December 19, 2023 • 52 mins
Growing up in a community that stifled individuality, LaToya Nashae's journey took an unexpected turn when she discovered the transformative power of core values and boundaries. Her profound revelation sparked a passion to guide others through their own self-discovery and boundary-setting. But little did she know, the impact of her journey would reach far beyond her own experience. What she didn't realize was that her newfound awareness would lead to a ripple effect, touching the lives of countless individuals seeking to navigate the complexities of personal development and relationship-building.
My special guest is LaToya Nashae
LaToya Nashae is a seasoned life coach who brings a refreshing perspective to personal growth and relationship dynamics. With her down-to-earth style and genuine empathy, LaToya helps individuals strengthen their self-awareness and set healthy boundaries. Her expertise lies in nurturing authenticity and defining core values, making her a go-to mentor for those seeking to navigate life's complexities. LaToya's passion for fostering positive change creates a supportive environment that encourages personal development and the establishment of meaningful connections.
Everything hinges on identity. It is the compass of our faith that aligns with the Holy Spirit to fulfill the father's will. - Laquita Monly
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Embracing core values for personal growth and fulfillment.
- Establishing boundaries to create a safe and respected space.
- Nurturing maturity and discernment for healthier relationships.
- Valuing what's valuable for a more meaningful life.
- Cultivating a safe space for personal and collective well-being.
Recognizing and Prioritizing What Truly Matters in Life
A life focused on what truly matters offers purpose and fulfillment. This first key value encourages individuals to identify their passions, purposes, and priorities. By recognizing what's truly valuable in life, one can invest time and energy effectively. This personal insight leads to balanced living and facilitates personal and professional growth.
Cultivating a Strong Foundation through Defining Core Principles
The second key value is about establishing a strong foundation built upon clearly defined core principles. Understanding one's personal values helps in making decisions aligned with our principles, driving personal satisfaction. This cultivates an enriching and empowering environment that propels forward movement towards constant growth and improvement.
Establishing Clear Boundaries to Nurture a Secure and Supportive Environment
The third key value emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries based on personal values, creating a secure, supportive environment. Boundaries established based on what's valuable, safeguard our peace and foster healthy relationships. This value teaches the importance of self-respect, cultivating environments that appreciate personal worth and promote holistic well-being.
The key moments in this episode are:
00:00:05 - Redefining Success
00:03:39 - Overcoming Technical Difficulties
00:06:35 - Journey to Speaking
00:12:00 - Purpose and Identity
00:14:45 - Valuing What's Valuable
00:16:45 - Valuing Peace and Boundaries
00:20:40 - Importance of Overflow
00:23:02 - Reciprocity in Relationships
00:29:01 - Authenticity and Accountability
00:32:55 - Recognizing Toxic Relationships
00:34:13 - Judging Based on Success
00:35:08 - Embracing Accountability and Growth
00:36:32 - Falling in Love with Potential
00:42:40 - Placing People Strategically
00:50:51 - Creating Your Own Safe Space...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
God, breathe promise that manifests as our
(00:09):
success. Hello, I'm Laquita Monwey and I'm
the author of Redefining Success eight
tools that I use to develop a growth
mindset in this amazing book. Not only
will I share with you eight tools that I
use for a growth mindset, but I'll also
share the applicable principles based on
God's word that you can easily implement
(00:31):
in your life journey. So no matter where
you are and no matter where you see
yourself in the future, this book will be
a tool that you need for your toolbox.
Don't wait. Get it today and it can be
found on Amazon by simply searching
redefining success eight tools that I use
for grow mindset take care of Laquita's
(01:16):
toolbox I am your host, Laquita Monly and
y'all. It's a thankful Thursday, y'all.
And I am really glad to be here because
let me tell you, you're going to hear
about it in the show. If technical
difficulties wasn't a thing, I don't even
know if people could do lives because I
cannot be the only person that hosts a
live that receives technical difficulties
(01:38):
before the show. But you know what? We're
going to talk about that in a minute. I
want to make sure that I take this time to
give a very special shout out and thank
you to our sponsors of today's episode of
Laquita's Toolbox and none other than
Covenant press. They are a faith based
christian apparel and accessory shop where
we as believers can shop online for
(01:58):
clothing and accessories that allow us to
wear the message of the love of Jesus
Christ. Go out to www. Covenant [unk]press
com. Again, that's www. Covenant press
shop until you drop, ladies and gentlemen.
But do not click off of those pop ups too
quickly because they contain valuable
(02:19):
codes. When placed in the appropriate spot
at checkout, you can receive some
discounts and savings on your purchases
with Covenant Press, y'all, is Thursday.
We're doing the live, so I'm going to give
a minute for everyone to come on into the
room across the various social media
platforms. You guys know the drill. Those
of you that have been with us before, when
(02:41):
you come on the live, get something to
write with and something to write on
because we will be sharing some valuable
tools that will help you grow both
personally and professionally as well. If
this is your first time, please hit that
like share and subscribe button because
you do not want to miss out on any of our
episodes as they drop every Thursday
(03:02):
evening. So go ahead, hit those like share
and subscribe and let's get this
conversation going. Let's get this
conversation out to as many people as
possible. And y'all, my guest for today is
in the studio, Ms. Latoya Nashay. And
we're going to do our best to behave, but
I can't make anybody any promise. I'm not.
(03:25):
So she just said it straight up. She shall
not behave today, but we're going to have
a good time nonetheless. Come on in the
room. Bring your questions, comments,
concerns. We'll address them on tonight.
Ms. Latoya Niche, how are you doing today,
ma'am? I am lovely. How are you, friend? I
(03:46):
am good. Friend. I am good. I cannot
complain. I can't complain. But what I
won't do, I shall not complain. How about
that? I shall not complain. Won't change
the thing. Won't change the thing. The
only people who listen to complaints are
the people who ain't going to do nothing
about them. The people who can affect
(04:07):
change. They don't want to hear you
complain. They want to hear you coming up
with a solution to your problem to see how
they can assist you in solving that
problem. Right? That's what I do. I know,
right? I listen for the few people that
might be listening to this broadcast that
might not know who you are. Sincerely,
Latoya Nashay. Go ahead and let everybody
(04:28):
know who you are, where you're from and
what you do. So, yes, I am Latoya Nashay.
I reside in the Nashville area. I am an
author, speaker, coach and team builder.
What else did you ask me? You answered it
(04:48):
all. You was like, so you're an author,
speaker, coach, team builder, and you're
located in Nashville. Look, tell us more
about that part of your journey and
becoming a speaker and a coach. What
pushed you into entrepreneurship and away
from corporate? How much time do we have?
(05:13):
We got enough. All right, let's try to sum
it up. Somehow I stumbled into speaking.
That was an accident on my part.
Definitely not an accident on God's part.
But that's what happened the first time. I
mean, I really started speaking, like in
(05:34):
elementary school. Complete accident. I
just happened to be a really strong
writer. So I was getting pushed to the
front a lot. But as far as adulthood goes,
I remember volunteering with big brother,
big sister. And I got invited to one of
the Rotary club meetings with the
director. He did not let me know in
advance that he was going to push me up to
(05:55):
the front to tell about my experience, but
that's what happened. And so I got up, I
did my thing, and checkbooks came out. Got
a lot of donations that day. Fast forward
a couple of years. And one of my friends,
she hosted a women's event, and I was a
(06:16):
speaker. I was the youngest on the lineup,
and I was the first speaker. And I just
remember this lady coming up to me who I
didn't know and grabbing me by my hand and
praying for me and telling me that I was
first out the gate for a reason. And I
have not stopped being asked to speak
since then. You were first out the gate
for a reason. Listen, you were called on
(06:37):
to speak for your first time, and
checkbooks came out. I called you back,
too. Why? You ain't been speaking on my
stuff? So some checkbooks can come out.
That's all I'm saying. What's the problem?
How many times do we reschedule this? I
know life be life, and on us, life does
life. Look, I see a few people coming in
(06:58):
the room. Thank you, twitch, for showing
up in the space today and also one of our
really good friends. And I'm just thankful
that you are the plug, because that's how
I came to know this wonderful woman of
God. Right, honey? Hey, girl. Taisha is in
the house today, joining us from YouTube.
