November 8, 2022 • 51 mins
In today's episode, Shelly reads once again from her oh-so-riveting, circa 1990s journal, which sparks an impromptu FUMPOTD. Such a fun surprise that Mary can't begin to sort out, per usual. We also read a letter from a very special friend of the podcast.
We'd like to thank our sponsor, Modest Mix Teas, and their Wake the Fuck Up blend. Head over to www.modestmix.com, and enter latterdaylesbian20 at check out for 20% off your order!
Music provided by Purple Planet: https://www.purple-planet.com.
We'd like to thank our sponsor, Modest Mix Teas, and their Wake the Fuck Up blend. Head over to www.modestmix.com, and enter latterdaylesbian20 at check out for 20% off your order!
Music provided by Purple Planet: https://www.purple-planet.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In today's episode. You know,Shelley's taking the lead on this one.
M what you got. Oh,we've got an update from my living situation.
We've got conference wrap up, notlock to it always a treat,
boring as usual. We've got aShelley's journal journey which I just read through
and I'm yelling I was so fuckingstupid, So it'll be a good one.
(00:25):
Yeah, yeah, And I havea letter to read. Well,
shit, I guess we should getto all that after the break. Let's
do it all right, be rightback. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Letter Day Lesbian, a podcast aboutthe next morning gay girl just try to
figure out her life him Mary,I'm Shelly. I guess we're being singing
(00:48):
songy today. Sometimes I just gottado that. Then I feel better.
I feel better. Good, Sowe can move on. Didn't know you
felt worse? We can move onfrom the sing song part of the program.
Good mixed up jazz hands your favorite? Yeah, yeah, always So
those of you who were not awarethe living situation with Mary and I,
(01:12):
we recently moved out of the housethat we shared together and Mary is now
in an apartment closer to work witha well we'll be moving in like a
month around the corner on the samefloor to an apartment with room for a
studio. We really need a studioagain. Yeah, this is a goofy
(01:33):
setup. Dan likes it because we'refurther apart. I feel so far from
you. I know, it's likeI can't I can see you through a
bunch of wires and closet padding.Um, yeah, I know. Yeah,
Mary's in a closet, and thenI'm in the closet on the other
side of the hall and there's sweaters. A strange closet configuration. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, you're surrounded bymy clothing cloth. Anyway, So Mary
(02:00):
will be in the apartment with astudio. I from the house that we
shared, moved to an apartment complexbecause at the time. Okay, it's
expensive as shit in northern Virginia.I'm just gonna throw that out there.
It's starting to sound like a longstory. It's it's I just go back
and listen to the Scandal sessions aboutyour apartment. They're not all Scandal subscribers
(02:23):
sessions. God damn it. Ifyou want all the download the dirt,
please subscribe. How do we dothat? Mary? Oh? You can
go to our website Latter day Lesbiandot org, slash support support support good,
Yeah, to get more of thedirt, the download, the behind
(02:44):
the scenes. Yeah. Can Ijust sum this up? It's taking you
far too No. No, youended up moving into a crappy apartment unbeknownst
to you. Yes, it wasa shit hole. It was a complete
shit hole. It was and therewill be. There's more in depth in
scandals. Yeah, so you gotout of it. I did. But
the thing that I wanted to pointout about that um is that this is
(03:06):
the point that I'm getting to marryJesus Christ. I'm just drinking my coffee.
Yep. Oh, I'm drinking myApostate coffee quick plug yeahst coffee,
do it. I love those ladies, by the way. Oh yeah,
go to Apostate Coffee dot com forten percent off your order. That's always
handy. I'm drinking out of darkRoast right now. Oh hell yeah,
wait, you said go to theirwebsite for ten percent off. They have
(03:29):
to type in oh they do.Okay, you have to enter LDL at
check out. There we go.You know all were plugging people, we
should plug Exmo candleco. Hell yeah, the gay away the prey candle.
Yes, m it's a good one. I love the smell. We need
to get another one, by theway, I think we burnt through it.
Oh yeah, we kept on gettingaway the game that breinson the candle
was gone. Although they do lasta very long time, they do.
(03:51):
They're high quality candles. Yeah,but when you are ritualistically ganging away the
prey and you light it every time, then you need another one. Jen,
are you listen? Hint, hint, hint. By the way,
for those of you who have notseen Mary's awesome TikTok, I guess commercial
that you put it to a video. It's a video because it's on TikTok.
(04:11):
That was pretty funny. She wroteit, she's the actress in it.
And it promotes the candles. Didit did all the things? Yeah,
it does promote the candles. Ifyou would like to check out all
the funny candles and awesomely smelling candleWe picked up the scent. We did
that one. We made that shit. Yep, we sure did, with
the help of the XMO candle copeople. Jen and her husband, Uh
(04:31):
sorry, Jen, mister candles,mister candles, Jen and mister Candles.
Why am I blanking on his namebecause it's not like Tom. You know,
something something unusual, unusual. Maybeit's Adrian and they doesn't she give
him a like little nickname. Idon't know, let's go with Adrian.
If we're wrong, whatever, suckit up, mister Candles. To you
(04:55):
please visit XMO candles dot com.Yes, and check out all the yummy
funny fragrances. Yes, said athing. It is yummy funny. Now
you're yummy funny. Anyway, backto my story, Jesus. Okay,
So being in this apartment was likehell, oh yeah, so bad,
so bad. And that the reasonthat I that I chose the apartment when
(05:16):
I did was I needed something withthree bedrooms, right yeah, that's hard
to come by, super hard tocome by because it's so expensive around here.
So I found the only three bedroomapartments in the area, right sure
that you could afford exactly exactly.It was hell from day one, mice
awful. It was horrible. Imean, whatever, trash, trust us,
(05:39):
it's so bad, horrible. Ishould post the letter that I wrote.
Anyway, So here's here's the pointI'm getting too. Finally, I
felt trapped, shut it. Ifelt trapped. It was horrible. I
went away to Las Vegas forum likea long weekend for work, and so
Mary had the dogs with her,so there were no dogs in there to
like kill the mice. Yeah.I didn't want to stay there. No.
(06:00):
Yeah. So I came home,opened the door and it was like
just reeked of mouse shit and urineand probably dead mouse and surely dead mice.
And is one of them named Shirley? Surely? So I walked around
and there and they were just chewholes in everything. There was poop along
(06:20):
the sofa along the top like whereyour head goes. There was poop in
the kid's rooms, on their clothes, and I'm like, that is it.
I can do this. I can't. I have to figure something out.
I went to the leasing office andI sat down with one of the
people that I'm like, okay,so I need to break my lease.
(06:40):
What are the terms? What dowe do here? She's like, yeah,
yeah, no problem. So ifyou break your lease now you pay
us for two months. So youhave to give a sixty day notice,
which fuck that most places are thirtylike most normal places. Right anyway,
Well, when you break a lease, I think it gets funky. Well
great, that wasn't the If itwas just that, I would have been
like, okay, cool, let'sgo. But so you break the lease.
(07:04):
Now you give sixty days notice.You have to pay for all of
those sixty days right then and there, and then at the end of the
sixty days, when you move out, you have to pay for two additional
months. Yeah, it's so weirdafter you're gone and you have to pay
both of those months on that daythat you mo ab out. It's like
I felt so trapped and stuck andI'm doing the mask in my head.
(07:24):
It's like twelve thousand dollars ridiculous,plus having to come up with money for
another place first and last month's Itook what she said as like, those
are the rules, that's what wedo. Yeah, right, So I
went into a panic and I'm like, how am I going to scramble up
and find twelve thousand dollars, whichthat's a fucking lot of money, and
you don't just like, oh,I didn't know I had that in my
savings. I don't have a savingsaccount, by the way, I have
(07:45):
no savings, so there's nothing.And I was like, do I borrow
something from my eggs? Do Itry to get some kind of you know,
early inheritance from my parents, whichwas kind of weird because they're not
dead yet. I mean, youdid ask your brothers and they're like,
no, sorry, yeah, yeah, yes, And I felt defeated.
I was just like, I'm stuckhere. My kids have to be in
(08:07):
this shit hole. We were outchatting it up with Diana. Remember Diana,
you need to have her on again. And I'm telling talking about this
and she's like, why are youthere? Right? Like that's fucked up.
You need to you need to getout of there. And Mary too
has been like, you need toget out of there, you know what.
I think I was in that sameboat. I'm like, well,
when you break a lease, youjust have to deal with the penalties.
(08:28):
I've broken a lease before two andI just dealt with the penalties. Like
I wasn't thinking, no, I'mnot gonna take this anymore, Like my
brain wasn't quite there because you brokelike a normal lease where you weren't living
in filth and trash, danger andexactly cables and like dogs shit everywhere,
like anyway, So I want tosay thank you to all of those on
(08:48):
social media and in person who reallylike bolstered my confidence in getting out of
this lease because I believe and Itake this back to my being worn and
raised as a female Mormon. Oryou don't question authority, you don't fight
back, you take what's given toyou. You stay quiet. You have
(09:11):
zero confidence in being able to fightback against something, even no matter how
unfair it is, or to eventake it on, Oh for sure,
Like you just don't right, AndI have to say, I'm just gonna
throw this. I'm very proud ofmyself. Yeah, And that's a good
thing to be because thanks to everyone, I was able to be like,
yeah, you know what, youknow what, fuck them, Fuck them.
(09:31):
I don't have to live in thisshit hole. I don't have to
have my kids like afraid that there'smouse poop on there. I mean,
and I'm a clean person, that'sthe thing. It's not. It's not
like I leave stuff everywhere and themice are like eating cracker crumbs it all
over the floor. Now, thiswas put away in a pantry, yeah
yeah, yeah. And while Iwas there, I kept it at bay
(09:52):
Ish because a domino was killing likea mouse a day and I was sweeping
and cleaning. But then when Iwas out of town for a weekend,
yeah, boom. Anyway, sowhat I did was I got online and
I researched the laws in Virginia,the tenant landlord laws where no, you're
right, you're no, you're Andagain, that's something I would never have
done, right, It wouldn't haveeven occurred to me to educate myself on
(10:16):
how I can fix a horrible situationjust fucking deal with it. Yeah,
And so I did that. Ifound the laws. I contacted a friend
whose husband is a lawyer. He'snot a tenant landlord lawyer, but he
can re law and shit right,talk to him a little bit. He
looked over the laws too, andhe's like, yeah, you definitely have
(10:37):
a case, okay. And soI took a day and I wandered around
the whole place inside it, andI took pictures of all the fucked up
shit. We've got broken glass aroundthe pool, We've got exposed wires everywhere
in the building. There was garbagein the pool. Oh yeah, when
the kids acme in the pool outlaw just pretend it's a pond. I
mean it was. And the crazything is if you go on the website,
(10:58):
everything is Yeah, it looks lies. The website lies. I know.
I was tempted to just make likea snarky fake website, like,
well, how it really is,Like steal their nice pictures and like put
in what it actually is. Ohyeah yeah, yeah, like use their
layout, put in shitty pictures.It's going to change all the descriptions to
like being really shitty and then belike here's your new website and here's how
(11:20):
it is actually fixed it. Yeah, because this is a Matan switch situation.
