Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Every action you take
as a leader has a ripple effect
, starting with your team, goingout to the organization and
even out into people's personallives.
Here we offer you the chance tolearn from real-life stories of
leadership so you can gain adeeper understanding and level
up your own skills Fromcommunication to culture, to
power and equity, to feedback,to resolving conflict and more.
(00:23):
Join us and make sure you'recreating the ripples you want.
Welcome to Leadership Rippleswith Leah Fink.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello and welcome to
Leadership Ripples with Leah
Fink.
Today we are talking about thedifficult topic of boundaries
how to hold them, when to holdthem, why they're even important
to you.
Let's dive into MT's story.
I work as a supervisor inretail and oversee a large team.
I have a team member whoexpressed early in their time
(00:53):
with us that they're interestedin advancing their career and
moving into a leadership role assoon as they can.
We have a fair amount ofopportunities for frontline
staff to advance to a shiftsupervisor role once they
understand the frontlineposition well and show some
aptitude for leadership.
She knew that and we wereworking together to advance her
skills to move into thatposition.
Well, a shift supervisorposition opened up and this team
(01:15):
member interviewed and weoffered her the job.
It was only then that shementioned that her personal
situation had changed and shewouldn't be able to take any
evening shifts.
The shift supervisor role isdependent on candidates being
able to work one evening and oneweekend shift per week.
I told her I'd have to thinkabout it and I know she would be
crushed if I took back the joboffer, but it will impact the
(01:37):
rest of my supervisors if shedoesn't take on those shifts.
It is in my power to make thishappen, but I don't know if I
should.
Thank you so much for sharingyour story, mt, and it
definitely sounds like you're ina tough position.
You're looking at the needs ofone staff balanced against the
needs of your team, and on topof that, you have your own
feelings around not wanting tolet someone down that you've
(01:59):
been talking about this with,and we're going to start on the
practical side of boundarysetting and then more look into
boundaries in general in aleadership role and why we hold
them or why we don't.
Let's break this down evenfurther into the idea of her
being in the position, givingher the role or withdrawing the
offer in light of this newinformation that we have.
(02:20):
So if you were to hire thisperson, the very basics is,
there would, of course, be somelogistical things to consider.
I'm assuming that yourworkplace is set up and
organized in a way that thisschedule has generally worked
for you.
I've worked in customer serviceposition with very similar
requirements, as peoplegenerally want to have evenings
and weekends off, and so theycan match up with anyone in
(02:41):
their life who has a more nineto five regular schedule.
Match up with anyone in theirlife who has a more nine to five
regular schedule.
Now, if you're looking toproblem solve, something you can
do is you can ask your othershift supervisors if they like
the current way of schedulingthings.
And this is not a bad thing todo in general every once in a
while, as sometimes schedulesare made like this and then
they're left for a really longtime and maybe they're no longer
serving the needs of the peoplein those roles.
(03:04):
Now, always start thisconversation by saying you might
not change anything.
This is not you opening thefloor that they're just going to
get to decide everything, butyou would like some opinions on
what's been working and what'snot with the schedule.
Maybe they'll say that theylike things the way they are.
It's not ideal, but it workspretty well for everyone.
Maybe they'll ask to shift somesmall parts outside of this
concept even that you have nowrealized might work better for
(03:26):
them.
Or maybe some people will evensay things like I'd actually
prefer to have all weeknights orI'd prefer to have all weekends
.
I have friends who do shiftwork and some of them do prefer
having those different shiftsbecause it means that their
weekdays are free and that givesthem other opportunities.
So maybe you start thisconversation, you get this ideal
outcome where some people say,yeah, I'd rather take evenings,
(03:48):
I'd rather take weekends,everyone else would really love
to move to those regular weekdayshifts, and suddenly that
situation has changed.
Now, of course, the flip sideof this is if one of those
people leaves in the future, younow will probably stick to your
schedule and want to fill anevening or weekend role, which
might be harder or might not.
Also, regardless of this,whatever you do, if you choose
(04:12):
to change a schedule, of coursethat will take time, and just
one thing to consider in theback of your mind is, if you are
choosing to hold on to thisrole for this person as the
schedules change, you areunfortunately limiting the rest
of your staff and not having ashift supervisor for that time.
