August 20, 2025 • 32 mins
What if your child’s difficult behavior isn’t disrespect, but a reflection of their developing brain? In this episode, we explore how our internal lens—shaped by past experiences, emotions, and expectations—can distort how we interpret our children’s actions. You’ll learn how to shift from reactivity to resilience using neuroscience, emotional self-awareness, and developmentally-aligned thinking. Discover how to parent with more clarity, curiosity, and compassion—and teach your child the same.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever feel stuck reacting to your child's
behavior instead of guiding them.
In this episode, we'll explorehow to shift your lens so you
can see the developing skillsbeneath the struggle and parent
with more calm and confidence.
This is Leadership Parenting.
Episode 106, how to Shift yourParenting from Reactivity to
Resilience.
Did you know that resilience isthe key to confidence and joy?
(00:26):
As moms, it's what we want forour kids, but it's also what we
need for ourselves.
My name is lee german, I'm atherapist and I'm a mom.
Join me as we explore theskills you need to know to be
confident and joyful.
Then get ready to teach theseskills to your kids.
This is Leadership Parenting,where you learn how to lead your
(00:53):
family by showing them the way.
Welcome back to LeadershipParenting.
I am so happy to be with youguys today.
You know I have been thinking alot about something that
happened recently with one of myclients.
She came into session feelingoverwhelmed and defeated, and it
was because her child had beencaught cheating on a test at
school.
It was a really big deal forher and for her family and,
(01:13):
understandably, very upsetting.
Her immediate reaction washeartbreak and anger, wrapped in
thoughts like how could they dothis and what does this say
about me as a parent?
She found herself spiralinginto fear and shame and the urge
to deliver a really strongpunishment, a strong message,
not just to address the behaviorbut to kind of calm the storm
(01:35):
of emotion inside of herself.
She was very reactive about it,but then, after we explored the
situation together, she pausedand she asked a new question,
and here's the question that Iwant to talk about today in our
episode what if her cheatingisn't about moral failure or
disrespect?
What if this is my kid feelingoverwhelmed or unprepared or
(02:01):
afraid and she made a poordecision because her brain
didn't have the tools to ask forhelp or tolerate failure?
Now, I will admit we talked alittle bit before she came up
with that question, because Ithink her first response and
understandably my first responsewas how could this be happening
?
That shock, that upset, butafter calming down a little bit
(02:25):
and talking through it, thatshift from interpreting the
behavior as defiance or as acharacter flaw, she shifted to
seeing it as a moment ofstruggle in her daughter's still
developing brain and thatcompletely changed how she
responded.
And that's exactly what I wantto talk about today the stories
(02:46):
we tell ourselves about behavior.
There is something that I'venoticed in my years of working
with parents when we describeour children's challenging
moments, we can often revealmore than just the behavior.
We reveal the lens that we areusing to interpret that behavior
, because most of us were raisedwith a traditional lens of
(03:09):
parenting the idea that childrenare choosing their behavior and
that bad behavior is the resultof their poor choices.
So we assume that they couldbehave better if they wanted to,
and so if they're not behavingin a good way, it must be
because they're being defiant ormanipulative or disrespectful.
(03:30):
But this was the question Iasked the mom, because if that's
true and our child is reallydoing this on purpose, because
it serves them, I don't know whywould a kid do this on purpose?
That's the question.
That's what makes me ask whatif there's another reason?
And what if our seeing themdoing things through that lens
(03:54):
of it's their choice?
It's something that they areactively, consciously choosing?
What if it's the wrong lens?
What if that lens isn't justsomething we inherited from our
culture or our parents, butsomething that we now have
personalized?
We've been wearing it so longwe don't even realize that it's
there.
So I want to talk about thatlens, your internal filter
(04:18):
system, and how it quietlyshapes everything you see and
feel in your parenting lifeeverything you see and feel in
your parenting life.
So the way we interpret ourchildren's behavior is not
neutral.
So I want you to think aboutthat for a minute.
It's not like every time ourkid does something, we are
coming upon it for the firsttime with a completely blank and
(04:39):
empty slate.
As a matter of fact, that isone of the reasons why working
with a third party therapist ora coach, whatever is appropriate
in your situation that is thething that helps us see our
child's behavior in a much moreneutral position.
Right, because most of the time, our first response is not
(05:00):
neutral.
It's deeply shaped by our ownstory and we don't even realize
it's happening.
We all carry unconsciousexpectations about how kids
should behave and how parentsshould respond, and these
expectations are formed by whatwe experienced growing up, what
(05:20):
we were praised and punished for, what we saw modeled by the
adults in our lives.
That means when your childslams a door or ignores a
request or cheats at school,you're not just seeing the
behavior, you're seeing itthrough the lens of everything
that you have lived and if youwere raised in a home where
strong emotions were punished orwhere obedience was valued
(05:41):
above all else which is notnecessarily a terrible thing.
Right To be raised in a homewhere you were taught to do what
your parents ask actually isn'ta bad thing.
Maybe to be raised in a homewhere your emotions weren't
valued or you weren't allowed tohave big emotions, that's
(06:01):
probably going to cause us someproblems and for most of us, our
parents didn't haveconversations around this stuff.
Most of us are dealing withparenting that is passed down in
generations.
So if your obedience was valuedabove all else, you might
experience your child's behavioras very threatening, not just
(06:21):
to you but to the wholeconstruct of how parenting
should be.
It can kind of distort our lensand cause a few problems.
Number one we can misread thebehavior.
We can think that our kids arebeing defiant when they are
really dysregulated.
Now we have a lot of episodeson talking about children's
(06:43):
dysregulation and the best wayyou know that your child is
dysregulated is by theirbehavior.
And it's not a calm, peaceful,usually kind of behavior.
It is an upset behavior andmaybe something that doesn't
feel like it fits what we'reasking them to do.
Attitude can look like thatwhen it's actually anxiety, and
(07:05):
then we're responding to thewrong thing.
Right, we can take itpersonally.
When your kid pushes back orfalls apart, your brain might
interpret that as rejection ordisrespect, even though I think
from my studies and what I wantto tell you is that that's
really developmentally quitenormal, and what I want to tell
(07:25):
you is that that's reallydevelopmentally quite normal.
So it makes it harder to staygrounded and connected and
understanding developmentalscience when we aren't even
looking through that lens.
Another thing that can happen iswe can escalate the conflict
when we're reacting from ourmaybe even kind of old wounds
what it was like for us when wewere kids, how we're relating to
this behavior, maybe that we'reafraid of what it was like for
(07:46):
us when we were kids, how we'rerelating to this behavior, maybe
that we're afraid of what itmeans about our parenting.
