LDL Ep 180: Shelly's Dad's Funeral Part 1

In this episode, Shelly has to deal with yet ANOTHER Mormon funeral. That makes 3 in about 6 months. She's earned the title of Grim Reaper at this point. Too soon? Eh, sorry. ANYWAY, this is part 1 of 2 of her Dad's funeral. Also, welcome special guest-host Jen, a fellow ex-mo-later-in-life lesbian, as we talk and laugh our way through part 1 of Shelly's Dad's Funeral. Enjoy!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
In this episode, I am hidingunder a blanket. My kids are home
from school, and I'm realizing,Man, I need to talk about my
freaking dad's funeral. It was somecrazy shit. So that's what we're doing
today. And I have a specialguest and I will introduce her in just
a moment. Be right back.Hey there, Welcome to the Latter Day

(00:23):
Lesbian Podcast, the podcast about anex Mormon, a gay girl just trying
to figure out her life again,still always. I'm Shelley, and today
my special guest is Jennifer Jennifer.Wait before you say anything, you were
in my phone as Jennifer Lemon reeves. What's your name? What's your damn
name? None of those right now? And we're in a we're in a

(00:47):
status of change. So let's justsay just Jennifer. Just, I mean,
just Jennifer. I know you knowall this name changing and whatever,
it's just it is it really necessary? Yeah? No, okay, all
right, So Jennifer Jennifer. Solet me back up. I know Jennifer

(01:08):
from Jennifer was one of the originalpodcast listeners. Yes, is this a
lie? When did you start listening? Oh? I am horrible with date,
so I would say sometime between theyear two thousand and now. No,
I mean like when you started listening, did you have to catch up?
How about that? No? Ididn't. No, ohfull there you

(01:30):
go. So so what you're sayingis you started on episode one, like
most importantly, Yeah, I feellike I'm an OG member for sure.
Mmmmm awesome. And I met youin person when you were coming through the
area. You were out here,we had some ice cream. I just
mostly remember take Nataro. I don'tremember ice cream. That's right. We

(01:55):
started with tag Nataro. And itmakes me and me and Mary at the
time and you and your girlfriend atthe time correct, we are both no
longer with those significant others because youknow what, it's been some years.
It's been some years. I feellike that was pre COVID. That was
like forty nine years ago. Soyeah, at least and boy if things

(02:20):
changed. But you and I havekept in touch because A, you're freaking
awesome and yeah, B so amI whatever I was gonna say. And
it takes two to know. Ittakes one to know one. Whatever that
thing is, it takes two tomake a thing go right. And it's
a song. Don't make me,don't make I think I'm sang that.
If you like the last episode,I'm sorry, Yeah, I get to

(02:44):
doing that. So when I wasthinking about who do I want to do
this episode with, unfortunately or fortunately, whatever you want to call it,
I had already told Kirsten, myother co host, about the experience at
my dad's funeral, and I'm like, you know what, this was such

(03:04):
a wacky ass funeral that I needto have someone on the show who knows
nothing so we can get like blindreaction. Yes, yes, which is
another way, which is another reasonI'm making you do video because I have
to see this shit. It's likefucking swear. Okay, never mind,
you just answered. I want toknow what the squear protocol wants, but

(03:27):
you just so. I'm gonna bemyself now, yes you are. Well,
just you know, we always putan E for explicit on the episode.
Yep, yep. Before we jumpin, take a few minutes and
just give our listeners a little background. You are ex Mormon lesbian. Yeah,
actually that's my handle on the TikTokis ex smell lesbo is it really

(03:51):
Yeah, that shit hurts a littlebit that you don't have it favorite but
that's okay. I'm sorry. Wecan repent and move on. I came
out when I was thirty six fishor seven, was married to a dude
at the time, and I havefour boys. I live in Utah and

(04:11):
got divorced, left the cult,and have been with the ladies ever since.
So that's kind of my no goingback. Oh my god, No,
I'm gonna have to have a lotof guests on because I like to
hear all everyone's story. So thatwas a very short synopsis and it was
good, but you know we're gonnahave We're gonna have to do a deep
dive. Remember there's like two episodesof me just incessantly talking. So that's

(04:39):
right. There's been on. Ohmy god, I forgot, this is
my memory. You've been a pastguest. Shit Christ, not for one,
but two episodes. It's I'm sorry, which it meant, and it's
just listen. I will we willend this episode and I will literally have
zero recollection of what we just talkedabout. That's how I roll. So

(05:00):
it's nothing personal at all all right, my dad sniffle, sniffle. So
here's what's up, people. Mydad died. If you didn't know,
that A, you're not following meon social media, so what the fuck's
wrong with you? Also, mymom died back in August. We are
in what month? Are we in? March? Early March right now?

(05:21):
Yeah? And what are we twentytwenty four? Yeah, So if you
didn't know that my mom died,then you are not listening in order.
And I'm a little bit of ahard ass on that. I will make
exceptions, but just trust me thatif you want the whole fucking story and
you want to know all the jokesand all the everything, you're going to

(05:43):
want to start a episode one.Those of you who are just finding me
episode one through, like episode Alot is me and my ex girlfriend Mary.
She was the co host that wehad going as we started it,
and this is where we are now, and I'm going solo because there's just
I still have a lot more tosay in things or life's moving, things

(06:05):
are changing, and I want tohear other people's stories. So that's what's
up. Well, and you're likethe latter day lesbian, like you're it,
So I mean I kind of am, I kind of am, just
own it. That's a good point. That is, that's a good ass
point. You know what's crazy.Also anyone who's just tuning in for the
first time. Yeah, sticking onon topic, not my forte what just

(06:28):
just you know, every little veeris it's good, it's good. We
get back, Okay, thank you. So I don't know, Like two
hours ago, I'm hanging out ofmy house and I get a phone call
and I see it come up andit says lady that I used to go
running with like eight years ago whenI was Mormon, Like, what the
what? So my answer I'm like, Candra, what's up? And she

(06:48):
goes Shelley like hey, and shesays, what Shelley is this you call
life? What fuck? And shegoes, well, I have I she
like a yoga instructor or something.She goes, I have a lot of
Shelley. So I was just goingthrough all the Shelley's and trying to figure
out who they were. That's whyshe called me. Anyways, so we

(07:10):
had a good thirty minute catch up, Sesshon. She sends divorced, still
Mormon, lives in Florida. Justinteresting and it's kind of weird because none
of the Mormons from my old Wardcongregation. For those of you who aren't
Mormon. We don't really stay intouch. I doubt that they even follow

(07:32):
me on social anymore because when Ifirst left the church, I left with
a fucking bang, and so sheknew nothing about the divorce, like in
her mind Brent and I were great, super happy couple. I realized,
I'm gay, got to get outof the marriage because I'm gay, and
now there's a broken family. SoI did need to mention a couple of

