not supporting them,to supporting them, to not
supporting them, to supportingthem.
And then something came outwhere the leader, don't know her
name, she's buying milliondollar houses in white
(17:23):
neighborhoods.
I don't care what neighborhoodit's in, but it's just kind of
ironic that someone, the leaderof BLM is buying million dollars
worth of homes in paying herfamily 100K a year plus to be
security, quote unquote.
And where'd that money comefrom?
Donations of genuine people.
(17:44):
I don't support them.
They also believe in not havingstrong father or mother figures
in the home.
They don't believe in that.
I don't believe in thatwhatsoever.
I think that's ludicrous, and Ithink the statistics back that
up.
I am firmly against, as a blackAmerican, I am firmly against
this.
be alum now, and that may changein the future.
(18:05):
But I say that as a backdrop.
So when I've had conversationswith that about people, I never
am accusing, judging.
I've had great conversations,great conversations.
A lot of common mistakes I seeonline, people who are having
these conversations.
One, it gets so emotional.
(18:25):
Understandably so, becausethere's a lot of things that go
into it.
There's a lot of things that gointo where you may stand.
And unfortunately, if you heardnothing else hear this, your who
you choose, whatever politics,religion, you pick the medium
doesn't matter.
Those decisions are not you, youare bigger than politics, you
(18:48):
like that may soundcontradictory, because I just
said, find something that'sbigger than yourself.
But you as a whole are not onething, if that makes sense, like
politics, for example.
I will stand by this, and I saythis with my chest.
If your whole personality ispolitics, you are boring, and I
probably don't want to have aconversation with you.
(19:10):
And I mean that respectfully.
I genuinely believe that.
I'll say that again.
If your entire personality ispolitics, you're boring, you
have no original thought, and Idon't want to have a
conversation with you.
Probably.
I probably don't.
Well, who knows?
I probably don't want to have aconversation with you.
(19:31):
This is what I mean.
You are not your, like, well, Ibelieve in whatever it is.
That's not, I believe in thispolitical agenda, whatever it
may be, right or left, doesn'tmatter.
You are not that.
You are not them.
That is not, that ideology isnot your entire, entire
personage.
That's insane.
(19:52):
And it, and it happens a lotwith, um, Politics,
unfortunately.
It's just, I know this is kindof floated around that.
It has happened a lot withpolitics, unfortunately.
So, becoming emotional andtaking these attacks personal.
We need to attack the idea, notthe person.
Because we don't like the idea.
Another thing is disagreementsturning into debates.
(20:15):
Brother, we have all seen this.
We have seen this all the time.
Another very common thing.
What we're doing wrong aboutdiscussions is turning
disagreements into baits.
For example, and I'm speakingfrom experience, I shared my BLM
position, where I stand, how Iwent through that.
Oh, well, what about this?
(20:35):
Blah, blah.
What about this?
Blah, blah, blah.
Okay, I am not here to have adebate with you.
There's a time and a place forthat.
Whatever you believe.
I don't care what you believe.
Literally, I don't care.
whatever you believe in.
If you're not in a debatesetting or you're not open to
that or that's not like what youneed to have, that conversation,
there is a time and place foreverything.
(20:57):
I truly believe that.
And just because you're notwilling to debate something
right there on the spot doesn'tmean you don't firmly believe
it.
Maybe you need to come back andreaddress what you're looking
at.
Why do I believe certain thingsthat I do?
When it comes to religion, whydo I believe Jesus is God?
I got to be ready to give that.
Maybe I'm not ready to have awhole debate about it.
Like, There's a time and place,and there's this delusion that
(21:21):
you need to have a debate withsomeone every time they disagree
with you.
Brother in Christ, sister inChrist, no, you do not.
No, you do not.
I'm going to leave that there.
And then lastly, and this is, Ithink, the biggest thing we get
wrong about havingconversations.
Well, the second biggest thing.
The first is emotional.
The second biggest thing is wejust avoid having conversations.
(21:45):
And that is what's so sad.
Avoiding having hardconversations has led us to
where we're at today.
Because whether, like I said, itdoesn't matter the medium you
pick, but not having us havehard conversations is, yeah,
that's why we're here.
