September 3, 2023 • 24 mins
Ever wonder why we often shun the very thing that could bring us relief - healing? We're taking you on a transformative journey to uncover the truth behind this paradox in our latest podcast episode, where we dissect the reasons why we dodge healing, and how these barriers limit our personal growth. We're peeling back the layers of self-avoidance and distraction, aiding you to discover your innate power that has been stifled by pain. Join us as we journey back to the creation of Love Frequency, a beacon in my personal battle against loss, that has since morphed into a platform helping others metamorphose their heartache into fortitude.
We'll then divert our conversation towards the 70-20-10 model of learning, and its profound implications in our healing journey. We'll debunk the concept of intellectualizing as a distraction, and shed light on the importance of personal experiences, interactions with others, and novel experiences as catalysts for true growth and healing. This episode culminates in a discussion about embracing love as the ultimate answer to our woes, and how investing in oneself could open doors to your highest, freest, and unedited self. We're challenging you to take control of your healing journey, to find your power, and to share this journey, because at the end of the day, your story could be the lifeline someone else is desperately seeking.
--------- EPISODE CHAPTERS ---------
- 0:00 The Avoidance of Healing
- 9:54 The Impact of Distractions on Healing
- 22:42 Embracing Love and Self-Transformation
--------- EPISODE RESOURCES ---------
70-20-10 Model
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why do we avoid healing?
As I was thinking back on thecreation of love frequency, it
seemed to be the case that I hadto go through what I thought
was extreme loss to even startlooking at myself, and while I
am extremely thankful formoments where growth is possible
, it's also a great opportunityto be reflective and ask
(00:23):
ourselves why does it take painand loss and sadness for us to
fix our damn face?
Why do we avoid healing?
You are now tuning into lovefrequency where love grows.
So let's go.
It's our anniversary hey,anniversary, listen.
(00:55):
Love frequency turns threeyears old today, and while we
haven't been consistent withthis, we ain't going to give up
on this, because I will nevergive up on love.
I think sometimes we need totake time for things to
cultivate.
You know, good wine takes years, and so in these moments of
(01:21):
pause, I've been able to pullback and really look at the
purpose and intention of lovefrequency.
I do think what we have is agood thing here, but there was
opportunity for expansion.
So as we come back andcelebrate three years, y'all we
are also bringing a new format,new guests, new energy and new
(01:47):
opportunity for us to connectvirtually and in person, but
we'll talk about all that alittle bit later, but first for
those who are new and for thosewho've been rocking with love
frequency for a little bit nowand maybe you've been rocking
with us for the entire threeyears First I want to say thank
you and I love you.
(02:07):
This podcast started because ofa breakup.
Yes, it sure did.
I remember during this time Ihad reached out to a couple
motherfucks for support you know, community, right but found
that nobody had the time or thatI didn't have the community I
(02:29):
thought I had.
I felt alone and defeatedbecause I had let myself let
another relationship define meas a motherfucking person.
Listen, in the absence ofcommunity, I decided what many
of us do I'm going to fix myself.
I'm going to fix myself so Ican stop going through this,
(02:50):
right, because we always assumethe problem is us.
The timing was actually perfect, though, y'all, because we were
well into the pandemic.
It was around that time wherepeople were really forced to sit
with their own shit, so all Icould do was sit with my own
(03:11):
shit, and all that time inisolation brought up a lot of
pain, y'all, and I know some ofyou can relate.
Some days, all I could do wascry.
And on the days I couldn't cryanymore I don't know why, but I
danced.
I would play music and I wouldallow myself to just move.
(03:35):
I would let the vibration feedme.
It wasn't about how I lookeddoing the dance, but it was how
I felt doing the dance.
That became a consistentpractice, so much so I started
calling them soul breaks.
And then I became brazen enoughin this opinionated ass world
(03:56):
to share those on social media.
And other people were vibingtoo, and it was such a beautiful
thing.
And during one of these soulbreaks I remember something
stopped me in mid-step and I hada thought that felt audible.
What I heard was do everythingwith love or do nothing.
(04:20):
If you do this simple thing, Iwill give you everything.
