May 26, 2024 • 48 mins
This week we have an extraordinary guest, Samantha Powderhorn. From Tadoule Lake, a remote Indigenous community, Samantha's journey is one of resilience and transformation. As a full-time working mom of 6, Samantha has faced more challenges than most can imagine. She's a MMIW survivor, thyroid cancer warrior, and has overcome immense trauma and abuse. She once sought love and validation from a life marred by her parents' alcoholism and neglect. But Samantha found the love she truly needed in the most powerful place: within herself. Quitting alcohol and embracing running, Samantha has become an avid marathon runner, proving that strength and self-love can conquer all. Tune in to hear Samantha's inspiring story of perseverance, healing, and the incredible power of self-love.
Follow Sam on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/sayisitaurus/
or TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sdfn_sammi28
Recommended Reads:
Pretty Wrecked, Tracy Viola https://www.tracyviolaauthor.com/book
We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life, Laura McKowen
https://www.lauramckowen.com/books
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Tracey: https://www.instagram.com/tnd1274/
Kelly: https://www.instagram.com/pamperedkel/
Lindsey: https://www.instagram.com/hariklindsey/
**Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this episode are not professional or medical opinions. If you are struggling with an addiction please contact a medical professional for help.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Lindsey (00:41):
Hey everybody, welcome back to the LAF Life podcast.
It is Tuesday, not when we'rerecording, but when this brand
new episode comes out.
Today, we have an incredibleguest.
I have been looking forward tothis episode since Our guest and
I connected and decided sheshould come on the podcast.
(01:02):
We are talking with SamanthaPowderhorn.
Hey, Samantha, thanks for comingon and joining us.
Tracey (01:09):
Thank you for having me.
for having me.
Lindsey (01:11):
Oh, you're welcome.
Okay.
So listeners get this.
Samantha is a full time workingmom of six kids.
She is an avid marathon runner.
She was just featured in anarticle published in the
Canadian Running Magazine, andit was sponsored by Under
Armour.
She is a thyroid cancersurvivor, a trauma and abuse
(01:33):
survivor, an advocate forIndigenous women, and on top of
all that, she is sober.
I don't even know where tobegin.
When I met you at the gym, I wasjust like, okay, there's
something about her.
You just glow.
And when we talked and I foundout you're not drinking alcohol
and you've been sober like meand I found you on social media
(01:56):
and we started following eachother.
I was like, Oh my God.
This girl is an inspiration.
So I'm really excited to haveour listeners get to know you a
bit better.
And for us to ask you somequestions and just hear your
story.
Samantha (02:09):
Sounds good.
Lindsey (02:10):
Awesome.
Let's do this.
Let's do it.
Okay.
So Samantha, I wanted to go backa little bit to the beginning,
like we always do with ourguests.
Okay.
First of all I wanted to knowhow you started.
a relationship with alcohol andhow it progressed, and then what
it did to blow up your life.
Do you want to talk to us alittle bit about that?
Samantha (02:31):
Yes.
Alcohol has been part of my lifesince I was a baby.
My parents are alcoholics and itled on all my life and my
parents were very abusive.
I witnessed physical, emotional,verbal abuse throughout my whole
childhood.
It led me to probably when I was11 is when I first started
(02:52):
experiencing with alcohol and.
Growing up in that situation itmakes you rebel.
So you feel like you need tobelong and be a part of it.
So I started and I continuedwhen I first experienced getting
Wasted was very embarrassing.
I made a huge fool of myself.
(03:12):
I was probably like 12.
Yeah, I was pretty young but itdidn't stop me.
Every time, my parents wouldtell me no, you can't do that.
It made me want to do it more.
And my older brothers arealcoholics too.
It was always a part of my lifefrom when I was a child until I
quit in 2021 and I have babies.
(03:34):
So if I wasn't pregnant, it wasweed.
So if it wasn't either of them,it was food.
So there was always somethingthere that I was Comforting in
but when I split up with my exhusband in 2015 is when it
really progressed reallydramatically, I would drink all
(03:54):
the time it was getting prettybad especially through COVID
too, and I would have a flask.
Nobody knows this.
I would have a flask everywhereI go.
If I was stressed, depressed,mad, angry, any sort of emotion
or feeling, I would have a shot.
And I would always make sure itwas full, even if I was sitting
in practice.
(04:14):
At work anywhere and
Lindsey (04:16):
just to get that relief.
Yeah.
Just that one Ooh that's good.
Like just to feel it.
So it was part of my life, sinceI was a baby and my parents
switched addiction from alcoholto prescription drugs.
So it's still part of my life.
Addiction is still there with myfamily.
(04:36):
It's very hard lonely, I guessyou could say.
Yeah.
For me, my breaking point was onHalloween in 2021 was Halloween
and I was, Really wasted.
And I took my kids trick ortreating like that, and I don't
remember, I don't remember.
You don't remember trick ortreating at all?
Samantha (04:57):
No.
Oh my goodness.
I blacked out, in and out andI'm so grateful that nothing
happened to my kids, thank God.
And that next morning, November1st, I woke up and when I woke
up, I seen my kids and itbrought me back to when I was a
kid.
When I was a kid and I woke upand I seen my parents passed
(05:18):
out, the house is a mess,there's no food and there's a
bunch of people all over theplace and it brought me back to
that place and I'm like I'mrepeating the cycle and that's
when I was like, okay, I knewthat I had to change it.
I knew I had to break the cycle.
I did try to get sober two timesbefore that, but it didn't work.
(05:41):
It didn't work.
Lindsey (05:42):
Did you try on your own or did you do any meetings or
anything like that?
Samantha (05:46):
I tried on my own.
And when I first got tried was,I think it was in 2018 or 2019.
I tried, I think I was up to 300days sober.
And I fell off and I believeit's because of my relationship
that I was in, it was like acodependency relationship and,
(06:07):
alcohol was what kept ustogether.
So I felt like it was a controlover me and I fell off.
It was a long distancerelationship.
So we weren't living together.
So whenever he was not here, Iwould go sober.
And then he would come back andthen I would fall off.
So I knew, yeah, for the thirdtime I knew, I was like, okay,
(06:32):
if I'm going to become sober, Iknow that this relationship's
not going to work.
Lindsey (06:36):
You can't stay in your life, right?
Samantha (06:38):
Yeah.
Wow.
And it was funny, I made aTikTok.
I think it was a month before Imade the decision because I knew
it was happening.
I'm like, I have to let go ofsomething if I want to do this
in my life.
So I got sober and like I said,he wasn't living here.
So it was easy.
But then when he got back it washard because I was like, whoa.
(07:00):
And then I told him straight upthat I had to prioritize my
Sobriety.
And he was like, Oh, he wasmaking like comments like, Oh, I
thought it was just for a littlebit.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, no, this is going tobe for my whole life and I'm
going to need a partner that'sgoing to support that and
(07:22):
encourage and hopefully join meon it.
Lindsey (07:24):
Exactly.
In a way, I guess you wereinviting him to join you.
Did he join you?
No.
What?
No, he was not.
Did he join you in?
In quitting drinking or no,yeah,
Samantha (07:36):
not even a thought a try or whatever.
But
Lindsey (07:40):
Before we got on here, I was looking at your social
media and you had postedsomething.
And I think I responded to itwith a reaction.
But it really hit me.
I'll have to get Samantha totell all of our listeners where
to find her, because she justposts some really hard hitting
truth.
But this one, you posted, whenbreaking generational curses,
(08:01):
don't expect support from thosewho passed it on.
And that freaking hit.
Talk to us a little bit aboutwhat that means to you.
Samantha (08:10):
Oh, this is gonna get deep because like I said I'll
probably get emotional becauseit's okay.
It's very deep for me.
It's something that I'm actuallycurrently working on myself.
And it's, Of course, theintergenerational trauma brought
on from my parents and it's, Iknew for a fact that once I
(08:32):
became sober, that relationshipwould disconnect and the one
with your parents, both of themso I'm on this journey alone.
All my siblings are addicts myparents, that was basically the
reason why I said that.
And it's hard.
So hard.
Because.
Because I've went through thewhole neglect as a child,
(08:57):
emotionally physical, all of it,right?
And I'm 38 years old.
I just turned 38 years old.
And I still just want my parentsto say, I love you.
But in reality, I won't.
And, oh, sorry.
No, don't ever apologize.
It's okay.
It's something that I'm reallystruggling with right now and
(09:19):
I'm working with.
Because I found out when I firststarted my sobriety journey I
went straight into working outand running and it distracted me
from working on the mental partof it.
And since February, I amsuffering from injury and it
told me to slow down.
And so now that I'm slowing downand I have to grasp all these
(09:41):
thoughts and these feelings andit's coming out now.
And I'm like, wow, this is deep,and I know my parents have Their
trauma with residential schoolsand 60s scoop and all that all I
want to hear is.
I love you.
You're doing good, Sam, andyeah, but it's never gonna
happen.
It's something that I have toaccept and I'm trying to work on
(10:04):
it, so
Tracey (10:05):
can I ask you something, Sam?
Samantha (10:07):
Yeah, for sure.
The relationship with yourfamily did it.
Change because you chose to putboundaries in place with them
for yourself, or did it justchange because they're not
accepting or they're not okaywith the fact that you're sober.
So the dynamics has changed.
I would say it started off withme setting boundaries,
Tracey (10:29):
right?
Samantha (10:30):
Because I'm going to be straight up here.
I'm going to be honest.
I was an enabler.
I would buy the drugs.
And send them home to my parentsand that was our connection.
Then I was like thinking onetime I'm like, wow, I'm just
destroying my people.
Lindsey (10:49):
Wow.
Oh, my God.
I shouldn't be doing that.
And then when once I was like,okay.
I'm done.
I'm not going to do thisanymore.
And I told my parents that and Itold them that's my boundary.
Now, don't ask me.
I'm not buying although itwasn't for me, I was doing it
for them just because they're myparents.
Stopped.
And then ever since then, that'swhere the disconnect happened.
(11:12):
And when I became sober, I havea few years later, that's when
it disconnected even morebecause I didn't allow that in
my home.
I'm like, okay, if you're goingto be doing drugs or whatever,
you're not allowed in my homebecause I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it around my kids.
What makes it okay for you to doit around my kids?
