February 18, 2025 • 23 mins
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Ep #82 - If you had a negative friend who always brought down the group hang, you'd eventually stop inviting them out, right? So why do you put up with this dismal friend inside your own head??
Imposter syndrome and its champion, your inner critic, will keep you feeling small, scared, and accomplishing nothing of note. Because what that inner critic wants most for you is to be safe, except it does that through fear. Like the saying goes: a ship in a harbor is safe but that is not what ships are built for.
You're built for way more than what your imposter syndrome allows you to believe. So let's begin dismantling it by creating an inner cheerleader instead. Rewire your brain to support your endeavors without questioning if you're worthy and let's boost your self-confidence so we can deal with...everything else.
To get the full show notes, and an episode transcript, go to PauletteErato.com/shownotes. This is episode 82.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Buen dia mi gente, andwelcome to La Vida Más
Chévere de Childfree Latinas.
The only Spanglish podcastfor childfree Latinas y
Latines, helping us liberateourselves from the toxic
cultural brainwashing we allgrew up with, so that we can
design our best lives instead.
I'm your host andresident childfree
Latina, Paulette Erato.
(00:24):
I played in a pickleballtournament this past weekend.
It was a lot of fun.
And one of the more advancedplayers brought a whole
cheering squad with her.
And that was beautiful.
Remember how way back inepisode seven, we talked
about a marathon and howstrategically placing your
cheer squad along the routekeeps you motivated, keeps you
moving towards the finish line?
(00:45):
How do we develop aninternal cheering squad?
How do we keep ourselvesmoving towards that finish line
when it feels like everythingaround us is crumbling?
Last episode, comparing TomBrady today to Tom Brady
the GOAT, I mentioned thatthe next episode was going
to be about achieving thefuture you imagine for
yourself, and we'll get there.
But before we do, we need totake a step back and examine a
(01:07):
huge stumbling block that getsin the way of us succeeding.
More often than not, impostersyndrome rears its ugly head
and makes us second guess allour decisions and actions.
Sometimes it's alsoaccompanied by the fear of
success, but that's a topicfor a different episode.
So let's talk aboutimposter syndrome and its
(01:28):
champion, your inner critic.
If you've ever talked yourselfout of going for a promotion,
or starting a new project,a new career, a new hobby,
whatever, it's probably becauseyou heard a little voice
inside your head that told you,"no, you're not good enough.
Who do you think you are?"And because communication
skills are the cornerstoneof success in this life,
(01:51):
the way we talk to ourselvesis monumentally important.
So today I want to talk toyou about that very thing.
How to improve theconversation with ourselves.
That voice inside yourhead probably sounds like
someone from your past, too.
Weird how that works.
(02:13):
When you were a kid or maybeeven a little older, someone
called you gorda or fea, or toldyou that you're too loud or too
quiet, too hard or too soft.
Too bossy or too gullible.
Maybe they even saidthose five dreaded words,
calladita te ves más bonita.
All of that killed yourdesire to speak up.
(02:35):
Go back to episode 79, if youwant to relearn how to use your
voice for the power of good.
Someone, or maybe acouple of someone's in our
formative or even lateryears made us feel small.
And we internalized theirvoice or voices as our personal
barometer of whether or notwe're worthy of opportunities
that come our way oropportunities that we create.
(02:57):
That my friend isyour inner critic.
Why do we do this?
Because as humans, we'rewired to be hypersensitive
to the negative.
It's a feature, not a bugof the human condition.
You come into this world witha sensitivity to the negative.
A negative bias.
So, first, I want you to realizethat this happens to everyone.
(03:20):
You are not alone in this.
Even people like Oprah,and yes, Tom Brady have a
Negative Nelly in their heads.
But they've learnedto manage it.
And today I'm going to get youstarted on reining yours in too.
In the way back when,this sensitivity was an
evolutionary advantage.
When early humans were in apanic or a dangerous situation,
(03:43):
like a saber toothed tigerwas hiding in the grass,
they had to decide whetherthey were going to fight or
whether they were going to run.
And we still have thoseinstincts deep inside our brain.
It's a natural panic response.
So the way that we've evolvedto protect ourselves is
by always thinking that asituation could go badly.
That there might be a sabertoothed tiger, or its modern
(04:06):
equivalent, hiding in the grass.
We might have to fight,or we might have to run.
And most things arejust not that serious.
But the critic has remainedthere all this time, very
vocally trying to protect you.
As a species, we've evolvedpast our base animal instincts.
(04:27):
We've also developedadditional responses and
attributes like kindness andempathy for other people.
If you've seen the videofloating around of Governor
JB Pritzker of Illinois, youknow that we have survived as
a species by being suspiciousabout things that are different
from us, like the saber toothedtiger, and taking a skeptical
lens to everything in our view.
(04:48):
Let me quote him here foryou, and a link will be in
the show notes to this video.
"In order to be kind, we have toshut down that animal instinct
and force our brain to travel adifferent pathway. Empathy and
compassion are evolved statesof being, and they require
the mental capacity to steppast our most primal urges."
End quote.
