May 25, 2024 • 53 mins
When heartbreak hits, it reshapes our world in ways we can hardly anticipate. Our special guest Jacob joins us in a raw and revealing conversation about navigating the emotional aftermath of breakups, exposing the tender underbelly of the male psyche. Shattering the silence surrounding men's heartache, we uncover the anxieties and the pressing need for a nurturing support system and self-discovery.
Betrayal in love isn't just a personal crisis; it's a seismic event that can ripple through families, challenging our very notions of trust. This episode peels back the layers of pain that come with infidelity, exploring not just the struggle of those directly involved but also the collateral damage it inflicts on loved ones. In shedding light on the long road to healing, we celebrate the resilience found in setting boundaries, embracing self-worth, and learning to recognize the red flags that signal a need for change.
We round off our discussion by addressing the pervasive undercurrent of fear that many women face daily. Through personal stories, we illustrate the lengths to which women go to feel safe, from carrying protective devices to the complex dynamics of interacting with male professionals. Our heart-to-heart doesn't shy away from the tough realities of trust within relationships and society, inviting listeners to reflect on their own experiences with vulnerability and strength.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
this is latina state of mind, a podcast created by
latinas for all audiences, wherewe can share our experiences
about love, life and everythingin between.
(00:31):
Welcome, welcome to anotherepisode of Latina State of Mind,
hello.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hi, como estan?
This is Xenia this is.
Nancy.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
This is Xeniana, and we have a very special guest
with us.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Yes, hey, how's it going?
Really glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Tell us your name, please.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'm Jacob.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Jacob is here to talk to us and have awesome
conversation.
Gonna be great.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yep.
What are we going to talk about?
Yep?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
What are we talking about?
Well, we're talking aboutbreakups, oof, and especially
the male perspective, because wehave covered breakups before.
Right, but it was ourperspective.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And it was messy, was it?
I listened to the breakupepisode before we recorded this
episode just to see kind of whatour episode was like.
And I was like man, I'm a messybroken up with person.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I don't think you are .
I thought it was veryeducational, like you're messy
when people break up with you.
Yeah, is that what you're?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
saying yeah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I thought that episode was just as insightful
as every other episode of theTenant State of Mind which you
should all go and listen toright now.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, Thank you, Jacob.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Listen to him.
He knows what he's talkingabout.
He's very smart.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, I was going to say he's white, but I'm not
going to say that.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right here, girl, then you should really listen to
him oh man, what does that mean?
Let's talk about breakups.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Breakups.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
How do you handle breakups?
Speaker 4 (02:07):
like, so really badly um so so I'm a really anxiously
attached person.
Uh, when, when I'm in arelationship with someone, I
tend to get really attachedreally quickly and I tend to
convince myself that the otherperson's not attracted.
And so I have to like beperformative, I have to go above
and beyond.
I have to sacrifice my ownneeds, my own boundaries, to
(02:28):
make sure that they stay andthey'll never leave me.
So when they do, it's horribleand I knew it all along, and
life is doomed and it's the endof the world.
So I handle it pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I think we all handle it pretty bad yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Do you feel like you've repeated that pattern,
though, or have you learnedanything from your mistakes?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yes, Thank you for asking, Nancy.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Yes.
So, yeah, a lot of breakupswere like that.
But I recently went through apretty significant breakup and
it started off kind of that way.
It was like it was the end ofthe world.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Right.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
It was a long relationship.
We bought a house together.
We lived together for years.
I was really close with all ofher family members, and when
you're that close with someoneand when you spend as much time
together as we did and then theyleave you, it changes your
whole world.
Your whole reality is different, because your day-to-day
(03:21):
routine is just fundamentallynot the same as it was.
You don't get to sleep next tosomeone anymore, you don't have
anyone to talk to, you don'thave anyone to talk to, you
don't have someone to come hometo.
It's devastating.
And so this time I did a bit ofthat bad behavior that I talked
about before, but I challengedmyself to make new friends and
do new things and surroundmyself with like a support
network, and it's amazing howmuch that actually worked.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Right, what were some of those bad behaviors that you
would do If?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
you don't mind sharing, or whenever you feel
comfortable sharing.
Yes, share with us.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
So a lot of like ruminating so looking up what
she's doing, seeing who she'swith, wondering what she's up to
.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That's the worst yes, some would say stalking I used
to do that too.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Oh my gosh, it's so, it's so bad it's yeah, um, but
also, like you know, drinking alot, um, like not being able to
sleep, uh, unless I'm inebriatedsomehow, staying up way too
late, losing motivation foreverything, um, yeah, just
beating myself up, looking inthe mirror and like not not
liking what I see and nottreating myself kindly, like
with my own words, because like,oh, if she left me, you know I
(04:31):
must be, I must be trash youknow.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So that kind of thing yeah, it's, very sad but thank
you for sharing this because Ifeel like this is something that
a lot of men go through, butthey refuse to talk about
because they won't acknowledgethey're like oh no, um, this is
not.
I don't know why, but I likethat you're you're.
You're saying this because, assomebody that has been broken up
(04:55):
with and has been hurt, italways seemed like men don't go
through it like I always reallydo men never like.
They don't have feelings likethey don't go through it.
They just hurt women and all.
All men are trash like when,when you're, when you but it's
(05:18):
nice to hear that there are menout there that go through it and
that actually have thosefeelings and that actually feel
vulnerable and and and andactually fall in love.
So thank you for sharing thatthat really means a lot to me.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, it was.
It was nice growing up with abunch of women.
I grew up I had so many sistersand stepsisters growing up and
I was close with all of them andthey weren't like my guy
friends.
And then you learn how to or Ilearned how to express how I was
feeling and talk about emotionsand not bottle things up, which
(05:55):
is really unhealthy.
Guys, if you're listening, stop.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Talk to anyone.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Talk to me, dm us, send a message to the show I'll
give you my number.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
We promise we won't judge yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Thank you.
No, I, it's amazing, honestlyCause like you, you want to, you
want to you, you want to heal,you want to like, you want to do
what's best for you.
But when you sit in those nastyfeelings, like you said, it's
so hard.
I remember stalking all thosepeople that broke up with me.
I remember being like is shebetter than me, is she cuter?
(06:30):
Like what did he change me for?
Like you know all these thingsyou think about and they're so
stupid, like whatever they didor they didn't do, they did it
because of them, not because ofyou.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
A hundred percent 100%.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's such an important point.
I feel like we make it aboutourselves when in reality it's
well most of the time.
I think it's not right it'ssomething that that person is
going through, or they're justdecided to do whatever they want
to with their life and notinclude you anymore, which sucks
, but rarely has to do withsomething about you, I think
yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And the fact that you said you had to look at
yourself in the mirror.
You have to look at you and benice to yourself.
I feel like that's that's key,because as women, we do it all
the time.
We're always so, so hard onourselves.
For I remember so many times itwas oh, I'm too fat for this
guy, I'm too this for this guy,I'm too that for that guy, he,
(07:22):
he did this to me because I'mI'm too this for this guy, I'm
too that for that guy.
He did this to me because I'mnot his type and he couldn't
tell me.
You know, and it's all these,this narrative that we, we put
in our brains, that so unhealthyand thank you.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
We like to hurt ourselves, yes.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yes, and it's not good.
It's a little masticist, Idon't mind it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
No, but I'm really I myself.
I'm really excited for thisconversation because I have two
older brothers and I want to beable to talk to them more
personally.
Yeah, especially one of them,he just went through a breakup
and I'm like I don't know whatto tell him and I don't know how
to like get him to like open upabout it, because I know he's
definitely affected by it.
Yeah, but I wish I could belike hey, let's talk, let's get
(08:09):
this out.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Men are.
Men are stubborn animals.
They they're hard-headed and ifyou approach it on the nose
they'll probably won't talk toyou.
You gotta just give themopportunities, you just gotta be
available.
You gotta make sure that heknows that you care about him
and and then, when he's feelingvulnerable enough, he'll open up
to you.
And when he does that, you justgot to be ready to be there and
listen.
But you can't force him to openup, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
How do we, as women, show our good fellow men, the
good men that we are only thegood men that we are there and
available for when they need totalk Like how, how did somebody
show that to you?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Yeah, I think that's a great question.
So, um, I'm really close withmy sister.
She looks after me, she, shebasically raised me, um, from
the time we were kids and whenshe knew that I was having a
hard time after this lastbreakup, she bought a plane
ticket and flew out to see me.
And when she knew that I washaving a hard time after this
last breakup, she bought a planeticket and flew out to see me
and she stayed with me for aweek.
That's how she showed me shewas just physically.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, she's the best Shout out.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
You're the best.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
She and and she didn't have questions, she
didn't have expectations, shejust was physically present and
just made it a point to be there, and then, whenever I was ready
to talk, I just knew I couldtalk to her.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That's what I want to tell her brother.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
I'm not going to judge.
You Tell him.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
You can talk all the shit about her that you want.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I'll join on that I knew just enough.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
No, but he, he's a, he's a Taurus, so he's very
stubborn, yeah, and it's goingto take a while for him to open
up, and that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I'll be here for you, brother, whenever you need to
talk.
Do you mind sharing a littlebit of what happened?
You don't have to go intodetails, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
So we were both really young when we met.
We met online through a friendof a friend.
They're a really complicatedstory and we hit it off really
quickly and we started livingtogether.
After the first year of dating,I flew up here basically to be
with her.
I knew I was going to leavewhere I was from, anyway, a
thousand miles away, and Ididn't know where I was going to
(10:24):
leave, where I was from, anyway, a thousand miles away, um, and
I didn't know where I was goingto go and I knew that that girl
was here.
So here's, here's where Ilanded and we were just best
friends.
Um, we, we, we played gamestogether, we hung out together,
we went out together, we, wespent every waking moment of our
time together that we could andwe and we never got tired of it
.
And, um, as we got older andmoved to different places, we
both got pretty depressed.
(10:46):
The political environment of theworld got pretty bleak.
We're kind of regressing as faras women's rights.
There's been conflict goingaround in the world, like it's a
lot of you know that stuff'sgoing on and, at the same time,
like our lives are gettingharder all the time.
It's expensive, work is hard.
You don't know what you want todo with a career.
It may be hard to try to find ajob Like all those stressors
(11:06):
just started weighing on us andwe got more depressed and we we
stopped trying new things and westopped going places and we
stopped hanging out with ourfriends and we stopped having
time of any time to ourselvesand we just sat at home together
and did nothing and thateventually devolved until it got
to a boiling point when I foundout that she was cheating on me
(11:27):
.
She was having an affair withsomeone for a couple of weeks
online, just like we did when wefirst started dating, and I
imagine it was exciting andnothing like the boring
relationship that had beenstagnant, you know, for who
knows how long before.
That happened and I just foundout about it and that's how it
ended.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm so sorry.
That's so sad.
That's that's all right, it'sokay, but thank you for sharing.
Yeah, no problem.