Y'all.
That shit was so real.
I lost feeling in my legs and Ifell to the ground and, of
course, my good cryin ass.
I was crying, but these were nolonger tears of despair,
sadness, regret.
(04:42):
I felt free.
I felt release.
That was the day I realized Ihad been the cause of my pain
because I created it.
So if I am the creator, then Ican change it.
The Senate sounds beautiful and, in summary, it is that simple,
(05:07):
but in action it can be so damndifficult when life throws the
things at us that it throws atus.
So I decided, because of allthe dumb shit I've allowed
myself to go through in my timeon this earth, not only do I
want to be, for those who may belistening, that community I
(05:28):
needed when I was going throughsomething.
I want to be the person thathas the time when no one had
time, but I also want to letthose who feel like they love
hard but love hopelessly, whofeel like they give their all
when they have nothing left, Iwant you to know that there's a
(05:48):
way out and up, but it startswithin.
Shortly after I received what Icall my greatest message from
the universe, a friend of mine,sunflower Dubois, shared a post
on Facebook that read I want tosee you as your highest, most
free, unedited self, and I feltthat shit so deeply.
(06:12):
I am that.
I'm not the sum of my mistakesand failures, but that's how I
was moving through life, like inquicksand.
This time it was so different.
I wanted more because I knew Iwas more, and that statement
became my mantra.
It is what my heart beats to.
So love frequency was born andit was born as a conduit to help
(06:38):
others process their pain intopower.
I could act surprised by thesuccess of the podcast, by my
rise and sudden loss on socialmedia.
If you don't know, someonestole my tiktok and I had grown
quite an audience.
But just as I did at the firsttime, I know I can do it again
(07:00):
and I repeat if you doeverything with love or do
nothing, if you do this, I willgive you everything.
This has been why I will neverquit.
So why do we avoid healing?
(07:21):
I know sometimes people say I'mgonna share my two cents, but I
know my worth.
So instead I bring you thoughtwater, and what that means to me
is the idea that I am not onhere to be right.
I'm here to evoke thought, tosupport you taking these
questions and theseconversations that we're having
(07:45):
and you going inward to exploreyourself a little bit deeper.
And a lot of times my thoughtwater comes from experiences
that I have been through, baby.
Because I don't fail forward, Ilearn forward, and so I believe
there are five reasons why weavoid healing.
(08:05):
The first one is self-avoidancewhen it comes to sitting with
yourself and working on yourshadows.
For a lot of people, thatsounds like sitting in a room
just being sad and thinkingabout sad shit for no reason.
No one gives you a step-by-stepguide on what to do next, right
?
Nobody makes this easy.
(08:26):
They just make it sound good.
I can bring you all the quotesand good anecdotes and nice
phrasings and manifestations,but that ain't gonna mean shit
If you don't believe in yourselfbecause you haven't had time to
sit with yourself and nobody'sprovided you with an opportunity
(08:46):
to know where to start.
We are going to avoid what wefeel like we can't control.
The second reason, I believe,is distraction, and don't get
the two confused.
You can be working on yourselfand actively trying to learn and
grow and ascend and stilldistract your ass, but you can
(09:09):
also be doing both.
So while I don't think they'resynonymous, I do think it's
important to identify thedistinction because, when
layered, these five can make youthe opposite of a positive
transformer.
What a destructicon.
Self destructicon that's not athing.
(09:29):
I just made that thing up andwe're going to use that.
Don't be a self destructicon.
So distraction Think about howmany hours in a day we can be
found mindlessly scrolling onsomebody's social media app in
(09:49):
somebody's shopping cartordering food.
We know we don't really needresearching yet another thing,
downloading yet another app.
We're really good, we aremaster distractors, and the
world makes it easy to write itour fingertips.
Sometimes we say, well, I'veearned this, you know, had a
(10:12):
long day and that's just how Idistract, or that's how I
connect with the world, orthat's my only outlet.
Now how dare you try to judgeme and what I do?
I can have a little harmlessfun.
I completely agree.
I think that there is space forcreative distraction.
