April 20, 2024 • 34 mins
In this episode your hosts are having a meaningful conversation about Alcohol.
Since choosing an alcohol free lifestyle we are often approached by people with lots of questions. We believe these conversations are important to have as you never know who you may be helping. We also recognize that some of those conversations can feel awkward or challenging especially with our teenagers. It's imperative as parents to be curious, ask questions and stay We also touch on how to talk to anyone in your life that may be reaching out because they are questioning their relationship with alcohol. We ask the hard questions while empathizing the importance of taking a gentle and non judgmental approach. The key is to make people feel supported enough to know the door is always open for future conversations.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the LAF Lifepodcast.
It's Trace, and I tonight.
(00:46):
Hey, Trace.
Tracey (00:47):
Hey, how are you?
Kelly (00:48):
Good.
How are you?
Tracey (00:49):
Good.
Kelly (00:50):
Good.
So the topic we picked fortonight is how to have
conversations around alcohol.
There's definitely more talk Ifind about people not being
happy with their relationshipwith alcohol.
And hopefully that's what we'redoing here is opening the door
for more conversations.
So yeah, we started to have areally good conversation before
(01:12):
we started recording here.
So let's just continue that.
Tracey (01:16):
Yeah what made me think about this topic was the fact
that we have people reaching outto us all the time, right?
Asking us about our journey withalcohol and kind of not drinking
anymore.
But also because we both havekids, right?
And kids of an age where they'regoing to be curious and.
Be at that stage of life wherethey might be trying alcohol or
(01:39):
exposed to it.
So I think it's important, ormaybe we can shed some light or
guidance for people if they arebeing approached with these
types of conversations, or evenhaving these conversations with
their kids, because people canfind it.
Challenging, right?
Yeah, I think there's a lot ofpeople in general that have a
hard time having toughconversations with their kids or
(02:01):
feeling comfortable, I think ourgeneration does a bit better job
of that because I think we're alittle more open which is great,
but I think there's still peoplethat probably find it awkward to
bring up these things andthey're important conversations
to have.
Kelly (02:17):
Yeah, for sure.
I will always want to say topeople you don't have to drink.
Tracey (02:21):
Yeah,
Kelly (02:22):
I think that's the main thing is you don't have to like,
yeah, it's around, it'severywhere, but you don't have
to partake.
And it's like a superpower whenyou're not doing what everybody
else is doing.
Tracey (02:33):
And it's amazing that's not how we think.
Or how we're taught, right?
Society doesn't teach us that wecan just say no, I think there
was a old school ad way back inour day to just say no.
But
Kelly (02:49):
just say no.
Yeah,
Tracey (02:50):
I think that went away.
At some point.
Kelly (02:52):
But it was an alcohol, I don't think.
Tracey (02:55):
No, it was drugs.
Kelly (02:56):
Yeah.
Drugs,
Tracey (02:56):
right?
Kelly (02:57):
Yeah, there was that whole war on drugs.
Tracey (02:59):
It might have been even around sex as well, oh.
Just say no.
Abstain.
Yeah.
But never around.
I didn't get, I didn't geteither of those messages and we
were talking on an episode notthat long ago about how it's
like a rite of passage, which Ihope that, goes away.
I see people.
(03:20):
Posting like here the drinkingage is 18 and it's 19.
there like posting taking theirkids and they're still kids like
taking their kids out andposting a picture of them all
drinking alcohol together.
I hope that's something thatgoes to the wayside.
That's definitely a good pointto make for people with teenage
kids.
Give them something to thinkabout to not encourage that.
(03:41):
Yeah, and recently, too, I'vejust heard a lot about, how
ridiculous it is that peoplemake such a big deal out of us
saying no to alcohol or saying,no, I'm not going to have a
drink and they wouldn't push youto do lots of other things like
drugs or whatnot, they wouldn'tmake a big deal if you said no
to that.
But meanwhile, they make such abig deal over saying no to
(04:04):
alcohol.
Kelly (04:05):
Yeah, even though alcohol is the one that causes the most
damage.
Tracey (04:08):
And the most deaths.
That was one thing that I waslistening to that was talking
about that.
It was actually directly relatedto how many deaths alcohol
causes, and it's way more thanmost of the drugs out there.
Kelly (04:22):
It's more than all the drugs combined, I believe.
Tracey (04:25):
Could be.
It's definitely enough toconsider the fact that people
should just be able to say no.
Kelly (04:33):
Yes, exactly.
Tracey (04:34):
Yeah.
Kelly (04:35):
I loved our episode.
Was it last episode with Tracy?
Tracey (04:38):
Yes.
Yes.
Kelly (04:39):
Yeah.
And how she was.
Yeah.
saying, you can tell your kidsjust to say no, or just be
careful or just have one drinkor whatever.
And she suggested having thekids practice what they're going
to say.
So when somebody at the party orat the social event or at the
football game, offers analcoholic beverage, what are you
going to say?
(05:00):
Let's practice and how affecthow much more effective it is
for their confidence to practicesaying it out loud.
Don't just think about it andplan it, practice it.
And as adults too, cause I knowthat was a big fear for me was
like, how am I going to go tosocial events now?
And what am I going to say?
What are people going to think?
I think that would have beenhelpful for me too, just to
practice what I was going tosay.
(05:21):
And now it's easy.
It's just Oh no, thanks.
Yeah, it's like you don't haveto give an explanation,
Tracey (05:27):
right?
That's what she was saying.
And I thought that wasbrilliant.
Not something I would havethought of doing with my
daughter.
So that's definitely advice I'mgoing to give her.
Kelly (05:37):
Yeah.
Tracey (05:38):
And It's so funny how we just overthink it, right?
Like you said, now it's justsecond nature.
You just say, no, thank you.
You get to a point where mostpeople don't ask or don't notice
or whatever.
It's not as important as we playit up in our heads to be, right?
Kelly (05:55):
No, exactly.
I've said it before on here andI'm going to say it again is I
was so afraid of that thing.
And it turned out, nobody seemedto care,
Tracey (06:04):
right?
Kelly (06:04):
Like I didn't, I know a lot of people do.
And I've seen that out there,but I didn't get a lot of
questions.
I didn't get a lot of peoplesaying how come you're not
drinking or, I really didn't.
And it was a big fear of mine.
Tracey (06:16):
Yeah, for sure.
The other thing I was sayingwas, when it comes to people
reaching out or asking you aboutyour own journey or reaching out
because they're concerned abouttheir drinking, I was saying,
I'm a strong believer thateverybody should have someone in
their lives that's going to askthem the hard questions, right?
That's going to tell them thetruth.
(06:37):
Be dead honest, ask them thehard questions that they're not
asking themselves.
As a way to prompt them to thinkin a different way, so to me,
it's very important that youhave at least 1 friend in your
life like that.
That's going to push you outsideyour comfort zone when you're in
those situations where you'requestioning decisions you're
(07:00):
making.
So if you're questioning yourrelationship with alcohol and
questioning how.
It's affecting your life or it'sinfluence on your life.
I think you really need to askyourself some of those tough
questions something we talkedabout 1 question.
I think you should ask yourselfis how is alcohol aligning with
(07:22):
who.
You are and who you want to be,right?
And I think there's a wholestring of questions you can ask
in that line of questions.
How is it helping you accomplishthe things you want to
accomplish?
If you're a person that caresabout health and wellness, how
do you justify how it'scontributing to your health and
wellness?
If you can't justify the reasonfor it being in your life, or
(07:46):
tell me how alcohol benefitsyour life.
Kelly (07:49):
Yeah.
I love that question.
Tracey (07:50):
It's as simple as that.
Kelly (07:53):
Yeah.
Tracey (07:53):
What are you getting from it and how is it benefiting
you?
Then on the flip side what areyou afraid of if you don't have
it in your life?
