June 15, 2023 • 33 mins
Are you ready to unlock the secrets of developing young leaders in athletics? Join me as I sit down with Monique AJ Smith, a leadership strategist who has built her career on identifying and coaching the next generation of leaders in sports. From her beginnings as a natural-born leader, Monique shares her journey of becoming an athletic director at just 28 years old and how her unique approach to leadership development has helped countless individuals advance their careers in athletics.
In our conversation, we dive deep into Monique's strategies for coaching young leaders, focusing on soft skills and personal leadership styles. Through her podcast, Chat in the Garden, and her executive coaching program, Monique offers valuable resources and insights for those looking to excel in the world of sports. We also discuss the importance of networking and how she assists her clients in finding job opportunities that align with their visions.
The Leadership Strategist and AthleticPreneur ™ Monique A.J. Smith, is a Leadership Strategist that guides Athletics Departments/Sport Organizations and Individuals who wish to advance in Athletics Administration/Sports Management careers through her company, Seeds of Empowerment LLC. Smith, a Sports Management veteran of 30 plus years, is Adjunct Faculty at Hampton University teaching Sports Management Courses. Spring 2023, Monique published her 5th issue of Significance in Athletics and Sports, that features Black Women sharing their ‘Specialized Knowledge’ in the Industry. All issues can be found at www.seedsofempowermentstore.com or Amazon.
She is most known for her 9 seasons as the host of the internationally recognized weekly podcast "A Chat in the Garden with Monique A.J. Smith”, that spotlights Women of Color in Athletics/Sports to her 2.8K Followers.
Smith's time in Collegiate Athletics includes a 13 year tenure as athletic conference executive for the historic Central Intercollegiate Athletic Association (CIAA). She also served in various athletic administrative roles on the campuses of Saint Paul’s College and the University of Maryland Eastern Shore within a ten year period. Smith was a member of the Adjunct Faculty at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia.
With the understanding that knowledge is the key to success, Smith customizes her presentations to provide clients with leadership tools to prepare them to make informed decisions. Monique has dedicated her life to marketing the success of others, developing opportunities for the underrepresented and influencing decision makers to embrace diversity and inclusion. These actions have led to extraordinary opportunities to facilitator change and see strives in the development of others.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, please support us on Patreon.
For more leadership tools, check out the free workbooks at KylaCofer.com/freestuff.
Book Kyla to speak at your event here, or to connect further, reach out to Kyla on LinkedIn and Instagram.
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Episode Transcript
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Kyla Cofer (00:05):
Welcome to the Leadership School Podcast.
I'm your host leadership andself-care coach, Kyla Cofer.
Here at the Leadership School,you'll hear leaders from around
the world sharing their storiesand expertise on how to lead
with balance and integrity.
Our goal Teach you how to be anextraordinary leader.
Welcome back leaders.
(00:32):
I am joined today with MoniqueAJ Smith.
She's a leadership strategist.
What her niche is is guidingathletic departments, sports
organizations and individualswho are really trying to advance
in their careers.
She is known for developingyoung leaders in athletics.
Today in our conversation,we're going to talk about what
(00:54):
that means and what that lookslike for her, how she spots
leaders and how she grows them,and what really does leadership
mean to her?
What does it mean to besuccessful and to have
significance as a leader inathletics?
I'm really grateful for thisconversation.
I know nothing about sports, soit's great to have somebody who
does and to share thatperspective, and I'm just so
(01:16):
thrilled to have her here withme on Leadership School podcast.
Monique, thanks so much forjoining me.
I know you had quite the day atthe last 24 hours, but I'm just
really grateful for you to behere and take the time to join
me on Leadership School.
Thanks for coming, absolutely.
Maybe you could start us off by.
I would love to just hear yourstory.
She has a really amazing storyand I would love to just hear
(01:37):
your process What led you up towhere you are now and what
you're doing these days.
Monique AJ Smith (01:42):
I shared with you.
If we were little girls, likein the third grade, and you came
to do a play date, i would havea list of the board games we're
going to play and in what order.
So I have been a leader sincethe beginning of time, and my
reasoning for that I don't wantus to miss any of the fun.
(02:03):
Okay, and so fast forward.
In high school I was SGApresident and I really just
wanted to right some wrongs andone of them was we lacked school
spirit, and school spiritmostly comes from sport entities
and I happened to be keepingbasketball scores since the
eighth grade, so it all kind ofcame together.
