September 10, 2023 • 17 mins
When faced with an awkward flirtation from a friend's spouse, how do you react? Taking a deep dive into this delicate situation, one of my dearest friends and I engage in a candid conversation about the importance of clear and direct communication within our friendships. We examine the critical role boundaries play and how such uncomfortable circumstances can become a springboard for personal growth.
As we sift through the nuances of this predicament, the significance of collecting all relevant information before forming judgments or dispensing advice becomes paramount. We ponder over various questions that not only help illuminate the situation but also pave the way for self-reflection and progress. By unpacking this intricate issue together, we hope to offer a fresh outlook on handling complicated scenarios and nurturing healthier relationships. Don't miss out on this enlightening discourse that promises to reframe your perspective!
: : WANT TO SEND THE SHOW A TEXT? : :
CLICK slide into our DMs to share how this episode made you feel.
: : C O N N E C T W I T H M E : :
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@l_vefrequency
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/l_vefrequency/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lvefrequency/
YouTube: coming soon
About Nia Blk: songwhip.com/niablk
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nia (00:01):
Hey friend, everything that feels good isn't always good
for you.
This week, I had theopportunity to catch up with one
of my personal close friends,who has a friend whose wife is
being a little too friendly.
Let's talk about it.
What would you do?
(00:24):
You are now tuning into LoveFrequency, where love grows, so
let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
We do that throughconversations like these that
(00:46):
inspire an increased level ofself-awareness.
I'm your host and love advocate, nia, and I've been told that
I'm that friend that you need totalk to, but you don't want to
talk to because you just don'twant to face your shit.
Well, welcome to the family andcongratulations on you finally
(01:06):
choosing you.
Hey friend, listen, it's been awhole week since we caught up.
I got so much to tell you andI'm so excited, so this story
I'm about to share with you.
Honey, let me give you somebackground before we dig in Now.
For those of you who are new toLove Frequency and are a part of
(01:27):
this relaunch that just tookplace, the whole format of the
show is changing, so I thought Iwould present the show in a
much more organic way.
Real talk, what we about totalk about.
This is exactly why my mind bedoing the things it do, why I
think the way I think because Iam inspired by people, by
(01:50):
interactions, by the way that weperceive love, and I've always
been fascinated by that, notjust with other people within my
own self, but sometimes a story, a conversation, will inspire
me to just dig a little bitdeeper and the lessons that come
(02:11):
from that I have always beenable to use it in my own life to
level up and to share thatinformation.
I feel like I grew the mostwhen I had people who challenged
me in a loving way and really,that's all that's it.
So take this ass open, man,quit tripping.
So listen, friend, I have thisreally amazing human being that
(02:34):
sits at my table and we're goingto talk about the table in a
whole, nother episode, but focus.
So this friend of mine we'vebeen friends.
I met her in 2012 and when Itell you, this person is a
reflection of me, at every phaseof my life, it has been so
(02:55):
beautiful to watch thisfriendship grow and manifest in
all of its dysfunction and glory, because every time, we may
have a disagreement and not talkfor a little bit or life
happens and we separate foryears.
Anytime we come back together,one is like no time has ever
(03:16):
left I know some of y'all have afriend like that and two, we
always realize that we never arewhere we were when we last
connected, and that is such abeautiful reflection.
I love knowing that my circle,my table, is full of people that
(03:36):
reflect back to me the parts ofme I love about myself.
This friend of mine sends me atext message and I think this
text must have come through itlike 10 some.
I got a question for you.
Now I know this friend.
One of the biggest things Iadore about this person is that
our communication is alwaysdirect and honest.
(03:58):
Honey, we have a mutual respectfor each other, but what that
does it allows us to mutually behonest and truthful.
So I know when she says she gota question, it ain't never
going to be a regular question.
So she reached out and herquestion was.
So the wife of one of mylongtime friends is flirting
(04:20):
with me.
Now I don't reciprocate any ofthese feelings and even if I did
, I value my friendship too muchto give it any energy.
So if you were in my shoes.
Would you one continue toignore it, like I've been doing?
