September 24, 2023 • 17 mins
Hey Love! Have you ever found yourself in a relationship entanglement, unsure of how to navigate? Join me, Nia, as we dive into some real-life relationship scenarios, offering a fresh perspective on love, boundaries, and personal growth. Drawing from the intricate relationship dilemmas of a good friend, we explore everything from uncomfortable advances made by a friend's wife to a blossoming workplace romance. If you find yourself in a Season of Accountability this episode is for you, because when you know... you grow.
Question: Are the decisions you're making aligning with what you say you want?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nia (00:00):
Hey, love, it is so funny meeting you here.
I promised you and I'mdelivering.
It is time to catch up on myfriend.
For those of you who have noidea what we're talking about, I
have a really good friend ofmine who has a friend whose wife
has been making some unwantedadvances.
(00:20):
Now, if you've listened to thatepisode, I'm sure you have
thoughts on this conversation,and I cannot wait to share mine.
So get comfortable, becausethings are about to get a little
complicated.
Yeah, let's say that you arenow tuning into love frequency
(00:43):
when love grows, so let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
We do that throughconversations that inspire and
increase a deeper level ofself-awareness, and we call that
(01:06):
your love frequency.
So I am so glad you are tappingin today.
I am your host, nia, and,beyond, an advocate of love and
a soul speaker.
I've been told on that friendthat you know you need to talk
to, but you don't wanna talk to,because it's those
conversations that you've beenavoiding, and I'm that friend
(01:27):
that's gonna give it to you Inlove, though, and sometimes love
looks like truth.
So welcome to Love Frequencyand congratulations on you
finally choosing you Now, beforewe get into the story of the
week, do you have a question youwould like to get a fresher
perspective on?
If so, get in touch with me viaemail or on social media and
(01:51):
I'll leave those instructions inthe show notes, because here on
Love Frequency, we believe whenyou know you grow, and I think
we do that through conversationsjust like these.
So if you are new here, thestory of the week are
conversations that inspire eachweek's episode where we dive
(02:14):
into a topic about love and weexplore it just so we can learn
a little bit more aboutourselves.
And this week's story of theweek was brought to you by an
episode two weeks ago my really,really, really good friend and
accountability.
So let's get you caught up.
Now.
(02:35):
My good friend has a friend andthey've been close for a few
decades, and this friend of hers, his wife, has been making a
one in advances.
She didn't know what to do andshe asked what would I do?
So if you were in my shoes,would you one, continue to
(02:59):
ignore it like I've been doing?
Two, would you tell the friend?
Or, three, would you check thechick?
And I gave her my advice.
Now I'll link the episode inthe show notes.
But what do y'all think myfriend did?
Now, before we get into all ofthat interesting fact, I had to
(03:22):
remind my friend that we hadthis exact same conversation
before Now.
Of course she didn't remember.
See, three years ago this samefriend was helping me test
equipment for an idea I hadabout this podcast on love and
conversations.
Listen, I have video evidenceof this.
(03:42):
This same friend at that timewas also asking for a bit of
advice.
Now, very different scenario,but at that time I also gave her
my advice.
She said, oh, so maybe I shouldlisten this time, because it
didn't go so well last time.
So immediately I thought okay,so we weren't planning on taking
(04:05):
any of the advice.
Huh, and that's okay.
She answered in honest form no,not really.
I was actually going to have aconversation with the wife, a
conversation with the wife withwhat?
How did we end up here Nowlisten before I could share with
her why I felt that was theworst decision of them all.
(04:29):
She going to add but that's notthe only thing I needed advice
on.
I just didn't want to hear yourmouth for real, so I didn't
tell you the first time wetalked.
Hmm, hmm, okay.
So she goes on to mention thatthere is somebody at her job
who's been hinting that they'reinterested in getting to know
(04:49):
her.
So I said so what's her story?
Cause y'all know, I assumedthat she was going to say that
this heaven was married to.
Nope, she's single and notseriously dating anyone at the
moment.
But she is dating.
So my friend's first concern isthere was a recent incident at
(05:11):
her place of employment wherepeople were let go due to
inappropriate behavior, and hersecond concern was it's her boss
.