Um, yeah, I, I'm angry, so, andI'm trying not to be, but that's
because, um, I really like you,jacob, that somebody hurt you,
um, and I understand that you'rejust being so nice and you're
(12:04):
being so thoughtful and allthose things, but I think that I
cheating is sensitive for mebecause it's happened very, very
close in my family and I knowhow much that hurts and I know
the damage it can do to someone,to someone's self-esteem, to
someone's life, someone'sself-esteem, to someone's life,
(12:28):
and so I, I, I know that you areso sweet and you're sitting
here and saying you know we didthis and this happened, and
you're basically taking anyblame from her, which, um, I
appreciate, but I think thatyou're a piece of shit for
cheating.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I'm sorry, we, we can say ugh, woman too.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Exactly Like if you don't want to be with somebody,
just end it and don't cheat.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Yeah, I understand that sentiment a lot and I feel
that way a lot of the time andI'll get really angry, but I try
to have as much empathy aspossible and you can't deny that
that's easier said than done,right?
Like we've been together forsix years, we live in a house
that we bought together.
You're really just going to endit on this affair.
(13:14):
Like you're really just goingto throw it all away Exactly,
and so for me, like that's whyfuck around anyway and then find
out.
Right, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
For around anyway and then find out right, I get it,
I get it.
That's for me.
That's where I'm like, yeah,and you're not wrong at all.
Yeah, like I feel like my dadcheated on my mom.
They'd been married for 40something years, oh my god, um,
and that wasn't the only onetime, right, but the the reason
their marriage ended was becausehe he basically fucked up and
ended up in a differentrelationship and got caught up
on that.
I know what that did to my momafter 40 years of putting up
with the man.
That was annoying and you knowthat did all these things that
(13:54):
he wasn't supposed to do.
I know what that did to me ashis daughter and to my brothers,
you know.
Yeah, so for me it's like if mydad would have come to her and
said, hey, I'm done, like thisis over, it would have been, it
would have sucked ass.
It would have, but it would havetaken away so much of that pain
that he caused when he wentbehind everybody's back.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
So absolutely yeah, and those wounds are there, like
the insecurity, the lowself-esteem, the all that that's
there.
I'm fortunate enough that I cango to therapy and then I can
exercise and have the motivationto do that and surround myself
with friends who are positiveand encouraging, and that's
helped a lot and I've reallycome a long way with with that.
(14:37):
But yeah, I know what you meanit sucks.
I just and I know I'm just- ifI were, if I were pissed, it'd
be justified.
But I don't want to be like,yeah, I don't want to hold on to
anger.
If I don't have to, if I, ifI'm capable of not leaning into
that, just it's not worth it.
I'll be angry for you yes we'reall angry.
Yes, that's what I'm here for.
(15:00):
Remember I said surround myselfwith friends it makes it better
.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
That's what I'm here for.
Hey, remember I said surroundmyself with friends Makes it
better.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
That's what I'm here for hey, now you have an angry
friend over here Hell yeah,she'll do it for you.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I will say all the mean things you don't want
to say, perfect.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Let's start right now .
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Fuck you, bitches.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Just in case you didn't hear.
She said fuck you, bitches yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you cheated on jacob, fuck you.
So you actually just said fuckyou to four people bitches,
that's why I said bitches yeahdo you?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I don't know if it's gonna be too personal nothing's
too personal.
Later on let's go, yeah uh, doyou regret ending things?
Because I've heard a lot not alot, but I've heard the phrase.
Why end it after one bad thing,despite having all of these
other good things or other goodmemories?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
than I did, because I couldn't accept it.
When I found out I didsomething bad that I regret
doing, that was unethical, and Iopened up her computer and read
some messages that she had sentthis guy.
That's how I found out aboutthe affair.
I should have marched up thestairs and just ended it, cut it
off, but I didn't.
I again, I red redrew my ownboundaries, I sacrificed my own
needs.
I decided that I didn't deserveany better than that and so I
(16:30):
said you know, like you can talkabout, like, do we need to open
up the relationship?
Like you need to just see thisthrough and make a decision and
like things like that which was,which felt gross and small, and
I didn't like that.
Um, you know what I mean.
I should have.
I should have demanded betterfor myself and just moved on.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
But I think you have to go through those things to
realize, right?
Because then maybe you wouldhave ended up with more
questions, right?
You would have been like well,what if I had?
I would have said this, or whatif we and you didn't?
You said everything you couldsay and it's okay, yeah, yeah,
you're in a better place now forthat.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Yeah, yeah, and and and.
The better, the healthier, andthe more like emotionally secure
state that I work at getting tonow, the more I'm realizing
like, oh it's, it's such a goodthing that that relationship
ended.
You know, breakups happen for areason and it's almost always a
good reason because even if youdidn't want to break up, they
did and it takes two right.
So and I'm realizing more andmore like all the, all the red
(17:31):
flags that I didn't know when Iwas the frog in boiling water in
the relationship.
Not seeing it just make memiserable.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I was looking at you because, like a one comment that
he made which one, uh gosh, Ican't remember now, but it was
super important I looked at youand I was like because it was
something about being basicallyless toxic.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And then I looked at you and I was like, oh, you want
me to be less toxic?
No, never.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Never, I can be.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
You can, I can.
Yes, I will try.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Not to can?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
yes, I will try not to um.
I was gonna ask you a questionabout you said this has happened
to you four times.
Yeah, do you think um, I know Iblame myself for so many things
whenever I got broken up withor whenever something ended, and
this last time time it happened, do you think you saw you?
You were like this is why ithappened, or like what do you
think you discover aboutyourself after this breakup?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Well, the most important thing, I think, is
something that I've alreadymentioned, which is, like my
tendency to sacrifice my ownneeds.
I got to stop doing that.
I got to, I got to, I got tostop doing that.
I gotta, I gotta, I gottaunderstand and believe that I
deserve more than that, andbetter than to than to fall into
that behavior.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Is it getting easier now to understand that?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
And I think I'm gonna .
I'm gonna really be mindfulabout my next relationship and
try to find someone who doesn'tmake me want to do that in the
first place is what I realized.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I think it's super important that you said um be.
Oh my gosh, I keep forgettingwhat you say.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I'm so sorry, but it's so important.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It is very important and I really and I really liked
what you said.
Um, I thought it was superimportant that you said that you
be mindful, especially and Iwant to say this to like men be
like, hey, be mindful that thismay or may not have been because
of you.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
And if it was, then shoot, work on it and if not,
then still try to become betterin some way.
I think it was something thatyou mentioned around that, that
I thought that was reallyimportant and I think a lot of
men should consider you know.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
I think it's like recognizing the pattern that we
have right and that are notbeneficial or that are hurtful
if it's happening.
Obviously it's not your faultif somebody cheated on you.
That's not what I'm trying tosay.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
But, like you were saying, you were putting
yourself maybe in a situationwhere you were maybe more
forgiving than you should havebecause you were not set with
your boundaries and you wereallowing those situations to
happen, like how much did my badbehavior that I didn't realize
(20:24):
that I was doing about, like nothaving boundaries, not
expressing needs, not showing upfully as a partner, how much
did that lead to the destructionof the relationship, who knows?
You know, we got to catchourselves in that behavior and
that falls right in line withsomething we talked about
earlier in the podcast Men,don't bottle your shit up.
Talk about it, if you needsomething, say so, so it's
(20:46):
important that you do Iappreciate you saying um like
that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
We rec that you recognize what you did wrong in
the relationship like I reallydo appreciate that.
But I think also one of thethings is I don't want you to
take all the blame because I see, because she cheated on me,
yeah it seems like you're the Idon't know you for that long,
(21:12):
but I feel like when you have agood heart like, you tend to be
like I did this wrong and youtend to take the blame for the
outcome, which I think is whereI don't want you to go, you know
like, and where I don't wantgood people to go, because a lot
(21:32):
of the times, yeah, we all makemistakes, yeah, we all do
shitty things in relationshipsand we're not perfect, and I'm
except for nancy.
She is perfect.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Remember that um, but I apologize to anyone who's
ever lost me.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, exactly guess, obviously, but you know um
cheating is cheating yeah no,what like?
There comes a time where youthere's there's a chance for you
(22:09):
to stop yourself.
There's a there's that placewhere you say I'm taking this
too far, and and and one morestep is cheating.
And I feel like a lot of peoplehave this.
Oh, I'm just talking to someone.
If I'm just I'm emotionallyinvolved with someone, that's
not cheating, that's fuckingcheating, yeah like if you're,
(22:30):
if you're having someone elsemeet the needs that your partner
is supposed to be having.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
That's fucking cheating and so, yeah, we, we
talked about it out loudmultiple times.
We, we, we had a discussionabout like what are?
What is disagreement?
What are, what are we doing inthis relationship, what are our
boundaries?
And we agreed time and timeagain to be monogamous,
exclusive, completely,emotionally, physically, all
(22:57):
that.
So it's not even like.
It's not even like I was makingan assumption about what we
were.
It's that we knew what we weresupposed to be and she knew very
well it was cheating from themoment, like it happened.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So, yeah, yeah, you're right so it's not your
fault and fuck bitch I thinkhonestly in this situation and
you you can correct me if I'mwrong, but like it started when
they maybe downloaded the app ordown or started those that
thought yeah, it was a sim.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
That affair started the same way our relationship
started, oh yeah, I'm so sorry,that sounds really painful it
was horrifying yeah yeah, so and, like I said, we lived together
, right and, and the worst part,the worst thing, the uh, the
thing I wish never happened.
Uh, it took a couple daysbefore before she left the house
(23:45):
and in those couple days thatshe was there, she was
continuing to be in the affairand to spend time with this guy
in front of me fuck bitches,that is that's, that's terrible
I don't even know what to say.
yeah, like that was a tough pillto swallow.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because oh man.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
It's so hard to even like comprehend, I think, at
that point because this issomeone who said they loved you
Right, and they're intentionallyhurting you, it's so it's so
hard to have any sort ofcompassion and what I was saying
before about like acknowledgingacknowledging what we do is
more for than anything else,because, yeah, so you can
(24:27):
protect yourself in the futurein other relationships but it
makes no sense to me, becausehow can people say things like I
love you and then do thingslike right, right.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
It makes no sense because I feel like, if you're,
you know the kind of pain thatthat you're going to cause
somebody.
If they find out you, you know.
That's why you're hiding it.
If, if you didn't think thiswas painful, if you didn't think
this was going to hurt anybody,there would be no reason for
you to hide anything.
So when my husband goes tolunch with one of his co-workers
(25:01):
as a female, he tells me aboutit because there's nothing to
hide, because he knows thatthere's not like that's a
friendship.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
And you show up because you're toxic.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yeah, and I show up there to see if it's really just
a friendship.
She just wants to check out themenu, that's all.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
And how do you guys feel about relationships where
someone cheats and the otherperson decides to you know,
forgive them, stay in therelationship.
What do we think about that?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
I.
I think it it depends entirelyon the discovery of the affair,
like how it was found out andhow it was approached.
Because I know in my situation,if she would have come to me
and said I've been having anaffair, I'm sorry, I don't want
to be in that anymore and I'veended it and I want to stay with
you, can we, can we work onthis?
I would have said yes,absolutely, and it would have
been no, no questions asked.
(25:50):
But finding out the way that Idid hurts so much more and you
can't.
One of the things that you thatyou lose when that happens is
the ability to believe them andtrust them.
And so you, after you find,find out that way it's that much
harder to believe like thatthey would want to still be with
you.
You know what I mean.
Even if like so, if you findout like that and then they say
(26:13):
let's stay together, then you golike do you really mean that?