Two, would you tell the friend?
(04:40):
Or three, would you check thechick, so I'ma pass it to y'all
before I give you this thoughtwater.
What would you do?
And while you're thinking aboutthat, if you have a story or a
(05:02):
question that you want to sharewith the Love Frequency show so
we can dig in deep, baby,because on this show, when you
know you grow, go ahead and sendyour question to Love Frequency
.
You can do that two ways.
One, you can email me andthat's L-V-E-F-R-E-Q at gmailcom
(05:22):
.
That's right, love freak atgmailcom.
I own it, it's mine.
The second way is you can inboxus on Facebook, tiktok or IG.
That means you got to follow uswhen you go out there too.
Okay, we have fun, we cut up, soI'ma see y'all on the other
side of this story.
So what would you do?
(05:48):
I ain't gonna hold my tongue.
She asked for it and she knowI'ma give it to her.
But I've grown up a lot and I'mless reactionary.
So first, if we go back to itand we look at what the question
is, right, I have a friend whofeels like the partner of their
good friend, their wife is beinginappropriate now my first
(06:14):
thought was I could jump rightinto Giving her advice.
We like to give advice withouthaving all the information or
asking the right damn questions,and when we do this we are
responding from our pain baby.
So I need a more context Then Ican decide where we're growing
(06:35):
from this conversation.
You know what I'm saying.
So my questions to her were Isyour assumption true?
If it's not true and you engageeither person, it could be
awful and potentially Harmful toyour friendship, and I know, I
know, that's not what you want.
If it is correct and I know myfriends, intuition is good so it
(06:58):
probably is.
I Got a few follow-up questions.
One are you in situations whereshe can flirt To?
How often are you alone withher?
Three when it happens, areothers around?
Four what have you contributedto the interactions?
(07:20):
Five how can you removeyourself from situations where
she can flirt?
Six do you like the attentionbut don't like the guilt?
Seven what we're bringingawareness to this situation?
(07:41):
Solve?
Now let's pause on thesequestions for a little bit,
because I know some y'all arelike dang.
There's some really goodquestions because they are, they
truly are.
But what happened, I feel likeand what her question allowed me
to be reflective on is.
I know my response would havebeen reactionary.
(08:01):
I would have jumped right intosolutions and I would have made
this whole conversation aboutwho the wife.
She shouldn't be doing that.
She's got a husband, but baby.
It's my friend who has thefeeling.
So what's?
My friend who has created thisnarrative.
It's also my friend who canchange this narrative.
(08:24):
So, in true fashion, my friendwas reflected for a little bit
and here's what she texts back.
So when I asked are you in asituation where she can flirt?
She said yes, I am.
I go see my friend often.
He's dealing with somethingpersonal.
That makes sense.
How often are you alone withher?
She said never alone, but sheflirts with me when maybe he
(08:49):
goes to another room.
But she also texts messages andwe're connected on social media
.
Okay, when it happens, areothers around?
She said just her children.
What have you contributed tothe interactions, dust?
I feel like when she said this,there was a hand gesture that
followed and a facial expressionwho, but friend?
(09:16):
We come back to this becauseI'm not sure about that one.
I'm not sure I'm callingbullshit.
I'm not saying intentionally,but unintentionally Definitely
calling bullshit.
How can you remove yourselffrom situations where she can
flirt?
She said no clue.
That's why I'm asking you I gotyou, boo, I got you.
(09:37):
Do you like the attention butdon't like the guilt?
And she said I'm alwaysflattered by attention, but that
doesn't mean I like her.
I will say this if I haven'tsaid it before.
If nothing else, my friend,this motherfucker, gonna be
honest Much respect, man, Iadore her so much.
(09:59):
And, lastly, what we're bringingawareness to this situation
solve Her response.
Bringing awareness would justmake things weird.
So what you're saying is keepignoring it.
She's so slick.
She's so slick.
I feel like people believe whatthey want to believe.
(10:19):
That's what that was.
She heard what she wanted tohear, because I know, my friend,
this is exactly what she'sgoing to do.