So although they're heresometimes in the city, I don't
(11:36):
see them.
Do you think you just sodesperately wanted to hear that
I love you that maybe youthought supplying them with what
they wanted?
Would connect you and that wasyour way of seeking love from
them.
Samantha (11:50):
Yes.
Yeah, I believe so it'ssomething that I don't really
talk about because yeah, it'sreally
Lindsey (11:57):
vulnerable
Samantha (11:58):
And I feel so strong now that I could talk about it
and not bawl my eyes out Becauseyou have that would be Thank
you.
Thanks.
Kelly (12:09):
Yeah, accepting that is really hard.
I know with the inner child workfor me, it's like a journey of
learning how to give ourselves.
It's hard.
It is hard.
Lindsey (12:26):
Especially when it's your parents.
Oh my gosh.
Samantha (12:29):
Yeah.
So when I'm feeling lonely orsad and I need some support from
my parents, I don't have that.
And it's tough sometimes andvery lonely.
Tracey (12:40):
Did you feel like you had that before though?
Did you feel like you had thatfrom them when I was enabling.
You probably, didn't have toprocess it before because you
were just numbing out yourselfwith the alcohol and the weed.
But now you're not usinganything.
You have to face those feelingsand it probably seems a lot
(13:00):
harder.
I'm sure
Samantha (13:02):
it is.
It's really hard.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've been trying toprocess ways on how to forgive
them too.
So that's my next step isforgiving them.
And I've been stuck on that stepfor two years now, and I just
don't know how to pass it.
But my kids always give mereassurance, they're the reason.
(13:25):
They always say they're gratefulof me every day and it's amazing
for me, and I like hearing thatand it shows me that although
that I'm sober and breakingcycles and feeling this way, I'd
rather it be me than them.
Because I'm making it a betterlife for them.
(13:46):
And that's all part of breakingthe cycle.
I feel that.
I call it my painful butbeautiful journey.
Kelly (13:53):
Yeah, that's exactly right.
I noticed, Sam, when you talkabout, You say become sober.
So you wanted to become soberand then you say you became
sober.
So I'm curious, did you have avision of what that would look
like or an idea of what thatwould look like?
Or was there anybody around youthat was sober that you could
(14:14):
see what that life was like?
Samantha (14:16):
I would say TikTok was a very big inspiration for me
especially with like Indigenouscommunities.
I would see them, I'm like, wow,that's amazing.
I thought of it for a few timesbecause I knew it was getting
bad, like out of hand.
And I'm like, this is nothealthy.
This is not the way it'ssupposed to be.
(14:37):
And my X would be like, Oh, aslong as we have our life in
control, we got this.
I'm like, I don't know.
So yeah it's something that Ibelieve, no, it is something
that I wanted to do, but I justdidn't know how to get there in
the beginning.
Kelly (14:55):
So what did you do?
Where did you go?
What kind of support did youget?
Samantha (14:58):
I didn't have any, I just got sober and then I
started working out and running.
I'm a stubborn ass.
Sorry to say, I'm like, Oh, Igot this.
I'll do it my own.
I'll do this.
But fast forwarding to now, Iwish that I would have dealt
with the mental part.
(15:19):
Of it first with therapy and AAand all this stuff.
And now I'm 30 months sober andI'm finally getting therapy and
getting I'm starting, I'm goingto start a program.
I got intake on Friday and Ireally did it backwards.
Kelly (15:36):
That's okay.
That's okay.
Lindsey (15:37):
You did it how it was meant to be for you.
Yeah.
There's never no right way.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I think we get stuck on thatsometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (15:47):
But I think we're ready to, you are going to come to a
place where you're gonna be ableto forgive your parents, and, I
honestly believe that we don'tcome across.
The things that we come acrossuntil we're ready to see them or
ready to deal with them or readyto heal them, so it's yeah, no,
you're doing a beautiful job.
Samantha (16:06):
Thank you are
Lindsey (16:07):
Samantha.
You're not from Winnipegoriginally, right?
Can you tell us where home isfor you and how you ended up in
the city?
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm from Tadouli Lake,Manitoba.
That's far north.
If anybody knows where Thompsonis, it's an hour fly in.
So you can drive there.
And I moved to the city in 2017.
(16:30):
I was seven months pregnant,four kids, and just recently
split up with my ex husband.
I came to the city.
in December with my kids andhomeless.
I had to live in a hotel for amonth and I was seven months
pregnant.
And yeah, so
Samantha (16:49):
I went to the holiday towers downtown where it's like
a monthly thing and it wasfurnished and it was very
expensive, but I had no choice.
Within that month and I was.
Eight months pregnant.
I had to go look for a home andit was nonstop every day.
I was looking online.
I was looking everywhere for ahome and I would view a home,
(17:11):
but they won't call me backbecause I'm just going to be
honest.
I'm indigenous.
They're like, oh, she's not.
So that's the truth of that.
Then I was like two weeks beforemy due date and I found a home.
I found this place in Transconaand I was like, that's so far.
I don't know if I want to livethere.
It's so far.
I'm like, you know what?
I don't have a choice.
(17:31):
So I went there and I viewed thehome.
I'm like, okay, fine.
I am gonna have a baby soon.
I have first month's rent damagedeposit.
And they're like, okay.
Then two days later they calledme and got the home.
We moved in, we bought four airmattresses.
Oh, a tv.
Oh my God.
And I bought myself a bedbecause I was pregnant, right?
(17:54):
Yeah.
So I only got a bed the kidswould live with the air
mattress.
So we lived like that for.
A few months and two, two and ahalf weeks later, I give birth
to my daughter.
She's six now.
Now I'm sitting here and I'mlike, I have a nice home and I
have a good job.
And you have a very good job.
(18:15):
Yeah, and I just upgraded myvehicle.
So all my hard work is payingoff and I'm very happy.
I'll just rewind a little bit.
2015 was the hardest year of mylife and I find that April and
May triggers all those emotionsand feelings because of those
(18:36):
months.
So in 2015, April 1st, I wasdiagnosed with stage two thyroid
cancer.
And then two weeks later, I wasdiagnosed with stage three
thyroid cancer.
I don't know, my brother diesand then two weeks later we had
to bury him and I had to do allthe arrangements even though I
(18:56):
just found out I was sick.
So I had to put on the reallystrong hat and arrange my
brother's funeral and it wasreally tough.
But I knew that I had to do itbecause my parents and my
siblings weren't.
They weren't in the mind to doit, right?
So I had to do that.
And then, beginning of May, weburied him, had his funeral,
(19:17):
very beautiful.
And then end of May, I had mysurgery.
I had to get my thyroid takenout.
When that happens, the thyroidis very important to you.
It's like an engine, apparently.
My body went through this fullshock that I had to get used to
the thyroid meds that I had tobe on.
And it takes four to six weeksfor it to work.
(19:38):
I was in a deep, dark place andevery chance I got I was
drinking, right?
That's how I was dealing withit.
Everything was, Being okay, likeit was starting to come
together.
I was starting to heal.
I was starting to go back towork.
And then in the same year inAugust, my dad was diagnosed
with stage four cancer in hisjaw.
(20:00):
And then he had to have majorsurgery to them.
He's still alive today.
Strong burger that one.
And he had two major surgerieson his jaw.
He doesn't look like the sameperson.
Totally looks different.
And then to top all that off, inNovember of 2015, me and my ex
(20:20):
husband decided to split after16 years.
Lindsey (20:24):
Oh my goodness.
Samantha (20:25):
So 2015, really, I think that was the breaking
point of me just digging moredeeper into my addiction.
Lindsey (20:34):
Okay.
Samantha (20:35):
And it just progressed after that.
When I moved to the citythankfully I was pregnant so I
couldn't drink or do weed.
Exactly.
I was eating a lot though butthen as soon as I give birth, I
went straight back to it.
Yeah.
Kelly (20:50):
Yeah.
How old are your kids?
Samantha (20:51):
My kids, I have six.
So 22, 18, 15, 10, six, andfive.
Lindsey (21:00):
Oh, wild.
Tracey (21:03):
Wild.
You don't look old enough tohave two.
Lindsey (21:07):
I was going to say, six kids, Samantha, geez.
Oh my God.
And you don't even look like thesame person.
You just showed a picture beforewe hit record.
Yeah.
Of what you used to look like.
And how many years ago was that?
You remember?
Samantha (21:21):
That was 2019.
Lindsey (21:23):
And you have changed quite a bit.
I did.
So you've lost how much weight?
100 over 100 pounds.
Tracey (21:32):
Wow.
Lindsey (21:33):
Incredible.
Yeah.
So talk a little bit about yourfeature in the Canadian running
magazine.
Samantha (21:41):
This is my favorite.
I love
Lindsey (21:43):
I want to know.
Oh my God.
Samantha (21:46):
I love telling this story because it's really saved
me with my sobriety, right?
It's part of my sobrietyjourney.
So in 2021 of April, it's soweird that April was the month
that I decided to run.
And April is the month mybrother died, right?
So it's it was weird, but I'lltell the story in April, it was
(22:08):
COVID.
I started working out at home,but I felt like I wasn't really
doing much.
I felt like I wasn't getting theburn, the heart racing.
And so I was like walking oneday and I'm like, Hey, maybe I
should run.
I was over 200 pounds and I'mlike, Oh my gosh, what am I
doing?
But then anyways, I ran and Icouldn't run one minute.
(22:29):
I was like, this is crazy.
Who does this?
But then the stubbornness in meand the determination and all
this in me, I was like, okay,I'm going to run further and
further every day.
So that's what I did.
And in I think it was April 15thwas The day that I ran 2.
1 kilometers straight withoutstopping, and I was over 200
(22:51):
pounds.
And I'm going to tell thisstory.
It was very deep for me, veryspiritual.
As I was running and I was likehuffing and puffing and just
struggling and whatnot, I waslike, okay, I'm done.
I stopped at 2.
1 kilometers and I was listeningto music.
And then right when I was done,Tom Petty comes on my earbuds
(23:12):
and Tom Petty is my latebrother's favorite band.
And that song really, it lit meup.
It made me happy because I knewthat he was there.
And that he was telling me thatyou got this and good job and
whatnot.
That's when I just startedliking to run.
And then I was doing it for morefor me.
