April 9, 2025 • 27 mins
Today, we're diving into a topic that resonates deeply for many, especially those who navigate life with ADHD—Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Jen Lander, unpacks the unique emotional hurdles faced by people with ADHD as they deal with heightened reactions to perceived or real rejection. Jen not only illuminates the difference between typical sensitivity and RSD but also shares personal anecdotes and practical strategies for managing these intense feelings. Join us as Jen offers invaluable insights, working towards a more fulfilling life while embracing the nuances of one's unique emotional landscape. Let’s explore the impact, manifestations, and coping mechanisms of RSD together in an episode you won't want to miss. Tune in and transform your understanding of emotional sensitivity and strength.
00:00 ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity
04:00 "Facing Criticism and Negative Feedback"
08:20 RSD, ADHD, and Online Vulnerability
12:20 Managing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
14:55 Challenging Negative Thoughts
17:37 Explaining RSD: Engage and Support
22:31 "Embrace Change for New Comfort"
23:54 Managing RSD Through Community Support
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.butram/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jenniferlander9
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
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Now, go get those deals Ifyou're someone who has felt like
a pretty sensitive person orsomeone has named you a very
sensitive person, And you haveeither been diagnosed with ADHD
(01:27):
or you're suspicious that youmay have ADHD, then you may be
experiencing something calledrejection sensitive dysphoria.
So this is very different thansomeone who is neuro-typical and
is a little bit more on thesensitive side.
There is a lot of neurocircuitryand neuro chemicals that are
(01:50):
involved in this dysregulationthat people with ADHD are
experiencing versus the other.
So I just want to dive a littlebit into this topic because I
think it's very important and Ithink it's something that we
don't talk enough about.
So rejection sensitive dysphoriait impacts people who have ADHD
(02:12):
pretty significantly.
So it can feel like navigatinglife with heightened.
Often debilitating emotionalreactions.
So we're going to explore whatRDS or RSD is, how it manifests
in our daily lives.
And most importantly, We'regoing to talk about some
strategies that we can use tomanage this and who doesn't love
(02:33):
that.
Right.
It's an intense, almostphysical, emotional response to
pursue.
Perceived or real rejectioncriticism or even
disappointment.
So it's a hyper reactivity.
That can make even minor socialinteractions feel like they're
major emotional and events andjust create and cause a lot of
(02:54):
pain for people who have ADHD.
So for women with ADHD, this isoften amplified.
So we often spend years justtrying to fit into that.
Neuro-typical expectationdealing with social awkwardness.
I'm very familiar with that.
And just feeling like we'reconstantly falling short.
That right there creates thisbreeding ground for RSD.
(03:18):
Making us feel vulnerable andexperience a lot of emotional
pain.
We can talk about some examplesof where this might be showing
up in your life.
Um, let's say in a workplace,so.
If you can kind of imagine thatyou D you've dedicated a lot of
(03:38):
time to a certain project.
And then let's say you'resitting.
Sitting down with your boss.
Boss.
And then you're reviewing all ofthe work that you put in, and
you're so passionate about thisand you think it's a great idea.
And then the boss gives youfeedback that isn't.
Well intended to beconstructive, feels more like a
(03:59):
personal attack.
So the criticism is triggeringthe cascade of negative
thoughts.
Like I'm incompetent.
Uh, they don't value my work.
I'm going to get fired.
I mean, you might becomehyper-focused on that negative
feedback and you're replaying itin your mind for days, weeks,
maybe even months.
And you're just struggling toconcentrate on other tasks.
(04:22):
It's really.
Impacting your day-to-day orsometimes in maybe a team
meeting you.
Speak up and you have thiscreative idea, but it's just
quickly dismissed.
They move on to the next thingthat often happens in meetings.
So if you're someone who isstruggling with RSD, This can be
a big setback when I'm insituations like that.
And that happens.
My default tends to be, to getvery quiet.
(04:45):
So I don't really show up in away that feels good.
Sometimes I'm just like, I'm notsaying anything because.
Like that feeling, thatemotional feeling and the
emotional pain that goes alongwith that, like, I'm not willing
to sacrifice that pain.
For a perceived rejection.
Um, so that's something that Ihave worked on and something
(05:07):
that actually prevented me frommaking progress in my life.
So you just start to experiencethis wave of intense shame and
humiliation, which where you'rejust kind of convincing yourself
that your colleagues are they'reperceiving you as unintelligent
and no one likes that.
Right?
So.
You might even.
Start to avoid asking for helpbecause you're fearing that
(05:30):
negative reaction.
And then you struggle with eventhe simplest tasks because
you're unwilling to ask forhelp, to try to avoid those
negative emotions.
Totally get it.
I totally understand that.
And let's.
Say, um, this could be showingup in your relationship.
So you could have a partner whojust one night seems like
(05:52):
they're a little preoccupied inthe evening time.
Like you're reaching out tothem.
You're not getting the responsethat you typically would like.
So instead of asking them what'swrong, you might start to jump
to conclusions.
That you could be thinking like,oh my gosh, they're probably
losing interest in me.
They're going to leave me.
Me.
This can trigger intense anxietyand insecurity, which can lead
(06:12):
to arguments, or you canemotionally withdrawal.
And I have experienced both ofthose in relationships.
Um, you could have a closefriend who cancels on you last
minute and even.
