March 5, 2025 • 22 mins
Episode Title: Friends with Benefits: A Detour or a Destination?
Release Date: March 5, 2025
Hey Love! 💖
Let’s talk about Friends with Benefits… shall we? It’s a topic that has intrigued, confused, and divided people for years. Despite the jokes, debates, and warnings, it’s something many of us have either experienced or considered. So, let’s unpack it together.
In this episode of L_ve Frequency, we’re diving deep into the complex layers behind FWB relationships. We’ll explore how motives, personal history, and emotional baggage shape these connections, and how understanding them can empower you to make decisions that align with your true self.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What Are Friends with Benefits (FWB)?: We break down the true meaning of FWB and the reasons why people enter into these arrangements. Is it about companionship, avoiding commitment, or simply wanting something temporary?
- Personal Reflection & Emotional Triggers: I share a personal story about my own FWB experience and the emotional wounds that shaped my perspective. Learn how your past relationships influence your current decisions and triggers.
- Motivations and Boundaries: What are your true intentions behind entering an FWB situation? Are you avoiding deeper emotional work, or are you truly looking for companionship without commitment? Let’s get clear on your motives.
By the end of this episode, you’ll have a better understanding of what FWB really means, why it might not work for everyone, and how to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being.
Key Takeaways:
- How motivations behind FWB relationships differ and the emotional baggage we carry into them.
- The importance of setting boundaries to avoid emotional entanglements and self-sabotage.
- Why emotional self-awareness is key to navigating relationships and making choices that serve your highest good.
Resources Mentioned:
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Did this episode feed your spirit and increase your L_ve Frequency? Hit that subscribe button and don’t forget to rate and review! Your feedback helps us spread the love and truth.Â
Also, if you know someone navigating an FWB situation or debating if it's right for them, send them this episode! It might just give them the clarity they need. Because here at L_ve Frequency, we believe that when you know... you grow! 🌱
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nia (00:00):
So let's talk about friends with benefits, shall we?
It's a topic that has intrigued, confused and divided people
for some years now, but, despitethe jokes, debates and warnings
, it's something that many of ushave either considered,
experienced or talked about.
So let's unpack it.
(00:20):
You are now tuning in to LoveFrequency, where love grows, so
let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
(00:41):
your pain into power.
I'm your host and favorite loveadvocate, Nya, here to guide
you through the journey ofbreaking toxic patterns and
embracing your highest self.
On this podcast, we believethat love is not a problem,
honey.
You are.
That's why, every Wednesday, weask the tough questions, dive
(01:03):
deep into the root of the issueand offer tools to help you get
out of your own way.
If you're loving what you hear,hit that subscribe button so
you never miss an episode.
And don't be shy.
Rate and review the podcast tohelp us spread the love and the
truth, Because when you know,you grow.
(01:32):
What's your definition offriends with benefits?
I'm serious, Take a second andthink about it Because, let's be
real, this phrase gets thrownaround so casually these days
that everyone seems to have adifferent definition.
I had a group of people I washanging out with once and we all
went out to dinner and Idecided to go around and ask
(01:54):
everybody what their definitionwas.
But I did it separately, whilewe were all waiting for our
table and everybody, everyonehad a different definition, but
the one thing that was a commondenominator is that their
definition was rooted in theirpain and their fears and, most
importantly, things they didn'treceive in prior relationships.
(02:18):
I recently had a conversationwith my good friend Q.
You know Q we talk about Q allthe time, but, honey, we were
not on the same page.
She was the first person that,when I had this conversation,
didn't come at it from aposition of pain, but instead
purpose, which is interesting.
Her perspective caught me offguard.
(02:39):
I'm not going to lie.
For her, as many people like,generally speaking, she saw it
as a way to keep thingsuncomplicated, but for me, this
topic whoo, I don't know.
Actually, I do know what it isabout this subject.
We'll unpack that later.
But I spiraled.
I was hot.
(02:59):
I can't remember exactly howthe conversation came up, but I
remember as soon as she fixedher lips to begin to justify her
position, I think I saw red andI shut it out.