All in all, I think herresponses were very honest and I
can understand the perspectivethat she's coming from and where
she sits it's uncomfortable.
She is feeling uncomfortableand she doesn't want these
(10:40):
feelings of uncomfortable, butshe doesn't know how to maneuver
.
Now let's go back real quick.
You have a good friend of acouple decades.
They're going through somethingwhere you need to be there for
them in this time, so it's notlike you can just stop seeing
your friend, for you ignorantasses who suggested that as a
dang solution.
Come on, family, we ain't doingthat.
(11:00):
Let's be a little bit moreopen-minded, and I say that
because this is more aboutboundaries setting than
controlling somebody else'sactions.
If this truly makes youuncomfortable, to allow it to go
on, can send the wrong message.
The shit's simple.
Number one honey, block her onsocial media and your phone.
(11:24):
Number two she isn't your woman, so you don't have to explain
anything to her.
This really has nothing to dowith her.
This is more about youprotecting you and doing what
makes you feel good so that youcan be there for your friend,
which is number three I wouldexplain my decision to my friend
(11:45):
, just in case she brings it upto him and it doesn't look like
it's an issue again.
This sets a clear boundary, butout of respect for the
friendship.
Number four don't waver.
You hit it direct.
Five be honest.
He doesn't need to understandit and I don't think you should
(12:08):
over explain it, but if he'syour friend, then he'll respect
it.
There's a few moments of pauseand then you see those little
dots moving and she hit me backwith.
I think this is solid advice.
My favorite part is anexplanation to her is not needed
.
So I'm feeling really goodabout this, because I also feel
(12:31):
like the advice is man righteous.
Most folks won't take itbecause everybody wants to avoid
situations that they believe orperceive can create conflict or
create more uncomfortable.
However, I did check up with myfriend.
Y'all Wanted to see how thingswere going.
(12:53):
You know, if the situationironed itself out, I didn't know
what rabbit hole we were aboutto go down.
Y'all this seems so simple,right.
Honestly, I think when shefirst sent this text message, it
(13:19):
took me an entire day, maybe anevening, to respond, and the
reason why I didn't respondquickly is I did need time to
reflect.
I think immediately when thesescenarios come up, my first
reaction is just to respondbased on what I've been through,
and that's not always the rightmove.
(13:40):
And so I put myself in hershoes and I ran through it, and
as I was sitting there, Istarted thinking a couple of
things.
I do believe when somebody'sasking for advice, it is
important that you ask the rightquestions before inserting your
two cents, but because I knowmy value, I think instead I
(14:07):
approach it from a perspectiveof what am I really feeling and,
based on how I'm feeling, whatcan I control?
It's so easy to focus on theactions of other people and not
focus on what you might becontributing Using.
Ignoring someone can be worsethan telling them exactly how
(14:30):
you feel.
Sometimes, avoiding situationsthat cause you discomfort can
create greater discomfort,because really, it means you
don't yet know how to stand upfor yourself.
You don't know how to make thebest decisions for you, and
you're right Running away fromit.
(14:51):
Ignoring it could possiblymaybe solve it, but I think this
cycle, this pattern, hashappened more than once.
So let's set some boundariesand when we're setting those
boundaries for ourselves, notagainst other people, but for
(15:12):
self ensure that they're firm,don't waver.
How did you get yourself herein the first place Not having
firm boundaries?
This could have been dead along time ago.
I was told something fromsomeone and it really stuck with
me.
You teach people how they cantreat you, so I would say, be
(15:34):
very mindful, not just of thecompany you keep, but what you
allow.
As always, thank you forchecking in before you check out
.
This is the podcast where youcome empty believe, fool baby.
So if you like what you'veheard.
(15:57):
Please, if you could rank us onwhatever podcast platform you
might be listening to right now.
We are on Apple podcast,spotify, deezer, iheartradio,
audible I'm pretty sure we'reeverywhere where you can listen
to a podcast.
Go ahead, search love frequency, and right next to our name
(16:22):
you're going to see stars.
You're going to see a votingicon.