Oh and then they fuck you likeliterally twelve thousand dollars to move out,
essentially, and that's before me havingto come up with the money for
first and last month's rent deposit fora new place, right, so just
to leave that shit. So Igot all these pictures together, I went
(11:41):
through all of my maintenance reports thatI had made to maintenance. Um like
the mouth the mouth shit, andthe broken the AC was broken, oh
week, the ac was broken.Summer. Your washer dryer, which is
a combo thing. I don't recommendthose things. Washer dryer and one not
efficient efficient It takes like five hoursto do a load of launch. Oh
(12:03):
yeah, yeah, oh you knowwhat I did. I say this,
So the washer dryer broke right,So I can't do laundry. So I
tried to go use like the laundryroom where there's like pay laundry things.
You go in there and there's likefifty of them and three of them work
maybe maybe this place, And ofcourse they're never open because someone is using
(12:24):
one of the three sum and therewas that's where there was just exposed wires
like you see the copper wires stickingout, not capped off at all,
just like here you go. SoI was pissed that I couldn't do laundry.
So I knew that the one ofthe problems was is when I had
maintenance come in. Here's how thatpart began. Keep up people. Oh
(12:46):
my god, it smelled like deadmice under the washer dryer big time.
But the washer dryers so heavy,I couldn't pull it away to clean up
the dead mice. So maintenance dudecame, pulled it away, told me
I didn't want to see all thedead mice there, clean him up,
pushed it back in. Then Itried to do some laundry, and then
it started to leak. It wasleaking into the basement. It was leaking
(13:07):
into the basement and into my kitchen. So that's why Knute was broken.
That's where we begin. That wasyour first clue. That was my first
clue. So then I went awayto Vegas right came back and there was
a note in there saying they haveto order apart for the laundry, the
washshry dry. Yeah, I hearnothing. I hear nothing. They don't
care. I'm like leaving more mesuge. I'm like, you know what,
fuck them, I'm doing laundry.That'll show them. So I started a
(13:31):
load of laundry, knowing I'm gonnaflood the fuck out of this place.
And I sure did. The laundrywas going for like twenty minutes and I
get a knock on the or Iget a phone call for maintenance. He's
like, hey, um, yeah, are you doing laundry? Sure?
And of course a lot. Iwas like, yeah, I thought you
fixed it. No, No,he was up right away, boom fixed
it. Like why do I haveto flood your fucking basement to any I
(13:52):
know? Huh. Let's get backto you getting out of you wrote a
letter. Okay, I'm trying tokeep us on target. Here were fifty
minutes. It's great, it's great, we'll still have time for my journal
journey. It's that. So Iput together all the documents, all the
maintenance requests, like highlighted the dates, blah blah blah. Then I got
the Virginia Code right, put thaton there too. I just put what
(14:16):
the code was, like, theycan look that up if they want.
You were citing sections of the code. Oh, I know. I like
the word pursuant pursuantto code. I'venever used that word so many times in
my life. Then I did,did you feel like you're ready to take
the bar? Now? Very close? Very close? So I got this
document when I had it certified likenotorized, I mean notorized. So now
(14:39):
it's fucking official and scary. She'sbig lawyery words. And then I sent
that letter certified mail saying basically,y'all are breaking the law. I'm the
fuck out of here. So Iwaited, waited, waited. The one
guy called me back. He's like, oh, yeah, I received that,
and you talk to management blah blahblah, and so I didn't hadn't
heard back from them, and sothen I'm thinking they're just gonna fucking draft
(15:01):
my account for this for the nextmonth's rent, and I'm not going to
be I'm not going to be here. I'm out the door because I couldn't
remove my bank account from there.Now that was weird. It was weird
there. It's like they were goingto give my money. So I took
all the money out of that bankaccount, all you know, four dollars
out of yeah, and then Iwrote them another letter, had it notarized,
(15:22):
and then said it was something like, I do not give permission for
trillium Yeah, Trillium apartments. Ifanyone's listening, Trillium apartments in fairfaxts to
draft any money. Blah blash sentthat motherfucker weight off to and I felt
more and more empowered the more Iwas like, boom, take that.
Bastards to take that. And sothen I get a letter or an email
from their staff saying, you know, we'll waive the two month penalty.
(15:46):
You can just do thirty days andso you can move out and then pay
all of October. And then I'mgoing, hmm, you know. I
gave my thirty day notice on Septembertwenty second, which means I should only
have to pay till October twenty second, right, and it's really worth a
fight, Like it's just a fewmore days whatever, and then I'm going
to fuck that shit. So Isend them a letter and I'm like,
(16:07):
pursue it too, pursue it whereby the law you only have to do
thirty days if you're moving out becauseit's a ship hole. So I came
back to him on that one andthe guy came back. He's like,
oh, yeah, we'll pro rateboom fuck yeah, fucking fucking yeah.
Yeah. I felt so good aboutthe fact that I stood up for myself
(16:32):
and I almost didn't. I wascrumbling. I was just gonna deal with
it because I have not been taughtto fight back, to stand up for
myself. Yeah, I'm just taughtto all those are the rules, that's
what you do, and you can'tyou know, can't buck the system.
Can't buck the system. So yeah, I got out of that fucking place.
I got the fuck out of thatfucking place. I found a house
(16:53):
which is perfect for me and mykids, and in the same school trick
that all my kids are in rightnow. I know it's a tender mercy.
It is a tender mercy. Itis a tender mercy. So that's
my trillium story, and I wantto ask listeners either discuss it on the
you know, the what's it calledlesbian podcast discussion? Black what because of
(17:18):
your Mormon upbringing? What are thingsthat you have just put up with in
your life because you didn't you didn'tknow that you could say no. You
didn't feel like you had the powerto come back at it. You know,
I got the power it's getting it'sgetting Is it getting kind of heavier,
getting kind of hectic? Oh ohyeah, I think it's hectic.
Maybe anyway, you got the power. Yeah. So I was talking to
(17:41):
Mary this morning. We were justout with the dogs and we were talking
about what we were going to talkabout now, and I said, well,
what did you just fucking have toput up with because you didn't think
that you could fight back when youwere being raised religiously right. And it's
different from me because I had aparent, Well, I had a parent
(18:02):
that was brainwashed and then I hada parent that didn't buy any of it,
And so I had both messages atthe same time. Confusing as fuck
for a really long time. Sure, but then I think because I had
that voice of reason ye kind ofin the back of my head from my
upbringing. It allowed me to makechoices for myself. Yeah. I knew
that I could because my father didn'tcave just because my mother was found Jesus
(18:30):
after they got married and dragged usall to church except for him. He
never went to church never ever,the whole time I knew him never went
to church because he didn't believe it. Yeah, and so I knew that
I knew there were options, yeah, right, And I think that made
all the difference. Yeah. SoI know people have asked me like,
well, how is it for youmarrying your faith crisis? And it was
(18:52):
different from my sisters. If anyonelistened to the scandal session with my sister,
you can tell that we just havea different outlook about our upbringing.
You know, it was differ refresh. She worked at the Christian Broadcasting Network
as an adult. Like, well, and there's a age difference too,
There's four years between us. It'snot a huge age difference. But I
don't know, I don't know.I just I just uh saw my father's
(19:14):
path and followed after him. Ithink, you know, that was an
option for me. So there yougo. There, I feel very fortunate.
Yeah, thanks dad, Yeah,yeah, gave me a different point
of view, you know, andyou didn't have that. I didn't you
have one point of view. Ihad one point of view. Obviously I
had teachers that weren't Mormon, butjust different. It's different when like your
(19:37):
parents, your grandparents, all yougrants and uncles, everyone that you've known
as a child growing up, thatyou look up to, they all shared
the same Mormon belief, which iswe know what that is, and it's
you can't bend it. You can'tbend that belief when you're when you're raised
that way. So yeah, that'smy success story of learning. That's awesome
confidence. Thank you. And youknow I've seen you over the years,
(19:59):
I've known you five years, justgain more and more confidence. Remember the
gazebo we put together a time.Yeah, and you just were like I
did this. Yeah. I neverused to give up on project. I
did when it was it get hard, It would get hard on my might,
like get my husband to do itright, you know, because I
saw that growing up. My momnever did anything. Sure, my dad
(20:22):
did all of the things. Soin my mind, doing things is hard.
When it gets hard, you justget a man to do it.
And the fact that I was like, just went on ahead and kept working
on that gazebo with a thousand screwsand nuts and ship. It was heavy
too. It was heavy. Oh, we need to thank Diana again for
her and Ben's help on that gazholding it. And Lincoln, if you're
listening, my son, didn't hecome? Yeah? Yeah, I think
(20:45):
so as a while ago. Yeah, So my question posing to our listeners
is what things again did you justfucking put up with because you thought you
had to because of your Mormon upbringing. Never really had thought about that that
much. Know. It's funny,how, you know, the longer we
do this podcast, Yeah, we'rewe're not strictly telling your story of leaving
(21:06):
the church and your marriage and thewhole deal anymore. That's been told,
right, But then things pop upthat make you think of your upbringing in
the way you were taught and howyou have You're still encountering things, yeah,
that are baked in from your upbringingthat you're now overturning, let's say,
or you're you're rethinking it in anew way. Yeah, you know,
(21:27):
this is not a one and donesituation. This is going to be
happening. I think the rest ofyour life, I would imagine. So
I don't think that you your raceforty years of brainwashing in an afternoon,
or even five years. No,I know, and it feels good.
It feels really really. I wasso celebratory I went into work when all
(21:47):
afterwards all I was like dancing aroundand my co workers were high fiving me
because they know my background, right, so people to see that in me,
they're just they just cheer for me. And I love that. Thank
you for every who's cheered for mein this matter. Yeah, and you
know it's uplifting to anyone else whois thinking, oh my gosh, raise
your hand, listener, if you'relike, that's me. I don't have
(22:10):
confidence. I don't think I canaccomplish things. I don't. I wasn't
taught that I had power Yeah withinme that could challenge anything. You know.
Yeah, if that's you, guesswhat, there's hope. Yes,
look at Shelley. Thank you,Shelley. Once again, you are a
role model. You are thank you, you are inspirational. You are let's
(22:32):
make out later. Okay, allright, it's too hard to reach you
right this second. I know you'reway over there. Later we'll make out
later. Okay, we're done longdistance making it? Yes, okay,
well should we consider taking a littcommercial break before we get into this conference?
Wrap up, let's do it.Okay, be right back, We're
(22:52):
back. Hello. Conference Conference Octobertwenty twenty two. General Accummierrance of the
Church or Jesus of Latter day Saints. I still don't know why they do
these things twice a year. Whatdo they have to talk about? They
just regurgitate shit, nothing's new.Which, by the way, I was
in the dollar store the other daygetting Halloween decorations and the lady there,
the checkout lady, these two missionarieswere in there talking to her. Oh
(23:17):
my, and I kept hearing themsaying, you know, so, yeah,
did you get a chance to watchconference? Did you get a chance?
And I'm thinking, why it willnever work getting people to watch conference
and then have them suddenly want tobe Mormon. Conferences are the most boring
fucking thing on the planet. Youknow, I was on the fence,
but I saw these white guys talkingput me right over the edge. Well,
(23:38):
while speaking of white guys, guesswhat October twenty twenty two. The
church became super progressive because they alloweda black woman to speak what twenty two?
