From Grief to Revolution: One Woman's Journey to Embracing Her Divinity

Discover the unexpected source of inner strength and spiritual growth in this powerful conversation. Get ready for a deep dive into self-love, resilience, and empowerment that goes beyond the surface. It's not just theory; it's lived experiences and practical tools shared by a woman who's been through it all. Dive into the conversation now and get ready to unlock your limitless potential. Stay tuned for the unexpected revelations that will transform your personal and professional growth.

My special guest is Aya Eneli, Esq.

Aya Eneli, Esq. is a renowned life coach with over 25 years of experience in personal development and coaching. Her expertise lies in guiding individuals on their journey towards inner strength and spiritual growth. Aya's approach is deeply rooted in her own experiences, making her a relatable and trusted source for those seeking empowerment and resilience. With a passion for helping others, she brings a unique blend of wisdom, compassion, and practical advice to the table. Aya's insights on meditation and scripture for inner strength are sure to resonate with individuals looking to enhance their spiritual well-being and tap into their inner power.

"If you really love yourself, there's no need to base your self worth on putting anybody else down." - Aya Eneli, Esq.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Unlock your inner potential with personal development strategies for success.
• Embrace your natural sensuality and sexuality for a more fulfilling life.
• Discover the power of meditation and scripture for inner strength.
• Build self-worth and confidence to empower yourself in every aspect of life.
• Advocate for social justice and unity to make a positive impact on the world.

Unleash Your Inner Potential

The essence of having inner potential lies in the ability to navigate life's rendezvous with courage, confidence, and purpose. Harnessing one's unique gifts and talents opens pathways to fresh opportunities and life-changing experiences. Thus, igniting a powerful inner potential can lead to extraordinary transformations and create ripples of positive change throughout our personal and professional lives.

Embrace Sensuality and Sexuality

Sensuality and sexuality, widely regarded as tabs, are fundamentally human aspects that we need to acknowledge and appreciate. Embracing these facets not only improves our personal relationships and self-esteem but also establishes a deep connection with ourselves. Open conversations about sexuality and sensuality can destigmatize the subject and promote a healthier and more respectful understanding of intimacy.

Find Inner Strength through Meditation

Meditation is a powerful tool that fosters inner strength and resilience. It is not merely about gaining peace of mind, it's about establishing a connection with our inner self, and the profound wisdom that can guide us through life's ups and downs. Thus, through consistent practice, meditation can increase self-awareness, amplify inner strength, and boost overall mental well-being.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Purchase the book Your Self Love Revolution on Amazon to start your self-love journey.
• https://a.co/d/598XMNf
• Get the accompanying journal to dig deeper into the self-love journey and enhance your personal growth.
• https://a.co/d/1v23lFU
• Read the book and engage in the daily meditations, affirmations, and journal prompts to strengthen your self-esteem and self-awareness.
• Leave a review on Amazon after reading the book to share your thoughts and help others discover its impact.
• Take action in your community and beyond to stand up for justice and equality, and to make a positive impact in the world.

Other episodes you'll enjoy:

1.Surrendering

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Nges on identity. It is the compass of our

(00:25):
that aligns with the Holy Spirit to
fulfill the Father's will. Wrapped up in
identity is who we are, the purpose of our
being, and every God breathed promise that
manifests as our success. Hello, I'm
Laquida Monloy and I'm the author of
Redefining Success eight tools that I use

(00:45):
to develop a growth mindset in this
amazing book. Not would I share with you
eight tools that I use for growth mindset,
but I'll also share the applicable
principles based on God's word that you
can easily implement in your life journey.
So no matter where you are and no matter
where you see yourself in the future, this

(01:08):
book will be a tool that you need for your
toolbox. Don't wait. Get it today and it
can be found on Amazon by simply searching
redefining success eight tools that I use
for a growth mindset take care. Welcome

(01:53):
back to another amazing episode of
Laquita's toolbox. I am your host, Laquita
Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be
able to be with you guys on today. Listen,
guys, if you are new to the toolbox
community, listen, let me tell you, get
something to write with and something to
write on because we have an absolutely

(02:13):
fabulous guest in studio with us today.
None other than Miss Aya Anneli. And if
you're not familiar with Aya, I'm going to
read her bio here in just a moment. But
before I do that, let me take a moment to
thank our sponsors at Covenant Press.
Covenant Press is a faith based christian
apparel and accessory shop where we as
believers are able to shop online for

(02:36):
clothing and accessories that allow us to
wear the message of the love of Jesus
Christ. Go out to www. Covenant.
[unk]press com. Again, that's WW Covenant
Press. Shop until you drop, ladies and
gentlemen. But do not click off of those
pop ups too quickly because they contain

(02:58):
valuable discount codes that when applied
at checkout, you can receive savings on
your purchases through Covenant press.
Again, that's WW Covenant Press. Like I
said, guys, if you're new to the Laquitist
toolbox channel, get something to write
with, something to write on. Hit those

(03:20):
notification bells so that you can be
notified when we release new episodes
every Tuesday on your favorite audio
podcast platform, as well as every
Thursday evening. We release them live on
your various social media platforms,
LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitter, Twitch, and
now Instagram. So you guys don't want to

(03:42):
miss any opportunity for any new episodes
that are being released. So hit those like
share and subscribe buttons so you can
receive notifications when new episodes
are releasing. And before I bring up Miss
Aya, let me just give y'all a little bit
about who she is and some of the things
that she does. But in this conversation

(04:02):
today, we're going to have a deeper dive
into who she is and her passions, as well
as her new book. We're making sure we're
going to talk about her new book. Ms. Aya
Annelli is an attorney, writer, community
activist, and healer. At the tender age of
eight, she delivered a keynote speech for
the Federal Republic of Nigeria's national

(04:24):
celebration of the international Year of
the Child. She earned four degrees in
seven years from the Ohio State
University, including a bachelor's of arts
degree in political science and English, a
master's degree in black studies, and a
jurist doctorate. She is featured in an

(04:46):
encyclopedia of Path breaking women at the
Ohio State University. She is the CEO of
AYA and Nelly International. She is a
certified life coach and international
speaker, serving clients in 13, you heard
it, 13 countries. Aya was a newspaper
columnist for over a decade and has been

(05:08):
highlighted in various media outlets
including MSNBC, ABC, PBS, Entrepreneur
magazine, Black Enterprise, and the
Detroit Free Press. She is the visionary
behind the Emma Johnson oh Lord, I should
have asked her how to say this. The Emma

(05:29):
Johnson Warrior award. I skipped the name,
y'all, but I'm going to get her to correct
it here in just a minute. I don't want to
butcher it. Which is an initiative
designed to promote literacy, agriculture
and cultural preservation in the Apuma
kingdom in Nigeria, where she established
the only functioning public library.

