June 19, 2023 • 38 mins
This topic sparked an interesting discussion about how we define what it means to be a High Functioning Alcoholic. Is this term contributing to the stigmas society has about what it looks like to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol? High functioning perpetuates the idea that its ok to reward ourselves for our accomplishments at the end of the day with alcohol. Are we using the fact that we are high functioning as an excuse to continue to drink? This term can actually be the thing holding you back from reaching your true potential. We shouldn't see this term as a positive when in reality were just getting by trying to accomplish the things society pressures us to. We are challenging the notion that you can be high functioning when you are drinking, as we believe these 2 ideas are a complete contradiction.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, Mike Sutton andLindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:25):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:42):
Hello everyone and welcome back to the LAF Life
Podcast.
This is season two, and tonightwe have everybody in the house.
Yay.
Yay.
The last couple episodes, wehave been short some members
because of a schedulingconflict, so it's nice to have
everybody here.
And tonight we have a veryinteresting topic.
(01:04):
Tonight we are gonna talk abouthigh functioning alcoholism,
another maybe somewhatcontroversial topic, and we all
have a different opinion aboutit, but we thought we'd dive
into it.
For our listeners, so it's clearwhat the actual definition is by
the American AlcoholAssociation.
(01:25):
It is.
When someone is a highfunctioning alcoholic, They may
be able to carry out daily tasksof living, such as a job
hygiene, childcare, payingbills, and participating in
social activities withoutexhibiting the full range of
clinical impairments commonlyassociated with alcohol use
(01:46):
disorder.
However, someone who hasexperienced fewer external
consequences as a result oftheir drinking can still benefit
from professional health fortheir compulsive alcohol use.
I feel like that term, beinghigh functioning would encourage
or could potentially encouragesomebody to keep drinking
(02:07):
because just like you saidbefore we hit record, you're not
the person drinking out of abrown paper bag on the street,
on a park bench.
You still show up to your joband you're still a mom to your
kids.
And it can I don't know, likeit, it's a, it's all an
illusion.
Like it's an act.
High functioning alcoholic, youstill have a problem just
(02:30):
because you're able to do dailylife and you show up for your
job and you haven't been firedbecause you're hungover and
drunk or whatever.
It's a weird term.
It's almost like glorifying thefact that you can drink heavily.
And still do life.
Kelly (02:44):
I didn't know what the term, like I didn't use the term
until after I quit.
So it wasn't like I was walkingaround going I'm high
functioning, but I was highfunctioning.
Like externally, my world lookedamazing internally.
I was dying, but like you said,Lynn, that was my measurement.
If I ever questioned mydrinking, I was always like I'm
not in the gutter.
(03:05):
Yeah, that was kinda my thing,and like the brown paper bag,
everything looked amazing.
Tracey (03:12):
I have a lot of issues with this term when I'm thinking
about it now, because I feellike it's something we need to
get rid of.
I feel like it feeds into thestigmas around alcoholism.
It feeds into the stigma thatyou have to be in the gutter.
Drinking from a brown paper bagjobless.
Exactly.
Or completely hit rock bottom tohave a problem.
(03:33):
And Lindsay said, I do think itglorifies it.
Oh, I can drink my face off andjust do it way better than you
because I can continuefunctioning, and quite frankly,
the people that I know haveutilized that term in my life,
and I'm not speaking of Kellycuz Kelly has mentioned it about
herself.
(03:54):
Previously, but the people thathave used that term in my life,
I almost feel like it was anexcuse.
Yes, it was an excuse for theirdrinking, for their poor
behavior in other ways to say,I'm still going to work.
I'm still doing this.
I'm still being a member of myfamily, and all those things, or
they could still be beingsuccessful, but like you said,
(04:17):
Kel, when you mentioned beinghigh functioning, you said you
were dying inside.
Yeah.
So really?
Yeah.
Were you high functioning?
To me, those two things, I washigh functioning externally, to
keep up with society.
I had a job and my kids werehealthy and it looked like I
(04:37):
said, it looked like everythingwas good, but on the inside,
like the last year of mydrinking career is what turned
me inward.
And that's when I realized I wasdying inside.
I didn't even know.
I thought this is what we do.
We party, we my saying and Ithought it was hilarious and it
was true.
Work hard, play harder.
(04:58):
That's how I lived.
And that's what I thoughtsuccess was.
That's high functioning when youcan do that.
So yeah.
High functioning to what?
To function in normal societythat values success and
achievement.
And I would pose the questiontoo.
Again, what do you quantify ashigh functioning, if you think
(05:19):
about it, you might have beensuccessful or accomplishing
certain things, but don't youbelieve that if you weren't
drinking, imagine how much moreyou could have been
accomplishing.
That's what I'm saying, thatlast year, 2017, I had a
business coach and I realizedthat even though I was
performing and producing andachieving, I was not reaching my
(05:41):
full potential, and that'sbecause I was hungover every day
I went into my office.
Yeah.
So I feel like it's like afallacy, right?
It's fake, but it
Kelly (05:48):
I was high functioning with work, right?
And getting shit done.
But did I love myself?
No.
Was I spiritually connected?
No.
Was I doing things I love, likebeing in nature and things like
that?
No.
So that's why I say I was dyinginside.
Yeah.
But if you looked at what, anoutsider looking in and not
(06:09):
asking any of those questions.
Yeah.
High functioning.
Yeah.
Tracey (06:13):
Mike.
Mike (06:14):
Hey, how's it going?
I think the term, obviouslyrequires a definition as you've
alluded to.
We talked about it even offcamera.
But I think it's like a bigdisguise or yes.
It's a disguise in nature.
some people I know personally, Ilook at them and go, how the
hell do you get all that stuffdone?
And I know how much theyconsume.
I don't know the numbers, but Ilook and go, there's no way I
(06:37):
could do that and not anymore,but.
There's no way I could have donethat.
I think everybody's got a limit.
And I think like anything webuild a tolerance to things.
As sad as that is.
Yes.
Like for example I'm still atthe office, but old me may have
said I'm gonna work till nine 10and then I'm gonna go to a bar
and have a few drinks before Igo home, cuz it's.
(06:57):
I need to unwind or whatnot, andI think we need to look deeper
into the why people becomehigh-functioning alcoholics.
We all, yeah, we always hit onthe whole why do people drink?
Because they've got unresolvedissues in some capacity without
going into great details.
as we've done this podcast,we've talked to different people
(07:18):
and we've seen stuff online andwe've shared stuff, and, we can
see that there are a lot ofpeople who probably were high
functioning alcoholics at onetime, and like Kelly alluded to,
is that, you you don't evenreally know that's what you're
doing, but when you see it,Through somebody else's eyes or
even your own eyes.
It's holy cow, if I need to getbetter or become a better
person, like you said, Kelly,you had a coach that kind of hit
(07:41):
it on some things about how youcould be better in your
business.
I gotta stop drinking, right?
But like you said, Trac ey thattitle or whatever you're gonna
call it, it's almost like it's afree pass.
You know what?
I can get stuff done.
But you, I hear people, oh man,I'm hungover, I'm green, I'm
this, I'm that.
It's you get what you need toget it.
(08:01):
It's what you get for doing whatyou do.
It's interesting.
It's definitely interesting.
Kelly (08:06):
Okay.
This is what I just thought of.
High functioning doesn't meanhappy.
Lindsey (08:11):
Yes, I was gonna, it doesn't mean like that It
doesn't mean fulfilled.
It doesn't mean that you have agood relationship with yourself.
High functioning means you'rejust doing stuff.
And all those things I was doingnow at this point in my life
don't matter to me.
The things that I thoughtmattered don't matter.
Mike (08:28):
It also doesn't mean positivity
Kelly (08:30):
so
Mike (08:30):
it doesn't mean anything Positive high functioning
doesn't necessarily mean good.
Kelly (08:35):
And I,
Mike (08:35):
it's something to be proud of.
Yeah's not something to be proudof.
No, it's just a way of existinginstead of thriving.
And I don't think anybody who isabusing alcohol is thriving in
their life.
I really don't.
Yeah,
Lindsey (08:48):
you nailed it.
I was gonna say Kel, that'sexactly what I was alluding to
It's like you're just gettingby.
Yes.
But we're considering ourselveshigh functioning.
Not only that, high functioningto me is almost like you're
overcompensating for the factthat you're drinking, or Mike
said, using it as a disguise.
(09:09):
By being high functioning.
It's like you're trying to puton that facade to the world that
you got it all together, butreally you're crumbling and
falling apart.
