May 18, 2025 • 50 mins
How does a parent stand back up when every corner of home echoes with grief?
For EMT, educator, and loving mother Larissa Dagley, tragedy began at her teen son Cody’s shooting incident—a moment that left Cody drowning in relentless nightmares and bullying for the remainder of his life. Overwhelmed by guilt and depression, Cody took his own life almost 2 years later, plunging Larissa into a darkness so crushing, she feared her heart would literally break. Yet in the midst of excruciating grief, Larissa trusted in a Savior who heals more than sins: He mends shattered souls and whispers hope into the loneliest nights.
In this heart-wrenching episode of Latter-day Lights, Larissa recounts tender mercies, spiritual impressions, and Cody's messages from the afterlife that proved Christ never left her side. Her story offers hard-won lessons on suicide awareness, the power of compassionate words, and the healing reach of the Atonement.
If you or a loved one is wrestling with depression or suicidal ideation, Larissa’s witness reminds us that no grief is too deep, no mistake too final, and no family too wounded for the Savior’s unfailing light. Tune in and learn how, even after the worst pain imaginable, Christ can guide us from storm-tossed anguish to a sunrise of lasting peace.
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To WATCH this episode, visit: https://youtu.be/7KzVWU4Oi80
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Scott Brandley (00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley (00:02):
And I'm Alisha Coakley.
Every member of the church hasa story to share, one that can
instill faith, invite growth andinspire others.
Scott Brandley (00:10):
On today's episode we're going to hear how
the healing power of JesusChrist is helping one grieving
mother to find peace in thepassing of her son.
Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Latter-day
(00:32):
Lights.
We're so glad you're here withus today.
We're really excited tointroduce our special guest,
larissa Dagley, to the show.
Welcome, larissa.
Alisha Coakley (00:41):
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you so much forreaching out to us.
I'm not going to give away youknow, really any spoilers or
anything to what you wrote, butI will tell you.
When you wrote me your letter,when you wrote us your letter, I
was the one that did intake andI read it and I, oh my gosh,
like I was sobbing my eyes out,but at the same time I just felt
(01:05):
the spirit so strong and I waslike I, I don't even need to do
a phone call.
I'm like 100%, Larissa's storyis going to just bring so much
light to people and so, um, ittook a lot of courage, I know,
to bring that out and and it'skind of weird because we we just
did another episode with a verysimilar storyline um, as far as
(01:29):
like the end result, but, um,it's.
It's evident to me anyway, andI'm sure to Scott too, that even
in the safety of the gospel, weare, especially our, our, our
men are struggling with theirmental health and and we're
struggling with seeing suicidesrise and things of that nature,
(01:50):
and so, um, as hard as thisepisode I'm sure it's going to
be.
I think that there's just a lotof people out there who, who
can find some peace and from andsome healing from it.
So thank you so much for beingwilling to come on and to share
all of this with us right now.
I know it's real and raw andreally hard, but we appreciate
your courage to do that.
(02:10):
So thank you.
Larissa Dagley (02:12):
You are so welcome.
Thanks for letting me.
Alisha Coakley (02:15):
Yeah, of course.
So before we get into all ofthat, you know heavier stuff
that we're going to be talkingabout today.
We would love to know a littlebit more about you.
Who is Larissa?
Tell us you know where you live, what you do?
Little background information.
Larissa Dagley (02:33):
I.
I live in Starley, wyoming, ina low community called Auburn,
wyoming and um.
I'm currently um a substituteteacher, but I served as an EMT
for 20 years and I retired doingthat about three years ago and
I love love spending time withmy family and my grandkids and
(02:53):
my kids and I, yes, and I lovecamping, I love riding the
four-wheeler and theside-by-side and I love
snowmobiling and I love doingcrafts.
I make a lot of wood craftslike tall painting crafts oh,
that's cool.
Alisha Coakley (03:11):
That seems very appropriate for your neck of the
woods like really super funoutdoor stuff.
And then when it gets too dangcold, yes, exactly, exactly.
I love that awesome.
How many, how many, uh kids andgrandkids do you have?
I have six children and ninegrandkids wow, now you just need
(03:33):
12 pets, then you have six,nine, yes that's right.
Larissa Dagley (03:40):
That's right.
We have three boys and threegirls.
So I said we're like the BradyBunch.
Alisha Coakley (03:46):
Oh, that's fun, Very cool.
So how long were you an EMT?
For 20 years.
20 years, that's a long, that'sa long career.
Larissa Dagley (04:00):
And then now substitute teaching.
Which one is harder Depends onthe day.
You know.
I would say, say I would saybeing a substitute teacher is
harder even though I love thekids yeah, yeah, with the ent
you can just sedate them.
Strap them up, you know, turnthe sirens on a little bit
louder if you need to yes, therewas a few scary incidents, but
(04:22):
for the most part I reallyreally, really loved and enjoyed
doing it.
Oh, that's awesome.
Scott Brandley (04:28):
Yeah well, larissa, why don't you?
We'll turn it over to you andtell us where your story begins.
Larissa Dagley (04:36):
Okay, my story begins on a beautiful August day
, my son, cody, and I Cody, whowas 15 years old at this time we
had went to Idaho Falls, idaho,and had come back and spent a
really fun day down theretogether and came back in the
evening and I had gone out intoour field to change the water
(04:59):
and Cody came out and said mom,you've got an ambulance call.
And so I decided to go on theambulance call and when I came
back home, cody um, my husband,had let Cody?
Um go squirrel hunting with hiscousin and this cousin that he
had gone squirrel hunting withhim and this cousin had been
best friends since they weretoddlers and they always wanted
(05:21):
to live at each other's housebecause they just loved spending
time with each other.
But this cousin was a yearolder than Cody and when he got
to like driving age, this cousinhad kind of gotten other
friends and hadn't spent maybethe last two years very much
time with Cody.
So I know Cody was probablyreally looking forward to going
(05:43):
squirrel hunting with him.
And a short time later my pagerwent off for someone who had
been shot, and so I decided tofirst respond to the scene
because I had a jump kit and Iknew that I could get there
before the ambulance could getthere.
So my husband, who was also afirst responder, but he was a
first responder for work heasked me if I wanted him to come
, which he never did.
(06:04):
I mean, only one or two othertimes during all the calls I've
gone on has he ever asked to dothat.
So I said, yes, come along.
And then, when we arrived onscene, I found a young girl who
was crying.
But as I did a rapid assessmenton her, I couldn't find an
entry wound or an exit wound ofa bullet.
So I was really confused as towhy we were called to someone
(06:26):
who had been shot.
And then the sheriff's deputythat was there, who I knew
really well, he said he told methat she was involved in the
shooting accident that had justhappened down at the river, and
so her family members wanted usto load her in the ambulance and
take her on in the hospital.
So we did, and well, my husband,I helped load her up, but then
(06:51):
my husband, since we firstresponded to the scene, had her
own private vehicle, and myhusband wanted to go home and I
had a strong feeling that weneeded to go to the hospital.
And he says, well, let's justgo home.
And I thought, how am I goingto convince him we need to go to
the hospital?
And he says, well, let's justgo home.
And I thought, how am I goingto convince him we need to go to
the hospital?
So I just said, um, I says, howabout we go help clean up the
(07:13):
ambulance and then we can gohome?
He says, okay, so as we pullinto the ER, my husband said
there is Brandon's truck, andBrandon was Cody's best friend,
cousin growing up, okay, and andI said, um, no, it's not.
And he said, yes, it is.
He says, look at the decal inthe window.
(07:35):
And I said you're right, it ishis truck.
And so, um, we hurried into thethrough the ER doors and as we
walked to the doors, first thingI saw was my nephew standing
there and he was standingsideways and he looked both at
my husband and I and he saidCody is the one that shot him.
And I can't describe how thatfelt.
(07:57):
But I then looked over to myleft and I saw Cody sitting in
the corner and he had his handson his head like this, and he
had been sobbing and Iimmediately ran over and put my
arms around him and I washugging him and telling him how
much we loved him.
And then, um, a short timelater, I went in back into the
(08:20):
ER where this um young man wasthat Cody had shot.
And as I went in there the youngman looked at me and he said
tell Cody that it was just anaccident.
He said Cody was the safest oneof all of us.
He always had kept his gun on,was telling us to keep our guns
on safety.
And and I found out later thatthey'd been down there and
(08:45):
they'd been squirrel hunting.
And then some other friends hadcalled him and asked him to
come down to the river.
And then we went down there.
Cody went to move his shotgunout of the one person's truck,
put in his cousin's, and hadaccidentally left the safety off
and the trigger went off andthis young man was on the other
side of the truck and it hadshot him in the side and in the
(09:08):
arm and stuff.
Alisha Coakley (09:09):
Okay.
Scott Brandley (09:11):
But he was okay.
Alisha Coakley (09:12):
Yes, any like serious damage or anything at
that time.
Larissa Dagley (09:19):
They life flighted him out and he of
course had BBs, all and it, andit caused a lot of severe damage
to his arm, but he did survive.
So after this shooting accidenthappened, cody um, I noticed
was having a lot of nightmares.
In the middle of the night Iwould be woke up and, um, I
could hear him in the other room.
So I'd go in there and I wouldfind him standing at bed going,
(09:41):
ah, ah, like this.
Because he was so scared andjust I knew he was having
nightmares from what hadhappened, from the
post-traumatic stress, and soI'd try to comfort him and I'd
try to put him back in bed andtry to get him to go back to
sleep.
But I did that.
I couldn't tell you how manytimes in the next 22 months that
I would hear that.
And we had talked to Cody abouttrying to get him into
(10:03):
counseling and he didn't want togo because he didn't feel that
anybody could understand what hewent through and and we didn't
know the kind of counselor.
We only live in a small place,we weren't familiar with what
that, you know.
We were familiar with what theycould do here, but it wasn't
what we felt, what he reallyneeded and anyway, and um so um.
(10:23):
This went on and he continuedto have these nightmares and one
morning I even got up and Ifound blood in the sink in the
bathroom where he'd beenthrashing around in his sleep
and giving himself a bloody nose.
Alisha Coakley (10:37):
And he was what?
15, 14, 15?
How old was?
Larissa Dagley (10:39):
he when this happened.
Alisha Coakley (10:41):
He was 15.
He was 15 when the shootingaccident happened.
Okay, yes.
Larissa Dagley (10:45):
Yes, yes.