The plot thickens, yeah, just alittle bit.
So what do y'all think?
My response was what would youradvice have been?
(05:33):
My advice to her if you don'tdive deep in face first, fool.
This one to me is a no brainer.
This conversation also makesthe first question irrelevant,
in my opinion.
What are we even doing rightnow?
Like, why are we talking on thephone?
You should be somewhere, likenot here, not what.
(05:54):
So she did admit that she wasshocked by my response because
it wasn't what she was expecting.
And let me give some additionalbackground for those who also
may be shocked and concernedabout my integrity.
My friend is leaving this jobvery soon Because she was going
to stay at the job?
Absolutely not.
But not only is she leaving thecompany, she's moving out of
(06:18):
state.
Bye, bye, come on now.
Third, and to me the mostimportant, this is a grown ass,
single ass, available ass woman.
I can't believe you even had toask, stop it, to which she
responded in true form.
I adore my friend.
Well, there's kind of a thirdquestion that I want to run by
(06:43):
you, then, because I didn'texpect such a positive response
from the second.
Now listen, family.
As you can imagine, I'm lockedin, just like you are.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
What could it possibly be?
So there's this other person atwork.
(07:04):
Oh shit, no-transcript.
I don't know.
I have to pause and take a sipof water.
Hold on, hmm.
Now, this is where thingsshifted, because y'all, her
voice changed.
She described the vibe of thisperson.
She was speaking from herfrequency and expressed
(07:28):
Interested, more than just herphysical, because she's spending
time with her, her family,planning things.
I said wait, you're not to eatwith her and her kids.
What?
Oh well, pack it up.
You definitely came mess withthe boss.
Now, sorry that one's gone.
Well, that was fun while itlasted, cuz you like this one
(07:52):
now.
She didn't deny that she wasdrawn to her, but she did say
well, I'm just not sure.
So I'm just gonna see wherethis goes.
So I asked her what do you want?
And without hesitationLiterally, I don't think she
took a breath after I said the Ton want.
(08:13):
She said that she didn't wantto be in a committed
relationship.
She's at a place in her lifewhere she's excited for this
next level, these nextopportunities that are becoming
available, and she wants toexplore that fully, without
restrictions, but with opennessand Love and Exploration.
She's coming into a very newseason.
(08:35):
So my question is to my friendand my question is to anybody
who is experiencing Choice ordecision are the decisions
you're making aligning with whatyou say you want?
If you've made it this far intothe episode, you're about to
get into this saltwater, so sitback and take a drink.
(08:58):
What is thought water?
I'm glad you asked.
This is the part of the showwhere I share my reflections on
the story of the week to offer afresher perspective and help
you turn your pain into power.
But sometimes it's the shit youdon't want to hear.
But that's alright, because ifyou're here and you've come
(09:20):
empty, prepare to leave full.
Now let's get into this.
Thought water cuz Kylie.
So let's review.
Scenario one wife of your friendof two decades is hitting on
you.
Scenario two your single andavailable boss is also hitting
on you.
Scenario three you have beenspending time with a co-worker
(09:41):
who is shared.
She is interested in more yourdesire not to commit.
Can somebody play the Jeopardytheme song for me?
What would you do?
First of all, can we breathefor a second like?
That was a lot.
There's a lot to take in, so Ijust think we need to take a
(10:02):
moment for ourselves.
All right, if you didn't needit, I needed it.
I also believe in all singing.
You didn't need it, I needed it.
I also believe, in allseriousness, that my friend has
entered a season ofaccountability, and you might
find yourself here too.
What I mean by that is when wesay we want something, we gotta
(10:24):
take a look at the steps we'retaking to get us there.
Will we make decisions based onthe needs of the flesh or
desires of the heart and spirit?
And while the decisions mightseem easy for some, for some of
y'all, y'all might say, oh man,I got that.
I know which one I would pick.
It's very clear.
I feel like my friend is beingcalled to face some pretty
(10:46):
complex conversations.
So let's run this thing onbackwards First.
