September 24, 2024 • 32 mins
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Ep #73 - In Part 2 of this series with TikTok sensation and childfree Latina, Yoreim Virella, we continue our deep dive into the complex realities of modern motherhood: the societal neglect of new mothers, the devaluation of women beyond motherhood, and the systemic challenges faced by parents. All of these truths are conveniently obscured by our fast-paced, capitalist culture.
We also take a critical look at the trad-wife aesthetic that's currently flooding social media, exposing this dangerous propaganda that lures women into believing that traditional roles of wife and mother lead to an easy, carefree life. It’s time to talk about the truth behind the so-called soft life, because what truly makes a "soft life" is self-awareness. And that's something 80% of people lack.
How can we do better? Start by recognizing the harm of hustle culture, and the toxic individualism that’s driving us apart as a society. And learn to heal. Because we ALL have healing to do if we're going to achieve a soft life.
To lighten things up, we also get into the hilarious divide between childfree pet-owners and childfree non-pet-owners. Are pets a status symbol for the childfree?
About Yoreim:
Yoreim is originally from Corozal, Puerto Rico and she considers herself a multi-passionate who enjoys combining a practical career with humanitarian work, content creation, and entrepreneurship. She has over a decade of experience in human resources working in the non-profit, private, and federal sectors. While in the federal sector, she had a unique opportunity to merge her human resources expertise with disaster response work. Yoreim has been involved in multiple national disaster and humanitarian missions, from deploying to Puerto Rico during Hurricane Maria to supporting CDC and OMB/White House leadership behind the scenes during the COVID-19 response efforts. She currently serves as the HR lead for her agency, managing a volunteer workforce that supports Departmental or interagency emergencies due to public health or humanitarian crises.
Follow @yorlatinawellness on Tiktok and Threads.
To get the full show notes, guest bio, and an episode transcript, go to PauletteErato.com/shownotes. This is episode 73.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Buen día mi gente, and welcometo La Vida Más Chévere de
Childfree Latinas, the onlySpanglish podcast for childfree
Latinas y Latines, helping usliberate ourselves from the
toxic cultural brainwashing weall grew up with so that we can
design our best lives instead.
I'm your host andresident childfree
Latina, Paulette Erato.
(00:24):
In part two of my interview withTikTok sensation and childfree
Latina, Yoreim Virella, we'repicking up where we left
off on last week's episode.
So if you haven't heardit, you might want to
listen to that one first.
Yoreim was about to add somenuance to the conversation
about how little supportthere is for motherhood in
our society, from postpartumdepression to parental leave.
That's right.
(00:44):
Two childfree womenare advocating for
mothers in this episode.
Like I say all the time,parents and childfree
people are not enemies.
That's a false divide.
We're members of thesame global village.
We each have something to offer.
But that phrase, it takesa village, isn't what a
lot of people think it is.
(01:06):
It sure as hell doesn't meanthat you're freely entitled
to a childfree person's timeand energy simply because
they don't have kids.
That's just one of the problemsthat our society has created.
We've also been stripped of ourempathy, that thing that makes
us connected humans, by focusingso much on individualism.
Think about it for a minute.
It's all about the I'll getmine and fuck you mentality.
(01:29):
That's not great.
So, continuing on the threadof motherhood, religion, and
conservative values, we'realso deconstructing the hot
new social media darling,the tradwife aesthetic.
Something critical that Imissed when we were talking
about tradwives, but thankfullypicked up in the edit, is
that these aesthetic tradwifevideos rarely ever have the
(01:50):
woman speaking directly toyou, only in voiceovers.
Because she's notallowed to speak.
She's not allowedto have an opinion.
She's not allowed to get angry.
They're like Stepfordwives in tradwife clothing.
And these soft life aestheticvideos are luring young people
into thinking that the quoteunquote traditional life of
(02:10):
a wife and mother is easy.
It's propaganda is what it is.
Spoiler alert!If you really want to have
a soft life, you need towork on yourself first, and
that's not necessarily easy.
But I can tell you,it is worth it.
All that and the damage that thelack of self awareness, hustle
(02:33):
culture, and a bunch of othertoxic social ills are doing to
all of us is in this episode.
Plus, to lighten it up, alittle peek into the divide
between childfree pet ownersand childfree non pet owners.
It's a treat.
Let's get into it.
Oh my God.
Yes.
(02:53):
I mean, everythingyou're saying.
This is like topicsthat I'm very passionate
about and I agree 100%.
I do want to add to thediscourse that I do feel
that obviously there's achoice that you make, right?
Like before becoming a parentand it's important for you
to do the work and havethe deeper conversations
(03:14):
like you mentioned.
I do feel the way we live,especially here in the U.
S.
and I'm going to justconcentrate here because
it's where we live, right?
Okay.
But, because we are in aculture of busyness, and
everything is so fast paced,people literally don't have
the time to sit down, that'swhat I've seen, to sit down
(03:36):
and actually consciously decidethis is what I have to do.
Because a lot of communities arein survival mode because this
culture wants that to happen.
So I think that's one of thethings I tend to say a lot
in my videos is like, this isconscious work and we don't
live in a conscious society.
(03:57):
Because it does requirea level of depthness that
people don't want to go there.
It can be scary.
There's a lot of conflict.
Sitting down with yourself,being okay with being alone,
people don't like that.
Weirdly enough, like, Iabsolutely love sitting down,
reading a good book, andhaving a good conversation.
But people are scared ofhaving time for themselves.
(04:20):
So there's a lot ofcodependency happening.
They want to be surrounded withnoise and they don't want to
think, that's what's going on.
So I think that definitelycontributes to this mentality
of like well I'll have kidsand I'm not going to think it
through and I turn out well.
But you didn't.
Self awareness.
We lack self awareness.
(04:41):
So it is, it's almost what, like80 percent of people lack self
awareness or read somewhere.
That's crazy.
That's like areally high number.
We are biological wiredin a way to have kids.
So kids are not an achievement.
Like anyone can have kids.
Now, raising a person, likeyou mentioned, who is a
well rounded individual tocontribute to society, that's
(05:02):
an achievement by itself.
And it takes a lot of work.
So it's, it's interestinghow people just feel like
having a kid is just trivial.
And the thing is, another thingthat you touch on, you have this
people, wounded people, havingchildren, and it's becomes
this competition and abuseand this instability at home.
And who are the ones who needto deal with that in society?
(05:26):
It's us.
The rest of us.
Like, we as citizens,we literally have to fix
this in a way, right?
But they don't takeaccountability, they think
their kids turn out right,but they're like robbing
and doing other crap.
You know what I mean?
So it's just, it's like, oh,I'll do this, I'll have my
little kids, and then likethey can do whatever, and
then we are the ones whoneed to deal with everything,
(05:47):
like everything else.
So that's why, to be a parent,there has to be conscious
work to happen, right?
Because there has to bea consideration of others
also in the community whenyou bring a child here.
So, yeah, I agree with you.
What's so interesting,as you were saying all
of this, I realized thatphrase, it takes a village.