(02:25):
My father was assistantprincipal, so always had to be
an all athletic event, so it wasjust something that I saw and
watched Didn't know what I wasreally watching, but everybody
came together around anexporting event.
So my leadership was around howto build school spirit.
Because I just saw that we justdidn't have that And I'm from a
(02:50):
small town, from one it's onecounty school, but it's
different towns that make up theone county So we were so
separate.
So I hope that kind of explainswhat I mean about being so
separate And so fast forward.
I'm in college, my English youjust said well, you know, you
like to plan things, you like toorganize things, let's tell
(03:12):
stories, and so majoring inpublic relations.
So I went to Hampton University.
I thought I was majoring in PR,but I was majoring in mass
media arts, which was end upbeing doing well, because I
learned newspaper, television,magazine, of course, how to
become a reporter, and then theone class out of PR.
(03:32):
But then I was introduced by acard on a bulletin board that
said PR interns needed Cards onbulletin boards actually worked?
Yes, it was funny, huh.
And so that was my sophomoreyear in college It was January,
in my mind of fact And I signedup.
I was only woman well, onlygirl And I had three guys with
(03:55):
me and we were assigned to pickthe players of the week, coaches
of the week.
And so I was introduced tosports information director,
which is the sports PR personfor athletics.
And again, when you think about,leadership is guiding, okay,
and so in this position, you'reguiding the focus of media, the
(04:20):
crowd and even opponents becauseyou're highlighting star
players.
But again, you're buildingcommunity again.
And so again, that's whatleaders do I like to?
with my clients, i like to sayhelp you lead your ship to your
desired destination.
And I usually do that by askingwho's guiding your ship first.
(04:41):
I want to know what influencesdo you have and how much of your
direction is determined by whatothers think versus what you
know in your gut.
So I help you kind of learnlisten to your gut first,
because if you're going to be aleader up the upfront, you
should be leading for what youbelieve in, that what everybody
else believes in.
So my first job was SID.
(05:02):
I got there for anything.
I could not do my roster untilall the student athletes had
been clear for compliance.
I got tired of waiting.
I said I'm going to forget howto do this myself.
So when you start figuringthings out, people gravitated.
People get things done, not thetitles.
So that's how my leadershippiece in athletics began to grow
(05:24):
.
I ended up being the athleticdirector at 28 years old.
Kyla Cofer (05:29):
That's not common right.
That's pretty unusual Formyself To be an athletic
director at just 28 and to be afemale athletic director Oh, yes
, and this is 1996, yes.
That's still even not commontoday, but in 1996, like that
was a huge accomplishment.
So how did you get to be anathletic director and how did
you move yourself up to that soquickly at such a young age?
(05:51):
It's called default.
Monique AJ Smith (05:54):
I said people gravity to people to get things
done, And so I was a person thatgot things done, when I got the
title or not.
And just so happens, I wasworking the Olympics when I got
the call.
He found me, tracked me down inAtlanta to say you know someone
with your current athleticdirectors leaving?
I said no, I didn't know thatyou know, I've been busy down
here, you know, and he says Iwant you to take the athletic
(06:16):
department, I want you to bethat.
And to my play director And I'mlike huh, I want to
congratulate you.
Kyla Cofer (06:22):
Even though that was a long time ago, I saw that.
Give you a high five.
Monique AJ Smith (06:27):
And so I said, let me think about it.
And so guess what happened thatnight when I was thinking about
it?
Kyla Cofer (06:32):
Hopefully they raised the salary.
Monique AJ Smith (06:34):
Now, we didn't get to.
We didn't get to that point.
The bomb went off at theOlympics.
Kyla Cofer (06:39):
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Monique AJ Smith (06:40):
I forgot about that, and I said it was
traumatic because I was in theparking.
We were on the interstate.
Now we're on state.
We were on, it was like a fourlane road and it was like a
parking lot.
Nothing was moving.
So people were telling us whatwas going on And I'm like did
you see?
you know, we had bad cellphones.
Ok, this is what we had.
So I didn't have any kind of wayof knowing what was really
(07:01):
going down.
And I said you know, life isshort, i'm going to go ahead and
take this position.
Someone sees potential in meand I'm going to take it.
And what things?
I don't know.
I'll learn on the job.
And it's interesting becausemost people, you know, get these
degrees and I believe education, but when what I learned was
under fire.