(23:32):
Every now and then I would runand I only do only, I'm saying
only now, only five to sixkilometers I was doing.
Then one year, this fellow comesup to me and he says there's a
polar bear marathon that happensin Churchill.
And I think you'd be great forthat because you're running.
I'm like, I've only ran fivekilometers.
(23:53):
I'm not set for a polar bear.
Half marathon.
He was like, Oh, just talk tothe guy.
Maybe you can just do 5 or 10kilometers.
I was like, okay, and then theguy that runs this marathon, he
sponsored me 100%.
So I didn't have to worry aboutgetting their food, a hotel,
everything was covered.
(24:15):
Yeah, God, and I was like, okay,so it was all covered.
I didn't have to worry aboutanything.
And then I went up to Churchillin 2022.
This was my first 10 K ever inmy life.
So I ran my first 10 K in 2022in Churchill.
And when you get your medal.
There's only 10 people that runthis marathon, right?
(24:36):
So everybody gets to tell theirstory.
And then there's this old fellathere.
He's a running coach.
His name is Jim.
Everybody told their story andthen afterwards we sat down and
we were talking and he calls mekiddo, right?
He's so kiddo what's your nextmove?
He says.
I'm like, I don't know.
I did 10k.
I think I'm good.
He's I'm good.
(24:56):
You're a natural, he says.
And I'm like, really?
And he's yeah.
And then we started talking andhe started wanting to know more
of my story.
Then I told him about my kids,about my job, and my history.
Then, we've been keeping contactthen.
And then he was like, before weseparated, right?
Because everybody goes home,right?
So he's so kiddo, your nextmission?
(25:17):
Is 10 miles and that's 16kilometers.
I'm like, Oh boy.
Then, like I said, because I'mso stubborn and so determined
that I'm going to, okay, so Igot home and I put 10 miles on
my vision board in 2022.
And then right after that, Idon't know who asked me
something, but they're like,Hey, we're training for the
(25:38):
Manitoba marathon.
I'm like, Ooh, okay.
I knew that I wanted to try, butI wasn't really committed to it.
And then I asked my coach, hewas like, Oh, you got this.
You got it.
And then I was like, okay.
When you sign up and register,it's like committing to it.
I couldn't do it for a month.
I couldn't do it for a month.
So I signed up.
(25:59):
I'm like, okay, this is it.
I'm going to do it.
And I remember my previouscoach, she was like, just do it.
Get out of your comfort zone.
It's all about getting out ofyour comfort zone you learn and
you grow more when you come outof your comfort zone.
So I'm like, okay click.
I'm in.
And then I started training formy first half marathon, which is
just last June.
And I.
(26:19):
Did it in two hours and twominutes.
And holy smokes Yeah, that's areally good time.
It is.
It was pretty amazing.
And after that, I decided to dothe polar bear marathon again.
So right after that marathon, Istarted going to train for the
polar bear marathon, which wasin November.
(26:41):
I think I had a month break orwhatever, but then I seen this
other marathon come up, which isa reconciliation run and Oh, I'm
going to go back to the ManitobaMarathon.
I'm an advocate for MMIW.
So for the Manitoba Marathon, Ididn't realize that it was
sponsored by liquors andlotteries and stuff like that.
(27:03):
Yeah, exactly.
It triggered me a little bit.
And I was like, should I run it?
Should I not?
But then I'm like no I'm justgonna do it.
So what did I do?
I went to the marathon.
I had my MMIW shirt, I had myhand printed on my face.
I saw it.
I just ran.
I just ran that marathon likethat.
I'm like, you know what?
(27:24):
I'm gonna do this.
Kelly (27:25):
Can you tell the listener, Sam, what that is,
what that organization is, andwhat the hand print means.
Samantha (27:31):
The MMIW, it's a red print on your face and it's for
missing and murdered Indigenouswomen.
And I'm going to get a littledeeper here.
It's very close to me because Iam an MMIW survivor.
That's why I advocate for it allthe time is because That could
have been me.
And it's something that I wantthe world to be aware of.
(27:54):
And if my message got to oneperson, then that's perfect.
Yeah that's what MMIW means andit's something I'm always going
to advocate for.
And I'm not going to stop there.
So then my next marathon was thereconciliation run.
And I knew I had to do itbecause my parents, although
there's so much disconnect,there's still that love.
There's still that there'sconnections there a little bit
(28:17):
that I thought, you know what,I'll do this run for healing for
myself.
And that's a start, right?
So I went to Birtle not knowingwhat kind of course it was and
it was gravel and hills, kickedmy ass.
I'm sorry to say, but it wasvery, Tough one, the toughest
(28:39):
run that I've ever done.
Actually, no, it hasn't been.
But anyways, I got that done in,I think, two hours and five
minutes.
And it was very emotionalbecause we were around one of
those residential schools wererunning by.
It felt very it felt veryhealing, very powerful.
And as I was running, I wasthinking of my family, my
(29:01):
community.
And I was just like, yeah, thisis what I was meant to do.
So I did that one.
At that moment, I knew that myruns had to be an honor of some
sort.
That's what I'm going tocontinue to do and then it leads
on to the November.
Polar bear marathon and all thistime, coach Jim has been
coaching me.
(29:22):
And if it wasn't, for coach Jim,I don't think I would be the
this runner that I am today.
He was the one that actuallyreally pushed my story onto the
Canadian running magazine.
It was a back and forth for awhile.
I would say probably from mysecond marathon until the
Churchill marathon.
(29:42):
So then the Churchill marathonhappened.
And I think this is what justmade the deal happen was I was
training for half a marathon inChurchill where it's minus 30.
It was minus 30 and it wasreally cold.
And I got there, I'm like readyto go and whatnot.
And I'm like, okay, let's dothis.
I ran the half.
I was like, you know what, Ifeel good.
(30:03):
I'm going to keep going.
So I kept going.
Lindsey (30:05):
Whoa.
Samantha (30:06):
And I kept going and I was like, just going, I think
the first half I think was twohours and 20 minutes.
And I was like, okay, I'm justgoing to do this.
So I decided you have to have adriver with you because you're
in Churchill, right?
There's polar bears.
So you had to have a driver withyou.
So I asked them, I was like, areyou okay with, Driving while I
(30:28):
go back and he's yeah, let's dothis.
He's also from my reserve.
So it was pretty good.
And then as I was running, I waslike, okay, my goal is 30
kilometers and I'm done 30kilometers and I'm good.
That will be my goal.
And as I was getting up to it,30 kilometers just around the
corner and then the guy.
In the car, he's Sam, you'regoing to be the first woman from
(30:49):
Sisyphus nation to do the fullmarathon.
I'm like, Oh boy, this is whatdid it.
I'm like, I got to go past 30kilometers and finish the
marathon.
And I did it was a struggle, butthe Churchill marathon.
It was really a deep one becauseI am Saisi Dene First Nation and
(31:10):
the Saisi Dene First Nation wasrelocated to Churchill in 1962
and I ran for my people.
It was very amazing.
I cried when I was done becauseit was like, I felt the
emotions.
250 people were relocated fromDuck Lake to Churchill and half
of us died.
(31:30):
Why?
Because of alcohol.
Oh.
It was a very powerfulmeaningful run for me and it was
very emotional and I'm veryhappy that I was able to do it.
And then after that I was like,okay, I'm done.
I'm probably never going to do afull marathon.
I'm glad it's for this cause andfor my people.
(31:52):
A lot of people don't know ofthe ice in First Nation
relocation.
And it was very amazing.
So I did the full in five hours.
It was, oh my gosh.
I lost my eyelashes.
I lost, oh my gosh, probablyhalf of it.
Lindsey (32:10):
it looked like a bald bug-eyed furby out there
running.
Samantha (32:14):
Yeah, it was pretty intense and I couldn't walk
after it.
Yeah, and then after that That'sI think that's what really
brought the attention from theCanadian running magazine was
how much of marathons I did in aspan of six months and to do a
(32:35):
full in that short amount oftime of just running.
So I think that's what really,sealed the deal for the Canadian
running magazine, and it was inJanuary where we started
connecting and talking andhaving interviews and going over
questions and it was publishedin March of.
(32:58):
March 23rd, I think it waspublished and it was pretty
amazing.
It was sponsored by UnderArmour.
Now they're donating 5, 000worth of product and I got a
plan on what I'm going to dowith it.
So I plan.
Yeah, I plan to get runners withthat amount and take that home
(33:18):
and do a maybe a run walk athome and distribute those
runners to my people to giveback.
Yeah.
Kelly (33:27):
Beautiful.
What do your kids say about thismagazine feature?
Oh,
Samantha (33:31):
They're amazed, considering from where I was to
where I'm now and they're veryproud.
For them to say that to me allthe time it's very amazing.
Running has been really helpfulwith my Sobriety.
It's my connection with mybrother, with my family.
Like mother nature, it's a timefor me to be alone, to think, to
(33:53):
feel, to cry, to do all thesethings.
And it's been hard sinceFebruary that I've been going
through an injury, which causedme not to be able to jump or
run.
And this is what's making ithard for me to deal with certain
things within my sobriety now.
Yeah it's a tough one.
I'm going to be honest, it'smaking me depressed that I can't
(34:15):
just do what I was doing before.
I got to be very mindful now.
just did a marathon in
Lindsey (34:21):
You're in Vancouver.
Samantha (34:23):
Yeah.
In Vancouver, just a few weeksago and I had to learn to listen
to my body.
Now.
I ran, I think it was 14kilometers and I was like, I
could feel my injury juststarting to scream at me.
So I had to run, walk, run,walk.
And I did it in two hours and ahalf.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Lindsey (34:44):
I love it.
I just love the story.
I wanted to point out anotherthing.
Another thing that you posted onyour social media that really
grabbed me.
Is this quote you posted thisquote, and it said sobriety is
when your family can look at youand trust what they see.
(35:04):
Talk to me about that.
My kids.
My kids are.
They see me like before I was amean person.
I was very mean.
I was very grumpy.
I was very edgy.
I would yell all the time andnow.
Being in my sobriety journey,I've learned that caused them to
(35:26):
block certain things of comingto me for, and I really had to
accept that and takeaccountability on myself that I
fucked that up and, I had tolearn it and then I had to
communicate that with my kids.
And that's what we're working onright now.
