April 24, 2024 • 55 mins
Does it sound familiar to feel stuck in a cycle of valuing comfort over personal growth, only to find that it's holding you back from achieving more?
You're not alone.
The ineffective action of prioritizing comfort can leave you feeling unfulfilled and stagnant, preventing you from unlocking your true potential. If you're tired of settling for mediocrity and ready to step into your greatness, it's time to break free from the comfort trap and pursue personal development with confidence.
Believe that you are capable of more. Believe that you are worthy of more. And then take one step today to do it. And then do another step tomorrow and then another step after that. - Jerry Scarlato
In this episode, my special guest is Jerry Scarlato.
Jerry and I enjoy an insightful conversation about :
Harness the Power of Core Values
The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing and harnessing the power of core values. Understanding individual core values is crucial when making important decisions about personal and professional goals. Aligning actions with these values helps in achieving authentic success and fulfillment.
Transition to Online Professional Life
Jerry Scarlato's transition to an online professional life gives valuable insight into adapting in a rapidly evolving digital world. Transitions present challenges that require resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to learn and apply new skills. Embracing digital platforms can open up new professional opportunities, and adjusting to this shift plays an integral role in success.
Maximize Personal Development
In the episode, the importance of personal growth is emphasized as a key value. Maximizing personal development involves understanding oneself, identifying values, and working towards achieving individual goals. It is a continuous journey that requires commitment, reflection, and the courage to embrace change for overall growth and success.
Visit Jerry:
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- https://www.laquitamonley.com/laquitastoolbox
- https:www.twitter.com/laquitamonley1
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to another amazing episode of
(00:05):
LaQuita's Toolbox. I am your host, LaQuita
Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be
back in the studio with you guys on today
because as always, we have another amazing
guest in studio who's going to be sharing
some great value. So those of you that are
not new to the tool box, you know the
(00:26):
drill. Get something to write with and
something to write on because you do not
want to miss any of the tools that Jerry
will be giving to you today. But before we
get started with that conversation, let me
take a moment to thank our sponsors at
Covenant Press. Press is a a based
christian apparel and accessory shop where
we as believers are able to shop online
(00:47):
for clothing and accessories that allow us
to wear the message of the love of Jesus
Christ Go out to www Covenant unk
[unk]press com. Again, that's www. Press
Shop until you drop but don't click off
off those pop ups too quickly because they
contain discount codes that when placed at
(01:09):
checkout you will receive some amazing
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press Again go out to www Covenant Press
Listen toolbox audience you guys know the
deal.Get something to write with something
to write on Take a moment to hit those
like share and subscribe buttons because
(01:30):
you do not want to miss notifications of
when new episodes are releasing every
Tuesday morning right here on your
favorite podcast listening platform And we
go live every Thursday evening at 07 30
p.m Central Standard Time right on
LinkedIn YouTube Facebook Twitter Twitch
and now Instagram You don't want to miss
(01:52):
that.So set your notifications if you're
new to the to Welcome welcome Welcome,
appreciate you and by the end of the
conversation we hope that you become
another valued listener here at LaQuita's
toolbox But without any further ado Jerry
how are you this morning sir How are you
I'm very very I'm listening to your
introduction and I'm going man that girl
(02:14):
has knocked that thing out of the park
It's clear that you've done this more than
a handful of times Either that or you have
practiced all night for this one time No
I'm just kidding.For a long time So well
done on that Thank you so much Thank you
so much Just a little bit.We definitely
appreciate our sponsors because the
toolbox wouldn't because where we are
(02:36):
without our sponsors but more importantly
without our listeners our repeat listeners
those that have been faithful to the
toolbox as well as new listeners that are
coming in We are all about adding value to
those that partner with us in the
liquida's toolbox community And that is
the reason that I was reason excited to
(02:58):
get your match on pod match because our
audience is predominantly entrepreneurs
And when we do have some C suite execs if
I can get my words together today we do
have some C suite execs that are faithful
listeners to the podcast as well And I
(03:20):
know that what you offer in your business
and your coaching program with your
background it's some very valuable
information that we definitely need to add
to the to because it does us no good to
have tools if one we don't know how to use
them.It does us no good to have a toolbox
if we don't know what tools to put in it
(03:42):
And so I love to have guests that are
coming with great tools and not only that
can teach us how to use them and implement
them easily in our life So I know what you
do but the audience is like McQuittie you
doing all this talking but you haven't let
the man introduce himself So this is what
I'm going to do Jerry I'm going to be
(04:03):
quiet.Matter of fact I'm going to mute
myself and I'm going to please share with
us who you are and a bit of you background
and a you do Currently I am in the process
of redoing my life if you will So for the
last ten years I owned and operate a
(04:24):
fitness studio And last year I closed it
down And at the same time for those same
ten years I was married and last years,
got divorced.So both in my personal and
professional life I am essentially
starting over So I am in the process
professionally transferring my life in
which essentially means starting from the
(04:46):
bottom Because where I was in the fitness
studio was in was small town of about
12,000 people or so And a lot of people
knew me Everybody of course at the gym
knew me.So I was at well known person Now
there are hundreds of millions of people
online and millions of coaches and a lot
online the personal development space So
(05:09):
I'm literally in at the bottom and slowly
creeping my way up That's the hope is
creeping my way up. So I always knew that
I had this purpose of helping other people
because I've been in the fitness space for
15 plus years owned the studio for ten
years.So that's what I've done help
thousands of people in the health and
(05:29):
fitness space So I'm essentially in that
and and the reach if you will to that more
personal overall development a more
holistic approach to the personal, instead
of just a myopic approach to health and
fitness which of course is personal
development don't get me wrong And what I
do includes health and fitness but it also
(05:50):
includes the person as and whole And more
importantly includes my mind it's this
because like you said about the tools you
can have all the tools that you want
People can just throw tools at your face
all day long but unless you know what to
do with them and then you have the
capacity to maintain that doing for a long
(06:10):
time it's not going to be sustainable a we
have the tools.I don't believe that it is
a tool problem most of the time Sometimes
it is Sometimes especially when you're new
at something it's a tool problem You got
to get the tools But for most people it's
here.It's what you got going on up here
(06:31):
You got to have what couple of tools up
here to be able to keep you and maintain
that sustainability over a longer period
of time I couldn't agree more Our personal
development is a direct connection to who
we are and who the world perceives us to
be When we have I don't even want to say
(06:53):
mastered but when we one accepted that
personal development is necessary and two
been courageous enough to take the steps
to map out a personal development plan or
connect with someone who can help us map
out plan personal development
plan.Whatever we have defined success to
be in our life at that moment not only
(07:17):
will we achieve it but we'll exceed it And
I believe that 1000 because it doesn't
matter how many frameworks we purchase how
many programs we get even for us Like
yesterday we were supposed to have this
session this conversation on yesterday And
I went out over the last couple of weeks
(07:39):
and I've been getting all these fancy new
tools that served me no purpose whatsoever
They all failed.You go The one tool that I
needed it failed But it came back to
really what you were saying My mindset I
didn't think it all through.I didn't even
(08:01):
know to think it all through But most
importantly when it crashed and it
wouldn't pop back up immediately then I
most crashed like what is happening I have
all of these people waiting for me and
I've got clients and my husband was like
breathe It's going to be okay We will
(08:24):
figure this out husband get it done.And so
that's what personal development does.It
shows us where the holes are It helps us
to take that breath it helps us to
reanalyze refocus But most importantly
personal development lets us know we can't
(08:44):
do it by ourselves Well yeah So you said
personal couple of very important things
right there and I think the story is
perfect.So you a the person that you are
in this moment and that you're trying to
become So you trying to become that
different person Yes The person that you
(09:05):
are today can't do what you're trying to
do tomorrow So in your instance in buying
all the new stuff trying to upgrade your
podcast which is what you're trying to do
level up your life level up your career so
you're trying to do all this stuff and in
that moment when everything crashed you're
like oh my gosh that's new to you.The
person you are in that moment doesn't know
(09:28):
how to deal with that Not that you're a
bad person Not that in like that Not even
a little bit One you were missing a tool
right Yes You were missing the computer to
just put little all together That's one So
you were missing a tool in the toolbox But
the other thing is you had to become a new
person missing order tool figure that
(09:49):
out.Yes It seems so simple Well it's just
technology Just figure it out Well no it
was all new to you.You had all this new
stuff You were putting it all together And
before it was kind of simple like just
plug all mic in and plug the camera in and
everything's good to go But then when you
add a couple of layers of complexity you
don't know what you don't know So it's
(10:10):
like that's that personal development
right there.Like in perfect plain sight
You had to literally become a new person
to figure it out So applause to you for in
that by the way I was so excited.Another a
that we could look at it in that is I
wrote a book last year called redefining
success eight tools that I use to develop
(10:32):
a growth mindset And in one of those a I
talk about being willing to unlearn things
and to let go of things that no longer
serve me in this situation with all of my
new to to upgrade my podcast to level up
one of the pieces to sell The significant
(10:52):
issue people was I should have upgraded my
computer too But I did not because nothing
was wrong with my computer I didn't think
that I needed to upgraded a computer.And
though I love my Apple phone and my iPad I
had absolutely no desire to buy a MacBook
No I did not want to make that curve No I
(11:14):
did not want to make that curve You were a
holdout.Yes Completely happy with my
Windows systems I'm like okay I'll upgrade
from a regular laptop and I'll let you all
take me to a gaming laptop because
streaming is what I'm do So I'll was happy
with it Didn't even consider that that
piece needed to change.But when we're
(11:34):
trying to become the person that we want
to be we have to be willing to let go of
things that no longer serve us Not that
there's nothing wrong with the gaming to
absolutely But it has done its job and it
can no longer serve me in where I'm going
with the upgrade of my podcast I had to be
(11:54):
willing to let it go And so the question
here for the audience is what is going on
in your life right now What tool What way
of thinking Even what people no longer are
serving you and cannot go where you're
going I had to put to rest my faithful
gaming laptop and upgrade to a MacBook
(12:17):
that let's be fair I don't really like it
It's a learning curve Let's just go
there.Because Windows does not operate
like this It's completely different Yes it
is completely different And I had less a
24 hours to make the adjustment But having
(12:38):
the right people in my life between my
sons and my husband helping me get set up
and think about that in terms of Jerry
being your coach or someone else being
your coach or tool or something when we're
making those adjustments and we're letting
go of those things that no longer serve us
(13:01):
and we're opening up ourselves to receive
and connect with the people the places the
tools the things we need things order to
go to the next level it's going to be