(07:19):
Listen, everybody, as you come into the
space, please get into the comment
section. Let us know who you are and what
you do. Today we're going to be talking
along the topic of valuing what's
valuable. And I have the amazing coach,
Latoya Michae, and she is going to be
sharing with us some amazing tools that
can help us on our journeys, both
(07:41):
personally and professionally. So you jump
right out the box, man, and into speaking,
getting massive results, getting people to
pull out those checkbooks and donate,
donate, donate. Yes. It was an interesting
experience. Yeah, I didn't really think
about it. I just said yes. And I just kept
(08:02):
saying yes. There was another event right
before I moved to middle Tennessee. So
this was, like, in West Tennessee, in
Paris, Tennessee. I spoke at the church
that I was going to at a women's event,
and the lady that arranged everything is
coming to a close. And she said, are you
going to do an altar call? And I was like,
(08:25):
yeah. Okay. Never done at all. And I'm
expecting, like, one or two people. The
altar was full. Wow. Yes. Wow. Come on,
now. You must have released some amazing
(08:45):
tools on that day as well. We're grateful
to God that you did say give your yes. And
I know that not only are you a speaker and
an author, and you have all of these
wonderful hats, but most importantly for
you, because you and I share a lot of
(09:06):
similarities, and you're all about
purpose. And so I know that as the woman
of God that you are, whatever you do,
you're all about helping people walk and
operate in their purpose. So talk to us a
little bit about why that is a major
motivation for you. Why is that very
important for you as a coach, to be able
(09:29):
to push people in that direction? And I
know you've said this before. Everything
hinges on identity. And so that's where it
starts. It starts with knowing who you
are. But once you know who you are, then
you have to learn the why you are. Oh,
come on. And there is no fulfillment,
(09:49):
there is no peace, no. Just that joy that
keeps flowing and keeps going unless we
are plugged in and doing the work that we
were created to do. I am most alive when
I'm doing what I was created to do. So
(10:10):
let's do some pretend here for a minute.
So I'm your client. I'm your client, and I
tell you, how do I know what I'm created
to do? I make good money. I have a nice
home, a nice car. Family is amazing. Isn't
that what I'm supposed to be doing? Like,
is there more? Now, how does that
(10:33):
conversation start? I would still go back
to identity first, and I would say, who
are you at the core? Who are you minus
your roles and your jobs? Come on. Who are
you at the core? Come on. Because whoever
you are at the core, that is your true
(10:54):
identity. And that was probably attacked
somewhere early in life. So that core
factor of who we are and our greatest pain
have a relationship. And that typically
points to purpose. To purpose sitting
right at the foundation, the heart of our
(11:16):
core values. Those are the things that the
enemy comes after to make you question
your identity or maybe not even begin to
seek it in the first place. Yes. So,
truly, everything does hinge on our
identity. And I love how you brought out
that what we do for a living, how we earn
(11:37):
money, might not necessarily be the
purpose and the plan that God has for our
life. We're earning money because we got
bills, but that doesn't define who I am.
And we shouldn't get caught up in allowing
our secular careers to do that. To define
(11:59):
who we are. Absolutely. Sometimes purpose
and how you pay your bills, sometimes
they're one and the same. Often they are
not. Come on. Talk about. My. I believe
Jesus left us with three instructions.
(12:21):
Love God, love people, make disciples.
Yes. Your purpose will reflect those
things in some way. And if you think your
work is your purpose, make sure. Ask
yourself, evaluate. Does my work push me
deeper into loving God, loving people,
(12:44):
making disciples? If not, that is just
your work and not your life's work.
There's a difference. That's just your
work and not your life's work. My life's
work hinges on purpose, hinges on my
identity in Christ, the reason that he
created me. I love that. I love that. I
think that's a good segue into you
(13:06):
breaking down. What do you mean? Valuing
what's valuable? Because that right there,
I know it made some people be like, what's
that? And other people might look at us
like, I need to know more. Let's break
that down. Valuing what's valuable,
(13:26):
because it makes me think about the old
saying, you don't miss what you got until
it's gone. That's right. Come on, talk
about it. I believe every coach should
have a coach. So I have a coach, and my
coach always takes me back to my core
values. So now I am programmed to, if I
(13:49):
feel some type of shift or internal
conflict, if my peace is jeopardized in
some way, ten times out of ten, it's
because I'm not honoring my core values.
Okay? So I've done the work. I know what
those core values are. I can tell you they
are hearing the voice of God. Peace. I
(14:12):
have to have peace time. When I say time,
I mean I have to own my time. I have to be
able to determine what I do with my hours
and my minutes. So we got hearing the
voice of God, peace, time. Authentic
relationships and discipleship is a part
(14:33):
of that, because that is at the core of
everything I do. And then communication.
Communication, yes. Communication is key.
And everything I do involves
communication. So in learning to value
what is valuable, we have to first go
(14:56):
back. It goes back to knowing us. Yes. How
do we determine or search, as someone is
saying, okay, I hear you, coach Latoya.
Core values. And you have a list of them.
You have a know, solid list. They're very
specific. But I don't know what my core
values help. What is something that you
(15:18):
can share with us today that will help
someone in that search for their core
values to understand what their core
values are, not things that people put on
you all. Let me say that you all first, we
better define core values, then tell them
how to get it. Let me do that two part
question. Define core values and then give
(15:38):
them a tip on how to begin to search those
out. Okay. So I make up definitions all
the time. For me, a core value is
something that if you take it away, just
one, not even all of them, if you take one
of them away, your life will start to
unravel. Things will no longer make sense.
(15:59):
And it's boiling it down to foundational
words because some people might say, well,
she didn't say family, but I said
relationships, authentic relationships. So
it's finding the purest and truest words
for you to represent what you need, what
(16:20):
carries the most weight for you. My values
are not your values. That's good, but
that's where it begins. So your values
guard your peace, and then your boundaries
guard your values. Go ahead, say that
again. I sure will. Say that again. Your
values guard your peace, and then your
(16:42):
boundaries, they guard your core values.
My values guard my piece. I can't spell
you all. That's why they were supposed to
get paper and pen. I hope they're writing
it down. I hope they're writing it down,
because you waiting on me to type it in
the chat. You might be waiting a minute.
I'm trying to get there. So your values
(17:03):
guard your peace, and. Your peace and your
boundaries guard your values. I love that
because our peace is important. But having
(17:26):
boundaries is important. And I know
sometimes in certain situations, having
boundaries is frowned upon. Like, we don't
quite understand the concept of having
boundaries and why it's necessary in our
life, and that those boundaries are not
just for people we don't know. Right.
(17:50):
Those boundaries are for people that we
know, love, trust, and maybe even live in
the same house with. They are especially
for them, actually. Go ahead, talk about
it. So what's so amazing and so God, is
that I've had both of these conversations
today, just on two separate occasions.
(18:12):
Yeah. Boundaries are good for everyone.
Boundaries set a parameter around what's
most important to me. That's how I honor
who God created me to be, how I'm supposed
to show up in the world, and how I'm
supposed to care for myself so that not to
(18:34):
be selfish, but so that I can care for
other people. I've written a number of
books, but in my second book, Princess
Mentality, which you can find on Amazon, I
talk about how. Get that link for you.
Keep talking. There you go. Yeah, go get
the link. So there are two water entities
(18:56):
in us when we are in relationship with
Christ, because we have a whale that never
runs dry, and then out of our belly shall
flow rivers of living water. Come on. So a
well does not have feet. A well is
stationary. The well is for me, if I had a
well on my property, that would be for me
to drink from. So my well is like my
(19:19):
secret place. That is my personal
relationship with God. And as I abide in
the secret place, as I commune with the
Father, son, the Holy Spirit, all of them,
okay? As I dwell in that place, then my
well starts to overflow into a river of
(19:39):
living water. We are to minister to other
people from our overflow from our river
because rivers, they supply whole
communities, multiple states, sometimes
multiple countries. My river is for
everyone. But my whale has a boundary
(20:00):
built around. Come on. And if I give and
give and give, eventually my river will
dry up and I will find myself dipping out
of my well for other people. Then my well
dries up. Come on. Come on. And when your
well dries up, that's when you're in a
(20:21):
place of burnout. And when you are burnt
out, you're no good for you or anyone
else. Or anyone else. Or anyone else. So
we have to make sure that we're in a
constant place of overflow for these
boundaries to be effective. And when you
know your boundaries aren't effective,
(20:43):
it's when you get to that place of not
enough. That place of burnout, because
you've not been tapped in to the source
because the river is the source of where
the water comes from, from the wheel. So
you in trouble if you will dry up, but you
can still go back to the source of the
river and get what you need. Come on, holy
ghost. But then if you fool around and
(21:04):
just stay out of communion with the Holy
Ghost long enough, and then your river dry
up, you don't mess around and find out.
You're going to mess around and find out.
We don't want to do that. We don't want to
find out. Look, you all coming into this
space, I'm happy to see you. Thank you so
much for coming in and supporting the
broadcast on tonight. When you come into
the room, know that you are welcome.
(21:24):
Please hit those like share and subscribe
buttons so that you can receive
notifications when I come on live every
Thursday evening at 07:30 p.m. Central
Standard Time across Facebook, LinkedIn,
Twitter, Twitch and YouTube. If you've
just joined the conversation, having a
great conversation with coach Latoya
(21:45):
Nashay, that link that you see right there
on the video, that is the link, her Amazon
link. Run on out to Amazon and just type
her name in the search engine on Amazon
and you will see all of her books. But
that particular link in the comments is
for her second book, Princess Mentality.
So, look, you've been dropping gems,
(22:05):
coach. You've been dropping gems. Some of
this stuff, I want you to run back and
teach it slow, but I want you to run back
and teach it slow. But like you said at
the beginning, I don't know we got that
kind of time today. So that just says to
me, we're going to have to do this again.
