September 6, 2024 • 15 mins
Have you ever felt disrespected by a coworker? But how do we even define disrespect? Join us as we unravel the complex understanding of how individually we perceive respect, and how we can use that to develop better relationships. From personal preference to deeply ingrained assumptions, this episode will challenge you to rethink your interactions and their impact on workplace dynamics.
Can you decide whether or not to feel respected?
If you want to be able to move past the trap of 'disrespect' that limits your connection with others, this is the episode for you!
To have your questions answered on the show, submit your story here: https://allthrive.ca/share-your-story
Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink is live every week at 12:00pm MST. Please join us to get answers to your leadership questions! https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fink-all-thrive/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Every action you take as a leader has a ripple effect
, starting with your team, goingout to the organization and
even out into people's personallives.
Here we offer you the chance tolearn from real-life stories of
leadership so you can gain adeeper understanding and level
up your own skills Fromcommunication to culture, to
power and equity, to feedback,to resolving conflict and more.
(00:23):
Join us and make sure you'recreating the ripples you want.
Welcome to Leadership Rippleswith Leah Fink.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome to Leadership Ripples with Leah
Fink.
Today we are going to betalking about this idea of
respect in the workplace, whatthat looks like, what our own
experience is, how we understandit and how we interact with it
in a much healthier way.
Sa shares their story.
I love my job and my company isgreat Overall, really healthy
(00:54):
culture and I would say peopleare super respectful.
I don't have any problems withmy boss or my staff.
However, I do have a problemwith one of the other
supervisors who constantlydisrespects me.
If I'm sharing something in ameeting, she'll interject in a
rude tone to correct me or tomove things in a different
direction.
She isn't friendly at all andI'm tired of her constant
(01:15):
feedback.
I don't see her that often, soI don't want to go to my boss
and make a big deal out of it,but what can I do?
Thank you so much for sharingyour question, your story, and
this opens up a really greatquestion about interpersonal
dynamics in the workplace andbeyond, and it's exciting
because today we get to look atthis from more of a neutral
(01:36):
power dynamic and I'm also stillgoing to address a little bit
of this leadership piece at theend and in my work I will tell
you, I hear a lot of peopletalking about how they aren't
respected by their boss, howthey're not respected by their
staff, by their peers.
I hear it in personalized peoplenot respected by their kids or
their family members.
(01:56):
We talk about this concept ofrespect a lot and for this being
an episode about respect, thefirst thing I'm going to do is
say that respect I don't thinkis a useful word really at all
for these conversations or whenwe talk about interpersonal
reactions.
And I'll tell you why it isthat this word has been so
co-opted in our society and howwe speak, by our assumptions and
(02:20):
our preferences and ourunconscious needs.
It often seems to do more harmthan good when we talk about it,
because we're really not sayingthe same thing.
By definition, respect issupposed to be the due regard
for the feelings, wishes, rightsor traditions of others, or a
feeling of deep admiration forsomeone or something elicited by
their abilities, qualities orachievements.
(02:40):
Generally, we tend to go withthis first piece when we talk
about being respected or notbeing respected.
Are we given this due regardfor our feelings and how we
perceive the world?
And the difference is that wedon't all have the same
perception of what that lookslike, and it's very heavily
layered in both our personalexperience and the assumptions
(03:00):
of how we see the world.
So let's start with thesepreferences that we have, and
I'm going to use an example froma True Colors personality
typology workshop that I did acouple years ago Now.
One of the staff members sharedthat they hated how a certain
manager would always hang up thephone once their conversation
was done and wouldn't saygoodbye.
She'd just hang up once thatdiscussion was finished.
(03:21):
And the staff member said thatthat behavior was very
disrespectful.
They didn't like it.
So we brought it up to thegroup, we pulled them and it
turned out that a majority ofstaff didn't like that
particular behavior.
But there were some staff thatliked it and the manager's
reason behind it that sheexplained and we explored a
little was that she kneweveryone was very busy and once
(03:43):
the discussion was done, shedidn't want to waste anyone's
time with all this sayinggoodbye.
She wanted to respect theirtime more and the people who
were appreciative of thisbehavior agreed and they said
they felt respected by thisbecause that time was very
valuable to them.
