March 10, 2024 • 49 mins
Meet Samantha Lander, See Fit Living. Samantha is a successful Health & Fitness entrepreneur who is recovering out loud from drug & alcohol abuse. Extremely resilient and persistent Samantha struggled with her addiction on and off for 15 yrs and after a 13 yr stint of sobriety she relapsed and began to abuse alcohol. Through many of life's ups and downs and her own personal health challenges, she never gave up on the idea of healing herself and her body. Tune in to learn more about Samantha's journey and what she is doing now to help other women to feel good in their bodies again!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:42):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the laugh life
podcast.
Tonight we have a lovely guestwith us we have Samantha Lander
joining us.
Samantha is an entrepreneur inthe health and fitness industry.
And I'll let her get into thatlater on in our conversation.
Samantha is here to share withus her journey of sobriety and
(01:03):
we're very excited to have her.
Let's just start off SamanthaHow did your drinking career as
we like to call it start?
And if you want to tell us alittle bit about how you grew up
with alcohol and how it impactedand influenced your life.
Samantha (01:18):
Thanks for having me on.
Welcome.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
So everyone's reach out.
I come from a family where Idon't even remember, I didn't
see my dad drink until COVID.
The zoom happy hours.
But I've never seen him with hismind altered at any point in my
(01:38):
lifetime and I'm 43, my mom shecould get there.
I think, there's moments of, Oh,I'll quit.
So I feel like anyone who'squitting something several
times, there's usually somethinggoing on.
I drank for the first time inseventh grade, no aha moment.
I didn't really like it.
I don't think that I remember Iwas a blackout drinker.
(01:59):
I shortly got into drugs.
I started smoking pot shortlyafter that.
I was more drawn to drugs.
I always laugh because themovies that I like to watch were
all the ones with the peoplesmoking crack and doing heroin
and those were my favoritemovies.
So yeah, so that's where it justbegan.
In eighth grade, I got arrestedfor smoking pot on a school
field trip.
My freshman year of high schoolwas when my drinking was pretty,
(02:23):
blackout drinker, but we wouldall drink in class.
I'd take the orange juice andvodka in the English class.
We'd go smoke blunts cause wehad open campus and then come
back.
I don't know how they didn'tknow.
I got myself into a lot oftrouble with my parents.
Things were escalating.
And, I was always grounded.
I was always this and eventuallyI was running away.
And then I just hit a pointwhere I just gave up.
(02:45):
They had actually sent me awayto a summer boarding school,
like boot camp to fix me.
And I was doing great and a girlgot, I don't even remember any
of it, a girl got a bottle ofvodka sent to her and we were
drinking it.
And all I know is I don'tremember one thing from this.
I guess we had a dance maybe ora party within the boarding
(03:05):
school.
All I know is I was on a flightat 5 a.
m.
getting sent home for drinking.
So I had like consequence afterconsequence.
But after that, I was always anathlete, but I got more involved
in rowing.
It was a really good athlete andrower.
And that kind of discipline andstructure, it's hard to play
around a lot, but I did learn alot about how to manipulate and
(03:29):
how to lie so I could still getout and party with my friends,
but then look really good onpaper for my parents.
I think that's where that reallybegan.
I just planned out my episodesof drinking and partying.
But I still had that drive I, Iwanted to live life on the
fullest and that made just gettotally, can I cuss?
F'd up.
Yes,
Kelly (03:48):
you can swear.
I was going to ask you,Samantha, do you think that was
just your innate personality orwas it how you were brought up
that kind of drove you to bemore rebellious?
Samantha (04:02):
I don't know.
I think part of it was I thoughtmy brother was doing like the
wild guy and he was very popularand I had trouble like classic
story.
Like I was friends witheveryone, but I wasn't, I didn't
ever feel connected or have truefriendship until probably this
past couple of years.
And so I think I was trying tofollow his footsteps because all
his friends I would hear, Oh,he's doing cocaine.
(04:24):
He's doing this.
And I was like, I just wanted.
I wanted a brother, and I thinkpart of it was like, okay, I
want to be like him.
Yeah I have the ism and hedoesn't and so it just kept
going for me.
There was never a balance and Iloved.
I wouldn't say I'm like, reallyoutgoing when I use, but.
I'm an extrovert.
I love people.
I can talk to anybody.
(04:45):
I'm a Sagittarius Capricorn.
I feel like we're pretty fieryalready.
I don't know.
I'm just driven and it's notalways a healthy thing to do.
It's always a, or it's somethinggood.
I'm a Sag
Tracey (04:56):
too, so I can relate.
And Kelly and I actually, we'vetalked many times about how we
there was a part of us that feltlike we were.
A free spirit, but we were veryrepressed in our upbringing.
So I wondered if you had thatkind of similar experience with
your parents.
Samantha (05:13):
It sounds like it seeing as they sent you off to
boarding school or whatnot.
Kelly (05:18):
So yeah, always being grounded.
I can relate to that.
Samantha (05:20):
Yeah.
Oh, we had a rule book.
It was like, first suspense,second offense.
We'll say prison later in life.
It's I was like, this is likeprison.
But, yeah, that's interesting.
I've never thought about that,but I definitely could see that.
We looked really good on paper,right?
And I remember what I say is thebest thing about 1 of the best
(05:41):
silver linings of when I went toprison is humility that my
family and my parents had to gothrough and how humbling it was
for them.
My dad came he would just listento these prison reform podcasts,
I think on the way to work.
He's became like a superadvocate for women in prison and
during that time period.
So I think it definitely, ithumbled my family a lot.
(06:03):
And, I feel like that'ssomething that needs to be
practiced a little bit.
I'm a lot more public about myrecovery and I was like, no what
are people going to say?
Have a kid and I'm like, I'mgoing this way.
Sorry.
Yeah
Tracey (06:16):
it's hard, right?
It's hard to you want to shareyour story so that you can help
other people, but there isdefinitely a huge vulnerability
and you have to question and askhow it's going to affect other
people but at the same time,it's your truth to tell, and we
shouldn't be ashamed.
Is the bottom line, right?
(06:36):
So I wear it probably I've neverpeople like how do you just say
that stuff?
How do you say you're analcoholic?
And I'm like, I'm happy to be.
I am an alcoholic.
I'm going to I've never and Idon't know if that's just
something that's my personalityor I've never ever had anyone
shame me for my past or mychoices and I think the key is
(06:57):
like, what are you going to dowith it?
I'm a big believer in fulfillingyour legacy.
And so for me, it's okay, so Idid all that stuff and I could
go out and start selling drugsagain and doing all the things,
but I'm trying to make good ofit and do something better.
That's.
Where you teach people that youdon't have to be labeled or
judged because you're an addictfor sure.
Yeah.
So tell us a little bit about,the road you took that led you
(07:20):
to obviously more tragic things,such as jail.
Samantha (07:25):
Yeah.
I went to University ofMichigan.
I'm just good at manipulation orfiguring out what's going to
work for me to get me to bewhere I need to be.
I don't know how I got in there.
I think about it all the time,but I think I'm really
organized.
I struggle with ADHD.
I was medicated for it.
Never took the medication.
And I say that because it's animportant part of my story so
(07:46):
junior year, I went out toCalifornia to visit a friend and
I did the college thing, thefreshman year, blacked out,
drank my ass off.
Then I did quit drinking afterthat.
I think it was sophomore year.
I remember quitting.
And it wasn't because I had aproblem, but I remember I was
like, I just had to quit.
I didn't feel good.
I suffered from a lot of healthproblems, just growing up
stomach aches and stuff likethat.
(08:06):
So something told me that.
Junior year of college, I wentto visit a good friend of mine
out in LA, and that's where Igot introduced to the perfect
cocktail for a blackout drinker.
So I.
Try GHB, which is basically allthe amazing things of drinking
without the side effects, aslong as you can time it out and
(08:27):
be structured.
I'm very scheduled and I'm verystructured, so it's perfect.
And, ecstasy, ketamine but Ididn't black out when I did G
and that was my aha.
That sort of became my new drugof choice.
I would bring it back toMichigan with me and then I
would go back out to Californiaagain and party.
I had a lot of gay friends outthere.
(08:48):
I felt very safe with them.
I struggle with relationshipswith men.
And so I just felt safe.
And that's when the firstweekend that I ever did meth you
don't really overdose for meth.
I don't know what it was.
I did a lot of GHB.
I had not slept.
I ended up at Cedars Sinai on anoverdose.
So that's another 1 of thoseokay, and when are you going to
learn it was funny because wesent my friends a gift basket
(09:10):
and but this was their life.
It was normal for people to dothese things.
It's like.
Sending someone who's like atotal drug addict, like a gift
basket, they didn't let me dieand they took me to the hospital
because they shouldn't have letme we shouldn't be doing the
drugs.
After that, I had a job set upafter college where I was
helping launch a vodka actually,and I was going to move out
there and work with thedistributors.
(09:30):
It fell through.
And I decided to buy twoturntables and I saw that there
weren't a lot of female DJs outin LA.
And that's what I was going todo.
I got a job at a great recordlabel and I started DJing and it
went well, but in the interim,as I was in college, I was
coming back and forth, bringingdrugs, mailing drugs, started
selling drugs, more and more.
(09:52):
I'm a.
Yeah.
Serial entrepreneur, and Ithrive off being successful at
work and making money.
It doesn't matter what it is.
I've been like that since I waslittle very strong work ethic,
but at that point, I was outthere and I was selling drugs
and things just progressed and Ieventually got into a really
toxic relationship, superabusive.
I couldn't get out of anything.
(10:13):
I just knew I was at this pointwhere I was sick and tired of
being sick and tired, I'd stopor I'm going to die.
But I didn't think I was a drugaddict.
I didn't think I had a problem.
I knew I couldn't quit.
But I started selling more andeventually I started selling
large quantities to less peoplewas my mentality.
I'm not going to get caught.
I'm going to make more money.
This is what I'm going to do andthat turned out where I ended up
(10:36):
having a full SWAT raid at myapartment and picked up a L.
A.
County case.
And then right shortly afterthat, I got a federal case and
was looking at 22 to life.
Shit, shit hit the fan.
How old were you when thathappened, Samantha?
I was 20.
Six.
Kelly (10:53):
And GHB, that's what we know as the date rape drug,
right?
Yeah.
I hope that you did block outfrom that though.
I'm like confused.
If you take too much.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think when they put itin drinks, they just do a huge
amount of it.
Okay.
And that's what I told myparents, right?
So I told them what happened tome when I went to the hospital
in case they didn't have cocainethrough.
But I'm like, I'm so honest.
(11:14):
I'm really authentic and I amreally honest, but I, and that's
when I really separated myselffrom my family.
Because I couldn't even get on aphone call with them.
I knew and I was veryindependent and I didn't need
their money.
But after the SWAT raid, I wouldsay a month later, a friend of
mine went to rehab and he's comevisit.
It's so amazing here.
It's I'm like, okay, I'll comevisit you.
(11:35):
And that must have been like ahigher power thing.
And I went and I wanted what hehad, I saw just a sense of peace
and I went home and I was justso alone at that point.
It wasn't a rock bottom that Ithought.
Like I thought I would be livingout of a car, homeless with
needles coming out of my arm.
That's what I thought a drugaddict was.
I didn't know what most drugswere.
I knew that shit was in themovies, like where they sit in a
(11:56):
circle.
I had no exposure to it.
Except for one guy who said hewas a drug addict one time.
And I was like, what?
And I looked at my dog and Iasked her if I should go to
treatment and she just came andput her head on my lap.
And I immediately called myparents and told them.
