July 18, 2025 • 27 mins
Every Leader wants to view themselves as a positive leader. Survey data shows most workers do not believe that. It's actually human nature to lean toward being negative. It's easier to be negative than positive. Add in all the distractions of the day-to-day grind, client demands and goal attainment and you start to realize something has to give. On this week's episode of the Leadership Lifestyle Podcast, we'll get real about the struggle to be a positive leader, the human reasons why it's a struggle, and most importantly, how you can do just a few things to move your team forward and make you a better leader!
Let's connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-charest-a08369a4/
Also join our LinkedIn Group: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/12459243/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You will always find what you're looking for.
And I'm not talking about your car keys
or I guess, at miss Dan and age
I should say your key fob,
or your glasses. What I'm talking about is
behaviors on your team. After all, this is
a leadership podcast. So I assume that's what
we're talking about here, you know you have
to
be positive. You know you have to develop
people and show a lot of gratitude and
(00:22):
appreciation. But how do you do that when
the whole world is against you? The mind
is a powerful thing
that through
evolution,
it's not supposed to be that way. So
it's not a hundred percent your fault for
sure, if you're not this type of leader,
but now that we're talking about it, there's
(00:42):
a whole lot of things you can do
about it, and that's what we're gonna get
into right now.
You found a leadership lifestyle podcast. Where we
talk about all things leadership because leadership isn't
just what you do. It's who you are.
So we hope to make you a better
leader help keep your sanity and make your
(01:02):
team better, so you make more money. So
every week, we talk about a different topic
that helps you do all those things so
hit the subscribe button so you never miss
an episode, tell all your colleagues and friends
and let's get a discussion going on how
we can grow together as better leader.
So being positive, so easy a caveman man
could do it. Right?
But what I'm really talking about is negativity.
(01:25):
Our brains are hardwired,
to expect the worst.
It was literally life and death as
evolution of
caveman men to technology
all started to them every single thing
because they didn't have an understanding of everything
in the world,
was literally life or death. They expected the
(01:47):
worst all the time. So now our brains
have been wired
for thousands of years.
To always expect the worst. And that's exactly
what we do today, Isn't it? Even though
you know you you need to be a
positive leader. You need to show people the
good and what they're focusing on is is
making a difference in all those things, but
let's face it for just a second.
(02:09):
It's actually much easier to be negative.
I mean, just... We have Murphy's law. We
have laws all about
what can go wrong probably will.
And we have an
expectation
of low expectations and other people.
It we're we're like wow when people come
through.
So we have this in ingrained
(02:31):
expectations that... You know what? I I think
everybody's gonna fail. And if they win once
in a while, we'll take it and we'll
move on with our life. And that's how
we're we're we're hardwired.
But how do you feel with your work
team
when you notice things aren't done, Like, maybe
you haven't been there for a day or
2 or or something you walk in and
(02:51):
things
aren't the way they should be. What's your
first response? Are you like what the hell
happened around here?
Or
are you more of... Wow.
This stuff isn't done. Something major must have
happened that actually stop them from doing what
they should be doing. Like, what is your
automatic response
(03:12):
to what you're seeing?
Is it... Does you just jump right to
the negativity?
But wait, You're a leader, you know or
at least I hope you know, negative leadership
doesn't work anymore.
It it doesn't. Yeah, there was this whole
tough love thing.
You you go back and look at leadership
over the decades on how it started and
(03:34):
how it is today and how leadership has
changed how people are way more in tune
with culture and where they wanna work? And
are they making a difference in all those
things?
And it's white odd, You know, you could
find jobs all over the place in all
different kinds of areas. It is not that
hard.
So when you're in a situation where
(03:54):
it's just all negative or or it's almost
like a a drill structure mentality,
people will leave, and they will go find
a a better environment.
So we know that doesn't work. And companies
are obsessed with positive leadership for the over
the past couple years for sure.
And III use air quotes with that,
(04:17):
positive
leadership because,
you know, it's not a normal thing that
happens,
meaning
it's not ingrained in your brain
to always be positive
and always be moving forward. I mean, I
know it sounds cliche
but it really starts at the top. So
for example, in your entire organization, if if
(04:39):
your top level a leadership isn't like that,
it's almost impossible
for for lower level, mid level leadership and
certainly frontline leadership to be positive and and
looking for the good and the progress of
things.
Are you as a leader
in your area as micro managing
(04:59):
as you think.
In other words,
what's controlling you? Would you want to be
a certain style of leader
we all jump to that, thinking we're micro
managed that we just can't. We gotta do
what we're told and all that stuff. But
take a second and really think
Are you as micro managed as you think
you are?
(05:20):
And can you do the things you wanna
do? Like, who's really stopping you from that
or if you've watched
the the Netflix show Ted Lasso where he
is just
overboard with positivity and wanting to do good
and wanting to help people and all of
that,
can you be that person
and and you, you know, on purpose Can
(05:42):
you really do that day in and day
out?
Because we're not wired that way as a
human beings. So let's begin
with, you know, being negative about negativity.
So number 1, we're we're already
established
that we are battling thousands of years of
thinking.
In other words, I mean, you could just
(06:03):
equate how you were raised in in your
youth.
Just those couple of years
of how you've turned out to be now,
what are the things that trigger you. What
are the things you worry about? Have anxiety
or or avoid
because just how you raised. Now think about
thousands of years of how people thought.
(06:25):
The number 2, like I said before, how
are you led?
In in your life too, not just
at work.