So just keeping that in theback of your mind.
Now, the second thing you wantto address assuming that all
(04:32):
these logistics are going tomagically work out and you want
to offer the position is theimpact that that's going to have
emotionally on your other teammembers.
The reality is, with a lot ofworkplaces, there's a lot of
gossip, there's people talkingabout other team members and
what's happening in thesituation.
Not all of it's necessarilyunhealthy, but it definitely has
an impact on how people seeeach other and there might
(04:54):
already be, for all you know, astory going around about how
this person is your favoritebecause you've been mentoring
them and getting ready for thisposition and you know they'll
get whatever they want.
I'm not saying there is, butthere's the possibility that
that's happened.
Or even if there was no storyalready, if people know that
shift supervisor schedules usedto be this way they've now
suddenly changed as this newperson come in, that could start
(05:17):
all sorts of assumptions aboutwhat's happening.
So if you get that sense ofunfairness in the office, it can
be a really dangerous thing.
It can be so harmful to moralebecause people see, or they
assume what they're seeing isother people having some sort of
favoritism.
This is in any sort ofsituation, not just in this one.
They assume that there's somesort of special treatment and
(05:38):
then they feel very hurt thatthey don't get that kind of
special treatment.
They might act out in differentways because of that or choose
to leave because of that.
And this is a space where, ifyou have been responsive, if
you've built up these greatrelationships with all the
individuals on your team, thenyou will be in so much of a
better space for this, becausebig decisions like this, like
(05:58):
scheduling, is a huge ask, butthere are so many things that
you can be doing for your teamthroughout the week, throughout
the month, throughout the yearthat will indicate that you have
heard them, that you'relistening to their individual
needs, and there are smallthings you can do to support
that.
Like I said, they don't allhave to be big, like scheduling,
but when people have saidsomething to you and something
small changes, or they receive asmall thing, they feel really
(06:21):
heard and acknowledged andspecial, and that's really what
you want all your team membersto be feeling all the time.
So, that being said, maybeyou've already thought about all
these things, you've consideredthis, you're trying to think
about how you can make thishappen with your staff member,
and it probably is easy to seesome of the benefits of this.
They will be happy, the staffmember will be happy, you'll
maintain a good relationshipwith them because they feel
(06:42):
you've gone to bat for them, andyou'll probably feel good
yourself.
And it's this last part that Inow want to focus on as we shift
more to when you're a leader,why hold boundaries?
What's the benefit, what's thedisadvantage?
And when we really tend toprioritize relationship and
supporting people and caringabout people, it can sometimes
(07:02):
feel even harder to holdboundaries so many people get
worried about if they hold aboundary it'll somehow
negatively impact theirrelationships, and so they'll
often soften or give upboundaries whenever there's any
sort of ask against them.
And, like all behavior that wetalk about on this show, your
decision about boundaries can beon a spectrum.
On one side is being reallyfirm with boundaries.
(07:24):
On one side is being reallyflexible with boundaries.
And MTU coming with a storylike this or question like this
makes me suspect that yourcomfort level is going to be
more on the side of beingflexible with boundaries, that
it might be a little bit harderto hold a fur bag.
I might be wrong, but I'm goingto move forward with that
assumption.
You can correct me later.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
(07:44):
First of all, there's nothingwrong with flexible boundaries
as long as they're being usedconsciously and in the right
situations for them.
The problem is when we mightdefault to something like
flexible boundaries becausethey're more comfortable or
we're not comfortable on theother side holding that firm
boundary, we can get intotrouble.
Maybe tasks don't get completedbut you won't hold people to
them.
Maybe all your staff feel likethey can come to you with big
(08:07):
asks and you'll either burnyourself out trying to help them
or potentially come back so youcan't help them and then that's
causing some conflict ordisappointment.
Or potentially come back, sayyou can't help them and then
that's causing some conflict ordisappointment.
And of course there's theopposite.
If you only ever hold firmboundaries, you might be seen as
not having empathy or being toostrict or rigid.
So again, it's about thismovement on the spectrum.
How comfortable are you andwhen would you use these
(08:29):
different things?