My listening skills werenon-existent and I became
frustrated, like my bodyphysically became warm, I was
(03:21):
nauseous to my stomach, becamewarm, I was nauseous to my
stomach.
And when she gave me a second,when she paused to breathe, I
interjected and just went off.
The one thing I remember aboutthis conversation is while we
were talking, I was gettingready to go to the gym.
Having that conversationmotivated me even more.
Once I got to the damn gym andI talked to her the entire 30
(03:43):
minutes, I was on the goddamntreadmill because that's how
pissed I was.
Yeah, I'm not proud of it, butshit.
After the conversation, as Iwas getting in the car and I
calmed down, I had to take abreath and maybe a sip of tea
and realize that this topic hadsome layers worth unpacking if
(04:07):
it created that type of reaction.
I think we took a quick 20minute check-in and it turned
into an hour and a halfconversation and then this
episode.
But before we dive into thatmess and and me unpacking why I
felt the way I felt, let's breakdown the definition.
What do people actually meanwhen they say friends with
(04:29):
benefits?
Now, remember those gradeschool lessons on the idioms?
I know you don't, but that'sokay, I got you.
Idioms are phrases that don'tmean exactly what the word says,
like raining cats and dogs orspill the beans.
Friends with benefits is one ofthose phrases, because it
doesn't really mean friends theway you think.
(04:49):
It's more of a casualconnection no strings, no deep
emotions and definitely nocommitment.
It means to be temporary ortransactional.
Now, unlike romanticrelationships, which are usually
about building somethinglong-term, friends with benefits
hits a little different.
The focus is on companionship,but not the kind where you build
(05:12):
emotional intimacy.
Instead, it's about comfort,physical, not emotional.
You know me.
I had to dig a little bitdeeper.
My question was what are themotives behind these types of
connections?
I found a fascinating articlein Psychology Today that breaks
(05:32):
down how motives for friendswith benefits can vary depending
on emotional needs.
Now, if you're a nerd like meand you want to read more, you
know I'm going to keep it in theshow notes, honey, so don't
forget to check it out.
But here's what it laid out.
There were four primary reasonsthat they gave for a friends
with benefits connection.
So if you think back to thedefinition that you gave it
(05:53):
earlier, let's see how closelymatched we are.
The first one pure sexualmotivation.
That was simple.
Some people just want to keepit physical, without all the
emotional attachment, nofeelings, no complications.
The second one is companionship.
Not everybody's looking for afull blown relationship, but
(06:15):
some still just want closenessand intimacy without all the
heavy shit.
I get it.
Number three relationshipsimplicity.
A lot of us are just over thedrama of traditional dating.
Friends with benefits is easy,low maintenance and stress free.
(06:35):
And number four avoidance ofcommitment.
There's the group that'sactively just dodging commitment
.
They want their freedom andthey do not want to deal with
romantic expectations.
It sounds a lot like beingoutside, doesn't it?
On paper, this sounds like acheat code for modern dating,
(06:55):
right?
No drama, no strings, justvibes.
Why are we all signing up?
Well, hold them up, swole themup.
Here's where it gets a littletricky.
A study found that friends withbenefits relationships don't
always stay in their lane.
Get this 26% stay in theirfriends with benefits
connections, 15% transition intoromantic relationships, 28%
(07:22):
went back to just being friendsand 31% they ended with no
relationship at all.
Nothing, Just a whole bunch offun times, I guess.
But let me pause for a second.
Almost a third of thesesituations fizzle out completely
.
No friendship, no connection,just two people who tried this
(07:46):
quote unquote easy arrangementand ended up with nothing.
So what does this mean for you?
It means that if you'reconsidering a friends with
benefits set up, you bettercheck your motives and get clear
on what it is you want, Becausewhile this may work for some
people, it's not all rainbowsand butterflies for everybody.
(08:09):
Now, before I get too ahead ofmyself, let's circle back.
At first glance, friends withbenefits seems like it could be
a win, but, as the old sayinggoes, silly rabbit tricks are
for kids.
So let's talk about why thissetup might not be as simple as
it seems.