Like, I talked in last week's podcast about,
are you feeling like you're enough, it isn't
just about work that can get you
to to move forward. I mean, everything in
your life, you're your inner circle of friends,
your spouse, your your parents,
(06:47):
everything
how is that guiding you? What are you
hanging around? Like, what is your... What are
you ingesting mentally all the time
that gets you to think a certain way
or not.
Like, for example, if you're a cable news
junkie,
I would almost bet the mortgage that you're
a negative person.
(07:08):
Because that's all you hear. Is negativity. What's
wrong.
Everybody fighting, didn't nobody really make any progress.
They just wanna argue because they want their
sign to win. So thinking about what are
you taking in? Both even if it's cable
news, even in social media,
everything you see on there, you think, oh,
that must be what's going on in the
world because I see it everywhere. And that
might not actually be true.
(07:31):
But
you gotta be careful of what you're mentally
ingesting.
And another thing, negativity is fun.
I know that sounds kinda strange. What do
you mean? You're gonna make fun of people
at work? With no. You you really can.
I mean, you wanna a trip to, you
know, the Hr office and stuff like that.
But think about like late night shows
and stand up comedian. So it's the first
thing they do. They tell a bunch of
(07:52):
jokes that put every... And put a bunch
of people now.
And it's just... It can be fun to
1 up somebody,
in, you know, the world that seems to
thrive on negativity.
Rather than... Because you really, if you think
about it, if everything was just a debate
of ideas and solving problems,
it almost would sound kind of boring in
(08:13):
a sense.
Almost in, like a scientific study where, you
know, they're not there's not a lot of
punchline lines in in those. So
Negativity can be fun. And you see that
constantly
just scroll through Twitter, which to me in
the social construct is pretty much the sewer
of humanity when it comes to thought that
that's the immediate thing. Somebody posts something and
(08:35):
the next very next post is, like, tearing
that person down.
Not necessarily
proving a point of whatever it is they
said doesn't make sense, but literally tearing them
down.
It it's it's it's like a sport.
So
I think we've talked about negativity
enough to get started. So
(08:58):
I just wanna make sure you understand what
you're up against. Because
as much as you want to be a
positive leader, and you you you know you
need to. You know you want. You feel
better. But you're delivering good news. You're promoting
someone.
You have helped someone grow,
you know, I've said this in previous podcast
that. What got me started in this whole
(09:20):
realm of leadership was actually coaching high school
wrestling
when I was young 18 19, almost 20
years old, not that I had, you know,
all the leadership concepts down and all out
I'm not saying that. But what I am
talking about is,
I would I would coach Junior varsity, and
I would get a lot of athletes that
have never been on a map before.
So in a couple of months,
(09:42):
to see a kid who doesn't know anything,
and then
you see them in
competition
winning and getting their hand raised.
It it it's a it's a powerful feeling,
and you're not going to
na or bark people or make them feel
like garbage to get them there.
(10:02):
So
you have a lot
that you're already up against,
and you know you need to do it.
So you have to be purposeful in it.
And the good news is there is some
things. Actually some, you know, quite honestly, some
easy things you can do to really make
this happen.
So as an accountability piece here, so now
(10:22):
that you know the why
related to negativity,
you to simply have a choice
as an excuse
or
to be the leader you wanna be. You
don't get to
use it and its scientific data
of what really makes the world negative,
and it's true. But now that you know
(10:43):
that,
And hopefully, you're growing, if you're listening to
a podcast. Obviously, you want to learn to
be better.
You have a choice to do the things
you wanna do. So like the title this
podcast... This podcast says,
you always get what you're looking for. When
you are walking into a situation when you
were reading a report, when you were talking
to your team,
(11:04):
if you are expecting
negativity
and failure
and lack a follow through, you're you're going
to find that.
I I've used this example before, you know,
throwing a ball in the house or Frisbee
in a house, and you just say in
your mind, don't have to don't need to
lamp, Well you throw right to the lamp
because that's what you were thinking about.
And you have to start thinking about what
(11:26):
you do want,
not what you don't want. So you will
find what you're looking for The question you
gotta answer is, well, what are you looking
for? The good or the bad, the progress
or the negativity?
So knowing how
easy it is to be negative,
answer that question.
(11:47):
Do you see the good in others?
Or how about progress?
Yeah. I know. You you gotta get results?
We can't just you know, sit around and
have group hugs and, you know, oh, come
on. We'll get better. You're doing 5. I
get it. You you are responsible
to produce results.
And that's what pays the bills, but consider
(12:08):
this, the way you learn to get your
team better
is
you... Wait, look at it this way. You
can't imagine being at a football game. Right?
But all you can see is the score
board.
But you can hear the game. You can
hear the sharing of the crowd, you know
something happened or whatever, but the only thing
(12:29):
you can see is a score board. So
just hard data of time left, possession of
who has the ball, who scored when and
what. And you miss
so much
you miss
progress. You miss... Like, you ever watch a
game and even though the score is the
score of whatever it is. But
you're... You see a team controlling the Ball.
(12:50):
You see a team working together more. Even
though the score may not even reflect that
or maybe they're barely winning. But you can
see, wow, this team's really got it together,
and this team's really struggling and their throwing
stuff at each other and being really negative.
But you wouldn't know that if all you
did was look at the score board. So
think about you in your office. Are you
just reading reports, reading results and saying, oh,
(13:11):
well, we didn't make it this quarter or
we're close. Or, yeah. We're over this quarter,
but that doesn't mean we're gonna be over
next. All of that. Do you really just
key it on results?