(07:54):
things to about that, because justin the conversation we were having, I
really got this sense that she didnot know what the fuck. So anyway,
that's uh, that's that's an episodefor another day. But it was
interesting, kind of threw me back. Well, yeah, and that happens
a lot, especially living in Utah. If you leave the I refer to
it, probably not correctly, asocial suicide, Like you could live down

(08:16):
the street from a hundred people thatyou've talked to a billion times and they
suddenly have no idea who you are, m hm. And unless you show
up at relief society and then theyare your best friends. No, I
co buy my own damn cookie.If I make back, No, I
don't. I don't make him.No, stops. You were never good

(08:39):
that way, right, No?Can you imagine that for me? Not?
Not at all. So okay,that was my little sidebar. So
after my mom died, my dadstarted really going downhill. And those of

(09:00):
you who know me, you knowthe podcast, you kind of know the
issues I've had with my dad,him being controlling, and it's still this
thing that I sort of struggle with. And I was talking with shit,
who was I talking with, Idon't remember. I was talking with someone
who was also an ex Mormon.It might have been Austin, and he
was like, you know, alot of people don't understand that when you

(09:24):
leave the church, your family's stillthere, and there's anger, and there's
everyone knows what happens when you leavethe church. It fucking sucks. But
over time you can kind of seewhy they are the way they are.
And it's not like you excuse itbecause you still don't like it. But
at the same time, you're like, did they really have a choice,

(09:46):
Yeah, they didn't really know better, right, And so I look at
my relationship between my mom and mydad, and my dad controlled every move
she made and she allowed it.She That's just that was their generation and
their cult that they it was likea like a twofer, And so I've
had to really sort of let thatanger go because again, like what was

(10:11):
what was their choice? That waswhat they were born into. And my
dad does have a very strong personality, and so he would take the reins
and my mom would just follow along. Was she happy with that? I
don't know. You know, shewould say no, and then she would
say yes. It's just it's hardto pick that all apart. Do you
have like what's your dynamic? Whereare your parents? Kind of that way?

(10:35):
Well, no, they're a hotfucking mass. But I think that
it's really hard when you've grown upin the church and it's multi generational to
separate the cult from the person.And so like whether your mom was like
that because that's how she would havebeen in any relationship, or because she
was like that because she literally spenther entire life being brainwashed into what kind

(10:56):
of person she was supposed to bethe same for your dad, Like my
parents are they're nothing. I mean, my parents are very young and wait
how old are they? But thenumbers again, I think my dad's like
sixty twoish. Maybe God was thislike a teen pregnancy oh yeah, yeah,
not me. I have an olderbrother. So I'm forty seven and
I have an older brother. Myparents met in Provo at the high school

(11:20):
there, got knocked up on theirseventeenth birthday. Wow. Four kids by
the age of twenty one, soyeah, okay, that's fucking nuts.
Didn't know this about you, Butmy mom has been born again into the
Mormon Church probably a good half adozen times. Like, I didn't know
you could get excommunicated and come backthat many times, but you can.
I have an uncle that did that, so all good. Yeah, So

(11:43):
she's on number six and my dadis currently in number three. Don't know
what that'll be like. So yeah, they don't have a really a lot
of room to talk about my behaviorand choices. But at least their choices
are straight choices, so that makesit better. I'm and ironically, my
dad's only one that stepped up.I went no contact with my mom when
I got engaged so to a woman. Yeah right, yeah. They were

(12:07):
fine with it till they didn't haveto look at it, and then it
got too real. So but mydad was not that way. He's one
hundred percent supportive and good shoes upfor everything. So and still sits in
a pew on Sunday. I don'tknow how people do both, but it's
bizarre and it that's where they're at. Yeah, and this this was a
struggle a lot of the times thatI've had with people. Is it being

(12:33):
so close to home for me,my family, and as much as the
things they've said and done have hurtme, again, it's like, well,
they're fucked up. You know.They're saying these things because this is
what they've been taught and this iswhat they believe, and so I kind
of have to just be okay withignoring it sometimes. Yeah, Well,

(12:54):
and you get to choose who youdo that with, like if you're willing
to accept it or not absolutely.And there are people in my family that
are away where no, sorry no, and I don't have this, No,
ain't gonna happen. And then thereare people where I'm like, in
my mind, I just kind oflaugh, like that was the dumbest thing
I've ever heard. But whatever,we move on because ninety nine percent of
the time they're fantastic. And sosomething that I've learned along this journey and

(13:18):
looking back from where I started withthis podcast is my level of understanding for
others has I think deepened dramatically well, And that's like a perk of leaving
Mormonism on its own, is youget to understand and experience variety instead of
like nine hundred shades of vanilla life, Like you get to see that there's

(13:39):
people are fucked up for a lotof different reasons. And how much anger
you choose to place on the backthat they're fucked up because they are Mormon
is like up to you. Ohyeah, yes, yes, because I
could easily tell all my family,Look, you're Mormon, you still support
this religion, blah blah blah,don't talk to me until you leave.
And some people do that and that'stheir right, and that's you know,
if that works for you. Iam not knocking that everyone has their own

(14:01):
situation. But I came to thepoint where I'm like, I'm looking at
each of my family members as anindividual, and how do they treat me
personally, their beliefs, whatever,how do they treat me? And so
again, that was the way thatI had to get with my dad was
like him as a human being beingso controlling and he knows everything, and

(14:24):
he was judgmental. She gotta letthat shit go, you know, especially
since the time that he and mymom got sick, and that started in
COVID, during COVID, but aftermy mom passed, like six or seven
months ago, again, it waslike he had nothing to live for.
Now here's where this control thing comesin. He lived for my mom.

(14:48):
And that sounds cute and kind andloving and romantic. But because of my
experience with my dad that taking careof my mom, he wanted to take
care of my mom control. Hewanted her like she couldn't have an opinion.
He would decide for her. Ifshe started losing her mind, she
would be more rebellious and say,Terry, I don't want to go there,

(15:09):
and he would make her, youknow, And so that was hard
for me. Yeah, But againin my mind, I'm like, wait,
but my dad literally thinks that heknows what's best for her, so
he, honest to God, feelslike he's doing right by her. It's
twisted, right, I mean,I don't like it, but like he

(15:33):
really thought he was doing what wasbest for her. It's such a crazy
thing to have to come to whenyou see your parents as like nearly dead
and you are coming to terms withall of it well, and like you
watch them kind of deplete, likeit wasn't incidental and rapid and not prepared
for, Like you watched this likephasing out of both of them, and

(15:54):
that would be insanely hard to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it
was definitely surreal. I recorded anepisode and it's already been released, and
it was basically going over me watchingmy dad die. So and I record
that with Kirsten, so I don'tneed to go over all of that again.