The most eye opening part aboutdiscussing friends with
(08:36):
benefits is seeing how peopledefine it through their own
experiences.
Whenever I was asking thatgroup that I was with the
questions, their definition wasshaped by their past pain.
So it doesn't surprise me thatwhen I had this conversation
with Q, my strong reactionwasn't about the topic itself.
(08:56):
It was about my own history.
See for me, friends, whatbenefits is like diminished
value.
After years, I've spent learningmyself the thought of being
reduced to convenience stings.
I remember the struggle ofrebuilding myself after a
relationship ended, only todiscover that they were
(09:17):
entertaining somebody else theentire damn time.
Back then couldn't understandwhy this pattern kept repeating.
Why did I continue to meetemotionally unavailable partners
who loved the idea of me butdidn't truly love me?
Friends with benefits istriggering because it reminds me
of those times when I was leftwondering if I was the only one
(09:40):
who cared.
Moments like these shattered mysense of worth and always left
me questioning if I will evertruly be seen or if I'm just
fulfilling a fleeting desire.
Over time, I came to a hardtruth.
The pattern wasn't just in thepartners I chose.
I wasn't protecting myselfemotionally, which led to years
(10:03):
of me feeling unlovable, butthrough personal work and
self-reflection, though, itfeels like a bus stop on the way
to something else, like atemporary detour, rather than
investing in truly knowing theperson you're with.
(10:25):
Now let's fast forward to mymost recent relationship.
After 10 months of us datinglong distance, we decide to live
together.
She moves in, and y'all knowwhen it happens.
When you can feel them pullaway, they ain't got to say
nothing, but you can tell whenthe energy has switched up.
(10:46):
Conversations about the issueswe were having were often
deflected, leaving me to piecetogether the truth and instead
of waiting on her, I just endedthe shit, and not because of
anything negative toward her,but because of the value I
started to see in myself and thequestions I began to ask myself
(11:09):
, like does this relationship,do these feelings align with who
you are Now?
Walking away wasn't easy.
I was terrified, not onlybecause I cared about this
person, I cared about theirfamily, but because I had never
done it before.
But, as painful as it was, italso felt like reclaiming a part
(11:32):
of myself that I had lost inprevious relationships finally
being able to stand up formyself and to say the thing that
I was afraid of saying.
Which leads me to another layerof how I perceive friends with
benefits the emotionalentanglements we create, Because
through this whole conversationy'all friends with benefits, if
(11:55):
I'm assuming correctlytypically is a physical
connection.
Have y'all forgot about theshadow work, the baggage that we
carry within our spirit when welay with other people?
I believe there is an emotionalexchange.
You don't have to tell someoneyou love them, you don't have to
(12:16):
speak terms of endearment.
The brain doesn't know thedifference between a wife and a
side piece.
It just knows how it feels, theemotional bags we carry and the
baggage of others we inviteinto our lives.
When we share intimacy, we'resharing more than just physical
touch.
We intertwine energies, whichincludes our shadows.
(12:41):
This is also why I've learnedto be a little bit more
discerning.
See, intimacy isn't just an act.
It's an open gateway into yoursoul, and I've worked too damn
hard to let chaos just seep in.
I'm not saying friends withbenefits is inherently wrong,
(13:02):
but for me it's a trigger.
It stirs up memories of pastrelationships where I felt
hidden, convenient andundervalued.
My friend and I ultimatelyagreed to disagree, and that's
okay.
I ultimately agreed to disagree, and that's okay.
What the conversation taught me, though, was that my reaction
(13:24):
again wasn't about the subject.
It was about the wound, thewound that still existed.
The difference is that thosewounds no longer guide my
behavior.
They simply inform why I feelthe way I do.
This awareness allows me torespond internally and
(13:46):
intentionally rather thanimpulsively.
But here's the thing Justbecause it isn't right for me
doesn't mean it isn't right foryou.
It isn't right for me doesn'tmean it isn't right for you.
Is a friends with benefitsconnection right for you?