They call it creativeprocrastination and I do think
(10:35):
that that can be healthy andit's important to have those
type of pauses.
But how many of you are usingthem in moderation?
How many of you know how tocontrol that urge to open that
app?
How many of you can go on, dowhat you got to do and get on
out?
Or how many days do you findthat you just lose time?
(10:57):
You only meant to check onething and two hours later, here
we are down the rabbit hole.
I was thinking about it one day.
If we spent one hour a day onour phones doing whatever
tickles our fancy, maybe socialmedia ain't your thing.
I don't want you to feel leftout.
If you're listening to thisfeeling Well, I don't do social
(11:21):
media, so this doesn't apply.
Well, I'm so proud of you Thenyou are not a Decepticon.
Distraction ain't your thing.
But for many of us, an hour aday over the span of a year is
365 or so hours wasted.
(11:43):
If you do the math, what couldyou do with an extra 15 days?
And that's real lightweight,because I know for a lot of us
it's not just our phones thatare our biggest distraction.
For us there's other thingsSubstance abuse, binge watching
TV shows and, even worse, someof us distract ourselves with
(12:06):
love, no matter what our weaponof choice.
I think in small doses it'sabsolutely fine.
But when you look at all thetime that is consumed in
focusing on the external world,it's very clear we distract
ourselves because we want toavoid ourselves.
(12:30):
Then we have number three access.
For many years, access tomental health wasn't free or
easy to get your hands on and insome communities, even still
today, it's stigmatized.
Go to know therapists, talk tosome stranger about my problems,
what I look like I got a TikTokto scroll on.
(12:53):
It's the best therapy I've everhad.
Those people understand me.
And again, not saying that thatis the wrong thing, but it's
unfortunate that we don't haveaccess and even though mental
health services have expandedexponentially, there are apps
and virtual platforms and somany organizations now that have
(13:17):
been created out of this need,but not a lot of people know
about it.
And if you do know about it, doyou trust it?
So I think access to theresources that we need and the
information on how to use thoseresources and the support and
groups to ensure that we'reconsistent, because, let's be
(13:38):
honest, many of us are living inenvironments that are not
conducive to the changes wereally wanna make.
You don't know what you don'tknow, so then you don't get help
, which I do think kinda lendsitself to number four.
If we're not getting help andwe're avoiding ourself when
we're feeling those temporarymoments of pleasure, we decide
(14:02):
that access is the solution, andby excess I mean we think,
because we can purchasetemporary moments of happiness
that that's the same thing asself care.
We believe that seeking theapproval of the external world
will somehow fill us up, andeach time we are still left
(14:27):
craving something we can't seemto satisfy.
I'ma let y'all sit with thatfor a little bit, because
there's been a lot of times I'vehad conversations with
beautiful, amazing people whosaid man, I work on myself.
Girl, I went to the spa, I makesure I take myself out on dates
.
You know, normally I do furtherpeople, but yesterday I bought
(14:50):
myself a dress and I think again, this ain't to subtract, baby.
Everything you're doing isbeautiful, but let's add to that
how do you love yourselfwithout spending money?
See, consumers, don't give adamn whether y'all get better or
not.
I need you to understand thatMany of these facilities make
money because you're sick, sothey're not wishing wellness.
(15:13):
They want to find ways to makeyou a return customer.
Why do prescriptions treat thesymptoms and not the condition?
Let me repeat that.
Why the prescriptions?
Why all this medicine treatsthe symptoms of the condition,
but not the condition.
(15:33):
Baby, get with it.
So we have been tricked intobelieving that happiness and joy
and healing is on the otherside of a designer bag or a
number of followers on thesocial platform, or status or
money, or the type of car or thetype of job.
And for those of us who areclimbing and achieving, why are
(15:55):
we still hungry?
And for those of us who don'thave, what will change.
When you get it, you will stillbe the same you so I do believe
.
The fourth reason is excess.
We look to the external worldto fill us up and because of
that we will never be full.
The fifth, and I think thehardest one to accept when we're
(16:20):
talking about healing, is forthose of us that thought we were
doing it.