Or do you really
look at what happened
because here's the thing,
all the reports you were reading
are really history reports. They already happen.
(13:33):
And, yeah, you gotta have that. It's more
like if you've ever,
driven a boat
you know, in the inter coastal and you
have b and things, They just kinda point
you in a direction?
And that's what those reports are. Are you
moving in the right direction?
But you gotta remember what created those reports
was somebody's
behavior.
(13:54):
Somebody did something. Somebody followed through it something
or didn't fall through on something or made
it happen, or hopefully, whole group, you know,
whoever is in your department and your team,
your company,
they're all doing things to get results.
And how do you know
if you are getting
the right behaviors to generate the right results.
(14:15):
So
don't get so wrapped up in reports as
far as, like, this is your your your
win loss column.
Yeah, That's what's documented. But you gotta dig
deeper than that. If you're gonna be an
effective leader and say to yourself,
what are the behaviors day in and day
out that make that happen. That's where you
gotta live to be a proactive positive leader,
then you gotta look at it as, How
(14:36):
can I affect change to get people to
be doing the things they should be doing?
And you're not gonna mag them into it
for sure, And yet, you know what? You
you become an authoritarian and you threatened them
for a while, sure.
For short term,
you'll you'll get some results just out of
people being scared
But then after a while
(14:56):
that wears off and people tune out. And
the next thing, you know, you don't you
don't hear a lot from people.
And then things start not happening, and you're
wondering what is going on. And by then
it's almost too late.
So
this is not about being savvy or all
touchy feely.
It's about getting what you want by focusing
(15:17):
on what you want.
Team culture
is about behaviors,
and you have to focus on not only
behaviors you want,
quote unquote meaning. Everybody's just happy.
But I'm talking about behaviors that propel your
business forward. In other words, Are you paying
your people to guess what to do or
(15:38):
do they actually know what they're doing matters?
Are they really executing? It's like,
just because they're busy,
doesn't mean they're executing? You don't wanna confuse
those 2 things? Everybody's working.
But is that really
execution?
Are you really getting some things done that
you want to get done? So 1 of
the things you gotta do is you gotta
(15:59):
stop the... What I call the shotgun accountability.
Meaning, you know, like, if you shoot a
handgun, it's 1 bullet and the target. Right?
So you shoot a shotgun there's a bunch
of stuff on the target.
Right? And a lot of times, somebody would
do something wrong or or
however you wanna phrase it wrong, not right,
not good, whatever.
And so then you blast You email blast
everybody. Please don't do x y and z,
(16:21):
and 95
percent of people aren't do. Doing whatever it
is you're talking about and there they're, like,
well, I... Are Am I'm not doing this.
So why are you telling me, which on
a 1 off, you might think, oh, well,
you know, it's not gonna matter, but when
you start feeding everybody a steady diet of
that,
you're really building a culture of, oh, if
anybody screws up, it's partly my fault too,
(16:42):
then don't you make sense.
So whole accountable the people need to hold
accountable,
but the people you don't, leave me all,
they didn't do anything.
So stop with the shotgun accountability.
But what about the things that go wrong?
I'm not saying ignore it, you know, be
stern
to your strategy boundaries?
(17:03):
Because people... Once you start doing that people
will talk,
they will spread the words. You tell them,
hey he don't tell anybody, but you hold
people accountable,
to the strategy boundaries.
And that's what I mean is a leader
you have to protect that when you say,
hey, these are the behaviors we agreed to
do in order to get done what we
wanna get done. And when that doesn't happen,
(17:23):
you hold that person accountable, and people know
it. Whether you... And no matter how quiet
you keep it, they will know it. Because
1 thing I'll have either that person will
talk about it or
they'll see a change in that person. Hopefully,
that's what you get is people doing what
they should be doing.
So
that's what you really want to happen.
So to be a positive leader.
(17:45):
You have to recognize something deeper than
a happiness
ratio.
And in other, like,
You can't have 2 emotions at once. Right?
So if you're in an anger mode, you
can't be in a motivating row mode. If
you're in a sad mode you can't be
happier mode. Right? We all can understand that.
So you've got a judge as a leader
(18:06):
where are you gonna spend your time?
And
when I talk about, like, are you paying
your people to guess. Well I'm not just
talking about what they actually do day in
a day out? What about paying people to
guess what version of you they're gonna get?
You as the leader? What version are they
gonna get? They're not sure. He,
mad today. Is he sad, happy anxious. I
(18:29):
don't know. You know, it's the steady diet
thing. Day in and day out of what
version of you are you showing?
And you cannot
be in 2
emotions at once. So you have to judge
and what... With the time you have,
as much as we all work and feel
attached to work and all of that, it
is still limited time. You are not working
(18:50):
in infinitely.
So
the end just a small amount of time
to figure out
what what what version of me are they
gonna get.
80, 90 percent of the time.
So when that other version comes out, everybody's
like, oh, man. This this really means something
because this is not normal for this leader,
So you have to make that decision.
(19:11):
So
if I were to test you with making
your...
Team healthier.
You would, you know, and I mean, like,
physically help. So if I just said, hey,
go make your team healthier, you would immediately...
With that what are you probably thinking about.
You evaluate
their food intake. How much exercise are they
(19:32):
doing.
You it just seems like a very easy
thing to approach that everybody knows what that
means.
But what about their mental intake?
Predominantly in in all
kinds of businesses. It's usually
not
the day to day stuff they're just supposed
to know and how to do their job
(19:55):
that wears them out. It's all of the
mental challenges,
that disrupt.