We're going to do it again so we can keep
running that back. It make me miss our
(22:28):
podcast. Break out the breakthrough. We
might have to break that out again
sometime in the near future or the far
future. We don't get to it the near or far
future. Just know that that podcast is
coming back so we can have time to break
down conversations like these, because
learning to value what is valuable is
(22:50):
necessary oftentimes. The other thing when
I see that is one of the things that I
think of is we have to first value us. We
are valuable when we value who we are,
when we value our talents, when we value
(23:11):
our gifts, when we value our assignment,
when we value our anointing, when we value
everything that God has blessed us with,
then other people will value it, too.
Absolutely. Yes. We teach people how to
treat us. Come on. That's good. So when I
am serious about my peace, when I am
(23:33):
serious about my time, my friends know if
they are going something somewhere with
me, I will leave you if you're not on
time, because I don't play about my time
at all. Not the self. Don't be late. But
if we serve our values, even when other
(23:54):
people have different values, we teach
them to respect what we value. How those
things play a major role in our lives may
not be important to them, but they will
still honor how it's important to us, to
us, because we've done it ourselves. But
if I run myself ragged, if I'm always
(24:18):
tired, if I'm always giving people, they
will keep taking. Come on. Not doing it.
We have to value ourselves. So, one thing.
Okay, we got another comment right here.
She said Taisha says she always scared to
(24:42):
be late when she coming with you. I was
with Taisha earlier today, and she was on
time. Okay. Don't be late. That's what I
hear you say. Don't be late. But valuing
the things that are valuable, when you say
(25:04):
that again, talk to us a little bit more
about valuing what's valuable. Now we
understand the importance of valuing
ourselves. What about the importance of
valuing those that the Lord has brought
into our. Yeah, yeah. Resources flow
(25:24):
through relationships. And I'll be talking
about this soon on this. Resources flow
through relationships. You know Taisha
because you know me, but you know me
because I know Myra. So it's all of these
connections. And so when you show up as
(25:45):
your authentic self and people can predict
how you're going to be, when they know
that you're going to be the same person in
every single space on every single day,
not to say that life doesn't happen, but
you are still consistently you. Yes.
People will take your name into rooms.
Come on. Come on. Say that. Come on. Yes.
(26:09):
Because they know when they send your name
into those rooms, when they speak on your
behalf, when you are invited into those
rooms, you are going to show up as that
same person. And so if I want to be
valued, then I should value other people.
I should esteem other people. I have
several people who cover me, who pray for
(26:31):
me, who pour into me that I can call with
the worst of the worst and know that I'm
not going to be judged. And so when those
people send me an email that gets lost,
and then they call me and like, hey, did
you get my email about being on my
podcast? The answer is yes. Not naming any
(26:52):
names. The answer is yes. Like, there are
some people that you would just move
heaven and earth for because you value the
place that they hold in your life. And so,
yeah, I value you, and. I value you as
(27:15):
well, friend. But you hit so many
proverbial nails on the head in that.
Because when we devalue others, what we're
in essence doing is we're devaluing
ourselves. When we don't recognize the
value in the people that the Lord has
(27:37):
placed in our lives, then we're doing
ourselves a disservice, because life is
about reciprocal relationships. It's all
about reciprocity. And if the Lord has
found me worthy for this person to be
brought into my life, because that's how I
see it, if he has found me worthy to allow
(27:58):
this person to show up in my space, then I
need to have the wherewithal to recognize
the gifts and the talents within this
individual and that they can pour into me
likewise, that I could pour into them.
Absolutely. It doesn't matter the
relationship. It could be a discipleship
relationship. It could be someone that you
(28:18):
are mentoring and you're the mentor. They
are the mentee. They have something of
value that they can bring into your life.
And so we can't be a respecter of persons,
but we have to learn how to value what's
valuable and other people's time, energy,
effort, their presence is valuable, and we
(28:39):
have to honor that and value that. I love
this conversation. I love this
conversation. So give us another point.
Give us a point. Number three, on the
importance of learning to value what's
valuable. So I actually want to go into
what you just said about that mentor
(29:00):
mentee relationship. Yes. Not thinking so
highly of yourself that I would never
assume that my mentees, my disciples can't
pour into me some type of way or that I
can't glean jewels from their lives. One
of the most fulfilling things is getting
(29:23):
to watch them grow. Sunday. I have a 20
year old mentee, and she's getting
baptized on Sunday. Right. And I've
watched her grow over this past year. It's
been amazing. It's been amazing to watch.
(29:44):
But when you know someone is watching your
life, it makes you mindful of how you live
your life. Come on. And so who am I to
tell her that she needs healthy
boundaries? Who am I to tell her that she
needs to learn how to say no and then I
not do those things? Come on. That's real
good. That's real good. Inviting others
into your life, to walk with you, to even
(30:09):
come up behind you, keeps you on your
toes. Yes, it does. Keeps you on your
toes. We're valuing what's valuable people
have got if you've just come into the
space. We're talking about learning to
value what is valuable. And in that mentor
mentee relationship, the life and the
(30:31):
gifts and the anointing of the person that
you're mentoring, the person that you're
discipling is valuable. So that will make
you want a mental check on yourself, on
the regular, to make sure I have myself
together so that I can show up and be the
best version of me possible for that
person. And let me go ahead and stop any
(30:52):
negative thinking of anybody that might be
watching this on the live or the replay.
When I say show up as the best version of
yourself, I'm not talking about faking it
till you make it. I'm not talking people
see through that. The only person that
don't see through that is the individual
that's trying to do it. Okay. I'm not
(31:13):
talking about faking it till you make it.
I'm not talking about pretending all is
well when all is not. What I'm talking
about is being authentically you and being
that best version of that possible at all
times, because that's how we grow. That's
how you will grow in character, in
giftings, and anointings that's how the
(31:35):
person that you are mentoring will grow in
character and giftings and anointings.
Because somebody's always watching us,
right? Absolutely. Go ahead. The authentic
you will attract the right people. Come
on, say that again. The authentic you will
attract you. The authentic me will attract
(32:05):
the right. People because your people will
check you. The people who are supposed to
be closest to you in your inner circle,
they will check you. They will ask you
questions. They will remind you of what
your values are. They will remind you of
(32:26):
what it is that you said you will do. They
hold you accountable. Come on, say that
word again. Say that word again. Yes. The
right people will hold you accountable. So
if you're surrounded by people who say yes
all the time and they never challenge you,
they never ask clarifying questions, those
(32:49):
are probably the same people who are
sucking you dry. Oh, say that. Say that.
Say that. They don't want you to have
boundaries because they want to use you
up. Come on, say that. This is what
happens when we don't have notes. We are
winging, y'all. I just want to make that
clear. We up here just free flowing. There
(33:12):
are no notes. Chris said big facts. And
it's true. When we show up as our
authentic selves, those individuals that
God has already divinely designed and
created to be in our lives, they show up.
(33:33):
Matter of fact, most of the time, they've
been around the whole time. We were not
just at a place in maturity, spiritual
maturity or natural maturity, that we
could recognize them because they
challenged us. When someone challenges,
like when you're an immature person, you
(33:55):
don't know how to value what's valuable,
because you yourself have not learned what
is valuable, that starts right there. So
when I don't understand what is valuable,
when I see people who are living in a
different level of success, whatever
success might be, I'm not even talking
about money. You all not talking about
(34:15):
money. But when you see someone and you
have discerned that they have success,
when you're immature, we'll name call, we
will judge without even knowing them.
We'll look at their appearance, call them
pretentious, call them Bougie. They think
(34:36):
they're better than this person or that
person, or you're too good to come here or
do that. Absolutely. I think I'm too good
for that. Matter of fact, I don't think I
know it. When you're immature, that's the
type of response you have for people. Or
if you come to that person and they push
you to accountability and push you to
(34:58):
figure out a problem instead of saying,
oh, baby, it's going to be all right and
pat you on the back and just be there to
be your sounding board. We run from them
when we're immature. Right. But when we're
mature, we understand the value that they
carry and the wisdom that they carry. So
I'm running to them. Yes, absolutely.
(35:19):
Already knowing they're going to say
something that's going to make me go,
ouch. But I need to hear it. Absolutely.
Come on, lean into the accountability,
lean into the stretching, because it makes
us better. And those who truly love us,
those who see the value in us, yes, they
(35:43):
stretch, they question, they push, and
it's all in love. And there is great
there, but they want to see us become the
best version of ourselves. Right. Those
who are comfortable and complacent want
you to be comfortable and complacent. Come
(36:04):
on. Say that. They don't want to see you
stretch. They don't want to see you grow.
And the thing is, it may not even be
completely malicious and intentional on
their part. They're just not going in the
direction that you're going. Absolutely.
They're not ready yet to move in that
direction that they want, that they should
(36:25):
be going. They're not ready. Yes. And
that's absolutely okay. But what I know to
be true is just like, if I'm serving my
values and I am being my most authentic
self and I am attracting the people that
are supposed to be in my life when I'm not
(36:48):
doing those things, when I am not serving
my values, when I'm not being my most
authentic self, I am going to draw in all
the leeches. Come on. And hold them close
to my heart and wonder why I'm getting
bit. Say that. Say that. Come on. Either.