(22:05):
We're not willing to sit downacross and look someone in the
eye and in the eyes whodisagrees with us and have a
just a regular conversationwhether it's a debate or you're
just having a friendlyconversation you can have
friendly conversation disagreeby the way those aren't that's
not oxymoronic we just avoid itthat's a huge mistake what
(22:25):
happens when we can't talk toeach other humans are social
creatures we talk to each otherwe take joy in being in social
some take more joy being an echochamber and that's unfortunate
But we need to have thoseconversations.
We need to have hardconversations.
Some people think, oh, we haveto have a hard conversation
every second.
No, because not everydisagreement needs to be a
(22:46):
debate.
No, you don't have to have hardconversations every second of
every day.
No, I like where you're going.
You have the right idea, butyou're just executing it big
wrong.
No, there's a time and place tohave hard conversations.
It shouldn't be everyconversation, but have them.
It's healthy to It's extremelyhealthy.
And what happens when we talk toeach other?
(23:07):
We talk to each other'sunderstanding.
What happens when we talk towhen we have those hard talks
and don't turn it into a debate?
Oh, I may disagree with you, butI genuinely understand where
you're coming from.
You have the hard conversations.
You don't turn to wait in three.
You're listening to understand.
You're not like, oh, I can'twait till they stop yapping so I
can just come at them with thesehard, stone cold, the stone cold
(23:33):
reply.
I can't wait until they're donetalking.
Brother, what have they said?
You don't even know what theybelieve in.
You're making something up inyour head because social media
has done little gotchas and liketwo sentence statements.
So you think that you alreadyknow their entire position
because you've generalized them.
(23:53):
And this whole time they'retalking, you're thinking about,
oh, I can't wait to shove thisin their face.
You're not going to change theirmind.
You're not even have aconversation.
You have no idea what theybelieve or why.
You have zero, no clue.
You can lie to yourself and sayyou do.
That's fine if you want to dothat and lie to yourself.
But you know that you don'treally understand.
(24:14):
Oh, yeah, I understand thegeneral things, maybe.
That's been told to me on socialmedia in little gotcha moments.
But I don't understand.
We need to listen to understand.
Now, just to be square, theseare very things that I've
noticed that we're getting wrongabout conversations.
How do we get conversationsright?
(24:36):
What does it look like in aconversation right?
One, we have those harddiscussions.
That's getting conversationsright.
It doesn't have to be everytime.
Two, we don't turn disagreementsinto debates.
That's what we get right aboutconversations.
Oh, I disagree with you.
This isn't a debate, so I'm notgoing to hard-press you about
these beliefs or whatever,whether you may be wrong or
(24:58):
right in my eyes or whatever.
This isn't a debate.
This is not the right time forthat.
And I'm going to check myselfemotionally and say, you're your
own person with your ownexperiences, sure.
What's the one thing we can doto get conversations right?
The golden rule ofconversations, you listen to
understand.
(25:18):
You're not waiting for them tofinish yapping.
To come at, oh, boom, I just hithim with this big thing.
Disagreements are healthy.
We don't need to make themtoxic.
That's what we can do right.
We can have those hardconversations.
We don't have to turn everylittle thing into a debate.
And we have to understand.
You may disagree, and that'sfine.
No one's saying you have toagree.
(25:39):
I'm not saying that.
And people who are thinkingshould not tell you you need to
agree.
Even if you understand, itdoesn't mean you have to agree.
But now you understand.
For example, one of my bestfriends in the whole wide world,
he's a great man.
I remember when we just met, hesaid he hates cops.
To him, all cops were bastards.
(26:01):
And while I disagree with that,because obviously I've had
family members and close friendswho have served, I heard his
experience.
He saw family members get killedin front of him from cops.
All he sees on social media wascops shooting people.
Cops doing crazy things.
(26:22):
Can I blame him?
I may disagree, but can I blamehim if I have that experience?
No, I cannot blame him.
No.
And surprise, I love this man tothis day.
I love that man.
He's a good man.
A good man.
A good heart and a good man.
(26:43):
So I'm not saying like I'm thegolden poster child.
I'm definitely not.
I want to make that clear.
I am not.
This is just for me as it is foryou because I get caught up.
I'm also in my 20s.
I get caught up in these samethings.
But we have to not get caught upin them together.
We have to disagree with othersand not make it this weird old
thing.
Because I know from personalexperience, it's possible.