How could I possibly believeyou?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
you know, so even like any other thing from then
on.
How could you even believe it'strue, right?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
and especially if you're an anxious person, it's
easy to make up stuff like ohthere's no way she could be
telling the truth you know, yeah, right, do you want to go um?
Speaker 4 (26:34):
this is any his daily shit.
Yeah, this is my daily shit, um.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
So, like I said, my dad cheated on my mom, um, and I
think they try to make it worka lot, but there was never this.
I don't think they ever workedthrough it.
So my experience with that wasalways terrible, like.
It was always like why did youguys stay together?
You should have just ended it,I.
When I met Jerome's, one of thethings he told me was that his
(27:03):
biggest um, what did he thewords he used was currency was
trust, that the best way that hecould show me that he cared was
, um, trust that he would dowhat was required for me to
trust him.
But I needed to do what wasrequired for him to trust me,
and I thought that was reallyhonest.
And that was one of the thingsthat I was immediately attracted
(27:25):
to, because in every otherrelationship it was always like
let me hide my phone, let me,I'm gonna be with my cousin at
his party or I'm gonna go see mygrandma, or you know.
Like a lot of bullshit, um.
And in this relationship it waseverything was out, and so for
(27:47):
me, I don't think I could gothrough somebody cheating on me
and losing that trust and beinglike, okay, let's work on it
because I don't, I don't think Icould like me.
It would be really hard afterlike having the beauty of trust
and trusting that somebody isnot going to do that to you
(28:08):
because they care about you, I Icouldn't like, I really
honestly, would always doubt it.
I I don't think I could be likeyeah, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna
forever trust him again like I,I just couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, I'm an overthinker myself, so I feel
the same way.
I would constantly be like oh,they don't love me, they don't
care about me, they even if theytell me and they show it.
But I don't know.
If that were to happen to me,in the back of my mind I'd
always be questioning it.
So I'd rather not.
I don't think I would continueit for that reason, because I
don't want to be questioning ityeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
It's difficult, especially once there are more
things like a house or kids orall these other things, and I
think that's what I tell myselfalso, that I wouldn't stay in a
situation like that.
But I feel like we have to haveso much compassion for the
people who stay for those things, because I can't imagine how
difficult it is and how muchwork they have to kind of
(29:06):
finally live peacefully right,because it's such it's torture
almost.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah we're doing great.
Nova had an opinion about that.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
He said fuck bitches he takes after his mom.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I think that you're right, nancy.
It's just hard, because whenyou do things for the kids, I
understand financially that youcan be stuck in a situation and
that sucks.
But I feel like when you dothings for your kids and staying
in a relationship where theparents don't trust each other,
(29:52):
what you're teaching your kidsis that it's okay to be in a
relationship where there's notrust.
And for me, I saw this growingup.
I saw the lack of stability,all the self-esteem issues in
both ends, because they both, intheir own way, had, um,
(30:14):
self-esteem issues, one becausehe, they did what they did, and
the other one because it wasdone to them, you know.
But at the same time it wasjust like I wish we could have
figured out a way to just liveseparately and live happier,
because then the fights wouldhave not been there, that
tension that built up so manytimes because she didn't know
(30:35):
where he was, even if he wasdoing nothing you know they're
like.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
There's always that tension, there's always that
kids see that right, right andas a kid.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You feel it like you know it.
You know what's going on, evenif you don't know that exactly
what it is.
You know something's up and Iwish there was.
There would have been a waywhere they could have just been
like, okay, this is done, I'mnot like, I'm not gonna, let's
just end it.
And and I do, I I I feel forthose people that live in that
(31:07):
situation, because a lot ofwomen or men are dependent on
their spouse for income or youknow, and it's hard for them to
like, leave us a bad situationwhich sucks, and I hate that.
Are there people that are stuckin those?
Speaker 4 (31:23):
but if you're not and you can get out, I feel like
it's probably best yeah, likeyeah, it still makes it more
complicated of a decision,though, right like of course
you're a hundred percent right.
It absolutely has a negativeimpact on kids growing up.
But, like in the moment whenyou're deciding like, do I want
to let this go?
Like kids, do make it that muchthat much heavier of a decision
(31:44):
, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Sorry Diana, I'm going to just Diana and I are
sharing a mic.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Moving the mic to myself because Diana is being so
quiet right now.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I'm just, I'm just letting you be, share what
you've got inside.
Yes, this is presented by Sonia, I don't mind.
I don't mind sharing.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I think I'm just.
This is a topic that I'm.
The whole cheating thing for meis because, like I said, I've
lived through it in my life withmy, with my family.
It's just.
I don't think that people thatdo it understand how hurtful it
is and how damaging it is toothers.
(32:27):
You know hurtful it is and howdamaging it is to others.
You know, um, whether you'resleeping with a married man or
married woman, or you're justcheating on your boyfriend, like
cheating has so many thingsthat come like, but after that,
like it's not just oh, we brokeup and I'm hurt, it just.
There's so much more than thatyou.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
You deal with grief because it's like you lost a
relationship.
It's like that relationship isdead now and you have that grief
, you have that loss of yourday-to-day and your routine and
your partner is gone.
You have that sadness becauseyou miss them.
You have that insecuritybecause you got cheated on.
It's a cascade of negativeemotions and feelings that you
have to go through, so many thatyou can't feel them at the same
(33:05):
time, and you go through wavesof just one bad thing to the
next.
Yeah, yeah, it's horrible.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Don't, don't cheat folks don't cheat, don't be
bitches I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I love that you're cursing a lot more.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Let it out especially in this episode yeah, let it
out.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Um, it's so.
It's just so important and thisone thing that I keep thinking
about, it's so important that,uh, you would end a relationship
, uh, for however many years,for the moment of the fuck it
moment, the, the excitementmoment, which is it's gonna last
.
It's great, it's great for thatone period of time, but it's
(33:42):
not gonna last mostrelationships, most people that
get into relationships wherethey've cheated like the.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
You're cheating on your spouse and don't last.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
That's your fucking karma yeah, I mean it should
tell you a lot about the person,right?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
yeah, exactly right, sorry, continue I.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I have a, I have a Sure.
How did you, how did you findout?
How did you know that thisperson was cheating on you?
How did it happen?
Speaker 4 (34:14):
So so we spent all of our time together.
We could finish each other'ssentences, know what we're
thinking like, that kind ofthing Really really close,
really close.
And um, I got off of work earlyone day and didn't give her a
heads up that I was coming home,um, and I just walked into the
room and she was on the phoneand she just hung up really
quick, just like oh and then gotoff the phone and I didn't say
anything.
(34:34):
That's even if you're in aserious relationship.
Folks who they're on the phonewith is not your business at
this point in the story.
Okay, like, respect theirprivacy, but so that's not what
made me suspicious.
What made me suspicious was sheimmediately gave me a
justification for why she hungup on the person so quickly and
just said that it was her mom,and it was no big deal and it
was a short conversation withoutyou, even without asking, right
(34:54):
, yeah, so she's guilty andpanicking, right?
oh, fuck, oh fuck right so sorryI didn't know if we were, if we
were f-bombing on this one,okay okay, all right, fuck
bitches, fuck bitches.
So the uh little little latencyon the sensor, so um so, and I
(35:18):
knew immediately she was lying,um, because I knew I knew her
really well, uh, and I know hermom really well and I know I
knew she would never hang up onher mom like that ever,
especially if I walked in.
She was just continuing theconversation.
So that's when I knew, oh shit,something's up, and I had a lot
of anxiety and, uh, nothinghappened for a while after that.
I just felt anxious and shitty,I knew something was up and
(35:40):
until I couldn't take it anymore.
And that's when I went andlooked through the messages and
found it it sucks to be proven.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Right thing we're not toxic.
They make us toxic yes, yes,yes, yes like wait, hold on.
She hung up the phone.
I would not need anything elseas soon as that would,
immediately, as soon as thathappened, I would be going
through that phone it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
So the the reason good for you for not being toxic
, jacob the whole relationship,from the from start to finish.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
We agreed we were going to respect each other and
respect each other's privacy andbe truthful and faithful and
honest, and she didn't do.
There were no other affairs upuntil that point in the
relationship we were, there wasperfect fidelity, and we never
felt compelled to look througheach other's phones.
We never had a suspicion, nevera doubt, and we were never
worried about that sort of thing, which is what made it all the
(36:34):
more jarring when that didn'thappen, you know nancy.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Have you ever been?
Have you ever gone throughanybody's phone?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I have yeah, but I've also, I've also cheated, oh
whole new dynamic wait hold onwow, she said she was perfect
Speaker 4 (36:54):
how do you think she knows that she has to live
through it?
This is, I had no idea, okay.
So now we've got questions fornancy, now we have questions.
What happened?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
okay, okay, so I cheated once.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
When I was really young and I was very inebriated.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
And then I just kept saying fuck bitches.
I'm sorry, nancy, I'm bitches,you're bitches too.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, there's no excuse.
I got drunk and I made amistake.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I'm going to be a little lenient because, you were
not in your right mind.
I feel like not 100% lenient,right like no.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
I know I knew it was a mistake and literally like the
morning after when I woke up, Icalled this person to let them
know what had happened because Ifelt so guilty, right, they
never really were able toforgive me, which I understand,
but I think in my mind I keptthinking like it was a mistake,
like I'm not gonna do it again.
And I didn't.
But yeah, I don't know.
I haven't done it ever since,guys, I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
It's so much different.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
It's so much different to have uh, to be
drunk and to get caught up inthe heat of a moment once and
then immediately come clean.
That's a totally differentstory than having a private
secret affair that goes on forweeks or months, you know.
That's way more intentional waymore malicious that way.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
There was more consciousness.
Maybe there wasn't a lot ofconsciousness.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
I mean it's still a mistake.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
Exactly.
You still knew what you weredoing and definitely shouldn't
have done that.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
It's no excuse, but still there's a bit of
consciousness to it that thisother individual had.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Tanya has something to say.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
No, I just have a question now.
Okay, so would you?
I'm just asking the samequestion Would you forgive
somebody if they cheated likeNancy did?
Speaker 3 (38:45):
as opposed to the other type of cheating.
Speaker 4 (38:46):
Would I no like that's a question for the entire
room.
Uh-huh, oh yes, absolutely youwould.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Yeah definitely I would be more lenient too.
I don't know if I would, but Iwould think about it you would
consider it, consider, andthat's a lot for her and that's
a lot.
So it's only for you, onlybecause it was me what?
Speaker 4 (39:04):
What about you, Dinah ?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I would also consider it.
I feel like if there was morethought to it and more length to
the affair, then no, I don'tthink I would consider it.
I don't know for sure, but Idon't think I would consider it.
If there was drugs, alcoholinvolved, I'll think about it,
but it would still be tough forme.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, yeah it would be hard for me too, would you,
nancy?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I think it would be hard for me, like, knowing the
type of person that I am, Iwould feel so betrayed.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
That I don't think.
I think I would want tounderstand, but I don't think I
could.
I would never forget it, so itwould be really hard to yeah.
I think I would be mean to thatperson afterwards, like wanting
to be I don't know vengeful andmake them feel how they made me
feel, and I wouldn't want thatfor somebody else, you know.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Yeah, I mean that's totally fair.