And then, um, anyway, so, um,about a year later, um, I had
this flash in my mind and I havethis dream.
And it was just a flash and Isaw the front end of this truck
and I saw Cody laying on theroad and I knew that he was dead
.
Two days before Cody died, Iwas sitting there and I'd gone
(11:15):
to an ambulance.
I was with one of my friendswho was an EMT and I told her.
I said I keep having it on mymind that Cody's going to die
and I kept having an impressionthat we needed to buy a cemetery
plot.
When I talked to my husbandlater, he had mentioned the same
thing, that he'd been havingthat same impression.
And then my mom called me up.
She goes have you guys everconsidered getting a cemetery
(11:35):
plot?
And I thought, oh my word, Iwish people would quit doing
these things.
You know what I'm saying.
And then, the day before he died, I was kneeling down saying my
prayers and I prayed and askedHeavenly Father to bless Cody
with a desire to serve a missionin this life or the next life.
And I didn't remember sayingthat prayer until the next day,
(11:59):
after I learned that he had died, and then I remembered those
words that had came out of mymouth.
He had died, and then Iremembered those words that had
came out of my mouth.
But, um, what ended uphappening is Cody, um, I had, I
had, like I said he hadn't beenhanging around with his cousin,
who they were like best friendsgrowing up, but he had and he
was home all the time.
So he, I mean, so I'm saying he, cody was a really good kid, he
(12:21):
really was.
He wasn't a wild kid but um,but he had um, asked me this
evening if he could go down tomy brother's and hang out with
his cousin's younger brother,who him and his little sister
would go hang out with.
So I told him it was okay.
And then his sister got offwork that night and I called him
(12:42):
up and asked him if he could gopick up his sister from work.
And he says, mom, because Iwould, except I can't because I
don't have enough gas.
And then I remembered the cardidn't have enough gas, he
couldn't go get her.
And so he had come home priorto that night and earlier in the
evening, and when he's gettingready to go out that door, I
hugged him and it was the lasttime I hugged him.
(13:03):
I remember his body felt sowarm as I hugged him.
I just remember thinking thathe felt so warm.
I told him that I loved him andthen he left and I didn't
realize that would be the lasttime that I would be hugging him
in this, in this life anyway.
And then, um, I guess what endedup happening is his cousin, who
(13:27):
was an older brother, came homeand Cody had went with him and
his cousin took him down to somefriend's house and while they
were at the friend's house,somebody had brought up the
shooting accident and told Codythat he had ruined his friend's
life and Cody started sobbing.
(13:51):
And so Cody stepped out on theporch outside and his cousin
stepped out there with him andhe asked him if he was okay.
And he says yes, because I justneed a little bit of time to
myself.
So his cousin went back in thehouse and then Cody went over
and shot himself.
And then, about 3.12 in themorning, my pager goes off for a
(14:14):
16-year-old who had been shotand I thought I knew Cody wasn't
16.
I knew he was 17 at this time,anyway, and my husband, he he
said what was that address,which my husband never ever has
asked me that.
So I got out of bed, I pushedthe repeat button on my pager
(14:36):
and it was blank, there was norepeat address.
And then, um, my husband getsup and goes and gets on the
computer and starts looking, andmy husband never does this
either.
This is really unusual behavior.
And anyway, and then, as I layback down and I was trying to
sleep, I thought please, please,don't let this be Cody.
(14:56):
And I said if it's not Cody,please give me a feeling of
peace.
Well, about a little after fivein the morning, my husband was
up getting ready to go to workand I was still in the bedroom
and I heard voices in the livingroom and I said and I thought I
wonder what was going on.
And then my husband, I couldhear footsteps coming down the
(15:17):
hall really fast, and so I gotreally scared and my husband
burst through the door and hesaid Weiss, he, he got, that's
my nickname, he calls me, hegoes, he goes, cody is dead.
And I said please tell me,that's not true, please tell me
that's not true.
And he said I can't.
And then he said do you trustthe lord?
(15:40):
And I physically startedshaking and I remember my body
was just shaking and quiveringand then I went in the living
room and there was my brother,the coroner and three of my EMT
friends who had been on the call.
And one of the EMTs knew mybrother, so he called my brother
and asked him if he could comeover with him to come see us.
(16:03):
And anyway, that was very, verydevastating and it was really
difficult because Cody and ourfamily was like like in the
Waltons the movie If You're OldEnough, like I am right, the
Waltons were at the end John BoyWalton would always say, um,
(16:27):
you know, he'd say good night soand so, and then they say you
know, I mean, but that was kindof our house.
Cody did this thing in ourhouse that he'd holler good
night mom.
And then I'd say good night andhe'd say I love you.
And I'd say I love you, thenhe'd go on to the next person,
so till I go for everything, andI don't know how many nights he
did this.
That was kind of a tradition inour house, anyway.
And so after this happened andwe found out that he had passed
(16:50):
away the first day, I couldn'tgo to the mortuary.
I couldn't.
And I didn't know if it wasbecause four months prior to
that my neighbor's son hadcommitted suicide and I um, and
so I called another emt andasked him if he'd come help me
(17:13):
clean up in the garage wheretheir son had shot himself, and
so I didn't know what my son wasgoing to look like.
So the next day we went to themortuary and the mortician
(17:38):
wanted my husband and I to go infirst, and I wish that we
wouldn't have done that, becauseour daughters were with us,
because our sons hadn't arrivedyet, and I wish we would all
(18:02):
went in together, because when Isaw my son I screamed and I
learned later that I traumatizedmy daughters because they said,
mom, we will never forget thatscream and I am not a person
that screams.
But it just came out and Iscreamed.
But immediately, when I saw myson's body, there was four
inches of a total bright lightover his body and there was an
(18:32):
immediate feeling of peace.
And I immediately thought andthat light above his body left
as quick as I saw it and therewas an immediate feeling of
peace and I thought to myself Iwouldn't bring you back if I
could, because I knew how muchhe was suffering and I thought
(18:53):
now he is at peace and now he isfree from that mortal suffering
in this life.
But in the days that passed itwas so hard telling our children
that that their brother haddied.
Because I they're just like.
(19:15):
When I told my husband, I saidwe've got to wait a couple of
hours because I says that's onlytwo more hours that they can
have peace in this life beforetheir lives will be turned
upside down.
Yeah, but there were familymembers that had um, that were
really struggling with Cody'sdeath, and Cody um, uh, gave
(19:38):
them a message, each of them amessage, and told them that he's
okay and that he is where he issupposed to be.
And my husband kept sayingafterwards he kept saying it was
an accident, it was an accident, it was an accident.
And I kept saying in my mind, Ikept thinking why does he keep
(20:01):
saying that it wasn't anaccident?
He killed himself.
And then one day I was in mybathroom.
I looked up at the ceiling andI was just sitting there
thinking about my husband keepssaying that it was an accident
and the spirit came over me sostrong and bore witness to me
that it was an accident.
Alisha Coakley (20:20):
Really.
Larissa Dagley (20:24):
Yes, and bore witness to me that it was an
accident, really yes, and I'vetold very few people that
because I thought if I tellpeople that they're going to
think, oh yeah, you just don'twant to deal with it.
He really killed himself and Idon't understand it, I can't
explain it, but that's all I'veknown.
I thought that's all that Ineed to know.
You know I'm saying, and infact when people, people ask me
how he died, I just say hecommitted suicide.
And anyway it was hard becausethose that had been there that
(20:51):
night we told our nephew he saystell them to please feel like
they can come to the viewing orfuneral if they want to, but
we're not angry at them.
Please just tell them that theycan come if that would help
them.
Anyway, and we don't knowwhether they came or not because
I don't even know what theylooked like, to be honest with
you.
But I hope they did come sothat they could have some peace.
(21:16):
But at our son's funeral I felta strong depression, that I
needed to talk and I felt reallybad because there was something
I was told to say that I didn'tsay.
I was told to say that you needto each love each other and if
you're in a home where there'snot much love shown, where
(21:43):
people don't say I love you,then start being the one to say
it, because everybody needs love.
Everybody needs to be heardthat they're loved.
And I thought I was so thankfulthat that was one regret that I
didn't have that Cody was.
(22:04):
I always told Cody a lot that Iloved him and how proud I was,
and I was so thankful that thatwas one thing that I didn't have
to regret.
But I did feel, um, after codydied I don't know why, but I
went through a period where Ifelt like I wonder if he loved
me, even though he told me allthe time when he was alive that
he loved me felt like I wonderif he loved me even though he
told me all the time when he wasalive that he loved me.
(22:25):
But I went through that periodof wondering did he love me?
And then one time a good friendcalled me up.
She was at the fair and I raninto her and she said, larissa,
I had a dream and I was on thephone with you.
And she said and Cody told me,tell my mother that I love her.
And she didn't know I'd beenfeeling that way.
(22:49):
So I knew that was a messagethat Cody was telling her to
tell me that he does love me andanyway.
And then we had severalexperiences afterwards where we
would know that cody was here,there's a light in his bedroom
that would come on, and we wouldknow.
And I've noticed and it stilldoes sometimes.
(23:10):
I know I notice when I'mstruggling or having a hard time
that his light will come on inhis room, his lamp, and we'll
say cody's here.
That's what we, that's ourthing, is cody's here.
Well, and it's not a light,just turns on by itself.
You know, I'm saying never has,and I've also had.
We've also been up right afterhe died in the garage.
(23:31):
It was dark and it was dark,and then I was talking and all
of a sudden the light comes onin the garage so it's it's kind
of his little way of letting usknow that he's there, right, and
then.
And then we'll smell sometimesthis really really sweet pine
smell, because he loved outdoors, walking by his room.
All of a sudden we'll get areally really sweet pine smell
walking by his room and I'llknow that he's there.
(23:54):
But after all of this stuff, um,we came to the point, um, um it
was.
It was so difficult there.
It was um excruciating agony.
The pain was so severe that Iliterally didn't know if I could
survive the physical pain of itand the emotional pain.
And I had two sweet, dear momscome and tell me that had lost
(24:18):
children and they said that itnever gets better and I thought
if it doesn't get better I amliterally going to die.
I thought I literally can seenow why people die from a broken
heart, right, and I was soscared and they had good
intentions and they werewonderful people.
But I just thought I don't knowif I'm going to survive if this
(24:39):
doesn't get any better.
