December 4, 2023 • 41 mins
It's been an incredible start to Season 3 so far with 10 great episodes released. Were going into the holiday season and it's time for LAF Life to take a little Winter break. We will be back with more great episodes in 2024! Join us here for this special Holiday Wrap-up episode, where we offer our listeners some tips for the Holidays as well as try to help them prepare for the aftermath of the holiday season. We are giving our top tips for tackling 30 days alcohol free. This episode is one of our personal best and a definite MUST listen especially if.......
- you are hosting this holiday season
- your considering trying 30 days alcohol free
- you have just started your alcohol free journey
- you are questioning your relationship with alcohol
- you need motivation or inspiration
We got you! The best gift you can give yourself this holiday season is a break from alcohol.
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**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:40):
Hello, everyone.
Welcome back to the LAF lifepodcast.
Tonight is going to be ourholiday wrap up.
We are getting ready to go intothe holidays and LAF life is
going to be taking a littlebreak.
So we thought it would be greatto start off your holidays with
something that you may end upending your holidays with.
And that would be dry January.
(01:03):
So we thought it would be greatto help the people out there
after the holidays that want toconsider doing a DRY January by
giving them some ideas and sometips on how they can tackle
that.
So tonight, that is what we aregoing to discuss.
Welcome ladies.
Kelly (01:19):
Hey.
Lindsey (01:20):
Hello.
Tracey (01:21):
Hey, this is episode 10, that's great.
Kelly (01:25):
I was wondering, where did that time go?
I know, so thank you to ourlisteners for tuning in for the
last 10 episodes.
And yeah, we're going to take alittle break.
Enjoy some holiday cheerourselves.
Get our shopping caught up andspend time with our families.
Then we will be back in the newyear with more exciting stuff
(01:47):
for our listeners, more excitingguests.
Tracey (01:50):
Let's get into it girls.
I love this topic.
You guys know I quit in Decemberright before Christmas back in
2019, right?
2019.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So I'm coming up on four yearsnext month, this December.
That was awkward.
I've told that story before whenI went to my mom's for Christmas
(02:12):
Eve like we always do and I wasgiven a nice big bottle of red
wine.
That was my usual gift and yeah.
I would say one of the things Iwould suggest is if you are
going to be cutting back or youwant to stop drinking for
Christmas or this month or nextmonth, one of the things that I
(02:32):
wish I would have did because Ididn't is tell people ahead of
time.
I'm coming to this party orgathering, just letting people
know I'm trying to cut back ondrinking.
So that way, when I got to theplace that I was at, And that
anxiety about having to talkabout it or share it for the
first time would be a lot lower.
Right.
(02:53):
And that's something, yeah, thatI wanted to touch on again too,
Linz, from the last episode.
And that's a perfect example howwe talked with Jessie about
hosting tips.
And to not be asking your guestsas soon as they walk in the
door, what do you want to drink?
Instead, make sure you have aselection for drinkers and non
(03:14):
drinkers, and make it be thatthey have control of their own
choice.
Just direct them to where thosedrinks are or where the bar is
if you have one set up, and letthem make their own choice so
that they're not in that awkwardsituation.
And definitely, as Kelly lovesto say, do not give booze as a
(03:34):
gift.
Lindsey (03:35):
No, and I've done it guys, like I've given bottles of
wine and alcohol as a gift, somany good points were made.
You don't know what state aperson is when they walk in.
Somebody could have just madethe decision to cut back or stop
drinking altogether because it'simpacting their life in a
negative way.
And then you give them a gift ofwine or like I've seen parents
(03:58):
do that as teacher gifts.
Giving wine God.
Tracey (04:01):
You don't even know if someone drinks.
That's the thing with strangers.
Yeah, there's same here.
I've done it so many times.
At my last organization, I wasgiven LCBO gift certificates
from certain people, soeverybody does it.
But it was really Kelly, you whobrought that whole scenario to
(04:22):
light for me too when youbrought it up.
And it's very true.
And.
I think even if I was someonestill drinking, you would have
made me think twice about itafter what you said about it,
because it's true, like Jessementioned, you don't even know
if someone's pregnant, maybe,and they're not ready to tell
people
Kelly (04:39):
or trying to get pregnant.
Yes, yeah.
Yeah, my struggle with alcoholwas so private, I didn't share
with anybody other than mypartner and my best friend.
Those are the only two peoplethat knew how much I was
struggling with alcohol.
And.
Yeah, there were times when Iwas, going through the cycle of
(05:01):
trying to moderate and thingslike that and making rules, but
there were times where we said,no alcohol in the house, like
we'll only drink when we go outfor dinner.
And that was one of our things.
We never had like wine in myhouse.
It never sat there.
I remember seeing things what doyou do with a leftover bottle of
wine?
It's what's that?
Yeah.
(05:21):
Yeah.
So it's just, you never know.
There's so many other amazinggifts.
There's farmer's marketseverywhere these days and craft
sales.
What?
Lindsey (05:33):
Candles, tea.
Kelly (05:34):
And candles and tea.
Yeah, there's so many otherthings to give or make something
or, I just think it's the worstgift you can give somebody.
I can see now how it is.
Yeah, me too.
And that's what I hope, there'sno judgment.
Of course I gave alcohol asgifts too, there's no judgment
to people who do it, but I lovesharing about this topic because
(05:55):
like you guys just said, youwouldn't have thought about it
before, right?
Hopefully it makes somebodythink twice before, going and
picking up a bottle of wine, goand pick up some, homemade jams
or, have here in Winnipeg, wehave like local mustard, smack
dab mustard.
Lindsey (06:12):
Yeah, local jam.
I love it.
Tracey (06:14):
So on the topic of dry January or doing 30 days dry,
which after the holidays, wheneverybody's overindulged, a lot
of people are ready and preparedto do that.
For a lot of people, it's a lotless daunting to think of doing
it after the holidays than it isduring the holidays.
Kudos to you, Linz, doing itbefore the holidays.
(06:37):
mind you, I did, and so did Kel,actually.
We both quit in November, right?
No, Kel, you were after theholidays.
Did you do a dry January beforeyou quit?
Or
Kelly (06:48):
no, I didn't do there were times where we would say,
let's not drink this month andwe would go.
So I want to say, I do want tosay something about that because
I was definitely, abusingalcohol for a long time.
And that.
I don't think we called it dryJanuary or whatever we call it
now I think we just decidedlet's not drink for this month.
(07:11):
And the fact that we could doit.
I was like then I don't have aproblem.
So that's just like a word ofcaution, I guess but I really
See it as an opportunity to, seehow you feel and how does your
body feel and how's your brain?
You're gonna feel really good.
(07:31):
But yeah, I just wanted to, Puta little word of caution just
because you can go 30 daysdoesn't mean you don't have a
problem because that was for me.
Tracey (07:39):
That's one of the reasons why this topic kind of
got brought up is how weapproach it right that a lot of
people approach it as like acountdown to the day 30 when
they can drink again, or like anail biting experience.
And that's really what we wantto caution people away from as
well, is to not see it that way.
(08:02):
Like you said, Kel, make itabout being really present and
observing what is happening toyou physically and mentally.
And I'd say even write it downor keep a dry 30 journal.
And maybe every day
Kelly (08:16):
I saw somebody start a Facebook group with their
friends to do it.
That's great.
That's awesome.
And there are a lot of supportgroups out there to while you're
doing it that you could join.
If you're looking for that.
Another thing that I wasthinking about, and that I had
heard is thinking about rescripting.
Personally for yourself,changing the narrative on how we
(08:39):
talk about it or see it too,because we often see it as, Oh,
I can't have a drink.
Instead of seeing it as, I can'thave a drink, twist that around
to something that you're doingthat's healthy or a value for
yourself.
It's a choice you're making likeinstead of saying I can't have a
drink say I've decided JanuaryI'm going to dedicate to my
(09:01):
health and I want to be reallyclear minded in January.
I've decided not to drink, orwhatnot, changing the narrative
on that.
So it doesn't seem so much likea death sentence.
Yeah.
White knuckling it.
And if you do drink on daythree, then don't throw the
towel in, right?
It's okay.
(09:22):
It's okay.
Again on day four.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (09:26):
There's going to be temptations and it's going to be
hard.
don't do it as a punishment.
Don't do your dry January oryour dry 30 as a punishment, do
it as an act of self love.
Yes.
Yes.
Kelly (09:39):
Oh, I need to cleanse or like I see it with people who
diet oh I ate too much over theholidays.
So now I got to go on a diet.
No just love yourself a littlemore.
Lindsey (09:49):
I love that.
I think too.
For me, I know I had such aterrible Christmas Eve the year
before where I was blacked outhad to be carried in after my
mom's it was so embarrassing.