Like, everything is a disruption.
If you think about it, Like, very rarely,
can somebody just either sit at a desk
or be at their post or however, you
know, your your workforce works.
And just do the thing they're paid to
(20:15):
do,
with no interruptions with no stress, no anxiety.
There's none of that. So it's all about
the mental intake
So it it's kinda the opposite too. Like,
when you have a really
well well run
operation.
Especially if you're serving the... The customer directly,
(20:36):
and your team is just knocking out of
the park, and they're just... Their services phenomenal
and all that.
You have a customer say, holy cow. What
are you feeding these people? Well, that's what
they're talking about. Is that you're not feeding
them? Like pizza or burgers.
It's it's the mental intake
of how they're treating the customer
(20:56):
because how
they're being treated.
So you have to really focus in on
that.
So knowing that there's so many disruptions out
there that
deplete from that
Are you providing mental gas stations?
So you think about taking a long road
trip, which you can equate to a long
(21:17):
business week or a long business quarter
as you're driving,
you know, you'd need to pull car over
and refuel, get gas, go stretch your legs
and and all of that.
But in the work sense,
are you providing mental gas stations as they
start getting worn down over time,
do you provide something mentally,
(21:39):
that keeps them going, that refuel them,
recharge them
into moving on to the next thing or
doing a little bit more to achieve that
same goal they're working on.
You have to provide those as time goes
on.
And are you being honest
with yourself and with them about the daily
grind. And I don't mean oh yeah, it
(22:01):
exists, dismiss it
but really acknowledging, hey, I understand
what your tasked was doing, and then then
all these other things, these outside forces or
sometimes inside forces,
pull you away from that and deplete you,
get in your way, disrupt you, stop you,
you gotta acknowledge those things. You can't just
(22:21):
say suck it up butter cup or take
a lap or whatever,
you really have to understand that.
In
some days are just gonna suck.
Bar on. They're just gonna suck. There's nothing
you can do about it. You can't sugar
coat it, but you gotta be there
in the misery with them. Working side by
side, acknowledging it. Being a part of it.
(22:44):
Don't shy away from that.
And most importantly,
does your team even know
if they're winning, have you described winning?
Have you told them they're winning? Do they
know without looking very hard whether they're accomplishing
things?
Or not. And then the last piece of
that
is
(23:05):
what they do day in and day out,
contribute to that winning. They gotta know all
3.
If you really want your team to be
humming to to be achieving to really be
functioning at a high level. They've gotta know
what winning is
are they winning?
You know, like I said before, the score
board, you can't just look at the score
(23:25):
board. But at some point, they need some
kind of score to know that they're going
in there direction,
and
what they do matters,
you gotta be able provide those things.
Your And as a leader, are you working
on a 3 to 1 ratio of positive
to negative?
So in the scheme of 4 things you're
talking about
(23:46):
are 3 of them positive.
Because that...
What's interesting about that is that 1
that's negative has actually bigger impact because
it's not normal.
It's like I've have said before describing the
news, it's on the news because it's not
normal, but when all you do is in
ingest news 24 7, you think everything's bad.
(24:07):
And this kind of the same thing. So
when all you're getting is negative, negative, negative,
everything's bad and you have that 1 off,
good thing. And you think, oh, everybody should
be great. Well,
no because they know the shoes about to
drop, and they're not gonna be fooled by
that.
So you gotta have at least a 3
to 1 ratio. Look for things that are
(24:27):
good. Look for things that are accomplishments
to let them know
they are winning. They are going in the
right direction or how they could be better.
How you could be better.
You gotta focus in on that Because
thoughts become behaviors and behaviors
become habits.
Even subconsciously, you won't even think about it.
(24:49):
Especially what you're talking to yourself about.
But the steady
thoughts
that you're having.
And if you're a leader you're,
when it at least comes to team dynamics,
you're you're you're probably thinking out loud and
telling them whatever it is you're telling them.
So is it positive or negative? Is it
helpful or hurtful?
Does it drive the team forward or shut
(25:10):
the team down. Right? So whatever thoughts, those
become your behaviors. When you cost talk about
those behaviors that do drive
execution and profitability and sales growth and customer
penetration, all the good stuff.
If you
think and talk about that a lot, those
become behaviors.
And the more of the behaviors happen,
(25:32):
They develop into habits.
That's how that works, and it doesn't matter
if it's positive or negative, it works that
way.
So
start working
on the questions I just asked when you
think about
what is the mental intake of your people?
You know, what are you feeding them? How
are you providing mental gas stations? Are you
(25:54):
acknowledging the daily grind? Does the team know
what winning is?
Ask those questions.
And remember that you have to think about
your response code and there's something I mentioned
many podcasts back about
how you conduct yourself creates a response code
in that, meaning their response to you? Do
they hide from you? Do they can fight
in you? Do you inspire people or make
(26:17):
people per buyer based on how you are?
And do they hold back? Do they hide?
Do they,
you know, not tell you stuff all of
that?
That's what you have to think about is
what is your response code you're building.
So
if you are a mentally tough leader
you will lead the way you want.
(26:40):
Versus how you've been led regardless of that,
you can break that cycle and do
the kind of leadership you want to do.
And if you haven't been,
well, it's time to get started.
Because as the Japanese prove says the best
time to plan a tree is 20 years
ago. And the second best time to plan
(27:00):
a tree is right now. So what did
we learn today? How did you grow just
a little bit or more importantly, how can
you help someone else grow?
