Unexpected Loss, Emotional Infidelity, & Learning to Love & Forgive Yourself: Sheri Ramirez's Story - Latter-Day Lights

Can you imagine losing your husband when you're only 22 years old?

In this weeks episode, Sheri Ramirez shares her heartbreaking story of young love, and the tragic loss of her first husband to a rare kidney disease.

She also opens up and shares her struggle with emotional infidelity in the midst of trying to cope with the overwhelming challenges and trials of life.

Fortunately, through her faith, therapy, and her family's love and support, she has been able to find self-love and forgiveness, which has given her the ability to have the courage to share both her story and her light with others.

*** Please SHARE Sheri's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/mml_j7nCFoA

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To VISIT Sheri's website, visit: https://www.sheriramirez.com

To FOLLOW her on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/saltyselflove/

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Episode Transcript

Scott Brandley (00:00):
Hi everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley (00:02):
And I'm Alisha Coakley.
Every member of the church hasa story to share, one that can
instill faith, invite growth andinspire others.

Scott Brandley (00:10):
On today's episode, we're going to hear how
one young widow's journeythrough loss and infidelity has
shown her that, no matter whatwe're going through, god's love
for us is very real.
Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Latter-day

(00:33):
Lights.
We're so glad you're here withus today and we're really
excited to introduce our specialguest, Sheri Ramirez.
Sheri, how are you doing today?

Sheri Ramirez (00:42):
I so good.
How are you?

Alisha Coakley (00:45):
we're doing fantastic good now I'm just
going to preface our viewers.
If you see Sheri moving herhands around a lot, it's because
she's she knows how to sign, sobut she's not going to do it
for the show.
She said she's you know shewants a break.
That's okay though.
So she might be very handsy andI might be very talkative, and

(01:05):
poor scott will just I don'tknow what you're going to do.

Scott Brandley (01:08):
Sit here like a bump on the log.
My normal job.

Alisha Coakley (01:13):
Yeah, exactly.
Oh well, Sheri, we're reallyexcited that you reached out to
us.
I, like I said you know earlier, before we started recording,
scott doesn't really knowanything about your story.
I wish that I had had tissueswhen we were on the phone call.
So just another little shoutout to our listeners If you

(01:34):
don't have tissues and you mightwant to grab some.
Um, it was just a.
It was a beautiful call.
I think it lasted a really longtime too, didn't it?

Sheri Ramirez (01:40):
Yeah.

Alisha Coakley (01:41):
It was a hot minute.

Sheri Ramirez (01:42):
It was a good call, though I felt super pumped
after yeah, me too.

Alisha Coakley (01:53):
It was so awesome and that's just a true
testament to you.
So I'm excited to get to know alittle bit more about you and
to hear more of your story indepth.
But before we get started withthat, do you want to tell
everyone just who is Sheri?

Sheri Ramirez (02:02):
Yeah, so, Sheri Ramirez, we currently have a
family of five, so I have threechildren and my twin boys will
be 11.
God be with me.
My daughter is eight and shegot baptized this year, so that
was super special for our family.

(02:23):
This is our first full year inFlorida.
Before this, we lived in peopleare probably going to wonder
where in Utah, so I'll just sayTaylorsville, utah.
But we lived in differentstates throughout our 12 years
there.
My husband grew up in Utah, sothat's a really short way of

(02:45):
saying that's how we ended upthere for the last 12 years.
But my dream has always been tobe back to the beach, because I
grew up in California up untilI was 18.
So I teach here at the Schoolfor the Deaf in Florida and I do
life coaching on the side.
I'm super excited.
I just got that certificationand it's something I'm super

(03:06):
passionate about.
That's a little bit about me.

Alisha Coakley (03:09):
Awesome, now we're in Florida, because that
was kind of like my stompinggrounds for a long time.

Sheri Ramirez (03:14):
St Augustine.

Alisha Coakley (03:15):
Okay, so you're like the pretty part of Florida.

Sheri Ramirez (03:17):
North yeah.

Alisha Coakley (03:19):
Beach thing.
There you go.
I like that part of Florida.
I don't love where I was from.
I was down in Southwest Florida, like the Fort Myers, Naples
area and stuff like that.
So it's just so humid there.
I don't know it is.
I'm not meant for humidity.
My hair does this Mufasa thingand it's just not pretty.

Sheri Ramirez (03:36):
So I'll take it over the snow.

Alisha Coakley (03:40):
Really See, I'm all about the snow.

Sheri Ramirez (03:46):
It's really see, I'm all about the snow, it's
glittery and beautiful.

Alisha Coakley (03:48):
I love it.
Too cold for me, I was readyfor some warmth.
Oh, what about you, scott?
Are you a sand or snow kind ofguy?

Scott Brandley (03:53):
I've never really lived on the beach so I
can't really say, isn't itthough?
I mean yes, I mean I've gone tothe beach, but living there I
mean I've.
Yeah, I mean I like the.
I've stayed in oxnard, by thebeach one with where my
brother-in-law used to live andhe kept his windows open all the
time and there was that breezecoming through the house.

(04:14):
That was cool.
I could, I could get used tothat less uh heat throughout the
year for sure.
Yeah, that's true, awesome.

Alisha Coakley (04:27):
Well, thanks so much for that.
And so you're teaching andyou're doing life coaching.
You've got your three kiddos athome, right, yep, yep, and you
just moved to Florida.

Sheri Ramirez (04:40):
Yes, lots going on.
You're not busy at all.
Yes.

Alisha Coakley (04:42):
Lots going on.
You're not busy at all.

Sheri Ramirez (04:44):
No, never.

Alisha Coakley (04:46):
Very cool, all right.
Well, ms Sheri, we're going togo ahead and turn the time over
to you.

Sheri Ramirez (04:54):
Why don't you tell us where does your story
begin?
All right, my story begins.
Let's start when I met my firsthusband.
This was when I was deciding togo off to college and I wanted
to get out of Riverside, be awayfrom mom and dad going off to
college, but I was the first offive to go off somewhere

(05:16):
different, so it was a big dealfor our family to kind of drop
someone off and have them be ontheir own.
I was excited, though I wasready to take charge of the
world and figure out who I was.
So I was.
I didn't know anyone.
I kind of dated around a littlebit.
I actually there's a littlefull circle here.

(05:39):
So I actually met my currenthusband first.
If we're starting from thebeginning, Wow, really Okay.
We have a full circle.
We dated briefly though, mycurrent husband, who I never
thought I'd marry in my life,when I was 18.
Like there's no way.
He's so immature, he is deaf,but I was learning sign language

(06:01):
and that's what I was going tocollege for.
So I actually met him firstonline and we met on a blind
date, which was super awkward,which it was something fun to
write about in my memoir as Iwent back in time and reliving
this naive little girl you know,just jumping into the world but

(06:22):
I had never met a deaf boybefore.
You know, just jumping into theworld, but I had never met a
deaf boy before.
I met deaf girls in camp, agirls camp up in Big Bear,
california, and that was whatsparked some fire inside of me,
like it was this language that Ihad known at some other time.
I don't know what it was, but Iknew at that time, when I was

(06:43):
about 12, that I had to learnthis language.

Scott Brandley (06:46):
Wow.

Sheri Ramirez (06:46):
And I just knew there was going to be at some
point I'd learn this language.
My high school didn't offer it,so that's where college comes
in.
Okay, so this is where I'mabout to start college, so I
meet him first and it was kindof like, well, I don't think
this is going to be a long-termdating scenario, but something

(07:07):
drew me to him.
It was something innate insideof me that I'm just like I just
I can't pinpoint it.
I know he's going on a missionthat was what it was.
He was going on a two-yearmission, so he wasn't seriously
wanting to date, but I still waslike I don't know what it is

(07:28):
Just beyond him teaching me signlanguage.
I was so drawn to him as aperson, even though we were both
young and he was just immature,I was still drawn to him.
Then I think, about a monthlater.
So this is where I met my firsthusband, ryan.
Totally different person, verymature.