(16:15):
Yeah, we're just thinking about thegoing forward. So my dad's dead,
so many things are popping up inmy mind. For example, when
I was out there again, Ihave my oldest brother, David Worth with
a piece of shit can't stand andbrought in Hell. Lives near my parents
of course, howtworks Mormon. Yeah, and then Mike and Mark also Mormon,

(16:37):
don't live in the area. Mike'sin Florida, Mark's in Washington State.
Mormon wives are Mormon, but they'regood guys, like they're good ass
people. And so some of theconversations after my dad died, it was,
you know, we go to thefuneral home and the funeral directors is
saying, you know, Mike andMark, you are welcome to help dress
the body. And they were like, uh, that's weird. And I

(17:03):
had that experience that I talked aboutin previous episodes about how I was told
I wasn't allowed to dress the bodybecause dress the body in this case,
by the way, when you goto dress the body, they already have
their temple gown on. They're notlike buck naked. That'd be weird for
me. It was just putting theirtemple clothing on over top of the gown,
right. Yeah. I was toldI wasn't allowed to do that because
I wasn't worthy. And of courseI'm like, excuse me, you know,

(17:27):
yeah, watch me. And sothe experience that I had going there
and dressing my mom and I wasthere with my two sister in laws and
one of my aunts, two ofmy aunts, I guess, And it
was a really actually a super coolexperience that was full of like girl power
because even though they were all Mormon, they deferred to me because I was

(17:51):
the daughter. I felt so muchlove and respect in that moment because they
all know I'm so not Mormon.They know, and they know I wasn't
supposed to be there. They knew, but they were like it was almost
like a like a fuck you patriarchymoment, not that anyone was going to
say that out loud, but theyknew this was against the rules and they
were supporting it. And I don'tknow, it just felt it felt good,

(18:14):
and it felt good to I don'tknow, to have that moment with
my mom. Yeah, well,and think about it. It's the one
time in Mormonism where you got likeonly women got to be in charge.
Like there's not a dude telling youwhat steps to do. There wasn't a
dude overseeing it or like giving youthe thumbs up that you did it okay.
It was literally just no, you'reright, women taking care of women.

(18:37):
That doesn't happen, especially in thewhat's the phrase? I forget most
of the Mormon words, which Ilove ordinance, Like, there's not any
ordinances that just women are in chargeof. So I can imagine that that
was a super bonding and powerful experience. It was. It really really was.
So when my brothers were like,oh, I don't know if we
want to do that, it's kindof weird. And then I was talking

(18:57):
to my brothers when were driving away, and I was saying just you know,
guys, I don't I don't thinkyou should miss out on this,
Like, it's not as weird asyou think. Dad will already have clothes
on. The funeral director could bethere and kind of help you maneuver him
and to get the I know it'sweird sounding, but it was a really
special experience that I had. Soflash forward to the day after the day

(19:22):
of, after they had gone todress him, and they were traumatized by
it. They it was they didgo do it. Then they did and
it was not good for them,And I was thinking about that, and
I'm like, hmm, I wonderwhy because it was just the two of
them, not the first brother.That's the no, not the Listen,
we tell first brother nothing, okay, he ruins everything. Okay. So

(19:48):
no, dude was not even invited. So the two that didn't want to
ended up doing it. Yeah,Mike and Mark, Mike and Mark at
the Cold Ones, Mike and marktmy boys David raw in Hell. So
Mike and Mark went ahead and didit, and and I'm like, so,
how was it? And they werethey were traumatized, And I felt
kind of bad for sort of sayingthat they should, And then I was
thinking, you know, the reasonthat it was so beautiful for me and

(20:11):
these women was, yeah, itwas it was powerful, it was women
respecting a woman. Yeah, butmy brothers just kind of saw it more
as like, well, we gotto put dad's clothes on he's dead.
Oh. I don't know why Ibring that up. I guess because it
just kind of sat with me thatit's interesting that I participated in an ordinance.

(20:33):
I don't know if it's typically dothey call an ordinance to do that?
I don't know, but I participatedin something Mormon that I wasn't allowed
to and I did anyway, andit was beautiful for me. And my
brothers participated in something that they wereallowed to and they were supposed to do
and they hated it so well.Also consider like just the male female emotional
part of it, like you haveconnection, enclosure and like feminine energy and

(20:56):
yeah, boys being tasky and they'relike, Hugh, like why would we
do this? Like they don't needthat connection, So maybe it just wasn't
meant to be that experience for them. And they get to do a thousand
ordinances so who cares about what more? Yeah, that's true good point.
Yeah, I just thought it wasinteresting, Like, huh so in typical
me podcasting fashion, I'll be jumpingaround all over the place like that.

(21:18):
I thought of that. So wedid that. So next up is we
had to start planning the funeral.And you know what sucks is when you
were just sitting at the funeral homeand you're like, just do just do
the same one that's on the booksfrom six months ago, Like that fucking
sucks. It's it's bad, Iknow, just change the gender and keep
everything else the same. Yeah,we'll send you a picture. It was

(21:41):
uh god, it would have beenbad if you had to ask for like
a bogo or something like that,like you get a bounce back pass.
Wait, you don't think we didn'tmake those jokes, because we did.
We did. Yes. So mybrother, my brother Mark and I were
like the funny ones in the family, were super irreverent. And we go
in there and we're like, what'sup Logan because we remember him, Logan

(22:04):
the blonde funeral director. I'm like, dude, we're back, what's up.
I want to get one free?And he's shaking is He's trying to
be like, I'm so sorry foryour loss. We're like, yeah,
yeah, yeah, it's because toremind people, I was actually going out
to Utah that weekend for my uncle'sfuneral, who had died age sixty nine,

(22:25):
passed away, but it turned outmy dad got hell of bad and
so I bump my flight up toget out there right away, and then
my dad died and then we wentto my uncle's shereet. I mean,
it's just like death. Everything isdeath and dying, and to the point
where it's almost I'm not gonna saycomical, but like, how do you
not say something about Fridly? Shit? Who's next? Right? I mean,
it's it's it's one of those things. So planning the funeral, my

(22:49):
brothers asked me if I wanted tospeak, and I'm like sure, which
was awesome. I spoke at mymom's funeral and my brother asked me,
and I was very honored that heyeah, I'm having all these thoughts right
now, and I'll tell you why. And I'm just going to say it.
It was very hard for Mary towatch me sort of in her mind
given to the patriarchy, meaning mybrother asked me to speak, and that

(23:15):
felt good to me, and shewould have been like, why didn't you
just tell him, Hey, I'mgoing to speak. You know, there's
a dynamic there that we kind ofbutted heads on a lot, and this
is not again. We all haveour own experiences. Mary had all women
in her family, and you know, I dealt with things in my own
way. But I do want tosay that in that dynamic, for my

(23:37):
brother, who knows I freaking rippedthe shit out of the church when I
left, for him to trust thatI'm going to honor my mom means a
lot to me. And that's nothingto do with religion. That's to do
with the fact that he trusts thatI will honor her with the love that

(24:00):
I have for her and not havea platform or in front of a bunch
of Mormons, which could have beenfun, but jos no, no,
they wouldn't have. So when heasked if I wanted to speak, I'm
like, yeah, yeah, absolutely, of course, I'll take a few
minutes. And I also said,you know, Dad was really into music.