That makes a lot of sense.
Maybe me saying yes so quicklyto that is just sacrificing
needs and redrawing boundaries.
Maybe I should be moreintrospective.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I don't know no, I mean whatever works you don't
okay, regardless of thesituation, you cheat fuck you, I
gotta spend more time withsaying actually that's not a bad
idea.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Learn a little bit of toxicity from her, just a
little bit I am not toxic I knowI've listened to the record
I've heard the other episodes Iknow, I know she would never,
never.
But we're gonna take a breakfrom this topic and go to
(40:42):
anybody want to do anything else?
I mean?
Speaker 4 (40:44):
they had that one thing you guys talked about
doing.
Right, what was it?
It wasn't that memorable.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
No, it's not.
How about some of that Diana'sDaily shit?
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Let's get it All right, fuck everyone.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
First and foremost.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
No, I'm just kidding.
Say what Especially bitchesfirst and foremost.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
No, I'm just kidding.
Um, say what, especiallybitches?
Uh, no, we're gonna talk abouta topic that has been very um,
it's been going around in thesocial media sphere for a bit.
We're gonna talk about manversus bear in the woods okay, I
think I know everyone's answer,but like if you were stuck in
the woods with a man or a bearwho would you rather encounter.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Bear Bear man.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Get out.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I have a different kind of privilege here, though.
That's true, that's true.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
But yes, I would obviously pick bear as well.
I would rather get my gutsslashed out by a bear than by a
man, Because unfortunately bothare capable of that.
But men have a frontal lobe.
Well, they do have a frontallobe.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Last we checked.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Last the anatomy was checked.
They did.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Is it fully developed ?
Speaker 2 (42:12):
We don't know, but anyways, debatable, debatable,
but anyways, a bear doesn't.
I don't know if they have afrontal lobe, but they don't
have the.
Um, I guess I don't say it likethe, they're just going on
instinct, they're trying tosurvive, exactly yes, they're
hungry, they want to protectthemselves, they want to protect
their cubs, they, whatever itis, they don't have the thought
that they are going to hurt youbecause of some self-pleasure
(42:36):
thing, emotion, and,unfortunately, a lot of men,
they uh look at women and theysee them as less and they see
them as more vulnerable, so theyhave all of these inappropriate
thoughts about them, um hurtingthem, torturing them, murdering
them.
Um.
So, yes, I I don't understandpeople who are angry about this
and obviously, if you're gettingangry about this topic, then
(42:58):
you have issues yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Um talk to a therapist about that, not us, um
gosh, but um yes, so bear justthe fact that when we're walking
outside and we have to have,like, our keys or something in
our hands to feel a little bitmore safe whenever we see men
walking around it's crazy.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
You you mentioned that I.
I remember the moment I foundout that that was a thing.
I was a little kid, um, I waslike i't know, maybe seven or
eight years old, and my, myolder sister was doing that.
I said, like, why are you doingthat?
And she told me, and it blew mymind, and it still blows my
mind to this day and I think thefact that so many, so many
women choose bear should youshouldn't be angry about that.
(43:41):
You well, I mean you should beangry, but for a a different
reason.
That should just say a lot aboutlike where we're at as a
society, right with women havingto feel that way and being so
normal that the assumption issexual assault.
Yeah, that's fucked up.
Why, why is?
Speaker 1 (43:55):
that the norm right.
I, as soon as I, as soon as Iget in my car, I lock my car.
Same like I don't even wait um,I have pepper spray in my in my
keychain.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
I'm always looking everywhere and and you shouldn't
have to right like youshouldn't have to, and when I'm
in the woods, I don't feel that.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
When I'm hiking, I'm like enjoying my life, and if
there's a bear.
I'm like okay, well, bear, Ihave seen a bear in the woods.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
Guess what he did?
He minded his own business hewasn't trying to ask for your
phone number he wasn't trying toask for my phone number, he
wasn't groping me, he wasn'tsaying all these inappropriate
things he was just being a bearthat's funny.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
My girlfriend bought me pepper spray and taser and I
was walking recently and a manapproached me and told me that
he had seen me and he had todrive back to let me know that I
was beautiful oh, my god, no ohno.
So I told my mom after that andI was like, well, but now I have
a taser and now I have a pepper, and she's like you can't do
(45:02):
that anymore, like you can't goout and walk over there, because
even if you have that, that'snot going to help you and it's
kind of like sad to think aboutit which is probably true like
it makes you feel safe you haveto be like hyper vigilant of
your surroundings as a woman youhave to be like super aware of
your surroundings right
Speaker 2 (45:21):
um, and it's it's very unfortunate and like.
Something that I feel myself isthat I feel safe around my
brothers and I feel when thereare other men around, but like
why does that have to be thecase?
Why do I only have to feel, orwhy can?
Why do I only feel safe aroundmy brothers when there's other
men around?
Why don't I feel safe aroundall men?
Why?
(45:42):
Why does it have to be the case?
Why does it have to be likearound another male presence?
Speaker 1 (45:45):
because they suck generally it made me so sad when
you said that, because I Itotally feel the same way, like
I feel so safe around my husband, I feel so safe around my
brothers, like the men that Iknow, but if there are men out
there like I don't feel safearound them, I don't know what
(46:06):
they're thinking I don't know,what they're capable of like
that sucks, that does suck.
Speaker 4 (46:11):
I don't feel safe around male doctors tell us more
I don't know why.
It's weird.
I just like I, I just don'tthink they're taking me
seriously.
Like versus like a woman doctor.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
It's different every time okay, but yeah, that's kind
of true actually yeah, yeah,it's not that I don't feel a
male doctor, but I think afemale provider is going to give
me more attention or is goingto listen to me more than a male
provider.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
I feel like they just give a shit more and the male
doctor's like I'm getting in,getting out.
Don't waste my goddamn time.
I'm busy, I'm rich, you knowlike.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah, it's more about the ego than the actual
profession.
Back in, that's what they tellyou Are you good at the doctor,
like IT?
But they don't really tell youTurn yourself off and wait two
minutes.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
And then turn yourself back on Might work.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Give it a try.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
That's really scary and you recently went through
this that there was a male yeah,this was like two weeks ago.
Oh, oh, my god and they stilldon't get it.
What did you tell him?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
just tell him fuck off no, I didn't know what to
say.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
I was like kind of shocking right like I can't
believe this shit's happeningright now and actually, like my
first thought was, maybe he'sgonna ask for directions.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
That's why he's pulling over to where I was and
there was nobody in thatneighborhood, like you couldn't
see anybody else.
And that was my first thought,like oh, if they ask, I'm not
gonna know anything because thisis not where I live.
But no, that's why he said thefact that he said that he turned
around to come find me and tellme bad, bad move, bad line
that's yeah, how is thatsupposed to be like romantic?
Speaker 4 (47:43):
how is that flattering?
In what world is that notcreepy as hell?
Yeah, so I'm so sorry all ofyour words.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Don't say stupid shit like that I know I always have
like the net, like the sadstories, like I always come up
with like terrible stories, butthis does happen and I have to
share.
When I was a kid in mexico, Iwas like seven or eight years
old, I don't remember, but I waswalking to school, um, and a
guy tried to kidnap me oh my godyeah, so yeah, what?
(48:14):
um, I was late to school.
The the way it happened therein that community is like all
the ladies used to watch for thekids and all the kids kind of
walked together to school and Iwas late.
My brother slept without me andmy mom was like hurry up, go,
go, go.
And I was supposed to run, butI hate running, I didn't want to
(48:37):
run.
So then I could see them, Icould see the bunch of people in
front of me, and then theyturned the corner and then I
couldn't see them.
So that's when I started runningto try to catch up.
Oh my god.
Um, then this lady was like hey, you're really late.
And I was like I know, I know,I saw a car.
I I I can't remember the car,clearly it's a white little car.
(48:59):
If I see it in the streets Ican point it out to you.
Um, and in the car it kind ofslowed down next to me.
Once I turned the street whenthere was nobody else and the
guy said do you know what streetthis is?
And I was a kid and all I'vebeen told all my life is to not
talk to strangers.
And I said no.
I don't know the street, I'm akid like I don't know.
(49:22):
So he pulled up the car, likehe, he pulled, he turned and
like, pulled the car in front ofme to where the car was
blocking me, where his door was.
So he pulled me, but he pulledme through the window so he
didn't open his door and pull me.
He pulled me through the windowso I was able to sit down and
(49:43):
bend his hands funny.
So he couldn't pick me up andhe wouldn't let go and I was
just screaming bloody murderthrough like I didn't holy shit
screaming until the lady heardme, the one that told me I was
late, and she saw me and waslike coming for me.
And the guy saw that she wascoming and he threw me.
(50:03):
So, um, she took me home, toldmy dad, and my dad was ready to
kill somebody.
They called the police.
They couldn't find him.
Um, when I in that sameneighborhood, this guy exposed
his penis to me when I wasplaying outside.
So, yeah, like this was mebeing a little girl, you know,
like this was me being a child,right?
(50:26):
So the reason we don't trustthese men is because they are
capable of doing shitty thingsto children, let alone women.
So why would we not pick a bear?
Speaker 4 (50:38):
over a man.
I'm so sorry all that happenedto you.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
That's horrible it was yeah, it's.
It was terrifying.
So now I'm paranoid all thetime.
That's why I have to like.
That's why I look everywhereevery way.
That's why I'm anxious all thetime about what man is around in
my house, who who I'm talkingto like.
Of course, I'd pick a bearright, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Of course I'd pick a bear.
Yep, this could have been anentire episode, diana and we are
gonna write it down.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
We're all gonna rage, we're all gonna rage I am so
sorry that you went through that, and I'm so sorry that you're
still having effects of that,because, yeah, you're still.
You still have a lot of anxietybecause of it.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Men suck yep closing thoughts on the breakups.
Breakup, let's go back.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
Yeah, don't cheat yeah, well, and you know, there
are so many other reasons tobreak up.
I think we only talked aboutcheating today yeah, we did um,
but I feel like learning from abreakup is the only way that's
going to help you get through it, grow, hopefully not go through
the same or repeat the samepatterns in the future.
(51:52):
Yeah, it sucks.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
That's exactly what I was going to say.
Closing thoughts on breakups.
Try to view your breakup as agrowth opportunity.
Try to identify what went wrongand do better next time.
Try to find someone who treatsyou the way you deserve to be
treated, and make sure you holdthem to that standard the whole
time.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
And just to add to you treat yourself like you
deserve to be treated, because Ifeel like that's where it all
starts right.
Yes, if we learn how valuableand what our worth is, then
we're never going to allowanybody to treat us like shit
100 emoji.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
What do I say?
Fuck bitches, get money.
That too.
But, if you want to be in arelationship, please be
respectful of that relationship.
Be respectful of yourself, berespectful of the other person.
You're sharing time, you'resharing space.
You're sharing emotions.
There's a lot.
Speaker 4 (52:45):
Take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Other than just financial or objects.
There's a lot being shared.
So be mindful, and if you'regoing to be cheating or being
disrespectful in a relationship,then just don't get into a
relationship.
Simple as that, I would think.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
I would think.
Look at me, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks Anyway.
Thank you, so proud of you,thanks Anyway.
Thank you so much for listening.
