177 My Dad Died

In this episode, Shelly's dad dies. Not literally on the show (that would have been super-weird) but just a few days before this episode was recorded. Plus, Shelly and guest co-host Kirsten get extremely sidetracked with a conversation about karaoke. Also, you will learn about Shelly's brother's magical priesthood ability to "release" dead people from their bodies. I'm not kidding.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
In this episode, my dad justdied, So there we go. That's
what we're going to talk about.I'm gonna have Kirsten here to help me
process shit, and uh yeah,stay tuned. Hello there, and welcome

(00:22):
to this episode of the Latter DayLesbian podcast podcast about a Next Morning gay
girl just trying to figure out herfucking life. Did I get it right
that time? I think I did. It was pretty am I like,
oh, okay, well, I'mShelley and I have my co host,
Kirsten. I'm Kirsten. We'll bedoing lots of random whoever co hosts as

(00:45):
I figure this shit out. We'relike at the end of January right now.
If this episode comes out before theChristmas episode, does I'm sorry,
did you record the Chris what?Sorry? I haven't recorded my part,
which is literally five minutes worth ofstuff that I need to record. I
have everything else done from Fanny factcheck and Bryce Blank and Angle. Oh
it's edited and everything. I justhave been so out of my mind busy.

(01:08):
So those of you who are listeningto this, if you're like,
yeah, we haven't hit Christmas yet, I've been a little busy. It
turns out, turns out well,I know what if you do Christmas in
July, we could because I haveever heard of that. Yes, this
was in July. I love togo to karaoke and do Christmas long July.

(01:34):
I'm like rude off the red NoseReindeer, and I make people sing
with me. I'm like sing it. Oh my gosh, like a light
bulb if you okay? Speaking ofkaraoke, I have become a bit of
a karaoke junkie since my uh Iguess break up with Mary and being single

(01:56):
for a while and going out andI have realized that I I don't know
if you know this about me,but I'm a bit of a performer.
She's not stage, you know.But I have definitely got to the point
where I know I'm gonna suck assat the song, but I don't care,
and I will make fun of myselfas I sing, and then I'll

(02:17):
get the crowd involved and make funof them as they sing and be like,
well, at least I'm not asbad as that guy. Nice dude,
See you should be a karaoke host. Oh my god, what do
you like to sing? Just aboutanything? My more recent ones, I
love me some careless whisper by Ram, Yes, what's the what's the other

(02:38):
Ram song? That I love?Everything she wants? How's that one go?
Everything she wants is everything she needs? I'm trying to get the chorus.
I don't remember. Dude, dude, doude, Yes, that's the
one. That's the one. Andthere's always there's the part and the song

(03:00):
where I need to point at someoneand say, and now you tell me
that you're having my baby. I'lltell you that I'm happy if you want
me to. And it's always somewhite dude like, wait what, I'm
like, you're the one who rolledup in this lesbian karaoke nights, so
oh, And that's a good point. It's been. I think one of

(03:20):
the reasons why this has been anew cute thing for you is that you
were doing lesbian meetup groups and therewas like lesbian karaoke. Who doesn't want
to do that? I always wantto do that. I do too.
It's so much fun. I wishwe live closer together, because I will
do I don't care. I'm tothe point, I'm the point of my

(03:42):
life where I'm gonna I'm damn nearfifty and I just don't care. I
just want to be happy. Ijust want people around me to be happy.
And if people do like the wayI'm singing, get over it.
If you don't like straight. Idon't know why I keep saying white.
I'm just imagining there was just thelast time I was doing karaoke, and
I'm believing it. Okay, soI am white, so I can be

(04:02):
racist againt white against white people.Is that how it works? Yeah?
Okay, thanks Dune karaoke in thisgroup of white people come in and they
look like they just came from likean award ceremony for something really fancy,
and I've been drinking, and theylook very boring and very just kind of
stuffy, and so of course thefirst thing I think is like, I

(04:23):
need to sing push It by Saltand Peppa, And they're all over on
these like like green sort of suedecouches. I was sitting next to all
of the boyfriends there and making themsing along, and they didn't know the
words because they were I don't know, maybe mid twenties and not cool enough,
like my kids are the words thechildren? You were seeing children singing

(04:46):
with children, And so when Iwas about to say push It, good
I would like tell the guy nextme, like, it's gonna say bushet
good and push it. Really Igot them to sing along. It was
could I sing in tempo? Werethey doing it? No? But they
did it. It's horrible, butI was so proud of them. They're
like, push it good, ma'am. They're all just lesbian is stolen is

(05:11):
lawed to do it. We gottado it. She's probably old enough to
be my grandma. If she sayspush it good, I'm gonna have to
push it good. You actually areold enough to be their grandma? Oh
if they're in their twenties, no, I could be their mom. Well
not almost fifty. That's true inanother world, No, could you.
Well, here's the thing. Myfriend then went to his high school reunion.

(05:32):
I think it was like twenty twentiethhigh school reunion, and some of
his friends were like, like,his age, our age, Ben and
I are the same age, bornin nineteen seventy six. He's like,
some of my friends have grandchildren.Yeah, some of mine, you too,
but the grandchildren aren't twenty four yearsold at a karaike club. But
oh yeah yeah sorry, math ohoh, math, I tell you,

(05:57):
no, I could be it.I mean Lincoln their mom. Yeah,
Lincoln is twenty four, my oldest. He could have easily had a few
kids by now. If you've goneto my high school. Thanks for getting
hot up in there. Yeah,speaking of that's another song I sing,
It's getting hot in here. Yeah, so take off all your clothes and

(06:18):
get in so hot. I alwaysget like a girl in the crowd to
seeing the high note. Oh good, yeah, yeah, because I can't.
Yeah, so hot in here.That's the one I always do.
I recently started doing It takes twoby Rob Bass and DJ Easy Rock,
because I know those were you knowthat one. It's good. I know
it takes two from Into the Woods. That's not the one by Stephen Sometime.

(06:40):
No, I don't know that one. It takes two. You thought
one is an Okay, listen,I'm the musical theater. Go here's yours,
since it takes to go and thenI'll do mine. Okay, it
takes two. We thought one wasenough. It's not true. It takes
two of us. It takes care. Okay, that's about all I'm gonna

(07:00):
do. That was yours. Iloved it. Do you want to hear
my? It takes too I do. I want a rock raight. Now.
I'm rock based and I came toget down. I'm not internationally known,
but I'm known to rock the microphonebecause that gets stupid, I mean
outrageous. Stay away from me.If you couldn't tache it, that's my
stay away from me. If you'recontag Yeah, I just want to sing

(07:24):
that. No, Carl, listen. When I was doing some time,
it was like, you know,if you're a nerd like me, you're
like, oh, I know thisone. When you sing that little ditty,
it made my shoulders move and allof a sudden, I was like
jamming, Yeah, rock them backand forth in the chair. Yes,
yeah, it's the one that goes. It takes two to make a thing

(07:46):
go right and huh it takes twoto make it ahead of side. That's
the one. It's a rappy partthat I like to do for the fans.
I have one rap that I like, Gangster's Paradise. That's a good
one. Let's see. I wantto say, you know, with Michelle
Viiffer, but she's actually in therap. She's in the movie where the
song anyway, Sorry, okay,do go, We're going down rabbit hole.

(08:11):
Get you, but I like todo this one and I couldn't be
whiter. Ask Jillie how many freckles. I'm not gonna lie. You're so
white, your hair's red. Iknow it's the only contrast I have.
So I go like this, Igo, you better watch how you're walking
and how you're talking, or youand your homies might be lyned in chalk.

