What happens when your spouse becomes your colleague? For Brent and Celeste Trickett, National Directors of Family Life Canada, navigating this complex dynamic has been both challenging and deeply rewarding. With refreshing honesty, they reveal how sharing an office in their home's front entrance while raising four children required them to develop practical strategies for success.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to the Leader Impact Podcast.
We are a community of leaderswith a network in over 350
cities around the worlddedicated to optimizing our
personal, professional andspiritual lives to have impact.
This show is where we have achance to listen and engage with
leaders who are living this out.
We love talking with leaders,so if you have any questions,
comments or suggestions to makethe show even better, please let
us out.
We love talking with leaders,so if you have any questions,
comments or suggestions to makethe show even better, please let
(00:27):
us know.
The best way to stay connectedin Canada is through our
newsletter at leaderimpactca oron social at Leader Impact.
And if you're listening fromoutside of Canada, check out our
website at leaderimpactcom.
I'm your host, lisa Peters, andour guests today are Brent and
Celeste Trickett.
Brent and Celeste live inSaskatoon, saskatchewan, with
their four children, and theyhave a revolving door of other
friends who live with them fromtime to time.
They've been married since 2000and are now the National
(00:50):
Directors of Family Life Canada.
Their passion is to help othersexperience the joy of bringing
help and hope to the marriagesand families in their
communities.
Welcome to the show, brent andCeleste.
Hi, lisa, nice to see you it isnice to see you guys again.
Um, I love the family lifeconferences.
Each year, my husband and Ihave attended two.
(01:11):
You have both been there and,um, we love them.
It's just a wonderful retreat.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So well, let's hear that.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Appreciate it and I think sometimes people think we
need and I I should ask youfirst about family life and then
I'll you know, I'll give you myexperience.
But for people who don't arelistening in for the first time
and don't know family life, tellus about family life and why
the need to strengthen marriagesin family is so important.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, well, family life in well, family Life Canada
.
You know our desire is to bringhelp and hope to every marriage
and family in Canada bydeveloping networks of
partnering churches and homebuilders, which are our
volunteers.
So we want to not just givegreat resources and great
conferences, like you said, butwe actually want to equip other
people to be able to reach intotheir neighborhood and know how
to pray for their neighbors, fortheir kids, for their families
(02:02):
and, as we see familiesstrengthened.
I think that'll change thecountry, it'll change the world,
and Family Life is actually inand I should know this.
I was just in some meetingslast week lots of countries
around the world, just likeLeader Impact.
So we're a sister organizationto Leader Impact.
We're all under the Power toChange umbrella here in Canada,
so we're glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It is nice to have you and I think we all know that
when your home life isn't happy, you're taking that to work.
So, yeah, I really appreciateit.
And one thing about what wefelt is my husband and I have
been married 23 years, coming up24.
And we have a great marriage.
That's why we keep coming,because we want to keep it great
.
So I think there's manydifferent types that come to a
(02:46):
marriage retreat.
We come because we love it andthink we need to be great in 20
years.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
So how do we You're so right, because one of the
things like the challenges forus, even at our conferences, is
how do we address all of thosecouples who are at different
places?
Because, like you, a lot ofpeople they are in a good spot,
they want to invest more, andthen some people are in a really
hard spot and then you've goteverything in between.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
but we really try to give people tools that will help
just any couple, any couple, nomatter where they are at yeah,
yeah, if this relationship is soimportant like even for those
of us that have employees orwe're always trying to develop
them, help them get better, dodifferent things and learn all
kinds of things, and so our mostimportant relationship
sometimes we forget about and wejust don't invest in them and
(03:32):
it's kind of like a vehicle youwant to keep on top of it so
that you don't have to do thebig maintenance things later on.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, yeah.
So if anyone wants to call mefor a personal experience, I
will tell you all about FamilyLife's conferences.
So in our podcast we're goingto change a bit of the direction
because we really want to talkabout you two working together.
You are now the nationaldirectors together of Family
Life, and so I want to focus alittle bit on working together,
as I'm sure many peoplelistening have partners who work
(04:00):
together and I'm sure there arestruggles.
So I wanted I was if you'danswer the question, what was a
pivotal point in your workingrelationship?
You know, wherever you were ina journey, what made it better?
It was, you know, conversation,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I feel like we've had a few of those points.
You know, even, maybe we firstnoticed it when we started
having kids, because we workedtogether in a different way
Right.
But then also when we startedhaving kids because we worked
together in a different way,right.
But then, um, also when westarted presenting at
conferences together, because wehave such a different style of
presenting and also preparing.
So that was a real challenge.
(04:36):
I think we've gotten better atit yeah, we were both
individually.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
we worked in uh with students for 15 years in student
ministry and we've both spokena lot, we presented a lot and I
think we were both pretty goodat it.
But learning to do thattogether as a couple, wow,
nothing's been more difficultjust because we're different
people and we're trying to meshtwo different styles together.
So, oddly enough, when we cameto Family Life to help people
(05:01):
work better together at home,that was our hardest time of
working together in our home.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, that was like a hard point in our marriage.
We gotta figure out how to dothis, Brett.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, I think everyone looks at you and they
think perfect marriage, becauseyou stand up there and you do
very well together.
You know you feed off eachother.
It's very, it looks very,natural.
But to get to that point of buteven working at home, how are
you?
How are you in your workspaces?