(14:07):
Before making any decision, takea moment to reflect deeply on
your feelings, circumstances andintentions.
And if you don't know where tostart, here are three crucial
questions that can guide yourself-inquiry.
Number one what are yourrelationship goals and
intentions?
And be honest with yourself.
(14:29):
Not what you think other peoplewant to hear, not what your
fear tells you could happenmight happen.
What are you truly looking forin a connection?
Are you seeking companionship,physical intimacy, emotional
support or something elseentirely?
Knowing your goals can help youalign your actions with what's
(14:53):
genuinely reserved for yourwell-being.
If your intentions are clear,it's easy to avoid situations
that lead to confusion and unmetexpectations.
Number two what are yourmotivations?
What's driving you?
While your goals define whatyou want, your motivations
(15:14):
reveal why.
Ask yourself are you enteringthis arrangement from a place of
confidence, self-love andcuriosity, or are you seeking
validation, trying to avoidloneliness or masking unresolved
wounds?
Understanding your why helpsyou differentiate between a
choice that aligns with yourhighest self or one driven by
(15:39):
temporary feelings as your lowervibration.
And number three how does thismake you feel?
Tune into your emotional andphysical responses when you
think about connection.
Does it bring excitement,curiosity and a sense of
possibility?
Do you feel uneasy, anxious orunsure?
(16:05):
Pay attention to those gutfeelings, not to judge the other
person, but so you can be thatresearcher for yourself.
There's often inner wisdomspeaking to you when these
feelings come up.
Your emotional clarity is acompass that can guide you
toward decisions rooted inself-respect and authenticity.
Now, if your answers to thosethree questions bring you
(16:30):
clarity, joy, peace, I love that.
I love that.
Keep doing more of that.
You are on the right path foryou.
But if your answers highlightdiscomfort, uncertainty or
unresolved pain, maybe it'sworth taking a step back to
(16:50):
reflect further.
Give yourself the space andgrace to explore these feelings
without judgment.
It might help to revisit thelast three episodes where we
delve into similar topics,especially those about
understanding your triggers,building boundaries, cultivating
self-awareness, packing yourbags, washing your face.
(17:15):
It's time for you to pause foryourself, Stop running from
yourself and sit with yourself.
So, when you come into thisnext season, you are making
choices that are serving you,not holding you back.
(17:36):
Have you ever been in a friendswith benefits situation?
If so, what were your motives?
How did it work out for you?
I'm interested.
I want you to share yourthoughts with me on Instagram
because I want to hear yourstory.
I got a post up and I wouldlove for you to leave your
comments to that Because,remember, at the end of the day,
the choice is yours, honey,Just make sure it really is your
(18:00):
choice, not a reaction to pain,fear or distraction pulling you
away from your authentic self.
When you operate from a placeof clarity, from a place of love
, you empower others to makedecisions that honor you where
you are and what you need, Dearlove.
(18:35):
Friends with benefits mightsound simple on the surface,
baby, but as we've unpackedtoday, it's anything but.
But as we've unpacked today,it's anything but.
For some it's a way to keepthings light and easy, but for
others it can stir up deeperquestions about self-worth,
boundaries and emotional safety.
The motives behind theseconnections, whether for
(18:58):
physical comfort, companionshipor avoiding commitment, are as
layered as the emotions they canbring up.
For me, this conversationopened up old wounds.
It reminded me of how much I'vegrown.
I used to settle for being aconvenience in someone's life,
thinking that was all I deserved, but through reflection and
(19:20):
self-work I've learned that trueintimacy isn't just physical.
It's an exchange of energy,trust and intention.
That's why I'm committed toconnections that honor my worth
and align with my values.
Anything less just ain't for me.
But this episode wasn't justabout my journey.
(19:43):
It's about you too.
If you're considering a friendswith benefits situation, ask
yourself what do you truly want?
Why am I drawn to this and howdoes it make me feel?
See your answers reveal what'sright for you.
And if it doesn't bring youpeace, if it doesn't bring you
(20:05):
peace, if it doesn't bring youclarity, well, love, maybe it's
worth reconsidering, Because atthe end of the day, your
relationship should feel likehome, not a pit stop or a detour
.