We're working on that as wespeak.
(35:46):
Me and my daughter, she justturned 18 and she would never
talk to me.
She would never come to me.
She would look at me and belike, I can't do it.
But now she's coming to me.
She's talking to me.
She's being open with me.
And I'm very happy that'shappening and it took a while
for us to get there.
(36:06):
And we were even talking aboutthat a few days ago, or she was
like, mom, she was like, a fewyears ago, we wouldn't be
sitting here laughing andtalking and being open and
honest about everything.
She was like, you reallychanged.
It's a very Amazing thing thatI've realized and took
accountability for.
I'm still learning how to fixcertain things because I did
(36:30):
damage a few things with my kidsbecause of my addiction and
learning it and accepting it isprogress, right?
Tracey (36:39):
I wanted to say though, Sam, that you're giving your
children an incredible gift.
Kelly (36:44):
I was just going to say the same thing.
Yeah,
Tracey (36:47):
just by breaking the cycle.
Yeah.
Incredible.
I do know how that feels and canrelate to that because I felt
the same with my daughter.
I had a lot of alcoholism in myfamily as well.
Sorry, I'm getting emotional nowthinking about that because
yeah, it's it is, it's abeautiful gift that you've given
(37:08):
your kids and
Lindsey (37:09):
you should be so proud
Tracey (37:11):
and you have the opportunity to rebuild with
them.
That's beautiful as well.
Yes.
And better late than never.
Like it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Lindsey (37:22):
So good.
You guys.
You're such an incredibleperson.
You just glow.
Every time I see you at the gym,I'm like, Oh my God, the energy
that just comes off of you.
You're such a genuine.
Person, and I just want to thankyou for being vulnerable with us
today and opening up to us andsharing your story, because
(37:44):
you've accomplished so much inyour life.
And.
I think more than most peopleand you;re 38 years old,
exactly.
And the circumstances thatyou've, yeah, things you've been
through, the things
Kelly (38:00):
you've seen, your determination is just incredibly
inspiring.
Lindsey (38:06):
Yeah.
Samantha (38:07):
So you want to know what's on my vision board?
Kelly (38:09):
Yes, I was trying to look at it when you went to get that
picture earlier.
What have you got?
Samantha (38:13):
There's write a book on there.
Kelly (38:15):
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
I would read.
I'd read that.
I would read
Samantha (38:19):
it.
This is something.
I'd buy it.
This is something Coach Jimsaid, he was like when am I
going to read your book?
So that's where that came from.
Kelly (38:29):
He knows how to put that bug in you.
Yeah, he does.
Plant the seed.
We had a guest on Not That LongAgo named Tracy Viola, and she
wrote a book, and you have toread it.
I read it in two days.
It's so good.
You'll love it.
But it'll inspire you to write.
Samantha (38:44):
What's it called?
Kelly (38:46):
Pretty Wrecked.
Samantha (38:47):
Pretty wrecked.
Kelly (38:48):
Yeah.
Lindsey (38:49):
Okay.
Get it on Amazon and it'sincredible.
I binged it.
I couldn't put it down.
It was insane.
Insane per book.
Kelly (38:57):
But it's inspiring to read, for writing too.
Like I love to write as well.
Awesome.
Samantha (39:02):
Yeah.
I've been doing this 75 hard.
This is the second time I'mdoing it.
And It really taught me to enjoyreading because I was never a
reader.
I'm a math person.
I love math and I just like, Oh,reading is not my thing, but now
I love to read.
And I'm like, give me all thebooks.
Kelly (39:21):
And we are the luckiest.
That's a really good book.
We are the luckiest.
It's a great one.
Samantha (39:27):
Okay.
Kelly (39:28):
Yeah.
You love that one too.
Tracey (39:31):
I did 75 hard last year, Sam.
And I finished, how many booksdid I finish during it?
I think I finished three booksduring it.
Samantha (39:40):
Nice.
So
Tracey (39:41):
I was pretty excited about that because I had those
books looming around.
And that really pushed me andmotivated me to finish them.
Kelly (39:50):
I know, I keep buying books, I gotta finish them.
I know, Randy just bought me abook and he's have you started
it yet?
And I'm like, I'm still workingon the other one, I've got too
many going on right now.
So how many books do you havegoing on?
Oh, like three.
Yeah.
Tracey (40:11):
I haven't finished Pretty Wrecked yet.
These girls are way ahead of me.
That's awesome.
Kelly (40:18):
It's so good to get into a book like that.
It is.
Tracey (40:22):
I did want to say to Sam that your story is so important
for your people to hear.
Yes.
Incredible.
Yes.
I went to school for socialwork.
And we actually spent a goodportion of my program doing a
whole section of it on workingwith indigenous people because
(40:44):
there was such a dire need.
And this is going back 25 yearsago for social workers in that
area of the field to help inyour communities.
It is such a great, resilient,powerful, inspirational story
that you have and that you'resharing it out in the world.
And I really feel like you aregoing to empower so many of your
(41:06):
people by sharing this.
So thank you so much for that.
Sam.
I can't wait to read your book.
Samantha (41:13):
It's so funny I didn't mean begin.
I don't think because I actuallyjust got accepted to college and
I want to take addictions andmental health and use that and
do more of this and be thatadvocate for my people.
To be able to.
(41:34):
Inspire and tell my story andshow people that it's possible
to recover and to break cycles,especially when you've been
through so much trauma and somuch shit.
So hopefully that works out,then I'll be going back to
school and I have my firstspeaking engagement in September
(41:54):
for.
The same reason that I'm onhere.
So I love it.
Kelly (41:59):
Yeah, you're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it by the wayyou're living your life right
now and showing what ispossible.
You are doing it.
Without the course, without thebook, you are doing it, you're
living it and you're showing it.
Samantha (42:14):
I appreciate that.
I feel like I needed thisbecause I don't have much
people, like I said, around inmy life that are sober and I
really appreciate you ladies forhaving me on here.
I'm gonna cry.
You're amazing.
Lindsey (42:31):
You're the perfect fit.
You're amazing.
I don't ever want you to for onesecond guess that your value and
worth because you're, like,girl.
You're just on fire and thechanges, not only in habits and
lifestyle, but even just ways ofthinking, ways of living and the
changes you've made for yourkids and their kids, it's all
(42:52):
started and rooted in you.
So thanks for coming on andbeing vulnerable and sharing
with us.
I can't wait till this episodecomes out.
You're amazing.
Samantha (43:01):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Lindsey (43:03):
There was one other talking point.
Maybe if you just want to take aminute or two, there was
something else that you hadposted before I wrap it up.
You posted on your social.
Oh, and speaking of socials, Iwant to ask you for our
listeners where they can findyou on social media so they can
follow you.
But one thing you postedsomething about flight mode and
you said that it was a form oftrauma response.
(43:25):
So what did you mean by flightmode?
Samantha (43:28):
Always being busy.
Always doing something on the gogo.
And I never, like I said before,I've never really sat down and
did minimal of things until myinjury in February.
So I was like, wow, this issomething it really brought to
me.
I'm like, wow, I'm always goingand I'm not allowing myself to
(43:50):
slow down and to heal and feelmy traumas and to be able to
deal with them.
So it was very touching for mebecause it's been all my life
I've been like that.
Since I was 16, yeah, since Iwas, I would say 16.
That's when I first startedworking and I was like really
deep into alcoholism that timetoo.
(44:12):
And I almost had my kid takenaway from me that time since
then I've been on the go.
Trying to just be okay withquotations.
So I was always in flight modeand it is because of trauma.
I've been through so much, myparents, alcoholism, which would
be physical, emotional, verbalabuse emotional neglect.
(44:37):
Which led into me being thatalcoholic person, which led to
me getting abused sexually,mentally, physically,
spiritually, verbally.
So it led to all these traumasfor myself and Even getting
cancer is part of that, too, andI'm still dealing with the
(44:58):
effects with living with thyroiddisease is really, it's hardcore
sometimes, I'm really excitedfor the next steps of my journey
because I want to really learnmore on this flight mode, to be
able to unwrap it and deal withthe things that made me stay in
flight mode all my life.
I'm ready for that.
(45:19):
Yes, you are.
I've been feeling it.
I've been feeling it like thepast few days.
I've been a bit sad anddepressed and that's okay.
Cause we have to feel it, right?
It's part of healing andgrowing.
The only important thing is wedon't stay there and we don't go
to that bottle because the pastfew months, it's been hard.
(45:41):
I've been triggered a few times.
And I'm glad that I.
Can sit with my kids and justwhen I'm in that triggered mode,
I go and sit with my kids and Iget the reminder of why I'm on
my journey.
So I got to scratch the flightmode out and work on it to see
(46:02):
you.
Lindsey (46:02):
Thank you for sharing all of that.
You're just so full of wisdom.
Where can our listeners findyou, Samantha, if they want to
follow you on Instagram or onFacebook?
Samantha (46:11):
You can find me on tikTok too.
My, yes, I'm very big on TikTok.
I actually started these TikToklives.
I call it my sobriety livesbecause I started them when I
was seven days sober.
Now I'm 30 months, so I'vegained a lot of followers from
doing that.
Yeah, my handheld is.
(46:32):
S, Powderhorn is my handheld.
And then Instagram is sayisTaurus.
And then
Lindsey (46:38):
we'll link it all in our show notes.
And then Facebook is just,Samantha Powderrhorn.
You can see me.
It's my Under Armour picture.
It is your Under Armour magazineshoot.
Samantha (46:48):
Yes, it is.
Oh, yeah.
And the TikTok one is a side byside of my transformation from
big to small.
Wow.
Lindsey (46:58):
Big to strong.
Samantha (47:00):
Big to strong.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are not small whatsoever.
You're a big energy girl.
Like you are a force.
Thank you.
Samantha.
I just from the bottom of myheart, I want to thank you so
much for joining us on thepodcast today.
I really truly believe yourstory is going to change
somebody's life and inspireyou're amazing.
(47:23):
I love seeing you at the gym.
You work out like a beast.
You're just this crazy runner.
I'm just so grateful.
And I know these ladies are thatyou came on today and you talked
about some really hard stuff.
I think talking about thesethings it needs to be done
because secrets have the mostpower and hold over us in the
dark and you're changing thingsfor your kids and for other
(47:46):
people that you don't even knowand you've never even met.