(07:50):
He was about five and a halfyears older than me.
I was just like whoa, thisolder boy.
I'm very intrigued with him too.
Amidst being intrigued by bothof these boys, there was
something inside of me that waslike well, just see where both
of them go.
So there was kind of knowledgethat everyone was kind of open

(08:13):
to, knowing that I was young anddating around.
Both of them kind of knew Dantewas like that's my current
husband, dante.

Alisha Coakley (08:20):
Okay.

Sheri Ramirez (08:22):
He was like whatever, I'm going on a mission
, yeah, exactly Fine.
But as things got more seriouswith Ryan, I had to figure out
how to officially just cutthings off with Dante, even
knowing he was going on amission.
I still wanted to keep in touchor write to him because we had
developed some sort of aconnection and it was.

(08:45):
It was kind of romantic, Iwould say.
It wasn't super involvedbecause we both knew he was
leaving, but he was alwayssomeone in the back of my mind.
I never forgot about him and Iseriously started dating Ryan,

(09:11):
dating Ryan, now Ryan.
I learned one night when hedecided to tell me a few months
into us dating and we weregetting more serious.
He let me know that there wassomething different about him
and I always felt there wassomething different about him.
He's such a bright spirit andhe was always so optimistic
about life and I never knew whatit was obviously because I
didn't know.
He let me know one night.

(09:32):
He said I have a chronic kidneydisease, and I was blown away.
I'd never met someone with akidney disease.
This was super new to me,especially being an 18 year old
girl and just venturing intocollege, but he was so

(09:54):
fascinating.
Everything that he did was sopositive and feel like he was
led by the spirit in so manythings that he did, and I felt
that spirit right away.
There was no denying how much Iloved him, probably from soon
after I met him, and so that wassomething that I was okay

(10:15):
exploring to figure out if Icould handle something like that
.
And what did that even mean?
Someone who has a chronickidney disease, what kind of
life do they live?
So he got to share with meabout dialysis, which I also

(10:36):
didn't know about, but thismachine that cleaned his blood
and he depended on it unless hegot a transplant, wow yeah.
And as things got more seriousand I was very committed to him,
he one night we had had aconversation and I verbally let
him know that I felt like he wasthe right person and this was

(10:58):
after so much back and forth.
I'm just not sure Is this likethe person that I'm supposed to
marry.
That's a huge decision, butthat was what I came to college
for Boy crazy, that's the thing.
But I prayed about it a lot andI felt inspired that he was the

(11:22):
person that I was supposed tomarry.
So I let him know.
This was when he was ondialysis, so I didn't know when
he'd get a kidney disease or geta kidney transplant yeah,
kidney transplant.

Alisha Coakley (11:34):
So or if he'd get one right Like yeah.
Yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (11:40):
I.
I had no idea.
So he was actually the next day.
It was maybe one in the morning.
He called me at a weird hour soI was thinking like this is not
good, he's calling me at such aweird hour.
But he actually called me totell me that the hospital had
called him up to say they had atransplant for him.

(12:01):
God was like you're going tocommit first, because that's
going to be the ultimate test ofcommitting to someone who has a
disease and there's no for sureway of knowing how long their
life is going to be or justpretty much testing my faith in
trusting God.

Alisha Coakley (12:22):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (12:23):
So I was super grateful for that moment, even
though I didn't expect that tohappen, it was a beautiful
experience for him to be able toget a kidney transplant.

Alisha Coakley (12:33):
Wow, did you talk to your family about this
and like what was their kind oftake on it?
Because that I just, you know,I have a daughter myself and I
think, gosh, like I don't knowwhat advice I would give her if
she were dating someone whocould potentially lose their
life really early on or have alifelong medical um, you know,

(12:55):
big medical thing right To gothrough like that.
I mean it means he may not beable to be the sole provider.
It means that you're going tohave to always have really good
insurance on you.
It means you know what I meanLike you might end up being a
caretaker and like you can'treally plan things because you
can't go too far from thehospital, just in case.
I mean like I can just see howmany complications you would

(13:17):
have to plan for before goinginto it, especially it being
what you said 19 at this pointit was 18, 19.
Yeah.
So like what did your familyand friends think?
Like what, what kind of advicedid you get, or did you?
Did you just kind of make upyour own mind?

Sheri Ramirez (13:34):
No, I love this question, I think at the moment,
because I feel like I wasshielded with naivety and I
wasn't super worried about toofar into our life.
However, it was in the back ofmy mind.
I remember talking with my momand she did bring up questions

(13:54):
to me.
However, I feel like she'salways been one to let me go
with my gut and I'm usually thetype of person that I don't
really ask for opinions, I justdo Right.
So I believe that she knew thatabout me, but she was really
good at asking me thosequestions and it also gave me

(14:15):
more time to ponder Now with mydad.
He is usually the same.
He has an old fashioned sensewhere he does want to know are
you going to be provided for?

Alisha Coakley (14:29):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (14:30):
So that was actually his ultimate question.
That was his question, like inevery relationship that I've
experienced if it got serious,like you know, are they going to
be able to take care of youthat type of thing, you know,
are they going to be able totake care of you that type of
thing?
So I I believe my dad was moreso like unsure about it, but I

(14:53):
knew that I was going to makethe choice based on what I
wanted to do and I felt likethis separation to being in Utah
and then being in California.
I felt more so like I wasreally on my own and I was now
venturing into this new life, myadulthood, on my own, and
everything would just work out.
Feel like I had such a shieldof it's all good, everything

(15:17):
will just go into place.
Yeah, that's where I was at.
Okay, yeah, okay.

Alisha Coakley (15:24):
So so he's on the list.
They have a kidney.
Is that in like an immediatething, Like he's got to go to
the hospital immediately, right?

Sheri Ramirez (15:31):
Yes.

Alisha Coakley (15:31):
Okay, so take us , I guess yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (15:35):
He was taken in and prepped and the kidney took.
So that was super exciting forus.
I had no idea what to expect,but I was hoping for the best
and it worked out really well.
His kidney did live on forquite a few years.
We ended up getting married andhe had his kidney and after we

(15:57):
got married I was about a yearin.
We were living in Utah.
I let him know I'm superhomesick, I don't like the snow,
can you please take me back toCalifornia.
And at that time he hadconveniently but inconveniently
lost his job.

(16:17):
They were downsizing and soright before the year mark of
being in Utah together married,we ended up moving to California
and that's kind of whereeverything shifted and we were
really out of place.
There was no plan.
We moved in with my parents.
That was an experience that I'mgrateful is past.

(16:42):
That I'm grateful is passed.
Yes, but it gets a little tightwhen you're living in a home
with your two youngest teenagesiblings and parents.
So it was a time that we werereally trying to figure out how
to provide for ourselves in aneconomy.
That's a little bit more.
The price range is a littlehigher out there A lot higher in

(17:06):
.
California yeah.

Scott Brandley (17:08):
Yeah, yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (17:09):
And I feel Utah has gone up quite a bit in it
has now, so I felt like it wassignificantly cheaper in Utah.
And then going to California, Iwas like Whoa, I've never lived
here as an adult.
I only lived here, you know,under my parents' roof.
So that was super eye-opening.

(17:31):
And insurance I did notunderstand at that age the
responsibility that I was takingon with a husband who had this
chronic illness, that I wouldalways have to make sure I'm
getting jobs with insurance.
I had no idea how difficultthat would be and how it could

(17:52):
limit things.
When I was looking for jobopportunities, it was always
number one do they have goodinsurance?
So that's how I landed at HoagHospital in Newport Beach a
little while after we had movedthere.
That was where I finally feltlike I was able to provide for

(18:13):
my husband.
And right before finding thisjob, something significant
happened.
It was very devastating, but Igot a call when I was a nanny
and my mom called me on thephone and she said hey, I'm
taking Ryan to a nephrologyspecialist down in San Diego.