And I think one of the keys towhen people reach out is to
always welcome them withkindness and patience because.
They're on the same or similarjourney.
You've been on, think about howlong did it take you to finally
(08:15):
make the decision?
Kelly (08:16):
Oh, god.
Yeah.
Tracey (08:17):
I know for me, I was contemplating it and having that
internal battle for probably 2years before I finally gave it
up.
I know the people that havereached out to me, they might
have reached out to me more thanonce and they're still doing
that internal.
Yes, contemplating, and it mighttake them a while to finally
(08:39):
make that decision.
So you just have to be gentle inyour encouragement.
That's the approach I take.
Kelly (08:46):
Yeah.
No judgment.
Yes.
Judgment.
No question.
Yeah, leaving the door open,like you said, Trace, I see
people come back and it's stillthe same thing.
We went through that cycle too.
And what makes me sad is thepeople that I don't hear from.
Ever again, because I'm notgoing to be like, Hey how are
you doing?
(09:06):
I don't want to make them feelguilty if they're still drinking
and things like that.
So it's like whoever'slistening, there's no judgment,
reach out as many times as youwant.
Cause it will stick one day.
It will just keep trying.
And I think that's why people,from what I've heard, that's
what the mentality is.
In AA right.
(09:27):
So I think that's why thathelps.
A lot of people is they havethat support in a non judgment
type of way.
There's people that have gonethrough that program that
explain or describe, falling offthe wagon and being, so full of
shame, but then, they're stillwelcome with open arms by the
other people around them.
(09:48):
You want a soft place to land,and it's a process.
So you have to understand.
For every person, it's aprocess.
Not many people just say, okay,I'm not going to drink anymore.
And that was their thoughttoday.
And they just give it up likethat.
I think it's very important tolike I said, just gently
(10:09):
continue to support those peopleand encourage them and throw
them a couple of nuggets ofthings to think about or
encourage, great a lifestylewithout alcohol can be.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I've had people approach me andsay Oh, I don't know if I could
ever do that.
I don't get on my soapbox and belike yes, you can.
I did and you can too.
(10:29):
That's not.
But I just say, if that'ssomething that's meant for you,
you'll know when it's time.
We all have that moment whereit's okay, that's enough.
Hopefully nothing terriblehappens for some people it does.
But a lot of us just have thatmoment where we're just like,
Oh, can't do this anymore.
Tracey (10:47):
Yeah.
You hope people get there beforethat happens.
Kelly (10:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't have anybody come tome.
I don't feel like I had anybodyin those, like you're saying,
having that one friend, we'llsay I had a friend that was also
questioning her relationshipwith alcohol, my best friend.
And we had a lot ofconversations, we went on a lot
of walks, but it was still morearound like trying to fix.
(11:12):
the relationship and keep itlike, keep the moderating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a lot around that.
Then I quit and then sheeventually quit.
She unfortunately passed away.
But yeah, we both ended upquitting, but it was more like
those conversations were more.
About, we know it's bad for us,but, let's drink less.
Tracey (11:34):
Did you have anybody that you reached out to Kel I
always say seeing your story wasan inspiration for me because I
knew you, right?
You weren't just some stranger,although I found those type of
people in groups I joined onFacebook as well.
But for me, Seeing you was moreimpactful because I knew you.
(11:55):
So did you have anybody likethat, that you knew that was
inspiring you along the way?
Kelly (12:00):
No, I listened to the Bubble Hour podcast.
And that was really helpful tome because I realized that those
people were just like me.
Hearing that they were moms andprofessionals and, things that
and they weren't as I call it inthe gutter, like I thought I had
to be to quit.
That was my like, Oh, the firstfew episodes I was like, Oh
(12:22):
shit, I'm going to have to quit.
Cause I was still trying to keepit at that point.
And then I just kept onlistening.
I kept on listening.
I kept on listening.
It's just like an hour longepisode of people's stories.
And I had a really hard timeonce I quit, I had a really hard
time just like being with my ownthoughts.
So those podcasts really helpedme just keep my mind focused on
(12:43):
something and obviouslysomething positive.
Cause I was hearing what theydid and how they overcame that
and what their life is like now.
But then I also had a friend whoI didn't know a lot about her.
Journey, but I knew she wassober since she was 23 and she's
the same age as me.
So she had been sober for 20years.
(13:05):
She was the one that I reachedout to and she took me to my
first meeting.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm so grateful for her.
Yeah.
She's just, yeah, she's anamazing friend.
As far as having like you'retalking about, it wasn't people
that I knew, but it wasdefinitely people that I'm very
grateful.
They put their stories out therecause they helped me a lot.
Tracey (13:24):
Yeah.
No, thank you.
I wish I had reached out to yousooner because I did know you,
but I didn't know you well.
So I think I was hesitant justfor that reason.
But then when I did, finallygive it up, you were like the
first person I wanted to reachout to.
And I knew to reaching out toyou that you would support it.
(13:45):
So it made it easier for me todo it.
I've mentioned, I did try tohave conversations with my
friends about it, but I thinkbecause they were doing it
themselves and probably don'thave a problem themselves with
alcohol necessarily.
They were just blowing it off.
I wasn't having conversationswith the right people is what I
realized after the fact.
Kelly (14:06):
I think it's huge.
I think finding your people withthat common thread that's why
meetings are so important.
And that's why Facebookcommunities work, finding a
common thread with peoplebecause your friends and your
family, they can be supportiveand they'd be like, Oh yeah,
that's good.
Quit if you want or whatever, ifthey don't understand, we can't
(14:26):
expect them to understand ifthey're not going through the
same struggle.
But I think that's a reallyimportant part of the whole.
puzzle of all the pieces thathave kept me here for over six
years is that's one of the firstmain pieces was finding that
common thread.
Tracey (14:42):
Yeah, I think it's important to make sure you're
having those conversations withthe right people.
This is the message I woulddefinitely want to share with
people.
Because once you do, and onceyou begin that, it's much easier
to come to that decision it wasmuch easier for me to stick with
the decision after I reached outto you.
(15:02):
Because when I reached out toyou, I was only 3 months.
And I really wasn't sure at thatpoint, was it going to be
something that stuck or that Istuck to?
It was just something I wasexperimenting with yeah.
Yeah, after reaching out to you,it really.
That's what kind of helped makeit stick,
Kelly (15:19):
right?
Gives you some accountability.
Yeah.
Tracey (15:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (15:22):
Once I had a hundred days under my belt, I put it on
Facebook publicly and I'm not abig I don't share a lot about my
personal life on social media,but that sure was like, Holy
shit.
Like still when I make thoseposts, I'm like, okay, everybody
knows, I guess I better keepdoing this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And not everybody has to sharelike that.
I was talking to somebody aboutthat today.
(15:44):
It's your own journey, but yeah,some sort of accountability, I
think is a big
Tracey (15:49):
I was going to say it does definitely hold you
accountable.
And I think that's a big piece,too.
Same with me.
I announced it when I was my oneyear.
And that was big for me, too.
But I felt like at that point,it was something worth sharing.
And then I knew that I was goingto explore doing this.
(16:11):
So I wanted to have it out therein the universe.
I just felt like you gave me thecourage to do that though, too.
By Watching you share right
Kelly (16:21):
now.
I love seeing that.
I love seeing the authenticshares on social media because I
think there's so much fake stuffon social media.
I have somebody that I'mFacebook friends with her.
I've only met her a couple oftimes in real life.
But she quit smoking I don'tknow what her day is like a
hundred and something today, butevery day she posts it just with
(16:41):
when you make texts and there'scan be hearts behind it.
And the other day she said, isthis annoying?
Like, is this annoyingeverybody?
And we're all like, no, I lovethat positivity and the
vulnerability around it too, andit gives people permission To
their own truth.
So whether it's drinking orsmoking or, getting healthier or
whatever, I do like thatauthenticity.