Go ahead and give us five.
Go ahead, it's okay, it's free.
We appreciate it.
And don't forget, if you have aquestion for us, if you have a
story you want to share, or ifyou want to respond to this
episode, what would you do?
What would you do differently?
Do you agree or disagree?
(16:43):
I'm open to all conversations,honey, as long as you know that
it goes two ways.
And don't forget, share thiswith one person you know who
needs to stop blaming otherpeople for the boundaries they
refuse to establish.
Until next time.
(17:05):
I love you.
Be good to you.
Hey friend, everything that feels good isn't always good
for you.
This week, I had theopportunity to catch up with one
of my personal close friends,who has a friend whose wife is
being a little too friendly.
Let's talk about it.
What would you do?
(00:24):
You are now tuning into LoveFrequency, where love grows, so
let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
We do that throughconversations like these that
(00:46):
inspire an increased level ofself-awareness.
I'm your host and love advocate, nia, and I've been told that
I'm that friend that you need totalk to, but you don't want to
talk to because you just don'twant to face your shit.
Well, welcome to the family andcongratulations on you finally
(01:06):
choosing you.
Hey friend, listen, it's been awhole week since we caught up.
I got so much to tell you andI'm so excited, so this story
I'm about to share with you.
Honey, let me give you somebackground before we dig in Now.
For those of you who are new toLove Frequency and are a part of
(01:27):
this relaunch that just tookplace, the whole format of the
show is changing, so I thought Iwould present the show in a
much more organic way.
Real talk, what we about totalk about.
This is exactly why my mind bedoing the things it do, why I
think the way I think because Iam inspired by people, by
(01:50):
interactions, by the way that weperceive love, and I've always
been fascinated by that, notjust with other people within my
own self, but sometimes a story, a conversation, will inspire
me to just dig a little bitdeeper and the lessons that come
(02:11):
from that I have always beenable to use it in my own life to
level up and to share thatinformation.
I feel like I grew the mostwhen I had people who challenged
me in a loving way and really,that's all that's it.
So take this ass open, man,quit tripping.
So listen, friend, I have thisreally amazing human being that
(02:34):
sits at my table and we're goingto talk about the table in a
whole, nother episode, but focus.
So this friend of mine we'vebeen friends.
I met her in 2012 and when Itell you, this person is a
reflection of me, at every phaseof my life, it has been so
(02:55):
beautiful to watch thisfriendship grow and manifest in
all of its dysfunction and glory, because every time, we may
have a disagreement and not talkfor a little bit or life
happens and we separate foryears.
Anytime we come back together,one is like no time has ever
(03:16):
left I know some of y'all have afriend like that and two, we
always realize that we never arewhere we were when we last
connected, and that is such abeautiful reflection.
I love knowing that my circle,my table, is full of people that
(03:36):
reflect back to me the parts ofme I love about myself.
This friend of mine sends me atext message and I think this
text must have come through itlike 10 some.
I got a question for you.
Now I know this friend.
One of the biggest things Iadore about this person is that
our communication is alwaysdirect and honest.
(03:58):
Honey, we have a mutual respectfor each other, but what that
does it allows us to mutually behonest and truthful.
So I know when she says she gota question, it ain't never
going to be a regular question.
So she reached out and herquestion was.
So the wife of one of mylongtime friends is flirting
(04:20):
with me.
Now I don't reciprocate any ofthese feelings and even if I did
, I value my friendship too muchto give it any energy.
So if you were in my shoes.
Would you one continue toignore it, like I've been doing?
Two, would you tell the friend?
(04:40):
Or three, would you check thechick, so I'ma pass it to y'all
before I give you this thoughtwater.
What would you do?
And while you're thinking aboutthat, if you have a story or a
(05:02):
question that you want to sharewith the Love Frequency show so
we can dig in deep, baby,because on this show, when you
know you grow, go ahead and sendyour question to Love Frequency
.
You can do that two ways.
One, you can email me andthat's L-V-E-F-R-E-Q at gmailcom
(05:22):
.