Yes.
Inside you try to convinceyourself it's a game, right?
Yes.
It's trickery.
Kelly (09:24):
Yeah.
Lindsey (09:25):
I think it means you're out of alignment If you're a
high functioning alcoholic,think about your life.
You're probably in a job, arelationship surrounded by
people you don't even like, andyou're using alcohol to cope
with it, but yet you're stillshowing up for this life that
you've created that you're noteven happy ab about, you're not
(09:45):
even excited about because it'sall fucking fake.
Yeah.
Or it's the pressure societyputs on you, or you think you
need to be a certain way.
So you strive to hit all thesegoals and get this job and get
this education and have this,$600,000 house and oh, look at
all these clothes and I don'tknow.
And then you're drinking tounwind and to numb out.
(10:08):
It's just, indication thatsomebody is just out of
alignment with themselves.
Kelly (10:14):
Totally.
You can't be in alignment withyourself when you're abusing
alcohol.
Lindsey (10:18):
That's why people drink because it's Everything.
There's just so much pressure.
Everything is so expensive andpeople are burning themselves
out and grinding to the ground.
Burning the candle at both ends.
Yeah.
And then they're drinking theirfaces off and they're numbing
out but they still show up towork the next day.
And then it's oh, I'm high, highfunctioning alcoholic, or I'm
(10:39):
high functioning.
I don't know if I would've evenin my drinking days, I don't
know if I would have labeledmyself that, but looking back
now, I'm like, man, if peopleknew the amount that I was
drinking on weekends, it'sembarrassing.
Was I a high functioningalcoholic?
I definitely showed up to mylife and looked like I had
everything together.
Yet I was binge drinking onweekends.
(11:02):
That's what I don't like aboutit, cuz I think it perpetuates
all those things.
It perpetuates the idea that wehave to constantly be achieving.
And then like you said thebacklash or the fallout, fallout
from that is that we drink andthen drink more.
Yeah.
Because we feel all thosepressures, but then two.
(11:26):
It also perpetuates that ideathat we can make excuses for it,
or it makes us somehow superiorto someone who isn't high
functioning, who doesn't managetheir alcohol or their drinking
problem as well.
And it's hit rock bottom.
Yeah.
And this is why not a superpowerto me.
It's like I wanna get rid ofthat term.
(11:47):
I think it just feeds into allthe stigmas that we have around
people and drinking problems.
Kelly (11:56):
And I think I said this before we hit record, but I
never would've described myselfas high functioning, but I sure
did use the fact that I couldproduce and achieve to keep on
drinking.
I was like, wow.
Yeah, but look at how well I'mdoing.
I can keep doing this.
Tracey (12:13):
Yeah.
And I think that's the case fora lot of people.
Kel, like I said, I know thatthere's people very close to me
that's how they would bedescribed because they ran
businesses and stuff like that.
And it's yeah, but really wereyou, because your family was
being affected around you too.
Let's be honest, if I think ofmyself, Was I high functioning?
(12:36):
Yeah.
But was I the mother or beingthe mother that I wanted to be?
Absolutely not.
Was I being present for mychild?
So just because I got up everyday and fricking made a lunch
for my kid and got her toschool, does that mean I was
doing amazing?
No, I don't think so.
That means I would How itimpacts the people around you
(12:57):
getting
Kelly (12:58):
by and doing the bare minimum.
Yeah.
Get just getting by and doingthe bare minimum.
Minimum.
Who wants that?
Tracey (13:03):
Going through the motions.
That's what I would say.
When I was drinking, that's whatI was doing.
Yeah.
And going through the motionsfor me was just ticking things
off my list every day of what Ihad to do to get through the
day.
And that meant doing my job,being a mom, making lunches,
making dinner.
Yeah.
(13:24):
But that didn't mean that I was.
Succeeding or being fulfilled orwinning.
Now that I look back
Kelly (13:32):
yeah.
Now on the other side of it, ofcourse yeah, frick my life was
so dull and I was so dead insideand just absolutely had so much
self-loathing.
Yeah.
But never would've seen thatwhile I was drinking and never
would've seen it.
Tracey (13:49):
To me it was like Groundhog day.
Kelly (13:51):
Yeah.
Yes,
Tracey (13:53):
man, the same day over and over again, except I said
the other day to somebody,except my appropriate time to
start drinking in the evening.
Kept getting earlier andearlier.
Ooh, yeah.
So I think if you look at howyour relationships are doing,
just because you're showing upfor life and succeeding and
accomplishing things and yoursetting goals and achieving them
(14:17):
well, geez, when I look back, mydrinking was affecting
relationships in my life behindclosed doors.
The close relationships to me.
I never thought of it like thatuntil you mentioned that trace
about how like it could beaffecting relationships.
So I think if people are reallyhonest, anybody who's drinking
binge drinking I think if it'saffecting your relationships,
(14:37):
that's not really highfunctioning, is it?
That's what I mean.
What does that even mean?
Because to me, yeah, it doesn't.
Mean what I think people believeit means, right?
Again, just because you're not,not showing up for work or
losing your job or whatever, itjust goes back to the fact that
doesn't mean you don't have aproblem.
(14:59):
Or your relationship withalcohol is unhealthy and it is
affecting your life, highfunctioning or not.
Just cuz you're getting throughthe day doesn't mean that there
aren't things in your life thatare being affected by that
addiction.
I think you were gonna saysomething, Mike there.
Mike (15:18):
Yeah.
What I was gonna say is if youbacktrack to what you guys were
saying, like when Lindsay'stalked about the house, not the
fact that it's a$600,000 house,but the house is part of the
equation of life and, that comesthe job and there's all these
things that were I guess taughtin some way or, programmed yeah.
Thank you.
That's a really good way ofputting it and those things end
(15:42):
up leading to people will.
Consuming, which internally wealways want more.
Yeah.
Not only more, but we're tryingto get through with what we need
to get through with thenecessities and if we can
function at a level of, takingthe edge off with whatever it is
and be def defined as these highfunctioning users, alcoholics,
(16:05):
drugs, whatever, then it's like,what are we really chasing?
What is it that we're, as yousaid, programmed to chase?
I don't know.
Lately I've seen a lot about,I've watched a lot of Not so
much podcasts, but shortinterviews with very successful
business people.
The question was always, was itworth it?
Was it worth chasing the money?
Was it worth all that?
(16:27):
What did you miss out on?
Those types of things.
I think that it's got some rootto high functioning in the fact
that go.
We're in this go society whenreally it's like, Shouldn't we
be, slowing down if we can.
I get it.
The economy is really crazyright now.
We know there's a massive issuewith rent and people being able
to get mortgages.
I just it's crazy.
(16:48):
It's very crazy.
Kelly (16:48):
It's the go go.
Without a healthy way to winddown from that go.
That's what you choose.
Cause there's nothing wrong withhustling all of that stuff.
If you can find no.
A balance with that.
But what the problem I found wasthat I didn't know how to wind
down from that intense life thatI was living.
(17:09):
So I went for the wine.
I take responsibility foreverything I did, but I sure did
get a lot of messages sayingthat this is what everybody
does, so I'm gonna do it too.
Mike (17:18):
For sure.
That's what I was trying to hiton.
You nailed it.
Yeah, there is nothing wrongwith go going for that stuff,
but having the outlets asidefrom, alcohol, drugs, whatever
you're right.
Better outlets.
Lindsey (17:31):
I think there's only so long you can keep the balls in
the air too just to be honest.
Cause you, you think you're highfunctioning and you can live
this life, but then you're ableto drink and still complete
everything.
I think inevitably one day it'sall gonna come crashing down.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
And that's the thing, I think itdoes come crashing down on those
(17:52):
high functioning people.
Obviously it did for Kelly, itdoes come.
Down on those high functioningpeople just in different ways
than that poor guy who couldn'tfunction and lost his job or
whatever.
It just comes out in a differentway, in a different form.
It doesn't necessarily mean thatperson hits rock bottom and
(18:14):
loses everything, right?
But they're losing stuff alongthe way, and that is where it
comes out, right?
Yeah.
They're not only losing maybephysical stuff, but they're also
losing a part of Yes.
Their integrity, their soul,whatever you wanna call it.
Absolutely.
I firmly believe thateverybody's gonna hit that rock
bottom.
It's just a matter of.
(18:35):
At what point in life do you seeit and is it sometimes too far
to turn back?
Because, my dad was hands down,like on definition, high
functioning alcoholic andultimately he killed him.