Tracey (17:01):
And it is something you should be proud of.
That's what I've said many atimes.
You live in so much shame for solong, it helps you release
yourself of that.
Kelly (17:11):
Yeah.
And yeah, there'll be judgment.
I know that people unfollowed meand unfriended me and they
didn't want to see that, but youwere watching, you never know
who is watching these posts andreading things.
Yeah.
So the ones that unfollow anddon't want to be supportive.
Yeah.
That's not meant for them.
It's not meant for everybody.
Tracey (17:30):
That's what I heard the other day too, which I think
it's very true.
If somebody has a problem withthe fact that you're not
drinking, if they say anythingother than, Oh, good for you or
nothing, they're not yourfriend, right?
Like they're saying something injudgment or questioning why
you're not, or encouraging youto do it like, Oh yeah, just
(17:53):
come on, yeah.
That's not a friend, right?
No.
A friend and someone that caresabout you should be supporting
any big life decisions you make.
Yeah.
For yourself that you think aregoing to contribute to your
happiness and your well being.
Let's talk a little bit abouthow you have conversations with
your kids, Kel.
So what kind of conversationsdid you have?
(18:15):
When did you start havingconversations with your kids?
Because you have three kids.
I only have one.
And yours are different ages.
Their ages are staggered alittle bit.
Yeah.
Kelly (18:25):
So my kids grew up around.
a lot of drinking.
And the two younger ones don'tdrink.
So I never told them not to, Inever told them not to.
I did let them when they werelike 16 have a beer.
In front of us what are we goingto ask?
Tracey (18:42):
I was going to say, did you find a difference?
Because obviously your oldestson had the most exposure to
your drink.
Do you find a difference in.
Their attitude towards drinking,considering that him in
comparison to your younger ones.
Kelly (18:57):
He is the one that drinks, but not problematic
drinking.
He's aware, I think, because of.
what he knows.
Now both of his parents don'tdrink.
So yeah, I'm always just becareful.
He had some pretty nastyhangovers when he was, like
early twenties or late teens.
(19:18):
So I don't, I think it affectshim in a really good way when he
drinks too much, and he knowsthat.
So yeah.
Maybe another question too, wasyour messaging different with
him?
Because were you still drinkingwhen he became more at an
experimental age?
Oh yeah.
We were still drinking good oldFacebook memories came up the
(19:42):
other day.
And so it was 2000.
I don't remember what year, butit was his 16th birthday.
Okay.
He's 28 now.
So it was a long time ago, butmy older sister had come to
surprise him for his birthdayand his grandparents were there
and we had a big dinner at ourhouse and my sister had posted
pictures after she came.
Yeah.
I was just like those pictures.
(20:02):
I remember I was just trashed.
Drunk.
He grew up in like a partyatmosphere.
Tracey (20:08):
I'm not asking those questions to put you on the
spot, I'm asking you.
Kelly (20:12):
It's a little uncomfortable, but that's okay.
No,
Tracey (20:14):
but you know why I'm asking you is because you
actually have the uniqueopportunity to come from two
perspectives.
Kelly (20:20):
Yeah.
Because you
Tracey (20:21):
have a bit of an age gap between your kids.
So you have the perspective ofyour older one being at an
impressionable age when you weredrinking in comparison to your
younger ones, they were at thatage when you were going through
your sobriety journey.
Kelly (20:38):
Yes.
Tracey (20:39):
Correct.
Kelly (20:40):
Yes.
Yeah.
Tracey (20:41):
So I just think you can offer both perspectives, which
might be helpful to people,
Kelly (20:45):
yeah.
I don't know.
It was how they were influenced,right?
They all grew up around drinkingyeah.
Yeah,
Tracey (20:53):
I meant if they were asking about drinking or your
approach or conversations withthem about drinking, if they
were any different say, withyour oldest to your youngest,
like, when he got to teenagers.
Like you said, you let themdrink.
You let them all drink at 16.
Kelly (21:10):
Yeah, they were allowed to have a beer, like not get
drunk or anything like that.
None of them did that when theywere young, my oldest had more
opportunity to drink because hetold us later on that he would
take alcohol from us.
And of course there was alcohol.
Yeah.
The younger ones.
Yeah.
They had that when they wereyounger.
They told us at the cottage,they would drink the bottoms of
(21:31):
our drinks and stuff like that.
The younger ones.
But yeah, my kids have beenaround a lot of alcohol.
Tracey (21:37):
Hey, so has mine.
I joke around now that we're notgoing to be the party house
because there's not going to beany booze here so nobody's
coming here and stealing ourbooze.
It's non existent.
Kelly (21:51):
Yeah, we do.
But we have fun.
Yeah we will have alcohol in thehouse, like when my oldest comes
for dinner, I'll buy some beersfor him and stuff.
Tracey (21:58):
I'm not opposed to having alcohol in the house.
It's just Randy and I both don'tdrink.
So unless we have company, thelikelihood of there being
alcohol here is pretty slim.
Kelly (22:09):
Yes.
Yes.
Same here.
Yeah.
But yeah the younger oneschoosing not to drink, that was
their choice.
The youngest one hasn't come outand said I'm never going to
drink again, but I honestlydon't think he will.
The middle one is not whatCarter was on the podcast, which
was so fun, but yeah, he's not,I don't see him.
He doesn't see himself drinking.
Ever and that was by theirchoice and they had all the
(22:29):
information.
My message was mostly be carefuland also you don't have to drink
like, you don't have to drink.
That's not something you have todo.
Tracey (22:38):
That's good.
Yeah.
No, same here.
I just try to be open with mydaughter.
So if she decides to she feelscomfortable telling me and if
she's stuck somewhere in analtered state, she feels
comfortable to reach out to meand she jokes that she'd be
like, calling me, freaking outbecause she does have anxiety.
(22:58):
So there's a couple of thingsthat deters her from drinking,
which is.
To my advantage, I think shedoes have anxiety.
She's.
Concern that if she drank, she'djust be more anxious and she'd
be having like, a freak out.
And then she's also concernedbecause she absolutely hates
puking.
She has the biggest fear ofpuking.
(23:18):
So she knows a lot of, 1st timealcohol experiences comes with
puking.
So that's a big deterrent forher as well.
So we laugh and joke about thosethings, but I'm not naive.
I know there's probably going tocome a point where she might
look past those things, or beunder peer pressure or whatnot,
(23:40):
be in a situation where shedecides she's going to try it.
It could be curiosity, or itcould just be, okay, her friends
are doing it and she feels likeshe should or wants to, so I
just try to make her feelcomfortable when those
situations arise that same typeof thing.
Yes, you can say no, but also ifyou are curious and decide to do
it I'm not going to be mad atyou.
(24:01):
just make sure you're safe andthat's, my biggest concern is
your safety.
But I also have very candidconversations with her and I
think this is really importantand maybe something we haven't
talked enough about on thepodcast.
Maybe it's a whole separatetopic episode one time, but I
think it's very important todiscuss the vulnerability girls
(24:23):
especially put themselves in.
Vulnerable situations under theinfluence of alcohol when
they're young and naive with menor boys.
Kelly (24:32):
Oh yeah.
Oh my God.
Tracy.
Yes.
I was in so many.
Tracey (24:38):
Yes.
And I was two
Kelly (24:39):
situations.
Yeah.
Tracey (24:41):
I think actually a couple of my first drinking
experiences We're like that.
So I think that actuallydeterred me from drinking.
That's probably why I didn'tdrink much in high school after
that, nor in my early days.
So I do talk to my daughterabout that.
And I tell her be careful ifyou're at a party and there's
boys there and there's drinking.
(25:02):
Yes.
Unfortunately, I think that'sjust.