Or maybe one of you istraveling more, but how's that
working at home Is?
Was there a moment where you'relike go downstairs?
(05:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I do sort of have this signal to Brent, actually,
because he's an externalprocessor, I'm an internal
processor and also when I workI'm focused, and so for Brent,
like if he's working onsomething, I can ask him 20
questions, and I think he almostlike likes the intrusion,
whereas for me, if I'm trying tofocus, I'm just like like
please don't look at me, don'task me any questions, and so
(06:01):
what I've started doing is I'llactually put headphones over my
ears.
I'll warn Brent first.
I'm like Brent, I got to go tomy space Anything you want to
ask me right now, and then, whenI put on those headphones, it's
almost like a signal, likeplease just wait to ask me any
questions, and you know he's sogood about it.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And it's nicer than what she says to the kids,
because the kids, kids.
She says you know what?
I'm gonna take a vacation in mymind right now, so no more
questions.
So now we just have a physicalsignal headphones on.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
No more questions yeah, so I wonder if that's
common, because my husband isexactly the same way he puts on
his headphones.
It's like I'm done, I'm gonnawork now and I'm like oh, I just
want to talk about everythingand listen.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We don't mean to be disrespectful you know, don't
mean to ignore our spouses, butit's just the process.
That's just the difference.
I'm not wrong, brent's notwrong, but those are those
differences.
We just got to figure out howto navigate.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
And be open about it.
Communicate that this is what Ineed.
I think is definitely somethingI'm hearing.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And we actually do share an office space.
It's actually in the frontentrance of our home, so this is
my desk where we're sittingright now, and just to our right
is Brent's space right there,so we are really in it together.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Wow, my husband and I are on different floors at
times.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Probably smart.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Oh, thank you for sharing.
We usually, on our podcast,talk about our best principle of
success, so wonder if you havea best principle of success of
working together.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You want to go first?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Well, the first one is just be kind.
I think I mean, this is workingwith anybody.
We all have bad days, and youknow, and just try to think the
best of people and just askbetter questions, ask more
questions, see what's reallygoing on.
And I find working together,especially as a couple and we
find this a lot, as we'reworking with couples like they
(07:56):
are maybe looking for some helpin their relationship,
especially business people.
So would you ever talk to aclient like that?
Like no, never, like okay.
Well, this is your closestrelationship.
Let's try to be kind, back itup, treat each other with the
same respect that we would withanybody else, and so I think the
first one is just be kind.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, would with anybody else.
And so I think the first one isjust be kind, yeah.
And then I think, getting backto those differences, we need to
figure out how to work with thedifferences and in a lot of
ways the differences can bestrengths.
So even just one little examplelike Brent, when he's going to
make a decision, he likes tosort of do some research and
think through all of thedifferent options before making
a decision, whereas me I'm likeI'm not really worried actually
(08:39):
about making the best decision.
I just want a decision and Iwant it quickly, and so I can
frustrate him, he can frustrateme, but we instead try to work
with that difference.
We don't try to change eachother, and we've actually found,
if we do this process whereBrent has time first to do all
the research and then we makethe decision, we tend to make a
lot better decisions.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, then we've.
We've, like we actually havethe same role as directors of
this organization, so, but we'vehad to figure out.
What do we each do?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
So do well.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
So I well even.
Just what do we do?
So I tend to do the moreexternal from the organization
stuff.
I love meetings, I lovediscussing, Celeste loves
writing and she loves that kindof thing stuff she does alone,
and so we've kind of worked outsome of the roles where, like
with our staff and our staffmeetings, Celeste takes that If
(09:32):
it's external to our largerorganization.
Or I was just in some meetingslast week in Orlando which
energized me, and Celeste getstired even just thinking about
traveling, going to places.
So we're trying to figure outwhat do we do best and how do we
help each other do the thingsthat maybe they don't like to do
and support each other in thethings where we're really good
(09:53):
at.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
When do you shut it off?
Do you have office hours inyour house, cause you're working
side by side?
Do you have office hours?
Do you shut it off?
Does the office close?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, so we're not like super, you know, after this
time don't ask me any questionsabout work.
But I think we more recognizethat we do just need to stop
talking and about work sometimesand for me I probably hit that
limit sooner than Brent, and sosometimes I might just have to
ask Brent like okay, no more, nomore work talk, let's just take
(10:27):
a breather.
But actually it doesn't evenhappen that much.
I think we're pretty consistentabout our work hours during the
day.
In the evening maybe we have afew work conversations.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Weekends we're usually if we're not at a
conference I would say we'velearned so celeste's ability to
go to sleep instantaneously.
So for her she would oftenbring up a problem.
Like you know, we go to bed andshe'd just say, hey, we really
need to fix this, and then she'dgo to sleep and I'd be up for
the next three hours like okay,and and so it's not good, lisa,
(11:00):
it's not good at all, so we uh,kind of had this rule like no
more work after 8 pm, likethat's kind of our general time,
just like you know what.
Let's just like not talk aboutanything for a while, and so we
try to stick to that pretty wellthat's pretty good and, like
you said, it takes.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
It takes practice, it takes time.
You know, talking about it andlaughing about it I do love.
Just you know we are harder onthe ones we love, they'll
forgive us.
But when you work all day andthen you're together all night
and all weekend, yeah, there'sthat, those respects and the
boundaries.
So thank you for sharing.