He was a brilliant dude anddrank to his body, basically
started to rot.
Like no joke, he broke his hipin a bar, he fell, broke his
(18:58):
hip, went into the hospital,never came out and it was holy
smoke.
Sad to see.
But that was, were the choicesthat he made.
You could see the regret on himwhen he was close to the end,
but yeah, he probably had a lotof different times in his life
where it's okay, this is it?
This is it, but you only get somany.
This is it chances and it'strue.
Yeah.
You gotta figure it out.
Kelly (19:19):
So it's gotta end at some point.
It's either gonna end Yeah, forsure.
horribly, or you make the choiceand just make a change.
And it's not simple.
I'm not saying it's that easy,but yeah, it's gonna come to an
end one way or another.
Tracey (19:33):
You ladies were saying you're out of alignment, you're
out of balance.
You can only be out of alignmentand out of balance for so long.
Yeah.
Till it tips over to one side.
Even in what you were saying,Kel, how you can have the hustle
and you can be high achievingand all those things.
But then finding a way to havethat wind down, that's a healthy
(19:56):
wind down.
Even if you wanna be hustlingand high achieving, you still
need to find that balance someway, somehow.
Yeah, and prioritizing theself-care and the health.
I had a Reiki client the otherday very high achieving.
And we got into a really gooddiscussion about that.
Choosing to take, 15 minutes outof your day to meditate or to go
(20:18):
for a walk outside, things likethat.
And it's like we've beenconditioned to Use those things
as a reward.
I worked really hard today, sonow I'll go for a walk or I'll
go for a walk after I finishthis work task.
We'll no the priority has to bethat stuff first, and then all
of those other things do fallinto place way more easily.
Mike (20:40):
Yeah.
You're not as stressed out.
And that's a big part of it.
Stress, and then stress leadsto.
Bad sleep and it's like afucking Dominos.
It's just ridiculous.
Yeah.
Kelly (20:50):
So it's self-care first.
You might see what's happeninginside, either, your internal
functions are not highfunctioning, your body inside is
not high functioning.
If you're consuming alcohol,like there's no way.
You're talking about gut health.
Lindsey (21:07):
Everything.
Yes.
Gut health, brain
Mike (21:10):
organ health.
Lindsey (21:11):
Organ health.
Yeah, exactly.
Kelly (21:13):
There's no way.
There's a lot,
Mike (21:15):
there's a lot connected to gut.
Gut's the root of a lot ofdifferent things.
Especially disease, so you'reright.
You're definitely right.
And then there's more and morestudies coming out that with its
relation to mental health andRight.
A lot of these people that areexcessive drinkers, undiagnosed,
you can tell that there's someissues.
I'm not a psychologist or adoctor, not trying to pretend to
(21:37):
be, but you can see it's wow.
Okay.
Is your alcohol contributing tothe way your mind is right now?
Kelly (21:43):
Likely everybody's inflamed inflammation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Great point.
Absolutely.
Tracey (21:49):
Absolutely.
You weren't on the last episode,Mike, but Kelly was talking
about how the gut is related toyour mental health.
Mike (21:56):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And the chemical imbalance thateverybody talks about with
mental health, the chemicals arein your gut.
Yeah.
Thousand percent.
And how we all know that alcoholis poison, so we know it's not
doing anything good for our gut.
No.
Lindsey (22:12):
Oh.
Mike (22:12):
Along with a lot of other things too, like not just
alcohol, but that's the basis ofwhat we're here for.
But yeah, no, I'm sure we'vebeen talking about that forever.
Tracey (22:21):
And that's a thing a lot of people can be high
functioning in life.
But eventually, as we weresaying, it's gonna catch up to
them and a lot of times thatcatches up to them physically.
Like with your dad, Mike?
Yeah.
And like with quite a few peopleI know that would be considered
high functioning.
They had a health scare thatstopped them in their tracks and
(22:42):
that was their moment of theydidn't have a choice, but they
had to stop.
Mike (22:48):
Some get more than others,, but I think it's
definitely, there's something toit.
Soul based, I don't know.
I'm always on that.
I think, everybody's got a souland.
Tracey (22:57):
Oh yeah.
Some people are like cats.
They got nine lives.
Yeah.
Mike (23:02):
Or what's the lesson like?
I always say, yeah, you come tothat fork in the road, which way
are you gonna go?
You gonna keep going left?
Or are you gonna go right onetime and say, oh, look at this
path.
Holy smokes.
So it's hard.
Let's be truthful here.
Yeah.
We're not trying to imply thatit's, a walk in the park and
it's, it's right.
It takes bloody work.
But it is just one choice.
(23:23):
It's one choice, but it doestake work, absolutely.
Let's not sugarcoat it.
It's does take work.
And we've always talked abouthow there are things you can do.
We've many times we've talkedabout, this hiking, yoga, blah,
blah, blah, blah, with differentguests and We'll keep
reiterating these things.
It's, there's ways to help youget through the rough patches
(23:46):
and you know what, sometimes youhave to sit through the rough
patches.
It's just an unfortunate part ofgetting stronger at something
mentally, it's unfortunate, butyou're only gonna get stronger.
It's a practice every day.
Yeah.
It's practice not drinking.
Practice, man.
It's a different kind ofpractice.
(24:07):
Sorry.
There's an old spoof.
I don't know if you guys knowwho Alan Iverson is.
He's an old NBA player and hewas getting interviewed and he
was a star and the guy says,blah, blah, blah, blah something
about practice.
And he just looks at it likepractice, like we're talking
about.
(24:28):
Practice.
It's very talk about practice,man.
Like not the game practice.
Sorry, go ahead.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It is.
Life's interesting.
You can all sit here and say doyou not have a clearer mind
about how you can approach lifeand how you battle the things
that are thrown at you on aday-to-day basis as opposed to
(24:51):
being high functioning.
Right?
Absolutely.
I think on high functioning youtend to just react because
that's all you really have,rather than, Hey, the three, I'm
like oh yes.
Lindsey (25:05):
Always being on, always having to go and do and react
and decide and oh yeah, there'sno okay, let's take a step back
and take a couple breaths andmeditate on this and sleep on it
and think about it.
No, it's high functioning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (25:23):
Where does that come from?
Hi Functioning.
high Resolution, where does thatbelief come from?
Why does everybody think theyhave to do so much?
Oh, god.
Why think you do so much?
It comes from all the societalpressures.
Yeah, like everything else,right?
We've been conditioned tobelieve that it's important for
us to be constantly achievingand in a fast paced world where
(25:46):
everything's changing and we'retrying to keep up with everybody
else.
And then, yes, as Mike ispointing at his phone, pointing
to his phone, it's the socialmedia.
Yeah, social media.
Keeping up with the Joneses hasbeen around for it's a while.
It's all fake.
It's all fake.
Yeah.
So then where do we, why do wedo it?
Yeah.
And then how do you stop doingthat?
(26:06):
Where do you go?
Validation?
Where do you find validation andworthiness elsewhere In
yourself.
Yourself.
Lindsey (26:13):
Yeah.
But how, that's hard, right?
That seems hokey for people.
So look at this oh, okay.
That's
Kelly (26:19):
why I asked the question, and I wanna hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So look at it this way.
You worked your ass off.
And I mean everybody, to makethat change of, look, I need to
become a better me, I'm givingup alcohol.
It's the same type of processwith social media and it's not
gonna happen overnight, I thinksocial media is a massive
(26:39):
problem., you guys know I'm noton Facebook.
I'm part of, should it come witha warning?
I don't know.
I think it should come someone abloody training or something.
The training.
Here's remember when Facebookstarted module in what, mid two
thousands or late two thousandsand he's I remember
Mike (26:56):
right here you go.
And like a drug, like alcohol.
Holy shit.
I like it
Lindsey (27:01):
is a drug.
Yep.
You wanna see what everybodyelse is doing.
And I think we wanna see whateverybody else is doing because
we're using it as a measuringstick.
Yes.
Making our own lives.
So what would we be doing if,yeah.
What would we be doing with ourlives if we weren't seeing what
everybody else was doing?
Constantly we'd be doing thatare more in alignment with who
(27:21):
we are.
Yeah.
Tracey (27:22):
We'd be focusing on ourselves and not on everybody
else.
Yeah.
Mike (27:26):
Look, I think social media's got some really positive
things.
Grandmas have got, social mediaaccounts to see what the
grandkids that are halfwayacross the country.
That's great.
That's memes a thinking tool
Tracey (27:39):
but it goes back to everything else.
