Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I get to the gym.
(00:00):
I'm sitting in the parking lot.
And then I start looking atpictures and I'm sobbing.
I'm like, there is no way I'mgoing to be able to work out.
So what do I end up doing?
I called my mom.
I called my mom.
She answers and I'm just crying.
I'm like ma.
I'm like, I'm so emotional.
I can not believe that my babyis turning 18 Okay guys.
(00:29):
So my son just turned 18 yearsold.
I am a mother to an adult child,and I don't know how that
happened, but I feel like itwent by so incredibly fast.
And I know it's one of thosethings, when you're in it, like,
you just feel like it's in ablink of an eye, but when you're
going through.
The thick of it when they'relittle.
(00:50):
they're incredibly dependent onyou.
It feels like it's never goingto end, you know, like you just
along for those days where youhave more time for yourself, and
I'm so grateful for those timesnow, because it was a lot of
work going through all that,but, oh my gosh.
This week has been an emotionalroller coaster.
(01:13):
And I can't, I don't even knowif I can put into words the way
that it feels, but.
I started the week out.
It was Thursday last week wherethat's, when I started just kind
of randomly crying about thingsthat didn't have to do with my
son.
And I was like, what is goingon?
(01:33):
Like, why am I just feeling somuch emotion and so sensitive to
things?
I, I literally thought I wasgoing crazy.
I'm like, I don't, I don't knowwhat's going on with me.
And then finally it was dayslater.
I realized.
Like, oh my gosh.
I really think that the way thatI'm responding to things is just
(01:56):
this emotional buildup to myson, turning 18.
And it, I mean, I was literallycrying in public.
And cry it all over the place.
And that's not like me.
I, I'm not just crying all thetime or I am a little bit more
of a sensitive person, but notto that extreme.
And I was.
(02:17):
Just.
Literally, I felt like I did nothave my emotions under control.
And.
I'm like, okay, so something'sgoing on here?
And then I put it together.
My son's turning 18.
The last time I felt like thatwas when he was 16.
And before that I didn't reallyfeel.
Those intense emotions ofsadness and I don't even know if
(02:38):
sadness is the correct word forit because I'm so happy for all
the years that him and I havehad together.
I mean, 18, that, that is ablessing.
To have all that time.
Cause it doesn't escape me that.
There are so many people whodon't have this opportunity and.
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I am so proud of him and I wantto acknowledge the excitement I
have for his future.
Andy.
I am just so happy for him.
But.
At the same time.
I'm just experiencing all ofthese other emotions where I'm
looking back to when he was ababy and I'm reminiscing over
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all these times and I'm wantingto know what his favorite
childhood memories were.
And.
Just the fact that he's going tobe an adult and I'm losing
control over that, I think isthe thing that has really hit
home to me because I mean, I'meven using examples of.
You know, if he goes to thedoctors, I have to have
(03:43):
permission now for him to let meknow what's going on.
I can't just get thatinformation, which is wild to
me.
I'm like, because that's mybaby.
I should be able to knoweverything about him for the
rest of his life.
I gave him life.
So I should just have all thatinformation forever and ever,
and ever.
But that's not the way the worldworks.
I understand.
But the last time I felt likethis was when he was 16.
(04:05):
And when he started driving at15 and a half, I was all for him
being on the road.
I'm like, you need to drive asmuch as possible.
It was almost annoying to him,how much I was wanting him to
drive.
And then a week before he gothis license, I was an emotional
disaster at that time, too.
I'm just, I was crying all thetime.
And I'm like, what is going on?
I even asked my husband, I waslike, I need a hug.
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And I don't just ask him forhugs when I'm crying.
I usually want to be by myself.
But I'm like, I just didn't needa hug and he's like, what is
going on?
And then he's like, you know, Ireally think that it's, you.
Losing control because when hewas driving, I was in the car.
So I knew what was going on.
I had more control over that,but when he's on his own, I have
(04:50):
no control over that.
Like he is leaving my site.
He's on the streets.
Out there by himself.
You know, like in total controlover what's going on.
And I have very little controlover that.
And I just have a hard time withthose transitions.
Like most parents have.
But I feel like we don't talkabout it very much.
So I'm noticing that now this isa pattern for me.
(05:12):
So I was crying a week before heturned 16.
I'm crying a week before.
He turned 18.
I need to take some time off ofwork.
I think a few days before hisgraduation.
Because it is so hard to workwhen you're going through things
yourself.
And I'm trying to keep ittogether.
Focus on work, take care ofother people.
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And I'm like going through mywhole thing, like this personal
issue on the other side whereI'm just a mess and I'm like, oh
my goodness.
I need to make sure that I'mtaking time off before he
graduates.