We also talk a lot about ourfailures and our mistakes,
(11:40):
because I think we all know welearn more darn from them.
So I'm wondering if you'rewilling to share a failure or
mistake and what you've learnedfrom it.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, and the thing that sticks out to me the most
is actually when our kids wereyoung.
We had three little ones, sosix, four and two, and then, you
know, a baby on the way, and atthat point, brent and his work
was traveling about 10 days amonth and I sort of had this
wrong idea, I think, of what itmeant to support him in his work
(12:10):
as a wife.
Like I really felt like manGod's calling him to do all
these amazing things.
I just need to release him todo all these great things God is
calling him to.
So I'm going to hold thingsdown at home and yeah, so I
tried to do that, but it's hard,right, and I got to a point
where I just had to say to Brent, like this isn't working, I
couldn't do it and it actuallywasn't great for our
(12:33):
relationship.
It wasn't great for yourrelationship with kids either.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah.
So I was gone, I was missingout on a lot and you know for me
, I was thinking like, well, I'mproviding for my family, like
these are all good things.
You know, I'm working for God,providing for my family, these
are all good things.
But we can't do those things atthe expense of our family.
So we actually had to just sitdown and say, okay, this isn't
working.
And some of it was fun for meand I think we all tend to go
(13:01):
where we feel appreciated.
So sometimes for some people,the kids give you that
appreciation.
For some people it's work, andso you gravitate towards those
things.
But when they start pushing outyour family, that's when it's
not good.
So we were able to sit down andtalk and actually change my
role to something where I wasable to be around more, and
(13:21):
that's actually how we ended upwith Family Life about 11 years
ago.
And so because we wanted towork more together and be,
around a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Wow.
I do have to say, though, likeit was hard for me to admit it
to myself that it wasn't working, and then it was hard to admit
it to Brent, but when I did hewas, yeah, very quick to.
We knew things needed to changeand he was very quick to make
adjustments.
So super thankful for that,yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
What were you feeling , celeste, when you knew you
needed to talk to Brent to makethe change, because you said it
was hard, for you Was?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
it.
What were you feeling?
Do you remember I don't know ifpart of it was maybe not
wanting to disappoint him, or Ihad these expectations of myself
actually that if we were doingGod's will, I should be able to
do it In the power of his spirit.
I should have the strength todo all of this.
So I think maybe part of what Ifelt was just like I should be
able to do this, but I can't,and I think my thinking was
(14:24):
flawed.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And so actually too.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
One of the things I do really appreciate about Brent
whenever I do ask him for hisperspective, open up about these
kinds of things is hearing hisperspective just helps me to be
a lot more like centered andbalanced and in the truth,
instead of kind of getting downthese rabbit trails of my own
thinking that are unhealthy andand not helpful yeah, and Brent,
(14:46):
to you, when you when you werewith the other job, it sounds
you left that and you came tofamily life.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
In that moment where you were making that change,
this was, this was for yourfamily.
Was it a?
Was it going back to thatmoment when you're in it?
Was that a good thing?
Do you remember?
Was it like this is this is ahard decision, or was it?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You know the other role I kind of grown into over
15 years, and when you're reallygood at something, you know
what you're doing, you're you'rewanted, you're kind of climbing
the ladder like everything,where you thought starting out
was starting to happen andactually it was, like you know,
as far as the ladder goes,pretty, pretty high on that
ladder.
(15:26):
But then it's just like butwhat now?
Right, like if I, if myfamily's not doing well and I'm
not doing well, then like what'sthe use?
Right, and so a term that Ilike a lot is successful
failures.
Like often we can have all thesuccess in the world, but really
if we're doing it at theexpense, you know, of our family
, of ourselves, even like ourown mental health, our own
(15:48):
physical health, then we'rereally just successful failures.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, thank you for answering those questions.
I think people listening it'shard to make change and it's on
both like from Brent's side andeither way, if one had a more
successful job and it's takingaway from your family and not
wanting to talk about it, notwanting to, you know, feel
disappointed that you're notdoing your job.
So I just thank you for sharingthat, those answers.
(16:18):
I appreciate that we want totalk a little about your faith
legacy and not that we want totalk about when you leave this
world.
But when you leave this worldand you've been on an amazing
journey, what do you want yourfaith legacy to be when you
leave?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Well, we're really, really passionate about seeing
God change people's lives.
You know, we love it when wesee people make that connection
with him, when they start arelationship with him, or if
it's learning to surrender moreto him.
We love that we.
We.
We want that most in our home.
To be quite honest, like we, wejust love our kids so much.
(16:49):
We would just love for ourlegacy to be that they would
have a relationship with Godwhere they enjoy walking with
him, they understand what itmeans to surrender to him, they
understand the purpose that hebrings, the joy and the peace
that he brings, and they're ableto help others know him.
So, like, no pressure kids nopressure, but but that's one of
(17:10):
the things that we pray for themost that our kids would know
and love and walk with Jesus.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yeah.
Beyond that, I think of 3 John 1, 4,.
I have no greater joy than tohear my children are walking in
the truth, and so that's kind oflike you know what guides us.
But I think, like the faithlegacy I want to leave, I think
of I just met somebody last week, that who is really influential
(17:36):
in the men who are reallyinfluential in my life, and so
he's and, uh, so these men for25 years have been building into
me, and this person before that, like he's in his 80s, still in
ministry.
