The Beauty in Broken: Tracy Viola's path beyond "Pretty Wrecked" Season 3 Ep. 20

Episode Transcript
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Kelly (00:02):
Welcome to the LAF life podcast, a lifestyle podcast
based on living alcohol free anda booze soaked world.
My name is Kelly Evans andtogether with my friends, Tracey
Djordjevic, and Lindsey Harik.
We share uncensored.
Unscripted real conversationsabout what our lives have been
like since we ditched alcoholand how we got here by sharing

(00:24):
our individual stories.
We'll show you that there isn'tjust one way to do this, no
matter where you are on yourjourney from sober, curious to
years in recovery and everyonein between, you are welcome
here, no judgment and a ton ofsupport.

Tracey (00:40):
Welcome back to the LAF Life Podcast.
Tonight we have anotherfantastic guest joining us.
We have another Tracy, actually.
Tracy Viola is here, a selfpublished author, who just
released a book yesterday,called Pretty Wrecked.
We are so excited to have Tracyhere and find out more about her

(01:02):
sober journey.
Tracy kind of has a unique storybecause she had an addiction in
her teenage years and she'sactually been sober now for 28
years and has decided to writeabout her whole experience and
then what her recovery journeyhas been like since.
Thank you so much for joiningus, Tracy.
We're so excited to meet you.

Tracy (01:24):
Thank you so much, Tracy.
I'm so excited to be here andtalk about, sobriety and
recovery in the book.
And share this gift really withother people.

Tracey (01:34):
Yeah, that's awesome.
I'm sure our listeners wouldlove that.
to get to know you a little andfind out what your background is
and what your experience wasbefore we dive into the book and
how that came about.
Tell us a little bit about whatyour teenage years and that
experience was.

Tracy (01:51):
Of course.
So my earliest recollection ofalcohol and my earliest,
exposure to it was from my dad.
My dad was an alcoholic andTired and alcoholic.
There are periods of his lifethat he was more functional
alcoholism and there are otherperiods that were not.
And on this particular night hewas having a party and he was so

(02:14):
jovial and there's certainthings I get from my dad that
are maybe not my best qualitiesand there's other things that I
love.
So you got to take the good withthe bad.
And on this particular night Iwas probably eight or nine years
old and he was having a partyand.
He was having me help him cook.
He was an amazing cook and hedecided to get up on the roof
and yell out to everybody.
Like the dinner's ready.

(02:35):
I remember looking at him at, 8or 9 years old thinking this is
crazy and feeling both good andbad.
This is crazy.
Good.
This is fun.
This is cool.
This is wild.
And also this probably isn'tsafe.
There's that like little, thoselittle angel devil kind of
people talking to you, this iscool and fun and this seems
really also dangerous.

(02:55):
And just being around him andhis.
Peers and then fast forward tobeing a teenager, my first
exposure myself to drinkingalcohol was probably, it was
about probably 15 years oldwhich is a little bit later.
And I would say later somepeople from, I guess for a lot
of the people that I got soberwith 15, they were like 15 but
it was at my neighbor's houseand her parents were away.

(03:19):
We were drinking from thecupboard and I knew I had to go
home.
So I had to stop, but I rememberreally not wanting to stop.
I remember it being like, Ireally liked it.
I really liked how I wasfeeling.
I really liked that buzz.
it felt warm and fun andexciting and like naughty is the

(03:41):
best word I can think of.
And I didn't want to stop, but Ihad to because I had to go home
that was my 1st kind ofexperience with alcohol.
And then.
Fast forward a bit farther iswhen I started to be exposed to
other substances and alcohol inaddition to multiple other
substances were really whatended up bringing me down in the
future.

(04:01):
the reason I can talk on thewhy, because I think that's so
important, not just the whatwith alcohol.
I think the why and for me I hadthis alcoholic father and my
parents divorced when I wasabout maybe 6 or 7.
And he was never really a bigpart of my life except for
getting up on roofs andscreaming.

(04:21):
And my mother remarried mystepfather when I was 12 and he
ended up really basically beinga sociopath and a con artist.
He was extremely cruel to bothmyself and my mother.
For those years that he was inour lives.
So between the ages of 12 and16, which just of course
happened to be extremelyformative years.

(04:42):
My stepfather was very abusive.
Mostly emotionally verbally.
He was also very threatening.
So it wasn't that he wasactually physically doing
anything, but he was verythreatening physically.
When we left him, I'm glad thatwe did leave him before things,
Potentially took that turnthat's when I really got into
things.
That's when for me, the whybecame the numb, it became

(05:05):
escaping from those feelings,not knowing how to deal with
those feelings, not knowingwhere to put them.
And I have this alternate way ofhandling them, which was not
handling them at all.
And that was for me.
When I remember the 1st time,for example, I got high I was
with a group of people and I hadsaid no and no, for months at

(05:27):
this point.
And finally, 1 day, I just waslike, oh, my God.
Screw it.
Everybody looks like they'rehaving so much fun.
And I felt like shit, at thispoint now we had moved out of
the house.
We're living with mygrandparents.
This was like a very sudden moveliving with my grandparents.
My father's not in my life.
We finally left my asshole of astepfather.
And I felt terrible and they'repassing around the joint.

(05:48):
I was like, why not?
And I remember coming home thatnight and literally the words I
think that I wrote in my diarywere this is it, this is the
answer.
And that was it.
Like in my opinion, definitionaddiction right there.
That was it.
And I was.
It was pretty quick off to theraces with both alcohol and
drugs from that point.

Lindsey (06:09):
What did you think it was the answer to?

Tracy (06:11):
It was the answer to feeling.
I didn't have to confront allthis.
Stuff and I talk about it in thebook.
I refer to it as my trash can,like this trash can.
And I think we all have trashcans.
We all have stuff, it's justlife, right?
It's just that my trash can wasmaybe a little bit.
Stinkier, than other people atthis point at this age of 16

(06:34):
years old.
And the best analogy I can comeup with is I had all this stuff
in my trash can and the drugsand alcohol just put the lid on
it, right?
It just held the stink in.
So I didn't have to smell it.
I didn't have to feel it.
And hopefully other people thenit wasn't like coming out
sideways and other people didn'thave to see it.
It helped to keep up thatillusion.

(06:55):
Yeah.
And so I didn't want to dealwith it.
I didn't want you to have tolook at it or deal with it.
And so we're just going to keepthat lid on as tight as we can.

Tracey (07:02):
Wow.
That's a pretty good analogy.

