August 23, 2024 • 23 mins
Ever feel like you're drowning in commitments and can't catch your breath? Join us as we unravel the secret to maintaining both productivity and personal fulfillment in a world that's constantly demanding more. I share my personal revelation about the power of saying no and how it became a crucial part of my self-care routine. We dive into aligning our opportunities with our true goals and the liberating feeling that comes from prioritizing what truly matters. You'll walk away with three practical tips to say no confidently, without the usual guilt, enabling you to lead a more fulfilling life.
Setting boundaries can be tough, especially amidst societal pressures that tell us to always be available, especially for women. This episode brings to light real-life examples, including a friend's courageous decision to postpone an event, showing the value of authenticity and kindness in saying no. We discuss actionable advice on establishing limits in both personal and professional spheres, learning to delegate, and how to recharge effectively. Hear about the transformative power of focusing on fewer tasks and how that focus can lead to significant progress, both personally and professionally. Tune in to discover how saying no not only aligns us with our true selves but also propels us towards achieving our dreams.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, badasses, welcome to the end of your week,
and I just wanted to hop on fora quick second and share
something that is just kind ofhitting me hard today and I'm
just going to jump right into itbecause I just need to talk
this out, and no one better totalk this out with than all of
y'all, this out with than all ofy'all.
(00:29):
I really have been checking myschedule and making sure that
I'm getting all of my stuff doneand making sure that I'm not
missing out on anything and thatI'm taking care of my team and
I'm trying to take care of myfamily and I'm trying to take
care of myself.
But at the end of the day, Ilook at my schedule and I'm like
how productive were you?
But at the end of the day, Ilook at my schedule and I'm like
how productive were you?
How many different tasks didyou really do every single day?
And I gotta tell y'all I'm kindof embarrassed because I have
(00:53):
flip-flopped between so manyprojects this week.
It's now Friday and I'm likewhat did I get accomplished
today?
And I know I cannot be alone inthis and I don't want you to
feel like you're alone in this,and that's why we're going to
talk this out together, becauseI truly feel like one of the
biggest things that I have tostart doing, like immediately,
(01:16):
is I need to start saying no tomore things.
Like not maybe a little bitthis week and a little bit next
week.
Like if it's not a hell, yes,then it needs to be a hell.
No, anybody else feel me onthat.
I need to desperately take stockin looking at my calendar and
(01:41):
looking at the opportunitiesthat I have on my plate and say
is this getting me to where Iwant to be by the end of this
year?
Is this aligning with my wordof the year value?
I look at my vision board overhere on my wall every single day
when I'm sitting in hereworking in my office, and there
(02:06):
have been so many greatopportunities come into my life
this year that I'm like, oh mygosh, that's it.
That's the one.
I have this major FOMOsituation where I'm like I don't
know, should I, shouldn't I?
I better do it, I better do it,I better do it.
But I have to catch myselfbecause me and I have a
realization today that that'sthe old me still hanging on, and
(02:31):
what I mean by that is thatscarcity mindset of like should.
If I don't grab this right now,it's not going to exist for me
in the future.
And today, as I sat looking atmy calendar, I was just like
floored at the things that I sayyes to.
That one I just really don'twant to do and I'm being really
(02:53):
honest with you and I hope youcan be honest with yourself
there's shit on our calendar sowe just don't want to do, but we
do it anyways.
And it's not stuff like havingto take the kids to school or
pick up something or dosomething like that.
Like it's stuff that we havebeen asked to do by other people
and we say yes, whether it'spromise of potential money,
(03:17):
whether it's promise ofpotential visibility for our
business, whether whatever it is, we say yes.
And then do you ever have thosetimes where you say yes and
then you instantly regret sayingyes, like you put it in your
calendar and you're like thoseare the ones that I'm going to
(03:38):
challenge you this weekend thatyou just go immediately to your
calendar and say see ya, becausethey don't need to be there If
they're not bringing youhappiness, if they're not
bringing joy, if they're notbringing benefit to your family.
If they're not bringing benefitto your business or to you, to
your soul, then you can parkthem in the parking lot and you
can do them later if it'sawesome, or maybe it's just not
(04:01):
the right opportunity for you.
Imagine if we said yes to everygreat opportunity that came up.
I know y'all get awesomeopportunities to do a variety of
different things, but whatreally aligns with your heart?