Now it's interesting because Ijust finished teaching six years
(07:24):
at Hamp University sportsmanagement courses, like three
courses a semester, and now Ican say, from experience to the
book, the steps you supposed totake.
I can marry all that together.
That's 30 years, 30 plus years.
I say 30, 34, 35 yearsexperience of leading athletic
(07:47):
departments, athletic events.
Kyla Cofer (07:50):
So where'd you go after athletic director?
How long were you the athleticdirector there?
Monique AJ Smith (07:54):
Two years And then I went to visual one.
I became a compliance director.
Ok, i'd be honest with you.
I was going through a divorce,so I gave up the coveted
athletic director positionEverybody's like, but you're so
rare And I'm like.
You know what Peace of mind issomething I can't put a price to
, and I'm going to have todepart.
And so I'll be honest with you.
(08:16):
I covered this experience in achapter called a public figure
mass, because it is something tobe a first.
The pressures of being a first.
People just don't don't have anunderstanding, even when I hear
people say so.
And so the first one.
So I have to say a littleprayer that they can deal with
the pressure, because thepressure for a high achiever,
(08:37):
the pressure and depression,come together.
It looks different for a highachiever And I will say I have a
tendency, even today, to gointo action mode, even when
there's something that I shouldprobably stop and just feel.
I try to probably avoid thefeelings And I'm here to tell
you you avoid them.
(08:58):
They're going to hit you smackdab in the face.
You know it's from experience,oh, that's what I'm talking
about, which is why I can reallywork with women leaders and
athletics, because I can see.
Honestly I'll just say youmight want to see a therapist.
There's nothing wrong with you,it's just that you're snapping
about things that is not reallyimportant.
(09:19):
You need to just tell somebodyto talk to the.
That in second of coaching alsoworks for some people because
I'm able to help map that out.
I said that was that was really.
You're not going to believethis.
That was passive, aggressive.
You were upset about somethingelse and you took it out on this
person, and so I'm able to seethat because, again, I've had a
lot of experiences in theseareas.
(09:39):
So 2000, the commissioner forthe CIAA said come on back home
and I went to the CIAA, remainedthere for 13 years, went
there's director of publicrelations, i was promoted to
director of championships anddirector of governance and
essentially a chief of staff,and within those 13 years, what
(10:00):
I enjoyed the most was creatingthe professional development
programs.
Again, it's better to haveleaders than followers, and so
when you can see you talk aboutme being, you know, a rare
situation.
Most of the women that are nowsitting athlete directors came
from either a program I created,or how I facilitated for or or
(10:24):
did they get coaching with,because I have a net we would
find a potential in people andposition them for their next.
Kyla Cofer (10:32):
So what does that look like?
You have this amazing story oflong experience in athletics.
I know not very much aboutsports.
I am not a sports person.
This is why I really getexcited about interviewing
people in athletics, becauseit's a completely new field to
me.
My daughter just took softballand I was like what does that
mean when they, when they'redoing this?
This is a new conversation forme.
So you have this long historyand experience in sports.
(10:53):
So you were developing leadersin sports and athletic directors
and you're noticing people andyou're helping them along the
way.
What did that look like?
I mean, what are you actuallydoing in these roles?
Because when I think of sports,I did not actually realize
there was all of this hierarchy.
I thought like you went tocollege and you played like
basketball and I get some teams,like I just really think and I
(11:14):
knew that there's divisions, butI just didn't know how that all
worked.
So to hear that there'spersonal development programs,
I'm kind of excited about that.
Monique AJ Smith (11:21):
Oh, absolutely , But it's about leadership.
It's all about leadership.
I kind of don't have influenceon coaches because there's a lot
more to it than the exes andthe olds.
You know, I can talk aboutleadership how you lead your
team, how do you communicate,what tools do you use?
I got a lot of tools that Ishare, But mostly what I'm known
(11:42):
for is to see when that coachis ready to become a
administrator.
I'm known for that because Itell people all the time you can
hire somebody to coach like you, but you can't hire anybody to
lead like you.
Kyla Cofer (11:54):
Yeah, you're known, like you said, as the person who
develops those leaders.
So tell me, how are you doingthat, like, how are you seeing
people?
What are the traits and thingsthat you're noticing that this
is a person I need to work withto develop?
That's part one, and then parttwo is what do you do after that
?
What does that development of aleader look like?