I need to go to rehab.
Wow.
Tracey (12:13):
Sorry, was that before you went to jail, Samantha or
after?
I went to jail.
I had the swap and got arrested,got out.
And then I had to go selfsurrender for the L.
A county case.
And that's when I did that timeI got out, I got my probation
transferred and then.
After the swap, right?
The day I got out, I came hometo my apartment and the
(12:34):
Missouri.
Postal feds were there.
And said, I might be getting afederal case against me.
And so that didn't happen untilafter I did my LA County.
I went to rehab LA County gotout probation transferred was
home and then got hit with a 22to life possibly with a federal.
Yeah, sober all of it.
(12:54):
I was so happy to be sober.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's so good.
That's good.
So what ended up happening withyour case?
Samantha (13:03):
We got most of the counts drop for the federal case
and I got 27 months at a federalcamp, which is not too bad.
And I look at it as I neededthat.
I know I'm just a stubborn assand I may have had a SWAT raid.
And then I had the LA County andmaybe I didn't need the federal
case, but I got it.
It was like a timeout I needed.
I didn't have a kid, so I can'timagine if I had a kid, it would
(13:25):
have been way different.
But I was young.
I didn't have a kid.
I really support a family.
I took advantage of the entirething.
I did their drug treatmentprogram.
I was the first federal inmateto leave and go tell my story to
a group of high school kids Ican drive and license to drive
every type of like backhoes androad behind her.
But yeah, so I did that, but Iwas on that pink cloud.
(13:47):
You couldn't take it away fromme.
I wasn't going to let it go andI stayed sober.
I had no desire for any of that.
Through all that.
Kelly (13:54):
Wow.
That's awesome.
What was the biggest thing youthink you took out of that
experience?
That 27 months there?
Samantha (14:01):
Oh, I think patience is a big thing.
I learned because you're dealingwith a very different
demographic, some amazingpeople.
I still friends with some ofthem.
And then some it's like youjust.
And I think, you don't want totake things for granted just the
biggest thing is just be kind topeople and have a good moral
(14:22):
compass again think about yourconsequences and not be so damn
impulsive.
I don't know how to pause verywell.
So I think.
I was a solid human when I gotout of there, I was like, just
such a good person.
And you lose it.
You do lose it.
I would say I'm really workingto be that kind of person still,
but I lost sight of that, in mymarriage, I would say big time
(14:46):
and then having a kid got reallyhard to stay grounded.
Yeah
Tracey (14:50):
we do lose sight of that when we're using a substance,
right?
Because we're not ourselves,we're in an altered state.
We're not making decisions thatwe would be if we were clear
minded.
Kelly (15:01):
I was just going to say, so then what happened?
I feel like there's lots more tothis story.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So I got out and I became apersonal trainer cause I had
money laundering on my chargeand I had a job at a retail
place, but I didn't want to dealwith it.
And again, I'm an entrepreneur.
I saw an opportunity and withina year.
(15:23):
Or so I was making six figuresjust doing really well bought a
house.
I did get engaged to 1 personthat did not happen.
And then shortly after that, Imet my ex husband and it was
like.
A dream school, so he, he wassober and he had a past and I
had a past and.
I always feel like I gotbamboozled a little on that 1,
(15:44):
but he got sober at 16.
And we're both in the fitnessindustry and it was good for a
while until it wasn't, so whathappened is I was going through
fertility treatment.
There's a lot of stuff thathappened I shouldn't have even
tried to have a baby, but wewere going through it.
And I think that's when myaddiction started to spin out of
control again.
(16:04):
I was going to 1 meeting a week.
For a long time, and that workedI did the steps a couple of
times before I went to prisonwent to meetings and help with
all that in prison and the drugprogram.
But, I was an air, NAer, when I.
Got sober.
I was in LA.
NA is amazing in LA.
I came home and it was likeeveryone in NA it was a little
(16:25):
miserable.
They're a little different thanAA and It just wasn't the same
and I started going to one AAmeeting a week and I like the
people but I would sit in Theback and I but I'd be like you
guys have never even done drugsyou guys don't even fucking know
me I can relate who would leavetheir kid alone or drink
(16:45):
airplane bottles while pickingup their kid from daycare?
Who would do I would never dothat.
Right until I did, I startedgoing through fertility
treatment and I think thatobsessive compulsive.
Behavior started it was a harderthan prison.
I don't know if you know anyoneor you have gone through it.
It was so hard emotionally.
And there's not a lot of toolsfor it.
(17:06):
You just got to wait anothermonth or it was just stressful
relationship.
My ex started using and he had23 years.
So when I was trying to getpregnant, he started drinking
and smoking pot and honestly,I'm not trying to throw him
under the bus.
He got sober at 16 and I wasmaybe this will make them nice.
And then maybe I, and I thinkpart of it was like, then I can
(17:28):
do it.
I guarantee my disease is youknow what this means?
Once you're done, you're goingto have some credits, but then
he was like lying about it.
It was a lot of lying a lotacross the board but I got
pregnant.
I had my baby.
I had postpartum.
Everything was hard.
I wasn't working.
I've never not worked.
Sitting at home all day withthis blob was like, I did not
(17:50):
know what to do.
And breastfeeding was reallyhard.
And I was sitting in abreastfeeding class and a woman
said you should just have aglass of wine.
And that was it.
Really?
It was like, it was there.
I was waiting for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I called my parents andI said the lady at the nursing
class said that I should justhave a glass of wine.
(18:11):
They're like you should just dothat.
Oh, so that's my big message nowis that mommy wine culture and
that whole, it's crazy.
Cause I guarantee if I said,Hey.
I think I'm just gonna smokesome meth so I can, yeah, I can
get some breast milk, nobodywould have been okay with that.
No, but they were, everyone wasokay.
(18:31):
All my clients know my story.
I'm really open.
They all knew I was drinkingagain and it was, it's fine for
a while.
The blackout stuff didn't happenas much.
I think I was very healthconscious still at the same
time.
But then shit started to get badwhen the divorce started to go
through and, just the separationanxiety.
I would get when my baby wouldgo to his dad because that was
(18:54):
not a healthy environment.
And I think that's when I waslike the numbing I can't, I
still have a hard timeconnecting with my kid because
of it, he's got other thingsgoing on, but just that numbing,
just I can't deal.
I didn't have the emotionalcapacity.
To handle anything.
And so I was drinking and thenit was okay, we're getting a
(19:16):
divorce, but we did a lot to tryto save the marriage.
I will give us credit for that,but it got where he was out 1
night really late drinking andpartying with this guy.
And I just was like, in therapy,I was like, listen, it's either
this or that we, we quit, we getsober or we're getting a
divorce.
Okay.
Had 13 years of sobriety beforeI relapsed and I've been in the
rooms long enough to know whensomeone says I'll stop but I
(19:38):
can't promise you it'll beforever coming from someone with
kind of a history of lying andthings I just knew and so that
was done and I quit drinkingbecause I was never going to let
that be the reason why ourmarriage didn't work and I just
couldn't that's something Iwould never do I was good for a
while and then COVID hit.
you And the classic COVID story.
(20:00):
It was really hard.
I'm an extrovert.
Things with my ex all of it, ithit again.
And I just was like, itbasically got to where I was
drinking every day at aboutthree 30 or four either starting
the airplane bottles on the wayto get my kid or on the way
back.
And then a bottle of gin everynight.
And I'm like a buck 10.
I'm not like, I would blackoutfrom a sip.
(20:22):
I could blackout from a wholebottle.
It didn't matter.
I just knew once I was home andsafe, that's when it would start
because I couldn't deal, like Iwas functioning by day.
Was dating, I was doing a lot ofcrazy shit on that front.
I was out to kill every guy andjust a mess, just a fucking
mess.
I couldn't stop.
(20:44):
I just kept wishing someonewould see how fucked up I was
and take me and hold me in theirhouse for a week.
Just take me and lock me in yourhouse for a week so I don't
drink.
And then I'll get it.
Because I couldn't understandwhy it was so easy the first
time.
It was so easy, I was done andI'm like, okay, this is that
thing again, I guess one dayI'll get it, I hope I get it
before I die or something reallybad happens my son gets taken
(21:06):
away, I was chairing a meeting,relapsing, I was going to
meetings every day, sometimestwo, I had a sponsor my honest
factor was kinda iffy, I wouldbe really honest, and then I
just I'm not getting it, so fuckit I'd pace back and forth from
my house to my car, trying notto drink.
You name it.
I was doing it post itseverywhere on every mirror,
(21:27):
every fridge.
And I finally got a little bitof time and I prayed to my
higher power, which my prayerswere all fucked up then too.
It was like, I need money.
I need money.
I need this.
But it was getting a littledesperate by the end.
And I prayed that I could meet aguy.
That was sober, had a kid andwas like 6 foot covered in
(21:50):
tattoos, whatever, it was likethe perfect.
Gem of a man for me.
And I met him the next day at akid's birthday party.
And I knew he had a sober familyand he was sober.
He was six years sober, but Iknew that he wasn't going to get
me sober, but I thought I wouldbe around people who could
support it enough that Iwouldn't have a problem anymore.
And I relapsed once with him,told him, and then we shouldn't
(22:13):
have been together.
But.
It just got where I didn't care.
It felt like it was wrong, but Iknew I still needed to stop.
I relapsed again.
And that was December 23rd,2022.
I had a gift basket from aclient sent to my house with gin
in it.
And I was just like, game on.
And I told him and pretty muchthis guy walked out of my life
(22:33):
in a nutshell.
So I feel like the universe gaveme exactly what I wanted.
And ripped it away because I wasable to feel love again.
He was very loving, very lovingsomething I hadn't had in a very
long time nurturing.
And I lost it and I lost itbecause of my addiction.
And all I can think of is Ididn't lose my kid, but it took
losing a human in my life due tomy disease to get me to wake up
(22:59):
is all I can think of is I hadthis amazing Beautiful hot guy,
and then I just left my lifelike a ghost and you know I
never lost my parents.
I never lost my friends no humanhas ever left my life because of
my behavior and that happenedand I was like fuck and My
sponsor at the time was likeyour fucking ego is so bad You
(23:20):
don't got it.
You just because you had 13years.
It's not me.
You don't have it and I don'tknow what she said that day, but
I went to this random woman'shouse and cried for 5 hours and
I have not had 1 craving.
I have not thought about it.
It's finally, 1 way I have anamazing relationship with my
higher power.
I do the most incredible servicework now.
(23:40):
My life's so fucking good.
So that's what happened.
Wow.
It's my story, and how old isyour son?
He's six.
19th.
Yeah.
Have you ever heard of it'soppositional defiant disorder.
Oh, wow.
Which is like what in adults islike conduct disorder.
(24:03):
Kids that go to juvie kids thatget the shit beat out of them by
their parents.
He's oppositional to everythingit's wired that way.
You say no, I say yes.
You can't say no to this kid.
It happened about three and ahalf.
It got really bad.
it's so hard.
I feel like some days I'm like,I have every excuse in the book
to drink right now because I getverbally, it's he's abusive
(24:23):
physically, verbally.
He doesn't even know.
He doesn't even understand it.
He blames me for everything.
He's wired literally.
And I'm like, it's like adisease.
It's I'm like 12 step them or dowhat I got to do.
He can't help it, and I need tofind a way to get him into
recovery because there is nomagic pill with this 1.
and so that's been, thank GodI'm sober, or I probably would
have smacked him across the facebecause it's, you don't know
(24:45):
what to do until I find out.