(05:51):
Additionally, she is the driving force
behind intelligent and talented girls.
That's it, girls. A program committed to
empowering and educating girls and young
women with leadership and success
strategies in the US and beyond. Ms.
Annelli is the author of notable works

(06:11):
including live your abundant life, reclaim
your life, guidance for wives at the
crosswords, and live your abundant life
too. And your self love revolution, a 30
day woman's guide to embracing divinity
and creating the life of your dreams. Like
wow, she is an amazing woman of God and I

(06:32):
am absolutely excited to have her on
Laquita's toolbox. I know she's going to
bless our hearts today. Like I said, get
something to write with and write on
because you don't want to miss any of the
gems that she's going to gift us with on
today. Ms. Aya, how are you? How are you?
Welcome to the toolbox, Ms. Lakita. I am

(06:53):
so honored to be part of your show this
podcast. You absolutely have worked
everything that you shared in your book,
redefining success. And if anyone hasn't
gotten it, go get your copy now, because
there are people who talk the talk, and
then there are people who actually walk
the walk, and you have walked everything

(07:15):
that you are teaching in that book. I need
to get my copy autographed, actually. So
next time, hopefully I can run into you or
we can plan to meet up. But it's such an
honor to be on your show today. Thank you
so much. Amen. Thank you. Thank you. I
assure you the honor is mine. I remember

(07:37):
my first time hearing you speak, and it
was at an event hearing colleen. I was
invited last minute. Let me be honest, it
probably wasn't a last minute invite. It
was probably something I paid attention to
last minute, but I'm glad that I did. And
when I walked into the room, I think I may

(07:59):
have been the only person on my row that
didn't know who you were. And the
individuals who were with me at that time
was like, just get something to write with
and watch out like you want to hear her?
And I was like, oh, my God, I need to know
her. I need to know her better. Just the

(08:19):
things that you shared in that black
business week, that opening day of the
first Texas black business week here in
Colleen, the inaugural celebration, it was
so powerful. I don't know how anybody,
male or female, could have left out of
that room not inspired to become the very
best versions of themselves. So that's

(08:42):
really what you do. So I'm going to stop
talking and I'm going to let you let the
people like, I know I read your resume,
and that's just a portion of your resume,
but there's nothing better than hearing
the story from the person themselves. So
if you don't mind, share a little bit of
your story, and we're going to make sure
we dive into your new book as well. Wow. I

(09:08):
can honestly say that when you were
reading that resume, I was dumbfounded. If
I had a tagline, well, a couple of
taglines, one would be live purposefully.
The second one would be just an ordinary

(09:30):
person doing extraordinary things. When I
look at my life, I was fortunate to have
been born to parents who were very driven
and focused and loved God and had a sense
of community, understood that whatever
gifts we have are not for us, for

(09:51):
ourselves, but to share, to leave the
world better than how we found it. And
that's what has shaped everything about
me. And so at no point in time with any of
the quote unquote, achievements or
accolades. Was I sitting down and like,
okay, I got to check this box, and. Then I
got to check this box. It was pretty much

(10:13):
wake up every morning and try to be the
best version of yourself that you can be
and let everything else fall into place.
However, I don't chase fame. I don't chase
notoriety or anything. I just show up and
I work to the best of my ability without
comparing myself to anyone. Because

(10:36):
comparison will do one of two things. It
will either cause you to become despondent
because you're looking at other people and
you're feeling less than, and you just
like, I can't do it. I give up. And you
find all of these reasons why your dreams
are not for you, or it could cause you to
become very prideful. And we know what the

(10:57):
Bible says about pride, where now you
think you're so much better than everybody
else, and you have a right to look down on
people or to treat people less than human.
And so for me, it has always been, just
stay in your lane, so to speak. We are all

(11:17):
created in God's divine image. We all have
gifts, we all have abilities. One person
does not have to be exactly like the other
person. And so how do I show up as the
best version of myself today, knowing that
if you're not growing, you're dying, so
every day you should be trying to get

(11:38):
better? So my best version today,
hopefully, is a lot better than my best
version a while ago. As a matter of fact,
my first book was published in 2004. So
it's been 20 years exactly this year. And
I was talking with my team, and they were

(11:58):
like, you need to do a 20th year
anniversary book edition. And I went back
and I read that first book, and I was
like, oh, my God, I am so embarrassed that
this is what I put out into the world. But
you know what? I believed it. At that
point. From my vantage point, this was it.
And so I'm glad to see the growth, I'm

(12:20):
glad that the foundation remains the same,
but that there's been a maturity, there's
been more wisdom, and hopefully I will get
around to getting that 20th edition
anniversary edition out. But for anyone
watching this, it is so easy to feel like,

(12:40):
oh, well, if I just had this or if I just
had that, we're always waiting to live.
And what I would say is, really all we
have is right this moment. Show up as the
best you do, the best you can. It might
not be, quote, the world may not see it,
may not applaud it, but you need to do

(13:01):
what you were put here to do. And I'll end
this part with just this. Know, I live in
central Texas, as you know, and today it's
been a very dreary day, right? It's been
cloudy, overcast. All of. We. I haven't
personally been able to see the sun, but