That's right, love freak atgmailcom.
I own it, it's mine.
The second way is you can inboxus on Facebook, tiktok or IG.
That means you got to follow uswhen you go out there too.
Okay, we have fun, we cut up, soI'ma see y'all on the other
side of this story.
So what would you do?
(05:48):
I ain't gonna hold my tongue.
She asked for it and she knowI'ma give it to her.
But I've grown up a lot and I'mless reactionary.
So first, if we go back to itand we look at what the question
is, right, I have a friend whofeels like the partner of their
good friend, their wife is beinginappropriate now my first
(06:14):
thought was I could jump rightinto Giving her advice.
We like to give advice withouthaving all the information or
asking the right damn questions,and when we do this we are
responding from our pain baby.
So I need a more context Then Ican decide where we're growing
(06:35):
from this conversation.
You know what I'm saying.
So my questions to her were Isyour assumption true?
If it's not true and you engageeither person, it could be
awful and potentially Harmful toyour friendship, and I know, I
know, that's not what you want.
If it is correct and I know myfriends, intuition is good so it
(06:58):
probably is.
I Got a few follow-up questions.
One are you in situations whereshe can flirt To?
How often are you alone withher?
Three when it happens, areothers around?
Four what have you contributedto the interactions?
(07:20):
Five how can you removeyourself from situations where
she can flirt?
Six do you like the attentionbut don't like the guilt?
Seven what we're bringingawareness to this situation?
(07:41):
Solve?
Now let's pause on thesequestions for a little bit,
because I know some y'all arelike dang.
There's some really goodquestions because they are, they
truly are.
But what happened, I feel likeand what her question allowed me
to be reflective on is.
I know my response would havebeen reactionary.
(08:01):
I would have jumped right intosolutions and I would have made
this whole conversation aboutwho the wife.
She shouldn't be doing that.
She's got a husband, but baby.
It's my friend who has thefeeling.
So what's?
My friend who has created thisnarrative.
It's also my friend who canchange this narrative.
(08:24):
So, in true fashion, my friendwas reflected for a little bit
and here's what she texts back.
So when I asked are you in asituation where she can flirt?
She said yes, I am.
I go see my friend often.
He's dealing with somethingpersonal.
That makes sense.
How often are you alone withher?
She said never alone, but sheflirts with me when maybe he
(08:49):
goes to another room.
But she also texts messages andwe're connected on social media
.
Okay, when it happens, areothers around?
She said just her children.
What have you contributed tothe interactions, dust?
I feel like when she said this,there was a hand gesture that
followed and a facial expressionwho, but friend?
(09:16):
We come back to this becauseI'm not sure about that one.
I'm not sure I'm callingbullshit.
I'm not saying intentionally,but unintentionally Definitely
calling bullshit.
How can you remove yourselffrom situations where she can
flirt?
She said no clue.
That's why I'm asking you I gotyou, boo, I got you.
(09:37):
Do you like the attention butdon't like the guilt?
And she said I'm alwaysflattered by attention, but that
doesn't mean I like her.
I will say this if I haven'tsaid it before.
If nothing else, my friend,this motherfucker, gonna be
honest Much respect, man, Iadore her so much.
(09:59):
And, lastly, what we're bringingawareness to this situation
solve Her response.
Bringing awareness would justmake things weird.
So what you're saying is keepignoring it.
She's so slick.
She's so slick.
I feel like people believe whatthey want to believe.
(10:19):
That's what that was.
She heard what she wanted tohear, because I know, my friend,
this is exactly what she'sgoing to do.
All in all, I think herresponses were very honest and I
can understand the perspectivethat she's coming from and where
she sits it's uncomfortable.
She is feeling uncomfortableand she doesn't want these
(10:40):
feelings of uncomfortable, butshe doesn't know how to maneuver
.
Now let's go back real quick.
You have a good friend of acouple decades.
They're going through somethingwhere you need to be there for
them in this time, so it's notlike you can just stop seeing
your friend, for you ignorantasses who suggested that as a
dang solution.
Come on, family, we ain't doingthat.