Oh, it's insane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting 1.
yeah, it's a new 1.
so there's not a lot of support,but
Tracey (24:58):
yeah hopefully that, just continue to do your
research and I'm sure you'relucky.
You do what you do for a livingbecause you're educated and, how
to treat and deal with a lot ofstuff.
Hopefully somewhere along theway, you'll figure it out or
find something that works for.
Samantha (25:15):
There's something called therapy.
It's like parent interactivetherapy.
And it's.
At 1st, I was like, there's noway.
But we're on a phase two andbasically you put them in
timeouts and eventually you putthem in a room and you have to
hold them in.
It's a lot.
But after the first time we didit, he walked up to me later
that night, it like reset him.
He was great.
Every time I do it, he's like anangel.
(25:36):
So it's working.
We've had a good couple of weekseven.
And I remember the first time wedid it, he came up to me and
goes, mommy, I trust you alittle bit like out of nowhere.
And he's just always mean to me,like always mean.
So I was like, it's like hope.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (25:50):
That's good.
So that's good.
Hopefully that continues to workfor you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see.
I can relate to, a brokenrelationship being a single
parent and dating for sure.
All those things, the peak of mydrinking happened during that
time in my life too.
And sometimes I think that atthe time, drinking got me
through it.
(26:11):
Because same type of thing I hada really messy split up not a
nice ex and not amicable whichmade, shared custody of a child
very difficult.
So yeah, I definitely used it asa numbing tool, so I can relate
to that.
It was just a lot of emotion tocope with at the time.
(26:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was my thing for 2023.
I was like, listen, I didsomething wrong.
What was it like I do all thethings.
I have my functional medicinepractice.
I was the healthiest alcoholiclike ever.
I'd wake up and put my castoroil pack on and get in my
infrared sauna but I was like,something's not, there's
something's off.
And I was like, this is, I knowwhat it is.
It's the emotional part.
(26:53):
It's like the mental, emotional,I was not tackling it and I'm
not going to get well.
My hormones will not get well,nothing will get well if I don't
tackle that.
And I just like took it on fullon a lot of therapy, a lot of
meetings, a lot of supportgroups a lot of crying, a lot of
dark days, but I just sat in it.
(27:13):
I, it feels good now to sit init.
Like when I think about it, Ithink back, I'm like, man to be
able to feel such intensity,even if it's shitty.
Yes, it felt good to me.
It was like, it's I was feelingagain.
My heart was being like, rippedout.
But I knew it always gets betterbecause it always does.
Yeah, it passes, right?
(27:34):
That's what we learn when we sitthrough it.
Then it does pass let's talk alittle bit about what you ended
up doing with your career andyour business, See Fit then I do
have a question I'll get back toyou on after what you just said
there about being the healthiestalcoholic but yeah, tell us a
little bit about how you gotinto your business and what kind
(27:54):
of services you offer.
Tell us about all yourcertificates because I know you
have a few.
Samantha (27:59):
I do.
So as a personal trainerobviously I had a lot of stomach
problems, chronic fatigue as akid.
I remember in fifth grade justbeing like, I was always so
tired and my stomach was like amess.
But nothing, there was neverreally a solution.
And then when I became atrainer, I was doing all the
right things eating super cleanand.
Working out a lot of cardio, alot of cardio and I realized
(28:23):
that this isn't working.
I started gaining weight, I hadchronic diarrhea, my hormones
were awful.
I started getting my period likeevery other week, and I kept
gaining weight, but I felt likenow, after being pregnant, it
felt like I was pregnant.
My PMS was Three and a halfweeks out of the month.
I might have two good days inthe month.
And I was getting really intothe holistic coaching and
learning more about that alongwith the personal training.
(28:45):
And I met someone that said, Oh,you should run a food
sensitivity test with me.
And that just opened up thedoors.
And I was like, Holy shit, thisis like root cause.
What is this?
Not bandaiding everything.
I wasn't taking any supplementsor any medication, at first
test.
It blew me away.
I remember I dropped like 20pounds of water weight just for
all the inflammation from thefoods I was eating.
(29:07):
Everything that I was eating, Ihad a food intolerance to, and
after doing a lot of research,which is interesting especially
with the people I work with, whoare in recovery, what happens is
you get that same feeling aswhen you use drugs.
So that dopamine and serotonin,that inflammation of the brain,
all of that stuff happens whenyou have foods you're reactive
to or inflammatory to foods inthe body.
(29:29):
So then you compulsively eat andyou binge and you can't stop
because you want to feel thatagain.
And you don't even realize it'shappening.
You could be eating carrots andalmonds.
Like I was eating healthy food,but I couldn't stop.
I'd eat dinner and then justkeep eating, but it was all
because these inflammatoryfoods.
And I'm such an addict that I'msure it's just fuck yeah, let's
do it.
So I did that.
The diarrhea didn't go away.
(29:50):
So then we talked about doing ahormone, adrenal panel, and then
a stool test to check for likeparasites and all that stuff.
And it was just like, what isthis?
And I did it all.
And I had multiple parasites.
I had Candida, my hormones, myestrogen was out the roof.
I'm super estrogen dominantwithin the first month.
I could say that I had, a weekof good days and that got me, I
(30:12):
was like, something's going on.
And so that just got me on myjourney to do that because I had
a lot of women that I wastraining that was also like they
eat clean, we're doing whatcalories in, calories out, and
not getting anywhere.
And that's just such bullshit.
When people come in, I'm alwayslike, just don't count calories.
We're not doing any of that.
And it's you see the relief ontheir face.
My gut was a wreck.
(30:32):
I was doing GHB, which is madeof concrete cleaner.
I was eating prison food.
The list goes on.
And so I wanted to do that forother people.
And I also wanted to save moneyon all the labs that I was
running on myself.
So I decided to become afunctional diagnostic
nutritionist.
And that's when I started justrunning the labs on the side.
But then during COVID, I fullyswitched over because I thought
(30:54):
being a personal trainer was tooeasy for me at this point and
that I needed to challenge mybrain and that would get me
sober.
And then it just became oh, myGod, I brain fog and I can't do
anything, but I switched overand that was my business full
time.
Now I don't really train anybodybecause I see that the results
that I get from this are waybetter.
And I just like this kind ofwork.
(31:15):
And so now I do like veryspecially lab testing.
I work with people withautoimmune menopause, the
symptoms I get are hot flashes,night sweats, bloating,
constipation, diarrhea, I have alot of women in recovery who
want to just heal their body,heal their gut from all the
damage that's done a lot of themare drinking.
And, we find, definitelyunderlying gut infections,
hormone imbalances, blood sugarafter you get sober is bad.
(31:38):
And, we've been told that.
eat sugar, Is that why I have somuch sugar cravings?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's probably your blood sugar.
It's just off.
And most of us try not to eat alot all day because that's,
we've just tried to manage it.
And then at night, it's likegame on because we haven't eaten
all day.
And it's scary to eat a bigbreakfast.
Cause what if you eat a lot atnight and you've had the big
(31:58):
breakfast.
So we, we all have these likerunning tapes in our head.
Yeah.
Yeah, we work on regulating allthat.
We look at infections, hormones,mold, name it.
So that's what I do now.
And it's turned into a lot ofpeople in recovery,
Tracey (32:12):
I was going to ask that is there a portion of your
business that you put towardspeople in recovery or focusing
on people with addiction?
Samantha (32:20):
I'm not a sober coach.
I don't want to be a sobercoach.
I have sponsies, but totallydifferent.
I am more on the let's heal yourbody and repair your body so you
can optimize your health and beyour best self, be the best
parent, not feel like shit allthe time, not be bloated all the
time and learn about trulytaking care of yourself on a
next level.
And, I think it's just being onall the podcasts like that, I
(32:41):
just started getting booked andthen just being really open.
The news in town did a wholesegment on my story.
I got published in a magazine intown.
So it just was like.
It started coming like all of asudden I was getting the text
messages and I'm pretty openbook.
So it was a combination of that.
And then I wanted to get a goodsolid year under my belt before
(33:02):
I was really promoting anythinglike that.
I don't have a lot of time.
I have my 13 years, but I don'tfeel like I have a lot of time.
I have so much to learn still.
but I feel comfortable enough tobe able to work with women who
are in recovery.
I didn't want to be like, I gotthree months sober let me fix
you.
Like I had to fix myself, gavemyself a year to like really do
that.
And so they just come it'sinteresting.
(33:23):
I just have a lot of women, alltypes of recovery.
So I will recommend maybe youshould go to a meeting and
they're all really I get thetexts, they can all text me
anytime if it comes to alcohol.
I'm concierge anyway.
They text me anyway abouteverything, but that's where I'm
going.
I think that's my niche.
Everyone says that's how you dowell.
It's find your niche.
And I think it's going to bethat Mommy wine culture is a
(33:44):
really big, a big thing.
Yeah.
Kelly (33:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've really, we talk about it alot on the podcast and yeah,
we're destroying our everything,ourselves, our gut all the
things you were just talkingabout and we don't.
Obviously think about it at thetime, but it takes time to heal
from that, what we've done, butyou can, and that's what I can I
did it.
I've done it several times, Idid it after post prison and all
(34:08):
that.
And then I did it, after thedrinking, and then I actually
had a lot of mouth stuff thatI've been dealing with.
So I unfortunately had to take alot of antibiotics, but
fortunately, I know how to fixit all and I've managed through
all that.
You can definitely heal yourgut.
You can definitely feel yourbest.
You can definitely have yourenergy back, your libido.
You can poop every day.
You don't have to be bloated.
(34:29):
That's not your new normal.
Just because you're olderdoesn't mean you're going to
have a gut.
I don't buy it.
So what do you do once you dothat analysis with somebody, you
put them on some sort of programto eat what not to eat?
Yeah.
So I typically do a clarity callwith them, which is free.
And we talked about like a fullhealth history.
(34:49):
Like we go to if they werevaginal or C section birth,
cause all of that stuff matters.
Like with the vaginal seedingand like the gut microbiome and
trauma in the home, medications,birth control, really young, all
that stuff is stuff we look at,and then I come up with what
labs I think are going to getyou to your goals, which is
typically a food sensitivitytest.
We do nutrition.
(35:10):
Nutrition is super happy to haveYou gotta start there.
You gotta start somewhere.
The clients are eating prettyclean.
That's why they're calling mecause they've tried everything
else and it's not working.
We do a full hormone panel.
So we look at yourneurotransmitters, dopamine,
serotonin, organic acids.
And then usually a GI panel.
Those are the three that mostpeople I have run.
(35:31):
And then we do protocols foreach one.
So we work on nutrition and thenwe work on, and I try to keep it
really realistic.
I don't do fad diets.
And then we do supplementprotocols.
So you'll be on supplements.
I'm a firm believer in those.
And then yeah, we start chippingaway at the.
Whatever piece of ice.
I don't know.
I don't even know that there's aphrase there.
(35:53):
Yeah, and I think it starts toget the diet line, get those
inflammatory foods out, balancethe hormones, get the blood
sugar regulated and then 99.
999 percent of my clients havean underlying gut infection.
If not 1, 2 gut infection.
Yeah.
So you got to get rid of theinfection.
Then you have to heal the gut.
I kept getting sick because Iwas working with the best of the
(36:14):
best to at this point.
And I kept getting sick againjust it just not anything would
set me off if my cortisol, if Iwent through something
stressful.
And so I never healed the gut.
I did a lot of work to get ridof all these infections that we
found, but I never.
I didn't do anything to heal it.
And I see that as a missingpiece with a lot, like I get a
(36:35):
lot of clients from otherpractitioners because they're
like I tried this and I'm likedid you do X, Y, Z?
