February 19, 2025 • 19 mins
Episode Title: What Are You Really Searching For?
Release Date: February 19, 2025
Hey Love! 💖
Ever been in a conversation where you're excited about someone new, only to have them talk about their ex or past relationships before you’ve even had a chance to get to know them? Whew—why does that happen? And more importantly, why do we let it happen to ourselves?
In this episode of L_ve Frequency, we’re diving deep into the emotional baggage we unknowingly bring into new connections. We’re going to talk about the real reason you keep finding yourself in conversations centered around the past, even when you’re trying to focus on something new and exciting.
You know the type—when the ex talk creeps in, and suddenly, you're back at square one, trying to figure out if you're really looking for love or just seeking validation. So, let's unpack this, shall we?
In this episode, we discuss:
 • The Foundation of Connection: Why leading with your past in a new relationship doesn’t set you up for success—and how to stop doing it.
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Are you bringing your emotional growth into your new connections, or are you stuck in a cycle of rehashing old hurts? Let's break down how EQ can make all the difference.
• What Are You Really Searching For?: Are you seeking connection, or are you just trying to close old chapters you never finished? We’ll explore how to shift the conversation from your past to your potential.
By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why focusing on who you’re becoming instead of who you were can completely transform your dating game.
Key Takeaways:
• How focusing on the present instead of the past can create deeper connections.
• Why emotional intelligence is the key to breaking toxic patterns and moving forward.
• Simple ways to start conversations that build connection, not walls.
Resources Mentioned:
• APA Link on Psychotherapy
CTA
Did this episode hit you in the heart? I see you! If you loved it, please rate and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your feedback helps us spread the love and truth to others who need to hear it.
And don't forget to share this episode with someone who needs to stop dragging the past into their future. Trust me, they’ll thank you later. Because here at L_ve Frequency, we believe that when you know... you grow! 🌱
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, loves, if you are somebody who is struggling
with dating, then this episodemight just be for you.
See, I've recently startedputting myself back out there
with the hopes of buildingreally solid friendships that
eventually lead to a long-termpartnership, and what I'm
noticing is every single personthat I've met has lived with
(00:21):
their pain.
I know more about their ex thanI know about them in the first
one to three encounters, andit's got me so perplexed.
See, what I can't understand isSugar, are you really ready to
date, or are you usingconnections as the therapy you
(00:42):
aren't receiving?
Let me say that again Are wedating or is this therapy?
We gonna cut right to it?
Come on, dj, play my music.
You are now tuning in to LoveFrequency.
Where love grows, so let's go.
(01:02):
Grows, so let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
I'm your host and favorite loveadvocate, nya, here to guide
you through the journey ofbreaking toxic patterns and
embracing your highest self.
(01:23):
On this podcast, we believethat love is not the problem,
honey, you are.
That's why, every Wednesday, weask the tough questions, dive
deep into the root of the issueand offer tools to help you get
out of your own way.
If you're loving what you hear,hit that subscribe button so
you never miss an episode.
(01:43):
And don't be shy, rate andreview the podcast to help us
spread the love and the truth,because when you know, you grow.
So let's talk about thesefoundations that we're building,
the foundation of ourconnections.
That we're building thefoundation of our connections,
(02:09):
just as it is important to havea solid foundation on any home
you build.
When you meet somebody new, thefoundation of that relationship
is crucial.
The choices you make early onset the tone for what's to come.
Now hear me.
Well, I'm not saying you needto hide your past, but, baby,
why would you lead with it?
Why would you share detailsabout your ex with somebody
(02:30):
you've barely begun to know?
What's the goal?
Think about it this way whenyou start a new job, do you
spend the first 30 days talkingabout the old one?
Or when you're unwrapping giftsfrom someone you love, do you
focus on what someone else gaveyou last year?
Or, better yet, when you showertoday, do you put back on the
(02:54):
clothes you wore yesterday?
Of course the fuck not.
So why doesn't this mindsetshift when it comes to
relationships, when it comes tobuilding solid foundations
Before I understood theimportance of boundaries, met
somebody online.
We started chatting and, as mybirthday was approaching, I
(03:15):
invited this person to hang outwith me because I didn't have
any plans.
We ended up spending I don'twant to admit the number.