Simplified, Mike, that's whatFacebook started as a way to
connect with people.
Now it's just turned into thismonster beast of something
totally different.
If it stayed in its originalstate, it would still be that
wonderful tool for grandparentsand friends to see what their
(28:01):
friends were doing abroad.
Mike (28:03):
I think so.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
Tracey (28:06):
I didn't like, I know I got on Facebook because I moved
to Calgary.
And it gave me a chance to stayconnected with people here and
see what was going on with myfriends and family's life here.
And that's really how I utilizedit for the longest time.
But now it's just turned intothis, promote everything,
advertise everything.
(28:27):
It's just not right.
It's a connection tool for.
Blowing yourself up pretty much.
Mike (28:33):
You could have does for promotion of alcohol, right?
Before social media there was,TV beer commercials and more so
in the US than here in Canada.
But we know about the, Iremember the bold beer
commercials and stuff, beerposters,
Kelly (28:48):
the people do the advertising for.
That's exactly the, everybody,they don't even need to pay for
ads.
They just let people go onFacebook for free and then they
post pictures of their ownbooze.
You're right.
High functioning people.
Wow.
I don't know if they're highfunctioning.
I see the pictures.
Then I'm like, show me yourmorning pictures.
(29:08):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (29:15):
Yeah, it's just another thing for all the big giants out
there to make money now.
Yeah.
That's all.
Mike (29:22):
So the, maybe the solution is we all live in a commune and
just with no internet and
Tracey (29:28):
The best thing that could happen to us is something
blows up the internet or theinternet completely crashes cuz
we maxed it out.
And we're all forced to be offour phones, off our computers,
off our technology.
Lindsey (29:44):
Don't you guys remember when like Instagram crashed for
a day?
Yes.
People lost their shit.
Lost their minds.
Who We survived you guys?
We survived that.
Yeah.
When is that?
Oh, when was that?
When was that?
Year and a half ago maybe?
I dunno.
Something like that.
Yeah.
People like just
Kelly (30:02):
lost it.
Isn't that say something?
It's sad is what it's very sad.
I did have a thought though whenwe were talking about Mike had
alluded to, why are people, whyare they going to alcohol?
What's creating the problem orwhat is creating.
The person being highfunctioning.
(30:24):
And I was thinking just aboutgoing back to balance.
Is it that we're all searchingfor that balance and we don't
know how to create it?
So instead of creating it, we'rejust getting lost in the alcohol
or utilizing alcohol as a toolto distract us from finding it.
(30:45):
So it's like a false sense ofbalance, right?
Because it's yeah.
Yes, because the first 20minutes functioning, the first
20 minutes are good.
They're, but everything afterthat is not so well, and it's a
false sense of balance in thesense, going back to the
rewarding yourself, right?
Yes.
It's, this is my reward, this ismy self-care.
Lindsey (31:08):
The rewards shouldn't cause suffering.
And they shouldn't ruinrelationships and they shouldn't
cause cancer and self-loathingand shame like that.
Like really?
Let's think about how rewardingalcohol is.
It's fucking not no, you'reborrowing from tomorrow to relax
today.
Because you're not gonna befunctioning at your best the
(31:30):
next day.
It doesn't matter.
The people who are like, oh Idon't get hangovers.
Bullshit your body inside.
You may not feel.
Hungover, but there is no, youdon't feel your best.
You don't feel your best, andyour body is sure not
functioning at its best either.
That's not a reward.
Things that cause pain andsuffering and depression and
(31:52):
anxiety and kill people, we'vegotta stop thinking that those
things are rewards.
Kelly (31:59):
There's no benefit.
No.
Speaking of not having hangoversLinds.
It's funny you say that becauseI've expressed many times that I
didn't have extreme hangovers.
I remember not how new girlsdescribe your hangovers, but
you're right, because if I couldtell you how I function or feel
when I wake up now, Alcohol freein comparison to when I was
(32:21):
drinking, right?
Oh, it's way better.
And not to mention that I didexpress, or I have expressed
that my hangover was.
Anxiety, constant anxiety.
Yeah.
I woke up every day with that.
Yeah.
And just to not have thatanymore is like life changing.
Lindsey (32:41):
Yeah, for sure.
Kelly (32:42):
I wanted to say, oh I think if people have been
drinking their whole adult lifethey may not even realize how
good it can get.
Yes.
That's the feeling that Traceyjust described, like now you see
what quality sleep is.
And not having anxiety or hangtight.
But yeah, you actually might noteven know how good it can feel.
Lindsey (33:04):
I think too, give sobriety, give living alcohol
free.
The same chances you you givealcohol.
Because when I think back to me,despite continued negative
consequences, that gotincreasingly worse over time.
I still drank.
But it's like we have to havethat same mentality and give
sobriety or an alcohol free lifethat same chance that we give
(33:26):
alcohol.
We keep consuming even thoughit's not good for us.
But what if, you started out andsaid, okay, for the next 14
days, I'm not gonna drinkalcohol.
See how you feel.
Give it a chance.
Yeah.
At first it might feeluncomfortable.
But I think if you give it achance, I think you'll see and
feel a difference, give yourselfthe gift of living for a period
(33:50):
of time without alcohol to seehow your life is.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just drinking every day formost of our adult life or
however often we do, becomes ournorm.
And that's why you don't knowany different when you wake up
in the morning.
Not drinking can become yournorm too.
(34:11):
Yeah.
I think that's a great approachLinds.
That's how I approached it whenI, yeah, me too.
Went on my journey was, I'm justgonna not drink today, not buy
any alcohol and see how I feeland see if I can do that for the
next couple days and see what itfeels like.
And here I am almost three yearslater.
(34:32):
Yeah, that's amazing.
And feels pretty damn good,yeah, and I'd say I'm way more
high functioning.
Yeah, I would.
I would say that exactly.
For sure.
I would say that for surepeople, and
Tracey (34:42):
I know as a whole person, not as a whole, just
going through the motions,getting through the day,
checking off my to-do list.
Kelly (34:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm way happier.
Which is more important to methan producing stuff.
Lindsey (34:56):
Exactly.
Yes.
I think this was a greatdiscussion, guys, and like I
said, I loved it.
Yeah, I would be a big advocatefor getting rid of that whole
expression.
And with it throwing any excusesout the window.
Not to say, like Mike mentioned,it's not easy.
But definitely it is way better.
(35:17):
Change is hard on the brightside.
Yeah, any change is hard.
I don't want somebody to listento this and, get scared.
Cuz I remember thinking, oh, I'mnever gonna be able to do this.
how am I gonna live withoutwine?
Yeah.
What am I gonna do?
I don't think I can do this.
But any change isn't easy.
Changes are, uncomfortable.
Your brain basically.
(35:39):
It tries to keep you in routine.
And tries to keep you doing thesame things to keep you safe.
Cuz that's genetically how we'reprogrammed.
So when you go against what youknow is normal when you're
trying to make changes in yourlife, the alarm bells are gonna
go off.
The panic, the anxiety thewanting to go back to where you
came from, that's gonna startraging because, Our chemistry is
(36:01):
designed to keep us safe andpattern and routine and, even
those unhealthy patterns, that'swhy people stay in unhealthy
relationships with, their job,their partner, because it's
just, what you know is safe andwhat you don't know is unsafe.
If you can just push through andjust, make that decision.
(36:22):
To do something different.
Any change is hard, but this,living alcohol free, literally
hands down is the easiest thingI do every day.
Hands down, I do not regret it.
And Tracey said, we didn't startout thinking, okay, that's it.
I'm never gonna drink again.
The longer I go, I'm like, Ican't see adding it back into my
(36:43):
life.
I just, I can't.
Yeah, if you're listening and oryou think ugh, something
resonates with you and youthink, oh, I'm, I think I have
to make a change.
It's any change, it's gonna behard not just giving up alcohol
or a substance that you'reusing, but I'm telling you don't
let your brain chemistry talkyou out of doing this for
(37:05):
yourself because you fuckingdeserve it.
You deserve the best life.
Tracey (37:10):
That could be something that works for you too though,
Lynn.
Telling yourself Yeah, that,yep.
If you've made any other majorchanges in your life, it's no
different than that.
Yes.
See it as I was able to do thisbefore I can also do this.
Kelly (37:25):
Yeah.
And it's okay to not be able todo it on your own.
I couldn't do this.
Yes.
I had to get outside help andthat's okay.
Lindsey (37:32):
Yes.
Love that.
That's such a good reminder.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
A hundred percent.
Thanks guys.
This was great.