Even with a valid explanation,you could feel personally
rejected and just convinced thatthey don't value your
(06:32):
friendship, or they don't wantto be friends with you.
And that can lead to isolationand feeling lonely in high
school.
I'm gonna bring you back liketwo decades here.
So in high school, I had asituation one time where.
I was getting to know someonewho I, who was older than me.
And I really wanted to befriends with her.
And I had worked up the courageto call her and to ask if she
(06:55):
wanted to hang out.
And she was like, no, notreally.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
Not really, like, my mind wasjust like, oh my gosh, he
doesn't like me.
This is terrible.
Well, what had happened waslater I found out number one,
that was just like, I feltcompletely rejected.
But I found out she was an, shegot in an argument with her
boyfriend, but after spendingall night, It's ruminating on
(07:19):
like these negative thoughts.
The, the damage was done in mymind.
Like I just created a wholescenario and all these terrible
things, like all these negativethoughts.
So even though she said thatit's still felt terrible and
what happened was it impacted mefor years.
Like I was not asking anyonethat I just met to hang out
(07:40):
anymore.
Like I would wait for them toask me to hang out and that's
terrible when you're trying tobuild friendships.
Right.
Like that does feel reallylonely.
So.
That was the way that that hadimpacted me.
And then we could take it tosocial media.
Um, So, if you are workingreally hard on a certain real,
where you feel like, oh my gosh,like I really put a lot of time
(08:02):
and effort into this.
I feel like it's great quality.
It's good content.
And then you didn't get thereaction.
And it was just very minimalengagement from that.
Then this can trigger feelingsof public rejection and that is
terrible.
Right.
So.
It just leads to those feelingsof shame and self doubt.
So you might start to questionyour worth and feel isolated in
(08:24):
that with the online communitytoo, and then being less likely
to put yourself out there and togrow, because I mean, there's a
lot of people who are.
Building a personal brandonline, and that requires having
the courage showing up.
Sacrificing those potentialrejections from people.
You know, and that's, that's ahard place to be in.
(08:45):
So if you're struggling withRSD, Then that just puts you at
a more vulnerable place as well.
So.
The intensity of RSA.
RSD is believed to be stemmedfrom neurological differences
that are associated.
with ADHD.
So these imbalances inneurotransmitters, specifically
dopamine and norepinephrineaffect our ability to regulate
(09:08):
emotions and process thosesocial cues.
This heightened sensitivity.
Can make us more vulnerable.
Vulnerable to those intensereactions.
In ADHD, this dysregulation ofdopamine and norepinephrine,
those neuro-transmitters.
It's crucial for attentionmotivation and emotional
regulation.
(09:29):
So dopamine is involved in thereward processing and motivation
and norepinephrine isinfluencing our alertness and
our emotional responses.
When we experience perceivedrejection or even real
rejection, our brains may notrelease dopamine in the same.
Same way as a neuro-typicalbrain and this can lead to a
diminish.
Minish sense of reward andincreased feelings of
(09:53):
disappointment.
Simultaneously the norepinephrin system that can
become over active.
And this is just going toamplify that emotional pain and
the triggers to the.
Um, heightened stress response.
This can result in the cycle ofemotional reactivity where even
minor social interactions cantrigger that.
(10:15):
Intense feeling of rejection andjust a lot of distress.
The amygdala is playing a rolehere too.
The amygdala is the brain'semotional center.
You may best know this as likethe fight or flight.
Area of your brain.
It's often hyper active inpeople with ADHD.
So this heightened activity.
Is what can lead to thatexaggerate?
(10:36):
Moderated emotional response tothe perceived threats.
And this is just including thatsocial rejection.
So in RSD, the amygdala maymisinterpret, neutral social
cues as.
As threats, and this is justgoing to trigger that cascade of
negative emotions and it canlead.
Lead to hypervigilance.
(10:57):
Where we're just constantlyscanning for signs of rejection,
even if there aren't any thatare present.
And then the prefrontal cortex,which is responsible for
executive functions, likeemotional regulation and our
impulse control.
This is oftentimes lessefficient and people who do have
ADHD, so this can make itdifficult to regulate our
(11:18):
emotional responses.
And it inhibits impulsivereactions to those perceived
read rejections.
Which ends up leading to.
A situation where we maystruggle to control our
emotional reactions to asituation.
That can mean that we'reexperiencing.
And like these angry outburst,we can feel intense sadness or
(11:41):
anxiety in this just canfurther.
Damage our relationships and itcan reinforce negative self
perceptions.
And then we have thehypothalamus pituitary adrenal
access, the HPA access.
So this is the body's stressresponse system, and that can
become dysregulated and peoplewho have ADHD.
So chronic stress is oftencaused by.
(12:05):
The challenges of livingday-to-day with ADHD and that
can lead to the HPA access.
Yes.
Being hyperactive.
So this results in increasedlevels of cortisol, which is the
stress hormone.
And this can amplify ouremotional reactivity and make us
just more susceptible.
(12:25):
To the triggers that we couldexperience.
With all of that, what the heckdo we do about this?
Well, I'm so glad that you askedbecause we can use some
strategies to help us manageRSD.
And really the key here is we'regoing to talk about some of
these strategies, but reallytrying to figure out what works
best for you out of all the onesthat we talk about.
(12:47):
So just explore and.
Try different things out.
But also focus on repetitiontoo.