(08:33):
But I ain't never killed a manthat didn't deserve it to be treated
like a fool. You know what'sunheard of? Or I didn't never treat
him. I never hit him.Man. I don't know it's something violent.
I just want to point out thatKirson grabbed her crotch as she was
singing those lyrics. You did,you definitely did, Yes, you did.

(08:54):
I am five shades of red rightnow. Oh my god, I
have my crotch. Why don't wevideo and not just audio because this is
phenomenal. We should do like I'mso sorry you had to see that,
Shelly. I had a great time. He okay, okay, So that

(09:16):
was in good comedy. That hasbeen very needed because, as I said
at the beginning, my dad justdied. Yeah, this is delus.
Yeah, she hasn't slept in aminute. Oh god, I haven't slept
in a long time. It's beenit's been long. So anyway, now
that we got our laughter out ofthe way, well, and I don't

(09:39):
know that I'm going to get mylaughter out of the way because I was.
I laughed through everything was smu earlier. I'm going to come clean to
y'all audience. Listen, I havea medical cannabis card, So put your
judgment where it deserves to be.Mary Go. I don't know whatever.

(10:00):
I have fun. It's all party. I love it. It's fine,
Lottie Dottie. I likes to party. It's another song I'll do. Okay,
Okay, slick. We must dokaraoke together. This would be great
if this whole podcasting thing like endsup not working out. After all,
we're gonna go into wrap okay,and we're gonna light a dumpster on fire

(10:24):
ya together as friends. We'll holdhands. Yes, we'll pour a kerosene
into the desk or we'll light iton fire and then we will be like
cool, and then we'll go toOlive Garden. You're picking up the dab
and I'm getting bottomless. Some thingsdrinks drinks. God, Kirsten. So
now we're going to a bar withstrippers. Yes, no, I've never

(10:50):
been. Have you to a stripclub? Yeah no I haven't. I
haven't either, but I almost had. My boss taken me to one when
we were Vegas last time, andbecause I had never been, I'm like,
oh, that sounds fun. Andso I was looking. I was
on the interwebs, and I waslooking up strip clubs in the area and
reading about them, and it justit creeped me out because it literally felt

(11:11):
like I was reading about how tobehave at a livestock auction, because it
was like, oh, if youwant to if there's a certain girl that
you want to attract to your table, say this, do this, like
how to pick the one. Itjust came across his creepy And this is
nothing against the strip strippers and dancerswhatever. If that's your choice, it's

(11:31):
what you want to do, evenif you're a sex worker. Fact.
Yeah, mans, what you've decidedyou want to do. I don't give
a shit. Just for me,it felt a little weird. Okay,
anyway, so strippers. Then mydad died, so should we bring it
back around? Okay? So herehere is what has just got down?
My uncle this is my mom's youngestsister's husband, sixty nine years old.

(11:56):
Always had trouble with his lungs.Has some lung shit, like an actual
sickness I can't think of the nameof it, where he would have to
take blood thinners, like heavy dutyblood thinners. He's been on blood thinners
for like ten years, long time. Anyway, A couple of weeks ago
he had was having some pain,went into the hospital. Turns out he

(12:16):
had blood clots and they couldn't savehim and he died, passed away.
Super sad. Didn't see it coming. I'm young too, yes, not
even seventy. And the last timeI saw him was that my mom's funeral
back in August, if you allremember, she passed passed away in August.
And so it's kind of trippy tobe like, dude, I was
just like talking to him and hewas not sick at all. He was

(12:37):
my uncle Galen like he just therewas no cause for concern. His funeral
was yesterday. By the way,I'm in Utah right now, did we
say that already? I'm again withKirsten at her house recording a podcast episode
we did not say that. Nowpeople know what's up. I mean Utah.
Okay, sorry, sorry if weconfused everyone. So I had a

(12:58):
plane ticket to come out this pastWednesday for the Saturday funeral so I could
spend some time with Kirsten and thenspend something with my brothers. But then
on Monday got a message from mybrother Mike, who happened to be in
Utah visiting my dad, and hesaid, I'm with dad hospice nurses here.
Things are not looking good. Iwas asking Mike, and Okay,

(13:22):
for those of you who are brandnew to the podcast, first of all,
you might want to start at episodeone to get the whole shebang if
you don't feel like it, andthis is your very first episode. I
my oldest brother's David, he's anasshole. Then there's Mike, who is
awesome. There's Mark, who isawesome, and then there's me and who
is awesome. Thank you. SoMike was the one who was out here,

(13:46):
and he was one who said,yeah, hospice nurses saying things aren't
looking good. So Mark and Mikeand I all talked and were like,
Mike, well, what do youthink is he gonna last? And tell
the funeral. What I mean,should we come out sooner? So Mike
said, I don't know, butit doesn't look good. And I was
like, okay, I'm buying aticket right now. That was Monday morning
when we had the conversation. SoI changed my airline ticket to instead of

(14:11):
Wednesday to come out on Monday.Hopped on a plane, came out,
went straight to my dad's apartment.He was living in a and he'd been
moved to the memory care unit.Saw him. He just was kind of
just comatose, I guess, likenon responsive, but he was also helped
up on some morphines. He hadbeen in pain. Was he opening his

(14:31):
eyes at all? No, notat all, just laying there with his
head to this side and just deepbreaths. And so I sat there with
him and I talked to him.Mike decided he was going to stay the
night there, just on the floorwith my dad so he could call us
as something happens. Mike and Markare amazing. Can I just say they

(14:52):
almost make up for how shitty Davidis. They are such good, like
caring shirt off their back, yeah, for you, you know. Mike
stayed there, Mark and I wentto my aunt Beverly's house. The next
morning, my dad was still thesame condition. We went over there and
we just spent the day just sittingthere with my dad and telling stories and

(15:16):
laughing and talking and just you know, cutting up like we do. And
I would go and sit by mydad and hold his hand and kind of
talk to him, but he justwas just deep breathing and nothing else.
And I have, by the way, trigger warning. I'm going to talk
about how it was like to watchmy dad die. I was just thinking
about that too. I was justthinking, like, because I watched several

(15:39):
of my grandparents pass and one ofthem was rough. I mean, it
went on for weeks. It wastough, and I don't know, but
yeah, trigger warning for sure,trigger warning for sure. Yeah. I'm
just thinking if you don't want to, if you don't want to hear about
it, then fast forward or justlisten with someone. But yeah, I'm
going to talk about like, let'stalk about it right now. Then right

(16:00):
now? Yes. Uh So,the hospice nurse was kind of coming in
and out and checking his vitals andchecking his uh blood oxygen whatever it's called.
And it was like in the loweighties, which is not good.
And it was interesting for me becausemy brother Mike is a doctor, and
so he would talk with uh,the hospice lady, nurse whatever about like

(16:22):
physically what was going on, whichmade it kind of for me, I
guess was maybe like a nice distraction. Maybe, so it was. It
was. For example, I learnedthat as your body slows down, your
organs are trying to keep your brainand your heart alive, you know,
so that it'll stop sending so muchblood to your extremities. And so my

(16:48):
dad's feet got cold, and hishands got cold, and then he'd start
to get like kind of gray,and his extremities because they're not getting the
oxygen and the blood that brings in. And this is all stuff that I
didn't know. And again I don'tknow. It's kind of this balance of
like, wow, that's really interestinghow your body works, how your body.
There's a process that your body hasto go through to like kind of

(17:12):
kind of cross the finish line,you know, you know what I mean.
I mean, sure, some peoplehave like a stroke or their heart
stops or whatever it is, butthis sort of slow shutdown of the body
and just watching it happen was surreal. Even I would say just kind of
I've never been there before. Kindof interesting too, how with your brother
talking with the hospice nurse, howit kind of makes it more clinical and