(06:07):
So many people throw thataround as a way of claiming
entitlement to otherpeople's time and energy.
But at the same time, thevillage is made up of all of us.
The village exists so that wecan all depend on one another.
And that requires empathy,which I don't think we have.
(06:28):
It's so hard because oursociety, again, without social
safety nets, without resourcesfor families, for parents, for
mothers, It has been stripped.
It is socially acceptableto not be empathetic.
Yes.
Which is strippingyourself of your humanity.
And that's gross.
(06:48):
What kind of ridiculousbackwards thinking is that?
I'm out to get mine,but I want your village.
Let's all just go becomeGenghis Khan then.
Just go storming throughand taking whatever
the fuck we want.
Right, right.
It's a very individualistic wayof thinking and entitlement,
(07:08):
like you mentioned.
It's just pervasive and it'sso normalized in our culture
because of the economics andthe type of culture we live in.
Like we live in a verycapitalistic society that
competition indivisualismis what's on top and
is what is rewarded.
And entitlement.
So like you mentioned,the village is about
(07:30):
society as a whole.
Safety nets are amust in this aspect.
It's interesting.
I'm going to say thisbecause obviously this
culture revolves aroundpatriarchy and capitalism.
And I feel like we keep saying,Oh, well, you're a woman.
You have to have children,you know, the declining
rates, what's going tohappen to us as a society?
(07:52):
And I'd like to say this, theU S preaches this in a way
like cómo decimos en español,la moral en calzoncillos.
Like they want you todo something but at the
same time they don't haveanything to do with looking
for support for mothers.
So I almost feel likewomen even get penalized
for having children.
(08:14):
Of course they do.
Right?
When I say this mothersget pissed at me but I'm
just saying what I see.
So for example, It was adocumentary on Netflix, came out
like probably four or five yearsago, but it was talking about
the Black motherhood experience.
And the issue with the risingmortality rates for motherhood,
which we know is horriblehere, and I think American
(08:35):
mothers die in childbirthat a higher rate than any
other developed country.
Any other.
And if we factor blackand brown mothers, the
numbers go even higher.
So how is that even possible?
When we all want to havebabies, but our healthcare
system fails mothers, in a way.
And then let's not eventalk about the raise in
(08:58):
postpartum depression,like the stories you hear.
But when the woman getspregnant, everyone celebrates
it, the baby showers.
We cannot stress the mother.
They're developing a baby.
Well, everyone steps in.
I feel like as a society,everyone steps in.
However, when the womangives birth to the baby, the
person who created this lifeis left in the back burner.
(09:19):
And they are literally left tofigure things out by themselves.
So now it's around the babyonly, nothing about the mother.
So it speaks about that,the way the society sees
a woman as a whole, right?
Like there's noprioritization of who we are.
And the way they see us it'slike we're less than, we're
(09:40):
just fulfilling a role.
That's all we are.
We're here to procreate,bring the babies, and
babies become workers.
We could talk about eventhe complexity of that.
But even with, and I think thisis the one that gets me the
most, just because I work inhuman resources, so I see this
a lot, is the lack of workplaceaccommodations for mothers.
(10:01):
So we're talkingabout parental leave.
I know there's been thiswhole thing with the last
years and change of policies.
We have some places that provideparental leave, which is great.
But it's only three months.
We have European countries thatgive you almost like in a year
and a half of parental leave.
And even with that policy changethat we had at the federal
(10:22):
level, still to this day,only 12 percent of employers
actually provide parental leave.
12%! When we have a workforcethat is built around females.
There are more females in theworkforce than males right now.
So, it's hard to see, and thenobviously the inflexibility
in schedules, when theyneed to take care of their
(10:43):
babies, and even the lactatingrooms for new mothers.
Like, there's barelyexistence of that.
And let's not eventalk about childcare.
The subsidized childcare employers, there's
almost nonexistence.
Child care now costslike a mortgage.
It's ridiculous.
I had some friends that hada baby, a couple years ago.
And I remember when that waslike, when the child care
(11:05):
prices were going up and theiremployer used to provide a
little bit of subsidize andthey had like a really good
child care, like for one to fouryears old, they were already
planning to have the baby.
They had to put themselvesin a waiting list.
For three years, beforehaving the di How is
that having the baby?
Like, how, how is this so...
(11:26):
you want people tohave babies, but then
everything is unaccessible.
How is that even possible?
It's sad to see.
It's honestly so sadto see, and I refuse to
participate in a systemthat sees me as less than.
And I feel bad of all thepeople that have, and there are
people that have told me, withtheir children and all that,
that they love very much, butthey're like, If I knew If this
(11:48):
was going to be like this, Iwould have not had children.
But they can't say that outloud because then the attacks
come, you know how that is.
Yeah.
And I, I've said this many timeson this show and other people's
shows, I really appreciatewhen people are honest and
say all of the taboo things.
Our existence is already taboo.
We are pitted against parentsin this false dichotomy and I
(12:11):
have family who have children.
Those children areimportant to me.
We're a village.
And so those parentsare not my enemies.
We're not, that's just so dumb.
So getting past that, but at thesame time, have the baby, you
get the status, but then you getzero support from our society.
And God forbid, if you're notwealthy enough to afford to be
(12:35):
able to take all that time off.
Three months to raise a child.
But they can't go toschool for four years.
So, what are we supposedto do with this new person?
Who we need in society becausesociety demands more laborers.
But for the first four yearsof their life, their parents,
if they're lucky enoughto work in one of those 12
(12:56):
percent of companies, great.
They may have a little bitmore support, but come on.
Like I said, it's settingpeople up for failure and
it's just, it's disgusting.
I don't see howpeople don't see this.
And I don't see how wehaven't rebelled against this.
Obviously we're trying todo our part here, but at
the same time, we can onlymove the needle so much.
(13:19):
If you want to be quitehonest, the reason that
they keep rolling back thesedecisions like Roe versus
Wade and whatever comesnext is because they want us
to remain stupid and poor.
So that all we dois make babies.
So that they have more workers.
I mean, come on.
It's so freaking clear.
(13:42):
The agenda is right there.
The agenda is very obvious.
But back to what we weresaying about parents
saying the taboo things.
There's a subreddit calledRegretful Parents, and it
is so sad to read throughthis, and most of the time
I see it reposted to otherplaces where it's like the
protagonist, the person whoposted it is deemed the devil,
(14:03):
right, like am I the devil?
And I think the problem withthat is because someone admits,
I didn't want to do this, Idon't want to do it anymore.
They are morally broken,they are morally bankrupt.
But we set them up for failure.
And if we had a little bitmore empathy, maybe, maybe we
(14:24):
would see what's really goingon there is that they thought
they knew what they were gettinginto going into it, but they
didn't because the realityis so much more difficult.
And you don't get supportbecause no one has empathy
because everybody's justtrying to get their own and
fuck you, I've got mine.
That's exactly it, but remember,it's a societal, it's a
(14:44):
It's a systemic problem.
Yes, it's a systemicproblem for sure.
We have been conditionedto be this way.
Like we were discussingbefore and we actually took
the time to kind of take astep back and reflect and
connect with one another, itwill be a different story.