So if you find one that feelsgood and feels right, then
really lean into that.
And the repetition is so keybecause you really want to
strengthen the neural pathwaysby repetition.
So.
What we can do is awareness issuper.
(13:10):
Super super important.
So we want to be able to numberone, have the awareness that
this is even going on because alot of people are out there and
they have no clue that whatthey're experiencing is.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria.
So having that.
That information is superimportant because then you can
start to make step or take thesteps that you need to try to
(13:31):
manage some of this.
You can try keeping, um, apretty detailed journal of these
RSD episodes.
Make sure that you're notingspecific situations, thoughts,
and feelings that are proceededby them.
This can help you identify thepatterns and the triggers, which
is huge, hugely important.
And then we can start to analyzewhat those triggers are
(13:53):
objectively.
we can start to notice whatspecific behaviors or situations
tend to set you off.
And once you know that, Then youcan begin to make those changes
to your environment or yourreactions to what's going on.
And then what we want to do iswe want to try to challenge
those thoughts.
Thought distortion.
(14:13):
Torsions RSD.
Often fuels.
Thought distortions such ascatastrophizing and black.
And white thinking.
I have struggled prettysignificantly with black and
white thinking.
It's something that I have to,like I had to gain the awareness
of it, because for some time Iwas completely unaware that I'm
(14:35):
focusing on things as black andwhite, there is no gray.
Here we go.
So over time, just learning moreabout it, having that
self-awareness.
And applying and implementingtools and skills and all that
stuff.
It has helped, but sometimes Istill even will default back to
that way of thinking.
And I have to intentionally pushmy way through that.
(14:55):
We need to be able to learn andidentify what our specific
distortions are.
And then we can begin tochallenge their validity.
So when you experience anegative thought, just ask
yourself, is this thought based.
Based on facts or.
Is it an.
An assumption.
So what evidence do you have forthat thought?
Or do you have evidence that'sagainst that thought?
(15:18):
And think like, is there anotherway to interpret.
What the situation is all about.
So trying to reframe thosenegative thoughts into more
neutral or even positive ones.
One example is like, if you'rekind of struggling with, with
some of these things, so insteadof thinking, they don't like me,
you could try thinking they maybe preoccupied or stressed.
(15:39):
So kind of try to take yourselfout of.
What's happening as far as likethose negative self thoughts and
try to see like, is theresomething else going on because
more times than not, it reallyis that they're dealing with
their own stuff and they don'tmean anything to you.
There's no, like they're nottrying to reject you in any way.
It's just, they got their ownstuff going on.
(16:00):
Then we want to try to developsome communication.
Strategies.
Um, especially if this isshowing.
Going up in your relationships,like with your partner or your
friends?
So just try to learn how tocommunicate what your needs are.
Assertively without becomingdefensive or aggressive.
This.
Is very hard for me.
I don't typically get likedefensive with a lot of people,
(16:21):
but it really shows up with myhusband because I'm most
comfortable with him.
And I'm like, no.
And, and also.
He's a great person to have likea conversation with.
He knows a lot about manythings, you know?
So.
When this shows up to me, likeI'll be having a conversation
and I'll be explainingsomething.
And then he'll question it.
(16:43):
Like he will genuinely becurious and questioning it, but
I'm like taking it internal,like a rejection.
Like, do you not believe it?
Like I'm smart.
You know, I'm like, like how,like, why are you asking me
this?
Like, I get very defensive onit, which I'm because I have
this awareness now I'm like,Jen.
You need to chill, chill out alittle bit.
(17:04):
So I have to take a deep breath,regroup, and then engage in the
conversation, but it's not.
Easy.
Like I, these things are, it isvery hard to kind of work
through, especially if yourdefault is to become aggressive
or defensive.
Just taking a deep breath.
And we'll talk a little bit moreabout that too, but just trying
to regulate like your nervoussystem a little bit, so what can
(17:25):
also help is trying to set clearboundaries to, to protect
yourself from situations thattrigger.
Your RSD.
So this might involve limitingcontact with certain people or
avoiding certain socialsituations.
And when possible, try toexplain to.
To important people.
In your life, what RSD is andhow it's affecting you.
(17:46):
Um, that can be really helpfulfor them too, because they don't
know what they don't knoweither.
You know, and if you're learningthat about yourself and it's
something that you're strugglingwith, the people who are closest
to you, it w it can be a reallygood thing for them to
understand and know that that'swhat's going on and you're
trying to work through some ofthis stuff.
And just the support would bewonderful.
If you had that from them.
So let's see what else, um,implementing some coping
(18:09):
mechanisms.
Some of the things that you cando are like, I was talking about
the deep breathing exercises.
Deep breathing exercises.
I will go down like screamingabout this because it has been
the most helpful for me in allareas of my life, with my sleep
anxiety, stress.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria.
All of the things like deepbreathing exercises have been
(18:33):
the most helpful.
So you can find those onYouTube.
You can just kind of do alittle.
Search on YouTube breathing withSandy is one of my favorites.
He has tons of them to choosefrom.
But I would recommend doingsomething like that.
If you're in the moment in aconversation, just taking.
A inhale in four seconds,breathe out, you know, just
trying to regulate yourself inthat way.
(18:55):
And then you could create an RDSor I keep saying RDS.
This is like my dyslexia showingup here.
But anyway, Okay.