We ended up spending eighthours talking, but the entire
time that entire eight hoursexcept for a few seconds in the
beginning for the hellos theconversation revolved around her
(03:38):
last relationship.
Now I know I could have stoppedthat conversation at any point.
I also recognize that my ownlove frequency kicked in.
I wanted to be a support systembecause I could also see she
was hurting In her vulnerability.
She needed somebody to talk to,and I was there.
(03:58):
But here's the thing Two thingscan be true.
At the same time, while I wasthere for her, I also realized
that her emotional state meantthat there could be no room for
me.
And what stuck with me the mostwas this why did she feel so
damn comfortable spending eighthours rehashing her past with a
(04:20):
complete, stranger past?
What a complete stranger.
I take the responsibility formy role in allowing the space,
but it still left me questioningwhen you meet somebody new, why
not focus on them?
Why does the old version of youseem to dominate new spaces
(04:40):
that you're stepping into?
Can you not read the room honey?
Not read the room honey?
Now let me be clear.
Sharing your past is notinherently bad.
I know that it can buildintimacy, but let's be real.
When you meet somebody new, areyour words and action those of
somebody ready to build orsomebody that's still healing,
(05:04):
and that's okay?
But that's a real ass questionyou should be asking.
Are you creating a foundationfor a new relationship or
unintentionally dragging theweight of your past into the
present?
I have been having thisconversation with my therapist
in therapy, with my good friends.
I've even been having thisconversation, if I can be real
(05:31):
with people I've been talking to, because I think this brings up
a deeper conversation ofemotional intelligence.
For anybody who's unfamiliar.
It's the ability to recognize,understand and manage your own
emotions while navigatingrelationships with empathy and
awareness.
So there's four areas, or fourcore elements of emotional
intelligence, and when I firstlearned about this it was
(05:53):
actually in business.
We had to take a course for oneof our professional development
classes and I tend to find andI know I've spoke about this
before a lot of correlation insome of these business
professional developmentworkshops, I find a direct
correlation with that in love,and so I always go, wow, if this
is good for business, this isgood for relationships, because
(06:16):
a relationship really is anemotional business agreement.
So the first element isself-awareness.
Do you know how your emotionsinfluence your words and your
actions, and not only that?
Can you step back and ask am Ishowing up as somebody ready to
build?
That's self-awareness, beingable to be self-reflective,
(06:41):
introspective?
Now, it doesn't do us good justto know ourselves real, real
well, but we have to engage withother people as homeo sapiens
on this planet.
So self-regulation asks can youcontrol emotional impulses or
are you unloading yourunresolved pain onto someone who
(07:03):
ain't asked for it?
That ain't fair.
This also speaks to can youcontrol your feelings?
Can you process your feelingswhen you're feeling them?
Because then this shows up asthe third element, which is
(07:23):
social awareness.
So if you have self-awarenessand you know how to
self-regulate when you getaround other people, are you
considering how your emotionalbaggage might impact another
person?
Social awareness is how younavigate yourself in this world.
And just imagine if you haven'tbeen working on those first
three the number four,relationship management is
(07:47):
almost impossible.
When I truly reflect on all ofmy past relationships, I would
say 99.9% of them failed becauseat some point both parties
didn't really have high EQ.
Now I've dated somemotherfuckers with high IQs high
(08:07):
EQ.
Now I've dated somemotherfuckers with high IQs.
I myself would consider mebeing somebody with a high IQ,
but my EQ was crazy low.
Because relationship managementasks are you focusing on
building trust and connection orare you intentionally or
unintentionally creatingdistance by centering this
connection around your pain?
Take a moment to reflect.
If you were the person on thereceiving end of your energy,
(08:31):
would you feel safe and excitedabout building with yourself, or
would you feel like you werecarrying somebody else's heavy
ass bags?
Now here's the thing Mostpeople don't show up to these
conversations with deepreflection.
When they vent about their exes, when you're venting about your
past, they're not unpackinglessons.
(08:53):
They're venting, which is,they're analyzing somebody
else's behavior, or they'reseeking validation for what
somebody did to them.
But here's the uncomfortabletruth Growth isn't about what
others did to you.
It's about what you've donewith the experience.
There was a recent study thatsaid about 75% of people who
(09:16):
engage in some sort of therapyor help report significant
improvement in their emotionalhealth.
There's life coaches, mentors,spirit guides, witch doctors,
pastors.