Let's talk about the person Iknow my friend really likes.
Let's call her the one First.
My friend and I are both mothers.
We know what it's like to beused and discarded, but,
(11:07):
moreover, the impact the loss ofthose interactions have had on
our children Huh, I need y'allto be mindful of the decisions
you make when children areinvolved.
Also, as a woman who loveswomen, I believe it is an honor
to love a woman and if you'regoing to do it, do it correctly.
(11:29):
When you love a woman, you lovea nation.
That's a huge responsibility.
We are tired of half-assed.
We'll see where this goes.
So if your true desire is to befree, then you need to end this
connection before you end uphurting her or one of the kids
unintentionally.
However, as we mentioned before, I know my friend is going to
(11:53):
do what she wants and she alwaysmakes the right choice for her.
I do think my friend wants to becompletely immersed in this new
season of travel and freedomand exploration, but I also
think that she's afraid oftrusting someone again and, with
that, trying to figure out thecomplexities of making this
(12:15):
connection work at the same timethat she plans to move out of
state.
I think, no matter the decision, this one is going to be the
most difficult Because, nomatter what decision she makes,
someone is going to feel likethey lost.
I say just choose wisely andmake sure that you're basing
(12:36):
this decision truly on what youwant, while respecting the
reason, season or lifetime thatthis other person might be in.
Which brings me to the bosslady.
Having had time to reallyreflect on this scenario, I
think I would also leave thisone alone.
(12:57):
If your true desire is to traveland enjoy yourself sans a
commitment, why be tied down toanything in a state you're
leaving behind?
Unless you share your desiresdirectly and allow this grown
ass, single ass, available asswoman to make her own decision,
(13:18):
you might be surprised by theresponse, and then this would
align with the season you sayyou want, no matter the outcome,
but I have a feeling you're notgoing to disregard the advances
because you like it, but youaren't going to engage, although
I know you want to.
And I only say this becauseyour desires and actions are not
(13:41):
aligning, because the universehas provided what you say you
want, but you've decided toinvest more in what you don't.
And the married one Listen,we're going to.
We ain't going to get as muchenergy than we already have.
I said what I said and you'regoing to do what you want to do.
(14:02):
However, I would strongly adviseyou not to reach out to the
wife One.
I do feel like that's what shewants.
It doesn't matter what energyis being received, she just
wants some of your energy, andthis is going to put you in a
more precarious situation.
Add it to the fact that I thinkthis situation you have in this
(14:23):
private conversation wherewould be a little bit more
difficult to explain to yourfriend of 20 years than you just
having an honest conversationwith your friend directly.
Hey, that's just me.
Hey, and I'm not going to lie,I'm stuck on.
Why is this even a question?
I just love how she tellsstories.
(14:45):
Like it had to get to twoconversations and three
scenarios to get us here.
I feel like I just got off aroller coaster ride.
This one is a non issue.
This is something that I feelyou've created as a distraction
to a far larger scenario.
So it takes me right back to myquestion, love, are the
(15:07):
decisions you're making aligningwith what you say you want?
Hey, love, I think it can beeasy to get caught up.
(15:28):
When energy is being thrownyour way.
You ever stop to think abouthow that energy is distracting
you from what's next.
Are you sure that you want whatyou say you want?
If so, shit, then start actinglike it.
Stop creating distractions.
I believe what we avoid createsavoid.
(15:50):
So what's been filling yours?
If it's not what you want, thenwhat are you not facing?
Whatever your reason, I knowyou're going to do what you want
to do, but I also believe thatyou are going to make the best
decision for the season you'rein and, no matter what you
(16:11):
choose, I hope the life lessonslearned along the way catapult
you forward instead of settingyou back.
(16:36):
I want to thank you for spendingthis time with me again this
week.
I like when we meet up.
I know I say that all the time,but I really do.
I love y'all and I appreciateour moments of just being able
to be honest and raw andvulnerable.
If you like what you hear,please, wherever you're
(16:58):
listening to us, please rank theshow, Give us five stars, let
us know how you feel and add acomment so that other people can
get connected.