Monique AJ Smith (12:13):
Well, most of the time the people kind of
identify themselves as a leader.
So let's just say So.
I may have a person who wantsme to mentor them, but I have a
program.
I have an advanced academywhere we meet every third Sunday
and I bring a topic of either Ior a guest expert.
So I have a guest expert that'sgoing to be on this Sunday And
(12:37):
we're talking about soft skills.
How, if you don't have softskills, how that stops your
advancement.
Because, again, i listen towhen I do executive coaching.
That's another piece ofexecutive coaching that I either
sitting ADs, folks who are inthat, who want to advance to the
next, and a not most of thetime they have not positioned
themselves as an expert.
So then that's why I put mylittle marketing hat, my PR
(12:59):
piece, on what is it that youwant to be known for?
Let me help you package it.
That's how I got the magazinesout.
You can see behind me.
You're paying upon where theyare.
This is how it flows.
So we have podcast listeners.
So the podcast listeners theyget information for free how to
advance their career and athleteadministration.
Kyla Cofer (13:20):
What's the name of your podcast?
Chat in the garden.
Monique AJ Smith (13:23):
Okay, chat in the garden And because when you
think about me and what youthink about growth.
So from there you can either goand want to do executive
coaching, which is we meet every30 days and I help with a
specific area, okay.
But usually the first thing Ido is mindset work, because we
talk about what I told you aboutthe mindset about who's got in
(13:44):
your shift.
So then when opportunities comeand this has happened, i can
remind them oh, find us, wasn'tthe reason why you want to move
to the next?
Oh, you want to be in thisposition because you want to
have autonomy, but that positionis not going to work for you
because that president reallyknows sports, so you really not
going to be running your ownhouse.
So I'm able to look and seethis is what your guiding
(14:05):
principles are and remind them,because when things come about,
you get all excited.
It's a shiny object syndrome.
You got to be careful of that,all right.
So then I have again themembership.
They're also coming up theranks seven weeks here and they
need networking.
They need to be like mindedindividuals, and so there I'm
looking at them, talk to eachother and I'm able to see their
(14:26):
thought process.
So what?
one lady came to me, want toget a coaching job.
I said you know what?
the way you think, you reallythink.
Look at administrative jobs andI want you to apply for this
job and this job.
Kyla Cofer (14:39):
You see what I'm saying.
Okay, so you've got such an inwith the sports like you know
who the people are, you know thenetworks, you know the
different job positions and thatit just makes sense to you.
So it's easy for you to kind oflook at someone and understand
their skill sets, their visionand know where they would be a
good fit and kind of refer andsteer them into places that they
would be successful.
Monique AJ Smith (15:00):
But you keep speaking about the sports and
it's nothing to do with thesports at all.
It's all about their leadership, you know.
Do they only think aboutthemselves?
Do they consider others whenthey are considering the next
direction we should go?
Do they communicate well?
Can they solve problems?
and I will put them inpositions like I have an event
(15:23):
and I'll invite my clients tocome and help me and I'm
watching this Can they rise tothe occasion Because people want
people to do it?
You can take a niche check.
You know, if you got to have aplan and you could execute that,
okay, well, that's not reallythe leader.
That's a follower who followdirection.
But can you create the plan ofaction and then communicate it
(15:44):
with people that you don't evenknow yet?
really And I watched one of myclients do that I said, oh yeah,
and so put them in a positionwhere I can see them shine and
then others can see.
You know, people say, oh yeah,monique, i always got rock stars
.
Nothing to do with sports,really, it just so happens that
this is our niche, but I reallycan't tell you how to hire a
good coach.
I'm going to be watching to seeif they curse the kids out.
(16:06):
There's some kids that likethat motivation, but I don't
even talk about that.
I'm looking at who can befavorite, perform with less
resources, who's creative to beable to?
if we don't have our icemachine, how can you go get ice
for your players?
Again, your advancement has alot to do with how you deal with
(16:29):
a block door.
Is that a block door or is thata door of opportunity?
Kyla Cofer (16:35):
Yeah.
And how do you manage the smallthings?
Yeah, because when you managethe small things and you problem
solve the small things, youhave those skills to problem
solve when things hit the fan orwhen they get bigger.
Monique AJ Smith (16:45):
Yeah.
Kyla Cofer (16:46):
Yeah.
So I started this podcastbecause I wanted to learn and
grow in my leadership journeyand I have been so incredibly
inspired by the guests and theconversations.
