May 6, 2024 • 50 mins
Great conversation with author Paulette Kengg exploring her spirit led sobriety. Paulette came from a very tragic childhood growing up with 2 alcoholic parents. Surprisingly her own drinking was never problematic until she experienced an extreme bout of insomnia in her early 50's and an old friend recommended "just have a glass a wine" as a cure to help her sleep. Initially the wine worked but to Paulette's utter shock she quickly found her brains response changing as she rapidly became addicted and dependent on alcohol. After a life threatening accident and many attempts with different recovery programs, Paulette finally decided to turn back to her faith and found sobriety in her surrender to God. Paulette feels she was called by God to write and share her book Spirit-Led Sobriety. By openly sharing her story, she hopes to help release others from the overwhelming shame around alcohol abuse that continues to linger in the Christian Community.
Connect with Paulette on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/spiritledsobriety22/
To purchase your copy of her book Spirit-Led Sobriety go to Amazon: https://a.co/d/e0xiHaS
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/879472050408496/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelly (00:00):
Hey everybody, we've got a great episode for you coming
up where we interview Paulette.
She's amazing.
You'll love it.
Wanted to start off with atrigger warning that we do
discuss rape in this episode.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast,a lifestyle podcast based on
living alcohol free and a boozesoaked world.
(00:22):
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
(00:44):
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:53):
Hello everyone and welcome to season three of the
LAF Life podcast.
Tonight we have anotherincredible author with us,
Paulette King, and we are soexcited to have her here and
learn about her journey andabout her new book, Spirit Led
Sobriety.
So welcome Paulette, we're sohappy to have you.
(01:14):
I am so excited and grateful tobe on.
Thank you so much for having me.
No problem.
It's our pleasure.
To start our listeners wouldprobably like to get to know you
and know more about how did youstart out being introduced to
alcohol?
And how did it progress?
Paulette (01:30):
Sure.
I had my first drink of alcoholAt 14 years old.
It was the night that my fatherwas shot and killed by my drunk
uncle.
Kelly (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Paulette (01:45):
And so my oldest sister was married.
She lived about an hour away.
She came and picked me up.
I'm the baby of the family.
She came and picked me up andhad Jack Daniel's straight
because you know what, that'sall she knew to do.
We were raised with two parentsthat were unhappily married and
they both drank a lot.
(02:06):
Five kids in six years in an1100 square foot house.
Back when I was growing up.
You don't talk about thesethings
Kelly (02:15):
and
Paulette (02:16):
it was so weird.
You I think it's a very commonand families that grow up with
alcohol with both parents.
It's even the kids know, you'renot supposed to talk about it,
even with each other.
My sister, Pam, was giving meJack Daniels straight the night
my father was murdered.
What was so tragic about that,you guys, is that, and I'm not
(02:36):
going to sound like a victimhere, but my father was the
parent that loved me.
Okay.
My mom had three girls.
And the pressure is always onwomen to produce the almighty
son, nothing against men.
So she finally has a son and shethinks she's done.
Here I come.
And I didn't ask to be born.
(02:57):
God love her.
I was the last thing she wantedwas another child.
As a mother myself, If I hadbeen in her shoes, I would have
felt the same way.
My father, I think instinctivelycould sense her complete neglect
of me.
She never held me.
She never told me she'd love me.
And I'm not saying this from avictim point of view.
(03:18):
I understand my mother as amother myself, she did the best
she could.
But my parents, they both dranka lot.
My dad would get into drunkenrages and try and strangle mom
in the master bedroom and all ofus kids would be scampering
around the bedroom crying andscreaming and nobody.
(03:41):
We were witnessing and hearingthings no child should hear.
I remember one time my brotherjumped on my dad's back and my
dad, just with one arm, justthrough my poor brother against
the wall against the airconditioner.
Somebody in my family wouldeventually call one of my other
(04:01):
uncles and he would God lovehim.
In the middle of the night, comeand faithfully pick up all five
of us kids, take them to hishouse, wake our cousins up in
the middle of the night where wesleep in bed with them again.
not only was that trauma, but itwas shame and that shame is hard
to get rid of.
So that was my 1st introductionto alcohol, but I didn't really
(04:25):
attach to it in high school.
I would drink a lot, becausethat's just what people did.
Tracey (04:31):
Did you know that your dad had been shot?
Were you guys there?
Paulette (04:36):
No.
My parents had been separated atthe time, and this makes it even
more sad.
My parents had been separatedfor some time.
Daddy had gone into I guess itwas some kind of rehab.
I was 14.
I was very young but they hadworked things out.
February 24th of that year wasmy sister Linda's birthday.
February 24th of that year wasmy sister Linda's birthday.
He had come over to the housewhere we were all living.
(04:59):
He was living with mygrandmother at the time, my
grandmother and drunk uncle.
He had come over and my mom anddad were flirting like mad.
They made the announcement.
They were getting back together.
Daddy was moving home the nextmorning.
We had our dad back.
Our mom was happy.
We were going to be a normalfamily.
And when my uncle found out thenext morning, daddy was moving
(05:22):
home, he got drunk and shot andkilled my dad.
There's a lot more to thatstory, but that's the bottom
line of my first introduction toalcohol
Tracey (05:31):
How was it presented to you by your sister?
Like just drink this.
Yeah.
Paulette (05:37):
Drink this.
Drink this.
And I remember, it tasted nasty.
It just lit a fire down mythroat.
Tracey (05:43):
What do you think she was trying to do for you?
Numb the pain or Numb the painand put me to sleep.
Paulette (05:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah.
It was awful.
It was just awful.
Tracey (05:54):
Yeah.
I thought it's terrible.
Sorry to hear that.
Lindsey (05:58):
Did you experience any anxiety or anything like that as
a result of all of this toxicityand trauma that you were living?
Paulette (06:07):
I did in the sense that we weren't allowed to talk
about it, right?
And we would go to church everySunday and daddy would be in.
Sure.
And we'd all have these.
Lace things over our head andyeah, the whole hypocrisy, we've
all listened to enough podcasts?
How many times have we heardfrom the outside?
(06:28):
We look like the perfect family.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And behind closed doors.
We were 5 scared little puppies.
Screaming and not knowing whatto do not being in control.
I can remember in the summer, aswe got a little bit older, my
mom would send us to hersister's house about 4 hours
(06:50):
away.
We would go to stay with auntmidge.
for two weeks.
And that was heaven on earth.
Those were the two best weeks ofour summer every year.
Like clockwork for these people,my aunt and uncle to take on
five kids plus their two boysevery summer for two weeks.
But what's so sad you guys isevery summer on the way home My
(07:13):
mom would be drinking.
She would get in a horrible caraccident.
I really think she was trying tokill herself.
When we would get home from thebest two weeks of our life, she
would be in a hospital bed.
Back then it was called tractionand it was just scary.
Metal bars in her arms and limbswould be placed in just awful
(07:35):
positions.
Again, we'd be shipped off torelatives because daddy had to
work.
She was in the hospital formonths on end.
It was a hard childhood.
There's a lot of people thathave had it a lot worse than I,
so I'm not going to discount orsay.
For me, I'm just explaining thesituation,
Tracey (07:52):
right?
You're just telling your truth,which is, part of what makes us
who we are, right?
And why we end up having our ownjourneys and alcoholism in a
family is very impactful.
I know myself, my dad was analcoholic too, and there's a lot
of alcoholism in my family aswell.
It goes deeper than that.
And, it is a hard thing to shakeand it's a hard cycle to break.
Paulette (08:16):
When I got to high school, that's what everybody
did on the weekends.
You just drank and we drank alot but.
I never really attached to it.
I would have binge drinkingmoments, but I could take it or
leave it.
I could go for weeks at a timeand not drink.
It was just not a thing.
But, looking back, I wasblacking out while I was
driving.
I would get home.
(08:37):
How in the world did I make athome?
Wow.
By the grace of God.
And that's really scary as aparent.
Yeah.
Lindsey (08:44):
Paulette, you said that you guys would go to church on
Sundays.
Did you ever pray?
Did you ever say, dear God,please make daddy stop drinking
or did you ever feel, I don'tknow, I feel like people reach
out to God or whatever theybelieve in times of distress
when things are so bad or Iguess another thing I want to
(09:06):
know is were you ever mad atGod?
Like, how can you let this be myfamily?
Paulette (09:10):
I did not pray out to God when I was young because I
was raised in a very strictreligious upbringing where you
stand up and sit down and saythis and say that, and none of
it made sense.
And, do not ask questions.
Lindsey (09:28):
And
Paulette (09:30):
I was never taught.
It just astounds me.
I was never taught.
God loves you, Paulette.
God has a plan for you.
Never.
We never read the Bible.
It was like, that's what I grewup with.
No, I did not turn to God atthat time.
It wasn't until years later whenI was a single mom and had
(09:50):
gotten laid off from my job andhad to find employment and then
you really hope there is a Godand I'm here to tell you there
is a God and he listens to us.
Lindsey (10:01):
I love that.
I asked the question justbecause your book spirit led.
sobriety, right?
And I was just like, oh, justwondering how it was as a kid.
Cause I remember even for megrowing up, like a specific
situation that stands out for mein my head is our family home
being renovated.
It was fun because we weresleeping on cots, right?
(10:22):
Because we were putting anupstairs on our home and another
family room in the back andstuff.
But my dad was a drinker.
So sleeping on these sun chairs,the suntan beds that my mom put
out for us.
And it was me and I had two.
Sisters, I'm the oldest, it waslike camping in this living
room, but then hearing the dooropen and my dad getting home,
(10:45):
walking in and walking into thekitchen and slamming things
because he was had beendrinking.
I just remember feeling soanxious yeah,
Paulette (10:54):
you never
Lindsey (10:55):
know, you know.
Yeah,
Paulette (10:57):
that's going to happen.
Lindsey (10:58):
And the same was with us.
We went to Sunday school.
I was in Sunday school foryears.
I was in girls of Mary.
My dad went to church everySunday.
It was like, we were UkrainianCatholic but we were a mess on
the inside of our house.
Yeah.
Paulette (11:11):
Yeah, daddy would sleep.
Sometimes he would sleep in ourfront room.
There were two double beds andtwo sisters in one bed, two
sisters in the other.
When daddy was drunk, mom wouldmake one of us sleep with her
and put daddy in.
And, he would urinate all overhimself.
It was just disgusting.
Yeah, but you know what theyreally did the best they could
(11:33):
you were not allowed to talkabout Alcohol and AA was the
only thing available and I havenothing against it.
It just didn't work for me
Tracey (11:44):
I was gonna ask you about that Paulette because I
read that you had tried it andI'm surprised actually because a
lot of people like the conceptof AA, because it is God driven
in ways, and some people aredeterred from it for that
reason, if they're not someonethat's religious or, follows a
(12:05):
practice.