I have great opportunities onthe table right now with a few
different situations, and it'stugging at my heart so much.
(04:23):
Which one is going to allow memore time with my family,
because that's really reallywhat I want?
Which one is going to allow meto have more freedom financially
to be able to do the thingsthat I want to do?
Which ones are going to make mebe able to stay in a calm state
and not be in this constantpanic or anxiety of the unknown
(04:49):
all the time?
I would love to challenge youto take a look at your calendar
if this resonates with you atall, and not feel guilty for
getting rid of the shit that youdon't want to do.
Feel guilty for getting rid ofthe shit that you don't want to
do.
I want to go through threequick little tips, tricks and
(05:09):
ideas that I'm going to startimplementing right away so that
I can be more confident in theart of saying no as women.
I find it so interesting becausewhen we have to tell somebody
no, it often is accompanied byan excuse no, I can't do that
(05:33):
today because I have to fill inthe blank.
Oftentimes, when you hear a mansay no, he's like nope, not
right now, nope, not for me,nope.
How can we be more unapologeticabout saying no?
Why do we take it personally?
I think this is something womenhave struggled with for a long
(06:02):
time, because a lot of us Ithink our innate want and need
is to help people and to serveand to nurture things and make
them grow and do cool thingswith them.
We also love the excitement ofstarting something new.
If you're like me, I love newthings.
I love new ideas.
I love to excitement ofstarting something new.
If you're like me, I love newthings.
I love new ideas.
(06:22):
I love to help you start newbusinesses.
I love the new.
But if you're constantly in thenew, you don't ever get to see
the growth.
You don't ever get toexperience the hard work and the
things that come from that.
I think one of the mostimportant tips that I want to
start off with is recognizingwhen you need to say no.
(06:45):
And I've really looked at mycalendar.
We have, like can you believethis?
Like really four months left.
It's damn near Septemberalready.
We have four months left.
Have you accomplished what's onthat vision board?
Have you accomplished what youwant to do?
I was looking at my goal boardat work today and I was like, oh
my god, I got a really kickingchair in quarter four if we're
(07:07):
going to hit these or if I'mgoing to accomplish these.
But I'm committed, and if I'mcommitted to the things that
were on the board, I need tostop saying yes to new things.
It doesn't have to be a noforever, but it's a no for right
now.
If this is something that youresonate with big time, I would
(07:31):
recommend you to maybe look atit from this lens, especially if
you're a mom or you have afamily at home, that you're
going home to a family at home,that you're going home to every
new opportunity that I say withwork, business, collaboration,
(07:51):
whatever it is, is taking timeaway from me being at home with
my family and my kids, which Itold you all at the beginning of
the year was one of my greatestgoals this year, is to be able
to free up my time to spend moretime with my family, and that
means more downtime.
And, if any of you know me,that's very uncomfortable for me
.
I picked my kids up from schooltoday.
I'm at my house at 3 pm and I'mlike I'm never home this early.
(08:14):
But I love that because it's anew kind of challenge for me.
It's a slowdown, it's somethingthat I need in my life and I
know that my kids need that too.
But every time I say yes totaking on a new task, yes to
taking on a new responsibility,yes, I'll teach the class with
you.
Yes, I'll do this.
Yes, I'll do this because youwant to be involved, you're
(08:36):
really saying no to what you'rereally striving and hoping for
evolved.
You're really saying no to whatyou're really striving and
hoping for.
I have to give major kudos to afriend of mine this week who
reached out personally.
We were planning a women inbusiness event which we're going
to table it for a little bit,but she reached out and just
said you know what this reallyisn't aligning with what I
(08:57):
really want my goals to be thisyear and I know we can make huge
impact, but let's try to dosomething online and let's try
to do it a little bit later.
I know in that time too, youalmost feel like you need to
apologize and hope that thatdoesn't change a friendship.
(09:17):
Because you're honest and to bereal honest with y'all, that
was one of the most preciousgifts that she gave to me,
because I have been in a seasonof overwhelm.
I have been like at the end ofthe day, like, oh my gosh, I
have to slow down a little bit.
(09:38):
That was a gift that she gaveme that, to be real honest with
you, I wouldn't have given tomyself.
I would have showed up, I stillwould have put it on, but that
was such a gift.