We're much more likely to yellor to shut down or just really
try to control the situation,and that often triggers our
kids' nervous systems, whichmakes things worse, not better.
So another thing that canhappen is we can miss the chance
to connect with our child firstbecause we are parenting from
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our past and it's hard for us toshow up in the present.
And the present is whererelationships actually happen,
it's where trust is built andresilience grows.
So why should we even careabout this lens?
Well, I just listed somereasons, but the biggest reason
is because it's unchecked.
So why should we care about thislens and even pay attention to
(08:30):
it and try to understand it?
Well, it's because, unchecked,when you're unaware of it, it
creates a cycle that we react toour child not as they are, but
as it feels to us.
So then they react to ourreaction and before long we're
locked in that pattern.
That's not really about theirbehavior anymore.
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It's about fear, it's aboutcontrol, it's about
misunderstanding.
But the switch is the moment webecome aware of our own lens.
We gain power.
Literally, we can slow down andask is this really about them
and their behavior?
Is this triggering something inme?
And this is how we break thosepatterns that get passed down
(09:13):
that we never really wanted torepeat.
And that's how we startparenting not from reactivity,
but from reflection and fromintention, not from old wounds,
but by our choice.
So I think it's really helpfulto understand why parenting can
trigger our deepest reactions,and we've alluded to it, but
(09:33):
let's just categorize it.
Three categories.
Number one parenting touches ourmost tender places because our
kids' behavior matters to us.
Right, it can feel like amirror of how we're doing, a
kind of report card for ourparenting.
So when they're struggling, weoften don't just see a child
having a hard time.
(09:54):
See, when I'm helping a family,that's what I see, because I
don't have personal skin in thegame.
This isn't a reflection on myparenting.
I'm just looking at the child'sbehavior.
And so when they're struggling,we often see a flashing neon
sign as a parent that saysyou're not doing enough, meaning
(10:14):
the fingers pointed at us,we're not getting through to
them, we're messing this up.
And if we're not aware of thisdynamic, we're going to have our
own emotion about that andreact from a place of our pain,
literally just because we careso much.
And that's when parentingbecomes a battle, not a
relationship.
Another thing that can happen iswe see our kids' behavior
(10:35):
through the lens of our fears ofthe future.
Oh, my goodness, do you do this?
We look at what our kids aredoing and not doing, and then we
race ahead and we see them asthey are now a nine-year-old
transported to their 24-year-oldself right, not able to focus,
not listening, forgetting things, not brushing their teeth and
(10:56):
we understandably panic becauseour child's refusing to listen
or stomping up the stairs orforgetting to follow through
will trigger your future fearsof them being a complete failure
as an adult, and you and I bothknow all the suffering that
that would come for them, right,if they were 30 years old and
unable to stay in a room andhave a reasonable conversation.
(11:18):
And then we imagine that we'llnever be able to see them
successful, they'll never keep ajob or have a long-term
relationship.
So this lens can feel like it'shelpful it's kind of showing
you what could happen but it'snot helpful.
It just literally scares us andit gives us the wrong message
(11:38):
in our bodies that we then giveto our kids that they're already
behind, that they're alreadylosing, that they're being
judged as an adult who isn'teven developed yet.
And when you say it out loudthat doesn't seem reasonable.
But our worry about that canjust go unchecked and seem very
reasonable in our minds and thatworry message gets transferred
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to them and triggers danger intheir brains.
A third thing that triggersdanger in our brains is looking
through the lens of our ownpersonal experience as a child.
We have alluded to this at thebeginning the memory of our own
challenges.
Maybe it's mistakes we made.
Maybe it's memories of how ourparents treated us or the rule
we had when we were growing upthat we had to follow or else we
(12:22):
were in deep trouble.
So your brain is wired toprotect you.
It's constantly scanning fordanger and it uses experience to
do you.
It's constantly scanning fordanger and it uses experience to
do that.
That means when something yourchild does feels similar to
something painful from your past, even if the details are very
different.
Your brain's alarm system, theamygdala remember that, that's
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the part of your brainresponsible for keeping you safe
.
By scanning for danger, thatamygdala turns on and here's the
catch the amygdala doesn't knowtime.
It doesn't respond to thedifference between happening
back then and happening now.
It just responds to patterns,not logic.
So your child refusing tolisten to you might
(13:04):
unconsciously remind you of thepowerlessness you felt growing
up and your brain reacts as ifthat moment is happening all
over again.
And once your alarm system isactivated, your brain starts
creating a story to make senseof those big emotions and you
get all the feelings you hadwhen you were a kid blended into
how you're feeling about yourchild right now.
(13:26):
So that story often isn't aboutyour child in the moment, it's
about you in the moment, maybeback then.
So can you start to see that howwe look at our kids' behavior
really does matter.
Your lens is more of a choicethan you realize.
I think that is the really goodnews and with all the things
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that we struggle with inparenting, all the things we do
not have control over, this issomething that we can control or
at least be aware of and striveto work with.
Pick a lens to look throughthat serves us well.
So here's another lens I'mgoing to give you today.
It's called the brain firstapproach, and I think it can
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really be helpful.
Rather than getting stuck in ourown time warp of our own
traumatic history or futurefears for our kids or a report
card for how we're doing, thisbrain focused approach allows us
to stay rooted in the momentand look at our kids in the
present, right now, where we areright now.
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Instead of asking why is mychild being like this, we ask
what might be happening in theirbrain right now that's making
this so hard for them.
Okay, this is so massive of ashift for us as parents.
(14:53):
This is what a parent gets whenthey come to work with me and
they tell me all about thechild's behavior and they're so
in pain and fear and worry aboutit.
And I'm disconnected from thepain and fear and worry.
It's a luxury, right, becausethat's not my child and I'm able
to make that shift and invitethem to make the shift.
And that's what I'm asking youto do right now.
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It's such a leadership principleto clear our vision, to get our
own fears set aside so we canactually see what's happening
for our children.
And when we do this, we stepinto problem solving actually
now focusing on the problem thatwe can see, hopefully with some
clarity and much less fear,because fear just clouds our
(15:35):
vision.
It blows things up, it makes uswant to run away or get in a
fight or freeze and just ignorethe important things, and that
fear is not helpful.
It seems like it should bemotivating, but it actually
makes our job harder.
We want to parent without thefear.
I know that's not so easy, butyou can learn how to do it.
(15:56):
I love this idea of lenses andglasses.