Thank you listeners forlistening.
If you wanna reach out to us,you can find us on Instagram at
LAF Life Podcast and in ourFacebook community at LAF Life.
And until next time, keeplaughing.
(37:54):
Goodnight guys.
See you Goodnight.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Kelly (38:00):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of thelaugh life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, Mike Sutton andLindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:25):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:42):
Hello everyone and welcome back to the LAF Life
Podcast.
This is season two, and tonightwe have everybody in the house.
Yay.
Yay.
The last couple episodes, wehave been short some members
because of a schedulingconflict, so it's nice to have
everybody here.
And tonight we have a veryinteresting topic.
(01:04):
Tonight we are gonna talk abouthigh functioning alcoholism,
another maybe somewhatcontroversial topic, and we all
have a different opinion aboutit, but we thought we'd dive
into it.
For our listeners, so it's clearwhat the actual definition is by
the American AlcoholAssociation.
(01:25):
It is.
When someone is a highfunctioning alcoholic, They may
be able to carry out daily tasksof living, such as a job
hygiene, childcare, payingbills, and participating in
social activities withoutexhibiting the full range of
clinical impairments commonlyassociated with alcohol use
(01:46):
disorder.
However, someone who hasexperienced fewer external
consequences as a result oftheir drinking can still benefit
from professional health fortheir compulsive alcohol use.
I feel like that term, beinghigh functioning would encourage
or could potentially encouragesomebody to keep drinking
(02:07):
because just like you saidbefore we hit record, you're not
the person drinking out of abrown paper bag on the street,
on a park bench.
You still show up to your joband you're still a mom to your
kids.
And it can I don't know, likeit, it's a, it's all an
illusion.
Like it's an act.
High functioning alcoholic, youstill have a problem just
(02:30):
because you're able to do dailylife and you show up for your
job and you haven't been firedbecause you're hungover and
drunk or whatever.
It's a weird term.
It's almost like glorifying thefact that you can drink heavily.
And still do life.
Kelly (02:44):
I didn't know what the term, like I didn't use the term
until after I quit.
So it wasn't like I was walkingaround going I'm high
functioning, but I was highfunctioning.
Like externally, my world lookedamazing internally.
I was dying, but like you said,Lynn, that was my measurement.
If I ever questioned mydrinking, I was always like I'm
not in the gutter.
(03:05):
Yeah, that was kinda my thing,and like the brown paper bag,
everything looked amazing.
Tracey (03:12):
I have a lot of issues with this term when I'm thinking
about it now, because I feellike it's something we need to
get rid of.
I feel like it feeds into thestigmas around alcoholism.
It feeds into the stigma thatyou have to be in the gutter.
Drinking from a brown paper bagjobless.
Exactly.
Or completely hit rock bottom tohave a problem.
(03:33):
And Lindsay said, I do think itglorifies it.
Oh, I can drink my face off andjust do it way better than you
because I can continuefunctioning, and quite frankly,
the people that I know haveutilized that term in my life,
and I'm not speaking of Kellycuz Kelly has mentioned it about
herself.
(03:54):
Previously, but the people thathave used that term in my life,
I almost feel like it was anexcuse.
Yes, it was an excuse for theirdrinking, for their poor
behavior in other ways to say,I'm still going to work.
I'm still doing this.
I'm still being a member of myfamily, and all those things, or
they could still be beingsuccessful, but like you said,
(04:17):
Kel, when you mentioned beinghigh functioning, you said you
were dying inside.
Yeah.
So really?
Yeah.
Were you high functioning?
To me, those two things, I washigh functioning externally, to
keep up with society.
I had a job and my kids werehealthy and it looked like I
(04:37):
said, it looked like everythingwas good, but on the inside,
like the last year of mydrinking career is what turned
me inward.
And that's when I realized I wasdying inside.
I didn't even know.
I thought this is what we do.
We party, we my saying and Ithought it was hilarious and it
was true.
Work hard, play harder.
(04:58):
That's how I lived.
And that's what I thoughtsuccess was.
That's high functioning when youcan do that.
So yeah.
High functioning to what?
To function in normal societythat values success and
achievement.
And I would pose the questiontoo.
Again, what do you quantify ashigh functioning, if you think
(05:19):
about it, you might have beensuccessful or accomplishing
certain things, but don't youbelieve that if you weren't
drinking, imagine how much moreyou could have been
accomplishing.
That's what I'm saying, thatlast year, 2017, I had a
business coach and I realizedthat even though I was
performing and producing andachieving, I was not reaching my
(05:41):
full potential, and that'sbecause I was hungover every day
I went into my office.
Yeah.
So I feel like it's like afallacy, right?
It's fake, but it
Kelly (05:48):
I was high functioning with work, right?
And getting shit done.
But did I love myself?
No.
Was I spiritually connected?
No.
Was I doing things I love, likebeing in nature and things like
that?
No.
So that's why I say I was dyinginside.
Yeah.
But if you looked at what, anoutsider looking in and not
(06:09):
asking any of those questions.
Yeah.
High functioning.
Yeah.
Tracey (06:13):
Mike.
Mike (06:14):
Hey, how's it going?
I think the term, obviouslyrequires a definition as you've
alluded to.
We talked about it even offcamera.
But I think it's like a bigdisguise or yes.
It's a disguise in nature.
some people I know personally, Ilook at them and go, how the
hell do you get all that stuffdone?
And I know how much theyconsume.
I don't know the numbers, but Ilook and go, there's no way I
(06:37):
could do that and not anymore,but.
There's no way I could have donethat.
I think everybody's got a limit.
And I think like anything webuild a tolerance to things.
As sad as that is.
Yes.
Like for example I'm still atthe office, but old me may have
said I'm gonna work till nine 10and then I'm gonna go to a bar
and have a few drinks before Igo home, cuz it's.
(06:57):
I need to unwind or whatnot, andI think we need to look deeper
into the why people becomehigh-functioning alcoholics.
We all, yeah, we always hit onthe whole why do people drink?
Because they've got unresolvedissues in some capacity without
going into great details.
as we've done this podcast,we've talked to different people
(07:18):
and we've seen stuff online andwe've shared stuff, and, we can
see that there are a lot ofpeople who probably were high
functioning alcoholics at onetime, and like Kelly alluded to,
is that, you you don't evenreally know that's what you're
doing, but when you see it,Through somebody else's eyes or
even your own eyes.
It's holy cow, if I need to getbetter or become a better
person, like you said, Kelly,you had a coach that kind of hit
(07:41):
it on some things about how youcould be better in your
business.
I gotta stop drinking, right?
But like you said, Trac ey thattitle or whatever you're gonna
call it, it's almost like it's afree pass.
You know what?
I can get stuff done.
But you, I hear people, oh man,I'm hungover, I'm green, I'm
this, I'm that.
It's you get what you need toget it.
(08:01):
It's what you get for doing whatyou do.
It's interesting.
It's definitely interesting.
Kelly (08:06):
Okay.
This is what I just thought of.
High functioning doesn't meanhappy.
Lindsey (08:11):
Yes, I was gonna, it doesn't mean like that It
doesn't mean fulfilled.
It doesn't mean that you have agood relationship with yourself.
High functioning means you'rejust doing stuff.
And all those things I was doingnow at this point in my life
don't matter to me.
The things that I thoughtmattered don't matter.
Mike (08:28):
It also doesn't mean positivity
Kelly (08:30):
so
Mike (08:30):
it doesn't mean anything Positive high functioning
doesn't necessarily mean good.
Kelly (08:35):
And I,
Mike (08:35):
it's something to be proud of.
Yeah's not something to be proudof.
No, it's just a way of existinginstead of thriving.
And I don't think anybody who isabusing alcohol is thriving in
their life.
I really don't.
Yeah,
Lindsey (08:48):
you nailed it.
I was gonna say Kel, that'sexactly what I was alluding to
It's like you're just gettingby.
Yes.
But we're considering ourselveshigh functioning.
Not only that, high functioningto me is almost like you're
overcompensating for the factthat you're drinking, or Mike
said, using it as a disguise.
(09:09):
By being high functioning.
It's like you're trying to puton that facade to the world that
you got it all together, butreally you're crumbling and
falling apart.
Yes.
Inside you try to convinceyourself it's a game, right?
Yes.
It's trickery.
Kelly (09:24):
Yeah.
Lindsey (09:25):
I think it means you're out of alignment If you're a
high functioning alcoholic,think about your life.