Obviously, we have all thisgoing on with women's rights
and abortion rights andit's really, really scary
(15:06):
because we're pretty muchtrying to go back in time.
And this is gonna be afight that we're gonna be
fighting for some time.
That's how I feel.
However, I think there isalmost like this awakening.
I know this sounds like, I tryto not use this word because
it sounds a little too mysticaland too out there, but I do
believe there's this type ofawakening that people are seeing
(15:27):
agendas a little bit more clear.
And that's why you see morepeople really taking up space,
in order to talk about theseconversations, in order to
put taboo subjects out there,to really empower women to
make the right decisions.
However, we also see thiscounter movement with the trad
wives and this romanticization.
(15:49):
I know.
Uh, uh, uh.
I have made and deleted so manyreels and videos about the trad
wife lifestyle, how it's just afront for conservative values.
I'm doing air quotes herebecause that's bullshit.
And I am never in the rightheadspace for what the
effect is going to be after.
(16:10):
I'm going to be puttingmyself into a debate.
And I don't have themental space for that.
I don't have the emotionalbandwidth for it, but I
have very strong feelingsabout it because it
pisses me off because it'sselling, it's selling a lie.
It is selling a lie.
That's the agenda.
(16:31):
And also I get where you'recoming from because that's
one of the reasons I'm verypassionate about policy and
changes and this type of work.
However, you don't see me eventhough I might do videos here
and there right in my accounttalking about certain things.
I try my best tostay out of politics.
Because of that.
Because I don't want to fallinto this lion's den because we
(16:52):
live in so polarized world thatthe armies are from both sides.
So I'm like, do I really havethat mental capacity like you
said, like, can I take this?
Because when you put avideo out there, it's like
you're taking a stand.
And it's just, you have torethink about how that will
be impacted, and I feel likethe, the energy out there
(17:14):
is so wild and unstable.
And toxic! Yes, very toxic.
Yeah, but the tradwife things,it's definitely an agenda for
conservative values, and there'sa recruitment for a lot of
religious groups doing this.
They discovered that socialmedia is a power tool, and
they're doing this aesthetic,and I think I've said
this in one of my videos.
(17:34):
There was one time that Italk about, the aesthetic
influencer, there has beenthis rise of aesthetics and
beauty of like the tradwife.
Because in a sense youcannot show your values.
You cannot because you're notspeaking your opinions, right?
So you just see the beauty andthe organization and that lures
people in and it's just likesubconsciously changes the shape
(17:56):
of like, oh, that looks so easy.
And I've seen comments inthese tradwives accounts are
like, oh my god, you makemotherhood look so beautiful.
I'm like, that's exactlywhat they're trying to do.
Yes, they're sellingyou something.
It's so crazy, butdefinitely, it's right there.
A lot of people go tosocial media to escape.
So I know that's where theirattraction from tradwives
(18:18):
comes from, because they'revery good with strategy.
They're smart as hellwith strategy and how
to subconsciously shapethese people, especially
the young folks.
I'm a little concerned aboutthe young Latinas right now,
because there's this womenempowerment movement, and
then also trying to bringthem back this soft life.
Which also has to dowith conservative values.
(18:40):
Yeah, so there's a lot ofagendas happening right now.
You know what, Yoreim?
I bet you we couldmake an argument that
we have soft lives.
We do.
Actually yeah, we do.
We do.
Because my life has oneless complication in it for
every child I don't have.
I don't even have pets.
(19:00):
And I know that, okay, inthe childfree community,
that is a status symbol.
That's so true.
Are you calling us out?
What's going on?
No, I'm just saying it'sfine if you have pets.
Just like I said, it'sfine if you have kids.
It doesn't negatively impact me.
(19:21):
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, even withinthe childfree space,
I'm still an anomaly.
Right, right.
That's true, because you sawme, and I can call myself out.
I was like, oh, you have pets?
Why would I even justthink, like, everyone
has pets, all right?
Like, why would I think that?
But you see, that's why I saythat you have to be willing
to call yourself out, becausewe all have stereotypes
(19:43):
and biases and subconsciousthings that just come out.
And when it comes out,you're like, Whoa,
like why would, what?
And it's great that you cancheck yourself because that
requires self awareness, right?
Which is not somethingwe teach to people.
This is something youhave to learn on your own.
And that shit's hard.
It is hard when you don'thave a guide post, a roadmap.
(20:05):
How, how do I become awareof what I want when I
don't know what I want?
We'll start withwhat you don't want.
That's one tactic.
I mean, I determinedreally early on that...
I didn't meet myhusband until I was 34.
So both my brothershad kids by that point.
And I was like, okay, I'm justgoing to be the cool aunt.
I'm going to be the titi.
And I was really happybeing single and the titi.
(20:27):
I had time.
I had my own money.
I had my own space.
And then he came along and.
If my life had gone in adifferent direction, I hope
I would have still beenhappy, because I was happy.
I was a full humanbeing by myself.
And then along came myperson, like you were
describing your husband.
I think it's also an exampleof we get to change as people.
(20:52):
We get to grow.
At the end of the day,regardless of whether or not
you have children, I hopeyou are working on yourself.
Yes.
So that you become self awareand can then pass that on
to your sphere of influence,whether that be your children
or your friends and whatever.
Absolutely.
(21:13):
I think that's the key ofliving a very good life.
Learning about yourself, lovingyourself and self awareness.
And I know there's thismovement with the healing
thing and I've been in ahealing journey myself.
I think we will never be healedfrom things, but the idea is
to become better humans thanwe've been before, right?
Like just a littlebit in understanding.
(21:35):
I think it's importantto be very honest with
yourself when life changes.
Uh, and sometimes youmight be very stuck in
something and you're obsessedwith it and that's like
something happens that itchanged your perspective.
And that's growth and that'swhat makes us evolve and
be better human beings.
So, for me, it's alwaysbeen interesting when, when
a lot of people say, oh,I love this person because
(21:57):
they've been exactly the sameway since they've been 12.
I'm like, I mean, I don'tthink that's good, though.
No, I, the person whoI was at 12 didn't know
anything about the world.
I mean, come on.
Now, there's anotherside to that.
We could put it in apositive light where.
They were always a good person.
(22:18):
They shined their lighton others and they have
continued that into adulthood.
Okay, great.
That's an example.
That's not the only exampleof being a good person.
But I am NOT who I was at 12.
I'm not who I was at 34when I met my husband.
And I am proud of thewoman that I am today.
I'm proud of the person I wasin each of those eras, and maybe
(22:38):
I've done things in my pastthat I'm not proud of, but I
have grown and I have changedand I have become better.
Right.
And I'm hoping that we'reall doing that, but you're
right, all too often, wedon't make the time because
life is just constant hustle.
Yeah.
And you get stuck in the loopand like I said, you really
(23:00):
have to deconstruct and reallybe conscious and really put the
intention of like, wait, whyam I getting looped into it?
I used to be like that allthe time and I think that's
the reason I'm very awareof it and I use it for
myself, to check myself.
I used to be so busy.