I thought man like this is thisis where I want to be when I
get older.
And then I think through.
Not many people know whoHenrietta Mears is.
Do you know Henrietta Mears?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
No, I don't.
That's what I want.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
So many people.
Henrietta Mears, Dr HenriettaMears she ran the college and
career group at HollywoodPresbyterian Church in Hollywood
church in Hollywood and she hada direct influence on Bill
Bright who started CampusCrusade, Dawson Trotman who
started the Navigators, BillyGraham Sunlight Curriculum For
(18:21):
anybody that's been in Sundayschool with good curriculum.
She started that movement,Christian Camping, she started
that movement, and so you justthink of this woman of faith.
Nobody knows, Nobody knows whoshe is, but she's had millions
and millions of people who offaith.
Nobody knows, Nobody knows whoshe is, but she's had millions
and millions of people who havebeen affected by her and I think
that's the legacy.
I don't know some of the peoplethat we've had an impact on.
(18:42):
I don't know where they'll go.
Some of them are doing greaterthings than me already and
that's fantastic.
Nobody needs to know who I am,but I just want to leave that
faith imprint on the world.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't know Henrietta, but I knew many
of the names you listed afterthat, the people that we
influence, and I'm sure you'reinfluencing, because in your bio
I read about the revolving doorof other friends who live there
from time to time.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Most recently it was, I think, on a Saturday.
We got a text from a friend andon Sunday he moved in.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
See, you're just an influence everywhere.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Well, we added it up a few, like a month ago or
something.
How many people?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I don't know, like 30 people.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Like 30-something students have lived here, over
the years, wow, yeah, and nowyou have four children.
Are they all still at home?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
They are.
We have two in university, twoin high school.
Wow, it's fun and full.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, I love it.
And when we started thispodcast, you said there are
messages everywhere for everyonein this house to be quiet if
they come in.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
So far, so good.
Only ones come in.
Saw the silent sign and sculkaround.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, I've had the same messages for my kids, so I
love it.
Our last question for both ofyou is what brings you the
greatest joy?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I think again, just like the last question just
seeing people's lives changed,and really I believe that.
So even in the marriageministry that we do.
We think it is really importantto give people tools to for
better communication, for betterrelationships, to give them
some hope, to give them apicture of what the future can
look like, Like that's really,really important and we really
are serious about investing inmarriages and families.
(20:25):
But ultimately, too, we knowthat Jesus is the one who brings
the real change, the lasting,eternal change, and so our
greatest joy is to see peoplehave that relationship with him,
grow in it, share it with otherpeople.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yeah, yeah, and I think too, like, yeah, so not
just having this, like we havethis incredible opportunity to
to help change lives.
I used to be with students, nowit's with marriages and
families, and and so with everymarriage and every family that's
, that's a legacy that gets,like you think, about three,
four generations down.
If somebody meets Jesus, thatchanges their life.
(20:59):
But then to watch those people,I just love seeing people learn
how to share their faith, learnhow to tell others about what's
going on, and that they can seethat they can actually have an
impact on the world.
That's what really brings mejoy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I know being at the Family Life Conference and
there's at one point, celeste,we break off as women and the
men break off and we have theseconversations and there have
been women who have shared theirstories with you and then maybe
with their.
Obviously with their consent,you share them with us and
that's those are some greatmoments for us.
So I can't imagine how you feelwhen people share those stories
(21:35):
with you.
You were the reason theychanged or you know, and to you,
brent, men share stories withyou.
They change because ofsomething you said or a story.
So I, when I, when I hear thatit brings back those moments of
that conference where peopleshare their stories and and
life-changing.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
So yeah Well that's the amazing thing too God is at
work.
Sometimes we just forget, butit is such an honor to hear
those stories because it is agreat reminder.
God is absolutely at work andeven working miracles.
And there are people who thinkthat they're done, but in their
marriage, but they, you know,they come and they have
conversations, they get a littlebit closer, they make decisions
(22:14):
to stay together and we've yeah, we have seen some of those
couples and they do staytogether and their marriage gets
better.
Even couples who they'll comewhen they're in a really hard
place and we meet them a fewyears later and they're back and
they're like, wow, this was soexciting because we're in such a
great place right now.
Yeah, god is at work.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, oh, it's such a great conference, such a great
conference.
I want to thank you both forjoining us today.
I come here every.
I mean, I do these podcastsbecause I'm still learning.
I think we all are stilllearning.
So just taking your time toshare with us today, I
appreciate you.
So thank you for sharing,thanks.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Lisa.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Thanks for having us now if anyone wants to connect
with you, um, either throughfamily, maybe through family
life.
What's the best place toconnect?
Well, our websitefamilylifecanadacom.
You can always get a hold of usthere.
There's great resources for allkinds of things family,
marriage, um whatever you want.
That's probably the best waythat you can do.
Uh, instagram, yeah, any of thethings you can get all of us on
.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
We also have really easy email addresses too, so I'm
just Celeste atFamilyLifeCanadacom, brent is
Brent at FamilyLifeCanadacom.
So even if you just rememberour names, you can get a hold of
us FamilyLifeCanadacom Easyenough, all right.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Well, thank you again for joining us.
Thank you, lisa.
All right, well, if you're partof Leader Impact, you can
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(23:50):
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cities around the worlddedicated to optimizing our
personal, professional andspiritual lives to have impact.
This show is where we have achance to listen and engage with
leaders who are living this out.