We're doing the steps, we'rereading the books, we are
focusing more on ourselves.
We decided not.
To date, we've given ourselvesthese rules and guidelines and
things to follow, and we'reworking really hard to be better
(16:40):
.
But what makes you believe thatyou're not already Great?
See, it's those limitingbeliefs that we have that make
us turn to knowledge.
Intellectualizing is a form ofdistraction, baby.
Sometimes many of us think thatwe are doing steps, but all
we're doing is giving ourselves.
(17:00):
It's like moving on a hamsterwheel.
You are moving, you are doinggreat things and not to take
away from it, but all the booksthat I read as soon as I read
them, I forget.
What makes it so difficult forlessons to stick?
(17:22):
There's a quote by Edgar Dellthat says we remember 10% of
what we read, 20% what we hear,30% what we see, 50% what we see
and hear 70% what we discusswith others, 80% what we
(17:44):
personally experience and 95% ofwhat we teach others.
So the best way I can breakthis down is the 70, 20, 10
model.
Now, this model is used inlearning and development, most
(18:04):
often in business, and itdescribes the optimal source of
learning, and I believe that's alot of what we do here on the
frequency as we explore thesequestions, so we can learn about
ourselves just a little bitmore.
So for those of you who aresaying, okay, night, it sounds
all good and great, baby, butwhere do I start?
(18:25):
Slow down, we're getting there,boo.
Now, as I said, this istypically used specifically for
leaders in business, but Ibelieve it's relevant to our
healing, because there's so muchinformation out there and it
could be overwhelming.
So what this model says is that70% of what we learn is through
(18:46):
personal experience, 20% is ourinteractions with others and
10% from formal education,teachings or trainings.
So, if you think about it,listening to this podcast is
just 10% of it, baby.
So the other 20% is got to beinteractions with others, and
(19:09):
COVID has put us in a uniqueposition where we have become
comfortable isolating ourselves,but we don't know how to be
alone with ourselves, and evensome of us need a little bit of
both.
So interacting with others willhelp.
Lessons that you're learningand things that you're learning
(19:29):
stick, but only 20%.
The rest that 70% baby comesfrom your personal experience.
So you can't be afraid ofhaving new experiences, going
out there and living life.
These things, this model, usingit in this way, is how we
(19:50):
approach healing.
On this show, tell the learninghas been great for me and while
I thought, just knowing what Iwas going through, or being able
to Identify a phrase, or oh,that's what it's called.
Or wow, there's a scientificstudy on this.
Who knew, while that's great,that's not everything.
(20:12):
There are other things thatcome with this healing.
So, in celebration of threeyears on this podcast and love,
frequency always being avibration, a frequency, a
Community, more than a podcast,we want to be a resource.
(20:34):
We want to be able to give youaccess to information you may
not be privy to, to tools andpeople and products that are
free or affordable andaccessible.
We want to give you differentways of thinking about the same
shit we go through every day.
(20:57):
The plan is to challenge you alittle bit, baby, to push you a
little bit.
In addition to providing youwith Resources that will help
you learn and grow a little bitmore about yourself, this should
also be a space where you canshare your story, where you can
ask questions, and we willexplore those things together in
(21:18):
a safe space.
We get raw, we get real, butthe one thing we don't do is
come here to insult or to poke,but challenge, baby.
That's what I do.
Think about the five ways thatwe avoid healing through self
(21:38):
avoidance, distraction, accessand intellectualizing, and tell
me if you agree or disagree.
This ain't about being right orwrong, but this is about
opening up the conversation fordialogue, and that is another
way we build community here.
How you can write into the showis submit your questions, your
(22:01):
stories, anything that you'vebeen thinking about when it
comes to healing.
I want to hear about it.
You can inbox me on tiktok,instagram or Facebook, all under
the handle love frequency, andthat's L underscore VE Frequency
.
Or you can email the show at LV E F R E Q at gmailcom.
(22:27):
That's love freak at gmailcom,spelled L VE F R E Q at gmailcom
.
But, as always, I will leavethose links in the show notes,
honey.
So stay connected Because we'reback.