People questioned like why didyou quit in December that's one
of the biggest drinking monthsbut I had to define my holiday I
(10:09):
had to come up with what isgoing to be the truth.
about Christmas or the holidaysfor me.
And it's I don't want to be thatperson and I don't want to be
carried out and I don't want tobe blacked out.
I want to be present for myniece and nephews.
I want to really like, rememberthings.
I don't want to miss Christmasday, which happened that last
(10:31):
Christmas before the one that Isaid I was done.
What's your holiday truth?
Define how you want it to go andthen decide, okay, how did it go
with alcohol?
Is this going to align with howI want the holiday to be?
Or is it something that I haveto adjust my relationship with
so that I can have the bestChristmas possible?
Tracey (10:55):
That's really good.
Yeah.
I had another note here thatsaid, write a why list.
Yeah, write a list of yourwhy's.
Why are you doing a 30 day dry?
And what do you believe will bethe benefits?
Or what are you looking to getout of it?
Lindsey (11:12):
Yeah, yeah, I even hate the word dry, like it dry
January it just makes it soundso bad and like a punishment,
right?
Yeah.
Tracey (11:21):
That's the other thing I also had make it fun, right?
Have a fun replacement, use thistime to experiment with non
alcohol beverages, makemocktails, or see it as an
experiment.
I did this when I got really fedup with the whole dating scene,
the online dating thing.
I just started seriously seeingit almost like an experiment.
(11:45):
What am I going to learn and getout of this?
I'm going to participate inthis.
And then see what the outcomesare.
Look at it that way and makefun.
I
Lindsey (12:00):
think to always bring your own drinks yeah, I wouldn't
go anywhere even now.
If I'm invited to a party I haveeither a backpack or a little,
carrier and I've got my ownstuff in there.
Me too.
So that I don't have to feellike, oh, there's nothing here
for me.
Or if someone's what do you wantto drink?
I'd be like, okay, it's no bigdeal.
Like I don't need anything.
(12:20):
I brought my own stuff actually.
And that way you're neverwithout those alcohol free
options.
And I don't know some peopleit's a newer thing, maybe not as
mindful or they don't reallyknow what to stock or have
available.
So just bring your own stuff.
Tracey (12:38):
And we all have one of these.
Huh.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Traveller type of mugs.
most of us do.
Put whatever you want in there.
Who's gonna know, right?
That's true.
I know I go everywhere withthat.
At minimum I always have that ifI don't have extra drinks I
brought myself.
(12:58):
But, yeah, that's what I mean.
Be creative.
Make some mocktails, or bringstuff to make mocktails at the
party and offer mocktails toother people.
I've done that up at thecottage.
I brought the Farragaya up tothe cottage and, started making
mocktails for everybody.
You can always be, you can bethe initiator of those things
(13:20):
too.
And, be the person that's doingsomething different in a
positive and fun way.
Yeah.
Instead of it being thenegative.
Oh, you're the one not drinking.
In line with that prepare aclever response.
Yes.
When you're asked why you're notdrinking prepare a clever
response that doesn't includeI'm doing a dry 30.
(13:43):
Have your response align withyour goals.
Kelly (13:46):
I have a few of those.
Lindsey (13:48):
Are they sarcastic and we're on the same page.
I'm like, because I love myself.
Kelly (13:54):
Yeah.
I've reached my lifetimemaximum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's more of like, why don'tyou drink when somebody says
that?
You can throw some of those goodones out there, ladies.
Maybe somebody wants to borrowsome.
Yeah, you can just say I'm notdrinking tonight.
That's right.
This always comes up, but thereis no need for an explanation.
(14:17):
I think when we get anxious andwe're not confident, like if
this is a new thing we'retrying, we've never done it
before, then there's thisfeeling, the need to over
explain.
It feels awkward.
So that feels awkward to us.
But other people probably aren'teven noticing, they don't care.
And if they do ask, all you haveto say is, I'm not drinking.
Lindsey (14:38):
Trying a new thing.
And too don't feel the need toattend every single event that
you're invited to.
Especially over the holidays,you don't have to go to
everything.
You can say no and leave whenyou want to have you guys like I
know I've been at events orparties or I'm just like, Okay
I'm personally ready to go but Ifeel awkward about leaving early
(15:02):
or looking bad because I need toleave but I think you really
just have to have those personalboundaries if you're ready to
go, don't be afraid to saygoodbye and goodnight And leave
or step outside take a break.
Yeah,
Kelly (15:17):
I drove everywhere at first.
Oh, I love just so I could leavewhenever I wanted.
Yeah, and I wouldn't commit todriving anybody home or anything
like that like when the timecame and it was time to for me
to go.
I would offer rides if I feltlike it but yeah I wouldn't
commit to anything.
Staying late or driving anybodyhome or anything like that.
Yeah, now it's a little easierand there's always Uber, right?
(15:40):
If you don't feel like beingthere anymore, just grab an
Uber.
I love that.
Tracey (15:46):
That's a great recommendation, too.
If you drive then you alwayshave that in your back pocket,
Lindsey (15:52):
there's a lot of check stops out this time of year,
right?
Tracey (15:54):
Yes, yeah, so better to be safe.
Yeah, no, good point too.
So just going back to beingpresent, I also had take notice,
like notice your habits and yoururges to drink.
This is also a time to really,if you're reevaluating your
relationship with alcohol toreally take notice and then
(16:18):
create new habits and routinesas a replacement.
So as soon as you notice whatyour triggers are, like for me,
I know exactly what mine were Iknew before I even stopped
drinking what they were going tobe.
As soon as I came home andstarted cooking, boom.
Wine.
Kelly (16:37):
Yeah, I was gonna say cooking's a big thing for a lot
of people.
And then the other thing for mewas as soon as I got the kids to
bed.
Tracey (16:43):
Yes.
Yes.
Or as soon as you sit on thecouch and put a show on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
been another big one for me too.
Kelly (16:51):
So what would be like, yeah what do we do?
Or what do people do when thoseThings come up those triggers
for me.
I completely changed my routine.
I didn't come home and makedinner right away.
I went downstairs and worked outI stopped that mindset right
away.
I'm so extreme.
(17:12):
I would always put the TV on andget my wine.
So I didn't watch TV for a wholeyear.
Lindsey (17:16):
Wasn't there a chair that you wouldn't sit in or
something?
Yeah.
I remember you telling me that.
Kelly (17:20):
Yeah, I stopped sitting in my chair that I watched TV
and drank wine in.
Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah.
Tracey (17:26):
No, but I think that's important, right?
If
Kelly (17:28):
I needed to do it, I needed to.
Tracey (17:29):
Yeah., I like to call it the art of distraction.
Yeah.
And this is where distractionis.
It's beneficial.
I say this is a key part ofparenting.
What do you do when your kidsacting up or your kids asking
for something or whining forsomething, you distract them
with something else to get themaway from that.
And all of a sudden they'll stopdoing it.
(17:50):
It's for me, that was the keywas the art of distraction,
distract myself doing somethingelse that was a healthier
choice.
And then I lost that mindset orfocus of having the drink.
Kelly (18:03):
Well, and Trace, you're also creating like a domino
effect, right?
Like the type of person whocomes home and goes downstairs
to work out, because obviouslyyou still need to make dinner
after that.
Yeah.
Once you go into the kitchenyou're going to make a healthier
choice, hopefully.
Lindsey (18:17):
That is so true.
I think too, finding ways tochannel your stress, right?
Especially over the holidays.
If you're trying to.
Cut back over the holidays, findthose different ways to channel
that holiday stress, yoga, gofor a walk, work out read a
book, meditate, do thosedifferent things instead of
reaching for the wine orwhatever your drink of choice
(18:38):
is, and just breaking thosehabit patterns, those
associations, Take a differentway home so you don't have to
drive by the liquor store thatyou normally drive by and pull
into.
I would joke and say my car justautopiloted into that parking
lot on a Friday.
I would be like, I'm notdrinking this weekend and take
the same route home every day.
And there I already knew thestore was coming up and without
(19:01):
even thinking, I would just pullin.
And I'm like I'm already here.
I just want to get somethinglike
Kelly (19:08):
going back to what you're saying before Linds about not
having to attend every event ifthere are people in your life
that you can't be around withoutdrinking because they stress you
out so much or make you feel soanxious don't go to those events
anymore you don't have to spendtime with these people or make
(19:28):
it very.
Limited, pop in, say hi, do iton your terms.
Lindsey (19:34):
I love that.
It goes back to the reevaluating, right?
We're not just re evaluating ourrelationship with alcohol, we
could be re evaluating ourrelationship with many things,
and that can include people.
Yeah.