And then again, I need to takeeven more time off when I sent
him off to school, because wejust filled out his application
(05:53):
for his apartment.
At college this past week too.
Like all of the, all of thesethings are adding up in one week
Like he's turning 18 or fillingout an application for his
apartment.
And then even during church, wewere talking about raising kids
and I'm like, how is all of thisstuff aligning?
I apparently I needed to hearall of it or to go through all
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of this.
Because.
Well, I don't even know whybecause, but it just was all
going down and it was a lot forme.
But anyhow, so I'm, I'm takingdays off.
So, I guess my whole.
The whole thing I wanted to talkabout today is.
Number one, I have so muchcompassion for any other parent.
Who's going through this rightnow, because this is a huge life
(06:36):
change.
And I feel like as.
As parents, we don't hear enoughabout how to manage this time.
And I think.
As well that some people kind oflook down on you, like, what,
why are you acting like they'redying?
Like, why are you acting likethis is a terrible thing that's
happening and it's not that it'sjust.
It's hard to let go.
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And it's hard to lose thatcontrol over someone that you've
had control over for 18 yearsand them getting their
independence and you trying tostep back and navigate.
That is not an easy transitionas a parent.
It's a very hard, difficultthing to do.
And I feel like we don't talkabout that enough.
At least I haven't been inconversations much about that.
(07:19):
And I was actually caught offguard by the emotions that I was
experiencing this past week.
So I hadn't even got up.
It was Tuesday.
It was the day before hisbirthday.
And I got up to go to the gym totry to somewhat stick to this
routine that has been completelyoff.
And I was like, okay, I got up,I'm making it happen.
I get to the gym.
I'm sitting in the parking lot.
(07:40):
And then I start looking atpictures and I'm sobbing.
I'm like, there is no way I'mgoing to be able to work out.
So what do I end up doing?
I called my mom.
I called my mom.
She answers and I'm just crying.
I'm like ma.
I'm like, I'm so emotional.
I can not believe that my babyis turning 18.
And then we ended up talkingabout him.
(08:02):
She's, you know, sending mepictures of him as a baby and
all the things, and we're justtalking and.
Remembering him through all thedifferent seasons of his life so
far.
for the next hour, we were justtalking about all these things.
So I guess that also goes toshow that I'm almost 40 and I
still need my mom.
So I'm really, really crossingmy fingers and hoping that
(08:25):
throughout this life change.
That even though my son is anadult, he's always going to need
his mama.
That is my prayer.
So pray for me.
And I'll pray for you becauseour babies need us.
So anyhow, the emotions are allover the place.
And.
If you find yourself in thisposition, And then what I will
say is the first few days beforeI really realized what was going
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on, but I was emotional I wasalso being very hard on myself
because my routine was off.
So I like to get up early and Ilike to read, and I like to go
to the gym and I wasn't able todo those things because I just
was emotionally drained and Ineeded to sleep and I knew I
needed to sleep.
But I was being hard on myselfabout it.
I'm like, what is wrong?
Like my whole routine is kind ofgetting thrown off.
(09:07):
So once I had the awareness ofkind of what was going on.
I was like, okay, number one, Ineed some self-compassion right
now, because this is a huge lifetransition.
Number two, the things that Iwas doing before, even the
breath work, I'm like, why can'tI even just do the breath work?
And someone brought it to myattention.
Well, because it's work likeyour, your body needs to rest
(09:29):
and to recover right now.
So it doesn't need to be workingany harder than it already is
because it's requiring a lot ofenergy from me to have these
highs and these lows, a lot ofexcitement and then a little bit
of a drop because I'm so sad.
I'm losing my baby, because mybaby is an adult now, you know,
so.
Anyways, the highs and lowsrequires so much energy.
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I was just exhausted.
So having self-compassion foryourself is so important during
those times.
So your schedule is going to bedifferent, like your routine is
going to be thrown off, so it'sokay.
To rest sleeping, you know, goto bed early and then trying to
do things for yourself too.
So.
(10:10):
Some of the things that I wastrying to do, I wasn't going to
the gym, even though I'mstarting to crave, wanting to go
back to the gym now.
But I'm still having troublegetting there because once my
routine is off and I thinkthat's another reason why I
don't like when my routine isthrown off, because it takes me
awhile to kind of get back intoit.
So then I'm.
Just a little frustrated withmyself when that stuff happens,
(10:33):
but I need to acknowledge, okay,you're going through something
right now.
This is okay.
You will get back on track.
You've proven it time and timeagain.
You will get back on track.
You just need a little bit oftime.
So things that I was doingbesides the sleeping in is I
wasn't doing the breath work andthat's okay too.
I was watching TV.
I was kind of laying on thecouch, just arresting.
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I was accepting help from otherpeople.