All right that is a wrap ontoday's episode and don't forget
to follow Samantha Powderhorn.
And also, don't forget to followLAF Life Podcast you can find us
on Instagram at LAF LifePodcast.
We have a website,laughlifepodcast.
(48:06):
com.
Head on over to our Facebookpage where we talk about all
things alcohol free, sobriety,all the things, all the
struggles.
We handle it over there too, sodon't forget to check us out on
Facebook.
We will see you back here nextTuesday with a brand new
episode.
So until then, you guys knowwhat to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (48:28):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Lindsey (00:41):
Hey everybody, welcome back to the LAF Life podcast.
It is Tuesday, not when we'rerecording, but when this brand
new episode comes out.
Today, we have an incredibleguest.
I have been looking forward tothis episode since Our guest and
I connected and decided sheshould come on the podcast.
(01:02):
We are talking with SamanthaPowderhorn.
Hey, Samantha, thanks for comingon and joining us.
Tracey (01:09):
Thank you for having me.
for having me.
Lindsey (01:11):
Oh, you're welcome.
Okay.
So listeners get this.
Samantha is a full time workingmom of six kids.
She is an avid marathon runner.
She was just featured in anarticle published in the
Canadian Running Magazine, andit was sponsored by Under
Armour.
She is a thyroid cancersurvivor, a trauma and abuse
(01:33):
survivor, an advocate forIndigenous women, and on top of
all that, she is sober.
I don't even know where tobegin.
When I met you at the gym, I wasjust like, okay, there's
something about her.
You just glow.
And when we talked and I foundout you're not drinking alcohol
and you've been sober like meand I found you on social media
(01:56):
and we started following eachother.
I was like, Oh my God.
This girl is an inspiration.
So I'm really excited to haveour listeners get to know you a
bit better.
And for us to ask you somequestions and just hear your
story.
Samantha (02:09):
Sounds good.
Lindsey (02:10):
Awesome.
Let's do this.
Let's do it.
Okay.
So Samantha, I wanted to go backa little bit to the beginning,
like we always do with ourguests.
Okay.
First of all I wanted to knowhow you started.
a relationship with alcohol andhow it progressed, and then what
it did to blow up your life.
Do you want to talk to us alittle bit about that?
Samantha (02:31):
Yes.
Alcohol has been part of my lifesince I was a baby.
My parents are alcoholics and itled on all my life and my
parents were very abusive.
I witnessed physical, emotional,verbal abuse throughout my whole
childhood.
It led me to probably when I was11 is when I first started
(02:52):
experiencing with alcohol and.
Growing up in that situation itmakes you rebel.
So you feel like you need tobelong and be a part of it.
So I started and I continuedwhen I first experienced getting
Wasted was very embarrassing.
I made a huge fool of myself.
(03:12):
I was probably like 12.
Yeah, I was pretty young but itdidn't stop me.
Every time, my parents wouldtell me no, you can't do that.
It made me want to do it more.
And my older brothers arealcoholics too.
It was always a part of my lifefrom when I was a child until I
quit in 2021 and I have babies.
(03:34):
So if I wasn't pregnant, it wasweed.
So if it wasn't either of them,it was food.
So there was always somethingthere that I was Comforting in
but when I split up with my exhusband in 2015 is when it
really progressed reallydramatically, I would drink all
(03:54):
the time it was getting prettybad especially through COVID
too, and I would have a flask.
Nobody knows this.
I would have a flask everywhereI go.
If I was stressed, depressed,mad, angry, any sort of emotion
or feeling, I would have a shot.
And I would always make sure itwas full, even if I was sitting
in practice.
(04:14):
At work anywhere and
Lindsey (04:16):
just to get that relief.
Yeah.
Just that one Ooh that's good.
Like just to feel it.
So it was part of my life, sinceI was a baby and my parents
switched addiction from alcoholto prescription drugs.
So it's still part of my life.
Addiction is still there with myfamily.
(04:36):
It's very hard lonely, I guessyou could say.
Yeah.
For me, my breaking point was onHalloween in 2021 was Halloween
and I was, Really wasted.
And I took my kids trick ortreating like that, and I don't
remember, I don't remember.
You don't remember trick ortreating at all?
Samantha (04:57):
No.
Oh my goodness.
I blacked out, in and out andI'm so grateful that nothing
happened to my kids, thank God.
And that next morning, November1st, I woke up and when I woke
up, I seen my kids and itbrought me back to when I was a
kid.
When I was a kid and I woke upand I seen my parents passed
(05:18):
out, the house is a mess,there's no food and there's a
bunch of people all over theplace and it brought me back to
that place and I'm like I'mrepeating the cycle and that's
when I was like, okay, I knewthat I had to change it.
I knew I had to break the cycle.
I did try to get sober two timesbefore that, but it didn't work.
(05:41):
It didn't work.
Lindsey (05:42):
Did you try on your own or did you do any meetings or
anything like that?
Samantha (05:46):
I tried on my own.
And when I first got tried was,I think it was in 2018 or 2019.
I tried, I think I was up to 300days sober.
And I fell off and I believeit's because of my relationship
that I was in, it was like acodependency relationship and,
(06:07):
alcohol was what kept ustogether.
So I felt like it was a controlover me and I fell off.
It was a long distancerelationship.
So we weren't living together.
So whenever he was not here, Iwould go sober.
And then he would come back andthen I would fall off.
So I knew, yeah, for the thirdtime I knew, I was like, okay,
(06:32):
if I'm going to become sober, Iknow that this relationship's
not going to work.
Lindsey (06:36):
You can't stay in your life, right?
Samantha (06:38):
Yeah.
Wow.
And it was funny, I made aTikTok.
I think it was a month before Imade the decision because I knew
it was happening.
I'm like, I have to let go ofsomething if I want to do this
in my life.
So I got sober and like I said,he wasn't living here.
So it was easy.
But then when he got back it washard because I was like, whoa.
(07:00):
And then I told him straight upthat I had to prioritize my
Sobriety.
And he was like, Oh, he wasmaking like comments like, Oh, I
thought it was just for a littlebit.
You know what I mean?
I'm like, no, this is going tobe for my whole life and I'm
going to need a partner that'sgoing to support that and
(07:22):
encourage and hopefully join meon it.
Lindsey (07:24):
Exactly.
In a way, I guess you wereinviting him to join you.
Did he join you?
No.
What?
No, he was not.
Did he join you in?
In quitting drinking or no,yeah,
Samantha (07:36):
not even a thought a try or whatever.
But
Lindsey (07:40):
Before we got on here, I was looking at your social
media and you had postedsomething.
And I think I responded to itwith a reaction.
But it really hit me.
I'll have to get Samantha totell all of our listeners where
to find her, because she justposts some really hard hitting
truth.
But this one, you posted, whenbreaking generational curses,
(08:01):
don't expect support from thosewho passed it on.
And that freaking hit.
Talk to us a little bit aboutwhat that means to you.
Samantha (08:10):
Oh, this is gonna get deep because like I said I'll
probably get emotional becauseit's okay.
It's very deep for me.
It's something that I'm actuallycurrently working on myself.
And it's, Of course, theintergenerational trauma brought
on from my parents and it's, Iknew for a fact that once I
(08:32):
became sober, that relationshipwould disconnect and the one
with your parents, both of themso I'm on this journey alone.
All my siblings are addicts myparents, that was basically the
reason why I said that.
And it's hard.
So hard.
Because.
Because I've went through thewhole neglect as a child,
(08:57):
emotionally physical, all of it,right?
And I'm 38 years old.
I just turned 38 years old.
And I still just want my parentsto say, I love you.
But in reality, I won't.
And, oh, sorry.
No, don't ever apologize.
It's okay.
It's something that I'm reallystruggling with right now and
(09:19):
I'm working with.
Because I found out when I firststarted my sobriety journey I
went straight into working outand running and it distracted me
from working on the mental partof it.
And since February, I amsuffering from injury and it
told me to slow down.
And so now that I'm slowing downand I have to grasp all these
(09:41):
thoughts and these feelings andit's coming out now.
And I'm like, wow, this is deep,and I know my parents have Their
trauma with residential schoolsand 60s scoop and all that all I
want to hear is.
I love you.
You're doing good, Sam, andyeah, but it's never gonna
happen.
It's something that I have toaccept and I'm trying to work on
(10:04):
it, so
Tracey (10:05):
can I ask you something, Sam?
Samantha (10:07):
Yeah, for sure.
The relationship with yourfamily did it.
Change because you chose to putboundaries in place with them
for yourself, or did it justchange because they're not
accepting or they're not okaywith the fact that you're sober.
So the dynamics has changed.
I would say it started off withme setting boundaries,
Tracey (10:29):
right?
Samantha (10:30):
Because I'm going to be straight up here.
I'm going to be honest.
I was an enabler.
I would buy the drugs.
And send them home to my parentsand that was our connection.
Then I was like thinking onetime I'm like, wow, I'm just
destroying my people.
Lindsey (10:49):
Wow.
Oh, my God.
I shouldn't be doing that.
And then when once I was like,okay.
I'm done.
I'm not going to do thisanymore.
And I told my parents that and Itold them that's my boundary.
Now, don't ask me.
I'm not buying although itwasn't for me, I was doing it
for them just because they're myparents.
Stopped.
And then ever since then, that'swhere the disconnect happened.
(11:12):
And when I became sober, I havea few years later, that's when
it disconnected even morebecause I didn't allow that in
my home.
I'm like, okay, if you're goingto be doing drugs or whatever,
you're not allowed in my homebecause I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it around my kids.
What makes it okay for you to doit around my kids?
So although they're heresometimes in the city, I don't
(11:36):
see them.
Do you think you just sodesperately wanted to hear that
I love you that maybe youthought supplying them with what
they wanted?
Would connect you and that wasyour way of seeking love from
them.
Samantha (11:50):
Yes.
Yeah, I believe so it'ssomething that I don't really
talk about because yeah, it'sreally
Lindsey (11:57):
vulnerable
Samantha (11:58):
And I feel so strong now that I could talk about it
and not bawl my eyes out Becauseyou have that would be Thank
you.
Thanks.
Kelly (12:09):
Yeah, accepting that is really hard.