Lindsey (07:04):
It is because it's all still in there, right?
If you open that lid holy, it'sjust, oh man, I can totally
relate to everything that you'resaying so far, especially with
your father drinking because Igrew up in a household where my
dad used to drink.
And I remember him havingparties or, going to a wedding
and he's drinking and us allgetting in the car at the end of

(07:27):
the night.
And he's driving us all home.
And me actually really youngfeeling like I'm scared right
now.
I'm feeling anxious.
He's having a great time.
And then I'm like, I don't feelso good about this, but it's
like everyone's laughing andhaving fun, right?
Confusing.
It's confusing.

Tracey (07:45):
Yeah, I was going to say there's a lot of mixed emotions
with that because I am, my dadwas an alcoholic as well.
My dad was very charismatic, asuper funny guy, super social,
very loved, and always hadpeople around him.
So I get that kind of excitementabout it and that fun ness about
it but also that fear because Ididn't discover until much later

(08:08):
in me going through my own stuffthat I actually experienced a
lot of anxiety due to hisdrinking.
It makes

Tracy (08:14):
sense.

Tracey (08:14):
Yeah.
That fear definitely existed aswell.

Tracy (08:17):
So that was my why after having gone through all that I
went through with my father andmy stepfather and there's
there's so much more layersthere.
But I just wanted to stay asnumb as possible.
And I really tried to make myrecovery piece of pretty
wrecked.
As accessible as possible forpeople, because I want to say
like staying numb, it could bealcohol.
It could be drugs.

(08:38):
It could be sugar, right?
Eating.
It could be sex orrelationships.
It's whatever your lid on thetrash can is really.
For me, that was drugs andalcohol.
That was what was keeping it.
That was what was keeping thestink out of my life.
And of course.
I'm sure either you guys or yourlisteners can relate, you needed

(08:59):
more, right?
Oh, and also, by the way, whileI'm using and drinking and
making terrible decisions.
I'm just adding shit to thetrash can, right?
Like I'm adding more stinking.
So that means I need more stuffto keep the lid on tight.
It was like that cycle.
And so it just became more andmore.
To try to keep everythingstuffed down.

(09:20):
I got away with it for a longtime.
I knew how to play the game.
I knew how to appease adults andthis all happened really over
the course.
It was like basically like afour year period.
So almost like between, it waslike just when I just turned 16
and I got sober almost likeshortly before I turned 20 years
old.
So it was like a four yearperiod of just The train left

(09:42):
the station, the distraction andI crashed and burned pretty
quickly.

Tracey (09:46):
Did you ever have conversations with your mom
about what happened with yourstepdad?
Did you have open dialogue aboutit?
And I'm sure she must have beengoing through her own emotions
about it.

Tracy (09:56):
Of course.
Yes.
No, great question.
He did a very good job of kindof baiting us against each other
as any good sociopath would do.
And he would hide when he wasbeing cruel to her kind of
between them.
And then when he was cruel tome, he would make sure she
wasn't around, or he wouldjustify whatever he was saying
or doing.
And my mom is like the nicestperson.

(10:19):
And I also say that to a fault.
Because she wore these rosecolored glasses.
Now that's also her generationshe was taught to be a very good
wife.
And so she didn't really want toruffle his feathers or disagree.
I think by the time she realizedthat this was a real issue it
had gone too far.
By that point that's when shereally had to take action.

(10:42):
And she finally decided to leavehim and she made the right
decision.
It was pretty extreme.
So what ended up happening was Iwent off to school one day.
I think this was my freshmanyear of high school.
So I was in ninth grade, end ofmy ninth grade year.
And I went off to school oneday, normal school day.
And when I came home fromschool, I remember walking in

(11:03):
the house and the whole housewas gone.
And I was like, where is theliving room?
There's a living room.
And my mom came down and shesaid we're leaving him.
I've had movers come thismorning and they packed up the
whole house and she found mycigarettes.
I was like smoking.
I didn't even like smokingcigarettes, but it was like the
next thing to do.
And she's I found yourcigarettes.
And I just remember, I rememberbeing like, I found your

(11:24):
cigarettes.
Anyway, it's just such a vividmemory.
So many years ago, and she said,we're going to move in with your
grandparents for a period oftime until we can find our own
place.
And so that was it for me.
That was.
It's really something I thinkthat nailed the nail in the
coffin in terms of trauma.
And it's not, again, we had toleave him, it was going to get
worse.
And it was also really hard tolose everything.

(11:46):
And because two weeks, she said,we're going to live with your
grandparents for a couple ofweeks and then we're going to
get a place on our own.
And that did not happen.
We ended up living with them foryears.
So I was living out of a movingbox for years of my life.
And at 16 years old, that wasreally.
Embarrassing.

Tracey (12:02):
Yeah.

Tracy (12:02):
It was devastating to lose my stuff, like just like my
jeans, my jewelry.
Posters that was like, rememberposters team boss and for sure,
like all your music posters andJohnny Depp on the wall

Tracey (12:17):
to bring this up while you're on that topic.
I know that you make referencesin the book to music.
Which I love because I'm a hugemusic lover myself, and I find
music is very nostalgic for me.
We talked about this a coupletimes on the podcast because the
girls feel that way as well.
Then I went on your Instagramand saw that you had your

(12:38):
playlist on there from the bookand I was like, this is awesome
because all the music on thereis so our era.
I could totally go back in time,just looking at some of the
songs you had on there.

Tracy (12:51):
So I thought that was really fun.
Yeah.
I'm so glad to hear that.
I really do feel like musictransports you to like the
moment that you heard the songor the album.
And it's just such a puzzlepiece of my soul.
And I was like, I can't writethe book without writing, having
music and nostalgia in there.
Even like the old, like 80sswing sets, right?

(13:13):
Where you like pinch yourfingers in the swing, in the
middle swing.
Burn your thighs going down theslide.
And all of that stuff ridinglike my mom's Volvo by her giant
Volvo with no seatbelt becausethey didn't have seatbelts, it's
just, so it was fun to includethose memories good memories and
bad memories.
Yeah, that's awesome.

(13:34):
Maybe tell us a little bit aboutthen how you came to sobriety.
What was whatever you want tocall it.
Some people call it a rockbottom.
I don't know if that's what itwas for you, but whatever
transpired that got you, I'massuming in some sort of
recovery or rehab.
Yes.
Yes in order to keep the thatlid on that trash can, I kept

(13:55):
turning to more and moresubstances.
The interesting thing aboutalcohol.
I want to talk about alcoholspecifically for a minute.
Is that I knew from thebeginning that I drank alcoholic
and.
That meant that I had to beconscious of when I chose to
drink, I'd have to do it when Iknew I could be sleeping at a
friend's house, or not have tointeract with my mom or my

(14:18):
grandparents cause now I'mliving, now I'm living with my
grandparents.
So I mean like mom and pop up,so I'm like dealing with coming
home to mom and pop up and mymom.
So I had to be very careful withalcohol because I knew.
I couldn't do it socially.
It was not a, it was not like, Iwas not doing it for the flavor.
People that have a drink or abeer or a wine, I was always

(14:38):
like, I'll be honest.
I've been sober for 20 years.
I still, I'm like why?
And I shouldn't be taking theirinventory.
And I really don't a lot, mostof the time, but there are times
I'm Like just don't drinkanyway, side note, but I added
more and more substances on.
I go through them in the bookand it was all just
justifications of, oh I smoke alot of pot and pot is natural.