Even if it's family, I think alot of times, You feel that
obligation to attend things orinteract with those family
(19:55):
members and I think we all havethem where you're dreading or
even in your friend group you'relike oh they're gonna be there
you know this is gonna happen orthey're gonna Get on my ass
about something and you're goingto be like, just give me the
damn glass of wine or whatever.
But you know what?
You've got to protect your peaceand your boundaries.
And if that means you say helloand they start talking and it's
(20:18):
triggering you.
You might just have to say, youknow what?
I have to walk away and I'llcatch up with you in a few
minutes or something orwhatever.
We can't be afraid to say no.
And just, be vocal about what weneed.
We don't owe anything to anybodybut ourselves.
And we owe it to ourselves tokeep our own promises.
(20:39):
Yeah.
So it's not going to be thatperson that's, pushing you to
drink that has to wake up withyou the next morning.
It's you that has to wake upwith you and answer to those
things.
And.
Have a conscious and feel theshame.
You need to think about that.
It's not about pleasing anybodyelse in these times.
(21:02):
It's about taking care ofyourself first.
Yeah.
So good.
So the last thing I had writtendown would be, at the end of the
30 days, instead of being like,Oh, yes.
I white knuckled it through the30 days I made it and my reward
is now alcohol.
I think you really need to do are evaluation, do a self
(21:22):
evaluation of how the 30 dayswent based on your findings and
feelings about it.
Maybe delay adding alcohol backinto your life and commit to
keeping at least one new goodhabit.
What kinds of things could weask ourselves if we're doing a
self evaluation just go over howwe physically felt?
Tracey (21:41):
And if you wrote stuff down, like we recommended, re
read the journal that you'vebeen keeping.
Ah, that's good.
Remind yourself of, how you werefeeling and the things that were
making you feel good and thethings that you did and the
things you felt you were gettingthe most out of.
Lindsey (21:59):
Take note of how anxious or not so anxious you
felt.
Kelly (22:02):
Yeah.
That's a big one.
I have a question you could askyourself.
Ooh, let's hear it.
How would my life be better if Ibrought alcohol back into my
life?
Lindsey (22:13):
Oh.
Oh.
I'm trying to think back to howyou would have been feeling at
that.
Yeah.
My first 30 days, like how wouldmy life be better if I brought
alcohol back?
What wouldn't.
Kelly (22:27):
Exactly.
Lindsey (22:31):
It would probably turn into a gong show again.
Kelly (22:34):
I think that's such a good question.
We can all anybody who's stilldrinking alcohol is how does
this benefit my life?
Yeah.
Probably be hard to find reasonshow it does.
Which could make the decision todo a dry 30 easier.
Lindsey (22:49):
Yeah, for sure.
Kelly (22:51):
And, disclaimer, not everybody can just drop it and
do 30 days, right?
Some people need a medical detoxand professional help and all
that.
Lindsey (22:59):
Just get around people who are doing it too.
There are literally groups outthere that are created on
Facebook for things like this.
Yeah.
That you can...
Join and just get around thepeople that are going to support
your decision if you've madethat decision, I'm not going to
drink or I'm going to cut backor whatever that is for you.
Make sure you have people inyour life virtually podcasts
(23:23):
you're reading books.
They don't have to be like somepeople like all my friends
drink.
And then it's like the responsethat I say is get new friends,
but it, that doesn't mean likein person, you can find these
people on Instagram, you canfollow certain accounts, like
just get that around you andthen look at how they're living,
(23:44):
right?
Because a lot of these peopleinspire you to stay the course
and to.
Kelly (23:50):
I needed to see that for sure.
Yeah, I did too.
I needed to see that people haddone it for longer than me.
And they were okay.
And they were okay.
And they
Lindsey (23:59):
were still cool.
And they were still cool.
Yeah.
Tracey (24:02):
They were still having fun.
Yeah.
Lindsey (24:05):
Exactly.
And they looked really good.
And Their confidence, that's thething, you get this confidence
after a certain amount of timeand in the beginning it's so
scary and you don't really feelsure of yourself and then it's
easy in that point to give upand throw in the towel but you
just have to know you got tojust go through it.
Tracey (24:25):
The confidence is so key, Linz.
I know.
Yeah, I was just thinking aboutthat earlier the confidence that
it gives you There's so muchconfidence just in being clear
headed.
Yes.
That we underestimate, when weare drinking and our heads not
in the right mindset.
(24:46):
And it's constantly numbed.
iT's amazing how much confidenceis gained just knowing that
you're going to wake up in themorning and feel good.
I love it.
Like the simplest things.
You're going to wake up and feelgood.
You're going to be clear headed.
You know that you're not in analtered state.
You know that, you feel good andyou remember everything.
(25:10):
Yeah.
It's the simplest things, butthose simple things do create so
much confidence in who you areas a person.
Lindsey (25:19):
It's a superpower to say no.
I was thinking that too yes,like really the more you do it.
You start to feel really good.
Like I'm standing up for me andwhat I need despite what's going
on around me, despite whateverybody's doing and saying
this is my truth right now.
No, I'm not drinking.
(25:40):
And most people we have it inour heads that we're going to
get some big reaction andeveryone's going to be like the
record scratch like when you sayyou're not drinking and people
turn around and just stare atyou it actually like I didn't.
I'm not drinking.
Experience.
I've never had that happen.
No, like sure.
I had people say oh, come on.
You can just have one.
I'm like, no, I don't want to.
(26:01):
I never said I can't or I can'tdrink this.
I don't want to.
How are you going to argue withthat?
Kelly (26:09):
And that superpower that you're talking about, I think
you guys will both agree that isnot just about alcohol.
It's taken Other areas of ourlives and given us confidence.
Tracey (26:20):
That's what I mean.
And it's like all around.
It's not just about drinking andgoing out and socializing and
saying no to alcohol.
It's every single part of mylife is better because I
decided.
To not drink.
Lindsey (26:34):
That was the springboard for me.
Yes.
The sobriety, the living analcohol free life gave me the
confidence to start living mytruth in other areas or start
holding my standards in otherareas, and it's funny how it
started for me.
It was the giving up thealcohol.
I say giving up it's not reallya give up because you gain so
(26:56):
much you feel like it or youthink it might be a loss but
it's not what you gain is somuch more than what you give up
right
Kelly (27:06):
that was there's no way I could have even imagined that
like I could not have I knew itwas bad I knew I did not like
myself at all anymore.
But I never would have thoughtfive plus years later that my
life would be this good ever.
I couldn't picture it.
Tracey (27:24):
Part of the confidence is too, that you're not in a
shame cycle anymore because it'sthe shame cycle that is really
killing your self esteem.
So once that no longer exists.
You find so much more value inyourself, and it becomes clearer
and clearer, the things that youshine at.
(27:46):
And like you said, Kel, it's notjust the saying no to alcohol is
the first piece of empowerment,but From there, it just bleeds
into every other aspect of yourlife,
Lindsey (27:58):
Work, friends, family
Tracey (28:01):
You're so aligned with who you are, and you become so
clear about it.
Because there's nothingdistracting you from it.
So well said.
Kelly (28:11):
Yes.
Love it.
Yeah.
Tracey (28:13):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It is.
So I think going into a dry 30,whatever you want to call it.
Abstaining for 30 days, ifthat's what it starts out as.
It's all about anything elsethat you're going to tackle in
life.
It's about mindset.
And I think what we're trying tosay is the mindset shouldn't be,
(28:36):
Oh my God, I got to give upalcohol for 30 days, or that
it's a death sentence, or that,you're going to be gay.
clenching your fist for 30 daysand your end goal is to get to
30 so you can have that drink.
That shouldn't be what you feelis the reward at the end of it.
The reward should be all thethings that you discover each
(28:58):
day.
You're carrying yourself throughit.
Kelly (29:00):
Yes.
Lindsey (29:01):
Kelly, didn't you have a calendar or something that you
would cross off?
Yeah, I just printed likemonthly view and had it in my
bedroom and then I just wouldcross off each day that I
decided not to drink.
That feels so good to cross off.
Kelly (29:15):
It's encouraging, yeah.
It's like visual.
Yeah, I'm very visual and yeah,I've done a lot of tracking and
goal setting and stuff like thatwith work.
So it just was a natural thingfor me to do that, I think.
But I'd recommend it.
It was super encouraging.
Lindsey (29:31):
I love that.
And they have apps too, theyhave apps like Reframe.
I don't know if you guys haveheard or seen about that app.
It is an app that's designed tohelp you cut down the amount
that you drink or go alcoholfree altogether.
So there are things like thatcan help you moderate.
Because like you said, somepeople can't just do or are too
(29:52):
afraid to do just cold, like I'mgiving it all up all at once,
instead of having five drinks.