(05:08):
He started that speech bysaying the best way to spot
an idiot is to look forthe person who is cruel.
I believe that you,my dear friend, are an
evolved human being.
You know kindnessand you know empathy.
I believe this becauseyou wouldn't be listening
to this show if you weretruly mean or malicious.
(05:29):
My audience isn't made upof people who are savages.
It's made up of people whocan and want to see beyond
the limits they've been toldthey have to stay within.
You've evolved to see pastthe capitalist marketing and
behind the curtain so you knowthat it's all lies and BS.
Congratulations.
So how do we deal with it?
(05:50):
Over a few episodes, I'llgive you various ways to start
evolving past imposter syndrome,but I'm not going to lie.
All of them take work.
So don't think that you'regoing to wake up tomorrow
after listening to thisepisode and solve your case.
It doesn't work that way.
You don't become a master chefthe first day in the kitchen.
And you aren't automaticallya master baker just because
(06:12):
you're an excellent chef.
Those are two wildlydifferent skill sets.
Like Tom Brady the quarterbackand Tom Brady the commentator.
You will be new at this.
So embrace being new likeI talked about in episode
10 and the last one.
Also, I'm pretty sure I madean episode about kindness.
These will all be linkedin the show notes.
(06:32):
Creating the pathways thatGovernor Pritzker mentioned
takes practice, like any skill.
And that's all thisis, a learned skill.
So let's talk about creatingthe inner cheerleader.
By the way, this episode istaken from one of my signature
talks, and it is alwaysreally well received with the
(06:53):
addition of an interactiveportion for the audience, a
crowdsourced playlist thatempowers the individuals to
overcome their inner critics.
If you'd like me to deliverthis for your organization,
reach out to me throughthe link in the show notes.
Before we jump in, let'sbe clear that this is not
about toxic positivityor ignoring reality.
(07:13):
This is about coping with thedumpster fire that is all around
us and soothing ourselves whilealso trying to be a good human
in this current environment.
Later on, we'll talk aboutdelusions we can create to
cope, but for now, let'stake this first step.
Have you heard thestory of the two wolves?
It's an indigenous talethat goes like this.
(07:34):
Inside every person,there are two wolves.
The one wolf is fullof hope, and the other
wolf is full of despair.
They're always in a battle.
So which one wins?
The one that you feed.
And you get to decide.
Do you want to feed the onethat's full of hope, what
we'll call the cheerleader?
Or do you wanna feedthe one that's full of
(07:55):
despair, the critic?
It's very easy tooverfeed the critic.
That voice is always there.
It actually doesn't needany more attention, and
certainly does not needany more food, because the
critic's already really loud.
And where that criticis, is based in fear.
Fear of looking stupid, fear ofnot knowing the answer, fear of
(08:18):
being found out you're a fraud.
And yes, even fear of success.
Let's focus on creating thecounterpart to the inner critic
who is actually excited foryou and supports you doing new
and maybe scary things insteadof making you feel like crap.
And too scared to moveforward, paralyzed by
either fear or indecision.
(08:38):
First, I want you to imaginethis wacky world where the
default built in NegativeNelly that's in your head is
actually a friend that onlysays good things to you.
You're not scared to try newthings because your inner
voice, your inner dialogueis all about great potential
outcomes and not scary what ifs.
How different would your outlookbe if you had a positive voice
(09:01):
in your head all the timeinstead of a critical one?
What most people don'trealize is that we have
complete control over howand what we think and feel.
We can change our negativethoughts into positive
ones and vice versa.
But most people don't.
They accept whateverthey feel as fact.
(09:23):
And it's not.
That's actually prettydangerous thinking, because
our feelings are not facts.
Let me say that again, becausethis is crucially important.
Feelings are not facts.
Most people experiencetheir feelings passively,
like it's the weatherthat happens to them.
"Oh, there's a cloud.
Like, you're just at the mercyof whatever feeling comes by.
(09:46):
We say things like, "I feel blahtoday," or "that dude pissed
me off." And then we just letourselves sit there in this
cesspool of emotions as if wehave zero control over them.
But you do.
The key is understanding howyour feelings are created
and to stop treating thempassively so that your inner
critic doesn't keep youin those nasty feelings.
(10:08):
And hey, you're allowed tohave bad feelings, but you
don't want to stew in themand let them color your
perception of everything.
You want to be able toprocess them and then let
them go so you can move on.
Before we continue, let megive you a quick overview of
how our brains work and whereour feelings come into play.
I want to explain how weform thoughts and base
(10:31):
our actions on them.
When there are circumstancesthat happen around us,
all of that enters yourbrain, your big beautiful
brain, and it interpretsit and assigns it meaning.
It's instantaneous, thisthought that it has, and
immediately thereafter, youdevelop an emotion about it.
You create a feelingabout that thought.
(10:51):
That feeling thengenerates a reaction.
So if we see, hear, smell,taste, or intuit something about
our surroundings, we instantlycreate a thought or feeling,
and that leads to a reaction.
And when we have those thoughts,our inner critic, who again, is
just trying to protect us, wrapsthem up in negative nonsense.