We love talking with leaders,so if you have any questions,
comments or suggestions to makethe show even better, please let
us out.
We love talking with leaders,so if you have any questions,
comments or suggestions to makethe show even better, please let
(00:27):
us know.
The best way to stay connectedin Canada is through our
newsletter at leaderimpactca oron social at Leader Impact.
And if you're listening fromoutside of Canada, check out our
website at leaderimpactcom.
I'm your host, lisa Peters, andour guests today are Brent and
Celeste Trickett.
Brent and Celeste live inSaskatoon, saskatchewan, with
their four children, and theyhave a revolving door of other
friends who live with them fromtime to time.
They've been married since 2000and are now the National
(00:50):
Directors of Family Life Canada.
Their passion is to help othersexperience the joy of bringing
help and hope to the marriagesand families in their
communities.
Welcome to the show, brent andCeleste.
Hi, lisa, nice to see you it isnice to see you guys again.
Um, I love the family lifeconferences.
Each year, my husband and Ihave attended two.
(01:11):
You have both been there and,um, we love them.
It's just a wonderful retreat.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So well, let's hear that.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Appreciate it and I think sometimes people think we
need and I I should ask youfirst about family life and then
I'll you know, I'll give you myexperience.
But for people who don't arelistening in for the first time
and don't know family life, tellus about family life and why
the need to strengthen marriagesin family is so important.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, well, family life in well, family Life Canada
.
You know our desire is to bringhelp and hope to every marriage
and family in Canada bydeveloping networks of
partnering churches and homebuilders, which are our
volunteers.
So we want to not just givegreat resources and great
conferences, like you said, butwe actually want to equip other
people to be able to reach intotheir neighborhood and know how
to pray for their neighbors, fortheir kids, for their families
(02:02):
and, as we see familiesstrengthened.
I think that'll change thecountry, it'll change the world,
and Family Life is actually inand I should know this.
I was just in some meetingslast week lots of countries
around the world, just likeLeader Impact.
So we're a sister organizationto Leader Impact.
We're all under the Power toChange umbrella here in Canada,
so we're glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It is nice to have you and I think we all know that
when your home life isn't happy, you're taking that to work.
So, yeah, I really appreciateit.
And one thing about what wefelt is my husband and I have
been married 23 years, coming up24.
And we have a great marriage.
That's why we keep coming,because we want to keep it great
.
So I think there's manydifferent types that come to a
(02:46):
marriage retreat.
We come because we love it andthink we need to be great in 20
years.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
So how do we You're so right, because one of the
things like the challenges forus, even at our conferences, is
how do we address all of thosecouples who are at different
places?
Because, like you, a lot ofpeople they are in a good spot,
they want to invest more, andthen some people are in a really
hard spot and then you've goteverything in between.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
but we really try to give people tools that will help
just any couple, any couple, nomatter where they are at yeah,
yeah, if this relationship is soimportant like even for those
of us that have employees orwe're always trying to develop
them, help them get better, dodifferent things and learn all
kinds of things, and so our mostimportant relationship
sometimes we forget about and wejust don't invest in them and
(03:32):
it's kind of like a vehicle youwant to keep on top of it so
that you don't have to do thebig maintenance things later on.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, yeah.
So if anyone wants to call mefor a personal experience, I
will tell you all about FamilyLife's conferences.
So in our podcast we're goingto change a bit of the direction
because we really want to talkabout you two working together.
You are now the nationaldirectors together of Family
Life, and so I want to focus alittle bit on working together,
as I'm sure many peoplelistening have partners who work
(04:00):
together and I'm sure there arestruggles.
So I wanted I was if you'danswer the question, what was a
pivotal point in your workingrelationship?
You know, wherever you were ina journey, what made it better?
It was, you know, conversation,I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I feel like we've had a few of those points.
You know, even, maybe we firstnoticed it when we started
having kids, because we workedtogether in a different way
Right.
But then also when we startedhaving kids because we worked
together in a different way,right.
But then, um, also when westarted presenting at
conferences together, because wehave such a different style of
presenting and also preparing.
So that was a real challenge.
(04:36):
I think we've gotten better atit yeah, we were both
individually.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
we worked in uh with students for 15 years in student
ministry and we've both spokena lot, we presented a lot and I
think we were both pretty goodat it.
But learning to do thattogether as a couple, wow,
nothing's been more difficultjust because we're different
people and we're trying to meshtwo different styles together.
So, oddly enough, when we cameto Family Life to help people
(05:01):
work better together at home,that was our hardest time of
working together in our home.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, that was like a hard point in our marriage.
We gotta figure out how to dothis, Brett.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, I think everyone looks at you and they
think perfect marriage, becauseyou stand up there and you do
very well together.
You know you feed off eachother.
It's very, it looks very,natural.
But to get to that point of buteven working at home, how are
you?
How are you in your workspaces?
Or maybe one of you istraveling more, but how's that
working at home Is?
Was there a moment where you'relike go downstairs?
(05:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I do sort of have this signal to Brent, actually,
because he's an externalprocessor, I'm an internal
processor and also when I workI'm focused, and so for Brent,
like if he's working onsomething, I can ask him 20
questions, and I think he almostlike likes the intrusion,
whereas for me, if I'm trying tofocus, I'm just like like
please don't look at me, don'task me any questions, and so
(06:01):
what I've started doing is I'llactually put headphones over my
ears.