If you live in cities, lifeis like, everyone is doing
(23:20):
500 things at the same time.
It's like, if you're notbusy, what are you doing?
It's just this mentalityhere in the US.
And I used to be busy,and I used to be traveling
all the time, and it wasalways something to do.
And then I never had time todo the things I always wanted
to do, like create, or just becreative and just be myself.
And when 2020 came, thatwas a collective awakening
(23:41):
for everyone, I think.
There was a lot of bad thingsthat happened, and we were
traumatized collectively, andwe're still dealing with that.
A lot of people don'tunderstand this, but we are.
We also had time to reflect onhow we wanted to live our lives.
And that was for me, thevery key moment when I said,
(24:01):
okay, so I always been acreative, I always wanted to
do all this stuff, but I'mso busy with work and travel.
Even though I love traveling,I didn't have time to be
alone and do stuff thatI wanted to do forever.
And that was my turning point.
So I feel like 2020 reallywas a turning point for a lot
of people on a global scale.
And I think we are moreconscious of it, although we
(24:23):
still have a lot of work to do.
And, but I sometimescatch myself.
I have to catchmyself, especially with
work and everything.
I'm like, no, Yoreim,you have to prioritize.
And I have to prioritize rest,for my health, and I really
have to prioritize creativity.
And that's the reason Ido my videos and all that,
because that fulfills me.
You know what I mean?
That lights me up, just talking,just being silly and stupid.
(24:44):
That actually, like, it's goodfor me, like, for my heart.
Does that make sense?
That's probably whyyou're so successful at
it, because you enjoy it.
I do enjoy it, for sure.
Yeah, and it's obvious you do.
And I, I enjoy watching them.
I am in your audience.
All the things you're sayingabout creativity, that's
how this podcast started.
It started as a way to helppeople find their creative
(25:08):
light, their creativeforce, their, their,
just their creativity.
Because our society, again, onceagain, we're talking about toxic
cultural norms, kills it for us.
So many adults walk aroundthinking, I'm not creative.
Because that's seen asless than, and that's so
diminishing of one's potential.
But again, if it doesn'tserve the patriarchy.
(25:30):
And the profits too!The idea that everything
has to be monetized andnothing can just be for
you, it's a hustle culture.
And hustle culture is toxic.
End of story.
However, I do understand you andI are speaking from a point of
privilege that some people haveto hustle to make ends meet.
And that is a completelydifferent thing.
That's true.
That is a completelydifferent thing.
(25:52):
And I want to make surethat we delineate that.
Absolutely.
So I'm happy that you areembracing your creativity and
doing all the things becauseI feel like you mentioned
people get very, very stuckand there's a necessity of
making money in this culture.
And it's for survival.
And it's sad because a lot ofpeople don't have the privilege
of leisure time because leisuretime is a freaking privilege.
(26:16):
And that's something thatI struggle with sometimes
because when I talk with peoplethat are really in this loop
of surviving, I obviouslycomes with this perspective
like do this or take onehour here and sometimes they
don't even have an hour.
And I have to check myselfbecause we are, all of us are
living in different planets,in a sense, inside the U.
(26:37):
S.
Which is the saddest thingthat I've seen in a long time.
And I wish we can do more, but Iappreciate to see so many women
coming out embracing and talkingabout creativity and burnout and
the importance of rest and selflove because I think there's
an interconnection with that.
And we might come up withsolutions for, for everyone.
(26:57):
So I applaud you for that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I did want to talk abouthow you have found your
community and connectionin the childfree space.
You mentioned that you'rethe only one in your family.
So how did you createthat for yourself?
I'm part of different typesof communities that feed
different aspects of myself.
(27:18):
That's the part I thinkthat has really helped me
really feel connected and itdoesn't need to be one group.
It's just I do, like everyonein the world, we have different
identities and things thatwe really enjoy doing.
So I'm part of a creative group.
I'm part of anentrepreneur group.
I'm part of various spiritualcommunities because spirituality
(27:39):
and resting and decolonizationwork is very important for me.
It just makes me feel likeI have this purpose of
creating the social impactlike I had mentioned before.
So it's important to feedthat aspect of myself and I'm
in different parts of that.
I have not, however, foundyet a childfree community
around the DMV area, but I'mon a hunt to find something.
(28:03):
And also for me, myfriends are family.
Because even though I do have,I have a very small family,
in a sense that I just havemy sister and my mom and I'm
not really close with my dad.
So my family was very smallfrom the get go and my
husband's family is kindof small too, in a way.
So I'm connected but becauseIt's such a small family, I'm
(28:27):
more connected with my friends.
So I see, that's the reasonI see my friends as family
and I'm very picky with thepeople I have around me.
I try to nourish thoserelationships constantly and
I do prioritize my friendshipsand my life because that's
where I feel connected andfulfilled and joyful and also
being part of different things.
That's the way I've found it.
(28:47):
I've found them in differentways, virtually, in physical,
like in physical groups, andI like to test things out.
So, I've been part ofdifferent ones, but if they
don't work, I bounce out.
If this is not bringing mejoy, or it feels a little
off, I'm bouncing out andI'm finding another one.
But right now, I'm like in fouror five groups that I feel like
(29:08):
they're good, and it makes mefeel like I'm connected to the
ecosystem, if that makes sense.
I think that's wonderful,and it really speaks to what
I was trying to accomplishwith Non-Mom May, that you
were number 20 on, were you?
I think so.
Yeah.
And I'm just trying tobring together women
who don't have children.
Because not everybody that'schildfree started there.
(29:30):
Some people had to go througha painful journey to get
there, and to the other side.
And then learn that there wasfreedom there that they hadn't
recognized, and they couldstill create a thriving life.
And so that's what thatcommunity has meant for me.
So I'm really grateful to havewomen like you be a part of
that, and stand up and takea stand and say, I can do
(29:52):
this, you can do this too.
I think that's really specialand multiple communities
are important because whenyou put all of your eggs in
one basket, it limits thediversity of the things that
you get to feel and experience.
The older you get, the moreimportant that becomes,
I think, too, becausemaking friends gets harder.
It becomes a part timejob, I've seen it set at,
(30:12):
and, and that really hit.
I was like, yeah, it takeswork, and not all of us
have the time or energy.
But the people that we endup caring for, that we lock
in with, that does become asecondary family, but that
can't be the only thing.
We were brought up aschildren to then create
our own families, right?
(30:33):
That is still part of thesocietal path because we
are pack animals, as humans.
Yes, our country pushesindividualism really hard,
but at the end of theday, people need people.
And so finding your people basedon various interests and likes.
And recognizing when one, eventhough you may have enjoyed it
(30:53):
at a time no longer serves youor it becomes a chore, that self
awareness is really important,and it's a sign of maturity.
It's so important.
So important.
Yeah.
Well, thank you somuch for being here.
We should do this again.
Where can people find you?
We'll have this allin the show notes.
TikTok is my biggest platform,at Yor Latina Wellness.
(31:15):
And Instagram.
I'm not a fan ofInstagram, sorry.
But yeah, you can find me there.