And then one of them told methat they, about two months
after their son died, that theycould feel when people stopped
praying for him.
So I was so terrified that twomonths after my son's son died
that I was going to just totallyfeel abandoned and I didn't
(24:59):
know what to expect.
I was terrified, I'm not goingto lie.
I was so scared.
But when the two-month markcame, it was okay.
It was, I mean, it wasn't okay,but it wasn't as bad as what I
was thinking it was going to be.
And then and I learned to nevertell people that, never tell
(25:26):
people that, because I learneddifferent from my experience of
the healing power of JesusChrist and his atonement I
learned that we go through hardtimes and I learned after he
died.
I found his journal and I cameacross a page in his journal
where he had written that ateacher in high school had been
harassing him, making fun of him, because of him shooting this
(25:47):
person oh my gosh really yes,and then also there was several
students his names he hadwritten that would have been
harassing, calling, callingnames because he had
accidentally shot this person.
And I'll be honest, when I readit for two days I was really
angry, really angry.
(26:07):
I thought how dare they do thatto him.
And then I forgave him and Ithought I went and talked to one
of the principals who was agood friend of mine and I asked
him what I should do and he gaveme advice of what to do and I
went to a counselor and she says, larissa, she goes, you've got
(26:28):
to do something about this.
Because she says, you don'tknow how many students come in
my office sobbing because ofthis same teacher.
Oh my gosh.
And so then I wrote a letter tothis teacher I don't even know
what he looks like.
I wrote him a letter and I toldhim how I felt when I found
what Cody had written in hisjournal.
And then I told him that I hadfelt angry, but I told him, I
(26:52):
forgave him and I told him thatwe needed to learn from this
experience of what we could dodifferent in the future and that
how in the future maybe wecould ask people how they're
doing it, put our arm aroundthem and just let them know that
we care and that we'reconcerned and just check in on
them and just build each otherup instead of tearing each other
down.
And anyway, and I didn't wantto deal with any of that at the
(27:17):
time I didn't have energy tobarely survive, let alone do any
of that.
And then, um, that was hard too,because the school, the seniors
, um, some of his friends thatwere girls, when they're seniors
, they each do they do a tileand then, um, they get to create
their own tile and then schoolputs it up on the wall for the
seniors.
So this girl's asked if theycould put a tile up for him and
(27:40):
they told him no, they wouldn'tallow them to do a tile for him.
And that was really hurtful.
And I was thinking to myselfit's probably because they think
we don't want to glorifysomebody who's committed suicide
.
They also have a little placeout in front of the school that
is a memorial where they putstudents' names who passed away,
(28:02):
and they also wouldn't put myson's name out there and that
hurt.
And that hurt at first because,because I felt like they
treated him like he didn't exist, yeah and and I knew they
didn't understand suicide, rightand anyway, and and this and so
after that, um, I went to a lotof suicide training classes and
(28:27):
took a suicide training coursebecause I wanted to know what I
could do different in the futureto help people right and, um,
and our school over here had themisconception at that time and
that if you, um, if somebodycommits suicide, you can't come
into the school and talk aboutit because it's going to make
others want to commit suicide.
Alisha Coakley (28:46):
Right which is not true.
Larissa Dagley (28:48):
It is not true.
That's what I learned.
It's not true Because if peopleare thinking about committing
suicide, they're alreadythinking about it before you
come.
I mean, you're not going togive them the idea to do it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, idea to do it?
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
But I also learned that, um, towatch for the signs of suicide
or somebody that has suicidalideation, watch if, like,
(29:09):
they're severe depression orthey're talking about not
wanting to be here anymore,they're talking about wanting to
take their life, or or all of asudden they're in severe
depression, all of a sudden theystart giving their things away
and all of a sudden they becomehappy that's a very big.
That's a very dangerous sign andum, and I thought you need to
look, watch out for this um, andso that was my desire is to
(29:33):
help other people, to educateother people, and so I tried to
do some things.
I got a hold of a person in ourcounty and tried to do some
suicide things Anyway, and thenI tried to hold.
Last year I tried to do a.
I got a hold of this othermother who had lost her son two
or three years before that.
I asked her if she wanted toget involved with me in trying
(29:55):
to help people that arestruggling with depression.
Just a safe place to come talk.
It was a free of charge, tojust just support.
You know what I'm saying.
And we couldn't, we couldn'tget in, we couldn't get anybody
to show up.
I did have one personafterwards contact me.
So now I've been contemplatingdoing a grief support group
(30:16):
where it's um, where you cansupport people that are grieving
, because it is a lonely thingsometimes it's.
Alisha Coakley (30:25):
It's so neat, though, like I've actually I
mean, I've been saying for yearsnow that I wish that the church
had a grief support groupwithin the gospel right.
Like I wish that we had aresource like that that could
tie the atonement of Christ tothose of us who are grieving,
because I think a lot of peoplejust think, oh well, you know
(30:48):
about the atonement, so use it.
Or oh, you'll be fine.
Like, heavenly father, give mepeace.
Like people don't reallyunderstand until they're in it
just how how much it really doesaffect every aspect of our
lives.
And I, you know, I mean we'vegot different support groups for
like addictions and things likethat but I really wish that the
church would organize some typeof grief group for the gospel,
(31:12):
you know, because it's just,it's such a hard thing and,
you're right, people don't wantto go to it.
That's the weird thing.
Right, like right.
You're saying is you're here,you are, you're like come and
talk, but it's like there's aweird stigma where people are
like I can't come talk Becauseif I talk about it, it makes it
too real, or it's too hard, orI'm gonna write each other, or
my pain isn't going to be as bigas someone else's, and so I
(31:34):
don't want to turn on them or orno, I don't need it, I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm fine, and that'swhat him, that's what he loves
to do is.
He likes to tell us sweep itunder the rug, deal with it on
your own, you don't need toconnect with people, nobody's
going to understand you.
Larissa Dagley (31:49):
You are.
You are so right, you hit thenail right on the head.
That's exactly what I found too, and I found when I was going
through the deep grieving part.
I felt so alone, I felt solonely and I thought I found out
(32:09):
who my real friends were.
But I felt I went in waves likethis.
I mean it was just like thestorm would come in really heavy
and then all of a sudden therainbow on the sun would shine
again and then I feel joy, andthen also the storm would come
back in again and I'd feel thishorrible.
And I remember one day I hadjust been down for so long and I
(32:31):
kept thinking, oh, I kepttrying to pull myself out and I
couldn't.
So I got on my knees and I toldHeavenly Father.
I said, heavenly Father, I'mnot going to quit.
But I says I need your help.
I says I feel like I'm hangingon by my fingernails and I said,
please give me hope.
And he did.
He did give me hope and I feltbeing down like that it was so
(32:56):
hard.
And my husband, I could tell,was down and it was hard
watching my family membersgrieve in the pain and I
couldn't take it away from himand it hurt just to watch them
hurt.
Yeah, and you knew you.
You knew they had to go throughit just like I did.
Alisha Coakley (33:17):
And I can imagine it's even a million
times worse as a mom, knowingthat your role is supposed to be
the nurturer and the supporterand the emotional you know help
for all of the kids, and to justbe dealing with all of that on
your own, I can't even, I can'teven fathom that on your own I
can't even.
Larissa Dagley (33:35):
I can't even fathom right right what you know
what, and it was.
It was so difficult, but I um.
The thing that got me throughthis is I read my scriptures and
I stayed close to my savior andI thought I remember reading a
thing that said be of good cheerand that says give thanks in
all things.
And I kept thinking well, I'mnot in good cheer yet, heavenly
(33:56):
Father, but I sure like to be.
You know what I'm saying.
And then I remember praying toHeavenly Father and I said
Heavenly Father, I can't thankyou that Cody died, but I can
thank you for the things that Ilearned, because at that time I
couldn't thank you that Codydied, but I can thank you for
the things that I learned,because at that time I couldn't
thank you that my son died,because I honestly wasn't
(34:17):
thankful that he died.
I knew Heavenly Father knew Iwasn't thankful that he died, so
I couldn't give him a life.
But I did learn things and Ilearned a lot of things.
And I learned Heavenly Fatherallowed us to experience the
pain, the sorrow, the grief,that, the despair, because he
knew if we didn't experiencethat we weren't going to grow,
(34:40):
but he did help us and he gaveus light throughout, even if the
storm came back in sometimesthat he allowed us to grow
because he loves us and he knewthat that's what we needed for
ourselves and I and I learnedthat, um the experiences that we
go through, that's how we canhelp others, and I learned that,
(35:04):
um to don't judge others.
Don't judge others what they'regoing through.
Those students and that teacherthat didn't know what Cody was
suffering at home, they didn'tknow that he was having those
nightmares and that he was justhad post-traumatic stress.
And even if they didn't know it, they should never have done
(35:25):
what they did.
Alisha Coakley (35:26):
Yeah.
Larissa Dagley (35:27):
We need to let our words build each other up,
not tear each other down, andthat's why we shouldn't judge
others, because we don't knowwhat they're experiencing.
And I learned that you can gothrough really hard things.
Most of us in this life aregoing to go through very hard
things, sometimes more than onevery hard thing, but we can
(35:49):
choose to let it refine us, orwe can choose to let it define
us, and we chose to let itrefine us and to learn and grow
from it, and we wanted to helpothers that were going through
similar circumstances to bethere, even if you could just
give them a hug or just knowthat somebody understands what
(36:10):
they're going through.
Scott Brandley (36:14):
I like that.
I think, as members of thechurch, you know, if we let the
atonement play its role in ourlives, it will help us.
It'll help to refine us, likeyou said.
I think that's one of theblessings of the gospel.
I think that's one of theblessings of the gospel.
Larissa Dagley (36:29):
Right.
You know it truly is.
I agree with you, scott.
Another thing I felt is that weneed, like I said, so much that
we need to help other people,but we also need to, as
(36:51):
individuals, to realize ourself-worth.
We need to realize that, nomatter what happens to us in our
life, no matter hard things,whether we've been abused,
whether we've been throughhorrific things, that our
self-worth never changes in thesight of our Heavenly Father.
No matter what mistakes we make, we can always repent and come
(37:12):
back and the Savior is there forus.
That is what atonement is for,and I learned that the atonement
of Jesus Christ was not justfor our sins.
I learned that it can heal abroken heart.
Because it healed my brokenheart.