So RSD, you can create an RSDtoolkit, which can have items or
activities that can help youcalm down and regulate your
emotions.
(19:16):
This could be your favoriteplaylist.
I have one put together in my,in my phone, Amazon music.
So I just have a whole list ofmusic that actually makes me
feel very common.
I'll play that whenever I needto.
I love playing music in thebackground.
That's.
A tool that's been very helpfulfor me.
You could have a stressful or ajournal.
(19:36):
I mean, you can even make alittle box and keep it.
In your home, like in your roomand your home, anything like
that, that just has these thingsthat you can pull out from
stress balls are great for somepeople fidget toys.
Those are great for some people.
Um, but stress, balls andplaylist, those are wonderful.
And then deep breathingexercises are awesome.
I like the deep breathingexercises because you take the
(19:57):
breath wherever you go.
Right?
Like you're, you're constantlybreathing.
So it's something that you willalways have with you.
In situations, so some of theother things you might not have
access to them, but you alwayshave your breath.
So that's a really positive,awesome, good thing.
And then you could try to find aphysical outlet too, for really
intense emotions.
So exercise, if you were in aplace where your body is safe
(20:19):
and you're able to engage inphysical activity, this can help
regulate some of your emotionstoo.
So this could be yoga.
It could be running swimming.
Maybe you, maybe it's notphysical activity.
Maybe you want to create anothercreative outlet and this could
be like painting or writing anyother mindfulness activities or
meditate.
(20:40):
um, those things can be helpfulJust like I was saying earlier,
experiment with these differentcoping strategies and just find
something that works really wellfor you.
You could consider some sensorystrategies So a weighted blanket
that could be helpful.
And then the music, like we weresaying, and noise, canceling
headphones as well.
Those can be helpful for somepeople.
(21:02):
I'm not like I've tried weightedblankets before that ones.
That one's not the most helpfulfor me, but I've also worked
with people.
And I do know that that is areally helpful tool for them.
So try it out.
If you haven't before it'salways worth a try.
If you've never tried one ofthese things before.
And then what I also like if youhave the space for this is just
(21:25):
to create a physical space inyour home.
That feels very calming.
I have a space underneath ourstairs in the basement.
That has a nice little cozy rugin there.
It has some pillows, it has abookshelf lights.
Um, I bring a candle in thereand I can just lay down and
relax.
And that's a really common spacefor me.
(21:46):
So I, and I love it.
So I would definitely encourageif you have the space to create
something just for yourself,where you can have.
Your alone time and just kind ofreregulate.
So just try planning some copingmechanisms into your day so that
they become a habit because anyhabit, any behavior that we're
engaging in were we got intohabits through repetition.
(22:08):
So we're going to create newhabits through repetition, and
we're going to get out of habitsthrough repetition.
So repetition is superimportant.
So the more you're doingsomething.
The more natural, it's going tofeel the more comfortable.
So you might get that resistanceat first, you might feel really
uncomfortable because our brainslike to keep us in our comfort
zones, even if it's in anunhealthy place, because it's
(22:29):
predictable, it's what we knowit's familiar.
So we want to try to get out ofthose spaces if they're
unhealthy through repetition andcreating new habits and
behaviors.
So just so you know, if you'regetting some resistance to try
new things, you have to pushthrough that, push past it
because it will eventually.
Really become the new normal andyour new comfort zone.
(22:49):
So you got to push, push throughit.
So it's normal.
If it feels.
Uh, uncomfortable and not good.
Just keep pushing through it.
Cause.
If it's a healthy copingmechanism, the ones that we're
talking about.
Keep pushing through and tryingit multiple times.
And, and I'm sure you'll findthat it eventually becomes much
more comfortable.
If you're trying all the thingsyou're doing, all the things
(23:12):
you've used, the repetition andyou're like, I still am
struggling with R S D I had tosay it's low.
And I am still struggling withthis.
I don't know what to do.
It might be worth talking toeither a coach or a therapist.
A therapist can be reallyhelpful with like CBT cognitive
behavioral therapy ordialectical behavioral therapy.
(23:35):
DBT.
Those can be particularlyhelpful with RSD.
So just explore that.
Maybe it's talking with apsychiatrist, this could be a
medication concern where youwould want to explore and try
something like that.
Um, so just know that there ishopefully in your area of
professional support that youcan have, but trying to find
(23:56):
that, um, if you need it, if youhave been trying all the things
and you're like, I need some, Ineed some extra support here.
Totally.
Totally cool.
And then just trying to build asupport system.
So connect with other, otherpeople who have ADHD, who
understand your challenges withRSD and just sharing your
experiences and the strategiesthat you're using.
Um, just to have some validationon like what you're going
(24:19):
through.
Community support groups supportcan be really, really powerful.
So just knowing that managingRSD is it's an ongoing process
and it just requires patienceand it requires some
persistence.
But if we're implementing thesestrategies and we're seeking
professional support, if we needit, um, and we're just learning
(24:41):
to navigate the emotionalchallenges of RSD it's just
allowing us to build a morefulfilling life.
So, I just want you to rememberthat you are a very strong
person.
You are so capable and you arenot alone by any means.
I know exactly how you feelhere.
So keep learning, keep growingand just embrace your unique
(25:04):
journey and I'll see you nexttime.