They can all play a huge rolein helping you process your
emotions and make sense ofdifferent ways to process your
(09:37):
pain in a constructive way.
But often people bypass thesetools and just carry unresolved
wounds into their nextrelationship.
There's even a tool that willhelp you see where you are with
emotional intelligence a ratingscale.
I'm going to share it withy'all a little bit later because
we are actually going to reallydig into the EQ.
(10:00):
I think it is so important aswe step into this next season to
have those tools.
So I'm not just teasing them,we're going to talk about them,
but they can really help youmeasure and understand where you
are now.
But I will leave you with thiswhat would it look like if you
invested in understandingyourself on a deeper level
(10:22):
before seeking a connection withsomebody?
On a deeper level, beforeseeking a connection with
somebody, what would it be ifyou sat with those emotions that
you're feeling, that are in thepresent, that show up every
time you meet a new connection?
What if you sat with those andyou asked yourself what does
this tell me about me?
Because here's the truth.
The person you're dating oryou're getting to know should
(10:44):
benefit from your growth, notbear the burden of your unhealed
wounds.
You should not be going intothese connections bleeding on
others emotionally.
No one should have to heal whatthey didn't hurt.
Now, if you took a step backand you looked at your actions
objectively, what would they sayabout you?
(11:06):
Are you truly ready to buildwith somebody new, or are you
still trapped in what was?
So?
Let me ask you again what areyou really searching for?
If your answer is to build, whyare you holding so tightly to
the past?
(11:26):
Are you dating to connect, orare you seeking closure that you
truly never gave yourself?
So let's break this down.
When you meet somebody, theconversations you have set the
tone for what you're building.
So here's a few meaningfulconversation starters that focus
(11:47):
on discovery rather thandestruction.
Instead of asking, well, whathappened in your past
relationship, maybe try what'sthe greatest lesson you've
learned about love so far, andthen share your own, and then
(12:09):
share your own.
This lesson is about growth.
This conversation focuses onthe growth and not about what
your ex should have learned orwhat your ex should have done or
how about, instead of ventingabout how your last relationship
wronged.
You ask the other person what'ssomething you're passionate
about right now and then shareyour own passions.
It's a different way to connect, because we're sharing joy
(12:33):
rather than looking for ways tocreate shared pain.
Or instead of pointing out howthis person reminds you of your
ex and yes, you would besurprised at how often this
happens to me ask them when'sthe last time you laughed so
hard you cried and then shareyours, because shared laughter
(12:56):
is a beautiful bridge tointimacy.
You can ask about their dreams.
What's something that you'vealways wanted to do but haven't
started yet?
Dreams spark curiosity andinspire growth.
Oh, a good one.
Discuss your values.
You could ask what's one valueyou hold that shapes the way you
(13:18):
navigate relationships.
Sharing values revealsalignment or misalignment Early
on.
We're asking questions that aresetting better foundations.
Doesn't this already feel good?
Don't you already feel like, ifyou knew this amount of
information about Naya, youwould have such a better
(13:38):
foundation of who I was and whoyou were connecting with and who
you were allowing into yourspace?
Reframe vulnerability.
As I've said before, there'snothing wrong with sharing what
you've been through, but insteadof asking what's hurt you in
the past, ask what's a moment ofvulnerability that helped you
(13:59):
grow?
This keeps the conversationforward, focused and reflective,
because here's the truth.
Every time you center the pastin your pain, you rob yourself
of the opportunity to experiencethe present.
You miss the chance to seewhat's standing right in front
of you and to let somebody seewho you really are.
(14:21):
The glow you're searching forin somebody else, the chemistry,
the vibe it starts in you, butyou've dimmed your light, baby,
and it's dim so low becauseyou're holding on to the hurt
and the resentment or thevalidation you never got.
Ask yourself this once againAre you seeking connection or
(14:46):
are you seeking to be seen as avictim of your past and most of
you?
This question pisses you off.
I know that's not what you'reaiming for.
I know what you really want isfor somebody just to understand,
for somebody just to get it andnot hurt you again or repeat
the same damn pattern.
I get it, believe me.
But, baby, this is individualwork and maybe, if these
(15:12):
questions are frustrating you,maybe it's not time to date,
maybe it's time to heal, andthat's okay.