(18:39):
Um, something's wrong and Idon't feel like his kidney
transplant is actually filteringhis blood through his body
correctly.
So we need to go see thisspecialist and I'm just in tears
.
I have these three childrenthat I'm nannying and I'm just

(19:00):
shocked.
So their family came home and Iwas able to leave and go see
him at the hospital.
But I remember sitting with himon that bed.
We were just so devastated thatthis kidney that we had hoped
would bring us through so manymore years had died.
That was really devastating forme.

(19:20):
It was really devastating forme, for him.
I know that he blamed himselffor that kidney dying.
I know that because he had feltlike someone else had been able
to give him life and now it wasgone.
That's really a big loss for him.

Alisha Coakley (19:46):
Was it that he, I mean, was he not just taking
care of himself?
Or is it just something thathappens sometimes, like
sometimes?

Sheri Ramirez (19:49):
it works and then it just doesn't.
Yeah, we weren't given a ton ofinformation and it could be
that they told me all themedical terms as to why it could
have died, but I feel like it.
It just wasn't taking anymoreGotcha.

Alisha Coakley (20:00):
And.

Sheri Ramirez (20:00):
I his last kidney transplant that he had.
That I was told about when hewas, I believe, around 17.
He had that also for a coupleof years and then it died as
well.
So I don't know.

Alisha Coakley (20:16):
This was his second transplant then.

Sheri Ramirez (20:19):
Yeah.

Alisha Coakley (20:19):
Wow Okay.

Sheri Ramirez (20:21):
Yeah, that was a big turning point of we did turn
to God.
At that point I rememberfeeling his closeness and not
quite understanding why I wasquestioning why this was the
life that was happening now,when I had been so faithful in

(20:44):
saying yes and trusting thateverything would be okay, and in
my young mind I just felt likethat was somewhat the end of
life, because I didn't know whatthat would look for.
Would he ever be offeredanother kidney transplant when
he'd already had two that hadfailed?

Scott Brandley (21:03):
Yeah, it's scary that's rough, being that, being
that young and being faced withthat reality yeah, yeah.

Alisha Coakley (21:14):
And then does that mean that he goes back on
dialysis again until he canmaybe get another kidney, or yep
?
Yes, oh yikes, were you guysclose to like a dialysis center
and stuff, or?

Sheri Ramirez (21:26):
Yeah, they have a lot of dialysis centers, so we
were able to find one near usand it worked out well.
However, his dialysis is likethree days a week and it was
four hours each.
So it's almost like this parttime job that really takes away
from being able to providefinancially as well.

(21:47):
His body would get sick, withheadaches that were super
excruciating and debilitating,and then he would get queasy
quite often.
So he would be vomiting andpeople at his workplace would be
like why is this kid alwaysvomiting?
So it was a little bitembarrassing for him to be

(22:09):
working I think at the time hewas working at Chipotle to have
to go in the back door and vomitto be able to keep going.
But he tried really hard to beable to find a job, to also be
working along with me, workingwith insurance and making sure
that we were staying afloat,which kind of happened.

Alisha Coakley (22:30):
Gotcha.
So what happened after that,after that news?

Sheri Ramirez (22:36):
After we had heard that news he was told just
live life that you like.
You have always lived ondialysis.
He had a specific diet that hehad to watch and make sure he
wasn't eating too much salt anddrinking things that weren't
good for his body like monsterswas his favorite thing and I at

(22:57):
that time I felt so lost.
I kind of pushed myself awayfrom my family.
My brother was on a mission.
I stopped emailing him and Ijust remember trying to find any

(23:22):
type of connection with people,maybe my age.
I felt like there were nocouples in California married
that were the same age as me.
I think at this time I wasabout 20, 21.
And I felt super lonely.
I remember binge watching TVshows and feeling like those
were my friends.
I just felt so alone in thepredicament that I was in and it

(23:46):
felt like nothing would changeit.
This is the point where Istarted reaching out to male
connection within my hospitaland this is where things get a
bit muddy.
But I felt like it stems fromnot having the connection with
my father growing up he was notemotionally available for us and

(24:11):
, I believe, from being able toheal and do lots of work on
myself.
I was just grasping for that tofill it up after not having
that for so long and also beingso lost into.
How do I feel connected withmyself?
How do I figure out who I am?
We had stopped going to church.

(24:32):
We had stopped doing everything.
I feel like his disease reallydebilitated him and he had
headaches very often.
So this left me cravingadventure and being able to feel
youthful.
I felt like as the caretaker.
I was constantly going in andout of the emergency rooms with

(24:54):
him or trying to make sure hehad what he needed and then,
when he couldn't drive, gettinghim to dialysis.
There was just a lot ofresponsibility that I was not
ready for and my escape wasfeeling that rush of dopamine
doing something that you're notsupposed to do.
This is where I startedconnecting with two of my

(25:17):
co-workers at my hospital and Irealized after the first time it
was wrong and we had gone pasta point where it was mostly just
text and back and forth.
So it was emotionallyconnecting with someone.
And once it got a littlefurther, my bells rang in my

(25:41):
head and I was like okay, that'sit.
I talked with Ryan.
That was one of the hardestthings I've ever experienced,
beyond many other things, buthaving to tell your spouse that
you've crossed the line and it'sthis person that you work with,
so you're going to be seeingthem every day.

Alisha Coakley (26:02):
Yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (26:03):
I know he was devastated, Right, he said I
know I should have let you datemore.
I feel bad for getting marriedwhen you were so young.
And so he was blaming himself,which I was not expecting.
I was expecting him to haveanger and hate, but he didn't.
I mean, this had so much lightin him, unconditional love.

(26:28):
So when I cut ties with thatcoworker, I felt lost again.
I'm like well, where am Isupposed to find happiness?
And of course I'm not going tochurch, not doing all the things
that could bring this lightinto my life, because at the
time I just didn't feel like Iwanted to connect in that way.

(26:49):
And then the darkness kepttaking over.
And then I connected withanother person who I worked with
and I went through the samecycle over again.
It's like throwing a grenade atyour husband while you're
telling him these things thatare so painful and hurtful, when
they didn't do anything.

Alisha Coakley (27:09):
Yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (27:10):
It was his disease that was overwhelming me
.
It wasn't him.

Alisha Coakley (27:13):
Right.

Scott Brandley (27:15):
Right.

Alisha Coakley (27:15):
Gosh.
Well, I can see how, especiallylike being so young and so
married and your, your brain isin that honeymoon phase, and
then, when the outsidecircumstances don't match the
the inside expectations, how youcan feel completely out of
place.
You know, like this is not whatsomeone you know, a 20 year old

(27:37):
, is supposed to be doing.
This is something for like a 60, 70, 80 year old woman.
You know, like that's the wifeyou know, or even motherly, I
think.
Sometimes too.
You know, if you end up havingto be a caretaker for a husband,
it almost takes you out of thatwife role and into that mother
role, which can reallycomplicate the intimacy and

(27:58):
relationships and you know,passion and all of those things
that, as a young, young bride,you were expecting to have.
So I can see, you know, how itwould be really easy to go and
to have this, this emotional,you know, affair and and to just
want to be seen in a way wheresomeone can take care of

(28:21):
themselves.

Sheri Ramirez (28:22):
Yes.

Alisha Coakley (28:22):
Where you don't have to be anything except for
the person that's being chased,you know?

Sheri Ramirez (28:29):
Yeah.

Scott Brandley (28:30):
I mean, from my perspective, it almost feels
like you were a prisoner in yourown life and you were so young,
you just didn't and you yeah,Like that would be really hard
to be in that situation.

Alisha Coakley (28:43):
Yeah.