Yeah, and thank you, jacob, forcoming.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
Thanks for having me, thank you for being so open and
sharing so much with us.
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
And you're staying right for the next one, I think
so, all right, good Bye, bye,bye, bye.
Speaker 3 (53:25):
Thank you for listening to Latina State of
Mind produced by us, yourawesome hosts Diana, benia and
Yance.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
Special shout out to Jerome, our editor.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at lsom
underscore podcast and onFacebook at Latina State of Mind
.
Hasta la proxima.
this is latina state of mind, a podcast created by
latinas for all audiences, wherewe can share our experiences
about love, life and everythingin between.
(00:31):
Welcome, welcome to anotherepisode of Latina State of Mind,
hello.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hi, como estan?
This is Xenia this is.
Nancy.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
This is Xeniana, and we have a very special guest
with us.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Yes, hey, how's it going?
Really glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Tell us your name, please.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'm Jacob.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Jacob is here to talk to us and have awesome
conversation.
Gonna be great.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yep.
What are we going to talk about?
Yep?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
What are we talking about?
Well, we're talking aboutbreakups, oof, and especially
the male perspective, because wehave covered breakups before.
Right, but it was ourperspective.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
And it was messy, was it?
I listened to the breakupepisode before we recorded this
episode just to see kind of whatour episode was like.
And I was like man, I'm a messybroken up with person.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I don't think you are .
I thought it was veryeducational, like you're messy
when people break up with you.
Yeah, is that what you're?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
saying yeah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I thought that episode was just as insightful
as every other episode of theTenant State of Mind which you
should all go and listen toright now.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah, Thank you, Jacob.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Listen to him.
He knows what he's talkingabout.
He's very smart.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, I was going to say he's white, but I'm not
going to say that.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right here, girl, then you should really listen to
him oh man, what does that mean?
Let's talk about breakups.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Breakups.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
How do you handle breakups?
Speaker 4 (02:07):
like, so really badly um so so I'm a really anxiously
attached person.
Uh, when, when I'm in arelationship with someone, I
tend to get really attachedreally quickly and I tend to
convince myself that the otherperson's not attracted.
And so I have to like beperformative, I have to go above
and beyond.
I have to sacrifice my ownneeds, my own boundaries, to
(02:28):
make sure that they stay andthey'll never leave me.
So when they do, it's horribleand I knew it all along, and
life is doomed and it's the endof the world.
So I handle it pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I think we all handle it pretty bad yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Do you feel like you've repeated that pattern,
though, or have you learnedanything from your mistakes?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yes, Thank you for asking, Nancy.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Yes.
So, yeah, a lot of breakupswere like that.
But I recently went through apretty significant breakup and
it started off kind of that way.
It was like it was the end ofthe world.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Right.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
It was a long relationship.
We bought a house together.
We lived together for years.
I was really close with all ofher family members, and when
you're that close with someoneand when you spend as much time
together as we did and then theyleave you, it changes your
whole world.
Your whole reality is different, because your day-to-day
(03:21):
routine is just fundamentallynot the same as it was.
You don't get to sleep next tosomeone anymore, you don't have
anyone to talk to, you don'thave anyone to talk to, you
don't have someone to come hometo.
It's devastating.
And so this time I did a bit ofthat bad behavior that I talked
about before, but I challengedmyself to make new friends and
do new things and surroundmyself with like a support
network, and it's amazing howmuch that actually worked.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Right, what were some of those bad behaviors that you
would do If?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
you don't mind sharing, or whenever you feel
comfortable sharing.
Yes, share with us.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
So a lot of like ruminating so looking up what
she's doing, seeing who she'swith, wondering what she's up to
.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That's the worst yes, some would say stalking I used
to do that too.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Oh my gosh, it's so, it's so bad it's yeah, um, but
also, like you know, drinking alot, um, like not being able to
sleep, uh, unless I'm inebriatedsomehow, staying up way too
late, losing motivation foreverything, um, yeah, just
beating myself up, looking inthe mirror and like not not
liking what I see and nottreating myself kindly, like
with my own words, because like,oh, if she left me, you know I
(04:31):
must be, I must be trash youknow.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So that kind of thing yeah, it's, very sad but thank
you for sharing this because Ifeel like this is something that
a lot of men go through, butthey refuse to talk about
because they won't acknowledgethey're like oh no, um, this is
not.
I don't know why, but I likethat you're you're.
You're saying this because, assomebody that has been broken up
(04:55):
with and has been hurt, italways seemed like men don't go
through it like I always reallydo men never like.
They don't have feelings likethey don't go through it.
They just hurt women and all.
All men are trash like when,when you're, when you but it's
(05:18):
nice to hear that there are menout there that go through it and
that actually have thosefeelings and that actually feel
vulnerable and and and andactually fall in love.
So thank you for sharing thatthat really means a lot to me.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, it was.
It was nice growing up with abunch of women.
I grew up I had so many sistersand stepsisters growing up and
I was close with all of them andthey weren't like my guy
friends.
And then you learn how to or Ilearned how to express how I was
feeling and talk about emotionsand not bottle things up, which
(05:55):
is really unhealthy.
Guys, if you're listening, stop.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Talk to anyone.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Talk to me, dm us, send a message to the show I'll
give you my number.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
We promise we won't judge yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Thank you.
No, I, it's amazing, honestlyCause like you, you want to, you
want to you, you want to heal,you want to like, you want to do
what's best for you.
But when you sit in those nastyfeelings, like you said, it's
so hard.
I remember stalking all thosepeople that broke up with me.
I remember being like is shebetter than me, is she cuter?
(06:30):
Like what did he change me for?
Like you know all these thingsyou think about and they're so
stupid, like whatever they didor they didn't do, they did it
because of them, not because ofyou.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
A hundred percent 100%.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's such an important point.
I feel like we make it aboutourselves when in reality it's
well most of the time.
I think it's not right it'ssomething that that person is
going through, or they're justdecided to do whatever they want
to with their life and notinclude you anymore, which sucks
, but rarely has to do withsomething about you, I think
yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And the fact that you said you had to look at
yourself in the mirror.
You have to look at you and benice to yourself.
I feel like that's that's key,because as women, we do it all
the time.
We're always so, so hard onourselves.
For I remember so many times itwas oh, I'm too fat for this
guy, I'm too this for this guy,I'm too that for that guy, he,
(07:22):
he did this to me because I'mI'm too this for this guy, I'm
too that for that guy.
He did this to me because I'mnot his type and he couldn't
tell me.
You know, and it's all these,this narrative that we, we put
in our brains, that so unhealthyand thank you.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
We like to hurt ourselves, yes.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yes, and it's not good.
It's a little masticist, Idon't mind it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
No, but I'm really I myself.
I'm really excited for thisconversation because I have two
older brothers and I want to beable to talk to them more
personally.
Yeah, especially one of them,he just went through a breakup
and I'm like I don't know whatto tell him and I don't know how
to like get him to like open upabout it, because I know he's
definitely affected by it.
Yeah, but I wish I could belike hey, let's talk, let's get
(08:09):
this out.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Men are.
Men are stubborn animals.
They they're hard-headed and ifyou approach it on the nose
they'll probably won't talk toyou.
You gotta just give themopportunities, you just gotta be
available.
You gotta make sure that heknows that you care about him
and and then, when he's feelingvulnerable enough, he'll open up
to you.
And when he does that, you justgot to be ready to be there and
listen.
But you can't force him to openup, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
How do we, as women, show our good fellow men, the
good men that we are only thegood men that we are there and
available for when they need totalk Like how, how did somebody
show that to you?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Yeah, I think that's a great question.
So, um, I'm really close withmy sister.
She looks after me, she, shebasically raised me, um, from
the time we were kids and whenshe knew that I was having a
hard time after this lastbreakup, she bought a plane
ticket and flew out to see me.
And when she knew that I washaving a hard time after this
last breakup, she bought a planeticket and flew out to see me
and she stayed with me for aweek.
That's how she showed me shewas just physically.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That's really sweet.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, she's the best Shout out.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
You're the best.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
She and and she didn't have questions, she
didn't have expectations, shejust was physically present and
just made it a point to be there, and then, whenever I was ready
to talk, I just knew I couldtalk to her.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That's what I want to tell her brother.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
I'm not going to judge.
You Tell him.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
You can talk all the shit about her that you want.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I'll join on that I knew just enough.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
No, but he, he's a, he's a Taurus, so he's very
stubborn, yeah, and it's goingto take a while for him to open
up, and that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I'll be here for you, brother, whenever you need to
talk.
Do you mind sharing a littlebit of what happened?
You don't have to go intodetails, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
So we were both really young when we met.
We met online through a friendof a friend.
They're a really complicatedstory and we hit it off really
quickly and we started livingtogether.
After the first year of dating,I flew up here basically to be
with her.
I knew I was going to leavewhere I was from, anyway, a
thousand miles away, and Ididn't know where I was going to
(10:24):
leave, where I was from, anyway, a thousand miles away, um, and
I didn't know where I was goingto go and I knew that that girl
was here.
So here's, here's where Ilanded and we were just best
friends.
Um, we, we, we played gamestogether, we hung out together,
we went out together, we, wespent every waking moment of our
time together that we could andwe and we never got tired of it
.
And, um, as we got older andmoved to different places, we
both got pretty depressed.
(10:46):
The political environment of theworld got pretty bleak.
We're kind of regressing as faras women's rights.
There's been conflict goingaround in the world, like it's a
lot of you know that stuff'sgoing on and, at the same time,
like our lives are gettingharder all the time.
It's expensive, work is hard.
You don't know what you want todo with a career.
It may be hard to try to find ajob Like all those stressors
(11:06):
just started weighing on us andwe got more depressed and we we
stopped trying new things and westopped going places and we
stopped hanging out with ourfriends and we stopped having
time of any time to ourselvesand we just sat at home together
and did nothing and thateventually devolved until it got
to a boiling point when I foundout that she was cheating on me
(11:27):
.
She was having an affair withsomeone for a couple of weeks
online, just like we did when wefirst started dating, and I
imagine it was exciting andnothing like the boring
relationship that had beenstagnant, you know, for who
knows how long before.
That happened and I just foundout about it and that's how it
ended.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm so sorry.
That's so sad.
That's that's all right, it'sokay, but thank you for sharing.
Yeah, no problem.
Um, yeah, I, I'm angry, so, andI'm trying not to be, but that's
because, um, I really like you,jacob, that somebody hurt you,
um, and I understand that you'rejust being so nice and you're
(12:04):
being so thoughtful and allthose things, but I think that I
cheating is sensitive for mebecause it's happened very, very
close in my family and I knowhow much that hurts and I know
the damage it can do to someone,to someone's self-esteem, to
someone's life, someone'sself-esteem, to someone's life,
(12:28):
and so I, I, I know that you areso sweet and you're sitting
here and saying you know we didthis and this happened, and
you're basically taking anyblame from her, which, um, I
appreciate, but I think thatyou're a piece of shit for
cheating.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I'm sorry, we, we can say ugh, woman too.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Exactly Like if you don't want to be with somebody,
just end it and don't cheat.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Yeah, I understand that sentiment a lot and I feel
that way a lot of the time andI'll get really angry, but I try
to have as much empathy aspossible and you can't deny that
that's easier said than done,right?