And so maybe when you thinkabout when you're clearing your
calendar this weekend or tryingto rearrange it to make it more
sense, maybe think of it fromthat lens.
(09:59):
Like me, deciding not to dothis might be an answer to
somebody else's prayers, becauseit definitely was for me.
Recognize when to say noforever and no, not right now,
and be honest about that.
Don't say, oh, the time's notright for me right now.
But okay, can I check in withyou in three months?
(10:19):
Yeah, go ahead and do that whenyou know damn well you don't
want to talk to him in threemonths.
Just be honest.
You know what.
This really doesn't align withme.
But I wish you luck.
And how can I support you?
I mean, it's little things likethat that you can do.
That doesn't have to soundterrible.
You don't even have to offer tosupport them.
(10:41):
Give them a compliment on theway they presented something.
Give them a compliment on howfar they've come.
Give them a compliment on theirshoes.
You know that I believe thatwe're always making somebody
feel something, and even whenyou have to give a no, there is
a way to give a no with one younot feeling like shit for saying
(11:03):
no, you being able to beconfident in using that
two-letter word no, and them notfeeling like they have been
dismissed.
And I think that all goes backto just making sure that we're
using kindness in saying no.
(11:24):
I'm sorry, that's not going towork for me right now.
You don't have to have anexcuse as to why it doesn't work
for you.
You don't have to have anexcuse for the reason why you
don't want to do it at all.
No, that doesn't really alignwith me.
But thank you is something thatis a very simple way of being
able to say no to an opportunityor no to a sale or no to well,
(11:49):
really anything.
Another tip I would give you isreally understanding the
importance of boundaries in yourlife.
That includes personally and atwork, and with clients.
Establish limits on access toyou.
(12:13):
Establish limits and boundariesaround times you're available
or projects that you take on.
Just because you can do itdoesn't mean you should.
We have to remember that assmall business owners.
Just because I can do thatdoesn't mean I should take it on
.
And if you don't have somebodyon your team that calls you out
(12:36):
on your shit every time you tryto take on a project, hire one.
I have one and she's incredibleand she gives me that look and
then I'm like never mind, I'mnot going to do that.
And I definitely always give itto somebody else on my team,
which is a benefit to me becauseI don't have to do it, and it's
a benefit to her because it'sprobably going to take me longer
to do it than it would somebodyelse on the team, having those
(13:00):
wonderful, brilliant people inyour life is so, so, so
important, but make sure thatyou have boundaries around
things, even with your kids andyour spouse.
I need to take 15 minutes and Ineed to just have some me time
and explain that to them.
I just need some me time for 15minutes.
I'm going to go sit in myoffice.
(13:21):
I need everybody to leave mealone.
I'll be with you in 15 minutes.
Take that time that you need.
It's better to take 15 minutesif you need to, when you get
home, before you come home andyou bring your day into the home
and then you know maybesomething didn't go right for
the day or maybe you know you'rekind of decompressing on the
(13:44):
way home.
That's not a very long driveand you just need some time.
Maybe you just need some timeto breathe.
We as women want to apologizefor that all the time, like I
need some time, but oh shit, Ibetter go to Target because I
need time.
You can have timeouts in yourown home.
Everybody has timeouts in theirown home.
If you live in a house full ofboys, their timeout is the
(14:11):
bathroom and we all know this.
Where did that kid go?
Where is my husband oh yeah,they've been in the bathroom for
30 minutes.
They're not in there doing bizfor 30 minutes, they're in there
having a timeout.
If you got to go in thebathroom and have a timeout for
30 minutes, great.
But I think, women, that that'sa magnet spot.
(14:32):
That's where everybody comes tofind you.
So they know better than that.
You gotta, you gotta, trickthem out of that one.
You gotta trick them out.
If you have kids, the littlefingers under the door, the dogs
at the door, it's a whole thing.
I don't know me, just me.
That's definitely not my placeto hide here, because everybody
will be drawn to that door beingshut.
But if I explain to them hey, Ineed to take a walk around the
(14:55):
block, can I come?
No, I need some time alone.
It's okay to say no, it's okayto say no to your spouse and
it's okay to say no to your kidsif you need some alone time.
And the last thing I just wantto touch on, I want to make this
a quick little something youcan listen to going home on your
Friday commute Overcome theguilt of saying no.