(11:12):
So, we have thoughts, weform negative feelings about
those thoughts, and thosenegative feelings then impact
our actions, which can leadto not so great results.
For example, if it'sraining when you wake up,
your brain can immediatelyinterpret this as either a
bad thing, or a good thing.
Your first thought might be,"Crap, now there's gonna be
a ton of traffic, and I'mgonna be stuck in it, now
(11:33):
I'm gonna be late, and theregoes the rest of my day,
dammit." What happened here?
Your brain took that rain,the circumstances, and created
thoughts and feelings about it.
And in between, your innercritic decided those feelings
were going to be negative.
So your reaction to them is thatthis is a bad start to your day.
(11:53):
Later on, if you spill coffeeon yourself, then your brain is
going to use that as proof as,"Hey, I told you, you were going
to have a bad day." It becomesa self fulfilling prophecy.
But what if we didn'tleave ourselves at the
mercy of the critic?
What if we actually took controlof how we felt about the rain?
Rain is just rain.
(12:14):
It's a natural occurrence.
You can make up anystory you want about it.
It can be negative orit can be positive.
You get to decide.
What if instead we thought,"hey, rain is good.
Maybe I'm going to save myselffrom the morning commute
and just work from home.
Rain makes the grasswet, which smells good.
(12:35):
And when it stops raining,there's going to be puddles.
And then the air will be soclean." Instead of being mad
about the rain, what if youjust had a different emotion?
What if you said, I'mgrateful for the rain?
In this scenario, if you doend up spilling coffee on
yourself, then that's just onelittle thing that happened.
It's an oops.
It's not an indictmentof your entire day.
(12:57):
Now that you know that youcan change the thoughts
in your head, let's startmolding the counterpart
to the inner critic we'recalling the inner cheerleader.
Let's feed the cheerleader.
Better yet, since we're here,let's develop an entire cheer
team, a whole cheering squad.
You can also think of this cheersquad as a single mind gardener.
(13:19):
I got this idea from anaffirmation card, so I'm
going to read it to you.
The card says, "in thegarden of my mind, I water
the good thoughts and Iweed out the bad ones.
I throw in forgiveness andempathy seeds by the handful
if I want, and I take alawnmower to the jealousy
and resentment patch.
I'm a pretty badass mindgardener." That's just like
what Governor Pritzker said.
(13:40):
Kindness.
Empathy.
Here's anotherquote I really like.
"There's a voice ofinspiration within me.
Right now, it's only a whisper.
But the more I listen,the louder it will get.
Soon, it will be a flawlessspeech voiced by James Earl
Jones through a megaphonewith lots of applause."
At first, your cheerleader mayonly be one single solitary
(14:04):
whisper against the loudcrankiness of the inner critic.
But how do cheerleaderslearn their routines?
The same way anyone learnsto ride a bike, through
practice and repetition.
Your cheering squad is goingto give you lots of applause,
because its sole purpose is tocheer you on, like that group
at pickleball this weekend.
(14:24):
You have to practice it justlike any good cheer team.
Practice speaking positivelyto ourselves because we're
so used to the inner criticwho's again only trying to
protect us, but it does itthrough the lens of fear.
So we have to practicethis mind gardening.
This practice is importantbecause what we're actually
doing is creating new neuralconnections in our brain.
(14:47):
See, your brain loves to learn.
It was made for learning.
But it wants to do that in themost efficient way possible.
And it needs proofthat these things are
actually going to work.
It already has proof thatthe negative thing works
because it's kept you aliveall this time doing just that.
So because your brain isso used to it, it's like
a well traveled freeway.
(15:08):
That's efficiency.
It's just going through thesame paths it's already used to.
Like any modern freewaysystem, these are well known
and well traveled roads.
Now, we have to dig new roads.
And those roads at firstare going to look like dirt.
Just little dirt paths.
But if you keep practicing,keep up this positive mind
(15:29):
gardening, eventually thatdirt path turns into a
concrete path and eventuallyit becomes its own freeway.
And that's whatyou want to get to.
You want your inner cheersquad, you want your inner mind
gardener, your inner James EarlJones or whoever is the voice
to be just as strong and welltraveled a neural connection as
your fight or flight responses.
And that freeway tookyears of evolution.
(15:51):
Since we only have a limitedamount of time here, we
need to practice this abit more aggressively.
We don't actuallyneed to practice the
negative voice at all.
It comes default built in.
The inner cheerleader creatingthe new neural pathway of
positivity that takes time.
But it's worth it.
I promise you it'sabsolutely worth it because
(16:11):
communication skills arethe cornerstone of success.
So how we talk to ourselvesis monumentally important.
How we speak to ourselvesis the basis for how we
show up for everything else.
If all you hear in your headare those old voices telling
you you're a fraud and you'renot worth anything, then the
(16:32):
best version of you isn'tthe one who shows up for your
partner, for your team atwork, or for your friends.
This is also why Ichallenge you to celebrate
and write down your wins.
That's what episodes 4, 27,and again 52 are all about!
Your inner mind gardener willremember your wins, but it
(16:54):
won't let you access them asquickly as your inner critic
can get to that one moment youpeed your pants in first grade.