(13:25):
guess what? The sun is still up there.
It's doing its thing. That's why we have
some warmth. And the sun shows up
regardless of whether they're going to be
clouds covering it or not, regardless of
whether we even notice that it's there or
not. And that's how I want to be. I want
to be as consistent as the sun. Like, you

(13:47):
can count on me to rise every morning.
God, give me breath. I'm going to rise and
I'm going to do what I've been called to
do. That's real good. That's real good. Be
consistent as the sun rise every morning,
doing the thing that you've been purposed
in this earth to do, doing the very thing
that God created you to do. And that's

(14:09):
powerful right there. Earlier today, I was
in a class, and I'm in a course that's
funded by Wells Fargo for women
entrepreneurs, and had a really great day
today in class. And one of the things that
we were asked is, why do we do what we
know? Look in for that deeper why? And

(14:30):
what I've discovered, even with doing,
I've done similar exercises and doing this
exercise, how it challenged a lot of women
because they did not fully grasp what you
just said. They didn't know what they were
called to do. They didn't understand their
purpose and how that related to. So they

(14:52):
had to really search deep for their core
values to come up with that deeper sense
of, why do I do what I do? Like your
surface level wise, they're not wrong, but
they're not going to sustain you. Exactly.
They're not going to sustain you. But when
you said what you strive to be is to be

(15:14):
consistent as the sun, you can say that. I
believe that you can say that and mean it
and stand on it, because you fully
understand who you are and what you've
been called to do. So you can consistently
do that and rise like the sun every
morning. That's a powerful statement. And
that just speaks to you, understanding who

(15:37):
you are and what you've been created to
do. I'll try to make a quick segue from
here into your book, your self love
revolution. Because even in saying that,
that just brought me back to a couple of
things from the book that really stood
out. And we're not going to talk about

(15:59):
everything. You all, so you all but being
nosy, thinking you're going to get all the
good stuff, that is not what's about to
happen in this conversation. We couldn't
even if we tried. Number one, we couldn't
if we tried. We need three or four
episodes. But you got to go buy the book.
That would be helpful. Yes, you have to go
buy the book because that's an investment,

(16:20):
right? That's an investment in your
personal development. That is an
investment for me. I believe that personal
development is a direct tie into
sustainable professional development. Like
many of us have been in the workplace.
Fortunate or unfortunate, it depends on
your viewpoint with people who are great

(16:40):
at what they do, but they lacked any human
skills whatsoever. Horrible, horrible.
They just create a toxic work environment
for everybody. Everybody's full of joy
until that person enters the space and
you're like, oh, my God. Yes, we know we

(17:01):
could count on you to meet the goals. We
know we could count on you for crashing,
for crushing, excuse me, every KPI, but
you are not a good human. And personal
development is important. And I think that
a lot of people who suffer in that area or

(17:21):
who are unwilling to do that type of work
for personal development is because they
lack self love. There's something about
themselves that they don't want to dig
into because it's painful. It means I have
to change all of these things that every

(17:42):
person who does personal development work,
we have to realize that about ourselves.
And so for those that are listening, if
you can take us on a little bit or help us
understand, let me say that we're not
going to take a journey through the book.
We're going to talk about the book, but
help us to understand what the passion was

(18:03):
behind creating this great work. I'm so
glad you asked because when I was talking
earlier about being as consistent as the
sun, I know that there are women, men
also, because this book was written for
women, but there are men right now in my
30 day program who are gleaning the
information because if you're human, we're
all having a human experience. Okay?

(18:24):
Right. So when I was saying, be as
consistent as the sun, I could just feel
that there were some of your viewers who
are like, I guess your life is just
perfect because you've never dealt with
depression, you've never dealt with those
blows that just kind of knock the wind out
of you. And so I think that you all would
be not necessarily glad, but you would be

(18:46):
relieved to know that this book was
birthed out of grief. I've been a life
coach since 1996. I've been studying and
improving myself and helping to work on
other people, help other people, help
guide other people to do their work. I
can't work on anybody. They got to do
their work. So there's a lot that I know,

(19:09):
but there's often a gap between what we
know and what we do, and then there's a
gap between what we do and what we do
consistently. I mean, like, everybody
knows what it takes to lose weight, okay?
But weight loss continues to be the number
one goal of people across this country and
increasingly across the world, because we

(19:31):
don't necessarily do what we know. So,
anyway, with this book, my younger brother
passed away in December. He transitioned
in December of 2021. Like I said, he was
my younger brother. He was healthy. An
actor, a producer. He has some movies on
Netflix. He'd got a marriage just three

(19:51):
years before, like, everything was looking
up. Very healthy. And when he was
diagnosed with cancer, I just knew he was
going to beat it, because he was so
healthy, and he had such a great outlook
on life, and he was so loving and giving,
and I was like, it's not his time. He's
too young. Actually, I never even

(20:14):
entertained the fact that he could
possibly die from cancer. Never crossed my
mind. I just knew he was going to beat it.
He didn't beat it. On this side of life. I
know he's a powerful ancestor where he is.
And when he passed on, when he
transitioned, I lost my bearing. If you've

(20:40):
ever been disoriented, like, where am I?
What's going on? Maybe you woke up in a
start, and you're like, I lost my bearing,
laquita. I got up every morning because I
had kids and I had responsibilities, but
once I got done with whatever I had to do,

(21:01):
I was deflated again. I just could not get
myself to function. I couldn't get myself
to dream. I mean, I was still doing things
because I never totally stand still, but
not with heart. It was very robotic, like,
okay, we got to do this, and now we got to
do this. Yeah. And last year, about this

(21:24):
time, actually, my birthday is in January.
I told my family, I don't want anything. I
just need to go away for a few days just
by myself. I need no cake. I don't need
nothing. Don't call me. I'll call you. And
I went away and just spent three days by
myself, just in deep meditation and
introspection and journaling. And crying

(21:46):
and just the things that sometimes
mothers, we don't want to do in front of
our children, right? And I came home, and
a picture that we had created as part of
our grieving process for my brother, that
was huge picture, and it's heavy. That was
hanging on the wall and had been hanging

(22:07):
on the wall since December of 2021. Now,
in January of 2023, I came home and it was
on the ground. And I was like, what
happened? And my son said, there was just
a big thought. It just fell. And in that
moment, even though I had not been at home
when it fell, I felt a thought in my

(22:27):
spirit, and I felt like my brother took me
by the shoulders and was just like, what
is your problem? Like, get up and live.
You saw me fight to live. So how is it
that you have breath and you are here not
living? Like, get up and live. He was
shaking me. And at that point, I was like,
okay, I will. And then I was like, okay,

(22:53):
where do I start? Like, I've been lost for
so long. Where do I start? And it's like,
get back to love. Get back to loving
yourself. Get back to understanding your
value. Get back understanding your
purpose. Get back love. And I was like,
okay, I can take instructions. I'll start
a self love journey. That's what I said.