Paulette (12:06):
I don't want to bash AA.
Okay, I can share my experienceof why I think it didn't work
for me if you would like.
Tracey (12:14):
Yeah, none of us, Kelly attended some meetings, but none
of us went through the wholeprogram either.
Paulette (12:21):
Let me tell you, I really tried because at the
time, that's all I thought wasavailable.
And I was really scared becauseI kept going back.
The sponsor, at the time I went,I was a Christian.
I had been saved and beenfollowing God and, all that.
But she, when I had a relapse, Ihated having to walk the aisle
(12:43):
of shame to get the chip again.
All that shame.
All that did was make me want toleave the meeting and go drink
Kelly (12:50):
not the 1st time.
I've heard that.
Paulette (12:52):
Yeah, and I remember she said, you of all people, you
have the power of the HolySpirit living inside of you.
You should not have had to havea relapse that's what happened,
lady.
And I don't need your judgmentand condemnation.
I think it's Romans 8 saysthere's no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus.
So where do you get off?
(13:14):
It didn't help.
Let me put it that way.
Tracey (13:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can understand that.
Paulette (13:19):
So I tried very many times and it just didn't work.
Tracey (13:23):
That's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't need itnecessarily.
There's some people it worksgreat for and everybody's got to
find their own path.
Paulette (13:31):
And I think God had me.
I was in bondage for about 10years.
To be honest with you off and on
Lindsey (13:37):
what do you mean?
What do you mean when you saythat I was in alcohol prison?
I was addicted.
Kelly (13:43):
Okay.
Can we go back a little bit?
I know you drank in high school.
You guys drank a lot on theweekends.
You said you weren't reallyattached to in high school.
So I'm curious to know how itprogressed from there.
Paulette (13:55):
Sure.
So I go to college and the nightof my 19th birthday.
This guy had a birthday party, asurprise party for me.
There was lots of alcohol.
And, I own it, I drank, but Ireally think he put something in
my drink, I really do, and thereason I say that is because one
(14:16):
moment we were all dancing inthe apartment, just having a
blast, when you remember,alcohol could be fun, having a
blast The next thing I knowwe're in my bedroom.
He's on top of me.
My pants are down.
He is raping me.
I am a virgin at this time at 19years old.
Even back then that was acommodity.
(14:38):
I was so naive and stupid.
I actually asked him, are wedoing it?
And he just laughed and kept ongoing and left and I woke up
anybody who's ever gone throughthat experience, you can't take
enough showers to feel clean.
And I did not tell anybody whathappened for about 25 years.
(15:00):
Oh my God.
Yeah, I was so ashamed.
The religion I was raised in wasextremely judgmental, and you
just did not have sex outside ofmarriage, and I must have done
something to deserve it.
I checked myself into theuniversity clinic for about
(15:21):
three weeks.
I couldn't stop crying, and Ijust didn't feel good.
But they didn't ask.
They should have askedquestions, and so this guy that
did that to me was in several ofmy classes and I just couldn't
handle it.
Ladies.
I quit school after about 3weeks.
(15:41):
The final nail on the coffin forthat.
Guy I went to his apartment.
He shared with a couple of otherguys and they always left the
door unlocked I knocked, butthey didn't answer.
So I went in and I went upstairsto his room.
Open the door, he was going atit with another woman.
He's look.
He turns around, sees me, seehim laughs.
(16:06):
And keeps on going.
That's when I lost it and turnedin my resignation.
Why is that so tragic?
Because I had to go home todrunk mother.
That was my choice.
stay at a university with theguy that reminds me every day of
what happened and not haveanyone to talk to because I feel
like I'm the most horribleperson in the world and I
(16:28):
deserved it and I really believethat and I did not deserve that.
And so I moved home with drunkmother who of course I didn't
tell.
There I was with drunk mother.
I met this guy he was my youngand stupid marriage, anything to
get out of the house away fromdrunk mother.
We, bought a new house and Ididn't love him, but He got me
(16:51):
out of the house and when helost his job he was okay with
staying home and smoking dopewith our three week old daughter
while I went out and worked forjobs and, that just was not okay
with me.
So when we eventually gotforeclosed on, I was just like.
Goodbye, I'm out of here becauseI didn't want my beloved
(17:14):
daughter to grow up thinkingthis is marriage.
I did not want her to have anymemories of her dad.
To me as a mom, it was betterfor her to not have any memories
than to have a relationship andsplit apart.
I just, maybe that was right.
Maybe that was wrong.
That's what I did for my sanity.
We got along and everything wasokay.
(17:36):
Four years later, I meet husbandnumber two, who is the exact
opposite of husband number one,good looking, makes a lot of
money, super smart.
He was a big drinker, but see, Iwas used to that.
Kelly (17:50):
What was your relationship to alcoholic at
this point?
Paulette (17:53):
I could take it or leave it.
I really didn't.
Kelly (17:55):
Still.
Hey, yeah.
Paulette (17:56):
Still.
Yeah.
But with husband number two, hewas very abusive and I would get
in trouble.
Use your imagination.
Ladies.
I would get in trouble if Ididn't start drinking with him
at 10 in the morning on theweekends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would get in trouble and itwas nonstop beer, beer the whole
(18:17):
day, whether my daughter waswith us for the weekend or not.
I hated it, but I didn't want toget in trouble.
Okay.
So you do what you have to do.
That marriage ended the nightthat he slapped my daughter, my
nine year old daughter on thearm for asking an innocent
question the night of herbirthday.
You can do what you want to me,but if you have kids You know
(18:39):
what it's like.
I divorced him and was sohappily divorced for almost 20
years, god gave me the careerchange of my dreams without a
college degree, without a footin the door.
I loved my job.
I couldn't believe I got paid todo my job.
It was the most fun.
(19:00):
I bought a house on my own.
I didn't have to have acosigner.
I didn't have to have a loan.
That was a big accomplishmentfor me.
For someone that was always toldyou'll never amount to anything
because you don't have a degree.
That's just not true.
When you have God on your side,hey.
Don't tell me what can andcannot happen or don't tell him
right so where am I at thestory?
(19:22):
Where I really got addicted, itwas in my mid 50s.
Kelly (19:27):
Really?
Lindsey (19:29):
Wow.
Paulette (19:30):
And not only at this point had I had the career
change of my dreams for about 10years, but I had gotten laid off
for about a two year period.
My career change was I wanted totravel and write full time for a
living.
I just could not imagineanything more fun.
That's what I wanted to do.
So during that two year layoff,it was like him saying, how bad
(19:50):
do you want this?
So he laid out some reallyridiculous steps for me to take,
but I took them and like Joshuain the Old Testament every place
I put my foot, the ground openedand it was just amazing.
So by the time I was in my midfifties, the two year layoff
ended and I had the best jobever.
(20:11):
I worked from home.
I was in charge of the magazine.
I got to decide what stories tocover.
I got to decide who tointerview, where to travel,
budget, So much fun.
I worked from home, right?
I loved the job.
I could not turn my brain off.
I would get up at all hours ofthe night, walk 15 steps down
the hall, get on the computer,email my boss, all these amazing
(20:35):
ideas.
And of course, she loved it.
She's man, I have the bestregional editor of all of us,
and, I developed chronicinsomnia.
Have y'all ever had insomnia forone night?
Okay, chronic insomnia is reallydefined as four or more nights a
week of no sleep, month aftermonth.
This went on for eight and ahalf years.
(20:58):
Wow.
Okay.
During this time God brought mythird and final best husband
ever.
We've been married 16 years.
Brought him into my life.
Alcohol was just not a thing.
Take it or leave it, socialdrink or have people over, go to
whatever, but he snores.
Okay.
So we sleep in separatebedrooms.
(21:19):
I didn't know he snored untilafter we got married and I moved
in with him.
And I need complete radiosilence.
I had tried everythingmelatonin, over the counter
sleep medicine, all this stuff.
During this time, I ran into anold friend from high school out
of the blue.
When you do that, you, Oh, let'sget for dinner.
And you go for dinner and youcatch up.
(21:40):
So I was telling her mysituation.
She was, Oh my gosh, Paulette,just have a glass of wine before
you go to bed.
That'll help you fall asleep.
Alcohol was such a non thing.
It never occurred to me to trythat.
So I talked to my husband,Preston, and he's it's the one
thing you haven't tried.
Go for it.
So I did and it worked.
(22:01):
It relaxed me and it put me tosleep.
I don't know if y'all knowanything about the science
behind addiction.
I don't know if you have heardabout neuroplasticity and how
the brain just when the brainidentifies something as a
solution.
That's it.
My addiction, I promise youformed in my mid fifties after
about a week, I would have theglass of wine by my bed.
(22:24):
Inevitably, two or three hourslater, when the alcohol wears
off, a stress hormone calledcortisol starts ramping up in
your brain, you wake up you'refilled with anxiety.
I just.
poured another glass of wine anddrank it.
I literally took it as if itwere a prescription drug.
That's how I looked at it.
(22:45):
It wasn't like, Oh, this winetastes so good.
Let me have some cheese.
I could care less.
This shit was working for me.
Okay.
In a week's time, I knew mybrain had changed to the point
where I told him something'swrong with my brain.
Something has changed.
I can't explain it.
I don't know why, but somethingis wrong.
I'm not processing alcohol theright way.
(23:06):
I can't stop drinking.
I don't think he took it asseriously as I did, but I had
been big time hiding my drinkingfrom him.
I would go to the liquor storeand get wine.
And hide it under my pillow,because, we slept in separate
bedrooms.
So I would hide the bottlesunder my pillow, go to bed
(23:29):
early, close the bedroom door,drink my head off because I was
addicted, then I would hide theempty bottles in my cute black
and white polka dot rubber rainboots in my closet and just the
stress of it all, I would haveto wake up early, run to the
store, look for the exact winebottles, because he has a
(23:50):
photographic memory and replacethe bottles when he was still
asleep.
Lindsey (23:56):
Resourceful.
Wow.
That's a process.
Paulette (23:59):
Oh, such a process.
Such a process.
And I asked him, please put alock on the solid teak liquor
cabinet.
He did not want to do that.
My husband he likes the finerthings of life.
This was an expensive piece offurniture, but he loves me and
he did that.
My story would not be completewithout me telling you about my
(24:21):
special accident at our lakehouse.
He was at a conference at atown.
So I went to the lake by myself.
To relax and enjoy the view,because that's what you do.
And about 5 o'clock in theafternoon, I thought.
Oh, I'll just, it's time, butfive o'clock, I'm going to get
to have a drink and read myKindle by this time I was
(24:42):
drinking two bottles of wine andthen I would drink straight
whiskey and lots of it.
This particular night.
I decided I would take an Ambienso that I could go to sleep
because I thought all thatalcohol, the stress hormones
were really gonna freak out.