(17:34):
more information. And I don't knowabout you, but I find information,
even if it's like really a lotof information, like it's hard information.
For some reason, I just findit soothing. I want to know what's
going on, yes, and tohave it be more clinical. Here's the
body, Here's what the body isgoing to do, here's what you can

(17:55):
expect, all that kind of thing, like I want to know and yeah,
I can see, this is thedying process, this is what the
heart is doing, this is whatthe Yeah, it was like having that
more clinical part to it, Ithink was a bit of a distraction for
me, which was good. Andalso, you know, my relationship with
my mom and my relationship with mydad were very different, and I know

(18:17):
that my dad has been miserable sincemy mom passed, So there was also
the part of me it's an interestingthing. Okay, So as my dad
is breathing, the hospice nurse issaying he was having a regular breathing in
out, deep breath like that,like the body's trying to get the air
that it needs to stay working,and once in a while it would pause

(18:41):
for like three seconds between the nextbreath, and when that would happen,
my brothers and I would stop whatwe're doing and turn and look like,
holy shit, is that it?Did Dad just die? And it's like
he's pausing, we're holding our breath, and then when he goes takes another
breath, it's like this weird mixof whew, dad didn't just die and

(19:03):
like, shit, dad didn't justdie. Yeah, you know so many
emotions of I don't want my dadto die, and I want my dad
to die. Yeah, well heneeds to, yes, exactly, he
needed to. Yeah, dude.Same with my grandpa. That was the
hardest one to watch because it wascolon cancer and it was down to the

(19:29):
you know, down to morphine underhis tongue. Yeah, he was basically
I mean, not in a comawith oxygen. He was just kind of
he was on his way out,and then he got to this place because
he had polio. His leg wasswollen and so his body was living off
of the water retention in his leg, and it took him so much longer

(19:52):
to die than it does the averageperson. It was really really hard.
Wow. And I would and ofcourse I saw him every day for hours,
and every time I would leave,I would say goodbye, thinking that
was it, thinking that was it, And then he was alive the next
day and then I don't know.Okay again trigger warning, I don't know.
Have you ever heard of the deathrattle? Yes? I learned about

(20:17):
it with my dad. Did hehave that? Yes? Okay, I'm
sorry, honey, it wasn't reallybad, but yeah, it was there.
I'm sorry, but you can talkabout it with your Yeah, the
death rattle was really you know,I was young. I was just a
kid, and I was learning allof this along with my dad whose dad

(20:37):
it was, and my mother,and we were just learning about the stages
of death and it and the hospicenurse. He was actually in this room.
He actually died in this room.Oh really yeah? Wow? And
the room that I'll be sleeping intonight. Cool nod? Will I want

(21:00):
him hanging out? Fuck? Yeah? You yeah, right on. I
mean, don't tell anybody else,but he was my favorite grandpa, but
I was his favorite grandchild. He'sthe best anyway. Yeah. And also
I've done a lot of staging.If you care about that wooh shit,
I do, but I do too, and so anyway, yeah, it
was scary, and there was somethingabout just knowing understanding what this is.

(21:26):
The process was when you when youget to the end like that, you're
it is kind of mercy, likea bittersweet feeling where you're like, this
person can't even breathe through their phlegmand there's a rattle. My dad wasn't
that bad by the day? Ohgood, Yeah, I'm so glad.

(21:48):
I'm so glad my dad. Mygrandpa was like that for probably like five
days. It was sorry, horribleGrandpa Morgan. I'm sorry, yeah,
but his stubborn ass. Finally thereyou go. Yeah, and it was
a relief. But it's never okay, it just sucks. It is such
a weird. So when my mompassed, it was a similar situation when

(22:11):
all of a sudden, the hospicewas like, uh, your mom,
it took a nose dive and Iflew out got to see you or got
to talk to her. She didn'ttalk back. She was already you know.
She was in a similar yes,okay, but then she died in
the middle of the night when noone was there, so it was we
got the phone call your mom passed, and we went over in the morning,
but with my dad again, we'reall sitting around and talking and laughing

(22:36):
like two brothers and his sister woulddo. And the hospice nurse would pop
in once in a while and checkhis vitals, and she again pointed out
how like, well, his handsare cold. That's because things are shutting
down, and the bodies instinct isto stay alive, so it's going to
pump the blood to the heart intothe brain because that's what you have to
have. And then there's like adiscoloration of the skin that happens because it's

(22:59):
not getting enough ox in. Andso she was showing that, and when
she would come in she'd check,she'd show like, a, see,
now it's discolored this many it's movedthis many inches toward his h the center
of his body, Like that's what'snot really Wow, yeah, that is
really I think that's so helpful.It really was, because it was almost

(23:19):
like it was helping us see thetimeline, you know, because I can
imagine sitting there wondering how long isdad going to be suffering like this?
But to see a timeline. Yeah, I guess it was. It was.
It was a good distraction. Itwas helpful, and it was almost
like you could prepare because then you'regoing, okay, we're getting really really

(23:40):
close now. Yeah, and shewould tell us what to watch out for,
you know, if this certain thingchanges, then we're right there at
the end. And which was whathappened was is he had this normal deep
breathing which which was pretty much thesame for quite a few hours, but
then he would have where he wouldpause between breaths and we would all panic

(24:00):
and have that weird emotion of oh, please don't die, Please don't die,
and then like, oh crap,he didn't die. Yes, now
he's still suffering and we're still hereand it's you know, And so that
became more frequent where there was morefrequent pauses, and then she said there
will be likely just a noticeable changein the way that he's breathing. It
was probably another hour of him doingis you know what's sarm like. This

(24:22):
was only a few days ago today'sSunday, by the way, and it
was a Tuesday when he passed.Uh huh. There were a lot of
times where Mark and Mike and Iwere just sitting there in silence, and
you it became the rhythmic breathing ofmy dad where it just became part of
the experience, you know. Andso then when that would get interrupted by

(24:44):
him pausing, it like woke everyoneup. Not that we were sleep but
just like what internal look at Dad, and then when he would start breathing
and you just kind of settled backinto that rhythmic breathing. It was I
wish I had a better word forit, just to you know, I
love the word thing. It wasjust a thing, experience of whatever you
want to call it. Anyway,So around three thirty three forty five,

(25:08):
three forty five probably actually all ofa sudden, his breathing changed and it
was like the rhythm was gone.There wasn't that rhythm anymore. It was
like shallow, shallow pause, deepbreath, long pause, deep breath,
shallow, shallow, like there wasno rhythm anymore. And we're like,

(25:30):
oh, guys, guys, guys, you know, like something's happening here.
My brother went out in the hall, found the hospice nurse. She
came in and she's like, yeah, it's this is the end. And
so I went up and stood upby my dad, up by his head,
and I just like cressed his armand told him I loved him,

(25:51):
and told him like, you're good, you can go go be with Mom.
And honestly, and I know Imight catch some flack on this,
because I know my mom and dadhad a relationship and parts of it I
didn't love because my dad was verycontrolling, very patriarchal. My mom kind
of did what he said and atthe end she kind of didn't want to
do what he said, and theyfought a lot as their dementia hit.

(26:14):
But something in me, and Idon't know what happens after you die,
something in me wanted them to bereunited. Yeah, because even in the
end for my mom, when shewas crazy and my dad drove her crazy,
it became where he was the onlyone that she wanted with her.