(15:00):
So like mushrooms are natural,so I can take mushrooms and
well, mushrooms are hallucinogenand acids of hallucinogens.
And it's the same thing.
And if you snort coke, you'retotally a drug addict, but if
you smoke it, then that's fine.
Yeah, all these crazy, crazy,like crazy rationalizations and
justifications to do what Iwanted to do.

(15:21):
As any good addict does, I makean excuse to do whatever I want
to do.
And Eventually I crashed andburned and my mom, what happened
was I went off to college didawful most of my friends got
arrested or kicked out and Icame home from school.
We're talking like 1.
4 GPA, my first semester ofcollege.
And my mom finally confronted meand she said I should have

(15:43):
addressed this earlier.
I know you have a problem andit's been proven by this
semester away.
You can't handle yourself.
And I'd like, I want to get youinto a treatment facility.
And I thought she was bluffingat first because I usually can
get one over on her.
And she was like, nope, I'veactually signed you up to go to
Hazelden, which is like the wayI refer to Hazelden is it's like
the mothership rehab inMinnesota.

(16:05):
It's like a no joke.
It's the rehab.
And she did, she put me on aplane and sent me to rehab.
I Didn't like it.
I was not ready.
I did not want to be there.
I was doing it to shut her up.
Then I went through withdrawaland rehab, and that was
absolutely awful.
I got into an altercation withmy counselor where he had me put

(16:27):
into a padded essentially.
I had gotten violent becausewhat was happening, the trash
can lid was coming off when Ihad no substances to keep that
lid on.
All that stink was coming outand I was feeling it and I was
smelling it and it was awful.

Lindsey (16:45):
You had no coping mechanisms.

Tracy (16:47):
Totally.
Exactly.
Exactly.
My only coping mechanism was tonumb and now I have no numbing.
There's no numbing I lost myshit.
That's it.
Was put in a padded cell and I'm19 years old.
And I remember that was thefirst time that my brain, that,
that little thing in my brainwent, this is not like, where

(17:08):
did you go wrong?
Like, where did I go wrong?
What's happened?
This was not the plan.
It was the first time I took asecond to pause and go, Hmm.
Not where I wanted to be.
Not where I was

Lindsey (17:19):
from.
This is it.
That journal entry to holy shit.
This is not it.
This is not it.

Tracy (17:27):
This is not it.
Yeah.
This is not it.
I was still not ready, but Iknew this it was like that.
I had been the first time infour years that it had a week
without drugs or alcohol.
And that one little brain cellwas like maybe you need to look
at this.
And I, of course, was like, Oh,hell no, I do not want to look
at this.

(17:47):
And so I was 19 years old.
So I signed myself out of rehaband I called my mom and I said,
of course not taking anyresponsibility for my side.
And I said, mom, they're crazyhere.
They threw me in a padded celland she was like, I know what
happened.
I know what you did.
And the counselors therebasically said to her, if you
let her back in the house, youare enabling her.
You are just going to continueto let her feed her addiction.

(18:11):
To my mom's credit, she said,you can fly home to
Philadelphia, but you're notallowed in this house.
And that was it.
So she kicked me out.
So I landed in Philly withnowhere to go.
And I called an ex boyfriend ofmine that I knew would, Be there
if I wanted him to, because Iwas a manipulative bitch and and
he did and he picked me up fromthe airport and I spent the

(18:31):
month of January 1996, basicallyhomeless.
So sometimes I would sleep inpeople's basements.
They would unlock their door andI'd like to get to sleep in the
basement.
I've slept in sheds.
I slept in the back of cars thatwere unlocked.

Kelly (18:47):
Tracy, did you go back to Drinking or drugs at this point?
Immediately.

Tracy (18:53):
We're talking like, landed in Philadelphia and was
smoking a bowl And at a partydrinking awful, disgusting,
cheap beer within minutes.
And oh yeah, no, I was not readyto address that trash can.
So I lived like this for themonth of January, essentially in
1996.
And to make a long story short,and I go into it in the book, my

(19:16):
mother I had called her nowremember this is no cell phones,
no, no Facebook, no, nothingnow.
So this was like good oldfashioned.
I think we had cordless phones,but, the phone call.
So I called my mom and said,here's a couple of houses.
You might want to call.
If you need to find me, this iswhere I might be.
I was hoping she was going tolike eventually say, okay, you

(19:37):
should come home.

Lindsey (19:37):
Come back.
Yeah.

Tracy (19:39):
And I got a call from her one day and she said you
probably won't make it homebefore he's dead.
And I did not.
My grandfather had a brainaneurysm and he slipped into a
coma and he died.
My God, I would say that of.
All of my addiction.
That was my biggest loss.

(20:00):
Because I can't ever, he can't,I never, I know he's looking
down on me now type of thing,but I can't ever apologize to
him.
I can't ever say to him, thankyou for taking us in when nobody
would, when we went through whatwe went through, thank you for
being the only kind of fatherfigure that ever stuck around.
My mother let me stay for hisfuneral.

(20:20):
And this is the worst part.
My mother let me stay for hisfuneral and she said to me, you
can stay for his funeral, butyou have to leave when the
funeral is over.
And the night of his funeral, mydog died and she was on our
kitchen floor.
I remember when she died.
My neighbor had to come andscoop her up and carry her out
of the house and there was aspot on the floor and I just

(20:42):
lied in her heat, the heat thatwas left over from her body.
And that for me was.
What I didn't know, but that wasgoing to be it.
The next day, my mother openedup the door to our house and
said I told you could stay forthe funeral time to go.
As I walked towards the frontdoor, I remember looking back
behind me at the spot where mydog would sit by the stairs and

(21:05):
she wasn't there.
And I remember just falling tothe floor.
And I just said, I can't do thisanymore.
And I didn't know what thatmeant.
I just knew I'd hit a breakingpoint.
I didn't know if that meant Iwanted to stop using.
I didn't know if that meant Iwanted to go to rehab.
I didn't know if that meant Iwant to die.
I don't know what it meant.
I just know.
That I didn't know anymore.