At Yor Latina Wellness as well.
Fantastic, TikTok, becausethat's where she is a sensation.
That's where you see myunhinged, more unhinged
side, more than Instagram.
You know what it's showing isthat you're really comfortable
(31:36):
with yourself, and that's areally great role model to have.
So, thank you for beingmy role model and thank
you for being on the show.
Well, thank you somuch for having me.
This conversation was greatand this is a burrito.
Hey, mira, if thisepisode made you feel
some kind of way, dígame.
Dm me on Instagram,or send me a text.
(31:58):
You can do that rightfrom your phone.
If you want to be a gueston the show and put your
story out there too, checkout the guest form on my
website at pauletterato.
com slash guest.
Yep, just my name, pauletterato.
com slash guest.
Y no se te olvide quehay más perks when you
join the newsletter.
Todos estos links estánen los show notes.
(32:19):
Muchísimas gracias foryour support y hasta la
próxima vez, cuídate bien.
Buen día mi gente, and welcometo La Vida Más Chévere de
Childfree Latinas, the onlySpanglish podcast for childfree
Latinas y Latines, helping usliberate ourselves from the
toxic cultural brainwashing weall grew up with so that we can
design our best lives instead.
I'm your host andresident childfree
Latina, Paulette Erato.
(00:24):
In part two of my interview withTikTok sensation and childfree
Latina, Yoreim Virella, we'repicking up where we left
off on last week's episode.
So if you haven't heardit, you might want to
listen to that one first.
Yoreim was about to add somenuance to the conversation
about how little supportthere is for motherhood in
our society, from postpartumdepression to parental leave.
That's right.
(00:44):
Two childfree womenare advocating for
mothers in this episode.
Like I say all the time,parents and childfree
people are not enemies.
That's a false divide.
We're members of thesame global village.
We each have something to offer.
But that phrase, it takesa village, isn't what a
lot of people think it is.
(01:06):
It sure as hell doesn't meanthat you're freely entitled
to a childfree person's timeand energy simply because
they don't have kids.
That's just one of the problemsthat our society has created.
We've also been stripped of ourempathy, that thing that makes
us connected humans, by focusingso much on individualism.
Think about it for a minute.
It's all about the I'll getmine and fuck you mentality.
(01:29):
That's not great.
So, continuing on the threadof motherhood, religion, and
conservative values, we'realso deconstructing the hot
new social media darling,the tradwife aesthetic.
Something critical that Imissed when we were talking
about tradwives, but thankfullypicked up in the edit, is
that these aesthetic tradwifevideos rarely ever have the
(01:50):
woman speaking directly toyou, only in voiceovers.
Because she's notallowed to speak.
She's not allowedto have an opinion.
She's not allowed to get angry.
They're like Stepfordwives in tradwife clothing.
And these soft life aestheticvideos are luring young people
into thinking that the quoteunquote traditional life of
(02:10):
a wife and mother is easy.
It's propaganda is what it is.
Spoiler alert!If you really want to have
a soft life, you need towork on yourself first, and
that's not necessarily easy.
But I can tell you,it is worth it.
All that and the damage that thelack of self awareness, hustle
(02:33):
culture, and a bunch of othertoxic social ills are doing to
all of us is in this episode.
Plus, to lighten it up, alittle peek into the divide
between childfree pet ownersand childfree non pet owners.
It's a treat.
Let's get into it.
Oh my God.
Yes.
(02:53):
I mean, everythingyou're saying.
This is like topicsthat I'm very passionate
about and I agree 100%.
I do want to add to thediscourse that I do feel
that obviously there's achoice that you make, right?
Like before becoming a parentand it's important for you
to do the work and havethe deeper conversations
(03:14):
like you mentioned.
I do feel the way we live,especially here in the U.
S.
and I'm going to justconcentrate here because
it's where we live, right?
Okay.
But, because we are in aculture of busyness, and
everything is so fast paced,people literally don't have
the time to sit down, that'swhat I've seen, to sit down
(03:36):
and actually consciously decidethis is what I have to do.
Because a lot of communities arein survival mode because this
culture wants that to happen.
So I think that's one of thethings I tend to say a lot
in my videos is like, this isconscious work and we don't
live in a conscious society.
(03:57):
Because it does requirea level of depthness that
people don't want to go there.
It can be scary.
There's a lot of conflict.
Sitting down with yourself,being okay with being alone,
people don't like that.
Weirdly enough, like, Iabsolutely love sitting down,
reading a good book, andhaving a good conversation.
But people are scared ofhaving time for themselves.
(04:20):
So there's a lot ofcodependency happening.
They want to be surrounded withnoise and they don't want to
think, that's what's going on.
So I think that definitelycontributes to this mentality
of like well I'll have kidsand I'm not going to think it
through and I turn out well.
But you didn't.
Self awareness.
We lack self awareness.
(04:41):
So it is, it's almost what, like80 percent of people lack self
awareness or read somewhere.
That's crazy.
That's like areally high number.
We are biological wiredin a way to have kids.
So kids are not an achievement.
Like anyone can have kids.
Now, raising a person, likeyou mentioned, who is a
well rounded individual tocontribute to society, that's
(05:02):
an achievement by itself.
And it takes a lot of work.
So it's, it's interestinghow people just feel like
having a kid is just trivial.
And the thing is, another thingthat you touch on, you have this
people, wounded people, havingchildren, and it's becomes
this competition and abuseand this instability at home.
And who are the ones who needto deal with that in society?
(05:26):
It's us.
The rest of us.
Like, we as citizens,we literally have to fix
this in a way, right?
But they don't takeaccountability, they think
their kids turn out right,but they're like robbing
and doing other crap.
You know what I mean?
So it's just, it's like, oh,I'll do this, I'll have my
little kids, and then likethey can do whatever, and
then we are the ones whoneed to deal with everything,
(05:47):
like everything else.
So that's why, to be a parent,there has to be conscious
work to happen, right?
Because there has to bea consideration of others
also in the community whenyou bring a child here.
So, yeah, I agree with you.
What's so interesting,as you were saying all
of this, I realized thatphrase, it takes a village.
(06:07):
So many people throw thataround as a way of claiming
entitlement to otherpeople's time and energy.
But at the same time, thevillage is made up of all of us.
The village exists so that wecan all depend on one another.
And that requires empathy,which I don't think we have.
(06:28):
It's so hard because oursociety, again, without social
safety nets, without resourcesfor families, for parents, for
mothers, It has been stripped.
It is socially acceptableto not be empathetic.
Yes.
Which is strippingyourself of your humanity.
And that's gross.
(06:48):
What kind of ridiculousbackwards thinking is that?
I'm out to get mine,but I want your village.
Let's all just go becomeGenghis Khan then.
Just go storming throughand taking whatever
the fuck we want.
Right, right.
It's a very individualistic wayof thinking and entitlement,
(07:08):
like you mentioned.
It's just pervasive and it'sso normalized in our culture
because of the economics andthe type of culture we live in.
Like we live in a verycapitalistic society that
competition indivisualismis what's on top and
is what is rewarded.