That's the whole point of leadership lifestyle podcast.
We hope you enjoyed this episode. Again, hit
that subscribe button tell all your colleagues and
friends and neighbors all about the show. Give
us comments feedback, things like that, we will
grow together, and we will see you next
(27:23):
week on the leadership lifestyle podcast.
You will always find what you're looking for.
And I'm not talking about your car keys
or I guess, at miss Dan and age
I should say your key fob,
or your glasses. What I'm talking about is
behaviors on your team. After all, this is
a leadership podcast. So I assume that's what
we're talking about here, you know you have
to
be positive. You know you have to develop
people and show a lot of gratitude and
(00:22):
appreciation. But how do you do that when
the whole world is against you? The mind
is a powerful thing
that through
evolution,
it's not supposed to be that way. So
it's not a hundred percent your fault for
sure, if you're not this type of leader,
but now that we're talking about it, there's
(00:42):
a whole lot of things you can do
about it, and that's what we're gonna get
into right now.
You found a leadership lifestyle podcast. Where we
talk about all things leadership because leadership isn't
just what you do. It's who you are.
So we hope to make you a better
leader help keep your sanity and make your
(01:02):
team better, so you make more money. So
every week, we talk about a different topic
that helps you do all those things so
hit the subscribe button so you never miss
an episode, tell all your colleagues and friends
and let's get a discussion going on how
we can grow together as better leader.
So being positive, so easy a caveman man
could do it. Right?
But what I'm really talking about is negativity.
(01:25):
Our brains are hardwired,
to expect the worst.
It was literally life and death as
evolution of
caveman men to technology
all started to them every single thing
because they didn't have an understanding of everything
in the world,
was literally life or death. They expected the
(01:47):
worst all the time. So now our brains
have been wired
for thousands of years.
To always expect the worst. And that's exactly
what we do today, Isn't it? Even though
you know you you need to be a
positive leader. You need to show people the
good and what they're focusing on is is
making a difference in all those things, but
let's face it for just a second.
(02:09):
It's actually much easier to be negative.
I mean, just... We have Murphy's law. We
have laws all about
what can go wrong probably will.
And we have an
expectation
of low expectations and other people.
It we're we're like wow when people come
through.
So we have this in ingrained
(02:31):
expectations that... You know what? I I think
everybody's gonna fail. And if they win once
in a while, we'll take it and we'll
move on with our life. And that's how
we're we're we're hardwired.
But how do you feel with your work
team
when you notice things aren't done, Like, maybe
you haven't been there for a day or
2 or or something you walk in and
(02:51):
things
aren't the way they should be. What's your
first response? Are you like what the hell
happened around here?
Or
are you more of... Wow.
This stuff isn't done. Something major must have
happened that actually stop them from doing what
they should be doing. Like, what is your
automatic response
(03:12):
to what you're seeing?
Is it... Does you just jump right to
the negativity?
But wait, You're a leader, you know or
at least I hope you know, negative leadership
doesn't work anymore.
It it doesn't. Yeah, there was this whole
tough love thing.
You you go back and look at leadership
over the decades on how it started and
(03:34):
how it is today and how leadership has
changed how people are way more in tune
with culture and where they wanna work? And
are they making a difference in all those
things?
And it's white odd, You know, you could
find jobs all over the place in all
different kinds of areas. It is not that
hard.
So when you're in a situation where
(03:54):
it's just all negative or or it's almost
like a a drill structure mentality,
people will leave, and they will go find
a a better environment.
So we know that doesn't work. And companies
are obsessed with positive leadership for the over
the past couple years for sure.
And III use air quotes with that,
(04:17):
positive
leadership because,
you know, it's not a normal thing that
happens,
meaning
it's not ingrained in your brain
to always be positive
and always be moving forward. I mean, I
know it sounds cliche
but it really starts at the top. So
for example, in your entire organization, if if
(04:39):
your top level a leadership isn't like that,
it's almost impossible
for for lower level, mid level leadership and
certainly frontline leadership to be positive and and
looking for the good and the progress of
things.
Are you as a leader
in your area as micro managing
(04:59):
as you think.
In other words,
what's controlling you? Would you want to be
a certain style of leader
we all jump to that, thinking we're micro
managed that we just can't. We gotta do
what we're told and all that stuff. But
take a second and really think
Are you as micro managed as you think
you are?
(05:20):
And can you do the things you wanna
do? Like, who's really stopping you from that
or if you've watched
the the Netflix show Ted Lasso where he
is just
overboard with positivity and wanting to do good
and wanting to help people and all of
that,
can you be that person
and and you, you know, on purpose Can
(05:42):
you really do that day in and day
out?
Because we're not wired that way as a
human beings. So let's begin
with, you know, being negative about negativity.
So number 1, we're we're already
established
that we are battling thousands of years of
thinking.
In other words, I mean, you could just
(06:03):
equate how you were raised in in your
youth.
Just those couple of years
of how you've turned out to be now,
what are the things that trigger you. What
are the things you worry about? Have anxiety
or or avoid
because just how you raised. Now think about
thousands of years of how people thought.
(06:25):
The number 2, like I said before, how
are you led?
In in your life too, not just
at work.
Like, I talked in last week's podcast about,
are you feeling like you're enough, it isn't
just about work that can get you
to to move forward. I mean, everything in
your life, you're your inner circle of friends,
your spouse, your your parents,
(06:47):
everything
how is that guiding you? What are you
hanging around? Like, what is your... What are
you ingesting mentally all the time
that gets you to think a certain way
or not.