I'll warn Brent first.
I'm like Brent, I got to go tomy space Anything you want to
ask me right now, and then, whenI put on those headphones, it's
almost like a signal, likeplease just wait to ask me any
questions, and you know he's sogood about it.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And it's nicer than what she says to the kids,
because the kids, kids.
She says you know what?
I'm gonna take a vacation in mymind right now, so no more
questions.
So now we just have a physicalsignal headphones on.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
No more questions yeah, so I wonder if that's
common, because my husband isexactly the same way he puts on
his headphones.
It's like I'm done, I'm gonnawork now and I'm like oh, I just
want to talk about everythingand listen.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We don't mean to be disrespectful you know, don't
mean to ignore our spouses, butit's just the process.
That's just the difference.
I'm not wrong, brent's notwrong, but those are those
differences.
We just got to figure out howto navigate.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
And be open about it.
Communicate that this is what Ineed.
I think is definitely somethingI'm hearing.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And we actually do share an office space.
It's actually in the frontentrance of our home, so this is
my desk where we're sittingright now, and just to our right
is Brent's space right there,so we are really in it together.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Wow, my husband and I are on different floors at
times.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Probably smart.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Oh, thank you for sharing.
We usually, on our podcast,talk about our best principle of
success, so wonder if you havea best principle of success of
working together.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You want to go first?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Well, the first one is just be kind.
I think I mean, this is workingwith anybody.
We all have bad days, and youknow, and just try to think the
best of people and just askbetter questions, ask more
questions, see what's reallygoing on.
And I find working together,especially as a couple and we
find this a lot, as we'reworking with couples like they
(07:56):
are maybe looking for some helpin their relationship,
especially business people.
So would you ever talk to aclient like that?
Like no, never, like okay.
Well, this is your closestrelationship.
Let's try to be kind, back itup, treat each other with the
same respect that we would withanybody else, and so I think the
first one is just be kind.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, would with anybody else.
And so I think the first one isjust be kind, yeah.
And then I think, getting backto those differences, we need to
figure out how to work with thedifferences and in a lot of
ways the differences can bestrengths.
So even just one little examplelike Brent, when he's going to
make a decision, he likes tosort of do some research and
think through all of thedifferent options before making
a decision, whereas me I'm likeI'm not really worried actually
(08:39):
about making the best decision.
I just want a decision and Iwant it quickly, and so I can
frustrate him, he can frustrateme, but we instead try to work
with that difference.
We don't try to change eachother, and we've actually found,
if we do this process whereBrent has time first to do all
the research and then we makethe decision, we tend to make a
lot better decisions.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, then we've.
We've, like we actually havethe same role as directors of
this organization, so, but we'vehad to figure out.
What do we each do?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
So do well.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
So I well even.
Just what do we do?
So I tend to do the moreexternal from the organization
stuff.
I love meetings, I lovediscussing, Celeste loves
writing and she loves that kindof thing stuff she does alone,
and so we've kind of worked outsome of the roles where, like
with our staff and our staffmeetings, Celeste takes that If
(09:32):
it's external to our largerorganization.
Or I was just in some meetingslast week in Orlando which
energized me, and Celeste getstired even just thinking about
traveling, going to places.
So we're trying to figure outwhat do we do best and how do we
help each other do the thingsthat maybe they don't like to do
and support each other in thethings where we're really good
(09:53):
at.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
When do you shut it off?
Do you have office hours inyour house, cause you're working
side by side?
Do you have office hours?
Do you shut it off?
Does the office close?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, so we're not like super, you know, after this
time don't ask me any questionsabout work.
But I think we more recognizethat we do just need to stop
talking and about work sometimesand for me I probably hit that
limit sooner than Brent, and sosometimes I might just have to
ask Brent like okay, no more, nomore work talk, let's just take
(10:27):
a breather.
But actually it doesn't evenhappen that much.
I think we're pretty consistentabout our work hours during the
day.
In the evening maybe we have afew work conversations.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Weekends we're usually if we're not at a
conference I would say we'velearned so celeste's ability to
go to sleep instantaneously.
So for her she would oftenbring up a problem.
Like you know, we go to bed andshe'd just say, hey, we really
need to fix this, and then she'dgo to sleep and I'd be up for
the next three hours like okay,and and so it's not good, lisa,
(11:00):
it's not good at all, so we uh,kind of had this rule like no
more work after 8 pm, likethat's kind of our general time,
just like you know what.
Let's just like not talk aboutanything for a while, and so we
try to stick to that pretty wellthat's pretty good and, like
you said, it takes.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
It takes practice, it takes time.
You know, talking about it andlaughing about it I do love.
Just you know we are harder onthe ones we love, they'll
forgive us.
But when you work all day andthen you're together all night
and all weekend, yeah, there'sthat, those respects and the
boundaries.
So thank you for sharing.
We also talk a lot about ourfailures and our mistakes,
(11:40):
because I think we all know welearn more darn from them.
So I'm wondering if you'rewilling to share a failure or
mistake and what you've learnedfrom it.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, and the thing that sticks out to me the most
is actually when our kids wereyoung.
We had three little ones, sosix, four and two, and then, you
know, a baby on the way, and atthat point, brent and his work
was traveling about 10 days amonth and I sort of had this
wrong idea, I think, of what itmeant to support him in his work
(12:10):
as a wife.