This is where therapy,self-reflection, intentional
growth, where they all come intoplay.
Therapy isn't a last resort,it's a first step.
Do you know that individualswho invest in therapy report
(15:34):
higher levels of self-awarenessand healthier relationships?
So this isn't just aboutfinding somebody to talk to.
It's about finding yourself.
So let's be honest Each timeyou bring up what was, you place
a brick between yourself andwhat could be.
You're building the wall, youlimit the possibility of
(15:58):
building something meaningfulwith the other person and you
leave them out.
Relationships aren't built onregret or comparison.
They're built on shared hope,understanding and a mutual
commitment for growth.
So what are you reallysearching for?
Love, because if you're lookingfor a fresh start, you got to
(16:20):
stop dragging yesterday intotoday.
Dear love, you are not yourpast baby, but sometimes I see
you holding on to it so tightlythat it shapes how you show up
in your right now.
You've packed and repacked youremotional bags, but instead of
(16:45):
unpacking them, you carry themsomehow into your new
connections.
You are leading with old woundswhen you should be leading with
your light.
No one deserves to bear theweight of what they didn't break
.
Relationships aren't built onregret, comparison or venting
about what went.
Relationships aren't built onregret, comparison or venting
about what went wrong.
(17:06):
They're built on discovery,curiosity and shared hope and,
honestly, when you meet some ofus, gosh, we don't deserve it.
We just want to get to know you.
We just want to get to know you.
So let me remind you your pastis a teacher, but it's not a
(17:26):
life sentence.
So it's okay to reflect, but itis time to shift your focus,
boo.
Instead of centering oldstories, create space for new
ones.
Share your lessons, but notyour losses.
Lead with your values, yourdreams and the joys that make
you feel alive.
(17:46):
When you do, you invite thesame from others, and that's
where real connection begins.
Love healing isn't about waitingfor somebody to see your scars
and say I understand.
It's about doing the work tounderstand yourself.
It's about growing into theperson you needed when you were
(18:07):
hurting, and let that version ofyou shine.
It's your turn.
You are worthy of love thatdoesn't carry the weight of what
was.
You are worthy of a connectionthat is built on the beauty of
what could be.
So I'm going to ask you one moreagain what are you really
(18:27):
searching for?
Is it a fresh start?
If so, let go of yesterday, andI want you to lean in with your
full chest into today.
Hey, love, thank you forhanging out with me again.
Now I know I have some trust torebuild, but look, it's already
(18:52):
episode three.
We coming in hot and it onlygets better from here.
I wasn't playing.
I want to talk about your ex.
I want to to talk about you.
A lot of you tripping, and nextweek we are diving into a juicy
one Friends with benefits Is itreally ever that simple?
Well, shit, let's talk about it.
(19:12):
And if this episode fed yourspirit and turned up your love
frequency, go ahead and hit thatsubscribe button so we can keep
growing together and don't keepall this good love to yourself.
Share it with somebody whoneeds to stop dating and start
healing, because here at LoveFrequency, you know what it is
(19:37):
we believe when you know yougrow.
I love you.
Hey, loves, if you are somebody who is struggling
with dating, then this episodemight just be for you.
See, I've recently startedputting myself back out there
with the hopes of buildingreally solid friendships that
eventually lead to a long-termpartnership, and what I'm
noticing is every single personthat I've met has lived with
(00:21):
their pain.
I know more about their ex thanI know about them in the first
one to three encounters, andit's got me so perplexed.
See, what I can't understand isSugar, are you really ready to
date, or are you usingconnections as the therapy you
(00:42):
aren't receiving?
Let me say that again Are wedating or is this therapy?
We gonna cut right to it?
Come on, dj, play my music.
You are now tuning in to LoveFrequency.
Where love grows, so let's go.
(01:02):
Grows, so let's go.
Welcome to Love Frequency, thepodcast that helps you transform
your pain into power.
I'm your host and favorite loveadvocate, nya, here to guide
you through the journey ofbreaking toxic patterns and
embracing your highest self.
(01:23):
On this podcast, we believethat love is not the problem,
honey, you are.
That's why, every Wednesday, weask the tough questions, dive
deep into the root of the issueand offer tools to help you get
out of your own way.
If you're loving what you hear,hit that subscribe button so
you never miss an episode.