Like, for example, if you're a cable news
junkie,
I would almost bet the mortgage that you're
a negative person.
(07:08):
Because that's all you hear. Is negativity. What's
wrong.
Everybody fighting, didn't nobody really make any progress.
They just wanna argue because they want their
sign to win. So thinking about what are
you taking in? Both even if it's cable
news, even in social media,
everything you see on there, you think, oh,
that must be what's going on in the
world because I see it everywhere. And that
might not actually be true.
(07:31):
But
you gotta be careful of what you're mentally
ingesting.
And another thing, negativity is fun.
I know that sounds kinda strange. What do
you mean? You're gonna make fun of people
at work? With no. You you really can.
I mean, you wanna a trip to, you
know, the Hr office and stuff like that.
But think about like late night shows
and stand up comedian. So it's the first
thing they do. They tell a bunch of
(07:52):
jokes that put every... And put a bunch
of people now.
And it's just... It can be fun to
1 up somebody,
in, you know, the world that seems to
thrive on negativity.
Rather than... Because you really, if you think
about it, if everything was just a debate
of ideas and solving problems,
it almost would sound kind of boring in
(08:13):
a sense.
Almost in, like a scientific study where, you
know, they're not there's not a lot of
punchline lines in in those. So
Negativity can be fun. And you see that
constantly
just scroll through Twitter, which to me in
the social construct is pretty much the sewer
of humanity when it comes to thought that
that's the immediate thing. Somebody posts something and
(08:35):
the next very next post is, like, tearing
that person down.
Not necessarily
proving a point of whatever it is they
said doesn't make sense, but literally tearing them
down.
It it's it's it's like a sport.
So
I think we've talked about negativity
enough to get started. So
(08:58):
I just wanna make sure you understand what
you're up against. Because
as much as you want to be a
positive leader, and you you you know you
need to. You know you want. You feel
better. But you're delivering good news. You're promoting
someone.
You have helped someone grow,
you know, I've said this in previous podcast
that. What got me started in this whole
(09:20):
realm of leadership was actually coaching high school
wrestling
when I was young 18 19, almost 20
years old, not that I had, you know,
all the leadership concepts down and all out
I'm not saying that. But what I am
talking about is,
I would I would coach Junior varsity, and
I would get a lot of athletes that
have never been on a map before.
So in a couple of months,
(09:42):
to see a kid who doesn't know anything,
and then
you see them in
competition
winning and getting their hand raised.
It it it's a it's a powerful feeling,
and you're not going to
na or bark people or make them feel
like garbage to get them there.
(10:02):
So
you have a lot
that you're already up against,
and you know you need to do it.
So you have to be purposeful in it.
And the good news is there is some
things. Actually some, you know, quite honestly, some
easy things you can do to really make
this happen.
So as an accountability piece here, so now
(10:22):
that you know the why
related to negativity,
you to simply have a choice
as an excuse
or
to be the leader you wanna be. You
don't get to
use it and its scientific data
of what really makes the world negative,
and it's true. But now that you know
(10:43):
that,
And hopefully, you're growing, if you're listening to
a podcast. Obviously, you want to learn to
be better.
You have a choice to do the things
you wanna do. So like the title this
podcast... This podcast says,
you always get what you're looking for. When
you are walking into a situation when you
were reading a report, when you were talking
to your team,
(11:04):
if you are expecting
negativity
and failure
and lack a follow through, you're you're going
to find that.
I I've used this example before, you know,
throwing a ball in the house or Frisbee
in a house, and you just say in
your mind, don't have to don't need to
lamp, Well you throw right to the lamp
because that's what you were thinking about.
And you have to start thinking about what
(11:26):
you do want,
not what you don't want. So you will
find what you're looking for The question you
gotta answer is, well, what are you looking
for? The good or the bad, the progress
or the negativity?
So knowing how
easy it is to be negative,
answer that question.
(11:47):
Do you see the good in others?
Or how about progress?
Yeah. I know. You you gotta get results?
We can't just you know, sit around and
have group hugs and, you know, oh, come
on. We'll get better. You're doing 5. I
get it. You you are responsible
to produce results.
And that's what pays the bills, but consider
(12:08):
this, the way you learn to get your
team better
is
you... Wait, look at it this way. You
can't imagine being at a football game. Right?
But all you can see is the score
board.
But you can hear the game. You can
hear the sharing of the crowd, you know
something happened or whatever, but the only thing
(12:29):
you can see is a score board. So
just hard data of time left, possession of
who has the ball, who scored when and
what. And you miss
so much
you miss
progress. You miss... Like, you ever watch a
game and even though the score is the
score of whatever it is. But
you're... You see a team controlling the Ball.
(12:50):
You see a team working together more. Even
though the score may not even reflect that
or maybe they're barely winning. But you can
see, wow, this team's really got it together,
and this team's really struggling and their throwing
stuff at each other and being really negative.
But you wouldn't know that if all you
did was look at the score board. So
think about you in your office. Are you
just reading reports, reading results and saying, oh,
(13:11):
well, we didn't make it this quarter or
we're close. Or, yeah. We're over this quarter,
but that doesn't mean we're gonna be over
next. All of that. Do you really just
key it on results?
Or do you really
look at what happened
because here's the thing,
all the reports you were reading
are really history reports. They already happen.
(13:33):
And, yeah, you gotta have that. It's more
like if you've ever,
driven a boat
you know, in the inter coastal and you
have b and things, They just kinda point
you in a direction?