A reality of life and
Kelly (25:08):
yeah,
Tracey (25:08):
I don't think anybody is intentionally trying to be
harmful or malicious, but youdon't know how people are going
to act when they have asubstance in them and it can
change people's behaviors.
Kelly (25:21):
And as we know, yes, it does change.
The ability to make goodjudgment or decisions.
And I think that becomes afactor where judgment and good
decision making go out thewindow, and then if they start
getting encouraged by theirfriends.
It gets worse.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Tracey (25:40):
I think it's it's scary to think about, actually, and
I'm sure there were situations.
We had our guests, Nicole.
Who spoke candidly about some ofher experiences in high school
too.
I'm sure you've thought aboutthis too, because I have the
situations could have been wayworse that I was lucky didn't
turn out that way.
I'll never forget this.
Kel, you talking about a timewhen you left your door
(26:03):
unlocked.
Kelly (26:06):
Oh, I was just thinking about that.
I'm like, have I told that?
Yeah, I was 19 or 20.
And yeah, I would wake up andhave like stuff that I got from
7 Eleven on my way home that Ididn't remember buying.
And then my freaking door wasunlocked in downtown Ottawa.
Tracey (26:22):
Yeah,
Kelly (26:23):
like that is so I'm lucky to be alive.
I really see that.
I do not know.
Tracey (26:27):
And that's the thing.
I think it's a hard conversationagain to have, but a necessary
one.
Yes.
Kids should be made aware,especially females, that these
are risks that you're takingwhen you decide to try drugs or
alcohol.
They're real things that happen,unfortunately.
Kelly (26:47):
Yeah.
So you want to change thesubject a little bit?
Tracey (26:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (26:50):
I have gotten to the point where I like calling
people out or organizations outor businesses out or things out
on not recognizing what theyshould know about alcohol.
So I had a doctor's appointmentyesterday and the nurse, I think
she was a nurse or an assistantor something, came in first and
she was like making all thenotes on the computer before the
(27:13):
doctor came in.
So she was asking me all thesequestions about my history and
asked about what kind of job Ihad.
You could see that it's gettingto it's her life stressful or,
figure that out.
And then asked me if I smokedcigarettes.
Then it was over and then he lether, do all the thing or
whatever.
And I'm like, Hey, can I ask yousomething?
You asked me about cigarettes,but you didn't ask me about
alcohol and she's Oh, withcertain types of cancer, like da
(27:38):
the cigarettes or whatever.
I'm like, but alcohol is acarcinogen and it causes seven
different types of cancer.
I was still kind, like I wasn'tlike in her face.
And at first she was like, Oh,like you could tell people don't
usually ask her questions.
But by the end of it, she waslike really appreciative.
She's yeah, you're right.
I should like, she's obviouslygoing by what she's been told to
(27:58):
ask.
But she's yeah, I'm going tosend your feedback or something
like that.
It was really cute the way itended, but that's my goal now is
to, yeah.
Call things out.
Like we've done with the yogaand wine on Instagram and doing
charity fundraisers, for cancerand serving wine.
That's insane.
(28:18):
I'm calling that shit out fornow on.
I vow to just say something andI'll do it in a kind way.
And I hope my hope is to havepeople see things in a different
way.
Tracey (28:30):
I say this even about some people's behavior.
Sometimes people don't evenrealize they're doing something
that's so wrong and it takessomeone bringing it to their
attention.
And I don't think it's anydifferent with these type of
things.
And again, it's so sociallyaccepted that people just don't
think about it.
(28:51):
And you know what?
There are going to be timeswhere you say something and
people are going to just belike, Oh, forget it.
You know what I mean?
And then
Kelly (28:59):
yeah,
Tracey (29:00):
there's going to be other times where people are
like, Oh, wow that really mademe think twice.
Kelly (29:06):
And maybe not in the moment, but I hope I'm planting
a seed, yeah, just give somethought.
Hopefully, they'll give somethought to it.
Tracey (29:14):
Change in the world, Kel.
One comment or post at a time.
Kelly (29:23):
But with the amount of information that's out there
now, why are we blindly doingsome of these things now?
When we know what's not good.
Why are we still doing it?
Just because we've always doneit like, let's shake things up a
bit.
Let's do things differently.
Oh my God.
I don't accept that even as ananswer.
I tell the people at my work,don't ever come to me and say,
(29:44):
we do it this way because thisis the way we've always done it.
Yes.
Tracey (29:47):
I'm like, that's not an acceptable answer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't do it.
No.
Kelly (29:54):
There's a better way.
There's a better way.
There's a better way to live.
Now.
There's a better way tocelebrate.
Now.
There's a, like there is abetter way.
Tracey (30:01):
Yeah.
I posted something actually onmy LinkedIn page.
It was a repost of someone'sthat had a statement about that
and how basically that's thedeath of your business, right?
It's having that mentality.
And I think it's really nodifferent in life.
It's like what Tony Robbinssays.
Every living thing, if they'renot growing, it's dying.
(30:21):
You're not growing, you'redying.
Yeah, it's no different withpeople.
You have to look at things fromdifferent perspectives and it's
okay to challenge things everyonce in a while.
Nothing has been changed in thisworld without someone
challenging it.
That's how change happens.
Speaking of change, it's nodifferent with changing
yourself.
It happens little by little,right?
(30:43):
And it's the same with this.
You're just going to peck at it,plug away at it little by
little, all those little inputsare bringing it to people's
attention.
Kelly (30:53):
And I think that's, like using our voice and speaking up
as women, we've been silencedfor so long and taught to be
nice and quiet.
And I guess no more of that.
Just say it
Tracey (31:04):
I agree.
Kelly (31:06):
Yeah.
Tracey (31:06):
All right.
I think we touched on a lot ofgreat stuff there, Kel.
Kelly (31:10):
I think so too.
Tracey (31:11):
And hopefully we gave some content.
Listeners something to thinkabout questions they can ask
themselves questions orconversations they can have with
their kids.
A couple of ideas around thatdon't be afraid to reach out.
I love having thoseconversations.
And that's the thing too, like Iwas thinking when we were
talking about people messagingus and stuff like that, I
(31:32):
understand and I recognize thefact that sometimes those
messages like that one message,that first message is the first
time they've ever told anybodythat they're struggling.
So I feel honored that somebodywould reach out to me with that
and I also have a lot of respectfor that and will treat it with
as much kindness as I can.
(31:52):
Yeah, I was going to say that'sa gift, right?
That they've chosen you and thatthey feel comfortable to be
vulnerable with you to yeah,expose themselves in a way.
Yeah.
And I'm not an expert and I'mnot a, medical professional, but
there's that common thread wewere talking about before, just
talking to somebody who's beenin your position before.
(32:13):
Yeah, I remember I'll neverforget it.
Yeah, and it's a safe place,right?
Again, going back to being thatsafe place for someone to land.
Yeah, when they need it.
I agree.
I love it when people reach out.
So everybody out there keepdoing it.
We're here for you.
We have our facebook groupthat's growing and yes, it's
(32:35):
private.
It's a private community.
Yeah, and that's a safe place toask questions or throw some
comments in there, and peoplewill provide you with some
feedback.
If you're looking for othersupport type of things, like
support systems, there's peoplein that group and ourselves that
can give you some direction inthat sense, too.
(32:55):
We've had so many great, amazingguests on the show that a lot of
them are recovery coaches and doall different types of work with
people.
Definitely could recommend a fewof those too.
Kelly (33:07):
Yeah, for sure.
Tracey (33:08):
We don't have an episode next week.
I should mention that maybe.
So go back and listen to yourfavorite episode next week.
Yeah.
Tracy is on holidays next week.
So we will all be taking avacation from the podcast next
week, just for one week.
Tune in again the followingTuesday and we'll have a brand
(33:29):
new episode for you, but likeKelly suggested, definitely
catch up on some episodes.