(15:16):
Why do we feel guilty for sayingno?
Why do we feel guilty forsaving our own sanity.
Why do we feel guilty fortelling people no when we
already have plans somewhereelse?
We already have plans somewhereelse.
I almost did this today becauseone of our colleagues had sent
(15:40):
a text and said hey, are youopen for lunch on Monday?
Our treat.
And I almost text him back andsaid, yeah, that would be great.
And then I looked at mycalendar and I have a lunch date
with my husband on Mondays andbecause he was invited to the
meeting too, I instantly wentback to typing saying, yeah,
that would be great, we could dothat.
But who am I honoring and whoam I keeping my yes to?
(16:05):
I'm telling my husband no, Idon't want to go have lunch with
you on Monday at our typicallunch date time because another
opportunity came up.
Don't cancel on people.
Don't double book.
People Show up.
When you say you're going toshow up, being able to say no,
that does not work for me.
Next week is pretty fullalready, but I do have fill in
(16:30):
the blank.
The next Tuesday I'm open, andthat is what I will send to them
and say look, next week'salready pretty booked up for me,
but I'd love to meet with younext Tuesday.
Does that work for you.
We try so hard as women to be sofucking accommodating to
everybody all the time, to ourown damn detriment, and I am on
(16:51):
a mission to make sure that westop doing this.
And that starts with me.
And I may be having just acomplete conversation staring at
myself on the computer here tomyself, because I need to hear
this Think about how much calmeryour life would be if it was a
little more simpler.
We don't have to be the PTA mom, the CEO at work, the soccer
(17:17):
coach, the volunteer, the mom,the dish steward, the laundry
person, the wife, the dateplanner, the travel coordinator.
You don't have to be all ofthese things.
But I think as women, we have areally hard time.
One saying no, which is ourtopic today, and two, asking for
(17:38):
help.
If you've got a lot of stuff onyour schedule, you don't
necessarily have to even say no,but you can delegate to
somebody else and ask them tohelp you.
Many times our kids and ourspouses are more than happy to
help with things if we ask.
I know.
For me, many times I'm likecook dinner and now I have to
(18:00):
clean all this shit up myself.
Where is everybody If I simplywould say hey guys, can you come
into here and help me?
They would all come home.
We assume that because we thinkabout it, everybody else should
think about it, and they don't,and we need to give them the
benefit of the doubt for that.
But what we have to do is standup and say something.
(18:23):
We have to stand up and say no,and no is a complete sentence.
Up and say no and no is acomplete sentence.
You don't have to come up withanything after that.
No, that doesn't work for me.
(18:45):
No, I'm busy.
You don't have to tell them why.
No, not right now.
If it's something you don'twant to do in the future, don't
say contact me.
No, this isn't for me right now.
This doesn't really align forme.
Maybe work on a few things thatcould be simple letdowns, if
that's something that youdefinitely want to be conscious
of, and I think a lot of us doand so we end up making excuses,
which may or may not be true,just to be able to say no.
(19:09):
Focusing is about saying no.
Getting to those big dreams andgoals that you want to do
what's on.
That vision board requires meto say no to more times than I
(19:29):
say yes, you have to say no, no,no, no, no should be more
frequent than yes.
We overextend ourselves andthen we get resentful for that
or we become overwhelmed oranxious and we have to start
taking care of us Again.
(19:51):
We need to return back to home.
What makes us feel good?
What level of commitment, whatlevel of yeses fills in
alignment with my soul, fills inalignment with my goals?
When you say no, you turn downthe noise of everything else
that's going on.
(20:11):
Like if we really took one thingin our business and we focused
so hard on that one thing in thebusiness this year, how do you
think the business will looknext year?
I'll give you an example.
We really worked hard in ourbusiness this last year to nail
down our costs.
Where were we at with costs sothat we could get our pricing
(20:31):
right?
We don't have that many morecustomers this year than we did
last year, but our revenue is upalmost 70, a little over 70%
this year because we weren'tcharging the right price.
We focused on one thing andmade that big of a difference in
(20:52):
our business.
Think, if you focus on one thingin your personal life that you
really want to work on, maybeyou really need to work on your
marriage and you're like Ireally need to focus on this
instead of trying to focus onfive things at one time.