So once the interview ends, iactually keep the conversation
going because I have found thatsometimes the richest part of
the conversation is when we feellike the interview is over and
(17:08):
we can just kind of have arelaxed, more casual
conversation.
Also, if you've noticed, ifyou've been following this
podcast for some time, i used toask every guest two questions
What does integrity mean to themand what does balance look like
to them?
Well, I haven't stopped askingthose questions.
We're just putting those overon our Patreon page.
So go check it out atpatreoncom slash leadership
(17:30):
school and for $6.50 a month youcan support this podcast.
It takes a lot to produce everysingle episode and, honestly, I
can use a little bit of support.
So anything that you're able tocontribute would really mean a
lot to me and would be able tohelp me to continue to bring
these high caliber guests in tohave conversations on what does
(17:51):
it look like to be anextraordinary leader and how do
we practically do that.
So those conversations arecontinuing over at patreoncom
slash leadership school whereI'm asking guests some extra
questions, some bonus questions,and you'll get some bonus
content over there.
So be sure to go check it out.
Thanks so much for your supportand thanks so much for
subscribing, listening andsharing this podcast.
(18:13):
It does mean a lot and I'm sohonored to show up here in your
podcast feed.
Okay, so you mentioned coachesand coaching and you mentioned
just now custom at the kids.
How has coaching and coachingleadership changed over the last
30 years?
because I feel like peopledon't coach anymore the way they
(18:34):
were coached, not coaching theway that they were coached back
in 1990 that that whole systemhas changed.
Monique AJ Smith (18:43):
I hope not.
I hope they don't.
Yeah, because you cannot coachthe way you were coached because
kids are different.
Today, if you say you can'teven say you playing like a girl
anymore, you can't even say wegot a football team and assume
is our males.
You got to be ready for thatyoung lady whose parents is oh
(19:04):
no, my daughter would play withyou because where she came from
she played on a tackle team.
So again, you got to be able tobe improvising on how to do
that.
You're too young to know this.
But there was a show called theWhite Shadow that came out in
the 70s and it just so happensthat my cousin played on that
team, was an actor, and that'swhy I was watching it.
Now again, i'm in the third andfourth grade and I'm watching
(19:27):
this drama unfold.
But the lessons learned in that.
So we talked about how to knowhow to adapt.
So there was a learneddisability, a child with special
needs, that the coach in the TVshow had to try to implement in
his PE class.
And then the PE classtransformed into like a game And
(19:48):
at first he did not want to, hewas just the principal said you
got to be because, again backin the 70s it began.
You must integrate learneddisability students in the
mainstream.
In the 70s that was like unheardof, like what?
you messing my flow and you seehow the coach slash teacher has
(20:11):
to evolve and then how theyevolve, how the players evolve
and how he becomes.
It comes in an inclusivesituation.
So this was a 1970 show.
It still happens today.
You know we have a transgender.
All right, you may not haveever seen it before, but it's on
your campus now.
How are you going to adapt?
(20:32):
Can't have your hand in thesand.
Kyla Cofer (20:34):
You have to be ready to take leadership in that
situation, and you're going tohave, and they become political.
Right, the conversations becomepolitical, and so not only are
you having to manage I'm dealingwith the actual coaching
someone to meet their goals orto be on a team but now I'm
having to deal with everybody'sopinions about how I do it and
everybody's opinions aboutwhether or not I should, and all
(20:56):
this situation.
And so it's not just one thingthat coach or someone in
athletic leadership is trying tomanage.
It's a lot of different movingpieces.
Monique AJ Smith (21:04):
Exactly, And so we need to make sure we're in
a good head space.
Speaking about political,everything is political, But
what do you do Instead of beingin the water cooler?
oh, this is not right.
You spend your time buildingrelationships so that you'll
have the right person, the rightcard to win the issues at hand.
Kyla Cofer (21:24):
So, Monique, you've kind of moved from being in
official athletic positions likeworking for organizations, and
now you're kind of doing yourown thing.
You've got your podcast chat inthe garden.
What's the name of your companythat you're doing now?
Monique AJ Smith (21:35):
My company is called Seeds and Empowerment.
Kyla Cofer (21:37):
Okay, and tell me about all the little parts of
that.
Monique AJ Smith (21:40):
Well, I've been full time for about 10
years but I began doing titlenine audits for our universities
.