I know with the inner child workfor me, it's like a journey of
learning how to give ourselves.
It's hard.
It is hard.
Lindsey (12:26):
Especially when it's your parents.
Oh my gosh.
Samantha (12:29):
Yeah.
So when I'm feeling lonely orsad and I need some support from
my parents, I don't have that.
And it's tough sometimes andvery lonely.
Tracey (12:40):
Did you feel like you had that before though?
Did you feel like you had thatfrom them when I was enabling.
You probably, didn't have toprocess it before because you
were just numbing out yourselfwith the alcohol and the weed.
But now you're not usinganything.
You have to face those feelingsand it probably seems a lot
(13:00):
harder.
I'm sure
Samantha (13:02):
it is.
It's really hard.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've been trying toprocess ways on how to forgive
them too.
So that's my next step isforgiving them.
And I've been stuck on that stepfor two years now, and I just
don't know how to pass it.
But my kids always give mereassurance, they're the reason.
(13:25):
They always say they're gratefulof me every day and it's amazing
for me, and I like hearing thatand it shows me that although
that I'm sober and breakingcycles and feeling this way, I'd
rather it be me than them.
Because I'm making it a betterlife for them.
(13:46):
And that's all part of breakingthe cycle.
I feel that.
I call it my painful butbeautiful journey.
Kelly (13:53):
Yeah, that's exactly right.
I noticed, Sam, when you talkabout, You say become sober.
So you wanted to become soberand then you say you became
sober.
So I'm curious, did you have avision of what that would look
like or an idea of what thatwould look like?
Or was there anybody around youthat was sober that you could
(14:14):
see what that life was like?
Samantha (14:16):
I would say TikTok was a very big inspiration for me
especially with like Indigenouscommunities.
I would see them, I'm like, wow,that's amazing.
I thought of it for a few timesbecause I knew it was getting
bad, like out of hand.
And I'm like, this is nothealthy.
This is not the way it'ssupposed to be.
(14:37):
And my X would be like, Oh, aslong as we have our life in
control, we got this.
I'm like, I don't know.
So yeah it's something that Ibelieve, no, it is something
that I wanted to do, but I justdidn't know how to get there in
the beginning.
Kelly (14:55):
So what did you do?
Where did you go?
What kind of support did youget?
Samantha (14:58):
I didn't have any, I just got sober and then I
started working out and running.
I'm a stubborn ass.
Sorry to say, I'm like, Oh, Igot this.
I'll do it my own.
I'll do this.
But fast forwarding to now, Iwish that I would have dealt
with the mental part.
(15:19):
Of it first with therapy and AAand all this stuff.
And now I'm 30 months sober andI'm finally getting therapy and
getting I'm starting, I'm goingto start a program.
I got intake on Friday and Ireally did it backwards.
Kelly (15:36):
That's okay.
That's okay.
Lindsey (15:37):
You did it how it was meant to be for you.
Yeah.
There's never no right way.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I think we get stuck on thatsometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kelly (15:47):
But I think we're ready to, you are going to come to a
place where you're gonna be ableto forgive your parents, and, I
honestly believe that we don'tcome across.
The things that we come acrossuntil we're ready to see them or
ready to deal with them or readyto heal them, so it's yeah, no,
you're doing a beautiful job.
Samantha (16:06):
Thank you are
Lindsey (16:07):
Samantha.
You're not from Winnipegoriginally, right?
Can you tell us where home isfor you and how you ended up in
the city?
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm from Tadouli Lake,Manitoba.
That's far north.
If anybody knows where Thompsonis, it's an hour fly in.
So you can drive there.
And I moved to the city in 2017.
(16:30):
I was seven months pregnant,four kids, and just recently
split up with my ex husband.
I came to the city.
in December with my kids andhomeless.
I had to live in a hotel for amonth and I was seven months
pregnant.
And yeah, so
Samantha (16:49):
I went to the holiday towers downtown where it's like
a monthly thing and it wasfurnished and it was very
expensive, but I had no choice.
Within that month and I was.
Eight months pregnant.
I had to go look for a home andit was nonstop every day.
I was looking online.
I was looking everywhere for ahome and I would view a home,
(17:11):
but they won't call me backbecause I'm just going to be
honest.
I'm indigenous.
They're like, oh, she's not.
So that's the truth of that.
Then I was like two weeks beforemy due date and I found a home.
I found this place in Transconaand I was like, that's so far.
I don't know if I want to livethere.
It's so far.
I'm like, you know what?
I don't have a choice.
(17:31):
So I went there and I viewed thehome.
I'm like, okay, fine.
I am gonna have a baby soon.
I have first month's rent damagedeposit.
And they're like, okay.
Then two days later they calledme and got the home.
We moved in, we bought four airmattresses.
Oh, a tv.
Oh my God.
And I bought myself a bedbecause I was pregnant, right?
(17:54):
Yeah.
So I only got a bed the kidswould live with the air
mattress.
So we lived like that for.
A few months and two, two and ahalf weeks later, I give birth
to my daughter.
She's six now.
Now I'm sitting here and I'mlike, I have a nice home and I
have a good job.
And you have a very good job.
(18:15):
Yeah, and I just upgraded myvehicle.
So all my hard work is payingoff and I'm very happy.
I'll just rewind a little bit.
2015 was the hardest year of mylife and I find that April and
May triggers all those emotionsand feelings because of those
(18:36):
months.
So in 2015, April 1st, I wasdiagnosed with stage two thyroid
cancer.
And then two weeks later, I wasdiagnosed with stage three
thyroid cancer.
I don't know, my brother diesand then two weeks later we had
to bury him and I had to do allthe arrangements even though I
(18:56):
just found out I was sick.
So I had to put on the reallystrong hat and arrange my
brother's funeral and it wasreally tough.
But I knew that I had to do itbecause my parents and my
siblings weren't.
They weren't in the mind to doit, right?
So I had to do that.
And then, beginning of May, weburied him, had his funeral,
(19:17):
very beautiful.
And then end of May, I had mysurgery.
I had to get my thyroid takenout.
When that happens, the thyroidis very important to you.
It's like an engine, apparently.
My body went through this fullshock that I had to get used to
the thyroid meds that I had tobe on.
And it takes four to six weeksfor it to work.
(19:38):
I was in a deep, dark place andevery chance I got I was
drinking, right?
That's how I was dealing withit.
Everything was, Being okay, likeit was starting to come
together.
I was starting to heal.
I was starting to go back towork.
And then in the same year inAugust, my dad was diagnosed
with stage four cancer in hisjaw.
(20:00):
And then he had to have majorsurgery to them.
He's still alive today.
Strong burger that one.
And he had two major surgerieson his jaw.
He doesn't look like the sameperson.
Totally looks different.
And then to top all that off, inNovember of 2015, me and my ex
(20:20):
husband decided to split after16 years.
Lindsey (20:24):
Oh my goodness.
Samantha (20:25):
So 2015, really, I think that was the breaking
point of me just digging moredeeper into my addiction.
Lindsey (20:34):
Okay.
Samantha (20:35):
And it just progressed after that.
When I moved to the citythankfully I was pregnant so I
couldn't drink or do weed.
Exactly.
I was eating a lot though butthen as soon as I give birth, I
went straight back to it.
Yeah.
Kelly (20:50):
Yeah.
How old are your kids?
Samantha (20:51):
My kids, I have six.
So 22, 18, 15, 10, six, andfive.
Lindsey (21:00):
Oh, wild.
Tracey (21:03):
Wild.
You don't look old enough tohave two.
Lindsey (21:07):
I was going to say, six kids, Samantha, geez.
Oh my God.
And you don't even look like thesame person.
You just showed a picture beforewe hit record.
Yeah.
Of what you used to look like.
And how many years ago was that?
You remember?
Samantha (21:21):
That was 2019.
Lindsey (21:23):
And you have changed quite a bit.
I did.
So you've lost how much weight?
100 over 100 pounds.
Tracey (21:32):
Wow.
Lindsey (21:33):
Incredible.
Yeah.
So talk a little bit about yourfeature in the Canadian running
magazine.
Samantha (21:41):
This is my favorite.
I love
Lindsey (21:43):
I want to know.
Oh my God.
Samantha (21:46):
I love telling this story because it's really saved
me with my sobriety, right?
It's part of my sobrietyjourney.
So in 2021 of April, it's soweird that April was the month
that I decided to run.
And April is the month mybrother died, right?
So it's it was weird, but I'lltell the story in April, it was
(22:08):
COVID.
I started working out at home,but I felt like I wasn't really
doing much.
I felt like I wasn't getting theburn, the heart racing.
And so I was like walking oneday and I'm like, Hey, maybe I
should run.
I was over 200 pounds and I'mlike, Oh my gosh, what am I
doing?
But then anyways, I ran and Icouldn't run one minute.
(22:29):
I was like, this is crazy.
Who does this?
But then the stubbornness in meand the determination and all
this in me, I was like, okay,I'm going to run further and
further every day.
So that's what I did.
And in I think it was April 15thwas The day that I ran 2.
1 kilometers straight withoutstopping, and I was over 200
(22:51):
pounds.
And I'm going to tell thisstory.
It was very deep for me, veryspiritual.
As I was running and I was likehuffing and puffing and just
struggling and whatnot, I waslike, okay, I'm done.
I stopped at 2.
1 kilometers and I was listeningto music.
And then right when I was done,Tom Petty comes on my earbuds
(23:12):
and Tom Petty is my latebrother's favorite band.
And that song really, it lit meup.
It made me happy because I knewthat he was there.
And that he was telling me thatyou got this and good job and
whatnot.
That's when I just startedliking to run.
And then I was doing it for morefor me.
(23:32):
Every now and then I would runand I only do only, I'm saying
only now, only five to sixkilometers I was doing.
Then one year, this fellow comesup to me and he says there's a
polar bear marathon that happensin Churchill.
And I think you'd be great forthat because you're running.
I'm like, I've only ran fivekilometers.
(23:53):
I'm not set for a polar bear.
Half marathon.
He was like, Oh, just talk tothe guy.
Maybe you can just do 5 or 10kilometers.
I was like, okay, and then theguy that runs this marathon, he
sponsored me 100%.
So I didn't have to worry aboutgetting their food, a hotel,
everything was covered.