(37:11):
That wasn't in your notes. I love it,
though. I told you, you can run back
several things that you said and we can
talk about for a while because we
ourselves have to be ready. We have to
recognize who people. Maya Angelou. I love
to say this. When people show you who they
(37:33):
are, believe them. Yes. No shade, no tea.
It's not me. It's not you. It's me. You're
showing up and showing me exactly who you
are. Ongoing lesson, too. Come on. Because
there are people that we don't want to see
them for who they are. We want to become
(37:56):
infatuated with their potential. Oh, you
better tell that. Can't even say that. If
I say that, I might get in trouble. I'm
37, so I round up to 40. So at this big
grown age, what I'm not going to do, what
I refuse to do, is fall in love with
potential. Come on. Who are you now? Can I
(38:23):
rock with you on the level that you are
now? Now you may grow, but that is a
choice if you choose to not grow. Am I
good with where you are now? Is where you
are healthy for me. Come on. Come on,
girl. You better say that. No, then you
got to go. Don't fall in love with the
(38:46):
potential. I love that. I love that. Now,
somebody might be hearing this on the live
and on the replay and have some spicy
stuff to say about it. Go jump in the
comments. Let me hear what you got to say.
I probably won't agree with it, but.
Younger, I don't really care. Oh, my God.
Live a little. She said, if you're 35 or
(39:08):
younger, it don't matter. Look, they do
got a lot of living to do. But sitting in
this side of my maturity, sitting in this
side of my maturity, I completely
understand. I can see, bless God, we have
the gift of discernment and we're able to
(39:30):
see spiritually, we can see a person's
potential. But just what you said, is that
person willing to step into their
potential? Yes. Miles Monroe. And I'm a
paraphrase that y'all suggest. If you
don't have anything by him, run out and
get it now, because it's timeless, all of
it. One of the things that he said, and
(39:50):
I'm paraphrasing, is the graveyard holds
some of the most valuable things on the
planet. But it's dead with the people in
the graveyard because they did not rise up
to their potential. They wouldn't even
recognize it. They didn't want to do the
work. Some of that is words I'm putting in
(40:12):
his mouth that he didn't say that.
Basically, he talked about the potential
that was within each person that is gone,
that has passed on. Did they live to that
potential? And because when we live to
that potential, not only is it fulfilling
for us as individuals, but we are to truly
touch the lives of other people when we're
(40:33):
living up to our potential. So if the
person that I'm partnering with, and this
is platonic as well as romantic, if the
person that I'm partnering with is not
living to their potential, better yet, if
they're not making efforts, strides to
(40:53):
live to their potential, you got to weigh
the value of that relationship. Yes. I'm
not saying cut them off and throw them in
the trash. That's what I'm not saying
that. But we do have to evaluate where we
place them in our lives. Absolutely. The
people that have the greatest access to us
(41:14):
should be the people who are not only
making withdrawals, but they're making
worthwhile deposits. That's good. Are they
living to their potential? Like I have a
boatload of potential. Am I living up to
the fullest of my potential? No. But am I
(41:34):
making strides to get there? Every day
that ends in why. Every day that ends in
why I am trying to make strides to get
there. Why? Because I'm learning daily how
to value what's valuable. There's a pastor
in Murray, Kentucky, Dr. Art Hines, and I
(41:56):
remember him saying a lot that we sink to
the level of the lowest common
denominator. Jesus. We sink to the level
of the lowest common denominator. My God.
In other words, a chain is only as strong
as its weakest link. So we have to
(42:21):
examine, like you said, those who have the
most access to us. Real good. We have to
examine. They are weak links. Take them
off of your chain and you may not put them
out the yard. They just can't be a part of
(42:42):
the chain. Come on. They could be over by
the shed or something like that. Not
totally off the property, but not in the
mix of what you're trying to accomplish.
What you're trying to accomplish.
Absolutely. And proximity changes from
season to season. Clap my hands. The boy
don't have to edit that out. I'm supposed
(43:04):
to get the clap the hand sound in my
little pod. Pro thingy, roll castor
thingy. My son's supposed to be putting
that in there for me. So I won't clap my
hands for real. But I always forget it.
Always forget when he's here. We'll talk
about it, and I'll forget when he's here.
(43:26):
But that's a beautiful thing. You don't
have to necessarily kick them off the
property. You just have to determine where
they are, where they're placed in your
life. You know that. I like to use a
scenario with a dartboard. Everything on
the dartboard, every section on the
dartboard, has a numerical value. Even the
(43:47):
ones that's on the furthest on the
outside. But the closest you get to that
bullseye, the numerical value increases,
but the spaces become smaller. So you
can't fit as many darts in those spaces as
you can those big spaces on that outer
circle. And then when you get into the
inner circle, into the bullseye, the money
shot. Very few darts can fit in there. We
(44:10):
have to learn how to place people
strategically on the dartboard. That is
our life. Yes. So this is where the
science geek in me comes. I have a biology
degree that I do not use you all. So let's
be clear about that. Don't want to use it,
but I have it. And so when it comes to
relationships, I always think of an atom
(44:32):
and how an atom has these electron valence
shells. So in the center, where you have
the nucleus, that first valence shell,
only two electrons can fit on it. It only
have two, and electrons have a negative
charge. You can't have that much
(44:53):
negativity close to you. Come on. You just
can't say that. No. Electrons into your
space. And they may not be negative in
terms of their speech. Their lives may
just be repelling against your life. Come
on. Now, see, that's a whole lesson that
(45:15):
you need to teach, man. How can two walk
together unless they be agreed? Come on.
Come on. That part right there, they could
be. That's the word. That could be the
nicest, sweetest, most morally correct
person. But is that the person God created
(45:38):
for you? Now, we don't want to jumped off
into relationships. We go come back and do
a relationship show. We go back and do a
relationship. I'm kind of closer. I mean,
we are talking about valuing what's
valuable. It's true. We cannot function
(46:05):
with that level of negativity in our
personal space all the time. And some
negativity is going to come in here and
there, but we have to recognize it and
deal with it accordingly. Don't just let
it live with you and hug you and hold you
all the time. If you see that person
(46:26):
coming and you shut and be like, Jesus,
fix it. You might want to check that. If
you see their number or their text message
and you are willing to leave them on
unread for three days, you might want to
check that. Yeah, you might want to
evaluate forever that part. Yeah, I like
blocking. I block a lot. If that's their
(46:51):
go to reaction with them, you need to
evaluate the proximity that they have to.
You need to evaluate them in your life. We
have a LinkedIn comment says, just mute
them. I like that. That works. We could
just mute them. That works. We wouldn't
(47:18):
even have to go through all of that. If we
do take a proper evaluation on the people
who we allow into our lives and placing
them in the proper places in our lives,
because some people, especially people
who, you know, okay, I've been
commissioned to help that person grow.
That person needs to have access to you,
but we have to qualify that type of
(47:39):
access. Right. When they get that access,
how they get that access, how are you
going to deposit? How are you going to
mentor them in development? It's a
process. We need to know how to do that
appropriately. We don't necessarily need
to let them be in our personal space all
(47:59):
the time. And that's where boundaries come
in. That's absolutely where boundaries
come in and. Do not disturb on your phone,
like use your technology. My DND is on
from 10:00 p.m. To 06:00 a.m.. I select
cubes. Oh, I'm sorry. We did have this
conversation, didn't we? I'm that
(48:23):
somebody. I sleep great. I am that
somebody. It works. It does work. You will
effectively not be bothered, but in the
event of emergency, they might need to
reach you. Girl. You don't know until you
(48:46):
answer the phone. My parents can get
through. There we go. There we go. Outside
of that, it's going to wait till 06:00
a.m. It's going to wait till 06:00 a.m.
This is an ongoing conversation and we're
going to have to. I see now needs a little
bit more push in what I hope is a good
direction. Yeah, I know you ain't
(49:11):
listening to me, but I'm going to keep
saying it. Keep saying that I have to. Our
time has come to an end. As always. I love
talking to you. I love the wisdom and the
value that you have to share. Before we do
wrap up, is there one last thing that you
would like to leave with the toolbox
(49:32):
audience, especially your contact
information? Yes. So you can go to my
website, latoyanache.com. You see how to
spell my name on the screen. Just put www
dot in front of it and.com after it and
you'll get there. If you go there is a pop
up. Sign up for my newsletter and you will
(49:54):
get a free PDF about doing a SWOT analysis
on your community. So identifying the
strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and
threats in your community. I'm telling
you, it will bless your life. You all
better get out there. I'm trying to get
(50:18):
them to go to latoyunashay.com. Now I'm
curious. I need a SWAT analysis on my
community. I do it on my business and I do
it on myself. You want to talk to me
offline about this community? We're going
to talk about your swot analysis when we
get off. I know what you're going to say.