(23:16):
And I'm walking with a girlfriend. And I
said, okay, I'm going to do a 30 day
thing. I want to be really accountable. I
want to be consistent. I don't want to
fall back into my really, I was depressed.
I don't want to fall back into depression
and that mechanical thing. And so I
started, and then I told her, I said, you
know what? I think I need to do this. Not
on YouTube, on Facebook. Why? Because it

(23:37):
will force me to stay accountable. Because
there are other people now who are like,
oh, she said she was going to be on here
at 06:00 a.m. Every morning. So every
morning in March of last year, for 30
days, I was on working out publicly what I
was working on internally. That's good.
And after that, I was like, okay, we did

(23:58):
the 30 days, and of course it revealed
other things that I knew to do that I had
done in the past and had neglected to do.
And now I'm really in a rhythm. And it's
like, okay, now you need to share this
with the world. And I was working on a
totally different book. And I'm like, hey,
I got a schedule. I got a deadline. I'm
working on this. And it's like, no, put

(24:20):
that to the side and publish this first.
Right. And so that's where this book came
from. So when I talk about your self love
revolution, what do we think? When we
think revolution, it's a total change of
order. It's a complete radical shift.
Shift. And so many of us are stuck where
we are right now, thinking that this is
all life has to offer. Making do,

(24:43):
settling, being unhappy, using drugs,
alcohol, Netflix, food, work to numb our
feelings. Come on. Some of us are really
these zombies, these mechanical things.
And the jolt I had was. There's got to be
a revolution, Aya. And guess what, Aya.

(25:03):
This time you're going to get on this
journey and you're going to stay on it.
And because there's a revolution, not
because you made a little change, you've
completely destroyed the old order. Yes. I
was just going to say that. You can't go
back to it. That was a shift of power.
Yes. And you can't go back to what was.

(25:25):
Yes. So in the future, I may write about
other things, but I'm never going to write
again about. I was so depressed, I
couldn't function. Because a revolution
has occurred. Come on. And I am so deeply
connected right now. The subtitle of the
book is a guide to embracing divinity. I
am so deeply connected to my creator. Come

(25:48):
on, now. That's good. That I'm unshakable
at this point. That's real good. I almost
don't want to say it because then you kind
of get a test. But you know what? There's
a part of me that's like, bring it on.
Yes. I'm so ready. And this is what I want
for my sisters. This is what I want for
other women. This is what I want for us as

(26:10):
parents so that we can heal, so that we
can raise healthier children. Come on.
That's real good. Because our community is
hurting, and a lot of it has to do with
this lack of self love. And if we talk
about the black community in particular,
there's so much that. Yes, white supremacy
is doing to us, but there's so much we are
now doing to ourselves as a result of the

(26:32):
trauma we experience. For me, it is time
for us to heal. We could talk about that
part. It is time for us to. Right. Like,
I'm like, oh, wait a minute. That's got to
be a part, too, because I'm from the deep
south originally. Yes. I live in central
Texas, which is still in the south, but
I'm from Mississippi, born and raised and

(26:56):
without a shadow of a doubt in my mind. I
don't care where I've lived and traveled
to across the world, praise God. I thank
God for it. But I am under no mistaken
impression that systemic racism is not
alive and well globally. Not just in our
country, but globally. That spirit of

(27:16):
colonialism has not left this world. No,
ma'am, it has not left this world. And I
believe that we, as bona fide believers in
Christ, that that is a very strategic
prayer point in order for us to help
people from any diaspora, to help

(27:39):
indigenous people from all over the planet
to start their healing journey, because
our identities were lost in that. And that
trickled down through generations. And for
me, just my personal story of coming into
a place where understanding my identity
until I understood who God was, not what

(28:06):
had been said to me, and even though it
was said to me in love, people can only
teach you from their level of
understanding that part. But when you get
a deeper understanding and understand that
we as people of color, and I'll just drop
this quick nugget. If those of you that
are believers in Christ and you ever have

(28:29):
someone to try to disparage you in any
way, the God that has written this love
letter for us and our origins are all over
West Africa, East Africa and North Africa.
And I'm going to leave it at know. The
oldest university, biblical university on
the planet is in North Africa, and Africa

(28:52):
is Africa. I don't care whether you. From
Egypt to Africa. That's right. That's
right. Get on your urban apologetics. Let
me say that, and I'm going to leave that
there. But you better get on your urban
apologetics. But you're so right that
healing, that love, that things that are
broken inside of us that we don't even

(29:14):
know is broken. And while you keep running
around on these hamster wheels like, God,
I did this, I'm doing that. I'm doing
this, and I'm doing that. And he's saying,
because you don't know who I created you
to be. You don't know who I created you to
be, because you don't know who I am yet.
Let me show you who I am. So I can show
you who you are. Yes. And you can learn to

(29:36):
allow and to identify what real love is
and open yourself up to be loved by me so
that I can teach you how to
unconditionally love others. And that will
just, in my opinion, whatever my two cent
is worth, it. Is worth a lot. I believe

(29:58):
that's a freedom process. And that's some
of the things that I saw, as I went
through your book, and I love that it's a
workbook. But for me, it is more powerful
because it is a workbook. Because it
forces me to be accountable. It forces me
to be introspective. It forces, and it

(30:21):
challenges me to dig deeper within myself,
dig deeper within the text. And you know
what I wrote it for? Quote unquote busy
people, busy women. So it's 30 days. The
chapters are pretty much day one, day two,
day three, so on and so forth. I wrote it
so that you can read the lesson for each

(30:42):
chapter in 15 to 30 minutes, even if
you're not a very fast reader. 30 minutes.
And it has meditation, because meditation
for me is key. That is when we get quiet.
That is when we close out all of the
nonsense, the garbage, and we can really
hear from God. It includes affirmations.