(24:15):
Yeah, God, and I was like, okay,so it was all covered.
I didn't have to worry aboutanything.
And then I went up to Churchillin 2022.
This was my first 10 K ever inmy life.
So I ran my first 10 K in 2022in Churchill.
And when you get your medal.
There's only 10 people that runthis marathon, right?
(24:36):
So everybody gets to tell theirstory.
And then there's this old fellathere.
He's a running coach.
His name is Jim.
Everybody told their story andthen afterwards we sat down and
we were talking and he calls mekiddo, right?
He's so kiddo what's your nextmove?
He says.
I'm like, I don't know.
I did 10k.
I think I'm good.
He's I'm good.
(24:56):
You're a natural, he says.
And I'm like, really?
And he's yeah.
And then we started talking andhe started wanting to know more
of my story.
Then I told him about my kids,about my job, and my history.
Then, we've been keeping contactthen.
And then he was like, before weseparated, right?
Because everybody goes home,right?
So he's so kiddo, your nextmission?
(25:17):
Is 10 miles and that's 16kilometers.
I'm like, Oh boy.
Then, like I said, because I'mso stubborn and so determined
that I'm going to, okay, so Igot home and I put 10 miles on
my vision board in 2022.
And then right after that, Idon't know who asked me
something, but they're like,Hey, we're training for the
(25:38):
Manitoba marathon.
I'm like, Ooh, okay.
I knew that I wanted to try, butI wasn't really committed to it.
And then I asked my coach, hewas like, Oh, you got this.
You got it.
And then I was like, okay.
When you sign up and register,it's like committing to it.
I couldn't do it for a month.
I couldn't do it for a month.
So I signed up.
(25:59):
I'm like, okay, this is it.
I'm going to do it.
And I remember my previouscoach, she was like, just do it.
Get out of your comfort zone.
It's all about getting out ofyour comfort zone you learn and
you grow more when you come outof your comfort zone.
So I'm like, okay click.
I'm in.
And then I started training formy first half marathon, which is
just last June.
And I.
(26:19):
Did it in two hours and twominutes.
And holy smokes Yeah, that's areally good time.
It is.
It was pretty amazing.
And after that, I decided to dothe polar bear marathon again.
So right after that marathon, Istarted going to train for the
polar bear marathon, which wasin November.
(26:41):
I think I had a month break orwhatever, but then I seen this
other marathon come up, which isa reconciliation run and Oh, I'm
going to go back to the ManitobaMarathon.
I'm an advocate for MMIW.
So for the Manitoba Marathon, Ididn't realize that it was
sponsored by liquors andlotteries and stuff like that.
(27:03):
Yeah, exactly.
It triggered me a little bit.
And I was like, should I run it?
Should I not?
But then I'm like no I'm justgonna do it.
So what did I do?
I went to the marathon.
I had my MMIW shirt, I had myhand printed on my face.
I saw it.
I just ran.
I just ran that marathon likethat.
I'm like, you know what?
(27:24):
I'm gonna do this.
Kelly (27:25):
Can you tell the listener, Sam, what that is,
what that organization is, andwhat the hand print means.
Samantha (27:31):
The MMIW, it's a red print on your face and it's for
missing and murdered Indigenouswomen.
And I'm going to get a littledeeper here.
It's very close to me because Iam an MMIW survivor.
That's why I advocate for it allthe time is because That could
have been me.
And it's something that I wantthe world to be aware of.
(27:54):
And if my message got to oneperson, then that's perfect.
Yeah that's what MMIW means andit's something I'm always going
to advocate for.
And I'm not going to stop there.
So then my next marathon was thereconciliation run.
And I knew I had to do itbecause my parents, although
there's so much disconnect,there's still that love.
There's still that there'sconnections there a little bit
(28:17):
that I thought, you know what,I'll do this run for healing for
myself.
And that's a start, right?
So I went to Birtle not knowingwhat kind of course it was and
it was gravel and hills, kickedmy ass.
I'm sorry to say, but it wasvery, Tough one, the toughest
(28:39):
run that I've ever done.
Actually, no, it hasn't been.
But anyways, I got that done in,I think, two hours and five
minutes.
And it was very emotionalbecause we were around one of
those residential schools wererunning by.
It felt very it felt veryhealing, very powerful.
And as I was running, I wasthinking of my family, my
(29:01):
community.
And I was just like, yeah, thisis what I was meant to do.
So I did that one.
At that moment, I knew that myruns had to be an honor of some
sort.
That's what I'm going tocontinue to do and then it leads
on to the November.
Polar bear marathon and all thistime, coach Jim has been
coaching me.
(29:22):
And if it wasn't, for coach Jim,I don't think I would be the
this runner that I am today.
He was the one that actuallyreally pushed my story onto the
Canadian running magazine.
It was a back and forth for awhile.
I would say probably from mysecond marathon until the
Churchill marathon.
(29:42):
So then the Churchill marathonhappened.
And I think this is what justmade the deal happen was I was
training for half a marathon inChurchill where it's minus 30.
It was minus 30 and it wasreally cold.
And I got there, I'm like readyto go and whatnot.
And I'm like, okay, let's dothis.
I ran the half.
I was like, you know what, Ifeel good.
(30:03):
I'm going to keep going.
So I kept going.
Lindsey (30:05):
Whoa.
Samantha (30:06):
And I kept going and I was like, just going, I think
the first half I think was twohours and 20 minutes.
And I was like, okay, I'm justgoing to do this.
So I decided you have to have adriver with you because you're
in Churchill, right?
There's polar bears.
So you had to have a driver withyou.
So I asked them, I was like, areyou okay with, Driving while I
(30:28):
go back and he's yeah, let's dothis.
He's also from my reserve.
So it was pretty good.
And then as I was running, I waslike, okay, my goal is 30
kilometers and I'm done 30kilometers and I'm good.
That will be my goal.
And as I was getting up to it,30 kilometers just around the
corner and then the guy.
In the car, he's Sam, you'regoing to be the first woman from
(30:49):
Sisyphus nation to do the fullmarathon.
I'm like, Oh boy, this is whatdid it.
I'm like, I got to go past 30kilometers and finish the
marathon.
And I did it was a struggle, butthe Churchill marathon.
It was really a deep one becauseI am Saisi Dene First Nation and
(31:10):
the Saisi Dene First Nation wasrelocated to Churchill in 1962
and I ran for my people.
It was very amazing.
I cried when I was done becauseit was like, I felt the
emotions.
250 people were relocated fromDuck Lake to Churchill and half
of us died.
(31:30):
Why?
Because of alcohol.
Oh.
It was a very powerfulmeaningful run for me and it was
very emotional and I'm veryhappy that I was able to do it.
And then after that I was like,okay, I'm done.
I'm probably never going to do afull marathon.
I'm glad it's for this cause andfor my people.
(31:52):
A lot of people don't know ofthe ice in First Nation
relocation.
And it was very amazing.
So I did the full in five hours.
It was, oh my gosh.
I lost my eyelashes.
I lost, oh my gosh, probablyhalf of it.
Lindsey (32:10):
it looked like a bald bug-eyed furby out there
running.
Samantha (32:14):
Yeah, it was pretty intense and I couldn't walk
after it.
Yeah, and then after that That'sI think that's what really
brought the attention from theCanadian running magazine was
how much of marathons I did in aspan of six months and to do a
(32:35):
full in that short amount oftime of just running.
So I think that's what really,sealed the deal for the Canadian
running magazine, and it was inJanuary where we started
connecting and talking andhaving interviews and going over
questions and it was publishedin March of.
(32:58):
March 23rd, I think it waspublished and it was pretty
amazing.
It was sponsored by UnderArmour.
Now they're donating 5, 000worth of product and I got a
plan on what I'm going to dowith it.
So I plan.
Yeah, I plan to get runners withthat amount and take that home
(33:18):
and do a maybe a run walk athome and distribute those
runners to my people to giveback.
Yeah.
Kelly (33:27):
Beautiful.
What do your kids say about thismagazine feature?
Oh,
Samantha (33:31):
They're amazed, considering from where I was to
where I'm now and they're veryproud.
For them to say that to me allthe time it's very amazing.
Running has been really helpfulwith my Sobriety.
It's my connection with mybrother, with my family.
Like mother nature, it's a timefor me to be alone, to think, to
(33:53):
feel, to cry, to do all thesethings.
And it's been hard sinceFebruary that I've been going
through an injury, which causedme not to be able to jump or
run.
And this is what's making ithard for me to deal with certain
things within my sobriety now.
Yeah it's a tough one.
I'm going to be honest, it'smaking me depressed that I can't
(34:15):
just do what I was doing before.
I got to be very mindful now.
just did a marathon in
Lindsey (34:21):
You're in Vancouver.
Samantha (34:23):
Yeah.
In Vancouver, just a few weeksago and I had to learn to listen
to my body.
Now.
I ran, I think it was 14kilometers and I was like, I
could feel my injury juststarting to scream at me.
So I had to run, walk, run,walk.
And I did it in two hours and ahalf.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Lindsey (34:44):
I love it.
I just love the story.
I wanted to point out anotherthing.
Another thing that you posted onyour social media that really
grabbed me.
Is this quote you posted thisquote, and it said sobriety is
when your family can look at youand trust what they see.
(35:04):
Talk to me about that.
My kids.
My kids are.
They see me like before I was amean person.
I was very mean.
I was very grumpy.
I was very edgy.
I would yell all the time andnow.
Being in my sobriety journey,I've learned that caused them to
(35:26):
block certain things of comingto me for, and I really had to
accept that and takeaccountability on myself that I
fucked that up and, I had tolearn it and then I had to
communicate that with my kids.
And that's what we're working onright now.
We're working on that as wespeak.
(35:46):
Me and my daughter, she justturned 18 and she would never
talk to me.
She would never come to me.
She would look at me and belike, I can't do it.
But now she's coming to me.
She's talking to me.
She's being open with me.
And I'm very happy that'shappening and it took a while
for us to get there.
(36:06):
And we were even talking aboutthat a few days ago, or she was
like, mom, she was like, a fewyears ago, we wouldn't be
sitting here laughing andtalking and being open and
honest about everything.
She was like, you reallychanged.
It's a very Amazing thing thatI've realized and took
accountability for.