So I'm gonna negate that with anAmbien.
I had a horrible accident in ourlake house alone.
(25:06):
I almost bled to death.
It is a miracle.
I drove myself 10 minutes intotown.
My glasses were broken.
I had bruises.
I couldn't see.
I had a puncture wound on thisside, actually, and I'm blind as
a bat, ladies.
So my glasses were broken.
(25:26):
I was smashed and, Ambien, youdon't remember what you're
doing.
And I just remember bloodgushing out.
There was one point where I wasjust like, I'm so tired.
I managed to get back to thecouch and I passed out again.
I kept blacking out.
Chapter one of the bookdescribes the accident.
(25:47):
When I got to the clinic, theycalled the ambulance
immediately.
They called my husband and man,I was just begging God to let me
die.
Because I just knew he was goingto divorce me.
Talk about guilt and shame.
I was here.
You have to under,
Kelly (26:02):
yeah,
Paulette (26:03):
but this is not what he signed up for.
You know what?
It's not what I signed up foreither.
This addiction was, trulyaccidental.
Yes, I'm the one that drank it.
That's what happened.
There's a whole lot more to thataccident story and detectives
were called and just all kindsof stuff.
Kelly (26:21):
What?
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Now we all got to get this book.
What did you do?
How did you hurt yourself?
Do we have to read the book?
Paulette (26:28):
You have to read the book, but I like take a Pepto
Bismol or something because yourstomach is going to burn.
My stomach churns at the thoughtof what I managed to do.
Kelly (26:41):
Oh my gosh.
It is truly it's a miracle.
I'm not lying.
It is a miracle I am alive.
Wow.
Wow.
So that happened and.
I remember we had to tell mysiblings, and that was really
traumatic because it brought upa lot of stuff of childhood, and
also one of my older sisters.
(27:04):
two weeks earlier had fallendown a flight of stairs and had
her own drunk accident.
She had to be lifelighted for afive hour emergency brain
surgery.
So me having my accident, it wasextremely traumatic for our
siblings.
And nobody talked to me forweeks because they made a lot of
(27:26):
wrong assumptions.
Based on the full story of theaccident and the conclusion and,
that made me want to drink, butyou know what?
I was in so much pain physicallya 3 to 4 inch puncture wound
hurts.
It hurts to breathe.
It hurts to move.
It hurts to cough hurts to blinkyour eyes like.
(27:47):
And it takes a long time to healand I was on some heavy pain
medication.
So it was around this time thatI really started researching
other ways to find help.
Celebrate Recovery didn't help.
I'm sorry.
I know it's a Christian program,but it's, we're all different.
And God created me.
I'm a retired editor, whichmeans I'm very nosy.
(28:08):
I was really good at my jobasking lots of questions.
That's how who, what, where,when, why loved it and So I just
started using my analyticalbrain.
Why is this happening to me?
How did this happen?
And I'm sure y'all probablyheard of Annie Grace's book.
I knew you were going to saythat.
Yes.
But you know what?
Hers was the first.
Yeah.
I do not give her all thecredit.
(28:30):
There are a lot of people I haveto give credit to.
Hers was was the first book thatreally made sense to me.
I read it like a thousand times,listened to her podcast.
I did probably three or fourdifferent online quit alcohol
programs by three or fourdifferent people.
Paulette (28:48):
I read chapter 10 of my book.
I probably have.
70 to 80 resources.
Between the number of books I'veread, I've taken a lot of the
online courses that Annie tookthat she, referenced in the back
of her book.
I took a lot of courses, I reada lot of books, listened to a
lot of podcasts, and I had a lotof therapy.
(29:08):
I did EMDR therapy.
I did regular therapy.
I did biblical counseling.
Finally, it's really sad.
It's a sad thing to say the oneplace I thought I should have
been able to go first.
My church family of 30 somethingyears was the last place I went.
And I called one of the elderlypastors who I've known for many
(29:31):
years.
And I just told him and he said,Paulette, I've been clean and
sober for 20 years.
Nobody knows.
And just God was just like, andso he put me in touch with a
biblical counselor I worked withher for a year and a half.
She gave me a book to readcalled the heart of addiction by
(29:52):
a guy named Mark Shaw.
That book broke my heart.
That book is.
Mr.
Shaw's perspective is not thatit's alcoholism or a disease.
His perspective from a Christianpoint of view is that it's the
sin of idolatry.
You're choosing alcohol overgoing to God to help with your
(30:13):
problems.
That's not going to hit witheverybody, but I tell you what,
as a Christian for over 30years, it broke my heart that I
was totally convicted.
So we worked for through thatbook.
And then there's a, anaccompanying workbook that I
worked through.
And here's what's so exciting tome.
And I cover it in my book,Spirit Led Sobriety.
(30:36):
I really think God had me gothrough 10 years of this so I
could try all of these thingsand I was helped like it's
patchwork quilt, a little helpfrom every little thing.
But when I got to Annie's book.
I have an analytical mind.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Annie's book explained thescience behind alcohol and
(30:58):
addiction and how it affectsyour brain and body.
And the neuroplasticity, it'swhen your brain's wiring
literally changes.
You can look it up.
It literally changes.
Changes like Plato or somethingin your head well in the Bible,
I think the book of Romans, theapostle Paul talks about
transforming and renewing yourmind from the inside out.
(31:20):
That's the spiritual version ofthe science version of
neuroplasticity.
So when I was able to put thosetwo together, boom, freedom.
Kelly (31:29):
That's really good.
Paulette (31:30):
It was exciting.
It was exciting.
And yeah, because it was what Ineeded.
Kelly (31:36):
Yeah.
Tracey (31:37):
Yeah.
And I read Paulette that youalso did a lot of research
around, which I think is greatas well.
And I'd like to get yourperspective on this because we
talk about this a lot on thepodcast about how the media
influences drinking and all themarketing of it.
Paulette (31:54):
You will love.
I don't mean to sound like acommercial.
Hold on, I have a chapter onalcohol marketing.
cause it makes me so angry.
One day, one day I went into thegrocery store doing my shopping
and I passed by all the wine andI'm like, look at the names of
these wine bottles.
I took pictures of the labels ofall these wine bottles and I
(32:18):
listed them in the book and thenames are so subliminal and
they're so evil, wicked sister.
And there's a reason.
The hard liquor is called
Lindsey (32:28):
spirits,
Paulette (32:30):
like put that is that not evil or what?
So true.
Yeah.
So one of my little cheapopromotion things, I've ordered
some business cards of my littlebook.
And I'll go to the liquor storenow and to the grocery store,
and I will just slip my cardinto all the,
Kelly (32:49):
I love it.
Paulette (32:51):
For 10 bucks.
Yeah.
And I've had people, I have aprivate Facebook community
called Spirit Led Sobriety onFacebook and people have
actually joined.
From seeing those businesscards.
Tracey (33:02):
Wow.
I love that.
That's awesome.
So great.
That's great.
But see, God gave all of thisgoes to the Lord.
I could not think of any of thison my own, but I just thought,
this is fun.
This is fun.
But yeah, the alcohol industryis so targeted to women.
It makes me really angry.
Yeah.
And if you just read the news,all of these.
(33:24):
the accidents, the marriagesthat are destroyed, the
children's lives, the peoplethat are killed, maimed,
paralyzed, the first responderswho lose their lives, rescuing
drunk people.
It's disgusting.
So I have a whole chapter onthat.
Wow.
Yeah, I thought that was I alsoliked, I read a quote from you.
(33:47):
Describing it like GroundhogDay, which is hilarious to me
because I refer to that all thetime.
I say all the time that when Iwas drinking, my life was like
Groundhog Day.
The same thing.
Over and over
Paulette (34:02):
again over a day, and you wake up every morning, I'm
not gonna do it again.
I'm gonna go replace thosebottles and that is gonna be it.
And it was never it.
The guilt and shame.
I tell you what, there was onetime where it had to have been I
had so many.
The horrible accidents, not theonly one I had.
I had fallen before and brokenthe bone and broke bruised eye
(34:24):
and things like that.
But I remember 1 time waking upwith, I didn't want to wake up.
I was not suicidal.
But I remember telling God, whydon't you just call me home?
Let's just call it good, anotherthing as a writer, I have
journals.
This is from two, I don't knowif you can see this.
This is from 2014 to 2016.
(34:46):
I started keeping journals whenI was 14 years old.
That was my therapy because Ididn't have anyone to talk to
and journaling.
I highly recommend becausenobody's going to see it.
You can really put out whatyou're feeling and shredded.
So 1 of the things I do in mycommunity is because I really
want people to understand.
I know what you're going throughjust this week.
(35:09):
I posted an entry from, I thinkit was April 29th and then April
30th and April 29th.
Here I am feeling guilt andshame.
And here's how much I drank andI'm never going to do this
again.
But I did happen to take somehydrocodone tonight.
Also, while I was drinking andthen the next morning, I throw
all the hydrocodone down thetoilet trying to be just.
(35:31):
It's a nightmare.
It is a nightmare.
Yeah, and you think you'rethinking clearly, but you're
not,
Kelly (35:40):
you
Paulette (35:40):
don't think clearly for a long time.
But people that follow and theyread these entries, they tell me
so much.
It helps them.
And that is what I'm about.
I'm not a coach.
I don't have an online program.
I have nothing to sell you.
I do have a book I wrote.
God gave me this book to writeplain and simple.
He downloaded into me, it waswritten in about three weeks and
(36:04):
published it took me about twoweeks to learn formatting, which
I hate.
But there's no question.
There's no question.
He gave me the gift ofrepentance, delivered me, gave
me another chance and has givenme this ministry.
And I'm now working on acompanion workbook to it.
And I'm not calling it a Biblestudy.
I don't know what I'm calling itother than it's a workbook going
(36:27):
through and giving a lot ofjournal prompts anyway, all I
want to do is encourage people,if I can get through this,
anybody can get through this.
God is no respecter persons.
I am not anybody special.
There's no reason why he woulddo it for me and not somebody
else.
The only thing I will say in myfavor is that I did not give up.
I don't know how I had faith.
(36:48):
But I did, I just, I am myfather's daughter.
I refused to give up until I gotfree.
I was trying everything.
I didn't care.
I didn't care.
Whatever I'm doing it andeventually the answers came.
Tracey (37:02):
Have you been sober now?
Paulette (37:04):
December 30th, 2022.
Tracey (37:07):
Okay.
Paulette (37:08):
Yeah, and the man, the night of December 29th, 2022, I
had been drinking.
And my husband was in his officeI ended up on the floor on my
face crying and praying.
And it sounds goofy and weirdand all that.
But remember the firstTerminator movie when Arnold
(37:28):
Schwarzenegger falls down to theearth from that vortex.
Do y'all remember that?
Did you even see the movie?
Am I that old?