(24:22):
I think that most of it shouldbe music. Cool. So then
was the part of what do Isay about my dad? And I struggled
with that, and because the waythat my dad would want to be honored
would be his church service, andI don't want to do that. Yeah,

(24:45):
and they love a good like bibliographyfor a funeral, like just say
their callings, talk about what theydid, the service. They gave maybe
a minute about the family, butit's not even really about the person.
It's just about what how did theyqualify in churchactly exactly. It was easy
for me with my mom because mymom and I had a different kind of
relationship. My mom and I,our relationship was based outside of religion.

(25:10):
By the end, you know,if those of you who haven't listened to
the episode where I play the recordingof what I said about my mom,
you'll see it wasn't about me honoringmy mom for being Mormon, right.
So I was trying to think,like what do I say? What do

(25:30):
I say about my dad that Ican be true about and not have it
kind of not feel good for me. So I'm thinking, what did I
learn from my dad? Uh?My dad is very gets things done.
So I say that, and theninstantly I remember, Oh, he made

(25:51):
us do all this church shit thatwe didn't want to do. He made
my mom blah blah blah. Soeverything that I was coming up with because
I was thinking about I could talkabout things I've learned from my dad.
Everything I came up with, Jennifergave me shudders, like I didn't.
It was all related to this havingto appear to be the perfect Mormon family

(26:14):
or we follow the rules, becauseGod said, you know, did you
have any kind of dynamic with yourdad outside of church or was like every
part of your connection with him alsoconnected to church? It was church?
It was church, yeah, youknow, sure there was like I played
basketball, but he but it waschurch fall he was sure. Yeah,
well it was even you know,making me think of things. So I

(26:37):
don't know. I was like asenior in high school or whatever, and
he was asking me, like,what's my most important goal or whatever?
And I said, I want toplay college of basketball. And he was
disappointed in me because my goal wasn'tto graduate seminary and get married, to
make babies and do all that stuff. Right, that you had a path
for yourself instead of for church,right, Right's super understandable. Yeah,
I know, right. So Ieventually decided I just wasn't going to talk

(27:02):
because there were a few things Icould come up with to say, but
all it would be doing was tellingkind of funny stories and it would be
more like me entertaining and and nothonoring. I don't know. It was
such a it was such a brainfuck, Jennifer. It was like like
no reflection that would be appropriate inthat environment, Like there was nothing good

(27:23):
to say that was like of substanceand also truthful that wasn't going to like
cause a problem, right right,And I and I don't mean that like
in a disrespectful way toward my dad. He was who he was, He
did what, you know, helived his life. But but I just
couldn't come up with something that thatI wanted to share that didn't feel like,

(27:45):
you know, I could. Icouldn't get up and share about how
you know, he would say thatblack athletes wear their hair and braids to
get more TV time with ESPN.I'm not gonna it's hilarious, isn't It's
a fun thing to tell your friends, Like I can't believe my dad fucking
said that. But it's not funeral, no, yeah, and especially Mormon

(28:10):
funeral, Like right, there's anexpectation of tone and relay of information.
And if my mother were to passaway silently crossing fingers. I wouldn't be
able to say anything either. Iwould just I wouldn't go, but I
wouldn't be able to There's nothing Ican say about her that is honest,
that would not cause a lot ofhurt and wouldn't be damaging to a lot

(28:32):
of other people, And it's notthe appropriate form for that. So I
totally understand where you're coming from.Like, it sounds like you have quite
a bit more well not a bitmore. It sounds like you have a
little bit better connection because you werecommunicating with your dad, But like that
damage runs deep, like the shitthat happens for fifty years of your life.
Like it doesn't stop because they're dying, It doesn't. I mean it

(28:55):
softens a little bit, but whenyou reflect back on it, you can't
really just likeate a fake positive memory. Yeah, you brought up a great
point. You said it softens asthey get older and weaker and die or
whatever. And my feelings toward mydad had softened by the time he died,
And when I started thinking of whatI would say at the funeral,

(29:15):
I could feel myself getting hard again, like, uh, like this isn't
good for me, Yes, thisis I don't I want to leave my
dad as with the soft feelings thatI have. Yeah, did it feel
like a failure that you weren't ableto come up with something to say?
Or was like how did that workout for you? No? No,
I mean I was stressed out aboutfifty seven thousand other things going on in

(29:37):
my life anyway, So it wasa bit of a relief, but no,
not a failure because my brothers weregoing to speak and I knew that
they would do right by my dad. My brother Mike, he was also
in the Air Force. My dadwas Air Force, so he was going
to talk about that kind of thing, and my brother Mark talked about his
mission and stuff. So the funeralwas actually itself. The way it was

(30:00):
put together was great. My friendKirsten again, the other co host,
her and her wife Anne are verymusical, and I asked them if they
would be the chorister and the pianistfor the funeral. Check with my brothers
first, because I was like,wait, pause, you had a lesbian

(30:22):
couple. This is so fucking great, Jennifer. You just said that like
that was the most casual thing you'veever come up with. Like I just
listening to the names that I'm like, no, there's a lady names,
lady name lesbians. Maybe that wasmy contribution. Oh my god, Okay,
I love how you just said itlike it was fucking nothing, like

(30:45):
everyone does that, everyone does thatslipped in some party bags. Hmm.
The way that came about was whenI had told my brothers Mike and Mark,
I'm like, there should be alot of music here, because that's
into music. And I said,you know, I have these friends and
they do music, and the Onesprofessional pianist and blah blah blah. You

(31:07):
know, you can just get whateversister Olsen from the War to play the
organ, but if we really wantlike some kick ass music, we need
to take it up a notch.And they're professionals and they knew they were
married women didn't say that yet.Shit, Okay. I was like the
way you're selling it. They're like, yeah, Jones can come on over.

(31:30):
Yeah, they're sisters. And thenyou're like, jokes on you.
They bone last night. Holy shit, the ball's on you right now.
God, they're dropping. They're finallydropping. Okay, Okay, So the
boys say yes, The brothers sayyes, yes, because I am like,

(31:53):
they can play anything on the piano. They're professionals. I think we
should bring in like some Irish musicso or Scottish music. So this is
some funny shit. My dad hasalways thought and insisted that we are from
like some noble Scottish heritage, rightme too nice, which is so funny

(32:15):
because he always used that, likewhen I left the church to use it
as good like you're you're you're destroyingyour school. And he always says Scoltish
Scoltish heritage like a god, Dad, it's a provo accent. You don't
get it? Is that what itis? Well, he was Egle Mountain,
but yeah, but he would saythings like, you know when I
when I hear those bagpipes of mycountry, you know, it just makes

(32:37):
my blood role or whatever. Acouple of years ago, I did an
ancestry dot com test We're not fuckingScottish zero percent zero Oh my god.
But I never told my dad becausewhatever. He was old by then,
and I'm like, we'll just letit, We'll just let it think that.
And so I told my brothers,I'm like, well, you know