(27:05):
It's possible.
There are things we're doingwrong.
That's how we can do them right.
There are multiple...
programs they're going and it'ssad and it's sad there's it's
sad but it's needed that there'smultiple programs um that are
trying to like teach gen zershow to talk to people how to
(27:27):
have conversations we know whatto do right and there's programs
out there again they're doinggood thing they're teaching
college students how to hear howhow to tolerate different
opinions, how to have thoseconversations.
So Teen Vogue has a programcalled Bridging the Gap.
(27:47):
The link is in the show notes.
The UK, there's multiple,multiple, multiple programs in
the UK that are teachingconversation skills and empathy
specifically to Gen Zers.
That's a Guardian article downin the show notes below.
You can read more about it.
And these are just two programsthat I picked because I love
(28:08):
what they're doing.
There's a sea of programs outthere, but we have programs that
are specifically being aimedtowards the Gen Z, me, you, the
vast majority of people wholisten to this podcast, about
how to have conversations.
Now let's think about why arethese being introduced?
(28:30):
Because we're gettingconversations wrong.
We're making them intubate.
We're listening to respond, notlistening to understand.
And we're avoiding hardconversations.
I can't wait until they're donetalking so I can say this.
You're not having aconversation.
You're going to turn that personoff completely.
Maybe you'll never change theirmind, but maybe they'll
understand.
Maybe you can understand.
(28:52):
We're doing things wrong andbridging the gap program.
Multiple programs in the UK aredoing what's right.
Here's how we can change this.
Here's how it should bedifferent.
If you want to learn more aboutthose programs, they're in the
show notes below.
But again, I will continue thisand saying like I have
(29:12):
personally experienced like thatwith that with my friend who I
mentioned who shared his opinionabout cops.
And of course, I was like, whoa,I disagree.
But look at that.
We are amazing friends today.
I will love that man until I seehim in heaven.
And then for eternity after Iwill be rooting for him.
(29:33):
We sit down, we text each othersometimes, ask if I could pray
for him.
I don't know where those beliefslie today, but I know that was
the start of our relationship.
That's how it started.
And he may not even know this.
He may not even know that I hadthese thoughts.
He might not never know.
But look at us five to sevenyears later, you know, from that
(30:00):
initial point.
And we're disconnected.
This is what the Kyle Talkspodcast is about.
This is why we want to getconversations right.
This is why we need to stop withthe cancel culture stuff and
continue with the conversationstuff.
So how do you have thatconversation?
I've heard what we're doingwrong.
I hear what we're doing right.
(30:20):
I hear there's multiple programsteaching us Gen Zers
specifically to have aconversation.
I say us.
I'm there with you, too.
I'm right there with you.
What can we do?
We can start with respect.
There's so much disrespect goingon in today's conversation
environment.
It's disgusting.
And we've shared that multipletimes throughout this podcast.
(30:43):
Multiple times.
Better Up, linked in the shownotes, amazing article.
But they have tips.
They're used by these groups whoteach us how to have a
conversation.
This is how you can actually geta better response.
These are some tools and somephrases that you can use to get
(31:04):
a better position on what youbelieve in.
I just noticed my fan was on thewhole time, so hopefully it
didn't bother too much.
But a whole website discussingtools on how to set up the
conversation to be respectful,to have an eloquent
(31:28):
conversation.
One of those tools...
And of course, you want tochange it over time, something
that fits like what you'd say,because you don't want to copy
your word for word because thenit's not authentic.
It doesn't feel real.
And I love this.
And this is linked in the shownotes below.
If you want to check this outfor yourself.
Beginning conversations withaffirmation.
(31:49):
Hey, I respect you.
Hey, I may disagree with you,but I want to understand your
point of view.
How did you get there?
Why?
For my friend, hey, I respectyou greatly.
Why do you think all cops arebastards?
How did you get there?
I want to understand.
I might have a visceral,emotional, whatever.
(32:10):
At that time, I might have that.
But why do you think that?
How did you get there?
Why did you get there?
Why is that your belief today?
And that will completely changethe conversation by just saying
I respect you.
And I want to, even if you don'trespect them, you don't even
need to say that.
You said, I may disagree.
(32:31):
You can say something like, I, Idisagree.
If you want to add stronglydisagree, sure.
Flavor it up.
