August 28, 2024 • 8 mins
Hey everyone, welcome back to Landing Imperfect! In today's episode, "Momming with ADHD," I'm diving deep into the multifaceted challenges of balancing perfectionism, ADHD, and motherhood. I'll be sharing my personal journey, from being undiagnosed in my twenties to learning how to manage my ADHD effectively while raising my children.
I'll offer practical tips on breaking free from avoidance, setting realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, and building a supportive community. Whether it's creating daily routines, using planners, or simply learning to say no, I've got strategies to help you thrive. Tune in for an honest, heartfelt conversation aimed at helping moms manage ADHD and reduce burnout. Let's get started!
00:00 Moms with ADHD mask symptoms through avoidance.
04:17 Practice tips
07:57 Connect on Instagram, visit website for resources.
Follow Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen.lander/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.butram/
Resources:
Landing Imperfect Website
https://landingimperfect.godaddysites.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Now, if I know you, then yourperfectionistic brain is going
(00:03):
to push back the first few timesthat you say, no, it's going to
feel really uncomfortable andyou aren't going to feel very
good at it.
That's going to make you notwant to do it, but do it
anyways, because the only waythat you're going to be able to
get good at it is by practicingit.
Hey guys, welcome back tolanding imperfect today.
(00:25):
I want to talk about a topicthat many of us can relate to
the struggle of balancingperfectionism, ADHD, and
motherhood.
So if you're feelingoverwhelmed, burned out and like
you're constantly trying to keepup, then this episodes for you.
Let's start by acknowledgingthat feeling overwhelmed as a
common experience with moms,with ADHD.
(00:45):
So the constant juggle ofresponsibilities, the pressure
to be perfect.
And the challenges of managingADHD symptoms can all contribute
to feelings of stress andanxiety.
I was undiagnosed and untreatedwith ADHD throughout my entire
twenties.
And looking back, I have so manyexamples of times when I was
(01:05):
clearly struggling with being amom and having untreated ADHD.
Time management was a huge one.
So getting myself to work ontime while also getting my kids
to school and ready on time.
Or to daycare, whatever thecase, holy smokes, that was such
an unpleasant experience.
And I know, you know what I'mtalking about.
Or trying to sustain my focuswhile helping my kids with their
(01:28):
homework.
Um, yeah, that was really,really hard.
And I often felt like a completefailure.
So I did a lot of avoiding whenI could.
I wish I would have had thatawareness of what was happening
because I was so hard on myselffor being a young mom and
unknowingly, struggling withADHD.
I honestly don't know how Imanaged to have babies to raise
(01:52):
little ones, to maintain ahealthy marriage.
Take care of the household allwhile going to school and
working.
So it wasn't pretty in theirworst sacrifices that were made.
But it's somehow got done.
I don't know how, but it gotdone.
It's done.
Um, one of the ways that momswith ADHD often mask their
(02:12):
symptoms is through avoidance.
So this can manifest in avariety of ways and it can look
like this.
So procrastination putting offtasks until the last minute to
avoid feeling overwhelmed, whichultimately ends up making you
feel overwhelmed, but let's goahead and we'll just delay that
feeling as long as possible,because that was my not so fun
(02:34):
vibe for a very long time.
Um, over committing.
So taking on too much, hopingthat by staying busy, you won't
have time to think about ADHDsymptoms.
I often over committed and thendreaded when it was time to pay
up because I was procrastinatingso frequently and I didn't end
up feeling prepared for thetasks that I was committed,
committing to.
(02:55):
Perfectionism.
Striving for perfection to avoidfeeling like a failure.
People pleasing.
So going out of your way toplease others to avoid conflict
or rejection, often sacrificing,sacrificing your own needs to
meet the needs of other people.
Now while avoidance may seemlike a way to cope with ADHD, it
can actually make symptomsworse.
(03:16):
So it can lead to increasedstress, anxiety and feeling
overwhelmed.
To break free from that cycle ofavoidance, it's important to
identify what your triggers areand to develop healthy coping
mechanisms.