Baby, my only request, my onlyquestion for you Is are you
(22:49):
ready to be your highest, mostfree, unedited self?
Hey, love, thank you so muchfor spending this time with me,
for hanging out during our threeyear anniversary and For giving
(23:10):
yourself a moment of pause, forinvesting in yourself just a
little bit.
Now, one thing that ain't nevergonna change.
If you know of just one personwho is avoiding their own, if
you know of just one person whois avoiding their healing and
might benefit from hearing thesewords, please would you share
it with them and that showothers how to turn their pain
(23:33):
into power.
Because, baby, here at lovefrequency, we believe that love
ain't the problem.
You are, but that also meansthat you are the solution.
Until next time, I love you.
Why do we avoid healing?
As I was thinking back on thecreation of love frequency, it
seemed to be the case that I hadto go through what I thought
was extreme loss to even startlooking at myself, and while I
am extremely thankful formoments where growth is possible
, it's also a great opportunityto be reflective and ask
(00:23):
ourselves why does it take painand loss and sadness for us to
fix our damn face?
Why do we avoid healing?
You are now tuning into lovefrequency where love grows.
So let's go.
It's our anniversary hey,anniversary, listen.
(00:55):
Love frequency turns threeyears old today, and while we
haven't been consistent withthis, we ain't going to give up
on this, because I will nevergive up on love.
I think sometimes we need totake time for things to
cultivate.
You know, good wine takes years, and so in these moments of
(01:21):
pause, I've been able to pullback and really look at the
purpose and intention of lovefrequency.
I do think what we have is agood thing here, but there was
opportunity for expansion.
So as we come back andcelebrate three years, y'all we
are also bringing a new format,new guests, new energy and new
(01:47):
opportunity for us to connectvirtually and in person, but
we'll talk about all that alittle bit later, but first for
those who are new and for thosewho've been rocking with love
frequency for a little bit nowand maybe you've been rocking
with us for the entire threeyears First I want to say thank
you and I love you.
(02:07):
This podcast started because ofa breakup.
Yes, it sure did.
I remember during this time Ihad reached out to a couple
motherfucks for support you know, community, right but found
that nobody had the time or thatI didn't have the community I
(02:29):
thought I had.
I felt alone and defeatedbecause I had let myself let
another relationship define meas a motherfucking person.
Listen, in the absence ofcommunity, I decided what many
of us do I'm going to fix myself.
I'm going to fix myself so Ican stop going through this,
(02:50):
right, because we always assumethe problem is us.
The timing was actually perfect, though, y'all, because we were
well into the pandemic.
It was around that time wherepeople were really forced to sit
with their own shit, so all Icould do was sit with my own
(03:11):
shit, and all that time inisolation brought up a lot of
pain, y'all, and I know some ofyou can relate.
Some days, all I could do wascry.
And on the days I couldn't cryanymore I don't know why, but I
danced.
I would play music and I wouldallow myself to just move.
(03:35):
I would let the vibration feedme.
It wasn't about how I lookeddoing the dance, but it was how
I felt doing the dance.
That became a consistentpractice, so much so I started
calling them soul breaks.
And then I became brazen enoughin this opinionated ass world
(03:56):
to share those on social media.
And other people were vibingtoo, and it was such a beautiful
thing.
And during one of these soulbreaks I remember something
stopped me in mid-step and I hada thought that felt audible.
What I heard was do everythingwith love or do nothing.
(04:20):
If you do this simple thing, Iwill give you everything.
Y'all.
That shit was so real.
I lost feeling in my legs and Ifell to the ground and, of
course, my good cryin ass.
I was crying, but these were nolonger tears of despair,
sadness, regret.
(04:42):
I felt free.
I felt release.
That was the day I realized Ihad been the cause of my pain
because I created it.
So if I am the creator, then Ican change it.
The Senate sounds beautiful and, in summary, it is that simple,
(05:07):
but in action it can be so damndifficult when life throws the
things at us that it throws atus.
So I decided, because of allthe dumb shit I've allowed
myself to go through in my timeon this earth, not only do I
want to be, for those who may belistening, that community I
(05:28):
needed when I was going throughsomething.