Like I really felt like manGod's calling him to do all
these amazing things.
I just need to release him todo all these great things God is
calling him to.
So I'm going to hold thingsdown at home and yeah, so I
tried to do that, but it's hard,right, and I got to a point
where I just had to say to Brent, like this isn't working, I
couldn't do it and it actuallywasn't great for our
(12:33):
relationship.
It wasn't great for yourrelationship with kids either.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah.
So I was gone, I was missingout on a lot and you know for me
, I was thinking like, well, I'mproviding for my family, like
these are all good things.
You know, I'm working for God,providing for my family, these
are all good things.
But we can't do those things atthe expense of our family.
So we actually had to just sitdown and say, okay, this isn't
working.
And some of it was fun for meand I think we all tend to go
(13:01):
where we feel appreciated.
So sometimes for some people,the kids give you that
appreciation.
For some people it's work, andso you gravitate towards those
things.
But when they start pushing outyour family, that's when it's
not good.
So we were able to sit down andtalk and actually change my
role to something where I wasable to be around more, and
(13:21):
that's actually how we ended upwith Family Life about 11 years
ago.
And so because we wanted towork more together and be,
around a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Wow.
I do have to say, though, likeit was hard for me to admit it
to myself that it wasn't working, and then it was hard to admit
it to Brent, but when I did hewas, yeah, very quick to.
We knew things needed to changeand he was very quick to make
adjustments.
So super thankful for that,yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
What were you feeling , celeste, when you knew you
needed to talk to Brent to makethe change, because you said it
was hard, for you Was?
Speaker 1 (14:00):
it.
What were you feeling?
Do you remember I don't know ifpart of it was maybe not
wanting to disappoint him, or Ihad these expectations of myself
actually that if we were doingGod's will, I should be able to
do it In the power of his spirit.
I should have the strength todo all of this.
So I think maybe part of what Ifelt was just like I should be
able to do this, but I can't,and I think my thinking was
(14:24):
flawed.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And so actually too.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
One of the things I do really appreciate about Brent
whenever I do ask him for hisperspective, open up about these
kinds of things is hearing hisperspective just helps me to be
a lot more like centered andbalanced and in the truth,
instead of kind of getting downthese rabbit trails of my own
thinking that are unhealthy andand not helpful yeah, and Brent,
(14:46):
to you, when you when you werewith the other job, it sounds
you left that and you came tofamily life.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
In that moment where you were making that change,
this was, this was for yourfamily.
Was it a?
Was it going back to thatmoment when you're in it?
Was that a good thing?
Do you remember?
Was it like this is this is ahard decision, or was it?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You know the other role I kind of grown into over
15 years, and when you're reallygood at something, you know
what you're doing, you're you'rewanted, you're kind of climbing
the ladder like everything,where you thought starting out
was starting to happen andactually it was, like you know,
as far as the ladder goes,pretty, pretty high on that
ladder.
(15:26):
But then it's just like butwhat now?
Right, like if I, if myfamily's not doing well and I'm
not doing well, then like what'sthe use?
Right, and so a term that Ilike a lot is successful
failures.
Like often we can have all thesuccess in the world, but really
if we're doing it at theexpense, you know, of our family
, of ourselves, even like ourown mental health, our own
(15:48):
physical health, then we'rereally just successful failures.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, thank you for answering those questions.
I think people listening it'shard to make change and it's on
both like from Brent's side andeither way, if one had a more
successful job and it's takingaway from your family and not
wanting to talk about it, notwanting to, you know, feel
disappointed that you're notdoing your job.
So I just thank you for sharingthat, those answers.
(16:18):
I appreciate that we want totalk a little about your faith
legacy and not that we want totalk about when you leave this
world.
But when you leave this worldand you've been on an amazing
journey, what do you want yourfaith legacy to be when you
leave?
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Well, we're really, really passionate about seeing
God change people's lives.
You know, we love it when wesee people make that connection
with him, when they start arelationship with him, or if
it's learning to surrender moreto him.
We love that we.
We.
We want that most in our home.
To be quite honest, like we, wejust love our kids so much.
(16:49):
We would just love for ourlegacy to be that they would
have a relationship with Godwhere they enjoy walking with
him, they understand what itmeans to surrender to him, they
understand the purpose that hebrings, the joy and the peace
that he brings, and they're ableto help others know him.
So, like, no pressure kids nopressure, but but that's one of
(17:10):
the things that we pray for themost that our kids would know
and love and walk with Jesus.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yeah.
Beyond that, I think of 3 John 1, 4,.
I have no greater joy than tohear my children are walking in
the truth, and so that's kind oflike you know what guides us.
But I think, like the faithlegacy I want to leave, I think
of I just met somebody last week, that who is really influential
(17:36):
in the men who are reallyinfluential in my life, and so
he's and, uh, so these men for25 years have been building into
me, and this person before that, like he's in his 80s, still in
ministry.
I thought man like this is thisis where I want to be when I
get older.
And then I think through.
Not many people know whoHenrietta Mears is.
Do you know Henrietta Mears?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
No, I don't.
That's what I want.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
So many people.
Henrietta Mears, Dr HenriettaMears she ran the college and
career group at HollywoodPresbyterian Church in Hollywood
church in Hollywood and she hada direct influence on Bill
Bright who started CampusCrusade, Dawson Trotman who
started the Navigators, BillyGraham Sunlight Curriculum For
(18:21):
anybody that's been in Sundayschool with good curriculum.