And entitlement.
So like you mentioned,the village is about
(07:30):
society as a whole.
Safety nets are amust in this aspect.
It's interesting.
I'm going to say thisbecause obviously this
culture revolves aroundpatriarchy and capitalism.
And I feel like we keep saying,Oh, well, you're a woman.
You have to have children,you know, the declining
rates, what's going tohappen to us as a society?
(07:52):
And I'd like to say this, theU S preaches this in a way
like cómo decimos en español,la moral en calzoncillos.
Like they want you todo something but at the
same time they don't haveanything to do with looking
for support for mothers.
So I almost feel likewomen even get penalized
for having children.
(08:14):
Of course they do.
Right?
When I say this mothersget pissed at me but I'm
just saying what I see.
So for example, It was adocumentary on Netflix, came out
like probably four or five yearsago, but it was talking about
the Black motherhood experience.
And the issue with the risingmortality rates for motherhood,
which we know is horriblehere, and I think American
(08:35):
mothers die in childbirthat a higher rate than any
other developed country.
Any other.
And if we factor blackand brown mothers, the
numbers go even higher.
So how is that even possible?
When we all want to havebabies, but our healthcare
system fails mothers, in a way.
And then let's not eventalk about the raise in
(08:58):
postpartum depression,like the stories you hear.
But when the woman getspregnant, everyone celebrates
it, the baby showers.
We cannot stress the mother.
They're developing a baby.
Well, everyone steps in.
I feel like as a society,everyone steps in.
However, when the womangives birth to the baby, the
person who created this lifeis left in the back burner.
(09:19):
And they are literally left tofigure things out by themselves.
So now it's around the babyonly, nothing about the mother.
So it speaks about that,the way the society sees
a woman as a whole, right?
Like there's noprioritization of who we are.
And the way they see us it'slike we're less than, we're
(09:40):
just fulfilling a role.
That's all we are.
We're here to procreate,bring the babies, and
babies become workers.
We could talk about eventhe complexity of that.
But even with, and I think thisis the one that gets me the
most, just because I work inhuman resources, so I see this
a lot, is the lack of workplaceaccommodations for mothers.
(10:01):
So we're talkingabout parental leave.
I know there's been thiswhole thing with the last
years and change of policies.
We have some places that provideparental leave, which is great.
But it's only three months.
We have European countries thatgive you almost like in a year
and a half of parental leave.
And even with that policy changethat we had at the federal
(10:22):
level, still to this day,only 12 percent of employers
actually provide parental leave.
12%! When we have a workforcethat is built around females.
There are more females in theworkforce than males right now.
So, it's hard to see, and thenobviously the inflexibility
in schedules, when theyneed to take care of their
(10:43):
babies, and even the lactatingrooms for new mothers.
Like, there's barelyexistence of that.
And let's not eventalk about childcare.
The subsidized childcare employers, there's
almost nonexistence.
Child care now costslike a mortgage.
It's ridiculous.
I had some friends that hada baby, a couple years ago.
And I remember when that waslike, when the child care
(11:05):
prices were going up and theiremployer used to provide a
little bit of subsidize andthey had like a really good
child care, like for one to fouryears old, they were already
planning to have the baby.
They had to put themselvesin a waiting list.
For three years, beforehaving the di How is
that having the baby?
Like, how, how is this so...
(11:26):
you want people tohave babies, but then
everything is unaccessible.
How is that even possible?
It's sad to see.
It's honestly so sadto see, and I refuse to
participate in a systemthat sees me as less than.
And I feel bad of all thepeople that have, and there are
people that have told me, withtheir children and all that,
that they love very much, butthey're like, If I knew If this
(11:48):
was going to be like this, Iwould have not had children.
But they can't say that outloud because then the attacks
come, you know how that is.
Yeah.
And I, I've said this many timeson this show and other people's
shows, I really appreciatewhen people are honest and
say all of the taboo things.
Our existence is already taboo.
We are pitted against parentsin this false dichotomy and I
(12:11):
have family who have children.
Those children areimportant to me.
We're a village.
And so those parentsare not my enemies.
We're not, that's just so dumb.
So getting past that, but at thesame time, have the baby, you
get the status, but then you getzero support from our society.
And God forbid, if you're notwealthy enough to afford to be
(12:35):
able to take all that time off.
Three months to raise a child.
But they can't go toschool for four years.
So, what are we supposedto do with this new person?
Who we need in society becausesociety demands more laborers.
But for the first four yearsof their life, their parents,
if they're lucky enoughto work in one of those 12
(12:56):
percent of companies, great.
They may have a little bitmore support, but come on.
Like I said, it's settingpeople up for failure and
it's just, it's disgusting.
I don't see howpeople don't see this.
And I don't see how wehaven't rebelled against this.
Obviously we're trying todo our part here, but at
the same time, we can onlymove the needle so much.
(13:19):
If you want to be quitehonest, the reason that
they keep rolling back thesedecisions like Roe versus
Wade and whatever comesnext is because they want us
to remain stupid and poor.
So that all we dois make babies.
So that they have more workers.
I mean, come on.
It's so freaking clear.
(13:42):
The agenda is right there.
The agenda is very obvious.
But back to what we weresaying about parents
saying the taboo things.
There's a subreddit calledRegretful Parents, and it
is so sad to read throughthis, and most of the time
I see it reposted to otherplaces where it's like the
protagonist, the person whoposted it is deemed the devil,
(14:03):
right, like am I the devil?
And I think the problem withthat is because someone admits,
I didn't want to do this, Idon't want to do it anymore.
They are morally broken,they are morally bankrupt.
But we set them up for failure.
And if we had a little bitmore empathy, maybe, maybe we
(14:24):
would see what's really goingon there is that they thought
they knew what they were gettinginto going into it, but they
didn't because the realityis so much more difficult.
And you don't get supportbecause no one has empathy
because everybody's justtrying to get their own and
fuck you, I've got mine.
That's exactly it, but remember,it's a societal, it's a
(14:44):
It's a systemic problem.
Yes, it's a systemicproblem for sure.
We have been conditionedto be this way.
Like we were discussingbefore and we actually took
the time to kind of take astep back and reflect and
connect with one another, itwill be a different story.
Obviously, we have all thisgoing on with women's rights
and abortion rights andit's really, really scary
(15:06):
because we're pretty muchtrying to go back in time.
And this is gonna be afight that we're gonna be
fighting for some time.
That's how I feel.
However, I think there isalmost like this awakening.
I know this sounds like, I tryto not use this word because
it sounds a little too mysticaland too out there, but I do
believe there's this type ofawakening that people are seeing
(15:27):
agendas a little bit more clear.
And that's why you see morepeople really taking up space,
in order to talk about theseconversations, in order to
put taboo subjects out there,to really empower women to
make the right decisions.
However, we also see thiscounter movement with the trad
wives and this romanticization.
(15:49):
I know.
Uh, uh, uh.
I have made and deleted so manyreels and videos about the trad
wife lifestyle, how it's just afront for conservative values.
I'm doing air quotes herebecause that's bullshit.