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes froma hurricane, tornado, and land
on Earth.
That is what I felt like thenight of December 29th, 2022.
And it was like, God said to meenough, she is mine.
(37:51):
And what a thing to hear.
It was like a total spiritualwarfare kind of thing.
I don't even know if y'allladies are women of faith or
not, but I'm just sharing myexperience and I haven't had a
drink since and I don't want it.
Teak liquor cabinet is wideopen.
There's plenty of wine.
I could care less.
I have no temptation, nocraving, nothing.
Lindsey (38:15):
Wow.
Your story.
Kelly and Tracy, you guys mustremember Ellie from season one.
So Paulette, this is so crazybecause Ellie, I actually met
her at church and I didn't knowthis about her, but she had been
a real.
struggling addict, addicted toalcohol.
And she has the same story.
(38:35):
She wrote a book, but it waslike this one day God just said,
that's enough.
She was fighting, she woulddrink every day and it was like
a fight to not.
And then all of a sudden, shehad tried everything.
And then it just one day it waslike, she felt God she got
(38:55):
baptized.
She got baptized.
Yes.
Her niece.
Yeah.
That's right.
And then that was it.
After that she never drankagain.
Yeah.
Tracey (39:04):
Yeah.
She believed she was born againin that moment.
Wow.
She probably was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paulette (39:10):
I had been born again in the early two thousands.
So I had been a believer formany years.
And that's why when I read Mr.
Shaw's book, it really crackedme open.
Wow.
To think that I had hurt Godthat much, but that's what I
needed.
You need what you need.
Yeah.
Kelly (39:26):
Yeah.
Paulette (39:27):
And I think I went through so much pain and just,
the childhood I got a lot oftherapy, dealt with the trauma
trauma can live inside yourbody.
Yes.
It does.
That's like a physical truth.
Yes.
And sadly the same sister thatfell.
down the stairs.
She passed away November 19th.
(39:48):
Three years ago, she drank toomuch one night, fell, hit her
head, bled to death.
Her body was discovered two dayslater by my other two sisters.
So yeah.
See, alcohol, it really goesafter the women.
Yes, I agree killer and it's akiller and it pisses me off
(40:09):
because excuse my language, butit's like the industry's telling
these young mothers.
You can't possibly parent yourchildren without drinking.
Kelly (40:17):
I was thinking about that today.
Again, we've talked about it somany times on here, but just how
disempowering the marketing andthe getting sucked into it and
saying, or even your friendssaying to you, Oh, you just have
a glass of wine to sleep.
Like people say that to moms,I'll just have a glass of wine
at the end of the day.
I'll never say that again.
And let me tell you, I'm free ofthe insomnia.
(40:38):
Oh, good.
Listen, this is how bad it was.
I had a year and a half, threedoctors.
My primary care, then a boardcertified sleep specialist,
which the board certified sleepdoctor, and then a cognitive
behavior therapist specializinginsomnia for 1.
(40:59):
5 years.
These 3 doctors play tag team.
They shared their records withwhat they were doing with me,
what was working.
It took a year and a half tocrack the code of this brain.
I no longer have to drink forany reason whatsoever.
And I have zero interest.
If you paid me a milliondollars, if you paid off the
(41:19):
debt of everyone I love.
In exchange for me drinking, Iwould not drink.
No,
Lindsey (41:25):
that's freedom right there.
That is inner peace.
I love that.
I think this is important.
Coming at addiction and alcoholuse from a spirituality
perspective.
I remember going to church onSunday morning.
I was teaching Sunday school andI was hung over as shit.
(41:46):
Do you know what I mean?
And I was going to Bible, likehome group studies and small
groups.
And, I really just, I was goingthrough a really hard time when
I was going through a divorceand I was using alcohol to numb
and it just really got out ofhand, blacking out a lot,
drinking wine at home alone.
But, I just think women, peoplein general are just scared to
(42:07):
talk about this in church groupsand stuff.
And I really feel like it shouldbe a Bible study.
And I feel like people who areat their wits end, who literally
have tried everything.
It's a shame that you're a
Paulette (42:21):
good Christian that nobody is talking about.
And that's why I really thinkthat's why this book, God gave
it to me to specifically toChristians.
Yeah, because there are too manybrothers and sisters in Christ
suffering silently and abusedevery Sunday.
Lindsey (42:38):
Absolutely.
Paulette (42:39):
Absolutely.
So people are just, I don't havemany reviews on my book.
I am a horrible marketer.
I don't have the money to hire apublicist.
God's my PR department, and thereviews are good.
I don't have that many, butpeople are finding my community
one way or the other.
That's great.
It's especially in the Christiancommunity.
(43:00):
They realize they are not alone.
Exactly.
And it takes a while for some ofthem to open up and ask for
support.
And man, everybody just it's abeautiful thing.
Tracey (43:11):
Inspiration to those people for sure, Paulette to be
putting your story out therevulnerable and open because like
you said, a lot of people thatare struggling in that
community.
There's so much shame around itthat it's hard for them to open
up,
Lindsey (43:28):
You feel like if you have those problems, then if
you're a believer in God if youwere a good Christian, this
wouldn't be happening to you.
Paulette (43:36):
Yes.
Yes.
I just love God so much.
I'm so grateful that hedelivered me.
I'm so grateful.
Romans 8, 28, he brings allthings together for good, that
those who love him, that thosewho are called according to his
purpose.
Yeah, this is a perfect example.
What's so awesome also is.
Listen I mean it.
I'm no special person.
(43:57):
I'm no better than anybody else.
God gave everybody gifts.
Each of y'all have a gift.
And when you use it for hisglory and to help other people,
this does not work for me.
This is a joy.
This gives my life meaning andpurpose.
Purpose.
Yeah.
I didn't go through that fornothing.
Yes.
(44:17):
I'm still writing this.
It's like a companion workbook Idon't know how it's going to end
up.
I've got two more chapters to doand I'm really excited about it
and I really hope that it willhelp people.
I don't want people to followwhat I did.
I want them to follow the HolySpirit's leading in their life
because they're different than Iam.
(44:38):
They didn't grow up.
In the house I grew up withparents,
Kelly (44:41):
yeah.
Paulette (44:42):
God knows all of us.
He knows exactly what we need.
My role is to show, I know howyou feel and God saved me.
He's going to save you, but hewants you to follow his lead.
This book and the companionworkbook are meant to draw you
closer to God.
God is the one that can helpyou.
(45:03):
Friends, I might be a conduit,but he's the one that was the
answer.
It's not me.
I just write what he gives me.
Tracey (45:10):
Tell our listeners, Paulette, what you're going to
give them, what we're going tohave after the podcast episode.
Paulette (45:16):
I don't know if y'all can see my book.
I don't know if you can see it,but I'm offering, okay, I'm
giving this away.
It's up to these beautifulladies to figure out how to run
the contest and draw the name.
Tracey (45:27):
We will,
Paulette (45:28):
they're going to send me the winner and I am going to
be so excited to send you acopy.
Lindsey (45:34):
Wow.
Paulette (45:35):
And yeah.
You'll read about that accident.
You'll read about the detective.
Kelly (45:39):
Yes, we need to.
We all need to read about thataccident.
Lindsey (45:42):
That is a crazy.
That's crazy.
Detectives involved.
Holy smokes.
I'm intrigued.
Yeah.
Tracey (45:48):
I have to say Paulette, you're extremely resilient
individual for everything thatyou've been through.
That in itself is veryinspiring.
I think you are going to help alot of people, especially in
that community.
I think that it's amazing thatyou're standing up and being an
advocate for those people to go.
(46:10):
Yes.
All of us for all of us.
Yes.
There's enough around it foreverybody, let alone, an
increased amount in certainsegments.
Paulette (46:19):
Exactly.
We all have our own audiences,so to speak.
Tracey (46:22):
Yes.
Paulette (46:23):
Can I invite people to join my spirit list?
Tracey (46:26):
Absolutely.
So tell everybody where to findyou and then we'll wrap her up.
Paulette (46:32):
Thank you.
On Facebook, I have a privatecommunity.
It is called Spirit LedSobriety.
I am on Instagram at Spirit LedSobriety 22, the numbers 2 2.
But I'm more active in thisonline community than anything
else.
I want to be there.
(46:52):
I have face timed with peoplethat have private messaged me.
I have been on the phone withthem.
If I could meet them in person,I would do it and give them a
hug.
We need to love each otherthrough this.
And I really think only peoplethat have gone through this
freaking nightmare can reallyunderstand people that love us
want to understand.
But my husband, he could neverhave a clue.
(47:14):
That's amazing that you'resupporting people like that.
Kelly (47:16):
How can they buy your book?
Oh, Amazon.
In fact, I lowered the pricetoday a little bit.
Lindsey (47:24):
Oh, wow.
Paulette (47:25):
Yeah.
Lindsey (47:26):
I'm going to head over and buy it.
Tracey (47:27):
Yes, it's on sale, listeners.
Head over and buy it.
Paulette (47:32):
Yeah.
Please consider leaving a reviewbecause there's not that many.
Absolutely.
But they're all good.
They're all good.
Kelly (47:38):
Good.
I'm so happy for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You should be very proud ofyourself.
I'm really happy that I'm free.
Yes, I'm so happy that you'refree.
I'm so happy that we're allfree.
All four of us.
Paulette (47:49):
Free.
Free indeed.
I love you guys.
Y'all have been so nice to talkto.
Thank you so much for having me.
Tracey (47:57):
Thanks for coming and sharing your story.
It's pretty incredible.
Paulette (48:01):
My website is spiritledsobriety.
com.
I forgot about that.
Kelly (48:05):
Perfect.
Paulette (48:06):
Yeah.
I'm trying to send out anewsletter now and then, but I
love my community and I wanteverybody to join.
You will feel at home.
There's no judgment.
There's no condemnation ever.
There's not been one incident ofany judgment or anybody harping
on anybody.
For one thing, I have that inthe rules.
If you have to agree to that thestrategy God has given me for
(48:27):
this community.
It's a spirit led strategy everymorning, prayer, praise, The
wisdom of Proverbs, thecommunity, everybody in it has
agreed to pray out loud theseprayers every morning for each
other and everyone in the worldthat suffers from addictions.
It's so amazing because peopleare telling me, I have two weeks
(48:50):
for the, I haven't had two weeksever.
And I think it's because of theprayers.
Of course, it's from the prayers
Kelly (48:55):
powerful,
Paulette (48:56):
if two or more gathered in my name, he is there
with us.
And we've got almost 260 peoplepraying for each other.
God's doing this.
Absolutely.
So anyway, I'm on my tippy toes.
I'm so excited.
Tracey (49:11):
Okay we'll put all your contact information in our show
notes so everybody will be ableto find you and be able to find
the book, Spirit-Led andSobriety.