(26:37):
And they were married, god fiftysix years longer than that, actually a
lot of years. Was their marriageperfect, No, of course not,
but they they were who they knewso and I know my dad adored my
mom, even though he could becontrolling sometimes. And I know my mom
adored my dad. And I stoodthere with my dad and we're just,

(27:00):
you know, kind of caressing hisarm and saying, it's okay, Dad,
We've got this. We're good.We're going to make sure everything happens
the way it needs to happen,because I think a lot of my dad's
stubbornness was no one can take careof things the way I can take care
of things. He's kind of acontrol freak, and I just felt like
he needed to be reassured that wegot it, we got it, we

(27:21):
will take care of everything. Here'sa question, Yes, of course,
why would you catch flack for whatyou just said. I posted on social
media about my dad passing or thathe was with my mom now, and
someone had posted I don't even knowwho it was. I don't know if
it was a friend, I don'teven remember. Everything's just kind of a
blur, but basically saying something toaffect the effect that it's like a bad

(27:45):
belief or something that wasn't said insuch a mean way. But the intent
was that just because people were marrieddoesn't mean that someone has to stay in
an abusive relationship, right, don'tassume that they're together forever. And it
wasn't said in a mean way likethat, but it made me think,
like, because I know I've talkeda lot of shit about my parents' marriage,
because there was a lot of shit. You know, Well you're just

(28:07):
talking, that's true. And alsowhere does that person love? I'm just
I only look up. The nameis Paul, like a good friend of
mine. Sorry, shut the fuckup. Shelley just died. Yeah,
bitch, Yeah, I don't rememberwho was I don't know. Sorry.
I know some people don't like theword bitch. I might catch the flat
for that, but shut up shut. I also use it as a term

(28:30):
of endearment, of course. Mybitches, ah, my bitches. Oh,
I have a funny story, butwe'll get to that a minute.
But whoever said that, I knowyou didn't mean anything bad about it.
I do, I get it.I don't. I don't even remember who
it was. I'm not like,I just checked yourself. That's all I'm
saying. Sorry, Kirsten's little predictiveof me, but whatever, it's fine.

(28:51):
But that's what made me say that. Then you could tell that as
my dad was taking breaths, hislungs weren't filling anymore. So it was
like THEO was going through the motionsof breathing, but it wasn't breathing.
And he did that maybe four timesand then no more breath. Oh my
god, yeah, dude, itwas wow, so surreal. Yeah,

(29:15):
he never struggled, He never Therewas nothing he from the time that I
got into town and saw him,he didn't move at all, not his
head, not his legs, nothing. He just was waiting for the body
to completely run out. Probably thelast two hours before his died, the
hospice nurse, you know, checkinghim and doing things, and she's like,

(29:38):
he's basically only breathing now because hisbrain stem is saying we have to
breathe, like he's there, he'sgone. And it makes me wonder because
I do believe that we have somekind of a soul, a spirit of
something, an energy in us.And so I was kind of having the
conversation with my brothers, Mark andMike. They're both still very Mormon,

(30:00):
and the conversation was like, isDad you know and I think of that
like his energy or his soul,and my brothers of course like his spirit
because they're very Mormon. Is heeven still in the body or is he
done? We have no idea,No, we don't not a clue,
try to prove it. Yeah,exactly right. And the hospitsiness. I

(30:21):
looked up a conversation about that.Well. In first helaman chapter whatever all
the demos are, like, whothe fuck is Heloman? Read the Book
of Mormon and you'd an army.It's fine, it's true, don't worry
about it. Did he have thestripping the stripling warriors? Care sidebar those
guys anyway? Any way? Iknow, with their shirts off and the

(30:45):
pictures when another time it's a wholeother I'm going to take a note about
it. Do it so. Thehospice nurse very Mormon, I could tell.
And she cute, cute. Shewas there for when my mom died
too. So she's Carol's her name. If anyone ever has someone who needs
to die, call Carol. Carolis the sweetest hospice nurse ever. Love
her anyway. She talked about howshe believed that as the body is moving

(31:11):
toward its final death, that thespirit, soul whatever is kind of in
and out, in and out,almost like not sure where are we going?
What are we doing? You know? Maybe not confusion, but just
I don't know, I don't knowif it's like a like a snap your
fingers and I don't who know,we don't know. I mean, we
don't know. But like when peopleare near death and they I remember Grandpa

(31:34):
Morgan looking at a certain spot onthe wall and smiling and just it looked
like he was recognizing somebody. Yeah, and he would recognize me, like
he wouldn't move for the whole day, and then I would walk in and
I'd be like, hi, Grandpa, and I would take his hand and

(31:55):
he would open his eyes and myparents were like, wow, he hasn't
been you were his favorite. Ohyeah, But I felt like he was
seeing people I don't know, likethis is so woo woo, and we
it is, we don't and there'sat the point in like trying to figure

(32:16):
it out. But it's interesting,but it is interesting. It is.
It is, yeah, for sure. So yeah, my dad took his
last breath and then that was it, and we all just kind of stood
there and it finally hit me andI cried a little bit. It was
just such a different I don't know, it's it's hard to explain the difference

(32:37):
between my mom dying and my dad. And again it's well, also,
you just went through it. Andthis was way in August. I mean
we're only in January right now.This has not been a long time.
And I imagine that as we gothrough our lives. I mean, my
grandmother who died at ninety six,lost everybody. She was the oldest person
in the world. Oh God,And so how many times did she go

(33:00):
through that process? Yeah, whereyou're just like wow, And it wasn't
ever like she wasn't ever callous oranything. She's just like, well,
and this is what has happened.And I've seen it over and over again.
And you do you learn how toyou learn how to cope. It
gets I mean not necessarily easier everytime, but it becomes a thing where

(33:20):
you're like, and here we are. It's not the first time you've experienced.
He's the death thing, right right. This happens and we all know
it. And I think with mydad too, we all knew it was
coming. He had been going downhillsince my mom died. He had been
miserable, so it was it neededto happen, you know. And again,

(33:42):
my dad and I didn't have thisthis fantastic relationship. It wasn't a
bad relationship, but he's just notvery It wasn't a very deep relationship.
I guess. Yeah, I knowhe loved me, would have done anything
for me. Yay, would nevertake that from him. He's just not
He's not a very emotionally deep personthat you connect with on a on a
deep level. And for me,for me, yeah, I think it

(34:04):
was more the realization. It hitme like, oh my god, both
of my parents are dead. Idon't have parents, and that kind of
pushed me over the edge to tears. I hadn't cried yet, it was
so yeah, And so I gavehim a hug, I took his ring.
My brother's already told me, they'relike, you know, you've got
mom's ring. You should have dad'sring too, because I wear I was

(34:28):
wearing my mom's ring on a necklace. Can you guys hear this? Oh
I want to see see. Yeah, So now I've got my dad's ring
on there too. Oh that's sosweet, Dixie and Terry. So I
took the ring off his finger andput it on my necklace, and uh,
my brothers kind of said goodbye.And my brother Mark's oldest son was

(34:49):
there, and my brother David wasn'tthere, the asshole one, but his
oldest son was there. Okay,can we we can? What the hell?
Where was he like eight minutes away? It were what the fuck?
There's so many things wrong with thisguy. Were you guys telling him,
like, dude, Dad is literallyseconds away from death. Yes, because
Mike the doctor has like a legalresponsibility because of some lawsuit we went through.