(21:27):
And I had lived my addiction,always trying to one up
everybody and always trying tobe in control and everything is
fine and I look fine and I'mgoing to manipulate the shit out
of you and I'm my way.
And I didn't know, my mom said Icould stay home if I got into
another program and she found anintensive outpatient treatment

(21:47):
facility that would take me andso I started treatment there.
And I still don't know what Iwanted to happen.
But I told them, I said, I'llgive you 30 days.
I said, of course, not takingresponsibility for myself.
I said, I will give you 30 days.
And if you don't work somemiracle in 30 days, it's like
their job.
Then I'm done.
And something happened on, Iwant to say like day, 20 and I
didn't drink and I didn't use.

(22:10):
And that's a miracle cause I gotto go through withdrawal a
second time which was even worsethan the first time.
And for some reason, and this isthe miracle of sobriety, didn't
drink or use.
Sometimes it was like one minuteat a time and it was like a lot
of rocking a lot of sitting inthe shower, with the water just
coming down on you and a lot offear But I had a moment that my

(22:32):
counselors kept me after group,and we got into an argument, not
a surprise because the lid wascoming off the trash can again.
They confronted me on some bigstuff.
Again, to make a long storyshort, that's when my moment
happened and for me, it reallycame down to the best way I can
describe that whole moment wasresponsibility.
I finally realized that I havethis trash can and it sucks,

(22:57):
right?
My dad was an alcoholic and hewasn't there and my stepfather
was an asshole and he wasn'tthere.
And some other shit went downthat I haven't discussed.
But I needed to choose how I wasgoing to deal with that.
And the lid, I had to stop withthe drinking and the drugs to
keep the lid on.
So for me, it became, came downto choice.
It came down to responsibilityand making the choice to, to do

(23:20):
this.
And if I was going to do it, Iwas in, I was all in.
So as my counselors used to liketo say take the cotton out of
your ears and stick it in yourmouth.
Cause you don't know it.
So I started to listen and Istarted to say, what comes next?
What do I do?
For me I went to meetings.
I did enjoy AA meetings.
That's where I found a bigcommunity for me.
Some people love it.
Some people don't.

(23:40):
I started to go to meetings.
I started to get honest.
I avoided people, places, andthings.
I had to go through all my.
Concert t shirts and tuck someaway for a period of time.
I didn't get rid of some of myGrateful Dead shirts.
They're worth money now, right?
But I basically listened topeople that had gone before me

(24:01):
and said, what comes next?
What do I do next?
What do I have to do?
And I just kept showing up anddoing the next right thing.
And that I really, I feel likethat can summarize so much
change, whether it's.
Walking away from alcohol orwanting to change something
about your life.
I just kept making the nextright decision and I had my kind

(24:22):
of my eye on the prize.
And again, sometimes it wasminute by minute day by day.
There's a Tanzanian proverb thatsays little by little becomes a
lot for me, that summarizessobriety I just took little
teeny bites, little baby steps.
Think about what about Bob,right?
The movie.
What about Bob 90s movie?
I took lots of little baby stepsand eventually time built

(24:44):
healing began trash got sorted.
And I became a person that I wasreally proud of that had tools.
Lindsay, you mentioned it thatabout not, I didn't have any
tools.
I started to have tools toconfront life and feelings.
And really that's what I'vedone.
It's.
No different than when Istarted.

(25:04):
It's still just making thedecision to show up and be the
best me today.

Tracey (25:10):
Do you still attend meetings or anything like that,
Tracy?

Tracy (25:14):
I do.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's much moresporadically.
In the beginning I went.
To 10 meetings a week, I wentall the time doubling up on the
weekends.
Now it depends.
There's times I'll go to 4 in amonth and there's times I'll go
to 4 in a year.
I also have a.
Amazing network of people.
I think that is so important.
Like the fact that you guys allhave each other, you talk to

(25:35):
each other, you have a vestedinterest in something that's
about recovery.
I have some amazing peers that Italk to on a regular basis and
they're like my foundation,right?
They're like my meeting.
I can call them and they are ameeting because.
I've known them for years and wecan just be presumably honest
with each other.
I talk about one of them in thebook.

(25:56):
His name is Dave.
I call him my bury a bodyfriend.
We've been sober together for 28years.
He's the godfather to one of mychildren.
And I'd be there for him in aminute, wherever he needed me.
He's just.
My sober bestie

Tracey (26:10):
it's great to have people that can understand,
right?
That have been through it orsomething similar that makes a
big difference.
You know,

Tracy (26:18):
especially in early recovery, having people talk
that language and know thosefeelings and know those awkward
moments.
I heard you talking on one ofyour other podcasts with
somebody else just about onmultiple ones.
Because I think this really is atrue topic that we really need
to address is the fact thatsociety normalizes alcohol
consumption and like you're afreak if you say no, and like

(26:40):
it's the only drug where you cansay, I don't want it.
And it's like, why?
You don't say that to crack, Idon't want to hit it.
The crack pipe.
They're not like, I want to sayit's better than it was in 1996,
it's a little bit moreaccepting, but I not much.
We haven't come that far.

Tracey (26:56):
I think in some ways, there's certain things that have
gotten worse, right?
I think women's drinking hasincreased.
The mommy wine culture is to me,an epidemic and has been for
quite a while.
So I think in that sense, andaccessibility, right?
Accessibility is increased aswell.

(27:17):
Then we have all these platformsto promote it and market it,
right?
So I think in some ways it's

Tracy (27:24):
Make it look sexy when really it's just gross.

Tracey (27:26):
Yeah.
It's gotten worse, butdefinitely there is more
awareness.
These days as well with that andit is gaining more traction,
which is amazing.
I love this and I love, I dolove hearing about like sober
curious.
We have a friend of ours who,after I wrote my book and he was
like, I really think I want totry not drinking and he doesn't

(27:48):
have a problem with alcohol.
And I was just like, Great.
I think that's.
Awesome.
You're gonna love it, and so I'mlike excited for him.
Do you have a lot of friends anddoes your husband drink?

Tracy (28:01):
My husband does drink, but barely, never drinks with
me, honestly, I cannot rememberthe last time we had a drink in
this house.
And not because I don't want himto, I don't care.
It's been a long time.
If he wanted to have a couplebeers one night here, fine, I
don't care.
But if we go out and he willoften tell me we went to a
friend's party.

(28:21):
They had a great eighties party.
I love the eighties.
That's my favorite music.
They had a great eighties bandand they had a great eighties
party.
And I don't mind going to theseparties.
I have a great time.
I'm just going to dance and bewild and crazy.
And I'm the one driving home.
It's totally fine.
And my husband will let me knowwe're going out tonight.
I'm going to drink tonight.
And they're like, thank you.
No problem.
Go ahead.
And it doesn't bother me.