Or something equallyas painful or cringy.
Give your brain the proofit needs to see that this is
working too by priming it withall these celebrations where
you proved your inner criticwrong with every little win.
(17:17):
If you think this isall BS, let me tell you
who uses this technique.
Navy SEALs.
Navy SEALs are trained to notonly conquer the physical quests
they're going to be sent on,but also in mental readiness.
Because you can't be the typeof soldier that a Navy SEAL
is in the environments inwhich they operate without
(17:38):
having mental toughness.
And this is where it gets reallyinteresting, because we're used
to connecting toughness with bigmuscles and all things manly.
Which is somehow,culturally, not the same
as cheerleaders, which wedismiss as mere decoration.
But what these big, tough guyshave going on in their heads
(18:00):
isn't an inner critic yellingat them, "This is scary, I'm
panicking, let's go, I'm scared,let's get the hell out of here!"
No, that's not mental toughness.
What they have instead isan inner cheering squad
that keeps them going.
Because if they don't,it's very likely that
someone will get killed.
So if people under the mostextreme duress use this
(18:22):
skill to get through the mostdangerous situations, you
and I, sitting on our assesright now, listening to this
from the comfort of whereverwe are, we can do it too.
So how do you create theinner cheerleader and turn it
into an entire cheer squad?
What is it you have to practicein order to make this happen?
(18:43):
You have to talk to yourselfthe way you would talk
to a friend, the way youwould counsel a friend.
For every nasty or unhelpfulthought you have, you need to
ask yourself where it came fromand if it's actually true, and
then you create a counterpoint.
Pull together a bunch of phrasesor slogans or even affirmations
(19:05):
that you like to hear.
They don't simply have tobe, "good job," or "I'm proud
of you," though, there'snothing wrong with that.
Use them.
If you have someone that youlook up to, like a mentor, or
hey, a coach, and they havetheir own personal catchphrase,
use that to start with.
My favorite is, "Mija, ereschingona." And let me tell you,
(19:25):
I do repeat that to myself.
More frequently than you think.
The point here isn'tto be reasonable.
It's to be successful.
So, have your inner cheer squadyell whatever encouragement it
is you need to get the job done.
Use everything you've got.
An awesome feature aboutyour cheering squad is that
they will never let you down.
(19:45):
If you make a mistake likewe all do, because we're
all human, we make mistakes,they're going to be there
to help you build back up.
Maybe they'll say things like,"No biggie, you'll get it next
time. You can do it. Si sepuede!" They won't let you down.
So, add as many phrasesas you can possibly
think of to this list.
(20:05):
And then, as you goalong, keep adding more
as you learn new ones.
At first, this is goingto feel weird, kind
of like riding a bike.
When you first start outon two wheels, finding your
balance is really challenging,maybe even disorienting.
Your brain is trying to makesense of this new experience.
So for a while, youuse training wheels.
(20:26):
But eventually, you get it.
And then one day, you're sogood that you can finally
take off the training wheels.
It becomes so ingrained inyour muscle memory that even
if you don't actively ride fora long time, you never forget.
So at first, you mightneed training wheels to
start creating and usingyour cheer squad, as your
brain makes sense of it.
(20:47):
You might need to keep yournew cheer squad phrases on a
piece of paper that you carryin your wallet or on your phone.
There's no shame in that.
This is all partof the training.
I told you.
This was going to take work.
You have to train your brainto think like this because
it will default to doing theeasier thing of being nasty.
It's those baseanimal instincts.
(21:08):
You are creating newneural pathways, new
freeways in your brain.
And that takes time.
And aggressive effort.
So if you want to communicatewith yourself in a healthy and
adult way, instead of givingcredence to a voice from the
past, that doesn't even knowyou anymore, you should start
doing this, nurturing a mindgarden where self improvement
is a good growth and the weedsof animosity don't exist here.
(21:32):
So no matter what is happeningoutside of you in your
environment, whether it's assimple as a rainstorm or as
complicated as the fall ofdemocracy, you have the mental
toughness, the grit to navigateit while keeping yourself as
sane and healthy as possible.
Interrupt your negativereactions and ask yourself, "Is
(21:55):
this really worth my attention?"That's when you'll know
it's becoming second nature.
When you can catch yourselfin the middle of a reaction.
Now that you have allthat, let's recap.
To create an inner cheeringsquad, to drown out the inner
critic and start dissolvingour imposter syndrome, we
need to celebrate our wins,rewire our brains by creating
(22:17):
a counterpoint to each ofthe inner critic's nasty
barbs, and talk to ourselvesas if we were a friend and
not our own worst enemy.
And if it helps, carry alist of phrases you want
to say to yourself andpractice hearing them.
Say them in the mirror, repeatthem before you leave the
house, however you can do it,practice, practice, practice.
(22:40):
I'll leave you with this onelast thought from something
I heard earlier today.
"Trust the process,release the grip, and
receive the breakthroughs."And that's a burrito!
Hey, mira, if thisepisode made you feel
some kind of way, dígame.
DM me on Instagram.
(23:01):
Or, send me a text!You can do that right
from your phone.