Like Kelly mentioned, go to ourFacebook community at LAF Life
and follow us on Instagram atLAF Life Podcast.
Check out our website, there'sresources on there, www.
(33:49):
laflifepodcast.
com, thank you so much fortuning into this episode.
Hopefully we gave you some goodinformation, and until next
time, you know what to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (34:01):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the LAF Lifepodcast.
It's Trace, and I tonight.
(00:46):
Hey, Trace.
Tracey (00:47):
Hey, how are you?
Kelly (00:48):
Good.
How are you?
Tracey (00:49):
Good.
Kelly (00:50):
Good.
So the topic we picked fortonight is how to have
conversations around alcohol.
There's definitely more talk Ifind about people not being
happy with their relationshipwith alcohol.
And hopefully that's what we'redoing here is opening the door
for more conversations.
So yeah, we started to have areally good conversation before
(01:12):
we started recording here.
So let's just continue that.
Tracey (01:16):
Yeah what made me think about this topic was the fact
that we have people reaching outto us all the time, right?
Asking us about our journey withalcohol and kind of not drinking
anymore.
But also because we both havekids, right?
And kids of an age where they'regoing to be curious and.
Be at that stage of life wherethey might be trying alcohol or
(01:39):
exposed to it.
So I think it's important, ormaybe we can shed some light or
guidance for people if they arebeing approached with these
types of conversations, or evenhaving these conversations with
their kids, because people canfind it.
Challenging, right?
Yeah, I think there's a lot ofpeople in general that have a
hard time having toughconversations with their kids or
(02:01):
feeling comfortable, I think ourgeneration does a bit better job
of that because I think we're alittle more open which is great,
but I think there's still peoplethat probably find it awkward to
bring up these things andthey're important conversations
to have.
Kelly (02:17):
Yeah, for sure.
I will always want to say topeople you don't have to drink.
Tracey (02:21):
Yeah,
Kelly (02:22):
I think that's the main thing is you don't have to like,
yeah, it's around, it'severywhere, but you don't have
to partake.
And it's like a superpower whenyou're not doing what everybody
else is doing.
Tracey (02:33):
And it's amazing that's not how we think.
Or how we're taught, right?
Society doesn't teach us that wecan just say no, I think there
was a old school ad way back inour day to just say no.
But
Kelly (02:49):
just say no.
Yeah,
Tracey (02:50):
I think that went away.
At some point.
Kelly (02:52):
But it was an alcohol, I don't think.
Tracey (02:55):
No, it was drugs.
Kelly (02:56):
Yeah.
Drugs,
Tracey (02:56):
right?
Kelly (02:57):
Yeah, there was that whole war on drugs.
Tracey (02:59):
It might have been even around sex as well, oh.
Just say no.
Abstain.
Yeah.
But never around.
I didn't get, I didn't geteither of those messages and we
were talking on an episode notthat long ago about how it's
like a rite of passage, which Ihope that, goes away.
I see people.
(03:20):
Posting like here the drinkingage is 18 and it's 19.
there like posting taking theirkids and they're still kids like
taking their kids out andposting a picture of them all
drinking alcohol together.
I hope that's something thatgoes to the wayside.
That's definitely a good pointto make for people with teenage
kids.
Give them something to thinkabout to not encourage that.
(03:41):
Yeah, and recently, too, I'vejust heard a lot about, how
ridiculous it is that peoplemake such a big deal out of us
saying no to alcohol or saying,no, I'm not going to have a
drink and they wouldn't push youto do lots of other things like
drugs or whatnot, they wouldn'tmake a big deal if you said no
to that.
But meanwhile, they make such abig deal over saying no to
(04:04):
alcohol.
Kelly (04:05):
Yeah, even though alcohol is the one that causes the most
damage.
Tracey (04:08):
And the most deaths.
That was one thing that I waslistening to that was talking
about that.
It was actually directly relatedto how many deaths alcohol
causes, and it's way more thanmost of the drugs out there.
Kelly (04:22):
It's more than all the drugs combined, I believe.
Tracey (04:25):
Could be.
It's definitely enough toconsider the fact that people
should just be able to say no.
Kelly (04:33):
Yes, exactly.
Tracey (04:34):
Yeah.
Kelly (04:35):
I loved our episode.
Was it last episode with Tracy?
Tracey (04:38):
Yes.
Yes.
Kelly (04:39):
Yeah.
And how she was.
Yeah.
saying, you can tell your kidsjust to say no, or just be
careful or just have one drinkor whatever.
And she suggested having thekids practice what they're going
to say.
So when somebody at the party orat the social event or at the
football game, offers analcoholic beverage, what are you
going to say?
(05:00):
Let's practice and how affecthow much more effective it is
for their confidence to practicesaying it out loud.
Don't just think about it andplan it, practice it.
And as adults too, cause I knowthat was a big fear for me was
like, how am I going to go tosocial events now?
And what am I going to say?
What are people going to think?
I think that would have beenhelpful for me too, just to
practice what I was going tosay.
(05:21):
And now it's easy.
It's just Oh no, thanks.
Yeah, it's like you don't haveto give an explanation,
Tracey (05:27):
right?
That's what she was saying.
And I thought that wasbrilliant.
Not something I would havethought of doing with my
daughter.
So that's definitely advice I'mgoing to give her.
Kelly (05:37):
Yeah.
Tracey (05:38):
And It's so funny how we just overthink it, right?
Like you said, now it's justsecond nature.
You just say, no, thank you.
You get to a point where mostpeople don't ask or don't notice
or whatever.
It's not as important as we playit up in our heads to be, right?
Kelly (05:55):
No, exactly.
I've said it before on here andI'm going to say it again is I
was so afraid of that thing.
And it turned out, nobody seemedto care,
Tracey (06:04):
right?
Kelly (06:04):
Like I didn't, I know a lot of people do.
And I've seen that out there,but I didn't get a lot of
questions.
I didn't get a lot of peoplesaying how come you're not
drinking or, I really didn't.
And it was a big fear of mine.
Tracey (06:16):
Yeah, for sure.
The other thing I was sayingwas, when it comes to people
reaching out or asking you aboutyour own journey or reaching out
because they're concerned abouttheir drinking, I was saying,
I'm a strong believer thateverybody should have someone in
their lives that's going to askthem the hard questions, right?
That's going to tell them thetruth.
(06:37):
Be dead honest, ask them thehard questions that they're not
asking themselves.
As a way to prompt them to thinkin a different way, so to me,
it's very important that youhave at least 1 friend in your
life like that.
That's going to push you outsideyour comfort zone when you're in
those situations where you'requestioning decisions you're
(07:00):
making.
So if you're questioning yourrelationship with alcohol and
questioning how.
It's affecting your life or it'sinfluence on your life.
I think you really need to askyourself some of those tough
questions something we talkedabout 1 question.
I think you should ask yourselfis how is alcohol aligning with
(07:22):
who.
You are and who you want to be,right?
And I think there's a wholestring of questions you can ask
in that line of questions.
How is it helping you accomplishthe things you want to
accomplish?
If you're a person that caresabout health and wellness, how
do you justify how it'scontributing to your health and
wellness?
If you can't justify the reasonfor it being in your life, or
(07:46):
tell me how alcohol benefitsyour life.
Kelly (07:49):
Yeah.
I love that question.
Tracey (07:50):
It's as simple as that.
Kelly (07:53):
Yeah.
Tracey (07:53):
What are you getting from it and how is it benefiting
you?
Then on the flip side what areyou afraid of if you don't have
it in your life?
And I think one of the keys towhen people reach out is to
always welcome them withkindness and patience because.
They're on the same or similarjourney.
You've been on, think about howlong did it take you to finally
(08:15):
make the decision?
Kelly (08:16):
Oh, god.
Yeah.
Tracey (08:17):
I know for me, I was contemplating it and having that
internal battle for probably 2years before I finally gave it
up.