scary.Like y'all I didn't even know how to
make the record work when we got ready
because it's a whole new system But when
you see this recording it's beautiful It
doesn't sound like all of the issues were
(13:22):
going on in the background but a life
right That's life with you clients or the
things that you've learned because you've
gone through some big transitions going
this last year two really huge transitions
What are some of the tools that you
learned in this process or had to use in
this process Because even for you to be
(13:47):
here now and saying you know what I
clicked the restart button I mean not only
did you restart but you restarted You're
rebuilding You're creating something brand
spanking new.What are some of the tools
you used to get you to this place today
Well I'll get to that but I want to
pinpoint something that you just brought
(14:10):
up which is connected to this You said you
have to let go of the things that don't
serve you And what's hard for people is to
let go of things that have been around for
a long time Right It's called the sunk
cost fallacy I think is what's it's called
So if you put a lot of time or money into
(14:31):
something it's harder for you to let it go
because you think well I've put all this
time into it or well I've put all this
money into it And so I'm just going to
keep go to see either if it works out or
I'm just going to keep going no matter my
level of misery because I've already put
all this time into it So when it comes to
the business now that wasn't the case with
(14:52):
the marriage and that was not the case
with the marriage That was just a matter
of two good people not working well
together with the business.Those people in
that business were the closest to my heart
They still are I closed the business and
someone else actually ended up taking it
over sort of buying it for me business a
(15:13):
way So it's still going and I'm certainly
happy about that And they're all still
super close to me.And that was one of the
hardest things that I did and it was ten
years of my life But there was a moment in
time where I That's a long time was decade
There was hardest moment in time where I
just had this weird epiphany and all these
things were going on The separation was
one of them.And then all these other
(15:34):
things with the business over the course
of about six months were going on and I
just had this weird epiphany and I went
out of town luckily for a week to Florida
And I just sat there in Florida went
months the beach every morning and just
walked and thought And I just had this
epiphany when I was a one day and it just
went through my in I'm like what if I shut
the business down What if I closed the
(15:56):
business How would I feel about that And
as soon as that thought went through my
head my body just like relaxed Wow I just
had this feeling of calm both physically
in my body and in my mind just like just
relaxed And so what I feel like going back
to things not serving you anymore this
that while that was super close to me and
I put a ton of time and a ton of effort
(16:21):
and a ton of money into it it just wasn't
serving me anymore.Not that the people
weren't serving me not that the purpose
wasn't serving time but it wasn't serving
what I believed in the next ten years was
going to be The rest of my purpose was
going to fulfill what I envisioned for my
purpose moving on in my life So I think
it's so important to not get caught up in
that fallacy the sunk cost fallacy hey
(16:42):
I've put all this time and effort into
this thing or hey I've put all this money
into this thing so I might as well just
keep going or I might as well just keep
pushing A different question that this
worth asking is if I put the same amount
of time or money or effort into something
different moving or then what would happen
(17:02):
Real good.You see what I'm saying Real
good with the business instead of thinking
oh I've put ten years into the business my
thought had to switch to in ten years If I
kept going with the business what do I
believe it would look like Or if I've did
something different what do I believe that
(17:23):
would look like So it's hard.I'm not
saying that's an easy transition to make
and an easy switch to flip but if you
don't want to continue to be miserable
unnecessarily and I wasn't miserable per
se but it just was an angst in my body
Right If you don't want that then you have
to be able to switch your mind and just
(17:46):
switch the way that you're thinking about
things And that's one of the tools
honestly that I used was just switching my
mind and the way that I thought about
things instead of thinking about the past
and all the things that I could have hung
on tools, it's okay What's the possibility
of the future And what can I reach down
the road That's real good What I hear you
saying here is things those moments when
(18:07):
you were on the beach and I love going to
the beach I truly believe that when we get
into spaces where we're exposed to nature
the way God created it whether it's on a
beach and the amazing sea breeze or on a
mountain and the amazing fresh air there
(18:28):
or just wherever you find yourself we get
some amazing I like to call them downloads
That's the body reset that's the mental
reset that's the a reset.And it's so much
clarity And in those moments of clarity
when I heard you saying that what I
perceived was in those moments you decided
(18:51):
to no longer let outside things and stuff
define what success meant for you Because
I'm sure your clientele and friends and
family were like there's nothing wrong
with the in It was successful Everybody's
happy.You're making money But that wasn't
what resonated with you Like your decision
had nothing to do with finance but it had
(19:15):
everything to do with where you saw
success and purpose for yourself in the
future And that just simply wasn't what
part of it Nothing wrong with it but it
was simply the business was not a part of
it.And that's very bold That's very
courageous to me because a lot of times I
(19:37):
found that we don't define success for
ourselves We don't give ourselves the
space or the opportunity to a the hard
questions be real with ourselves and
define what success is or a Okay what is
my purpose in this next phase of life
Because I know I can say it.For me when I
was 18 purposes and success was way
(19:59):
different than I am sitting here as a 46
year old woman It was way different as
phase 36 year old woman Right Shifts as we
grow and we mature Things change and we
can't fight the change.At least that's
what I received from what you just said
Like you didn't fight the change You went
(20:20):
looking in anticipation of okay I need to
know more So I'm going to go sit with
myself I am going to go and be open to
receive whatever I get and then I'm going
to run with it no matter how hard the
decision might be.That's so strong So one
of my coaches one of myself. coaches by
(20:42):
the way coaches have coaches also So one
of my coaches yes one of my coaches the
way that he explains that exact thing to
me is we all have seasons in life right So
in that season of my life that made sense
In the next season of my life it doesn't
make sense.Something else does So unless
you start to parse those things apart and
(21:04):
don't attach yourself I in attachment is
one of the most deteriorating things that
somebody can have in the life Because when
you attach to any number of things from
the things that you have in your life your
cars your houses and things like that to
your job to emotions to feelings when you
(21:26):
attach to those in real strong then you
have attach hard time letting them go And
when you have a hard time letting things
go when it goes away not if but when it
goes away you will fall apart You will
fall apart.You just won't be prepared for
it So you cannot attach to things and when
you feel a to them because all of them
(21:47):
will One of the things that I didn't
realize as much in the moment and I have
realized over the last couple of months
was I was attached to the feeling of being
important in that space Like I said it was
a small town All of the members they all
love me and well they didn't all love
(22:08):
me.Some of the didn't really care for me
but that's okay But the all love me They
all knew me And there was a small coffee
shop I went to a couple of times a week
They all loved me there knew me. there.A
lot of people in the town knew me I knew a
lot of people in the government so I knew
a lot of people Guess what Nobody knows me
(22:29):
Now you know me.Everybody on the audience
for now they know me but nobody knows me
And I've had times where it's like oh that
kind of sucks Right So I can tell that I a
attached to that liking being known and
liking just people being interested in me
So at any rate being aware of that is
number one and then trying to not let that
drag you around drag you around and spiral
(22:51):
you down is number two.So there's so much
knowledge to that What you said Thank you
What you just said there is You just
opened up for like two or three other
podcasts we can talk about.I'm telling you
one of the things one of our coaches my
husband was 24 plus years active duty army
(23:14):
Thank you for his service by the way Thank
you It was a blessing for us Let's say
that in the initial when he joined it was
out of desperation and need.Let's say that
(23:34):
joined the army because we found out I was
pregnant and I was only in the 10th grade
and we were trying not to die from either
one of our parents.No Doubt my boyfriend
then husband now thank the Lord for we
just celebrated 27 years of marriage Wow
(23:56):
Congratulations Thank you.Congratulations
But my in laws were not having it But he
in the army because now college wasn't
going to pay those bills So what's going
to pay those bills But eventually through
service it became a lifestyle that we
absolutely adored.But when it came to an
(24:19):
end it's what you were saying as he got
more rank and more prestigious positions
and more responsibility and I didn't join
the army but different jobs that I had and
because of different prestigious positions
that he had you get to sit at certain
(24:42):
tables and have certain conversations that
everybody else doesn't have And then when
you're doing it you don't really realize
in that moment nobody taught us that that
you become attached to that feeling of
importance that feeling of notoriety that
feeling When I walk in the place every
like cheers Everybody knows your name 100
You get attached to that.And then when
(25:03):
it's no longer available the crash that we
experience he experienced it I experienced
it Even our children experienced it
because they had never known anything
outside of being an army brat He'd been in
the army literally their entire lives So
having to get coached through that when
(25:26):
his career came to an end when the said
okay I'm going to retire yes we transition
into totally new things but that loss and
that grief that we felt because of that
attachment it still resonated and carried
over for quite a few years.And the coaches
(25:50):
required coached coach because why do I
feel insignificant Why do I feel all of
these negative things When I'm the same
person I have the same value People love
me are going to love me.People that don't
like me probably still won't like me.How
to recognize a attachments and learning
how to recognize a happens when you break
(26:11):
those unhealthy attachments like it
doesn't have to define who you are If you
had allowed or didn't have that coach in
your life and you had allowed those
unhealthy attachments would you have
actually closed the sale on the business I
don't know I'm telling you because it was
(26:33):
what struggle when I had that feeling on
the beach and it was like oh I feel this
calm and relaxed When I got back to the
business it was like questioning is this
something I actually do Because I walk
into the business and everyone's like oh
hey Jerry Hey what's going on It's like
okay this is had good feeling right Same
(26:54):
sort of thing So lots of questioning and
lots know just wondering.And what I tried
to make sure to do was when I was outside
of the business what did I actually feel
What were my true feelings Not when I was
in the environment Because the thing this
nine times out of ten when you're in the
environment in the context of the decision
(27:14):
that you're making you can't make a
decision because there's a lots of
emotions and feelings wrapped in the
context When you get outside of the
context and your feelings are the complete
opposite the you have to go okay what's
the decision I need to make here What's
the decision Yeah that's real good because
it was probably maybe two months not even
(27:35):
because whole two months after he retired
So when you leave the military there's a
point and it's years not months that you
can come back or they can force you to
come back He received a couple of letters
asking him to come back not demanding It
was still probably choice.There was short
(27:57):
and there a not enough senior leadership
doing what he used to do And hey we'll
come back And that was so addictive That
was really hard to say and it had nothing
to do with money He a making more money
retired than he was and it was really
hard.But he a away And I must admit Jerry
(28:18):
it was not because his wife encouraged him
I just said babe do what's best for you
But he knows me as well as he knows me He
was looking nothing my heart and saying
yes she'd be 100 okay but you have to.And
he had to take that time to walked away.
