Seven Keys to Resolve Conflict

In today’s episode of the Leader Fluent Podcast, I’m talking about “Seven Keys to Resolve Conflict.”Conflict is a part of life and leadership, and how we resolve it matters. If you’re not already a subscriber, I’d love for you to subscribe to Leader Fluent today on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, Android, Pandora, or your favorite podcasting platform. And as always, your RATINGS and REVIEWS are deeply appreciated. 

SHOW NOTES:

Every leader encounters conflict. In fact, conflict is a part of life, whether it’s at work, at school, or at home. And one of the biggest reasons for conflict is when there’s a gap between expectations and reality. So, how do you resolve the conflict in an effective and healthy manner? 

We find a really practical strategy on conflict resolution in the book of Acts chapter 15. In this passage, a conflict arises between Paul and Barnabas and some men from Judea. The conflict is over a Jewish religious practice that existed under the Old Covenant that was abolished when, through Jesus, a New Covenant was established. But these men from Judea are trying to impose this old religious practice onto the Gentiles. 

Needless to say, this difference of opinion became a point of conflict in the early church. So, Paul and Barnabas head to Jerusalem to meet with the apostles and elders of the church to resolve this issue. And from this meeting, we discover seven keys to resolve conflict. 

1. Seek Understanding

Acts 15:7a says, “At the meeting, after a long discussion…” Why did these leaders have a long discussion? Because they needed to create space to hear both sides of the issue. In other words, a long discussion made room to gain understanding. 

Author Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” But what do we like to do? We like to seek first to make our point, so then they’ll understand. But that rarely works. You don’t gain understanding with answers. You gain understanding with questions. 

2. Begin with Common Ground 

Acts 15:7 says, “At the meeting, after a long discussion, Peter stood and addressed them as follows: “Brothers, you all know that God chose me from among you some time ago to preach to the Gentiles so that they could hear the Good News and believe.”

Peter established common ground. He said, “You all know.” But again, we like to begin with what I know rather than what we know. But that approach burns the very bridges that would allow us to resolve the conflict.  

John Maxwell calls it The 101% Principle. He says, “Find the 1% that you agree on, and give it 100% of your effort.” In other words, start with common ground. Start with what you both know to be true. 

3. Articulate the Facts Without Emotion

Acts 15:8 says, “God knows people’s hearts, and he confirmed that he accepts Gentiles by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us.” 

Peter begins by sharing some basic facts, but he does so without emotion. Again, how we handle conflict reveals our level of maturity. If you handle conflict wisely, calmly, and with self-control, then you are being mature in how you handle it. But if you handle conflict in a harsh, demeaning, or uncontrolled manner, then you are only revealing your immaturity.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Articulate the facts without emotion. 

4. Acknowledge One Another’s Value

Acts 15:9 says, “He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith.” 

Jews in Jesus’ day had issues with the Gentiles because they wouldn’t conform to Jewish rules. So, what does Peter—who was a Jew—do in this situation? He acknowledges the gentiles’ value, because God acknowledged their value. 

If you want the other person to value your opinion more than you value th