And so I'm not an MD, I'm notsome super fancy thing, but I've
been through like a lot of it.
And I think that's reallyimportant because I have very
emotional clients.
I feel like you must have a lotof clients that have an
autoimmune disease.
Samantha (36:54):
I do.
Yeah.
I-P-C-O-S.
I'm very familiar with that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hashimoto's.
Yeah.
We get a lot of sleeves.
Addison's, Crohn's.
Tracey (37:03):
So tell us what it means to be a drugless practitioner.
I know, I was like, where'd sheget that?
From your website.
I know.
Everything's on like Instagramfor me now, I feel and Facebook.
I use supplements that have nodrugs.
So no prescriptions so it's allherbal, holistic, we don't do
any medication.
(37:24):
I should not say that.
So there is a time and a placefor medication.
When someone has SIBO, which issmall intestinal bacteria
overgrowth I typically like torecommend that they do
antibiotics with a specific.
Kind of antibiotics, not thetypical amoxicillin and stuff
like that, but that's reallywhere you get them in remission
or in recovery from SIBO.
It's a tough one to get rid of.
(37:46):
And then I do have a couple ofclients that are on some thyroid
meds, but we use a armor, whichis pretty natural but yeah,
pretty much, yeah, we don't,we're not gonna, we're not going
to bandaid your symptom with apill right.
That's it.
Let's figure out what the fucksymptoms are a way of your
body's telling you something'swrong.
They're great.
You should love them.
Listen to them.
(38:06):
Don't just take a lot ofibuprofen and, some, whatever it
is, there's a lot of medicine.
Yeah.
Kelly, and I can definitelyrelate to what you said about
being the healthiest alcoholicjust in the sense that.
We were really trying to livethis healthy lifestyle.
We've talked about many timesand if our other co host,
Lindsay was here who couldn'tjoin us tonight, unfortunately,
(38:29):
because she's traveling, but shewould say the same.
We've all talked about how, wewere doing all the right things
in the other areas of our life,drinking the green smoothies.
Exercising every day.
Meanwhile, then chugging acouple bottles of wine at night.
When do you think you figuredout that what you were doing
with the drugs and alcohol didnot align with the rest of your
(38:51):
lifestyle that you were tryingto create as far as, the health
and fitness industry goes?
For me, all my little remedieswould just stop working.
And then I'd be on calls withpeople and I think the guilt and
the shame and I knew when you'rewaking up every day, being like,
I'm not going to do it today.
I'm not going to do it today.
I got this.
And then you do it.
And I'm like, and I'm verydisciplined.
(39:13):
I just knew I was like, this isa fucking disease.
I just knew when I couldn'tstop.
I was rational.
I knew like program shit.
I knew, but like I physicallycouldn't.
Stop, like it just kept and I'mlike what like I couldn't figure
it out and I had the brain foggot really bad and it got harder
to wake up every day and I justdidn't remember anything.
(39:35):
I feel like my memory this lastthree laps fucked my memory like
my memory It's not right Andthat's like reckage past Yeah, I
just couldn't do it anymore.
I was not functioning.
I chose to switch my job and itwas way harder.
I had to use my brain a lot morethan training.
As a personal trainer withsomeone with severe A D D, I
(39:55):
could.
Do that.
That was like what trainers do,right?
We're crazy and we can just beall over the place, but you
can't when you're doing thiskind of work.
And that's part of why withMeth, like when I first did
meth, which was my drug ofchoice, it just leveled me out
to a state that I had, like Iprayed my entire life.
And I never took the Ritalin orAdderall.
I never liked any of it.
I think I probably sold it.
(40:16):
But meth, man, when I did that,I was like, Oh, my God, I can
read a book I don't feel like Ihave a fucking 50 monkeys in my
head.
I think it maybe took it down to100.
Kelly (40:27):
I've heard that though people with ADHD, it's oh, it's
a relief.
Yeah, it wasn't a great highwhen I hear people talk about
meth being like you get that?
I was like.
But no, personally I I rememberwhen I went to rehab, I remember
laughing for the 1st time.
It's you don't realize I don'tthink I've laughed in years,
Tracey (40:48):
wow.
How do you feel about people inthe health and fitness industry
that try to incorporate alcohol.
In their programs or they use itto celebrate certain milestones
for people, or people are havingyoga and wine sipping or.
What's your take on that?
My job security, my ex husbandowned a gym.
(41:09):
I've been in the gym industry.
People who go to the gym do notcare about nutrition.
I just don't see like thatpassion.
The clients that I get they'retotally different for the
functional work.
All my personal trainingclients, some of them would run
the labs.
They did not care aboutnutrition.
They all love to drink.
If you're normal and you feellike you can handle doing
something like that, I guess whynot?
(41:31):
Depending on what your fitnessgoal is I don't think that
people understand how horriblealcohol is on the body.
I don't know, if doing a gummymight be a little bit better, I
don't know, but just alcoholalone.
One drink a week is horrible onthe gut and the hormones for
females.
It's horrible.
The stress response, yourcortisol response, the anxiety
that you get with it the livercongestion you get with it the
(41:54):
gut weight gain.
I can't find a reason why youwould want to work out and then
do that.
But there's probably somethingelse going on, it's my guess I
just opened a company.
I just started another companyand it's a so we're doing breath
work and then we're going to doice plunge and then sauna and
then ice plunge and then sauna.
So it's a contrast therapy andwe want to run events.
(42:15):
So my big part of it is, teambuilding all that good stuff,
but a big thing is you don'thave to go out and to the bar
and get wasted.
You can do healthy things foryour mommy's birthday party or
whatever.
The women get together for yourbirthday.
Do something like this.
I'm going to tell you, they'llnever forget you.
They're going to have suchpersonal growth, to get your
friends, to get an ice plungewith you.
(42:36):
That's some serious shit, andthat is what's going to make you
stronger.
That's really cool.
Yeah, I know.
I'm excited.
It's a lot to be mobile.
So we'll like, drive it around.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's really great.
Yeah, that is good.
We're talking more from apromotional side, right?
Like people that own gyms orthey own yoga studios and we
(42:57):
just don't feel like.
It aligns with that lifestyle,why would you promote it as part
of a healthy lifestyle when it'snot healthy?
Samantha (43:05):
They work out a lot and then they can eat a lot.
A lot of people think that I cando it because I work out a lot.
Gym people have a totaldifferent mentality.
Kelly (43:14):
It's more about what they look like than what they feel
like They don't root causehealth and wellness.
They don't think about theycount calories.
They sometimes they don't evenknow that a snicker has 100
calories, but a steak is 350,but the steak is better.
My ex would have pizza partiesand his holiday party would be
at a bar.
(43:34):
Everyone's great, yeah, that'swhat people like to do Yeah,
even when I go to theseconferences I actually been
trying to get Some of these bigconferences with the biohackers
and all that stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I've emailed them and been like,hey, can I run a meeting can we
run a sober group for peoplethere who are in recovery
because there's a lot of peoplein the health industry because
(43:56):
we get that's where we go.
Or we are, like, we're felonsand we need to like, everyone
will hire us, but, because whenI go to these people they love
to get wasted.
All these health people love to,they just get the healthy wine
it's all the clean fit wines sothey do it, but it's cleaner
products.
Once I started pounding downthat shitty vodka, I was like,
(44:16):
oh my, this is so bad.
I knew, I was like, this is bad.
I'm box.
So it's just, people like todrink.
I don't know.
I'm not normal, so i's hard forme sometimes to wrap my head
around that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't even know what it'd belike to just have one drink.
I've never, I don't think I'veever done it.
No.
Tracey (44:33):
Yeah, I guess it's that sense of reward, right?
Which is always associated todrinking or food or yes, social
not knowing alternative thingsto do.
It's easy to do.
It's easy to plan.
True.
True.
So I just have one last questionfor you, what advice would you
give someone on a wellnessjourney that is maybe still
(44:54):
using drugs or alcohol definewellness journey?
Someone that say like us whothought we were on a wellness
journey, or were Trying to be ona wellness journey, but we were
still, drinking when you comeacross clients like that, how do
you tackle or what kind ofadvice do you give them about
the drinking component?
(45:14):
I don't really advise on thedrinking.
I just start to teach them.
I try to get them to feel goodagain.
To realize that alcohol is notdoing them any justice, if that
makes sense, because us not liketo be told what to do and I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna openthat.
And so I just talk about whatI've learned from my experience,
(45:35):
what I know on a medical side ofit.
what I think a great example isthat Huberman, like I send that
damn Huberman podcast out toquestioning whether or not it's
a great podcast.
There's a ton that are reallygood.
There's good books, we talkabout you came to me because you
have sugar cravings and you gethangry and you're storing fat,
(45:55):
in your belly.
You can't lose weight.
I'm going to tell you, I'm notworried about the calories of
the alcohol, but it's yourbody's response to it.
Like you're waking up at 2 inthe morning because your body is
always going to try to detoxifythat liquor before it detoxifies
all the other shit that it needsto do on a regular basis.
That's why you wake up at 2o'clock.
That's when your liver starts todo its job every day.
(46:15):
That's why you're waking up.
I try to show them becausethey'll be like, oh, yeah, I do
wake up every time I drink atthat time.
And that maybe that's why mysleep because your sleep gets so
disrupted and every time youdrink, it's going to be a
cortisol response.
You temporarily relieve theanxiety you're shooting for or
that feel good.
But then your body reacts as astress response to that alcohol.
And then, from there.
You're gonna get, more anxietyand your body's going to go into
(46:39):
fight or flight and store fat,you know These are all things
that people don't think aboutthat.
I think they just need to knowanother thing is one day.
I was like thinking about it isRubbing alcohol we put on our
hands right to kill everything.
What is alcohol, and we drink itSo healing everything you've got
it's go drink some handsanitizer and let me know if you
want to do that.
Have fun, so yeah that would bethe biggest thing is try to
(47:01):
educate yourself of the impactit's going to have.
I know, eventually that'll startto sink in and you'll start to
correlate your symptoms withyour drinking.
I could say I was drinking.
And it took me a while I know alot about health and wellness,
and I was literally, I triedWellbutrin at the end, and then
I tried Prozac, and I was like,I need anti anxiety meds I would
(47:23):
wake up every night in sheerpanic attacks horrific and my
heart was just like, I was like,you're trying to catch your
breath, you have anxiety so bad,and I think it was my hormones,
but it's because of the alcohol.
The second I stopped, I have nothad any of it.
None.
And I don't even believe inmedicine and I was like going to
medicate myself because I didn'twant to stop drinking.
I couldn't stop drinking and Ijust wanted to get the anxiety
(47:46):
to go away.
And it's just the, the cycle.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You got to break it.
It's hard, but yeah.
Samantha, tell everybody wherethey can find you.
I know you're on Instagram.
you said, I know you have awebsite.
And I do want to mention thatyou did say you can work with
clients in Canada, even thoughyou're in the U.
(48:07):
S.
So that's great.
Yeah, let our listeners knowwhere they can find you
Samantha (48:11):
all right.
Yeah, I work with people allover the world.
So I really am all overInstagram.
I feel like.
It's seefit living.
So it's S E E F I T and thenliving.
And then www.
seefitpt.
com is my website.
It's a little outdated.
But it can get you to a claritycall or wherever you need to go
to book a call for sure.
And facebook, Samantha Lander orSee Fit just Google find me.
Kelly (48:37):
We'll link everything to in our show notes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (48:42):
We'll put everything in the show notes so people can
find you.
So thank you so much for comingon and sharing your story with
us.
It was great meeting you.