If I could give each of you twosets of lenses, one that had
red lenses in it, two sets ofglasses, one with red lenses in
it and one with clear lenses.
I would label the red ones fear, and I honestly think most of
us walk around with these redfear glasses on a lot of the
(16:19):
time.
It would be helpful if theywere actually red so we could
kind of see look, oh, it's allred, now Everything's distorted.
And then you could take themoff, set them down and put on
some clear lenses.
How much better that would feel.
You would notice that.
How much easier it is to seewhat you're dealing with, see
what your child really needs.
(16:40):
So that shift from why is mychild being like this To hmm,
what might be happening that'smaking this so hard for them,
that shift is rooted in what wenow know about brain development
.
The kids' brains are underconstruction their prefrontal
cortex, the part responsible forself-control and planning, and
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empathy, flexible thinking,moral thinking.
It's not smart for me to cheaton a test.
I should listen to mom and dad.
Maybe I shouldn't go to thatparty.
That part's still maturing wellinto their twenties.
So what looks like defiancemight literally be their brain
struggling to regulate whatseems like irresponsibility
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might be executive functioningchallenges that make organizing
and completing tasks feeloverwhelming.
And when a child has aneurodevelopmental difference
like ADHD or some form of autismor anxiety or sensory
processing sensitivity, anythingthat might be extra work for
the brain.
(17:44):
Even having a new baby in yourfamily, being sick or having a
family member get sick, all ofthese things require more energy
and focus from the brain, whichleaves less energy and focus
available to handle thesedecisions.
So primitive, protectivepatterns prevail.
That's a lot of P's.
Let me say that again Primitivethat means how our brain is
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built to work.
Protective there's the amygdala, defending Patterns, things you
see over and over again thoseprevail, the brain defaults to
those.
And if we can be sensitive tothat watch it, see it, see the
patterns we're going to be ableto help our kids better.
So let's be clear Seeing yourchild's brain does not mean
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lowering all your expectationsor making excuses for them, and
I think that's the worry I hearfrom parents the most, that
don't you think you could justgo overboard with adapting to
your kids and adjusting andputting on different lenses and
end up you're not teaching yourchildren anything because you're
adjusting so much, and, yeah, Ido think you can go overboard.
(18:54):
That's definitely not what I'msaying here, though this is not
about permissiveness.
It's about precision Precisionin which direction you're
looking at.
Instead of reacting infrustration, we want to
intentionally move intoproblem-solving mode, so we
don't want to assume our kidsare out to get us.
(19:14):
That would be taking thingspersonally right, and I think we
want to assume they're doingthe best they can with the
skills they have in this moment.
I call that a benevolentassumption and I think it's part
of our role to support andstretch our kids with that
benevolent basis so we can givethem more structure and more
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guidance and sometimesconsequences, and really do that
hard parenting, but from adifferent vantage point, a
different lens.
So we become the scaffoldingthat helps our kid build the
skill that they're missing, andwith those clearer lenses on, I
think it's going to be so mucheasier for us to do that.
(19:58):
So I think there are let's putthis in practice two ways of
seeing the same situation.
Let's say your eight-year-old isthrowing a fit when it's time
to leave the park.
Our traditional lens that's allclouded with our own feelings
and what should happen and whatwe experienced.
(20:20):
We might see it as she is beingmanipulative, but our brain
first lens would have us look atthis from a brain first
perspective.
She's struggling with thetransition.
Her nervous system is having ahard time shifting gears and,
yes, maybe she's had a hard timefor the last five years doing
(20:40):
this.
If she's having a hard timeswitching gears, she's having a
hard time behavior.
Your team forgets to take thetrash out again.
Your traditional lens is lazyand disrespectful and you might
have that story.
If I didn't take out the trashwhen my parents told me to, I
would have gotten in so muchtrouble.
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I would have gotten a licking.
That's that old phrase, right?
I don't know who uses thatanymore, but my parents would
have actually punished me bigtime.
So we've got a lot clouding ourvision.
But if we're able to step backand look at the brain first
approach, we could say his brainis still developing task
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initiation skills.
I know that sounds like a bigmouthful, but what we're saying
is he's going to need morereminders, more systems that
support, that follow through and, yes, maybe even some
consequences.
Maybe, if he forgets to takethe trash out, then there's
going to be a consequence thathe can't use his screen time
until his jobs are done.
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This is not meant to tie yourhands or to give your children
the freedom to choose whateverthey want to do.
It's to get out of the fear andthe kind of duplicitous
messages or stories that we haveand really problem solve the
issue.
So same moments, twointerpretations with different
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responses.
So that doesn't mean you letyour children dictate when they
leave the park.
It doesn't mean you let yourchildren dictate when they leave
the park.
It doesn't mean you stop askingyour kids to do chores.
It just helps you clear thatvision so you know what's
actually going on.
Even if your child is pushingyour buttons on purpose,
challenging your authority,taking you on to get a rise out
of you, I want you to not fallfor the bait.
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Why else could they be doingthat?
Do you really think this childjust wants to make your life
miserable, or are they graspingfor some feeling of power?
Are they setting up a situationto see if you still love them?
Kids test our authority all thetime.
I like to look at it like us,making sure that the guy driving
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the bus actually knows how todrive right.
How did they handle thattraffic jam?
Are they licensed?
Do they stop at stop lights?
Are they someone I can trust?
Our kids don't think they'redoing that, but kids do this all
the time and we want to holdthe authority, even give the
right consequences sometimes,but not out of anger or
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defensiveness or an I'll showyou who has the power here.
You don't need to do that.
The truth is, you have thepower.
You are the authority.
You are driving the bus.
It's okay that they questionyou.
Don't let that get under yourskin and don't give up the power
.
You know and you need to hangon to that so they will
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eventually know.
The transformation that'spossible when you start to see
your kid through thisdevelopmental, informed lens is
that you unlock a new level ofcompassion and connection and,
most importantly, clarity.
So you stop reacting and you'reresponding by choice because
you're asking differentquestions.
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Right, it's not.
How do I make them stop?
It's what is the skill thatthey are missing?
Because they're clearly missinga skill here.
What do they need?
And when you make that shiftfrom reacting to reflecting,
it's going to help you.
It's not automatic.
It begins with understandingthat it is even a shift that you
(24:17):
can make.
So if we want to see our kidsclearly, we have to learn how to
see ourselves clearly first.
Do you get so tired of mesaying that I don't know another
way to do this?
We need to become more aware ofwhat's happening in our minds
and our bodies in those momentsof challenge.
So let's talk about how tobuild that kind of awareness for
(24:42):
you, right?