And there's this other personand this other group of people
that didn't feel respected andto me, this just highlights that
(04:05):
respect isn't a specificbehavior.
Being respected isn't aspecific behavior, but it's just
a personal preference towhether or not you see that
behavior as good.
So, essay, let's explore some ofthese things that you mentioned
that you felt weredisrespectful to you.
This peer interjects whenyou're talking, she corrects you
, she changes topics, she isn'tfriendly, she gives a lot of
(04:25):
feedback.
Those were the things you'vesaid, and I can understand the
perspective that those would benegative behaviors, how you
wouldn't like them.
However, do you know if anyoneon your team maybe does like
those behaviors?
I mean, I certainly appreciateit if someone jumps in to
interject if I don't have allthe information or I got
something wrong, and Ipersonally really love lots of
(04:50):
feedback and maybe some peoplelike this ability that she can
shift to new topics easily orthat she doesn't bring a lot of
that personal mumbo jumbo intothe office.
Maybe they like things a littlebit more formal and
professional.
So we start looking at thisagain.
The same way we talk aboutresponsive leadership, there's
this responsiveness to each ofour individual relationships.
Now there's a reason that she'schosen this behavior.
She must see it in some way asgood or useful or practical, or
(05:13):
she wouldn't do it.
And I suspect there's parts ofher behavior, like I said, that
other people like, even if maybeher delivery isn't the best.
That's another part that canplay into this.
We won't really go into thattoday, but this idea again of
being respected is moreingrained again in your
preferences than in how you likepeople to interact, how you'd
prefer them to do this.
(05:34):
So let's talk about ourpreferences and the extra piece
that we layer onto them, whichis why we might take these
behaviors so hard and so badly.
And those are the assumptionsthat we add in when we see a
behavior that we don't like.
Now, when we see a behaviorthat we prefer, it's often
because it's similar to how wemight behave and we know our own
good intentions.
(05:55):
So we see those behaviors asgood and the assumptions we make
about that behavior when ithappens is that it's a good
thing.
So we layer on all these goodassumptions to this behavior
that we already like and on theopposite side, we tend to layer
bad assumptions onto behaviorthat's different than how we
would interact, especially whenwe don't understand it at all.
I like to use Chris Argyris'ladder of inference as a way
(06:18):
that we can explore this.
We're going to dive into thisjust briefly and we're going to
give lots of feedback as anexample.
And so the bottom rung of thisladder, when we look at our
assumptions, is just theobservable data we get.
So if we were describing avideo, what's the exact things
we would see or hear?
So this co-worker said thesewords specifically Her voice was
(06:38):
level, her face had a neutralexpression.
That is data, and this is thesame thing that that person who
loves getting lots of feedbackwould see.
They'd observe the exact samethings.
But then we go up the next runon the ladder and we start to
select the data that we think isimportant.
Maybe the thing that stood outthe most to you was this neutral
face expression.
(06:59):
Maybe for the person who likesa lot of feedback, it was the
words they said.
So when we start interpretingthis data, what does it mean to
me when someone has a neutralface expression?
What does it mean to me whensomeone shares a piece of
feedback and that starts to leadinto our assumptions?
Maybe we have an assumptionthat when someone has a neutral
facial expression, it means theydon't like us or that they're
(07:33):
mad at us.
At the very least, they're nothappy about this.
So now we're starting to assumethat this, this other person's
experience of this same datathat we get, could be so, so
different, because this justcontinues, of course, into the
conclusions that we draw.
Like this person doesn't likeme at all, or this person cares
a lot about me, and then westart forming these beliefs
about them and about thesituation.
(07:54):
This person's trying to hurt me, this person's trying to hurt
me, this person's trying to helpme.
These are quite deeplyingrained and then, of course,
we take actions based on thisprocess that we've gone through
in seconds.
It's so deeply ingrained, we'reso quick at it.
So, for you, the action youstart to take is to avoid this
person as much as possible soyou don't have to talk to them,
and this other person that hadall these good assumptions about
(08:15):
this person is going to seekthem out and try to talk to them
more, and that's what happens.
This is how we interact, and theproblem is, when we look at our
ongoing relationships withpeople, is, once we reach this
point of beliefs and actions, wedon't go back down to the
bottom rung of the ladder, we goto that second rung where we
start inferring and interpretingthis data, and so it just
(08:37):
reinforces what we alreadybelieve.