Like we've been together forsix years, we live in a house
that we bought together.
You're really just going to endit on this affair.
(13:14):
Like you're really just goingto throw it all away Exactly,
and so for me, like that's whyfuck around anyway and then find
out.
Right, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
For around anyway and then find out right, I get it,
I get it.
That's for me.
That's where I'm like, yeah,and you're not wrong at all.
Yeah, like I feel like my dadcheated on my mom.
They'd been married for 40something years, oh my god, um,
and that wasn't the only onetime, right, but the the reason
their marriage ended was becausehe he basically fucked up and
ended up in a differentrelationship and got caught up
on that.
I know what that did to my momafter 40 years of putting up
with the man.
That was annoying and you knowthat did all these things that
(13:54):
he wasn't supposed to do.
I know what that did to me ashis daughter and to my brothers,
you know.
Yeah, so for me it's like if mydad would have come to her and
said, hey, I'm done, like thisis over, it would have been, it
would have sucked ass.
It would have, but it would havetaken away so much of that pain
that he caused when he wentbehind everybody's back.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
So absolutely yeah, and those wounds are there, like
the insecurity, the lowself-esteem, the all that that's
there.
I'm fortunate enough that I cango to therapy and then I can
exercise and have the motivationto do that and surround myself
with friends who are positiveand encouraging, and that's
helped a lot and I've reallycome a long way with with that.
(14:37):
But yeah, I know what you meanit sucks.
I just and I know I'm just- ifI were, if I were pissed, it'd
be justified.
But I don't want to be like,yeah, I don't want to hold on to
anger.
If I don't have to, if I, ifI'm capable of not leaning into
that, just it's not worth it.
I'll be angry for you yes we'reall angry.
Yes, that's what I'm here for.
(15:00):
Remember I said surround myselfwith friends it makes it better
.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
That's what I'm here for.
Hey, remember I said surroundmyself with friends Makes it
better.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
That's what I'm here for hey, now you have an angry
friend over here Hell yeah,she'll do it for you.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I will say all the mean things you don't want
to say, perfect.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Let's start right now .
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Fuck you, bitches.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Just in case you didn't hear.
She said fuck you, bitches yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you cheated on jacob, fuck you.
So you actually just said fuckyou to four people bitches,
that's why I said bitches yeahdo you?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I don't know if it's gonna be too personal nothing's
too personal.
Later on let's go, yeah uh, doyou regret ending things?
Because I've heard a lot not alot, but I've heard the phrase.
Why end it after one bad thing,despite having all of these
other good things or other goodmemories?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
than I did, because I couldn't accept it.
When I found out I didsomething bad that I regret
doing, that was unethical, and Iopened up her computer and read
some messages that she had sentthis guy.
That's how I found out aboutthe affair.
I should have marched up thestairs and just ended it, cut it
off, but I didn't.
I again, I red redrew my ownboundaries, I sacrificed my own
needs.
I decided that I didn't deserveany better than that and so I
(16:30):
said you know, like you can talkabout, like, do we need to open
up the relationship?
Like you need to just see thisthrough and make a decision and
like things like that which was,which felt gross and small, and
I didn't like that.
Um, you know what I mean.
I should have.
I should have demanded betterfor myself and just moved on.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
But I think you have to go through those things to
realize, right?
Because then maybe you wouldhave ended up with more
questions, right?
You would have been like well,what if I had?
I would have said this, or whatif we and you didn't?
You said everything you couldsay and it's okay, yeah, yeah,
you're in a better place now forthat.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Yeah, yeah, and and and.
The better, the healthier, andthe more like emotionally secure
state that I work at getting tonow, the more I'm realizing
like, oh it's, it's such a goodthing that that relationship
ended.
You know, breakups happen for areason and it's almost always a
good reason because even if youdidn't want to break up, they
did and it takes two right.
So and I'm realizing more andmore like all the, all the red
(17:31):
flags that I didn't know when Iwas the frog in boiling water in
the relationship.
Not seeing it just make memiserable.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
I was looking at you because, like a one comment that
he made which one, uh gosh, Ican't remember now, but it was
super important I looked at youand I was like because it was
something about being basicallyless toxic.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And then I looked at you and I was like, oh, you want
me to be less toxic?
No, never.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Never, I can be.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
You can, I can.
Yes, I will try.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Not to can?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
yes, I will try not to um.
I was gonna ask you a questionabout you said this has happened
to you four times.
Yeah, do you think um, I know Iblame myself for so many things
whenever I got broken up withor whenever something ended, and
this last time time it happened, do you think you saw you?
You were like this is why ithappened, or like what do you
think you discover aboutyourself after this breakup?
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Well, the most important thing, I think, is
something that I've alreadymentioned, which is, like my
tendency to sacrifice my ownneeds.
I got to stop doing that.
I got to, I got to, I got tostop doing that.
I gotta, I gotta, I gottaunderstand and believe that I
deserve more than that, andbetter than to than to fall into
that behavior.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Is it getting easier now to understand that?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
And I think I'm gonna .
I'm gonna really be mindfulabout my next relationship and
try to find someone who doesn'tmake me want to do that in the
first place is what I realized.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I think it's super important that you said um be.
Oh my gosh, I keep forgettingwhat you say.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
I'm so sorry, but it's so important.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It is very important and I really and I really liked
what you said.
Um, I thought it was superimportant that you said that you
be mindful, especially and Iwant to say this to like men be
like, hey, be mindful that thismay or may not have been because
of you.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
And if it was, then shoot, work on it and if not,
then still try to become betterin some way.
I think it was something thatyou mentioned around that, that
I thought that was reallyimportant and I think a lot of
men should consider you know.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
I think it's like recognizing the pattern that we
have right and that are notbeneficial or that are hurtful
if it's happening.
Obviously it's not your faultif somebody cheated on you.
That's not what I'm trying tosay.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
But, like you were saying, you were putting
yourself maybe in a situationwhere you were maybe more
forgiving than you should havebecause you were not set with
your boundaries and you wereallowing those situations to
happen, like how much did my badbehavior that I didn't realize
(20:24):
that I was doing about, like nothaving boundaries, not
expressing needs, not showing upfully as a partner, how much
did that lead to the destructionof the relationship, who knows?
You know, we got to catchourselves in that behavior and
that falls right in line withsomething we talked about
earlier in the podcast Men,don't bottle your shit up.
Talk about it, if you needsomething, say so, so it's
(20:46):
important that you do Iappreciate you saying um like
that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
We rec that you recognize what you did wrong in
the relationship like I reallydo appreciate that.
But I think also one of thethings is I don't want you to
take all the blame because I see, because she cheated on me,
yeah it seems like you're the Idon't know you for that long,
(21:12):
but I feel like when you have agood heart like, you tend to be
like I did this wrong and youtend to take the blame for the
outcome, which I think is whereI don't want you to go, you know
like, and where I don't wantgood people to go, because a lot
(21:32):
of the times, yeah, we all makemistakes, yeah, we all do
shitty things in relationshipsand we're not perfect, and I'm
except for nancy.
She is perfect.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Remember that um, but I apologize to anyone who's
ever lost me.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, exactly guess, obviously, but you know um
cheating is cheating yeah no,what like?
There comes a time where youthere's there's a chance for you
(22:09):
to stop yourself.
There's a there's that placewhere you say I'm taking this
too far, and and and one morestep is cheating.
And I feel like a lot of peoplehave this.
Oh, I'm just talking to someone.
If I'm just I'm emotionallyinvolved with someone, that's
not cheating, that's fuckingcheating, yeah like if you're,
(22:30):
if you're having someone elsemeet the needs that your partner
is supposed to be having.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
That's fucking cheating and so, yeah, we, we
talked about it out loudmultiple times.
We, we, we had a discussionabout like what are?
What is disagreement?
What are, what are we doing inthis relationship, what are our
boundaries?
And we agreed time and timeagain to be monogamous,
exclusive, completely,emotionally, physically, all
(22:57):
that.
So it's not even like.
It's not even like I was makingan assumption about what we
were.
It's that we knew what we weresupposed to be and she knew very
well it was cheating from themoment, like it happened.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So, yeah, yeah, you're right so it's not your
fault and fuck bitch I thinkhonestly in this situation and
you you can correct me if I'mwrong, but like it started when
they maybe downloaded the app ordown or started those that
thought yeah, it was a sim.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
That affair started the same way our relationship
started, oh yeah, I'm so sorry,that sounds really painful it
was horrifying yeah yeah, so and, like I said, we lived together
, right and, and the worst part,the worst thing, the uh, the
thing I wish never happened.
Uh, it took a couple daysbefore before she left the house
(23:45):
and in those couple days thatshe was there, she was
continuing to be in the affairand to spend time with this guy
in front of me fuck bitches,that is that's, that's terrible
I don't even know what to say.
yeah, like that was a tough pillto swallow.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because oh man.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
It's so hard to even like comprehend, I think, at
that point because this issomeone who said they loved you
Right, and they're intentionallyhurting you, it's so it's so
hard to have any sort ofcompassion and what I was saying
before about like acknowledgingacknowledging what we do is
more for than anything else,because, yeah, so you can
(24:27):
protect yourself in the futurein other relationships but it
makes no sense to me, becausehow can people say things like I
love you and then do thingslike right, right.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
It makes no sense because I feel like, if you're,
you know the kind of pain thatthat you're going to cause
somebody.
If they find out you, you know.
That's why you're hiding it.
If, if you didn't think thiswas painful, if you didn't think
this was going to hurt anybody,there would be no reason for
you to hide anything.
So when my husband goes tolunch with one of his co-workers
(25:01):
as a female, he tells me aboutit because there's nothing to
hide, because he knows thatthere's not like that's a
friendship.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
And you show up because you're toxic.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yeah, and I show up there to see if it's really just
a friendship.
She just wants to check out themenu, that's all.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
And how do you guys feel about relationships where
someone cheats and the otherperson decides to you know,
forgive them, stay in therelationship.
What do we think about that?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
I.
I think it it depends entirelyon the discovery of the affair,
like how it was found out andhow it was approached.
Because I know in my situation,if she would have come to me
and said I've been having anaffair, I'm sorry, I don't want
to be in that anymore and I'veended it and I want to stay with
you, can we, can we work onthis?
I would have said yes,absolutely, and it would have
been no, no questions asked.
(25:50):
But finding out the way that Idid hurts so much more and you
can't.
One of the things that you thatyou lose when that happens is
the ability to believe them andtrust them.
And so you, after you find,find out that way it's that much
harder to believe like thatthey would want to still be with
you.
You know what I mean.
Even if like so, if you findout like that and then they say
(26:13):
let's stay together, then you golike do you really mean that?
How could I possibly believeyou?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
you know, so even like any other thing from then
on.
How could you even believe it'strue, right?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
and especially if you're an anxious person, it's
easy to make up stuff like ohthere's no way she could be
telling the truth you know, yeah, right, do you want to go um?
Speaker 4 (26:34):
this is any his daily shit.
Yeah, this is my daily shit, um.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
So, like I said, my dad cheated on my mom, um, and I
think they try to make it worka lot, but there was never this.
I don't think they ever workedthrough it.
So my experience with that wasalways terrible, like.
It was always like why did youguys stay together?