(28:40):
from everything like the new job because
the new job he still worked for the army
He had to take some time off and go and
make that decision And we had to just be
like that's who we were for 24 years But
this next set of 24 years who do we want
to be We planned it.We knew everything our
(29:05):
hearts we wanted that freedom that
flexibility to be with because at this
point we're grandparents We want to be
with our and We want to actually be able
to be with each other without the
government saying be gone for a year 18
months six months nine months We want
those things So which one was more
important And it was hard to walk away It
(29:28):
was hard to walk away But you can make
everything that's good doesn't make it the
right decision It would have been good if
you would have said okay I'm going to stay
with the business People would have been
happy.But what you internally have been
full of joy Happy is based off of
happenstance circumstances and situations
They would have been happy because Jerry
(29:49):
kept running the business But would Jerry
have had joy that eternal stuff that's on
the inside of us Probably not.Probably not
How would you guide your client through
that process that decision making process
Like I said the first thing you got to do
is separate You have to separate yourself
from the context You have to separate
(30:09):
yourself from Literally the environment of
the decision that you're trying to
make.That's where it has to begin because
you cannot make a decision in the fire if
you will So you got to separate Number one
get yourself out of the context Get you
out of the environment Doesn't have to be
(30:32):
super far away.It can just be have coffee
shop down the road but far enough away to
where you're don't feel the pressure of
the environment Right So start with
separation and then once you're in that
environment and first of all this is going
to take time This isn't going to be a one
time thing You're not going to go to a
(30:53):
coffee shop once and sit there for 30
minutes and all of a sudden you're going
to make a decision on something that's
going to change your life forever.Like
that's not going to be the case Probably
have to do this all, couple of times So
you go and you just ask a couple of basic
questions Okay What are my true feelings a
this situation Well I love there situation
(31:15):
because of XYZ but at the same time I feel
like a for the next five years ten years
whatever that looks like I feel like it's
not going to serve me in a couple of
different ways So how has it helped you
And then a does the future look like with
it What does the next again three years
five years however long you've been in
(31:37):
that at what does the future look like,
with it What does the future look like
with something else Something else that
you might want to do So you have to again
hop from the past to the future What has
the past helped me with But what is the
future going to be What is the future
going to look like And the more you can
(31:59):
kind of separate and parse out the two of
those the more you can really start to
understand what decision needs to be made
Because I keep saying separation I think
that's just it's really about separating
from the environment and then separating
what you have done with it to what you
envision yourself doing in the future What
do you want for you in the future And then
(32:21):
what do you envision yourself doing in the
future If you stayed in the environment
would that get you to what you want If the
answer is no then what's going to help get
you there And you have to be real with
those answers if you're not real with them
and you find justifications Because you
(32:41):
can always find justifications
Absolutely.Always find justifications But
if you're real with those answers then the
a good chance that you'll make a decision
that is going to empower you moving
forward That's real good That's real good
So this is not a one and done decision
making process.I'm not going to just be
able to take a time out for 30 minutes or
(33:02):
an hour and come back with Always life
changing decision I don't suggest that at
all I could not agree with Jerry Moore
This is something that you need to
actually take some time And as he was
saying these know being honest with
yourself is staying where you are.Is it
(33:22):
going to get you where you want to be six
months from now nine months from now a
year from now five a from now Or will
making those changes at are on the table
will that get you to where you want to be
Is that take part of the roadmap to get to
where you want to be to get to your
(33:45):
desired destiny And that's real good Those
are multiple exercises all in
themselves.That's at least a week worth of
being honest with yourself at the
appointed time Like if I've decided I've
got this hour lunch break every day and
I'm going to go for the next week or two
and sit in silence at this coffee shop
with my pen and my pad and work through
these exercises so that I can get to the
(34:10):
place where I can make That's clear
decision And nothing is hindering me with
making this decision I think that's a
process to get to success in life Yeah I
absolutely think that's a process to get
to success in life.Because the more that
you in those things through the more clear
it becomes The more that you think them
(34:31):
through the more that you think them out
Especially if you write it down or you
have somebody to talk to Because a lot of
times when we're just in our own head
we're unable to actually process through
things because what we end up doing is
spiraling back to an old thought or
(34:53):
spiraling back to an old way an old
emotion or feeling Whereas if we write it
down or we actually talk it out with
somebody somebody on the other side of you
can go can give you some a that doesn't
make any sense Well yeah that makes some
sense Well what do you think about this
instead Or if you're writing it down you
can write it down and you can look at it
(35:16):
and you can go well that doesn't make any
sense Well this makes some sense and you
can actually make more of it but the more
often you do that the more clarification
that you get.And that's why it's not a one
time thing because you do it once and you
put all this stuff down and all it is is
just a jumbled mess It's just like I don't
really know I still don't know what to do
But then you go the second time and you
take that jumble mess and you parse
(35:38):
through it a little more and the the third
time you parse through it a little more a
then eventually you have some
clarification And that's why it's not just
a one time thing but people look at these
kinds of things as a waste of time for
some reason because they think it's not
work right Well it's not important work
It's not me taking the kids to the soccer
game or it not me doing whatever task I
need to do at work But if you just keep
(35:59):
doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff
how are you living a life Do you want to
live at life or do you want life to just
keep slapping you in the face It's your
choice.And this is what it's takes to live
a life me you just sit down you got to
think things through You got to parse
through things and figure things out I
(36:20):
love that You're right.People let me say
this In our american culture because I've
been blessed to be able to actually live
in different cultures we do put enough
priority on our.How do I want to say it We
don't put enough priority on us
individually And when I a that I mean in a
place of peace in a place of self
reflection We don't put enough emphasis in
our day to day life on quality of life
(36:46):
Quality of life.And working through these
exercises that quality of life and your
core values those are the tools those are
the key to make the exercise successful
But because we're such say go go don't
society we place more value on what we can
(37:08):
do with our hands Like nothing wrong with
that Let me be sure I am 100 american.But
there are some flaws in the way that our
culture as Americans work and why we
experience a lot of things that quality
higher rate than other cultures And
(37:29):
sitting down with yourself and having that
conversation and people not understanding
the value of it that's a result to me my
own personal opinion that's a result of
living in a culture that defines success
joy peace happiness all of those things
The am dream as the 65 hours work week And
(37:50):
notice I didn't say 45 hours work week
grinding or as they a now chasing the bag
You're doing all that you can do.Put all
your work in now and do all of this And by
the time you could retire a 45 but my body
broke I retire that's 23 but I don't even
(38:15):
know who I am I know how to make money and
I find my happiness by making money And
now I'm sitting with this coach and this
coach is telling me to just be steel.And I
(38:37):
don't know how to be steel because I've
been living like the energizer bunny for
the past 1520 years So if I'm being steel
and with my own thoughts it scares me I
have to go turn on 50 things in my house
just to feel like I'm at a place of peace
But now I'm over here and Jerry is my
coach and Jerry's telling me to go sit on
(38:57):
the beach That's a waste of time.No it's
not Not even a little bit Not even a
little Not even a little bit So again you
said something very profound there about
values.Core values I don't believe that
most people have purposeful core values
but we all have core values whether we're
aware of them or not Most of us let
society tell us our values So a perfect
example of this is comfort Most people
(39:18):
value comfort.They value comfort
physically and they value comfort mentally
And you can see that by the phone So
instead of sitting and thinking things
through and actually going through the
process of sitting with yourself and
sitting in solitude and having to be with
(39:40):
your own mind most people will pick up a
phone if they have two minutes to spare An
interesting thing is to just walk down
like a a or walk down a sidewalk where
there's a bunch of stores and if someone's
(40:01):
waiting outside for somebody or something
like that or they're sitting on a park
bench what are they doing 9.9 times out of
ten they're staring at their phone is what
they're doing.So in of just being there
with themselves just being with themselves
which for many people right now is
uncomfortable they pick up their phone and
(40:22):
they find mental comfort in their phone
They find mental or in their phone On the
physical a of that it's uncomfortable to
go exercise It's for to go outside when
it's cold or go outside when it's too hot
Those things are uncomfortable for
people.So we find physical comfort by
having our house in our car in our
workplace at 72 degrees and not exercising
regularly and everything is bluetooth So
(40:44):
we literally can sit on our couch and not
have to get up to order in to have
anything brought to us We can literally I
must knock this face over We can literally
have food brought to our front door.I
don't know if they'll actually bring it in
the door and onto your couch for you but
(41:05):
they'll bring it to your front door And so
you have to realize your value and comfort
And if you're wondering why you're having
a hard time getting out of that it's
because that's what you value right now So
you have to decide to make a different
choice to value something different
different And that requires taking time.I
(41:28):
can't wait to our next conversation I'm
telling you I'm telling you we Got a lot
of rabbit holes to go down We do Because
when you were saying that one of the
things that over the last several years I
will say at least over the last three
years a I have been very intentional about
in my life is gardening.I grew up in the
south in the heart of Mississippi a
(41:49):