I strongly disagree with yourpoint of view, but I also want
to understand it.
How did you get there?
Whoa.
We did all three feet, all threethings in that conversation.
(32:52):
We're having fun.
In that statement, we've donethree things to get a
conversation right.
We're having that hardconversation.
We're not turning it into adebate because I just want to
understand how you got there.
And I'm listening to understand.
I'm listening to understandbecause you said that.
And I could come back at youwith all these stats on why
maybe that's stupid, whatever.
(33:13):
But I'm not understanding you.
Why do you get there?
You just, with that onestatement, you did three things
that will set you up forsuccess.
Wow.
Isn't that crazy?
And we have to listen like it'sour job.
I know we've talked about thisbefore.
But we have to listen.
Oh, you believe?
Oh, you saw your uncle.
(33:33):
You've seen family members bekilled in front of cops.
Is that right?
Is that how you got there?
Yeah, that is right.
That's how I got there.
Whoa.
Now you're getting trust.
Because why?
You're listening to understand.
And the other person is like,whoa, he's actually listening to
me.
He may disagree with me, buthe's listening to me.
(33:54):
He's not saying, well, that'sstupid.
You're stupid.
Well, you actually get it.
I get it, right?
So you believe that becauseyou've seen family members get
hurt.
Yes.
Okay.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
You're listening.
You're understanding.
(34:16):
Again, I'm going to rephrasethis.
How do you come to that point ofview?
You don't even have to say Irespect them.
I disagree with your point ofview strongly if you want to get
saucy with it.
I disagree.
How do you believe that?
How did you get there?
Like what experiences has ledyou to that?
Whoa, now you're understanding.
Now we're having a conversation.
(34:37):
You're stupid.
That's stupid.
You're ignorant.
You're not having aconversation.
You won't even be heard if youstart with that.
And then what we've alwaystalked about, hearing that.
Yeah, I hear you.
Oh, you did that because you'veseen family members shot and
hurt from police officers.
Yeah, I hear that.
(34:58):
That actually makes sense.
I understand that.
And then you can go into thefurther in the conversation.
Well, I understand your point ofview.
Where I come from, I see itdifferently because X, Y, Z.
Where I see it like this, X, Y,Z.
I understand what you're saying.
If I want to properly show whatI believe, I think it's because
(35:18):
of this experience.
XYZ.
Whatever it is.
Whoa.
Now we're having conversation.
Now it's respectful.
We're listening to understand.
And we're having that hardconversation.
That's how we get conversationsright.
Whoa.
Whoa.
(35:39):
You see the difference there.
Can you hear the difference injust those words?
Few statements.
You're doing so many good thingswith those few statements.
I'll share one more personalstory about a hard conversation
where I was, but I was taught agood lesson.
(36:01):
And it's with the framework thatwe were discussing earlier.
And that conversation was havingwith someone I disagreed with
theologically.
We disagreed on an aspect of it.
And I remember it was over thephone.
I was driving.
Me and this person are having aconversation.
(36:22):
And me and this person say, hey,I believe in this.
The subject doesn't matter asmuch.
But keeping this framework inmind, I want to give you an
example.
I believe that this is okay.
I think this is why.
And this is one of my bestfriends to this day.
I love this person with all myheart.
(36:43):
Oh, OK, like I may disagree withyou, but I want to keep this
relationship and friendshipintact.
I disagree with you because ofthis.
I understand where you're comingfrom.
That makes sense because that'show you view it.
And that's logical.
And I don't think you're makingany leaps.
I think I can see how you getthere.
(37:04):
I just have to disagree.
And this is how I see it.
With that in mind, I still wantto be your friend.
And although we disagree on thistopic, on this specific topic,
we're still friends.
I know that was very vague, butthe language is still we listen
to understand.
He listened to understand me.
(37:24):
I listen to understand him.
We talked about where we're atand we had that hard
conversation and we understoodeach other.
It wasn't a debate.
You're stupid for believing thisor I can't believe you believe
this, whatever.
Like it was nothing like that.
We understood where we're comingfrom.
We listened.
We had that.
(37:44):
It was a hard conversation.
It was not easy.
I'll tell you that.
We had that conversation.
And to this day, we're stillfriends.
We may disagree, which is fine.
Disagreement is healthy.