If you want to be a gueston the show and put your
story out there too, checkout the guest form on my
website at PauletteErato.
com slash guest.
Yep, just my name,PauletteErato.
com slash guest.
Y no se te olvide quehay más perks when you
join the newsletter.
(23:22):
Todos estos links estánen los show notes.
Muchísimas gracias foryour support y hasta la
próxima vez, cuídate bien.
Buen dia mi gente, andwelcome to La Vida Más
Chévere de Childfree Latinas.
The only Spanglish podcastfor childfree Latinas y
Latines, helping us liberateourselves from the toxic
cultural brainwashing we allgrew up with, so that we can
design our best lives instead.
I'm your host andresident childfree
Latina, Paulette Erato.
(00:24):
I played in a pickleballtournament this past weekend.
It was a lot of fun.
And one of the more advancedplayers brought a whole
cheering squad with her.
And that was beautiful.
Remember how way back inepisode seven, we talked
about a marathon and howstrategically placing your
cheer squad along the routekeeps you motivated, keeps you
moving towards the finish line?
(00:45):
How do we develop aninternal cheering squad?
How do we keep ourselvesmoving towards that finish line
when it feels like everythingaround us is crumbling?
Last episode, comparing TomBrady today to Tom Brady
the GOAT, I mentioned thatthe next episode was going
to be about achieving thefuture you imagine for
yourself, and we'll get there.
But before we do, we need totake a step back and examine a
(01:07):
huge stumbling block that getsin the way of us succeeding.
More often than not, impostersyndrome rears its ugly head
and makes us second guess allour decisions and actions.
Sometimes it's alsoaccompanied by the fear of
success, but that's a topicfor a different episode.
So let's talk aboutimposter syndrome and its
(01:28):
champion, your inner critic.
If you've ever talked yourselfout of going for a promotion,
or starting a new project,a new career, a new hobby,
whatever, it's probably becauseyou heard a little voice
inside your head that told you,"no, you're not good enough.
Who do you think you are?"And because communication
skills are the cornerstoneof success in this life,
(01:51):
the way we talk to ourselvesis monumentally important.
So today I want to talk toyou about that very thing.
How to improve theconversation with ourselves.
That voice inside yourhead probably sounds like
someone from your past, too.
Weird how that works.
(02:13):
When you were a kid or maybeeven a little older, someone
called you gorda or fea, or toldyou that you're too loud or too
quiet, too hard or too soft.
Too bossy or too gullible.
Maybe they even saidthose five dreaded words,
calladita te ves más bonita.
All of that killed yourdesire to speak up.
(02:35):
Go back to episode 79, if youwant to relearn how to use your
voice for the power of good.
Someone, or maybe acouple of someone's in our
formative or even lateryears made us feel small.
And we internalized theirvoice or voices as our personal
barometer of whether or notwe're worthy of opportunities
that come our way oropportunities that we create.
(02:57):
That my friend isyour inner critic.
Why do we do this?
Because as humans, we'rewired to be hypersensitive
to the negative.
It's a feature, not a bugof the human condition.
You come into this world witha sensitivity to the negative.
A negative bias.
So, first, I want you to realizethat this happens to everyone.
(03:20):
You are not alone in this.
Even people like Oprah,and yes, Tom Brady have a
Negative Nelly in their heads.
But they've learnedto manage it.
And today I'm going to get youstarted on reining yours in too.
In the way back when,this sensitivity was an
evolutionary advantage.
When early humans were in apanic or a dangerous situation,
(03:43):
like a saber toothed tigerwas hiding in the grass,
they had to decide whetherthey were going to fight or
whether they were going to run.
And we still have thoseinstincts deep inside our brain.
It's a natural panic response.
So the way that we've evolvedto protect ourselves is
by always thinking that asituation could go badly.
That there might be a sabertoothed tiger, or its modern
(04:06):
equivalent, hiding in the grass.
We might have to fight,or we might have to run.
And most things arejust not that serious.
But the critic has remainedthere all this time, very
vocally trying to protect you.
As a species, we've evolvedpast our base animal instincts.
(04:27):
We've also developedadditional responses and
attributes like kindness andempathy for other people.
If you've seen the videofloating around of Governor
JB Pritzker of Illinois, youknow that we have survived as
a species by being suspiciousabout things that are different
from us, like the saber toothedtiger, and taking a skeptical
lens to everything in our view.
(04:48):
Let me quote him here foryou, and a link will be in
the show notes to this video.
"In order to be kind, we have toshut down that animal instinct
and force our brain to travel adifferent pathway. Empathy and
compassion are evolved statesof being, and they require
the mental capacity to steppast our most primal urges."
End quote.
(05:08):
He started that speech bysaying the best way to spot
an idiot is to look forthe person who is cruel.
I believe that you,my dear friend, are an
evolved human being.
You know kindnessand you know empathy.
I believe this becauseyou wouldn't be listening
to this show if you weretruly mean or malicious.
(05:29):
My audience isn't made upof people who are savages.
It's made up of people whocan and want to see beyond
the limits they've been toldthey have to stay within.