(01:43):
And don't be shy, rate andreview the podcast to help us
spread the love and the truth,because when you know, you grow.
So let's talk about thesefoundations that we're building,
the foundation of ourconnections.
That we're building thefoundation of our connections,
(02:09):
just as it is important to havea solid foundation on any home
you build.
When you meet somebody new, thefoundation of that relationship
is crucial.
The choices you make early onset the tone for what's to come.
Now hear me.
Well, I'm not saying you needto hide your past, but, baby,
why would you lead with it?
Why would you share detailsabout your ex with somebody
(02:30):
you've barely begun to know?
What's the goal?
Think about it this way whenyou start a new job, do you
spend the first 30 days talkingabout the old one?
Or when you're unwrapping giftsfrom someone you love, do you
focus on what someone else gaveyou last year?
Or, better yet, when you showertoday, do you put back on the
(02:54):
clothes you wore yesterday?
Of course the fuck not.
So why doesn't this mindsetshift when it comes to
relationships, when it comes tobuilding solid foundations
Before I understood theimportance of boundaries, met
somebody online.
We started chatting and, as mybirthday was approaching, I
(03:15):
invited this person to hang outwith me because I didn't have
any plans.
We ended up spending I don'twant to admit the number.
We ended up spending eighthours talking, but the entire
time that entire eight hoursexcept for a few seconds in the
beginning for the hellos theconversation revolved around her
(03:38):
last relationship.
Now I know I could have stoppedthat conversation at any point.
I also recognize that my ownlove frequency kicked in.
I wanted to be a support systembecause I could also see she
was hurting In her vulnerability.
She needed somebody to talk to,and I was there.
(03:58):
But here's the thing Two thingscan be true.
At the same time, while I wasthere for her, I also realized
that her emotional state meantthat there could be no room for
me.
And what stuck with me the mostwas this why did she feel so
damn comfortable spending eighthours rehashing her past with a
(04:20):
complete, stranger past?
What a complete stranger.
I take the responsibility formy role in allowing the space,
but it still left me questioningwhen you meet somebody new, why
not focus on them?
Why does the old version of youseem to dominate new spaces
(04:40):
that you're stepping into?
Can you not read the room honey?
Not read the room honey?
Now let me be clear.
Sharing your past is notinherently bad.
I know that it can buildintimacy, but let's be real.
When you meet somebody new, areyour words and action those of
somebody ready to build orsomebody that's still healing,
(05:04):
and that's okay?
But that's a real ass questionyou should be asking.
Are you creating a foundationfor a new relationship or
unintentionally dragging theweight of your past into the
present?
I have been having thisconversation with my therapist
in therapy, with my good friends.
I've even been having thisconversation, if I can be real
(05:31):
with people I've been talking to, because I think this brings up
a deeper conversation ofemotional intelligence.
For anybody who's unfamiliar.
It's the ability to recognize,understand and manage your own
emotions while navigatingrelationships with empathy and
awareness.
So there's four areas, or fourcore elements of emotional
intelligence, and when I firstlearned about this it was
(05:53):
actually in business.
We had to take a course for oneof our professional development
classes and I tend to find andI know I've spoke about this
before a lot of correlation insome of these business
professional developmentworkshops, I find a direct
correlation with that in love,and so I always go, wow, if this
is good for business, this isgood for relationships, because
(06:16):
a relationship really is anemotional business agreement.
So the first element isself-awareness.
Do you know how your emotionsinfluence your words and your
actions, and not only that?
Can you step back and ask am Ishowing up as somebody ready to
build?
That's self-awareness, beingable to be self-reflective,
(06:41):
introspective?
Now, it doesn't do us good justto know ourselves real, real
well, but we have to engage withother people as homeo sapiens
on this planet.
So self-regulation asks can youcontrol emotional impulses or
are you unloading yourunresolved pain onto someone who
(07:03):
ain't asked for it?
That ain't fair.
This also speaks to can youcontrol your feelings?
Can you process your feelingswhen you're feeling them?
Because then this shows up asthe third element, which is
(07:23):
social awareness.
So if you have self-awarenessand you know how to
self-regulate when you getaround other people, are you
considering how your emotionalbaggage might impact another
person?
Social awareness is how younavigate yourself in this world.
And just imagine if you haven'tbeen working on those first
three the number four,relationship management is
(07:47):
almost impossible.