So maybe in your firstinteraction with this person,
yeah, she wasn't that bad a bitannoying, but not that bad.
By the second interaction,you're going I don't really like
this person.
By the third interaction,you're starting to go man, this
person just always wants to cutme down and hurt me.
You've reinforced this beliefenough times.
You're continuing to grow inthe direction that you thought
(08:57):
it would.
So now we've taken somethingthat we've seen, we filtered it
through the lens of preferenceand assumptions and we made this
decision about either we wererespected or we weren't
respected by this action.
So you see, now we've gonethrough this whole process to
get to this concept of respectedor not respected and, to be
fair, I've also used this termas we've been talking about
(09:19):
feeling respected, becausethat's how people talk about
respect.
It's a feeling we have, butrespect isn't really an emotion.
It's an interpretation thatwe've made, like I said, through
all these lenses, through allthese things that we've filtered
it through.
But essentially it's an actionbased on our own experience that
we are now judging.
So this is the reason.
(09:39):
This altogether is the reason Idon't think that conversations
about feeling respected in theworkplace are very helpful, and
this isn't any interpersoninteraction.
This is if you're talking withyour kids.
This is if you're talking withyour spouse.
It's really more aboutexploring our own experience.
So what can we do with that?
First, I really recommend thisis a great space for
(10:01):
self-reflection.
What are my preferences inrelationships, interactions, and
how do I respond when otherpeople have different
preferences or different ways ofinteracting?
Because you probably have somebehaviors that are based on all
these things that have come upand beyond that.
When I look at all thesepreferences and assumptions,
(10:23):
what does that mean for my life?
What does it mean?
The bigger picture?
And so you can go online.
You can find the letter ofinference If you reach out to me
.
I have a great little worksheetabout it I would be happy to
share so you can explore thisand you can do this yourself.
You can go through each of thepieces and see where you've
started making some assumptionsor beliefs, and you can also do
this with other people, which isa great exploration If you can
(10:45):
find someone who tends to maybedisagree with you a little bit,
even someone similar.
If you start exploring some ofthese assumptions that you have,
you might find differentperspectives in this.
Oh, am I even making anassumption while I'm riding out
this ladder?
Oh, you see that differently.
What does that mean?
And so some of these can be sodeeply buried.
It's literally hard, even whenwe're doing this ladder, to
(11:07):
understand how deeply ingrainedwe believe this behavior is.
And then, of course, the otherpiece that I think is really
important in this is you want toconnect with this coworker and
understand more about what'shappening for them, even though
you don't see them all the time.
To me, this kind of peerrelationship would be something
that's worth investing thislittle bit of discomfort for
having this communication, thisconversation that you can talk
(11:31):
through it.
They can understand each otherbetter, and then you don't have
to dread going to those meetingswith her.
I would share about how you'veperceived these actions.
I would ask her about herintentions and what she hoped
for from these interactions.
You can even share theassumptions that come up for you
with that specific behavior sothey can understand why you were
so impacted by this.
(11:52):
And, on the flip side, Iwouldn't be surprised if there
were a couple behaviors thatthey would be able to talk about
, that they maybe don't have thebest assumptions or thoughts
towards that you do with them,and so now we're really creating
this understanding.
It's so rare that we have anyreal understanding of what's
happening for another person,their actual experience.
(12:12):
So to start to bridge that gap,to have these deeper level
conversations can be so powerfuland once again, anywhere in
your life, if you have beenexperiencing this with a
teenager at home or someone elseon a personal level, have these
conversations because it is so,so useful for deepening
relationships.
And now one thing I feel isreally important to add, because
(12:34):
this is a podcast aboutleadership, is now that we've
recognized how complex this is,even in a neutral power dynamic
where your peers with each other.
We want to definitely look atwhat happens when you add a
power dynamic to the mix.
And importantly in this podcast, and what I want to talk about
is this idea of your staff teamrespecting you Because there's
(12:56):
this power differential.
This can be a really trickything, because we know that
staff are more likely to caterto leaders' preferences.
It's a very common thing thathappens.
They're also more likely toagree with you and do what you
tell them.