I kind of look at it as ifwe're cleaning our lenses, right
?
First, we need to know whenthey're cloudy, and you can
start with your body, becauseyour nervous system knows before
your mind does.
That tension in your chest,that urge to yell or to shut
down?
That's your cue, those are yourclues.
(25:05):
Here's a simple awarenesspractice.
When that happens, pause, stopfor what you're doing for just a
second, take a deep breath.
Remember those deep breaths.
Turn down the stress system inyour body.
If you can name what you'refeeling this is why we do the
emotional body scan.
What am I feeling?
Where is it in my body?
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What is going on?
And now this is the new lensyou choose.
Is this about my child'sbehavior?
Or is this bringing upsomething else from me, maybe
from my past, some big emotionin myself?
And then you do the reframe.
What if this is my child doingthe best they can right now and
it certainly is not good enough,I give you that.
(25:47):
But if you don't need to get itperfect, meaning all the time
you have to parent perfectly,that's the fear, right?
I'm supposed to say all theright things at all the right
times.
Well, none of us ever do that.
Our kids can't get this perfecteither.
If you can pause for even fiveseconds to check your lens,
(26:08):
that's going to help you moveinto this powerful way of
looking at it, give you moreawareness, give you more of a
space to choose a response thatworks better for you Okay.
But awareness alone it isn'tenough.
We need to know what we'regoing to do with it.
Once we've cleaned our lensesand started seeing our child
(26:28):
through a developmental lens,how do we move forward?
Let's talk about what comesnext, how we translate this
understanding into real,practical action without those
red lens, fear glasses.
If we try to be aware of ourlens, we're number one.
We're going to get curious.
What patterns do you notice?
When does the behavior show up?
What's happening around it?
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We're going to try to identify.
What skill does our child needthat maybe they have already and
just can't connect to, or maybethey just don't have it yet.
I want to be much more focusedon the skills that I need to
teach them, rather than thebehaviors themselves.
I know that's so hard, but youguys, this is our job, literally
.
I wish we had a job descriptionthat we could have read before
(27:11):
we jumped into parenting, so itwas clear it would read like
this parent job description yourrole is to not control behavior
but to teach the skills beneathit.
Every tantrum, refusal, everyattitude is a signal of a skill
still developing.
It's not a moral flaw.
(27:32):
Don't get distracted by thebehavior in front of you.
Look beneath it, ask what skillis missing, then parent to that
skill with as much patience andmodeling and practice as you
can.
Our success is not perfectbehavior.
Our success is building skills,raising a child who learns to
(27:53):
regulate, be flexible, problemsolve and connect, because you
taught and modeled those skills.
So the slam door, the tears,the refusals, the attitude,
these are surface signals.
They draw our attention likeflashing lights but they're not
the real issue and our role isto resist being pulled into that
(28:14):
and it's like a surface dramaand instead ask step back,
what's missing here?
What do I need to teach to?
And when you consistentlychoose to parent to the
underdeveloped skill, I thinkyou will feel more patient.
You invested in a long-termgrowth lens, not just a
(28:34):
short-term compliance, and thatmeans your child will not always
look well-behaved and that'snot a surprise to you.
But over time they're going togrow more capable and better
equipped.
In short, your performance as aparent isn't about the behavior
.
It's about their kid's capacity.
So that's the deepest purposeof this job and it means we can
(28:58):
be less defensive, less worrying, less being judged in our
parenting by what's going on inour kid's behavior, and have
more curiosity, morecollaboration.
We might focus more onadjusting our kids' environment,
knowing where they'restruggling, so we can adjust our
teachings.
We might break tasks into stepsand get good at helping our
(29:22):
kids learn how to transitionbetter.
Maybe we're stricter withbedtimes or limiting screens if
we think that these things aregonna help our kids process
better.
Overall, we're actually gonnabe a stronger, more value-based
and consistent parent because wehave a plan and we will feel
(29:42):
more connected and yourrelationship is the most
powerful tool you have.
So with this lens, you're nottaking their behavior personally
, right?
They don't have the power tohurt your feelings.
We don't want to give them thatkind of power.
It's too big for them.
We have to be more resilientand see their behavior as a
problem to work on rather than asign that they're failing or
(30:02):
that, even worse, we are failing.
So as you start parenting thisway more connected, more curious
, more intentional you'll noticeyour perspective starts to
shape your whole family'sculture.
Mistakes aren't shameful,they're learning moments.
Emotions are allowed.
Nobody gets in big trouble fornot knowing how to do it, you
(30:23):
included, and your support andyour structure is kind of a
thing that you do with yourchild.
You know your kids are justdeveloping.
They're not bad.
So this week, when you feelyourself triggered by your
child's behavior, I want you topause and ask yourself one, what
lens am I using right now?
Two, what if this is theirdeveloping brain doing its best?
(30:46):
Three, what support ordirection could I offer instead
of reacting big, try it once,then try it again and then do it
again and watch how the energystarts to shift in your home.
That's the work we're doingtogether here changing the lens
so we see through our parentingwith more calm and clarity.
(31:09):
Thanks for being patient withme as I go through all this
brain science stuff.
I believe in it so much.
I really think it makes adifference.
If this episode helps you seeyour child in a new way, I hope
you will look back on it,reflect on it, share it with a
friend, because this is powerfulwork.
You should be able to feel good.
(31:31):
You deserve to feel good inyour parenting and I know it
will make your whole experiencefeel better with your kids.
I will talk to you guys nextweek.
Take care, if you've beenlistening to this podcast and
feel like these ideas reallyspeak to you but you're not sure
how to actually apply them inyour own life, I want you to
(31:53):
know you don't have to do italone.
I'm currently opening a fewone-to-one coaching spots for
moms who are ready to go deeperand get personalized support as
they build their own resilience.
This is where we takeeverything we talk about here
and we tailor it to your life,your story, your goals.
If that sounds like somethingyou're craving, just head to
LeeGermancom and click onone-to-one coaching.
(32:15):
We'll set up a free call totalk about where you are, where
you want to be and whethercoaching is the right next step
for you.
You can always find me onInstagram, at LeeGerman, or on
my website at LeeGermancom, atLee Gurman, or on my website at
leegurmancom.
The Leadership Parenting Podcastis for general information
(32:36):
purposes only.
It is not therapy and shouldnot take the place of meeting
with a qualified mental healthprofessional.
The information on this podcastis not intended to diagnose or
treat any condition, illness ordisease.
It's also not intended to belegal, medical or therapeutic
advice.