I can honestly say that I amvery happy in my life right now
(37:39):
and do I miss my son Absolutelyand all of a sudden I can see
something that also makes mestart crying because it makes me
think of him.
We still have that, but Ihonestly can say I feel truly
happy and I know it is becauseof the atonement of Jesus Christ
that it healed my broken heart,my family member's broken heart
, and I know I have a friend ashort time after my son
committed suicide.
Her son committed suicide alsoand she wasn't active in the
(38:03):
church.
And one of the firemen who weworked with came up to me one
day and he said you know, hesaid it's interesting to observe
you two and watch thedifference to somebody that has
a gospel in their life andsomebody that doesn't.
And he says the difference thatit makes in your life.
And I and I thought you knowthe gospel does make a
difference in their lives.
And I just want others to holdon, to hope.
(38:27):
Don't ever give up.
Don't ever give up, because youtruly matter and if you don't
think you matter, you matter tome and you matter to your
Heavenly Father and I'm sure youmatter to others.
And to end this, I would liketo share something that somebody
gave me permission to share whohad this experience, and they
(38:51):
were a friend of mine and theywere currently serving as a
bishop at the time of my son'sdeath.
My son died on a Friday and hewas gone and when he came back
Sunday morning before church, hewas sitting there before a
sacrament meeting and Codydelivered a message to him.
And Cody told him because?
(39:13):
This?
Because he was getting ready totake some scouts in his ward up
to the Yellowstone at this timeon a camp out this coming week.
The following week, and he,cody, delivered the message and
told him to tell them to lettheir words build each other up
and to not tear each other downand to look for the good in each
other and to be sensitive tohow others feel.
And I thought he, of all people, knew how it felt to not be
(39:38):
treated that way.
And so I've tried to live likethat, be better, more
Christ-like like that and tothink of others like that, and
that's my story.
Alisha Coakley (40:01):
Wow, oh, just I, I hate and love these stories
at the same time.
I hate it because, obviously,with the tragedy and the
hardship and at the same time,just seeing, like, how much
strength you have and knowingthat that you really are trying
to do something with it, youknow, like I love that you're
trying to figure out some way todo a brief group or figure out
some way to help other people tounderstand it.
(40:22):
Even even to the point whereyou went and you educated
yourself on suicide prevention.
You know learning about how youtalk about it and how to
approach the subjects thatpeople have been scared of and
still are.
People are so still approachingthem.
You know I love that and Iassume we probably did the same
(40:43):
course.
I did a suicide preventioncourse too and I love that in
that one of the things.
I highly recommend it foreverybody, whether you think
that you have people in yourfamily or in your circle who are
struggling with thoughts ofsuicide or not.
I just think that it it justbrings us awareness and if you
can go do it, go do it.
(41:03):
But I, one of the biggestthings that I took away from
that is um is understanding thatyou need to ask a question in a
way where they can answerhonestly.
For example, if you feel likesomeone's thinking about taking
their life, you don't want tosoften the blow by saying
something like are you thinkingabout hurting yourself?
(41:24):
Right, when you do that,they're thinking in their mind
if, if I follow through withthis plan, then I don't hurt
anymore.
So no, I'm not thinking abouthurting myself, I'm thinking
about stopping the pain.
Right In their mind.
That's like the thought process.
So you have to be really bluntand you have to say have you had
thoughts of killing yourself?
(41:45):
And if they say yes, say do youhave a plan?
Have you thought about howyou're going to do?
And it's so scary because allthe things in the past are
telling us don't talk about it,because if you talk about it,
you're going to make it allhappen and you're going to make
it all real.
But it's like no, if theyhaven't even considered a plan,
you know that they're far enoughaway from doing it that you can
(42:06):
still help them out.
If they actually consider aplan, ask them about the details
, let them know, because they'llliterally give you the
information that you need to belooking out for.
You know they'll tell you.
Yeah, I thought I'm going togive my card to so-and-so, I'm
going to give my jacket toso-and-so.
You know what I mean, like whenyou do these kinds of things,
and then I'm going to, I'm goingto wait until after Christmas
(42:26):
so that my mom doesn't have to.
You know, mess up on Christmas,or whatever it is.
Like they'll tell you what towatch for and then you can open
up another conversation thatwill help you.
You know, make help them tohelp make future plans, right.
I think that's one of, like,the big takeaways that I got was
was help them build their ownfuture, right.
Help them feel that they have asafe place where you can talk
(42:49):
to them and where you're notjudging them and you're not
trying to like, oh my gosh, youcan't do that.
You know, like you have to justlike let them, let them speak,
right, let them get it out thereand let them see that it's not
a shameful thing, and then say,okay, what do we want to do
about this here?
You know, because a lot of thetimes they just they just need
(43:10):
to talk.
You know, they just need to beable to vocalize it and all of a
sudden it's not as scary whenit comes out.
Once it comes out, then we canhave the conversations we can,
we can find the resources, wecan look for the help, and then
you know that you've doneeverything that you can do, even
if the result is still the samein the end.
You know, I just think I don'tknow there's so much more
(43:32):
learning out there that we stillneed to do.
You know so many things wedon't know about mental health
and suicide, but there also area lot of resources that are
available, that are helpful,that have saved lives, that have
, you know, prolonged lives.
Right, maybe they didn't evenget to completely save them, but
they gave them years on theirlife to to get through that.
(43:53):
And so I just think you knowit's, it's amazing seeing what
you've gone through and seeingthat you've been able to take
the steps to try to make someoneelse's life a little bit, a
little bit more at peace.
You know to give themunderstanding and stuff.
So I I just appreciate peoplelike you.
I just appreciate people likeyou.
Scott Brandley (44:11):
I really, really do.
I was going to say I justreally liked the end part of
your story where you're talkingabout all the different lessons
that you've learned along theway.
I'm sure a lot of those lessonsprobably took a lot of time
Right, A lot of reflection.
Larissa Dagley (44:25):
A lot of prayer.
Scott Brandley (44:27):
Yes.
Larissa Dagley (44:28):
Yes they did.
Scott Brandley (44:30):
But that's.
I almost want to like go backand watch that part of the
podcast again, because it wasvery inspiring.
All the lessons that you'velearned and how they were all
tied to the gospel.
In the end, right, Every one ofthose things that you said
could be tied back to theatonement or the or the
teachings of the gospel, andthat's just so important.
(44:51):
You don't realize how importantthe gospel is in your life
until something like thishappens.
But then also you don't see thelessons and the good that that
can come through tragedy.
But if you put it in the frameof the gospel, it changes your
perspective.
Larissa Dagley (45:10):
It sure does.
Alisha Coakley (45:13):
Yeah, absolutely .
It's interesting too because, Imean, I don't know if you've
dealt with any other passings ofpeople who are close to you
after your son, you know, I knowfor where I'm at right now.
(45:34):
Um, there's a clear linebetween the people that I lost
before I lost my brother andthen the ones that I'm losing
now.
Right, like the ones that arecoming afterwards, having gone
through the really really darkside of grief and staying close
to the gospel, even though Iknow that that darkness is
coming again.
I know it's around the corner.
Um, you know, with my mom'scancer and stuff, that, um,
(45:58):
they've only given her a fewmonths, and so I know that's
coming.
I can feel it build likebuilding inside of me already,
even though it hasn't happened.
I I also keep telling myselfover and over again Okay, Alisha
, like you know what got youthrough the first time.
So now I have an anchor, I havesomething to go back to,
(46:21):
knowing that there's going to besomething else.
Right, like that, it may notlook exactly the same, it may
not feel exactly the same, butdark is dark, whether you're in
a cave or you're in a hole oryou're.
You know what I mean.
Like it, it's, it's still.
We're always going to have itLike.
We're always going to havepockets of darkness that come
(46:42):
into our life.
And I love that, that with theatonement, we can always reach
out for light there, and itdoesn't mean that it's going to
come instantly or that it'sgoing to be super bright right
away or that it's going to getus out of the hole or out of the
cave or out of the rut,wherever.
Wherever we're at, but we knowthat there's something that we
(47:04):
can anchor ourselves to thatwill eventually pull us there to
the light and I just think thatum, that it's stories like
yours, it's people like you whoare willing to come on here and
who are willing to talk aboutthat.
Talk about about the hope in thehardship that will really shine
that light and other people'sin in other people's darkness,
(47:27):
you know Right.
Scott Brandley (47:31):
Well, there's Larissa.
You're funny.
It's just so easy to sayLarissa, because it's just
that's what it is.
Larissa Dagley (47:40):
I know my mom spelled it wrong, didn't she?
Scott Brandley (47:46):
We really appreciate you being on the show
.
Is there anything you'd like toshare?
Kind of wrap things up anyfinal thoughts that you have?
Larissa Dagley (47:56):
Hold on to hope.
There's always hope, even whenthings are the darkest and seem
the worst and it seems so long.
Don't give up, hold on to faithand always have hope, because
the sun always comes out afterthe storm and that light can
shine bright through our savior,jesus Christ.
Alisha Coakley (48:16):
Well, larissa, thank you again for writing us,
for reaching out, for beingwilling to share your story and
for being willing to share alittle bit of Cody with us.
We really, really appreciatethat and we hope that your
family can continue to findpeace and healing and joy and
all of the things that that theLord has in store for you guys
as family, and through this youguys can help a lot of other
(48:38):
people.
So we appreciate you coming onand and being open with us today
, and raw and real and um, andwe appreciate all of our guests
too, for our listeners too, fortuning in and um, as always,
guys, we just ask you if you'relistening to Larissa's story, if
it's, you know, made an impactin your life, if it's brought
(48:58):
the spirit to you during thislast hour, like, please be sure
to do that.
Five second missionary work.
Uh, hit the share button, leavea comment and you know I'm just
going to say continue to.
I mean, even if it's been years,decades, like if you have the
thought popping up in your head,pray for a family who's lost a
loved one.
You know, just let them knowthat that it's not just heavenly
(49:22):
father that loves them, it'snot just Jesus Christ that loves
them, that you still love themand you still know that grief is
one of those things that willcontinue to feel until we're
reunited again.
And it's a little softer andit's a little less frequent as
the years go by, but it is stillthere and it is still really.
There are moments where it'sstill really hard.
(49:43):
So, a prayer here, a prayerthere and a share as well.
A share and prayer, that's allwe're asking for.
Well, share and prayer, that'sall we're asking for.