Sheri Ramirez (28:44):
Yeah, I felt like I wasn't sure what to do to
change the situation.
I knew there also wasn't muchto do, except for the obvious,
which that came soon after.
Now, all of this back and forth, reaching outside of my
marriage that was about ninemonths worth of just turmoil and

(29:07):
trying to figure out who I was,without having the gospel's
influence on my life, but alwaysknowing it was true.
That's one thing I knew is Iknew the gospel was true.
No matter what was happening, Ijust didn't feel like I could
live it.
So I was living how I waschoosing to live, and I learned

(29:30):
that that wasn't really gettingme anywhere.
Now something else happened thatwas pretty pivotal.
Um, I was this is about threeand a half years into our
marriage Don Ryan, my firsthusband, ryan, dropped me off at
the hospital to go to work andwe were making things work.

(29:53):
We had made a pact that I wouldchange departments.
I brought that up to him.
I looked into everything and Ifound a heart telemetry position
that was hiring.
So I studied like crazy.
I passed the test and I appliedto the positions that were
available and I was offered aposition.

(30:15):
So I felt like light was comingback in and my brain was
stimulated in a productive way.
I feel like that was alsomissing when I had dropped out
of college way back years before, because Dante was my piece to
sign language and so when westopped connecting I didn't feel

(30:36):
confident enough to keep goingand doing that.
So I dropped out and so my mindI felt was understimulated and
that's not good for me.
I'm learning, I just have avery active mind.
But I was dropped off thatmorning and I went about my day.
We were sharing a car and atabout 1.30, when I was into my

(31:05):
shift, I saw my phone and Ryantext me, said I miss you, love,
and I read it and put it in mypocket.
I did not respond.
At about 3.30-ish, when I wasoff my shift, I started calling
him and he wasn't answering.
So in my gut I just knewsomething was wrong.

(31:28):
I just knew.
So our neighbor kindly went toour apartment and asked the
landlord to open the door.
And he was found unconscious inour living room.
So I was not there, I was atwork and it conveniently worked
out that that was the nearesthospital.

(31:49):
So they did bring him to me.
At the hospital that I workedat there was just so many
swirling feelings that I didn'tknow what was going on.
Was this it He'd been Supermanevery time he pulled through.
There's no way that they weregoing to tell me that he
wouldn't pull through this time.
I felt like this was justanother one of those times.

(32:12):
But then also I had thisoverwhelming feeling His
spirit's not in that body.
I saw his body come in in thestretcher.
Spirit's not in that body.
I saw his body come in and thestretcher and all the nurses
getting all the wires and theplugs and machines hooked up.
It was almost this eeriefeeling, like he was above it,

(32:32):
and I didn't want to believethat.
But the doctor waited for myfamily to come because I was
just there with my neighbor, a22 year old girl with a husband
lying on a stretcher.
He said let me know when yourfamily comes.
So when they got there he saidhe is brain dead.

(32:52):
He's only alive because of thismachine.
So I'm sorry, there's nothing Ican do.

Alisha Coakley (33:00):
Wow, oh, did you guys discuss anything ahead of
time as far as, like if thatwere something that happened,
did you know exactly what whathe wanted?

Sheri Ramirez (33:15):
Yeah, I knew that he was on the donor list, so he
was able to donate organs, andthat was something that was very
beautiful for his mom to beable to experience as well,
because they'd gone through alot with his disease.
For me, I was just imaginingsomeone disassembling his body
and then all the blood drainingout and he wasn't a person

(33:38):
anymore.
That was terrifying for me, butI was also grateful that he was
able to give differentdonations to other people,
because it's like his legacylived on.
He was able to give back, wow.

Alisha Coakley (33:53):
So how long did you guys have to, I guess, keep
him on life support before youmade that decision to take him
off?

Sheri Ramirez (34:02):
I think it was about three days somewhere in
between.
There His parents didn't havethe finances to come to us in
California, so I was making alot of the choices for
everything that was happeningand being his wife that made
sense.
I just was so overwhelmed andmy dad could see that him and I
had never had a strongconnection.

(34:24):
But in that moment he took overperfectly.
He took care of everything thatwas costly and that needed to
be paid for and arranged and hewas able to provide that for me
at the perfect time.
And I was super grateful thathe was able to have that role
because his I'd never seen himbreak down.

(34:46):
When I was told Ryan was braindead, he was devastated.
He's like if I could take thepain away from you, I would, and
we had never had that kind ofrelationship.
The walls that I had built upwith him were so high that I was
almost frustrated that hewanted to be in my life at this

(35:06):
time.
Over the years we've been ableto work on our relationship, but
at that time I just rememberbeing grateful for him to be
willing to step in when I justcouldn't do it.

Scott Brandley (35:27):
Yeah.

Alisha Coakley (35:32):
Sorry you got me going, oh, man, so you guys
were able to say your goodbyes,I assume, right.

Sheri Ramirez (35:46):
Everyone was able to do that.
After he was taken off lifesupport, his family was able to
eventually get there, everyonewas able to say their goodbyes,
and we had the funeral.
He was buried in HuntingtonBeach, up high, just like he
liked, like the airplanes thathe always talked about, and that

(36:08):
was a beautiful tribute that wewere able to give him as well,
and that was the end of that.
The grief, though, that tookover inside of me, knowing that
we were fixing things and I hadfinally made the choice to
actually take my head out of thegutter and move towards the

(36:31):
vows that I had agreed to withmy husband and with God.
I had finally chosen.
That is going to be the bestthing for me, but I can't do it
by myself.
That's when I finally turned toGod, and it was only less than
two weeks before his death, soit was really fresh.

Scott Brandley (36:51):
Oh man.

Sheri Ramirez (36:52):
This realization was so fresh.
So when I learned he had passed, I felt like God was taking him
from me.
He's like you did not deservemy son.
So I took him back.
That's how I viewed it.
That day, when I was told thathe had passed and I knew that I

(37:13):
had a lot of work to go through,the grief that set inside of me
wasn't just because he hadpassed.
It was because of what I did,the choices that I made in my
marriage to someone who wasdoing the best that they could
with a disease that obviouslythey chose from heaven and he
chose me.

(37:35):
He chose knowing that I wouldmake those choices.
The unconditional love that Irealized he had inside of him
was immaculate.
After I was back with God,knowing that Ryan chose to go

(37:55):
through every trial, I justthere's no words.
I just know how beautiful of asoul he is and I'm so grateful
that he did choose that, becauseI was also able to learn
beautiful lessons.
Despite the hardships that Iplaced on myself and our

(38:17):
marriage marriage I've learnedthrough transformational therapy
that we all get to have ourjourney.
It's always our perfect journey.
We're going to be learning lotsof lessons and I got to learn a
lot of lessons before my nextmarriage, which brought a lot in

(38:38):
and of itself, a lot ofbeautiful lessons that I got to
continue learning and I wasshaping who I was before I got
to my second marriage.
I didn't know it at the time,but I was really learning who I
needed to be before I got todante right wow, yeah.

Scott Brandley (38:59):
So how did that?
How did that go from from thatpoint?
How did you get d from thatpoint?
How did you get Dante back inyour life?

Sheri Ramirez (39:05):
Yeah, dante found me.
Yeah, facebook.
I changed my status to single awhile after Ryan had passed,
not too much longer.
I was just going through thesteps of changing all the
formalities of what should shifteven my bank account.

(39:27):
I remember going in the tellerwas not much older than me and I
said here's my husband's deathcertificate, I need to take him
off my account.
And he was so dumbfounded bythis 22 year old girl who had a
death certificate of a husbandwho was she was already married
and he had already passed, andso that that was a moment of

(39:49):
reflection for me that I wassuper young and learning so many
things, but I didn't givemyself grace at that point.
It was just a time of reflectionNow.
When Dante reached out, we werealready in different states,
because I had already moved backto California and he was in
Utah, our snowy state here andhe reached out and he said hey,

(40:14):
I don't know what happened, butI noticed your status changed.
So if there's anything I can do, let me know.
And I was like, oh, okay, well,this is cool.
I mean, I don't know any signlanguage anymore, but it was
still.
It was suppressed inside of methat actually I couldn't talk

(40:36):
about sign language For thewhole time I was with Ryan.
I couldn't even talk about itbecause it was so sad to me that
I couldn't feel like I could dosign language anymore, because
I just wasn't confident enough.
Wow, he brought it back and westarted Skyping to age myself a
little bit.
We Skyped back and forth and westarted connecting through text

(41:03):
.
I was not looking for along-term relationship.
I was just connecting withsomeone who was so beautiful in
my life that I knew had apurpose.
But I didn't know he'd comeback to my life.
I really grieved the fact thatI probably wouldn't see him
again or talk to him again.