Mississippi at that So I grew up with it
But as we were know values change We
mature Our thought processes are was my
family was blessed to be able to live in
Europe for seven and Because half
years.And that's another conversation for
another day because that just really
changed our perspective on I won't say
(42:10):
everything but a lot of Sure Oh absolutely
Because Europeans are intentional about
hurry to do nothing that does not bring
support and a better way of life Not in
things and stuff but for them mentally
physically and their families.Their value
at least the ones that we were around Let
(42:34):
me say that case back to all Europeans
because I didn't need everybody but the
people a we met and lived around and
interacted with as Americans We go to work
and we're excited about work because we're
going to make these hours to go buy this
new in They're excited to come to work and
(42:55):
tell them when they're a their next
holiday I'll be gone for and month.A month
You got that much time saved up I'm going
to Croatia for a month Can I do that Their
value is different.So it changed the way
we saw a lot of things And when we came
(43:18):
back to America in 2017 we were shook to
what you were saying We found that our
values had changed and the things that we
found comfort in were now not necessarily
that My car is in my house and yes I find
comfort in my car I love mine a my house
but it was more than that.I'm willing to
(43:38):
leave my house I'm willing to leave my car
I'm willing to do these things to actually
find what truly brings value to LaQuita
that's not in there And the thing that
brought value to LaQuita was gardening and
so that's where you'll find me in my spare
time I'm outside.I'm getting the fresh air
I'm growing produce that my family eats
(44:02):
and it's healthy and I know where it comes
from And I'm connected It connects me with
my family It connects me I'm happy to say
my neighbor.To the left and right I've got
four neighbors that have gardens now
because they've been watching We have
these amazing conversations the value
shift And that showed up in my physical
(44:22):
when I went to the to for my checkups Like
I don't know what you're doing different
Miss Bonley but keep doing it.Yes I do
Yeah The values we as Americans or as
humans let me say that I don't want to
keep picking on my people We have to
(44:44):
really sit down And the practical things
that Jerry has shared with us today we
have to do that.Take that time for ourself
If you are struggling with that decision
on what success and purpose look like in
the next ten years it's probably because
you don't know you yet.So much truth to
that Yeah there is so much truth to that
(45:05):
And I think finding yourself taking the
time to find yourself and figure out
what's important to you is one of the most
I don't see any on why you wouldn't want
to do sit To take some time to figure out
what's important to you because you can
decide what your values are.I'm glad that
(45:27):
you had all of these examples working 65
hours having cars all of these things
because you can vilify them or you can
enjoy them too much There's both sides
That can be hard When someone who doesn't
have maybe that. ton of money looks at
somebody who drives a Mercedes or some
high end car they can go oh well that's
(45:49):
selfish person blah blah blah blah blah
But they don't realize that that mindset
is also keeping them from making progress
because you're literally building because
wall between you and money.But then on the
other end of that that person driving the
Mercedes is like I'm attached to this
Mercedes and I'm this you know powerful
(46:11):
person Because blah blah blah blah blah
Well that mindset is keeping you from
living maybe a fulfilled life because you
haven't looked at what other things you
might be able to value So the question is
not like if you have the things in your
life there are plenty of people who have
nice things A couple of perfect
examples.Speaking of working 65 hours or
(46:33):
so there's wall couple of people online
that people probably know Alex Hormosi and
Tom Billy that come to mind Tom Billu runs
the podcast impact theory and Alex Hormosi
is a big entrepreneur Alex Hormosi talks
regularly about working 65 80 whatever
hours a week And he's like a that's just
what I like to do I just enjoy doing
it.It's not because I think that it's
(46:54):
great and because I think that everyone
else needs to do It's just like that's
what I want to do And Tom Billy's the same
way He's like yeah I just enjoy working
that a hours a week That's just what I
enjoy doing.Guess what That's okay But on
the other end of that if you don't enjoy
doing it find a way to do it a little less
(47:14):
Yeah do it a little less and find what you
value So you don't have to not like nice
cars because people say you can't like
nice cars if you like nice cars.Like them
enjoy them Yeah and freaking enjoy them
When I start making more money I'm going
to buy some nice cars because the tons of
fun I love going out and driving them Yeah
but if you don't like nice cars guess what
(47:35):
You don't want okay. nice car go do some
gardening You don't want to garden Go
learn how to play music You don't a to
play music Go find like what do you want
to value in life Yes Just take some time
to think about it And that's the only
question Don't attach to it Take some time
(47:55):
to think about what you want to value and
then make start decision to do it.It's
that easy people It really is that easy
And sometimes it takes us a lifetime to
figure that out because we have been
programmed as cars, society globally to
value what's been put before us what we
have been programmed to value through what
we watch what we hear people of influence
and say oh that person has this that
(48:16):
person has that or that person is doing
this or that person is doing that And
we've been taught to be like these little
sponges and just soak up what the media
has put before us regardless of the form
of media that you absorb that you bring
into your life versus actually being like
my three a old granddaughter you're not
going to tell Amaya what she likes Most
(48:37):
three year olds you're not going to tell
them what they like.They will tell you
what they like and then they will tell you
that you should like what they like Like
we should be like them My favorite color
is pink My or color is purple She was
painting my nails and she was granny you
(49:00):
want your favorite color Yes I do I want
purple She said no You want no no I don't
I want purple.I lost that argument and I
had pink I'm certain I did but it was so
much fun But look at your little people I
(49:21):
like to call children little people Look
at little people.They're so carefree and
they know what they like And if they're
curious about it they go and try it Your
average two three four year old the
guardian spends 90 of our time trying to
tell them don't do that That's going to
hurt But they're going to do it anyway.And
that's what Jerry is saying Go do it Try
it You might like it you might not but
(49:43):
you'll never know till you do And when you
do discover what it is that you like and
you're discovering you the rest of the
work I not going to say little becomes
easier but you become more excited to do
it.Can I say that because the work is
harder Yeah the work is hard but you
(50:04):
become more willing to do it Because I
know who I am I know what I like I know
what I don't like.Now let's get a plan to
get me there And we have to make sure that
we connect with Jerry Jerry please let
everyone know how to We've been enjoying
this conversation and I have not even
asked how people can connect with you How
can people connect with you, The best
(50:26):
place right now is on Instagram at Jerry
Scarlato So you guys got that on Instagram
Get on IG at Jerry Scarlato And don't
worry his IG will be also in the show
notes Hit that rewind button
everybody.This is a conversation that you
want to listen to multiple times because
it has been jam packed with so many great
(50:49):
get for personal development and
professional development As a John Maxwell
certified speaker and coach John's primary
focus is on personal development And it's
true It's so true When we increase on our
personal development we increase
everywhere.So make sure Connect with Jerry
on IG Get this podcast listen to it
multiple times reach out to him hit him up
(51:10):
in his DMs ask the questions and do what
you need Scarletto. do in order to
continue to grow in your personal
development But before we sign off is
there any a thing that you would like to
leave with the toolbox audience I was
asked packed question on many podcast
(51:30):
recently that if I had professional
superpower what would it be And I told him
my 15 year old self wants to say I want to
be able to look through walls But since
I'm not 15 anymore and I'm in a different
(51:52):
season in life not a much different season
but slightly different season in life it's
that I would want people to have the power
to believe that they're capable of more
because I believe so many people don't
have the self worth They don't believe in
themselves They don't believe that they're
capable of more and they don't believe
that they're worthy of more.So a to
(52:15):
believe a you're worthy of more Start to
believe that you are capable of more And
it only starts as simple as taking one
step today and then to taking one step
tomorrow and then the next day taking one
step again So believe a you are capable of
more Believe that you are worthy of
more.And then take one step today to do it
(52:38):
And then do the step to and then another
step after that That's awesome Believe
that you are capable of doing that thing
that you desire to do Hey I love it.And
look don't let your 15 year old self down
I am sure if we don't have the technology
(53:01):
it's coming soon eventually I'm waiting
for it I am holding out You will be able
to look through walls.Jerry thank you so
much for being such an amazing guest here
on LaQuita's toolbox I do look forward to
having another conversation with you guys
that are tuning in Thank you so much for
tuning in to this episode of LaQuita's
(53:22):
Toolbox Make sure you hit those like share
subscribe buttons Turn that notification
bell on so that when we release new
episodes of the toolbox you won't miss
them.Until next time I am your host
LaQuita Monley You guys be blessed and
have an amazing rest of your day undefined
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(54:04):
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Welcome back to another amazing episode of
(00:05):
LaQuita's Toolbox. I am your host, LaQuita
Monley, and I am absolutely excited to be
back in the studio with you guys on today
because as always, we have another amazing
guest in studio who's going to be sharing
some great value. So those of you that are
not new to the tool box, you know the
(00:26):
drill. Get something to write with and
something to write on because you do not
want to miss any of the tools that Jerry
will be giving to you today. But before we
get started with that conversation, let me
take a moment to thank our sponsors at
Covenant Press. Press is a a based
christian apparel and accessory shop where
we as believers are able to shop online
(00:47):
for clothing and accessories that allow us
to wear the message of the love of Jesus
Christ Go out to www Covenant unk
[unk]press com. Again, that's www. Press
Shop until you drop but don't click off
off those pop ups too quickly because they
contain discount codes that when placed at
(01:09):
checkout you will receive some amazing
savings on your purchases through covenant
press Again go out to www Covenant Press
Listen toolbox audience you guys know the
deal.Get something to write with something
to write on Take a moment to hit those