(35:14):
Was ridiculous. That's a whole otherstory. Yeah, I'll get to
that later. But Mike will wouldtell David. You know, a hospice
nurse says this, and David hadwent and saw my dad the day before,
but David knew. David knew thatwe all flew out there because Dad's
fixing the die, you know,but he didn't bother coming all day knowing

(35:36):
that hospice is coming in and out, knowing that Dad is almost gone.
Yeah, when my dad did die, we're all just kind of you kind
of freeze for a minute and yousort of take it in like that just
happened. A few tears everyone,you know. I gave my dad a
kiss on the cheek. And andby the way, when I got there,
if I would have walked past mydad in any one of those rooms

(35:58):
at Jamestown, I wouldn't have thoughtit was him. He looked nothing like
he did when I saw him justbefore Christmas time. Yeah, that soul
that we were talking about, it'sjust at this point it's like a glove.
Yeah, and the the living yeah, heart is leaving, and so
they look more like like here's thebody. Yeah it was, it's it's

(36:23):
not you know, yeah, yeahright. Anyway, So Mike texted David,
dad died, you know. Davidreply, David didn't reply. David's
son texted David, no reply,no reply. Then finally David's son calls
him, was like, Dad,Grandpa died. Day was like, oh,
okay, I'll be right there.Forty five minutes later, like,

(36:43):
dude, how are you not havingyour Okay, but listen, Okay,
go ahead. He maybe not intothe dying process and doesn't know what to
do with it. I'm not tryingto provide exactly, I'm not trying to
prove excuses for him, but thatis a I mean, for a normal

(37:05):
feeling person, that could be correct. But no, he just is so
focused on him. So many thingsmessed up with that dude. We I
mean, I know that I've donea few scandal sessions about him. Those
of you who are like, what'sthe scandal session? Oh yeah, well
I have a podcast. God,how many episodes are there, I don't

(37:25):
know, twenty something. A lotmost of them were Mary and I,
my ex girlfriend X co host in. These are episodes where we would talk
about things that are a little witha little deeper into things that not necessarily
something I just want like the entirepublic to hear for free, and you
can access that by becoming a patron. I don't know if the new website

(37:47):
is up at this point as I'mrecording this. It should be, so
I don't know what I'm saying isI don't know. Okay, but you
can get access to those badass,kind of super secret podcasts for five dollars
a month if you go to patreondot com slash Latter Day Lesbian anyway.
Just that's not a plug for myfive dollars a month. But if you

(38:08):
want to hear more dirt, that'swhere you can find him. Anyway,
David asshole. Again, there's somuch to be said about this. I
mean, he's horrible. Sorry,but let me tell you some of the
weird ass shop. Are you kindof glad though that he wasn't there.
Oh we didn't want him to bethere, No, because he would have
you. He doesn't do anything thatdoesn't make someone uncomfortable around him. It's

(38:34):
just the way he works his life. He's either being a dick or being
hella weird and not weird in likea way where where you shouldn't say,
oh, that person's weird. Idon't know, does that makes sense?
Like some people are weird. It'slike, well, you're just a weird
person and that's fine whatever, butthis is like that's weird tent kind of
or something. But just well,let me tell you my story. So

(38:58):
Mike and mar Oh god, there'sso much Okay, right, sorry people,
Yeah, I'm rambling. So Markand Mike and I have dealt with
David for the last three plus yearssince my parents got sick during COVID and
had to move out of their homeand go into a retirement living thing and
their health started to fail. Davidhas been nothing but problematic and horrible since

(39:20):
then. Just god, I couldgo on and on. We'll save that,
but it has been so horrible thatMark and Mike and I. Mark
and I, especially because I hada rough upbringing with David in the house.
He was physically abusive, he wasemotionally abusive to me. It was
really horrible. I'm so sorry,thank you. I appreciate that. And
he never grew up. He's stillthe same way. They often don't.

(39:42):
They don't because he's a narcissist.And I'll flat out side that. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, So it hasbeen hell trying to care for my
parents with him, with David causingproblems at every turn. David lives about
ten minutes eight minutes from where myparents lived. He works about eight minutes
from where my parents were the lasthome that they were in. And yet

(40:06):
my dad, when he had hiswits about him, did not give David
one ounce of authority to make anydecisions for his health, for my mom's
health, for money issues. Theyknew, and yeah, they knew,
and that is that is unusual becausehe's the oldest right oldest son, the
son right nearby. That is unusual. So you know there's some shit,

(40:28):
right if my Dad's like, yeah, I would not trust David with their
health yeaheah, And so so that'sjust there's your your gauge there. Yeah.
So he's just been problematic since agoand it's been so frustrating for all
of us because David has done thingsto hurt my parents emotionally to He's just
been awful. So Mark, mybrother, he we're so stupid. Mark

(40:53):
and I part of our like tryingto work through that much we hate dealing
with David. We started writing haikusabout David. Do you have one you
can share? Do you remember?Oh? God, you know what I
would do? Okay, I'll getokay. We would write haikus and we
would screenshot dumb shit that David wouldsay, and I mean, it just

(41:13):
became this thing that we would dobecause we're like, oh my god,
he's fucking ridiculous. And my brothersdon't swear, but David would push Mark
so far that Mark snapped one timein him and said, David, I
don't give a shit about you oryour fucking methhoor wife. Best day ever.

(41:37):
And by the way, listen,don't feel bad about for the wife.
She's a she's a piece of shittoo, just so you know.
Yeah, okay, So and theyget together and they get shittier and the
fun yes. Cool. So that'show far David will push Damn. The
one thing that David called me,well, he called me numerous things,

(41:58):
but really, oh god, hehates that his kids like me and talk
to me. His kids don't wantanything to do with him, well,
because he's an asshole, mucid pieceof shit. And so David would say
that I was lying to his kidsabout him. I'm like, I don't
talk to your kids about you,dude. You like they are telling me

(42:19):
what you've done. You know,we don't. Yeah, it turns out
I'd rather not talk about you atall, rather you didn't exist. But
he called me, what was it? Exactly? A fucking jealous home wrecking
dyke rest home wrecking. You don'tunderstand what that means? Does that mean

(42:46):
you don't never wrecked anyone's home?No, that would imply that I was
what like fucking is No, butthat's not even the father. So fucking
fucking jealous jealous, Hello, fuckingjealous homewrecking, which that's the wrong term

(43:09):
for. Yeah, that means thatyou're stepping out on okay, and I'll
wear that shit proud the part,Hey, I'm a fucking Dike. Guess
what? Uh so, yeah,just so screenshots of that, I mean,
there's wow, I have no idea. There's so much and Mark has
always joked about we started this jokeabout we should make a coffee table book

(43:32):
with all the haikus, right,that would be hilarious, I mean anything
to like laugh through all this horribleship we're dealing with with David. Yeah,
and so he's like, I'm gonnamake a coffee table book and we
think it's all, Ah, you'reso funny. Oh, I fly to
or not fly. I drive withall my kids to Florida to Mike's house

(43:54):
for Christmas. Mark flew out withall of his family to Mike's house for
Christmas. We flew David's kids out, not David, fuck you. Flew
David's kids out so they could bewith us at Christmas. Mark presents Mike
and I with the most professional,like hardback glossy There's probably like sixty pages

(44:16):
shot like pictures, quotes. Hemade a fucking coffee table book about the
ship we've been through over the lastthree years. Our haikups are in there,
the quotes, the screenshots with thewords bleeped out that David has said

(44:37):
he like, he printed out likean award, like asshole award. It
just so much stuff. Mark ishilarious. That was his way of coping
with dealing with that. Dude.Next time I come out, which is
I come out for the funeral inthree weeks, I will bring a book
and we will get meet him.Yes, you will meets a published book.