You're probably in a job, arelationship surrounded by
people you don't even like, andyou're using alcohol to cope
with it, but yet you're stillshowing up for this life that
you've created that you're noteven happy ab about, you're not
(09:45):
even excited about because it'sall fucking fake.
Yeah.
Or it's the pressure societyputs on you, or you think you
need to be a certain way.
So you strive to hit all thesegoals and get this job and get
this education and have this,$600,000 house and oh, look at
all these clothes and I don'tknow.
And then you're drinking tounwind and to numb out.
(10:08):
It's just, indication thatsomebody is just out of
alignment with themselves.
Kelly (10:14):
Totally.
You can't be in alignment withyourself when you're abusing
alcohol.
Lindsey (10:18):
That's why people drink because it's Everything.
There's just so much pressure.
Everything is so expensive andpeople are burning themselves
out and grinding to the ground.
Burning the candle at both ends.
Yeah.
And then they're drinking theirfaces off and they're numbing
out but they still show up towork the next day.
And then it's oh, I'm high, highfunctioning alcoholic, or I'm
(10:39):
high functioning.
I don't know if I would've evenin my drinking days, I don't
know if I would have labeledmyself that, but looking back
now, I'm like, man, if peopleknew the amount that I was
drinking on weekends, it'sembarrassing.
Was I a high functioningalcoholic?
I definitely showed up to mylife and looked like I had
everything together.
Yet I was binge drinking onweekends.
(11:02):
That's what I don't like aboutit, cuz I think it perpetuates
all those things.
It perpetuates the idea that wehave to constantly be achieving.
And then like you said thebacklash or the fallout, fallout
from that is that we drink andthen drink more.
Yeah.
Because we feel all thosepressures, but then two.
(11:26):
It also perpetuates that ideathat we can make excuses for it,
or it makes us somehow superiorto someone who isn't high
functioning, who doesn't managetheir alcohol or their drinking
problem as well.
And it's hit rock bottom.
Yeah.
And this is why not a superpowerto me.
It's like I wanna get rid ofthat term.
(11:47):
I think it just feeds into allthe stigmas that we have around
people and drinking problems.
Kelly (11:56):
And I think I said this before we hit record, but I
never would've described myselfas high functioning, but I sure
did use the fact that I couldproduce and achieve to keep on
drinking.
I was like, wow.
Yeah, but look at how well I'mdoing.
I can keep doing this.
Tracey (12:13):
Yeah.
And I think that's the case fora lot of people.
Kel, like I said, I know thatthere's people very close to me
that's how they would bedescribed because they ran
businesses and stuff like that.
And it's yeah, but really wereyou, because your family was
being affected around you too.
Let's be honest, if I think ofmyself, Was I high functioning?
(12:36):
Yeah.
But was I the mother or beingthe mother that I wanted to be?
Absolutely not.
Was I being present for mychild?
So just because I got up everyday and fricking made a lunch
for my kid and got her toschool, does that mean I was
doing amazing?
No, I don't think so.
That means I would How itimpacts the people around you
(12:57):
getting
Kelly (12:58):
by and doing the bare minimum.
Yeah.
Get just getting by and doingthe bare minimum.
Minimum.
Who wants that?
Tracey (13:03):
Going through the motions.
That's what I would say.
When I was drinking, that's whatI was doing.
Yeah.
And going through the motionsfor me was just ticking things
off my list every day of what Ihad to do to get through the
day.
And that meant doing my job,being a mom, making lunches,
making dinner.
Yeah.
(13:24):
But that didn't mean that I was.
Succeeding or being fulfilled orwinning.
Now that I look back
Kelly (13:32):
yeah.
Now on the other side of it, ofcourse yeah, frick my life was
so dull and I was so dead insideand just absolutely had so much
self-loathing.
Yeah.
But never would've seen thatwhile I was drinking and never
would've seen it.
Tracey (13:49):
To me it was like Groundhog day.
Kelly (13:51):
Yeah.
Yes,
Tracey (13:53):
man, the same day over and over again, except I said
the other day to somebody,except my appropriate time to
start drinking in the evening.
Kept getting earlier andearlier.
Ooh, yeah.
So I think if you look at howyour relationships are doing,
just because you're showing upfor life and succeeding and
accomplishing things and yoursetting goals and achieving them
(14:17):
well, geez, when I look back, mydrinking was affecting
relationships in my life behindclosed doors.
The close relationships to me.
I never thought of it like thatuntil you mentioned that trace
about how like it could beaffecting relationships.
So I think if people are reallyhonest, anybody who's drinking
binge drinking I think if it'saffecting your relationships,
(14:37):
that's not really highfunctioning, is it?
That's what I mean.
What does that even mean?
Because to me, yeah, it doesn't.
Mean what I think people believeit means, right?
Again, just because you're not,not showing up for work or
losing your job or whatever, itjust goes back to the fact that
doesn't mean you don't have aproblem.
(14:59):
Or your relationship withalcohol is unhealthy and it is
affecting your life, highfunctioning or not.
Just cuz you're getting throughthe day doesn't mean that there
aren't things in your life thatare being affected by that
addiction.
I think you were gonna saysomething, Mike there.
Mike (15:18):
Yeah.
What I was gonna say is if youbacktrack to what you guys were
saying, like when Lindsay'stalked about the house, not the
fact that it's a$600,000 house,but the house is part of the
equation of life and, that comesthe job and there's all these
things that were I guess taughtin some way or, programmed yeah.
Thank you.
That's a really good way ofputting it and those things end
(15:42):
up leading to people will.
Consuming, which internally wealways want more.
Yeah.
Not only more, but we're tryingto get through with what we need
to get through with thenecessities and if we can
function at a level of, takingthe edge off with whatever it is
and be def defined as these highfunctioning users, alcoholics,
(16:05):
drugs, whatever, then it's like,what are we really chasing?
What is it that we're, as yousaid, programmed to chase?
I don't know.
Lately I've seen a lot about,I've watched a lot of Not so
much podcasts, but shortinterviews with very successful
business people.
The question was always, was itworth it?
Was it worth chasing the money?
Was it worth all that?
(16:27):
What did you miss out on?
Those types of things.
I think that it's got some rootto high functioning in the fact
that go.
We're in this go society whenreally it's like, Shouldn't we
be, slowing down if we can.
I get it.
The economy is really crazyright now.
We know there's a massive issuewith rent and people being able
to get mortgages.
I just it's crazy.
(16:48):
It's very crazy.
Kelly (16:48):
It's the go go.
Without a healthy way to winddown from that go.
That's what you choose.
Cause there's nothing wrong withhustling all of that stuff.
If you can find no.
A balance with that.
But what the problem I found wasthat I didn't know how to wind
down from that intense life thatI was living.
(17:09):
So I went for the wine.
I take responsibility foreverything I did, but I sure did
get a lot of messages sayingthat this is what everybody
does, so I'm gonna do it too.
Mike (17:18):
For sure.
That's what I was trying to hiton.
You nailed it.
Yeah, there is nothing wrongwith go going for that stuff,
but having the outlets asidefrom, alcohol, drugs, whatever
you're right.
Better outlets.
Lindsey (17:31):
I think there's only so long you can keep the balls in
the air too just to be honest.
Cause you, you think you're highfunctioning and you can live
this life, but then you're ableto drink and still complete
everything.
I think inevitably one day it'sall gonna come crashing down.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
And that's the thing, I think itdoes come crashing down on those
(17:52):
high functioning people.
Obviously it did for Kelly, itdoes come.
Down on those high functioningpeople just in different ways
than that poor guy who couldn'tfunction and lost his job or
whatever.
It just comes out in a differentway, in a different form.
It doesn't necessarily mean thatperson hits rock bottom and
(18:14):
loses everything, right?
But they're losing stuff alongthe way, and that is where it
comes out, right?
Yeah.
They're not only losing maybephysical stuff, but they're also
losing a part of Yes.
Their integrity, their soul,whatever you wanna call it.
Absolutely.
I firmly believe thateverybody's gonna hit that rock
bottom.
It's just a matter of.
(18:35):
At what point in life do you seeit and is it sometimes too far
to turn back?
Because, my dad was hands down,like on definition, high
functioning alcoholic andultimately he killed him.
He was a brilliant dude anddrank to his body, basically
started to rot.
Like no joke, he broke his hipin a bar, he fell, broke his
(18:58):
hip, went into the hospital,never came out and it was holy
smoke.
Sad to see.
But that was, were the choicesthat he made.
You could see the regret on himwhen he was close to the end,
but yeah, he probably had a lotof different times in his life
where it's okay, this is it?