I think it's
Tracey (30:06):
great to, like I said, re evaluate when you come to the
30 days, because if you reevaluate and try to push it out
and keep some of the good habitsthat you established, I think at
minimum, you might at least endup drinking less.
Than you were before.
Kelly (30:25):
Because I imagine you would just have a new awareness
about everything and how you'refeeling and how much you're
spending.
That's another thing that peoplecould do too.
We were spending like probably35.
Just for alcohol every day andthen whatever snacks we had and
you guys know some of those werepretty extreme.
(30:47):
Yeah, track how much moneyyou're saving and then do some,
do something fun with it.
Go to the spa bar.
Yeah.
That's a great idea, Kel.
Use that as your reward insteadof a binge drink.
Yes.
Yeah, I think maybe with yourdry 30 journal, you should have
a little piggy bank where youplop the money you would have
(31:08):
spent on your bottle of wine orwhatever, and I love it,
calculate it up at the end ofthe month.
And yeah, The visual is amazing.
I love visual, too.
I'm a very visual person, so Ilove that idea.
And I think that's theimportance, of some sort of
journal or writing down yourthoughts and feelings during the
process so you have something tolook back on.
(31:29):
Because, 15 days later, youmight not remember that day one
you felt this and, the progressyou've made.
It's easier looking back andwriting
Lindsey (31:39):
your fears about I think I even did that.
I have some journal things thatI go back and open books I find
and packing some stuff andgetting my home ready for
showings and stuff.
I was like, Oh, this journal andI open it up and I'm like, Oh,
holy cow.
The things that I would write orthe things that I prayed for,
(32:02):
the things that I was trying tomanifest and then looking at my
life now.
So if I was going to do itagain, cause I actually, I
didn't do a journal when I.
Stop drinking alcohol, but Iwould have written down in there
things holding me back fromgiving it up and stopping
consumption of it like fears,things I thought would go wrong,
(32:27):
things that I thought I couldn'thandle, and then yeah, just
every day a couple sentences,and then at the end go back and
read what you wrote on beforeday one, or even on day one, and
then Yeah.
write down how you feel at theend.
It would be powerful.
And I bet they would be sodifferent that you even that's
(32:49):
evidence there that would buildyour confidence.
Hey, I am better than I was 30days ago.
And I think even though I didn'twrite it down, mentally I did
this, and I was like, okay, itkept me going, I got to a point
where I felt so great, I waslike, I can't even fathom having
another drink I would feel likeI would just undo all of it,
(33:12):
that was whrapl I think that's agood question at the end, is
maybe to ask yourself the hardquestions of, was it really as
hard as I thought it was goingto be?
Were people asking me why Iwasn't drinking?
Was I getting drilled?
Was I getting influenced?
Or was it a cakewalk?
Did I walk through it and nobodyelse really noticed?
(33:33):
And like you said, Lindsevaluate some of those fears you
had.
And were they diminished?
What if it was super tough forsomebody could you then evaluate
it and see how you navigated itand came out the other side
alive still like you didn't die,right?
Like you're still alive.
How, challenges build you theyhelp you grow.
So if somebody is giving it upor thinking that they're going
(33:55):
to have a really tough time withit it could be a positive thing.
It could help you.
Push outside your comfort zone.
Kelly (34:01):
Like I did it.
I did it even though it washard.
It was hard.
I navigated it.
Maybe I had to cut some peopleout.
Maybe I had to have really toughconversations that I didn't want
to have.
Maybe I cried in front of peoplethat I was embarrassed to do
that in front of or somethingbut you know what?
Those things probably needed tohappen.
And it's taking you somewhere.
(34:22):
That's the thing you can't seethat far ahead, but I think you
just have to stay the course.
Tracey (34:28):
Then the empowerment piece comes back in too, right?
That's another thing that's veryempowering is when you do make
it through difficult thingswithout alcohol.
Like the first time you make itthrough something hard and you
didn't have to have a drink tocope with it.
Kelly (34:46):
A wedding, a death a separation yeah, go through it
all.
Yeah.
It's yeah, but like financialstruggles.
It's Yeah.
Lindsey (34:57):
Yeah.
And notice the difference withyour kids if you have kids,
because I think there is anatural presence.
That starts to exist thatprobably didn't exist before
with your children.
Kelly (35:13):
For sure.
Like when Lindsay was talking atthe beginning about, how do you
want your Christmas to be?
I love Christmas and, I lovedwhen the kids were younger.
My kids are older now.
We still have lots of fun atChristmas, but when they were
little, I was fucking hungoveron Christmas morning.
Like I loved watching them opentheir gifts and, having big
breakfast and stuff like that,but I was dragging my ass.
Tracey (35:35):
And Linz has said to before that one of the best
gifts you could give yourself isa alcohol free Christmas, right?
Especially if you have kidsbecause you're just so present.
Kelly (35:48):
So present.
It's, yeah, that's such a giftfor them.
It's so funny to think aboutwhat you just said, Kel, about
dragging your ass because that'sjust...
And I did a ton of shit onChristmas, right?
Three kids, like I was doing itall.
Sorry.
Tracey (36:05):
No, but that's what I noticed is that the energy level
in comparison, when you'redrinking and when you're not
drinking I feel like when you'redrinking, the energy is just get
me through the day.
You're dragging your ass likeyou couldn't describe it any
better.
Whereas, when you're notdrinking.
(36:26):
You just wake up, you're readyto go and you can carry that
energy, you know,
Lindsey (36:32):
have your tea, have your ginger, have your, I, yeah,
I love that.
And I think your emotions are somuch more balanced, regulated.
Yeah.
That's the other thing.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I love those annual ChristmasEve fight cries.
Those are great with the family,the sisters.
(36:55):
But that would happen almostevery year.
Somebody would get in a fight.
Someone would get in a fight andbe crying and, oh man.
Kelly (37:03):
Oh my gosh.
It's amazing how those thingsdon't happen when you remove
alcohol.
Yeah, because I had my fairshare of those two.
Anyways, do we have anythingelse guys any last minute tips.
Any other tips for the holidays,in general,
Lindsey (37:24):
my biggest tip is, bring your own drinks.
Tell people ahead of time thatyou're not drinking, so it's not
so awkward for you when you getthere.
You don't have to do a bunch ofexplaining.
And write down, or even in yourmind, define who you want your
holidays to go.
Kelly (37:41):
I love that.
Yeah, I would say you don't haveto wait till January.
Do it now.
Cause I love everything that youwere saying about Christmas and
being present and don't do it asa punishment because you've been
drinking too much.
Just.
Do it as an experiment, likeTrace said.
Tracey (38:00):
yeah, for sure.
And if you're someone who likesa challenge, no better way to
challenge yourself than to do itnow.
You're gonna grow, you're gonnagrow from it.
Yeah, I'm someone who likes tothink that I'm usually up for a
challenge, so I do usually liketo challenge myself to push
myself outside my comfort zone.
So for me, like I said, I quitin November, pretty close to
(38:23):
Christmas, right beforeChristmas.
So similar to Lindsay.
But yeah, and you know what?
I made it on the other side andI kept going.
Yeah.
I think that's all we can try todo.
That's right.
Take one day at a time.
Kelly (38:38):
One day at a time.
See what happens.
If you drink on day two, that'sokay.
Keep on keeping on.
I'm keeping on and just bemindful guys for the holidays.
Because I know we have peoplewho aren't necessarily alcohol
free that listen to our podcastand we love you all.
Just be mindful.
Be inclusive and don't putpeople on the spot about drinks.
Tracey (39:00):
Exactly.
Perfect.
Kelly (39:01):
Give them cool options.
Go to the sober market.
If you live in toronto, givethem Kool Aid.
I was like, what kool Aid yummy.
Don't drink the Kool Aid.
That's a whole nother drug ofchoice.
Kool Aid the sugar drug jug.
Yes, the sugar.
(39:22):
Oh, God.
Yeah, we'll have lots ofholidays.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And don't beat yourself up.
If you, Ooh, that's the otherthing.
If you give up, if you drink alot of wine, like I used to, and
when you give it up, you'regoing to crave a lot of sugar.
So do not beat yourself up.
Over eating some extra holidaytreats.
Lindsey (39:43):
I think it's a win.
You're not drinking the booze.
You're not poisoning yourselflike that.
You're eating more cookies orchocolate or candy.
Be kind to yourself.
It's not cravings go away.
I think, yeah, still a win.
It all get out of your systemeventually.
That's right.
Okay that was awesome, girls,and we'd like to wish our
(40:05):
listeners a very happy holidaywe will look forward to
Connecting back up with youafter the holidays and in the
new year.
And we can chat about some newyear's resolutions and what we
have planned for 2024.
Thank you again for listening.
Thanks for tuning in for thelast 10 episodes.
It's been a great start toseason three.