Scott Brandley (49:53):
Share and prayer , and if you guys have a story
that you'd like to share, thisis the place to do it.
So we invite you to go tolatterdaylightscom and you can
reach out to us there, or youcan go to
latterdaylightsgmailcom and sendus an email.
Again, thanks for tuning in.
Thanks, larissa, for being onthe show.
It's been a treat and apleasure to get to know you and
(50:16):
to have you share your storywith us, and we look forward to
seeing you guys next week withanother episode of Latter-day
Lights.
Until then, take care Talk toyou soon.
Alisha Coakley (50:26):
Thanks guys.
Scott Brandley (50:27):
Bye-bye, talk to you soon.
Bye, bye.
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley (00:02):
And I'm Alisha Coakley.
Every member of the church hasa story to share, one that can
instill faith, invite growth andinspire others.
Scott Brandley (00:10):
On today's episode we're going to hear how
the healing power of JesusChrist is helping one grieving
mother to find peace in thepassing of her son.
Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Latter-day
(00:32):
Lights.
We're so glad you're here withus today.
We're really excited tointroduce our special guest,
larissa Dagley, to the show.
Welcome, larissa.
Alisha Coakley (00:41):
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you so much forreaching out to us.
I'm not going to give away youknow, really any spoilers or
anything to what you wrote, butI will tell you.
When you wrote me your letter,when you wrote us your letter, I
was the one that did intake andI read it and I, oh my gosh,
like I was sobbing my eyes out,but at the same time I just felt
(01:05):
the spirit so strong and I waslike I, I don't even need to do
a phone call.
I'm like 100%, Larissa's storyis going to just bring so much
light to people and so, um, ittook a lot of courage, I know,
to bring that out and and it'skind of weird because we we just
did another episode with a verysimilar storyline um, as far as
(01:29):
like the end result, but, um,it's.
It's evident to me anyway, andI'm sure to Scott too, that even
in the safety of the gospel, weare, especially our, our, our
men are struggling with theirmental health and and we're
struggling with seeing suicidesrise and things of that nature,
(01:50):
and so, um, as hard as thisepisode I'm sure it's going to
be.
I think that there's just a lotof people out there who, who
can find some peace and from andsome healing from it.
So thank you so much for beingwilling to come on and to share
all of this with us right now.
I know it's real and raw andreally hard, but we appreciate
your courage to do that.
(02:10):
So thank you.
Larissa Dagley (02:12):
You are so welcome.
Thanks for letting me.
Alisha Coakley (02:15):
Yeah, of course.
So before we get into all ofthat, you know heavier stuff
that we're going to be talkingabout today.
We would love to know a littlebit more about you.
Who is Larissa?
Tell us you know where you live, what you do?
Little background information.
Larissa Dagley (02:33):
I.
I live in Starley, wyoming, ina low community called Auburn,
wyoming and um.
I'm currently um a substituteteacher, but I served as an EMT
for 20 years and I retired doingthat about three years ago and
I love love spending time withmy family and my grandkids and
(02:53):
my kids and I, yes, and I lovecamping, I love riding the
four-wheeler and theside-by-side and I love
snowmobiling and I love doingcrafts.
I make a lot of wood craftslike tall painting crafts oh,
that's cool.
Alisha Coakley (03:11):
That seems very appropriate for your neck of the
woods like really super funoutdoor stuff.
And then when it gets too dangcold, yes, exactly, exactly.
I love that awesome.
How many, how many, uh kids andgrandkids do you have?
I have six children and ninegrandkids wow, now you just need
(03:33):
12 pets, then you have six,nine, yes that's right.
Larissa Dagley (03:40):
That's right.
We have three boys and threegirls.
So I said we're like the BradyBunch.
Alisha Coakley (03:46):
Oh, that's fun, Very cool.
So how long were you an EMT?
For 20 years.
20 years, that's a long, that'sa long career.
Larissa Dagley (04:00):
And then now substitute teaching.
Which one is harder Depends onthe day.
You know.
I would say, say I would saybeing a substitute teacher is
harder even though I love thekids yeah, yeah, with the ent
you can just sedate them.
Strap them up, you know, turnthe sirens on a little bit
louder if you need to yes, therewas a few scary incidents, but
(04:22):
for the most part I reallyreally, really loved and enjoyed
doing it.
Oh, that's awesome.
Scott Brandley (04:28):
Yeah well, larissa, why don't you?
We'll turn it over to you andtell us where your story begins.
Larissa Dagley (04:36):
Okay, my story begins on a beautiful August day
, my son, cody, and I Cody, whowas 15 years old at this time we
had went to Idaho Falls, idaho,and had come back and spent a
really fun day down theretogether and came back in the
evening and I had gone out intoour field to change the water
(04:59):
and Cody came out and said mom,you've got an ambulance call.
And so I decided to go on theambulance call and when I came
back home, cody um, my husband,had let Cody?
Um go squirrel hunting with hiscousin and this cousin that he
had gone squirrel hunting withhim and this cousin had been
best friends since they weretoddlers and they always wanted
(05:21):
to live at each other's housebecause they just loved spending
time with each other.
But this cousin was a yearolder than Cody and when he got
to like driving age, this cousinhad kind of gotten other
friends and hadn't spent maybethe last two years very much
time with Cody.
So I know Cody was probablyreally looking forward to going
(05:43):
squirrel hunting with him.
And a short time later my pagerwent off for someone who had
been shot, and so I decided tofirst respond to the scene
because I had a jump kit and Iknew that I could get there
before the ambulance could getthere.
So my husband, who was also afirst responder, but he was a
first responder for work heasked me if I wanted him to come
, which he never did.
(06:04):
I mean, only one or two othertimes during all the calls I've
gone on has he ever asked to dothat.
So I said, yes, come along.
And then, when we arrived onscene, I found a young girl who
was crying.
But as I did a rapid assessmenton her, I couldn't find an
entry wound or an exit wound ofa bullet.
So I was really confused as towhy we were called to someone
(06:26):
who had been shot.
And then the sheriff's deputythat was there, who I knew
really well, he said he told methat she was involved in the
shooting accident that had justhappened down at the river, and
so her family members wanted usto load her in the ambulance and
take her on in the hospital.
So we did, and well, my husband,I helped load her up, but then
(06:51):
my husband, since we firstresponded to the scene, had her
own private vehicle, and myhusband wanted to go home and I
had a strong feeling that weneeded to go to the hospital.
And he says, well, let's justgo home.
And I thought, how am I goingto convince him we need to go to
the hospital?
And he says, well, let's justgo home.
And I thought, how am I goingto convince him we need to go to
the hospital?
So I just said, um, I says, howabout we go help clean up the
(07:13):
ambulance and then we can gohome?
He says, okay, so as we pullinto the ER, my husband said
there is Brandon's truck, andBrandon was Cody's best friend,
cousin growing up, okay, and andI said, um, no, it's not.
And he said, yes, it is.
He says, look at the decal inthe window.
(07:35):
And I said you're right, it ishis truck.
And so, um, we hurried into thethrough the ER doors and as we
walked to the doors, first thingI saw was my nephew standing
there and he was standingsideways and he looked both at
my husband and I and he saidCody is the one that shot him.
And I can't describe how thatfelt.
(07:57):
But I then looked over to myleft and I saw Cody sitting in
the corner and he had his handson his head like this, and he
had been sobbing and Iimmediately ran over and put my
arms around him and I washugging him and telling him how
much we loved him.
And then, um, a short timelater, I went in back into the
(08:20):
ER where this um young man wasthat Cody had shot.
And as I went in there the youngman looked at me and he said
tell Cody that it was just anaccident.
He said Cody was the safest oneof all of us.
He always had kept his gun on,was telling us to keep our guns
on safety.
And and I found out later thatthey'd been down there and
(08:45):
they'd been squirrel hunting.
And then some other friends hadcalled him and asked him to
come down to the river.
And then we went down there.
Cody went to move his shotgunout of the one person's truck,
put in his cousin's, and hadaccidentally left the safety off
and the trigger went off andthis young man was on the other
side of the truck and it hadshot him in the side and in the
(09:08):
arm and stuff.
Alisha Coakley (09:09):
Okay.
Scott Brandley (09:11):
But he was okay.
Alisha Coakley (09:12):
Yes, any like serious damage or anything at
that time.
Larissa Dagley (09:19):
They life flighted him out and he of
course had BBs, all and it, andit caused a lot of severe damage
to his arm, but he did survive.
So after this shooting accidenthappened, cody um, I noticed
was having a lot of nightmares.
In the middle of the night Iwould be woke up and, um, I
could hear him in the other room.
So I'd go in there and I wouldfind him standing at bed going,
(09:41):
ah, ah, like this.
Because he was so scared andjust I knew he was having
nightmares from what hadhappened, from the
post-traumatic stress, and soI'd try to comfort him and I'd
try to put him back in bed andtry to get him to go back to
sleep.
But I did that.
I couldn't tell you how manytimes in the next 22 months that
I would hear that.
And we had talked to Cody abouttrying to get him into
(10:03):
counseling and he didn't want togo because he didn't feel that
anybody could understand what hewent through and and we didn't
know the kind of counselor.
We only live in a small place,we weren't familiar with what
that, you know.
We were familiar with what theycould do here, but it wasn't
what we felt, what he reallyneeded and anyway, and um so um.
(10:23):
This went on and he continuedto have these nightmares and one
morning I even got up and Ifound blood in the sink in the
bathroom where he'd beenthrashing around in his sleep
and giving himself a bloody nose.
Alisha Coakley (10:37):
And he was what?
15, 14, 15?
How old was?
Larissa Dagley (10:39):
he when this happened.
Alisha Coakley (10:41):
He was 15.
He was 15 when the shootingaccident happened.
Okay, yes.
Larissa Dagley (10:45):
Yes, yes.
And then, um, anyway, so, um,about a year later, um, I had
this flash in my mind and I havethis dream.
And it was just a flash and Isaw the front end of this truck
and I saw Cody laying on theroad and I knew that he was dead
.
Two days before Cody died, Iwas sitting there and I'd gone
(11:15):
to an ambulance.
I was with one of my friendswho was an EMT and I told her.
I said I keep having it on mymind that Cody's going to die
and I kept having an impressionthat we needed to buy a cemetery
plot.
When I talked to my husbandlater, he had mentioned the same
thing, that he'd been havingthat same impression.
And then my mom called me up.