I know the people that havereached out to me, they might
have reached out to me more thanonce and they're still doing
that internal.
Yes, contemplating, and it mighttake them a while to finally
(08:39):
make that decision.
So you just have to be gentle inyour encouragement.
That's the approach I take.
Kelly (08:46):
Yeah.
No judgment.
Yes.
Judgment.
No question.
Yeah, leaving the door open,like you said, Trace, I see
people come back and it's stillthe same thing.
We went through that cycle too.
And what makes me sad is thepeople that I don't hear from.
Ever again, because I'm notgoing to be like, Hey how are
you doing?
(09:06):
I don't want to make them feelguilty if they're still drinking
and things like that.
So it's like whoever'slistening, there's no judgment,
reach out as many times as youwant.
Cause it will stick one day.
It will just keep trying.
And I think that's why people,from what I've heard, that's
what the mentality is.
In AA right.
(09:27):
So I think that's why thathelps.
A lot of people is they havethat support in a non judgment
type of way.
There's people that have gonethrough that program that
explain or describe, falling offthe wagon and being, so full of
shame, but then, they're stillwelcome with open arms by the
other people around them.
(09:48):
You want a soft place to land,and it's a process.
So you have to understand.
For every person, it's aprocess.
Not many people just say, okay,I'm not going to drink anymore.
And that was their thoughttoday.
And they just give it up likethat.
I think it's very important tolike I said, just gently
(10:09):
continue to support those peopleand encourage them and throw
them a couple of nuggets ofthings to think about or
encourage, great a lifestylewithout alcohol can be.
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
I've had people approach me andsay Oh, I don't know if I could
ever do that.
I don't get on my soapbox and belike yes, you can.
I did and you can too.
(10:29):
That's not.
But I just say, if that'ssomething that's meant for you,
you'll know when it's time.
We all have that moment whereit's okay, that's enough.
Hopefully nothing terriblehappens for some people it does.
But a lot of us just have thatmoment where we're just like,
Oh, can't do this anymore.
Tracey (10:47):
Yeah.
You hope people get there beforethat happens.
Kelly (10:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't have anybody come tome.
I don't feel like I had anybodyin those, like you're saying,
having that one friend, we'llsay I had a friend that was also
questioning her relationshipwith alcohol, my best friend.
And we had a lot ofconversations, we went on a lot
of walks, but it was still morearound like trying to fix.
(11:12):
the relationship and keep itlike, keep the moderating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a lot around that.
Then I quit and then sheeventually quit.
She unfortunately passed away.
But yeah, we both ended upquitting, but it was more like
those conversations were more.
About, we know it's bad for us,but, let's drink less.
Tracey (11:34):
Did you have anybody that you reached out to Kel I
always say seeing your story wasan inspiration for me because I
knew you, right?
You weren't just some stranger,although I found those type of
people in groups I joined onFacebook as well.
But for me, Seeing you was moreimpactful because I knew you.
(11:55):
So did you have anybody likethat, that you knew that was
inspiring you along the way?
Kelly (12:00):
No, I listened to the Bubble Hour podcast.
And that was really helpful tome because I realized that those
people were just like me.
Hearing that they were moms andprofessionals and, things that
and they weren't as I call it inthe gutter, like I thought I had
to be to quit.
That was my like, Oh, the firstfew episodes I was like, Oh
(12:22):
shit, I'm going to have to quit.
Cause I was still trying to keepit at that point.
And then I just kept onlistening.
I kept on listening.
I kept on listening.
It's just like an hour longepisode of people's stories.
And I had a really hard timeonce I quit, I had a really hard
time just like being with my ownthoughts.
So those podcasts really helpedme just keep my mind focused on
(12:43):
something and obviouslysomething positive.
Cause I was hearing what theydid and how they overcame that
and what their life is like now.
But then I also had a friend whoI didn't know a lot about her.
Journey, but I knew she wassober since she was 23 and she's
the same age as me.
So she had been sober for 20years.
(13:05):
She was the one that I reachedout to and she took me to my
first meeting.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm so grateful for her.
Yeah.
She's just, yeah, she's anamazing friend.
As far as having like you'retalking about, it wasn't people
that I knew, but it wasdefinitely people that I'm very
grateful.
They put their stories out therecause they helped me a lot.
Tracey (13:24):
Yeah.
No, thank you.
I wish I had reached out to yousooner because I did know you,
but I didn't know you well.
So I think I was hesitant justfor that reason.
But then when I did, finallygive it up, you were like the
first person I wanted to reachout to.
And I knew to reaching out toyou that you would support it.
(13:45):
So it made it easier for me todo it.
I've mentioned, I did try tohave conversations with my
friends about it, but I thinkbecause they were doing it
themselves and probably don'thave a problem themselves with
alcohol necessarily.
They were just blowing it off.
I wasn't having conversationswith the right people is what I
realized after the fact.
Kelly (14:06):
I think it's huge.
I think finding your people withthat common thread that's why
meetings are so important.
And that's why Facebookcommunities work, finding a
common thread with peoplebecause your friends and your
family, they can be supportiveand they'd be like, Oh yeah,
that's good.
Quit if you want or whatever, ifthey don't understand, we can't
(14:26):
expect them to understand ifthey're not going through the
same struggle.
But I think that's a reallyimportant part of the whole.
puzzle of all the pieces thathave kept me here for over six
years is that's one of the firstmain pieces was finding that
common thread.
Tracey (14:42):
Yeah, I think it's important to make sure you're
having those conversations withthe right people.
This is the message I woulddefinitely want to share with
people.
Because once you do, and onceyou begin that, it's much easier
to come to that decision it wasmuch easier for me to stick with
the decision after I reached outto you.
(15:02):
Because when I reached out toyou, I was only 3 months.
And I really wasn't sure at thatpoint, was it going to be
something that stuck or that Istuck to?
It was just something I wasexperimenting with yeah.
Yeah, after reaching out to you,it really.
That's what kind of helped makeit stick,
Kelly (15:19):
right?
Gives you some accountability.
Yeah.
Tracey (15:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (15:22):
Once I had a hundred days under my belt, I put it on
Facebook publicly and I'm not abig I don't share a lot about my
personal life on social media,but that sure was like, Holy
shit.
Like still when I make thoseposts, I'm like, okay, everybody
knows, I guess I better keepdoing this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And not everybody has to sharelike that.
I was talking to somebody aboutthat today.
(15:44):
It's your own journey, but yeah,some sort of accountability, I
think is a big
Tracey (15:49):
I was going to say it does definitely hold you
accountable.
And I think that's a big piece,too.
Same with me.
I announced it when I was my oneyear.
And that was big for me, too.
But I felt like at that point,it was something worth sharing.
And then I knew that I was goingto explore doing this.
(16:11):
So I wanted to have it out therein the universe.
I just felt like you gave me thecourage to do that though, too.
By Watching you share right
Kelly (16:21):
now.
I love seeing that.
I love seeing the authenticshares on social media because I
think there's so much fake stuffon social media.
I have somebody that I'mFacebook friends with her.
I've only met her a couple oftimes in real life.
But she quit smoking I don'tknow what her day is like a
hundred and something today, butevery day she posts it just with
(16:41):
when you make texts and there'scan be hearts behind it.
And the other day she said, isthis annoying?
Like, is this annoyingeverybody?
And we're all like, no, I lovethat positivity and the
vulnerability around it too, andit gives people permission To
their own truth.
So whether it's drinking orsmoking or, getting healthier or
whatever, I do like thatauthenticity.
Tracey (17:01):
And it is something you should be proud of.
That's what I've said many atimes.
You live in so much shame for solong, it helps you release
yourself of that.
Kelly (17:11):
Yeah.
And yeah, there'll be judgment.