Please consult your doctor ormental health professional for
(32:57):
your individual circumstances.
Thanks again and take care.
Ever feel stuck reacting to your child's
behavior instead of guiding them.
In this episode, we'll explorehow to shift your lens so you
can see the developing skillsbeneath the struggle and parent
with more calm and confidence.
This is Leadership Parenting.
Episode 106, how to Shift yourParenting from Reactivity to
Resilience.
Did you know that resilience isthe key to confidence and joy?
(00:26):
As moms, it's what we want forour kids, but it's also what we
need for ourselves.
My name is lee german, I'm atherapist and I'm a mom.
Join me as we explore theskills you need to know to be
confident and joyful.
Then get ready to teach theseskills to your kids.
This is Leadership Parenting,where you learn how to lead your
(00:53):
family by showing them the way.
Welcome back to LeadershipParenting.
I am so happy to be with youguys today.
You know I have been thinking alot about something that
happened recently with one of myclients.
She came into session feelingoverwhelmed and defeated, and it
was because her child had beencaught cheating on a test at
school.
It was a really big deal forher and for her family and,
(01:13):
understandably, very upsetting.
Her immediate reaction washeartbreak and anger, wrapped in
thoughts like how could they dothis and what does this say
about me as a parent?
She found herself spiralinginto fear and shame and the urge
to deliver a really strongpunishment, a strong message,
not just to address the behaviorbut to kind of calm the storm
(01:35):
of emotion inside of herself.
She was very reactive about it,but then, after we explored the
situation together, she pausedand she asked a new question,
and here's the question that Iwant to talk about today in our
episode what if her cheatingisn't about moral failure or
disrespect?
What if this is my kid feelingoverwhelmed or unprepared or
(02:01):
afraid and she made a poordecision because her brain
didn't have the tools to ask forhelp or tolerate failure?
Now, I will admit we talked alittle bit before she came up
with that question, because Ithink her first response and
understandably my first responsewas how could this be happening
?
That shock, that upset, butafter calming down a little bit
(02:25):
and talking through it, thatshift from interpreting the
behavior as defiance or as acharacter flaw, she shifted to
seeing it as a moment ofstruggle in her daughter's still
developing brain and thatcompletely changed how she
responded.
And that's exactly what I wantto talk about today the stories
(02:46):
we tell ourselves about behavior.
There is something that I'venoticed in my years of working
with parents when we describeour children's challenging
moments, we can often revealmore than just the behavior.
We reveal the lens that we areusing to interpret that behavior
, because most of us were raisedwith a traditional lens of
(03:09):
parenting the idea that childrenare choosing their behavior and
that bad behavior is the resultof their poor choices.
So we assume that they couldbehave better if they wanted to,
and so if they're not behavingin a good way, it must be
because they're being defiant ormanipulative or disrespectful.
(03:30):
But this was the question Iasked the mom, because if that's
true and our child is reallydoing this on purpose, because
it serves them, I don't know whywould a kid do this on purpose?
That's the question.
That's what makes me ask whatif there's another reason?
And what if our seeing themdoing things through that lens
(03:54):
of it's their choice?
It's something that they areactively, consciously choosing?
What if it's the wrong lens?
What if that lens isn't justsomething we inherited from our
culture or our parents, butsomething that we now have
personalized?
We've been wearing it so longwe don't even realize that it's
there.
So I want to talk about thatlens, your internal filter
(04:18):
system, and how it quietlyshapes everything you see and
feel in your parenting lifeeverything you see and feel in
your parenting life.
So the way we interpret ourchildren's behavior is not
neutral.
So I want you to think aboutthat for a minute.
It's not like every time ourkid does something, we are
coming upon it for the firsttime with a completely blank and
(04:39):
empty slate.
As a matter of fact, that isone of the reasons why working
with a third party therapist ora coach, whatever is appropriate
in your situation that is thething that helps us see our
child's behavior in a much moreneutral position.
Right, because most of the time, our first response is not
(05:00):
neutral.
It's deeply shaped by our ownstory and we don't even realize
it's happening.
We all carry unconsciousexpectations about how kids
should behave and how parentsshould respond, and these
expectations are formed by whatwe experienced growing up, what
(05:20):
we were praised and punished for, what we saw modeled by the
adults in our lives.
That means when your childslams a door or ignores a
request or cheats at school,you're not just seeing the
behavior, you're seeing itthrough the lens of everything
that you have lived and if youwere raised in a home where
strong emotions were punished orwhere obedience was valued
(05:41):
above all else which is notnecessarily a terrible thing.
Right To be raised in a homewhere you were taught to do what
your parents ask actually isn'ta bad thing.
Maybe to be raised in a homewhere your emotions weren't
valued or you weren't allowed tohave big emotions, that's
(06:01):
probably going to cause us someproblems and for most of us, our
parents didn't haveconversations around this stuff.
Most of us are dealing withparenting that is passed down in
generations.
So if your obedience was valuedabove all else, you might
experience your child's behavioras very threatening, not just
(06:21):
to you but to the wholeconstruct of how parenting
should be.
It can kind of distort our lensand cause a few problems.
Number one we can misread thebehavior.
We can think that our kids arebeing defiant when they are
really dysregulated.
Now we have a lot of episodeson talking about children's
(06:43):
dysregulation and the best wayyou know that your child is
dysregulated is by theirbehavior.
And it's not a calm, peaceful,usually kind of behavior.
It is an upset behavior andmaybe something that doesn't
feel like it fits what we'reasking them to do.
Attitude can look like thatwhen it's actually anxiety, and
(07:05):
then we're responding to thewrong thing.
Right, we can take itpersonally.
When your kid pushes back orfalls apart, your brain might
interpret that as rejection ordisrespect, even though I think
from my studies and what I wantto tell you is that that's
really developmentally quitenormal, and what I want to tell
(07:25):
you is that that's reallydevelopmentally quite normal.
So it makes it harder to staygrounded and connected and
understanding developmentalscience when we aren't even
looking through that lens.
Another thing that can happen iswe can escalate the conflict
when we're reacting from ourmaybe even kind of old wounds
what it was like for us when wewere kids, how we're relating to
this behavior, maybe that we'reafraid of what it was like for
(07:46):
us when we were kids, how we'rerelating to this behavior, maybe
that we're afraid of what itmeans about our parenting.
We're much more likely to yellor to shut down or just really
try to control the situation,and that often triggers our
kids' nervous systems, whichmakes things worse, not better.
So another thing that canhappen is we can miss the chance
to connect with our child firstbecause we are parenting from
(08:07):
our past and it's hard for us toshow up in the present.