She goes have you guys everconsidered getting a cemetery
(11:35):
plot?
And I thought, oh my word, Iwish people would quit doing
these things.
You know what I'm saying.
And then, the day before he died, I was kneeling down saying my
prayers and I prayed and askedHeavenly Father to bless Cody
with a desire to serve a missionin this life or the next life.
And I didn't remember sayingthat prayer until the next day,
(11:59):
after I learned that he had died, and then I remembered those
words that had came out of mymouth.
He had died, and then Iremembered those words that had
came out of my mouth.
But, um, what ended uphappening is Cody, um, I had, I
had, like I said he hadn't beenhanging around with his cousin,
who they were like best friendsgrowing up, but he had and he
was home all the time.
So he, I mean, so I'm saying he, cody was a really good kid, he
(12:21):
really was.
He wasn't a wild kid but um,but he had um, asked me this
evening if he could go down tomy brother's and hang out with
his cousin's younger brother,who him and his little sister
would go hang out with.
So I told him it was okay.
And then his sister got offwork that night and I called him
(12:42):
up and asked him if he could gopick up his sister from work.
And he says, mom, because Iwould, except I can't because I
don't have enough gas.
And then I remembered the cardidn't have enough gas, he
couldn't go get her.
And so he had come home priorto that night and earlier in the
evening, and when he's gettingready to go out that door, I
hugged him and it was the lasttime I hugged him.
(13:03):
I remember his body felt sowarm as I hugged him.
I just remember thinking thathe felt so warm.
I told him that I loved him andthen he left and I didn't
realize that would be the lasttime that I would be hugging him
in this, in this life anyway.
And then, um, I guess what endedup happening is his cousin, who
(13:27):
was an older brother, came homeand Cody had went with him and
his cousin took him down to somefriend's house and while they
were at the friend's house,somebody had brought up the
shooting accident and told Codythat he had ruined his friend's
life and Cody started sobbing.
(13:51):
And so Cody stepped out on theporch outside and his cousin
stepped out there with him andhe asked him if he was okay.
And he says yes, because I justneed a little bit of time to
myself.
So his cousin went back in thehouse and then Cody went over
and shot himself.
And then, about 3.12 in themorning, my pager goes off for a
(14:14):
16-year-old who had been shotand I thought I knew Cody wasn't
16.
I knew he was 17 at this time,anyway, and my husband, he he
said what was that address,which my husband never ever has
asked me that.
So I got out of bed, I pushedthe repeat button on my pager
(14:36):
and it was blank, there was norepeat address.
And then, um, my husband getsup and goes and gets on the
computer and starts looking, andmy husband never does this
either.
This is really unusual behavior.
And anyway, and then, as I layback down and I was trying to
sleep, I thought please, please,don't let this be Cody.
(14:56):
And I said if it's not Cody,please give me a feeling of
peace.
Well, about a little after fivein the morning, my husband was
up getting ready to go to workand I was still in the bedroom
and I heard voices in the livingroom and I said and I thought I
wonder what was going on.
And then my husband, I couldhear footsteps coming down the
(15:17):
hall really fast, and so I gotreally scared and my husband
burst through the door and hesaid Weiss, he, he got, that's
my nickname, he calls me, hegoes, he goes, cody is dead.
And I said please tell me,that's not true, please tell me
that's not true.
And he said I can't.
And then he said do you trustthe lord?
(15:40):
And I physically startedshaking and I remember my body
was just shaking and quiveringand then I went in the living
room and there was my brother,the coroner and three of my EMT
friends who had been on the call.
And one of the EMTs knew mybrother, so he called my brother
and asked him if he could comeover with him to come see us.
(16:03):
And anyway, that was very, verydevastating and it was really
difficult because Cody and ourfamily was like like in the
Waltons the movie If You're OldEnough, like I am right, the
Waltons were at the end John BoyWalton would always say, um,
(16:27):
you know, he'd say good night soand so, and then they say you
know, I mean, but that was kindof our house.
Cody did this thing in ourhouse that he'd holler good
night mom.
And then I'd say good night andhe'd say I love you.
And I'd say I love you, thenhe'd go on to the next person,
so till I go for everything, andI don't know how many nights he
did this.
That was kind of a tradition inour house, anyway.
And so after this happened andwe found out that he had passed
(16:50):
away the first day, I couldn'tgo to the mortuary.
I couldn't.
And I didn't know if it wasbecause four months prior to
that my neighbor's son hadcommitted suicide and I um, and
so I called another emt andasked him if he'd come help me
(17:13):
clean up in the garage wheretheir son had shot himself, and
so I didn't know what my son wasgoing to look like.
So the next day we went to themortuary and the mortician
(17:38):
wanted my husband and I to go infirst, and I wish that we
wouldn't have done that, becauseour daughters were with us,
because our sons hadn't arrivedyet, and I wish we would all
(18:02):
went in together, because when Isaw my son I screamed and I
learned later that I traumatizedmy daughters because they said,
mom, we will never forget thatscream and I am not a person
that screams.
But it just came out and Iscreamed.
But immediately, when I saw myson's body, there was four
inches of a total bright lightover his body and there was an
(18:32):
immediate feeling of peace.
And I immediately thought andthat light above his body left
as quick as I saw it and therewas an immediate feeling of
peace and I thought to myself Iwouldn't bring you back if I
could, because I knew how muchhe was suffering and I thought
(18:53):
now he is at peace and now he isfree from that mortal suffering
in this life.
But in the days that passed itwas so hard telling our children
that that their brother haddied.
Because I they're just like.
(19:15):
When I told my husband, I saidwe've got to wait a couple of
hours because I says that's onlytwo more hours that they can
have peace in this life beforetheir lives will be turned
upside down.
Yeah, but there were familymembers that had um, that were
really struggling with Cody'sdeath, and Cody um, uh, gave
(19:38):
them a message, each of them amessage, and told them that he's
okay and that he is where he issupposed to be.
And my husband kept sayingafterwards he kept saying it was
an accident, it was an accident, it was an accident.
And I kept saying in my mind, Ikept thinking why does he keep
(20:01):
saying that it wasn't anaccident?
He killed himself.
And then one day I was in mybathroom.
I looked up at the ceiling andI was just sitting there
thinking about my husband keepssaying that it was an accident
and the spirit came over me sostrong and bore witness to me
that it was an accident.
Alisha Coakley (20:20):
Really.
Larissa Dagley (20:24):
Yes, and bore witness to me that it was an
accident, really yes, and I'vetold very few people that
because I thought if I tellpeople that they're going to
think, oh yeah, you just don'twant to deal with it.
He really killed himself and Idon't understand it, I can't
explain it, but that's all I'veknown.
I thought that's all that Ineed to know.
You know I'm saying, and infact when people, people ask me
how he died, I just say hecommitted suicide.
And anyway it was hard becausethose that had been there that
(20:51):
night we told our nephew he saystell them to please feel like
they can come to the viewing orfuneral if they want to, but
we're not angry at them.
Please just tell them that theycan come if that would help
them.
Anyway, and we don't knowwhether they came or not because
I don't even know what theylooked like, to be honest with
you.
But I hope they did come sothat they could have some peace.
(21:16):
But at our son's funeral I felta strong depression, that I
needed to talk and I felt reallybad because there was something
I was told to say that I didn'tsay.
I was told to say that you needto each love each other and if
you're in a home where there'snot much love shown, where
(21:43):
people don't say I love you,then start being the one to say
it, because everybody needs love.
Everybody needs to be heardthat they're loved.
And I thought I was so thankfulthat that was one regret that I
didn't have that Cody was.
(22:04):
I always told Cody a lot that Iloved him and how proud I was,
and I was so thankful that thatwas one thing that I didn't have
to regret.
But I did feel, um, after codydied I don't know why, but I
went through a period where Ifelt like I wonder if he loved
me, even though he told me allthe time when he was alive that
he loved me felt like I wonderif he loved me even though he
told me all the time when he wasalive that he loved me.
(22:25):
But I went through that periodof wondering did he love me?
And then one time a good friendcalled me up.
She was at the fair and I raninto her and she said, larissa,
I had a dream and I was on thephone with you.
And she said and Cody told me,tell my mother that I love her.
And she didn't know I'd beenfeeling that way.
(22:49):
So I knew that was a messagethat Cody was telling her to
tell me that he does love me andanyway.
And then we had severalexperiences afterwards where we
would know that cody was here,there's a light in his bedroom
that would come on, and we wouldknow.
And I've noticed and it stilldoes sometimes.
(23:10):
I know I notice when I'mstruggling or having a hard time
that his light will come on inhis room, his lamp, and we'll
say cody's here.
That's what we, that's ourthing, is cody's here.
Well, and it's not a light,just turns on by itself.
You know, I'm saying never has,and I've also had.
We've also been up right afterhe died in the garage.
(23:31):
It was dark and it was dark,and then I was talking and all
of a sudden the light comes onin the garage so it's it's kind
of his little way of letting usknow that he's there, right, and
then.
And then we'll smell sometimesthis really really sweet pine
smell, because he loved outdoors, walking by his room.
All of a sudden we'll get areally really sweet pine smell
walking by his room and I'llknow that he's there.
(23:54):
But after all of this stuff, um,we came to the point, um, um it
was.
It was so difficult there.
It was um excruciating agony.
The pain was so severe that Iliterally didn't know if I could
survive the physical pain of itand the emotional pain.
And I had two sweet, dear momscome and tell me that had lost
(24:18):
children and they said that itnever gets better and I thought
if it doesn't get better I amliterally going to die.
I thought I literally can seenow why people die from a broken
heart, right, and I was soscared and they had good
intentions and they werewonderful people.
But I just thought I don't knowif I'm going to survive if this
(24:39):
doesn't get any better.
And then one of them told methat they, about two months
after their son died, that theycould feel when people stopped
praying for him.
So I was so terrified that twomonths after my son's son died
that I was going to just totallyfeel abandoned and I didn't
(24:59):
know what to expect.
I was terrified, I'm not goingto lie.
I was so scared.
But when the two-month markcame, it was okay.
It was, I mean, it wasn't okay,but it wasn't as bad as what I
was thinking it was going to be.
And then and I learned to nevertell people that, never tell
(25:26):
people that, because I learneddifferent from my experience of
the healing power of JesusChrist and his atonement I
learned that we go through hardtimes and I learned after he
died.