(31:04):
So there are over 300 affirmations in this
book for every situation that you may
have. And then it includes some journal
prompts. Because what journaling does for
us is that it helps us to really discover
ourselves. It helps us to excavate
ourselves. That's good. And in the

(31:25):
sanctity and the quiet and the solitude of
your journal, you can have those
conversations with yourself that maybe you
don't want to have out loud. And they're
very important because everybody, we all.
I'm going to come out here on. Your
podcast and say, do that. That's not what
we do. We put our best foot forward. But
it's important for my growth, for me to

(31:47):
have those conversations with myself about
the areas where I do need to grow.
Absolutely. Where there are some
shortcomings, where it has been
problematic. And some of us are not having
those conversations really easy. Yeah, it
is set up to be a relatively easy read.

(32:09):
And the reviews so far have been amazing.
There are some chapters where the feedback
I've gotten is, I'm going to have to stay
a week on this one. And that's good
because you identify a place. Now, this is
a very funny story. All of you watching
who are sanctified, don't at me, because

(32:30):
God created sex as well. But there's a
chapter on sex and sensuality, which in
this day and age, we really need to talk
about what sensuality means, because it
doesn't mean have all your stuff out on
front street for everybody at all times.
That is not what it means to be a woman
who is in charge of her sexuality or her

(32:51):
sensuality, in my opinion. But there is a
meditation in there that is designed to
get us to be more in touch with our bodies
as the temples that they are, but still
acknowledging, yes, that we were created
with sexual desires. We are sensual beings

(33:12):
as well as spiritual beings. Right. And I
have had some people inbox me, and they
were like, aya, you need to put a
disclaimer on this one. Don't put no
disclaimer on it. Put, like, some big
exclamation points and say, start here
first. No, this sister said she was trying

(33:32):
to break up with her significant other and
they'd really actually plan to go there.
Yeah. And she says, I did that meditation.
I went and jumped on that man. Two thumbs

(33:53):
up for her. Right. I love that because let
me echo you and Amy and you. And this is
my podcast, so I got your back. Right. So,
a lot of times, statistically, in the
church, in the body of Christ, the divorce
rate is extremely high. Extremely high.

(34:18):
And over the years, my husband and I have
grown to the place where now we can
encourage others in our. In their
marriage. And so we hear. Amen. Thank you
for that a lot. Amen. Thank you. It was a
journey, and maybe we'll talk about that
on another podcast. Well, you can't give
what you haven't received. So the best

(34:39):
marriage counselors are the people who've
been through something. Otherwise, you're
just out here just talking fairy tales,
right? Yes. It's something you didn't
thought about. And it sound good and it
brief. Well, but you have no idea the
practicality of it. But sex and finance.
Sex, finance and children and in laws,

(35:03):
those are the top things that are
oftentimes discussed with us. And some of
the brothers, like, there's this young
couple that we're talking to, like, my
son's age. They're in their 28, 27. And so
when that conversation came, I was
thinking to myself on the inside, baby,
what's wrong with you? Was I saved, like,

(35:31):
bunnies up in this piece, like, what are
you doing? But a lot of times in the body
of Christ, it's so taboo, and I don't
understand the origins of it. Like, who
was the fella that came up with that lie
that as women, we are not sensual
creatures. We don't desire to be with men

(35:55):
the way that men desire to be with us. If
we didn't have those desires on the inside
of us, God didn't create us that way, then
why would he create the man that way? He's
not the author of confusion. Somebody
created that lie, and people bought it
over the years. And when we're having
these conversations and sometimes I get

(36:18):
negative feedback. And my answer is this
to men and women. If men are so sexual and
sensual that they can't control themselves
and they go on out and sleeping with three
and four and five different women, they're
sleeping with women that mean those women
want them. He was sleeping with you. He
wants you. Unlock and discover, what are

(36:39):
your hold ups in the bedroom. If it's
trauma, I got you. I understand. Work
through that. But if it's because you're
believing a lie, just don't do that. Well,
but that's what we do in the church,
though. I mean, you are taught as a girl,
not boys, but the girls in. Particular,
read the song of. No, no, exactly.

(37:00):
Solomon, listen, if they don't tell you
that that came from the Bible and you just
read it somewhere, you'd be like, oh,
that's scandalous. And Solomon loved a
couple of different things as an adult.
When I read it, I was like, oh, let me
highlight that and show that to me. But I
think in the church, what happens is that

(37:22):
we hammer this into women about, into
young girls. Be chaste and be pure, and we
teach them that sex is a bad thing. Right,
right. And then you get married and you're
expected to flip switch. Well, if you've
indoctrinated me into thinking it's a bad
thing all this time, and boom, I got

(37:43):
married. And now all of a sudden I'm
supposed to think, this is amazing and be
open to exploration. It's tough. We're
doing the church a disservice, the. Way
that we teach this service. When my
daughter came to me, she was about 1516,
and I was happy and I was sad all at the

(38:05):
same time. I was happy that she came to me
with the conversation. I was sad because
I'm actually having this conversation. I
only have one daughter, and we were in
Germany. I will never forget it. Standing
in the kitchen, cooking. Almost dropped
that whole bowl. But I'm trying to keep it
together on the outside, because if she's
seeing me freak out, we'll never talk,

(38:26):
like, come back. That's right. She'll
never come back. And what amazed her was
when I told her, sex feels great. Sex is
wonderful. I love it. I enjoy it. And when
you're partnered with the right person,
the person that you're going to spend the
rest of your life with, then that makes it