I know as achievers which a lotof us in here are entrepreneurs
(21:14):
, so it just kind of seems tocome natural to us.
That's kind of scary.
That's kind of scary for me toeven say out loud, because the
slowdown is kind of frighteningto me.
But when we slow down we canreally hear that internal
intuition howls us.
It tells us maybe we're on thewrong path.
(21:39):
It tells us maybe we need to beopen to other things.
It tells us maybe it's time toclose a door on something and
try something new.
No is a power word.
We need to own it like thebadasses that we are and watch
(22:05):
how much that changes our life.
Hey, badasses, welcome to the end of your week,
and I just wanted to hop on fora quick second and share
something that is just kind ofhitting me hard today and I'm
just going to jump right into itbecause I just need to talk
this out, and no one better totalk this out with than all of
y'all, this out with than all ofy'all.
(00:29):
I really have been checking myschedule and making sure that
I'm getting all of my stuff doneand making sure that I'm not
missing out on anything and thatI'm taking care of my team and
I'm trying to take care of myfamily and I'm trying to take
care of myself.
But at the end of the day, Ilook at my schedule and I'm like
how productive were you?
But at the end of the day, Ilook at my schedule and I'm like
how productive were you?
How many different tasks didyou really do every single day?
And I gotta tell y'all I'm kindof embarrassed because I have
(00:53):
flip-flopped between so manyprojects this week.
It's now Friday and I'm likewhat did I get accomplished
today?
And I know I cannot be alone inthis and I don't want you to
feel like you're alone in this,and that's why we're going to
talk this out together, becauseI truly feel like one of the
biggest things that I have tostart doing, like immediately,
(01:16):
is I need to start saying no tomore things.
Like not maybe a little bitthis week and a little bit next
week.
Like if it's not a hell, yes,then it needs to be a hell.
No, anybody else feel me onthat.
I need to desperately take stockin looking at my calendar and
(01:41):
looking at the opportunitiesthat I have on my plate and say
is this getting me to where Iwant to be by the end of this
year?
Is this aligning with my wordof the year value?
I look at my vision board overhere on my wall every single day
when I'm sitting in hereworking in my office, and there
(02:06):
have been so many greatopportunities come into my life
this year that I'm like, oh mygosh, that's it.
That's the one.
I have this major FOMOsituation where I'm like I don't
know, should I, shouldn't I?
I better do it, I better do it,I better do it.
But I have to catch myselfbecause me and I have a
realization today that that'sthe old me still hanging on, and
(02:31):
what I mean by that is thatscarcity mindset of like should.
If I don't grab this right now,it's not going to exist for me
in the future.
And today, as I sat looking atmy calendar, I was just like
floored at the things that I sayyes to.
That one I just really don'twant to do and I'm being really
(02:53):
honest with you and I hope youcan be honest with yourself
there's shit on our calendar sowe just don't want to do, but we
do it anyways.
And it's not stuff like havingto take the kids to school or
pick up something or dosomething like that.
Like it's stuff that we havebeen asked to do by other people
and we say yes, whether it'spromise of potential money,
(03:17):
whether it's promise ofpotential visibility for our
business, whether whatever it is, we say yes.
And then do you ever have thosetimes where you say yes and
then you instantly regret sayingyes, like you put it in your
calendar and you're like thoseare the ones that I'm going to
(03:38):
challenge you this weekend thatyou just go immediately to your
calendar and say see ya, becausethey don't need to be there If
they're not bringing youhappiness, if they're not
bringing joy, if they're notbringing benefit to your family.
If they're not bringing benefitto your business or to you, to
your soul, then you can parkthem in the parking lot and you
can do them later if it'sawesome, or maybe it's just not
(04:01):
the right opportunity for you.
Imagine if we said yes to everygreat opportunity that came up.
I know y'all get awesomeopportunities to do a variety of
different things, but whatreally aligns with your heart?
I have great opportunities onthe table right now with a few
different situations, and it'stugging at my heart so much.
(04:23):
Which one is going to allow memore time with my family,
because that's really reallywhat I want?
Which one is going to allow meto have more freedom financially
to be able to do the thingsthat I want to do?
Which ones are going to make mebe able to stay in a calm state
and not be in this constantpanic or anxiety of the unknown
(04:49):
all the time?
I would love to challenge youto take a look at your calendar
if this resonates with you atall, and not feel guilty for
getting rid of the shit that youdon't want to do.