(32:58):
what, let's hear some great Scottishsongs that I've heard. Dad, singing,
you know, honoring the heritage.I told my brothers that I'll check
with my friends and see do theyknow any of like this, the Scottish
songs, and I look some stuffup and they got back to me,
of course, are like, uh, one of them can sing oh Danny
boy. My dad sing that allthe time. That's not Scottish, I

(33:20):
don't think. But my dad alwayswould sing that. And he also would
sing, shit, what's that song? Blah blah blah, that's something about
my Bonnie, you'll take the highroad. I'll do that one, which
is a Scottish song. And soI got back with my brothers and I'm
like, yeah, they could singthis one, the one could play this
like. There's so many options,and they're cool, that sounds great.
And then I said, well,let me get back to let me get

(33:44):
let me get back to Kirston andAnne, their wives. And one of
brothers was like, wait, andyou know what's funny, is there anything
to a plan that I wasn't liketrying to sneak It just can't turned out
because it's normal to you now,that's just relationship up. Yeah, I'm
like a normal ass person, notnot thinking about who did they sleep with

(34:04):
last night? Should I let themplay the piano? You're gonna get all
the keys? Oh? No,I know. They were like, oh
wife, and I'm like yeah,I said wives, and they just kind
of didn't say anything. And Isaid, look, it's not like they're
going to be making out. Youwon't even know they're together. Okay,
they it's gonna it's fine. Uh. And I think one of my brothers
was like, do they have anyneck tattoos? Like, oh god,

(34:29):
which one of them does, butit's in the back and she covered it
with her hair. Uh. Sothat was that was just freaking hilarious.
So well, because they've got tobe concerned with like the physical, like
what is going to be showing,Like there's the presentation, like everything has
to look a certain way for aMormon funeral and if you have sure you
know, butch Cassidy like these arethey are fem Okay, So I wasn't,

(34:57):
you know, bringing some moulded pantswearing it did make me happy because
I did want to respect what mydad would have wanted at his funeral,
and he, you know, hewas very conservative. And so I did
talk to both of them and I'mlike, listen, I know this is

(35:19):
weird. Would you mind taking yournose ring out? She's like, no,
not at all. I don't fuckingcare, you know. But and
again some people probably would say,Shelley, they should be able to wear
what they want. And I'm goingto yes at and they exactly. And
again, this this is fucking balance. It's such a balance. And I'm

(35:40):
doing this for my dad. It'smy dad's funeralalal, It's not like it
was just some random word party,and I'm like, if you're going to
come to the word party, youknow, don't wear a black funeral.
It was supposed to be respectful formy dad and he was very traditional.
So yeah, let's be in saidthe music, which, by the way,
and I will post this picture.There is a lovely picture of me

(36:00):
and my girlfriend. Yes, peoplewho were just turning in, I do
have a new girlfriend. And hann and Kirsten all up on the like
by the podium what do we callit, lesbians and leadership? We did
a selfie, yes, by thepulpit like in their yeah, like where

(36:24):
the bishops sit. Yeah, yeah, I will post that. It was
fantastic. Oh that's a T shirtright there. Oh my god, you're
right, You're right, Okay,I know, continue, thank you.
They're gonna then they better give methe water first when they go past it,
because I'm up on the podium andI'm like, the this so weird,

(36:45):
God whatever flashbacks. So m hm, it doesn't it seem like so
long ago? When was the lasttime you were, like, went to
a sacre meeting as a sort ofMormon seven years? Wow? I mean
I've been to like mission farewells andstuff, but yeah, not as myself.

(37:06):
But it's funny that you mentioned thinkingabout like how to show up,
because even when I've gone, Ihave a sister that lives in the same
town as me, and she's superMormon, and all of her kids are
going on missions and they all dothe checklist stuff. They all do everything
they're supposed to do. So everyfarewell, every homecoming. And when I
first started going to those events,which took a lot, I covered myself.

(37:27):
I made myself up here as ifI was Mormon. I didn't want
to cause disruption. I don't dothat shit anymore. But so I'm like,
I can't not be myself. Butit's funny how long that takes to
come out of your system when you'rejust so used to doing what's expected of
you instead of what you want todo in your life. Right, Yeah,
have you hit the point and Ihave where so you go to like

(37:51):
trying to just be small and notruffle you know, anyone as you're leaving,
and then you get to the pointwhere you're like, okay, it's
fine, And then point where Iam where I'm like, yeah, I'm
wearing a sweater, but you betterbelieve I'm hiking those sleeves up so people
can see my tattoos, like youdo it all a little bit, yes,
And I don't do that as inyour face. I do that as
a like anyone else here. I'msafe, speacon of hope. You know.

(38:15):
Yes, ye do that all thetime. And when I see people
in the church that have tattoos andthey see mine and you visually see them,
relax. Yeah, it's fucking beautiful, isn't it funny? I want
to And you can cut this outlater if you're like, I don't need
your bullshit story. I was talkingto because there's a fairly large ex Mormon

(38:36):
community here in Cash Valley, likewe get together for thirsty Thursdays. They
have a faith transition support group atthe Pride House every Sunday, Like it's
a big part of the culture uphere. And there's a really good and
close queer community here too, whichis ironic, but it's because we have
a university, so we just haveforced diversity. But we were talking about
how the people we were always taughtto stay away from, generationally, at

(38:59):
least my age and maybe a littlebit younger, for people with piercing's weird
hair tattoos that had lived hard liveslooked like they'd been through shit. You
don't talk to those people because they'rescary and bad. And now in my
life so long after leaving the church, those are the people I would much
rather spend any of my time withas somebody that does not look Mormon.
If you look like you're Mormon,we probably should just not even be friends.

(39:20):
And it's totally flipped like that.That like, that's why I started
getting some tattoos. Was the beaconof hope thing like connecting it made.
My first tattoo was gay looking,and so I was like just letting people
know, well, mine was acoffee a coffee mug. So oh that
center. But I think that that'sa really big thing, like just finding

(39:40):
those identifiers and like we talked aboutat the beginning, like experiencing the whole
scope of humanity and not just NickChicken Lee and her seventeen children, like
everybody just being the same. Everybody'sthe same, they all were the same.
When you go to church, theyall wear the same dresses. Like
it's a pilgrim thing right now.And to just be like this fucking weirdo

(40:01):
in the corner with the turquoise hairand I think something's on her nose,
like this little like head tilt oflike the fuck is that? Like that's
what I live for. It's justlike a little bit of curiosity. And
if there's one kid in that congregationthat thinks they might have the gay,
there's one kid that like loves drawingtattoos, just be like, all right,
I'm gonna survive this, Like I'mgoing to get through and this is

(40:21):
not going to be what kills mein my life. Yes, yes,
God, I love that. Ilove that. It's so true. Like
there's also this so I know fromwho I am that people typically like me
because at this point in my life, I'm always outgoing. I'm talkative,

(40:44):
I say hi to people, Itry my best to be kind and whatever.
And so when I'm in the churchand I'm seeing like my cousins and
there, then they're kids who were, you know, youngish, and the
kids are just drawn to me becauseI'm like, hey man, what's up?
High five? Like that's how Iam. I'm not going and I
try to make people relax and havefun and whatever. And so there's this

(41:07):
thing of yeah, so there's thisthing of like, I don't know if
this sounds weird, but it's almostlike I'm showing that I am a good
person, right, even though thatyou're not the bad person that you've been
taught you are right right, andthat I am actually pretty freaking likable.