(28:42):
I guess I like the heads up toknow what he's getting into.
And often I'll say to him atsome point.
Maybe this happens 3 times ayear at some point during the
night.
I'll say to him, that next drinkis not going to make tonight
more fun.
It will make tomorrow worse.

Lindsey (28:56):
Ooh.

Tracy (28:58):
And usually he listens usually okay.
And then he knows it's time toswitch to

Lindsey (29:01):
I love that.
So Tracy, you've been sober for28 years.

Tracy (29:07):
28 years.
I celebrate 28 years inFebruary.
Yeah,

Lindsey (29:09):
that's huge.
Congratulations.
Yeah.

Tracy (29:12):
Yeah.

Lindsey (29:13):
Does the addict still live within you?

Tracy (29:16):
Yes, for sure.
For example, I think becauseI've had to be around alcohol
forever.
We all are right.
It's everywhere.
Like you said, social media isat every party.
It's mommy wine culture.
It's everywhere.
I don't want to say I've gottenused to it.
99.
9 percent of time, I honestlydon't care.
And when I see other peopleacting where they're acting or
looking where they're looking,I'm like, thank you for

(29:38):
reminding me why I don't.
I am nervous about the accessand availability and use of
drugs.
Of gummies of people smokingpot, and that makes me a little
nervous because I've been luckythat for the majority of my
sobriety, that hasn't reallybeen around and or accessible or

(29:59):
like in my face.
And now it really is.
Yeah.
And, um, I just don't like it.
Like I'm okay.
I don't feel like I want to godo it, but but I don't like it.
And that's what makes me awareof the fact that I'm still like,
That rubs me the wrong way.
And I'll also say that all ofthe isms as they say, there's
the figure of speech, the ismsof so many of those behaviors

(30:22):
that drove my addiction.
I've shifted to my career andsuccess.
While it's very rewarding andeffective, It can also be very
obsessive.
So it's one of those thingswhere I have to be sometimes
careful and find, try to findthat balance because just
because I'm not using anddrinking and drugging doesn't

(30:43):
mean I'm not fucking crazy.
Sometimes

Tracey (30:46):
we're looking for an escape somewhere else.

Tracy (30:49):
Totally running.
Exactly.
Exactly.

Tracey (30:52):
Yeah.
You can still it's not

Tracy (30:53):
Yeah.
numbing anymore, but it is run.
Do you ever catch yourselftrying to put a lid on and then
go, Oh shit, I'm doing it.
I got to take the trash out.
And I've got to do it this way.
Like I find that's something Ihad to learn.
When I stopped, cause this ishow, why I used alcohol.
It was to numb, numb everything.
It was to deal with anxiety.
It was to numb a failed marriagethat was complete garbage with a

(31:17):
narcissist who was just adisaster.
I just drank and I did it a lotalone, not with people because I
didn't want other people to knowhow much I was drinking.
And, making bad decisions.
And then I'm like, Oh shit.
That's embarrassing.
It just became this cycle, but,you have to learn.
You got to sit there and unpackthe garbage and be like, okay,

(31:38):
this is recycle.
Okay.
Wow, this is really trash.
Okay, I can maybe compost this.
I don't know.
I might have to go back and lookthrough that bag.
I don't know what's in there.
You got to sort through it andthen You've got to find ways to
actually how to handle it oncethe lid comes off, but yeah do
you ever find yourself trying toput the lid back on and then go,
Oh, no, you're doing it.
This is how we handle it insteadnow.

(31:59):
Yes.
And I think that's moresituational as opposed to big
issues.
I feel really grateful that Ifeel like the best.
Big stuff has been sorted.
But I do have moments where, andit usually has to do with
control.
I'm a, I'm like an A typeTaurus.
If you guys are into sun signs,like left handed A type Taurus,

(32:21):
alcoholic.
I want this shit in control,right?
Total issues with that.
So if something is like reallyout of control, The first thing
I first I recognize I'm like I'mspiraling right now.
I feel it.
I'm aware of it.
And then I'll usually let myselfdo some type of, self care,
meaning for me, I was jokinglysaying on my drink of choices

(32:44):
potato chips.
So I will go and I will get abowl of potato chips and I will
like, wrench the shit out ofthem and I will not like stuff
like the little, I'm not gonnaeat the whole bag.
I get a bowl, I pour it into abowl and I let myself realize
I'm eating potato chips.
I'm trying to soothe right now.
And then I process it and then Ideal with it, but I give myself
a moment.

(33:04):
I give myself a time out becauseI feel like if I don't do that,
sometimes I don't need that.
But if I don't do that,sometimes it is overwhelming and
I let myself say, okay, I'mgoing to sit here for a second.
I'm going to do something that'sreally not that unhealthy.
I'm going to eat a bowl ofpotato chips or popcorn.
Also sufficient.
Really, I love the phrase.
It's a military phrase.
ODA, O D A observe, orient,decide, act, O D A.

(33:30):
I give myself a moment to justobserve and observe my feelings
and maybe observe myselfstuffing potato chips in my
face.
And then I orient, okay, you'veeaten your bowl of potato chips.
What's going on?
How are we going to processthis?
Can we process this?
Is this even in our control?
Can we make any decisions hereor is this out of our control?
Then I decide on what needs tohappen next.

(33:50):
And then I act.
And then this is the key.
I fucking move on.
I don't hold it.
I love the figure of speech.
Don't keep a record of wrongs.
And I swear, I think that islike part of the health of my
marriage is that if my husbandand I disagree, we disagree, we
come to a decision, we move on.
I don't bring it back up again.
I don't want to remember it.

(34:11):
And I think that is a gift ofsobriety being able to just be
present and be in the moment andfeel the feelings and process
the feelings.
And then let it go, move on.
Yeah.
Cause I know for me, when I wasdrinking, it was like a stewing,
I don't know about you guys, I'dhave like full conversations in
my head, arguments with peoplein the shower, in the mirror.
That's what I would do.

(34:32):
I'm going to say this and thenthey're going to say that.
And then I'm going to say thisand they're going to like full
conversations.
And I can catch myself doingthat now and go, Let it go.
Let it go.

Tracey (34:44):
And we say often too, it will pass, right?
This too shall pass.
Yeah.
Something I wanted to ask goingback to 28 years of sobriety,
and I'm sure you've had thisquestion before, but Why write
the book now or what inspiredyou to do it now so long
afterwards?
And second to that question, I'dlike to know, were you

(35:06):
journaling the whole time?

Tracy (35:07):
That's a really good question.
I actually appreciate you askingit.
Why now?
I had floated the idea to myhusband about this a few years
ago.
And I don't even know whatsparked it.
Maybe I was talking to myfriend, Dave, that I've been in.
And I just was like, it waslike, maybe I called him on his
anniversary.
Probably each other always onour anniversaries.
And I just was like, Oh my God,like this has been years.