This is it, but you only get somany.
This is it chances and it'strue.
Yeah.
You gotta figure it out.
Kelly (19:19):
So it's gotta end at some point.
It's either gonna end Yeah, forsure.
horribly, or you make the choiceand just make a change.
And it's not simple.
I'm not saying it's that easy,but yeah, it's gonna come to an
end one way or another.
Tracey (19:33):
You ladies were saying you're out of alignment, you're
out of balance.
You can only be out of alignmentand out of balance for so long.
Yeah.
Till it tips over to one side.
Even in what you were saying,Kel, how you can have the hustle
and you can be high achievingand all those things.
But then finding a way to havethat wind down, that's a healthy
(19:56):
wind down.
Even if you wanna be hustlingand high achieving, you still
need to find that balance someway, somehow.
Yeah, and prioritizing theself-care and the health.
I had a Reiki client the otherday very high achieving.
And we got into a really gooddiscussion about that.
Choosing to take, 15 minutes outof your day to meditate or to go
(20:18):
for a walk outside, things likethat.
And it's like we've beenconditioned to Use those things
as a reward.
I worked really hard today, sonow I'll go for a walk or I'll
go for a walk after I finishthis work task.
We'll no the priority has to bethat stuff first, and then all
of those other things do fallinto place way more easily.
Mike (20:40):
Yeah.
You're not as stressed out.
And that's a big part of it.
Stress, and then stress leadsto.
Bad sleep and it's like afucking Dominos.
It's just ridiculous.
Yeah.
Kelly (20:50):
So it's self-care first.
You might see what's happeninginside, either, your internal
functions are not highfunctioning, your body inside is
not high functioning.
If you're consuming alcohol,like there's no way.
You're talking about gut health.
Lindsey (21:07):
Everything.
Yes.
Gut health, brain
Mike (21:10):
organ health.
Lindsey (21:11):
Organ health.
Yeah, exactly.
Kelly (21:13):
There's no way.
There's a lot,
Mike (21:15):
there's a lot connected to gut.
Gut's the root of a lot ofdifferent things.
Especially disease, so you'reright.
You're definitely right.
And then there's more and morestudies coming out that with its
relation to mental health andRight.
A lot of these people that areexcessive drinkers, undiagnosed,
you can tell that there's someissues.
I'm not a psychologist or adoctor, not trying to pretend to
(21:37):
be, but you can see it's wow.
Okay.
Is your alcohol contributing tothe way your mind is right now?
Kelly (21:43):
Likely everybody's inflamed inflammation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Great point.
Absolutely.
Tracey (21:49):
Absolutely.
You weren't on the last episode,Mike, but Kelly was talking
about how the gut is related toyour mental health.
Mike (21:56):
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
And the chemical imbalance thateverybody talks about with
mental health, the chemicals arein your gut.
Yeah.
Thousand percent.
And how we all know that alcoholis poison, so we know it's not
doing anything good for our gut.
No.
Lindsey (22:12):
Oh.
Mike (22:12):
Along with a lot of other things too, like not just
alcohol, but that's the basis ofwhat we're here for.
But yeah, no, I'm sure we'vebeen talking about that forever.
Tracey (22:21):
And that's a thing a lot of people can be high
functioning in life.
But eventually, as we weresaying, it's gonna catch up to
them and a lot of times thatcatches up to them physically.
Like with your dad, Mike?
Yeah.
And like with quite a few peopleI know that would be considered
high functioning.
They had a health scare thatstopped them in their tracks and
(22:42):
that was their moment of theydidn't have a choice, but they
had to stop.
Mike (22:48):
Some get more than others,, but I think it's
definitely, there's something toit.
Soul based, I don't know.
I'm always on that.
I think, everybody's got a souland.
Tracey (22:57):
Oh yeah.
Some people are like cats.
They got nine lives.
Yeah.
Mike (23:02):
Or what's the lesson like?
I always say, yeah, you come tothat fork in the road, which way
are you gonna go?
You gonna keep going left?
Or are you gonna go right onetime and say, oh, look at this
path.
Holy smokes.
So it's hard.
Let's be truthful here.
Yeah.
We're not trying to imply thatit's, a walk in the park and
it's, it's right.
It takes bloody work.
But it is just one choice.
(23:23):
It's one choice, but it doestake work, absolutely.
Let's not sugarcoat it.
It's does take work.
And we've always talked abouthow there are things you can do.
We've many times we've talkedabout, this hiking, yoga, blah,
blah, blah, blah, with differentguests and We'll keep
reiterating these things.
It's, there's ways to help youget through the rough patches
(23:46):
and you know what, sometimes youhave to sit through the rough
patches.
It's just an unfortunate part ofgetting stronger at something
mentally, it's unfortunate, butyou're only gonna get stronger.
It's a practice every day.
Yeah.
It's practice not drinking.
Practice, man.
It's a different kind ofpractice.
(24:07):
Sorry.
There's an old spoof.
I don't know if you guys knowwho Alan Iverson is.
He's an old NBA player and hewas getting interviewed and he
was a star and the guy says,blah, blah, blah, blah something
about practice.
And he just looks at it likepractice, like we're talking
about.
(24:28):
Practice.
It's very talk about practice,man.
Like not the game practice.
Sorry, go ahead.
It's okay.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It is.
Life's interesting.
You can all sit here and say doyou not have a clearer mind
about how you can approach lifeand how you battle the things
that are thrown at you on aday-to-day basis as opposed to
(24:51):
being high functioning.
Right?
Absolutely.
I think on high functioning youtend to just react because
that's all you really have,rather than, Hey, the three, I'm
like oh yes.
Lindsey (25:05):
Always being on, always having to go and do and react
and decide and oh yeah, there'sno okay, let's take a step back
and take a couple breaths andmeditate on this and sleep on it
and think about it.
No, it's high functioning.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (25:23):
Where does that come from?
Hi Functioning.
high Resolution, where does thatbelief come from?
Why does everybody think theyhave to do so much?
Oh, god.
Why think you do so much?
It comes from all the societalpressures.
Yeah, like everything else,right?
We've been conditioned tobelieve that it's important for
us to be constantly achievingand in a fast paced world where
(25:46):
everything's changing and we'retrying to keep up with everybody
else.
And then, yes, as Mike ispointing at his phone, pointing
to his phone, it's the socialmedia.
Yeah, social media.
Keeping up with the Joneses hasbeen around for it's a while.
It's all fake.
It's all fake.
Yeah.
So then where do we, why do wedo it?
Yeah.
And then how do you stop doingthat?
(26:06):
Where do you go?
Validation?
Where do you find validation andworthiness elsewhere In
yourself.
Yourself.
Lindsey (26:13):
Yeah.
But how, that's hard, right?
That seems hokey for people.
So look at this oh, okay.
That's
Kelly (26:19):
why I asked the question, and I wanna hear it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So look at it this way.
You worked your ass off.
And I mean everybody, to makethat change of, look, I need to
become a better me, I'm givingup alcohol.
It's the same type of processwith social media and it's not
gonna happen overnight, I thinksocial media is a massive
(26:39):
problem., you guys know I'm noton Facebook.
I'm part of, should it come witha warning?
I don't know.
I think it should come someone abloody training or something.
The training.
Here's remember when Facebookstarted module in what, mid two
thousands or late two thousandsand he's I remember
Mike (26:56):
right here you go.
And like a drug, like alcohol.
Holy shit.
I like it
Lindsey (27:01):
is a drug.
Yep.
You wanna see what everybodyelse is doing.
And I think we wanna see whateverybody else is doing because
we're using it as a measuringstick.
Yes.
Making our own lives.
So what would we be doing if,yeah.
What would we be doing with ourlives if we weren't seeing what
everybody else was doing?
Constantly we'd be doing thatare more in alignment with who
(27:21):
we are.
Yeah.
Tracey (27:22):
We'd be focusing on ourselves and not on everybody
else.
Yeah.
Mike (27:26):
Look, I think social media's got some really positive
things.
Grandmas have got, social mediaaccounts to see what the
grandkids that are halfwayacross the country.
That's great.
That's memes a thinking tool
Tracey (27:39):
but it goes back to everything else.
Simplified, Mike, that's whatFacebook started as a way to
connect with people.
Now it's just turned into thismonster beast of something
totally different.
If it stayed in its originalstate, it would still be that
wonderful tool for grandparentsand friends to see what their
(28:01):
friends were doing abroad.
Mike (28:03):
I think so.
I think you're right.
I think you're right.