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Now, go get those deals Ifyou're someone who has felt like
a pretty sensitive person orsomeone has named you a very
sensitive person, And you haveeither been diagnosed with ADHD
(01:27):
or you're suspicious that youmay have ADHD, then you may be
experiencing something calledrejection sensitive dysphoria.
So this is very different thansomeone who is neuro-typical and
is a little bit more on thesensitive side.
There is a lot of neurocircuitryand neuro chemicals that are
(01:50):
involved in this dysregulationthat people with ADHD are
experiencing versus the other.
So I just want to dive a littlebit into this topic because I
think it's very important and Ithink it's something that we
don't talk enough about.
So rejection sensitive dysphoriait impacts people who have ADHD
(02:12):
pretty significantly.
So it can feel like navigatinglife with heightened.
Often debilitating emotionalreactions.
So we're going to explore whatRDS or RSD is, how it manifests
in our daily lives.
And most importantly, We'regoing to talk about some
strategies that we can use tomanage this and who doesn't love
(02:33):
that.
Right.
It's an intense, almostphysical, emotional response to
pursue.
Perceived or real rejectioncriticism or even
disappointment.
So it's a hyper reactivity.
That can make even minor socialinteractions feel like they're
major emotional and events andjust create and cause a lot of
(02:54):
pain for people who have ADHD.
So for women with ADHD, this isoften amplified.
So we often spend years justtrying to fit into that.
Neuro-typical expectationdealing with social awkwardness.
I'm very familiar with that.
And just feeling like we'reconstantly falling short.
That right there creates thisbreeding ground for RSD.
(03:18):
Making us feel vulnerable andexperience a lot of emotional
pain.
We can talk about some examplesof where this might be showing
up in your life.
Um, let's say in a workplace,so.
If you can kind of imagine thatyou D you've dedicated a lot of
(03:38):
time to a certain project.
And then let's say you'resitting.
Sitting down with your boss.
Boss.
And then you're reviewing all ofthe work that you put in, and
you're so passionate about thisand you think it's a great idea.
And then the boss gives youfeedback that isn't.
Well intended to beconstructive, feels more like a
(03:59):
personal attack.
So the criticism is triggeringthe cascade of negative
thoughts.
Like I'm incompetent.
Uh, they don't value my work.
I'm going to get fired.
I mean, you might becomehyper-focused on that negative
feedback and you're replaying itin your mind for days, weeks,
maybe even months.
And you're just struggling toconcentrate on other tasks.
(04:22):
It's really.
Impacting your day-to-day orsometimes in maybe a team
meeting you.
Speak up and you have thiscreative idea, but it's just
quickly dismissed.
They move on to the next thingthat often happens in meetings.
So if you're someone who isstruggling with RSD, This can be
a big setback when I'm insituations like that.
And that happens.
My default tends to be, to getvery quiet.
(04:45):
So I don't really show up in away that feels good.
Sometimes I'm just like, I'm notsaying anything because.
Like that feeling, thatemotional feeling and the
emotional pain that goes alongwith that, like, I'm not willing
to sacrifice that pain.
For a perceived rejection.
Um, so that's something that Ihave worked on and something
(05:07):
that actually prevented me frommaking progress in my life.
So you just start to experiencethis wave of intense shame and
humiliation, which where you'rejust kind of convincing yourself
that your colleagues are they'reperceiving you as unintelligent
and no one likes that.
Right?
So.
You might even.
Start to avoid asking for helpbecause you're fearing that
(05:30):
negative reaction.
And then you struggle with eventhe simplest tasks because
you're unwilling to ask forhelp, to try to avoid those
negative emotions.
Totally get it.
I totally understand that.
And let's.
Say, um, this could be showingup in your relationship.
So you could have a partner whojust one night seems like
(05:52):
they're a little preoccupied inthe evening time.
Like you're reaching out tothem.
You're not getting the responsethat you typically would like.
So instead of asking them what'swrong, you might start to jump
to conclusions.
That you could be thinking like,oh my gosh, they're probably
losing interest in me.
They're going to leave me.
Me.
This can trigger intense anxietyand insecurity, which can lead
(06:12):
to arguments, or you canemotionally withdrawal.
And I have experienced both ofthose in relationships.
Um, you could have a closefriend who cancels on you last
minute and even.
Even with a valid explanation,you could feel personally
rejected and just convinced thatthey don't value your
(06:32):
friendship, or they don't wantto be friends with you.
And that can lead to isolationand feeling lonely in high
school.
I'm gonna bring you back liketwo decades here.
So in high school, I had asituation one time where.
I was getting to know someonewho I, who was older than me.
And I really wanted to befriends with her.
And I had worked up the courageto call her and to ask if she
(06:55):
wanted to hang out.
And she was like, no, notreally.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
Not really, like, my mind wasjust like, oh my gosh, he
doesn't like me.
This is terrible.
Well, what had happened waslater I found out number one,
that was just like, I feltcompletely rejected.
But I found out she was an, shegot in an argument with her
boyfriend, but after spendingall night, It's ruminating on
(07:19):
like these negative thoughts.
The, the damage was done in mymind.
Like I just created a wholescenario and all these terrible
things, like all these negativethoughts.
So even though she said thatit's still felt terrible and
what happened was it impacted mefor years.
Like I was not asking anyonethat I just met to hang out
(07:40):
anymore.
Like I would wait for them toask me to hang out and that's
terrible when you're trying tobuild friendships.