(41:27):
And so people who were probably like, oh, yeah that's Shelly. Gosh,
she went astray, but gosh,she's just so fucking nice. Yeah,
you know, it's this I don'tknow what that is in me,
but it just, oh, it'slike you're in your inside volume, like
you weren't allowed to be that personwhen you were Mormon because it was subdued
and you're supposed to be quiet anddon't have opinions and I mean similar to
how you talked about your dad's relationshipwith your mom, Like can you imagine

(41:47):
if your mom was as mouthy asyou where that would have gotten her in
her life she had your SaaS level, that would have not not been good
for her. And so like youbeing able to fully express all of your
authenticity and like really step into yourself, that's that's what people are drawn to.
I don't even think it's that you'reoutgoing. It's that they can see
that you're being authentic and who youare. And there is a shell of

(42:09):
humanity and a lot of Mormonism whereit's just this even said it like you
had to appear as if like youjust get this like surface layer of people
and nobody really knows that like oncethis family gets into the parking lot that
the parents like rail on them andthey get in trouble for whatever. You
have no idea. But like whenyou are yourself, like your shit's just
out there, you're like, here'sall my fucking crazy I got these problems.

(42:32):
This is my complex PTSD. Likeeverybody's just like putting their shit out
there. And Mormonism you're like,no, everything's fine and we're doing wonderful
and everybody is perfect and happy,and you're not allowed to be like sad
or angry or have problems. Godforbid you have like a disorder or a
mental health crisis, Like that's noneof that's allowed. So I think authenticity

(42:53):
you just you just pray that mentalhealth disorder right away. That's another podcast.
We will go there. Not toworry. There's just this pride I
have of being an ex Mormon andbeing a good person. Yep. Yeah,

(43:15):
And I don't know. I guessthat's my identity now, I don't.
I don't. I love it,you know, I love it,
and it's I huh, I justI don't know. I'm just thinking about
that. Well, what's the worstthey can say about you? This is
how I feel about it, becauseI have one kid that's still in the
church, and the worst thing Airquotes that he can say about me is
that I'm gay and I'm not aMormon. But he cannot he can't say

(43:36):
anything about my personality and who Iam as a human being or a mom.
If the worst on my death dayis she was gay and she wasn't
a member of the Church's there's alot of Funcker Mormons that are horrible people.
And it doesn't matter that they're Mormons, and it doesn't matter that they're
straight. They're terrible people. SoI work on like my people side because
I don't give a shit what youthink about my sexuality. Oh I love

(43:59):
that, freaking love that. Yeah. Do you think this kid? How
old is this kid? He's sixteen. He's my baby. He's gonna I
think he's gonna stay with it.I think he'll stay until his father passes
away. So, because it's apeople pleasing situation, he's he's the last

(44:19):
one. All Ma and the kidshave left the church. They all live
with me except for him, Sohe's he gets a lot of reinforcement and
positive accolades for being the one thatstayed. It's not him at all,
like and he's with me. Heis a mouth mouthy little shit. He's
me. He's exactly like me.He's an entertainer. He is sassy,

(44:40):
and he has the worst potty mouthever of all of my children. And
but then he will sit in thatpeu and he'll bless the sacrament, and
he'll go and do the things thatthe Lord has commanded him. And if
you don't sing along, but like, I know that that's not really him.
It's just not my journey to tellhim to go. If you could

(45:01):
just get out of it for likethirty days, he would never go back,
right. But there's a lot ofcodependency of Mormonism. Oh yeah,
oh yeah, man. I amso glad that none of my kids are
interested in religion at all, period, end of story. That makes me
so happy. Yeah, so happy. Well, and I only have to
apologize a little bit for the momthat I was when I was marmon anymore.

(45:24):
Oh I. As a matter offact, I was apologizing to my
daughter Genevieve, who's twenty eight now. I was going through some pictures and
there's a picture for her when shehad really bad poison ivy, and I
remember I was so impatient with itbecause it was she was like this itches,
I can't sleep, and I waslike, well, put more ben

(45:44):
and drool on and I don't wantto hear it. And so I saw
this picture and I called her.I'm like, I am so sorry that
I didn't have any patience with youand you have the poison ivy. She's
like, mom, it's fine,and I go, no, no,
no, I was so overwhelmed withmy life. Yeah. So she was
probably eleven at the time, whichmeans I would have had had a nine
year old, a seven year old, like I might have had all of
them at that point, and likeinfants, and I might have been pregnant

(46:06):
like the knows. And so Iwasn't patient with anybody, because how can
you be when you're just constantly onthis freaking mom wheel. Yeah that's funny.
So yeah, today I apologize toher for that. Where did we
leave off the lesbian saying, andyou took a selfie? Yes, yes,
yes, yes, that was thefuneral and we're you know, we're

(46:27):
probably gonnaed to split this into twoepisodes because we're almost an hour in and
I love it. We haven't evengotten to the funeral yet. It was
just preparation for the funeral. Yeah, so I think, I know,
I know, there's so much tosay. I haven't even started talking about
the wacky, crazy shit from mybrother David, but I'll get there.
But what I wanted to point outnow is the new relationship that I'm in.

(46:52):
Her name is Donna. She haschildren. She understands the responsibilities of
being a mom, which is somethingthat I've really needed and it's been so
good for me. When after mydad died and she said I would love

(47:12):
to go to the funeral, andit was like wow, like that meant
so much to me after having hadto go to my mom's funeral by myself.
That's a big contrast. Yeah,like offering to go instead of having
to be asked, and also thatmaybe say no or just not even thinking

(47:34):
that that was the right thing youshould do for a partner. Yeah,
Yeah, for sure, it was. It was almost like she just expected
that she would go. You know, Donna is like, well, we're
a couple, and you know,of course this is what she would do
for you. Yeah, of course. Of course. Another funny thing is
Donna trying to think how much detailI should go into here. I I

(47:55):
don't have a lot of money,Okay, so when I fly with my
kids, we fly on Spirit Airlines, which means we're in the air for
like forty nine hours with a thousandlayovers, so that we can afford it.
Yeah, Donna can easily afford tobuy a fucking NonStop flight on Delta.
But she was like, no,I want I want to fly with

(48:16):
you guys. You're fucking nuts,like you're fucking nuts to just trust No
you don't. But she was like, well, yeah, of course,
of course I do. And Igo, well, you do understand that
we have like a like a fivehour layover in LA. But she just
she just gets it and she wantsto be part of it. And it's