And that's what those reports are. Are you
moving in the right direction?
But you gotta remember what created those reports
was somebody's
behavior.
(13:54):
Somebody did something. Somebody followed through it something
or didn't fall through on something or made
it happen, or hopefully, whole group, you know,
whoever is in your department and your team,
your company,
they're all doing things to get results.
And how do you know
if you are getting
the right behaviors to generate the right results.
(14:15):
So
don't get so wrapped up in reports as
far as, like, this is your your your
win loss column.
Yeah, That's what's documented. But you gotta dig
deeper than that. If you're gonna be an
effective leader and say to yourself,
what are the behaviors day in and day
out that make that happen. That's where you
gotta live to be a proactive positive leader,
then you gotta look at it as, How
(14:36):
can I affect change to get people to
be doing the things they should be doing?
And you're not gonna mag them into it
for sure, And yet, you know what? You
you become an authoritarian and you threatened them
for a while, sure.
For short term,
you'll you'll get some results just out of
people being scared
But then after a while
(14:56):
that wears off and people tune out. And
the next thing, you know, you don't you
don't hear a lot from people.
And then things start not happening, and you're
wondering what is going on. And by then
it's almost too late.
So
this is not about being savvy or all
touchy feely.
It's about getting what you want by focusing
(15:17):
on what you want.
Team culture
is about behaviors,
and you have to focus on not only
behaviors you want,
quote unquote meaning. Everybody's just happy.
But I'm talking about behaviors that propel your
business forward. In other words, Are you paying
your people to guess what to do or
(15:38):
do they actually know what they're doing matters?
Are they really executing? It's like,
just because they're busy,
doesn't mean they're executing? You don't wanna confuse
those 2 things? Everybody's working.
But is that really
execution?
Are you really getting some things done that
you want to get done? So 1 of
the things you gotta do is you gotta
(15:59):
stop the... What I call the shotgun accountability.
Meaning, you know, like, if you shoot a
handgun, it's 1 bullet and the target. Right?
So you shoot a shotgun there's a bunch
of stuff on the target.
Right? And a lot of times, somebody would
do something wrong or or
however you wanna phrase it wrong, not right,
not good, whatever.
And so then you blast You email blast
everybody. Please don't do x y and z,
(16:21):
and 95
percent of people aren't do. Doing whatever it
is you're talking about and there they're, like,
well, I... Are Am I'm not doing this.
So why are you telling me, which on
a 1 off, you might think, oh, well,
you know, it's not gonna matter, but when
you start feeding everybody a steady diet of
that,
you're really building a culture of, oh, if
anybody screws up, it's partly my fault too,
(16:42):
then don't you make sense.
So whole accountable the people need to hold
accountable,
but the people you don't, leave me all,
they didn't do anything.
So stop with the shotgun accountability.
But what about the things that go wrong?
I'm not saying ignore it, you know, be
stern
to your strategy boundaries?
(17:03):
Because people... Once you start doing that people
will talk,
they will spread the words. You tell them,
hey he don't tell anybody, but you hold
people accountable,
to the strategy boundaries.
And that's what I mean is a leader
you have to protect that when you say,
hey, these are the behaviors we agreed to
do in order to get done what we
wanna get done. And when that doesn't happen,
(17:23):
you hold that person accountable, and people know
it. Whether you... And no matter how quiet
you keep it, they will know it. Because
1 thing I'll have either that person will
talk about it or
they'll see a change in that person. Hopefully,
that's what you get is people doing what
they should be doing.
So
that's what you really want to happen.
So to be a positive leader.
(17:45):
You have to recognize something deeper than
a happiness
ratio.
And in other, like,
You can't have 2 emotions at once. Right?
So if you're in an anger mode, you
can't be in a motivating row mode. If
you're in a sad mode you can't be
happier mode. Right? We all can understand that.
So you've got a judge as a leader
(18:06):
where are you gonna spend your time?
And
when I talk about, like, are you paying
your people to guess. Well I'm not just
talking about what they actually do day in
a day out? What about paying people to
guess what version of you they're gonna get?
You as the leader? What version are they
gonna get? They're not sure. He,
mad today. Is he sad, happy anxious. I
(18:29):
don't know. You know, it's the steady diet
thing. Day in and day out of what
version of you are you showing?
And you cannot
be in 2
emotions at once. So you have to judge
and what... With the time you have,
as much as we all work and feel
attached to work and all of that, it
is still limited time. You are not working
(18:50):
in infinitely.
So
the end just a small amount of time
to figure out
what what what version of me are they
gonna get.
80, 90 percent of the time.
So when that other version comes out, everybody's
like, oh, man. This this really means something
because this is not normal for this leader,
So you have to make that decision.
(19:11):
So
if I were to test you with making
your...
Team healthier.
You would, you know, and I mean, like,
physically help. So if I just said, hey,
go make your team healthier, you would immediately...
With that what are you probably thinking about.
You evaluate
their food intake. How much exercise are they
(19:32):
doing.
You it just seems like a very easy
thing to approach that everybody knows what that
means.
But what about their mental intake?
Predominantly in in all
kinds of businesses. It's usually
not
the day to day stuff they're just supposed
to know and how to do their job
(19:55):
that wears them out. It's all of the
mental challenges,
that disrupt.
Like, everything is a disruption.
If you think about it, Like, very rarely,
can somebody just either sit at a desk
or be at their post or however, you
know, your your workforce works.
And just do the thing they're paid to
(20:15):
do,
with no interruptions with no stress, no anxiety.