(45:00):
Oh anyway, Okay, So wejust went all down about David.
No, that's so good though,like this is part of the process.
That's part process, like y'all neededto be all So David's a douche as
for you. Dad just died andhe can't bother to get there until forty
five minutes later. Yeah, andhe has to be a big fucking here's

(45:22):
an example of David. This iswhat I was about to get you till
I got distracted about the coffee tablebook. So David rolls in. Forty
five minutes Dad is dead, hellof dead, been dead, probably starting
to stiffen up. Dead dead dead. David comes in. Now, Mormons
or ex Wormans who are listening,you'll understand this and then I'll explain it
to those of you who are not. David comes in. I just a'm

(45:45):
like, hey, what's up?Like I always at least acknowledge that he
exists. Oh yeah. And hecomes in and he looks at my dad
and then he looks at my brotherMike, and it says, Mike,
have you released Dad yet? ReleasedDad? What what you're talking about?
What does that even mean? Oh? You wouldn't even know. Okay,

(46:06):
So have you ever heard of someonewith you know, the proper priest authority
giving a blessing to someone basically releasesreleasing them from this live It's someone who's
like been in a coma or they'redying, and they just kind of gives
them permission like you've served, youknow, well done, you you're free
to go sort of thing. Butyou turn home faithful. Yes, it's

(46:30):
a whole like it's it's like ablessing of you know, God loves you,
He's ready for you to come tohim, and I give you permission
to and go see God. Now. Yes, and that's the thing.
I know that that and here's thething, Okay that what I've just explained
is a legit thing that they do. I think it's weird and wonky and
in voodoo magic, but it's anactual, legit Mormon thing that you have

(46:52):
no idea. Okay, well,then you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna get
a taste for this again. Thereyou go write that ship down about this.
Yeah. So it's basically when someoneis dying and it's just kind of
a blessing of I guess comfort andyou've done a great job and they're waiting
for you on the other side.Blah blah blah. They already do that
by themselves. I know, Iknow. I'm just saying there is a

(47:15):
legit Mormon thing that they do.But question though, real quick, is
David Mormon. That's a whole otherfucking dyke. He's a piece of shit,
but he he plays the part forwhoever he needs to play it for.
I know. He's a hypocrite,he's he's one of the worst.
David. Yeah, he's growth anyway. So he asks Mike if Dad has

(47:40):
been released, and Mike's like,because, hello, Dad's been dead and
and and Mike goes, we gavehim like some blessings over the last few
days. He's, you know,been And David goes, but did you
release him in my cycle? AndMike goes, what, And then David
goes, I'm going to release Dad, are you? David. David says

(48:01):
Mike, something you're gonna do afterthis happened, Mark's like, I need
to make it an appendix for thebook. For the coffee tea of the
book. We got a whole newchapter. Man. So Mike's like,
and then Davids like, Mike,Mark, would you like to join me
in the circle and Mike and Mikegoes, I'm good, and Mark says

(48:25):
nothing. It looks at me andI'm like, I don't know what's going
on. And then Shelley walks upand goes, I like to do.
I'm like, as song as we'reall doing fake shit, I'm in.
Actually afterwards, I should I waslike, dude, I should have gone
up there. Mark's like, youshould have. That had have been hilarious.
So David puts his head hands onmy cold, dead dad's head and

(48:47):
we're sitting there like what in thehell, And he says, by the
power of the Holy because it priestedwhich I hold, I command you to
be released from your body and returnedto blah blah blah blah blah blah.
And you he's dead. I know. I'm like, dude's dead dead,

(49:08):
He's dead. Whatever was going oninside it has already left, like you
don't even know what you're doing.That the actual legit morbon thing that they
do, you're doing it all wrongand fucked up. Like yeah, and
you feel like you have all thisauthority because he said, and Mike and
Mark and I like, we're noteven bowing our heads for whatever prayer.

(49:30):
We're just looking like like what thatLike this is an exorcism, Like what's
happening? Damon's out o relaced Andthat's what I mean. Everything David does
is cringey and weird, and like, what are you doing? Dude?
You where did you get this idea? So that happened, and then the

(49:50):
mortuary people got there and they hadto like, you know, clean my
dad up and whatever. So weall went out in the hall. Mike
went down the hall to do something, and Mark was ignoring David, and
I'm standing there and David comes upto me. He's like, hey,
Shell, I just I just wantyou to know that I released mom too.
David, thanks so much. Iyou know, I was worried about
that. I'm so worried that thatmom six feet under her spirits let me

(50:15):
out. Yeah, I'm so gladthat you used your authority to send a
dead person to death. What it'sso hellless? I this is David in
a nutshell? What the fuck areyou doing? You Dad would never do
that, My dad, he's apriestoo holder. Well, but it's just
it's not a thing. He justmade some shuit up. He did make

(50:37):
some up. They're like if thereif like my if David's bishop or whatever
was in the room somehow he'd behe'd be like, whoa what, No,
this is not a thing. Itwas, you know, a question
in my mind. I'm like,so is this actually because I can't he's
just just like, okay, I'ma cult leader right now in this room.
Or he doesn't know that it's nota thing, but he's such a

(51:00):
nariss. Says that he's like thatI need to release release what I know.
I know? Oh god? Andso so Twofold on David's comment of
coming to me and telling me thatI really, Hey, David, you
know I'm not a Mormon anymore.Yeah, so I don't. So I
don't give a flying fuck what youthink you did with Mom. You're not

(51:22):
impressed. Yeah, go ahead,you take your right arm although your head.
You give yourself a big pat onthe back. Yeah, job you.
This is one of those uh whatmy kids say? No weird flex
bro, But okay, that's funny. I'm the last person you're going to

(51:45):
impress with some weird quote unquote priesthoodship. Don't worry, Shelly, I
released Mom. Okay, I justlike looked at him and then I didn't.
It was kind of turn. Idon't know what to do with this.
It was so weird. But havingsaid that, that gave Mark and
Mike and I so much content tolaugh and talk about. Like my brother

(52:08):
Mark sitting in the bathroom at myaunt's house where we're staying. Uh huh
Mike, Mike. Mike's like,what, Mike, this poop punk come
out? I need a blessing ofrelease. They're so funny. I'm dying.
I'm like, I got this.I got this. Mark's like,
that's true. Your priesto will work. Oh my god. Okay, see,

(52:30):
I'm so sacrilgous little kidd I know, dude. Is your brother David
gonna talk at the funeral? No? Oh, we won't allow it.
Thank god. He wasn't allowed totalk at my mom's funeral because he's we're
making the program. We made theprogram for a mom's funeral and specifically make
sure David wasn't allowed to speak.But we had to let him do something

(52:52):
or we were going to hear aboutit. And so we decided, okay,
we'll let him like say the prayerbefore they closed the casket, in
with the family, right, sothe least amount of people that can be
like wigged out by the ship.He does his prayer, and Mike and
Mark and I were talking about thistoo, damage control. Will let David

(53:13):
just say the prayer before they closethe casket? How can you fuck that
up? Oh? Oh no,because you're David and you can fuck everything
up. Yeah. But we figuredit was the least amount of people in
this family only portion of the funeralright before the actual funeral, Ah got
you go talking about It wasn't infront of the congregation, No, it
was like at the viewing, theview of where the family can come and

(53:36):
then you kind of tell everyone there, okay, only family now, and
everyone else leaves and then they dolike the dedication or whatever. And that
was when I got to like dothe veil from my mom. That would
be two episodes. The first funeralepisode, I think was when I talked
about that. If you're a newlistener, you should probably go back about
six Yeah, say yeah, juststarted one one, come on, come

(53:57):
on that hard? Are there thatmany episodes? Yeah? Do your dishes?
And seriously so yeah, the prayeragain, It's like, okay,
I can't say. First he walksup there next to my mom who is
dead, okay, and he oh, you're dad. No, I'm talking
about when we let when you prayright right? Yeah? Sorry, no
funeral less? Sorry yeah, okay, good. You're asking are you gonna

(54:20):
let David speak? We're like,fuck, no, let us tell you
when when he just let roll prayerwhen we close the casket thing? Because
he seemed to enjoy that, OhGod, they do so much that he
walked up there and he had atape record and he pushed record because he
wanted to hear himself, and hestarted out pretty well, but then all
of a sudden, he started switchingfrom like praying to God to basically talking