You should have just ended it,I.
When I met Jerome's, one of thethings he told me was that his
(27:03):
biggest um, what did he thewords he used was currency was
trust, that the best way that hecould show me that he cared was
, um, trust that he would dowhat was required for me to
trust him.
But I needed to do what wasrequired for him to trust me,
and I thought that was reallyhonest.
And that was one of the thingsthat I was immediately attracted
(27:25):
to, because in every otherrelationship it was always like
let me hide my phone, let me,I'm gonna be with my cousin at
his party or I'm gonna go see mygrandma, or you know.
Like a lot of bullshit, um.
And in this relationship it waseverything was out, and so for
(27:47):
me, I don't think I could gothrough somebody cheating on me
and losing that trust and beinglike, okay, let's work on it
because I don't, I don't think Icould like me.
It would be really hard afterlike having the beauty of trust
and trusting that somebody isnot going to do that to you
(28:08):
because they care about you, I Icouldn't like, I really
honestly, would always doubt it.
I I don't think I could be likeyeah, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna
forever trust him again like I,I just couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, I'm an overthinker myself, so I feel
the same way.
I would constantly be like oh,they don't love me, they don't
care about me, they even if theytell me and they show it.
But I don't know.
If that were to happen to me,in the back of my mind I'd
always be questioning it.
So I'd rather not.
I don't think I would continueit for that reason, because I
don't want to be questioning ityeah, it's.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
It's difficult, especially once there are more
things like a house or kids orall these other things, and I
think that's what I tell myselfalso, that I wouldn't stay in a
situation like that.
But I feel like we have to haveso much compassion for the
people who stay for those things, because I can't imagine how
difficult it is and how muchwork they have to kind of
(29:06):
finally live peacefully right,because it's such it's torture
almost.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah we're doing great.
Nova had an opinion about that.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
He said fuck bitches he takes after his mom.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I think that you're right, nancy.
It's just hard, because whenyou do things for the kids, I
understand financially that youcan be stuck in a situation and
that sucks.
But I feel like when you dothings for your kids and staying
in a relationship where theparents don't trust each other,
(29:52):
what you're teaching your kidsis that it's okay to be in a
relationship where there's notrust.
And for me, I saw this growingup.
I saw the lack of stability,all the self-esteem issues in
both ends, because they both, intheir own way, had, um,
(30:14):
self-esteem issues, one becausehe, they did what they did, and
the other one because it wasdone to them, you know.
But at the same time it wasjust like I wish we could have
figured out a way to just liveseparately and live happier,
because then the fights wouldhave not been there, that
tension that built up so manytimes because she didn't know
(30:35):
where he was, even if he wasdoing nothing you know they're
like.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
There's always that tension, there's always that
kids see that right, right andas a kid.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You feel it like you know it.
You know what's going on, evenif you don't know that exactly
what it is.
You know something's up and Iwish there was.
There would have been a waywhere they could have just been
like, okay, this is done, I'mnot like, I'm not gonna, let's
just end it.
And and I do, I I I feel forthose people that live in that
(31:07):
situation, because a lot ofwomen or men are dependent on
their spouse for income or youknow, and it's hard for them to
like, leave us a bad situationwhich sucks, and I hate that.
Are there people that are stuckin those?
Speaker 4 (31:23):
but if you're not and you can get out, I feel like
it's probably best yeah, likeyeah, it still makes it more
complicated of a decision,though, right like of course
you're a hundred percent right.
It absolutely has a negativeimpact on kids growing up.
But, like in the moment whenyou're deciding like, do I want
to let this go?
Like kids, do make it that muchthat much heavier of a decision
(31:44):
, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Sorry Diana, I'm going to just Diana and I are
sharing a mic.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Moving the mic to myself because Diana is being so
quiet right now.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I'm just, I'm just letting you be, share what
you've got inside.
Yes, this is presented by Sonia, I don't mind.
I don't mind sharing.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I think I'm just.
This is a topic that I'm.
The whole cheating thing for meis because, like I said, I've
lived through it in my life withmy, with my family.
It's just.
I don't think that people thatdo it understand how hurtful it
is and how damaging it is toothers.
(32:27):
You know hurtful it is and howdamaging it is to others.
You know, um, whether you'resleeping with a married man or
married woman, or you're justcheating on your boyfriend, like
cheating has so many thingsthat come like, but after that,
like it's not just oh, we brokeup and I'm hurt, it just.
There's so much more than thatyou.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
You deal with grief because it's like you lost a
relationship.
It's like that relationship isdead now and you have that grief
, you have that loss of yourday-to-day and your routine and
your partner is gone.
You have that sadness becauseyou miss them.
You have that insecuritybecause you got cheated on.
It's a cascade of negativeemotions and feelings that you
have to go through, so many thatyou can't feel them at the same
(33:05):
time, and you go through wavesof just one bad thing to the
next.
Yeah, yeah, it's horrible.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Don't, don't cheat folks don't cheat, don't be
bitches I love that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I love that you're cursing a lot more.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Let it out especially in this episode yeah, let it
out.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Um, it's so.
It's just so important and thisone thing that I keep thinking
about, it's so important that,uh, you would end a relationship
, uh, for however many years,for the moment of the fuck it
moment, the, the excitementmoment, which is it's gonna last
.
It's great, it's great for thatone period of time, but it's
(33:42):
not gonna last mostrelationships, most people that
get into relationships wherethey've cheated like the.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
You're cheating on your spouse and don't last.
Speaker 4 (33:54):
That's your fucking karma yeah, I mean it should
tell you a lot about the person,right?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
yeah, exactly right, sorry, continue I.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I have a, I have a Sure.
How did you, how did you findout?
How did you know that thisperson was cheating on you?
How did it happen?
Speaker 4 (34:14):
So so we spent all of our time together.
We could finish each other'ssentences, know what we're
thinking like, that kind ofthing Really really close,
really close.
And um, I got off of work earlyone day and didn't give her a
heads up that I was coming home,um, and I just walked into the
room and she was on the phoneand she just hung up really
quick, just like oh and then gotoff the phone and I didn't say
anything.
(34:34):
That's even if you're in aserious relationship.
Folks who they're on the phonewith is not your business at
this point in the story.
Okay, like, respect theirprivacy, but so that's not what
made me suspicious.
What made me suspicious was sheimmediately gave me a
justification for why she hungup on the person so quickly and
just said that it was her mom,and it was no big deal and it
was a short conversation withoutyou, even without asking, right
(34:54):
, yeah, so she's guilty andpanicking, right?
oh, fuck, oh fuck right so sorryI didn't know if we were, if we
were f-bombing on this one,okay okay, all right, fuck
bitches, fuck bitches.
So the uh little little latencyon the sensor, so um so, and I
(35:18):
knew immediately she was lying,um, because I knew I knew her
really well, uh, and I know hermom really well and I know I
knew she would never hang up onher mom like that ever,
especially if I walked in.
She was just continuing theconversation.
So that's when I knew, oh shit,something's up, and I had a lot
of anxiety and, uh, nothinghappened for a while after that.
I just felt anxious and shitty,I knew something was up and
(35:40):
until I couldn't take it anymore.
And that's when I went andlooked through the messages and
found it it sucks to be proven.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Right thing we're not toxic.
They make us toxic yes, yes,yes, yes like wait, hold on.
She hung up the phone.
I would not need anything elseas soon as that would,
immediately, as soon as thathappened, I would be going
through that phone it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
So the the reason good for you for not being toxic
, jacob the whole relationship,from the from start to finish.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
We agreed we were going to respect each other and
respect each other's privacy andbe truthful and faithful and
honest, and she didn't do.
There were no other affairs upuntil that point in the
relationship we were, there wasperfect fidelity, and we never
felt compelled to look througheach other's phones.
We never had a suspicion, nevera doubt, and we were never
worried about that sort of thing, which is what made it all the
(36:34):
more jarring when that didn'thappen, you know nancy.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Have you ever been?
Have you ever gone throughanybody's phone?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I have yeah, but I've also, I've also cheated, oh
whole new dynamic wait hold onwow, she said she was perfect
Speaker 4 (36:54):
how do you think she knows that she has to live
through it?
This is, I had no idea, okay.
So now we've got questions fornancy, now we have questions.
What happened?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
okay, okay, so I cheated once.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
When I was really young and I was very inebriated.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
And then I just kept saying fuck bitches.
I'm sorry, nancy, I'm bitches,you're bitches too.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, there's no excuse.
I got drunk and I made amistake.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I'm going to be a little lenient because, you were
not in your right mind.
I feel like not 100% lenient,right like no.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
I know I knew it was a mistake and literally like the
morning after when I woke up, Icalled this person to let them
know what had happened because Ifelt so guilty, right, they
never really were able toforgive me, which I understand,
but I think in my mind I keptthinking like it was a mistake,
like I'm not gonna do it again.
And I didn't.
But yeah, I don't know.
I haven't done it ever since,guys, I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
It's so much different.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
It's so much different to have uh, to be
drunk and to get caught up inthe heat of a moment once and
then immediately come clean.
That's a totally differentstory than having a private
secret affair that goes on forweeks or months, you know.
That's way more intentional waymore malicious that way.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
There was more consciousness.
Maybe there wasn't a lot ofconsciousness.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
I mean it's still a mistake.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
Exactly.
You still knew what you weredoing and definitely shouldn't
have done that.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
It's no excuse, but still there's a bit of
consciousness to it that thisother individual had.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
Tanya has something to say.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
No, I just have a question now.
Okay, so would you?
I'm just asking the samequestion Would you forgive
somebody if they cheated likeNancy did?
Speaker 3 (38:45):
as opposed to the other type of cheating.
Speaker 4 (38:46):
Would I no like that's a question for the entire
room.
Uh-huh, oh yes, absolutely youwould.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Yeah definitely I would be more lenient too.
I don't know if I would, but Iwould think about it you would
consider it, consider, andthat's a lot for her and that's
a lot.
So it's only for you, onlybecause it was me what?
Speaker 4 (39:04):
What about you, Dinah ?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I would also consider it.
I feel like if there was morethought to it and more length to
the affair, then no, I don'tthink I would consider it.
I don't know for sure, but Idon't think I would consider it.
If there was drugs, alcoholinvolved, I'll think about it,
but it would still be tough forme.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, yeah it would be hard for me too, would you,
nancy?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I think it would be hard for me, like, knowing the
type of person that I am, Iwould feel so betrayed.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
That I don't think.
I think I would want tounderstand, but I don't think I
could.
I would never forget it, so itwould be really hard to yeah.
I think I would be mean to thatperson afterwards, like wanting
to be I don't know vengeful andmake them feel how they made me
feel, and I wouldn't want thatfor somebody else, you know.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Yeah, I mean that's totally fair.
That makes a lot of sense.
Maybe me saying yes so quicklyto that is just sacrificing
needs and redrawing boundaries.
Maybe I should be moreintrospective.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I don't know no, I mean whatever works you don't
okay, regardless of thesituation, you cheat fuck you, I
gotta spend more time withsaying actually that's not a bad
idea.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Learn a little bit of toxicity from her, just a
little bit I am not toxic I knowI've listened to the record
I've heard the other episodes Iknow, I know she would never,
never.