Feel guilty for getting rid ofthe shit that you don't want to
do.
I want to go through threequick little tips, tricks and
(05:09):
ideas that I'm going to startimplementing right away so that
I can be more confident in theart of saying no as women.
I find it so interesting becausewhen we have to tell somebody
no, it often is accompanied byan excuse no, I can't do that
(05:33):
today because I have to fill inthe blank.
Oftentimes, when you hear a mansay no, he's like nope, not
right now, nope, not for me,nope.
How can we be more unapologeticabout saying no?
Why do we take it personally?
I think this is something womenhave struggled with for a long
(06:02):
time, because a lot of us Ithink our innate want and need
is to help people and to serveand to nurture things and make
them grow and do cool thingswith them.
We also love the excitement ofstarting something new.
If you're like me, I love newthings.
I love new ideas.
I love to excitement ofstarting something new.
If you're like me, I love newthings.
I love new ideas.
(06:22):
I love to help you start newbusinesses.
I love the new.
But if you're constantly in thenew, you don't ever get to see
the growth.
You don't ever get toexperience the hard work and the
things that come from that.
I think one of the mostimportant tips that I want to
start off with is recognizingwhen you need to say no.
(06:45):
And I've really looked at mycalendar.
We have, like can you believethis?
Like really four months left.
It's damn near Septemberalready.
We have four months left.
Have you accomplished what's onthat vision board?
Have you accomplished what youwant to do?
I was looking at my goal boardat work today and I was like, oh
my god, I got a really kickingchair in quarter four if we're
(07:07):
going to hit these or if I'mgoing to accomplish these.
But I'm committed, and if I'mcommitted to the things that
were on the board, I need tostop saying yes to new things.
It doesn't have to be a noforever, but it's a no for right
now.
If this is something that youresonate with big time, I would
(07:31):
recommend you to maybe look atit from this lens, especially if
you're a mom or you have afamily at home, that you're
going home to a family at home,that you're going home to every
new opportunity that I say withwork, business, collaboration,
(07:51):
whatever it is, is taking timeaway from me being at home with
my family and my kids, which Itold you all at the beginning of
the year was one of my greatestgoals this year, is to be able
to free up my time to spend moretime with my family, and that
means more downtime.
And, if any of you know me,that's very uncomfortable for me
.
I picked my kids up from schooltoday.
I'm at my house at 3 pm and I'mlike I'm never home this early.
(08:14):
But I love that because it's anew kind of challenge for me.
It's a slowdown, it's somethingthat I need in my life and I
know that my kids need that too.
But every time I say yes totaking on a new task, yes to
taking on a new responsibility,yes, I'll teach the class with
you.
Yes, I'll do this.
Yes, I'll do this because youwant to be involved, you're
(08:36):
really saying no to what you'rereally striving and hoping for
evolved.
You're really saying no to whatyou're really striving and
hoping for.
I have to give major kudos to afriend of mine this week who
reached out personally.
We were planning a women inbusiness event which we're going
to table it for a little bit,but she reached out and just
said you know what this reallyisn't aligning with what I
(08:57):
really want my goals to be thisyear and I know we can make huge
impact, but let's try to dosomething online and let's try
to do it a little bit later.
I know in that time too, youalmost feel like you need to
apologize and hope that thatdoesn't change a friendship.
(09:17):
Because you're honest and to bereal honest with y'all, that
was one of the most preciousgifts that she gave to me,
because I have been in a seasonof overwhelm.
I have been like at the end ofthe day, like, oh my gosh, I
have to slow down a little bit.
(09:38):
That was a gift that she gaveme that, to be real honest with
you, I wouldn't have given tomyself.
I would have showed up, I stillwould have put it on, but that
was such a gift.
And so maybe when you thinkabout when you're clearing your
calendar this weekend or tryingto rearrange it to make it more
sense, maybe think of it fromthat lens.
(09:59):
Like me, deciding not to dothis might be an answer to
somebody else's prayers, becauseit definitely was for me.
Recognize when to say noforever and no, not right now,
and be honest about that.
Don't say, oh, the time's notright for me right now.
But okay, can I check in withyou in three months?
(10:19):
Yeah, go ahead and do that whenyou know damn well you don't
want to talk to him in threemonths.