(41:24):
Really, when he started talkingwith me back and forth and this
connection came so naturally.
It was very odd for me becauseI felt like I was cheating on
Ryan again.
I felt like I was now crossinganother line, even though he had
passed.
It's like that carried overinto my life.

(41:47):
Still, I just mentally didn'tunderstand where I was supposed
to be and how I was supposed tomove forward after messing it up
so badly.

Scott Brandley (41:56):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (41:57):
But Dante was super patient.
He brought his own suppressedchildhood, no-transcript

(42:23):
thoughts that I had thought ofanother person outside of my
marriage.
I disclosed those things toboth of them, just knowing that
I really, really wanted to moveforward.
I just didn't really know how.
In my mind he was kind of thissegue into a different life,

(42:44):
unplanned.

Alisha Coakley (42:47):
How did he so you did that before you guys
started dating or like when youguys were getting serious?
Like when did you share all ofthese things with Ryan?

Sheri Ramirez (42:56):
I know right, I keep I shared with him.
I feel like like a couplemonths after it was, we were
super connected fast.
It may have been trauma bonding, I don't know.
I'm sure some of it was.
It was pretty quick after, Iwant to say maybe a couple

(43:17):
months, so we weren't superserious.
But I'm the type obviously Ilike to share.
I've always been that way,except for when I'm in the midst
of shame.

Alisha Coakley (43:27):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (43:28):
And when I'm outside of that and I've been
able to find healing I do liketo share with people who I trust
is who's very understanding ofwhat had happened and he knew of
the past that I was bringing into a possibility if we were
going to date seriously and thatwas never something that was a

(43:51):
hard no, I feel like with hisown different circumstances of
childhood, he also knew that hewas going to need someone who
was understanding, and I learnedmore about him as we went on.

(44:13):
But we really connected fastafter that in visiting each
other and then things picked upreally fast and a year after
that we got married.

Alisha Coakley (44:20):
Wow.
So, how much time betweenRyan's passing and your second
marriage?

Sheri Ramirez (44:28):
About a year.

Alisha Coakley (44:29):
So literally like really just almost a year
Wow.

Sheri Ramirez (44:32):
Yeah, wow.

Scott Brandley (44:36):
Did you have any reservations marrying someone
that was deaf?

Sheri Ramirez (44:40):
Good question.

Scott Brandley (44:41):
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm
just like I had.
I had a deaf friend growing up.
Right, I had a deaf friendgrowing up and I mean there was
some.
Sometimes it was hard tocommunicate properly.

Sheri Ramirez (44:53):
Yeah.

Scott Brandley (44:55):
Right, yeah, were there any reservations
there Like.

Sheri Ramirez (44:59):
I feel like I really didn't have reservations
as long as I knew I was going tolearn the language.
However, my dad this is wherehe comes in with his concerns we
were on a drive one day andDante and I were serious at this
point.
It was just him and I.
He goes.
You know, it wasn't that longago that Ryan passed.
He's like I just bringing it tothe front because and I just

(45:23):
worry with you dating anotherman who can't take care of you I
just don't know how I feelabout that.
He said he's deaf.
It means that he may.
My dad was in the high counciland he was able to go to the
deaf branch in Riverside and hesaid I've had lots of
experiences seeing deafindividuals who also have other

(45:45):
multiple disabilities orphysical limitations.
And he said I worry that you'renot going to get taken care of
again.
And I told him Dante's probablymore physically fit than I am,
so I'm not worried about thephysical part.
It's really I need to learn thelanguage.

(46:09):
That was the biggest concernfor me, because I wasn't fully
able to express my emotions.
I could spoken or on a text,but being able to really connect
with someone deeply, I knewthat I had to pick that language
up fast and, really being withhim, that brought it right back
in to where I had to pick it upfast.

Alisha Coakley (46:29):
Wow, so were you ?
You were still in California atthis point, yes, and then he
was still in Utah, yes.
So where did you guys meet inthe?
I mean like physically, likehow did you guys actually start
dating together in the samestate?

Sheri Ramirez (46:46):
Yeah.
So it first started online andthen he flew into California.
He didn't have money, so I waslike I'll pay for it.
I've saved up this money for myjob.
I just want to see you.
He goes.
Are you sure no one's paid foranything for me?
I said, yeah, who cares?
But I was so eager to be ableto see him again and then I
finally was comfortable goingout of the state of California.

(47:09):
After so much grief, I finallygot to a point a few months
after where I'm like, okay, Ican do this.
And I went to visit him and hisfamily, who I had met back when
we were 18.
So it was very strange Like Ivaguely remembered his family,
but there had been so manydivorces on mom and dad's side

(47:30):
that I didn't keep any of theinformation in my head.
But he had a brother whodoesn't have autism, but he has
a brain I want to say disorderI'm not exactly sure what the
label is, but he does functionas if he would have autism.
So Dante always thought he hadautism, never knew that it
wasn't the case, but he wasDante's tester.

(47:52):
Dante's like.
None of my girlfriends haveever really passed the test of
my brother and being able toconnect with him and not feel
like he's just annoying or inthe way.
But I love.
I loved him from the moment thatI met him.
There was never any doubt forhim.
That was kind of his answer asto I.

(48:14):
I'm really serious about her.
There were different things,but that was one of the the one
factors that was important tohim when I went to Utah.
Now he decided then to stay inCalifornia for the summer
because he had to go back toUtah to finish school.
So summer is when I had todecide if I would go back to

(48:37):
Utah and the snow or if I wantedto stay at the beach that I'd
worked so hard to get to.
And it wasn't just arelationship, it was now.
Well, now we got to make achoice.
To go back in time is how Ifelt, back to square one, and
obviously I decided to go toUtah.
Obviously, that was the choice.

(49:00):
I got back into sign language,and he was also a person who
taught me sign language becausewe used it obviously every day.
So I went back to college and Ifelt like, okay, I'm going to be
interpreter the sign languageinterpreter that I had
originally sought out to be.
My mind was stimulated.

(49:25):
I was so excited to be on thisnew adventure.
We were doing well.
I feel like there was always alot of suppressed grief between
the two of us, but we werereally good at the honeymoon
phase after getting married andjust going with the flow of
whatever was happening.
Right happening Right, and he,uh, it was about a year, a year

(49:49):
after we had been married.
So we get this trend about ayear, Uh, and we realized that
we were pregnant super exciting,but we also were not taught
tools to go through our grief.
So there's the two of us barelykind of getting through life
every day.
We're thinking, oh, it's fine.
But you know, in that honeymoonphase obviously I feel like

(50:12):
both of us knew there werethings that needed to be healed
through.
But it's, it was kind oftriggering when I talked about
Ryan at that point.
He didn't really want to hearabout it because he wanted to
move forward with our life.
So I learned to suppress all ofthat after we got married and I
didn't feel like I needed atherapist.
I wish I did go to a therapist,but that was a point in my life

(50:37):
that I was still learning.
And we learned we were pregnantnot only with one, but with two.
That's when we learned we hadtwo heartbeats.

Alisha Coakley (50:47):
Wow, grow you in the deep end, huh.

Sheri Ramirez (50:50):
Yeah, starting with fire.
Oh wow it was very shocking tolearn that, but we were very
excited as new parents.
We did the best we could whenwe got these two babies and we
brought them home.
They were all ours, thesepreemie babies.
My mom did stay with us for alittle bit.