Right, because of that powerdifferential and because, in
part of that, that is their roleto do what their boss tells
them.
But this is the other reallytricky place where we often
(13:18):
confuse the word respect.
A lot of people use the wordrespect to mean you have to do
what I say without complaint.
Once again, you might recognizethis as a parent to a teenager,
right?
If someone does not agree withyou or doesn't do what they ask
of you, especially when there ismore power on your side of the
relationship, we say we don'tfeel respected by that person.
(13:43):
Now think about all the thingswe've just gone through and the
reality of what that respectmeans.
Or if there's this expectationyou have when you are in power,
that people need to agree withyou and do what you say, because
if some of that is alive inyour leadership, in your
interactions, that people don'tactually feel fully safe
disagreeing with you becauseyou'll see it as disrespectful
(14:03):
or they're worried about whatthis means in the workplace,
you're not going to be gettingthe best out of your employees
and the best out of yoursituation.
So, as a leader, I recommendreally making sure that you are
seeking feedback, that you'reexploring what your culture is,
that you're creating this spacewhere people can safely disagree
, where they can bring forwardthese pieces that might not be
(14:24):
exactly what your preference is,and that you don't see that as
disrespect.
Disrespect does not meandisagreement or non-compliance.
If you want to make sure, bythe way that you're doing all of
these things, that you'remaking sure you are creating a
healthy workspace, please reachout.
Let's have a chat about it,because that is something,
certainly, that I would like tosupport you with Now, sa, I hope
(14:47):
that gave you some ideas.
I know we probably went somedifferent directions, but that
you have had a chance now toexplore your own perception of
this, that you had some time toself-reflect and really get into
what this piece of respecttruly means for you.
As a reminder to all ourlisteners, if you have a story
like essay that you want toshare with us or any questions,
(15:07):
I would love to have them andyou can find a link for that in
the description below.
As a thank you for that, Ifollow up with a free session to
make sure we fully answeredyour question and really dive
into some skills that you canthen use to progress even
further and I want to thank youso much for listening today to
learning with me to doing thisself-reflection.
That takes a little bit of time.
(15:29):
Definitely takes someself-awareness to really
understand what respect means inyour life and how you might be
perceiving people whosepreferences are different than
your own.
So, as he quotes, remember toask yourself what kind of
ripples are you going to createthis week?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We hope you enjoyed the episode.
Make sure to subscribe, commentand connect with Leah at
meetleahca.
Every action you take as a leader has a ripple effect
, starting with your team, goingout to the organization and
even out into people's personallives.
Here we offer you the chance tolearn from real-life stories of
leadership so you can gain adeeper understanding and level
up your own skills Fromcommunication to culture, to
power and equity, to feedback,to resolving conflict and more.
(00:23):
Join us and make sure you'recreating the ripples you want.
Welcome to Leadership Rippleswith Leah Fink.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello and welcome to Leadership Ripples with Leah
Fink.
Today we are going to betalking about this idea of
respect in the workplace, whatthat looks like, what our own
experience is, how we understandit and how we interact with it
in a much healthier way.
Sa shares their story.
I love my job and my company isgreat Overall, really healthy
(00:54):
culture and I would say peopleare super respectful.
I don't have any problems withmy boss or my staff.
However, I do have a problemwith one of the other
supervisors who constantlydisrespects me.
If I'm sharing something in ameeting, she'll interject in a
rude tone to correct me or tomove things in a different
direction.
She isn't friendly at all andI'm tired of her constant
(01:15):
feedback.
I don't see her that often, soI don't want to go to my boss
and make a big deal out of it,but what can I do?
Thank you so much for sharingyour question, your story, and
this opens up a really greatquestion about interpersonal
dynamics in the workplace andbeyond, and it's exciting
because today we get to look atthis from more of a neutral
(01:36):
power dynamic and I'm also stillgoing to address a little bit
of this leadership piece at theend and in my work I will tell
you, I hear a lot of peopletalking about how they aren't
respected by their boss, howthey're not respected by their
staff, by their peers.
I hear it in personalized peoplenot respected by their kids or
their family members.