You can also find us at LAF lifepodcast and at LAF life on
Facebook and our Facebookcommunity.
We also have a websitewww.laflifepodcast.com.
(49:03):
And thank you again.
Until next time, you know whatto do.
Keep laughing!
Kelly (49:10):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsay Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:42):
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the laugh life
podcast.
Tonight we have a lovely guestwith us we have Samantha Lander
joining us.
Samantha is an entrepreneur inthe health and fitness industry.
And I'll let her get into thatlater on in our conversation.
Samantha is here to share withus her journey of sobriety and
(01:03):
we're very excited to have her.
Let's just start off SamanthaHow did your drinking career as
we like to call it start?
And if you want to tell us alittle bit about how you grew up
with alcohol and how it impactedand influenced your life.
Samantha (01:18):
Thanks for having me on.
Welcome.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
So everyone's reach out.
I come from a family where Idon't even remember, I didn't
see my dad drink until COVID.
The zoom happy hours.
But I've never seen him with hismind altered at any point in my
(01:38):
lifetime and I'm 43, my mom shecould get there.
I think, there's moments of, Oh,I'll quit.
So I feel like anyone who'squitting something several
times, there's usually somethinggoing on.
I drank for the first time inseventh grade, no aha moment.
I didn't really like it.
I don't think that I remember Iwas a blackout drinker.
(01:59):
I shortly got into drugs.
I started smoking pot shortlyafter that.
I was more drawn to drugs.
I always laugh because themovies that I like to watch were
all the ones with the peoplesmoking crack and doing heroin
and those were my favoritemovies.
So yeah, so that's where it justbegan.
In eighth grade, I got arrestedfor smoking pot on a school
field trip.
My freshman year of high schoolwas when my drinking was pretty,
(02:23):
blackout drinker, but we wouldall drink in class.
I'd take the orange juice andvodka in the English class.
We'd go smoke blunts cause wehad open campus and then come
back.
I don't know how they didn'tknow.
I got myself into a lot oftrouble with my parents.
Things were escalating.
And, I was always grounded.
I was always this and eventuallyI was running away.
And then I just hit a pointwhere I just gave up.
(02:45):
They had actually sent me awayto a summer boarding school,
like boot camp to fix me.
And I was doing great and a girlgot, I don't even remember any
of it, a girl got a bottle ofvodka sent to her and we were
drinking it.
And all I know is I don'tremember one thing from this.
I guess we had a dance maybe ora party within the boarding
(03:05):
school.
All I know is I was on a flightat 5 a.
m.
getting sent home for drinking.
So I had like consequence afterconsequence.
But after that, I was always anathlete, but I got more involved
in rowing.
It was a really good athlete andrower.
And that kind of discipline andstructure, it's hard to play
around a lot, but I did learn alot about how to manipulate and
(03:29):
how to lie so I could still getout and party with my friends,
but then look really good onpaper for my parents.
I think that's where that reallybegan.
I just planned out my episodesof drinking and partying.
But I still had that drive I, Iwanted to live life on the
fullest and that made just gettotally, can I cuss?
F'd up.
Yes,
Kelly (03:48):
you can swear.
I was going to ask you,Samantha, do you think that was
just your innate personality orwas it how you were brought up
that kind of drove you to bemore rebellious?
Samantha (04:02):
I don't know.
I think part of it was I thoughtmy brother was doing like the
wild guy and he was very popularand I had trouble like classic
story.
Like I was friends witheveryone, but I wasn't, I didn't
ever feel connected or have truefriendship until probably this
past couple of years.
And so I think I was trying tofollow his footsteps because all
his friends I would hear, Oh,he's doing cocaine.
(04:24):
He's doing this.
And I was like, I just wanted.
I wanted a brother, and I thinkpart of it was like, okay, I
want to be like him.
Yeah I have the ism and hedoesn't and so it just kept
going for me.
There was never a balance and Iloved.
I wouldn't say I'm like, reallyoutgoing when I use, but.
I'm an extrovert.
I love people.
I can talk to anybody.
(04:45):
I'm a Sagittarius Capricorn.
I feel like we're pretty fieryalready.
I don't know.
I'm just driven and it's notalways a healthy thing to do.
It's always a, or it's somethinggood.
I'm a Sag
Tracey (04:56):
too, so I can relate.
And Kelly and I actually, we'vetalked many times about how we
there was a part of us that feltlike we were.
A free spirit, but we were veryrepressed in our upbringing.
So I wondered if you had thatkind of similar experience with
your parents.
Samantha (05:13):
It sounds like it seeing as they sent you off to
boarding school or whatnot.
Kelly (05:18):
So yeah, always being grounded.
I can relate to that.
Samantha (05:20):
Yeah.
Oh, we had a rule book.
It was like, first suspense,second offense.
We'll say prison later in life.
It's I was like, this is likeprison.
But, yeah, that's interesting.
I've never thought about that,but I definitely could see that.
We looked really good on paper,right?
And I remember what I say is thebest thing about 1 of the best
(05:41):
silver linings of when I went toprison is humility that my
family and my parents had to gothrough and how humbling it was
for them.
My dad came he would just listento these prison reform podcasts,
I think on the way to work.
He's became like a superadvocate for women in prison and
during that time period.
So I think it definitely, ithumbled my family a lot.
(06:03):
And, I feel like that'ssomething that needs to be
practiced a little bit.
I'm a lot more public about myrecovery and I was like, no what
are people going to say?
Have a kid and I'm like, I'mgoing this way.
Sorry.
Yeah
Tracey (06:16):
it's hard, right?
It's hard to you want to shareyour story so that you can help
other people, but there isdefinitely a huge vulnerability
and you have to question and askhow it's going to affect other
people but at the same time,it's your truth to tell, and we
shouldn't be ashamed.
Is the bottom line, right?
(06:36):
So I wear it probably I've neverpeople like how do you just say
that stuff?
How do you say you're analcoholic?
And I'm like, I'm happy to be.
I am an alcoholic.
I'm going to I've never and Idon't know if that's just
something that's my personalityor I've never ever had anyone
shame me for my past or mychoices and I think the key is
(06:57):
like, what are you going to dowith it?
I'm a big believer in fulfillingyour legacy.
And so for me, it's okay, so Idid all that stuff and I could
go out and start selling drugsagain and doing all the things,
but I'm trying to make good ofit and do something better.
That's.
Where you teach people that youdon't have to be labeled or
judged because you're an addictfor sure.
Yeah.
So tell us a little bit about,the road you took that led you
(07:20):
to obviously more tragic things,such as jail.
Samantha (07:25):
Yeah.
I went to University ofMichigan.
I'm just good at manipulation orfiguring out what's going to
work for me to get me to bewhere I need to be.
I don't know how I got in there.
I think about it all the time,but I think I'm really
organized.
I struggle with ADHD.
I was medicated for it.
Never took the medication.
And I say that because it's animportant part of my story so
(07:46):
junior year, I went out toCalifornia to visit a friend and
I did the college thing, thefreshman year, blacked out,
drank my ass off.
Then I did quit drinking afterthat.
I think it was sophomore year.
I remember quitting.
And it wasn't because I had aproblem, but I remember I was
like, I just had to quit.
I didn't feel good.
I suffered from a lot of healthproblems, just growing up
stomach aches and stuff likethat.
(08:06):
So something told me that.
Junior year of college, I wentto visit a good friend of mine
out in LA, and that's where Igot introduced to the perfect
cocktail for a blackout drinker.
So I.
Try GHB, which is basically allthe amazing things of drinking
without the side effects, aslong as you can time it out and
(08:27):
be structured.
I'm very scheduled and I'm verystructured, so it's perfect.
And, ecstasy, ketamine but Ididn't black out when I did G
and that was my aha.
That sort of became my new drugof choice.
I would bring it back toMichigan with me and then I
would go back out to Californiaagain and party.
I had a lot of gay friends outthere.
(08:48):
I felt very safe with them.
I struggle with relationshipswith men.
And so I just felt safe.
And that's when the firstweekend that I ever did meth you
don't really overdose for meth.
I don't know what it was.
I did a lot of GHB.
I had not slept.
I ended up at Cedars Sinai on anoverdose.
So that's another 1 of thoseokay, and when are you going to
learn it was funny because wesent my friends a gift basket
(09:10):
and but this was their life.
It was normal for people to dothese things.
It's like.
Sending someone who's like atotal drug addict, like a gift
basket, they didn't let me dieand they took me to the hospital
because they shouldn't have letme we shouldn't be doing the
drugs.
After that, I had a job set upafter college where I was
helping launch a vodka actually,and I was going to move out
there and work with thedistributors.
(09:30):
It fell through.
And I decided to buy twoturntables and I saw that there
weren't a lot of female DJs outin LA.
And that's what I was going todo.
I got a job at a great recordlabel and I started DJing and it
went well, but in the interim,as I was in college, I was
coming back and forth, bringingdrugs, mailing drugs, started
selling drugs, more and more.
(09:52):
I'm a.
Yeah.
Serial entrepreneur, and Ithrive off being successful at
work and making money.
It doesn't matter what it is.
I've been like that since I waslittle very strong work ethic,
but at that point, I was outthere and I was selling drugs
and things just progressed and Ieventually got into a really
toxic relationship, superabusive.
I couldn't get out of anything.
(10:13):
I just knew I was at this pointwhere I was sick and tired of
being sick and tired, I'd stopor I'm going to die.
But I didn't think I was a drugaddict.
I didn't think I had a problem.
I knew I couldn't quit.
But I started selling more andeventually I started selling
large quantities to less peoplewas my mentality.
I'm not going to get caught.
I'm going to make more money.
This is what I'm going to do andthat turned out where I ended up
(10:36):
having a full SWAT raid at myapartment and picked up a L.
A.
County case.
And then right shortly afterthat, I got a federal case and
was looking at 22 to life.
Shit, shit hit the fan.
How old were you when thathappened, Samantha?
I was 20.
Six.
Kelly (10:53):
And GHB, that's what we know as the date rape drug,
right?
Yeah.
I hope that you did block outfrom that though.
I'm like confused.
If you take too much.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think when they put itin drinks, they just do a huge
amount of it.
Okay.
And that's what I told myparents, right?
So I told them what happened tome when I went to the hospital
in case they didn't have cocainethrough.
But I'm like, I'm so honest.
(11:14):
I'm really authentic and I amreally honest, but I, and that's
when I really separated myselffrom my family.
Because I couldn't even get on aphone call with them.
I knew and I was veryindependent and I didn't need
their money.
But after the SWAT raid, I wouldsay a month later, a friend of
mine went to rehab and he's comevisit.
It's so amazing here.
It's I'm like, okay, I'll comevisit you.
(11:35):
And that must have been like ahigher power thing.
And I went and I wanted what hehad, I saw just a sense of peace
and I went home and I was justso alone at that point.
It wasn't a rock bottom that Ithought.
Like I thought I would be livingout of a car, homeless with
needles coming out of my arm.
That's what I thought a drugaddict was.
I didn't know what most drugswere.
I knew that shit was in themovies, like where they sit in a
(11:56):
circle.
I had no exposure to it.
Except for one guy who said hewas a drug addict one time.
And I was like, what?
And I looked at my dog and Iasked her if I should go to
treatment and she just came andput her head on my lap.
And I immediately called myparents and told them.
I need to go to rehab.
Wow.
Tracey (12:13):
Sorry, was that before you went to jail, Samantha or
after?
I went to jail.
I had the swap and got arrested,got out.
And then I had to go selfsurrender for the L.
A county case.
And that's when I did that timeI got out, I got my probation
transferred and then.