Some strategies that can behelpful, um, are breaking down
tasks into smaller ones, moremanageable steps.
Set realistic goals andexpectations.
(03:38):
Stop over-committing insteadpracticing, no learn to say no
to things that are overwhelmingor draining.
The keyword here is practice.
Now, if I know you, then yourperfectionistic brain is going
to push back the first few timesthat you say, no, it's going to
feel really uncomfortable andyou aren't going to feel very
good at it.
(03:59):
That's going to make you notwant to do it, but do it
anyways, because the only waythat you're going to be able to
get good at it is by practicingit.
Repetition is going to be yourfriend here.
Practicing mindfulness andrelaxation techniques.
So try doing this on a regularbasis, include it in your
routine.
Shoot for five minutes, a day,five minutes is enough time to
(04:21):
benefit from the practice.
If you have more time thanplease by all means.
Practice that relaxationtechnique and mindfulness
activities a little bit longer,if you can, but if we're being
realistic here, then I know thatfinding time when you're raising
little ones, isn't alwaysfeasible, but you can find five
minutes, make it anon-negotiable.
(04:42):
You can Google mindfulnessactivities and a long list of
suggestions will pop up.
So you can start there if you'renot sure where to start.
So pick one and practice it fora few days and then pick a
different one.
If you'd like some variety inyour life.
Some people who have ADHD liketo pick one thing and use it
repeatedly until they getcompletely sick and tired of it.
And then they'll switch over tosomething else it's like picking
(05:04):
your favorite meal and eating itevery single day for the next
two weeks, then getting boredwith it and not wanting it again
for a very long time.
Um, something else that you cando is reach out for support from
friends, family, let them knowwhat's going on.
In your life.
So talk to them and maybe askthem for some advice, if it's
someone that you trust and youknow that they've been where you
(05:25):
are or give good advice.
Or maybe it would be a good ideato reach out to a therapist so
this person can help youidentify what your triggers are
and help create a plan formanaging them.
Remember that it's okay to feeloverwhelmed sometimes even
though it sucks.
It's okay.
It's important to be kind toyourself and to take care of
(05:45):
your mental and your emotionalhealth by implementing these
strategies that we're talkingabout here.
You can learn to manage yourADHD symptoms, to reduce the
burnout that you're experiencingand to thrive as a mom.
Most importantly, if you don'thave to be perfect, you're going
to have days when the load feelsheavier than other days.
So give yourself some grace.
(06:07):
Some other quick tips for momswith ADHD are create a routine.
So having a daily routine canhelp you stay organized and
reduce some stress.
I use a planner or a digitalcalendar.
This can help you keep track ofthe appointments that you have,
any deadlines or tasks that needto be completed, set reminders.
So use your phone or a computerto set reminders for important
(06:28):
tasks or appointments, and thendelegate tasks.
So don't be afraid to ask forhelp from your partner, your
family, and your friends.
It takes a village sometimes.
So make sure that you're askingfor help.
If you need it.
Take breaks.
So it's important to take breaksthroughout the day to rest and
recharge.
Like I said, even if it's justfor five minutes, Limit
(06:48):
distractions.
So try to create a distractionfree environment when you need
to focus and then find a supportgroup.
So connecting with other momswith ADHD, it can feel so good
to be surrounded by other peoplewho understand what you're going
through and can offer support.
Facebook can be a great place tofind support groups, um, not the
only place, but that is a greatplace.
(07:10):
Um, if you're still strugglingto manage your ADHD symptoms,
then talk to your doctor aboutmedications and see if that is
potentially the right option foryou.
So, let me know if you try someof these things and if you found
them helpful, shoot me a messageon Instagram and we can chat it
up there.
And if you liked this episode,it would mean so, so much to me,
(07:33):
if you gave the podcast a one totwo sentence review, It makes a
huge difference in getting thispodcast out into the world.
And I would forever be gratefuland I hope you have a beautiful
week and I will see you nextweek.
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode of landing
imperfect.
I truly appreciate you being apart of this community and
(07:54):
sharing this journey with me.