You've evolved to see pastthe capitalist marketing and
behind the curtain so you knowthat it's all lies and BS.
Congratulations.
So how do we deal with it?
(05:50):
Over a few episodes, I'llgive you various ways to start
evolving past imposter syndrome,but I'm not going to lie.
All of them take work.
So don't think that you'regoing to wake up tomorrow
after listening to thisepisode and solve your case.
It doesn't work that way.
You don't become a master chefthe first day in the kitchen.
And you aren't automaticallya master baker just because
(06:12):
you're an excellent chef.
Those are two wildlydifferent skill sets.
Like Tom Brady the quarterbackand Tom Brady the commentator.
You will be new at this.
So embrace being new likeI talked about in episode
10 and the last one.
Also, I'm pretty sure I madean episode about kindness.
These will all be linkedin the show notes.
(06:32):
Creating the pathways thatGovernor Pritzker mentioned
takes practice, like any skill.
And that's all thisis, a learned skill.
So let's talk about creatingthe inner cheerleader.
By the way, this episode istaken from one of my signature
talks, and it is alwaysreally well received with the
(06:53):
addition of an interactiveportion for the audience, a
crowdsourced playlist thatempowers the individuals to
overcome their inner critics.
If you'd like me to deliverthis for your organization,
reach out to me throughthe link in the show notes.
Before we jump in, let'sbe clear that this is not
about toxic positivityor ignoring reality.
(07:13):
This is about coping with thedumpster fire that is all around
us and soothing ourselves whilealso trying to be a good human
in this current environment.
Later on, we'll talk aboutdelusions we can create to
cope, but for now, let'stake this first step.
Have you heard thestory of the two wolves?
It's an indigenous talethat goes like this.
(07:34):
Inside every person,there are two wolves.
The one wolf is fullof hope, and the other
wolf is full of despair.
They're always in a battle.
So which one wins?
The one that you feed.
And you get to decide.
Do you want to feed the onethat's full of hope, what
we'll call the cheerleader?
Or do you wanna feedthe one that's full of
(07:55):
despair, the critic?
It's very easy tooverfeed the critic.
That voice is always there.
It actually doesn't needany more attention, and
certainly does not needany more food, because the
critic's already really loud.
And where that criticis, is based in fear.
Fear of looking stupid, fear ofnot knowing the answer, fear of
(08:18):
being found out you're a fraud.
And yes, even fear of success.
Let's focus on creating thecounterpart to the inner critic
who is actually excited foryou and supports you doing new
and maybe scary things insteadof making you feel like crap.
And too scared to moveforward, paralyzed by
either fear or indecision.
(08:38):
First, I want you to imaginethis wacky world where the
default built in NegativeNelly that's in your head is
actually a friend that onlysays good things to you.
You're not scared to try newthings because your inner
voice, your inner dialogueis all about great potential
outcomes and not scary what ifs.
How different would your outlookbe if you had a positive voice
(09:01):
in your head all the timeinstead of a critical one?
What most people don'trealize is that we have
complete control over howand what we think and feel.
We can change our negativethoughts into positive
ones and vice versa.
But most people don't.
They accept whateverthey feel as fact.
(09:23):
And it's not.
That's actually prettydangerous thinking, because
our feelings are not facts.
Let me say that again, becausethis is crucially important.
Feelings are not facts.
Most people experiencetheir feelings passively,
like it's the weatherthat happens to them.
"Oh, there's a cloud.
Like, you're just at the mercyof whatever feeling comes by.
(09:46):
We say things like, "I feel blahtoday," or "that dude pissed
me off." And then we just letourselves sit there in this
cesspool of emotions as if wehave zero control over them.
But you do.
The key is understanding howyour feelings are created
and to stop treating thempassively so that your inner
critic doesn't keep youin those nasty feelings.
(10:08):
And hey, you're allowed tohave bad feelings, but you
don't want to stew in themand let them color your
perception of everything.
You want to be able toprocess them and then let
them go so you can move on.
Before we continue, let megive you a quick overview of
how our brains work and whereour feelings come into play.
I want to explain how weform thoughts and base
(10:31):
our actions on them.
When there are circumstancesthat happen around us,
all of that enters yourbrain, your big beautiful
brain, and it interpretsit and assigns it meaning.
It's instantaneous, thisthought that it has, and
immediately thereafter, youdevelop an emotion about it.
You create a feelingabout that thought.
(10:51):
That feeling thengenerates a reaction.
So if we see, hear, smell,taste, or intuit something about
our surroundings, we instantlycreate a thought or feeling,
and that leads to a reaction.
And when we have those thoughts,our inner critic, who again, is
just trying to protect us, wrapsthem up in negative nonsense.
(11:12):
So, we have thoughts, weform negative feelings about
those thoughts, and thosenegative feelings then impact
our actions, which can leadto not so great results.
For example, if it'sraining when you wake up,
your brain can immediatelyinterpret this as either a
bad thing, or a good thing.
Your first thought might be,"Crap, now there's gonna be
a ton of traffic, and I'mgonna be stuck in it, now
(11:33):
I'm gonna be late, and theregoes the rest of my day,
dammit." What happened here?