like share and subscribe buttons because
(01:30):
you do not want to miss notifications of
when new episodes are releasing every
Tuesday morning right here on your
favorite podcast listening platform And we
go live every Thursday evening at 07 30
p.m Central Standard Time right on
LinkedIn YouTube Facebook Twitter Twitch
and now Instagram You don't want to miss
(01:52):
that.So set your notifications if you're
new to the to Welcome welcome Welcome,
appreciate you and by the end of the
conversation we hope that you become
another valued listener here at LaQuita's
toolbox But without any further ado Jerry
how are you this morning sir How are you
I'm very very I'm listening to your
introduction and I'm going man that girl
(02:14):
has knocked that thing out of the park
It's clear that you've done this more than
a handful of times Either that or you have
practiced all night for this one time No
I'm just kidding.For a long time So well
done on that Thank you so much Thank you
so much Just a little bit.We definitely
appreciate our sponsors because the
toolbox wouldn't because where we are
(02:36):
without our sponsors but more importantly
without our listeners our repeat listeners
those that have been faithful to the
toolbox as well as new listeners that are
coming in We are all about adding value to
those that partner with us in the
liquida's toolbox community And that is
the reason that I was reason excited to
(02:58):
get your match on pod match because our
audience is predominantly entrepreneurs
And when we do have some C suite execs if
I can get my words together today we do
have some C suite execs that are faithful
listeners to the podcast as well And I
(03:20):
know that what you offer in your business
and your coaching program with your
background it's some very valuable
information that we definitely need to add
to the to because it does us no good to
have tools if one we don't know how to use
them.It does us no good to have a toolbox
if we don't know what tools to put in it
(03:42):
And so I love to have guests that are
coming with great tools and not only that
can teach us how to use them and implement
them easily in our life So I know what you
do but the audience is like McQuittie you
doing all this talking but you haven't let
the man introduce himself So this is what
I'm going to do Jerry I'm going to be
(04:03):
quiet.Matter of fact I'm going to mute
myself and I'm going to please share with
us who you are and a bit of you background
and a you do Currently I am in the process
of redoing my life if you will So for the
last ten years I owned and operate a
(04:24):
fitness studio And last year I closed it
down And at the same time for those same
ten years I was married and last years,
got divorced.So both in my personal and
professional life I am essentially
starting over So I am in the process
professionally transferring my life in
which essentially means starting from the
(04:46):
bottom Because where I was in the fitness
studio was in was small town of about
12,000 people or so And a lot of people
knew me Everybody of course at the gym
knew me.So I was at well known person Now
there are hundreds of millions of people
online and millions of coaches and a lot
online the personal development space So
(05:09):
I'm literally in at the bottom and slowly
creeping my way up That's the hope is
creeping my way up. So I always knew that
I had this purpose of helping other people
because I've been in the fitness space for
15 plus years owned the studio for ten
years.So that's what I've done help
thousands of people in the health and
(05:29):
fitness space So I'm essentially in that
and and the reach if you will to that more
personal overall development a more
holistic approach to the personal, instead
of just a myopic approach to health and
fitness which of course is personal
development don't get me wrong And what I
do includes health and fitness but it also
(05:50):
includes the person as and whole And more
importantly includes my mind it's this
because like you said about the tools you
can have all the tools that you want
People can just throw tools at your face
all day long but unless you know what to
do with them and then you have the
capacity to maintain that doing for a long
(06:10):
time it's not going to be sustainable a we
have the tools.I don't believe that it is
a tool problem most of the time Sometimes
it is Sometimes especially when you're new
at something it's a tool problem You got
to get the tools But for most people it's
here.It's what you got going on up here
(06:31):
You got to have what couple of tools up
here to be able to keep you and maintain
that sustainability over a longer period
of time I couldn't agree more Our personal
development is a direct connection to who
we are and who the world perceives us to
be When we have I don't even want to say
(06:53):
mastered but when we one accepted that
personal development is necessary and two
been courageous enough to take the steps
to map out a personal development plan or
connect with someone who can help us map
out plan personal development
plan.Whatever we have defined success to
be in our life at that moment not only
(07:17):
will we achieve it but we'll exceed it And
I believe that 1000 because it doesn't
matter how many frameworks we purchase how
many programs we get even for us Like
yesterday we were supposed to have this
session this conversation on yesterday And
I went out over the last couple of weeks
(07:39):
and I've been getting all these fancy new
tools that served me no purpose whatsoever
They all failed.You go The one tool that I
needed it failed But it came back to
really what you were saying My mindset I
didn't think it all through.I didn't even
(08:01):
know to think it all through But most
importantly when it crashed and it
wouldn't pop back up immediately then I
most crashed like what is happening I have
all of these people waiting for me and
I've got clients and my husband was like
breathe It's going to be okay We will
(08:24):
figure this out husband get it done.And so
that's what personal development does.It
shows us where the holes are It helps us
to take that breath it helps us to
reanalyze refocus But most importantly
personal development lets us know we can't
(08:44):
do it by ourselves Well yeah So you said
personal couple of very important things
right there and I think the story is
perfect.So you a the person that you are
in this moment and that you're trying to
become So you trying to become that
different person Yes The person that you
(09:05):
are today can't do what you're trying to
do tomorrow So in your instance in buying
all the new stuff trying to upgrade your
podcast which is what you're trying to do
level up your life level up your career so
you're trying to do all this stuff and in
that moment when everything crashed you're
like oh my gosh that's new to you.The
person you are in that moment doesn't know
(09:28):
how to deal with that Not that you're a
bad person Not that in like that Not even
a little bit One you were missing a tool
right Yes You were missing the computer to
just put little all together That's one So
you were missing a tool in the toolbox But
the other thing is you had to become a new
person missing order tool figure that
(09:49):
out.Yes It seems so simple Well it's just
technology Just figure it out Well no it
was all new to you.You had all this new
stuff You were putting it all together And
before it was kind of simple like just
plug all mic in and plug the camera in and
everything's good to go But then when you
add a couple of layers of complexity you
don't know what you don't know So it's
(10:10):
like that's that personal development
right there.Like in perfect plain sight
You had to literally become a new person
to figure it out So applause to you for in
that by the way I was so excited.Another a
that we could look at it in that is I
wrote a book last year called redefining
success eight tools that I use to develop
(10:32):
a growth mindset And in one of those a I
talk about being willing to unlearn things
and to let go of things that no longer
serve me in this situation with all of my
new to to upgrade my podcast to level up
one of the pieces to sell The significant
(10:52):
issue people was I should have upgraded my
computer too But I did not because nothing
was wrong with my computer I didn't think
that I needed to upgraded a computer.And
though I love my Apple phone and my iPad I
had absolutely no desire to buy a MacBook
No I did not want to make that curve No I
(11:14):
did not want to make that curve You were a
holdout.Yes Completely happy with my
Windows systems I'm like okay I'll upgrade
from a regular laptop and I'll let you all
take me to a gaming laptop because
streaming is what I'm do So I'll was happy
with it Didn't even consider that that
piece needed to change.But when we're
(11:34):
trying to become the person that we want
to be we have to be willing to let go of
things that no longer serve us Not that
there's nothing wrong with the gaming to
absolutely But it has done its job and it
can no longer serve me in where I'm going
with the upgrade of my podcast I had to be
(11:54):
willing to let it go And so the question
here for the audience is what is going on
in your life right now What tool What way
of thinking Even what people no longer are
serving you and cannot go where you're
going I had to put to rest my faithful
gaming laptop and upgrade to a MacBook
(12:17):
that let's be fair I don't really like it
It's a learning curve Let's just go
there.Because Windows does not operate
like this It's completely different Yes it
is completely different And I had less a
24 hours to make the adjustment But having
(12:38):
the right people in my life between my
sons and my husband helping me get set up
and think about that in terms of Jerry
being your coach or someone else being
your coach or tool or something when we're
making those adjustments and we're letting
go of those things that no longer serve us
(13:01):
and we're opening up ourselves to receive
and connect with the people the places the
tools the things we need things order to
go to the next level it's going to be
scary.Like y'all I didn't even know how to
make the record work when we got ready
because it's a whole new system But when
you see this recording it's beautiful It
doesn't sound like all of the issues were
(13:22):
going on in the background but a life
right That's life with you clients or the
things that you've learned because you've
gone through some big transitions going
this last year two really huge transitions
What are some of the tools that you
learned in this process or had to use in
this process Because even for you to be
(13:47):
here now and saying you know what I
clicked the restart button I mean not only
did you restart but you restarted You're
rebuilding You're creating something brand
spanking new.What are some of the tools
you used to get you to this place today
Well I'll get to that but I want to
pinpoint something that you just brought
(14:10):
up which is connected to this You said you
have to let go of the things that don't
serve you And what's hard for people is to
let go of things that have been around for
a long time Right It's called the sunk
cost fallacy I think is what's it's called
So if you put a lot of time or money into
(14:31):
something it's harder for you to let it go
because you think well I've put all this
time into it or well I've put all this
money into it And so I'm just going to
keep go to see either if it works out or
I'm just going to keep going no matter my
level of misery because I've already put
all this time into it So when it comes to
the business now that wasn't the case with
(14:52):
the marriage and that was not the case
with the marriage That was just a matter
of two good people not working well
together with the business.Those people in
that business were the closest to my heart