Going to be doable. Anywho, my final
(50:43):
thought is there's a lot of talk about
safe spaces and creating safe spaces. And
I love that those conversations are
happening. But what I will say is you can
create your own safe space. Don't put all
the responsibility on someone to do that
(51:04):
for you. You can do it for yourself. And
that starts with identifying your core
values and then building your boundaries
around them. That's beautiful. Create your
own safe space by starting with clearly
defining your core values and building
boundaries around yourself based on those
(51:25):
core values. And you have created your own
safe space that you recognize and respect
and others will recognize and respect as
well. I love that. Woman of God. Thank you
so much for being a great guest tonight.
As always, we're going to have to do a
part two real soon. For real. We're going
to have to do a part two real soon.
(51:47):
Listen, guys, thank you so much for tuning
in to another amazing episode of Laquita's
Toolbox. I am your host, Laquita Monley.
We have had an amazing session on tonight.
You guys be blessed and enjoy an amazing
rest of your day. Take care. Look at here.
(52:08):
Take care. Bye, y'all. Everything hinges
on identity. It is the compass of our
faith that aligns with the Holy Spirit to
fulfill the father's will. Wrapped up in
identity is who we are, the purpose of our
being, and every God breathed promise that
manifests as our success. Hello, I'm
(52:29):
Laquita Monly, and I'm the author of
redefining success eight tools that I use
to develop a growth mindset in this
amazing book. Not only will I share with
you eight tools that I use for a growth
mindset, but I'll also share the
applicable principles based on God's word
that you could easily implement in your
(52:51):
life journey. So no matter where you are
and no matter where you see yourself in
the future, this book will be a tool that
you need for your toolbox. Don't wait. Get
it today. And it can be found on Amazon by
simply searching. Redefining success eight
tools that I use for growth mindset. Take
God, breathe promise that manifests as our
(00:09):
success. Hello, I'm Laquita Monwey and I'm
the author of Redefining Success eight
tools that I use to develop a growth
mindset in this amazing book. Not only
will I share with you eight tools that I
use for a growth mindset, but I'll also
share the applicable principles based on
God's word that you can easily implement
(00:31):
in your life journey. So no matter where
you are and no matter where you see
yourself in the future, this book will be
a tool that you need for your toolbox.
Don't wait. Get it today and it can be
found on Amazon by simply searching
redefining success eight tools that I use
for grow mindset take care of Laquita's
(01:16):
toolbox I am your host, Laquita Monly and
y'all. It's a thankful Thursday, y'all.
And I am really glad to be here because
let me tell you, you're going to hear
about it in the show. If technical
difficulties wasn't a thing, I don't even
know if people could do lives because I
cannot be the only person that hosts a
live that receives technical difficulties
(01:38):
before the show. But you know what? We're
going to talk about that in a minute. I
want to make sure that I take this time to
give a very special shout out and thank
you to our sponsors of today's episode of
Laquita's Toolbox and none other than
Covenant press. They are a faith based
christian apparel and accessory shop where
we as believers can shop online for
(01:58):
clothing and accessories that allow us to
wear the message of the love of Jesus
Christ. Go out to www. Covenant [unk]press
com. Again, that's www. Covenant press
shop until you drop, ladies and gentlemen.
But do not click off of those pop ups too
quickly because they contain valuable
(02:19):
codes. When placed in the appropriate spot
at checkout, you can receive some
discounts and savings on your purchases
with Covenant Press, y'all, is Thursday.
We're doing the live, so I'm going to give
a minute for everyone to come on into the
room across the various social media
platforms. You guys know the drill. Those
of you that have been with us before, when
(02:41):
you come on the live, get something to
write with and something to write on
because we will be sharing some valuable
tools that will help you grow both
personally and professionally as well. If
this is your first time, please hit that
like share and subscribe button because
you do not want to miss out on any of our
episodes as they drop every Thursday
(03:02):
evening. So go ahead, hit those like share
and subscribe and let's get this
conversation going. Let's get this
conversation out to as many people as
possible. And y'all, my guest for today is
in the studio, Ms. Latoya Nashay. And
we're going to do our best to behave, but
I can't make anybody any promise. I'm not.
(03:25):
So she just said it straight up. She shall
not behave today, but we're going to have
a good time nonetheless. Come on in the
room. Bring your questions, comments,
concerns. We'll address them on tonight.
Ms. Latoya Niche, how are you doing today,
ma'am? I am lovely. How are you, friend? I
(03:46):
am good. Friend. I am good. I cannot
complain. I can't complain. But what I
won't do, I shall not complain. How about
that? I shall not complain. Won't change
the thing. Won't change the thing. The
only people who listen to complaints are
the people who ain't going to do nothing
about them. The people who can affect
(04:07):
change. They don't want to hear you
complain. They want to hear you coming up
with a solution to your problem to see how
they can assist you in solving that
problem. Right? That's what I do. I know,
right? I listen for the few people that
might be listening to this broadcast that
might not know who you are. Sincerely,
Latoya Nashay. Go ahead and let everybody
(04:28):
know who you are, where you're from and
what you do. So, yes, I am Latoya Nashay.
I reside in the Nashville area. I am an
author, speaker, coach and team builder.
What else did you ask me? You answered it
(04:48):
all. You was like, so you're an author,
speaker, coach, team builder, and you're
located in Nashville. Look, tell us more
about that part of your journey and
becoming a speaker and a coach. What
pushed you into entrepreneurship and away
from corporate? How much time do we have?
(05:13):
We got enough. All right, let's try to sum
it up. Somehow I stumbled into speaking.
That was an accident on my part.
Definitely not an accident on God's part.
But that's what happened the first time. I
mean, I really started speaking, like in
(05:34):
elementary school. Complete accident. I
just happened to be a really strong
writer. So I was getting pushed to the
front a lot. But as far as adulthood goes,
I remember volunteering with big brother,
big sister. And I got invited to one of
the Rotary club meetings with the
director. He did not let me know in
advance that he was going to push me up to
(05:55):
the front to tell about my experience, but
that's what happened. And so I got up, I
did my thing, and checkbooks came out. Got
a lot of donations that day. Fast forward
a couple of years. And one of my friends,
she hosted a women's event, and I was a
(06:16):
speaker. I was the youngest on the lineup,
and I was the first speaker. And I just
remember this lady coming up to me who I
didn't know and grabbing me by my hand and
praying for me and telling me that I was
first out the gate for a reason. And I
have not stopped being asked to speak
since then. You were first out the gate
for a reason. Listen, you were called on
(06:37):
to speak for your first time, and
checkbooks came out. I called you back,
too. Why? You ain't been speaking on my
stuff? So some checkbooks can come out.
That's all I'm saying. What's the problem?
How many times do we reschedule this? I
know life be life, and on us, life does
life. Look, I see a few people coming in
(06:58):
the room. Thank you, twitch, for showing
up in the space today and also one of our
really good friends. And I'm just thankful
that you are the plug, because that's how
I came to know this wonderful woman of
God. Right, honey? Hey, girl. Taisha is in
the house today, joining us from YouTube.
(07:19):
Listen, everybody, as you come into the
space, please get into the comment
section. Let us know who you are and what
you do. Today we're going to be talking
along the topic of valuing what's
valuable. And I have the amazing coach,
Latoya Michae, and she is going to be
sharing with us some amazing tools that
can help us on our journeys, both
(07:41):
personally and professionally. So you jump
right out the box, man, and into speaking,
getting massive results, getting people to
pull out those checkbooks and donate,
donate, donate. Yes. It was an interesting
experience. Yeah, I didn't really think
about it. I just said yes. And I just kept
(08:02):
saying yes. There was another event right
before I moved to middle Tennessee. So
this was, like, in West Tennessee, in
Paris, Tennessee. I spoke at the church
that I was going to at a women's event,
and the lady that arranged everything is
coming to a close. And she said, are you
going to do an altar call? And I was like,
(08:25):
yeah. Okay. Never done at all. And I'm
expecting, like, one or two people. The
altar was full. Wow. Yes. Wow. Come on,
now. You must have released some amazing
(08:45):
tools on that day as well. We're grateful
to God that you did say give your yes. And
I know that not only are you a speaker and
an author, and you have all of these
wonderful hats, but most importantly for
you, because you and I share a lot of
(09:06):
similarities, and you're all about
purpose. And so I know that as the woman
of God that you are, whatever you do,
you're all about helping people walk and
operate in their purpose. So talk to us a
little bit about why that is a major
motivation for you. Why is that very
important for you as a coach, to be able
(09:29):
to push people in that direction? And I
know you've said this before. Everything
hinges on identity. And so that's where it
starts. It starts with knowing who you
are. But once you know who you are, then
you have to learn the why you are. Oh,
come on. And there is no fulfillment,
(09:49):
there is no peace, no. Just that joy that
keeps flowing and keeps going unless we
are plugged in and doing the work that we
were created to do. I am most alive when
I'm doing what I was created to do. So
(10:10):
let's do some pretend here for a minute.