I wasn't super on top of thehouse work.
You know, there, there werethings that had to kind of give
for a few days while I wasnavigating and going through the
change that was happening.
Spending time with my son, likemaking sure we did something
special on his birthday toacknowledge that.
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Yes, you're an adult.
We're so excited for you.
We're so happy for you.
I love him.
So, so much obviously, or elsethis wouldn't be such a hard
transition.
Like he is.
Everything to me.
I, I just loved this boy so muchin.
I know that everything's goingto be okay.
Like he's going to do amazingthings with his life.
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He just has such a big heart andhe's so smart.
And I just.
I don't know.
I'm just so incredibly proud ofhim.
But anyway, spending time withhim.
Putting the focus on him.
Making sure that I'm doing mybasic things.
Like, I was eating out a littlebit more, you know, excited and
want to make dinner.
It's just, it's okay.
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If your routine is off a littlebit, so just make sure that you
are getting the rest that youneed.
You're doing some self care.
So whatever that looks like foryou, it could be journaling.
It could be taking a walk.
I wasn't about to go for a walkbecause it's been freezing
outside and that's only makingme.
More frustrated.
I'm like, I'm so sick of thisweather.
It is so cold.
(12:20):
That's not helping, but anyways,if you were in warm or whether
it's going for a walk, doingsomething outside, kind of
getting grounded outside.
Um, I did some meditating,listening to calming music,
praying, things like that havebeen really helpful for me.
Um, it can be helpful.
You know for you.
So it's just finding somethingthat's relaxing.
(12:40):
That's going to not drain yourenergy even more, but hopefully
give you a little bit moreenergy or at least start to
recover from everything thatyou're kind of been experiencing
emotionally, because.
The emotions.
Oh my gosh.
Very very draining, very tiring.
But maybe for you, if you're notin that transition yet in life,
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any of those big moments comingup, this is your warning.
Like if you work, maybe take aday or two off of work before
any of these big momentshonestly, For me, that would be
helpful because I need that timeto sit in those emotions to have
those times where I can cry.
I can be all in my fields, butsome people don't respond well
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to that.
So maybe working is a gooddistraction for you.
You just have to kind of knowyourself.
Um, but if you're like me andyou know, that you like to kind
of, if not like, you know, thatit's helpful for you to be in
your fields and to get it allout, just express your emotions,
not have to worry about anyoneelse or anything else.
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You could just focus on that.
it speeds up the, the healingprocess, the recovery process
for me from like those emotions.
Cause I'm like, okay, I'm get itall out now.
And I'll be fine.
And after those big days, likeafter his birthday, I was okay.
I'm like, this is it's the leadup.
That is so hard.
So it's those days before wherejust take the time for yourself,
(14:05):
whatever that is, whatever youneed to do, but make sure you're
taking care of yourself.
You're kind to yourself.
It's a big transition in yourlife and it's okay.
If you're sad.
It's okay.
If you're crying.
Don't feel like what is wrongwith me?
Like I was feeling.
It's it is a huge, huge dealthat your child is making that
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transition from a child, a minorto an adult.
They're essentially going to beresponsible for themselves, but.
Just so we know they're stillgoing to need us.
There are babies.
They're always gonna want, youknow, that, that connection
with, with mom and dad and.
It's just, it's hard for themto, to try to figure out how to
(14:48):
be an adult.
I remember what that was likefor me.
And.
Just the kind of pushback, thecrossing, the boundaries and all
those things.
Like, you're just trying to findyour way as an adult and.
It's all good though.
Everything turned out okay.
For me.
I have all the faith in theworld.
Everything's going to turn outokay.
For my son.
And I feel the same for youguys.
(15:09):
So.
I guess the biggest thing is no,you're not alone in it.
Where we all need to supporteach other as parents as we're
going through this.
So I'm sending you all, all thelove.
You got this.
Cry when you need to take careof yourself.
Be there be present, you know,do all the things, but awesome
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job raising them kiddos.
You deserve a pat on your back.
So, until next time I willfollow up next week.
I know I skipped last weekbecause his birthday was on
Wednesday.
I've been trying to releasethese on Wednesday and I was
like, I could do it.
I could do it.
And then Tuesday came and I waslike, I can't do it.
So I can't even record this.
(15:49):
I'm gonna be crying the wholetime.
so it's been one of those weeks,but I just had to put an episode
out about this life transitionand.
Raising your kids and takingthem from childhood into
adulthood and what that feelslike.
And.
Offer some tips on how I gotthrough it and how I'm getting
through it and what canhopefully help you get through
it too.
But the biggest thing is you'renot alone.
(16:10):
All right.
All right.
Well, it's been fun, I didn'tcry.
I made it through.
All right, I'll see you nextweek.