Your brain took that rain,the circumstances, and created
thoughts and feelings about it.
And in between, your innercritic decided those feelings
were going to be negative.
So your reaction to them is thatthis is a bad start to your day.
(11:53):
Later on, if you spill coffeeon yourself, then your brain is
going to use that as proof as,"Hey, I told you, you were going
to have a bad day." It becomesa self fulfilling prophecy.
But what if we didn'tleave ourselves at the
mercy of the critic?
What if we actually took controlof how we felt about the rain?
Rain is just rain.
(12:14):
It's a natural occurrence.
You can make up anystory you want about it.
It can be negative orit can be positive.
You get to decide.
What if instead we thought,"hey, rain is good.
Maybe I'm going to save myselffrom the morning commute
and just work from home.
Rain makes the grasswet, which smells good.
(12:35):
And when it stops raining,there's going to be puddles.
And then the air will be soclean." Instead of being mad
about the rain, what if youjust had a different emotion?
What if you said, I'mgrateful for the rain?
In this scenario, if you doend up spilling coffee on
yourself, then that's just onelittle thing that happened.
It's an oops.
It's not an indictmentof your entire day.
(12:57):
Now that you know that youcan change the thoughts
in your head, let's startmolding the counterpart
to the inner critic we'recalling the inner cheerleader.
Let's feed the cheerleader.
Better yet, since we're here,let's develop an entire cheer
team, a whole cheering squad.
You can also think of this cheersquad as a single mind gardener.
(13:19):
I got this idea from anaffirmation card, so I'm
going to read it to you.
The card says, "in thegarden of my mind, I water
the good thoughts and Iweed out the bad ones.
I throw in forgiveness andempathy seeds by the handful
if I want, and I take alawnmower to the jealousy
and resentment patch.
I'm a pretty badass mindgardener." That's just like
what Governor Pritzker said.
(13:40):
Kindness.
Empathy.
Here's anotherquote I really like.
"There's a voice ofinspiration within me.
Right now, it's only a whisper.
But the more I listen,the louder it will get.
Soon, it will be a flawlessspeech voiced by James Earl
Jones through a megaphonewith lots of applause."
At first, your cheerleader mayonly be one single solitary
(14:04):
whisper against the loudcrankiness of the inner critic.
But how do cheerleaderslearn their routines?
The same way anyone learnsto ride a bike, through
practice and repetition.
Your cheering squad is goingto give you lots of applause,
because its sole purpose is tocheer you on, like that group
at pickleball this weekend.
(14:24):
You have to practice it justlike any good cheer team.
Practice speaking positivelyto ourselves because we're
so used to the inner criticwho's again only trying to
protect us, but it does itthrough the lens of fear.
So we have to practicethis mind gardening.
This practice is importantbecause what we're actually
doing is creating new neuralconnections in our brain.
(14:47):
See, your brain loves to learn.
It was made for learning.
But it wants to do that in themost efficient way possible.
And it needs proofthat these things are
actually going to work.
It already has proof thatthe negative thing works
because it's kept you aliveall this time doing just that.
So because your brain isso used to it, it's like
a well traveled freeway.
(15:08):
That's efficiency.
It's just going through thesame paths it's already used to.
Like any modern freewaysystem, these are well known
and well traveled roads.
Now, we have to dig new roads.
And those roads at firstare going to look like dirt.
Just little dirt paths.
But if you keep practicing,keep up this positive mind
(15:29):
gardening, eventually thatdirt path turns into a
concrete path and eventuallyit becomes its own freeway.
And that's whatyou want to get to.
You want your inner cheersquad, you want your inner mind
gardener, your inner James EarlJones or whoever is the voice
to be just as strong and welltraveled a neural connection as
your fight or flight responses.
And that freeway tookyears of evolution.
(15:51):
Since we only have a limitedamount of time here, we
need to practice this abit more aggressively.
We don't actuallyneed to practice the
negative voice at all.
It comes default built in.
The inner cheerleader creatingthe new neural pathway of
positivity that takes time.
But it's worth it.
I promise you it'sabsolutely worth it because
(16:11):
communication skills arethe cornerstone of success.
So how we talk to ourselvesis monumentally important.
How we speak to ourselvesis the basis for how we
show up for everything else.
If all you hear in your headare those old voices telling
you you're a fraud and you'renot worth anything, then the
(16:32):
best version of you isn'tthe one who shows up for your
partner, for your team atwork, or for your friends.
This is also why Ichallenge you to celebrate
and write down your wins.
That's what episodes 4, 27,and again 52 are all about!
Your inner mind gardener willremember your wins, but it
(16:54):
won't let you access them asquickly as your inner critic
can get to that one moment youpeed your pants in first grade.
Or something equallyas painful or cringy.
Give your brain the proofit needs to see that this is
working too by priming it withall these celebrations where
you proved your inner criticwrong with every little win.
(17:17):
If you think this isall BS, let me tell you
who uses this technique.
Navy SEALs.
Navy SEALs are trained to notonly conquer the physical quests
they're going to be sent on,but also in mental readiness.