I know that people unfollowed meand unfriended me and they
didn't want to see that, but youwere watching, you never know
who is watching these posts andreading things.
Yeah.
So the ones that unfollow anddon't want to be supportive.
Yeah.
That's not meant for them.
It's not meant for everybody.
Tracey (17:30):
That's what I heard the other day too, which I think
it's very true.
If somebody has a problem withthe fact that you're not
drinking, if they say anythingother than, Oh, good for you or
nothing, they're not yourfriend, right?
Like they're saying something injudgment or questioning why
you're not, or encouraging youto do it like, Oh yeah, just
(17:53):
come on, yeah.
That's not a friend, right?
No.
A friend and someone that caresabout you should be supporting
any big life decisions you make.
Yeah.
For yourself that you think aregoing to contribute to your
happiness and your well being.
Let's talk a little bit abouthow you have conversations with
your kids, Kel.
So what kind of conversationsdid you have?
(18:15):
When did you start havingconversations with your kids?
Because you have three kids.
I only have one.
And yours are different ages.
Their ages are staggered alittle bit.
Yeah.
Kelly (18:25):
So my kids grew up around.
a lot of drinking.
And the two younger ones don'tdrink.
So I never told them not to, Inever told them not to.
I did let them when they werelike 16 have a beer.
In front of us what are we goingto ask?
Tracey (18:42):
I was going to say, did you find a difference?
Because obviously your oldestson had the most exposure to
your drink.
Do you find a difference in.
Their attitude towards drinking,considering that him in
comparison to your younger ones.
Kelly (18:57):
He is the one that drinks, but not problematic
drinking.
He's aware, I think, because of.
what he knows.
Now both of his parents don'tdrink.
So yeah, I'm always just becareful.
He had some pretty nastyhangovers when he was, like
early twenties or late teens.
(19:18):
So I don't, I think it affectshim in a really good way when he
drinks too much, and he knowsthat.
So yeah.
Maybe another question too, wasyour messaging different with
him?
Because were you still drinkingwhen he became more at an
experimental age?
Oh yeah.
We were still drinking good oldFacebook memories came up the
(19:42):
other day.
And so it was 2000.
I don't remember what year, butit was his 16th birthday.
Okay.
He's 28 now.
So it was a long time ago, butmy older sister had come to
surprise him for his birthdayand his grandparents were there
and we had a big dinner at ourhouse and my sister had posted
pictures after she came.
Yeah.
I was just like those pictures.
(20:02):
I remember I was just trashed.
Drunk.
He grew up in like a partyatmosphere.
Tracey (20:08):
I'm not asking those questions to put you on the
spot, I'm asking you.
Kelly (20:12):
It's a little uncomfortable, but that's okay.
No,
Tracey (20:14):
but you know why I'm asking you is because you
actually have the uniqueopportunity to come from two
perspectives.
Kelly (20:20):
Yeah.
Because you
Tracey (20:21):
have a bit of an age gap between your kids.
So you have the perspective ofyour older one being at an
impressionable age when you weredrinking in comparison to your
younger ones, they were at thatage when you were going through
your sobriety journey.
Kelly (20:38):
Yes.
Tracey (20:39):
Correct.
Kelly (20:40):
Yes.
Yeah.
Tracey (20:41):
So I just think you can offer both perspectives, which
might be helpful to people,
Kelly (20:45):
yeah.
I don't know.
It was how they were influenced,right?
They all grew up around drinkingyeah.
Yeah,
Tracey (20:53):
I meant if they were asking about drinking or your
approach or conversations withthem about drinking, if they
were any different say, withyour oldest to your youngest,
like, when he got to teenagers.
Like you said, you let themdrink.
You let them all drink at 16.
Kelly (21:10):
Yeah, they were allowed to have a beer, like not get
drunk or anything like that.
None of them did that when theywere young, my oldest had more
opportunity to drink because hetold us later on that he would
take alcohol from us.
And of course there was alcohol.
Yeah.
The younger ones.
Yeah.
They had that when they wereyounger.
They told us at the cottage,they would drink the bottoms of
(21:31):
our drinks and stuff like that.
The younger ones.
But yeah, my kids have beenaround a lot of alcohol.
Tracey (21:37):
Hey, so has mine.
I joke around now that we're notgoing to be the party house
because there's not going to beany booze here so nobody's
coming here and stealing ourbooze.
It's non existent.
Kelly (21:51):
Yeah, we do.
But we have fun.
Yeah we will have alcohol in thehouse, like when my oldest comes
for dinner, I'll buy some beersfor him and stuff.
Tracey (21:58):
I'm not opposed to having alcohol in the house.
It's just Randy and I both don'tdrink.
So unless we have company, thelikelihood of there being
alcohol here is pretty slim.
Kelly (22:09):
Yes.
Yes.
Same here.
Yeah.
But yeah the younger oneschoosing not to drink, that was
their choice.
The youngest one hasn't come outand said I'm never going to
drink again, but I honestlydon't think he will.
The middle one is not whatCarter was on the podcast, which
was so fun, but yeah, he's not,I don't see him.
He doesn't see himself drinking.
Ever and that was by theirchoice and they had all the
(22:29):
information.
My message was mostly be carefuland also you don't have to drink
like, you don't have to drink.
That's not something you have todo.
Tracey (22:38):
That's good.
Yeah.
No, same here.
I just try to be open with mydaughter.
So if she decides to she feelscomfortable telling me and if
she's stuck somewhere in analtered state, she feels
comfortable to reach out to meand she jokes that she'd be
like, calling me, freaking outbecause she does have anxiety.
(22:58):
So there's a couple of thingsthat deters her from drinking,
which is.
To my advantage, I think shedoes have anxiety.
She's.
Concern that if she drank, she'djust be more anxious and she'd
be having like, a freak out.
And then she's also concernedbecause she absolutely hates
puking.
She has the biggest fear ofpuking.
(23:18):
So she knows a lot of, 1st timealcohol experiences comes with
puking.
So that's a big deterrent forher as well.
So we laugh and joke about thosethings, but I'm not naive.
I know there's probably going tocome a point where she might
look past those things, or beunder peer pressure or whatnot,
(23:40):
be in a situation where shedecides she's going to try it.
It could be curiosity, or itcould just be, okay, her friends
are doing it and she feels likeshe should or wants to, so I
just try to make her feelcomfortable when those
situations arise that same typeof thing.
Yes, you can say no, but also ifyou are curious and decide to do
it I'm not going to be mad atyou.
(24:01):
just make sure you're safe andthat's, my biggest concern is
your safety.
But I also have very candidconversations with her and I
think this is really importantand maybe something we haven't
talked enough about on thepodcast.
Maybe it's a whole separatetopic episode one time, but I
think it's very important todiscuss the vulnerability girls
(24:23):
especially put themselves in.
Vulnerable situations under theinfluence of alcohol when
they're young and naive with menor boys.
Kelly (24:32):
Oh yeah.
Oh my God.
Tracy.
Yes.
I was in so many.
Tracey (24:38):
Yes.
And I was two
Kelly (24:39):
situations.
Yeah.
Tracey (24:41):
I think actually a couple of my first drinking
experiences We're like that.
So I think that actuallydeterred me from drinking.
That's probably why I didn'tdrink much in high school after
that, nor in my early days.
So I do talk to my daughterabout that.
And I tell her be careful ifyou're at a party and there's
boys there and there's drinking.
(25:02):
Yes.
Unfortunately, I think that'sjust.
A reality of life and
Kelly (25:08):
yeah,
Tracey (25:08):
I don't think anybody is intentionally trying to be
harmful or malicious, but youdon't know how people are going
to act when they have asubstance in them and it can
change people's behaviors.
Kelly (25:21):
And as we know, yes, it does change.
The ability to make goodjudgment or decisions.