And if you have a story of theweek or question of the week,
please send those to lovefrequency via email or on social
(17:19):
media.
The instructions will be in theshow notes and, as always,
share this episode with oneperson who needs to ask
themselves do my actions matchmy manifestations?
Because when you know, you growUntil next time I love you.
Hey, love, it is so funny meeting you here.
I promised you and I'mdelivering.
It is time to catch up on myfriend.
For those of you who have noidea what we're talking about, I
have a really good friend ofmine who has a friend whose wife
has been making some unwantedadvances.
(00:20):
Now, if you've listened to thatepisode, I'm sure you have
thoughts on this conversation,and I cannot wait to share mine.
So get comfortable, becausethings are about to get a little
complicated.
Yeah, let's say that you arenow tuning into love frequency
(00:43):
when love grows, so let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
We do that throughconversations that inspire and
increase a deeper level ofself-awareness, and we call that
(01:06):
your love frequency.
So I am so glad you are tappingin today.
I am your host, nia, and,beyond, an advocate of love and
a soul speaker.
I've been told on that friendthat you know you need to talk
to, but you don't wanna talk to,because it's those
conversations that you've beenavoiding, and I'm that friend
(01:27):
that's gonna give it to you Inlove, though, and sometimes love
looks like truth.
So welcome to Love Frequencyand congratulations on you
finally choosing you Now, beforewe get into the story of the
week, do you have a question youwould like to get a fresher
perspective on?
If so, get in touch with me viaemail or on social media and
(01:51):
I'll leave those instructions inthe show notes, because here on
Love Frequency, we believe whenyou know you grow, and I think
we do that through conversationsjust like these.
So if you are new here, thestory of the week are
conversations that inspire eachweek's episode where we dive
(02:14):
into a topic about love and weexplore it just so we can learn
a little bit more aboutourselves.
And this week's story of theweek was brought to you by an
episode two weeks ago my really,really, really good friend and
accountability.
So let's get you caught up.
Now.
(02:35):
My good friend has a friend andthey've been close for a few
decades, and this friend of hers, his wife, has been making a
one in advances.
She didn't know what to do andshe asked what would I do?
So if you were in my shoes,would you one, continue to
(02:59):
ignore it like I've been doing?
Two, would you tell the friend?
Or, three, would you check thechick?
And I gave her my advice.
Now I'll link the episode inthe show notes.
But what do y'all think myfriend did?
Now, before we get into all ofthat interesting fact, I had to
(03:22):
remind my friend that we hadthis exact same conversation
before Now.
Of course she didn't remember.
See, three years ago this samefriend was helping me test
equipment for an idea I hadabout this podcast on love and
conversations.
Listen, I have video evidenceof this.
(03:42):
This same friend at that timewas also asking for a bit of
advice.
Now, very different scenario,but at that time I also gave her
my advice.
She said, oh, so maybe I shouldlisten this time, because it
didn't go so well last time.
So immediately I thought okay,so we weren't planning on taking
(04:05):
any of the advice.
Huh, and that's okay.
She answered in honest form no,not really.
I was actually going to have aconversation with the wife, a
conversation with the wife withwhat?
How did we end up here Nowlisten before I could share with
her why I felt that was theworst decision of them all.
(04:29):
She going to add but that's notthe only thing I needed advice
on.
I just didn't want to hear yourmouth for real, so I didn't
tell you the first time wetalked.
Hmm, hmm, okay.
So she goes on to mention thatthere is somebody at her job
who's been hinting that they'reinterested in getting to know
(04:49):
her.
So I said so what's her story?
Cause y'all know, I assumedthat she was going to say that
this heaven was married to.
Nope, she's single and notseriously dating anyone at the
moment.
But she is dating.
So my friend's first concern isthere was a recent incident at
(05:11):
her place of employment wherepeople were let go due to
inappropriate behavior, and hersecond concern was it's her boss
.
The plot thickens, yeah, just alittle bit.
So what do y'all think?
My response was what would youradvice have been?
(05:33):
My advice to her if you don'tdive deep in face first, fool.
This one to me is a no brainer.