Tracey (28:06):
I didn't like, I know I got on Facebook because I moved
to Calgary.
And it gave me a chance to stayconnected with people here and
see what was going on with myfriends and family's life here.
And that's really how I utilizedit for the longest time.
But now it's just turned intothis, promote everything,
advertise everything.
(28:27):
It's just not right.
It's a connection tool for.
Blowing yourself up pretty much.
Mike (28:33):
You could have does for promotion of alcohol, right?
Before social media there was,TV beer commercials and more so
in the US than here in Canada.
But we know about the, Iremember the bold beer
commercials and stuff, beerposters,
Kelly (28:48):
the people do the advertising for.
That's exactly the, everybody,they don't even need to pay for
ads.
They just let people go onFacebook for free and then they
post pictures of their ownbooze.
You're right.
High functioning people.
Wow.
I don't know if they're highfunctioning.
I see the pictures.
Then I'm like, show me yourmorning pictures.
(29:08):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (29:15):
Yeah, it's just another thing for all the big giants out
there to make money now.
Yeah.
That's all.
Mike (29:22):
So the, maybe the solution is we all live in a commune and
just with no internet and
Tracey (29:28):
The best thing that could happen to us is something
blows up the internet or theinternet completely crashes cuz
we maxed it out.
And we're all forced to be offour phones, off our computers,
off our technology.
Lindsey (29:44):
Don't you guys remember when like Instagram crashed for
a day?
Yes.
People lost their shit.
Lost their minds.
Who We survived you guys?
We survived that.
Yeah.
When is that?
Oh, when was that?
When was that?
Year and a half ago maybe?
I dunno.
Something like that.
Yeah.
People like just
Kelly (30:02):
lost it.
Isn't that say something?
It's sad is what it's very sad.
I did have a thought though whenwe were talking about Mike had
alluded to, why are people, whyare they going to alcohol?
What's creating the problem orwhat is creating.
The person being highfunctioning.
(30:24):
And I was thinking just aboutgoing back to balance.
Is it that we're all searchingfor that balance and we don't
know how to create it?
So instead of creating it, we'rejust getting lost in the alcohol
or utilizing alcohol as a toolto distract us from finding it.
(30:45):
So it's like a false sense ofbalance, right?
Because it's yeah.
Yes, because the first 20minutes functioning, the first
20 minutes are good.
They're, but everything afterthat is not so well, and it's a
false sense of balance in thesense, going back to the
rewarding yourself, right?
Yes.
It's, this is my reward, this ismy self-care.
Lindsey (31:08):
The rewards shouldn't cause suffering.
And they shouldn't ruinrelationships and they shouldn't
cause cancer and self-loathingand shame like that.
Like really?
Let's think about how rewardingalcohol is.
It's fucking not no, you'reborrowing from tomorrow to relax
today.
Because you're not gonna befunctioning at your best the
(31:30):
next day.
It doesn't matter.
The people who are like, oh Idon't get hangovers.
Bullshit your body inside.
You may not feel.
Hungover, but there is no, youdon't feel your best.
You don't feel your best, andyour body is sure not
functioning at its best either.
That's not a reward.
Things that cause pain andsuffering and depression and
(31:52):
anxiety and kill people, we'vegotta stop thinking that those
things are rewards.
Kelly (31:59):
There's no benefit.
No.
Speaking of not having hangoversLinds.
It's funny you say that becauseI've expressed many times that I
didn't have extreme hangovers.
I remember not how new girlsdescribe your hangovers, but
you're right, because if I couldtell you how I function or feel
when I wake up now, Alcohol freein comparison to when I was
(32:21):
drinking, right?
Oh, it's way better.
And not to mention that I didexpress, or I have expressed
that my hangover was.
Anxiety, constant anxiety.
Yeah.
I woke up every day with that.
Yeah.
And just to not have thatanymore is like life changing.
Lindsey (32:41):
Yeah, for sure.
Kelly (32:42):
I wanted to say, oh I think if people have been
drinking their whole adult lifethey may not even realize how
good it can get.
Yes.
That's the feeling that Traceyjust described, like now you see
what quality sleep is.
And not having anxiety or hangtight.
But yeah, you actually might noteven know how good it can feel.
Lindsey (33:04):
I think too, give sobriety, give living alcohol
free.
The same chances you you givealcohol.
Because when I think back to me,despite continued negative
consequences, that gotincreasingly worse over time.
I still drank.
But it's like we have to havethat same mentality and give
sobriety or an alcohol free lifethat same chance that we give
(33:26):
alcohol.
We keep consuming even thoughit's not good for us.
But what if, you started out andsaid, okay, for the next 14
days, I'm not gonna drinkalcohol.
See how you feel.
Give it a chance.
Yeah.
At first it might feeluncomfortable.
But I think if you give it achance, I think you'll see and
feel a difference, give yourselfthe gift of living for a period
(33:50):
of time without alcohol to seehow your life is.
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just drinking every day formost of our adult life or
however often we do, becomes ournorm.
And that's why you don't knowany different when you wake up
in the morning.
Not drinking can become yournorm too.
(34:11):
Yeah.
I think that's a great approachLinds.
That's how I approached it whenI, yeah, me too.
Went on my journey was, I'm justgonna not drink today, not buy
any alcohol and see how I feeland see if I can do that for the
next couple days and see what itfeels like.
And here I am almost three yearslater.
(34:32):
Yeah, that's amazing.
And feels pretty damn good,yeah, and I'd say I'm way more
high functioning.
Yeah, I would.
I would say that exactly.
For sure.
I would say that for surepeople, and
Tracey (34:42):
I know as a whole person, not as a whole, just
going through the motions,getting through the day,
checking off my to-do list.
Kelly (34:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm way happier.
Which is more important to methan producing stuff.
Lindsey (34:56):
Exactly.
Yes.
I think this was a greatdiscussion, guys, and like I
said, I loved it.
Yeah, I would be a big advocatefor getting rid of that whole
expression.
And with it throwing any excusesout the window.
Not to say, like Mike mentioned,it's not easy.
But definitely it is way better.
(35:17):
Change is hard on the brightside.
Yeah, any change is hard.
I don't want somebody to listento this and, get scared.
Cuz I remember thinking, oh, I'mnever gonna be able to do this.
how am I gonna live withoutwine?
Yeah.
What am I gonna do?
I don't think I can do this.
But any change isn't easy.
Changes are, uncomfortable.
Your brain basically.
(35:39):
It tries to keep you in routine.
And tries to keep you doing thesame things to keep you safe.
Cuz that's genetically how we'reprogrammed.
So when you go against what youknow is normal when you're
trying to make changes in yourlife, the alarm bells are gonna
go off.
The panic, the anxiety thewanting to go back to where you
came from, that's gonna startraging because, Our chemistry is
(36:01):
designed to keep us safe andpattern and routine and, even
those unhealthy patterns, that'swhy people stay in unhealthy
relationships with, their job,their partner, because it's
just, what you know is safe andwhat you don't know is unsafe.
If you can just push through andjust, make that decision.
(36:22):
To do something different.
Any change is hard, but this,living alcohol free, literally
hands down is the easiest thingI do every day.
Hands down, I do not regret it.
And Tracey said, we didn't startout thinking, okay, that's it.
I'm never gonna drink again.
The longer I go, I'm like, Ican't see adding it back into my
(36:43):
life.
I just, I can't.
Yeah, if you're listening and oryou think ugh, something
resonates with you and youthink, oh, I'm, I think I have
to make a change.
It's any change, it's gonna behard not just giving up alcohol
or a substance that you'reusing, but I'm telling you don't
let your brain chemistry talkyou out of doing this for
(37:05):
yourself because you fuckingdeserve it.
You deserve the best life.
Tracey (37:10):
That could be something that works for you too though,
Lynn.
Telling yourself Yeah, that,yep.
If you've made any other majorchanges in your life, it's no
different than that.
Yes.
See it as I was able to do thisbefore I can also do this.
Kelly (37:25):
Yeah.
And it's okay to not be able todo it on your own.
I couldn't do this.
Yes.
I had to get outside help andthat's okay.
Lindsey (37:32):
Yes.
Love that.
That's such a good reminder.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
A hundred percent.
Thanks guys.
This was great.
Thank you listeners forlistening.
If you wanna reach out to us,you can find us on Instagram at
LAF Life Podcast and in ourFacebook community at LAF Life.
And until next time, keeplaughing.
(37:54):
Goodnight guys.
See you Goodnight.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Kelly (38:00):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of thelaugh life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
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