(40:27):
You can follow us and we will beposting some content while we're
off.
Of course, follow us onInstagram at LAF Life Podcast
and in our Facebook community atLaugh Life.
And if you want some LAF Lifeswag, you can get some now, or
you can check out our newwebsite at www.
(40:51):
laughlifepodcast.
com.
Until next time.
And 2024, keep laughing.
Kelly (41:00):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:40):
Hello, everyone.
Welcome back to the LAF lifepodcast.
Tonight is going to be ourholiday wrap up.
We are getting ready to go intothe holidays and LAF life is
going to be taking a littlebreak.
So we thought it would be greatto start off your holidays with
something that you may end upending your holidays with.
And that would be dry January.
(01:03):
So we thought it would be greatto help the people out there
after the holidays that want toconsider doing a DRY January by
giving them some ideas and sometips on how they can tackle
that.
So tonight, that is what we aregoing to discuss.
Welcome ladies.
Kelly (01:19):
Hey.
Lindsey (01:20):
Hello.
Tracey (01:21):
Hey, this is episode 10, that's great.
Kelly (01:25):
I was wondering, where did that time go?
I know, so thank you to ourlisteners for tuning in for the
last 10 episodes.
And yeah, we're going to take alittle break.
Enjoy some holiday cheerourselves.
Get our shopping caught up andspend time with our families.
Then we will be back in the newyear with more exciting stuff
(01:47):
for our listeners, more excitingguests.
Tracey (01:50):
Let's get into it girls.
I love this topic.
You guys know I quit in Decemberright before Christmas back in
2019, right?
2019.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So I'm coming up on four yearsnext month, this December.
That was awkward.
I've told that story before whenI went to my mom's for Christmas
(02:12):
Eve like we always do and I wasgiven a nice big bottle of red
wine.
That was my usual gift and yeah.
I would say one of the things Iwould suggest is if you are
going to be cutting back or youwant to stop drinking for
Christmas or this month or nextmonth, one of the things that I
(02:32):
wish I would have did because Ididn't is tell people ahead of
time.
I'm coming to this party orgathering, just letting people
know I'm trying to cut back ondrinking.
So that way, when I got to theplace that I was at, And that
anxiety about having to talkabout it or share it for the
first time would be a lot lower.
Right.
(02:53):
And that's something, yeah, thatI wanted to touch on again too,
Linz, from the last episode.
And that's a perfect example howwe talked with Jessie about
hosting tips.
And to not be asking your guestsas soon as they walk in the
door, what do you want to drink?
Instead, make sure you have aselection for drinkers and non
(03:14):
drinkers, and make it be thatthey have control of their own
choice.
Just direct them to where thosedrinks are or where the bar is
if you have one set up, and letthem make their own choice so
that they're not in that awkwardsituation.
And definitely, as Kelly lovesto say, do not give booze as a
(03:34):
gift.
Lindsey (03:35):
No, and I've done it guys, like I've given bottles of
wine and alcohol as a gift, somany good points were made.
You don't know what state aperson is when they walk in.
Somebody could have just madethe decision to cut back or stop
drinking altogether because it'simpacting their life in a
negative way.
And then you give them a gift ofwine or like I've seen parents
(03:58):
do that as teacher gifts.
Giving wine God.
Tracey (04:01):
You don't even know if someone drinks.
That's the thing with strangers.
Yeah, there's same here.
I've done it so many times.
At my last organization, I wasgiven LCBO gift certificates
from certain people, soeverybody does it.
But it was really Kelly, you whobrought that whole scenario to
(04:22):
light for me too when youbrought it up.
And it's very true.
And.
I think even if I was someonestill drinking, you would have
made me think twice about itafter what you said about it,
because it's true, like Jessementioned, you don't even know
if someone's pregnant, maybe,and they're not ready to tell
people
Kelly (04:39):
or trying to get pregnant.
Yes, yeah.
Yeah, my struggle with alcoholwas so private, I didn't share
with anybody other than mypartner and my best friend.
Those are the only two peoplethat knew how much I was
struggling with alcohol.
And.
Yeah, there were times when Iwas, going through the cycle of
(05:01):
trying to moderate and thingslike that and making rules, but
there were times where we said,no alcohol in the house, like
we'll only drink when we go outfor dinner.
And that was one of our things.
We never had like wine in myhouse.
It never sat there.
I remember seeing things what doyou do with a leftover bottle of
wine?
It's what's that?
Yeah.
(05:21):
Yeah.
So it's just, you never know.
There's so many other amazinggifts.
There's farmer's marketseverywhere these days and craft
sales.
What?
Lindsey (05:33):
Candles, tea.
Kelly (05:34):
And candles and tea.
Yeah, there's so many otherthings to give or make something
or, I just think it's the worstgift you can give somebody.
I can see now how it is.
Yeah, me too.
And that's what I hope, there'sno judgment.
Of course I gave alcohol asgifts too, there's no judgment
to people who do it, but I lovesharing about this topic because
(05:55):
like you guys just said, youwouldn't have thought about it
before, right?
Hopefully it makes somebodythink twice before, going and
picking up a bottle of wine, goand pick up some, homemade jams
or, have here in Winnipeg, wehave like local mustard, smack
dab mustard.
Lindsey (06:12):
Yeah, local jam.
I love it.
Tracey (06:14):
So on the topic of dry January or doing 30 days dry,
which after the holidays, wheneverybody's overindulged, a lot
of people are ready and preparedto do that.
For a lot of people, it's a lotless daunting to think of doing
it after the holidays than it isduring the holidays.
Kudos to you, Linz, doing itbefore the holidays.
(06:37):
mind you, I did, and so did Kel,actually.
We both quit in November, right?
No, Kel, you were after theholidays.
Did you do a dry January beforeyou quit?
Or
Kelly (06:48):
no, I didn't do there were times where we would say,
let's not drink this month andwe would go.
So I want to say, I do want tosay something about that because
I was definitely, abusingalcohol for a long time.
And that.
I don't think we called it dryJanuary or whatever we call it
now I think we just decidedlet's not drink for this month.
(07:11):
And the fact that we could doit.
I was like then I don't have aproblem.
So that's just like a word ofcaution, I guess but I really
See it as an opportunity to, seehow you feel and how does your
body feel and how's your brain?
You're gonna feel really good.
(07:31):
But yeah, I just wanted to, Puta little word of caution just
because you can go 30 daysdoesn't mean you don't have a
problem because that was for me.
Tracey (07:39):
That's one of the reasons why this topic kind of
got brought up is how weapproach it right that a lot of
people approach it as like acountdown to the day 30 when
they can drink again, or like anail biting experience.
And that's really what we wantto caution people away from as
well, is to not see it that way.
(08:02):
Like you said, Kel, make itabout being really present and
observing what is happening toyou physically and mentally.
And I'd say even write it downor keep a dry 30 journal.
And maybe every day
Kelly (08:16):
I saw somebody start a Facebook group with their
friends to do it.
That's great.
That's awesome.
And there are a lot of supportgroups out there to while you're
doing it that you could join.
If you're looking for that.
Another thing that I wasthinking about, and that I had
heard is thinking about rescripting.
Personally for yourself,changing the narrative on how we
(08:39):
talk about it or see it too,because we often see it as, Oh,
I can't have a drink.
Instead of seeing it as, I can'thave a drink, twist that around
to something that you're doingthat's healthy or a value for
yourself.
It's a choice you're making likeinstead of saying I can't have a
drink say I've decided JanuaryI'm going to dedicate to my
(09:01):
health and I want to be reallyclear minded in January.
I've decided not to drink, orwhatnot, changing the narrative
on that.
So it doesn't seem so much likea death sentence.
Yeah.
White knuckling it.
And if you do drink on daythree, then don't throw the
towel in, right?
It's okay.
(09:22):
It's okay.
Again on day four.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (09:26):
There's going to be temptations and it's going to be
hard.
don't do it as a punishment.
Don't do your dry January oryour dry 30 as a punishment, do
it as an act of self love.
Yes.
Yes.
Kelly (09:39):
Oh, I need to cleanse or like I see it with people who
diet oh I ate too much over theholidays.
So now I got to go on a diet.
No just love yourself a littlemore.
Lindsey (09:49):
I love that.
I think too.
For me, I know I had such aterrible Christmas Eve the year
before where I was blacked outhad to be carried in after my
mom's it was so embarrassing.
People questioned like why didyou quit in December that's one
of the biggest drinking monthsbut I had to define my holiday I
(10:09):
had to come up with what isgoing to be the truth.
about Christmas or the holidaysfor me.
And it's I don't want to be thatperson and I don't want to be
carried out and I don't want tobe blacked out.
I want to be present for myniece and nephews.
I want to really like, rememberthings.