So I'm your client. I'm your client, and I
tell you, how do I know what I'm created
to do? I make good money. I have a nice
home, a nice car. Family is amazing. Isn't
that what I'm supposed to be doing? Like,
is there more? Now, how does that
(10:33):
conversation start? I would still go back
to identity first, and I would say, who
are you at the core? Who are you minus
your roles and your jobs? Come on. Who are
you at the core? Come on. Because whoever
you are at the core, that is your true
(10:54):
identity. And that was probably attacked
somewhere early in life. So that core
factor of who we are and our greatest pain
have a relationship. And that typically
points to purpose. To purpose sitting
right at the foundation, the heart of our
(11:16):
core values. Those are the things that the
enemy comes after to make you question
your identity or maybe not even begin to
seek it in the first place. Yes. So,
truly, everything does hinge on our
identity. And I love how you brought out
that what we do for a living, how we earn
(11:37):
money, might not necessarily be the
purpose and the plan that God has for our
life. We're earning money because we got
bills, but that doesn't define who I am.
And we shouldn't get caught up in allowing
our secular careers to do that. To define
(11:59):
who we are. Absolutely. Sometimes purpose
and how you pay your bills, sometimes
they're one and the same. Often they are
not. Come on. Talk about. My. I believe
Jesus left us with three instructions.
(12:21):
Love God, love people, make disciples.
Yes. Your purpose will reflect those
things in some way. And if you think your
work is your purpose, make sure. Ask
yourself, evaluate. Does my work push me
deeper into loving God, loving people,
(12:44):
making disciples? If not, that is just
your work and not your life's work.
There's a difference. That's just your
work and not your life's work. My life's
work hinges on purpose, hinges on my
identity in Christ, the reason that he
created me. I love that. I love that. I
think that's a good segue into you
(13:06):
breaking down. What do you mean? Valuing
what's valuable? Because that right there,
I know it made some people be like, what's
that? And other people might look at us
like, I need to know more. Let's break
that down. Valuing what's valuable,
(13:26):
because it makes me think about the old
saying, you don't miss what you got until
it's gone. That's right. Come on, talk
about it. I believe every coach should
have a coach. So I have a coach, and my
coach always takes me back to my core
values. So now I am programmed to, if I
(13:49):
feel some type of shift or internal
conflict, if my peace is jeopardized in
some way, ten times out of ten, it's
because I'm not honoring my core values.
Okay? So I've done the work. I know what
those core values are. I can tell you they
are hearing the voice of God. Peace. I
(14:12):
have to have peace time. When I say time,
I mean I have to own my time. I have to be
able to determine what I do with my hours
and my minutes. So we got hearing the
voice of God, peace, time. Authentic
relationships and discipleship is a part
(14:33):
of that, because that is at the core of
everything I do. And then communication.
Communication, yes. Communication is key.
And everything I do involves
communication. So in learning to value
what is valuable, we have to first go
(14:56):
back. It goes back to knowing us. Yes. How
do we determine or search, as someone is
saying, okay, I hear you, coach Latoya.
Core values. And you have a list of them.
You have a know, solid list. They're very
specific. But I don't know what my core
values help. What is something that you
(15:18):
can share with us today that will help
someone in that search for their core
values to understand what their core
values are, not things that people put on
you all. Let me say that you all first, we
better define core values, then tell them
how to get it. Let me do that two part
question. Define core values and then give
(15:38):
them a tip on how to begin to search those
out. Okay. So I make up definitions all
the time. For me, a core value is
something that if you take it away, just
one, not even all of them, if you take one
of them away, your life will start to
unravel. Things will no longer make sense.
(15:59):
And it's boiling it down to foundational
words because some people might say, well,
she didn't say family, but I said
relationships, authentic relationships. So
it's finding the purest and truest words
for you to represent what you need, what
(16:20):
carries the most weight for you. My values
are not your values. That's good, but
that's where it begins. So your values
guard your peace, and then your boundaries
guard your values. Go ahead, say that
again. I sure will. Say that again. Your
values guard your peace, and then your
(16:42):
boundaries, they guard your core values.
My values guard my piece. I can't spell
you all. That's why they were supposed to
get paper and pen. I hope they're writing
it down. I hope they're writing it down,
because you waiting on me to type it in
the chat. You might be waiting a minute.
I'm trying to get there. So your values
(17:03):
guard your peace, and. Your peace and your
boundaries guard your values. I love that
because our peace is important. But having
(17:26):
boundaries is important. And I know
sometimes in certain situations, having
boundaries is frowned upon. Like, we don't
quite understand the concept of having
boundaries and why it's necessary in our
life, and that those boundaries are not
just for people we don't know. Right.
(17:50):
Those boundaries are for people that we
know, love, trust, and maybe even live in
the same house with. They are especially
for them, actually. Go ahead, talk about
it. So what's so amazing and so God, is
that I've had both of these conversations
today, just on two separate occasions.
(18:12):
Yeah. Boundaries are good for everyone.
Boundaries set a parameter around what's
most important to me. That's how I honor
who God created me to be, how I'm supposed
to show up in the world, and how I'm
supposed to care for myself so that not to
(18:34):
be selfish, but so that I can care for
other people. I've written a number of
books, but in my second book, Princess
Mentality, which you can find on Amazon, I
talk about how. Get that link for you.
Keep talking. There you go. Yeah, go get
the link. So there are two water entities
(18:56):
in us when we are in relationship with
Christ, because we have a whale that never
runs dry, and then out of our belly shall
flow rivers of living water. Come on. So a
well does not have feet. A well is
stationary. The well is for me, if I had a
well on my property, that would be for me
to drink from. So my well is like my
(19:19):
secret place. That is my personal
relationship with God. And as I abide in
the secret place, as I commune with the
Father, son, the Holy Spirit, all of them,
okay? As I dwell in that place, then my
well starts to overflow into a river of
(19:39):
living water. We are to minister to other
people from our overflow from our river
because rivers, they supply whole
communities, multiple states, sometimes
multiple countries. My river is for
everyone. But my whale has a boundary
(20:00):
built around. Come on. And if I give and
give and give, eventually my river will
dry up and I will find myself dipping out
of my well for other people. Then my well
dries up. Come on. Come on. And when your
well dries up, that's when you're in a
(20:21):
place of burnout. And when you are burnt
out, you're no good for you or anyone
else. Or anyone else. Or anyone else. So
we have to make sure that we're in a
constant place of overflow for these
boundaries to be effective. And when you
know your boundaries aren't effective,
(20:43):
it's when you get to that place of not
enough. That place of burnout, because
you've not been tapped in to the source
because the river is the source of where
the water comes from, from the wheel. So
you in trouble if you will dry up, but you
can still go back to the source of the
river and get what you need. Come on, holy
ghost. But then if you fool around and
(21:04):
just stay out of communion with the Holy
Ghost long enough, and then your river dry
up, you don't mess around and find out.
You're going to mess around and find out.
We don't want to do that. We don't want to
find out. Look, you all coming into this
space, I'm happy to see you. Thank you so
much for coming in and supporting the
broadcast on tonight. When you come into
the room, know that you are welcome.
(21:24):
Please hit those like share and subscribe
buttons so that you can receive
notifications when I come on live every
Thursday evening at 07:30 p.m. Central
Standard Time across Facebook, LinkedIn,
Twitter, Twitch and YouTube. If you've
just joined the conversation, having a
great conversation with coach Latoya
(21:45):
Nashay, that link that you see right there
on the video, that is the link, her Amazon
link. Run on out to Amazon and just type
her name in the search engine on Amazon
and you will see all of her books. But
that particular link in the comments is
for her second book, Princess Mentality.
So, look, you've been dropping gems,
(22:05):
coach. You've been dropping gems. Some of
this stuff, I want you to run back and
teach it slow, but I want you to run back
and teach it slow. But like you said at
the beginning, I don't know we got that
kind of time today. So that just says to
me, we're going to have to do this again.
We're going to do it again so we can keep
running that back. It make me miss our
(22:28):
podcast. Break out the breakthrough. We
might have to break that out again
sometime in the near future or the far
future. We don't get to it the near or far
future. Just know that that podcast is
coming back so we can have time to break
down conversations like these, because
learning to value what is valuable is
(22:50):
necessary oftentimes. The other thing when
I see that is one of the things that I
think of is we have to first value us. We
are valuable when we value who we are,
when we value our talents, when we value
(23:11):
our gifts, when we value our assignment,
when we value our anointing, when we value
everything that God has blessed us with,
then other people will value it, too.
Absolutely. Yes. We teach people how to
treat us. Come on. That's good. So when I
am serious about my peace, when I am
(23:33):
serious about my time, my friends know if
they are going something somewhere with
me, I will leave you if you're not on
time, because I don't play about my time
at all. Not the self. Don't be late. But
if we serve our values, even when other
(23:54):
people have different values, we teach
them to respect what we value. How those
things play a major role in our lives may
not be important to them, but they will
still honor how it's important to us, to
us, because we've done it ourselves. But
if I run myself ragged, if I'm always
(24:18):
tired, if I'm always giving people, they
will keep taking. Come on. Not doing it.
We have to value ourselves. So, one thing.
Okay, we got another comment right here.