Paulette (49:19):
Good luck to whoever wins the book.
I'm so happy to send it to you.
I can't wait.
Tracey (49:24):
Amazing.
Paulette (49:25):
God bless you all.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you to our listeners fortuning in.
You can find us on Instagram atLAF Life Podcast and on Facebook
in our community at LAF Life.
You can also visit our websitewww.
laflifepodcast.
com.
And thank you again, Paulette.
(49:47):
Until next time, you all knowwhat to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (49:52):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
Hey everybody, we've got a great episode for you coming
up where we interview Paulette.
She's amazing.
You'll love it.
Wanted to start off with atrigger warning that we do
discuss rape in this episode.
Welcome to the LAF life podcast,a lifestyle podcast based on
living alcohol free and a boozesoaked world.
(00:22):
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
(00:44):
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.
Tracey (00:53):
Hello everyone and welcome to season three of the
LAF Life podcast.
Tonight we have anotherincredible author with us,
Paulette King, and we are soexcited to have her here and
learn about her journey andabout her new book, Spirit Led
Sobriety.
So welcome Paulette, we're sohappy to have you.
(01:14):
I am so excited and grateful tobe on.
Thank you so much for having me.
No problem.
It's our pleasure.
To start our listeners wouldprobably like to get to know you
and know more about how did youstart out being introduced to
alcohol?
And how did it progress?
Paulette (01:30):
Sure.
I had my first drink of alcoholAt 14 years old.
It was the night that my fatherwas shot and killed by my drunk
uncle.
Kelly (01:42):
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Paulette (01:45):
And so my oldest sister was married.
She lived about an hour away.
She came and picked me up.
I'm the baby of the family.
She came and picked me up andhad Jack Daniel's straight
because you know what, that'sall she knew to do.
We were raised with two parentsthat were unhappily married and
they both drank a lot.
(02:06):
Five kids in six years in an1100 square foot house.
Back when I was growing up.
You don't talk about thesethings
Kelly (02:15):
and
Paulette (02:16):
it was so weird.
You I think it's a very commonand families that grow up with
alcohol with both parents.
It's even the kids know, you'renot supposed to talk about it,
even with each other.
My sister, Pam, was giving meJack Daniels straight the night
my father was murdered.
What was so tragic about that,you guys, is that, and I'm not
(02:36):
going to sound like a victimhere, but my father was the
parent that loved me.
Okay.
My mom had three girls.
And the pressure is always onwomen to produce the almighty
son, nothing against men.
So she finally has a son and shethinks she's done.
Here I come.
And I didn't ask to be born.
(02:57):
God love her.
I was the last thing she wantedwas another child.
As a mother myself, If I hadbeen in her shoes, I would have
felt the same way.
My father, I think instinctivelycould sense her complete neglect
of me.
She never held me.
She never told me she'd love me.
And I'm not saying this from avictim point of view.
(03:18):
I understand my mother as amother myself, she did the best
she could.
But my parents, they both dranka lot.
My dad would get into drunkenrages and try and strangle mom
in the master bedroom and all ofus kids would be scampering
around the bedroom crying andscreaming and nobody.
(03:41):
We were witnessing and hearingthings no child should hear.
I remember one time my brotherjumped on my dad's back and my
dad, just with one arm, justthrough my poor brother against
the wall against the airconditioner.
Somebody in my family wouldeventually call one of my other
(04:01):
uncles and he would God lovehim.
In the middle of the night, comeand faithfully pick up all five
of us kids, take them to hishouse, wake our cousins up in
the middle of the night where wesleep in bed with them again.
not only was that trauma, but itwas shame and that shame is hard
to get rid of.
So that was my 1st introductionto alcohol, but I didn't really
(04:25):
attach to it in high school.
I would drink a lot, becausethat's just what people did.
Tracey (04:31):
Did you know that your dad had been shot?
Were you guys there?
Paulette (04:36):
No.
My parents had been separated atthe time, and this makes it even
more sad.
My parents had been separatedfor some time.
Daddy had gone into I guess itwas some kind of rehab.
I was 14.
I was very young but they hadworked things out.
February 24th of that year wasmy sister Linda's birthday.
February 24th of that year wasmy sister Linda's birthday.
He had come over to the housewhere we were all living.
(04:59):
He was living with mygrandmother at the time, my
grandmother and drunk uncle.
He had come over and my mom anddad were flirting like mad.
They made the announcement.
They were getting back together.
Daddy was moving home the nextmorning.
We had our dad back.
Our mom was happy.
We were going to be a normalfamily.
And when my uncle found out thenext morning, daddy was moving
(05:22):
home, he got drunk and shot andkilled my dad.
There's a lot more to thatstory, but that's the bottom
line of my first introduction toalcohol
Tracey (05:31):
How was it presented to you by your sister?
Like just drink this.
Yeah.
Paulette (05:37):
Drink this.
Drink this.
And I remember, it tasted nasty.
It just lit a fire down mythroat.
Tracey (05:43):
What do you think she was trying to do for you?
Numb the pain or Numb the painand put me to sleep.
Paulette (05:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah.
It was awful.
It was just awful.
Tracey (05:54):
Yeah.
I thought it's terrible.
Sorry to hear that.
Lindsey (05:58):
Did you experience any anxiety or anything like that as
a result of all of this toxicityand trauma that you were living?
Paulette (06:07):
I did in the sense that we weren't allowed to talk
about it, right?
And we would go to church everySunday and daddy would be in.
Sure.
And we'd all have these.
Lace things over our head andyeah, the whole hypocrisy, we've
all listened to enough podcasts?
How many times have we heardfrom the outside?
(06:28):
We look like the perfect family.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And behind closed doors.
We were 5 scared little puppies.
Screaming and not knowing whatto do not being in control.
I can remember in the summer, aswe got a little bit older, my
mom would send us to hersister's house about 4 hours
(06:50):
away.
We would go to stay with auntmidge.
for two weeks.
And that was heaven on earth.
Those were the two best weeks ofour summer every year.
Like clockwork for these people,my aunt and uncle to take on
five kids plus their two boysevery summer for two weeks.
But what's so sad you guys isevery summer on the way home My
(07:13):
mom would be drinking.
She would get in a horrible caraccident.
I really think she was trying tokill herself.
When we would get home from thebest two weeks of our life, she
would be in a hospital bed.
Back then it was called tractionand it was just scary.
Metal bars in her arms and limbswould be placed in just awful
(07:35):
positions.
Again, we'd be shipped off torelatives because daddy had to
work.
She was in the hospital formonths on end.
It was a hard childhood.
There's a lot of people thathave had it a lot worse than I,
so I'm not going to discount orsay.
For me, I'm just explaining thesituation,
Tracey (07:52):
right?
You're just telling your truth,which is, part of what makes us
who we are, right?
And why we end up having our ownjourneys and alcoholism in a
family is very impactful.
I know myself, my dad was analcoholic too, and there's a lot
of alcoholism in my family aswell.
It goes deeper than that.
And, it is a hard thing to shakeand it's a hard cycle to break.
Paulette (08:16):
When I got to high school, that's what everybody
did on the weekends.
You just drank and we drank alot but.
I never really attached to it.
I would have binge drinkingmoments, but I could take it or
leave it.
I could go for weeks at a timeand not drink.
It was just not a thing.
But, looking back, I wasblacking out while I was
driving.
I would get home.
(08:37):
How in the world did I make athome?
Wow.
By the grace of God.
And that's really scary as aparent.
Yeah.
Lindsey (08:44):
Paulette, you said that you guys would go to church on
Sundays.
Did you ever pray?
Did you ever say, dear God,please make daddy stop drinking
or did you ever feel, I don'tknow, I feel like people reach
out to God or whatever theybelieve in times of distress
when things are so bad or Iguess another thing I want to
(09:06):
know is were you ever mad atGod?
Like, how can you let this be myfamily?
Paulette (09:10):
I did not pray out to God when I was young because I
was raised in a very strictreligious upbringing where you
stand up and sit down and saythis and say that, and none of
it made sense.
And, do not ask questions.
Lindsey (09:28):
And
Paulette (09:30):
I was never taught.
It just astounds me.
I was never taught.
God loves you, Paulette.
God has a plan for you.
Never.
We never read the Bible.
It was like, that's what I grewup with.
No, I did not turn to God atthat time.
It wasn't until years later whenI was a single mom and had
(09:50):
gotten laid off from my job andhad to find employment and then
you really hope there is a Godand I'm here to tell you there
is a God and he listens to us.
Lindsey (10:01):
I love that.
I asked the question justbecause your book spirit led.
sobriety, right?
And I was just like, oh, justwondering how it was as a kid.
Cause I remember even for megrowing up, like a specific
situation that stands out for mein my head is our family home
being renovated.
It was fun because we weresleeping on cots, right?
(10:22):
Because we were putting anupstairs on our home and another
family room in the back andstuff.
But my dad was a drinker.
So sleeping on these sun chairs,the suntan beds that my mom put
out for us.
And it was me and I had two.
Sisters, I'm the oldest, it waslike camping in this living
room, but then hearing the dooropen and my dad getting home,
(10:45):
walking in and walking into thekitchen and slamming things
because he was had beendrinking.
I just remember feeling soanxious yeah,
Paulette (10:54):
you never
Lindsey (10:55):
know, you know.
Yeah,
Paulette (10:57):
that's going to happen.
Lindsey (10:58):
And the same was with us.
We went to Sunday school.
I was in Sunday school foryears.
I was in girls of Mary.
My dad went to church everySunday.
It was like, we were UkrainianCatholic but we were a mess on
the inside of our house.
Yeah.
Paulette (11:11):
Yeah, daddy would sleep.
Sometimes he would sleep in ourfront room.
There were two double beds andtwo sisters in one bed, two
sisters in the other.
When daddy was drunk, mom wouldmake one of us sleep with her
and put daddy in.
And, he would urinate all overhimself.
It was just disgusting.
Yeah, but you know what theyreally did the best they could
(11:33):
you were not allowed to talkabout Alcohol and AA was the
only thing available and I havenothing against it.
It just didn't work for me
Tracey (11:44):
I was gonna ask you about that Paulette because I
read that you had tried it andI'm surprised actually because a
lot of people like the conceptof AA, because it is God driven
in ways, and some people aredeterred from it for that
reason, if they're not someonethat's religious or, follows a
(12:05):
practice.
Paulette (12:06):
I don't want to bash AA.
Okay, I can share my experienceof why I think it didn't work
for me if you would like.
Tracey (12:14):
Yeah, none of us, Kelly attended some meetings, but none
of us went through the wholeprogram either.
Paulette (12:21):
Let me tell you, I really tried because at the
time, that's all I thought wasavailable.
And I was really scared becauseI kept going back.
The sponsor, at the time I went,I was a Christian.
I had been saved and beenfollowing God and, all that.