I don't want to miss Christmasday, which happened that last
(10:31):
Christmas before the one that Isaid I was done.
What's your holiday truth?
Define how you want it to go andthen decide, okay, how did it go
with alcohol?
Is this going to align with howI want the holiday to be?
Or is it something that I haveto adjust my relationship with
so that I can have the bestChristmas possible?
Tracey (10:55):
That's really good.
Yeah.
I had another note here thatsaid, write a why list.
Yeah, write a list of yourwhy's.
Why are you doing a 30 day dry?
And what do you believe will bethe benefits?
Or what are you looking to getout of it?
Lindsey (11:12):
Yeah, yeah, I even hate the word dry, like it dry
January it just makes it soundso bad and like a punishment,
right?
Yeah.
Tracey (11:21):
That's the other thing I also had make it fun, right?
Have a fun replacement, use thistime to experiment with non
alcohol beverages, makemocktails, or see it as an
experiment.
I did this when I got really fedup with the whole dating scene,
the online dating thing.
I just started seriously seeingit almost like an experiment.
(11:45):
What am I going to learn and getout of this?
I'm going to participate inthis.
And then see what the outcomesare.
Look at it that way and makefun.
I
Lindsey (12:00):
think to always bring your own drinks yeah, I wouldn't
go anywhere even now.
If I'm invited to a party I haveeither a backpack or a little,
carrier and I've got my ownstuff in there.
Me too.
So that I don't have to feellike, oh, there's nothing here
for me.
Or if someone's what do you wantto drink?
I'd be like, okay, it's no bigdeal.
Like I don't need anything.
(12:20):
I brought my own stuff actually.
And that way you're neverwithout those alcohol free
options.
And I don't know some peopleit's a newer thing, maybe not as
mindful or they don't reallyknow what to stock or have
available.
So just bring your own stuff.
Tracey (12:38):
And we all have one of these.
Huh.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Traveller type of mugs.
most of us do.
Put whatever you want in there.
Who's gonna know, right?
That's true.
I know I go everywhere withthat.
At minimum I always have that ifI don't have extra drinks I
brought myself.
(12:58):
But, yeah, that's what I mean.
Be creative.
Make some mocktails, or bringstuff to make mocktails at the
party and offer mocktails toother people.
I've done that up at thecottage.
I brought the Farragaya up tothe cottage and, started making
mocktails for everybody.
You can always be, you can bethe initiator of those things
(13:20):
too.
And, be the person that's doingsomething different in a
positive and fun way.
Yeah.
Instead of it being thenegative.
Oh, you're the one not drinking.
In line with that prepare aclever response.
Yes.
When you're asked why you're notdrinking prepare a clever
response that doesn't includeI'm doing a dry 30.
(13:43):
Have your response align withyour goals.
Kelly (13:46):
I have a few of those.
Lindsey (13:48):
Are they sarcastic and we're on the same page.
I'm like, because I love myself.
Kelly (13:54):
Yeah.
I've reached my lifetimemaximum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's more of like, why don'tyou drink when somebody says
that?
You can throw some of those goodones out there, ladies.
Maybe somebody wants to borrowsome.
Yeah, you can just say I'm notdrinking tonight.
That's right.
This always comes up, but thereis no need for an explanation.
(14:17):
I think when we get anxious andwe're not confident, like if
this is a new thing we'retrying, we've never done it
before, then there's thisfeeling, the need to over
explain.
It feels awkward.
So that feels awkward to us.
But other people probably aren'teven noticing, they don't care.
And if they do ask, all you haveto say is, I'm not drinking.
Lindsey (14:38):
Trying a new thing.
And too don't feel the need toattend every single event that
you're invited to.
Especially over the holidays,you don't have to go to
everything.
You can say no and leave whenyou want to have you guys like I
know I've been at events orparties or I'm just like, Okay
I'm personally ready to go but Ifeel awkward about leaving early
(15:02):
or looking bad because I need toleave but I think you really
just have to have those personalboundaries if you're ready to
go, don't be afraid to saygoodbye and goodnight And leave
or step outside take a break.
Yeah,
Kelly (15:17):
I drove everywhere at first.
Oh, I love just so I could leavewhenever I wanted.
Yeah, and I wouldn't commit todriving anybody home or anything
like that like when the timecame and it was time to for me
to go.
I would offer rides if I feltlike it but yeah I wouldn't
commit to anything.
Staying late or driving anybodyhome or anything like that.
Yeah, now it's a little easierand there's always Uber, right?
(15:40):
If you don't feel like beingthere anymore, just grab an
Uber.
I love that.
Tracey (15:46):
That's a great recommendation, too.
If you drive then you alwayshave that in your back pocket,
Lindsey (15:52):
there's a lot of check stops out this time of year,
right?
Tracey (15:54):
Yes, yeah, so better to be safe.
Yeah, no, good point too.
So just going back to beingpresent, I also had take notice,
like notice your habits and yoururges to drink.
This is also a time to really,if you're reevaluating your
relationship with alcohol toreally take notice and then
(16:18):
create new habits and routinesas a replacement.
So as soon as you notice whatyour triggers are, like for me,
I know exactly what mine were Iknew before I even stopped
drinking what they were going tobe.
As soon as I came home andstarted cooking, boom.
Wine.
Kelly (16:37):
Yeah, I was gonna say cooking's a big thing for a lot
of people.
And then the other thing for mewas as soon as I got the kids to
bed.
Tracey (16:43):
Yes.
Yes.
Or as soon as you sit on thecouch and put a show on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
been another big one for me too.
Kelly (16:51):
So what would be like, yeah what do we do?
Or what do people do when thoseThings come up those triggers
for me.
I completely changed my routine.
I didn't come home and makedinner right away.
I went downstairs and worked outI stopped that mindset right
away.
I'm so extreme.
(17:12):
I would always put the TV on andget my wine.
So I didn't watch TV for a wholeyear.
Lindsey (17:16):
Wasn't there a chair that you wouldn't sit in or
something?
Yeah.
I remember you telling me that.
Kelly (17:20):
Yeah, I stopped sitting in my chair that I watched TV
and drank wine in.
Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah.
Tracey (17:26):
No, but I think that's important, right?
If
Kelly (17:28):
I needed to do it, I needed to.
Tracey (17:29):
Yeah., I like to call it the art of distraction.
Yeah.
And this is where distractionis.
It's beneficial.
I say this is a key part ofparenting.
What do you do when your kidsacting up or your kids asking
for something or whining forsomething, you distract them
with something else to get themaway from that.
And all of a sudden they'll stopdoing it.
(17:50):
It's for me, that was the keywas the art of distraction,
distract myself doing somethingelse that was a healthier
choice.
And then I lost that mindset orfocus of having the drink.
Kelly (18:03):
Well, and Trace, you're also creating like a domino
effect, right?
Like the type of person whocomes home and goes downstairs
to work out, because obviouslyyou still need to make dinner
after that.
Yeah.
Once you go into the kitchenyou're going to make a healthier
choice, hopefully.
Lindsey (18:17):
That is so true.
I think too, finding ways tochannel your stress, right?
Especially over the holidays.
If you're trying to.
Cut back over the holidays, findthose different ways to channel
that holiday stress, yoga, gofor a walk, work out read a
book, meditate, do thosedifferent things instead of
reaching for the wine orwhatever your drink of choice
(18:38):
is, and just breaking thosehabit patterns, those
associations, Take a differentway home so you don't have to
drive by the liquor store thatyou normally drive by and pull
into.
I would joke and say my car justautopiloted into that parking
lot on a Friday.
I would be like, I'm notdrinking this weekend and take
the same route home every day.
And there I already knew thestore was coming up and without
(19:01):
even thinking, I would just pullin.
And I'm like I'm already here.
I just want to get somethinglike
Kelly (19:08):
going back to what you're saying before Linds about not
having to attend every event ifthere are people in your life
that you can't be around withoutdrinking because they stress you
out so much or make you feel soanxious don't go to those events
anymore you don't have to spendtime with these people or make
(19:28):
it very.
Limited, pop in, say hi, do iton your terms.
Lindsey (19:34):
I love that.
It goes back to the reevaluating, right?
We're not just re evaluating ourrelationship with alcohol, we
could be re evaluating ourrelationship with many things,
and that can include people.
Yeah.
Even if it's family, I think alot of times, You feel that
obligation to attend things orinteract with those family
(19:55):
members and I think we all havethem where you're dreading or
even in your friend group you'relike oh they're gonna be there
you know this is gonna happen orthey're gonna Get on my ass
about something and you're goingto be like, just give me the
damn glass of wine or whatever.
But you know what?
You've got to protect your peaceand your boundaries.
And if that means you say helloand they start talking and it's
(20:18):
triggering you.
You might just have to say, youknow what?