(54:43):
to my mom in prayer form,like she's now praying to her, which
I don't give a ship, butit's so not the right way to pray
when you're Mormon. And he's upthere like pretending to be Mormon. So
he's like, Mom, we missyou so much, like starts like talking
to her prayer. It just wasall like weird. But at the very
end, instead of saying in thename of Jesus Christ, Amen, he

(55:07):
goes thank you, thank you.He said thank you like six times,
And so Mike and Mark and Ialways say thank you, thank you to
it God. Yeah. And ashe's doing that, I know that I'm
about to go up there next andput the veil, the whole veil thing
with my mom and hug her andstuff, because I'm the last person to
say goodbye to her. And he'ssaying thank you, thank you, thank

(55:30):
you like some weird shit, andI'm like, the fuck. Like he's
greeting the audience, thanks everybody,You've been great. Yeah, but in
a prayer. No, he wassaying. He was saying thank you to
my mom. Yeah. I guess, but I don't. It doesn't it
no, no, no, ButI guess if you feel like you need
to release dead people's souls out oftheir bodies have turned cold, you can

(55:52):
do whatever the fuck you want.Yeah, before we close this closed,
slid me go ahead and say thankyou six times. Well, everyone's like,
is he gonna say it a seventhtime? Guy? Any of you
who are listening. I know,every culture has their own tradition, and

(56:12):
maybe it's great, that's great.My point is the ship that David did,
it's fucking weird. It's not Mormon, and everyone's going, uh.
I mean, Mormon tradition is weirdenough as it is. But when you
have someone who pretends or acts orthinks that he's like ultra holy priest to
a holder Mormon and we all knowhe's a piece of shit and he goes

(56:35):
and does this weird. Yeah,it just makes for more coffee table books.
I have an idea for a coffeetable book. I'm going to tell
you about it later. Have Ialready told you about it? I don't
know. It's called I Charted Yes, Okay, Well that's all we're gonna
do. That's all I'm gonna say. I gotta get this patented. I've
got to get a copyright. Icharted book, the book. Yeah,

(56:57):
but no, this is I can'tbelieve that, Shelley. Yeah, and
that's why, No, David willnot be speaking now. We still have
to decide what to let him do. So we don't get too much flak
from him. I guess we're justgonna have to let him do their freaking
prayer again. And being here,yeah, I mean he he was very
thankful. And those of you whoare listening who are like, oh my

(57:17):
god, Sholley's dad just died,how can you laugh? This is how
I deal with shit, doesn't listen. This is why my brother wrote a
fucking coffee table book because that ishow he deals with ship. Yeah.
Yeah, we're just coping. It'sagain like it's gallows humor. Absolutely.
I mean, and you bet yoursweet ass that hospice nurses and charge nurses,

(57:42):
all the nurses, all the doctors, they're over there, you know,
dealing with the thing, and they'vegot gallows humor because they don't have
to call the hell are they gonna? You know, it's like mash right.
Yeah, yes, people are dyingall the time. Like you have.
You have to find half time oryou will be the next Yeah.
When the mortuary lady got there witha big stretcher and stuff in the bag

(58:06):
whatever. Oh, and she wentin and zipped my dad up and came
out. We were all in thehallway and she came out and she's like,
do you want to say goodbye tohim? I'm like no, now,
keeping zipped me. He's all wehave said. This was basically an
hour and a half ago at thispoint. Yes, we just yeah,
let's go get okay, I havea question for you. Shoot okay,

(58:30):
So there's going to be a viewing. Now. Back in the old days,
when people would die, they wouldhave a funeral immediately, they would
have the body imbalms. Yeah,and it would be a thing and it
was like they used special amber lightingto make this person look like they're asleep.
How how is it that? So, I guess, I mean,

(58:52):
I'm just assuming that. Well,I know where you're going with this.
My mom we had to have herfuneral a good three weeks, almost a
month after she passed. We justhad to pay extra money for them to
like keep her on ice and keepher with embalmings. They had to redo
a lot of stuff. And itwill be the same with my dad three
weeks. And because because that didn'tused to be a thing, I don't

(59:13):
know, and they don't like thatnow either, Like they would rather like,
you know, let's let's do thisthis weekend. But trying to get
all of my kids and everyone,you know, getting everyone. You're scattered
all over the country. Like itturns out people can't just like all of
a sudden right right there. So, yeah, my dad's will be three
weeks later. That's kind of whatI thought. But I was like,

(59:34):
gosh, you know, I haven't. I haven't thought about that. Yeah
before that, I haven't had thatexperience. They've either been cremated or the
funeral has been really quick. Theyusually they usually do it right after.
For sure. After my dad passed, of course, they took him away

(59:54):
and then begins the work. Wegot to clean out his apartment. We
and by we, it's me andMike and Mark, because David doesn't lift
a fucking finger ever. He justcomplains. We have to go to all
of the lawyers and figure out thetrust, the estate, the insurance,
the everything. We have to goto the funeral home, and we've got

(01:00:15):
to plan a funeral, and wehave to go to the huge ass storage
unit. Kirsten, you remember thestorage unit those of you listening, who,
oh my god, I still loveyou so much, who helped me
move a million pounds of shit,not literal shit, but just random shit
in front of my parents' house intothe storage unit. The storage unit is

(01:00:36):
still there and it's still packed tothe brim, and so we had to
start going through this stuff because we'relike, isn't there a piano in there?
Yeah? Oh yeah, there's somuch stuff in there. There's so
much in there. So we hadto do that. I mean it's just
non stop work. And so it'sbeen wake up, start doing shit,

(01:00:57):
right, uh huh yeah, goto bed hard, just there's so much
to be done. Oh gosh,it's so hard. It's a whole lifetime
of stuff and it's insane everything.Yeah. So I have been here since
Monday. I know, I havenot had one solid night's sleep. I
am like delirious, I'm exhausted.I feel almost kind of bad because I

(01:01:20):
don't think the true emotion has hitme yet. It hit me for I
don't know, maybe a minute whenmy dad took his last breath, and
it kind of hit me that myparents are both gone. But like I
see Mike and Mark, they'll tearup off and on throughout the day,
and I just feel kind of cold, cold, not the word. I
just feel removed. Maybe maybe it'sbecause I'm so exhausted. Maybe because kind

(01:01:46):
of been there, done that.Maybe because this is like this is their
dad, right, the dad's sons, you know, and they're taking care
of their dad. That's more ofa connected thing. Maybe I just connected
more with my mom. I don'tknow. They cried about my mom too.
I don't know. I don't knowwhat my deal is. I'm okay
with that. Don't think I'm havinga deal. I'm just like I was

(01:02:07):
going to say, like, don'tworry, like you'll have your moment and
if you don't, that's okay.Yeah, my kiddo, when my late
husband committed suicide, yeah, yeah, have you told people about that on
the podcast at all yet? Yeah? I think back in the day,

(01:02:29):
maybe when I was a guest,probably on our other podcast that we had.
Oh that's right. But my kiddowas ten years old and everyone around
was crying, and later on headmitted to me that he felt like he

(01:02:52):
should have cried and he wondered whatwas wrong with him. Oh, And
I said, oh, Buddie,nothing nothing, it's okay. Yeah,
everyone moves through a different but everyoneelse was crying, and I'm like,
bud, it's okay, Yeah,there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay.
You feel what you feel, andit doesn't mean if you're like yeah,

(01:03:14):
yeah, it's okay, yeah yeah, so I know, but it's
weird, right. And with yourdad, I remember you telling me back
in the day that your dad wasthe doer. Yeah, well you are
also the doer. Thank you.Yeah, you're right. It's like,
okay, what are the complete youknow, so you are able to be

(01:03:38):
in that space, and that's good. I mean, it's it takes all
of you except for dated. Heshould go. He should go, release
someone else from their body. Ihelp anyone that has experienced release. Anyone
got some stuck, you know.I remember with my mom's funeral, though

(01:04:00):
I didn't I mean, I crieda little bit here and there, like
after she died, but it wasn'tuntil I went up to her casket and
that was when I put the veilaround her and it was just her and
I when finally the entire emotion hitand I ugly cried for like a solid
three minutes in front of family andfriends, like wailing that kind of honey.