(35:28):
Can you like for two decades?
I just remember being like, thisis stupid, crazy.
And it still is.
Then I remember my 25thanniversary.
Was highly emotional.
So I don't want anyone to thinkthat I'm like, Oh, it's 28
years.
Every year is a miracle.
Every year I go to a meeting onmy anniversary and I raise my

(35:49):
hand and I say, I cannot believeI'm saying this.
I can't believe I'm saying this,but I have whatever 22 years, 25
years, 20 years.
So I just want to round you inthat reality that every day and
every month and every whateveris.
What happened about a year ago,literally around this time,
about a year ago, is that littlevoice, whatever it is in my head

(36:10):
that whispered to me in thatpadded cell it said to me 2
words, it said, do something.
What I was talking about was, Idon't know about you guys, but I
witnessed such an increase inalcohol abuse during COVID,
during and after COVID.
And now these people arecontinuing alcohol abuse, just
dramatically increased use ofalcohol abuse.

(36:32):
And also now I'm just seeinggummies.
I know people that I'm like,you're high every day.
Every time I see you, I'm not anidiot.
I can see it in your eyes.
You're high every single day.
And then the opioid epidemic.
Fentanyl deaths.
It's just, it's too much.
I can't even, it's so tragic andthis little voice said, do
something and pretty wrecked wasthe result.

(36:52):
I just was like, I need to sharethis gift.
It's a gift.
I guess I work on it.
Yes.
I work on my sobriety, but thisis a gift and especially a gift
that I was able to get so youngand basically grow up sober.
I don't trust me.
You make some really bad jokes.
Also bad decisions withrelationships over too.
Don't think I've had like aperfect ride.
And that's why that it just Ihad to do it as far as

(37:16):
journaling.
I've, I have like pictures, butmost of it was memories.
I do like a memory box ofcertain things and a journal.
I have an old diary, but the waythat I was able to write the
book so vividly do you guyswatch Stranger Things?
No TV show.
No.
Okay.
Whatever.
So in stranger things, one ofthe characters has to go into

(37:37):
this, almost like sensorydeprivation to to do this like
crazy shit that she does.
And what I would do is I wouldput earplugs in and I would
close my eyes and I would recordmyself on my phone in present
tense.
So I would be walking into myhouse.
And not seeing anything there.
So I'm walking in and I walkedpast the washer and dryer.

(37:59):
So I was able to recreate thesemoments in real time, which
involved a lot of potato chips.
It was very emotional to relive.
a lot of this trauma.
Then I would take that and Iwould write it.
I would change the tense intopast tense.
And so that's how I was able towrite the book so vividly is I

(38:20):
literally went through theexperiences again.
It was really hard and it wasalso like really oddly healing.
I was going to say, you must'vefound it healing though.
I really did.
And I think there's somethingabout writing the
acknowledgements at the end ofjust realizing where I am today.
It sounds weird that it took thewhole book to get to the
acknowledgements at the end togo, God, you know what it felt
like?

(38:40):
When you like take a deep breathin and you're like, like it
clicks, at the top of yourbreath and you feel your
shoulders relax.
That's what finishing this bookfelt like.
It felt like I was like, It'sjust able to take that deep
breath in and release it andyou're like, it's out there.

Lindsey (38:56):
Gift.
That's really

Tracy (38:58):
good.
Yeah.

Tracey (38:59):
Wow.
That's awesome.
I feel some people would think,isn't it behind you in a way?
I'm probably being overconfidentsome days thinking I have 3
years under my belt andsometimes it feels like it's
behind me, but then there'salways something to remind me
that it's not.
So I feel like people wouldprobably think that.
But at the same time, it's alsoyou being a perfect example of

(39:24):
how.
Experience and that part of yourlife was the foundation of
building who you are today.

Tracy (39:32):
Yeah, I have 2 daughters.
And I'll get emotional here andI wouldn't wish any of this on
them.
I wouldn't wish.
Their father is very differentfather than I had.
I wouldn't wish any of thethings that happened to me.
I also know there is no way Iwould be who I am, where I am
with who I'm with.

(39:53):
All of these things withouthaving come out on the other
side of that.
There's something to be saidabout that journey through pain.
Of course I don't wish that typeof pain for my daughters.
And at the same time, they willtell you, they hear, figure it
out as often as they hear.
I love you because.
You got to fall on your ass,honey.
That's the best way you learn isyou got to scrape those knees.

(40:15):
So they know that I'm a bit of aschool of hard knocks kind of
mom.
And I really believe that it'sgetting through those things
that builds that confidence andthat character.
Again, it hurts, pain sucks, andthere's so many lessons in it.

Tracey (40:32):
So how do you talk to your girls about alcohol and
have they always known?
And have you always been openabout your own journey?

Tracy (40:40):
I have, yeah.
So they've always known that Idon't drink.
I've always told them, Oh, Idon't drink.
And it's hilarious.
Kids say the darndest things,it's so funny how for them when
they see other parents drinking,it's like shocking to them.
They're like, God, they're likedrinking so much.
It's just so interesting becausethey've just always known me not
to drink.
And I'm the 1 that's on thetable dancing.

(41:01):
I'm the 1.
I'm the designated driver andI'm the 1 that's like up on the
table and wearing a ridiculousoutfit and.
Without alcohol.
So they absolutely know that Idon't drink.
And I told them at ageappropriate times.
I have a master's in counselingand psychology.
So I know brain development andwhat is not appropriate.
For example, I have a 16 yearold and I have let her read the

(41:22):
book.
I've said to her, I want you toask me questions, come to me
with any questions.
And she had some great questionsand she loved the book.
It was really cool.
My 11 year old she's almost 12.
So it was, I'll call her 12.
She's 12 in a week.
My 12 year old, she knows.
that I did a lot of alcohol.
She knows that I did drugs andI've asked her to not read the
book, but she can read certainchapters.

(41:42):
She's been very respectful ofthat.
So they know my history.
They also know that there is aconcern in my heart of a kind of
genetic component.
Especially since, my father Wasan alcoholic and I think it was
his mother that was analcoholic.
My father had five children.
I'm my mom's only child, but hehad a wife before my mother.

(42:03):
And like four out of five of hischildren have alcohol or drug
issues.
So I'd let them know myconcerns.
And at the same time, all I cando is tell them my experience,
my concerns, and then my 16 yearold's going to have to make
their own decisions.

Lindsey (42:16):
Yeah.

Tracy (42:16):
I don't think she's drank.
I know she talks, she tells mewhen she goes to parties that's
drinking there, but I can lookin her eyes and I can look at
her and talk to her and I'venever noticed anything.
And she's told me she hasn't andI, we generally have a very
honest relationship.
But I'm not going to try to stopher.
All I can do is give her theinformation and hope.