Just be honest.
You know what.
This really doesn't align withme.
But I wish you luck.
And how can I support you?
I mean, it's little things likethat that you can do.
That doesn't have to soundterrible.
You don't even have to offer tosupport them.
(10:41):
Give them a compliment on theway they presented something.
Give them a compliment on howfar they've come.
Give them a compliment on theirshoes.
You know that I believe thatwe're always making somebody
feel something, and even whenyou have to give a no, there is
a way to give a no with one younot feeling like shit for saying
(11:03):
no, you being able to beconfident in using that
two-letter word no, and them notfeeling like they have been
dismissed.
And I think that all goes backto just making sure that we're
using kindness in saying no.
(11:24):
I'm sorry, that's not going towork for me right now.
You don't have to have anexcuse as to why it doesn't work
for you.
You don't have to have anexcuse for the reason why you
don't want to do it at all.
No, that doesn't really alignwith me.
But thank you is something thatis a very simple way of being
able to say no to an opportunityor no to a sale or no to well,
(11:49):
really anything.
Another tip I would give you isreally understanding the
importance of boundaries in yourlife.
That includes personally and atwork, and with clients.
Establish limits on access toyou.
(12:13):
Establish limits and boundariesaround times you're available
or projects that you take on.
Just because you can do itdoesn't mean you should.
We have to remember that assmall business owners.
Just because I can do thatdoesn't mean I should take it on
.
And if you don't have somebodyon your team that calls you out
(12:36):
on your shit every time you tryto take on a project, hire one.
I have one and she's incredibleand she gives me that look and
then I'm like never mind, I'mnot going to do that.
And I definitely always give itto somebody else on my team,
which is a benefit to me becauseI don't have to do it, and it's
a benefit to her because it'sprobably going to take me longer
to do it than it would somebodyelse on the team, having those
(13:00):
wonderful, brilliant people inyour life is so, so, so
important, but make sure thatyou have boundaries around
things, even with your kids andyour spouse.
I need to take 15 minutes and Ineed to just have some me time
and explain that to them.
I just need some me time for 15minutes.
I'm going to go sit in myoffice.
(13:21):
I need everybody to leave mealone.
I'll be with you in 15 minutes.
Take that time that you need.
It's better to take 15 minutesif you need to, when you get
home, before you come home andyou bring your day into the home
and then you know maybesomething didn't go right for
the day or maybe you know you'rekind of decompressing on the
(13:44):
way home.
That's not a very long driveand you just need some time.
Maybe you just need some timeto breathe.
We as women want to apologizefor that all the time, like I
need some time, but oh shit, Ibetter go to Target because I
need time.
You can have timeouts in yourown home.
Everybody has timeouts in theirown home.
If you live in a house full ofboys, their timeout is the
(14:11):
bathroom and we all know this.
Where did that kid go?
Where is my husband oh yeah,they've been in the bathroom for
30 minutes.
They're not in there doing bizfor 30 minutes, they're in there
having a timeout.
If you got to go in thebathroom and have a timeout for
30 minutes, great.
But I think, women, that that'sa magnet spot.
(14:32):
That's where everybody comes tofind you.
So they know better than that.
You gotta, you gotta, trickthem out of that one.
You gotta trick them out.
If you have kids, the littlefingers under the door, the dogs
at the door, it's a whole thing.
I don't know me, just me.
That's definitely not my placeto hide here, because everybody
will be drawn to that door beingshut.
But if I explain to them hey, Ineed to take a walk around the
(14:55):
block, can I come?
No, I need some time alone.
It's okay to say no, it's okayto say no to your spouse and
it's okay to say no to your kidsif you need some alone time.
And the last thing I just wantto touch on, I want to make this
a quick little something youcan listen to going home on your
Friday commute Overcome theguilt of saying no.
(15:16):
Why do we feel guilty for sayingno?
Why do we feel guilty forsaving our own sanity.
Why do we feel guilty fortelling people no when we
already have plans somewhereelse?
We already have plans somewhereelse.
I almost did this today becauseone of our colleagues had sent
(15:40):
a text and said hey, are youopen for lunch on Monday?
Our treat.
And I almost text him back andsaid, yeah, that would be great.