I want to be the person thathas the time when no one had
time, but I also want to letthose who feel like they love
hard but love hopelessly, whofeel like they give their all
when they have nothing left, Iwant you to know that there's a
(05:48):
way out and up, but it startswithin.
Shortly after I received what Icall my greatest message from
the universe, a friend of mine,sunflower Dubois, shared a post
on Facebook that read I want tosee you as your highest, most
free, unedited self, and I feltthat shit so deeply.
(06:12):
I am that.
I'm not the sum of my mistakesand failures, but that's how I
was moving through life, like inquicksand.
This time it was so different.
I wanted more because I knew Iwas more, and that statement
became my mantra.
It is what my heart beats to.
So love frequency was born andit was born as a conduit to help
(06:38):
others process their pain intopower.
I could act surprised by thesuccess of the podcast, by my
rise and sudden loss on socialmedia.
If you don't know, someonestole my tiktok and I had grown
quite an audience.
But just as I did at the firsttime, I know I can do it again
(07:00):
and I repeat if you doeverything with love or do
nothing, if you do this, I willgive you everything.
This has been why I will neverquit.
So why do we avoid healing?
(07:21):
I know sometimes people say I'mgonna share my two cents, but I
know my worth.
So instead I bring you thoughtwater, and what that means to me
is the idea that I am not onhere to be right.
I'm here to evoke thought, tosupport you taking these
questions and theseconversations that we're having
(07:45):
and you going inward to exploreyourself a little bit deeper.
And a lot of times my thoughtwater comes from experiences
that I have been through, baby.
Because I don't fail forward, Ilearn forward, and so I believe
there are five reasons why weavoid healing.
(08:05):
The first one is self-avoidancewhen it comes to sitting with
yourself and working on yourshadows.
For a lot of people, thatsounds like sitting in a room
just being sad and thinkingabout sad shit for no reason.
No one gives you a step-by-stepguide on what to do next, right
?
Nobody makes this easy.
(08:26):
They just make it sound good.
I can bring you all the quotesand good anecdotes and nice
phrasings and manifestations,but that ain't gonna mean shit
If you don't believe in yourselfbecause you haven't had time to
sit with yourself and nobody'sprovided you with an opportunity
(08:46):
to know where to start.
We are going to avoid what wefeel like we can't control.
The second reason, I believe,is distraction, and don't get
the two confused.
You can be working on yourselfand actively trying to learn and
grow and ascend and stilldistract your ass, but you can
(09:09):
also be doing both.
So while I don't think they'resynonymous, I do think it's
important to identify thedistinction because, when
layered, these five can make youthe opposite of a positive
transformer.
What a destructicon.
Self destructicon that's not athing.
(09:29):
I just made that thing up andwe're going to use that.
Don't be a self destructicon.
So distraction Think about howmany hours in a day we can be
found mindlessly scrolling onsomebody's social media app in
(09:49):
somebody's shopping cartordering food.
We know we don't really needresearching yet another thing,
downloading yet another app.
We're really good, we aremaster distractors, and the
world makes it easy to write itour fingertips.
Sometimes we say, well, I'veearned this, you know, had a
(10:12):
long day and that's just how Idistract, or that's how I
connect with the world, orthat's my only outlet.
Now how dare you try to judgeme and what I do?
I can have a little harmlessfun.
I completely agree.
I think that there is space forcreative distraction.
They call it creativeprocrastination and I do think
(10:35):
that that can be healthy andit's important to have those
type of pauses.
But how many of you are usingthem in moderation?
How many of you know how tocontrol that urge to open that
app?
How many of you can go on, dowhat you got to do and get on
out?
Or how many days do you findthat you just lose time?
(10:57):
You only meant to check onething and two hours later, here
we are down the rabbit hole.
I was thinking about it one day.
If we spent one hour a day onour phones doing whatever
tickles our fancy, maybe socialmedia ain't your thing.
I don't want you to feel leftout.
If you're listening to thisfeeling Well, I don't do social
(11:21):
media, so this doesn't apply.