So choose connections that addto your life, not just a moment.
Choose connections that chooseyou, Because when you move with
(20:29):
intention and self-love, youopen the door to relationships
that are as fulfilling as youdeserve.
Thank you for spending timewith me today.
(21:04):
Love, this one got prettypersonal.
And don't forget to tune innext week where I change my mind
about all of this shit.
I know, I know.
Stay tuned.
And if this episode fed yourspirit and turned up your love
frequency, hit that subscribebutton so we can keep this
(21:24):
conversation growing.
Now, if you know someonenavigating a situation ship or
battling a friends with benefitssetup, send this episode to
them, just so they can givethemselves the clarity they need
.
But they do some dumb shit.
I'm sorry, I'm not judging.
We listen and we don't judge.
Okay, sometimes we do, becausewe believe here at Love
(21:47):
Frequency.
When you know you grow, I loveyou Bye.
So let's talk about friends with benefits, shall we?
It's a topic that has intrigued, confused and divided people
for some years now, but, despitethe jokes, debates and warnings
, it's something that many of ushave either considered,
experienced or talked about.
So let's unpack it.
(00:20):
You are now tuning in to LoveFrequency, where love grows, so
let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
(00:41):
your pain into power.
I'm your host and favorite loveadvocate, Nya, here to guide
you through the journey ofbreaking toxic patterns and
embracing your highest self.
On this podcast, we believethat love is not a problem,
honey.
You are.
That's why, every Wednesday, weask the tough questions, dive
(01:03):
deep into the root of the issueand offer tools to help you get
out of your own way.
If you're loving what you hear,hit that subscribe button so
you never miss an episode.
And don't be shy.
Rate and review the podcast tohelp us spread the love and the
truth, Because when you know,you grow.
(01:32):
What's your definition offriends with benefits?
I'm serious, Take a second andthink about it Because, let's be
real, this phrase gets thrownaround so casually these days
that everyone seems to have adifferent definition.
I had a group of people I washanging out with once and we all
went out to dinner and Idecided to go around and ask
(01:54):
everybody what their definitionwas.
But I did it separately, whilewe were all waiting for our
table and everybody, everyonehad a different definition, but
the one thing that was a commondenominator is that their
definition was rooted in theirpain and their fears and, most
importantly, things they didn'treceive in prior relationships.
(02:18):
I recently had a conversationwith my good friend Q.
You know Q we talk about Q allthe time, but, honey, we were
not on the same page.
She was the first person that,when I had this conversation,
didn't come at it from aposition of pain, but instead
purpose, which is interesting.
Her perspective caught me offguard.
(02:39):
I'm not going to lie.
For her, as many people like,generally speaking, she saw it
as a way to keep thingsuncomplicated, but for me, this
topic whoo, I don't know.
Actually, I do know what it isabout this subject.
We'll unpack that later.
But I spiraled.
I was hot.
(02:59):
I can't remember exactly howthe conversation came up, but I
remember as soon as she fixedher lips to begin to justify her
position, I think I saw red andI shut it out.
My listening skills werenon-existent and I became
frustrated, like my bodyphysically became warm, I was
(03:21):
nauseous to my stomach, becamewarm, I was nauseous to my
stomach.
And when she gave me a second,when she paused to breathe, I
interjected and just went off.
The one thing I remember aboutthis conversation is while we
were talking, I was gettingready to go to the gym.
Having that conversationmotivated me even more.
Once I got to the damn gym andI talked to her the entire 30
(03:43):
minutes, I was on the goddamntreadmill because that's how
pissed I was.
Yeah, I'm not proud of it, butshit.
After the conversation, as Iwas getting in the car and I
calmed down, I had to take abreath and maybe a sip of tea
and realize that this topic hadsome layers worth unpacking if
(04:07):
it created that type of reaction.
I think we took a quick 20minute check-in and it turned
into an hour and a halfconversation and then this
episode.
But before we dive into thatmess and and me unpacking why I
felt the way I felt, let's breakdown the definition.