(38:50):
even better. So all of these things that
you see your friends experiencing
negatively, that wasn't the way God
designed it to be. He wouldn't have
designed something for us. To do and then
say, no, don't do that. That's naughty for
you. I want you to do it. I think, great,

(39:11):
but don't do it. No, that's not how that
works. My 20 year old. And she'll cringe
when she hears this. I just had that
conversation with her just yesterday, and
I was like, sex is a beautiful thing. It's
wonderful with the right person under the
right circumstances. But if you're doing
all of this stuff and then worrying about,
did I get pregnant? Whose baby is it? All

(39:34):
of that, that's a little much. And that's
an indicator that you probably shouldn't
be doing this. And my daughter was just.
Her eyes were so big. She was like, mom,
you started the conversation. That was my
daughter. She was like, no, I don't want
to hear this from you. I was like, I had
five of you, all right, right. There you

(39:54):
go. I've got five of you all. We enjoy
that. I'm not Virgin Mary, right? I'm not
married. But she was amazed. But again, I
was very much happy that she had that
conversation with me because I didn't want
her to experience some of the things that

(40:16):
I did growing up and being at my
grandmother's house, we just didn't talk
about it. It was a sin. Don't do it till
you get married. That was it. The other
aspects of it, then trying to find out
information from other people and during
the time frame that I was a young person,
oh, good girls do this, bad girls do that.
And now I'm confused because I kind of

(40:39):
like that. And so now you're telling me,
no, I'm not. Yes, I'm not. I'm 100%
normal. So I didn't want my daughter to
experience that. Like, no, it's great.
God, everything God created, it is good.
He created it for a reason. As a matter of
fact, he said, do it frequently and often.

(41:05):
I mean, he does, though, doesn't he? So if
you are listening and you're like, I don't
know, I'm blocked in this area. Go do that
meditation for that chapter. It will help
you out. Yes, go straight to that chapter.
We've been joking. But seriously, I think
for some women, going to that chapter is

(41:27):
necessary in their self love journey
because they've not accepted that portion
of themselves. That's a huge portion that
could be causing them conflict in their
relationships, which is hindering them in
a lot of ways. Right. So every chapter is

(41:48):
a good chapter. I'm going to just let you
know. I'm glad you there is one. On
honoring ourselves and releasing shame.
Probably that's the chapter that so far I
have gotten the most feedback on, because
unfortunately, we are subject to a lot of

(42:10):
shame on a lot of different levels. And if
I talk black women in particular, because
I'm a black woman, it could be everything
from our skin color to our body type to
whether we grew up with money or didn't
grow up with money, to whether we, quote
unquote, had good hair or didn't our

(42:33):
facial features. There's just so much
already just because of this standard of
beauty that is not us, that has prevented
some of us from seeing our own beauty, and
we get bullied in our own community, and
then let's not talk about the sexual
molestation that occurs. Then you add the

(42:55):
racism. Actually, no, I should say a lot.
For a lot of the feedback that I've gotten
from different readers, people have really
honed in on the chapter that deals with
honoring yourself and releasing shame.
Yes, that's real good. I mean, all of that

(43:18):
that you just said. Just thinking back to
some of the things having, I think for me,
a positive of having grown up in my small
hometown was this. A lot of my teachers
were african american women. Hallelujah,

(43:39):
they were african. And I didn't understand
how much of a blessing that was until my
daughter was going through middle school
and high school, and she was middle school
in the UK and high school in Germany. And
we were military. And so we have this
multicultural situation going on, and

(43:59):
we're know going in as parents, we were
intentionally in these places,
intentionally, because we wanted our
children to experience living abroad and
not just seeing the world from an american
perspective. It was very intentional, very
narrow perspective. Yes, we were there
very intentionally. And even during those

(44:22):
times, we intentionally did not go to
church. On the military installations, as
it were, we found west african churches in
Germany. Our pastor was nigerian. In
England. Our pastor was ghanaian. Very,
because we wanted our children to

(44:43):
experience, like, the african people that
we met while living in America had become
very americanized. But a lot of people do
that. And what we found when we were
initially moving into both countries is
that african peoples, or even caribbean
peoples who are living in other countries

(45:04):
maintain a large degree of their culture,
like it's cultural pockets in these
cities. And that was a very beautiful
thing. Like, we want our children to this
because, no, I can't trace my bloodline.
Your dad, he can trace his bloodline a lot
further than I can. But then we can have
these conversations. Right. But what we

(45:24):
found is things were great in the
communities that we had become a part of
while living abroad because we had
immersed ourselves in very positive
communities, not just church, but in
caribbean and african cultures. Right. But
when she was back on base at school, she

(45:48):
faced the microaggressions and racism and
racism from within the black community
because of her hair type and her skin
tone, she got the things. You're pretty
for a black girl. What does that mean?
What is that? Never heard that growing up.
I mean, I'm short, and I'm what you would

(46:08):
call a brick house. An old guy told me
that once, like, you're brick. That was
like, song. So then when I told my mama,
she was like, oh, he's just saying, you
fine. Okay, I got you. Right? So I grew up
with that. I didn't have issues with my
skin tone or my hair or the way my body

(46:30):
was made because it was highly desirable
by African Americans in my community,
wasn't my daughter's experience. And when
we would talk about it a little bit and
when she finally started telling me more
things, and she was a cheerleader at the
time, and what they wanted her to coach

(46:53):
was african american. And when she said
some stuff, I lost all of my jesus, and I
wanted to beat that lady up in front of my
house. It's like, I suggest you leave
right now. But the Holy Spirit spoke to me
and take her 30 days back home and praise

(47:14):
God that my husband had a career where we
could do that. So for 30 days, I took her
back to Mississippi to give her to ground.
Hearing me say it, hearing some of our
other african american friends and
caribbean african friends, hearing someone
say that, especially when they love you,