And the present is whererelationships actually happen,
it's where trust is built andresilience grows.
So why should we even careabout this lens?
Well, I just listed somereasons, but the biggest reason
is because it's unchecked.
So why should we care about thislens and even pay attention to
(08:30):
it and try to understand it?
Well, it's because, unchecked,when you're unaware of it, it
creates a cycle that we react toour child not as they are, but
as it feels to us.
So then they react to ourreaction and before long we're
locked in that pattern.
That's not really about theirbehavior anymore.
(08:51):
It's about fear, it's aboutcontrol, it's about
misunderstanding.
But the switch is the moment webecome aware of our own lens.
We gain power.
Literally, we can slow down andask is this really about them
and their behavior?
Is this triggering something inme?
And this is how we break thosepatterns that get passed down
(09:13):
that we never really wanted torepeat.
And that's how we startparenting not from reactivity,
but from reflection and fromintention, not from old wounds,
but by our choice.
So I think it's really helpfulto understand why parenting can
trigger our deepest reactions,and we've alluded to it, but
(09:33):
let's just categorize it.
Three categories.
Number one parenting touches ourmost tender places because our
kids' behavior matters to us.
Right, it can feel like amirror of how we're doing, a
kind of report card for ourparenting.
So when they're struggling, weoften don't just see a child
having a hard time.
(09:54):
See, when I'm helping a family,that's what I see, because I
don't have personal skin in thegame.
This isn't a reflection on myparenting.
I'm just looking at the child'sbehavior.
And so when they're struggling,we often see a flashing neon
sign as a parent that saysyou're not doing enough, meaning
(10:14):
the fingers pointed at us,we're not getting through to
them, we're messing this up.
And if we're not aware of thisdynamic, we're going to have our
own emotion about that andreact from a place of our pain,
literally just because we careso much.
And that's when parentingbecomes a battle, not a
relationship.
Another thing that can happen iswe see our kids' behavior
(10:35):
through the lens of our fears ofthe future.
Oh, my goodness, do you do this?
We look at what our kids aredoing and not doing, and then we
race ahead and we see them asthey are now a nine-year-old
transported to their 24-year-oldself right, not able to focus,
not listening, forgetting things, not brushing their teeth and
(10:56):
we understandably panic becauseour child's refusing to listen
or stomping up the stairs orforgetting to follow through
will trigger your future fearsof them being a complete failure
as an adult, and you and I bothknow all the suffering that
that would come for them, right,if they were 30 years old and
unable to stay in a room andhave a reasonable conversation.
(11:18):
And then we imagine that we'llnever be able to see them
successful, they'll never keep ajob or have a long-term
relationship.
So this lens can feel like it'shelpful it's kind of showing
you what could happen but it'snot helpful.
It just literally scares us andit gives us the wrong message
(11:38):
in our bodies that we then giveto our kids that they're already
behind, that they're alreadylosing, that they're being
judged as an adult who isn'teven developed yet.
And when you say it out loudthat doesn't seem reasonable.
But our worry about that canjust go unchecked and seem very
reasonable in our minds and thatworry message gets transferred
(11:59):
to them and triggers danger intheir brains.
A third thing that triggersdanger in our brains is looking
through the lens of our ownpersonal experience as a child.
We have alluded to this at thebeginning the memory of our own
challenges.
Maybe it's mistakes we made.
Maybe it's memories of how ourparents treated us or the rule
we had when we were growing upthat we had to follow or else we
(12:22):
were in deep trouble.
So your brain is wired toprotect you.
It's constantly scanning fordanger and it uses experience to
do you.
It's constantly scanning fordanger and it uses experience to
do that.
That means when something yourchild does feels similar to
something painful from your past, even if the details are very
different.
Your brain's alarm system, theamygdala remember that, that's
(12:43):
the part of your brainresponsible for keeping you safe
.
By scanning for danger, thatamygdala turns on and here's the
catch the amygdala doesn't knowtime.
It doesn't respond to thedifference between happening
back then and happening now.
It just responds to patterns,not logic.
So your child refusing tolisten to you might
(13:04):
unconsciously remind you of thepowerlessness you felt growing
up and your brain reacts as ifthat moment is happening all
over again.
And once your alarm system isactivated, your brain starts
creating a story to make senseof those big emotions and you
get all the feelings you hadwhen you were a kid blended into
how you're feeling about yourchild right now.
(13:26):
So that story often isn't aboutyour child in the moment, it's
about you in the moment, maybeback then.
So can you start to see that howwe look at our kids' behavior
really does matter.
Your lens is more of a choicethan you realize.
I think that is the really goodnews and with all the things
(13:50):
that we struggle with inparenting, all the things we do
not have control over, this issomething that we can control or
at least be aware of and striveto work with.
Pick a lens to look throughthat serves us well.
So here's another lens I'mgoing to give you today.
It's called the brain firstapproach, and I think it can
(14:11):
really be helpful.
Rather than getting stuck in ourown time warp of our own
traumatic history or futurefears for our kids or a report
card for how we're doing, thisbrain focused approach allows us
to stay rooted in the momentand look at our kids in the
present, right now, where we areright now.
(14:31):
Instead of asking why is mychild being like this, we ask
what might be happening in theirbrain right now that's making
this so hard for them.
Okay, this is so massive of ashift for us as parents.
(14:53):
This is what a parent gets whenthey come to work with me and
they tell me all about thechild's behavior and they're so
in pain and fear and worry aboutit.
And I'm disconnected from thepain and fear and worry.
It's a luxury, right, becausethat's not my child and I'm able
to make that shift and invitethem to make the shift.
And that's what I'm asking youto do right now.
(15:14):
It's such a leadership principleto clear our vision, to get our
own fears set aside so we canactually see what's happening
for our children.
And when we do this, we stepinto problem solving actually
now focusing on the problem thatwe can see, hopefully with some
clarity and much less fear,because fear just clouds our
(15:35):
vision.
It blows things up, it makes uswant to run away or get in a
fight or freeze and just ignorethe important things, and that
fear is not helpful.
It seems like it should bemotivating, but it actually
makes our job harder.
We want to parent without thefear.
I know that's not so easy, butyou can learn how to do it.
(15:56):
I love this idea of lenses andglasses.
If I could give each of you twosets of lenses, one that had
red lenses in it, two sets ofglasses, one with red lenses in
it and one with clear lenses.
I would label the red ones fear, and I honestly think most of
us walk around with these redfear glasses on a lot of the
(16:19):
time.
It would be helpful if theywere actually red so we could
kind of see look, oh, it's allred, now Everything's distorted.