After the swap, right?
The day I got out, I came hometo my apartment and the
(12:34):
Missouri.
Postal feds were there.
And said, I might be getting afederal case against me.
And so that didn't happen untilafter I did my LA County.
I went to rehab LA County gotout probation transferred was
home and then got hit with a 22to life possibly with a federal.
Yeah, sober all of it.
(12:54):
I was so happy to be sober.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, that's so good.
That's good.
So what ended up happening withyour case?
Samantha (13:03):
We got most of the counts drop for the federal case
and I got 27 months at a federalcamp, which is not too bad.
And I look at it as I neededthat.
I know I'm just a stubborn assand I may have had a SWAT raid.
And then I had the LA County andmaybe I didn't need the federal
case, but I got it.
It was like a timeout I needed.
I didn't have a kid, so I can'timagine if I had a kid, it would
(13:25):
have been way different.
But I was young.
I didn't have a kid.
I really support a family.
I took advantage of the entirething.
I did their drug treatmentprogram.
I was the first federal inmateto leave and go tell my story to
a group of high school kids Ican drive and license to drive
every type of like backhoes androad behind her.
But yeah, so I did that, but Iwas on that pink cloud.
(13:47):
You couldn't take it away fromme.
I wasn't going to let it go andI stayed sober.
I had no desire for any of that.
Through all that.
Kelly (13:54):
Wow.
That's awesome.
What was the biggest thing youthink you took out of that
experience?
That 27 months there?
Samantha (14:01):
Oh, I think patience is a big thing.
I learned because you're dealingwith a very different
demographic, some amazingpeople.
I still friends with some ofthem.
And then some it's like youjust.
And I think, you don't want totake things for granted just the
biggest thing is just be kind topeople and have a good moral
(14:22):
compass again think about yourconsequences and not be so damn
impulsive.
I don't know how to pause verywell.
So I think.
I was a solid human when I gotout of there, I was like, just
such a good person.
And you lose it.
You do lose it.
I would say I'm really workingto be that kind of person still,
but I lost sight of that, in mymarriage, I would say big time
(14:46):
and then having a kid got reallyhard to stay grounded.
Yeah
Tracey (14:50):
we do lose sight of that when we're using a substance,
right?
Because we're not ourselves,we're in an altered state.
We're not making decisions thatwe would be if we were clear
minded.
Kelly (15:01):
I was just going to say, so then what happened?
I feel like there's lots more tothis story.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So I got out and I became apersonal trainer cause I had
money laundering on my chargeand I had a job at a retail
place, but I didn't want to dealwith it.
And again, I'm an entrepreneur.
I saw an opportunity and withina year.
(15:23):
Or so I was making six figuresjust doing really well bought a
house.
I did get engaged to 1 personthat did not happen.
And then shortly after that, Imet my ex husband and it was
like.
A dream school, so he, he wassober and he had a past and I
had a past and.
I always feel like I gotbamboozled a little on that 1,
(15:44):
but he got sober at 16.
And we're both in the fitnessindustry and it was good for a
while until it wasn't, so whathappened is I was going through
fertility treatment.
There's a lot of stuff thathappened I shouldn't have even
tried to have a baby, but wewere going through it.
And I think that's when myaddiction started to spin out of
control again.
(16:04):
I was going to 1 meeting a week.
For a long time, and that workedI did the steps a couple of
times before I went to prisonwent to meetings and help with
all that in prison and the drugprogram.
But, I was an air, NAer, when I.
Got sober.
I was in LA.
NA is amazing in LA.
I came home and it was likeeveryone in NA it was a little
(16:25):
miserable.
They're a little different thanAA and It just wasn't the same
and I started going to one AAmeeting a week and I like the
people but I would sit in Theback and I but I'd be like you
guys have never even done drugsyou guys don't even fucking know
me I can relate who would leavetheir kid alone or drink
(16:45):
airplane bottles while pickingup their kid from daycare?
Who would do I would never dothat.
Right until I did, I startedgoing through fertility
treatment and I think thatobsessive compulsive.
Behavior started it was a harderthan prison.
I don't know if you know anyoneor you have gone through it.
It was so hard emotionally.
And there's not a lot of toolsfor it.
(17:06):
You just got to wait anothermonth or it was just stressful
relationship.
My ex started using and he had23 years.
So when I was trying to getpregnant, he started drinking
and smoking pot and honestly,I'm not trying to throw him
under the bus.
He got sober at 16 and I wasmaybe this will make them nice.
And then maybe I, and I thinkpart of it was like, then I can
(17:28):
do it.
I guarantee my disease is youknow what this means?
Once you're done, you're goingto have some credits, but then
he was like lying about it.
It was a lot of lying a lotacross the board but I got
pregnant.
I had my baby.
I had postpartum.
Everything was hard.
I wasn't working.
I've never not worked.
Sitting at home all day withthis blob was like, I did not
(17:50):
know what to do.
And breastfeeding was reallyhard.
And I was sitting in abreastfeeding class and a woman
said you should just have aglass of wine.
And that was it.
Really?
It was like, it was there.
I was waiting for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I called my parents andI said the lady at the nursing
class said that I should justhave a glass of wine.
(18:11):
They're like you should just dothat.
Oh, so that's my big message nowis that mommy wine culture and
that whole, it's crazy.
Cause I guarantee if I said,Hey.
I think I'm just gonna smokesome meth so I can, yeah, I can
get some breast milk, nobodywould have been okay with that.
No, but they were, everyone wasokay.
(18:31):
All my clients know my story.
I'm really open.
They all knew I was drinkingagain and it was, it's fine for
a while.
The blackout stuff didn't happenas much.
I think I was very healthconscious still at the same
time.
But then shit started to get badwhen the divorce started to go
through and, just the separationanxiety.
I would get when my baby wouldgo to his dad because that was
(18:54):
not a healthy environment.
And I think that's when I waslike the numbing I can't, I
still have a hard timeconnecting with my kid because
of it, he's got other thingsgoing on, but just that numbing,
just I can't deal.
I didn't have the emotionalcapacity.
To handle anything.
And so I was drinking and thenit was okay, we're getting a
(19:16):
divorce, but we did a lot to tryto save the marriage.
I will give us credit for that,but it got where he was out 1
night really late drinking andpartying with this guy.
And I just was like, in therapy,I was like, listen, it's either
this or that we, we quit, we getsober or we're getting a
divorce.
Okay.
Had 13 years of sobriety beforeI relapsed and I've been in the
rooms long enough to know whensomeone says I'll stop but I
(19:38):
can't promise you it'll beforever coming from someone with
kind of a history of lying andthings I just knew and so that
was done and I quit drinkingbecause I was never going to let
that be the reason why ourmarriage didn't work and I just
couldn't that's something Iwould never do I was good for a
while and then COVID hit.
you And the classic COVID story.
(20:00):
It was really hard.
I'm an extrovert.
Things with my ex all of it, ithit again.
And I just was like, itbasically got to where I was
drinking every day at aboutthree 30 or four either starting
the airplane bottles on the wayto get my kid or on the way
back.
And then a bottle of gin everynight.
And I'm like a buck 10.
I'm not like, I would blackoutfrom a sip.
(20:22):
I could blackout from a wholebottle.
It didn't matter.
I just knew once I was home andsafe, that's when it would start
because I couldn't deal, like Iwas functioning by day.
Was dating, I was doing a lot ofcrazy shit on that front.
I was out to kill every guy andjust a mess, just a fucking
mess.
I couldn't stop.
(20:44):
I just kept wishing someonewould see how fucked up I was
and take me and hold me in theirhouse for a week.
Just take me and lock me in yourhouse for a week so I don't
drink.
And then I'll get it.
Because I couldn't understandwhy it was so easy the first
time.
It was so easy, I was done andI'm like, okay, this is that
thing again, I guess one dayI'll get it, I hope I get it
before I die or something reallybad happens my son gets taken
(21:06):
away, I was chairing a meeting,relapsing, I was going to
meetings every day, sometimestwo, I had a sponsor my honest
factor was kinda iffy, I wouldbe really honest, and then I
just I'm not getting it, so fuckit I'd pace back and forth from
my house to my car, trying notto drink.
You name it.
I was doing it post itseverywhere on every mirror,
(21:27):
every fridge.
And I finally got a little bitof time and I prayed to my
higher power, which my prayerswere all fucked up then too.
It was like, I need money.
I need money.
I need this.
But it was getting a littledesperate by the end.
And I prayed that I could meet aguy.
That was sober, had a kid andwas like 6 foot covered in
(21:50):
tattoos, whatever, it was likethe perfect.
Gem of a man for me.
And I met him the next day at akid's birthday party.
And I knew he had a sober familyand he was sober.
He was six years sober, but Iknew that he wasn't going to get
me sober, but I thought I wouldbe around people who could
support it enough that Iwouldn't have a problem anymore.
And I relapsed once with him,told him, and then we shouldn't
(22:13):
have been together.
But.
It just got where I didn't care.
It felt like it was wrong, but Iknew I still needed to stop.
I relapsed again.
And that was December 23rd,2022.
I had a gift basket from aclient sent to my house with gin
in it.
And I was just like, game on.
And I told him and pretty muchthis guy walked out of my life
(22:33):
in a nutshell.
So I feel like the universe gaveme exactly what I wanted.
And ripped it away because I wasable to feel love again.
He was very loving, very lovingsomething I hadn't had in a very
long time nurturing.
And I lost it and I lost itbecause of my addiction.
And all I can think of is Ididn't lose my kid, but it took
losing a human in my life due tomy disease to get me to wake up
(22:59):
is all I can think of is I hadthis amazing Beautiful hot guy,
and then I just left my lifelike a ghost and you know I
never lost my parents.
I never lost my friends no humanhas ever left my life because of
my behavior and that happenedand I was like fuck and My
sponsor at the time was likeyour fucking ego is so bad You
(23:20):
don't got it.
You just because you had 13years.
It's not me.
You don't have it and I don'tknow what she said that day, but
I went to this random woman'shouse and cried for 5 hours and
I have not had 1 craving.
I have not thought about it.
It's finally, 1 way I have anamazing relationship with my
higher power.
I do the most incredible servicework now.
(23:40):
My life's so fucking good.
So that's what happened.
Wow.
It's my story, and how old isyour son?
He's six.
19th.
Yeah.
Have you ever heard of it'soppositional defiant disorder.
Oh, wow.
Which is like what in adults islike conduct disorder.
(24:03):
Kids that go to juvie kids thatget the shit beat out of them by
their parents.
He's oppositional to everythingit's wired that way.
You say no, I say yes.
You can't say no to this kid.
It happened about three and ahalf.
It got really bad.
it's so hard.
I feel like some days I'm like,I have every excuse in the book
to drink right now because I getverbally, it's he's abusive
(24:23):
physically, verbally.
He doesn't even know.
He doesn't even understand it.
He blames me for everything.
He's wired literally.
And I'm like, it's like adisease.
It's I'm like 12 step them or dowhat I got to do.
He can't help it, and I need tofind a way to get him into
recovery because there is nomagic pill with this 1.
and so that's been, thank GodI'm sober, or I probably would
have smacked him across the facebecause it's, you don't know
(24:45):
what to do until I find out.
Oh, it's insane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting 1.
yeah, it's a new 1.
so there's not a lot of support,but
Tracey (24:58):
yeah hopefully that, just continue to do your
research and I'm sure you'relucky.
You do what you do for a livingbecause you're educated and, how
to treat and deal with a lot ofstuff.
Hopefully somewhere along theway, you'll figure it out or
find something that works for.