Tracey (42:33):
And if you've been open with her, the likelihood is
she'll be honest with you.
You think, right?
or you hope?
I think so.
I hope so.
I hope the same with mydaughter.
I try to be open with her,hoping that she'll be honest
with me and let her know too.
You're going to be curious.
That's just natural.
So if you do it.
I'm not going to be mad at you.
My number one concern willalways be your safety.

Tracy (42:55):
Completely.
The other thing that I alwayssay to her is to practice saying
no.
What are you going to say?
Don't do it in your head.
Say it like, say it in themirror or say it to me or say it
to a friend she has a goodfriend of hers that also is
really not into this stuffeither.
And I said, don't do it.
To practice back and forth beingat a party and being like, I'm
good.
And then of course, as we allknow, they're going to pressure

(43:16):
her, right?
Why are you good?
Why aren't you drinking all the50 other questions that come
next and to practice standingyour ground and what you're
going to say to that person.
So she's done that before andwe've worked on different
comments she can say and whatshe's comfortable with.
I think that's something even asa sober person to work on.
Sober like, how am I going tohandle people pressuring me to

(43:37):
drink?
I think it's just so importantto practice those words coming
out of your mouth.
To tell people that you're notdrinking that night.
Yeah,

Tracey (43:45):
That's a great trick.
Actually, I never thought ofthat.
So thanks for that little tidbitof advice.
I'll be utilizing that with mydaughter for sure.

Tracy (43:54):
Yeah.
And and again, don't think itbecause words, psychologically
words in your head.
feel different in your mouth.
So you might think you're goingto say this, but when you say
it, it might feel weird.
I know that's a weird thing tosay, but to really practice
saying the words out loud andalmost to like role play,
whether it's with you or with afriend to role play those

(44:16):
potential interactions.

Tracey (44:18):
Wow.
Okay.

Lindsey (44:18):
I feel like I just didn't know at 15, 16 I knew
people drank alcohol.
I've witnessed it, I witnessedit in my family.
I saw people at weddings.
Then I didn't actually startdrinking until after 18.
That's when I had my firstdrink.
But I actually didn't realizeThe alcohol that I'm putting in
my mouth is the same shit thatgoes in the gas tank of my car.

(44:40):
I didn't know that's ethanol andI didn't know how it affected
brain function and liver andthen why are you blocking out?
I didn't.
understand all that, you justthink it's funny and you're
doing all these stupid thingsand making really bad decisions.
I really honestly didn't knowhow bad it was for your brain
health, your body, everything.
And I think it's important justto, Talk to your kids about

(45:03):
that.
This is why you get drunk onalcohol.
It's because it's poison.
Your body emotions are shuttingdown.
Yeah this is what you put inyour gas tank.
It's the same thing, right?
Ah, yeah, I don't know.
It's just things like that Ididn't really know.
And of course, I just saw thison Facebook Annie Grace, love
her, we had chatted about thispeople say they drink alcohol

(45:25):
because they like the taste ofit.
That is complete bullshit.
Who likes the taste of alcohol?
Nobody.
I remember trying to choke downmy first glass of wine and I was
like, this shit is nasty, right?
But at the end that was my drinkof choice because I sure.
Like the taste and theundertones and the oak and the

(45:46):
what?
What really like I didn't give ashit.
It got me drunk exactly.

Kelly (45:51):
I'm squeezing out the bag, the wine bank milking it.
The oak so great.
Is that grape?
Yeah.
I just am like, that's great.
The taste of it.
Like hint of wood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just don't buy it like we'reit's it doesn't, it actually

(46:11):
doesn't taste good.

Tracey (46:15):
You acquire a taste for it when you start becoming
addicted to it.
That's what happens.
That's the thing.
Yes.
You're addicted to the reactionyour body has to it, not
anything to do with the taste ofit.

Tracy (46:28):
Yeah, you'll put up with the before to get to the after.

Tracey (46:31):
Exactly.
Exactly.

Kelly (46:33):
There were a couple of parts of your story that I could
definitely relate to and I thinkare important for maybe somebody
who's listening who hasn'tgotten to the end of their
drinking career, we call ithere.
Just that moment when you werejust done, like after being on
the kitchen floor and Your momasking you to leave and it's not

(46:54):
always the worst hangover orsomething terrible as a result
of the drinking.
It's just being done.
The other part was not knowingwhat the next step is.
That's really important forpeople to hear, too, because we
sure love certainty.
I know I love, I'm working onthe control thing, too, but
certainty and knowing what thenext steps are, and we don't

(47:15):
need to know.
There are people that have gonebefore us, and, I think those
tips, they're really importantfor people to hear, that we
don't need to know anythingother than the fact that we're
done.

Tracy (47:26):
Exactly.

Kelly (47:26):
And that's it.

Tracy (47:27):
Exactly.
Yeah.
And I would That.
people get there faster than Idid and not have to lose so
much.
Just to be done and say, thisisn't working for me, or I don't
want this anymore, or I'm notwhere I want to be.
I'm not who I want to be.
And you're absolutely right.
You don't need to know whatcomes next.
You just need to know that it'snot that.

Lindsey (47:47):
I think that's the really important thing.
I'm not who I want to be.
I think if you're drinking inany capacity, And you have that
thought, or if our listenersthought to themselves, when you
said that, Oh, I'm not who Iwant to be Oh, that hit home,
evaluate that.
Are you drinking alcohol?
Yes.
If you're not who you want tobe, You've got to change

(48:08):
something.
Give not drinking alcohol thesame chance that you gave
drinking it, like you'll put upwith the barfing and the
hangovers the next day and theblacking out.
I know I did for years.
I was done for two years beforeI actually said, okay that's it.
No more.
But I think that's just reallyimportant if you're thinking I'm
not who I want to be if alcoholis in any way a part of.

(48:30):
Regular routine weekend thing,and I'm not talking about
somebody who has two glasses ofwine a year at a wedding, but if
you're drinking consistently,and that doesn't have to be
every day, because I thought Idon't have a problem.
I only binge drink on weekendsto the point of blacking out
every weekend, but, justevaluate that think, okay, this
is one thing that I can do makethat decision, right?