They're fine, They're like, let'slet's lead the way in progressivism,
progressivism. And I felt bad forthe black lady because as they made her
(24:00):
call herself Tracy, why browning,like you have to put an initial in
there? Oh, it's stupid.I don't understand. Yeah, I don't
know, And I don't understand howany African American person would want to be
part of this cult. It's bizarreto me. I don't or gay for
that matter, queer. I justI don't get it. Everyone's on their
own journey. Sure, but Imyself cannot comprehend this. Well. You
(24:23):
know, I scratch my head alot of the times about lots of things
and kid that don't make sense,especially in more minutes. No. Right,
So here's our wrap up conference.Boring a shit. Nobody cares.
There's just it's bullshit, obviously.But we have a great, great,
great quote from Jeffrey R. Holland. He says, I know many who
(24:47):
wrestle with wrenching matters of identity,gender, and sexuality. Does he really
know them? No? Who doeshe know? I thought, I'm like,
he should say I know of them, he read about it one time.
Yeah he doesn't know. No,fucking Jeffrey. I weep for them,
and I weep with them, knowinghow significant the consequences of their decisions
(25:10):
will be for the fuck yeah firstof all, fuck you. Second of
all, when someone is I don'twant to say wrestling with because we shouldn't
have to wrestle with our identity.We are who we are, right,
we sure because the wrestle typically islike will I be accepted? Right?
And that's how hopell I tell myfamily, Yes, that's right. So
(25:32):
when he's like, I'm crying foryou because I know, um, if
you make the wrong choice, yourlife is fucked forever. That's basically what
I feel from this. Now.What it should say is, Jeffrey,
our Holland should be like, Iweep for you because my organization is so
fucked up that we have caused you, lovely people to want to not be
(25:56):
here anymore. But now or beyourself? Yeah yeah, yeah, be
here is in like die by suicide? Well for sure, I picked up
on that. Okay, I wishit wasn't even a thing. I wish
it wasn't even something that people hadto struggle with decisions in as you struggle
with your decision on whether or notto be a sinner. Yeah, that's
what that feels like. Yeah,Oh, you're struggling with your decision to
(26:18):
give into your sin and go tohell. I weep for that because it's
gonna be a rough road for yougoing to hell. Well that's the implication.
Yeah, exactly, So fuck you, motherfucker. That's from Jeffrey R.
Holland. Um, I'm scrolling tothe talks. I don't listen anymore.
I just kind of scroll through,and there was one by David A.
Bednar and the title is put onThy Strength. Isn't he the earring
(26:40):
guy? He has problems with earrings? Yes, too many arrings,
Yes to any earrings? Too manyholes? Never enough holes. Anyway,
the name of his talk was puton Thy Strength O Zion. That's just
a stupid ass name. I didn'teven read it. I'm like, I
can't. The fuck is wrong withpeople? Hey, no, what he
(27:00):
talks like this and you're arrogant tocall utah zion. I'm sorry, he's
arrogant. End of story, period. Yes, that's appropriation. It's true.
It is. It is. There'snothing about Utah that's in Zion.
I'm sorry, you know, nota damn thing. No, not a
damn thing. It's arrogance. You'reexactly right. An arrogant person would use
that to name his talk anyway,fuck him, And the whole thing is
(27:22):
arrogant. Mormonism is arrogant. Yes, absolutely. Lastly, Oh, you
didn't want to talk about anything,Bednar said, No, the title is
so stupid. I didn't even readthe title. Oh my dear God,
all right, that's what I wasdoing. I didn't even bother reading it.
Just the title was like, seriously, people talk like this. Finally,
(27:45):
what I have here is apparently therewere some new temples announced. You
guys know how I feel about temples. It's just fucking a waste of me.
Yeah, So apparently a temple wasannounced and a family member of mine
I'm not going to say names,distant family member, this person says,
my heart is so full tonight.God. When you start like that,
and it's throw uk emoji. Itwas an amazing general conference listening to the
(28:10):
Lord's prophet, apostles and leaders ofthe church. Puke emoji A new temple
for the Church or Jesus Christ ofLatter Day's Saints, such a long thing
to type out was announced that we'llbe built less than ten minutes from our
old house in Las Vegas. Iliterally cheered when the new temple was announced
and then cried, oh my god, part it is such a blessing,
(28:33):
is it? Let's talk about whatthe fuck a this person doesn't even live
there anymore. Okay, but justlike, oh, they built an So
they threw another lots of millions ofdollars to a big building, a useless
building with millions of dollars worth ofdecorations and shit for the teeny tiniest percentage
of population who will be able togo in there and do fake shit for
(28:55):
dead people. And we're celebrating.Shelley starting to think it's I'm leaning,
definitely leaning. Meanwhile, the churchis sitting on one hundred and sixty plus
billion dollars and they're like, well, let's make more temples. Well I
don't understand, And why is ita blessing? Why are you weeping over
such a waste of money? Thinkabout how many people could be helped with
(29:18):
that money? Church didn't help peoplestop awful. So I remember when I
was super indoctrinated, I celebrated whentemples were built because that was a sign
of the church, like rolling forwardand being like, weird, the true
church, look at us, wehave all these temples. It was like
I cheered for the church. Theywere my team, and so any kind
of you know, opening new missionsor new temples like that was like,
(29:41):
yeah, we are the one trueChurch. So you can understand why this
person would write first on Facebook?No, no, no, of course
I can. I understand it becausethat's I was a dumb ass too once
upon a time. Yeah, butI just it's so gaggy. Speaking of
gaggy cute music, Oh, thisis the journal journey. Yeah, who
(30:03):
is at your segue? Journey?Okay, I'm going to read from this
here journal. Even though it's trayjournal, it's Shelley's journal. Journey music
has been cute. Okay, thanksfor queuing. All right, let me
open up this my maroon um leatherbound journal. What you got? Well,
(30:26):
since I'm sitting in a closet recording, I have to use my phone
light because I'm damn near blind thesedays. Okay, Now, some of
this seems familiar. I might havemaybe mentioned it once, but whatever,
deal with it. It's coming twice. This is from March second, I'm
guessing nineteen ninety six. Yes,can the letter I got today from Brand
He said he needs me to changehim spiritually. What can I do?
(30:52):
What can I do when I feelso weak? Oh God? I feel
like his testimony in faith and strengthcompletely overshadows my own? Oh God,
how can I lift him up?I only pray I do not drag him
down. Pause for Mary to laugha bit. God, I was a
(31:14):
fucking stupid Why did he want youto change him spiritually? What did that
mean? I don't know. Hesaid it, and then I got all
guilty about it. Duh, I'mnot doing something right. Of course I
was never doing something right, andI was always writing about it in my
journal. Okay, you're ready forthis? Yeah. I long for the
day when we can work together ashusband and wife to return to live again
(31:37):
with our heavenly father. Oh God. More, I dream of the glorious
day when our calling an election mightbe made. Sure you don't call an
election? Is that is an amazingfoom pod music? Mary, Today's fucked
(32:00):
up Mormon Phrase of the day iscalling and election calling. And yeah,
okay, you already gave away thatthis is like in the afterlife. Yeah,
I gave a lot of clues inmy pathetic journal entry. But I
can only imagine it's like some pastsaint or God or Jesus or somebody in
(32:21):
the afterlife is calling you to likecalling the chosen people together. Maybe are
you elected to a certain like noduty. As much as I want to
give you partial credit, it's somuch better than that. Okay, I
don't know the answer. Okay,buzzer, here's what it is. So
(32:43):
you go through the temple the firsttime, you're like when you get married,
right, You're you're sealed. Andthen for the best souls, typically
the rich ones, the general authorities, blah blah blah, you will get
called to come to the temple againby like a head haunt show of the
church. They do some ritual Idon't know what it is to make your
calling an election sure, which meansyou are then promised that you have made
(33:09):
it to the upper levels of thecelestial kingdom. And there is nothing you
can do at that point to makethat go away. So this is in
preparation for your afterlife. Yeah,they're telling you you made it. You're
good. Do whatever the fuck youwant the rest of your life. You're
good, you're in. Wait,what's the difference between a calling and an
election? I don't know, it'sjust the calling you're calling an election is
(33:30):
made sure. That's such a stupidline. I've said it a billion times,
but it was always this thing like, is it going to be us?
If we live righteously, then we'llget called to the temple and have
our calling an election made sure?Oh my god, meaning you did it?
Like in this life, you did, You did all things. You're
You're good to go. It didn'tmatter what you do the rest of this
(33:50):
life, because you you are in. So you could go murder somebody after
that. Well, and I've askedpeople that question, like, well,
you won't want to. I might. Yeah. Wow, that's a good
one. Yeah, that is agood one. I was stumped, wasn't
sure. I still am kind ofunclear on how it all works. But
well, it's fake and they changethe rules as they go. Well,
(34:13):
so now that you know what itwas I was striving for. Here in
my journal, we get back tomy reading. I dream of the gloriless
repeat, I dream of the gloriousday when our calling an election might be
made. Sure, now it soundseven stupid, or doesn't it now that
you know what it is, Butthe next sentence is even better. I
shudder to think. What if itnever happens? The fuck was wrong with
(34:38):
me? You are brainwashed? Oh, Shelley was brainwashed everybody? There's more?
Well, it more. Also,I'm just getting so much anxiety out
of your writing. Of course,absolutely, it explains so much about your
anxiety. Now. I am justused to functioning in an anxious state because
that's all I ever did. Notgood for me. No, it's not
(35:00):
new. Body keeps a score book. Yeah, yeah, but I believe
that's true. Yeah. We getso amped up on different things and stressed
out. And a church probably tookten years off my life. Assholes probably,
and lots of tithing. Okay,I want to do another paragraph here
because it was all done on thesame day. Why do I always feel
(35:21):
like I'm struggling. I just don'tfeel like I'm where it should be at
this point in life. I trulywant a relationship with heavenly Father. Perhaps
sin is the great barrier that keepsme from reaching him. What can I
do? I must always repent.I should try making new covenants with the
(35:42):
Lord every morning, like starting brandnew with each day, setting goals from
sun up to sundown, keeping thisspirit with me all day long to help
me accomplish these goals, Praying throughoutthe day to my father to tell him
next patient, tell him how I'mdoing with my goals, and to ask
for his help and support, togive thanks. Tomorrow morning, I will
(36:07):
start this new plan. I needa new beginning. I need to be
revitalized. I need to regain myviews. Did you have views? I
don't fucking know what a hand theywere? Your dad's views? Wow?
I think I'll stop there. Ihave another one right after it, but
I'm gonna hold off. Okay,I'll make a note. You're gonna make
a note, all right? Wow? Oh, Shelly, I know,
(36:30):
Oh my goodness, So glad youare not that person anymore. You are
a completely different person, Thank god. I was just Yeah, and you
can look back on it and laugh. What's that line in that Indigo Girls
song? Every five years or so, I look back on my life and
have a good laugh. Totally,you know, we're not laughing at you
(36:50):
or laughing with you, laugh atme. I was a fucking dork.
I'm laughing at me. Shit,Oh my god. I mean part of
it is what you were in yourties, right, sure, and you
know that's a time when we're allkind of just figuring out who we are
too, and that's part of it. But I was I was in my
twenties in a brainwashed state. Yeah, in a cult. And that makes
you say some weird ass ship thatmost twenty year rolds probably wouldn't say.
