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August 30, 2024 12 mins

What if the key to becoming a better leader lies in balancing seemingly conflicting pieces of feedback? Join us as we uncover the nuanced art of navigating feedback from both your leader and your team.  We dive into exploring responsive leadership, looking at the specific situation, and how to use both self reflection and curious conversations in order to truly understand the best way to move forward. With the right perspective and approach, feedback can turn into a powerful tool for improving relationships, while offering opportunities for professional growth.

When you get conflicting feedback, do you know which feedback to prioritize?

If you want to know how to best support your team, while being responsive to your leaders needs, join us for this episode!

To have your questions answered on the show, submit your story here: https://allthrive.ca/share-your-story

Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink is live every week at 12:00pm MST.  Please join us to get answers to your leadership questions! https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fink-all-thrive/

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Every action you take as a leader has a ripple effect
, starting with your team, goingout to the organization and
even out into people's personallives.
Here we offer you the chance tolearn from real-life stories of
leadership so you can gain adeeper understanding and level
up your own skills Fromcommunication to culture, to
power and equity, to feedback,to resolving conflict and more.

(00:23):
Join us and make sure you'recreating the ripples you want.
Welcome to Leadership Rippleswith Leah Fink.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello and welcome to Leadership Ripples with Leah
Fink.
Today we are going to bediscussing trying to find that
balance.
When you get constructivefeedback that conflicts between
your supervisor and your staffteam, who do you listen to and
how do you decide how to moveforward?
Rr shares their story.
Feedback has always been veryimportant to me in my

(00:54):
professional life.
Even from my first job, I wasalways asking my bosses what I
could be doing better.
Over the years, as I've takenon more leadership roles, I
found it even more important intrying to ensure I'm doing a
good job for my team.
Now, in a more senior role, I'mencountering a new challenge
where I'm getting conflictingfeedback from my team and from

(01:14):
my supervisor.
When interacting with my team,I'm not very critical and defend
them to higher ups.
I get a lot of positivefeedback about this approach.
As well as maintaining a greatrelationship with my team, I'm
now getting feedback from mysupervisor that I need to be
giving my team more constructivefeedback and that my defending
them doesn't make my team lookgood.
I don't want to change what Ifeel is working, but don't want

(01:37):
to be seen as uncooperative frommy boss.
So thank you so much forsharing your story, rr.
And first I just really want toappreciate your passion for
feedback.
I feel very much the same wayand it really sounds like it has
supported you professionally inyour career as well as probably
contributing to why your teamfeels comfortable with you, why

(01:58):
you've created this healthyrelationship and, on top of that
, when you recognize thatsomething isn't working, seeking
some support, asking questionson how you can make that better.
Those are all fantastic thingsto hear about.
So we're going to look at thisfrom two different perspectives
today.
We're going to look at it fromwhat's happening with your team
and then what's coming from yoursupervisor.
And let's start with workingwith your team.

(02:19):
So generally in leadershippositions, when we find a
strategy that works for us, wetend to stick to it.
That's really natural right.
Previously, I'm guessing maybeeven in your first leadership
role, you found a lot of successby taking on this role of
protector and non-critic foryour team.
How this is appealing to astaff team.

(02:45):
I've both been in a positionwhere I was that staff member
feeling like my boss really hadmy back, like they would protect
me from what was happening, andthen, on the opposite side, I
can empathize with you because Iwas in a role where I felt like
I had to be quite protective ofmy staff team and like I didn't
want to be too critical of thembecause there was a very
challenging and complexsituation happening.
That was how I decided torespond.
So it's, of course, verynatural, very understandable,

(03:09):
that you've made your staff teamfeel safe and it's probably
that sense of safety that you'remost trying to protect.
That would be the hardest tolose and potentially most
detrimental to damaging yourrelationship with your team if
you shifted in a way that wasn'thealthy.
But I really don't think thatneeds to happen.
Regardless of the feedback youtake and the direction you
choose, it's going to be aboutyour approach and how you change

(03:32):
your seeing of this situation.
So, understanding how thisapproach might be great.
Obviously let's look at how itmight not be serving your staff
team, and first I always like tothink about responsive
leadership.
So now we're looking at thisparticular team with this
particular approach, and maybethe teams that you worked with
before.
This was a great approachbecause of those people and

(03:55):
because of that situation.
Those people and because of thatsituation, maybe you had a team
of people who were constantlychecking in with themselves and
they would be correcting anyworrisome behavior before you
even thought to give feedback.
Maybe they were quite aware ofbigger dynamics in the company
and not too worried about them,but they kept their ear on the
pulse and they made sure thatthey were adapting their
behavior.