Samantha (25:15):
There's something called therapy.
It's like parent interactivetherapy.
And it's.
At 1st, I was like, there's noway.
But we're on a phase two andbasically you put them in
timeouts and eventually you putthem in a room and you have to
hold them in.
It's a lot.
But after the first time we didit, he walked up to me later
that night, it like reset him.
He was great.
Every time I do it, he's like anangel.
(25:36):
So it's working.
We've had a good couple of weekseven.
And I remember the first time wedid it, he came up to me and
goes, mommy, I trust you alittle bit like out of nowhere.
And he's just always mean to me,like always mean.
So I was like, it's like hope.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (25:50):
That's good.
So that's good.
Hopefully that continues to workfor you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see.
I can relate to, a brokenrelationship being a single
parent and dating for sure.
All those things, the peak of mydrinking happened during that
time in my life too.
And sometimes I think that atthe time, drinking got me
through it.
(26:11):
Because same type of thing I hada really messy split up not a
nice ex and not amicable whichmade, shared custody of a child
very difficult.
So yeah, I definitely used it asa numbing tool, so I can relate
to that.
It was just a lot of emotion tocope with at the time.
(26:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was my thing for 2023.
I was like, listen, I didsomething wrong.
What was it like I do all thethings.
I have my functional medicinepractice.
I was the healthiest alcoholiclike ever.
I'd wake up and put my castoroil pack on and get in my
infrared sauna but I was like,something's not, there's
something's off.
And I was like, this is, I knowwhat it is.
It's the emotional part.
(26:53):
It's like the mental, emotional,I was not tackling it and I'm
not going to get well.
My hormones will not get well,nothing will get well if I don't
tackle that.
And I just like took it on fullon a lot of therapy, a lot of
meetings, a lot of supportgroups a lot of crying, a lot of
dark days, but I just sat in it.
(27:13):
I, it feels good now to sit init.
Like when I think about it, Ithink back, I'm like, man to be
able to feel such intensity,even if it's shitty.
Yes, it felt good to me.
It was like, it's I was feelingagain.
My heart was being like, rippedout.
But I knew it always gets betterbecause it always does.
Yeah, it passes, right?
(27:34):
That's what we learn when we sitthrough it.
Then it does pass let's talk alittle bit about what you ended
up doing with your career andyour business, See Fit then I do
have a question I'll get back toyou on after what you just said
there about being the healthiestalcoholic but yeah, tell us a
little bit about how you gotinto your business and what kind
(27:54):
of services you offer.
Tell us about all yourcertificates because I know you
have a few.
Samantha (27:59):
I do.
So as a personal trainerobviously I had a lot of stomach
problems, chronic fatigue as akid.
I remember in fifth grade justbeing like, I was always so
tired and my stomach was like amess.
But nothing, there was neverreally a solution.
And then when I became atrainer, I was doing all the
right things eating super cleanand.
Working out a lot of cardio, alot of cardio and I realized
(28:23):
that this isn't working.
I started gaining weight, I hadchronic diarrhea, my hormones
were awful.
I started getting my period likeevery other week, and I kept
gaining weight, but I felt likenow, after being pregnant, it
felt like I was pregnant.
My PMS was Three and a halfweeks out of the month.
I might have two good days inthe month.
And I was getting really intothe holistic coaching and
learning more about that alongwith the personal training.
(28:45):
And I met someone that said, Oh,you should run a food
sensitivity test with me.
And that just opened up thedoors.
And I was like, Holy shit, thisis like root cause.
What is this?
Not bandaiding everything.
I wasn't taking any supplementsor any medication, at first
test.
It blew me away.
I remember I dropped like 20pounds of water weight just for
all the inflammation from thefoods I was eating.
(29:07):
Everything that I was eating, Ihad a food intolerance to, and
after doing a lot of research,which is interesting especially
with the people I work with, whoare in recovery, what happens is
you get that same feeling aswhen you use drugs.
So that dopamine and serotonin,that inflammation of the brain,
all of that stuff happens whenyou have foods you're reactive
to or inflammatory to foods inthe body.
(29:29):
So then you compulsively eat andyou binge and you can't stop
because you want to feel thatagain.
And you don't even realize it'shappening.
You could be eating carrots andalmonds.
Like I was eating healthy food,but I couldn't stop.
I'd eat dinner and then justkeep eating, but it was all
because these inflammatoryfoods.
And I'm such an addict that I'msure it's just fuck yeah, let's
do it.
So I did that.
The diarrhea didn't go away.
(29:50):
So then we talked about doing ahormone, adrenal panel, and then
a stool test to check for likeparasites and all that stuff.
And it was just like, what isthis?
And I did it all.
And I had multiple parasites.
I had Candida, my hormones, myestrogen was out the roof.
I'm super estrogen dominantwithin the first month.
I could say that I had, a weekof good days and that got me, I
(30:12):
was like, something's going on.
And so that just got me on myjourney to do that because I had
a lot of women that I wastraining that was also like they
eat clean, we're doing whatcalories in, calories out, and
not getting anywhere.
And that's just such bullshit.
When people come in, I'm alwayslike, just don't count calories.
We're not doing any of that.
And it's you see the relief ontheir face.
My gut was a wreck.
(30:32):
I was doing GHB, which is madeof concrete cleaner.
I was eating prison food.
The list goes on.
And so I wanted to do that forother people.
And I also wanted to save moneyon all the labs that I was
running on myself.
So I decided to become afunctional diagnostic
nutritionist.
And that's when I started justrunning the labs on the side.
But then during COVID, I fullyswitched over because I thought
(30:54):
being a personal trainer was tooeasy for me at this point and
that I needed to challenge mybrain and that would get me
sober.
And then it just became oh, myGod, I brain fog and I can't do
anything, but I switched overand that was my business full
time.
Now I don't really train anybodybecause I see that the results
that I get from this are waybetter.
And I just like this kind ofwork.
(31:15):
And so now I do like veryspecially lab testing.
I work with people withautoimmune menopause, the
symptoms I get are hot flashes,night sweats, bloating,
constipation, diarrhea, I have alot of women in recovery who
want to just heal their body,heal their gut from all the
damage that's done a lot of themare drinking.
And, we find, definitelyunderlying gut infections,
hormone imbalances, blood sugarafter you get sober is bad.
(31:38):
And, we've been told that.
eat sugar, Is that why I have somuch sugar cravings?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's probably your blood sugar.
It's just off.
And most of us try not to eat alot all day because that's,
we've just tried to manage it.
And then at night, it's likegame on because we haven't eaten
all day.
And it's scary to eat a bigbreakfast.
Cause what if you eat a lot atnight and you've had the big
(31:58):
breakfast.
So we, we all have these likerunning tapes in our head.
Yeah.
Yeah, we work on regulating allthat.
We look at infections, hormones,mold, name it.
So that's what I do now.
And it's turned into a lot ofpeople in recovery,
Tracey (32:12):
I was going to ask that is there a portion of your
business that you put towardspeople in recovery or focusing
on people with addiction?
Samantha (32:20):
I'm not a sober coach.
I don't want to be a sobercoach.
I have sponsies, but totallydifferent.
I am more on the let's heal yourbody and repair your body so you
can optimize your health and beyour best self, be the best
parent, not feel like shit allthe time, not be bloated all the
time and learn about trulytaking care of yourself on a
next level.
And, I think it's just being onall the podcasts like that, I
(32:41):
just started getting booked andthen just being really open.
The news in town did a wholesegment on my story.
I got published in a magazine intown.
So it just was like.
It started coming like all of asudden I was getting the text
messages and I'm pretty openbook.
So it was a combination of that.
And then I wanted to get a goodsolid year under my belt before
(33:02):
I was really promoting anythinglike that.
I don't have a lot of time.
I have my 13 years, but I don'tfeel like I have a lot of time.
I have so much to learn still.
but I feel comfortable enough tobe able to work with women who
are in recovery.
I didn't want to be like, I gotthree months sober let me fix
you.
Like I had to fix myself, gavemyself a year to like really do
that.
And so they just come it'sinteresting.
(33:23):
I just have a lot of women, alltypes of recovery.
So I will recommend maybe youshould go to a meeting and
they're all really I get thetexts, they can all text me
anytime if it comes to alcohol.
I'm concierge anyway.
They text me anyway abouteverything, but that's where I'm
going.
I think that's my niche.
Everyone says that's how you dowell.
It's find your niche.
And I think it's going to bethat Mommy wine culture is a
(33:44):
really big, a big thing.
Yeah.
Kelly (33:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've really, we talk about it alot on the podcast and yeah,
we're destroying our everything,ourselves, our gut all the
things you were just talkingabout and we don't.
Obviously think about it at thetime, but it takes time to heal
from that, what we've done, butyou can, and that's what I can I
did it.
I've done it several times, Idid it after post prison and all
(34:08):
that.
And then I did it, after thedrinking, and then I actually
had a lot of mouth stuff thatI've been dealing with.
So I unfortunately had to take alot of antibiotics, but
fortunately, I know how to fixit all and I've managed through
all that.
You can definitely heal yourgut.
You can definitely feel yourbest.
You can definitely have yourenergy back, your libido.
You can poop every day.
You don't have to be bloated.
(34:29):
That's not your new normal.
Just because you're olderdoesn't mean you're going to
have a gut.
I don't buy it.
So what do you do once you dothat analysis with somebody, you
put them on some sort of programto eat what not to eat?
Yeah.
So I typically do a clarity callwith them, which is free.
And we talked about like a fullhealth history.
(34:49):
Like we go to if they werevaginal or C section birth,
cause all of that stuff matters.
Like with the vaginal seedingand like the gut microbiome and
trauma in the home, medications,birth control, really young, all
that stuff is stuff we look at,and then I come up with what
labs I think are going to getyou to your goals, which is
typically a food sensitivitytest.
We do nutrition.
(35:10):
Nutrition is super happy to haveYou gotta start there.
You gotta start somewhere.
The clients are eating prettyclean.
That's why they're calling mecause they've tried everything
else and it's not working.
We do a full hormone panel.
So we look at yourneurotransmitters, dopamine,
serotonin, organic acids.
And then usually a GI panel.
Those are the three that mostpeople I have run.
(35:31):
And then we do protocols foreach one.
So we work on nutrition and thenwe work on, and I try to keep it
really realistic.
I don't do fad diets.
And then we do supplementprotocols.
So you'll be on supplements.
I'm a firm believer in those.
And then yeah, we start chippingaway at the.
Whatever piece of ice.
I don't know.
I don't even know that there's aphrase there.
(35:53):
Yeah, and I think it starts toget the diet line, get those
inflammatory foods out, balancethe hormones, get the blood
sugar regulated and then 99.
999 percent of my clients havean underlying gut infection.
If not 1, 2 gut infection.
Yeah.
So you got to get rid of theinfection.
Then you have to heal the gut.
I kept getting sick because Iwas working with the best of the
(36:14):
best to at this point.
And I kept getting sick againjust it just not anything would
set me off if my cortisol, if Iwent through something
stressful.
And so I never healed the gut.
I did a lot of work to get ridof all these infections that we
found, but I never.
I didn't do anything to heal it.
And I see that as a missingpiece with a lot, like I get a
(36:35):
lot of clients from otherpractitioners because they're
like I tried this and I'm likedid you do X, Y, Z?
And so I'm not an MD, I'm notsome super fancy thing, but I've
been through like a lot of it.
And I think that's reallyimportant because I have very
emotional clients.
I feel like you must have a lotof clients that have an
autoimmune disease.
Samantha (36:54):
I do.
Yeah.