And I am never in the rightheadspace for what the
effect is going to be after.
(16:10):
I'm going to be puttingmyself into a debate.
And I don't have themental space for that.
I don't have the emotionalbandwidth for it, but I
have very strong feelingsabout it because it
pisses me off because it'sselling, it's selling a lie.
It is selling a lie.
That's the agenda.
(16:31):
And also I get where you'recoming from because that's
one of the reasons I'm verypassionate about policy and
changes and this type of work.
However, you don't see me eventhough I might do videos here
and there right in my accounttalking about certain things.
I try my best tostay out of politics.
Because of that.
Because I don't want to fallinto this lion's den because we
(16:52):
live in so polarized world thatthe armies are from both sides.
So I'm like, do I really havethat mental capacity like you
said, like, can I take this?
Because when you put avideo out there, it's like
you're taking a stand.
And it's just, you have torethink about how that will
be impacted, and I feel likethe, the energy out there
(17:14):
is so wild and unstable.
And toxic! Yes, very toxic.
Yeah, but the tradwife things,it's definitely an agenda for
conservative values, and there'sa recruitment for a lot of
religious groups doing this.
They discovered that socialmedia is a power tool, and
they're doing this aesthetic,and I think I've said
this in one of my videos.
(17:34):
There was one time that Italk about, the aesthetic
influencer, there has beenthis rise of aesthetics and
beauty of like the tradwife.
Because in a sense youcannot show your values.
You cannot because you're notspeaking your opinions, right?
So you just see the beauty andthe organization and that lures
people in and it's just likesubconsciously changes the shape
(17:56):
of like, oh, that looks so easy.
And I've seen comments inthese tradwives accounts are
like, oh my god, you makemotherhood look so beautiful.
I'm like, that's exactlywhat they're trying to do.
Yes, they're sellingyou something.
It's so crazy, butdefinitely, it's right there.
A lot of people go tosocial media to escape.
So I know that's where theirattraction from tradwives
(18:18):
comes from, because they'revery good with strategy.
They're smart as hellwith strategy and how
to subconsciously shapethese people, especially
the young folks.
I'm a little concerned aboutthe young Latinas right now,
because there's this womenempowerment movement, and
then also trying to bringthem back this soft life.
Which also has to dowith conservative values.
(18:40):
Yeah, so there's a lot ofagendas happening right now.
You know what, Yoreim?
I bet you we couldmake an argument that
we have soft lives.
We do.
Actually yeah, we do.
We do.
Because my life has oneless complication in it for
every child I don't have.
I don't even have pets.
(19:00):
And I know that, okay, inthe childfree community,
that is a status symbol.
That's so true.
Are you calling us out?
What's going on?
No, I'm just saying it'sfine if you have pets.
Just like I said, it'sfine if you have kids.
It doesn't negatively impact me.
(19:21):
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, even withinthe childfree space,
I'm still an anomaly.
Right, right.
That's true, because you sawme, and I can call myself out.
I was like, oh, you have pets?
Why would I even justthink, like, everyone
has pets, all right?
Like, why would I think that?
But you see, that's why I saythat you have to be willing
to call yourself out, becausewe all have stereotypes
(19:43):
and biases and subconsciousthings that just come out.
And when it comes out,you're like, Whoa,
like why would, what?
And it's great that you cancheck yourself because that
requires self awareness, right?
Which is not somethingwe teach to people.
This is something youhave to learn on your own.
And that shit's hard.
It is hard when you don'thave a guide post, a roadmap.
(20:05):
How, how do I become awareof what I want when I
don't know what I want?
We'll start withwhat you don't want.
That's one tactic.
I mean, I determinedreally early on that...
I didn't meet myhusband until I was 34.
So both my brothershad kids by that point.
And I was like, okay, I'm justgoing to be the cool aunt.
I'm going to be the titi.
And I was really happybeing single and the titi.
(20:27):
I had time.
I had my own money.
I had my own space.
And then he came along and.
If my life had gone in adifferent direction, I hope
I would have still beenhappy, because I was happy.
I was a full humanbeing by myself.
And then along came myperson, like you were
describing your husband.
I think it's also an exampleof we get to change as people.
(20:52):
We get to grow.
At the end of the day,regardless of whether or not
you have children, I hopeyou are working on yourself.
Yes.
So that you become self awareand can then pass that on
to your sphere of influence,whether that be your children
or your friends and whatever.
Absolutely.
(21:13):
I think that's the key ofliving a very good life.
Learning about yourself, lovingyourself and self awareness.
And I know there's thismovement with the healing
thing and I've been in ahealing journey myself.
I think we will never be healedfrom things, but the idea is
to become better humans thanwe've been before, right?
Like just a littlebit in understanding.
(21:35):
I think it's importantto be very honest with
yourself when life changes.
Uh, and sometimes youmight be very stuck in
something and you're obsessedwith it and that's like
something happens that itchanged your perspective.
And that's growth and that'swhat makes us evolve and
be better human beings.
So, for me, it's alwaysbeen interesting when, when
a lot of people say, oh,I love this person because
(21:57):
they've been exactly the sameway since they've been 12.
I'm like, I mean, I don'tthink that's good, though.
No, I, the person whoI was at 12 didn't know
anything about the world.
I mean, come on.
Now, there's anotherside to that.
We could put it in apositive light where.
They were always a good person.
(22:18):
They shined their lighton others and they have
continued that into adulthood.
Okay, great.
That's an example.
That's not the only exampleof being a good person.
But I am NOT who I was at 12.
I'm not who I was at 34when I met my husband.
And I am proud of thewoman that I am today.
I'm proud of the person I wasin each of those eras, and maybe
(22:38):
I've done things in my pastthat I'm not proud of, but I
have grown and I have changedand I have become better.
Right.
And I'm hoping that we'reall doing that, but you're
right, all too often, wedon't make the time because
life is just constant hustle.
Yeah.
And you get stuck in the loopand like I said, you really
(23:00):
have to deconstruct and reallybe conscious and really put the
intention of like, wait, whyam I getting looped into it?
I used to be like that allthe time and I think that's
the reason I'm very awareof it and I use it for
myself, to check myself.
I used to be so busy.
If you live in cities, lifeis like, everyone is doing
(23:20):
500 things at the same time.
It's like, if you're notbusy, what are you doing?
It's just this mentalityhere in the US.
And I used to be busy,and I used to be traveling
all the time, and it wasalways something to do.
And then I never had time todo the things I always wanted
to do, like create, or just becreative and just be myself.
And when 2020 came, thatwas a collective awakening
(23:41):
for everyone, I think.
There was a lot of bad thingsthat happened, and we were
traumatized collectively, andwe're still dealing with that.
A lot of people don'tunderstand this, but we are.
We also had time to reflect onhow we wanted to live our lives.
And that was for me, thevery key moment when I said,
(24:01):
okay, so I always been acreative, I always wanted to
do all this stuff, but I'mso busy with work and travel.
Even though I love traveling,I didn't have time to be
alone and do stuff thatI wanted to do forever.
And that was my turning point.