(37:14):
Probably soon. I love that journalentry. I can't remember when that was,
but that's funny. Oh my goodness. Okay, well that's your riveting
journal journey. Thank you. Soglad you are not that person anymore.
Oh god. I mean we couldn'tbe friends. No, I wouldn't be
(37:35):
Yeah, you'd be like, she'slooking at my boobs? True, that
would be true. Well there yougo, yeah, there you do go.
Okay, we I think have timefor a letter. Why don't we
take one last quick break and thenI'll read the letter and then we'll do
patrons do it all right? Beright back, yeah, listen up.
(38:00):
It's time once again for another modestmixed tea break. I wonder why they
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blend of various organic black teas andelderberries to kick your groggy ass in the
(38:21):
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(38:43):
wildcrafted, fair trade delicious AFT blends. Head over to Modest Mix dot Com
and entercode Latterday Lesbian twenty at checkoutfor twenty percent off your order. So
fucking cool. That's Modest Mix dotCom, Entercode Latterday Lesbian twenty. Then
shop, sip and Wake the fuckup. We're back. So this is
(39:07):
a special treat this letter. Ican't believe we haven't read this before.
Maybe we did, Yeah, Idon't know. You'll tell you tell me
once we start reading it. Thisis a special treat because it's from Dan
at Extension Audios. Sister Shit no, we haven't read that. I don't
think we have. And this camein like two years ago. Sorry,
(39:28):
Dan's sister from Extension Audio, Lisa. Sorry Lisa, she's not from Extension
Audio. Sorry Dan from Extension Audio'ssister, Lisa. Jesus. All right,
here we go, dear Mary andShelley. I started listening to your
podcast earlier this year, that wouldbe two years ago, and have enjoyed
every episode since. Your show hasbeen amazingly helpful to me as I have
(39:52):
been transitioning out of Mormonism. Ithink you guys are awesome. Thanks Lisa,
thank you. I'm excited to writein and say hello to you both
because my connection to your show happensto be very close to home. My
older brother and very best friend isDaniel. Leave it in, Daniel,
Daniel, Daniel, my brother.Leave it in, Daniel, she says,
(40:15):
although he is better known here asDan at Extension Audio. Or leave
it in Dan. I put that. She didn't write that part. I
put that in. He told meabout a new show he was mastering,
called Latterday Lesbian. Although mastering isa terrible word. I don't like that
word. I know it's bad.I mean technically that is how production has
been referred to for years and yearsand years. I think we should change
(40:37):
it. Mixing and finalizing. Wecould say that okay, okay, is
it because it sounds too much likea master bait? No, it sounds
like master. Master is a terribleword. Oh, like the noun I
am your master, right, Notin a good way. It's just a
bad word. Yeah, it's aneliminate master. Gotcha from our vocabulary.
Anyway. The show was Latter DayLesbian. Hey, that's our show,
(40:59):
and after several conversations with him,where he expressed how cool these ladies were,
I guess that's us. I thinkso shit, and how much he
thought it would resonate with me,I finally tuned in. Oh, thanks
Dan for yeah for recommending us.My faith crisis hit full speed last summer
(41:20):
in twenty eighteen, while I wasliving at home with my parents. That'll
do it, yep, who arecurrently very active Mormons. I had graduated
from Brigham Young University, Idaho notlong previously and was feeling profoundly stuck.
Yeah BYU Idaho. By the way, is bu on fucking crack? Is
it? Yes? Yikes? Asif provo is not bad enough. No,
(41:42):
right, Well, Idaho is liketake provo BYU, and then add
do not show any of your skinanywhere ever. Oh wow, they're really
strict. Good lord, Okay,anyway, she was feeling profoundly stuck.
I used all of the pressure buildingup from that situation to spring me across
the Pacific to start work as anEnglish teacher in China. It was as
(42:05):
far away as I could possibly getfrom my family and the Mormon Church.
I ran away to a land whereit virtually does not exist. Wow.
Yeah, good for her. Itwas an amazing year, and I really
took advantage of the space I neededto process my emotions and do a lot
of reading. The paradigm shift thatcomes from leaving a high demand religion is
a real mind fuck. Yeah.Unsurprisingly, I removed my name from the
(42:30):
church records shortly before returning home forthe summer. A girl. Yeah.
Thankfully. Through it all, Ihave had the constant support of my amazing
brother Nah to help me cope throughthis insane transition. He and I have
been talking incessantly about the Church,religion, God, and life for the
last two years, and we areno closer to figuring it out. But
(42:53):
we are closer to each other thanever before. That's what counts, right
for real. Despite the fact thatI reach turned to China to teach for
another year, being the savvy technologydude that he is, he approached me
with the idea to start our ownpodcast as a tool for others who might
benefit from the conversations that we haveas X Mormon Siblings. Siblings and Zion
(43:15):
is now available in all the places. Did you say Zion now? I
said Zion. It kind of hada Zion feel to it. Siblings in
Zion, Okay, that's how MormonZion Mormons stole it. Okay is now
available in all the podcast places.If any of your listeners are interested in
tuning in there as well, youknow, I'll have to reach out to
(43:36):
Dan to see if they're currently inproduction on that show, because I don't
honestly know, but you can definitelylisten to past episodes if not, yeh,
Siblings and Zion, I said it, you kind of say Zion.
You do a little bit of aon at the end anyway, Just Zion
Zion Zion. Yes, that isbetter. Siblings and Zion. Find it
(44:00):
on your favorite podcast app. Okay, let me wrap this up. Please
do. Lisa says, I'm soglad that you chose Daniel, leave it
in, Daniel in Daniel to workon your podcast, and that it led
to me also getting to enjoy yourconversations, insights, tangents, and foom
pods. Yeah, thanks for helpingme steer clear of cults. Love Lisa,
(44:22):
Oh, Lisa, thank you forI know that's awesome. Two years
ago I got around reading it.That's a good letter. That has a
good letter, I know. Andyou know what, love me some Dan
from Daniel from Extension Audio. We'lljust thank them now. There you go.
There's your thanks. Dan. Ifyou don't get thanked at the end
(44:44):
today, thanks for leaving it in, Dan, it's near the end.
We love you, appreciate all youdo for us. Okay, did you
want to uh get started on somepatrons write them down, but let me
dottle check. All right, howare we doing their new names today?
I said words that you'd hear inconference. Okay, so I came up
with this idea. Wait we're recordingright now. Oh okay, carry on.
(45:07):
Sorry, we're doing a conversation starter. Okay, like it? How
are we doing their new names today. New names today will be words you
will hear in general conference. Okay, okay, who's the first one?
Number one is Lisa Marie P.Presley. I guess you don't hear that
at a general Nope, nope.They would never refer to Elvis in a
(45:30):
conference unless they were doing baptisms forthe dead. Right. The word I'm
thinking of is persecute. Okay,I was thinking prosperity. Okay, is
I'm gonna go with mine. Ihave an idea there, Okay, But
persecute not in the way that wethink of it, but in the way
the church thinks of it, asin the Church believes they are being persecuted
(45:52):
by non Mormons. Oh okay,like woe is us for them, poor
poor us. People want to callus Mormons and we're not where where they're
just right, yes, just stupidold yarn. Yeah, so Lisa Marie
(46:12):
percute. Dear. Sorry, itis not my fault, but this is
the you know, the word thatI can't think of right now? What
the category of names were, youknow? I see? Okay? Next
up, by the way, Ithank you, Lisa Marie. Next up,
Amy, no last name? Oh? Can I do it? Yeah,
Zion Zion, Amy Zion, thanamy Zion. Thanks for your support,
(46:39):
good Lord. Next up, Harrietm M. How about missionary.
I'm sure that missionaries are mentioned inconference sometimes, God always. As a
matter of fact, the conference inApril, m reinforced to all the boys
that if you are worthy, youneed to go. I want a mission
(47:00):
period end of story, which thenof course calls out the boys who just
kind of decided they didn't want togo, and so now they are labeled
as sinners. Well they have toguilt people into going on a mission,
of course, because they really believethat's the way to get new converts.
Absolutely, new converts equals more tithing. Uh, it's a money call.
(47:22):
Goes down to the money. Itall does boils down to money every single
time. They also reminded the girlsyou don't have to go, which again
it's like yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they also encouraged the elderly
people to go serve their missions,which, by the way, my parents
(47:42):
served two missions. Damn near killedmy mom, damn near. We've talked
about the before, ye yeah,And to fucking be like, I know,
you have grandkids and all. Sothis was a thing. This was
a thing that my dad actually toldme because all of us kids, of
course back then we were brainwashed.We're like, oh, parents are so
holy blow going, I messied.It was like, your grandkids will get
there, We'll be there when youget back. Well, it's okay.
(48:06):
Well didn't they not attend your weddingor something? No, didn't attend my
wedding, I know, um,which I'll give shit, but didn't attend
the blessing of my baby, mylast baby, And it mattered to me.
Back then. They were only likean hour and a half flight away,
right, and they wouldn't couldn't go. My mom wanted to and my
dad was like, no, hun, you can't. You know, you
(48:28):
can't leave your mission, leave yourmission. And it's all bullshit. Makes
me angry. My mom suffered significantly. Um so yeah, sorry, that's
your new last name, Harriet missionary. It can be Harriet missionary style.
If that, oh it's better forHarry, is it better? Well,
I don't know, it's up toher. That's funny. You can choose
next. Now this is spelled ma c I A h m. What
(48:52):
m A c I a h mcaiahmaybe okay, but macaia didn't offer up
last name, so um oh freakof shoes. Well I picked the last
one, So why don't you picka common where it's a ridiculous one.
Conferences so many, there's so many. I'm just gonna go with, um
(49:14):
makaia, geth seminee, geth semonee, get get the seminee because there's always
a talk in general conference about Jesus, like near dying, and get semine
for our sins because we're horrible.They loved it so much, but we
need to show that appreciation by basicallybeing a Mormon. So right, yes,
(49:37):
sorry, your new last name isguests semine last Lacy, m m
m um. Can I do thisone? Sure? Master bait, masterbait?
Did they say that? And commonoaks? They never actually say the
Jesus, but I wanted to saythe word. But they talk about sexual
sin and we know way up there, especially when they're when they when they
(50:00):
speak in the priesthood session, whichis like the men and the boys,
mm, they hit that ship home. Okay, they don't say the word
master bait, but they definitely Andwho's this patron again, Lacy master bait?
Sorry, Lacy, not sorry,that's the best one. Thanks for
sport. Lacy Master, Basha Master, Lacy Lacy, Lacy Master Bakay,
(50:23):
Okay, sorry, Lacy Lacy,you could just PM me later and I'll
apologize for shot. I can giveher a new name of shem. There
you go? Or is it aDM Personal Message? Direct Message? What
do you say? They're all differentand I'm always afraid I use DM now.
Isn't it the same thing? Though? It is? But okay,
(50:43):
okay, whatever, slide into yourDMS. Yeah, there you go.
I think we're wrapped on this episode. Everybody, there you go. In
the name of Jesus Christ Amen yep. Already thanked Dan, So don't want
to do that twice. Don't getgreedy Dan. Oh Dan shit. Maybe
we should thank Dan's sister for writingin Thank you, Lisa, Thank you
(51:04):
appreciated that. Sorry it took usso long to get to your letter.