(04:15):
Even at the same time you wereprotecting them, and maybe this
just felt really easy with that.
They were already doing some ofthis work.
You didn't really need to dealwith it, so you were good.
And maybe the team you havedoesn't operate quite the same
way.
Maybe they're a little bit moreoblivious to some of their
behavior and what it might beaffecting, and without that

(04:36):
constructive feedback they wouldnever know.
Maybe their positions requiremore feedback because they're
learning something new, or it'svery different from what they
did before, especially now ifthey're in leadership positions
themselves, and maybe it's justthey're so protected from
feedback that's happening at thehigh level that they're getting

(04:56):
stagnant in their growth andthat doesn't support them in
their professional career.
So, like I said, this is whythat responsive component is so
critical, because what workedreally well for one staff and
team might not work for allteams and situations, even if
the people say they're enjoyingit and maybe it's just one or
two staff that you need tochange your approach with.

(05:16):
Maybe it's most of the team isdoing really well with this
approach and it's a couplepeople that need a little bit
more of that critical,constructive lens to be able to
shift their own practice.
So you really want to look atyour approach with these people
and the specific circumstancethat you're all in, and this is
also a great time to reflect onyour personal needs and
perspective of the situation.
So, for example, I know, like Isaid, when I was in a role

(05:40):
where I felt like I had to takeon this position of protector
and non-critical, I knew thatthere was a very hard situation
where my staff were extremelystressed New staff team, lots of
learning, they were gettinginformation from all angles and
I was very hesitant to put a lotof critique on them when they
were already in this reallytough place.

(06:00):
And in some ways, that workedbecause, again, I became this
protector.
They felt safe.
And in some ways, it didn'twork because there were some
things that fell through thecracks or maybe built up more
than they needed to because weweren't addressing them as
quickly as I could have.
So we have to be able to justbe aware of what your needs are
and how you see the situation,to approach that.

(06:21):
And finally, anytime I hearsomeone saying that they don't
like that side of being criticalabout their staff team, I
really love to invite them toreflect on their discomfort with
being that kind of critical andthe opportunity that you might
be missing out on to help otherpeople grow, and especially RR.
You mentioned that you lovegetting feedback in all of your

(06:41):
roles and now they are nothaving that opportunity if
you're not giving thatconstructive feedback.
And maybe you are giving thatconstructive feedback and it's
the word critical that'simpactful, so maybe that's great
.
But just really being consciousof how much it can support
people to sometimes say thosehard things, it can actually
help strengthen yourrelationship because people

(07:02):
understand that you're willingto share when things aren't
going well and that you're stillgiving positive feedback, that
you're still supporting thatrelationship and you really can
elevate people's potential thatway when it's from that place of
caring but still making sureyou're providing that.
Now that, all being said, welooked at some things to reflect
on when you look at what you'regetting from your team, and now

(07:23):
we're going to look at what iscoming from the supervisor, and
in this situation right now,it's hard and I certainly don't
have enough information fromwhat you shared to fully
understand it, and I suspectthat you don't have all the
information about this feedbackeither.
So the biggest piece is we wantto look at where this feedback
is coming from, because it'llreally help us address it, and

(07:44):
it could be anything.
It could be your leader's ownpersonal stuff coming up that
makes them want to speak out.
Maybe in their experience itwas most efficient and effective
for them to deal with a staffteam that way and they're trying
to mentor you in this methodthat worked for them from this
place of caring.
Maybe they're feeling immensepressure from their leadership
that things have to be done acertain way.
Or maybe they're seeing theoutcomes from your team and

(08:07):
they're looking for differentways to try to improve that.
Right now we don't know.
It'd all be assumptions, we'rejust making guesses, and this is
complicated further by the factthat the higher up you go in
leadership, the more informationyou have, the more context you
have.
So all of this could also bebased on information that you
have no idea about.
You don't know what they knowat all.