(48:38):
just beautiful to me to feel likethis partner is so on board with my
entire fucking shit show, because itis a fucking shit show I got going
on. There's a lot of children'sso yeah, we all met up at

(49:00):
I think Donna's Okay, no,no, no. Donna came over and
stayed with me the night before andlike helped pack snacks because so you know,
when you fly Spirit, they don'tgive you shit on the plane,
like you're you're gonna starve, Yeah, they don't care. So she actually
brought an empty suitcase so that wecould shove it so full of snacks that

(49:20):
I wouldn't have to buy any Butit's so crazy, that's exactly what the
fuck it was. And believe youme, the people on Spirit Airlines who
didn't want to pay for the expensivesnacks saw this and they were like,
oh, what a great idea.I'm like that, damn right, damn
fucking right. It's a great ideabecause you know, yes, granted I

(49:40):
had to pay like thirty or no, Donna paid. She's like, oh,
I'm going to bring an extra carryon. You have to pay for
an extra for a carry on.But the amount that was spent to get
permission to take the carry on wasnothing compared to how much Yeah, yeah,
totally right. So that thing waspacked full of like grocery store submarine

(50:06):
sandwiches. I love this. Iwonder if I have pictures of it.
It was so great. It wasso great, like it almost was too
heavy to be a carry on,like, oh, that's almost fifty pounds.
Like, I shut up. Iknow there's a lot going on in
there. I mean, okay,so there's me and there's Donna. There's

(50:27):
seven children plus my oldest two sons. Girlfriends came. So I mean we
were a fucking sight. Oh wewe were squatting hard. So Donna is
just checking with the kids. How'sthe packing going? You know, how
can I help? She's just likecleaning up and she's packing these sandwiches,

(50:49):
and I'm like, who is thiswoman? I I don't remember, well,
I know I have never even inmy marriage, I have never had
a partner like her. I thinkmaybe because the whole Mormon thing, you
just you still expect to do everythingon your own because as a Mormon woman,

(51:10):
the kids are yours. Man,that's your fucking mess. I packed
the ship. I make sure everyonebrought their underwear. I like, I
did all the shit. And thenyou know when with my past relationship,
Mary wasn't super involved with the kids, so again that that was all on
me. It was just continuously medoing all the kids shit, which is

(51:30):
hard because there's fucking a lot ofthem. So so to have Donna who
is like just fucking stepped up likenobody's business, and I kept pausing and
giving your hug. I'm like,thank you, She's she's going, what
are you talking about? Like theylike think, thank you for packing the
sandwiches? Did you literally just thankme for packing the sandwiches? This is

(51:55):
the ship of Mormonism. And thenbeing with partners who don't help, with
people who are not partners like youthank them for basic human decency because you're
not even used to that. Like, yes, of course she was going
to fucking do that of course shewas gonna come to the funeral with you,
Like those are natural things, butespecially as Mormon women, and then
people in relationships that are not bucketfilling, like you learn to be grateful

(52:16):
for just the simplest shit that shouldjust be how a person shows up for
you. But because we were raisedin a way that, like in the
church culture, your spouse doesn't haveto show up for you. You you're
there for them, so yeah,to do fuck all for you. So
even in some relationships outside of thechurch, you still end up like repeating

(52:38):
that and being with people that can'tshow up for you, and then you're
like, oh my god, thankyou for doing this for me, and
they're like are you are you serious? Like you said, her reaction was
perfect, but you're like all humbledand grateful that she did this thing for
you, which like if somebody thankedyou for doing that, you'd be like,
well, no, fucking should Ido it? That's what I would
do, But you're not used tobeing the recipient of any of it one

(53:00):
hundred fucking percent. Donna has eventold me she's like, your bar is
so low. I can't just likewalk. It's like trot poles on the
ground. If anyone knows horses wherethey the poles are on the ground and
the horse just trot over, I'mlike to do before they learn how to
go on the other one. Yay, look at what she did. Yeah,

(53:21):
the other day, I think Ithanked her for having a conversation with
Philip. Oh my god, well, I might justify a thankfulness. I
don't know that that's true. Philipadores her because he's a total dork and
she's a total dork, and it'slike a dork and I mean that with
all the love. And they weretalking about some kind of mechanical engineering thing.
Nerds. Yeah, I know,I'm like ohing nerds. And later

(53:45):
I'm like, wow, Donna,you like literally sat there for thirty minutes
just chatting with Philip. And Simonwas there too. My kid doesn't talk.
You were just sat there and talkedto them for like thirty minutes.
And she looked at me like likeyeah. She looked at me like waiting
like okay, so now what areyou gonna say? And I just was
saying, thank you, she goesfor having a fun conversation with your kids.
Yes, thank you, she goes. But you're welcome, but what

(54:07):
the fuck? Look at where we'vesold ourselves. God damn it. I
know, I know, I know. Anyway, she packs up all this
shit. We take three cars.She already called ahead and reserved because I
couldn't get the minivan or the thetwelve passenger van from Brent because she was
helping someone move that weekend. There'sa whole fucking thing, you know.

(54:30):
And I will just say this,and if any of Brent's spies want to
go back to him with it,whatever. Brent was not a fan of
me taking the kids to Utah forthat many days for the funeral because they
were going to miss school, andwe kind of went rounds on that,
and I am just like, listeners, listen up. If your children's parent

(54:50):
has their parent die, do nottry to tell said parent how they can
and can't do what ever with thisdead grandparents' grandkids, Like, just shut
the fuck up. Okay, Yeah, so that was stressful anyway, So
we all drove up to Baltimore,the Baltimore Airport, and Donna had already

(55:15):
like reserved some park and ride placeso it could be easy to get She's
just she's just she just thinks shethinks of how can I make people's lives
easier? But she does it ina way that's that because so okay,
as Mormon women, we just haveto do that shit, yep, right,
like we just we just we serve. But not because we want to.

(55:37):
It's because, like, well,we we just have to. But
with Donna, when it's people thatshe loves and cares for, she will
drop anything to help. Yeah,and it's and it's not at the expense
of her sanity or the expense ofher time or her energy whatever. It's
because she wants to. And itis most it is the most amazing feeling

(55:58):
to be the recipient of that,It's fucking awesome. Well it's new.
You're literally a few months into thatfeeling. You've never had a person do
that for you, and you're alittle over forty So I'm forty nine,
you bitch, So yeah, alittle over. I'm trying to help you
out, damn it. But liketo be forty nine years old and be

(56:20):
like, oh, this is whatsomeone showing up for your looks like.
Because you show up for people likeyou have that expectation through church and to
have it not even be obligatory,but it's just like innate for her to
be like that, like mind blowing. It's fucking normal everywhere else. It's
just not normal for us, whichis yeah, I know, And again

(56:43):
like this isn't in any way torip on Mary, just our relationship was
very different. You know, Maryhad the way she liked to do things,
and it did didn't line up alot of the time. And one
of them, you know, wasthat she didn't enjoy or want to really
have anything to do with the kids. And that's you know, this is
not a big secret. She saidthat on the podcast before. It's not
like I'm throwing trash out because I'mnot. But it's just the truth of

(57:05):
it. And so to be withsomeone now who actually tells me like it
is so sexy that you're a mom, that you fucking have these humans like
you grew these humans in you isjust amazing and I don't know, just
the love and respect for being amom, yeah, feels so good.