If you would like to send usa letter, we might get to it
in the next couple of years.We'll see what happens. That email address
is Latter Day Lesbian dot org slashcontact make a note, make it and
stare clear of those cults because they'reno joke, no joke at all talk
(51:25):
to your by later Bye,
In today's episode. You know,Shelley's taking the lead on this one.
M what you got. Oh,we've got an update from my living situation.
We've got conference wrap up, notlock to it always a treat,
boring as usual. We've got aShelley's journal journey which I just read through
and I'm yelling I was so fuckingstupid, So it'll be a good one.
(00:25):
Yeah, yeah, And I havea letter to read. Well,
shit, I guess we should getto all that after the break. Let's
do it all right, be rightback. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Letter Day Lesbian, a podcast aboutthe next morning gay girl just try to
figure out her life him Mary,I'm Shelly. I guess we're being singing
(00:48):
songy today. Sometimes I just gottado that. Then I feel better.
I feel better. Good, Sowe can move on. Didn't know you
felt worse? We can move onfrom the sing song part of the program.
Good mixed up jazz hands your favorite? Yeah, yeah, always So
those of you who were not awarethe living situation with Mary and I,
(01:12):
we recently moved out of the housethat we shared together and Mary is now
in an apartment closer to work witha well we'll be moving in like a
month around the corner on the samefloor to an apartment with room for a
studio. We really need a studioagain. Yeah, this is a goofy
(01:33):
setup. Dan likes it because we'refurther apart. I feel so far from
you. I know, it's likeI can't I can see you through a
bunch of wires and closet padding.Um, yeah, I know. Yeah,
Mary's in a closet, and thenI'm in the closet on the other
side of the hall and there's sweaters. A strange closet configuration. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, you're surrounded bymy clothing cloth. Anyway, So Mary
(02:00):
will be in the apartment with astudio. I from the house that we
shared, moved to an apartment complexbecause at the time. Okay, it's
expensive as shit in northern Virginia.I'm just gonna throw that out there.
It's starting to sound like a longstory. It's it's I just go back
and listen to the Scandal sessions aboutyour apartment. They're not all Scandal subscribers
(02:23):
sessions. God damn it. Ifyou want all the download the dirt,
please subscribe. How do we dothat? Mary? Oh? You can
go to our website Latter day Lesbiandot org, slash support support support good,
Yeah, to get more of thedirt, the download, the behind
(02:44):
the scenes. Yeah. Can Ijust sum this up? It's taking you
far too No. No, youended up moving into a crappy apartment unbeknownst
to you. Yes, it wasa shit hole. It was a complete
shit hole. It was and therewill be. There's more in depth in
scandals. Yeah, so you gotout of it. I did. But
the thing that I wanted to pointout about that um is that this is
(03:06):
the point that I'm getting to marryJesus Christ. I'm just drinking my coffee.
Yep. Oh, I'm drinking myApostate coffee quick plug yeahst coffee,
do it. I love those ladies, by the way. Oh yeah,
go to Apostate Coffee dot com forten percent off your order. That's always
handy. I'm drinking out of darkRoast right now. Oh hell yeah,
wait, you said go to theirwebsite for ten percent off. They have
(03:29):
to type in oh they do.Okay, you have to enter LDL at
check out. There we go.You know all were plugging people, we
should plug Exmo candleco. Hell yeah, the gay away the prey candle.
Yes, m it's a good one. I love the smell. We need
to get another one, by theway, I think we burnt through it.
Oh yeah, we kept on gettingaway the game that breinson the candle
was gone. Although they do lasta very long time, they do.
(03:51):
They're high quality candles. Yeah,but when you are ritualistically ganging away the
prey and you light it every time, then you need another one. Jen,
are you listen? Hint, hint, hint. By the way,
for those of you who have notseen Mary's awesome TikTok, I guess commercial
that you put it to a video. It's a video because it's on TikTok.
(04:11):
That was pretty funny. She wroteit, she's the actress in it.
And it promotes the candles. Didit did all the things? Yeah,
it does promote the candles. Ifyou would like to check out all
the funny candles and awesomely smelling candleWe picked up the scent. We did
that one. We made that shit. Yep, we sure did, with
the help of the XMO candle copeople. Jen and her husband, Uh
(04:31):
sorry, Jen, mister candles,mister candles, Jen and mister Candles.
Why am I blanking on his namebecause it's not like Tom. You know,
something something unusual, unusual. Maybeit's Adrian and they doesn't she give
him a like little nickname. Idon't know, let's go with Adrian.
If we're wrong, whatever, suckit up, mister Candles. To you
(04:55):
please visit XMO candles dot com.Yes, and check out all the yummy
funny fragrances. Yes, said athing. It is yummy funny. Now
you're yummy funny. Anyway, backto my story, Jesus. Okay,
So being in this apartment was likehell, oh yeah, so bad,
so bad. And that the reasonthat I that I chose the apartment when
(05:16):
I did was I needed something withthree bedrooms, right yeah, that's hard
to come by, super hard tocome by because it's so expensive around here.
So I found the only three bedroomapartments in the area, right sure
that you could afford exactly exactly.It was hell from day one, mice
awful. It was horrible. Imean, whatever, trash, trust us,
(05:39):
it's so bad, horrible. Ishould post the letter that I wrote.
Anyway, So here's here's the pointI'm getting too. Finally, I
felt trapped, shut it. Ifelt trapped. It was horrible. I
went away to Las Vegas forum likea long weekend for work, and so
Mary had the dogs with her,so there were no dogs in there to
like kill the mice. Yeah.I didn't want to stay there. No.
(06:00):
Yeah. So I came home,opened the door and it was like
just reeked of mouse shit and urineand probably dead mouse and surely dead mice.
And is one of them named Shirley? Surely? So I walked around
and there and they were just chewholes in everything. There was poop along
(06:20):
the sofa along the top like whereyour head goes. There was poop in
the kid's rooms, on their clothes, and I'm like, that is it.
I can do this. I can't. I have to figure something out.
I went to the leasing office andI sat down with one of the
people that I'm like, okay,so I need to break my lease.
(06:40):
What are the terms? What dowe do here? She's like, yeah,
yeah, no problem. So ifyou break your lease now you pay
us for two months. So youhave to give a sixty day notice,
which fuck that most places are thirtylike most normal places. Right anyway,
Well, when you break a lease, I think it gets funky. Well
great, that wasn't the If itwas just that, I would have been
like, okay, cool, let'sgo. But so you break the lease.
(07:04):
Now you give sixty days notice.You have to pay for all of
those sixty days right then and there, and then at the end of the
sixty days, when you move out, you have to pay for two additional
months. Yeah, it's so weirdafter you're gone and you have to pay
both of those months on that daythat you mo ab out. It's like
I felt so trapped and stuck andI'm doing the mask in my head.
(07:24):
It's like twelve thousand dollars ridiculous,plus having to come up with money for
another place first and last month's Itook what she said as like, those
are the rules, that's what wedo. Yeah, right, So I
went into a panic and I'm like, how am I going to scramble up
and find twelve thousand dollars, whichthat's a fucking lot of money, and
you don't just like, oh,I didn't know I had that in my
savings. I don't have a savingsaccount, by the way, I have
(07:45):
no savings, so there's nothing.And I was like, do I borrow
something from my eggs? Do Itry to get some kind of you know,
early inheritance from my parents, whichwas kind of weird because they're not
dead yet. I mean, youdid ask your brothers and they're like,
no, sorry, yeah, yeah, yes, And I felt defeated.
I was just like, I'm stuckhere. My kids have to be in
(08:07):
this shit hole. We were outchatting it up with Diana. Remember Diana,
you need to have her on again. And I'm telling talking about this
and she's like, why are youthere? Right? Like that's fucked up.
You need to you need to getout of there. And Mary too
has been like, you need toget out of there, you know what.
I think I was in that sameboat. I'm like, well,
when you break a lease, youjust have to deal with the penalties.
(08:28):
I've broken a lease before two andI just dealt with the penalties. Like
I wasn't thinking, no, I'mnot gonna take this anymore, Like my
brain wasn't quite there because you brokelike a normal lease where you weren't living
in filth and trash, danger andexactly cables and like dogs shit everywhere,
like anyway, So I want tosay thank you to all of those on
(08:48):
social media and in person who reallylike bolstered my confidence in getting out of
this lease because I believe and Itake this back to my being worn and
raised as a female Mormon. Oryou don't question authority, you don't fight
back, you take what's given toyou. You stay quiet. You have
(09:11):
zero confidence in being able to fightback against something, even no matter how
unfair it is, or to eventake it on, Oh for sure,
Like you just don't right, AndI have to say, I'm just gonna
throw this. I'm very proud ofmyself. Yeah, And that's a good
thing to be because thanks to everyone, I was able to be like,
yeah, you know what, youknow what, fuck them, Fuck them.
(09:31):
I don't have to live in thisshit hole. I don't have to
have my kids like afraid that there'smouse poop on there. I mean,
and I'm a clean person, that'sthe thing. It's not. It's not
like I leave stuff everywhere and themice are like eating cracker crumbs it all
over the floor. Now, thiswas put away in a pantry, yeah
yeah, yeah. And while Iwas there, I kept it at bay
(09:52):
Ish because a domino was killing likea mouse a day and I was sweeping
and cleaning. But then when Iwas out of town for a weekend,
yeah, boom. Anyway, sowhat I did was I got online and
I researched the laws in Virginia,the tenant landlord laws where no, you're
right, you're no, you're Andagain, that's something I would never have
done, right, It wouldn't haveeven occurred to me to educate myself on
(10:16):
how I can fix a horrible situationjust fucking deal with it. Yeah,
And so I did that. Ifound the laws. I contacted a friend
whose husband is a lawyer. He'snot a tenant landlord lawyer, but he
can re law and shit right,talk to him a little bit. He
looked over the laws too, andhe's like, yeah, you definitely have
(10:37):
a case, okay. And soI took a day and I wandered around
the whole place inside it, andI took pictures of all the fucked up
shit. We've got broken glass aroundthe pool, We've got exposed wires everywhere
in the building. There was garbagein the pool. Oh yeah, when
the kids acme in the pool outlaw just pretend it's a pond. I
mean it was. And the crazything is if you go on the website,
(10:58):
everything is Yeah, it looks lies. The website lies. I know.
I was tempted to just make likea snarky fake website, like,
well, how it really is,Like steal their nice pictures and like put
in what it actually is. Ohyeah yeah, yeah, like use their
layout, put in shitty pictures.It's going to change all the descriptions to
like being really shitty and then belike here's your new website and here's how
(11:20):
it is actually fixed it. Yeah, because this is a Matan switch situation.
Oh and then they fuck you likeliterally twelve thousand dollars to move out,
essentially, and that's before me havingto come up with the money for
first and last month's rent deposit fora new place, right, so just
to leave that shit. So Igot all these pictures together, I went
(11:41):
through all of my maintenance reports thatI had made to maintenance. Um like
the mouth the mouth shit, andthe broken the AC was broken, oh
week, the ac was broken.Summer. Your washer dryer, which is
a combo thing. I don't recommendthose things. Washer dryer and one not
efficient efficient It takes like five hoursto do a load of launch. Oh
(12:03):
yeah, yeah, oh you knowwhat I did. I say this,
So the washer dryer broke right,So I can't do laundry. So I
tried to go use like the laundryroom where there's like pay laundry things.