And you can place yourselfeveryone listening right now
place yourself on the spectrumof where you are most
comfortable between firmboundaries and flexible
boundaries, and start to askyourself do I know why I'm
comfortable here?
What makes this space feel good?
What feels uncomfortable aboutmoving to the other side?
What am I worried will happenif I move into a space with
(08:53):
firmer or more flexibleboundaries, whichever the other
side is?
How willing am I to do that?
How would I know if I'm at theright place along the spectrum
when making a specific decisionand ultimately, as a leader,
it's so important to beself-aware of why we're choosing
to act a specific way in aspecific situation.
(09:13):
A lot of leaders unfortunatelytend to be more reactive to
situations instead of choosinghow to respond to them.
They're kind of unconsciouslyled by their emotions and then
they're not responsive in howthey address those specific
people, those specificsituations.
So, mt, as you look at asituation like this, you really
want to be aware of why you'regoing to make this decision to
(09:33):
move forward, hiring this personor to withdraw the job offer,
and if you offer this positionfrom a space of what could be
gained, looking at all thebenefits and the strength
perspective of the team and howeveryone can really really work
together and this would be agood thing moving forward or are
you looking at it more fromthis space of losing a
relationship with your staffmember, even potentially losing
(09:55):
them in the company, because ofcourse, that's a reality.
Maybe, if they're not offeredthe position, they'll not want
to stay with the company and isthere going to be obviously a
bigger impact on the team withthat option as well?
And so you really want toconsider some of these pieces of
.
Am I looking at the team's good?
Am I looking at my ownemotional well-being?
And these are questions, ofcourse, I can't answer for you.
(10:18):
So there are times that you'llneed to start do some reflecting
and, to all the leaders outthere, take a look back over
some of your recent decisions.
How conscious were you of thesethings when you were making
them?
Were you led by emotions at anypoint, especially strong
emotions?
How have you been tracking theimpact that you made, the ripple
(10:42):
effect that came from thatdecision you made?
If you held a boundary recentlyor chose not to hold one, be
more flexible.
How are you feeling about itand what were the actual
outcomes from that?
I think it is so critical forleaders to ensure that their
leadership practice is a reallyreflective one.
Now, the flip side of this andyou want to be careful is if you
find that you spend a lot oftime constantly going over what
happened in your head, goingthrough the day, going, oh God,
(11:03):
I made that decision.
That decision, was that theright thing?
Oh, I held the boundary.
Oh, I didn't hold the boundary,and you're really questioning
every little thing, you aremight be spending a lot of time
reflecting, but it's not helping.
You, might be making youanxious or stressed.
Then what I would recommend isreally start looking at your
reflective practice and maybeyou need to externalize some
parts of it.
And that is maybe you need toseek some more feedback from the
(11:24):
people around you your staffteam, your peers, your
supervisors to understand whatthe impact actually was.
And that's the next step foryou, because once you know what
the impact is, then you havesome real evidence, as it were,
to then address those reflectionquestions.
Oh God, did I make the rightdecision there?
Oh, I talked to my staff team.
They thought that was a prettygood decision, or there were
(11:45):
some things that they would havepreferred.
Now I have that information, Ican edit my reflective practice
and then we can move on.
So finally, mt, if you decidethat holding the boundary is the
best thing in the situation,ensure that you're making space
with the staff member to have adiscussion about it, and we
don't have time to go into allof the things I recommend for
that discussion today.
(12:06):
You can look into some of ourpast episodes where we talk
about things like that, and, ofcourse, we'll be having a
follow-up conversation soon so Ican share some more with you
about how I would go about that.
And, as a reminder to all ourlisteners, if you have a story
you want to share, please do.
We would love to have it and ifyou do that, I will follow up
with a session with you just tosay thank you so much for
(12:26):
sharing and make sure yourquestions are fully answered.
I want to thank you so much forlistening, for learning with me
, for choosing to reflect onyour own leadership, to
constantly be improving,tracking that impact and really
creating the ripples that youwant, and, as we close, remember
to ask yourself what kind ofripples am I going to create
(12:46):
this week?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
We hope you enjoyed
the episode.
Make sure to subscribe, commentand connect with Leah at
meetleahca.