Right.
Like that does feel reallylonely.
So.
That was the way that that hadimpacted me.
And then we could take it tosocial media.
Um, So, if you are workingreally hard on a certain real,
where you feel like, oh my gosh,like I really put a lot of time
(08:02):
and effort into this.
I feel like it's great quality.
It's good content.
And then you didn't get thereaction.
And it was just very minimalengagement from that.
Then this can trigger feelingsof public rejection and that is
terrible.
Right.
So.
It just leads to those feelingsof shame and self doubt.
So you might start to questionyour worth and feel isolated in
(08:24):
that with the online communitytoo, and then being less likely
to put yourself out there and togrow, because I mean, there's a
lot of people who are.
Building a personal brandonline, and that requires having
the courage showing up.
Sacrificing those potentialrejections from people.
You know, and that's, that's ahard place to be in.
(08:45):
So if you're struggling withRSD, Then that just puts you at
a more vulnerable place as well.
So.
The intensity of RSA.
RSD is believed to be stemmedfrom neurological differences
that are associated.
with ADHD.
So these imbalances inneurotransmitters, specifically
dopamine and norepinephrineaffect our ability to regulate
(09:08):
emotions and process thosesocial cues.
This heightened sensitivity.
Can make us more vulnerable.
Vulnerable to those intensereactions.
In ADHD, this dysregulation ofdopamine and norepinephrine,
those neuro-transmitters.
It's crucial for attentionmotivation and emotional
regulation.
(09:29):
So dopamine is involved in thereward processing and motivation
and norepinephrine isinfluencing our alertness and
our emotional responses.
When we experience perceivedrejection or even real
rejection, our brains may notrelease dopamine in the same.
Same way as a neuro-typicalbrain and this can lead to a
diminish.
Minish sense of reward andincreased feelings of
(09:53):
disappointment.
Simultaneously the norepinephrin system that can
become over active.
And this is just going toamplify that emotional pain and
the triggers to the.
Um, heightened stress response.
This can result in the cycle ofemotional reactivity where even
minor social interactions cantrigger that.
(10:15):
Intense feeling of rejection andjust a lot of distress.
The amygdala is playing a rolehere too.
The amygdala is the brain'semotional center.
You may best know this as likethe fight or flight.
Area of your brain.
It's often hyper active inpeople with ADHD.
So this heightened activity.
Is what can lead to thatexaggerate?
(10:36):
Moderated emotional response tothe perceived threats.
And this is just including thatsocial rejection.
So in RSD, the amygdala maymisinterpret, neutral social
cues as.
As threats, and this is justgoing to trigger that cascade of
negative emotions and it canlead.
Lead to hypervigilance.
(10:57):
Where we're just constantlyscanning for signs of rejection,
even if there aren't any thatare present.
And then the prefrontal cortex,which is responsible for
executive functions, likeemotional regulation and our
impulse control.
This is oftentimes lessefficient and people who do have
ADHD, so this can make itdifficult to regulate our
(11:18):
emotional responses.
And it inhibits impulsivereactions to those perceived
read rejections.
Which ends up leading to.
A situation where we maystruggle to control our
emotional reactions to asituation.
That can mean that we'reexperiencing.
And like these angry outburst,we can feel intense sadness or
(11:41):
anxiety in this just canfurther.
Damage our relationships and itcan reinforce negative self
perceptions.
And then we have thehypothalamus pituitary adrenal
access, the HPA access.
So this is the body's stressresponse system, and that can
become dysregulated and peoplewho have ADHD.
So chronic stress is oftencaused by.
(12:05):
The challenges of livingday-to-day with ADHD and that
can lead to the HPA access.
Yes.
Being hyperactive.
So this results in increasedlevels of cortisol, which is the
stress hormone.
And this can amplify ouremotional reactivity and make us
just more susceptible.
(12:25):
To the triggers that we couldexperience.
With all of that, what the heckdo we do about this?
Well, I'm so glad that you askedbecause we can use some
strategies to help us manageRSD.
And really the key here is we'regoing to talk about some of
these strategies, but reallytrying to figure out what works
best for you out of all the onesthat we talk about.
(12:47):
So just explore and.
Try different things out.
But also focus on repetitiontoo.
So if you find one that feelsgood and feels right, then
really lean into that.
And the repetition is so keybecause you really want to
strengthen the neural pathwaysby repetition.
So.
What we can do is awareness issuper.
(13:10):
Super super important.
So we want to be able to numberone, have the awareness that
this is even going on because alot of people are out there and
they have no clue that whatthey're experiencing is.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria.
So having that.
That information is superimportant because then you can
start to make step or take thesteps that you need to try to
(13:31):
manage some of this.
You can try keeping, um, apretty detailed journal of these
RSD episodes.
Make sure that you're notingspecific situations, thoughts,
and feelings that are proceededby them.
This can help you identify thepatterns and the triggers, which
is huge, hugely important.
And then we can start to analyzewhat those triggers are
(13:53):
objectively.
we can start to notice whatspecific behaviors or situations
tend to set you off.
And once you know that, Then youcan begin to make those changes
to your environment or yourreactions to what's going on.
And then what we want to do iswe want to try to challenge
those thoughts.
Thought distortion.
(14:13):
Torsions RSD.
Often fuels.
Thought distortions such ascatastrophizing and black.