What do people actually meanwhen they say friends with
(04:29):
benefits?
Now, remember those gradeschool lessons on the idioms?
I know you don't, but that'sokay, I got you.
Idioms are phrases that don'tmean exactly what the word says,
like raining cats and dogs orspill the beans.
Friends with benefits is one ofthose phrases, because it
doesn't really mean friends theway you think.
(04:49):
It's more of a casualconnection no strings, no deep
emotions and definitely nocommitment.
It means to be temporary ortransactional.
Now, unlike romanticrelationships, which are usually
about building somethinglong-term, friends with benefits
hits a little different.
The focus is on companionship,but not the kind where you build
(05:12):
emotional intimacy.
Instead, it's about comfort,physical, not emotional.
You know me.
I had to dig a little bitdeeper.
My question was what are themotives behind these types of
connections?
I found a fascinating articlein Psychology Today that breaks
(05:32):
down how motives for friendswith benefits can vary depending
on emotional needs.
Now, if you're a nerd like meand you want to read more, you
know I'm going to keep it in theshow notes, honey, so don't
forget to check it out.
But here's what it laid out.
There were four primary reasonsthat they gave for a friends
with benefits connection.
So if you think back to thedefinition that you gave it
(05:53):
earlier, let's see how closelymatched we are.
The first one pure sexualmotivation.
That was simple.
Some people just want to keepit physical, without all the
emotional attachment, nofeelings, no complications.
The second one is companionship.
Not everybody's looking for afull blown relationship, but
(06:15):
some still just want closenessand intimacy without all the
heavy shit.
I get it.
Number three relationshipsimplicity.
A lot of us are just over thedrama of traditional dating.
Friends with benefits is easy,low maintenance and stress free.
(06:35):
And number four avoidance ofcommitment.
There's the group that'sactively just dodging commitment
.
They want their freedom andthey do not want to deal with
romantic expectations.
It sounds a lot like beingoutside, doesn't it?
On paper, this sounds like acheat code for modern dating,
(06:55):
right?
No drama, no strings, justvibes.
Why are we all signing up?
Well, hold them up, swole themup.
Here's where it gets a littletricky.
A study found that friends withbenefits relationships don't
always stay in their lane.
Get this 26% stay in theirfriends with benefits
connections, 15% transition intoromantic relationships, 28%
(07:22):
went back to just being friendsand 31% they ended with no
relationship at all.
Nothing, Just a whole bunch offun times, I guess.
But let me pause for a second.
Almost a third of thesesituations fizzle out completely
.
No friendship, no connection,just two people who tried this
(07:46):
quote unquote easy arrangementand ended up with nothing.
So what does this mean for you?
It means that if you'reconsidering a friends with
benefits set up, you bettercheck your motives and get clear
on what it is you want, Becausewhile this may work for some
people, it's not all rainbowsand butterflies for everybody.
(08:09):
Now, before I get too ahead ofmyself, let's circle back.
At first glance, friends withbenefits seems like it could be
a win, but, as the old sayinggoes, silly rabbit tricks are
for kids.
So let's talk about why thissetup might not be as simple as
it seems.
The most eye opening part aboutdiscussing friends with
(08:36):
benefits is seeing how peopledefine it through their own
experiences.
Whenever I was asking thatgroup that I was with the
questions, their definition wasshaped by their past pain.
So it doesn't surprise me thatwhen I had this conversation
with Q, my strong reactionwasn't about the topic itself.
(08:56):
It was about my own history.
See for me, friends, whatbenefits is like diminished
value.
After years, I've spent learningmyself the thought of being
reduced to convenience stings.
I remember the struggle ofrebuilding myself after a
relationship ended, only todiscover that they were
(09:17):
entertaining somebody else theentire damn time.
Back then couldn't understandwhy this pattern kept repeating.
Why did I continue to meetemotionally unavailable partners
who loved the idea of me butdidn't truly love me?
Friends with benefits istriggering because it reminds me
of those times when I was leftwondering if I was the only one
(09:40):
who cared.