And then you could take themoff, set them down and put on
some clear lenses.
How much better that would feel.
You would notice that.
How much easier it is to seewhat you're dealing with, see
what your child really needs.
(16:40):
So that shift from why is mychild being like this To hmm,
what might be happening that'smaking this so hard for them,
that shift is rooted in what wenow know about brain development
.
The kids' brains are underconstruction their prefrontal
cortex, the part responsible forself-control and planning, and
(17:01):
empathy, flexible thinking,moral thinking.
It's not smart for me to cheaton a test.
I should listen to mom and dad.
Maybe I shouldn't go to thatparty.
That part's still maturing wellinto their twenties.
So what looks like defiancemight literally be their brain
struggling to regulate whatseems like irresponsibility
(17:24):
might be executive functioningchallenges that make organizing
and completing tasks feeloverwhelming.
And when a child has aneurodevelopmental difference
like ADHD or some form of autismor anxiety or sensory
processing sensitivity, anythingthat might be extra work for
the brain.
(17:44):
Even having a new baby in yourfamily, being sick or having a
family member get sick, all ofthese things require more energy
and focus from the brain, whichleaves less energy and focus
available to handle thesedecisions.
So primitive, protectivepatterns prevail.
That's a lot of P's.
Let me say that again Primitivethat means how our brain is
(18:07):
built to work.
Protective there's the amygdala, defending Patterns, things you
see over and over again thoseprevail, the brain defaults to
those.
And if we can be sensitive tothat watch it, see it, see the
patterns we're going to be ableto help our kids better.
So let's be clear Seeing yourchild's brain does not mean
(18:30):
lowering all your expectationsor making excuses for them, and
I think that's the worry I hearfrom parents the most, that
don't you think you could justgo overboard with adapting to
your kids and adjusting andputting on different lenses and
end up you're not teaching yourchildren anything because you're
adjusting so much, and, yeah, Ido think you can go overboard.
(18:54):
That's definitely not what I'msaying here, though this is not
about permissiveness.
It's about precision Precisionin which direction you're
looking at.
Instead of reacting infrustration, we want to
intentionally move intoproblem-solving mode, so we
don't want to assume our kidsare out to get us.
(19:14):
That would be taking thingspersonally right, and I think we
want to assume they're doingthe best they can with the
skills they have in this moment.
I call that a benevolentassumption and I think it's part
of our role to support andstretch our kids with that
benevolent basis so we can givethem more structure and more
(19:36):
guidance and sometimesconsequences, and really do that
hard parenting, but from adifferent vantage point, a
different lens.
So we become the scaffoldingthat helps our kid build the
skill that they're missing, andwith those clearer lenses on, I
think it's going to be so mucheasier for us to do that.
(19:58):
So I think there are let's putthis in practice two ways of
seeing the same situation.
Let's say your eight-year-old isthrowing a fit when it's time
to leave the park.
Our traditional lens that's allclouded with our own feelings
and what should happen and whatwe experienced.
(20:20):
We might see it as she is beingmanipulative, but our brain
first lens would have us look atthis from a brain first
perspective.
She's struggling with thetransition.
Her nervous system is having ahard time shifting gears and,
yes, maybe she's had a hard timefor the last five years doing
(20:40):
this.
If she's having a hard timeswitching gears, she's having a
hard time behavior.
Your team forgets to take thetrash out again.
Your traditional lens is lazyand disrespectful and you might
have that story.
If I didn't take out the trashwhen my parents told me to, I
would have gotten in so muchtrouble.
(21:02):
I would have gotten a licking.
That's that old phrase, right?
I don't know who uses thatanymore, but my parents would
have actually punished me bigtime.
So we've got a lot clouding ourvision.
But if we're able to step backand look at the brain first
approach, we could say his brainis still developing task
(21:22):
initiation skills.
I know that sounds like a bigmouthful, but what we're saying
is he's going to need morereminders, more systems that
support, that follow through and, yes, maybe even some
consequences.
Maybe, if he forgets to takethe trash out, then there's
going to be a consequence thathe can't use his screen time
until his jobs are done.
(21:43):
This is not meant to tie yourhands or to give your children
the freedom to choose whateverthey want to do.
It's to get out of the fear andthe kind of duplicitous
messages or stories that we haveand really problem solve the
issue.
So same moments, twointerpretations with different
(22:08):
responses.
So that doesn't mean you letyour children dictate when they
leave the park.
It doesn't mean you let yourchildren dictate when they leave
the park.
It doesn't mean you stop askingyour kids to do chores.
It just helps you clear thatvision so you know what's
actually going on.
Even if your child is pushingyour buttons on purpose,
challenging your authority,taking you on to get a rise out
of you, I want you to not fallfor the bait.
(22:29):
Why else could they be doingthat?
Do you really think this childjust wants to make your life
miserable, or are they graspingfor some feeling of power?
Are they setting up a situationto see if you still love them?
Kids test our authority all thetime.
I like to look at it like us,making sure that the guy driving
(22:50):
the bus actually knows how todrive right.
How did they handle thattraffic jam?
Are they licensed?
Do they stop at stop lights?
Are they someone I can trust?
Our kids don't think they'redoing that, but kids do this all
the time and we want to holdthe authority, even give the
right consequences sometimes,but not out of anger or
(23:13):
defensiveness or an I'll showyou who has the power here.
You don't need to do that.
The truth is, you have thepower.
You are the authority.
You are driving the bus.
It's okay that they questionyou.
Don't let that get under yourskin and don't give up the power
.
You know and you need to hangon to that so they will
(23:36):
eventually know.
The transformation that'spossible when you start to see
your kid through thisdevelopmental, informed lens is
that you unlock a new level ofcompassion and connection and,
most importantly, clarity.
So you stop reacting and you'reresponding by choice because
you're asking differentquestions.
(23:57):
Right, it's not.
How do I make them stop?
It's what is the skill thatthey are missing?
Because they're clearly missinga skill here.
What do they need?
And when you make that shiftfrom reacting to reflecting,
it's going to help you.
It's not automatic.
It begins with understandingthat it is even a shift that you
(24:17):
can make.
So if we want to see our kidsclearly, we have to learn how to
see ourselves clearly first.
Do you get so tired of mesaying that I don't know another
way to do this?
We need to become more aware ofwhat's happening in our minds
and our bodies in those momentsof challenge.
So let's talk about how tobuild that kind of awareness for
(24:42):
you, right?
I kind of look at it as ifwe're cleaning our lenses, right
?