You go in there and there's likefifty of them and three of them work
maybe maybe this place, And ofcourse they're never open because someone is using
(12:24):
one of the three sum and therewas that's where there was just exposed wires
like you see the copper wires stickingout, not capped off at all,
just like here you go. SoI was pissed that I couldn't do laundry.
So I knew that the one ofthe problems was is when I had
maintenance come in. Here's how thatpart began. Keep up people. Oh
(12:46):
my god, it smelled like deadmice under the washer dryer big time.
But the washer dryers so heavy,I couldn't pull it away to clean up
the dead mice. So maintenance dudecame, pulled it away, told me
I didn't want to see all thedead mice there, clean him up,
pushed it back in. Then Itried to do some laundry, and then
it started to leak. It wasleaking into the basement. It was leaking
(13:07):
into the basement and into my kitchen. So that's why Knute was broken.
That's where we begin. That wasyour first clue. That was my first
clue. So then I went awayto Vegas right came back and there was
a note in there saying they haveto order apart for the laundry, the
washshry dry. Yeah, I hearnothing. I hear nothing. They don't
care. I'm like leaving more mesuge. I'm like, you know what,
fuck them, I'm doing laundry.That'll show them. So I started a
(13:31):
load of laundry, knowing I'm gonnaflood the fuck out of this place.
And I sure did. The laundrywas going for like twenty minutes and I
get a knock on the or Iget a phone call for maintenance. He's
like, hey, um, yeah, are you doing laundry? Sure?
And of course a lot. Iwas like, yeah, I thought you
fixed it. No, No,he was up right away, boom fixed
it. Like why do I haveto flood your fucking basement to any I
(13:52):
know? Huh. Let's get backto you getting out of you wrote a
letter. Okay, I'm trying tokeep us on target. Here were fifty
minutes. It's great, it's great, we'll still have time for my journal
journey. It's that. So Iput together all the documents, all the
maintenance requests, like highlighted the dates, blah blah blah. Then I got
the Virginia Code right, put thaton there too. I just put what
(14:16):
the code was, like, theycan look that up if they want.
You were citing sections of the code. Oh, I know. I like
the word pursuant pursuantto code. I'venever used that word so many times in
my life. Then I did,did you feel like you're ready to take
the bar? Now? Very close? Very close? So I got this
document when I had it certified likenotorized, I mean notorized. So now
(14:39):
it's fucking official and scary. She'sbig lawyery words. And then I sent
that letter certified mail saying basically,y'all are breaking the law. I'm the
fuck out of here. So Iwaited, waited, waited. The one
guy called me back. He's like, oh, yeah, I received that,
and you talk to management blah blahblah, and so I didn't hadn't
heard back from them, and sothen I'm thinking they're just gonna fucking draft
(15:01):
my account for this for the nextmonth's rent, and I'm not going to
be I'm not going to be here. I'm out the door because I couldn't
remove my bank account from there.Now that was weird. It was weird
there. It's like they were goingto give my money. So I took
all the money out of that bankaccount, all you know, four dollars
out of yeah, and then Iwrote them another letter, had it notarized,
(15:22):
and then said it was something like, I do not give permission for
trillium Yeah, Trillium apartments. Ifanyone's listening, Trillium apartments in fairfaxts to
draft any money. Blah blash sentthat motherfucker weight off to and I felt
more and more empowered the more Iwas like, boom, take that.
Bastards to take that. And sothen I get a letter or an email
from their staff saying, you know, we'll waive the two month penalty.
(15:46):
You can just do thirty days andso you can move out and then pay
all of October. And then I'mgoing, hmm, you know. I
gave my thirty day notice on Septembertwenty second, which means I should only
have to pay till October twenty second, right, and it's really worth a
fight, Like it's just a fewmore days whatever, and then I'm going
to fuck that shit. So Isend them a letter and I'm like,
(16:07):
pursue it too, pursue it whereby the law you only have to do
thirty days if you're moving out becauseit's a ship hole. So I came
back to him on that one andthe guy came back. He's like,
oh, yeah, we'll pro rateboom fuck yeah, fucking fucking yeah.
Yeah. I felt so good aboutthe fact that I stood up for myself
(16:32):
and I almost didn't. I wascrumbling. I was just gonna deal with
it because I have not been taughtto fight back, to stand up for
myself. Yeah, I'm just taughtto all those are the rules, that's
what you do, and you can'tyou know, can't buck the system.
Can't buck the system. So yeah, I got out of that fucking place.
I got the fuck out of thatfucking place. I found a house
(16:53):
which is perfect for me and mykids, and in the same school trick
that all my kids are in rightnow. I know it's a tender mercy.
It is a tender mercy. Itis a tender mercy. So that's
my trillium story, and I wantto ask listeners either discuss it on the
you know, the what's it calledlesbian podcast discussion? Black what because of
(17:18):
your Mormon upbringing? What are thingsthat you have just put up with in
your life because you didn't you didn'tknow that you could say no. You
didn't feel like you had the powerto come back at it. You know,
I got the power it's getting it'sgetting Is it getting kind of heavier,
getting kind of hectic? Oh ohyeah, I think it's hectic.
Maybe anyway, you got the power. Yeah. So I was talking to
(17:41):
Mary this morning. We were justout with the dogs and we were talking
about what we were going to talkabout now, and I said, well,
what did you just fucking have toput up with because you didn't think
that you could fight back when youwere being raised religiously right. And it's
different from me because I had aparent, Well, I had a parent
(18:02):
that was brainwashed and then I hada parent that didn't buy any of it,
And so I had both messages atthe same time. Confusing as fuck
for a really long time. Sure, but then I think because I had
that voice of reason ye kind ofin the back of my head from my
upbringing. It allowed me to makechoices for myself. Yeah. I knew
that I could because my father didn'tcave just because my mother was found Jesus
(18:30):
after they got married and dragged usall to church except for him. He
never went to church never ever,the whole time I knew him never went
to church because he didn't believe it. Yeah, and so I knew that
I knew there were options, yeah, right, And I think that made
all the difference. Yeah. SoI know people have asked me like,
well, how is it for youmarrying your faith crisis? And it was
(18:52):
different from my sisters. If anyonelistened to the scandal session with my sister,
you can tell that we just havea different outlook about our upbringing.
You know, it was differ refresh. She worked at the Christian Broadcasting Network
as an adult. Like, well, and there's a age difference too,
There's four years between us. It'snot a huge age difference. But I
don't know, I don't know.I just I just uh saw my father's
(19:14):
path and followed after him. Ithink, you know, that was an
option for me. So there yougo. There, I feel very fortunate.
Yeah, thanks dad, Yeah,yeah, gave me a different point
of view, you know, andyou didn't have that. I didn't you
have one point of view. Ihad one point of view. Obviously I
had teachers that weren't Mormon, butjust different. It's different when like your
(19:37):
parents, your grandparents, all yougrants and uncles, everyone that you've known
as a child growing up, thatyou look up to, they all shared
the same Mormon belief, which iswe know what that is, and it's
you can't bend it. You can'tbend that belief when you're when you're raised
that way. So yeah, that'smy success story of learning. That's awesome
confidence. Thank you. And youknow I've seen you over the years,
(19:59):
I've known you five years, justgain more and more confidence. Remember the
gazebo we put together a time.Yeah, and you just were like I
did this. Yeah. I neverused to give up on project. I
did when it was it get hard, It would get hard on my might,
like get my husband to do itright, you know, because I
saw that growing up. My momnever did anything. Sure, my dad
(20:22):
did all of the things. Soin my mind, doing things is hard.
When it gets hard, you justget a man to do it.
And the fact that I was like, just went on ahead and kept working
on that gazebo with a thousand screwsand nuts and ship. It was heavy
too. It was heavy. Oh, we need to thank Diana again for
her and Ben's help on that gazholding it. And Lincoln, if you're
listening, my son, didn't hecome? Yeah? Yeah, I think
(20:45):
so as a while ago. Yeah, So my question posing to our listeners
is what things again did you justfucking put up with because you thought you
had to because of your Mormon upbringing. Never really had thought about that that
much. Know. It's funny,how, you know, the longer we
do this podcast, Yeah, we'rewe're not strictly telling your story of leaving
(21:06):
the church and your marriage and thewhole deal anymore. That's been told,
right, But then things pop upthat make you think of your upbringing in
the way you were taught and howyou have You're still encountering things, yeah,
that are baked in from your upbringingthat you're now overturning, let's say,
or you're you're rethinking it in anew way. Yeah, you know,
(21:27):
this is not a one and donesituation. This is going to be
happening. I think the rest ofyour life, I would imagine. So
I don't think that you your raceforty years of brainwashing in an afternoon,
or even five years. No,I know, and it feels good.
It feels really really. I wasso celebratory I went into work when all
(21:47):
afterwards all I was like dancing aroundand my co workers were high fiving me
because they know my background, right, so people to see that in me,
they're just they just cheer for me. And I love that. Thank
you for every who's cheered for mein this matter. Yeah, and you
know it's uplifting to anyone else whois thinking, oh my gosh, raise
your hand, listener, if you'relike, that's me. I don't have
(22:10):
confidence. I don't think I canaccomplish things. I don't. I wasn't
taught that I had power Yeah withinme that could challenge anything. You know.
Yeah, if that's you, guesswhat, there's hope. Yes,
look at Shelley. Thank you,Shelley. Once again, you are a
role model. You are thank you, you are inspirational. You are let's
(22:32):
make out later. Okay, allright, it's too hard to reach you
right this second. I know you'reway over there. Later we'll make out
later. Okay, we're done longdistance making it? Yes, okay,
well should we consider taking a littcommercial break before we get into this conference?
Wrap up, let's do it.Okay, be right back, We're
(22:52):
back. Hello. Conference Conference Octobertwenty twenty two. General Accummierrance of the
Church or Jesus of Latter day Saints. I still don't know why they do
these things twice a year. Whatdo they have to talk about? They
just regurgitate shit, nothing's new.Which, by the way, I was
in the dollar store the other daygetting Halloween decorations and the lady there,
the checkout lady, these two missionarieswere in there talking to her. Oh
(23:17):
my, and I kept hearing themsaying, you know, so, yeah,
did you get a chance to watchconference? Did you get a chance?
And I'm thinking, why it willnever work getting people to watch conference
and then have them suddenly want tobe Mormon. Conferences are the most boring
fucking thing on the planet. Youknow, I was on the fence,
but I saw these white guys talkingput me right over the edge. Well,
(23:38):
while speaking of white guys, guesswhat October twenty twenty two. The
church became super progressive because they alloweda black woman to speak what twenty two?
They're fine, They're like, let'slet's lead the way in progressivism,
progressivism. And I felt bad forthe black lady because as they made her
(24:00):
call herself Tracy, why browning,like you have to put an initial in
there? Oh, it's stupid.I don't understand. Yeah, I don't
know, And I don't understand howany African American person would want to be
part of this cult. It's bizarreto me. I don't or gay for
that matter, queer. I justI don't get it. Everyone's on their
own journey. Sure, but Imyself cannot comprehend this. Well. You
(24:23):
know, I scratch my head alot of the times about lots of things
and kid that don't make sense,especially in more minutes. No. Right,
So here's our wrap up conference.Boring a shit. Nobody cares.