I-P-C-O-S.
I'm very familiar with that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hashimoto's.
Yeah.
We get a lot of sleeves.
Addison's, Crohn's.
Tracey (37:03):
So tell us what it means to be a drugless practitioner.
I know, I was like, where'd sheget that?
From your website.
I know.
Everything's on like Instagramfor me now, I feel and Facebook.
I use supplements that have nodrugs.
So no prescriptions so it's allherbal, holistic, we don't do
any medication.
(37:24):
I should not say that.
So there is a time and a placefor medication.
When someone has SIBO, which issmall intestinal bacteria
overgrowth I typically like torecommend that they do
antibiotics with a specific.
Kind of antibiotics, not thetypical amoxicillin and stuff
like that, but that's reallywhere you get them in remission
or in recovery from SIBO.
It's a tough one to get rid of.
(37:46):
And then I do have a couple ofclients that are on some thyroid
meds, but we use a armor, whichis pretty natural but yeah,
pretty much, yeah, we don't,we're not gonna, we're not going
to bandaid your symptom with apill right.
That's it.
Let's figure out what the fucksymptoms are a way of your
body's telling you something'swrong.
They're great.
You should love them.
Listen to them.
(38:06):
Don't just take a lot ofibuprofen and, some, whatever it
is, there's a lot of medicine.
Yeah.
Kelly, and I can definitelyrelate to what you said about
being the healthiest alcoholicjust in the sense that.
We were really trying to livethis healthy lifestyle.
We've talked about many timesand if our other co host,
Lindsay was here who couldn'tjoin us tonight, unfortunately,
(38:29):
because she's traveling, but shewould say the same.
We've all talked about how, wewere doing all the right things
in the other areas of our life,drinking the green smoothies.
Exercising every day.
Meanwhile, then chugging acouple bottles of wine at night.
When do you think you figuredout that what you were doing
with the drugs and alcohol didnot align with the rest of your
(38:51):
lifestyle that you were tryingto create as far as, the health
and fitness industry goes?
For me, all my little remedieswould just stop working.
And then I'd be on calls withpeople and I think the guilt and
the shame and I knew when you'rewaking up every day, being like,
I'm not going to do it today.
I'm not going to do it today.
I got this.
And then you do it.
And I'm like, and I'm verydisciplined.
(39:13):
I just knew I was like, this isa fucking disease.
I just knew when I couldn'tstop.
I was rational.
I knew like program shit.
I knew, but like I physicallycouldn't.
Stop, like it just kept and I'mlike what like I couldn't figure
it out and I had the brain foggot really bad and it got harder
to wake up every day and I justdidn't remember anything.
(39:35):
I feel like my memory this lastthree laps fucked my memory like
my memory It's not right Andthat's like reckage past Yeah, I
just couldn't do it anymore.
I was not functioning.
I chose to switch my job and itwas way harder.
I had to use my brain a lot morethan training.
As a personal trainer withsomeone with severe A D D, I
(39:55):
could.
Do that.
That was like what trainers do,right?
We're crazy and we can just beall over the place, but you
can't when you're doing thiskind of work.
And that's part of why withMeth, like when I first did
meth, which was my drug ofchoice, it just leveled me out
to a state that I had, like Iprayed my entire life.
And I never took the Ritalin orAdderall.
I never liked any of it.
I think I probably sold it.
(40:16):
But meth, man, when I did that,I was like, Oh, my God, I can
read a book I don't feel like Ihave a fucking 50 monkeys in my
head.
I think it maybe took it down to100.
Kelly (40:27):
I've heard that though people with ADHD, it's oh, it's
a relief.
Yeah, it wasn't a great highwhen I hear people talk about
meth being like you get that?
I was like.
But no, personally I I rememberwhen I went to rehab, I remember
laughing for the 1st time.
It's you don't realize I don'tthink I've laughed in years,
Tracey (40:48):
wow.
How do you feel about people inthe health and fitness industry
that try to incorporate alcohol.
In their programs or they use itto celebrate certain milestones
for people, or people are havingyoga and wine sipping or.
What's your take on that?
My job security, my ex husbandowned a gym.
(41:09):
I've been in the gym industry.
People who go to the gym do notcare about nutrition.
I just don't see like thatpassion.
The clients that I get they'retotally different for the
functional work.
All my personal trainingclients, some of them would run
the labs.
They did not care aboutnutrition.
They all love to drink.
If you're normal and you feellike you can handle doing
something like that, I guess whynot?
(41:31):
Depending on what your fitnessgoal is I don't think that
people understand how horriblealcohol is on the body.
I don't know, if doing a gummymight be a little bit better, I
don't know, but just alcoholalone.
One drink a week is horrible onthe gut and the hormones for
females.
It's horrible.
The stress response, yourcortisol response, the anxiety
that you get with it the livercongestion you get with it the
(41:54):
gut weight gain.
I can't find a reason why youwould want to work out and then
do that.
But there's probably somethingelse going on, it's my guess I
just opened a company.
I just started another companyand it's a so we're doing breath
work and then we're going to doice plunge and then sauna and
then ice plunge and then sauna.
So it's a contrast therapy andwe want to run events.
(42:15):
So my big part of it is, teambuilding all that good stuff,
but a big thing is you don'thave to go out and to the bar
and get wasted.
You can do healthy things foryour mommy's birthday party or
whatever.
The women get together for yourbirthday.
Do something like this.
I'm going to tell you, they'llnever forget you.
They're going to have suchpersonal growth, to get your
friends, to get an ice plungewith you.
(42:36):
That's some serious shit, andthat is what's going to make you
stronger.
That's really cool.
Yeah, I know.
I'm excited.
It's a lot to be mobile.
So we'll like, drive it around.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's really great.
Yeah, that is good.
We're talking more from apromotional side, right?
Like people that own gyms orthey own yoga studios and we
(42:57):
just don't feel like.
It aligns with that lifestyle,why would you promote it as part
of a healthy lifestyle when it'snot healthy?
Samantha (43:05):
They work out a lot and then they can eat a lot.
A lot of people think that I cando it because I work out a lot.
Gym people have a totaldifferent mentality.
Kelly (43:14):
It's more about what they look like than what they feel
like They don't root causehealth and wellness.
They don't think about theycount calories.
They sometimes they don't evenknow that a snicker has 100
calories, but a steak is 350,but the steak is better.
My ex would have pizza partiesand his holiday party would be
at a bar.
(43:34):
Everyone's great, yeah, that'swhat people like to do Yeah,
even when I go to theseconferences I actually been
trying to get Some of these bigconferences with the biohackers
and all that stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I've emailed them and been like,hey, can I run a meeting can we
run a sober group for peoplethere who are in recovery
because there's a lot of peoplein the health industry because
(43:56):
we get that's where we go.
Or we are, like, we're felonsand we need to like, everyone
will hire us, but, because whenI go to these people they love
to get wasted.
All these health people love to,they just get the healthy wine
it's all the clean fit wines sothey do it, but it's cleaner
products.
Once I started pounding downthat shitty vodka, I was like,
(44:16):
oh my, this is so bad.
I knew, I was like, this is bad.
I'm box.
So it's just, people like todrink.
I don't know.
I'm not normal, so i's hard forme sometimes to wrap my head
around that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't even know what it'd belike to just have one drink.
I've never, I don't think I'veever done it.
No.
Tracey (44:33):
Yeah, I guess it's that sense of reward, right?
Which is always associated todrinking or food or yes, social
not knowing alternative thingsto do.
It's easy to do.
It's easy to plan.
True.
True.
So I just have one last questionfor you, what advice would you
give someone on a wellnessjourney that is maybe still
(44:54):
using drugs or alcohol definewellness journey?
Someone that say like us whothought we were on a wellness
journey, or were Trying to be ona wellness journey, but we were
still, drinking when you comeacross clients like that, how do
you tackle or what kind ofadvice do you give them about
the drinking component?
(45:14):
I don't really advise on thedrinking.
I just start to teach them.
I try to get them to feel goodagain.
To realize that alcohol is notdoing them any justice, if that
makes sense, because us not liketo be told what to do and I'm
not gonna, I'm not gonna openthat.
And so I just talk about whatI've learned from my experience,
(45:35):
what I know on a medical side ofit.
what I think a great example isthat Huberman, like I send that
damn Huberman podcast out toquestioning whether or not it's
a great podcast.
There's a ton that are reallygood.
There's good books, we talkabout you came to me because you
have sugar cravings and you gethangry and you're storing fat,
(45:55):
in your belly.
You can't lose weight.
I'm going to tell you, I'm notworried about the calories of
the alcohol, but it's yourbody's response to it.
Like you're waking up at 2 inthe morning because your body is
always going to try to detoxifythat liquor before it detoxifies
all the other shit that it needsto do on a regular basis.
That's why you wake up at 2o'clock.
That's when your liver starts todo its job every day.
(46:15):
That's why you're waking up.
I try to show them becausethey'll be like, oh, yeah, I do
wake up every time I drink atthat time.
And that maybe that's why mysleep because your sleep gets so
disrupted and every time youdrink, it's going to be a
cortisol response.
You temporarily relieve theanxiety you're shooting for or
that feel good.
But then your body reacts as astress response to that alcohol.
And then, from there.
You're gonna get, more anxietyand your body's going to go into
(46:39):
fight or flight and store fat,you know These are all things
that people don't think aboutthat.
I think they just need to knowanother thing is one day.
I was like thinking about it isRubbing alcohol we put on our
hands right to kill everything.
What is alcohol, and we drink itSo healing everything you've got
it's go drink some handsanitizer and let me know if you
want to do that.
Have fun, so yeah that would bethe biggest thing is try to
(47:01):
educate yourself of the impactit's going to have.
I know, eventually that'll startto sink in and you'll start to
correlate your symptoms withyour drinking.
I could say I was drinking.
And it took me a while I know alot about health and wellness,
and I was literally, I triedWellbutrin at the end, and then
I tried Prozac, and I was like,I need anti anxiety meds I would
(47:23):
wake up every night in sheerpanic attacks horrific and my
heart was just like, I was like,you're trying to catch your
breath, you have anxiety so bad,and I think it was my hormones,
but it's because of the alcohol.
The second I stopped, I have nothad any of it.
None.
And I don't even believe inmedicine and I was like going to
medicate myself because I didn'twant to stop drinking.
I couldn't stop drinking and Ijust wanted to get the anxiety
(47:46):
to go away.
And it's just the, the cycle.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You got to break it.
It's hard, but yeah.
Samantha, tell everybody wherethey can find you.
I know you're on Instagram.
you said, I know you have awebsite.
And I do want to mention thatyou did say you can work with
clients in Canada, even thoughyou're in the U.
(48:07):
S.
So that's great.
Yeah, let our listeners knowwhere they can find you
Samantha (48:11):
all right.
Yeah, I work with people allover the world.
So I really am all overInstagram.
I feel like.
It's seefit living.
So it's S E E F I T and thenliving.
And then www.
seefitpt.
com is my website.
It's a little outdated.
But it can get you to a claritycall or wherever you need to go
to book a call for sure.
And facebook, Samantha Lander orSee Fit just Google find me.
Kelly (48:37):
We'll link everything to in our show notes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tracey (48:42):
We'll put everything in the show notes so people can
find you.
So thank you so much for comingon and sharing your story with
us.
It was great meeting you.
You can also find us at LAF lifepodcast and at LAF life on
Facebook and our Facebookcommunity.
We also have a websitewww.laflifepodcast.com.
(49:03):
And thank you again.
Until next time, you know whatto do.
Keep laughing!
Kelly (49:10):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
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