And then I looked at mycalendar and I have a lunch date
with my husband on Mondays andbecause he was invited to the
meeting too, I instantly wentback to typing saying, yeah,
that would be great, we could dothat.
But who am I honoring and whoam I keeping my yes to?
(16:05):
I'm telling my husband no, Idon't want to go have lunch with
you on Monday at our typicallunch date time because another
opportunity came up.
Don't cancel on people.
Don't double book.
People Show up.
When you say you're going toshow up, being able to say no,
that does not work for me.
Next week is pretty fullalready, but I do have fill in
(16:30):
the blank.
The next Tuesday I'm open, andthat is what I will send to them
and say look, next week'salready pretty booked up for me,
but I'd love to meet with younext Tuesday.
Does that work for you.
We try so hard as women to be sofucking accommodating to
everybody all the time, to ourown damn detriment, and I am on
(16:51):
a mission to make sure that westop doing this.
And that starts with me.
And I may be having just acomplete conversation staring at
myself on the computer here tomyself, because I need to hear
this Think about how much calmeryour life would be if it was a
little more simpler.
We don't have to be the PTA mom, the CEO at work, the soccer
(17:17):
coach, the volunteer, the mom,the dish steward, the laundry
person, the wife, the dateplanner, the travel coordinator.
You don't have to be all ofthese things.
But I think as women, we have areally hard time.
One saying no, which is ourtopic today, and two, asking for
(17:38):
help.
If you've got a lot of stuff onyour schedule, you don't
necessarily have to even say no,but you can delegate to
somebody else and ask them tohelp you.
Many times our kids and ourspouses are more than happy to
help with things if we ask.
I know.
For me, many times I'm likecook dinner and now I have to
(18:00):
clean all this shit up myself.
Where is everybody If I simplywould say hey guys, can you come
into here and help me?
They would all come home.
We assume that because we thinkabout it, everybody else should
think about it, and they don't,and we need to give them the
benefit of the doubt for that.
But what we have to do is standup and say something.
(18:23):
We have to stand up and say no,and no is a complete sentence.
Up and say no and no is acomplete sentence.
You don't have to come up withanything after that.
No, that doesn't work for me.
(18:45):
No, I'm busy.
You don't have to tell them why.
No, not right now.
If it's something you don'twant to do in the future, don't
say contact me.
No, this isn't for me right now.
This doesn't really align forme.
Maybe work on a few things thatcould be simple letdowns, if
that's something that youdefinitely want to be conscious
of, and I think a lot of us doand so we end up making excuses,
which may or may not be true,just to be able to say no.
(19:09):
Focusing is about saying no.
Getting to those big dreams andgoals that you want to do
what's on.
That vision board requires meto say no to more times than I
(19:29):
say yes, you have to say no, no,no, no, no should be more
frequent than yes.
We overextend ourselves andthen we get resentful for that
or we become overwhelmed oranxious and we have to start
taking care of us Again.
(19:51):
We need to return back to home.
What makes us feel good?
What level of commitment, whatlevel of yeses fills in
alignment with my soul, fills inalignment with my goals?
When you say no, you turn downthe noise of everything else
that's going on.
(20:11):
Like if we really took one thingin our business and we focused
so hard on that one thing in thebusiness this year, how do you
think the business will looknext year?
I'll give you an example.
We really worked hard in ourbusiness this last year to nail
down our costs.
Where were we at with costs sothat we could get our pricing
(20:31):
right?
We don't have that many morecustomers this year than we did
last year, but our revenue is upalmost 70, a little over 70%
this year because we weren'tcharging the right price.
We focused on one thing andmade that big of a difference in
(20:52):
our business.
Think, if you focus on one thingin your personal life that you
really want to work on, maybeyou really need to work on your
marriage and you're like Ireally need to focus on this
instead of trying to focus onfive things at one time.
I know as achievers which a lotof us in here are entrepreneurs
(21:14):
, so it just kind of seems tocome natural to us.
That's kind of scary.
That's kind of scary for me toeven say out loud, because the
slowdown is kind of frighteningto me.
But when we slow down we canreally hear that internal
intuition howls us.
It tells us maybe we're on thewrong path.
(21:39):
It tells us maybe we need to beopen to other things.
It tells us maybe it's time toclose a door on something and
try something new.
No is a power word.
We need to own it like thebadasses that we are and watch
(22:05):
how much that changes our life.
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