There's just it's bullshit, obviously.But we have a great, great,
great quote from Jeffrey R. Holland. He says, I know many who
(24:47):
wrestle with wrenching matters of identity,gender, and sexuality. Does he really
know them? No? Who doeshe know? I thought, I'm like,
he should say I know of them, he read about it one time.
Yeah he doesn't know. No,fucking Jeffrey. I weep for them,
and I weep with them, knowinghow significant the consequences of their decisions
(25:10):
will be for the fuck yeah firstof all, fuck you. Second of
all, when someone is I don'twant to say wrestling with because we shouldn't
have to wrestle with our identity.We are who we are, right,
we sure because the wrestle typically islike will I be accepted? Right?
And that's how hopell I tell myfamily, Yes, that's right. So
(25:32):
when he's like, I'm crying foryou because I know, um, if
you make the wrong choice, yourlife is fucked forever. That's basically what
I feel from this. Now.What it should say is, Jeffrey,
our Holland should be like, Iweep for you because my organization is so
fucked up that we have caused you, lovely people to want to not be
(25:56):
here anymore. But now or beyourself? Yeah yeah, yeah, be
here is in like die by suicide? Well for sure, I picked up
on that. Okay, I wishit wasn't even a thing. I wish
it wasn't even something that people hadto struggle with decisions in as you struggle
with your decision on whether or notto be a sinner. Yeah, that's
what that feels like. Yeah,Oh, you're struggling with your decision to
(26:18):
give into your sin and go tohell. I weep for that because it's
gonna be a rough road for yougoing to hell. Well that's the implication.
Yeah, exactly, So fuck you, motherfucker. That's from Jeffrey R.
Holland. Um, I'm scrolling tothe talks. I don't listen anymore.
I just kind of scroll through,and there was one by David A.
Bednar and the title is put onThy Strength. Isn't he the earring
(26:40):
guy? He has problems with earrings? Yes, too many arrings,
Yes to any earrings? Too manyholes? Never enough holes. Anyway,
the name of his talk was puton Thy Strength O Zion. That's just
a stupid ass name. I didn'teven read it. I'm like, I
can't. The fuck is wrong withpeople? Hey, no, what he
(27:00):
talks like this and you're arrogant tocall utah zion. I'm sorry, he's
arrogant. End of story, period. Yes, that's appropriation. It's true.
It is. It is. There'snothing about Utah that's in Zion.
I'm sorry, you know, nota damn thing. No, not a
damn thing. It's arrogance. You'reexactly right. An arrogant person would use
that to name his talk anyway,fuck him, And the whole thing is
(27:22):
arrogant. Mormonism is arrogant. Yes, absolutely. Lastly, Oh, you
didn't want to talk about anything,Bednar said, No, the title is
so stupid. I didn't even readthe title. Oh my dear God,
all right, that's what I wasdoing. I didn't even bother reading it.
Just the title was like, seriously, people talk like this. Finally,
(27:45):
what I have here is apparently therewere some new temples announced. You
guys know how I feel about temples. It's just fucking a waste of me.
Yeah, So apparently a temple wasannounced and a family member of mine
I'm not going to say names,distant family member, this person says,
my heart is so full tonight.God. When you start like that,
and it's throw uk emoji. Itwas an amazing general conference listening to the
(28:10):
Lord's prophet, apostles and leaders ofthe church. Puke emoji A new temple
for the Church or Jesus Christ ofLatter Day's Saints, such a long thing
to type out was announced that we'llbe built less than ten minutes from our
old house in Las Vegas. Iliterally cheered when the new temple was announced
and then cried, oh my god, part it is such a blessing,
(28:33):
is it? Let's talk about whatthe fuck a this person doesn't even live
there anymore. Okay, but justlike, oh, they built an So
they threw another lots of millions ofdollars to a big building, a useless
building with millions of dollars worth ofdecorations and shit for the teeny tiniest percentage
of population who will be able togo in there and do fake shit for
(28:55):
dead people. And we're celebrating.Shelley starting to think it's I'm leaning,
definitely leaning. Meanwhile, the churchis sitting on one hundred and sixty plus
billion dollars and they're like, well, let's make more temples. Well I
don't understand, And why is ita blessing? Why are you weeping over
such a waste of money? Thinkabout how many people could be helped with
(29:18):
that money? Church didn't help peoplestop awful. So I remember when I
was super indoctrinated, I celebrated whentemples were built because that was a sign
of the church, like rolling forwardand being like, weird, the true
church, look at us, wehave all these temples. It was like
I cheered for the church. Theywere my team, and so any kind
of you know, opening new missionsor new temples like that was like,
(29:41):
yeah, we are the one trueChurch. So you can understand why this
person would write first on Facebook?No, no, no, of course
I can. I understand it becausethat's I was a dumb ass too once
upon a time. Yeah, butI just it's so gaggy. Speaking of
gaggy cute music, Oh, thisis the journal journey. Yeah, who
(30:03):
is at your segue? Journey?Okay, I'm going to read from this
here journal. Even though it's trayjournal, it's Shelley's journal. Journey music
has been cute. Okay, thanksfor queuing. All right, let me
open up this my maroon um leatherbound journal. What you got? Well,
(30:26):
since I'm sitting in a closet recording, I have to use my phone
light because I'm damn near blind thesedays. Okay, Now, some of
this seems familiar. I might havemaybe mentioned it once, but whatever,
deal with it. It's coming twice. This is from March second, I'm
guessing nineteen ninety six. Yes,can the letter I got today from Brand
He said he needs me to changehim spiritually. What can I do?
(30:52):
What can I do when I feelso weak? Oh God? I feel
like his testimony in faith and strengthcompletely overshadows my own? Oh God,
how can I lift him up?I only pray I do not drag him
down. Pause for Mary to laugha bit. God, I was a
(31:14):
fucking stupid Why did he want youto change him spiritually? What did that
mean? I don't know. Hesaid it, and then I got all
guilty about it. Duh, I'mnot doing something right. Of course I
was never doing something right, andI was always writing about it in my
journal. Okay, you're ready forthis? Yeah. I long for the
day when we can work together ashusband and wife to return to live again
(31:37):
with our heavenly father. Oh God. More, I dream of the glorious
day when our calling an election mightbe made. Sure you don't call an
election? Is that is an amazingfoom pod music? Mary, Today's fucked
(32:00):
up Mormon Phrase of the day iscalling and election calling. And yeah,
okay, you already gave away thatthis is like in the afterlife. Yeah,
I gave a lot of clues inmy pathetic journal entry. But I
can only imagine it's like some pastsaint or God or Jesus or somebody in
(32:21):
the afterlife is calling you to likecalling the chosen people together. Maybe are
you elected to a certain like noduty. As much as I want to
give you partial credit, it's somuch better than that. Okay, I
don't know the answer. Okay,buzzer, here's what it is. So
(32:43):
you go through the temple the firsttime, you're like when you get married,
right, You're you're sealed. Andthen for the best souls, typically
the rich ones, the general authorities, blah blah blah, you will get
called to come to the temple againby like a head haunt show of the
church. They do some ritual Idon't know what it is to make your
calling an election sure, which meansyou are then promised that you have made
(33:09):
it to the upper levels of thecelestial kingdom. And there is nothing you
can do at that point to makethat go away. So this is in
preparation for your afterlife. Yeah,they're telling you you made it. You're
good. Do whatever the fuck youwant the rest of your life. You're
good, you're in. Wait,what's the difference between a calling and an
election? I don't know, it'sjust the calling you're calling an election is
(33:30):
made sure. That's such a stupidline. I've said it a billion times,
but it was always this thing like, is it going to be us?
If we live righteously, then we'llget called to the temple and have
our calling an election made sure?Oh my god, meaning you did it?
Like in this life, you did, You did all things. You're
You're good to go. It didn'tmatter what you do the rest of this
(33:50):
life, because you you are in. So you could go murder somebody after
that. Well, and I've askedpeople that question, like, well,
you won't want to. I might. Yeah. Wow, that's a good
one. Yeah, that is agood one. I was stumped, wasn't
sure. I still am kind ofunclear on how it all works. But
well, it's fake and they changethe rules as they go. Well,
(34:13):
so now that you know what itwas I was striving for. Here in
my journal, we get back tomy reading. I dream of the gloriless
repeat, I dream of the gloriousday when our calling an election might be
made. Sure, now it soundseven stupid, or doesn't it now that
you know what it is, Butthe next sentence is even better. I
shudder to think. What if itnever happens? The fuck was wrong with
(34:38):
me? You are brainwashed? Oh, Shelley was brainwashed everybody? There's more?
Well, it more. Also,I'm just getting so much anxiety out
of your writing. Of course,absolutely, it explains so much about your
anxiety. Now. I am justused to functioning in an anxious state because
that's all I ever did. Notgood for me. No, it's not
(35:00):
new. Body keeps a score book. Yeah, yeah, but I believe
that's true. Yeah. We getso amped up on different things and stressed
out. And a church probably tookten years off my life. Assholes probably,
and lots of tithing. Okay,I want to do another paragraph here
because it was all done on thesame day. Why do I always feel
(35:21):
like I'm struggling. I just don'tfeel like I'm where it should be at
this point in life. I trulywant a relationship with heavenly Father. Perhaps
sin is the great barrier that keepsme from reaching him. What can I
do? I must always repent.I should try making new covenants with the
(35:42):
Lord every morning, like starting brandnew with each day, setting goals from
sun up to sundown, keeping thisspirit with me all day long to help
me accomplish these goals, Praying throughoutthe day to my father to tell him
next patient, tell him how I'mdoing with my goals, and to ask
for his help and support, togive thanks. Tomorrow morning, I will
(36:07):
start this new plan. I needa new beginning. I need to be
revitalized. I need to regain myviews. Did you have views? I
don't fucking know what a hand theywere? Your dad's views? Wow?
I think I'll stop there. Ihave another one right after it, but
I'm gonna hold off. Okay,I'll make a note. You're gonna make
a note, all right? Wow? Oh, Shelly, I know,
(36:30):
Oh my goodness, So glad youare not that person anymore. You are
a completely different person, Thank god. I was just Yeah, and you
can look back on it and laugh. What's that line in that Indigo Girls
song? Every five years or so, I look back on my life and
have a good laugh. Totally,you know, we're not laughing at you
(36:50):
or laughing with you, laugh atme. I was a fucking dork.
I'm laughing at me. Shit,Oh my god. I mean part of
it is what you were in yourties, right, sure, and you
know that's a time when we're allkind of just figuring out who we are
too, and that's part of it. But I was I was in my
twenties in a brainwashed state. Yeah, in a cult. And that makes
you say some weird ass ship thatmost twenty year rolds probably wouldn't say.
(37:14):
Probably soon. I love that journalentry. I can't remember when that was,
but that's funny. Oh my goodness. Okay, well that's your riveting
journal journey. Thank you. Soglad you are not that person anymore.
Oh god. I mean we couldn'tbe friends. No, I wouldn't be
(37:35):
Yeah, you'd be like, she'slooking at my boobs? True, that
would be true. Well there yougo, yeah, there you do go.
Okay, we I think have timefor a letter. Why don't we
take one last quick break and thenI'll read the letter and then we'll do
patrons do it all right? Beright back, yeah, listen up.