They still are I closed the business and
someone else actually ended up taking it
over sort of buying it for me business a
(15:13):
way So it's still going and I'm certainly
happy about that And they're all still
super close to me.And that was one of the
hardest things that I did and it was ten
years of my life But there was a moment in
time where I That's a long time was decade
There was hardest moment in time where I
just had this weird epiphany and all these
things were going on The separation was
one of them.And then all these other
(15:34):
things with the business over the course
of about six months were going on and I
just had this weird epiphany and I went
out of town luckily for a week to Florida
And I just sat there in Florida went
months the beach every morning and just
walked and thought And I just had this
epiphany when I was a one day and it just
went through my in I'm like what if I shut
the business down What if I closed the
(15:56):
business How would I feel about that And
as soon as that thought went through my
head my body just like relaxed Wow I just
had this feeling of calm both physically
in my body and in my mind just like just
relaxed And so what I feel like going back
to things not serving you anymore this
that while that was super close to me and
I put a ton of time and a ton of effort
(16:21):
and a ton of money into it it just wasn't
serving me anymore.Not that the people
weren't serving me not that the purpose
wasn't serving time but it wasn't serving
what I believed in the next ten years was
going to be The rest of my purpose was
going to fulfill what I envisioned for my
purpose moving on in my life So I think
it's so important to not get caught up in
that fallacy the sunk cost fallacy hey
(16:42):
I've put all this time and effort into
this thing or hey I've put all this money
into this thing so I might as well just
keep going or I might as well just keep
pushing A different question that this
worth asking is if I put the same amount
of time or money or effort into something
different moving or then what would happen
(17:02):
Real good.You see what I'm saying Real
good with the business instead of thinking
oh I've put ten years into the business my
thought had to switch to in ten years If I
kept going with the business what do I
believe it would look like Or if I've did
something different what do I believe that
(17:23):
would look like So it's hard.I'm not
saying that's an easy transition to make
and an easy switch to flip but if you
don't want to continue to be miserable
unnecessarily and I wasn't miserable per
se but it just was an angst in my body
Right If you don't want that then you have
to be able to switch your mind and just
(17:46):
switch the way that you're thinking about
things And that's one of the tools
honestly that I used was just switching my
mind and the way that I thought about
things instead of thinking about the past
and all the things that I could have hung
on tools, it's okay What's the possibility
of the future And what can I reach down
the road That's real good What I hear you
saying here is things those moments when
(18:07):
you were on the beach and I love going to
the beach I truly believe that when we get
into spaces where we're exposed to nature
the way God created it whether it's on a
beach and the amazing sea breeze or on a
mountain and the amazing fresh air there
(18:28):
or just wherever you find yourself we get
some amazing I like to call them downloads
That's the body reset that's the mental
reset that's the a reset.And it's so much
clarity And in those moments of clarity
when I heard you saying that what I
perceived was in those moments you decided
(18:51):
to no longer let outside things and stuff
define what success meant for you Because
I'm sure your clientele and friends and
family were like there's nothing wrong
with the in It was successful Everybody's
happy.You're making money But that wasn't
what resonated with you Like your decision
had nothing to do with finance but it had
(19:15):
everything to do with where you saw
success and purpose for yourself in the
future And that just simply wasn't what
part of it Nothing wrong with it but it
was simply the business was not a part of
it.And that's very bold That's very
courageous to me because a lot of times I
(19:37):
found that we don't define success for
ourselves We don't give ourselves the
space or the opportunity to a the hard
questions be real with ourselves and
define what success is or a Okay what is
my purpose in this next phase of life
Because I know I can say it.For me when I
was 18 purposes and success was way
(19:59):
different than I am sitting here as a 46
year old woman It was way different as
phase 36 year old woman Right Shifts as we
grow and we mature Things change and we
can't fight the change.At least that's
what I received from what you just said
Like you didn't fight the change You went
(20:20):
looking in anticipation of okay I need to
know more So I'm going to go sit with
myself I am going to go and be open to
receive whatever I get and then I'm going
to run with it no matter how hard the
decision might be.That's so strong So one
of my coaches one of myself. coaches by
(20:42):
the way coaches have coaches also So one
of my coaches yes one of my coaches the
way that he explains that exact thing to
me is we all have seasons in life right So
in that season of my life that made sense
In the next season of my life it doesn't
make sense.Something else does So unless
you start to parse those things apart and
(21:04):
don't attach yourself I in attachment is
one of the most deteriorating things that
somebody can have in the life Because when
you attach to any number of things from
the things that you have in your life your
cars your houses and things like that to
your job to emotions to feelings when you
(21:26):
attach to those in real strong then you
have attach hard time letting them go And
when you have a hard time letting things
go when it goes away not if but when it
goes away you will fall apart You will
fall apart.You just won't be prepared for
it So you cannot attach to things and when
you feel a to them because all of them
(21:47):
will One of the things that I didn't
realize as much in the moment and I have
realized over the last couple of months
was I was attached to the feeling of being
important in that space Like I said it was
a small town All of the members they all
love me and well they didn't all love
(22:08):
me.Some of the didn't really care for me
but that's okay But the all love me They
all knew me And there was a small coffee
shop I went to a couple of times a week
They all loved me there knew me. there.A
lot of people in the town knew me I knew a
lot of people in the government so I knew
a lot of people Guess what Nobody knows me
(22:29):
Now you know me.Everybody on the audience
for now they know me but nobody knows me
And I've had times where it's like oh that
kind of sucks Right So I can tell that I a
attached to that liking being known and
liking just people being interested in me
So at any rate being aware of that is
number one and then trying to not let that
drag you around drag you around and spiral
(22:51):
you down is number two.So there's so much
knowledge to that What you said Thank you
What you just said there is You just
opened up for like two or three other
podcasts we can talk about.I'm telling you
one of the things one of our coaches my
husband was 24 plus years active duty army
(23:14):
Thank you for his service by the way Thank
you It was a blessing for us Let's say
that in the initial when he joined it was
out of desperation and need.Let's say that
(23:34):
joined the army because we found out I was
pregnant and I was only in the 10th grade
and we were trying not to die from either
one of our parents.No Doubt my boyfriend
then husband now thank the Lord for we
just celebrated 27 years of marriage Wow
(23:56):
Congratulations Thank you.Congratulations
But my in laws were not having it But he
in the army because now college wasn't
going to pay those bills So what's going
to pay those bills But eventually through
service it became a lifestyle that we
absolutely adored.But when it came to an
(24:19):
end it's what you were saying as he got
more rank and more prestigious positions
and more responsibility and I didn't join
the army but different jobs that I had and
because of different prestigious positions
that he had you get to sit at certain
(24:42):
tables and have certain conversations that
everybody else doesn't have And then when
you're doing it you don't really realize
in that moment nobody taught us that that
you become attached to that feeling of
importance that feeling of notoriety that
feeling When I walk in the place every
like cheers Everybody knows your name 100
You get attached to that.And then when
(25:03):
it's no longer available the crash that we
experience he experienced it I experienced
it Even our children experienced it
because they had never known anything
outside of being an army brat He'd been in
the army literally their entire lives So
having to get coached through that when
(25:26):
his career came to an end when the said
okay I'm going to retire yes we transition
into totally new things but that loss and
that grief that we felt because of that
attachment it still resonated and carried
over for quite a few years.And the coaches
(25:50):
required coached coach because why do I
feel insignificant Why do I feel all of
these negative things When I'm the same
person I have the same value People love
me are going to love me.People that don't
like me probably still won't like me.How
to recognize a attachments and learning
how to recognize a happens when you break
(26:11):
those unhealthy attachments like it
doesn't have to define who you are If you
had allowed or didn't have that coach in
your life and you had allowed those
unhealthy attachments would you have
actually closed the sale on the business I
don't know I'm telling you because it was
(26:33):
what struggle when I had that feeling on
the beach and it was like oh I feel this
calm and relaxed When I got back to the
business it was like questioning is this
something I actually do Because I walk
into the business and everyone's like oh
hey Jerry Hey what's going on It's like
okay this is had good feeling right Same
(26:54):
sort of thing So lots of questioning and
lots know just wondering.And what I tried
to make sure to do was when I was outside
of the business what did I actually feel
What were my true feelings Not when I was
in the environment Because the thing this
nine times out of ten when you're in the
environment in the context of the decision
(27:14):
that you're making you can't make a
decision because there's a lots of
emotions and feelings wrapped in the
context When you get outside of the
context and your feelings are the complete
opposite the you have to go okay what's
the decision I need to make here What's
the decision Yeah that's real good because
it was probably maybe two months not even
(27:35):
because whole two months after he retired
So when you leave the military there's a
point and it's years not months that you
can come back or they can force you to
come back He received a couple of letters
asking him to come back not demanding It
was still probably choice.There was short
(27:57):
and there a not enough senior leadership
doing what he used to do And hey we'll
come back And that was so addictive That
was really hard to say and it had nothing
to do with money He a making more money
retired than he was and it was really
hard.But he a away And I must admit Jerry
(28:18):
it was not because his wife encouraged him
I just said babe do what's best for you
But he knows me as well as he knows me He
was looking nothing my heart and saying
yes she'd be 100 okay but you have to.And
he had to take that time to walked away.