I found his journal and I cameacross a page in his journal
where he had written that ateacher in high school had been
harassing him, making fun of him, because of him shooting this
(25:47):
person oh my gosh really yes,and then also there was several
students his names he hadwritten that would have been
harassing, calling, callingnames because he had
accidentally shot this person.
And I'll be honest, when I readit for two days I was really
angry, really angry.
(26:07):
I thought how dare they do thatto him.
And then I forgave him and Ithought I went and talked to one
of the principals who was agood friend of mine and I asked
him what I should do and he gaveme advice of what to do and I
went to a counselor and she says, larissa, she goes, you've got
(26:28):
to do something about this.
Because she says, you don'tknow how many students come in
my office sobbing because ofthis same teacher.
Oh my gosh.
And so then I wrote a letter tothis teacher I don't even know
what he looks like.
I wrote him a letter and I toldhim how I felt when I found
what Cody had written in hisjournal.
And then I told him that I hadfelt angry, but I told him, I
(26:52):
forgave him and I told him thatwe needed to learn from this
experience of what we could dodifferent in the future and that
how in the future maybe wecould ask people how they're
doing it, put our arm aroundthem and just let them know that
we care and that we'reconcerned and just check in on
them and just build each otherup instead of tearing each other
down.
And anyway, and I didn't wantto deal with any of that at the
(27:17):
time I didn't have energy tobarely survive, let alone do any
of that.
And then, um, that was hard too,because the school, the seniors
, um, some of his friends thatwere girls, when they're seniors
, they each do they do a tileand then, um, they get to create
their own tile and then schoolputs it up on the wall for the
seniors.
So this girl's asked if theycould put a tile up for him and
(27:40):
they told him no, they wouldn'tallow them to do a tile for him.
And that was really hurtful.
And I was thinking to myselfit's probably because they think
we don't want to glorifysomebody who's committed suicide
.
They also have a little placeout in front of the school that
is a memorial where they putstudents' names who passed away,
(28:02):
and they also wouldn't put myson's name out there and that
hurt.
And that hurt at first because,because I felt like they
treated him like he didn't exist, yeah and and I knew they
didn't understand suicide, rightand anyway, and and this and so
after that, um, I went to a lotof suicide training classes and
(28:27):
took a suicide training coursebecause I wanted to know what I
could do different in the futureto help people right and, um,
and our school over here had themisconception at that time and
that if you, um, if somebodycommits suicide, you can't come
into the school and talk aboutit because it's going to make
others want to commit suicide.
Alisha Coakley (28:46):
Right which is not true.
Larissa Dagley (28:48):
It is not true.
That's what I learned.
It's not true Because if peopleare thinking about committing
suicide, they're alreadythinking about it before you
come.
I mean, you're not going togive them the idea to do it.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, idea to do it?
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
But I also learned that, um, towatch for the signs of suicide
or somebody that has suicidalideation, watch if, like,
(29:09):
they're severe depression orthey're talking about not
wanting to be here anymore,they're talking about wanting to
take their life, or or all of asudden they're in severe
depression, all of a sudden theystart giving their things away
and all of a sudden they becomehappy that's a very big.
That's a very dangerous sign andum, and I thought you need to
look, watch out for this um, andso that was my desire is to
(29:33):
help other people, to educateother people, and so I tried to
do some things.
I got a hold of a person in ourcounty and tried to do some
suicide things Anyway, and thenI tried to hold.
Last year I tried to do a.
I got a hold of this othermother who had lost her son two
or three years before that.
I asked her if she wanted toget involved with me in trying
(29:55):
to help people that arestruggling with depression.
Just a safe place to come talk.
It was a free of charge, tojust just support.
You know what I'm saying.
And we couldn't, we couldn'tget in, we couldn't get anybody
to show up.
I did have one personafterwards contact me.
So now I've been contemplatingdoing a grief support group
(30:16):
where it's um, where you cansupport people that are grieving
, because it is a lonely thingsometimes it's.
Alisha Coakley (30:25):
It's so neat, though, like I've actually I
mean, I've been saying for yearsnow that I wish that the church
had a grief support groupwithin the gospel right.
Like I wish that we had aresource like that that could
tie the atonement of Christ tothose of us who are grieving,
because I think a lot of peoplejust think, oh well, you know
(30:48):
about the atonement, so use it.
Or oh, you'll be fine.
Like, heavenly father, give mepeace.
Like people don't reallyunderstand until they're in it
just how how much it really doesaffect every aspect of our
lives.
And I, you know, I mean we'vegot different support groups for
like addictions and things likethat but I really wish that the
church would organize some typeof grief group for the gospel,
(31:12):
you know, because it's just,it's such a hard thing and,
you're right, people don't wantto go to it.
That's the weird thing.
Right, like right.
You're saying is you're here,you are, you're like come and
talk, but it's like there's aweird stigma where people are
like I can't come talk Becauseif I talk about it, it makes it
too real, or it's too hard, orI'm gonna write each other, or
my pain isn't going to be as bigas someone else's, and so I
(31:34):
don't want to turn on them or orno, I don't need it, I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm fine, and that'swhat him, that's what he loves
to do is.
He likes to tell us sweep itunder the rug, deal with it on
your own, you don't need toconnect with people, nobody's
going to understand you.
Larissa Dagley (31:49):
You are.
You are so right, you hit thenail right on the head.
That's exactly what I found too, and I found when I was going
through the deep grieving part.
I felt so alone, I felt solonely and I thought I found out
(32:09):
who my real friends were.
But I felt I went in waves likethis.
I mean it was just like thestorm would come in really heavy
and then all of a sudden therainbow on the sun would shine
again and then I feel joy, andthen also the storm would come
back in again and I'd feel thishorrible.
And I remember one day I hadjust been down for so long and I
(32:31):
kept thinking, oh, I kepttrying to pull myself out and I
couldn't.
So I got on my knees and I toldHeavenly Father.
I said, heavenly Father, I'mnot going to quit.
But I says I need your help.
I says I feel like I'm hangingon by my fingernails and I said,
please give me hope.
And he did.
He did give me hope and I feltbeing down like that it was so
(32:56):
hard.
And my husband, I could tell,was down and it was hard
watching my family membersgrieve in the pain and I
couldn't take it away from himand it hurt just to watch them
hurt.
Yeah, and you knew you.
You knew they had to go throughit just like I did.
Alisha Coakley (33:17):
And I can imagine it's even a million
times worse as a mom, knowingthat your role is supposed to be
the nurturer and the supporterand the emotional you know help
for all of the kids, and to justbe dealing with all of that on
your own, I can't even, I can'teven fathom that on your own I
can't even.
Larissa Dagley (33:35):
I can't even fathom right right what you know
what, and it was.
It was so difficult, but I um.
The thing that got me throughthis is I read my scriptures and
I stayed close to my savior andI thought I remember reading a
thing that said be of good cheerand that says give thanks in
all things.
And I kept thinking well, I'mnot in good cheer yet, heavenly
(33:56):
Father, but I sure like to be.
You know what I'm saying.
And then I remember praying toHeavenly Father and I said
Heavenly Father, I can't thankyou that Cody died, but I can
thank you for the things that Ilearned, because at that time I
couldn't thank you that Codydied, but I can thank you for
the things that I learned,because at that time I couldn't
thank you that my son died,because I honestly wasn't
(34:17):
thankful that he died.
I knew Heavenly Father knew Iwasn't thankful that he died, so
I couldn't give him a life.
But I did learn things and Ilearned a lot of things.
And I learned Heavenly Fatherallowed us to experience the
pain, the sorrow, the grief,that, the despair, because he
knew if we didn't experiencethat we weren't going to grow,
(34:40):
but he did help us and he gaveus light throughout, even if the
storm came back in sometimesthat he allowed us to grow
because he loves us and he knewthat that's what we needed for
ourselves and I and I learnedthat, um the experiences that we
go through, that's how we canhelp others, and I learned that,
(35:04):
um to don't judge others.
Don't judge others what they'regoing through.
Those students and that teacherthat didn't know what Cody was
suffering at home, they didn'tknow that he was having those
nightmares and that he was justhad post-traumatic stress.
And even if they didn't know it, they should never have done
(35:25):
what they did.
Alisha Coakley (35:26):
Yeah.
Larissa Dagley (35:27):
We need to let our words build each other up,
not tear each other down, andthat's why we shouldn't judge
others, because we don't knowwhat they're experiencing.
And I learned that you can gothrough really hard things.
Most of us in this life aregoing to go through very hard
things, sometimes more than onevery hard thing, but we can
(35:49):
choose to let it refine us, orwe can choose to let it define
us, and we chose to let itrefine us and to learn and grow
from it, and we wanted to helpothers that were going through
similar circumstances to bethere, even if you could just
give them a hug or just knowthat somebody understands what
(36:10):
they're going through.
Scott Brandley (36:14):
I like that.
I think, as members of thechurch, you know, if we let the
atonement play its role in ourlives, it will help us.
It'll help to refine us, likeyou said.
I think that's one of theblessings of the gospel.
I think that's one of theblessings of the gospel.
Larissa Dagley (36:29):
Right.
You know it truly is.
I agree with you, scott.
Another thing I felt is that weneed, like I said, so much that
we need to help other people,but we also need to, as
(36:51):
individuals, to realize ourself-worth.
We need to realize that, nomatter what happens to us in our
life, no matter hard things,whether we've been abused,
whether we've been throughhorrific things, that our
self-worth never changes in thesight of our Heavenly Father.
No matter what mistakes we make, we can always repent and come
(37:12):
back and the Savior is there forus.
That is what atonement is for,and I learned that the atonement
of Jesus Christ was not justfor our sins.
I learned that it can heal abroken heart.
Because it healed my brokenheart.
I can honestly say that I amvery happy in my life right now
(37:39):
and do I miss my son Absolutelyand all of a sudden I can see
something that also makes mestart crying because it makes me
think of him.
We still have that, but Ihonestly can say I feel truly
happy and I know it is becauseof the atonement of Jesus Christ
that it healed my broken heart,my family member's broken heart
, and I know I have a friend ashort time after my son
committed suicide.
Her son committed suicide alsoand she wasn't active in the
(38:03):
church.
And one of the firemen who weworked with came up to me one
day and he said you know, hesaid it's interesting to observe
you two and watch thedifference to somebody that has
a gospel in their life andsomebody that doesn't.
And he says the difference thatit makes in your life.