So I feel like 2020 reallywas a turning point for a lot
of people on a global scale.
And I think we are moreconscious of it, although we
(24:23):
still have a lot of work to do.
And, but I sometimescatch myself.
I have to catchmyself, especially with
work and everything.
I'm like, no, Yoreim,you have to prioritize.
And I have to prioritize rest,for my health, and I really
have to prioritize creativity.
And that's the reason Ido my videos and all that,
because that fulfills me.
You know what I mean?
That lights me up, just talking,just being silly and stupid.
(24:44):
That actually, like, it's goodfor me, like, for my heart.
Does that make sense?
That's probably whyyou're so successful at
it, because you enjoy it.
I do enjoy it, for sure.
Yeah, and it's obvious you do.
And I, I enjoy watching them.
I am in your audience.
All the things you're sayingabout creativity, that's
how this podcast started.
It started as a way to helppeople find their creative
(25:08):
light, their creativeforce, their, their,
just their creativity.
Because our society, again, onceagain, we're talking about toxic
cultural norms, kills it for us.
So many adults walk aroundthinking, I'm not creative.
Because that's seen asless than, and that's so
diminishing of one's potential.
But again, if it doesn'tserve the patriarchy.
(25:30):
And the profits too!The idea that everything
has to be monetized andnothing can just be for
you, it's a hustle culture.
And hustle culture is toxic.
End of story.
However, I do understand you andI are speaking from a point of
privilege that some people haveto hustle to make ends meet.
And that is a completelydifferent thing.
That's true.
That is a completelydifferent thing.
(25:52):
And I want to make surethat we delineate that.
Absolutely.
So I'm happy that you areembracing your creativity and
doing all the things becauseI feel like you mentioned
people get very, very stuckand there's a necessity of
making money in this culture.
And it's for survival.
And it's sad because a lot ofpeople don't have the privilege
of leisure time because leisuretime is a freaking privilege.
(26:16):
And that's something thatI struggle with sometimes
because when I talk with peoplethat are really in this loop
of surviving, I obviouslycomes with this perspective
like do this or take onehour here and sometimes they
don't even have an hour.
And I have to check myselfbecause we are, all of us are
living in different planets,in a sense, inside the U.
(26:37):
S.
Which is the saddest thingthat I've seen in a long time.
And I wish we can do more, but Iappreciate to see so many women
coming out embracing and talkingabout creativity and burnout and
the importance of rest and selflove because I think there's
an interconnection with that.
And we might come up withsolutions for, for everyone.
(26:57):
So I applaud you for that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I did want to talk abouthow you have found your
community and connectionin the childfree space.
You mentioned that you'rethe only one in your family.
So how did you createthat for yourself?
I'm part of different typesof communities that feed
different aspects of myself.
(27:18):
That's the part I thinkthat has really helped me
really feel connected and itdoesn't need to be one group.
It's just I do, like everyonein the world, we have different
identities and things thatwe really enjoy doing.
So I'm part of a creative group.
I'm part of anentrepreneur group.
I'm part of various spiritualcommunities because spirituality
(27:39):
and resting and decolonizationwork is very important for me.
It just makes me feel likeI have this purpose of
creating the social impactlike I had mentioned before.
So it's important to feedthat aspect of myself and I'm
in different parts of that.
I have not, however, foundyet a childfree community
around the DMV area, but I'mon a hunt to find something.
(28:03):
And also for me, myfriends are family.
Because even though I do have,I have a very small family,
in a sense that I just havemy sister and my mom and I'm
not really close with my dad.
So my family was very smallfrom the get go and my
husband's family is kindof small too, in a way.
So I'm connected but becauseIt's such a small family, I'm
(28:27):
more connected with my friends.
So I see, that's the reasonI see my friends as family
and I'm very picky with thepeople I have around me.
I try to nourish thoserelationships constantly and
I do prioritize my friendshipsand my life because that's
where I feel connected andfulfilled and joyful and also
being part of different things.
That's the way I've found it.
(28:47):
I've found them in differentways, virtually, in physical,
like in physical groups, andI like to test things out.
So, I've been part ofdifferent ones, but if they
don't work, I bounce out.
If this is not bringing mejoy, or it feels a little
off, I'm bouncing out andI'm finding another one.
But right now, I'm like in fouror five groups that I feel like
(29:08):
they're good, and it makes mefeel like I'm connected to the
ecosystem, if that makes sense.
I think that's wonderful,and it really speaks to what
I was trying to accomplishwith Non-Mom May, that you
were number 20 on, were you?
I think so.
Yeah.
And I'm just trying tobring together women
who don't have children.
Because not everybody that'schildfree started there.
(29:30):
Some people had to go througha painful journey to get
there, and to the other side.
And then learn that there wasfreedom there that they hadn't
recognized, and they couldstill create a thriving life.
And so that's what thatcommunity has meant for me.
So I'm really grateful to havewomen like you be a part of
that, and stand up and takea stand and say, I can do
(29:52):
this, you can do this too.
I think that's really specialand multiple communities
are important because whenyou put all of your eggs in
one basket, it limits thediversity of the things that
you get to feel and experience.
The older you get, the moreimportant that becomes,
I think, too, becausemaking friends gets harder.
It becomes a part timejob, I've seen it set at,
(30:12):
and, and that really hit.
I was like, yeah, it takeswork, and not all of us
have the time or energy.
But the people that we endup caring for, that we lock
in with, that does become asecondary family, but that
can't be the only thing.
We were brought up aschildren to then create
our own families, right?
(30:33):
That is still part of thesocietal path because we
are pack animals, as humans.
Yes, our country pushesindividualism really hard,
but at the end of theday, people need people.
And so finding your people basedon various interests and likes.
And recognizing when one, eventhough you may have enjoyed it
(30:53):
at a time no longer serves youor it becomes a chore, that self
awareness is really important,and it's a sign of maturity.
It's so important.
So important.
Yeah.
Well, thank you somuch for being here.
We should do this again.
Where can people find you?
We'll have this allin the show notes.
TikTok is my biggest platform,at Yor Latina Wellness.
(31:15):
And Instagram.
I'm not a fan ofInstagram, sorry.
But yeah, you can find me there.
At Yor Latina Wellness as well.
Fantastic, TikTok, becausethat's where she is a sensation.
That's where you see myunhinged, more unhinged
side, more than Instagram.
You know what it's showing isthat you're really comfortable
(31:36):
with yourself, and that's areally great role model to have.
So, thank you for beingmy role model and thank
you for being on the show.
Well, thank you somuch for having me.
This conversation was greatand this is a burrito.
Hey, mira, if thisepisode made you feel
some kind of way, dígame.
Dm me on Instagram,or send me a text.
(31:58):
You can do that rightfrom your phone.
If you want to be a gueston the show and put your
story out there too, checkout the guest form on my
website at pauletterato.
com slash guest.
Yep, just my name, pauletterato.
com slash guest.
Y no se te olvide quehay más perks when you
join the newsletter.
Todos estos links estánen los show notes.
(32:19):
Muchísimas gracias foryour support y hasta la
próxima vez, cuídate bien.
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