When I truly reflect on all ofmy past relationships, I would
say 99.9% of them failed becauseat some point both parties
didn't really have high EQ.
Now I've dated somemotherfuckers with high IQs high
(08:07):
EQ.
Now I've dated somemotherfuckers with high IQs.
I myself would consider mebeing somebody with a high IQ,
but my EQ was crazy low.
Because relationship managementasks are you focusing on
building trust and connection orare you intentionally or
unintentionally creatingdistance by centering this
connection around your pain?
Take a moment to reflect.
If you were the person on thereceiving end of your energy,
(08:31):
would you feel safe and excitedabout building with yourself, or
would you feel like you werecarrying somebody else's heavy
ass bags?
Now here's the thing Mostpeople don't show up to these
conversations with deepreflection.
When they vent about their exes, when you're venting about your
past, they're not unpackinglessons.
(08:53):
They're venting, which is,they're analyzing somebody
else's behavior, or they'reseeking validation for what
somebody did to them.
But here's the uncomfortabletruth Growth isn't about what
others did to you.
It's about what you've donewith the experience.
There was a recent study thatsaid about 75% of people who
(09:16):
engage in some sort of therapyor help report significant
improvement in their emotionalhealth.
There's life coaches, mentors,spirit guides, witch doctors,
pastors.
They can all play a huge rolein helping you process your
emotions and make sense ofdifferent ways to process your
(09:37):
pain in a constructive way.
But often people bypass thesetools and just carry unresolved
wounds into their nextrelationship.
There's even a tool that willhelp you see where you are with
emotional intelligence a ratingscale.
I'm going to share it withy'all a little bit later because
we are actually going to reallydig into the EQ.
(10:00):
I think it is so important aswe step into this next season to
have those tools.
So I'm not just teasing them,we're going to talk about them,
but they can really help youmeasure and understand where you
are now.
But I will leave you with thiswhat would it look like if you
invested in understandingyourself on a deeper level
(10:22):
before seeking a connection withsomebody?
On a deeper level, beforeseeking a connection with
somebody, what would it be ifyou sat with those emotions that
you're feeling, that are in thepresent, that show up every
time you meet a new connection?
What if you sat with those andyou asked yourself what does
this tell me about me?
Because here's the truth.
The person you're dating oryou're getting to know should
(10:44):
benefit from your growth, notbear the burden of your unhealed
wounds.
You should not be going intothese connections bleeding on
others emotionally.
No one should have to heal whatthey didn't hurt.
Now, if you took a step backand you looked at your actions
objectively, what would they sayabout you?
(11:06):
Are you truly ready to buildwith somebody new, or are you
still trapped in what was?
So?
Let me ask you again what areyou really searching for?
If your answer is to build, whyare you holding so tightly to
the past?
(11:26):
Are you dating to connect, orare you seeking closure that you
truly never gave yourself?
So let's break this down.
When you meet somebody, theconversations you have set the
tone for what you're building.
So here's a few meaningfulconversation starters that focus
(11:47):
on discovery rather thandestruction.
Instead of asking, well, whathappened in your past
relationship, maybe try what'sthe greatest lesson you've
learned about love so far, andthen share your own, and then
(12:09):
share your own.
This lesson is about growth.
This conversation focuses onthe growth and not about what
your ex should have learned orwhat your ex should have done or
how about, instead of ventingabout how your last relationship
wronged.
You ask the other person what'ssomething you're passionate
about right now and then shareyour own passions.
It's a different way to connect, because we're sharing joy
(12:33):
rather than looking for ways tocreate shared pain.
Or instead of pointing out howthis person reminds you of your
ex and yes, you would besurprised at how often this
happens to me ask them when'sthe last time you laughed so
hard you cried and then shareyours, because shared laughter
(12:56):
is a beautiful bridge tointimacy.
You can ask about their dreams.
What's something that you'vealways wanted to do but haven't
started yet?
Dreams spark curiosity andinspire growth.
Oh, a good one.
Discuss your values.
You could ask what's one valueyou hold that shapes the way you
(13:18):
navigate relationships.
Sharing values revealsalignment or misalignment Early
on.
We're asking questions that aresetting better foundations.
Doesn't this already feel good?
Don't you already feel like, ifyou knew this amount of
information about Naya, youwould have such a better
(13:38):
foundation of who I was and whoyou were connecting with and who
you were allowing into yourspace?