(47:34):
is different than experiencing that. And
so being able to take her back to my
hometown and having her to experience that
for real, especially from young people in
her age group, it completely changed her
perspective. And so that chapter that you

(47:55):
have there. Oh, that's phenomenal. And
lots of african american and just people
of color, period, need that chapter. They
need that chapter because I didn't
understand the vast difference between the

(48:17):
way that I was raised and in school and
hearing people affirm me, not even
realizing they were affirming me, versus.
It's great to be multicultural, but don't
lose who you are in that. And let someone
tell you that who you are is less than
when the whole time, they're appropriating
everything that we do and giving

(48:38):
themselves cancer in the process. Thank
you. Because now big lips are in and big
booties are in. Anyway, we could go on on
that and to that extent, that immersion in
her community, in her culture, that could
affirm her and remind her of the beauty in

(48:59):
her. That's what the meditations in this
book every day do for us in terms of
getting quiet, because most of us are
never quiet. It's always something, right?
And training yourself, and people tell me
the meditations are hard to do. And I was
like, yeah, it's like, okay, for anything

(49:20):
new that you're starting, it's going to
take a while. And then as you lean into it
and keep doing it, you're going to get
better at it. But quieting your mind and
just being able to sit in the presence of
God and to let God love on you and to
remind you about why you are so special,
for you to see your attributes or God's

(49:41):
attributes in yourself, it's a powerful
thing. And once you're grounded in that,
it doesn't matter what the world is
saying. Like, the world cannot shake my
self esteem. I'm absolutely clear in who I
am, and every day I'm learning more about
who I am, and I'm getting stronger in that

(50:04):
knowledge and in that power. So even if
you want to look at this from a christian
perspective, because I know that there are
people who are not necessarily of the
christian faith who may be watching this.
What did Jesus say? Greater things than
what I've done will you do in my name.
Didn't Jesus say. Fully expect for myself

(50:25):
that as I continue to grow, I am laying
hands on people and they're being healed?
I am speaking a word into someone and it
produces fruit. I can curse a tree and it
dies, which is why I'm very careful with
my words. Why not the same power that
resides in Jesus, that resided in Jesus or

(50:46):
Buddha or Muhammad or any of the spiritual
leaders people want to bring up? That same
power resides in me. It comes from the
creator. And as I meditate and I pray, I'm
connected directly to that source, and I
function in that power. It's amazing, the
power of meditation. Having those daily
meditations are such a blessing. The

(51:09):
scripture commands us to meditate, and I
think as christians that part. We don't
read the scriptures for ourselves. Let me
say that when we don't read the scriptures
for ourselves, we erroneously associate
meditation with something that's dark and
evil. Joshua one, just as an example. And

(51:30):
psalms one clearly tell you. Joshua one,
six through nine, and psalms one, verses
one through three. And then the latter
part of psalms tell you what happens if
you don't meditate. So Joshua tells you
what happens when you do, when you
meditate on this word day and night, and
you observe to do simply, meaning, I

(51:53):
endeavor to obey what is written therein.
It doesn't say that God will make our way
prosperous. It says that we will make our
way prosperous and have good success
because of the obedience that we have
come. On now and preach. But it says that
the power of meditation. If I'm meditating

(52:14):
on his word day and night, day and night,
that means that also gives me ammunition.
That gives the Lord something to work
with, because when I am meditating on that
and his word is in me, David said, how can
a young man cleanse his ways except by
taking heed there into his word? But his
word has got to be in me. This also tells

(52:37):
me that when the enemy rushes in like a
flood, when those negative thoughts come,
those fiery darts come, the spirit of the
Lord will lift up a standard on the inside
of us. What is that standard? It has to be
built and based on the word. So then that
declaration, God's word, can come up
conqueror. Yeah. I'm created as women

(52:59):
because what does. The Bible tell us?
David encouraged himself in the world.
What do you think that encouragement was?
It's affirmations. His affirmations.
You're speaking power into yourself. You
are. As women, we are fearfully and
wonderfully made in the image of God.
Don't let anybody tell you anything
different. If you are in a situation or

(53:23):
circumstance or you've believed in a
misogynistic lies. The Lord said you were
created in his image and in his likeness,
and he gave you power and authority and
dominion. Yes. He's a creative being with
creative power. So if he can speak it and
it can exist, you can too. As women, we

(53:44):
are creative and powerful, spiritually and
naturally. We give birth spiritually and
naturally and naturally. Literally. And I
tell men this all the time. I was like all
of you all came through a woman. What are
you talking about? If there was no me,
there would be no you, Ma. Eve is mother
of all. I think that is one of the english

(54:06):
definitions of the word. Right. And here's
the thing is, if you really love yourself,
there's no need to base your self worth on
putting anybody else down. Come on, that's
real. If I know my value, I don't have to
devalue someone else to make myself feel
better, right? I can honor my value and

(54:28):
honor their value. Yes, absolutely. So
whenever I see whether it's any of the
isms, racism, ageism, sexism, all of that
it really is born out of your sense of
inadequacy. And so now my presence is so
threatening to you that you feel, I got to

(54:49):
crush her or I got to put her down, or
I've got to create laws that give me an
advantage because low key, as my kids will
say, low key. You don't think you can
compete? Come on. First of all, you think
it's a competition because we really don't
have to be in competition. But second of
all, you really don't feel like you can
compete. And so you've got to make sure

(55:10):
that the playing field is not level, it's
not equal, so that you can get ahead. So
every time you set those kind of rules up,
whether you're a man doing it for women or
whether you're of the caucasian race, and
you do, it's really a reflection of how
inadequate you feel. Yes. Come on, now.
Come on, now. Why am I. So that

(55:33):
superintendent down there in the Houston
area that had the audacity, the
unmitigated goal, can I say it like that?
One of my favorite preachers says that he
has the audacity in 2024. In 2024, to
write that full page article. He paid
money to let every. On the. Isn't that
taxpayers money? Did he pay the money?