(01:56):
We talk about this concept ofrespect a lot and for this being
an episode about respect, thefirst thing I'm going to do is
say that respect I don't thinkis a useful word really at all
for these conversations or whenwe talk about interpersonal
reactions.
And I'll tell you why it isthat this word has been so
co-opted in our society and howwe speak, by our assumptions and
(02:20):
our preferences and ourunconscious needs.
It often seems to do more harmthan good when we talk about it,
because we're really not sayingthe same thing.
By definition, respect issupposed to be the due regard
for the feelings, wishes, rightsor traditions of others, or a
feeling of deep admiration forsomeone or something elicited by
their abilities, qualities orachievements.
(02:40):
Generally, we tend to go withthis first piece when we talk
about being respected or notbeing respected.
Are we given this due regardfor our feelings and how we
perceive the world?
And the difference is that wedon't all have the same
perception of what that lookslike, and it's very heavily
layered in both our personalexperience and the assumptions
(03:00):
of how we see the world.
So let's start with thesepreferences that we have, and
I'm going to use an example froma True Colors personality
typology workshop that I did acouple years ago Now.
One of the staff members sharedthat they hated how a certain
manager would always hang up thephone once their conversation
was done and wouldn't saygoodbye.
She'd just hang up once thatdiscussion was finished.
(03:21):
And the staff member said thatthat behavior was very
disrespectful.
They didn't like it.
So we brought it up to thegroup, we pulled them and it
turned out that a majority ofstaff didn't like that
particular behavior.
But there were some staff thatliked it and the manager's
reason behind it that sheexplained and we explored a
little was that she kneweveryone was very busy and once
(03:43):
the discussion was done, shedidn't want to waste anyone's
time with all this sayinggoodbye.
She wanted to respect theirtime more and the people who
were appreciative of thisbehavior agreed and they said
they felt respected by thisbecause that time was very
valuable to them.
And there's this other personand this other group of people
that didn't feel respected andto me, this just highlights that
(04:05):
respect isn't a specificbehavior.
Being respected isn't aspecific behavior, but it's just
a personal preference towhether or not you see that
behavior as good.
So, essay, let's explore some ofthese things that you mentioned
that you felt weredisrespectful to you.
This peer interjects whenyou're talking, she corrects you
, she changes topics, she isn'tfriendly, she gives a lot of
(04:25):
feedback.
Those were the things you'vesaid, and I can understand the
perspective that those would benegative behaviors, how you
wouldn't like them.
However, do you know if anyoneon your team maybe does like
those behaviors?
I mean, I certainly appreciateit if someone jumps in to
interject if I don't have allthe information or I got
something wrong, and Ipersonally really love lots of
(04:50):
feedback and maybe some peoplelike this ability that she can
shift to new topics easily orthat she doesn't bring a lot of
that personal mumbo jumbo intothe office.
Maybe they like things a littlebit more formal and
professional.
So we start looking at thisagain.
The same way we talk aboutresponsive leadership, there's
this responsiveness to each ofour individual relationships.
Now there's a reason that she'schosen this behavior.
She must see it in some way asgood or useful or practical, or
(05:13):
she wouldn't do it.
And I suspect there's parts ofher behavior, like I said, that
other people like, even if maybeher delivery isn't the best.
That's another part that canplay into this.
We won't really go into thattoday, but this idea again of
being respected is moreingrained again in your
preferences than in how you likepeople to interact, how you'd
prefer them to do this.
(05:34):
So let's talk about ourpreferences and the extra piece
that we layer onto them, whichis why we might take these
behaviors so hard and so badly.
And those are the assumptionsthat we add in when we see a
behavior that we don't like.
Now, when we see a behaviorthat we prefer, it's often
because it's similar to how wemight behave and we know our own
good intentions.
(05:55):
So we see those behaviors asgood and the assumptions we make
about that behavior when ithappens is that it's a good
thing.
So we layer on all these goodassumptions to this behavior
that we already like and on theopposite side, we tend to layer
bad assumptions onto behaviorthat's different than how we
would interact, especially whenwe don't understand it at all.
I like to use Chris Argyris'ladder of inference as a way
(06:18):
that we can explore this.
We're going to dive into thisjust briefly and we're going to
give lots of feedback as anexample.
And so the bottom rung of thisladder, when we look at our
assumptions, is just theobservable data we get.