Reframe vulnerability.
As I've said before, there'snothing wrong with sharing what
you've been through, but insteadof asking what's hurt you in
the past, ask what's a moment ofvulnerability that helped you
(13:59):
grow?
This keeps the conversationforward, focused and reflective,
because here's the truth.
Every time you center the pastin your pain, you rob yourself
of the opportunity to experiencethe present.
You miss the chance to seewhat's standing right in front
of you and to let somebody seewho you really are.
(14:21):
The glow you're searching forin somebody else, the chemistry,
the vibe it starts in you, butyou've dimmed your light, baby,
and it's dim so low becauseyou're holding on to the hurt
and the resentment or thevalidation you never got.
Ask yourself this once againAre you seeking connection or
(14:46):
are you seeking to be seen as avictim of your past and most of
you?
This question pisses you off.
I know that's not what you'reaiming for.
I know what you really want isfor somebody just to understand,
for somebody just to get it andnot hurt you again or repeat
the same damn pattern.
I get it, believe me.
But, baby, this is individualwork and maybe, if these
(15:12):
questions are frustrating you,maybe it's not time to date,
maybe it's time to heal, andthat's okay.
This is where therapy,self-reflection, intentional
growth, where they all come intoplay.
Therapy isn't a last resort,it's a first step.
Do you know that individualswho invest in therapy report
(15:34):
higher levels of self-awarenessand healthier relationships?
So this isn't just aboutfinding somebody to talk to.
It's about finding yourself.
So let's be honest Each timeyou bring up what was, you place
a brick between yourself andwhat could be.
You're building the wall, youlimit the possibility of
(15:58):
building something meaningfulwith the other person and you
leave them out.
Relationships aren't built onregret or comparison.
They're built on shared hope,understanding and a mutual
commitment for growth.
So what are you reallysearching for?
Love, because if you're lookingfor a fresh start, you got to
(16:20):
stop dragging yesterday intotoday.
Dear love, you are not yourpast baby, but sometimes I see
you holding on to it so tightlythat it shapes how you show up
in your right now.
You've packed and repacked youremotional bags, but instead of
(16:45):
unpacking them, you carry themsomehow into your new
connections.
You are leading with old woundswhen you should be leading with
your light.
No one deserves to bear theweight of what they didn't break
.
Relationships aren't built onregret, comparison or venting
about what went.
Relationships aren't built onregret, comparison or venting
about what went wrong.
(17:06):
They're built on discovery,curiosity and shared hope and,
honestly, when you meet some ofus, gosh, we don't deserve it.
We just want to get to know you.
We just want to get to know you.
So let me remind you your pastis a teacher, but it's not a
(17:26):
life sentence.
So it's okay to reflect, but itis time to shift your focus,
boo.
Instead of centering oldstories, create space for new
ones.
Share your lessons, but notyour losses.
Lead with your values, yourdreams and the joys that make
you feel alive.
(17:46):
When you do, you invite thesame from others, and that's
where real connection begins.
Love healing isn't about waitingfor somebody to see your scars
and say I understand.
It's about doing the work tounderstand yourself.
It's about growing into theperson you needed when you were
(18:07):
hurting, and let that version ofyou shine.
It's your turn.
You are worthy of love thatdoesn't carry the weight of what
was.
You are worthy of a connectionthat is built on the beauty of
what could be.
So I'm going to ask you one moreagain what are you really
(18:27):
searching for?
Is it a fresh start?
If so, let go of yesterday, andI want you to lean in with your
full chest into today.
Hey, love, thank you forhanging out with me again.
Now I know I have some trust torebuild, but look, it's already
(18:52):
episode three.
We coming in hot and it onlygets better from here.
I wasn't playing.
I want to talk about your ex.
I want to to talk about you.
A lot of you tripping, and nextweek we are diving into a juicy
one Friends with benefits Is itreally ever that simple?
Well, shit, let's talk about it.
(19:12):
And if this episode fed yourspirit and turned up your love
frequency, go ahead and hit thatsubscribe button so we can keep
growing together and don't keepall this good love to yourself.
Share it with somebody whoneeds to stop dating and start
healing, because here at LoveFrequency, you know what it is
(19:37):
we believe when you know yougrow.
I love you.
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