Well, I'm so proud of you Thenyou are not a Decepticon.
Distraction ain't your thing.
But for many of us, an hour aday over the span of a year is
365 or so hours wasted.
(11:43):
If you do the math, what couldyou do with an extra 15 days?
And that's real lightweight,because I know for a lot of us
it's not just our phones thatare our biggest distraction.
For us there's other thingsSubstance abuse, binge watching
TV shows and, even worse, someof us distract ourselves with
(12:06):
love, no matter what our weaponof choice.
I think in small doses it'sabsolutely fine.
But when you look at all thetime that is consumed in
focusing on the external world,it's very clear we distract
ourselves because we want toavoid ourselves.
(12:30):
Then we have number three access.
For many years, access tomental health wasn't free or
easy to get your hands on and insome communities, even still
today, it's stigmatized.
Go to know therapists, talk tosome stranger about my problems,
what I look like I got a TikTokto scroll on.
(12:53):
It's the best therapy I've everhad.
Those people understand me.
And again, not saying that thatis the wrong thing, but it's
unfortunate that we don't haveaccess and even though mental
health services have expandedexponentially, there are apps
and virtual platforms and somany organizations now that have
(13:17):
been created out of this need,but not a lot of people know
about it.
And if you do know about it, doyou trust it?
So I think access to theresources that we need and the
information on how to use thoseresources and the support and
groups to ensure that we'reconsistent, because, let's be
(13:38):
honest, many of us are living inenvironments that are not
conducive to the changes wereally wanna make.
You don't know what you don'tknow, so then you don't get help
, which I do think kinda lendsitself to number four.
If we're not getting help andwe're avoiding ourself when
we're feeling those temporarymoments of pleasure, we decide
(14:02):
that access is the solution, andby excess I mean we think,
because we can purchasetemporary moments of happiness
that that's the same thing asself care.
We believe that seeking theapproval of the external world
will somehow fill us up, andeach time we are still left
(14:27):
craving something we can't seemto satisfy.
I'ma let y'all sit with thatfor a little bit, because
there's been a lot of times I'vehad conversations with
beautiful, amazing people whosaid man, I work on myself.
Girl, I went to the spa, I makesure I take myself out on dates
.
You know, normally I do furtherpeople, but yesterday I bought
(14:50):
myself a dress and I think again, this ain't to subtract, baby.
Everything you're doing isbeautiful, but let's add to that
how do you love yourselfwithout spending money?
See, consumers, don't give adamn whether y'all get better or
not.
I need you to understand thatMany of these facilities make
money because you're sick, sothey're not wishing wellness.
(15:13):
They want to find ways to makeyou a return customer.
Why do prescriptions treat thesymptoms and not the condition?
Let me repeat that.
Why the prescriptions?
Why all this medicine treatsthe symptoms of the condition,
but not the condition.
(15:33):
Baby, get with it.
So we have been tricked intobelieving that happiness and joy
and healing is on the otherside of a designer bag or a
number of followers on thesocial platform, or status or
money, or the type of car or thetype of job.
And for those of us who areclimbing and achieving, why are
(15:55):
we still hungry?
And for those of us who don'thave, what will change.
When you get it, you will stillbe the same you so I do believe
.
The fourth reason is excess.
We look to the external worldto fill us up and because of
that we will never be full.
The fifth, and I think thehardest one to accept when we're
(16:20):
talking about healing, is forthose of us that thought we were
doing it.
We're doing the steps, we'rereading the books, we are
focusing more on ourselves.
We decided not.
To date, we've given ourselvesthese rules and guidelines and
things to follow, and we'reworking really hard to be better
(16:40):
.
But what makes you believe thatyou're not already Great?
See, it's those limitingbeliefs that we have that make
us turn to knowledge.
Intellectualizing is a form ofdistraction, baby.
Sometimes many of us think thatwe are doing steps, but all
we're doing is giving ourselves.
(17:00):
It's like moving on a hamsterwheel.
You are moving, you are doinggreat things and not to take
away from it, but all the booksthat I read as soon as I read
them, I forget.
What makes it so difficult forlessons to stick?