This conversation also makesthe first question irrelevant,
in my opinion.
What are we even doing rightnow?
Like, why are we talking on thephone?
You should be somewhere, likenot here, not what.
(05:54):
So she did admit that she wasshocked by my response because
it wasn't what she was expecting.
And let me give some additionalbackground for those who also
may be shocked and concernedabout my integrity.
My friend is leaving this jobvery soon Because she was going
to stay at the job?
Absolutely not.
But not only is she leaving thecompany, she's moving out of
(06:18):
state.
Bye, bye, come on now.
Third, and to me the mostimportant, this is a grown ass,
single ass, available ass woman.
I can't believe you even had toask, stop it, to which she
responded in true form.
I adore my friend.
Well, there's kind of a thirdquestion that I want to run by
(06:43):
you, then, because I didn'texpect such a positive response
from the second.
Now listen, family.
As you can imagine, I'm lockedin, just like you are.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
What could it possibly be?
So there's this other person atwork.
(07:04):
Oh shit, no-transcript.
I don't know.
I have to pause and take a sipof water.
Hold on, hmm.
Now, this is where thingsshifted, because y'all, her
voice changed.
She described the vibe of thisperson.
She was speaking from herfrequency and expressed
(07:28):
Interested, more than just herphysical, because she's spending
time with her, her family,planning things.
I said wait, you're not to eatwith her and her kids.
What?
Oh well, pack it up.
You definitely came mess withthe boss.
Now, sorry that one's gone.
Well, that was fun while itlasted, cuz you like this one
(07:52):
now.
She didn't deny that she wasdrawn to her, but she did say
well, I'm just not sure.
So I'm just gonna see wherethis goes.
So I asked her what do you want?
And without hesitationLiterally, I don't think she
took a breath after I said the Ton want.
(08:13):
She said that she didn't wantto be in a committed
relationship.
She's at a place in her lifewhere she's excited for this
next level, these nextopportunities that are becoming
available, and she wants toexplore that fully, without
restrictions, but with opennessand Love and Exploration.
She's coming into a very newseason.
(08:35):
So my question is to my friendand my question is to anybody
who is experiencing Choice ordecision are the decisions
you're making aligning with whatyou say you want?
If you've made it this far intothe episode, you're about to
get into this saltwater, so sitback and take a drink.
(08:58):
What is thought water?
I'm glad you asked.
This is the part of the showwhere I share my reflections on
the story of the week to offer afresher perspective and help
you turn your pain into power.
But sometimes it's the shit youdon't want to hear.
But that's alright, because ifyou're here and you've come
(09:20):
empty, prepare to leave full.
Now let's get into this.
Thought water cuz Kylie.
So let's review.
Scenario one wife of your friendof two decades is hitting on
you.
Scenario two your single andavailable boss is also hitting
on you.
Scenario three you have beenspending time with a co-worker
(09:41):
who is shared.
She is interested in more yourdesire not to commit.
Can somebody play the Jeopardytheme song for me?
What would you do?
First of all, can we breathefor a second like?
That was a lot.
There's a lot to take in, so Ijust think we need to take a
(10:02):
moment for ourselves.
All right, if you didn't needit, I needed it.
I also believe in all singing.
You didn't need it, I needed it.
I also believe, in allseriousness, that my friend has
entered a season ofaccountability, and you might
find yourself here too.
What I mean by that is when wesay we want something, we gotta
(10:24):
take a look at the steps we'retaking to get us there.
Will we make decisions based onthe needs of the flesh or
desires of the heart and spirit?
And while the decisions mightseem easy for some, for some of
y'all, y'all might say, oh man,I got that.
I know which one I would pick.
It's very clear.
I feel like my friend is beingcalled to face some pretty
(10:46):
complex conversations.
So let's run this thing onbackwards First.
Let's talk about the person Iknow my friend really likes.
Let's call her the one First.
My friend and I are both mothers.
We know what it's like to beused and discarded, but,
(11:07):
moreover, the impact the loss ofthose interactions have had on
our children Huh, I need y'allto be mindful of the decisions
you make when children areinvolved.