We disagree, but we're stillthat that relationship is
intact.
Even amid a disagreement, westill love each other.
I care about this person morethan anything.
(38:08):
And we still have thoseconversations.
This was, I'm 28 now, I wasmaybe 24, 25 when this
conversation was had.
The point is, the Gen Zers,we're young adults coming into
our adult years.
We can have more nuancedconversations.
We can do it.
(38:28):
Our leaders can't even do that.
Our leaders need to listen tothis podcast because we're
already, we're having thosebetter tailored conversations
where we disagree, but we havegood conversation with each
other.
That's what we need to be doing.
That's what we're doing.
And I'm inviting you to do thatwith me.
So what I want you to do, thisis new.
(38:49):
And I want to talk about this,but I also want to give us tools
for this week.
And the tools is, you've beendoing conversation wrong your
whole life.
Here's how you do it right.
How do you do it right?
One, have the hardconversations.
Doesn't need to happen everytime.
There's a time and place foreverything.
Have those hard conversations.
Two, how do you have a rightconversation?
(39:12):
Don't turn it into a debate.
Not everything has to be adebate.
There's a time and place foreverything.
Because your emotions will getthe best of you.
You control your emotions.
You have a master of youremotions.
You tell them what to do.
They don't tell you what to do.
Don't turn it into a debate.
And three, listen to understand.
Today, this week, I want you togo up to someone who you know
(39:34):
you disagree with and ask themhow they got there.
I want you to do that.
And I want you to not listen torespond.
Oh, I cannot wait to give themthese stats.
Understand what I may strongly.
I strongly disagree with that.
But how did you get there?
Oh, that makes sense.
I see.
I disagree.
I see, though.
(39:54):
I may disagree, but I at least Isee.
Now you're one.
You understand you've createdthat connection.
It's not hostile.
And really, the secret toolabout that is to now you're
becoming more dangerous.
Oh, I understand that.
You're understanding more.
Is that conflict with my view ordoes that actually support my
(40:16):
view?
You don't need to say that inthat conversation.
That's something you go over inyour head down the road after
the conversation.
Oh, they said this.
Oh, okay.
Does that help my view ordestroy it and think about what
they said?
That's why I want you to dothose three things.
Have the hard conversations.
Don't make it into a debate andlisten to understand.
I want you to do those thingsthis week.
(40:37):
Because we are different.
We are different at the KyleTalks.
And Gen Zers, we are going tohave better, more healthy
conversation.
So in a world that is soobsessed with being heard, in a
world that's so obsessed withmaking everything a debate, in a
world that's so obsessed thatthey don't want to understand,
they just want to speak, be theone who knows how to listen.
(41:04):
Be the one who knows how to havea conversation.
Be the one who doesn't turn itinto a debate.
Be that one.
And you'll see doors will openlike crazy for better
conversations.
That was just what's on myheart.
I really want to talk about thatbecause I think now more than
ever, it's very important forwhat we're talking about.
(41:25):
And I hope that you've enjoyedif you've made it to this far.
You've learned anything ofvalue.
Please let me know.
Thank you so much for takingtime to tune into this podcast.
I want us to be a better.
I want us to be better.
I want my generation.
One day we're going to bepresidents.
One day we're going to lead thecountry.
One day Zoomers will lead thecountry.
(41:46):
And I want us to be able to havenuanced conversations.
And you know what?
I may disagree, but here.
Oh my gosh.
When we start serving inpolitical positions of power.
and we start talking like that,we are gonna change the world.
You can change your life.
You can change the world rightnow with those tools.
(42:07):
Thank you guys so much.
If you enjoyed anything fromthis episode, please go ahead
and give it a review.
Help us be the fastest growingpodcast ever across all
platforms.
Leave a review.
Help us grow and help us havemore conversations with others.
It doesn't have to be withZoomers.
It helps us have conversationwith boomers, millennials, so we
can all start having betterconversations.
(42:28):
Share the podcast.
Tag at Calvin Horton onInstagram or X.
Thank you guys so much for yourlove.
Share, leave a review.
And remember, one man died onthe For you, for you, for you
specifically, because he lovesyou more than you can ever know.
And he wants to give you thebest tools to succeed.
Thank you guys so much.
(42:49):
Now guys, talk to you guys nextweek.
Peace.
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