Because you can't be the typeof soldier that a Navy SEAL
is in the environments inwhich they operate without
(17:38):
having mental toughness.
And this is where it gets reallyinteresting, because we're used
to connecting toughness with bigmuscles and all things manly.
Which is somehow,culturally, not the same
as cheerleaders, which wedismiss as mere decoration.
But what these big, tough guyshave going on in their heads
(18:00):
isn't an inner critic yellingat them, "This is scary, I'm
panicking, let's go, I'm scared,let's get the hell out of here!"
No, that's not mental toughness.
What they have instead isan inner cheering squad
that keeps them going.
Because if they don't,it's very likely that
someone will get killed.
So if people under the mostextreme duress use this
(18:22):
skill to get through the mostdangerous situations, you
and I, sitting on our assesright now, listening to this
from the comfort of whereverwe are, we can do it too.
So how do you create theinner cheerleader and turn it
into an entire cheer squad?
What is it you have to practicein order to make this happen?
(18:43):
You have to talk to yourselfthe way you would talk
to a friend, the way youwould counsel a friend.
For every nasty or unhelpfulthought you have, you need to
ask yourself where it came fromand if it's actually true, and
then you create a counterpoint.
Pull together a bunch of phrasesor slogans or even affirmations
(19:05):
that you like to hear.
They don't simply have tobe, "good job," or "I'm proud
of you," though, there'snothing wrong with that.
Use them.
If you have someone that youlook up to, like a mentor, or
hey, a coach, and they havetheir own personal catchphrase,
use that to start with.
My favorite is, "Mija, ereschingona." And let me tell you,
(19:25):
I do repeat that to myself.
More frequently than you think.
The point here isn'tto be reasonable.
It's to be successful.
So, have your inner cheer squadyell whatever encouragement it
is you need to get the job done.
Use everything you've got.
An awesome feature aboutyour cheering squad is that
they will never let you down.
(19:45):
If you make a mistake likewe all do, because we're
all human, we make mistakes,they're going to be there
to help you build back up.
Maybe they'll say things like,"No biggie, you'll get it next
time. You can do it. Si sepuede!" They won't let you down.
So, add as many phrasesas you can possibly
think of to this list.
(20:05):
And then, as you goalong, keep adding more
as you learn new ones.
At first, this is goingto feel weird, kind
of like riding a bike.
When you first start outon two wheels, finding your
balance is really challenging,maybe even disorienting.
Your brain is trying to makesense of this new experience.
So for a while, youuse training wheels.
(20:26):
But eventually, you get it.
And then one day, you're sogood that you can finally
take off the training wheels.
It becomes so ingrained inyour muscle memory that even
if you don't actively ride fora long time, you never forget.
So at first, you mightneed training wheels to
start creating and usingyour cheer squad, as your
brain makes sense of it.
(20:47):
You might need to keep yournew cheer squad phrases on a
piece of paper that you carryin your wallet or on your phone.
There's no shame in that.
This is all partof the training.
I told you.
This was going to take work.
You have to train your brainto think like this because
it will default to doing theeasier thing of being nasty.
It's those baseanimal instincts.
(21:08):
You are creating newneural pathways, new
freeways in your brain.
And that takes time.
And aggressive effort.
So if you want to communicatewith yourself in a healthy and
adult way, instead of givingcredence to a voice from the
past, that doesn't even knowyou anymore, you should start
doing this, nurturing a mindgarden where self improvement
is a good growth and the weedsof animosity don't exist here.
(21:32):
So no matter what is happeningoutside of you in your
environment, whether it's assimple as a rainstorm or as
complicated as the fall ofdemocracy, you have the mental
toughness, the grit to navigateit while keeping yourself as
sane and healthy as possible.
Interrupt your negativereactions and ask yourself, "Is
(21:55):
this really worth my attention?"That's when you'll know
it's becoming second nature.
When you can catch yourselfin the middle of a reaction.
Now that you have allthat, let's recap.
To create an inner cheeringsquad, to drown out the inner
critic and start dissolvingour imposter syndrome, we
need to celebrate our wins,rewire our brains by creating
(22:17):
a counterpoint to each ofthe inner critic's nasty
barbs, and talk to ourselvesas if we were a friend and
not our own worst enemy.
And if it helps, carry alist of phrases you want
to say to yourself andpractice hearing them.
Say them in the mirror, repeatthem before you leave the
house, however you can do it,practice, practice, practice.
(22:40):
I'll leave you with this onelast thought from something
I heard earlier today.
"Trust the process,release the grip, and
receive the breakthroughs."And that's a burrito!
Hey, mira, if thisepisode made you feel
some kind of way, dígame.
DM me on Instagram.
(23:01):
Or, send me a text!You can do that right
from your phone.
If you want to be a gueston the show and put your
story out there too, checkout the guest form on my
website at PauletteErato.
com slash guest.
Yep, just my name,PauletteErato.
com slash guest.
Y no se te olvide quehay más perks when you
join the newsletter.
(23:22):
Todos estos links estánen los show notes.
Muchísimas gracias foryour support y hasta la
próxima vez, cuídate bien.
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