Also, as a woman who loveswomen, I believe it is an honor
to love a woman and if you'regoing to do it, do it correctly.
(11:29):
When you love a woman, you lovea nation.
That's a huge responsibility.
We are tired of half-assed.
We'll see where this goes.
So if your true desire is to befree, then you need to end this
connection before you end uphurting her or one of the kids
unintentionally.
However, as we mentioned before, I know my friend is going to
(11:53):
do what she wants and she alwaysmakes the right choice for her.
I do think my friend wants to becompletely immersed in this new
season of travel and freedomand exploration, but I also
think that she's afraid oftrusting someone again and, with
that, trying to figure out thecomplexities of making this
(12:15):
connection work at the same timethat she plans to move out of
state.
I think, no matter the decision, this one is going to be the
most difficult Because, nomatter what decision she makes,
someone is going to feel likethey lost.
I say just choose wisely andmake sure that you're basing
(12:36):
this decision truly on what youwant, while respecting the
reason, season or lifetime thatthis other person might be in.
Which brings me to the bosslady.
Having had time to reallyreflect on this scenario, I
think I would also leave thisone alone.
(12:57):
If your true desire is to traveland enjoy yourself sans a
commitment, why be tied down toanything in a state you're
leaving behind?
Unless you share your desiresdirectly and allow this grown
ass, single ass, available asswoman to make her own decision,
(13:18):
you might be surprised by theresponse, and then this would
align with the season you sayyou want, no matter the outcome,
but I have a feeling you're notgoing to disregard the advances
because you like it, but youaren't going to engage, although
I know you want to.
And I only say this becauseyour desires and actions are not
(13:41):
aligning, because the universehas provided what you say you
want, but you've decided toinvest more in what you don't.
And the married one Listen,we're going to.
We ain't going to get as muchenergy than we already have.
I said what I said and you'regoing to do what you want to do.
(14:02):
However, I would strongly adviseyou not to reach out to the
wife One.
I do feel like that's what shewants.
It doesn't matter what energyis being received, she just
wants some of your energy, andthis is going to put you in a
more precarious situation.
Add it to the fact that I thinkthis situation you have in this
(14:23):
private conversation wherewould be a little bit more
difficult to explain to yourfriend of 20 years than you just
having an honest conversationwith your friend directly.
Hey, that's just me.
Hey, and I'm not going to lie,I'm stuck on.
Why is this even a question?
I just love how she tellsstories.
(14:45):
Like it had to get to twoconversations and three
scenarios to get us here.
I feel like I just got off aroller coaster ride.
This one is a non issue.
This is something that I feelyou've created as a distraction
to a far larger scenario.
So it takes me right back to myquestion, love, are the
(15:07):
decisions you're making aligningwith what you say you want?
Hey, love, I think it can beeasy to get caught up.
(15:28):
When energy is being thrownyour way.
You ever stop to think abouthow that energy is distracting
you from what's next.
Are you sure that you want whatyou say you want?
If so, shit, then start actinglike it.
Stop creating distractions.
I believe what we avoid createsavoid.
(15:50):
So what's been filling yours?
If it's not what you want, thenwhat are you not facing?
Whatever your reason, I knowyou're going to do what you want
to do, but I also believe thatyou are going to make the best
decision for the season you'rein and, no matter what you
(16:11):
choose, I hope the life lessonslearned along the way catapult
you forward instead of settingyou back.
(16:36):
I want to thank you for spendingthis time with me again this
week.
I like when we meet up.
I know I say that all the time,but I really do.
I love y'all and I appreciateour moments of just being able
to be honest and raw andvulnerable.
If you like what you hear,please, wherever you're
(16:58):
listening to us, please rank theshow, Give us five stars, let
us know how you feel and add acomment so that other people can
get connected.
And if you have a story of theweek or question of the week,
please send those to lovefrequency via email or on social
(17:19):
media.
The instructions will be in theshow notes and, as always,
share this episode with oneperson who needs to ask
themselves do my actions matchmy manifestations?
Because when you know, you growUntil next time I love you.
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