But we're gonna take a breakfrom this topic and go to
(40:42):
anybody want to do anything else?
I mean?
Speaker 4 (40:44):
they had that one thing you guys talked about
doing.
Right, what was it?
It wasn't that memorable.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
No, it's not.
How about some of that Diana'sDaily shit?
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Let's get it All right, fuck everyone.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
First and foremost.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
No, I'm just kidding.
Say what Especially bitchesfirst and foremost.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
No, I'm just kidding.
Um, say what, especiallybitches?
Uh, no, we're gonna talk abouta topic that has been very um,
it's been going around in thesocial media sphere for a bit.
We're gonna talk about manversus bear in the woods okay, I
think I know everyone's answer,but like if you were stuck in
the woods with a man or a bearwho would you rather encounter.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Bear Bear man.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Get out.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I have a different kind of privilege here, though.
That's true, that's true.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
But yes, I would obviously pick bear as well.
I would rather get my gutsslashed out by a bear than by a
man, Because unfortunately bothare capable of that.
But men have a frontal lobe.
Well, they do have a frontallobe.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Last we checked.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Last the anatomy was checked.
They did.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Is it fully developed ?
Speaker 2 (42:12):
We don't know, but anyways, debatable, debatable,
but anyways, a bear doesn't.
I don't know if they have afrontal lobe, but they don't
have the.
Um, I guess I don't say it likethe, they're just going on
instinct, they're trying tosurvive, exactly yes, they're
hungry, they want to protectthemselves, they want to protect
their cubs, they, whatever itis, they don't have the thought
that they are going to hurt youbecause of some self-pleasure
(42:36):
thing, emotion, and,unfortunately, a lot of men,
they uh look at women and theysee them as less and they see
them as more vulnerable, so theyhave all of these inappropriate
thoughts about them, um hurtingthem, torturing them, murdering
them.
Um.
So, yes, I I don't understandpeople who are angry about this
and obviously, if you're gettingangry about this topic, then
(42:58):
you have issues yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Um talk to a therapist about that, not us, um
gosh, but um yes, so bear justthe fact that when we're walking
outside and we have to have,like, our keys or something in
our hands to feel a little bitmore safe whenever we see men
walking around it's crazy.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
You you mentioned that I.
I remember the moment I foundout that that was a thing.
I was a little kid, um, I waslike i't know, maybe seven or
eight years old, and my, myolder sister was doing that.
I said, like, why are you doingthat?
And she told me, and it blew mymind, and it still blows my
mind to this day and I think thefact that so many, so many
women choose bear should youshouldn't be angry about that.
(43:41):
You well, I mean you should beangry, but for a a different
reason.
That should just say a lot aboutlike where we're at as a
society, right with women havingto feel that way and being so
normal that the assumption issexual assault.
Yeah, that's fucked up.
Why, why is?
Speaker 1 (43:55):
that the norm right.
I, as soon as I, as soon as Iget in my car, I lock my car.
Same like I don't even wait um,I have pepper spray in my in my
keychain.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
I'm always looking everywhere and and you shouldn't
have to right like youshouldn't have to, and when I'm
in the woods, I don't feel that.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
When I'm hiking, I'm like enjoying my life, and if
there's a bear.
I'm like okay, well, bear, Ihave seen a bear in the woods.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
Guess what he did?
He minded his own business hewasn't trying to ask for your
phone number he wasn't trying toask for my phone number, he
wasn't groping me, he wasn'tsaying all these inappropriate
things he was just being a bearthat's funny.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
My girlfriend bought me pepper spray and taser and I
was walking recently and a manapproached me and told me that
he had seen me and he had todrive back to let me know that I
was beautiful oh, my god, no ohno.
So I told my mom after that andI was like, well, but now I have
a taser and now I have a pepper, and she's like you can't do
(45:02):
that anymore, like you can't goout and walk over there, because
even if you have that, that'snot going to help you and it's
kind of like sad to think aboutit which is probably true like
it makes you feel safe you haveto be like hyper vigilant of
your surroundings as a woman youhave to be like super aware of
your surroundings right
Speaker 2 (45:21):
um, and it's it's very unfortunate and like.
Something that I feel myself isthat I feel safe around my
brothers and I feel when thereare other men around, but like
why does that have to be thecase?
Why do I only have to feel, orwhy can?
Why do I only feel safe aroundmy brothers when there's other
men around?
Why don't I feel safe aroundall men?
Why?
(45:42):
Why does it have to be the case?
Why does it have to be likearound another male presence?
Speaker 1 (45:45):
because they suck generally it made me so sad when
you said that, because I Itotally feel the same way, like
I feel so safe around my husband, I feel so safe around my
brothers, like the men that Iknow, but if there are men out
there like I don't feel safearound them, I don't know what
(46:06):
they're thinking I don't know,what they're capable of like
that sucks, that does suck.
Speaker 4 (46:11):
I don't feel safe around male doctors tell us more
I don't know why.
It's weird.
I just like I, I just don'tthink they're taking me
seriously.
Like versus like a woman doctor.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
It's different every time okay, but yeah, that's kind
of true actually yeah, yeah,it's not that I don't feel a
male doctor, but I think afemale provider is going to give
me more attention or is goingto listen to me more than a male
provider.
Speaker 4 (46:31):
I feel like they just give a shit more and the male
doctor's like I'm getting in,getting out.
Don't waste my goddamn time.
I'm busy, I'm rich, you knowlike.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
Yeah, it's more about the ego than the actual
profession.
Back in, that's what they tellyou Are you good at the doctor,
like IT?
But they don't really tell youTurn yourself off and wait two
minutes.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
And then turn yourself back on Might work.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Give it a try.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
That's really scary and you recently went through
this that there was a male yeah,this was like two weeks ago.
Oh, oh, my god and they stilldon't get it.
What did you tell him?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
just tell him fuck off no, I didn't know what to
say.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
I was like kind of shocking right like I can't
believe this shit's happeningright now and actually, like my
first thought was, maybe he'sgonna ask for directions.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
That's why he's pulling over to where I was and
there was nobody in thatneighborhood, like you couldn't
see anybody else.
And that was my first thought,like oh, if they ask, I'm not
gonna know anything because thisis not where I live.
But no, that's why he said thefact that he said that he turned
around to come find me and tellme bad, bad move, bad line
that's yeah, how is thatsupposed to be like romantic?
Speaker 4 (47:43):
how is that flattering?
In what world is that notcreepy as hell?
Yeah, so I'm so sorry all ofyour words.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Don't say stupid shit like that I know I always have
like the net, like the sadstories, like I always come up
with like terrible stories, butthis does happen and I have to
share.
When I was a kid in mexico, Iwas like seven or eight years
old, I don't remember, but I waswalking to school, um, and a
guy tried to kidnap me oh my godyeah, so yeah, what?
(48:14):
um, I was late to school.
The the way it happened therein that community is like all
the ladies used to watch for thekids and all the kids kind of
walked together to school and Iwas late.
My brother slept without me andmy mom was like hurry up, go,
go, go.
And I was supposed to run, butI hate running, I didn't want to
(48:37):
run.
So then I could see them, Icould see the bunch of people in
front of me, and then theyturned the corner and then I
couldn't see them.
So that's when I started runningto try to catch up.
Oh my god.
Um, then this lady was like hey, you're really late.
And I was like I know, I know,I saw a car.
I I I can't remember the car,clearly it's a white little car.
(48:59):
If I see it in the streets Ican point it out to you.
Um, and in the car it kind ofslowed down next to me.
Once I turned the street whenthere was nobody else and the
guy said do you know what streetthis is?
And I was a kid and all I'vebeen told all my life is to not
talk to strangers.
And I said no.
I don't know the street, I'm akid like I don't know.
(49:22):
So he pulled up the car, likehe, he pulled, he turned and
like, pulled the car in front ofme to where the car was
blocking me, where his door was.
So he pulled me, but he pulledme through the window so he
didn't open his door and pull me.
He pulled me through the windowso I was able to sit down and
(49:43):
bend his hands funny.
So he couldn't pick me up andhe wouldn't let go and I was
just screaming bloody murderthrough like I didn't holy shit
screaming until the lady heardme, the one that told me I was
late, and she saw me and waslike coming for me.
And the guy saw that she wascoming and he threw me.
(50:03):
So, um, she took me home, toldmy dad, and my dad was ready to
kill somebody.
They called the police.
They couldn't find him.
Um, when I in that sameneighborhood, this guy exposed
his penis to me when I wasplaying outside.
So, yeah, like this was mebeing a little girl, you know,
like this was me being a child,right?
(50:26):
So the reason we don't trustthese men is because they are
capable of doing shitty thingsto children, let alone women.
So why would we not pick a bear?
Speaker 4 (50:38):
over a man.
I'm so sorry all that happenedto you.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
That's horrible it was yeah, it's.
It was terrifying.
So now I'm paranoid all thetime.
That's why I have to like.
That's why I look everywhereevery way.
That's why I'm anxious all thetime about what man is around in
my house, who who I'm talkingto like.
Of course, I'd pick a bearright, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Of course I'd pick a bear.
Yep, this could have been anentire episode, diana and we are
gonna write it down.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
We're all gonna rage, we're all gonna rage I am so
sorry that you went through that, and I'm so sorry that you're
still having effects of that,because, yeah, you're still.
You still have a lot of anxietybecause of it.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Men suck yep closing thoughts on the breakups.
Breakup, let's go back.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
Yeah, don't cheat yeah, well, and you know, there
are so many other reasons tobreak up.
I think we only talked aboutcheating today yeah, we did um,
but I feel like learning from abreakup is the only way that's
going to help you get through it, grow, hopefully not go through
the same or repeat the samepatterns in the future.
(51:52):
Yeah, it sucks.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
That's exactly what I was going to say.
Closing thoughts on breakups.
Try to view your breakup as agrowth opportunity.
Try to identify what went wrongand do better next time.
Try to find someone who treatsyou the way you deserve to be
treated, and make sure you holdthem to that standard the whole
time.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
And just to add to you treat yourself like you
deserve to be treated, because Ifeel like that's where it all
starts right.
Yes, if we learn how valuableand what our worth is, then
we're never going to allowanybody to treat us like shit
100 emoji.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
What do I say?
Fuck bitches, get money.
That too.
But, if you want to be in arelationship, please be
respectful of that relationship.
Be respectful of yourself, berespectful of the other person.
You're sharing time, you'resharing space.
You're sharing emotions.
There's a lot.
Speaker 4 (52:45):
Take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Other than just financial or objects.
There's a lot being shared.
So be mindful, and if you'regoing to be cheating or being
disrespectful in a relationship,then just don't get into a
relationship.
Simple as that, I would think.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
I would think.
Look at me, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks Anyway.
Thank you, so proud of you,thanks Anyway.
Thank you so much for listening.
Yeah, and thank you, jacob, forcoming.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
Thanks for having me, thank you for being so open and
sharing so much with us.
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
And you're staying right for the next one, I think
so, all right, good Bye, bye,bye, bye.
Speaker 3 (53:25):
Thank you for listening to Latina State of
Mind produced by us, yourawesome hosts Diana, benia and
Yance.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
Special shout out to Jerome, our editor.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at lsom
underscore podcast and onFacebook at Latina State of Mind
.
Hasta la proxima.
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