If you do want to connectfurther, then don't hesitate to
follow me on Instagram at Jendot Lander.
I would love to hear yourthoughts, any questions or any
stories that you want to share.
So, DME there, I also have awebsite.
It's a landing and perfectwebsite where I share a blog
post about my podcast, and thenyou can join my email list.
I have a PDF that providesanxiety and stress management
(08:17):
tools that you can.
And use as well when you join myemail list.
So check it out.
My website will be linked in myshow notes.
So don't hesitate to reach
Now, if I know you, then yourperfectionistic brain is going
(00:03):
to push back the first few timesthat you say, no, it's going to
feel really uncomfortable andyou aren't going to feel very
good at it.
That's going to make you notwant to do it, but do it
anyways, because the only waythat you're going to be able to
get good at it is by practicingit.
Hey guys, welcome back tolanding imperfect today.
(00:25):
I want to talk about a topicthat many of us can relate to
the struggle of balancingperfectionism, ADHD, and
motherhood.
So if you're feelingoverwhelmed, burned out and like
you're constantly trying to keepup, then this episodes for you.
Let's start by acknowledgingthat feeling overwhelmed as a
common experience with moms,with ADHD.
(00:45):
So the constant juggle ofresponsibilities, the pressure
to be perfect.
And the challenges of managingADHD symptoms can all contribute
to feelings of stress andanxiety.
I was undiagnosed and untreatedwith ADHD throughout my entire
twenties.
And looking back, I have so manyexamples of times when I was
(01:05):
clearly struggling with being amom and having untreated ADHD.
Time management was a huge one.
So getting myself to work ontime while also getting my kids
to school and ready on time.
Or to daycare, whatever thecase, holy smokes, that was such
an unpleasant experience.
And I know, you know what I'mtalking about.
Or trying to sustain my focuswhile helping my kids with their
(01:28):
homework.
Um, yeah, that was really,really hard.
And I often felt like a completefailure.
So I did a lot of avoiding whenI could.
I wish I would have had thatawareness of what was happening
because I was so hard on myselffor being a young mom and
unknowingly, struggling withADHD.
I honestly don't know how Imanaged to have babies to raise
(01:52):
little ones, to maintain ahealthy marriage.
Take care of the household allwhile going to school and
working.
So it wasn't pretty in theirworst sacrifices that were made.
But it's somehow got done.
I don't know how, but it gotdone.
It's done.
Um, one of the ways that momswith ADHD often mask their
(02:12):
symptoms is through avoidance.
So this can manifest in avariety of ways and it can look
like this.
So procrastination putting offtasks until the last minute to
avoid feeling overwhelmed, whichultimately ends up making you
feel overwhelmed, but let's goahead and we'll just delay that
feeling as long as possible,because that was my not so fun
(02:34):
vibe for a very long time.
Um, over committing.
So taking on too much, hopingthat by staying busy, you won't
have time to think about ADHDsymptoms.
I often over committed and thendreaded when it was time to pay
up because I was procrastinatingso frequently and I didn't end
up feeling prepared for thetasks that I was committed,
committing to.
(02:55):
Perfectionism.
Striving for perfection to avoidfeeling like a failure.
People pleasing.
So going out of your way toplease others to avoid conflict
or rejection, often sacrificing,sacrificing your own needs to
meet the needs of other people.
Now while avoidance may seemlike a way to cope with ADHD, it
can actually make symptomsworse.
(03:16):
So it can lead to increasedstress, anxiety and feeling
overwhelmed.
To break free from that cycle ofavoidance, it's important to
identify what your triggers areand to develop healthy coping
mechanisms.
Some strategies that can behelpful, um, are breaking down
tasks into smaller ones, moremanageable steps.
Set realistic goals andexpectations.
(03:38):
Stop over-committing insteadpracticing, no learn to say no
to things that are overwhelmingor draining.
The keyword here is practice.
Now, if I know you, then yourperfectionistic brain is going
to push back the first few timesthat you say, no, it's going to
feel really uncomfortable andyou aren't going to feel very
good at it.