So if we were describing avideo, what's the exact things
we would see or hear?
So this co-worker said thesewords specifically Her voice was
(06:38):
level, her face had a neutralexpression.
That is data, and this is thesame thing that that person who
loves getting lots of feedbackwould see.
They'd observe the exact samethings.
But then we go up the next runon the ladder and we start to
select the data that we think isimportant.
Maybe the thing that stood outthe most to you was this neutral
face expression.
(06:59):
Maybe for the person who likesa lot of feedback, it was the
words they said.
So when we start interpretingthis data, what does it mean to
me when someone has a neutralface expression?
What does it mean to me whensomeone shares a piece of
feedback and that starts to leadinto our assumptions?
Maybe we have an assumptionthat when someone has a neutral
facial expression, it means theydon't like us or that they're
(07:33):
mad at us.
At the very least, they're nothappy about this.
So now we're starting to assumethat this, this other person's
experience of this same datathat we get, could be so, so
different, because this justcontinues, of course, into the
conclusions that we draw.
Like this person doesn't likeme at all, or this person cares
a lot about me, and then westart forming these beliefs
about them and about thesituation.
(07:54):
This person's trying to hurt me, this person's trying to hurt
me, this person's trying to helpme.
These are quite deeplyingrained and then, of course,
we take actions based on thisprocess that we've gone through
in seconds.
It's so deeply ingrained, we'reso quick at it.
So, for you, the action youstart to take is to avoid this
person as much as possible soyou don't have to talk to them,
and this other person that hadall these good assumptions about
(08:15):
this person is going to seekthem out and try to talk to them
more, and that's what happens.
This is how we interact, and theproblem is, when we look at our
ongoing relationships withpeople, is, once we reach this
point of beliefs and actions, wedon't go back down to the
bottom rung of the ladder, we goto that second rung where we
start inferring and interpretingthis data, and so it just
(08:37):
reinforces what we alreadybelieve.
So maybe in your firstinteraction with this person,
yeah, she wasn't that bad a bitannoying, but not that bad.
By the second interaction,you're going I don't really like
this person.
By the third interaction,you're starting to go man, this
person just always wants to cutme down and hurt me.
You've reinforced this beliefenough times.
You're continuing to grow inthe direction that you thought
(08:57):
it would.
So now we've taken somethingthat we've seen, we filtered it
through the lens of preferenceand assumptions and we made this
decision about either we wererespected or we weren't
respected by this action.
So you see, now we've gonethrough this whole process to
get to this concept of respectedor not respected and, to be
fair, I've also used this termas we've been talking about
(09:19):
feeling respected, becausethat's how people talk about
respect.
It's a feeling we have, butrespect isn't really an emotion.
It's an interpretation thatwe've made, like I said, through
all these lenses, through allthese things that we've filtered
it through.
But essentially it's an actionbased on our own experience that
we are now judging.
So this is the reason.
(09:39):
This altogether is the reason Idon't think that conversations
about feeling respected in theworkplace are very helpful, and
this isn't any interpersoninteraction.
This is if you're talking withyour kids.
This is if you're talking withyour spouse.
It's really more aboutexploring our own experience.
So what can we do with that?
First, I really recommend thisis a great space for
(10:01):
self-reflection.
What are my preferences inrelationships, interactions, and
how do I respond when otherpeople have different
preferences or different ways ofinteracting?
Because you probably have somebehaviors that are based on all
these things that have come upand beyond that.
When I look at all thesepreferences and assumptions,
(10:23):
what does that mean for my life?
What does it mean?
The bigger picture?
And so you can go online.
You can find the letter ofinference If you reach out to me
.
I have a great little worksheetabout it I would be happy to
share so you can explore thisand you can do this yourself.
You can go through each of thepieces and see where you've
started making some assumptionsor beliefs, and you can also do
this with other people, which isa great exploration If you can
(10:45):
find someone who tends to maybedisagree with you a little bit,
even someone similar.
If you start exploring some ofthese assumptions that you have,
you might find differentperspectives in this.
Oh, am I even making anassumption while I'm riding out
this ladder?
Oh, you see that differently.
What does that mean?
And so some of these can be sodeeply buried.