(51:12):
However, a few days in, she saidhey, I'm going to be going home
.
And I said mom, what are youtalking about?
You can't leave me.
No, don't go home.
There's no other grandparentshelping us.
What do you mean?
And I could sense like somethingwas going on, but she wouldn't
tell me.
She said well, I just feel likeyou guys are going to be a

(51:32):
great team, so I'm going to letyou guys do it.
And I said what do you mean,mom?
Like you're here, I actuallyget naps in the day and I can
function.
She said I really I feel likeyou guys are doing a great job,
so I'm going to book my ticket.
And she did.
I learned real quick that myhusband had been very much good

(51:54):
at telling her what she wasdoing wrong, or kind of like
wanting her to go to the sidebecause she was burping them
wrong or feeding them wrong.
I feel like she was alienatedand knew that.
It was just tough for Dante.
However, for me, it was thiswoman who I was finally able to
have in my house after bedrestfor five weeks and I, finally,

(52:17):
was having connection withsomebody.
So it was devastating that thiswas happening.
But I didn't understand at thetime.
How do we ever get through this?
So here's where I'm starting tofeel.
This heaviness again just sinkin my gut.
I just don't understand whatI'm supposed to do to find

(52:42):
happiness.
I feel like that's always beenwhat I was trying to find this
happiness and joy that was justnot ever coming.
Of course I'm learning indifferent ways, my own path, but
I feel like having twins reallyrocked our world and we both
weren't having our cups filled.

(53:02):
They're both being depletedconstantly.
And I feel like that's whatstarted the downfall of the next
pattern, which is where I againkind of had thoughts of other
men.
However, I didn't reach out toanyone, it was just the thoughts
of like, hey, I really want totalk to that person when I see

(53:25):
them.
And I was noticing these thingspop up here and there without
acting on anything.
And as time went on, I noticedthis cup was just depleting and
it was so raw.
We were not connecting, weweren't functioning except for
co-parenting.

(53:45):
He was struggling, spendingmoney financially, so I was
always resentful of the factthat I felt like I was stuck in
Utah because he was not everable to provide for us or he was
just using our money behind myback.
So that was very detrimentalfor the both of us.

(54:06):
I feel like both of uscontributed with all this trauma
of unhealed pain and wesuppressed it at the same time
while trying to raise young kids.
This is where the ugly comes inand this is where I just

(54:28):
doubted who I was as a human Atthis point.
We had my daughter now, sothere's three young children,
almost three in diapers.
I'd barely got the twins out ofdiapers before she came.
Almost three in diapers I'dbarely got the twins out of
diapers before she came Workingfull time, always providing

(54:51):
working two, three jobs,sometimes to provide for
everyone.

Scott Brandley (54:52):
He stayed home as Mr.

Sheri Ramirez (54:53):
Mom.
Grateful as I was in thattunnel vision of my mind, I felt
like when are you ever going toget a real job?
When is this going to be usthriving instead of us always in
the negative?
So, I feel like a lot of it wasfinancial all over again and

(55:14):
that made me feel stuck.
I was making this money I wasactually donating eggs to be
able to pay off debt and then tofind out that you're spending
money again it was verydevastating for me.
So that started a huge block inmy mind to disconnect from him,
because I felt like we were justnot making it work.

(55:36):
And there was an individual whocame into our life, actually
into Dante's life, so he was amutual person in our life.
And this is where I found anemotional connection outside of
my marriage, nothing physical.
This was the emotionalconnection that upturned our
whole lives.
It was, you know, texting backand forth, kind of like flirty,

(56:02):
just getting to know you, butthings you would do to kind of
get to know if you're compatiblewith somebody.

Alisha Coakley (56:08):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (56:09):
But that was enough for a few months,
actually a while back and forth,then cutting things off, and
then again, when I felt like mycup was too depleted, I would
reach back out to this person.
Finally, it got to a pointwhere I just knew I either

(56:32):
needed to end things in mymarriage or I needed to figure
out what was going on with me,because I still didn't
understand who I was.
My self-worth was in thegarbage.

Alisha Coakley (56:44):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (56:44):
It was so low at this point that I was doing this
thing again.
That totally destroyed me.
Why didn't I learn the firsttime this is a common.
Why didn't I learn that firsttime?
When you put yourself throughall that pain, I feel like the
dopamine addiction to somethingthat you're so in tune with.

(57:07):
When you get that hit again,that excitement, you're like, oh
my gosh, I know what that feelslike.
I really want that.

Scott Brandley (57:14):
What.

Sheri Ramirez (57:15):
I felt with that rush of excitement in connecting
with a male outside of mymarriage and getting that when I
needed or wanted.
That was like a reward.
So I felt like I was rewardingmyself each time I was able to
connect and get a reaction or aresponse.
Now I got to the point where Ifinally knew I needed to tell

(57:40):
Dante that I had been hiding anemotional connection with this
person that he worked with andthat made it really tough.
Because he worked closely withthis person and I did not.
I was just the wife.
Because he worked closely withthis person and I did not, I was

(58:03):
just the wife.
When he learned that this wasall in my head and I had doubts
about our marriage and thoughtabout other males just in my
head or connected with themthrough work this all came out
all almost at once.
It was a lot for him to handle.
Handle it like Ryan.
Everyone handles it differently.

(58:23):
I was struggling to even tellhim all of it at once.
I felt like I had to tell himin pieces because it was just so
heavy for me.
I almost couldn't spit out allthe details because I didn't
even know where to start to.
It gets blurry when you'redoing things that you probably
you know, you obviously know youshouldn't be doing.

Alisha Coakley (58:44):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (58:45):
And it was very, very devastating when he found
out.
We went through a lot ofseparation physically, a lot of
back and forth, and then itfinally got to the point where
our bishop offered to assistwith therapy, where it all

(59:09):
finally finds light.
We finally finally find somelight here.
We finally find some light here.
Now we needed a therapist whosigned fluently, because Dante
did not want to have aninterpreter mediating the
message back and forth, becausethat would have tweaked what was
going on and made it worse Yeplong time.

(59:40):
So we didn't have what he felthe needed to be heard correctly.
So once this service was offered, we dug, and we dug really deep
.
It took years.
He in the beginning would saycomments like I just don't feel
like this is working, and I waslike no, I just know this is
working, please no.
And it took a lot more sessionsfor him to really feel like the

(01:00:05):
therapist wasn't against him orsiding with those types of
things, and that gave him theability to finally heal through
his childhood, which wereactually the things that bled
into our marriage.

Alisha Coakley (01:00:21):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (01:00:22):
Since we hadn't healed from our past, we just
brought all of that into thismarriage with kids, and kids
just highlight your strugglesand your weaknesses.
They make things worse.
We're the ones that brought itinto our marriage and we didn't
know that until we finally wentto therapy.

Alisha Coakley (01:00:42):
Wow, you know, I remember going to this um like
marriage conference or whatever,because my husband and I had a
really rough, you know decadeplus of our own marriage Um,
very similar to yours, where wejust felt super disconnected.
We didn't think that we coulddo anything.
I, you know, would emotionallyconnect with someone that I

(01:01:07):
wasn't supposed to beemotionally connecting with and
it was like really, really toughfor a long time.
So we went to this marriageseminar hoping that, you know,
that it would fix things and itwould help a little bit.
But it was never.
It was never deep enough to fixeverything.
But I remember at one point theyhad this visual representation

(01:01:28):
of, like what happens when webring our unhealed trauma and
our hurt and our baggage and allthe things into a marriage.
And so they had this couple andon the couple they had a bunch
of like strips of paper withwords written in like black
Sharpie marker, you know, likeabandonment, right Obesity, like

(01:01:54):
low self-esteem, sexual abuse,like whatever it was that they
were bringing into it.
And I remember they got up onstage and they started taking
their strips off and putting itonto each other and they just
kept putting it onto each otherand then, all of a sudden this
is the part that really got meThen, all of a sudden, they
called the, the children up ofthe couples, and the couples

(01:02:18):
started taking it off of eachother and sticking it on the
kids.
And it was like this powerful,like I was just like, oh my gosh
, this moment of clarity for me,where I was like I have to heal
myself, like I can keep blaminghim, like I have to heal myself

(01:02:39):
, like I can keep blaming him.
You know, I can keep blaming myhusband and I can keep saying,
well, it's because you did thisor you're not doing that or that
, but if I don't take care ofwhat's on me, it is just going
to stick on everybody.
And then when those two kids,you know, like when those kids
grow up, they're going to takeall of his and all of mine and
then all of their own that theydeveloped from having all of
those you know stuck tothemselves.