First, we need to know whenthey're cloudy, and you can
start with your body, becauseyour nervous system knows before
your mind does.
That tension in your chest,that urge to yell or to shut
down?
That's your cue, those are yourclues.
(25:05):
Here's a simple awarenesspractice.
When that happens, pause, stopfor what you're doing for just a
second, take a deep breath.
Remember those deep breaths.
Turn down the stress system inyour body.
If you can name what you'refeeling this is why we do the
emotional body scan.
What am I feeling?
Where is it in my body?
(25:25):
What is going on?
And now this is the new lensyou choose.
Is this about my child'sbehavior?
Or is this bringing upsomething else from me, maybe
from my past, some big emotionin myself?
And then you do the reframe.
What if this is my child doingthe best they can right now and
it certainly is not good enough,I give you that.
(25:47):
But if you don't need to get itperfect, meaning all the time
you have to parent perfectly,that's the fear, right?
I'm supposed to say all theright things at all the right
times.
Well, none of us ever do that.
Our kids can't get this perfecteither.
If you can pause for even fiveseconds to check your lens,
(26:08):
that's going to help you moveinto this powerful way of
looking at it, give you moreawareness, give you more of a
space to choose a response thatworks better for you Okay.
But awareness alone it isn'tenough.
We need to know what we'regoing to do with it.
Once we've cleaned our lensesand started seeing our child
(26:28):
through a developmental lens,how do we move forward?
Let's talk about what comesnext, how we translate this
understanding into real,practical action without those
red lens, fear glasses.
If we try to be aware of ourlens, we're number one.
We're going to get curious.
What patterns do you notice?
When does the behavior show up?
What's happening around it?
(26:49):
We're going to try to identify.
What skill does our child needthat maybe they have already and
just can't connect to, or maybethey just don't have it yet.
I want to be much more focusedon the skills that I need to
teach them, rather than thebehaviors themselves.
I know that's so hard, but youguys, this is our job, literally
.
I wish we had a job descriptionthat we could have read before
(27:11):
we jumped into parenting, so itwas clear it would read like
this parent job description yourrole is to not control behavior
but to teach the skills beneathit.
Every tantrum, refusal, everyattitude is a signal of a skill
still developing.
It's not a moral flaw.
(27:32):
Don't get distracted by thebehavior in front of you.
Look beneath it, ask what skillis missing, then parent to that
skill with as much patience andmodeling and practice as you
can.
Our success is not perfectbehavior.
Our success is building skills,raising a child who learns to
(27:53):
regulate, be flexible, problemsolve and connect, because you
taught and modeled those skills.
So the slam door, the tears,the refusals, the attitude,
these are surface signals.
They draw our attention likeflashing lights but they're not
the real issue and our role isto resist being pulled into that
(28:14):
and it's like a surface dramaand instead ask step back,
what's missing here?
What do I need to teach to?
And when you consistentlychoose to parent to the
underdeveloped skill, I thinkyou will feel more patient.
You invested in a long-termgrowth lens, not just a
(28:34):
short-term compliance, and thatmeans your child will not always
look well-behaved and that'snot a surprise to you.
But over time they're going togrow more capable and better
equipped.
In short, your performance as aparent isn't about the behavior
.
It's about their kid's capacity.
So that's the deepest purposeof this job and it means we can
(28:58):
be less defensive, less worrying, less being judged in our
parenting by what's going on inour kid's behavior, and have
more curiosity, morecollaboration.
We might focus more onadjusting our kids' environment,
knowing where they'restruggling, so we can adjust our
teachings.
We might break tasks into stepsand get good at helping our
(29:22):
kids learn how to transitionbetter.
Maybe we're stricter withbedtimes or limiting screens if
we think that these things aregonna help our kids process
better.
Overall, we're actually gonnabe a stronger, more value-based
and consistent parent because wehave a plan and we will feel
(29:42):
more connected and yourrelationship is the most
powerful tool you have.
So with this lens, you're nottaking their behavior personally
, right?
They don't have the power tohurt your feelings.
We don't want to give them thatkind of power.
It's too big for them.
We have to be more resilientand see their behavior as a
problem to work on rather than asign that they're failing or
(30:02):
that, even worse, we are failing.
So as you start parenting thisway more connected, more curious
, more intentional you'll noticeyour perspective starts to
shape your whole family'sculture.
Mistakes aren't shameful,they're learning moments.
Emotions are allowed.
Nobody gets in big trouble fornot knowing how to do it, you
(30:23):
included, and your support andyour structure is kind of a
thing that you do with yourchild.
You know your kids are justdeveloping.
They're not bad.
So this week, when you feelyourself triggered by your
child's behavior, I want you topause and ask yourself one, what
lens am I using right now?
Two, what if this is theirdeveloping brain doing its best?
(30:46):
Three, what support ordirection could I offer instead
of reacting big, try it once,then try it again and then do it
again and watch how the energystarts to shift in your home.
That's the work we're doingtogether here changing the lens
so we see through our parentingwith more calm and clarity.
(31:09):
Thanks for being patient withme as I go through all this
brain science stuff.
I believe in it so much.
I really think it makes adifference.
If this episode helps you seeyour child in a new way, I hope
you will look back on it,reflect on it, share it with a
friend, because this is powerfulwork.
You should be able to feel good.
(31:31):
You deserve to feel good inyour parenting and I know it
will make your whole experiencefeel better with your kids.
I will talk to you guys nextweek.
Take care, if you've beenlistening to this podcast and
feel like these ideas reallyspeak to you but you're not sure
how to actually apply them inyour own life, I want you to
(31:53):
know you don't have to do italone.
I'm currently opening a fewone-to-one coaching spots for
moms who are ready to go deeperand get personalized support as
they build their own resilience.
This is where we takeeverything we talk about here
and we tailor it to your life,your story, your goals.
If that sounds like somethingyou're craving, just head to
LeeGermancom and click onone-to-one coaching.
(32:15):
We'll set up a free call totalk about where you are, where
you want to be and whethercoaching is the right next step
for you.
You can always find me onInstagram, at LeeGerman, or on
my website at LeeGermancom, atLee Gurman, or on my website at
leegurmancom.
The Leadership Parenting Podcastis for general information
(32:36):
purposes only.
It is not therapy and shouldnot take the place of meeting
with a qualified mental healthprofessional.
The information on this podcastis not intended to diagnose or
treat any condition, illness ordisease.
It's also not intended to belegal, medical or therapeutic
advice.
Please consult your doctor ormental health professional for
(32:57):
your individual circumstances.
Thanks again and take care.
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