I have to walk away and I'llcatch up with you in a few
minutes or something orwhatever.
We can't be afraid to say no.
And just, be vocal about what weneed.
We don't owe anything to anybodybut ourselves.
And we owe it to ourselves tokeep our own promises.
(20:39):
Yeah.
So it's not going to be thatperson that's, pushing you to
drink that has to wake up withyou the next morning.
It's you that has to wake upwith you and answer to those
things.
And.
Have a conscious and feel theshame.
You need to think about that.
It's not about pleasing anybodyelse in these times.
(21:02):
It's about taking care ofyourself first.
Yeah.
So good.
So the last thing I had writtendown would be, at the end of the
30 days, instead of being like,Oh, yes.
I white knuckled it through the30 days I made it and my reward
is now alcohol.
I think you really need to do are evaluation, do a self
(21:22):
evaluation of how the 30 dayswent based on your findings and
feelings about it.
Maybe delay adding alcohol backinto your life and commit to
keeping at least one new goodhabit.
What kinds of things could weask ourselves if we're doing a
self evaluation just go over howwe physically felt?
Tracey (21:41):
And if you wrote stuff down, like we recommended, re
read the journal that you'vebeen keeping.
Ah, that's good.
Remind yourself of, how you werefeeling and the things that were
making you feel good and thethings that you did and the
things you felt you were gettingthe most out of.
Lindsey (21:59):
Take note of how anxious or not so anxious you
felt.
Kelly (22:02):
Yeah.
That's a big one.
I have a question you could askyourself.
Ooh, let's hear it.
How would my life be better if Ibrought alcohol back into my
life?
Lindsey (22:13):
Oh.
Oh.
I'm trying to think back to howyou would have been feeling at
that.
Yeah.
My first 30 days, like how wouldmy life be better if I brought
alcohol back?
What wouldn't.
Kelly (22:27):
Exactly.
Lindsey (22:31):
It would probably turn into a gong show again.
Kelly (22:34):
I think that's such a good question.
We can all anybody who's stilldrinking alcohol is how does
this benefit my life?
Yeah.
Probably be hard to find reasonshow it does.
Which could make the decision todo a dry 30 easier.
Lindsey (22:49):
Yeah, for sure.
Kelly (22:51):
And, disclaimer, not everybody can just drop it and
do 30 days, right?
Some people need a medical detoxand professional help and all
that.
Lindsey (22:59):
Just get around people who are doing it too.
There are literally groups outthere that are created on
Facebook for things like this.
Yeah.
That you can...
Join and just get around thepeople that are going to support
your decision if you've madethat decision, I'm not going to
drink or I'm going to cut backor whatever that is for you.
Make sure you have people inyour life virtually podcasts
(23:23):
you're reading books.
They don't have to be like somepeople like all my friends
drink.
And then it's like the responsethat I say is get new friends,
but it, that doesn't mean likein person, you can find these
people on Instagram, you canfollow certain accounts, like
just get that around you andthen look at how they're living,
(23:44):
right?
Because a lot of these peopleinspire you to stay the course
and to.
Kelly (23:50):
I needed to see that for sure.
Yeah, I did too.
I needed to see that people haddone it for longer than me.
And they were okay.
And they were okay.
And they
Lindsey (23:59):
were still cool.
And they were still cool.
Yeah.
Tracey (24:02):
They were still having fun.
Yeah.
Lindsey (24:05):
Exactly.
And they looked really good.
And Their confidence, that's thething, you get this confidence
after a certain amount of timeand in the beginning it's so
scary and you don't really feelsure of yourself and then it's
easy in that point to give upand throw in the towel but you
just have to know you got tojust go through it.
Tracey (24:25):
The confidence is so key, Linz.
I know.
Yeah, I was just thinking aboutthat earlier the confidence that
it gives you There's so muchconfidence just in being clear
headed.
Yes.
That we underestimate, when weare drinking and our heads not
in the right mindset.
(24:46):
And it's constantly numbed.
iT's amazing how much confidenceis gained just knowing that
you're going to wake up in themorning and feel good.
I love it.
Like the simplest things.
You're going to wake up and feelgood.
You're going to be clear headed.
You know that you're not in analtered state.
You know that, you feel good andyou remember everything.
(25:10):
Yeah.
It's the simplest things, butthose simple things do create so
much confidence in who you areas a person.
Lindsey (25:19):
It's a superpower to say no.
I was thinking that too yes,like really the more you do it.
You start to feel really good.
Like I'm standing up for me andwhat I need despite what's going
on around me, despite whateverybody's doing and saying
this is my truth right now.
No, I'm not drinking.
(25:40):
And most people we have it inour heads that we're going to
get some big reaction andeveryone's going to be like the
record scratch like when you sayyou're not drinking and people
turn around and just stare atyou it actually like I didn't.
I'm not drinking.
Experience.
I've never had that happen.
No, like sure.
I had people say oh, come on.
You can just have one.
I'm like, no, I don't want to.
(26:01):
I never said I can't or I can'tdrink this.
I don't want to.
How are you going to argue withthat?
Kelly (26:09):
And that superpower that you're talking about, I think
you guys will both agree that isnot just about alcohol.
It's taken Other areas of ourlives and given us confidence.
Tracey (26:20):
That's what I mean.
And it's like all around.
It's not just about drinking andgoing out and socializing and
saying no to alcohol.
It's every single part of mylife is better because I
decided.
To not drink.
Lindsey (26:34):
That was the springboard for me.
Yes.
The sobriety, the living analcohol free life gave me the
confidence to start living mytruth in other areas or start
holding my standards in otherareas, and it's funny how it
started for me.
It was the giving up thealcohol.
I say giving up it's not reallya give up because you gain so
(26:56):
much you feel like it or youthink it might be a loss but
it's not what you gain is somuch more than what you give up
right
Kelly (27:06):
that was there's no way I could have even imagined that
like I could not have I knew itwas bad I knew I did not like
myself at all anymore.
But I never would have thoughtfive plus years later that my
life would be this good ever.
I couldn't picture it.
Tracey (27:24):
Part of the confidence is too, that you're not in a
shame cycle anymore because it'sthe shame cycle that is really
killing your self esteem.
So once that no longer exists.
You find so much more value inyourself, and it becomes clearer
and clearer, the things that youshine at.
(27:46):
And like you said, Kel, it's notjust the saying no to alcohol is
the first piece of empowerment,but From there, it just bleeds
into every other aspect of yourlife,
Lindsey (27:58):
Work, friends, family
Tracey (28:01):
You're so aligned with who you are, and you become so
clear about it.
Because there's nothingdistracting you from it.
So well said.
Kelly (28:11):
Yes.
Love it.
Yeah.
Tracey (28:13):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's amazing.
It is.
So I think going into a dry 30,whatever you want to call it.
Abstaining for 30 days, ifthat's what it starts out as.
It's all about anything elsethat you're going to tackle in
life.
It's about mindset.
And I think what we're trying tosay is the mindset shouldn't be,
(28:36):
Oh my God, I got to give upalcohol for 30 days, or that
it's a death sentence, or that,you're going to be gay.
clenching your fist for 30 daysand your end goal is to get to
30 so you can have that drink.
That shouldn't be what you feelis the reward at the end of it.
The reward should be all thethings that you discover each
(28:58):
day.
You're carrying yourself throughit.
Kelly (29:00):
Yes.
Lindsey (29:01):
Kelly, didn't you have a calendar or something that you
would cross off?
Yeah, I just printed likemonthly view and had it in my
bedroom and then I just wouldcross off each day that I
decided not to drink.
That feels so good to cross off.
Kelly (29:15):
It's encouraging, yeah.
It's like visual.
Yeah, I'm very visual and yeah,I've done a lot of tracking and
goal setting and stuff like thatwith work.
So it just was a natural thingfor me to do that, I think.
But I'd recommend it.
It was super encouraging.
Lindsey (29:31):
I love that.
And they have apps too, theyhave apps like Reframe.
I don't know if you guys haveheard or seen about that app.
It is an app that's designed tohelp you cut down the amount
that you drink or go alcoholfree altogether.
So there are things like thatcan help you moderate.
Because like you said, somepeople can't just do or are too
(29:52):
afraid to do just cold, like I'mgiving it all up all at once,
instead of having five drinks.
I think it's
Tracey (30:06):
great to, like I said, re evaluate when you come to the
30 days, because if you reevaluate and try to push it out
and keep some of the good habitsthat you established, I think at
minimum, you might at least endup drinking less.
Than you were before.
Kelly (30:25):
Because I imagine you would just have a new awareness
about everything and how you'refeeling and how much you're
spending.
That's another thing that peoplecould do too.
We were spending like probably35.