And white thinking.
I have struggled prettysignificantly with black and
white thinking.
It's something that I have to,like I had to gain the awareness
of it, because for some time Iwas completely unaware that I'm
(14:35):
focusing on things as black andwhite, there is no gray.
Here we go.
So over time, just learning moreabout it, having that
self-awareness.
And applying and implementingtools and skills and all that
stuff.
It has helped, but sometimes Istill even will default back to
that way of thinking.
And I have to intentionally pushmy way through that.
(14:55):
We need to be able to learn andidentify what our specific
distortions are.
And then we can begin tochallenge their validity.
So when you experience anegative thought, just ask
yourself, is this thought based.
Based on facts or.
Is it an.
An assumption.
So what evidence do you have forthat thought?
Or do you have evidence that'sagainst that thought?
(15:18):
And think like, is there anotherway to interpret.
What the situation is all about.
So trying to reframe thosenegative thoughts into more
neutral or even positive ones.
One example is like, if you'rekind of struggling with, with
some of these things, so insteadof thinking, they don't like me,
you could try thinking they maybe preoccupied or stressed.
(15:39):
So kind of try to take yourselfout of.
What's happening as far as likethose negative self thoughts and
try to see like, is theresomething else going on because
more times than not, it reallyis that they're dealing with
their own stuff and they don'tmean anything to you.
There's no, like they're nottrying to reject you in any way.
It's just, they got their ownstuff going on.
(16:00):
Then we want to try to developsome communication.
Strategies.
Um, especially if this isshowing.
Going up in your relationships,like with your partner or your
friends?
So just try to learn how tocommunicate what your needs are.
Assertively without becomingdefensive or aggressive.
This.
Is very hard for me.
I don't typically get likedefensive with a lot of people,
(16:21):
but it really shows up with myhusband because I'm most
comfortable with him.
And I'm like, no.
And, and also.
He's a great person to have likea conversation with.
He knows a lot about manythings, you know?
So.
When this shows up to me, likeI'll be having a conversation
and I'll be explainingsomething.
And then he'll question it.
(16:43):
Like he will genuinely becurious and questioning it, but
I'm like taking it internal,like a rejection.
Like, do you not believe it?
Like I'm smart.
You know, I'm like, like how,like, why are you asking me
this?
Like, I get very defensive onit, which I'm because I have
this awareness now I'm like,Jen.
You need to chill, chill out alittle bit.
(17:04):
So I have to take a deep breath,regroup, and then engage in the
conversation, but it's not.
Easy.
Like I, these things are, it isvery hard to kind of work
through, especially if yourdefault is to become aggressive
or defensive.
Just taking a deep breath.
And we'll talk a little bit moreabout that too, but just trying
to regulate like your nervoussystem a little bit, so what can
(17:25):
also help is trying to set clearboundaries to, to protect
yourself from situations thattrigger.
Your RSD.
So this might involve limitingcontact with certain people or
avoiding certain socialsituations.
And when possible, try toexplain to.
To important people.
In your life, what RSD is andhow it's affecting you.
(17:46):
Um, that can be really helpfulfor them too, because they don't
know what they don't knoweither.
You know, and if you're learningthat about yourself and it's
something that you're strugglingwith, the people who are closest
to you, it w it can be a reallygood thing for them to
understand and know that that'swhat's going on and you're
trying to work through some ofthis stuff.
And just the support would bewonderful.
If you had that from them.
So let's see what else, um,implementing some coping
(18:09):
mechanisms.
Some of the things that you cando are like, I was talking about
the deep breathing exercises.
Deep breathing exercises.
I will go down like screamingabout this because it has been
the most helpful for me in allareas of my life, with my sleep
anxiety, stress.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria.
All of the things like deepbreathing exercises have been
(18:33):
the most helpful.
So you can find those onYouTube.
You can just kind of do alittle.
Search on YouTube breathing withSandy is one of my favorites.
He has tons of them to choosefrom.
But I would recommend doingsomething like that.
If you're in the moment in aconversation, just taking.
A inhale in four seconds,breathe out, you know, just
trying to regulate yourself inthat way.
(18:55):
And then you could create an RDSor I keep saying RDS.
This is like my dyslexia showingup here.
But anyway, Okay.
So RSD, you can create an RSDtoolkit, which can have items or
activities that can help youcalm down and regulate your
emotions.
(19:16):
This could be your favoriteplaylist.
I have one put together in my,in my phone, Amazon music.
So I just have a whole list ofmusic that actually makes me
feel very common.
I'll play that whenever I needto.
I love playing music in thebackground.
That's.
A tool that's been very helpfulfor me.
You could have a stressful or ajournal.
(19:36):
I mean, you can even make alittle box and keep it.
In your home, like in your roomand your home, anything like
that, that just has these thingsthat you can pull out from
stress balls are great for somepeople fidget toys.
Those are great for some people.
Um, but stress, balls andplaylist, those are wonderful.
And then deep breathingexercises are awesome.
I like the deep breathingexercises because you take the
(19:57):
breath wherever you go.
Right?
Like you're, you're constantlybreathing.
So it's something that you willalways have with you.
In situations, so some of theother things you might not have
access to them, but you alwayshave your breath.
So that's a really positive,awesome, good thing.
And then you could try to find aphysical outlet too, for really
intense emotions.