And I think that becomes afactor where judgment and good
decision making go out thewindow, and then if they start
getting encouraged by theirfriends.
It gets worse.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Tracey (25:40):
I think it's it's scary to think about, actually, and
I'm sure there were situations.
We had our guests, Nicole.
Who spoke candidly about some ofher experiences in high school
too.
I'm sure you've thought aboutthis too, because I have the
situations could have been wayworse that I was lucky didn't
turn out that way.
I'll never forget this.
Kel, you talking about a timewhen you left your door
(26:03):
unlocked.
Kelly (26:06):
Oh, I was just thinking about that.
I'm like, have I told that?
Yeah, I was 19 or 20.
And yeah, I would wake up andhave like stuff that I got from
7 Eleven on my way home that Ididn't remember buying.
And then my freaking door wasunlocked in downtown Ottawa.
Tracey (26:22):
Yeah,
Kelly (26:23):
like that is so I'm lucky to be alive.
I really see that.
I do not know.
Tracey (26:27):
And that's the thing.
I think it's a hard conversationagain to have, but a necessary
one.
Yes.
Kids should be made aware,especially females, that these
are risks that you're takingwhen you decide to try drugs or
alcohol.
They're real things that happen,unfortunately.
Kelly (26:47):
Yeah.
So you want to change thesubject a little bit?
Tracey (26:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (26:50):
I have gotten to the point where I like calling
people out or organizations outor businesses out or things out
on not recognizing what theyshould know about alcohol.
So I had a doctor's appointmentyesterday and the nurse, I think
she was a nurse or an assistantor something, came in first and
she was like making all thenotes on the computer before the
(27:13):
doctor came in.
So she was asking me all thesequestions about my history and
asked about what kind of job Ihad.
You could see that it's gettingto it's her life stressful or,
figure that out.
And then asked me if I smokedcigarettes.
Then it was over and then he lether, do all the thing or
whatever.
And I'm like, Hey, can I ask yousomething?
You asked me about cigarettes,but you didn't ask me about
alcohol and she's Oh, withcertain types of cancer, like da
(27:38):
the cigarettes or whatever.
I'm like, but alcohol is acarcinogen and it causes seven
different types of cancer.
I was still kind, like I wasn'tlike in her face.
And at first she was like, Oh,like you could tell people don't
usually ask her questions.
But by the end of it, she waslike really appreciative.
She's yeah, you're right.
I should like, she's obviouslygoing by what she's been told to
(27:58):
ask.
But she's yeah, I'm going tosend your feedback or something
like that.
It was really cute the way itended, but that's my goal now is
to, yeah.
Call things out.
Like we've done with the yogaand wine on Instagram and doing
charity fundraisers, for cancerand serving wine.
That's insane.
(28:18):
I'm calling that shit out fornow on.
I vow to just say something andI'll do it in a kind way.
And I hope my hope is to havepeople see things in a different
way.
Tracey (28:30):
I say this even about some people's behavior.
Sometimes people don't evenrealize they're doing something
that's so wrong and it takessomeone bringing it to their
attention.
And I don't think it's anydifferent with these type of
things.
And again, it's so sociallyaccepted that people just don't
think about it.
(28:51):
And you know what?
There are going to be timeswhere you say something and
people are going to just belike, Oh, forget it.
You know what I mean?
And then
Kelly (28:59):
yeah,
Tracey (29:00):
there's going to be other times where people are
like, Oh, wow that really mademe think twice.
Kelly (29:06):
And maybe not in the moment, but I hope I'm planting
a seed, yeah, just give somethought.
Hopefully, they'll give somethought to it.
Tracey (29:14):
Change in the world, Kel.
One comment or post at a time.
Kelly (29:23):
But with the amount of information that's out there
now, why are we blindly doingsome of these things now?
When we know what's not good.
Why are we still doing it?
Just because we've always doneit like, let's shake things up a
bit.
Let's do things differently.
Oh my God.
I don't accept that even as ananswer.
I tell the people at my work,don't ever come to me and say,
(29:44):
we do it this way because thisis the way we've always done it.
Yes.
Tracey (29:47):
I'm like, that's not an acceptable answer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't do it.
No.
Kelly (29:54):
There's a better way.
There's a better way.
There's a better way to live.
Now.
There's a better way tocelebrate.
Now.
There's a, like there is abetter way.
Tracey (30:01):
Yeah.
I posted something actually onmy LinkedIn page.
It was a repost of someone'sthat had a statement about that
and how basically that's thedeath of your business, right?
It's having that mentality.
And I think it's really nodifferent in life.
It's like what Tony Robbinssays.
Every living thing, if they'renot growing, it's dying.
(30:21):
You're not growing, you'redying.
Yeah, it's no different withpeople.
You have to look at things fromdifferent perspectives and it's
okay to challenge things everyonce in a while.
Nothing has been changed in thisworld without someone
challenging it.
That's how change happens.
Speaking of change, it's nodifferent with changing
yourself.
It happens little by little,right?
(30:43):
And it's the same with this.
You're just going to peck at it,plug away at it little by
little, all those little inputsare bringing it to people's
attention.
Kelly (30:53):
And I think that's, like using our voice and speaking up
as women, we've been silencedfor so long and taught to be
nice and quiet.
And I guess no more of that.
Just say it
Tracey (31:04):
I agree.
Kelly (31:06):
Yeah.
Tracey (31:06):
All right.
I think we touched on a lot ofgreat stuff there, Kel.
Kelly (31:10):
I think so too.
Tracey (31:11):
And hopefully we gave some content.
Listeners something to thinkabout questions they can ask
themselves questions orconversations they can have with
their kids.
A couple of ideas around thatdon't be afraid to reach out.
I love having thoseconversations.
And that's the thing too, like Iwas thinking when we were
talking about people messagingus and stuff like that, I
(31:32):
understand and I recognize thefact that sometimes those
messages like that one message,that first message is the first
time they've ever told anybodythat they're struggling.
So I feel honored that somebodywould reach out to me with that
and I also have a lot of respectfor that and will treat it with
as much kindness as I can.
(31:52):
Yeah, I was going to say that'sa gift, right?
That they've chosen you and thatthey feel comfortable to be
vulnerable with you to yeah,expose themselves in a way.
Yeah.
And I'm not an expert and I'mnot a, medical professional, but
there's that common thread wewere talking about before, just
talking to somebody who's beenin your position before.
(32:13):
Yeah, I remember I'll neverforget it.
Yeah, and it's a safe place,right?
Again, going back to being thatsafe place for someone to land.
Yeah, when they need it.
I agree.
I love it when people reach out.
So everybody out there keepdoing it.
We're here for you.
We have our facebook groupthat's growing and yes, it's
(32:35):
private.
It's a private community.
Yeah, and that's a safe place toask questions or throw some
comments in there, and peoplewill provide you with some
feedback.
If you're looking for othersupport type of things, like
support systems, there's peoplein that group and ourselves that
can give you some direction inthat sense, too.
(32:55):
We've had so many great, amazingguests on the show that a lot of
them are recovery coaches and doall different types of work with
people.
Definitely could recommend a fewof those too.
Kelly (33:07):
Yeah, for sure.
Tracey (33:08):
We don't have an episode next week.
I should mention that maybe.
So go back and listen to yourfavorite episode next week.
Yeah.
Tracy is on holidays next week.
So we will all be taking avacation from the podcast next
week, just for one week.
Tune in again the followingTuesday and we'll have a brand
(33:29):
new episode for you, but likeKelly suggested, definitely
catch up on some episodes.
Like Kelly mentioned, go to ourFacebook community at LAF Life
and follow us on Instagram atLAF Life Podcast.
Check out our website, there'sresources on there, www.
(33:49):
laflifepodcast.
com, thank you so much fortuning into this episode.
Hopefully we gave you some goodinformation, and until next
time, you know what to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (34:01):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
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