There's none of that. So it's all about
the mental intake
So it it's kinda the opposite too. Like,
when you have a really
well well run
operation.
Especially if you're serving the... The customer directly,
(20:36):
and your team is just knocking out of
the park, and they're just... Their services phenomenal
and all that.
You have a customer say, holy cow. What
are you feeding these people? Well, that's what
they're talking about. Is that you're not feeding
them? Like pizza or burgers.
It's it's the mental intake
of how they're treating the customer
(20:56):
because how
they're being treated.
So you have to really focus in on
that.
So knowing that there's so many disruptions out
there that
deplete from that
Are you providing mental gas stations?
So you think about taking a long road
trip, which you can equate to a long
(21:17):
business week or a long business quarter
as you're driving,
you know, you'd need to pull car over
and refuel, get gas, go stretch your legs
and and all of that.
But in the work sense,
are you providing mental gas stations as they
start getting worn down over time,
do you provide something mentally,
(21:39):
that keeps them going, that refuel them,
recharge them
into moving on to the next thing or
doing a little bit more to achieve that
same goal they're working on.
You have to provide those as time goes
on.
And are you being honest
with yourself and with them about the daily
grind. And I don't mean oh yeah, it
(22:01):
exists, dismiss it
but really acknowledging, hey, I understand
what your tasked was doing, and then then
all these other things, these outside forces or
sometimes inside forces,
pull you away from that and deplete you,
get in your way, disrupt you, stop you,
you gotta acknowledge those things. You can't just
(22:21):
say suck it up butter cup or take
a lap or whatever,
you really have to understand that.
In
some days are just gonna suck.
Bar on. They're just gonna suck. There's nothing
you can do about it. You can't sugar
coat it, but you gotta be there
in the misery with them. Working side by
side, acknowledging it. Being a part of it.
(22:44):
Don't shy away from that.
And most importantly,
does your team even know
if they're winning, have you described winning?
Have you told them they're winning? Do they
know without looking very hard whether they're accomplishing
things?
Or not. And then the last piece of
that
is
(23:05):
what they do day in and day out,
contribute to that winning. They gotta know all
3.
If you really want your team to be
humming to to be achieving to really be
functioning at a high level. They've gotta know
what winning is
are they winning?
You know, like I said before, the score
board, you can't just look at the score
(23:25):
board. But at some point, they need some
kind of score to know that they're going
in there direction,
and
what they do matters,
you gotta be able provide those things.
Your And as a leader, are you working
on a 3 to 1 ratio of positive
to negative?
So in the scheme of 4 things you're
talking about
(23:46):
are 3 of them positive.
Because that...
What's interesting about that is that 1
that's negative has actually bigger impact because
it's not normal.
It's like I've have said before describing the
news, it's on the news because it's not
normal, but when all you do is in
ingest news 24 7, you think everything's bad.
(24:07):
And this kind of the same thing. So
when all you're getting is negative, negative, negative,
everything's bad and you have that 1 off,
good thing. And you think, oh, everybody should
be great. Well,
no because they know the shoes about to
drop, and they're not gonna be fooled by
that.
So you gotta have at least a 3
to 1 ratio. Look for things that are
(24:27):
good. Look for things that are accomplishments
to let them know
they are winning. They are going in the
right direction or how they could be better.
How you could be better.
You gotta focus in on that Because
thoughts become behaviors and behaviors
become habits.
Even subconsciously, you won't even think about it.
(24:49):
Especially what you're talking to yourself about.
But the steady
thoughts
that you're having.
And if you're a leader you're,
when it at least comes to team dynamics,
you're you're you're probably thinking out loud and
telling them whatever it is you're telling them.
So is it positive or negative? Is it
helpful or hurtful?
Does it drive the team forward or shut
(25:10):
the team down. Right? So whatever thoughts, those
become your behaviors. When you cost talk about
those behaviors that do drive
execution and profitability and sales growth and customer
penetration, all the good stuff.
If you
think and talk about that a lot, those
become behaviors.
And the more of the behaviors happen,
(25:32):
They develop into habits.
That's how that works, and it doesn't matter
if it's positive or negative, it works that
way.
So
start working
on the questions I just asked when you
think about
what is the mental intake of your people?
You know, what are you feeding them? How
are you providing mental gas stations? Are you
(25:54):
acknowledging the daily grind? Does the team know
what winning is?
Ask those questions.
And remember that you have to think about
your response code and there's something I mentioned
many podcasts back about
how you conduct yourself creates a response code
in that, meaning their response to you? Do
they hide from you? Do they can fight
in you? Do you inspire people or make
(26:17):
people per buyer based on how you are?
And do they hold back? Do they hide?
Do they,
you know, not tell you stuff all of
that?
That's what you have to think about is
what is your response code you're building.
So
if you are a mentally tough leader
you will lead the way you want.
(26:40):
Versus how you've been led regardless of that,
you can break that cycle and do
the kind of leadership you want to do.
And if you haven't been,
well, it's time to get started.
Because as the Japanese prove says the best
time to plan a tree is 20 years
ago. And the second best time to plan
(27:00):
a tree is right now. So what did
we learn today? How did you grow just
a little bit or more importantly, how can
you help someone else grow?
That's the whole point of leadership lifestyle podcast.
We hope you enjoyed this episode. Again, hit
that subscribe button tell all your colleagues and
friends and neighbors all about the show. Give
us comments feedback, things like that, we will
grow together, and we will see you next
(27:23):
week on the leadership lifestyle podcast.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!