She said Taisha says she always scared to
(24:42):
be late when she coming with you. I was
with Taisha earlier today, and she was on
time. Okay. Don't be late. That's what I
hear you say. Don't be late. But valuing
the things that are valuable, when you say
(25:04):
that again, talk to us a little bit more
about valuing what's valuable. Now we
understand the importance of valuing
ourselves. What about the importance of
valuing those that the Lord has brought
into our. Yeah, yeah. Resources flow
(25:24):
through relationships. And I'll be talking
about this soon on this. Resources flow
through relationships. You know Taisha
because you know me, but you know me
because I know Myra. So it's all of these
connections. And so when you show up as
(25:45):
your authentic self and people can predict
how you're going to be, when they know
that you're going to be the same person in
every single space on every single day,
not to say that life doesn't happen, but
you are still consistently you. Yes.
People will take your name into rooms.
Come on. Come on. Say that. Come on. Yes.
(26:09):
Because they know when they send your name
into those rooms, when they speak on your
behalf, when you are invited into those
rooms, you are going to show up as that
same person. And so if I want to be
valued, then I should value other people.
I should esteem other people. I have
several people who cover me, who pray for
(26:31):
me, who pour into me that I can call with
the worst of the worst and know that I'm
not going to be judged. And so when those
people send me an email that gets lost,
and then they call me and like, hey, did
you get my email about being on my
podcast? The answer is yes. Not naming any
(26:52):
names. The answer is yes. Like, there are
some people that you would just move
heaven and earth for because you value the
place that they hold in your life. And so,
yeah, I value you, and. I value you as
(27:15):
well, friend. But you hit so many
proverbial nails on the head in that.
Because when we devalue others, what we're
in essence doing is we're devaluing
ourselves. When we don't recognize the
value in the people that the Lord has
(27:37):
placed in our lives, then we're doing
ourselves a disservice, because life is
about reciprocal relationships. It's all
about reciprocity. And if the Lord has
found me worthy for this person to be
brought into my life, because that's how I
see it, if he has found me worthy to allow
(27:58):
this person to show up in my space, then I
need to have the wherewithal to recognize
the gifts and the talents within this
individual and that they can pour into me
likewise, that I could pour into them.
Absolutely. It doesn't matter the
relationship. It could be a discipleship
relationship. It could be someone that you
(28:18):
are mentoring and you're the mentor. They
are the mentee. They have something of
value that they can bring into your life.
And so we can't be a respecter of persons,
but we have to learn how to value what's
valuable and other people's time, energy,
effort, their presence is valuable, and we
(28:39):
have to honor that and value that. I love
this conversation. I love this
conversation. So give us another point.
Give us a point. Number three, on the
importance of learning to value what's
valuable. So I actually want to go into
what you just said about that mentor
(29:00):
mentee relationship. Yes. Not thinking so
highly of yourself that I would never
assume that my mentees, my disciples can't
pour into me some type of way or that I
can't glean jewels from their lives. One
of the most fulfilling things is getting
(29:23):
to watch them grow. Sunday. I have a 20
year old mentee, and she's getting
baptized on Sunday. Right. And I've
watched her grow over this past year. It's
been amazing. It's been amazing to watch.
(29:44):
But when you know someone is watching your
life, it makes you mindful of how you live
your life. Come on. And so who am I to
tell her that she needs healthy
boundaries? Who am I to tell her that she
needs to learn how to say no and then I
not do those things? Come on. That's real
good. That's real good. Inviting others
into your life, to walk with you, to even
(30:09):
come up behind you, keeps you on your
toes. Yes, it does. Keeps you on your
toes. We're valuing what's valuable people
have got if you've just come into the
space. We're talking about learning to
value what is valuable. And in that mentor
mentee relationship, the life and the
(30:31):
gifts and the anointing of the person that
you're mentoring, the person that you're
discipling is valuable. So that will make
you want a mental check on yourself, on
the regular, to make sure I have myself
together so that I can show up and be the
best version of me possible for that
person. And let me go ahead and stop any
(30:52):
negative thinking of anybody that might be
watching this on the live or the replay.
When I say show up as the best version of
yourself, I'm not talking about faking it
till you make it. I'm not talking people
see through that. The only person that
don't see through that is the individual
that's trying to do it. Okay. I'm not
(31:13):
talking about faking it till you make it.
I'm not talking about pretending all is
well when all is not. What I'm talking
about is being authentically you and being
that best version of that possible at all
times, because that's how we grow. That's
how you will grow in character, in
giftings, and anointings that's how the
(31:35):
person that you are mentoring will grow in
character and giftings and anointings.
Because somebody's always watching us,
right? Absolutely. Go ahead. The authentic
you will attract the right people. Come
on, say that again. The authentic you will
attract you. The authentic me will attract
(32:05):
the right. People because your people will
check you. The people who are supposed to
be closest to you in your inner circle,
they will check you. They will ask you
questions. They will remind you of what
your values are. They will remind you of
(32:26):
what it is that you said you will do. They
hold you accountable. Come on, say that
word again. Say that word again. Yes. The
right people will hold you accountable. So
if you're surrounded by people who say yes
all the time and they never challenge you,
they never ask clarifying questions, those
(32:49):
are probably the same people who are
sucking you dry. Oh, say that. Say that.
Say that. They don't want you to have
boundaries because they want to use you
up. Come on, say that. This is what
happens when we don't have notes. We are
winging, y'all. I just want to make that
clear. We up here just free flowing. There
(33:12):
are no notes. Chris said big facts. And
it's true. When we show up as our
authentic selves, those individuals that
God has already divinely designed and
created to be in our lives, they show up.
(33:33):
Matter of fact, most of the time, they've
been around the whole time. We were not
just at a place in maturity, spiritual
maturity or natural maturity, that we
could recognize them because they
challenged us. When someone challenges,
like when you're an immature person, you
(33:55):
don't know how to value what's valuable,
because you yourself have not learned what
is valuable, that starts right there. So
when I don't understand what is valuable,
when I see people who are living in a
different level of success, whatever
success might be, I'm not even talking
about money. You all not talking about
(34:15):
money. But when you see someone and you
have discerned that they have success,
when you're immature, we'll name call, we
will judge without even knowing them.
We'll look at their appearance, call them
pretentious, call them Bougie. They think
(34:36):
they're better than this person or that
person, or you're too good to come here or
do that. Absolutely. I think I'm too good
for that. Matter of fact, I don't think I
know it. When you're immature, that's the
type of response you have for people. Or
if you come to that person and they push
you to accountability and push you to
(34:58):
figure out a problem instead of saying,
oh, baby, it's going to be all right and
pat you on the back and just be there to
be your sounding board. We run from them
when we're immature. Right. But when we're
mature, we understand the value that they
carry and the wisdom that they carry. So
I'm running to them. Yes, absolutely.
(35:19):
Already knowing they're going to say
something that's going to make me go,
ouch. But I need to hear it. Absolutely.
Come on, lean into the accountability,
lean into the stretching, because it makes
us better. And those who truly love us,
those who see the value in us, yes, they
(35:43):
stretch, they question, they push, and
it's all in love. And there is great
there, but they want to see us become the
best version of ourselves. Right. Those
who are comfortable and complacent want
you to be comfortable and complacent. Come
(36:04):
on. Say that. They don't want to see you
stretch. They don't want to see you grow.
And the thing is, it may not even be
completely malicious and intentional on
their part. They're just not going in the
direction that you're going. Absolutely.
They're not ready yet to move in that
direction that they want, that they should
(36:25):
be going. They're not ready. Yes. And
that's absolutely okay. But what I know to
be true is just like, if I'm serving my
values and I am being my most authentic
self and I am attracting the people that
are supposed to be in my life when I'm not
(36:48):
doing those things, when I am not serving
my values, when I'm not being my most
authentic self, I am going to draw in all
the leeches. Come on. And hold them close
to my heart and wonder why I'm getting
bit. Say that. Say that. Come on. Either.
(37:11):
That wasn't in your notes. I love it,
though. I told you, you can run back
several things that you said and we can
talk about for a while because we
ourselves have to be ready. We have to
recognize who people. Maya Angelou. I love
to say this. When people show you who they
(37:33):
are, believe them. Yes. No shade, no tea.
It's not me. It's not you. It's me. You're
showing up and showing me exactly who you
are. Ongoing lesson, too. Come on. Because
there are people that we don't want to see
them for who they are. We want to become
(37:56):
infatuated with their potential. Oh, you
better tell that. Can't even say that. If
I say that, I might get in trouble. I'm
37, so I round up to 40. So at this big
grown age, what I'm not going to do, what
I refuse to do, is fall in love with
potential. Come on. Who are you now? Can I
(38:23):
rock with you on the level that you are
now? Now you may grow, but that is a
choice if you choose to not grow. Am I
good with where you are now? Is where you
are healthy for me. Come on. Come on,
girl. You better say that. No, then you
got to go. Don't fall in love with the
(38:46):
potential. I love that. I love that. Now,
somebody might be hearing this on the live
and on the replay and have some spicy
stuff to say about it. Go jump in the
comments. Let me hear what you got to say.
I probably won't agree with it, but.
Younger, I don't really care. Oh, my God.