So exercise, if you were in aplace where your body is safe
(20:19):
and you're able to engage inphysical activity, this can help
regulate some of your emotionstoo.
So this could be yoga.
It could be running swimming.
Maybe you, maybe it's notphysical activity.
Maybe you want to create anothercreative outlet and this could
be like painting or writing anyother mindfulness activities or
meditate.
(20:40):
um, those things can be helpfulJust like I was saying earlier,
experiment with these differentcoping strategies and just find
something that works really wellfor you.
You could consider some sensorystrategies So a weighted blanket
that could be helpful.
And then the music, like we weresaying, and noise, canceling
headphones as well.
Those can be helpful for somepeople.
(21:02):
I'm not like I've tried weightedblankets before that ones.
That one's not the most helpfulfor me, but I've also worked
with people.
And I do know that that is areally helpful tool for them.
So try it out.
If you haven't before it'salways worth a try.
If you've never tried one ofthese things before.
And then what I also like if youhave the space for this is just
(21:25):
to create a physical space inyour home.
That feels very calming.
I have a space underneath ourstairs in the basement.
That has a nice little cozy rugin there.
It has some pillows, it has abookshelf lights.
Um, I bring a candle in thereand I can just lay down and
relax.
And that's a really common spacefor me.
(21:46):
So I, and I love it.
So I would definitely encourageif you have the space to create
something just for yourself,where you can have.
Your alone time and just kind ofreregulate.
So just try planning some copingmechanisms into your day so that
they become a habit because anyhabit, any behavior that we're
engaging in were we got intohabits through repetition.
(22:08):
So we're going to create newhabits through repetition, and
we're going to get out of habitsthrough repetition.
So repetition is superimportant.
So the more you're doingsomething.
The more natural, it's going tofeel the more comfortable.
So you might get that resistanceat first, you might feel really
uncomfortable because our brainslike to keep us in our comfort
zones, even if it's in anunhealthy place, because it's
(22:29):
predictable, it's what we knowit's familiar.
So we want to try to get out ofthose spaces if they're
unhealthy through repetition andcreating new habits and
behaviors.
So just so you know, if you'regetting some resistance to try
new things, you have to pushthrough that, push past it
because it will eventually.
Really become the new normal andyour new comfort zone.
(22:49):
So you got to push, push throughit.
So it's normal.
If it feels.
Uh, uncomfortable and not good.
Just keep pushing through it.
Cause.
If it's a healthy copingmechanism, the ones that we're
talking about.
Keep pushing through and tryingit multiple times.
And, and I'm sure you'll findthat it eventually becomes much
more comfortable.
If you're trying all the thingsyou're doing, all the things
(23:12):
you've used, the repetition andyou're like, I still am
struggling with R S D I had tosay it's low.
And I am still struggling withthis.
I don't know what to do.
It might be worth talking toeither a coach or a therapist.
A therapist can be reallyhelpful with like CBT cognitive
behavioral therapy ordialectical behavioral therapy.
(23:35):
DBT.
Those can be particularlyhelpful with RSD.
So just explore that.
Maybe it's talking with apsychiatrist, this could be a
medication concern where youwould want to explore and try
something like that.
Um, so just know that there ishopefully in your area of
professional support that youcan have, but trying to find
(23:56):
that, um, if you need it, if youhave been trying all the things
and you're like, I need some, Ineed some extra support here.
Totally.
Totally cool.
And then just trying to build asupport system.
So connect with other, otherpeople who have ADHD, who
understand your challenges withRSD and just sharing your
experiences and the strategiesthat you're using.
Um, just to have some validationon like what you're going
(24:19):
through.
Community support groups supportcan be really, really powerful.
So just knowing that managingRSD is it's an ongoing process
and it just requires patienceand it requires some
persistence.
But if we're implementing thesestrategies and we're seeking
professional support, if we needit, um, and we're just learning
(24:41):
to navigate the emotionalchallenges of RSD it's just
allowing us to build a morefulfilling life.
So, I just want you to rememberthat you are a very strong
person.
You are so capable and you arenot alone by any means.
I know exactly how you feelhere.
So keep learning, keep growingand just embrace your unique
(25:04):
journey and I'll see you nexttime.
Feeling stressed, overwhelmed.
Ready to finally release.
What's holding you back then.
You need to experience thetransformative power of somatic
breath.
Work with Jamie Gooch.
Jamie, isn't just a breathworkcoach.
She's a guide, a facilitator ofdeep healing and a true master
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Imagine releasing years oftension, finding profound, inner
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Breath work with Jamie can helpyou reduce your stress and
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I've personally experiencedJamie's incredible sessions and
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She creates a safe, supportivespace where you can truly let
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Don't let stress intentioncontrol your life any longer.
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Jamie's contact info is linkedin the show notes so that you
can book your session today.
She rocks and you're absolutelygonna love her Thank you so much
(26:32):
for joining me on this episodeof landing and perfect.
I truly appreciate you being apart of this community and
sharing this journey with me.
And remember, this podcast is apersonal project.
It's unrelated to the full-timework I do for the company.
I help treat those with eatingdisorders.
While I aim to provideprofessional and educational
(26:53):
inspirational content.
It's important to understandthat the podcast is not a
substitute for professionaltreatment.
So if you or someone that youknow is struggling with any
issues I've discussed, pleaseconsider seeking the help of a
qualified healthcareprofessional.
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