(38:00):
It's time once again for another modestmixed tea break. I wonder why they
refer to their mix as modest,because I personally think they have a lot
to brag about. So today we'retalking about Wake the fuck Up, a
blend of various organic black teas andelderberries to kick your groggy ass in the
(38:21):
head each morning. Can you kickyour own ass and the head? Well,
if any tea can do it,Modest Mix can. Here's what's on
the label. Get your fine assenergized. You're a fucking winner. Drink
this badass tea kick life in theface high fucking five. So enjoy some
(38:43):
wildcrafted, fair trade delicious AFT blends. Head over to Modest Mix dot Com
and entercode Latterday Lesbian twenty at checkoutfor twenty percent off your order. So
fucking cool. That's Modest Mix dotCom, Entercode Latterday Lesbian twenty. Then
shop, sip and Wake the fuckup. We're back. So this is
(39:07):
a special treat this letter. Ican't believe we haven't read this before.
Maybe we did, Yeah, Idon't know. You'll tell you tell me
once we start reading it. Thisis a special treat because it's from Dan
at Extension Audios. Sister Shit no, we haven't read that. I don't
think we have. And this camein like two years ago. Sorry,
(39:28):
Dan's sister from Extension Audio, Lisa. Sorry Lisa, she's not from Extension
Audio. Sorry Dan from Extension Audio'ssister, Lisa. Jesus. All right,
here we go, dear Mary andShelley. I started listening to your
podcast earlier this year, that wouldbe two years ago, and have enjoyed
every episode since. Your show hasbeen amazingly helpful to me as I have
(39:52):
been transitioning out of Mormonism. Ithink you guys are awesome. Thanks Lisa,
thank you. I'm excited to writein and say hello to you both
because my connection to your show happensto be very close to home. My
older brother and very best friend isDaniel. Leave it in, Daniel,
Daniel, Daniel, my brother.Leave it in, Daniel, she says,
(40:15):
although he is better known here asDan at Extension Audio. Or leave
it in Dan. I put that. She didn't write that part. I
put that in. He told meabout a new show he was mastering,
called Latterday Lesbian. Although mastering isa terrible word. I don't like that
word. I know it's bad.I mean technically that is how production has
been referred to for years and yearsand years. I think we should change
(40:37):
it. Mixing and finalizing. Wecould say that okay, okay, is
it because it sounds too much likea master bait? No, it sounds
like master. Master is a terribleword. Oh, like the noun I
am your master, right, Notin a good way. It's just a
bad word. Yeah, it's aneliminate master. Gotcha from our vocabulary.
Anyway. The show was Latter DayLesbian. Hey, that's our show,
(40:59):
and after several conversations with him,where he expressed how cool these ladies were,
I guess that's us. I thinkso shit, and how much he
thought it would resonate with me,I finally tuned in. Oh, thanks
Dan for yeah for recommending us.My faith crisis hit full speed last summer
(41:20):
in twenty eighteen, while I wasliving at home with my parents. That'll
do it, yep, who arecurrently very active Mormons. I had graduated
from Brigham Young University, Idaho notlong previously and was feeling profoundly stuck.
Yeah BYU Idaho. By the way, is bu on fucking crack? Is
it? Yes? Yikes? Asif provo is not bad enough. No,
(41:42):
right, Well, Idaho is liketake provo BYU, and then add
do not show any of your skinanywhere ever. Oh wow, they're really
strict. Good lord, Okay,anyway, she was feeling profoundly stuck.
I used all of the pressure buildingup from that situation to spring me across
the Pacific to start work as anEnglish teacher in China. It was as
(42:05):
far away as I could possibly getfrom my family and the Mormon Church.
I ran away to a land whereit virtually does not exist. Wow.
Yeah, good for her. Itwas an amazing year, and I really
took advantage of the space I neededto process my emotions and do a lot
of reading. The paradigm shift thatcomes from leaving a high demand religion is
a real mind fuck. Yeah.Unsurprisingly, I removed my name from the
(42:30):
church records shortly before returning home forthe summer. A girl. Yeah.
Thankfully. Through it all, Ihave had the constant support of my amazing
brother Nah to help me cope throughthis insane transition. He and I have
been talking incessantly about the Church,religion, God, and life for the
last two years, and we areno closer to figuring it out. But
(42:53):
we are closer to each other thanever before. That's what counts, right
for real. Despite the fact thatI reach turned to China to teach for
another year, being the savvy technologydude that he is, he approached me
with the idea to start our ownpodcast as a tool for others who might
benefit from the conversations that we haveas X Mormon Siblings. Siblings and Zion
(43:15):
is now available in all the places. Did you say Zion now? I
said Zion. It kind of hada Zion feel to it. Siblings in
Zion, Okay, that's how MormonZion Mormons stole it. Okay is now
available in all the podcast places.If any of your listeners are interested in
tuning in there as well, youknow, I'll have to reach out to
(43:36):
Dan to see if they're currently inproduction on that show, because I don't
honestly know, but you can definitelylisten to past episodes if not, yeh,
Siblings and Zion, I said it, you kind of say Zion.
You do a little bit of aon at the end anyway, Just Zion
Zion Zion. Yes, that isbetter. Siblings and Zion. Find it
(44:00):
on your favorite podcast app. Okay, let me wrap this up. Please
do. Lisa says, I'm soglad that you chose Daniel, leave it
in, Daniel in Daniel to workon your podcast, and that it led
to me also getting to enjoy yourconversations, insights, tangents, and foom
pods. Yeah, thanks for helpingme steer clear of cults. Love Lisa,
(44:22):
Oh, Lisa, thank you forI know that's awesome. Two years
ago I got around reading it.That's a good letter. That has a
good letter, I know. Andyou know what, love me some Dan
from Daniel from Extension Audio. We'lljust thank them now. There you go.
There's your thanks. Dan. Ifyou don't get thanked at the end
(44:44):
today, thanks for leaving it in, Dan, it's near the end.
We love you, appreciate all youdo for us. Okay, did you
want to uh get started on somepatrons write them down, but let me
dottle check. All right, howare we doing their new names today?
I said words that you'd hear inconference. Okay, so I came up
with this idea. Wait we're recordingright now. Oh okay, carry on.
(45:07):
Sorry, we're doing a conversation starter. Okay, like it? How
are we doing their new names today. New names today will be words you
will hear in general conference. Okay, okay, who's the first one?
Number one is Lisa Marie P.Presley. I guess you don't hear that
at a general Nope, nope.They would never refer to Elvis in a
(45:30):
conference unless they were doing baptisms forthe dead. Right. The word I'm
thinking of is persecute. Okay,I was thinking prosperity. Okay, is
I'm gonna go with mine. Ihave an idea there, Okay, But
persecute not in the way that wethink of it, but in the way
the church thinks of it, asin the Church believes they are being persecuted
(45:52):
by non Mormons. Oh okay,like woe is us for them, poor
poor us. People want to callus Mormons and we're not where where they're
just right, yes, just stupidold yarn. Yeah, so Lisa Marie
(46:12):
percute. Dear. Sorry, itis not my fault, but this is
the you know, the word thatI can't think of right now? What
the category of names were, youknow? I see? Okay? Next
up, by the way, Ithank you, Lisa Marie. Next up,
Amy, no last name? Oh? Can I do it? Yeah,
Zion Zion, Amy Zion, thanamy Zion. Thanks for your support,
(46:39):
good Lord. Next up, Harrietm M. How about missionary.
I'm sure that missionaries are mentioned inconference sometimes, God always. As a
matter of fact, the conference inApril, m reinforced to all the boys
that if you are worthy, youneed to go. I want a mission
(47:00):
period end of story, which thenof course calls out the boys who just
kind of decided they didn't want togo, and so now they are labeled
as sinners. Well they have toguilt people into going on a mission,
of course, because they really believethat's the way to get new converts.
Absolutely, new converts equals more tithing. Uh, it's a money call.
(47:22):
Goes down to the money. Itall does boils down to money every single
time. They also reminded the girlsyou don't have to go, which again
it's like yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they also encouraged the elderly
people to go serve their missions,which, by the way, my parents
(47:42):
served two missions. Damn near killedmy mom, damn near. We've talked
about the before, ye yeah,And to fucking be like, I know,
you have grandkids and all. Sothis was a thing. This was
a thing that my dad actually toldme because all of us kids, of
course back then we were brainwashed.We're like, oh, parents are so
holy blow going, I messied.It was like, your grandkids will get
there, We'll be there when youget back. Well, it's okay.
(48:06):
Well didn't they not attend your weddingor something? No, didn't attend my
wedding, I know, um,which I'll give shit, but didn't attend
the blessing of my baby, mylast baby, And it mattered to me.
Back then. They were only likean hour and a half flight away,
right, and they wouldn't couldn't go. My mom wanted to and my
dad was like, no, hun, you can't. You know, you
(48:28):
can't leave your mission, leave yourmission. And it's all bullshit. Makes
me angry. My mom suffered significantly. Um so yeah, sorry, that's
your new last name, Harriet missionary. It can be Harriet missionary style.
If that, oh it's better forHarry, is it better? Well,
I don't know, it's up toher. That's funny. You can choose
next. Now this is spelled ma c I A h m. What
(48:52):
m A c I a h mcaiahmaybe okay, but macaia didn't offer up
last name, so um oh freakof shoes. Well I picked the last
one, So why don't you picka common where it's a ridiculous one.
Conferences so many, there's so many. I'm just gonna go with, um
(49:14):
makaia, geth seminee, geth semonee, get get the seminee because there's always
a talk in general conference about Jesus, like near dying, and get semine
for our sins because we're horrible.They loved it so much, but we
need to show that appreciation by basicallybeing a Mormon. So right, yes,
(49:37):
sorry, your new last name isguests semine last Lacy, m m
m um. Can I do thisone? Sure? Master bait, masterbait?
Did they say that? And commonoaks? They never actually say the
Jesus, but I wanted to saythe word. But they talk about sexual
sin and we know way up there, especially when they're when they when they
(50:00):
speak in the priesthood session, whichis like the men and the boys,
mm, they hit that ship home. Okay, they don't say the word
master bait, but they definitely Andwho's this patron again, Lacy master bait?
Sorry, Lacy, not sorry,that's the best one. Thanks for
sport. Lacy Master, Basha Master, Lacy Lacy, Lacy Master Bakay,
(50:23):
Okay, sorry, Lacy Lacy,you could just PM me later and I'll
apologize for shot. I can giveher a new name of shem. There
you go? Or is it aDM Personal Message? Direct Message? What
do you say? They're all differentand I'm always afraid I use DM now.
Isn't it the same thing? Though? It is? But okay,
(50:43):
okay, whatever, slide into yourDMS. Yeah, there you go.
I think we're wrapped on this episode. Everybody, there you go. In
the name of Jesus Christ Amen yep. Already thanked Dan, So don't want
to do that twice. Don't getgreedy Dan. Oh Dan shit. Maybe
we should thank Dan's sister for writingin Thank you, Lisa, Thank you
(51:04):
appreciated that. Sorry it took usso long to get to your letter.
If you would like to send usa letter, we might get to it
in the next couple of years.We'll see what happens. That email address
is Latter Day Lesbian dot org slashcontact make a note, make it and
stare clear of those cults because they'reno joke, no joke at all talk
(51:25):
to your by later Bye,
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