I'm still learning how to fixcertain things because I did
(36:30):
damage a few things with my kidsbecause of my addiction and
learning it and accepting it isprogress, right?
Tracey (36:39):
I wanted to say though, Sam, that you're giving your
children an incredible gift.
Kelly (36:44):
I was just going to say the same thing.
Yeah,
Tracey (36:47):
just by breaking the cycle.
Yeah.
Incredible.
I do know how that feels and canrelate to that because I felt
the same with my daughter.
I had a lot of alcoholism in myfamily as well.
Sorry, I'm getting emotional nowthinking about that because
yeah, it's it is, it's abeautiful gift that you've given
(37:08):
your kids and
Lindsey (37:09):
you should be so proud
Tracey (37:11):
and you have the opportunity to rebuild with
them.
That's beautiful as well.
Yes.
And better late than never.
Like it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Lindsey (37:22):
So good.
You guys.
You're such an incredibleperson.
You just glow.
Every time I see you at the gym,I'm like, Oh my God, the energy
that just comes off of you.
You're such a genuine.
Person, and I just want to thankyou for being vulnerable with us
today and opening up to us andsharing your story, because
(37:44):
you've accomplished so much inyour life.
And.
I think more than most peopleand you;re 38 years old,
exactly.
And the circumstances thatyou've, yeah, things you've been
through, the things
Kelly (38:00):
you've seen, your determination is just incredibly
inspiring.
Lindsey (38:06):
Yeah.
Samantha (38:07):
So you want to know what's on my vision board?
Kelly (38:09):
Yes, I was trying to look at it when you went to get that
picture earlier.
What have you got?
Samantha (38:13):
There's write a book on there.
Kelly (38:15):
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
I would read.
I'd read that.
I would read
Samantha (38:19):
it.
This is something.
I'd buy it.
This is something Coach Jimsaid, he was like when am I
going to read your book?
So that's where that came from.
Kelly (38:29):
He knows how to put that bug in you.
Yeah, he does.
Plant the seed.
We had a guest on Not That LongAgo named Tracy Viola, and she
wrote a book, and you have toread it.
I read it in two days.
It's so good.
You'll love it.
But it'll inspire you to write.
Samantha (38:44):
What's it called?
Kelly (38:46):
Pretty Wrecked.
Samantha (38:47):
Pretty wrecked.
Kelly (38:48):
Yeah.
Lindsey (38:49):
Okay.
Get it on Amazon and it'sincredible.
I binged it.
I couldn't put it down.
It was insane.
Insane per book.
Kelly (38:57):
But it's inspiring to read, for writing too.
Like I love to write as well.
Awesome.
Samantha (39:02):
Yeah.
I've been doing this 75 hard.
This is the second time I'mdoing it.
And It really taught me to enjoyreading because I was never a
reader.
I'm a math person.
I love math and I just like, Oh,reading is not my thing, but now
I love to read.
And I'm like, give me all thebooks.
Kelly (39:21):
And we are the luckiest.
That's a really good book.
We are the luckiest.
It's a great one.
Samantha (39:27):
Okay.
Kelly (39:28):
Yeah.
You love that one too.
Tracey (39:31):
I did 75 hard last year, Sam.
And I finished, how many booksdid I finish during it?
I think I finished three booksduring it.
Samantha (39:40):
Nice.
So
Tracey (39:41):
I was pretty excited about that because I had those
books looming around.
And that really pushed me andmotivated me to finish them.
Kelly (39:50):
I know, I keep buying books, I gotta finish them.
I know, Randy just bought me abook and he's have you started
it yet?
And I'm like, I'm still workingon the other one, I've got too
many going on right now.
So how many books do you havegoing on?
Oh, like three.
Yeah.
Tracey (40:11):
I haven't finished Pretty Wrecked yet.
These girls are way ahead of me.
That's awesome.
Kelly (40:18):
It's so good to get into a book like that.
It is.
Tracey (40:22):
I did want to say to Sam that your story is so important
for your people to hear.
Yes.
Incredible.
Yes.
I went to school for socialwork.
And we actually spent a goodportion of my program doing a
whole section of it on workingwith indigenous people because
(40:44):
there was such a dire need.
And this is going back 25 yearsago for social workers in that
area of the field to help inyour communities.
It is such a great, resilient,powerful, inspirational story
that you have and that you'resharing it out in the world.
And I really feel like you aregoing to empower so many of your
(41:06):
people by sharing this.
So thank you so much for that.
Sam.
I can't wait to read your book.
Samantha (41:13):
It's so funny I didn't mean begin.
I don't think because I actuallyjust got accepted to college and
I want to take addictions andmental health and use that and
do more of this and be thatadvocate for my people.
To be able to.
(41:34):
Inspire and tell my story andshow people that it's possible
to recover and to break cycles,especially when you've been
through so much trauma and somuch shit.
So hopefully that works out,then I'll be going back to
school and I have my firstspeaking engagement in September
(41:54):
for.
The same reason that I'm onhere.
So I love it.
Kelly (41:59):
Yeah, you're doing it.
You're doing it.
You're doing it by the wayyou're living your life right
now and showing what ispossible.
You are doing it.
Without the course, without thebook, you are doing it, you're
living it and you're showing it.
Samantha (42:14):
I appreciate that.
I feel like I needed thisbecause I don't have much
people, like I said, around inmy life that are sober and I
really appreciate you ladies forhaving me on here.
I'm gonna cry.
You're amazing.
Lindsey (42:31):
You're the perfect fit.
You're amazing.
I don't ever want you to for onesecond guess that your value and
worth because you're, like,girl.
You're just on fire and thechanges, not only in habits and
lifestyle, but even just ways ofthinking, ways of living and the
changes you've made for yourkids and their kids, it's all
(42:52):
started and rooted in you.
So thanks for coming on andbeing vulnerable and sharing
with us.
I can't wait till this episodecomes out.
You're amazing.
Samantha (43:01):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Lindsey (43:03):
There was one other talking point.
Maybe if you just want to take aminute or two, there was
something else that you hadposted before I wrap it up.
You posted on your social.
Oh, and speaking of socials, Iwant to ask you for our
listeners where they can findyou on social media so they can
follow you.
But one thing you postedsomething about flight mode and
you said that it was a form oftrauma response.
(43:25):
So what did you mean by flightmode?
Samantha (43:28):
Always being busy.
Always doing something on the gogo.
And I never, like I said before,I've never really sat down and
did minimal of things until myinjury in February.
So I was like, wow, this issomething it really brought to
me.
I'm like, wow, I'm always goingand I'm not allowing myself to
(43:50):
slow down and to heal and feelmy traumas and to be able to
deal with them.
So it was very touching for mebecause it's been all my life
I've been like that.
Since I was 16, yeah, since Iwas, I would say 16.
That's when I first startedworking and I was like really
deep into alcoholism that timetoo.
(44:12):
And I almost had my kid takenaway from me that time since
then I've been on the go.
Trying to just be okay withquotations.
So I was always in flight modeand it is because of trauma.
I've been through so much, myparents, alcoholism, which would
be physical, emotional, verbalabuse emotional neglect.
(44:37):
Which led into me being thatalcoholic person, which led to
me getting abused sexually,mentally, physically,
spiritually, verbally.
So it led to all these traumasfor myself and Even getting
cancer is part of that, too, andI'm still dealing with the
(44:58):
effects with living with thyroiddisease is really, it's hardcore
sometimes, I'm really excitedfor the next steps of my journey
because I want to really learnmore on this flight mode, to be
able to unwrap it and deal withthe things that made me stay in
flight mode all my life.
I'm ready for that.
(45:19):
Yes, you are.
I've been feeling it.
I've been feeling it like thepast few days.
I've been a bit sad anddepressed and that's okay.
Cause we have to feel it, right?
It's part of healing andgrowing.
The only important thing is wedon't stay there and we don't go
to that bottle because the pastfew months, it's been hard.
(45:41):
I've been triggered a few times.
And I'm glad that I.
Can sit with my kids and justwhen I'm in that triggered mode,
I go and sit with my kids and Iget the reminder of why I'm on
my journey.
So I got to scratch the flightmode out and work on it to see
(46:02):
you.
Lindsey (46:02):
Thank you for sharing all of that.
You're just so full of wisdom.
Where can our listeners findyou, Samantha, if they want to
follow you on Instagram or onFacebook?
Samantha (46:11):
You can find me on tikTok too.
My, yes, I'm very big on TikTok.
I actually started these TikToklives.
I call it my sobriety livesbecause I started them when I
was seven days sober.
Now I'm 30 months, so I'vegained a lot of followers from
doing that.
Yeah, my handheld is.
(46:32):
S, Powderhorn is my handheld.
And then Instagram is sayisTaurus.
And then
Lindsey (46:38):
we'll link it all in our show notes.
And then Facebook is just,Samantha Powderrhorn.
You can see me.
It's my Under Armour picture.
It is your Under Armour magazineshoot.
Samantha (46:48):
Yes, it is.
Oh, yeah.
And the TikTok one is a side byside of my transformation from
big to small.
Wow.
Lindsey (46:58):
Big to strong.
Samantha (47:00):
Big to strong.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are not small whatsoever.
You're a big energy girl.
Like you are a force.
Thank you.
Samantha.
I just from the bottom of myheart, I want to thank you so
much for joining us on thepodcast today.
I really truly believe yourstory is going to change
somebody's life and inspireyou're amazing.
(47:23):
I love seeing you at the gym.
You work out like a beast.
You're just this crazy runner.
I'm just so grateful.
And I know these ladies are thatyou came on today and you talked
about some really hard stuff.
I think talking about thesethings it needs to be done
because secrets have the mostpower and hold over us in the
dark and you're changing thingsfor your kids and for other
(47:46):
people that you don't even knowand you've never even met.
All right that is a wrap ontoday's episode and don't forget
to follow Samantha Powderhorn.
And also, don't forget to followLAF Life Podcast you can find us
on Instagram at LAF LifePodcast.
We have a website,laughlifepodcast.
(48:06):
com.
Head on over to our Facebookpage where we talk about all
things alcohol free, sobriety,all the things, all the
struggles.
We handle it over there too, sodon't forget to check us out on
Facebook.
We will see you back here nextTuesday with a brand new
episode.
So until then, you guys knowwhat to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (48:28):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
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