And I and I thought you knowthe gospel does make a
difference in their lives.
And I just want others to holdon, to hope.
(38:27):
Don't ever give up.
Don't ever give up, because youtruly matter and if you don't
think you matter, you matter tome and you matter to your
Heavenly Father and I'm sure youmatter to others.
And to end this, I would liketo share something that somebody
gave me permission to share whohad this experience, and they
(38:51):
were a friend of mine and theywere currently serving as a
bishop at the time of my son'sdeath.
My son died on a Friday and hewas gone and when he came back
Sunday morning before church, hewas sitting there before a
sacrament meeting and Codydelivered a message to him.
And Cody told him because?
(39:13):
This?
Because he was getting ready totake some scouts in his ward up
to the Yellowstone at this timeon a camp out this coming week.
The following week, and he,cody, delivered the message and
told him to tell them to lettheir words build each other up
and to not tear each other downand to look for the good in each
other and to be sensitive tohow others feel.
And I thought he, of all people, knew how it felt to not be
(39:38):
treated that way.
And so I've tried to live likethat, be better, more
Christ-like like that and tothink of others like that, and
that's my story.
Alisha Coakley (40:01):
Wow, oh, just I, I hate and love these stories
at the same time.
I hate it because, obviously,with the tragedy and the
hardship and at the same time,just seeing, like, how much
strength you have and knowingthat that you really are trying
to do something with it, youknow, like I love that you're
trying to figure out some way todo a brief group or figure out
some way to help other people tounderstand it.
(40:22):
Even even to the point whereyou went and you educated
yourself on suicide prevention.
You know learning about how youtalk about it and how to
approach the subjects thatpeople have been scared of and
still are.
People are so still approachingthem.
You know I love that and Iassume we probably did the same
(40:43):
course.
I did a suicide preventioncourse too and I love that in
that one of the things.
I highly recommend it foreverybody, whether you think
that you have people in yourfamily or in your circle who are
struggling with thoughts ofsuicide or not.
I just think that it it justbrings us awareness and if you
can go do it, go do it.
(41:03):
But I, one of the biggestthings that I took away from
that is um is understanding thatyou need to ask a question in a
way where they can answerhonestly.
For example, if you feel likesomeone's thinking about taking
their life, you don't want tosoften the blow by saying
something like are you thinkingabout hurting yourself?
(41:24):
Right, when you do that,they're thinking in their mind
if, if I follow through withthis plan, then I don't hurt
anymore.
So no, I'm not thinking abouthurting myself, I'm thinking
about stopping the pain.
Right In their mind.
That's like the thought process.
So you have to be really bluntand you have to say have you had
thoughts of killing yourself?
(41:45):
And if they say yes, say do youhave a plan?
Have you thought about howyou're going to do?
And it's so scary because allthe things in the past are
telling us don't talk about it,because if you talk about it,
you're going to make it allhappen and you're going to make
it all real.
But it's like no, if theyhaven't even considered a plan,
you know that they're far enoughaway from doing it that you can
(42:06):
still help them out.
If they actually consider aplan, ask them about the details
, let them know, because they'llliterally give you the
information that you need to belooking out for.
You know they'll tell you.
Yeah, I thought I'm going togive my card to so-and-so, I'm
going to give my jacket toso-and-so.
You know what I mean, like whenyou do these kinds of things,
and then I'm going to, I'm goingto wait until after Christmas
(42:26):
so that my mom doesn't have to.
You know, mess up on Christmas,or whatever it is.
Like they'll tell you what towatch for and then you can open
up another conversation thatwill help you.
You know, make help them tohelp make future plans, right.
I think that's one of, like,the big takeaways that I got was
was help them build their ownfuture, right.
Help them feel that they have asafe place where you can talk
(42:49):
to them and where you're notjudging them and you're not
trying to like, oh my gosh, youcan't do that.
You know, like you have to justlike let them, let them speak,
right, let them get it out thereand let them see that it's not
a shameful thing, and then say,okay, what do we want to do
about this here?
You know, because a lot of thetimes they just they just need
(43:10):
to talk.
You know, they just need to beable to vocalize it and all of a
sudden it's not as scary whenit comes out.
Once it comes out, then we canhave the conversations we can,
we can find the resources, wecan look for the help, and then
you know that you've doneeverything that you can do, even
if the result is still the samein the end.
You know, I just think I don'tknow there's so much more
(43:32):
learning out there that we stillneed to do.
You know so many things wedon't know about mental health
and suicide, but there also area lot of resources that are
available, that are helpful,that have saved lives, that have
, you know, prolonged lives.
Right, maybe they didn't evenget to completely save them, but
they gave them years on theirlife to to get through that.
(43:53):
And so I just think you knowit's, it's amazing seeing what
you've gone through and seeingthat you've been able to take
the steps to try to make someoneelse's life a little bit, a
little bit more at peace.
You know to give themunderstanding and stuff.
So I I just appreciate peoplelike you.
I just appreciate people likeyou.
Scott Brandley (44:11):
I really, really do.
I was going to say I justreally liked the end part of
your story where you're talkingabout all the different lessons
that you've learned along theway.
I'm sure a lot of those lessonsprobably took a lot of time
Right, A lot of reflection.
Larissa Dagley (44:25):
A lot of prayer.
Scott Brandley (44:27):
Yes.
Larissa Dagley (44:28):
Yes they did.
Scott Brandley (44:30):
But that's.
I almost want to like go backand watch that part of the
podcast again, because it wasvery inspiring.
All the lessons that you'velearned and how they were all
tied to the gospel.
In the end, right, Every one ofthose things that you said
could be tied back to theatonement or the or the
teachings of the gospel, andthat's just so important.
(44:51):
You don't realize how importantthe gospel is in your life
until something like thishappens.
But then also you don't see thelessons and the good that that
can come through tragedy.
But if you put it in the frameof the gospel, it changes your
perspective.
Larissa Dagley (45:10):
It sure does.
Alisha Coakley (45:13):
Yeah, absolutely .
It's interesting too because, Imean, I don't know if you've
dealt with any other passings ofpeople who are close to you
after your son, you know, I knowfor where I'm at right now.
(45:34):
Um, there's a clear linebetween the people that I lost
before I lost my brother andthen the ones that I'm losing
now.
Right, like the ones that arecoming afterwards, having gone
through the really really darkside of grief and staying close
to the gospel, even though Iknow that that darkness is
coming again.
I know it's around the corner.
Um, you know, with my mom'scancer and stuff, that, um,
(45:58):
they've only given her a fewmonths, and so I know that's
coming.
I can feel it build likebuilding inside of me already,
even though it hasn't happened.
I I also keep telling myselfover and over again Okay, Alisha
, like you know what got youthrough the first time.
So now I have an anchor, I havesomething to go back to,
(46:21):
knowing that there's going to besomething else.
Right, like that, it may notlook exactly the same, it may
not feel exactly the same, butdark is dark, whether you're in
a cave or you're in a hole oryou're.
You know what I mean.
Like it, it's, it's still.
We're always going to have itLike.
We're always going to havepockets of darkness that come
(46:42):
into our life.
And I love that, that with theatonement, we can always reach
out for light there, and itdoesn't mean that it's going to
come instantly or that it'sgoing to be super bright right
away or that it's going to getus out of the hole or out of the
cave or out of the rut,wherever.
Wherever we're at, but we knowthat there's something that we
(47:04):
can anchor ourselves to thatwill eventually pull us there to
the light and I just think thatum, that it's stories like
yours, it's people like you whoare willing to come on here and
who are willing to talk aboutthat.
Talk about about the hope in thehardship that will really shine
that light and other people'sin in other people's darkness,
(47:27):
you know Right.
Scott Brandley (47:31):
Well, there's Larissa.
You're funny.
It's just so easy to sayLarissa, because it's just
that's what it is.
Larissa Dagley (47:40):
I know my mom spelled it wrong, didn't she?
Scott Brandley (47:46):
We really appreciate you being on the show
.
Is there anything you'd like toshare?
Kind of wrap things up anyfinal thoughts that you have?
Larissa Dagley (47:56):
Hold on to hope.
There's always hope, even whenthings are the darkest and seem
the worst and it seems so long.
Don't give up, hold on to faithand always have hope, because
the sun always comes out afterthe storm and that light can
shine bright through our savior,jesus Christ.
Alisha Coakley (48:16):
Well, larissa, thank you again for writing us,
for reaching out, for beingwilling to share your story and
for being willing to share alittle bit of Cody with us.
We really, really appreciatethat and we hope that your
family can continue to findpeace and healing and joy and
all of the things that that theLord has in store for you guys
as family, and through this youguys can help a lot of other
(48:38):
people.
So we appreciate you coming onand and being open with us today
, and raw and real and um, andwe appreciate all of our guests
too, for our listeners too, fortuning in and um, as always,
guys, we just ask you if you'relistening to Larissa's story, if
it's, you know, made an impactin your life, if it's brought
(48:58):
the spirit to you during thislast hour, like, please be sure
to do that.
Five second missionary work.
Uh, hit the share button, leavea comment and you know I'm just
going to say continue to.
I mean, even if it's been years,decades, like if you have the
thought popping up in your head,pray for a family who's lost a
loved one.
You know, just let them knowthat that it's not just heavenly
(49:22):
father that loves them, it'snot just Jesus Christ that loves
them, that you still love themand you still know that grief is
one of those things that willcontinue to feel until we're
reunited again.
And it's a little softer andit's a little less frequent as
the years go by, but it is stillthere and it is still really.
There are moments where it'sstill really hard.
(49:43):
So, a prayer here, a prayerthere and a share as well.
A share and prayer, that's allwe're asking for.
Well, share and prayer, that'sall we're asking for.
Scott Brandley (49:53):
Share and prayer , and if you guys have a story
that you'd like to share, thisis the place to do it.
So we invite you to go tolatterdaylightscom and you can
reach out to us there, or youcan go to
latterdaylightsgmailcom and sendus an email.
Again, thanks for tuning in.
Thanks, larissa, for being onthe show.
It's been a treat and apleasure to get to know you and
(50:16):
to have you share your storywith us, and we look forward to
seeing you guys next week withanother episode of Latter-day
Lights.
Until then, take care Talk toyou soon.
Alisha Coakley (50:26):
Thanks guys.
Scott Brandley (50:27):
Bye-bye, talk to you soon.
Bye, bye.
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