(01:03:00):
They're going to do the samething over and over again.
So it was, it was so powerful,knowing like one that I have to
take responsibility for me, likeI can easily read all his words
that he has stuck to him.
I can read all of his baggage,right?
I think it's very easy for usto point out all the things
along with everybody else, butfor me to take them off myself

(01:03:23):
and to look at them and be like,okay, I'm holding onto this, I
don't want to stick it onanybody else.
So what do I have to do to getrid of this completely?
You know how can I transformwhat's on me now?
And I think that's kind ofwhere the atonement comes in
full force.
I love therapy, I love lifecoaching, I love, you know,

(01:03:46):
reading the self-help books anddoing all of the work, but I
almost feel like none of it iscomplete until you include the
atonement.
Yeah, you know.
So can I ask kind of um and Iguess it's more of a sacred
question, maybe, and if it's not, okay, that's okay, you don't
have to answer but did you, didyou have an experience where you

(01:04:10):
felt like you needed to reachout to the savior and you know,
like, where you really had tofigure out what the atonement
was for you to move forward fromall of the things you were
carrying in the marriage?

Sheri Ramirez (01:04:23):
Yeah, I felt like a huge piece of that was, first
, being honest with my partner,and I also was honest in therapy
.
But Ryan was.
He was with me throughout myhealing journey Pretty much.
He's always been with me.
Obviously he's with me.

(01:04:44):
He healed, oh, he healed partsof me that I never knew could be
healed from someone on theother side.
His love, I feel like, healed abig part of me, connecting me
with my Savior, because he was aliving example of someone who

(01:05:10):
would take these trials and sayI can do it because I love her
that much.
Say I can do it because I loveher that much.
So, seeing his feeling his love, even pass the veil in moments
of excitement and accomplishment, he would be there through
music.
I connected and I connect withhim through music.

(01:05:31):
During certain moments I'llhear a song and I'm like, yep, I
know, ryan, I know you're here,thank you so much.
I do.
I talk to him out loud.
I feel like that healing withhim has connected me to my
Savior and I've learned to praymore and actually have those

(01:05:54):
conversations with my savior, mybrother.
I learned that only throughexamples of people able to love
me and then me to be able tolove myself.
If I didn't love myself, Iwould not be able to connect
with my savior in a way that Ican now.

(01:06:14):
I had to learn to love me.
I was made from God.
He made me, he made my brothermy savior.
He made all of us from hislight until I finally could feel
that in the depths of my soul,knowing that I had let out all
the secrets.

(01:06:34):
I repented on my knees manytimes throughout different
processes, going through thatrepentance process with Ryan,
with Dante, and then by myself.
It was a long, long journey,but I feel like the ultimate

(01:06:57):
goal of being here on the earthis, yes, to be perfect, but we
do have to go through our lifelessons and we do get to choose.
We get to choose if we want tostay stuck forever or we get to
choose to be brave and beuncomfortable and get out of the
situation and the habits, thecoping mechanisms that are

(01:07:18):
keeping us trapped.
For me, it was sharing my story.
Sharing my story, first withthe truths of it, with my spouse
and then with my mom, and thenwith different people.
My therapist, trusted friends,trusted friends.

(01:07:40):
Sharing that story of whathappened strengthened me to
realize that I am not shame, Iam not all these things that,
like you, meant I stuck onmyself.
So I chose to take them off,and it took lots and lots of
trainings and really justdigging deep into who I am and
what God made me for, and a bigpart of that is my patriarchal

(01:08:04):
blessing.
He said live your life, thatyou may be, as you are, a light
upon a hill to others whom youmay associate, but you have to
live to be that light, and sothat always stuck with me.
I was like if I keep livingthis type of life, I will not
get that light.
And I didn't realize that untilI had gone through all the

(01:08:27):
healing and felt that I wasworthy.
I was now worthy to be thatlight that he had made me to be
this whole time.
Wow that he had made me to bethis whole time.

Scott Brandley (01:08:37):
Wow, yeah, I really like your story because
you know, when we go throughlife and we make mistakes, we
would like I think human natureis we want to when we do go
through the repentance processand it's sincere we'd like to
think that we've learned thelesson, that we're never going
to make that same mistake, right, but?

(01:09:00):
But we do Right, like we'rehuman, and so I like, first of
all, like you have a lot of gutsto come on and share your story
, so I appreciate that because Ithink that'll help a lot of
people, but also that when wemake the same mistake again, god
is going to be there.
We're going to still beforgiven for that and we can be

(01:09:25):
pure, we can be clean and we can.
Life is just a school we'relearning.
Right, and you know we can.
We can fail over and over andover again, but eventually every
time God will forgive us.
But also we will get better, wewill learn and we'll grow and
we'll become more like.

Alisha Coakley (01:09:44):
Christ, wow, I agree.
So can I ask you know wheredoes that take us?
I mean, you guys went throughthis years of work, and how are
things now?

Sheri Ramirez (01:09:59):
Yeah, I feel like we, separately, have been able
to love who we are, and that waskey Each of us healing through
everything that we deserve toheal through and then we were
able to connect deeply with eachother, without walls.

(01:10:22):
It was like living with dirtyglasses and telling myself
that's as good as it's going toget, so you better accept it.
However, after taking those off, doing the healing, after
taking those off doing thehealing, doing all the things
that let me see my self-worth, Iput on these new glasses that
were so clear, and it was theaccountability that I took for

(01:10:45):
myself.
That's what it was theaccountability of everything
that I choose to do or feel.
So nothing ever gets shifted tohim.
I always choose how I feel orhow I respond.
With me taking thataccountability, I've noticed
we've been able to truly connecton a deeper level, being able

(01:11:06):
to feel that connection beyondthe veil, instead of just
searching for this earthlyconnection that may or may not
work out Right.
Being able to truly connectwith ourselves first has been
able to bridge that gap of whatwe were not understanding why
are we not clicking?
Why are these things happeningand we're pushing each other

(01:11:26):
away all the time?

Alisha Coakley (01:11:28):
Right.

Sheri Ramirez (01:11:28):
We didn't have him.
God was not in that marriage.
When we were choosing to dothings our own way because we
weren't choosing him, he waswaiting.
He was just like hey, I'm here,so I'm going to force it.
I will wait until you choose me, and you know that I'm always
here.

Alisha Coakley (01:11:49):
And.

Sheri Ramirez (01:11:50):
I knew that once I was truly able to go through
enough healing on my own, wewere able to really bridge the
gap of what our family wasmissing.
I feel like that regrowth, thislivened life that we've been
able to recreate, was really thestart of when we moved to
Florida.
That's where we've reallyflourished and we worked as a

(01:12:13):
team and a family.
We've discussed therapy withour kids.
We've discussed and pointed outmom and dad's weaknesses.
I've actually sat down with mytwin boys and I let them know
what mommy chose to do in herpast and that's what the book is
about because they never reallyunderstood what book I was
writing.
They've always seen me writesince they were born, but they

(01:12:36):
didn't understand what I wasactually writing.
And Dante said you need to talkto them because they're at the
right age.
That was a really toughconversation, but I got to show
the boys that I grew up with amother that I didn't really know
.
She was on robot mode and Ididn't know her till she was an
adult and she's still trying tofind herself and who she is.