(11:00):
Let's be a little bit moreopen-minded, and I say that
because this is more aboutboundaries setting than
controlling somebody else'sactions.
If this truly makes youuncomfortable, to allow it to go
on, can send the wrong message.
The shit's simple.
Number one honey, block her onsocial media and your phone.
(11:24):
Number two she isn't your woman, so you don't have to explain
anything to her.
This really has nothing to dowith her.
This is more about youprotecting you and doing what
makes you feel good so that youcan be there for your friend,
which is number three I wouldexplain my decision to my friend
(11:45):
, just in case she brings it upto him and it doesn't look like
it's an issue again.
This sets a clear boundary, butout of respect for the
friendship.
Number four don't waver.
You hit it direct.
Five be honest.
He doesn't need to understandit and I don't think you should
(12:08):
over explain it, but if he'syour friend, then he'll respect
it.
There's a few moments of pauseand then you see those little
dots moving and she hit me backwith.
I think this is solid advice.
My favorite part is anexplanation to her is not needed
.
So I'm feeling really goodabout this, because I also feel
(12:31):
like the advice is man righteous.
Most folks won't take itbecause everybody wants to avoid
situations that they believe orperceive can create conflict or
create more uncomfortable.
However, I did check up with myfriend.
Y'all Wanted to see how thingswere going.
(12:53):
You know, if the situationironed itself out, I didn't know
what rabbit hole we were aboutto go down.
Y'all this seems so simple,right.
Honestly, I think when shefirst sent this text message, it
(13:19):
took me an entire day, maybe anevening, to respond, and the
reason why I didn't respondquickly is I did need time to
reflect.
I think immediately when thesescenarios come up, my first
reaction is just to respondbased on what I've been through,
and that's not always the rightmove.
(13:40):
And so I put myself in hershoes and I ran through it, and
as I was sitting there, Istarted thinking a couple of
things.
I do believe when somebody'sasking for advice, it is
important that you ask the rightquestions before inserting your
two cents, but because I knowmy value, I think instead I
(14:07):
approach it from a perspectiveof what am I really feeling and,
based on how I'm feeling, whatcan I control?
It's so easy to focus on theactions of other people and not
focus on what you might becontributing Using.
Ignoring someone can be worsethan telling them exactly how
(14:30):
you feel.
Sometimes, avoiding situationsthat cause you discomfort can
create greater discomfort,because really, it means you
don't yet know how to stand upfor yourself.
You don't know how to make thebest decisions for you, and
you're right Running away fromit.
(14:51):
Ignoring it could possiblymaybe solve it, but I think this
cycle, this pattern, hashappened more than once.
So let's set some boundariesand when we're setting those
boundaries for ourselves, notagainst other people, but for
(15:12):
self ensure that they're firm,don't waver.
How did you get yourself herein the first place Not having
firm boundaries?
This could have been dead along time ago.
I was told something fromsomeone and it really stuck with
me.
You teach people how they cantreat you, so I would say, be
(15:34):
very mindful, not just of thecompany you keep, but what you
allow.
As always, thank you forchecking in before you check out
.
This is the podcast where youcome empty believe, fool baby.
So if you like what you'veheard.
(15:57):
Please, if you could rank us onwhatever podcast platform you
might be listening to right now.
We are on Apple podcast,spotify, deezer, iheartradio,
audible I'm pretty sure we'reeverywhere where you can listen
to a podcast.
Go ahead, search love frequency, and right next to our name
(16:22):
you're going to see stars.
You're going to see a votingicon.
Go ahead and give us five.
Go ahead, it's okay, it's free.
We appreciate it.
And don't forget, if you have aquestion for us, if you have a
story you want to share, or ifyou want to respond to this
episode, what would you do?
What would you do differently?
Do you agree or disagree?
(16:43):
I'm open to all conversations,honey, as long as you know that
it goes two ways.
And don't forget, share thiswith one person you know who
needs to stop blaming otherpeople for the boundaries they
refuse to establish.
Until next time.
(17:05):
I love you.
Be good to you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.