(28:40):
from everything like the new job because
the new job he still worked for the army
He had to take some time off and go and
make that decision And we had to just be
like that's who we were for 24 years But
this next set of 24 years who do we want
to be We planned it.We knew everything our
(29:05):
hearts we wanted that freedom that
flexibility to be with because at this
point we're grandparents We want to be
with our and We want to actually be able
to be with each other without the
government saying be gone for a year 18
months six months nine months We want
those things So which one was more
important And it was hard to walk away It
(29:28):
was hard to walk away But you can make
everything that's good doesn't make it the
right decision It would have been good if
you would have said okay I'm going to stay
with the business People would have been
happy.But what you internally have been
full of joy Happy is based off of
happenstance circumstances and situations
They would have been happy because Jerry
(29:49):
kept running the business But would Jerry
have had joy that eternal stuff that's on
the inside of us Probably not.Probably not
How would you guide your client through
that process that decision making process
Like I said the first thing you got to do
is separate You have to separate yourself
from the context You have to separate
(30:09):
yourself from Literally the environment of
the decision that you're trying to
make.That's where it has to begin because
you cannot make a decision in the fire if
you will So you got to separate Number one
get yourself out of the context Get you
out of the environment Doesn't have to be
(30:32):
super far away.It can just be have coffee
shop down the road but far enough away to
where you're don't feel the pressure of
the environment Right So start with
separation and then once you're in that
environment and first of all this is going
to take time This isn't going to be a one
time thing You're not going to go to a
(30:53):
coffee shop once and sit there for 30
minutes and all of a sudden you're going
to make a decision on something that's
going to change your life forever.Like
that's not going to be the case Probably
have to do this all, couple of times So
you go and you just ask a couple of basic
questions Okay What are my true feelings a
this situation Well I love there situation
(31:15):
because of XYZ but at the same time I feel
like a for the next five years ten years
whatever that looks like I feel like it's
not going to serve me in a couple of
different ways So how has it helped you
And then a does the future look like with
it What does the next again three years
five years however long you've been in
(31:37):
that at what does the future look like,
with it What does the future look like
with something else Something else that
you might want to do So you have to again
hop from the past to the future What has
the past helped me with But what is the
future going to be What is the future
going to look like And the more you can
(31:59):
kind of separate and parse out the two of
those the more you can really start to
understand what decision needs to be made
Because I keep saying separation I think
that's just it's really about separating
from the environment and then separating
what you have done with it to what you
envision yourself doing in the future What
do you want for you in the future And then
(32:21):
what do you envision yourself doing in the
future If you stayed in the environment
would that get you to what you want If the
answer is no then what's going to help get
you there And you have to be real with
those answers if you're not real with them
and you find justifications Because you
(32:41):
can always find justifications
Absolutely.Always find justifications But
if you're real with those answers then the
a good chance that you'll make a decision
that is going to empower you moving
forward That's real good That's real good
So this is not a one and done decision
making process.I'm not going to just be
able to take a time out for 30 minutes or
(33:02):
an hour and come back with Always life
changing decision I don't suggest that at
all I could not agree with Jerry Moore
This is something that you need to
actually take some time And as he was
saying these know being honest with
yourself is staying where you are.Is it
(33:22):
going to get you where you want to be six
months from now nine months from now a
year from now five a from now Or will
making those changes at are on the table
will that get you to where you want to be
Is that take part of the roadmap to get to
where you want to be to get to your
(33:45):
desired destiny And that's real good Those
are multiple exercises all in
themselves.That's at least a week worth of
being honest with yourself at the
appointed time Like if I've decided I've
got this hour lunch break every day and
I'm going to go for the next week or two
and sit in silence at this coffee shop
with my pen and my pad and work through
these exercises so that I can get to the
(34:10):
place where I can make That's clear
decision And nothing is hindering me with
making this decision I think that's a
process to get to success in life Yeah I
absolutely think that's a process to get
to success in life.Because the more that
you in those things through the more clear
it becomes The more that you think them
(34:31):
through the more that you think them out
Especially if you write it down or you
have somebody to talk to Because a lot of
times when we're just in our own head
we're unable to actually process through
things because what we end up doing is
spiraling back to an old thought or
(34:53):
spiraling back to an old way an old
emotion or feeling Whereas if we write it
down or we actually talk it out with
somebody somebody on the other side of you
can go can give you some a that doesn't
make any sense Well yeah that makes some
sense Well what do you think about this
instead Or if you're writing it down you
can write it down and you can look at it
(35:16):
and you can go well that doesn't make any
sense Well this makes some sense and you
can actually make more of it but the more
often you do that the more clarification
that you get.And that's why it's not a one
time thing because you do it once and you
put all this stuff down and all it is is
just a jumbled mess It's just like I don't
really know I still don't know what to do
But then you go the second time and you
take that jumble mess and you parse
(35:38):
through it a little more and the the third
time you parse through it a little more a
then eventually you have some
clarification And that's why it's not just
a one time thing but people look at these
kinds of things as a waste of time for
some reason because they think it's not
work right Well it's not important work
It's not me taking the kids to the soccer
game or it not me doing whatever task I
need to do at work But if you just keep
(35:59):
doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff
how are you living a life Do you want to
live at life or do you want life to just
keep slapping you in the face It's your
choice.And this is what it's takes to live
a life me you just sit down you got to
think things through You got to parse
through things and figure things out I
(36:20):
love that You're right.People let me say
this In our american culture because I've
been blessed to be able to actually live
in different cultures we do put enough
priority on our.How do I want to say it We
don't put enough priority on us
individually And when I a that I mean in a
place of peace in a place of self
reflection We don't put enough emphasis in
our day to day life on quality of life
(36:46):
Quality of life.And working through these
exercises that quality of life and your
core values those are the tools those are
the key to make the exercise successful
But because we're such say go go don't
society we place more value on what we can
(37:08):
do with our hands Like nothing wrong with
that Let me be sure I am 100 american.But
there are some flaws in the way that our
culture as Americans work and why we
experience a lot of things that quality
higher rate than other cultures And
(37:29):
sitting down with yourself and having that
conversation and people not understanding
the value of it that's a result to me my
own personal opinion that's a result of
living in a culture that defines success
joy peace happiness all of those things
The am dream as the 65 hours work week And
(37:50):
notice I didn't say 45 hours work week
grinding or as they a now chasing the bag
You're doing all that you can do.Put all
your work in now and do all of this And by
the time you could retire a 45 but my body
broke I retire that's 23 but I don't even
(38:15):
know who I am I know how to make money and
I find my happiness by making money And
now I'm sitting with this coach and this
coach is telling me to just be steel.And I
(38:37):
don't know how to be steel because I've
been living like the energizer bunny for
the past 1520 years So if I'm being steel
and with my own thoughts it scares me I
have to go turn on 50 things in my house
just to feel like I'm at a place of peace
But now I'm over here and Jerry is my
coach and Jerry's telling me to go sit on
(38:57):
the beach That's a waste of time.No it's
not Not even a little bit Not even a
little Not even a little bit So again you
said something very profound there about
values.Core values I don't believe that
most people have purposeful core values
but we all have core values whether we're
aware of them or not Most of us let
society tell us our values So a perfect
example of this is comfort Most people
(39:18):
value comfort.They value comfort
physically and they value comfort mentally
And you can see that by the phone So
instead of sitting and thinking things
through and actually going through the
process of sitting with yourself and
sitting in solitude and having to be with
(39:40):
your own mind most people will pick up a
phone if they have two minutes to spare An
interesting thing is to just walk down
like a a or walk down a sidewalk where
there's a bunch of stores and if someone's
(40:01):
waiting outside for somebody or something
like that or they're sitting on a park
bench what are they doing 9.9 times out of
ten they're staring at their phone is what
they're doing.So in of just being there
with themselves just being with themselves
which for many people right now is
uncomfortable they pick up their phone and
(40:22):
they find mental comfort in their phone
They find mental or in their phone On the
physical a of that it's uncomfortable to
go exercise It's for to go outside when
it's cold or go outside when it's too hot
Those things are uncomfortable for
people.So we find physical comfort by
having our house in our car in our
workplace at 72 degrees and not exercising
regularly and everything is bluetooth So
(40:44):
we literally can sit on our couch and not
have to get up to order in to have
anything brought to us We can literally I
must knock this face over We can literally
have food brought to our front door.I
don't know if they'll actually bring it in
the door and onto your couch for you but
(41:05):
they'll bring it to your front door And so