(01:04:26):
So I don't know if when itdoesn't matter, I just it was.
I just I noticed that I wasn'tfeeling emotional well, and I think
also that's probably been you coupling withyour relationship with your father. Yeah,
this whole time, So you know, your mom was a tender smooshy,

(01:04:47):
I dit Grandma. You're right.I never felt protective of my dad.
I always felt protective of my mom. Yeah, and I that may be
so of course that's going to makeyour heart just yeah burst and yea cry.
But with your dad, it's kindof just always been more formal.
Yeah, I'm that's okay. Yeah, it's the relationship that he created with

(01:05:09):
you. Yeah, and it wasfine. Yeah, it was fine for
him and it was fine for me. And that's yeah. Absolutely. I
think the saddest that I have feltso far is being sad that my children
are sad. Ye. That hurtsmy heart because they're kids and they I've

(01:05:30):
seen my dad spiral into misery sincemy mom passed, and my kids haven't
seen that, and I'm glad theyhaven't. So as I watched my dad
die, there was the sadness,but the sense of relief to kind of
sort of counterbalance. My kids don'tget that relief because they are remembering Grandpa
as fun Grandpa who told all thesecrazy stories and always had like root beer

(01:05:53):
popsicles and you know what I mean. So that memory Grandpa is now,
wow, that person is gone.Yeah, quick, short funny story before
we wrap up because it's getting longhere. So Cassidy, my ten year
old, she she's been to onefuneral and that was my mom's and we
partied for that funeral week. Wegot an air being peace. All the

(01:06:17):
cousins we like blinged out her casket. I gotta put. I mean,
it was just such a big fuckingparty. It was everything everyone would ever.
We went to like escape rooms,like we just did it all.
It was like we are celebrating ground. We ate German food, I just
did everything was so fun. Yeah. And so when I texted my kids
and I'm like, just you know, ground Grandpa passed because I told him

(01:06:39):
I'm going out to Utah. He'snot doing blah blah. Yeah. I
text Grandpa past and Philip of coursereplies, rest in peace, Grandpa,
because that's what Philip would say.And then Cassie replies to the heart,
and then she says, do weget to have a funeral. I'm like
what? And then I'm going okay, hang out with my cousins. In

(01:07:01):
her view was like, oh youmean my fucking party family reunion, like
blow all of Grandpa and nobody's watching. It's oh yeah, And that was
so cute. And I said yes, of course, and she's like,
can I help plan it? Ohyeah, yes, you bet your you
bet your existence cities. I wasgonna say, you bet your sweet little

(01:07:28):
ass, Cassidy, you little anyway, that was funny, yes, And
that made and that made me feellike, you know what, because as
a mom, you're always doubting yourabilities to mom. Well, don't even
get me started. Oh I know. So when I got that, my
first reaction was like, oh god, she's so fucked up. She doesn't
even understand the funerals are like sad. And then I go, no,

(01:07:50):
that's no, this is amazing.Yes, throwing down for a funeral.
She's like, fuck yaes, shehang out with my We're gonna celebrate grandson.
We're going to party, and we'regoing to party and I love it.
That made me so happy because Iknow that I do things a lot
differently raising kids than some people do. And everything is that I notice is

(01:08:13):
different. It's always a little bitlike on the wacky side, and my
kids have different views of things likefunerals, for example. But it's good,
It's fucking awesome and so I don'tknow. I just you know,
pat my damnself on the back thatmy kids are ready to celebrate Grandpa.
Link Lincoln, my oldest. Hewhen I texted it, he said,
can I call you? I'm like, oh, of course, and he

(01:08:34):
called me. He just cried.He is my tender hearted podcast. I
adore that child. I love himso hard. But he's the oldest,
so he would have had more memorieswith Grandpa exactly. Yeah. Anyway,
how old is he? Twenty four? Twenty four? Okay, oh same
age as my kid? Oh reallybadass. Well, I will be bringing

(01:08:55):
all of them out, plus Lincoln'sgirlfriend Caroline and Evans girlfriend Natalie, So
there will be ten of us comingout here for the funeral. Airbnb,
all of the cousins. It's goingto be a Johnson fucking party. Yes,
because that's what we do. Andyou know, what's cool, lots
of things. But my dad wasalways like very serious. But all of

(01:09:19):
the sibling except for David, fuckhim. But all of the grandkids are
just total We are hilarious. I'mnot we they are hilarious, They're irreverent,
they are funny, Like it's sogreat that they are all they're just
yeah, every you know from ageten their eyes and appropriate. I know,

(01:09:44):
No, they are so not thatway and children, and I love
that they're all so excited to gettogether, so too. The name of
Jesus Christ A man, I know, I love it. I mean thank
you, I mean thank you,thank you. I see now you're and
then on the jokes you jealous homewrecking Dyke. I'm gonna T shirt I

(01:10:08):
told, I told my nephew Luke, like my I have four nieces and
nephews whatever who were still Mormon,and they are probably they might be the
most irreverent ones. The one thatthe ones that I'm so fun to joke
with. I'm like, I needa T shirt that says jealous homeworking Dike.
It looks like I'm on it.And then on the back it's gonna
say thank you, thank you,thank you as you walk away. Yeah,

(01:10:32):
like, so you're a jealous homewrecking Dike. Thank you. No,
there was another part of it though, it's jealous. Oh you're fucking
jealous. Homerk oh. Okay,So that's on the front and on the
back. As you walk away,it's gonna say thank you, you,
thank you six times, six timesit maybe seven, just a fine point
on it. I was actually goingto talk about my dad's passing and my

(01:10:57):
uncle's funeral. But we had sucha good time talking about my dead father.
But we will, uh, we'llgo into We'll get into uncle's final
for sure. Yeah. Maybe we'llrecord after we eat some spaghetti. I
don't know. Yeah, we'll seewe got lost. We try to get
recordings in when I'm out here inUtah, I mean me and my girl
Kirsten. And it's so fun todo it face to face. I love

(01:11:17):
it. It's way better than remoterecording. I love it. Anyway.
I'm still working on how to wrapit up. I'm gonna go ahead and
say thank you to leave it inDan, Dan, thanks for leaving it
in with ship. Dan. What'sthe name of your company? Provision Audio?
No, try again, Precision Audio, No Dan it some of then

(01:11:40):
Dan Extension, Thank you, Danat Extension Audio. Please leave all of
that in the name. He's like, you dumb bitches. I know.
By the way, Dan At Extensionaudio. He has been so helpful to
me after you know, the breakupof Mary and I and me going forward
with the podcast, in helping mefigure out how to do this shit,

(01:12:01):
because let me tell you, bitches, it is not easy. There's a
lot of room for error and I'vemade lots of them, and Dan has
been so good with helping me figuresome shit out. So thanks leaving it
in, sweet Dan. Yeah,thanks Dan for leaving it in. But
yeah, Dan's awesome. I guessthere was no one else I need to
think but you, Kirsten. Oh, thank you man. Okay, so

(01:12:26):
I remember from the last time,we're supposed to say stay clear of cults
because they're no joke. They're nojoke, no joke at all, and
then we say bye bye, byebye,