(01:12:57):
I don't want to be that mom.
I want you to know that I ownmy mistakes and I'm okay with
them.
I'm okay that I started hereand now I'm over here You're
allowed to do that too.
I just want my kids to givethemselves grace that I didn't
feel like I gave myself or feltlike I was allowed to have when

(01:13:17):
I kept falling short of thestandards.

Alisha Coakley (01:13:19):
Yeah, oh, I love that.
I think that in and of itselfis such a huge step towards
healing the next generation.
You know like when we work onourselves, we instantly have
less that we're going to put on.
You know, our kids and ourgrandkids and so on and so forth
, and just giving them thatspace to mess up, you know like

(01:13:40):
just letting them know like I'mstill here, I still love you.
And you know, yes, likesometimes we're going to do dumb
stuff, sometimes we're going todo it repetitively.
You know like sometimes that'sgoing to happen, but the best
thing that you really can do istake responsibility for it.
You know like sometimes that'sgoing to happen, but the best
thing that you really can do istake responsibility for it.
You know, regardless of theoutside circumstances,

(01:14:02):
regardless of how many factorsplayed a role, at the end of the
day, when we takeresponsibility for our part in
it, you know, regardless ofwhatever what else happened, I
think that we take so much powerback and being able to move
forward and to heal and to, youknow, develop that, that love,

(01:14:23):
that I think really that comesdown to it right, like it's
tapping into the love that ourheavenly father and Jesus Christ
already have for us, you know,and being able to feel that and
accept it.
Right, because I think a lot ofus know that it's there but we
don't accept it because we're sohard on ourselves and we just

(01:14:43):
think there's no way, right, wow?

Sheri Ramirez (01:14:48):
I would agree 100%.

Scott Brandley (01:14:51):
So you've been writing this memoir.
When did you decide to turn itinto a book?

Sheri Ramirez (01:14:57):
This memoir was my therapy.
I feel like this is where Itold all my secrets to.
This is how I processed what Iwas doing and who I was in my
own world, because I was able tosay whatever I wanted and turn
it into a solid story.
That manifested over eightyears and it turned itself with

(01:15:20):
lots of feedback, lots of eyeson it.
It's turned itself into a solid, shaped book.
But the hard part is getting aliterary agent to grasp onto
that and you have to have aplatform when you want to sell a
memoir, and what we've beendoing and my platform has been

(01:15:45):
Instagram, where we havethousands and thousands of
followers on there, but it tooka long time and I knew that this
was the feedback that I keepgetting is you need to grow your
story and your platform, andI've been really passionate
about doing that alongside myfamily.
They've been able to reallyyour platform and I've been
really passionate about doingthat alongside my family.
They've been able to reallysupport that and that's where it
grew is when my family startedwanting to be involved with my
videos, and I feel like, yes,you have to look at the numbers,

(01:16:13):
but it's not even about thatfor me.
I just really truly want to getmy book out there.
I just want to be able to findwhat the path is of what it's
supposed to be and be able toshare the story in a solid, you
know method.
Yes, someone to be able to seeoh, I've struggled with that.

(01:16:34):
Or, okay, I'm not the only onewho's gone through this
difficult journey, whetherthey're LDS or not.
My story is there's so manypeople that struggle with
infidelity and especiallyemotional infidelity for women
these days.
Yes, very much shamed, becauseit's a very hurtful thing and
it's very hard to discuss inpublic platforms.

(01:16:58):
I share it in little bits andpieces, as I could on social
media, but being able to shareit in a trusted environment is
very, very important to mebecause I just want other people
out there to know you don'thave to live in shame the rest
of your life.
You do get to heal through itand you don't have to have that

(01:17:20):
label.
That's not who you are.
Those are just the choices thatyou've made in your life that
you get to heal from.

Alisha Coakley (01:17:26):
Right, if you choose, wow, yeah, well, what's
your?
Let us know, I mean cause.
Okay, so you're saying rightnow your book isn't out for
people to to grab, right, you'rein that process of getting it
picked up and all the things, um, but your Instagram is there.
So if they wanted to, if theywanted to look you up and
support you and and help you out, where do they go?

Sheri Ramirez (01:17:49):
I am salty S A L T Y.
Self-love on Instagram that ismy main platform.
Self love on Instagram that ismy main platform.
I also have my website, whichholds other pieces of
information of how to reach outto me, and that's just my name,
so it's www.
sheriramirez.
com.

Alisha Coakley (01:18:08):
Perfect, that's so fun.
We're like kindred spirits likemine's, the salted beauty, you
know, and it's like not saltylike a bad thing, it's like a
good thing.
You know what I mean we're,we're two souls here.
I love it, oh, awesome.
Well, Sheri, do you have anyany last thoughts?
You know anything that you'dlike to share last last minute

(01:18:29):
before we wrap up here?

Sheri Ramirez (01:18:31):
Yeah, I feel the last message that I'd like to
share is truly to reach out tothe hearts of others who are
struggling with shame and whoare struggling with their
self-worth.
Just know that your choices arenot who you are.
If I can have two husbands whocan unconditionally love me

(01:18:53):
beyond everything I've done,that's a testament to God and
Jesus that they love you thatmuch and it's just you choosing
to love yourself because they'realways there.
It's just a matter of youwanting to reach out to them.

Alisha Coakley (01:19:08):
Right, oh, that's wonderful.
Well, thank you, Ms Sheri, forcoming on today, for you know,
lighting the world with yourstory I definitely agree with
you know everything that wassaid in your Patriot Girl
Blessing, that you have a voiceand you have a light to you that

(01:19:29):
I think can do a lot of goodand can help bring a lot of
people into that light.
So thank you so much for beingyou and coming on here today and
thank you so much to all of ourlisteners.
Guys, we would so so greatlyappreciate it If you guys wanted
to hit that shared button, dothat five minute or five second

(01:19:49):
missionary work that Scott talksabout us doing all the time,
and just get this episode out toothers who might need to hear
it.
There were so many really goodnuggets today and, um, you know,
I still have some makeup on,but I definitely did cry.
I've learned to just stopputting eyeliner and mascara on
the bottom there and I criedwith my eyes open.
But, yeah, so we would.

(01:20:13):
We would love to have you guys,you know, share the story today
, All right, Well, anything else?
Scott?

Scott Brandley (01:20:21):
Nope, Really appreciate you being on the show
, Sheri man, you've got a lot ofguts and but you have, like
like Alisha said, you have agreat spirit about you and you
have a light and no, we're happy.
I'm glad that we get to helpyou share that a little bit.

Sheri Ramirez (01:20:41):
Thank you for having me on.
Truly, I was so excited forthis because a lot of what I do
is I don't fully talk about theLDS religion because I want it
to reach a general public asmuch as possible.
I want it to reach a generalpublic as much as possible, so
it's very healing to be able toshare the big connections that

(01:21:02):
I've had with my religion.
So this has been extremelyimportant for me.
So I'm just super grateful foryou guys.

Alisha Coakley (01:21:10):
Well, we're happy that we, you know, had the
opportunity to let you do that.

Sheri Ramirez (01:21:16):
I truly appreciate it.

Alisha Coakley (01:21:19):
All right.
Well, guys, that's all that wehave for you today.
Remember, if you guys have astory that you'd like to share,
one that can instill faith,invite growth and inspire others
, we would love to hear from you.
Go ahead and head over tolatterdaylightscom.
You can fill the format at thebottom of the page or you can
leave a comment for us, send usa private message on Facebook.
Um, we would be more than happyto hear more, more stories out

(01:21:43):
there and and more testimonies.
Um, it all does good things.
So don't be shy, reach out tous and make sure you share, uh,
this episode of lottery lights,and until then, we will see you
next week.
All right, take care.
Bye-bye, bye.