Moments like these shattered mysense of worth and always left
me questioning if I will evertruly be seen or if I'm just
fulfilling a fleeting desire.
Over time, I came to a hardtruth.
The pattern wasn't just in thepartners I chose.
I wasn't protecting myselfemotionally, which led to years
(10:03):
of me feeling unlovable, butthrough personal work and
self-reflection, though, itfeels like a bus stop on the way
to something else, like atemporary detour, rather than
investing in truly knowing theperson you're with.
(10:25):
Now let's fast forward to mymost recent relationship.
After 10 months of us datinglong distance, we decide to live
together.
She moves in, and y'all knowwhen it happens.
When you can feel them pullaway, they ain't got to say
nothing, but you can tell whenthe energy has switched up.
(10:46):
Conversations about the issueswe were having were often
deflected, leaving me to piecetogether the truth and instead
of waiting on her, I just endedthe shit, and not because of
anything negative toward her,but because of the value I
started to see in myself and thequestions I began to ask myself
(11:09):
, like does this relationship,do these feelings align with who
you are Now?
Walking away wasn't easy.
I was terrified, not onlybecause I cared about this
person, I cared about theirfamily, but because I had never
done it before.
But, as painful as it was, italso felt like reclaiming a part
(11:32):
of myself that I had lost inprevious relationships finally
being able to stand up formyself and to say the thing that
I was afraid of saying.
Which leads me to another layerof how I perceive friends with
benefits the emotionalentanglements we create, Because
through this whole conversationy'all friends with benefits, if
(11:55):
I'm assuming correctlytypically is a physical
connection.
Have y'all forgot about theshadow work, the baggage that we
carry within our spirit when welay with other people?
I believe there is an emotionalexchange.
You don't have to tell someoneyou love them, you don't have to
(12:16):
speak terms of endearment.
The brain doesn't know thedifference between a wife and a
side piece.
It just knows how it feels, theemotional bags we carry and the
baggage of others we inviteinto our lives.
When we share intimacy, we'resharing more than just physical
touch.
We intertwine energies, whichincludes our shadows.
(12:41):
This is also why I've learnedto be a little bit more
discerning.
See, intimacy isn't just an act.
It's an open gateway into yoursoul, and I've worked too damn
hard to let chaos just seep in.
I'm not saying friends withbenefits is inherently wrong,
(13:02):
but for me it's a trigger.
It stirs up memories of pastrelationships where I felt
hidden, convenient andundervalued.
My friend and I ultimatelyagreed to disagree, and that's
okay.
I ultimately agreed to disagree, and that's okay.
What the conversation taught me, though, was that my reaction
(13:24):
again wasn't about the subject.
It was about the wound, thewound that still existed.
The difference is that thosewounds no longer guide my
behavior.
They simply inform why I feelthe way I do.
This awareness allows me torespond internally and
(13:46):
intentionally rather thanimpulsively.
But here's the thing Justbecause it isn't right for me
doesn't mean it isn't right foryou.
It isn't right for me doesn'tmean it isn't right for you.
Is a friends with benefitsconnection right for you?
(14:07):
Before making any decision, takea moment to reflect deeply on
your feelings, circumstances andintentions.
And if you don't know where tostart, here are three crucial
questions that can guide yourself-inquiry.
Number one what are yourrelationship goals and
intentions?
And be honest with yourself.
(14:29):
Not what you think other peoplewant to hear, not what your
fear tells you could happenmight happen.
What are you truly looking forin a connection?
Are you seeking companionship,physical intimacy, emotional
support or something elseentirely?
Knowing your goals can help youalign your actions with what's
(14:53):
genuinely reserved for yourwell-being.
If your intentions are clear,it's easy to avoid situations
that lead to confusion and unmetexpectations.
Number two what are yourmotivations?
What's driving you?
While your goals define whatyou want, your motivations
(15:14):
reveal why.
Ask yourself are you enteringthis arrangement from a place of
confidence, self-love andcuriosity, or are you seeking
validation, trying to avoidloneliness or masking unresolved
wounds?