But she, when I had a relapse, Ihated having to walk the aisle
(12:43):
of shame to get the chip again.
All that shame.
All that did was make me want toleave the meeting and go drink
Kelly (12:50):
not the 1st time.
I've heard that.
Paulette (12:52):
Yeah, and I remember she said, you of all people, you
have the power of the HolySpirit living inside of you.
You should not have had to havea relapse that's what happened,
lady.
And I don't need your judgmentand condemnation.
I think it's Romans 8 saysthere's no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus.
So where do you get off?
(13:14):
It didn't help.
Let me put it that way.
Tracey (13:16):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can understand that.
Paulette (13:19):
So I tried very many times and it just didn't work.
Tracey (13:23):
That's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't need itnecessarily.
There's some people it worksgreat for and everybody's got to
find their own path.
Paulette (13:31):
And I think God had me.
I was in bondage for about 10years.
To be honest with you off and on
Lindsey (13:37):
what do you mean?
What do you mean when you saythat I was in alcohol prison?
I was addicted.
Kelly (13:43):
Okay.
Can we go back a little bit?
I know you drank in high school.
You guys drank a lot on theweekends.
You said you weren't reallyattached to in high school.
So I'm curious to know how itprogressed from there.
Paulette (13:55):
Sure.
So I go to college and the nightof my 19th birthday.
This guy had a birthday party, asurprise party for me.
There was lots of alcohol.
And, I own it, I drank, but Ireally think he put something in
my drink, I really do, and thereason I say that is because one
(14:16):
moment we were all dancing inthe apartment, just having a
blast, when you remember,alcohol could be fun, having a
blast The next thing I knowwe're in my bedroom.
He's on top of me.
My pants are down.
He is raping me.
I am a virgin at this time at 19years old.
Even back then that was acommodity.
(14:38):
I was so naive and stupid.
I actually asked him, are wedoing it?
And he just laughed and kept ongoing and left and I woke up
anybody who's ever gone throughthat experience, you can't take
enough showers to feel clean.
And I did not tell anybody whathappened for about 25 years.
(15:00):
Oh my God.
Yeah, I was so ashamed.
The religion I was raised in wasextremely judgmental, and you
just did not have sex outside ofmarriage, and I must have done
something to deserve it.
I checked myself into theuniversity clinic for about
(15:21):
three weeks.
I couldn't stop crying, and Ijust didn't feel good.
But they didn't ask.
They should have askedquestions, and so this guy that
did that to me was in several ofmy classes and I just couldn't
handle it.
Ladies.
I quit school after about 3weeks.
(15:41):
The final nail on the coffin forthat.
Guy I went to his apartment.
He shared with a couple of otherguys and they always left the
door unlocked I knocked, butthey didn't answer.
So I went in and I went upstairsto his room.
Open the door, he was going atit with another woman.
He's look.
He turns around, sees me, seehim laughs.
(16:06):
And keeps on going.
That's when I lost it and turnedin my resignation.
Why is that so tragic?
Because I had to go home todrunk mother.
That was my choice.
stay at a university with theguy that reminds me every day of
what happened and not haveanyone to talk to because I feel
like I'm the most horribleperson in the world and I
(16:28):
deserved it and I really believethat and I did not deserve that.
And so I moved home with drunkmother who of course I didn't
tell.
There I was with drunk mother.
I met this guy he was my youngand stupid marriage, anything to
get out of the house away fromdrunk mother.
We, bought a new house and Ididn't love him, but He got me
(16:51):
out of the house and when helost his job he was okay with
staying home and smoking dopewith our three week old daughter
while I went out and worked forjobs and, that just was not okay
with me.
So when we eventually gotforeclosed on, I was just like.
Goodbye, I'm out of here becauseI didn't want my beloved
(17:14):
daughter to grow up thinkingthis is marriage.
I did not want her to have anymemories of her dad.
To me as a mom, it was betterfor her to not have any memories
than to have a relationship andsplit apart.
I just, maybe that was right.
Maybe that was wrong.
That's what I did for my sanity.
We got along and everything wasokay.
(17:36):
Four years later, I meet husbandnumber two, who is the exact
opposite of husband number one,good looking, makes a lot of
money, super smart.
He was a big drinker, but see, Iwas used to that.
Kelly (17:50):
What was your relationship to alcoholic at
this point?
Paulette (17:53):
I could take it or leave it.
I really didn't.
Kelly (17:55):
Still.
Hey, yeah.
Paulette (17:56):
Still.
Yeah.
But with husband number two, hewas very abusive and I would get
in trouble.
Use your imagination.
Ladies.
I would get in trouble if Ididn't start drinking with him
at 10 in the morning on theweekends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would get in trouble and itwas nonstop beer, beer the whole
(18:17):
day, whether my daughter waswith us for the weekend or not.
I hated it, but I didn't want toget in trouble.
Okay.
So you do what you have to do.
That marriage ended the nightthat he slapped my daughter, my
nine year old daughter on thearm for asking an innocent
question the night of herbirthday.
You can do what you want to me,but if you have kids You know
(18:39):
what it's like.
I divorced him and was sohappily divorced for almost 20
years, god gave me the careerchange of my dreams without a
college degree, without a footin the door.
I loved my job.
I couldn't believe I got paid todo my job.
It was the most fun.
(19:00):
I bought a house on my own.
I didn't have to have acosigner.
I didn't have to have a loan.
That was a big accomplishmentfor me.
For someone that was always toldyou'll never amount to anything
because you don't have a degree.
That's just not true.
When you have God on your side,hey.
Don't tell me what can andcannot happen or don't tell him
right so where am I at thestory?
(19:22):
Where I really got addicted, itwas in my mid 50s.
Kelly (19:27):
Really?
Lindsey (19:29):
Wow.
Paulette (19:30):
And not only at this point had I had the career
change of my dreams for about 10years, but I had gotten laid off
for about a two year period.
My career change was I wanted totravel and write full time for a
living.
I just could not imagineanything more fun.
That's what I wanted to do.
So during that two year layoff,it was like him saying, how bad
(19:50):
do you want this?
So he laid out some reallyridiculous steps for me to take,
but I took them and like Joshuain the Old Testament every place
I put my foot, the ground openedand it was just amazing.
So by the time I was in my midfifties, the two year layoff
ended and I had the best jobever.
(20:11):
I worked from home.
I was in charge of the magazine.
I got to decide what stories tocover.
I got to decide who tointerview, where to travel,
budget, So much fun.
I worked from home, right?
I loved the job.
I could not turn my brain off.
I would get up at all hours ofthe night, walk 15 steps down
the hall, get on the computer,email my boss, all these amazing
(20:35):
ideas.
And of course, she loved it.
She's man, I have the bestregional editor of all of us,
and, I developed chronicinsomnia.
Have y'all ever had insomnia forone night?
Okay, chronic insomnia is reallydefined as four or more nights a
week of no sleep, month aftermonth.
This went on for eight and ahalf years.
(20:58):
Wow.
Okay.
During this time God brought mythird and final best husband
ever.
We've been married 16 years.
Brought him into my life.
Alcohol was just not a thing.
Take it or leave it, socialdrink or have people over, go to
whatever, but he snores.
Okay.
So we sleep in separatebedrooms.
(21:19):
I didn't know he snored untilafter we got married and I moved
in with him.
And I need complete radiosilence.
I had tried everythingmelatonin, over the counter
sleep medicine, all this stuff.
During this time, I ran into anold friend from high school out
of the blue.
When you do that, you, Oh, let'sget for dinner.
And you go for dinner and youcatch up.
(21:40):
So I was telling her mysituation.
She was, Oh my gosh, Paulette,just have a glass of wine before
you go to bed.
That'll help you fall asleep.
Alcohol was such a non thing.
It never occurred to me to trythat.
So I talked to my husband,Preston, and he's it's the one
thing you haven't tried.
Go for it.
So I did and it worked.
(22:01):
It relaxed me and it put me tosleep.
I don't know if y'all knowanything about the science
behind addiction.
I don't know if you have heardabout neuroplasticity and how
the brain just when the brainidentifies something as a
solution.
That's it.
My addiction, I promise youformed in my mid fifties after
about a week, I would have theglass of wine by my bed.
(22:24):
Inevitably, two or three hourslater, when the alcohol wears
off, a stress hormone calledcortisol starts ramping up in
your brain, you wake up you'refilled with anxiety.
I just.
poured another glass of wine anddrank it.
I literally took it as if itwere a prescription drug.
That's how I looked at it.
(22:45):
It wasn't like, Oh, this winetastes so good.
Let me have some cheese.
I could care less.
This shit was working for me.
Okay.
In a week's time, I knew mybrain had changed to the point
where I told him something'swrong with my brain.
Something has changed.
I can't explain it.
I don't know why, but somethingis wrong.
I'm not processing alcohol theright way.
(23:06):
I can't stop drinking.
I don't think he took it asseriously as I did, but I had
been big time hiding my drinkingfrom him.
I would go to the liquor storeand get wine.
And hide it under my pillow,because, we slept in separate
bedrooms.
So I would hide the bottlesunder my pillow, go to bed
(23:29):
early, close the bedroom door,drink my head off because I was
addicted, then I would hide theempty bottles in my cute black
and white polka dot rubber rainboots in my closet and just the
stress of it all, I would haveto wake up early, run to the
store, look for the exact winebottles, because he has a
(23:50):
photographic memory and replacethe bottles when he was still
asleep.
Lindsey (23:56):
Resourceful.
Wow.
That's a process.
Paulette (23:59):
Oh, such a process.
Such a process.
And I asked him, please put alock on the solid teak liquor
cabinet.
He did not want to do that.
My husband he likes the finerthings of life.
This was an expensive piece offurniture, but he loves me and
he did that.
My story would not be completewithout me telling you about my
(24:21):
special accident at our lakehouse.
He was at a conference at atown.
So I went to the lake by myself.
To relax and enjoy the view,because that's what you do.
And about 5 o'clock in theafternoon, I thought.
Oh, I'll just, it's time, butfive o'clock, I'm going to get
to have a drink and read myKindle by this time I was
(24:42):
drinking two bottles of wine andthen I would drink straight
whiskey and lots of it.
This particular night.
I decided I would take an Ambienso that I could go to sleep
because I thought all thatalcohol, the stress hormones
were really gonna freak out.
So I'm gonna negate that with anAmbien.
I had a horrible accident in ourlake house alone.
(25:06):
I almost bled to death.
It is a miracle.
I drove myself 10 minutes intotown.
My glasses were broken.
I had bruises.
I couldn't see.
I had a puncture wound on thisside, actually, and I'm blind as
a bat, ladies.
So my glasses were broken.
(25:26):
I was smashed and, Ambien, youdon't remember what you're
doing.
And I just remember bloodgushing out.