She started that movement,Christian Camping, she started
that movement, and so you justthink of this woman of faith.
Nobody knows, Nobody knows whoshe is, but she's had millions
and millions of people who offaith.
Nobody knows, Nobody knows whoshe is, but she's had millions
and millions of people who havebeen affected by her and I think
that's the legacy.
I don't know some of the peoplethat we've had an impact on.
(18:42):
I don't know where they'll go.
Some of them are doing greaterthings than me already and
that's fantastic.
Nobody needs to know who I am,but I just want to leave that
faith imprint on the world.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't know Henrietta, but I knew many
of the names you listed afterthat, the people that we
influence, and I'm sure you'reinfluencing, because in your bio
I read about the revolving doorof other friends who live there
from time to time.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Most recently it was, I think, on a Saturday.
We got a text from a friend andon Sunday he moved in.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
See, you're just an influence everywhere.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Well, we added it up a few, like a month ago or
something.
How many people?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I don't know, like 30 people.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Like 30-something students have lived here, over
the years, wow, yeah, and nowyou have four children.
Are they all still at home?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
They are.
We have two in university, twoin high school.
Wow, it's fun and full.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, I love it.
And when we started thispodcast, you said there are
messages everywhere for everyonein this house to be quiet if
they come in.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
So far, so good.
Only ones come in.
Saw the silent sign and sculkaround.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah, I've had the same messages for my kids, so I
love it.
Our last question for both ofyou is what brings you the
greatest joy?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I think again, just like the last question just
seeing people's lives changed,and really I believe that.
So even in the marriageministry that we do.
We think it is really importantto give people tools to for
better communication, for betterrelationships, to give them
some hope, to give them apicture of what the future can
look like, Like that's really,really important and we really
are serious about investing inmarriages and families.
(20:25):
But ultimately, too, we knowthat Jesus is the one who brings
the real change, the lasting,eternal change, and so our
greatest joy is to see peoplehave that relationship with him,
grow in it, share it with otherpeople.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Yeah, yeah, and I think too, like, yeah, so not
just having this, like we havethis incredible opportunity to
to help change lives.
I used to be with students, nowit's with marriages and
families, and and so with everymarriage and every family that's
, that's a legacy that gets,like you think, about three,
four generations down.
If somebody meets Jesus, thatchanges their life.
(20:59):
But then to watch those people,I just love seeing people learn
how to share their faith, learnhow to tell others about what's
going on, and that they can seethat they can actually have an
impact on the world.
That's what really brings mejoy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I know being at the Family Life Conference and
there's at one point, celeste,we break off as women and the
men break off and we have theseconversations and there have
been women who have shared theirstories with you and then maybe
with their.
Obviously with their consent,you share them with us and
that's those are some greatmoments for us.
So I can't imagine how you feelwhen people share those stories
(21:35):
with you.
You were the reason theychanged or you know, and to you,
brent, men share stories withyou.
They change because ofsomething you said or a story.
So I, when I, when I hear thatit brings back those moments of
that conference where peopleshare their stories and and
life-changing.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
So yeah Well that's the amazing thing too God is at
work.
Sometimes we just forget, butit is such an honor to hear
those stories because it is agreat reminder.
God is absolutely at work andeven working miracles.
And there are people who thinkthat they're done, but in their
marriage, but they, you know,they come and they have
conversations, they get a littlebit closer, they make decisions
(22:14):
to stay together and we've yeah, we have seen some of those
couples and they do staytogether and their marriage gets
better.
Even couples who they'll comewhen they're in a really hard
place and we meet them a fewyears later and they're back and
they're like, wow, this was soexciting because we're in such a
great place right now.
Yeah, god is at work.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, oh, it's such a great conference, such a great
conference.
I want to thank you both forjoining us today.
I come here every.
I mean, I do these podcastsbecause I'm still learning.
I think we all are stilllearning.
So just taking your time toshare with us today, I
appreciate you.
So thank you for sharing,thanks.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Lisa.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Thanks for having us now if anyone wants to connect
with you, um, either throughfamily, maybe through family
life.
What's the best place toconnect?
Well, our websitefamilylifecanadacom.
You can always get a hold of usthere.
There's great resources for allkinds of things family,
marriage, um whatever you want.
That's probably the best waythat you can do.
Uh, instagram, yeah, any of thethings you can get all of us on
.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
We also have really easy email addresses too, so I'm
just Celeste atFamilyLifeCanadacom, brent is
Brent at FamilyLifeCanadacom.
So even if you just rememberour names, you can get a hold of
us FamilyLifeCanadacom Easyenough, all right.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Well, thank you again for joining us.
Thank you, lisa.
All right, well, if you're partof Leader Impact, you can
always discuss or share thispodcast with your group.
And if you're not yet part ofLeader Impact and would like to
find out more and grow yourleadership, find our podcast
page on our website atleaderimpactca and check out our
free leadership assessment.
You can also check out groupsavailable in Canada at
leaderimpactca or, if you'relistening from anywhere else in
(23:50):
the world, check out leaderimpactcom or get in touch with
us by email info at leaderimpactca and we will connect you
.
And if you like this podcast,please leave us a comment, give
us a rating or review.
This will help other globalleaders find our podcast.
Thank you for engaging with usand remember impact starts with
you.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com