(08:27):
Regardless of where this comesfrom, we need to know what's
happening.
So the best thing you can do ishave a discussion with your
leader, thank them for thefeedback and ask if they're open
to some questions so you canreally understand it and then
use it better.
And then, from there on, youjust want to work to expand your
understanding so you could askquestions like can I ask what
prompted this feedback?

(08:47):
Can you tell me more about theoutcomes that you see negatively
being impacted by my approach?
What behavior would you need tosee change so that you'd see
the problem is solved?
And you can tell them, ofcourse, about your current
approach, why you're taking it,the benefits that you see, and
then ask them how they wouldprotect that kind of benefit
while still taking on this, thebenefits that you see and then
ask them how they would protectthat kind of benefit while still
taking on this feedback.

(09:09):
And, of course, you can use amultitude of other questions
that I'm sure will come up asthis conversation continues, and
I'm going to use this examplejust for a moment to also speak
to how important it is that wedo have these conversations,
that we do get feedback that'snon-anonymous.

(09:30):
Now, of course, anonymousfeedback is very helpful,
especially when there's a powerdynamic for people to be able to
share their true feelings,maybe challenges that they're
having, and, at the same time,could you imagine what would
happen if this feedback wasanonymous?
If RR got this feedback from aleader in the organization and
is now trying to handle thissense of pressure that they need
to take feedback from asupervisor and also not knowing

(09:51):
what this feedback means, whythey're giving it, what exact
behavior change they need?
Because, like most feedback,this feedback is more about the
behavior they want to seestopped than specific ways they
would like to see things change.
And so just a reminder toeveryone out there consider
thinking about how you can keepsafety for people to share
feedback while making sure thatwhen there is feedback given,

(10:12):
you are able to address it andask those important clarifying
questions.
And if you have questions abouthow to do that, please reach
out, because I'm always happy tohave that conversation, this
all being shared.
Now you have some things toconsider for yourself.
There's two things I want tomake sure that you consider as
you're thinking, potentially,about changing your behavior
with your team if you do decidethat, and the first is how

(10:35):
you're going to communicate this.
You definitely want this to beclear and clear.
Make sure that your team isreally aware of what's happening
and where this is coming from,so you could share your
learnings from this situation,some of your conversations, some
of your reflection, let yourstaff team know and then let
them ask questions and sharetheir perspective.

(10:55):
If this is a one way thing thatyou just say, hey guys, I'm
going to be more critical now,I'm going to give you more
constructive feedback, andthat's a good thing, they're
probably not going to have theopportunity to really engage
with that and feel committed toit themselves.
They might feel a little bitthrown off, and so make sure
that you give them that chanceto engage and understand where
this is coming from.
And then you also want to beaware of the speed of this

(11:16):
change, because this issomething that both might be
uncomfortable for.
You might be a little bit moreuncomfortable for them if they
like the status quo and if yougo from no constructive feedback
to constructive feedback fivedays a week, it's probably not
going to go over well.
So make sure that you startslowly, take some time, that
you're balancing this withspecific, positive feedback, and

(11:38):
if you want to know more abouthow to give really good feedback
you can listen to some previousepisodes of the show about that
and you want to have that goodsense of how you can approach
this once again in a way thatwill strengthen your
relationships, based on yourapproach, instead of damaging
them or harming them.
So, rr, I hope that gave yousome good ideas, some great
things to ponder on.
I really look forward tocontinuing our conversation so

(12:01):
we can have an even morein-depth exploration of this
Make.
I've answered all yourquestions and, as a reminder, if
you do share your story withthe show, that's what I love to
do is provide that session afterso we can ensure that you get
everything answered, and as agreat way of saying thank you,
because we love being able todive into these stories so we
can all grow together.
Thank you so much for joiningus today, for reflecting on your

(12:22):
own leadership and consideringhow you might be giving feedback
and, as we close, remember toask yourself what ripples are
you going to create this week?

Speaker 1 (12:32):
We hope you enjoyed the episode.
Make sure to subscribe, commentand connect with Leah at
meetleahca.
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