(55:54):
Yes, he paid all that money to let the
world know that the lens of which he views
the world and everything in it is skewed,
because as Americans, does that mean we
need to conform, then? That means you need
to conform, too. Everybody does not have

(56:15):
to conform to you. Conform to what,
exactly? It does not have to form one
particular people group's way of life and
thoughts and actions. We don't have to
conform to that. So what are we saying
here? He definitely showed how wretched

(56:36):
his soul is. Yes, because I don't know
what that child's hairstyle has to do with
anything. Has to do with his ability to.
Learn or how it's preventing anybody else
from learning. I mean, you look at all the
issues we have to deal with in the state
of Texas and how poor our educational
system is, and that is where you're
putting your effort and your money right

(56:57):
there. You're putting all that energy into
something that literally, to me, is
inconsequential. The young man's hair
looked amazing. It looked amazing. I mean,
he wasn't walking so black people like
Julio. It was braided. It was down like it
wasn't a distraction. Black people and
anybody who loves justice, Hispanics,

(57:19):
Asians, white folk who love justice, you
have to register to vote, and you have to
go out and vote and you have to vote for
people who respect the humanity of
everyone. Yes, I'm Republican. I'm
Democrat. I'm actually not registered as
either. This is really about good versus

(57:41):
evil. And when you see people telling a
woman, I'm so pro life that you need to
stay in your car, in the parking lot of a
hospital and bleed out. Yeah. Because
we've decided that the life of the baby
that's really dead in your womb is more
so. It's not even life is more important

(58:02):
than your life. But these same people,
once you do have the baby, don't want to
provide childcare. They don't want to
provide food. They don't want to provide
resources for you to take care of the so
called life that is so important. We need
to think about these things, and you
cannot sit on the sidelines anymore. These
are literally people who are kicking a

(58:24):
child out of school because of. His hair,
because of his hairstyle and standing on
it to the point where they're taking out
full page articles with. Taxpayers money,
with taxpayer money and closing libraries.
Yes. Come on now. That part, when I saw

(58:45):
the list in some states, including our
own, of course, of the books that are
banned, in order to push that racist
agenda, you had to then include literary
works that have been esteemed over

(59:09):
hundreds of years around the world. Well,
if they use the standard that they're
using to ban books, they need to ban the
Bible. Because the Bible talks about rape,
sexual assault. Definitely. Song of
Solomon talks about enjoying all of this.
Yeah, they need a band of Bible, too.
Quiet as it's kept. I know a lot of my

(59:30):
christian listeners because I love Jesus,
y'all. Jesus gave us a brain to be not
sheeple. If we as believers don't do what
you just said, if we're not being
prayerful and we're not voting according

(59:52):
to the. And researching that candidate's
voting history and understanding that they
actually love humans and that they are
actually for me, for their constituents in
that community. We as Christians, the
sheeple ones of us who are just voting

(01:00:15):
party line, you're going to fool around
and allow them to create laws that will,
in fact, ban the Bible. And you don't even
see it. You don't even see it because it's
one of the best selling books of all time
and it's one of the most controversial
books of all time. And in your effort to

(01:00:37):
inflict your rule and your way of law,
it's creating. I know, lawyer, but it
looked like you creating an open door for
somebody to stand up and say, okay, we're
going to ban the Bible because it fits
everything that you just said. And then
what's going to happen? Then you're going
to be standing around with your mouth open
and your eyes wide. Talk about, oh, that's

(01:01:00):
not of God. Well, you did it. You set the
precedents for it. You set the stage for
it. What are we doing? We could talk about
that on another podcast. And we do need to
talk about it because it is time for those
who truly love God to stand up and stop

(01:01:21):
being sheeple. Yes. Or stop thinking, oh,
I'm just going to pray and God will send
someone to come and do this. God uses us.
Yes, there is a role for us to play and
faith without works is dead. So the fact
that you just praying, praying, praying.

(01:01:43):
Harriet Tubman prayed and she did
something. Yes, she. Yes. So we need to be
about that business as well. We absolutely
have to be about that business. Listen,
Ms. I know I have kept you past the time I
promised I was going to keep you. I
appreciate your patience. No, I love
talking with you. When you talk with a

(01:02:05):
woman who loves God, who's done the work,
who's been through some things, we're not
pulling this just from books. This is like
lived experiences. It's a beautiful
feeling. Thank you. Thank you for coming.
I would love to have you back for
absolutely a part two and part three for

(01:02:27):
sure. There's so many great things that we
can dig into that I believe, because the
purpose of this podcast is to provide
tools to the listeners to help them grow
personally and professionally. And I know
that in this conversation there has been
an unlimited amount of tools that you have
released on today that definitely will

(01:02:50):
help our audience grow personally and
professionally. Guys, go out, get the
book. The link will be in the show notes.
If you are listening to this podcast on
audio, just go back out to the show notes.
Click that link, run on over there to
Amazon and purchase the book and leave a

(01:03:11):
review. Thank you. Purchase the book. Step
two, read the book. Step three, write a
review on Amazon. Those ratings and
reviews, they mean more than you can know.
Ask any author or publisher. Those ratings

(01:03:31):
and reviews are very impactful, very
meaningful. And you want to get the book.
I have it on digital. Your self love
revolution. Yes. You want to run out and
get your copy today. It's actually an
accompanying journal. So when you look up
your self love revolution, you can also
pick up the journal, which is just an

(01:03:54):
additional tool to get you to dig deeper.
To dig deeper. And we want to do that. Dig
deep and do the work before we close out.
Ms. Aya, is there anything that you would
like to leave with the toolbox audience
today? Absolutely. I want to say to each
and every one of us, you are enough. You

(01:04:15):
are love. You are lovely. You are lovable.
And don't let anybody tell you any
different. Just as you are. You are
enough. Awesome. Amen. Amen. Thank you
again. Listen, guys, this has been a

(01:04:35):
fantastic episode of Laquita's Toolbox.
Hit those, like, share and subscribe
buttons so that you will receive
notifications when new episodes come out.
Until next time, I am your host, Laquita
Mondley. You guys be blessed and enjoy the
amazing rest of your day. Take care. Thank