(17:22):
There's a quote by Edgar Dellthat says we remember 10% of
what we read, 20% what we hear,30% what we see, 50% what we see
and hear 70% what we discusswith others, 80% what we
(17:44):
personally experience and 95% ofwhat we teach others.
So the best way I can breakthis down is the 70, 20, 10
model.
Now, this model is used inlearning and development, most
(18:04):
often in business, and itdescribes the optimal source of
learning, and I believe that's alot of what we do here on the
frequency as we explore thesequestions, so we can learn about
ourselves just a little bitmore.
So for those of you who aresaying, okay, night, it sounds
all good and great, baby, butwhere do I start?
(18:25):
Slow down, we're getting there,boo.
Now, as I said, this istypically used specifically for
leaders in business, but Ibelieve it's relevant to our
healing, because there's so muchinformation out there and it
could be overwhelming.
So what this model says is that70% of what we learn is through
(18:46):
personal experience, 20% is ourinteractions with others and
10% from formal education,teachings or trainings.
So, if you think about it,listening to this podcast is
just 10% of it, baby.
So the other 20% is got to beinteractions with others, and
(19:09):
COVID has put us in a uniqueposition where we have become
comfortable isolating ourselves,but we don't know how to be
alone with ourselves, and evensome of us need a little bit of
both.
So interacting with others willhelp.
Lessons that you're learningand things that you're learning
(19:29):
stick, but only 20%.
The rest that 70% baby comesfrom your personal experience.
So you can't be afraid ofhaving new experiences, going
out there and living life.
These things, this model, usingit in this way, is how we
(19:50):
approach healing.
On this show, tell the learninghas been great for me and while
I thought, just knowing what Iwas going through, or being able
to Identify a phrase, or oh,that's what it's called.
Or wow, there's a scientificstudy on this.
Who knew, while that's great,that's not everything.
(20:12):
There are other things thatcome with this healing.
So, in celebration of threeyears on this podcast and love,
frequency always being avibration, a frequency, a
Community, more than a podcast,we want to be a resource.
(20:34):
We want to be able to give youaccess to information you may
not be privy to, to tools andpeople and products that are
free or affordable andaccessible.
We want to give you differentways of thinking about the same
shit we go through every day.
(20:57):
The plan is to challenge you alittle bit, baby, to push you a
little bit.
In addition to providing youwith Resources that will help
you learn and grow a little bitmore about yourself, this should
also be a space where you canshare your story, where you can
ask questions, and we willexplore those things together in
(21:18):
a safe space.
We get raw, we get real, butthe one thing we don't do is
come here to insult or to poke,but challenge, baby.
That's what I do.
Think about the five ways thatwe avoid healing through self
(21:38):
avoidance, distraction, accessand intellectualizing, and tell
me if you agree or disagree.
This ain't about being right orwrong, but this is about
opening up the conversation fordialogue, and that is another
way we build community here.
How you can write into the showis submit your questions, your
(22:01):
stories, anything that you'vebeen thinking about when it
comes to healing.
I want to hear about it.
You can inbox me on tiktok,instagram or Facebook, all under
the handle love frequency, andthat's L underscore VE Frequency
.
Or you can email the show at LV E F R E Q at gmailcom.
(22:27):
That's love freak at gmailcom,spelled L VE F R E Q at gmailcom
.
But, as always, I will leavethose links in the show notes,
honey.
So stay connected Because we'reback.
Baby, my only request, my onlyquestion for you Is are you
(22:49):
ready to be your highest, mostfree, unedited self?
Hey, love, thank you so muchfor spending this time with me,
for hanging out during our threeyear anniversary and For giving
(23:10):
yourself a moment of pause, forinvesting in yourself just a
little bit.
Now, one thing that ain't nevergonna change.
If you know of just one personwho is avoiding their own, if
you know of just one person whois avoiding their healing and
might benefit from hearing thesewords, please would you share
it with them and that showothers how to turn their pain
(23:33):
into power.
Because, baby, here at lovefrequency, we believe that love
ain't the problem.
You are, but that also meansthat you are the solution.
Until next time, I love you.
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