(48:52):
Eliminate it and see whathappens, because you might be
really surprised, and I know itprobably sounds weird, but it's
not.
Simpler, like it's easy to say,okay, just give it up, but I
think you just got to do thatwork.
You got to get curious about whyyou're putting up with all the
negative effects of it.
I wasn't who I wanted to be.
I was like, okay, I dideverything I could to hang on to

(49:13):
that one last thing.
I was like, I'm not who I wantto be.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm ashamed.
I did this.
I said this.
I'm overweight.
I'm puffy.
I feel like crap all the time.
But no, I like literally hung onto that for as long as

Tracy (49:25):
I think that's the cycle, right?
It's you feel all that yourecognize that.
And then you go back to thealcohol to put the top on the
trash can again, because youdon't want to feel that stuff.
If you're trying to make achange, You're going to actually
have to change.
I'm not saying it's easy.
I am saying it's simple.
It is.
If you want to change, you'regoing to actually have to make a

(49:47):
change.

Lindsey (49:48):
And take the responsibility.
Just like you said, it's you,it's on you.
Don't blame your upbringing.
Don't blame your Lack of this orthat, or it's genetics, or this
is the way I am.
I can't control this.
Yes, you can.
You've got to take theresponsibility.
You've got to make the decision.

Tracy (50:05):
Absolutely key for me was just that one word.
It was responsibility.
Yeah.
What do I want?
And it wasn't that.

Lindsey (50:11):
Yeah.
Oh, I love that.

Tracy (50:13):
Yeah.
So it's great.
I have no interest.
And when I see people.
Drinking, even just socially,but mostly, if I see them over
drinking a lot, I hate to sayit, but it's like such a
reminder for me of being like,

Kelly (50:25):
yeah, same dodge that bullet.
Yeah, I agree.
I think we're meant to see thosethings.

Tracy (50:32):
Yeah.

Lindsey (50:33):
Oh, I think this was such a really good episode.
I loved our conversation.

Tracy (50:38):
Thank you.
I did too.
It's just nice to connect withpeople that are like minded, and
just see the insanity.
We now see the man behind thecurtain and we're like, we see
you, we're going to kill you.
We're going to win.
It just feels really good.
Anyway, so now I've got to, doyou mind if I mentioned my book,
man?
No, I was going to say, like myplug and I don't call it a

(51:01):
shameless plug because I am notashamed.
I am thrilled to an unshamelessplug.
My book It's called PrettyWrecked.
And do you notice, look at thetitle, what does it look like?
Right away.
Pretty Woman.
It looks like Pretty Woman.
I saw it.
Good.
That's awesome.
I have like little nuggets ofnostalgia throughout.

(51:22):
There's some hidden things inthere.
If you can uncover them all, I'mimpressed.
But it's called Pretty WreckedConfessions of a Teen Addict and
Her Road to Recovery.
Available now on Amazon inpaperback and ebook.
Go get it.
Listeners go get it.
Go get it.
Yes.
I'm self published.
So honestly, this was my heartright here.
And I designed the cover artand.

(51:44):
Formatting, editing, publishing,distribution, marketing,
promotion, the whole thing.
So it's been a lot.
If you love it, I hope you readit.
I hope you love it.
Please review it.
That stuff is really importantfor the algorithm.
You guys know this with yourpodcast.
Absolutely.
It really matters.
So it would just be great.
And I hope I really tried towrite the last third of the book

(52:05):
in a way that was relatable andapplicable to any change.
All of the things that I sayabout my recovery are, again, I
don't what your thing, what'syour thing?
You wanna, stop drinkingalcohol, stop doing drugs have a
problem with food, have aproblem with relationships,
whatever it might be.
I really tried to make itaccessible and relatable for
anyone looking to make a change.

Kelly (52:26):
That's awesome.
I love that.
Thank you.
Thank you for writing that andthank you for sharing your story
with us.

Tracy (52:31):
So welcome.
Thank you for doing the workthat you do and talking to all
these people.
It's just, it is so heartwarmingto hear other people's stories.
We do recover.
I love that hashtag, right?
Hashtag.
We do recover.

Tracey (52:42):
I was going to say, thank you.
You were very generous.
To share your book with us.
Definitely after having thisconversation with you, if we
weren't excited and interestedalready, I'm sure we're all
going to jump to be reading it.
And we will definitely make surethat even though you gave us a
lovely copy that we support you.

(53:02):
Absolutely.
Oh, thank you so much.
Yes.
We'll link it.

Tracy (53:06):
Spread the word.
If you love it, tell a friend inrecovery or maybe a friend that
needs to be in recovery.
Yeah,

Lindsey (53:12):
exactly.

Tracey (53:13):
Tell people where to find you, Tracy, and then I'll
share everything.

Tracy (53:17):
So my website, it's my name.
It's Tracy Viola, author.
com.
If you look up www.
tracyviola.
com.
author.
com.
You can find information aboutme there.
You can sign up for mynewsletter.
I'm not a spam newsletterperson.
I send like maybe one or two amonth.
They always have a quote that Ilove and what it means to me.
They always ends with somethingfunny or a, usually it's like an

(53:39):
Instagram video or a Facebookvideo that just makes me laugh
that I love.
So I try to keep it reallylight, but like things that
articles that I love that like Ifound really moving or like
lessons that I've learnedlately.
I try to make it again.
I'm all about applicability,this link resonates with me.
I'm going to read it, or thisvideo was funnier and move on.
We're busy people.
You're on Instagram.
What's your Instagram handle?

(54:00):
I love that you're covering.
Look at this.
You're going to use mypublicist.
Yes.
So same thing, Tracy Violaauthor.
Go follow her.
Yes, go follow me on Instagram.
Tracy Viola author on Instagramand Facebook.
Pretty much anything Tracy Violaauthor and that's me.
Sweet.

Tracey (54:16):
You got to go check out her playlist, especially if you
go to her website.

Tracy (54:21):
It's so good.
If you go to my website, TracyViola author.
com, you can click to link to myInstagram, my Facebook, my
Spotify playlist.
You can buy my book.
It will link you directly toAmazon.
So like you can literally linkeverything right there.
Okay.
Perfect.

Tracey (54:39):
All right.
Lindsay is going to wrap us upbecause she's our wrap up queen.
Alrighty.
Love it.
Guys again.

Lindsey (54:46):
Yeah.
Everybody, that is a wrap ontoday's episode with Tracy
Viola.
Thank you so much for joining uson the LAF Life podcast as
always.
So head on over to Instagram,follow our guest, Tracy Viola,
and don't forget to grab herbook, Pretty Wrecked.
I am going to head over toAmazon and grab my copy.

(55:06):
I can't wait to dive in.
So we will see you back nextTuesday with a brand new
episode.
And until then.
You guys all know what to do.
Keep laughing.

Kelly (55:19):
Thank you for listening.
Please give us a five starrating like and subscribe, share
on social media and tell yourfriends.
We love getting your feedbackand ideas of what you'd like to
hear on upcoming episodes of theLAF life podcast.
If you yourself are livingalcohol free and want to share
your story here, please reachout.

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