Just for alcohol every day andthen whatever snacks we had and
you guys know some of those werepretty extreme.
(30:47):
Yeah, track how much moneyyou're saving and then do some,
do something fun with it.
Go to the spa bar.
Yeah.
That's a great idea, Kel.
Use that as your reward insteadof a binge drink.
Yes.
Yeah, I think maybe with yourdry 30 journal, you should have
a little piggy bank where youplop the money you would have
(31:08):
spent on your bottle of wine orwhatever, and I love it,
calculate it up at the end ofthe month.
And yeah, The visual is amazing.
I love visual, too.
I'm a very visual person, so Ilove that idea.
And I think that's theimportance, of some sort of
journal or writing down yourthoughts and feelings during the
process so you have something tolook back on.
(31:29):
Because, 15 days later, youmight not remember that day one
you felt this and, the progressyou've made.
It's easier looking back andwriting
Lindsey (31:39):
your fears about I think I even did that.
I have some journal things thatI go back and open books I find
and packing some stuff andgetting my home ready for
showings and stuff.
I was like, Oh, this journal andI open it up and I'm like, Oh,
holy cow.
The things that I would write orthe things that I prayed for,
(32:02):
the things that I was trying tomanifest and then looking at my
life now.
So if I was going to do itagain, cause I actually, I
didn't do a journal when I.
Stop drinking alcohol, but Iwould have written down in there
things holding me back fromgiving it up and stopping
consumption of it like fears,things I thought would go wrong,
(32:27):
things that I thought I couldn'thandle, and then yeah, just
every day a couple sentences,and then at the end go back and
read what you wrote on beforeday one, or even on day one, and
then Yeah.
write down how you feel at theend.
It would be powerful.
And I bet they would be sodifferent that you even that's
(32:49):
evidence there that would buildyour confidence.
Hey, I am better than I was 30days ago.
And I think even though I didn'twrite it down, mentally I did
this, and I was like, okay, itkept me going, I got to a point
where I felt so great, I waslike, I can't even fathom having
another drink I would feel likeI would just undo all of it,
(33:12):
that was whrapl I think that's agood question at the end, is
maybe to ask yourself the hardquestions of, was it really as
hard as I thought it was goingto be?
Were people asking me why Iwasn't drinking?
Was I getting drilled?
Was I getting influenced?
Or was it a cakewalk?
Did I walk through it and nobodyelse really noticed?
(33:33):
And like you said, Lindsevaluate some of those fears you
had.
And were they diminished?
What if it was super tough forsomebody could you then evaluate
it and see how you navigated itand came out the other side
alive still like you didn't die,right?
Like you're still alive.
How, challenges build you theyhelp you grow.
So if somebody is giving it upor thinking that they're going
(33:55):
to have a really tough time withit it could be a positive thing.
It could help you.
Push outside your comfort zone.
Kelly (34:01):
Like I did it.
I did it even though it washard.
It was hard.
I navigated it.
Maybe I had to cut some peopleout.
Maybe I had to have really toughconversations that I didn't want
to have.
Maybe I cried in front of peoplethat I was embarrassed to do
that in front of or somethingbut you know what?
Those things probably needed tohappen.
And it's taking you somewhere.
(34:22):
That's the thing you can't seethat far ahead, but I think you
just have to stay the course.
Tracey (34:28):
Then the empowerment piece comes back in too, right?
That's another thing that's veryempowering is when you do make
it through difficult thingswithout alcohol.
Like the first time you make itthrough something hard and you
didn't have to have a drink tocope with it.
Kelly (34:46):
A wedding, a death a separation yeah, go through it
all.
Yeah.
It's yeah, but like financialstruggles.
It's Yeah.
Lindsey (34:57):
Yeah.
And notice the difference withyour kids if you have kids,
because I think there is anatural presence.
That starts to exist thatprobably didn't exist before
with your children.
Kelly (35:13):
For sure.
Like when Lindsay was talking atthe beginning about, how do you
want your Christmas to be?
I love Christmas and, I lovedwhen the kids were younger.
My kids are older now.
We still have lots of fun atChristmas, but when they were
little, I was fucking hungoveron Christmas morning.
Like I loved watching them opentheir gifts and, having big
breakfast and stuff like that,but I was dragging my ass.
Tracey (35:35):
And Linz has said to before that one of the best
gifts you could give yourself isa alcohol free Christmas, right?
Especially if you have kidsbecause you're just so present.
Kelly (35:48):
So present.
It's, yeah, that's such a giftfor them.
It's so funny to think aboutwhat you just said, Kel, about
dragging your ass because that'sjust...
And I did a ton of shit onChristmas, right?
Three kids, like I was doing itall.
Sorry.
Tracey (36:05):
No, but that's what I noticed is that the energy level
in comparison, when you'redrinking and when you're not
drinking I feel like when you'redrinking, the energy is just get
me through the day.
You're dragging your ass likeyou couldn't describe it any
better.
Whereas, when you're notdrinking.
(36:26):
You just wake up, you're readyto go and you can carry that
energy, you know,
Lindsey (36:32):
have your tea, have your ginger, have your, I, yeah,
I love that.
And I think your emotions are somuch more balanced, regulated.
Yeah.
That's the other thing.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
I love those annual ChristmasEve fight cries.
Those are great with the family,the sisters.
(36:55):
But that would happen almostevery year.
Somebody would get in a fight.
Someone would get in a fight andbe crying and, oh man.
Kelly (37:03):
Oh my gosh.
It's amazing how those thingsdon't happen when you remove
alcohol.
Yeah, because I had my fairshare of those two.
Anyways, do we have anythingelse guys any last minute tips.
Any other tips for the holidays,in general,
Lindsey (37:24):
my biggest tip is, bring your own drinks.
Tell people ahead of time thatyou're not drinking, so it's not
so awkward for you when you getthere.
You don't have to do a bunch ofexplaining.
And write down, or even in yourmind, define who you want your
holidays to go.
Kelly (37:41):
I love that.
Yeah, I would say you don't haveto wait till January.
Do it now.
Cause I love everything that youwere saying about Christmas and
being present and don't do it asa punishment because you've been
drinking too much.
Just.
Do it as an experiment, likeTrace said.
Tracey (38:00):
yeah, for sure.
And if you're someone who likesa challenge, no better way to
challenge yourself than to do itnow.
You're gonna grow, you're gonnagrow from it.
Yeah, I'm someone who likes tothink that I'm usually up for a
challenge, so I do usually liketo challenge myself to push
myself outside my comfort zone.
So for me, like I said, I quitin November, pretty close to
(38:23):
Christmas, right beforeChristmas.
So similar to Lindsay.
But yeah, and you know what?
I made it on the other side andI kept going.
Yeah.
I think that's all we can try todo.
That's right.
Take one day at a time.
Kelly (38:38):
One day at a time.
See what happens.
If you drink on day two, that'sokay.
Keep on keeping on.
I'm keeping on and just bemindful guys for the holidays.
Because I know we have peoplewho aren't necessarily alcohol
free that listen to our podcastand we love you all.
Just be mindful.
Be inclusive and don't putpeople on the spot about drinks.
Tracey (39:00):
Exactly.
Perfect.
Kelly (39:01):
Give them cool options.
Go to the sober market.
If you live in toronto, givethem Kool Aid.
I was like, what kool Aid yummy.
Don't drink the Kool Aid.
That's a whole nother drug ofchoice.
Kool Aid the sugar drug jug.
Yes, the sugar.
(39:22):
Oh, God.
Yeah, we'll have lots ofholidays.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And don't beat yourself up.
If you, Ooh, that's the otherthing.
If you give up, if you drink alot of wine, like I used to, and
when you give it up, you'regoing to crave a lot of sugar.
So do not beat yourself up.
Over eating some extra holidaytreats.
Lindsey (39:43):
I think it's a win.
You're not drinking the booze.
You're not poisoning yourselflike that.
You're eating more cookies orchocolate or candy.
Be kind to yourself.
It's not cravings go away.
I think, yeah, still a win.
It all get out of your systemeventually.
That's right.
Okay that was awesome, girls,and we'd like to wish our
(40:05):
listeners a very happy holidaywe will look forward to
Connecting back up with youafter the holidays and in the
new year.
And we can chat about some newyear's resolutions and what we
have planned for 2024.
Thank you again for listening.
Thanks for tuning in for thelast 10 episodes.
It's been a great start toseason three.
(40:27):
You can follow us and we will beposting some content while we're
off.
Of course, follow us onInstagram at LAF Life Podcast
and in our Facebook community atLaugh Life.
And if you want some LAF Lifeswag, you can get some now, or
you can check out our newwebsite at www.
(40:51):
laughlifepodcast.
com.
Until next time.
And 2024, keep laughing.
Kelly (41:00):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
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Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com