There was one point where I wasjust like, I'm so tired.
I managed to get back to thecouch and I passed out again.
I kept blacking out.
Chapter one of the bookdescribes the accident.
(25:47):
When I got to the clinic, theycalled the ambulance
immediately.
They called my husband and man,I was just begging God to let me
die.
Because I just knew he was goingto divorce me.
Talk about guilt and shame.
I was here.
You have to under,
Kelly (26:02):
yeah,
Paulette (26:03):
but this is not what he signed up for.
You know what?
It's not what I signed up foreither.
This addiction was, trulyaccidental.
Yes, I'm the one that drank it.
That's what happened.
There's a whole lot more to thataccident story and detectives
were called and just all kindsof stuff.
Kelly (26:21):
What?
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Now we all got to get this book.
What did you do?
How did you hurt yourself?
Do we have to read the book?
Paulette (26:28):
You have to read the book, but I like take a Pepto
Bismol or something because yourstomach is going to burn.
My stomach churns at the thoughtof what I managed to do.
Kelly (26:41):
Oh my gosh.
It is truly it's a miracle.
I'm not lying.
It is a miracle I am alive.
Wow.
Wow.
So that happened and.
I remember we had to tell mysiblings, and that was really
traumatic because it brought upa lot of stuff of childhood, and
also one of my older sisters.
(27:04):
two weeks earlier had fallendown a flight of stairs and had
her own drunk accident.
She had to be lifelighted for afive hour emergency brain
surgery.
So me having my accident, it wasextremely traumatic for our
siblings.
And nobody talked to me forweeks because they made a lot of
(27:26):
wrong assumptions.
Based on the full story of theaccident and the conclusion and,
that made me want to drink, butyou know what?
I was in so much pain physicallya 3 to 4 inch puncture wound
hurts.
It hurts to breathe.
It hurts to move.
It hurts to cough hurts to blinkyour eyes like.
(27:47):
And it takes a long time to healand I was on some heavy pain
medication.
So it was around this time thatI really started researching
other ways to find help.
Celebrate Recovery didn't help.
I'm sorry.
I know it's a Christian program,but it's, we're all different.
And God created me.
I'm a retired editor, whichmeans I'm very nosy.
(28:08):
I was really good at my jobasking lots of questions.
That's how who, what, where,when, why loved it and So I just
started using my analyticalbrain.
Why is this happening to me?
How did this happen?
And I'm sure y'all probablyheard of Annie Grace's book.
I knew you were going to saythat.
Yes.
But you know what?
Hers was the first.
Yeah.
I do not give her all thecredit.
(28:30):
There are a lot of people I haveto give credit to.
Hers was was the first book thatreally made sense to me.
I read it like a thousand times,listened to her podcast.
I did probably three or fourdifferent online quit alcohol
programs by three or fourdifferent people.
Paulette (28:48):
I read chapter 10 of my book.
I probably have.
70 to 80 resources.
Between the number of books I'veread, I've taken a lot of the
online courses that Annie tookthat she, referenced in the back
of her book.
I took a lot of courses, I reada lot of books, listened to a
lot of podcasts, and I had a lotof therapy.
(29:08):
I did EMDR therapy.
I did regular therapy.
I did biblical counseling.
Finally, it's really sad.
It's a sad thing to say the oneplace I thought I should have
been able to go first.
My church family of 30 somethingyears was the last place I went.
And I called one of the elderlypastors who I've known for many
(29:31):
years.
And I just told him and he said,Paulette, I've been clean and
sober for 20 years.
Nobody knows.
And just God was just like, andso he put me in touch with a
biblical counselor I worked withher for a year and a half.
She gave me a book to readcalled the heart of addiction by
(29:52):
a guy named Mark Shaw.
That book broke my heart.
That book is.
Mr.
Shaw's perspective is not thatit's alcoholism or a disease.
His perspective from a Christianpoint of view is that it's the
sin of idolatry.
You're choosing alcohol overgoing to God to help with your
(30:13):
problems.
That's not going to hit witheverybody, but I tell you what,
as a Christian for over 30years, it broke my heart that I
was totally convicted.
So we worked for through thatbook.
And then there's a, anaccompanying workbook that I
worked through.
And here's what's so exciting tome.
And I cover it in my book,Spirit Led Sobriety.
(30:36):
I really think God had me gothrough 10 years of this so I
could try all of these thingsand I was helped like it's
patchwork quilt, a little helpfrom every little thing.
But when I got to Annie's book.
I have an analytical mind.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Annie's book explained thescience behind alcohol and
(30:58):
addiction and how it affectsyour brain and body.
And the neuroplasticity, it'swhen your brain's wiring
literally changes.
You can look it up.
It literally changes.
Changes like Plato or somethingin your head well in the Bible,
I think the book of Romans, theapostle Paul talks about
transforming and renewing yourmind from the inside out.
(31:20):
That's the spiritual version ofthe science version of
neuroplasticity.
So when I was able to put thosetwo together, boom, freedom.
Kelly (31:29):
That's really good.
Paulette (31:30):
It was exciting.
It was exciting.
And yeah, because it was what Ineeded.
Kelly (31:36):
Yeah.
Tracey (31:37):
Yeah.
And I read Paulette that youalso did a lot of research
around, which I think is greatas well.
And I'd like to get yourperspective on this because we
talk about this a lot on thepodcast about how the media
influences drinking and all themarketing of it.
Paulette (31:54):
You will love.
I don't mean to sound like acommercial.
Hold on, I have a chapter onalcohol marketing.
cause it makes me so angry.
One day, one day I went into thegrocery store doing my shopping
and I passed by all the wine andI'm like, look at the names of
these wine bottles.
I took pictures of the labels ofall these wine bottles and I
(32:18):
listed them in the book and thenames are so subliminal and
they're so evil, wicked sister.
And there's a reason.
The hard liquor is called
Lindsey (32:28):
spirits,
Paulette (32:30):
like put that is that not evil or what?
So true.
Yeah.
So one of my little cheapopromotion things, I've ordered
some business cards of my littlebook.
And I'll go to the liquor storenow and to the grocery store,
and I will just slip my cardinto all the,
Kelly (32:49):
I love it.
Paulette (32:51):
For 10 bucks.
Yeah.
And I've had people, I have aprivate Facebook community
called Spirit Led Sobriety onFacebook and people have
actually joined.
From seeing those businesscards.
Tracey (33:02):
Wow.
I love that.
That's awesome.
So great.
That's great.
But see, God gave all of thisgoes to the Lord.
I could not think of any of thison my own, but I just thought,
this is fun.
This is fun.
But yeah, the alcohol industryis so targeted to women.
It makes me really angry.
Yeah.
And if you just read the news,all of these.
(33:24):
the accidents, the marriagesthat are destroyed, the
children's lives, the peoplethat are killed, maimed,
paralyzed, the first responderswho lose their lives, rescuing
drunk people.
It's disgusting.
So I have a whole chapter onthat.
Wow.
Yeah, I thought that was I alsoliked, I read a quote from you.
(33:47):
Describing it like GroundhogDay, which is hilarious to me
because I refer to that all thetime.
I say all the time that when Iwas drinking, my life was like
Groundhog Day.
The same thing.
Over and over
Paulette (34:02):
again over a day, and you wake up every morning, I'm
not gonna do it again.
I'm gonna go replace thosebottles and that is gonna be it.
And it was never it.
The guilt and shame.
I tell you what, there was onetime where it had to have been I
had so many.
The horrible accidents, not theonly one I had.
I had fallen before and brokenthe bone and broke bruised eye
(34:24):
and things like that.
But I remember 1 time waking upwith, I didn't want to wake up.
I was not suicidal.
But I remember telling God, whydon't you just call me home?
Let's just call it good, anotherthing as a writer, I have
journals.
This is from two, I don't knowif you can see this.
This is from 2014 to 2016.
(34:46):
I started keeping journals whenI was 14 years old.
That was my therapy because Ididn't have anyone to talk to
and journaling.
I highly recommend becausenobody's going to see it.
You can really put out whatyou're feeling and shredded.
So 1 of the things I do in mycommunity is because I really
want people to understand.
I know what you're going throughjust this week.
(35:09):
I posted an entry from, I thinkit was April 29th and then April
30th and April 29th.
Here I am feeling guilt andshame.
And here's how much I drank andI'm never going to do this
again.
But I did happen to take somehydrocodone tonight.
Also, while I was drinking andthen the next morning, I throw
all the hydrocodone down thetoilet trying to be just.
(35:31):
It's a nightmare.
It is a nightmare.
Yeah, and you think you'rethinking clearly, but you're
not,
Kelly (35:40):
you
Paulette (35:40):
don't think clearly for a long time.
But people that follow and theyread these entries, they tell me
so much.
It helps them.
And that is what I'm about.
I'm not a coach.
I don't have an online program.
I have nothing to sell you.
I do have a book I wrote.
God gave me this book to writeplain and simple.
He downloaded into me, it waswritten in about three weeks and
(36:04):
published it took me about twoweeks to learn formatting, which
I hate.
But there's no question.
There's no question.
He gave me the gift ofrepentance, delivered me, gave
me another chance and has givenme this ministry.
And I'm now working on acompanion workbook to it.
And I'm not calling it a Biblestudy.
I don't know what I'm calling itother than it's a workbook going
(36:27):
through and giving a lot ofjournal prompts anyway, all I
want to do is encourage people,if I can get through this,
anybody can get through this.
God is no respecter persons.
I am not anybody special.
There's no reason why he woulddo it for me and not somebody
else.
The only thing I will say in myfavor is that I did not give up.
I don't know how I had faith.
(36:48):
But I did, I just, I am myfather's daughter.
I refused to give up until I gotfree.
I was trying everything.
I didn't care.
I didn't care.
Whatever I'm doing it andeventually the answers came.
Tracey (37:02):
Have you been sober now?
Paulette (37:04):
December 30th, 2022.
Tracey (37:07):
Okay.
Paulette (37:08):
Yeah, and the man, the night of December 29th, 2022, I
had been drinking.
And my husband was in his officeI ended up on the floor on my
face crying and praying.
And it sounds goofy and weirdand all that.
But remember the firstTerminator movie when Arnold
(37:28):
Schwarzenegger falls down to theearth from that vortex.
Do y'all remember that?
Did you even see the movie?
Am I that old?
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes froma hurricane, tornado, and land
on Earth.
That is what I felt like thenight of December 29th, 2022.
And it was like, God said to meenough, she is mine.
(37:51):
And what a thing to hear.
It was like a total spiritualwarfare kind of thing.
I don't even know if y'allladies are women of faith or
not, but I'm just sharing myexperience and I haven't had a
drink since and I don't want it.
Teak liquor cabinet is wideopen.
There's plenty of wine.
I could care less.
I have no temptation, nocraving, nothing.