Understanding your why helpsyou differentiate between a
choice that aligns with yourhighest self or one driven by
(15:39):
temporary feelings as your lowervibration.
And number three how does thismake you feel?
Tune into your emotional andphysical responses when you
think about connection.
Does it bring excitement,curiosity and a sense of
possibility?
Do you feel uneasy, anxious orunsure?
(16:05):
Pay attention to those gutfeelings, not to judge the other
person, but so you can be thatresearcher for yourself.
There's often inner wisdomspeaking to you when these
feelings come up.
Your emotional clarity is acompass that can guide you
toward decisions rooted inself-respect and authenticity.
Now, if your answers to thosethree questions bring you
(16:30):
clarity, joy, peace, I love that.
I love that.
Keep doing more of that.
You are on the right path foryou.
But if your answers highlightdiscomfort, uncertainty or
unresolved pain, maybe it'sworth taking a step back to
(16:50):
reflect further.
Give yourself the space andgrace to explore these feelings
without judgment.
It might help to revisit thelast three episodes where we
delve into similar topics,especially those about
understanding your triggers,building boundaries, cultivating
self-awareness, packing yourbags, washing your face.
(17:15):
It's time for you to pause foryourself, Stop running from
yourself and sit with yourself.
So, when you come into thisnext season, you are making
choices that are serving you,not holding you back.
(17:36):
Have you ever been in a friendswith benefits situation?
If so, what were your motives?
How did it work out for you?
I'm interested.
I want you to share yourthoughts with me on Instagram
because I want to hear yourstory.
I got a post up and I wouldlove for you to leave your
comments to that Because,remember, at the end of the day,
the choice is yours, honey,Just make sure it really is your
(18:00):
choice, not a reaction to pain,fear or distraction pulling you
away from your authentic self.
When you operate from a placeof clarity, from a place of love
, you empower others to makedecisions that honor you where
you are and what you need, Dearlove.
(18:35):
Friends with benefits mightsound simple on the surface,
baby, but as we've unpackedtoday, it's anything but.
But as we've unpacked today,it's anything but.
For some it's a way to keepthings light and easy, but for
others it can stir up deeperquestions about self-worth,
boundaries and emotional safety.
The motives behind theseconnections, whether for
(18:58):
physical comfort, companionshipor avoiding commitment, are as
layered as the emotions they canbring up.
For me, this conversationopened up old wounds.
It reminded me of how much I'vegrown.
I used to settle for being aconvenience in someone's life,
thinking that was all I deserved, but through reflection and
(19:20):
self-work I've learned that trueintimacy isn't just physical.
It's an exchange of energy,trust and intention.
That's why I'm committed toconnections that honor my worth
and align with my values.
Anything less just ain't for me.
But this episode wasn't justabout my journey.
(19:43):
It's about you too.
If you're considering a friendswith benefits situation, ask
yourself what do you truly want?
Why am I drawn to this and howdoes it make me feel?
See your answers reveal what'sright for you.
And if it doesn't bring youpeace, if it doesn't bring you
(20:05):
peace, if it doesn't bring youclarity, well, love, maybe it's
worth reconsidering, Because atthe end of the day, your
relationship should feel likehome, not a pit stop or a detour
.
So choose connections that addto your life, not just a moment.
Choose connections that chooseyou, Because when you move with
(20:29):
intention and self-love, youopen the door to relationships
that are as fulfilling as youdeserve.
Thank you for spending timewith me today.
(21:04):
Love, this one got prettypersonal.
And don't forget to tune innext week where I change my mind
about all of this shit.
I know, I know.
Stay tuned.
And if this episode fed yourspirit and turned up your love
frequency, hit that subscribebutton so we can keep this
(21:24):
conversation growing.
Now, if you know someonenavigating a situation ship or
battling a friends with benefitssetup, send this episode to
them, just so they can givethemselves the clarity they need
.
But they do some dumb shit.
I'm sorry, I'm not judging.
We listen and we don't judge.
Okay, sometimes we do, becausewe believe here at Love
(21:47):
Frequency.
When you know you grow, I loveyou Bye.
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