(03:59):
That's going to make you notwant to do it, but do it
anyways, because the only waythat you're going to be able to
get good at it is by practicingit.
Repetition is going to be yourfriend here.
Practicing mindfulness andrelaxation techniques.
So try doing this on a regularbasis, include it in your
routine.
Shoot for five minutes, a day,five minutes is enough time to
(04:21):
benefit from the practice.
If you have more time thanplease by all means.
Practice that relaxationtechnique and mindfulness
activities a little bit longer,if you can, but if we're being
realistic here, then I know thatfinding time when you're raising
little ones, isn't alwaysfeasible, but you can find five
minutes, make it anon-negotiable.
(04:42):
You can Google mindfulnessactivities and a long list of
suggestions will pop up.
So you can start there if you'renot sure where to start.
So pick one and practice it fora few days and then pick a
different one.
If you'd like some variety inyour life.
Some people who have ADHD liketo pick one thing and use it
repeatedly until they getcompletely sick and tired of it.
And then they'll switch over tosomething else it's like picking
(05:04):
your favorite meal and eating itevery single day for the next
two weeks, then getting boredwith it and not wanting it again
for a very long time.
Um, something else that you cando is reach out for support from
friends, family, let them knowwhat's going on.
In your life.
So talk to them and maybe askthem for some advice, if it's
someone that you trust and youknow that they've been where you
(05:25):
are or give good advice.
Or maybe it would be a good ideato reach out to a therapist so
this person can help youidentify what your triggers are
and help create a plan formanaging them.
Remember that it's okay to feeloverwhelmed sometimes even
though it sucks.
It's okay.
It's important to be kind toyourself and to take care of
(05:45):
your mental and your emotionalhealth by implementing these
strategies that we're talkingabout here.
You can learn to manage yourADHD symptoms, to reduce the
burnout that you're experiencingand to thrive as a mom.
Most importantly, if you don'thave to be perfect, you're going
to have days when the load feelsheavier than other days.
So give yourself some grace.
(06:07):
Some other quick tips for momswith ADHD are create a routine.
So having a daily routine canhelp you stay organized and
reduce some stress.
I use a planner or a digitalcalendar.
This can help you keep track ofthe appointments that you have,
any deadlines or tasks that needto be completed, set reminders.
So use your phone or a computerto set reminders for important
(06:28):
tasks or appointments, and thendelegate tasks.
So don't be afraid to ask forhelp from your partner, your
family, and your friends.
It takes a village sometimes.
So make sure that you're askingfor help.
If you need it.
Take breaks.
So it's important to take breaksthroughout the day to rest and
recharge.
Like I said, even if it's justfor five minutes, Limit
(06:48):
distractions.
So try to create a distractionfree environment when you need
to focus and then find a supportgroup.
So connecting with other momswith ADHD, it can feel so good
to be surrounded by other peoplewho understand what you're going
through and can offer support.
Facebook can be a great place tofind support groups, um, not the
only place, but that is a greatplace.
(07:10):
Um, if you're still strugglingto manage your ADHD symptoms,
then talk to your doctor aboutmedications and see if that is
potentially the right option foryou.
So, let me know if you try someof these things and if you found
them helpful, shoot me a messageon Instagram and we can chat it
up there.
And if you liked this episode,it would mean so, so much to me,
(07:33):
if you gave the podcast a one totwo sentence review, It makes a
huge difference in getting thispodcast out into the world.
And I would forever be gratefuland I hope you have a beautiful
week and I will see you nextweek.
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode of landing
imperfect.
I truly appreciate you being apart of this community and
(07:54):
sharing this journey with me.
If you do want to connectfurther, then don't hesitate to
follow me on Instagram at Jendot Lander.
I would love to hear yourthoughts, any questions or any
stories that you want to share.
So, DME there, I also have awebsite.
It's a landing and perfectwebsite where I share a blog
post about my podcast, and thenyou can join my email list.
I have a PDF that providesanxiety and stress management
(08:17):
tools that you can.
And use as well when you join myemail list.
So check it out.
My website will be linked in myshow notes.
So don't hesitate to reach
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