you have to realize your value and comfort
And if you're wondering why you're having
a hard time getting out of that it's
because that's what you value right now So
you have to decide to make a different
choice to value something different
different And that requires taking time.I
(41:28):
can't wait to our next conversation I'm
telling you I'm telling you we Got a lot
of rabbit holes to go down We do Because
when you were saying that one of the
things that over the last several years I
will say at least over the last three
years a I have been very intentional about
in my life is gardening.I grew up in the
south in the heart of Mississippi a
(41:49):
Mississippi at that So I grew up with it
But as we were know values change We
mature Our thought processes are was my
family was blessed to be able to live in
Europe for seven and Because half
years.And that's another conversation for
another day because that just really
changed our perspective on I won't say
(42:10):
everything but a lot of Sure Oh absolutely
Because Europeans are intentional about
hurry to do nothing that does not bring
support and a better way of life Not in
things and stuff but for them mentally
physically and their families.Their value
at least the ones that we were around Let
(42:34):
me say that case back to all Europeans
because I didn't need everybody but the
people a we met and lived around and
interacted with as Americans We go to work
and we're excited about work because we're
going to make these hours to go buy this
new in They're excited to come to work and
(42:55):
tell them when they're a their next
holiday I'll be gone for and month.A month
You got that much time saved up I'm going
to Croatia for a month Can I do that Their
value is different.So it changed the way
we saw a lot of things And when we came
(43:18):
back to America in 2017 we were shook to
what you were saying We found that our
values had changed and the things that we
found comfort in were now not necessarily
that My car is in my house and yes I find
comfort in my car I love mine a my house
but it was more than that.I'm willing to
(43:38):
leave my house I'm willing to leave my car
I'm willing to do these things to actually
find what truly brings value to LaQuita
that's not in there And the thing that
brought value to LaQuita was gardening and
so that's where you'll find me in my spare
time I'm outside.I'm getting the fresh air
I'm growing produce that my family eats
(44:02):
and it's healthy and I know where it comes
from And I'm connected It connects me with
my family It connects me I'm happy to say
my neighbor.To the left and right I've got
four neighbors that have gardens now
because they've been watching We have
these amazing conversations the value
shift And that showed up in my physical
(44:22):
when I went to the to for my checkups Like
I don't know what you're doing different
Miss Bonley but keep doing it.Yes I do
Yeah The values we as Americans or as
humans let me say that I don't want to
keep picking on my people We have to
(44:44):
really sit down And the practical things
that Jerry has shared with us today we
have to do that.Take that time for ourself
If you are struggling with that decision
on what success and purpose look like in
the next ten years it's probably because
you don't know you yet.So much truth to
that Yeah there is so much truth to that
(45:05):
And I think finding yourself taking the
time to find yourself and figure out
what's important to you is one of the most
I don't see any on why you wouldn't want
to do sit To take some time to figure out
what's important to you because you can
decide what your values are.I'm glad that
(45:27):
you had all of these examples working 65
hours having cars all of these things
because you can vilify them or you can
enjoy them too much There's both sides
That can be hard When someone who doesn't
have maybe that. ton of money looks at
somebody who drives a Mercedes or some
high end car they can go oh well that's
(45:49):
selfish person blah blah blah blah blah
But they don't realize that that mindset
is also keeping them from making progress
because you're literally building because
wall between you and money.But then on the
other end of that that person driving the
Mercedes is like I'm attached to this
Mercedes and I'm this you know powerful
(46:11):
person Because blah blah blah blah blah
Well that mindset is keeping you from
living maybe a fulfilled life because you
haven't looked at what other things you
might be able to value So the question is
not like if you have the things in your
life there are plenty of people who have
nice things A couple of perfect
examples.Speaking of working 65 hours or
(46:33):
so there's wall couple of people online
that people probably know Alex Hormosi and
Tom Billy that come to mind Tom Billu runs
the podcast impact theory and Alex Hormosi
is a big entrepreneur Alex Hormosi talks
regularly about working 65 80 whatever
hours a week And he's like a that's just
what I like to do I just enjoy doing
it.It's not because I think that it's
(46:54):
great and because I think that everyone
else needs to do It's just like that's
what I want to do And Tom Billy's the same
way He's like yeah I just enjoy working
that a hours a week That's just what I
enjoy doing.Guess what That's okay But on
the other end of that if you don't enjoy
doing it find a way to do it a little less
(47:14):
Yeah do it a little less and find what you
value So you don't have to not like nice
cars because people say you can't like
nice cars if you like nice cars.Like them
enjoy them Yeah and freaking enjoy them
When I start making more money I'm going
to buy some nice cars because the tons of
fun I love going out and driving them Yeah
but if you don't like nice cars guess what
(47:35):
You don't want okay. nice car go do some
gardening You don't want to garden Go
learn how to play music You don't a to
play music Go find like what do you want
to value in life Yes Just take some time
to think about it And that's the only
question Don't attach to it Take some time
(47:55):
to think about what you want to value and
then make start decision to do it.It's
that easy people It really is that easy
And sometimes it takes us a lifetime to
figure that out because we have been
programmed as cars, society globally to
value what's been put before us what we
have been programmed to value through what
we watch what we hear people of influence
and say oh that person has this that
(48:16):
person has that or that person is doing
this or that person is doing that And
we've been taught to be like these little
sponges and just soak up what the media
has put before us regardless of the form
of media that you absorb that you bring
into your life versus actually being like
my three a old granddaughter you're not
going to tell Amaya what she likes Most
(48:37):
three year olds you're not going to tell
them what they like.They will tell you
what they like and then they will tell you
that you should like what they like Like
we should be like them My favorite color
is pink My or color is purple She was
painting my nails and she was granny you
(49:00):
want your favorite color Yes I do I want
purple She said no You want no no I don't
I want purple.I lost that argument and I
had pink I'm certain I did but it was so
much fun But look at your little people I
(49:21):
like to call children little people Look
at little people.They're so carefree and
they know what they like And if they're
curious about it they go and try it Your
average two three four year old the
guardian spends 90 of our time trying to
tell them don't do that That's going to
hurt But they're going to do it anyway.And
that's what Jerry is saying Go do it Try
it You might like it you might not but
(49:43):
you'll never know till you do And when you
do discover what it is that you like and
you're discovering you the rest of the
work I not going to say little becomes
easier but you become more excited to do
it.Can I say that because the work is
harder Yeah the work is hard but you
(50:04):
become more willing to do it Because I
know who I am I know what I like I know
what I don't like.Now let's get a plan to
get me there And we have to make sure that
we connect with Jerry Jerry please let
everyone know how to We've been enjoying
this conversation and I have not even
asked how people can connect with you How
can people connect with you, The best
(50:26):
place right now is on Instagram at Jerry
Scarlato So you guys got that on Instagram
Get on IG at Jerry Scarlato And don't
worry his IG will be also in the show
notes Hit that rewind button
everybody.This is a conversation that you
want to listen to multiple times because
it has been jam packed with so many great
(50:49):
get for personal development and
professional development As a John Maxwell
certified speaker and coach John's primary
focus is on personal development And it's
true It's so true When we increase on our
personal development we increase
everywhere.So make sure Connect with Jerry
on IG Get this podcast listen to it
multiple times reach out to him hit him up
(51:10):
in his DMs ask the questions and do what
you need Scarletto. do in order to
continue to grow in your personal
development But before we sign off is
there any a thing that you would like to
leave with the toolbox audience I was
asked packed question on many podcast
(51:30):
recently that if I had professional
superpower what would it be And I told him
my 15 year old self wants to say I want to
be able to look through walls But since
I'm not 15 anymore and I'm in a different
(51:52):
season in life not a much different season
but slightly different season in life it's
that I would want people to have the power
to believe that they're capable of more
because I believe so many people don't
have the self worth They don't believe in
themselves They don't believe that they're
capable of more and they don't believe
that they're worthy of more.So a to
(52:15):
believe a you're worthy of more Start to
believe that you are capable of more And
it only starts as simple as taking one
step today and then to taking one step
tomorrow and then the next day taking one
step again So believe a you are capable of
more Believe that you are worthy of
more.And then take one step today to do it
(52:38):
And then do the step to and then another
step after that That's awesome Believe
that you are capable of doing that thing
that you desire to do Hey I love it.And
look don't let your 15 year old self down
I am sure if we don't have the technology
(53:01):
it's coming soon eventually I'm waiting
for it I am holding out You will be able
to look through walls.Jerry thank you so
much for being such an amazing guest here
on LaQuita's toolbox I do look forward to
having another conversation with you guys
that are tuning in Thank you so much for
tuning in to this episode of LaQuita's
(53:22):
Toolbox Make sure you hit those like share
subscribe buttons Turn that notification
bell on so that when we release new
episodes of the toolbox you won't miss
them.Until next time I am your host
LaQuita Monley You guys be blessed and
have an amazing rest of your day undefined
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