It's literally hard, even whenwe're doing this ladder, to
(11:07):
understand how deeply ingrainedwe believe this behavior is.
And then, of course, the otherpiece that I think is really
important in this is you want toconnect with this coworker and
understand more about what'shappening for them, even though
you don't see them all the time.
To me, this kind of peerrelationship would be something
that's worth investing thislittle bit of discomfort for
having this communication, thisconversation that you can talk
(11:31):
through it.
They can understand each otherbetter, and then you don't have
to dread going to those meetingswith her.
I would share about how you'veperceived these actions.
I would ask her about herintentions and what she hoped
for from these interactions.
You can even share theassumptions that come up for you
with that specific behavior sothey can understand why you were
so impacted by this.
(11:52):
And, on the flip side, Iwouldn't be surprised if there
were a couple behaviors thatthey would be able to talk about
, that they maybe don't have thebest assumptions or thoughts
towards that you do with them,and so now we're really creating
this understanding.
It's so rare that we have anyreal understanding of what's
happening for another person,their actual experience.
(12:12):
So to start to bridge that gap,to have these deeper level
conversations can be so powerfuland once again, anywhere in
your life, if you have beenexperiencing this with a
teenager at home or someone elseon a personal level, have these
conversations because it is so,so useful for deepening
relationships.
And now one thing I feel isreally important to add, because
(12:34):
this is a podcast aboutleadership, is now that we've
recognized how complex this is,even in a neutral power dynamic
where your peers with each other.
We want to definitely look atwhat happens when you add a
power dynamic to the mix.
And importantly in this podcast, and what I want to talk about
is this idea of your staff teamrespecting you Because there's
(12:56):
this power differential.
This can be a really trickything, because we know that
staff are more likely to caterto leaders' preferences.
It's a very common thing thathappens.
They're also more likely toagree with you and do what you
tell them.
Right, because of that powerdifferential and because, in
part of that, that is their roleto do what their boss tells
them.
But this is the other reallytricky place where we often
(13:18):
confuse the word respect.
A lot of people use the wordrespect to mean you have to do
what I say without complaint.
Once again, you might recognizethis as a parent to a teenager,
right?
If someone does not agree withyou or doesn't do what they ask
of you, especially when there ismore power on your side of the
relationship, we say we don'tfeel respected by that person.
(13:43):
Now think about all the thingswe've just gone through and the
reality of what that respectmeans.
Or if there's this expectationyou have when you are in power,
that people need to agree withyou and do what you say, because
if some of that is alive inyour leadership, in your
interactions, that people don'tactually feel fully safe
disagreeing with you becauseyou'll see it as disrespectful
(14:03):
or they're worried about whatthis means in the workplace,
you're not going to be gettingthe best out of your employees
and the best out of yoursituation.
So, as a leader, I recommendreally making sure that you are
seeking feedback, that you'reexploring what your culture is,
that you're creating this spacewhere people can safely disagree
, where they can bring forwardthese pieces that might not be
(14:24):
exactly what your preference is,and that you don't see that as
disrespect.
Disrespect does not meandisagreement or non-compliance.
If you want to make sure, bythe way that you're doing all of
these things, that you'remaking sure you are creating a
healthy workspace, please reachout.
Let's have a chat about it,because that is something,
certainly, that I would like tosupport you with Now, sa, I hope
(14:47):
that gave you some ideas.
I know we probably went somedifferent directions, but that
you have had a chance now toexplore your own perception of
this, that you had some time toself-reflect and really get into
what this piece of respecttruly means for you.
As a reminder to all ourlisteners, if you have a story
like essay that you want toshare with us or any questions,
(15:07):
I would love to have them andyou can find a link for that in
the description below.
As a thank you for that, Ifollow up with a free session to
make sure we fully answeredyour question and really dive
into some skills that you canthen use to progress even
further and I want to thank youso much for listening today to
learning with me to doing thisself-reflection.
That takes a little bit of time.
(15:29):
Definitely takes someself-awareness to really
understand what respect means inyour life and how you might be
perceiving people whosepreferences are different than
your own.
So, as he quotes, remember toask yourself what kind of
ripples are you going to createthis week?
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We hope you enjoyed the episode.
Make sure to subscribe, commentand connect with Leah at
meetleahca.
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