Live a little. She said, if you're 35 or
(39:08):
younger, it don't matter. Look, they do
got a lot of living to do. But sitting in
this side of my maturity, sitting in this
side of my maturity, I completely
understand. I can see, bless God, we have
the gift of discernment and we're able to
(39:30):
see spiritually, we can see a person's
potential. But just what you said, is that
person willing to step into their
potential? Yes. Miles Monroe. And I'm a
paraphrase that y'all suggest. If you
don't have anything by him, run out and
get it now, because it's timeless, all of
it. One of the things that he said, and
(39:50):
I'm paraphrasing, is the graveyard holds
some of the most valuable things on the
planet. But it's dead with the people in
the graveyard because they did not rise up
to their potential. They wouldn't even
recognize it. They didn't want to do the
work. Some of that is words I'm putting in
(40:12):
his mouth that he didn't say that.
Basically, he talked about the potential
that was within each person that is gone,
that has passed on. Did they live to that
potential? And because when we live to
that potential, not only is it fulfilling
for us as individuals, but we are to truly
touch the lives of other people when we're
(40:33):
living up to our potential. So if the
person that I'm partnering with, and this
is platonic as well as romantic, if the
person that I'm partnering with is not
living to their potential, better yet, if
they're not making efforts, strides to
(40:53):
live to their potential, you got to weigh
the value of that relationship. Yes. I'm
not saying cut them off and throw them in
the trash. That's what I'm not saying
that. But we do have to evaluate where we
place them in our lives. Absolutely. The
people that have the greatest access to us
(41:14):
should be the people who are not only
making withdrawals, but they're making
worthwhile deposits. That's good. Are they
living to their potential? Like I have a
boatload of potential. Am I living up to
the fullest of my potential? No. But am I
(41:34):
making strides to get there? Every day
that ends in why. Every day that ends in
why I am trying to make strides to get
there. Why? Because I'm learning daily how
to value what's valuable. There's a pastor
in Murray, Kentucky, Dr. Art Hines, and I
(41:56):
remember him saying a lot that we sink to
the level of the lowest common
denominator. Jesus. We sink to the level
of the lowest common denominator. My God.
In other words, a chain is only as strong
as its weakest link. So we have to
(42:21):
examine, like you said, those who have the
most access to us. Real good. We have to
examine. They are weak links. Take them
off of your chain and you may not put them
out the yard. They just can't be a part of
(42:42):
the chain. Come on. They could be over by
the shed or something like that. Not
totally off the property, but not in the
mix of what you're trying to accomplish.
What you're trying to accomplish.
Absolutely. And proximity changes from
season to season. Clap my hands. The boy
don't have to edit that out. I'm supposed
(43:04):
to get the clap the hand sound in my
little pod. Pro thingy, roll castor
thingy. My son's supposed to be putting
that in there for me. So I won't clap my
hands for real. But I always forget it.
Always forget when he's here. We'll talk
about it, and I'll forget when he's here.
(43:26):
But that's a beautiful thing. You don't
have to necessarily kick them off the
property. You just have to determine where
they are, where they're placed in your
life. You know that. I like to use a
scenario with a dartboard. Everything on
the dartboard, every section on the
dartboard, has a numerical value. Even the
(43:47):
ones that's on the furthest on the
outside. But the closest you get to that
bullseye, the numerical value increases,
but the spaces become smaller. So you
can't fit as many darts in those spaces as
you can those big spaces on that outer
circle. And then when you get into the
inner circle, into the bullseye, the money
shot. Very few darts can fit in there. We
(44:10):
have to learn how to place people
strategically on the dartboard. That is
our life. Yes. So this is where the
science geek in me comes. I have a biology
degree that I do not use you all. So let's
be clear about that. Don't want to use it,
but I have it. And so when it comes to
relationships, I always think of an atom
(44:32):
and how an atom has these electron valence
shells. So in the center, where you have
the nucleus, that first valence shell,
only two electrons can fit on it. It only
have two, and electrons have a negative
charge. You can't have that much
(44:53):
negativity close to you. Come on. You just
can't say that. No. Electrons into your
space. And they may not be negative in
terms of their speech. Their lives may
just be repelling against your life. Come
on. Now, see, that's a whole lesson that
(45:15):
you need to teach, man. How can two walk
together unless they be agreed? Come on.
Come on. That part right there, they could
be. That's the word. That could be the
nicest, sweetest, most morally correct
person. But is that the person God created
(45:38):
for you? Now, we don't want to jumped off
into relationships. We go come back and do
a relationship show. We go back and do a
relationship. I'm kind of closer. I mean,
we are talking about valuing what's
valuable. It's true. We cannot function
(46:05):
with that level of negativity in our
personal space all the time. And some
negativity is going to come in here and
there, but we have to recognize it and
deal with it accordingly. Don't just let
it live with you and hug you and hold you
all the time. If you see that person
(46:26):
coming and you shut and be like, Jesus,
fix it. You might want to check that. If
you see their number or their text message
and you are willing to leave them on
unread for three days, you might want to
check that. Yeah, you might want to
evaluate forever that part. Yeah, I like
blocking. I block a lot. If that's their
(46:51):
go to reaction with them, you need to
evaluate the proximity that they have to.
You need to evaluate them in your life. We
have a LinkedIn comment says, just mute
them. I like that. That works. We could
just mute them. That works. We wouldn't
(47:18):
even have to go through all of that. If we
do take a proper evaluation on the people
who we allow into our lives and placing
them in the proper places in our lives,
because some people, especially people
who, you know, okay, I've been
commissioned to help that person grow.
That person needs to have access to you,
but we have to qualify that type of
(47:39):
access. Right. When they get that access,
how they get that access, how are you
going to deposit? How are you going to
mentor them in development? It's a
process. We need to know how to do that
appropriately. We don't necessarily need
to let them be in our personal space all
(47:59):
the time. And that's where boundaries come
in. That's absolutely where boundaries
come in and. Do not disturb on your phone,
like use your technology. My DND is on
from 10:00 p.m. To 06:00 a.m.. I select
cubes. Oh, I'm sorry. We did have this
conversation, didn't we? I'm that
(48:23):
somebody. I sleep great. I am that
somebody. It works. It does work. You will
effectively not be bothered, but in the
event of emergency, they might need to
reach you. Girl. You don't know until you
(48:46):
answer the phone. My parents can get
through. There we go. There we go. Outside
of that, it's going to wait till 06:00
a.m. It's going to wait till 06:00 a.m.
This is an ongoing conversation and we're
going to have to. I see now needs a little
bit more push in what I hope is a good
direction. Yeah, I know you ain't
(49:11):
listening to me, but I'm going to keep
saying it. Keep saying that I have to. Our
time has come to an end. As always. I love
talking to you. I love the wisdom and the
value that you have to share. Before we do
wrap up, is there one last thing that you
would like to leave with the toolbox
(49:32):
audience, especially your contact
information? Yes. So you can go to my
website, latoyanache.com. You see how to
spell my name on the screen. Just put www
dot in front of it and.com after it and
you'll get there. If you go there is a pop
up. Sign up for my newsletter and you will
(49:54):
get a free PDF about doing a SWOT analysis
on your community. So identifying the
strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and
threats in your community. I'm telling
you, it will bless your life. You all
better get out there. I'm trying to get
(50:18):
them to go to latoyunashay.com. Now I'm
curious. I need a SWAT analysis on my
community. I do it on my business and I do
it on myself. You want to talk to me
offline about this community? We're going
to talk about your swot analysis when we
get off. I know what you're going to say.
Going to be doable. Anywho, my final
(50:43):
thought is there's a lot of talk about
safe spaces and creating safe spaces. And
I love that those conversations are
happening. But what I will say is you can
create your own safe space. Don't put all
the responsibility on someone to do that
(51:04):
for you. You can do it for yourself. And
that starts with identifying your core
values and then building your boundaries
around them. That's beautiful. Create your
own safe space by starting with clearly
defining your core values and building
boundaries around yourself based on those
(51:25):
core values. And you have created your own
safe space that you recognize and respect
and others will recognize and respect as
well. I love that. Woman of God. Thank you
so much for being a great guest tonight.
As always, we're going to have to do a
part two real soon. For real. We're going
to have to do a part two real soon.
(51:47):
Listen, guys, thank you so much for tuning
in to another amazing episode of Laquita's
Toolbox. I am your host, Laquita Monley.
We have had an amazing session on tonight.
You guys be blessed and enjoy an amazing
rest of your day. Take care. Look at here.
(52:08):
Take care. Bye, y'all. Everything hinges
on identity. It is the compass of our
faith that aligns with the Holy Spirit to
fulfill the father's will. Wrapped up in
identity is who we are, the purpose of our
being, and every God breathed promise that
manifests as our success. Hello, I'm
(52:29):
Laquita Monly, and I'm the author of
redefining success eight tools that I use
to develop a growth mindset in this
amazing book. Not only will I share with
you eight tools that I use for a growth
mindset, but I'll also share the
applicable principles based on God's word
that you could easily implement in your
(52:51):
life journey. So no matter where you are
and no matter where you see yourself in
the future, this book will be a tool that
you need for your toolbox. Don't wait. Get
it today. And it can be found on Amazon by
simply searching. Redefining success eight
tools that I use for growth mindset. Take
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