(57:30):
Well to have like a big partof your identity be confirmed by somebody else
and like have a positive affirmation aboutit instead of like, oh, these
are the fourteen things that ruined yourlife and your vagina, Like right,
you're just being I remember one timeDon and I were hanging out and I
don't know, I was talking aboutmy stretch marks or something that's something.
I was like, oh my god, my stretch marks. And she's like,

(57:53):
your stretch marks are beautiful. It'slike the story of what you've done
in your life. You literally broughtlife to seven humans and the fact that
your body was able to stretch andgo back and like multiple times, and
like she sees it for like theawesome thing that it is. I'm not

(58:14):
the man. Those kids really fuckedup your badge. Leave it in,
Dad, leave it in. Ohshit, good times. Okay, So
back to park parking ride. Sowe get there. We all make it

(58:37):
to the airport. And again there'ssomething again about having done around, is
I actually feel like I have help. And I haven't felt like I've had
help. I have felt I mean, I am still a single mom technically,
but I have felt like a singleass mom for six going on seven
years now, and it is hardand to feel like I have an adult

(58:59):
that wants to help, that actuallythinks my kids are hilarious. That is
like cracks up. And she's like, I wonder if Phillip's ever gonna tie
his shoes? Like, probably not, she laughs, because she has a
kid that doesn't tie her shoes,Like it's just this thing that we share.
So I was so much more atease knowing there were that many more
eyeballs, just making sure that noone was gonna die. Oh, and
it sounds like she takes the initiative, like you don't have to ask her

(59:22):
to do the shit. She justknows to do the shit. And that
is a huge weight to take offof a mom because if you have to
ask, you're still doing the fuckingwork anyway, So thank you. And
if you have to ask and theyroll their eyes and it's like you know
what, fuck it, don't doit. Just don't know. No,
I'll do it. Mm hmmmm mmm. Uh So going through the security and

(59:44):
the the suitcase that she got toput the food, it was like a
big ass silver hard shell with likea lock on it, right, and
it goes through the security scanner andit like goes through backs out, goes
through the backs out ot and soof course she gets flu and I'm like,
oh god. And then the guywas like, what's the TSA guy?

(01:00:04):
What is in here? And shegoes, it's sandwiches. He goes
cause it looks like a bunch ofmissiles. She's like, I promise it's
sandwiches. And he goes, well, I kind of need to take a
look. Can you unlock it?And she's not locked. I don't need
to lock up sandwiches. He opensit. Yes, true, it's sandwiches

(01:00:25):
and like a billion chips and abunch of stuff. So we get there,
We get on the plane and againshe's just she just talks to my
kids, you know, she talks. She talks to my fucking kids,
and they like her, and theythey ask her questions back, and the

(01:00:45):
interaction could be so sexy. Ohgirl, it's like wow. Yeah,
And anyone out there who's listening,who has been in a similar situation,
they get it. They get it. We so we take the first leg
of the flight, we're up inthe air, and then of course it's
time to pass out sandwiches. Andby the way, on Spirit Airlines,

(01:01:05):
you have to pay extra to pickyour seats, so we didn't. The
yeah, the only seat I didpick was mine. Well, Donna got
her own ticket, but she madesure she was next to me and cassidy
the little ones, so make sureat least the ten year old is buy
someone she knows, and everyone elseis scattered. And so for this long
ass flight, we were just wanderingup and down the cabin with this big

(01:01:27):
ass suit case full of sandwiches.You like the people at the baseball games
are like getting your fresh peanuts.That's what I felt. I bet you
I could have sold some of thosesandwiches, like for real. People kept
looking in like what do oh hellyeah, because it would have been thirty
bucks if you bought it from Spiritand not as good. So then our
first layover was in Las Vegas.Our only layover was in Las Vegas.

(01:01:49):
And it was so hilarious because thekids, my older kids, somehow got
lucky. They were near the frontof the plane and they just took off.
By the time I got off theplane, they had already lost like
thirty bucksambling. I'm like, stopright off the top. I know,
I go Gavin. Gavin's twenty onenow, so of course he's like,
I'm gonna try gambling. Maybe he'stwenty two, I don't know. He
goes, well, yeah, Ijust lost twenty bucks, like in three

(01:02:12):
minutes. I go. Yeah,that's that's gambling, buddy, That's that's
how get. It's how the devilget. Yeah, that's true. There
was just like a shortly over there, and then we got back on the
plane and made it all the wayinto Utah and my brothers picked us up.
Mike and Mark picked us up,which was awesome because they've already met
Donna and so it was great.Everyone's hugging. It was awesome. And

(01:02:34):
we got to the Airbnb where westayed, and I think I'm gonna I
think I'm gonna stop this episode here. I'm thinking, like we're over an
hour we're in and we haven't eventalked about the near fist fight that Donna
got to break up between two ofmy brothers at the church. Jesus Christ,

(01:02:59):
there's your cliffhanger bitchess. Oh mygod, I'm sweating and I don't
even know why, yo, BecauseDavid the oldest, the oldest child,
David the the asshole brother. That'sthe one brother that you know would he's
always the one that's that there's mmhmmm mm hmm. So yeah, we're

(01:03:23):
gonna. I love how I startedthis this episode and I was thinking,
man, I hope I can fillenough time. I haven't even gotten to
the actual funeral yet. It's fine. I'll be fine. I'm fine,
I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Uh. Anyway, so listeners,
yeah, we're this. That's we'regonna stop here with that. Sorry about
the cliffhanger. I will try reallyhard to get the next episode out like

(01:03:45):
soon after this episode, so you'renot like waiting around and being angry.
I also have to thank you Danfrom Extension Audio. Thank you for leaving
it in Dan, those of youwho are currently not paid. I know
here I am passing the fucking moneyplate at the church. But there is
a cool thing that we have calledPatreon, and it's patreon dot com slash

(01:04:11):
latter day Lesbian. Maybe I couldbe wrong. I'll put in the show
notes, but I have bonus materialin there, and you have access to
all the past bonus material. It'sfive dollars a month and it definitely helps
me like pay for the ship thatit costs to you know, do editing.
And you should put your pulpit pictureup there. I will, You're
right, I will. People wantto know, yes, they want to

(01:04:32):
see the pulpit lesbians. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna
wrap this up. We will talkagain soon, but until then, this
has been Shelley and Jennifer, notJennifer Lemon Reeves. We know that's not
it anymore. But Shelley and Jennifersaying steer clear of cults because they are
no joke. Now you say nojoke at all, no joke at all.

(01:04:54):
There we go, There we go,