Lindsey (38:15):
Wow.
Your story.
Kelly and Tracy, you guys mustremember Ellie from season one.
So Paulette, this is so crazybecause Ellie, I actually met
her at church and I didn't knowthis about her, but she had been
a real.
struggling addict, addicted toalcohol.
And she has the same story.
(38:35):
She wrote a book, but it waslike this one day God just said,
that's enough.
She was fighting, she woulddrink every day and it was like
a fight to not.
And then all of a sudden, shehad tried everything.
And then it just one day it waslike, she felt God she got
(38:55):
baptized.
She got baptized.
Yes.
Her niece.
Yeah.
That's right.
And then that was it.
After that she never drankagain.
Yeah.
Tracey (39:04):
Yeah.
She believed she was born againin that moment.
Wow.
She probably was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paulette (39:10):
I had been born again in the early two thousands.
So I had been a believer formany years.
And that's why when I read Mr.
Shaw's book, it really crackedme open.
Wow.
To think that I had hurt Godthat much, but that's what I
needed.
You need what you need.
Yeah.
Kelly (39:26):
Yeah.
Paulette (39:27):
And I think I went through so much pain and just,
the childhood I got a lot oftherapy, dealt with the trauma
trauma can live inside yourbody.
Yes.
It does.
That's like a physical truth.
Yes.
And sadly the same sister thatfell.
down the stairs.
She passed away November 19th.
(39:48):
Three years ago, she drank toomuch one night, fell, hit her
head, bled to death.
Her body was discovered two dayslater by my other two sisters.
So yeah.
See, alcohol, it really goesafter the women.
Yes, I agree killer and it's akiller and it pisses me off
(40:09):
because excuse my language, butit's like the industry's telling
these young mothers.
You can't possibly parent yourchildren without drinking.
Kelly (40:17):
I was thinking about that today.
Again, we've talked about it somany times on here, but just how
disempowering the marketing andthe getting sucked into it and
saying, or even your friendssaying to you, Oh, you just have
a glass of wine to sleep.
Like people say that to moms,I'll just have a glass of wine
at the end of the day.
I'll never say that again.
And let me tell you, I'm free ofthe insomnia.
(40:38):
Oh, good.
Listen, this is how bad it was.
I had a year and a half, threedoctors.
My primary care, then a boardcertified sleep specialist,
which the board certified sleepdoctor, and then a cognitive
behavior therapist specializinginsomnia for 1.
(40:59):
5 years.
These 3 doctors play tag team.
They shared their records withwhat they were doing with me,
what was working.
It took a year and a half tocrack the code of this brain.
I no longer have to drink forany reason whatsoever.
And I have zero interest.
If you paid me a milliondollars, if you paid off the
(41:19):
debt of everyone I love.
In exchange for me drinking, Iwould not drink.
No,
Lindsey (41:25):
that's freedom right there.
That is inner peace.
I love that.
I think this is important.
Coming at addiction and alcoholuse from a spirituality
perspective.
I remember going to church onSunday morning.
I was teaching Sunday school andI was hung over as shit.
(41:46):
Do you know what I mean?
And I was going to Bible, likehome group studies and small
groups.
And, I really just, I was goingthrough a really hard time when
I was going through a divorceand I was using alcohol to numb
and it just really got out ofhand, blacking out a lot,
drinking wine at home alone.
But, I just think women, peoplein general are just scared to
(42:07):
talk about this in church groupsand stuff.
And I really feel like it shouldbe a Bible study.
And I feel like people who areat their wits end, who literally
have tried everything.
It's a shame that you're a
Paulette (42:21):
good Christian that nobody is talking about.
And that's why I really thinkthat's why this book, God gave
it to me to specifically toChristians.
Yeah, because there are too manybrothers and sisters in Christ
suffering silently and abusedevery Sunday.
Lindsey (42:38):
Absolutely.
Paulette (42:39):
Absolutely.
So people are just, I don't havemany reviews on my book.
I am a horrible marketer.
I don't have the money to hire apublicist.
God's my PR department, and thereviews are good.
I don't have that many, butpeople are finding my community
one way or the other.
That's great.
It's especially in the Christiancommunity.
(43:00):
They realize they are not alone.
Exactly.
And it takes a while for some ofthem to open up and ask for
support.
And man, everybody just it's abeautiful thing.
Tracey (43:11):
Inspiration to those people for sure, Paulette to be
putting your story out therevulnerable and open because like
you said, a lot of people thatare struggling in that
community.
There's so much shame around itthat it's hard for them to open
up,
Lindsey (43:28):
You feel like if you have those problems, then if
you're a believer in God if youwere a good Christian, this
wouldn't be happening to you.
Paulette (43:36):
Yes.
Yes.
I just love God so much.
I'm so grateful that hedelivered me.
I'm so grateful.
Romans 8, 28, he brings allthings together for good, that
those who love him, that thosewho are called according to his
purpose.
Yeah, this is a perfect example.
What's so awesome also is.
Listen I mean it.
I'm no special person.
(43:57):
I'm no better than anybody else.
God gave everybody gifts.
Each of y'all have a gift.
And when you use it for hisglory and to help other people,
this does not work for me.
This is a joy.
This gives my life meaning andpurpose.
Purpose.
Yeah.
I didn't go through that fornothing.
Yes.
(44:17):
I'm still writing this.
It's like a companion workbook Idon't know how it's going to end
up.
I've got two more chapters to doand I'm really excited about it
and I really hope that it willhelp people.
I don't want people to followwhat I did.
I want them to follow the HolySpirit's leading in their life
because they're different than Iam.
(44:38):
They didn't grow up.
In the house I grew up withparents,
Kelly (44:41):
yeah.
Paulette (44:42):
God knows all of us.
He knows exactly what we need.
My role is to show, I know howyou feel and God saved me.
He's going to save you, but hewants you to follow his lead.
This book and the companionworkbook are meant to draw you
closer to God.
God is the one that can helpyou.
(45:03):
Friends, I might be a conduit,but he's the one that was the
answer.
It's not me.
I just write what he gives me.
Tracey (45:10):
Tell our listeners, Paulette, what you're going to
give them, what we're going tohave after the podcast episode.
Paulette (45:16):
I don't know if y'all can see my book.
I don't know if you can see it,but I'm offering, okay, I'm
giving this away.
It's up to these beautifulladies to figure out how to run
the contest and draw the name.
Tracey (45:27):
We will,
Paulette (45:28):
they're going to send me the winner and I am going to
be so excited to send you acopy.
Lindsey (45:34):
Wow.
Paulette (45:35):
And yeah.
You'll read about that accident.
You'll read about the detective.
Kelly (45:39):
Yes, we need to.
We all need to read about thataccident.
Lindsey (45:42):
That is a crazy.
That's crazy.
Detectives involved.
Holy smokes.
I'm intrigued.
Yeah.
Tracey (45:48):
I have to say Paulette, you're extremely resilient
individual for everything thatyou've been through.
That in itself is veryinspiring.
I think you are going to help alot of people, especially in
that community.
I think that it's amazing thatyou're standing up and being an
advocate for those people to go.
(46:10):
Yes.
All of us for all of us.
Yes.
There's enough around it foreverybody, let alone, an
increased amount in certainsegments.
Paulette (46:19):
Exactly.
We all have our own audiences,so to speak.
Tracey (46:22):
Yes.
Paulette (46:23):
Can I invite people to join my spirit list?
Tracey (46:26):
Absolutely.
So tell everybody where to findyou and then we'll wrap her up.
Paulette (46:32):
Thank you.
On Facebook, I have a privatecommunity.
It is called Spirit LedSobriety.
I am on Instagram at Spirit LedSobriety 22, the numbers 2 2.
But I'm more active in thisonline community than anything
else.
I want to be there.
(46:52):
I have face timed with peoplethat have private messaged me.
I have been on the phone withthem.
If I could meet them in person,I would do it and give them a
hug.
We need to love each otherthrough this.
And I really think only peoplethat have gone through this
freaking nightmare can reallyunderstand people that love us
want to understand.
But my husband, he could neverhave a clue.
(47:14):
That's amazing that you'resupporting people like that.
Kelly (47:16):
How can they buy your book?
Oh, Amazon.
In fact, I lowered the pricetoday a little bit.
Lindsey (47:24):
Oh, wow.
Paulette (47:25):
Yeah.
Lindsey (47:26):
I'm going to head over and buy it.
Tracey (47:27):
Yes, it's on sale, listeners.
Head over and buy it.
Paulette (47:32):
Yeah.
Please consider leaving a reviewbecause there's not that many.
Absolutely.
But they're all good.
They're all good.
Kelly (47:38):
Good.
I'm so happy for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You should be very proud ofyourself.
I'm really happy that I'm free.
Yes, I'm so happy that you'refree.
I'm so happy that we're allfree.
All four of us.
Paulette (47:49):
Free.
Free indeed.
I love you guys.
Y'all have been so nice to talkto.
Thank you so much for having me.
Tracey (47:57):
Thanks for coming and sharing your story.
It's pretty incredible.
Paulette (48:01):
My website is spiritledsobriety.
com.
I forgot about that.
Kelly (48:05):
Perfect.
Paulette (48:06):
Yeah.
I'm trying to send out anewsletter now and then, but I
love my community and I wanteverybody to join.
You will feel at home.
There's no judgment.
There's no condemnation ever.
There's not been one incident ofany judgment or anybody harping
on anybody.
For one thing, I have that inthe rules.
If you have to agree to that thestrategy God has given me for
(48:27):
this community.
It's a spirit led strategy everymorning, prayer, praise, The
wisdom of Proverbs, thecommunity, everybody in it has
agreed to pray out loud theseprayers every morning for each
other and everyone in the worldthat suffers from addictions.
It's so amazing because peopleare telling me, I have two weeks
(48:50):
for the, I haven't had two weeksever.
And I think it's because of theprayers.
Of course, it's from the prayers
Kelly (48:55):
powerful,
Paulette (48:56):
if two or more gathered in my name, he is there
with us.
And we've got almost 260 peoplepraying for each other.
God's doing this.
Absolutely.
So anyway, I'm on my tippy toes.
I'm so excited.
Tracey (49:11):
Okay we'll put all your contact information in our show
notes so everybody will be ableto find you and be able to find
the book, Spirit-Led andSobriety.
Paulette (49:19):
Good luck to whoever wins the book.
I'm so happy to send it to you.
I can't wait.
Tracey (49:24):
Amazing.
Paulette (49:25):
God bless you all.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you to our listeners fortuning in.
You can find us on Instagram atLAF Life Podcast and on Facebook
in our community at LAF Life.
You can also visit our websitewww.
laflifepodcast.
com.
And thank you again, Paulette.
(49:47):
Until next time, you all knowwhat to do.
Keep laughing.
Kelly (49:52):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.
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