I was always a consultant,because I was doing this for the
conference office and thenother conferences was like hey,
can you do a women's program forus or help us grow our women
leaders within our athleticdepartment?
(22:01):
And I was like sure, and then Iwould give them the tools about
title nine and it just began.
Here's the point.
Can you imaginebeing the point person to bring
the unpleasantness of you're notspending money right for women,
okay, do you think you getclosed doors?
So I reversed it.
I said, okay, what you're goingto do is find out where the
(22:24):
money is being spent in theathletic department And then
you're going to take theinformation and make a
presentation to the financialpeople within the university and
athletics And then raise yourprofile and then you'll know
where the money is.
I mean, it is nine times out often.
That's how these women becameathletic directly, because they
(22:44):
became person to find costsavings, you see.
So they figured out how tosolve the problems.
Right, and so, instead of sayingwhy you're not spending money
on women you go find okay, willyou see this right here?
This right here is a violation.
But if we do blank, blank,blank blank we'll be great,
awesome.
Kyla Cofer (23:01):
So, yeah, finding a way to like be the person to
going above, going out of yourway, to start looking for things
like that, solving thoseproblems, and then bringing them
to people and saying, look,I've solved your problem for you
, the problem you didn't evenknow you had Be the answer Yeah,
and I say anything in thisreport I'm speaking of.
Monique AJ Smith (23:19):
No one ever wanted to do it.
I said I'm going to teach youhow to do it And then you're
going to be the go to person Andthen you're going to be the
answer.
When you saw that one, then wesay can you do fix this?
How about this?
Even with my executive clientsright now, i said show me you
should teach your plan and I'mgoing to help you make
checkmarks.
You know how are we going toget these things done?
(23:41):
If you don't have one, i'mgoing to help you create one.
So and these are things thatpresidents look at So when you
say we need to do blank andblank and they say does it match
it?
Is it part of your strategicplan?
Your athletic department shouldteach your plan, should be a
underneath the umbrella of theuniversity.
Should teach your plan.
(24:01):
And so then when you have thesethings you're trying to get
done, they can't, they go.
Oh, when you check your box, ican check my box, but when you
go out here and say, well, weshould be doing so and so,
because so and so is doing it,then again you're not being a
leader here, you're being afollower of somebody else is
doing So like kind of just beingthe one to make the effort.
Take the initiative.
(24:23):
That's what people want.
You want to be a leader.
You got to be the one and takethe initiative, yeah absolutely,
absolutely, monique.
Kyla Cofer (24:31):
I'd love to hear about some of the advice that
you've received along the way.
Monique AJ Smith (24:34):
You know you started off really young.
Kyla Cofer (24:36):
What's maybe one of the best pieces of advice that
you've received.
Monique AJ Smith (24:39):
Oh girl, the one that I had to learn the hard
way was to pick your battles,and I'm seeing that with my
young folks.
This whole thing about beingauthentic, and oh no, i'm going
to be me.
Okay, i have a magazine calledsignificant athletics and sports
and I'm getting ready topublish the sixth issue in
(25:02):
August.
It comes to a year and one ofthe ladies in the first magazine
she talked about emotionalintelligence and she said again,
she's fairly young athletedirector but a winning athlete
director, division three,getting it done.
And so I thought I asked heryou know she's new wave, you
know being authentic self, andshe says they don't need to get
(25:24):
all of you all at one time.
Her name is Dr Angel, dr AngelMason, out of a division three
school in Atlanta area.
But that's what she said.
Because I want to give hercredit, but I claim it Just to
be authentic.
Doesn't that mean everybody canget all of you all at one time,
overwhelm them?
You need to be able to get themto know you and trust you And
(25:47):
then you can bring all of you.
No one's going to even payattention with all of you means,
and so to me that goes withpick your battles because I'm
like I was really I mean againbeing very young, 22 years old,
only female I was really strictabout how I let people address
me And if you were a male andyou said baby to me, oh, it was
(26:11):
like war.
And then I was blessed to havea female athletic director.
That was my boss before Ibecame So.
I actually saw how shenavigated, being around men and
got their respect.
That's what I was alwayslooking for.
How do you get men to respectyou?
And what I've learned is yougot to come with a knowledge
(26:31):
base, something that they don'tknow about, and that's how
things I just told you aboutTitle IX.
You know how the NCAA is aboutto do something and position
ourselves to be able to get thatsome of that money.
So with me she was like okay,you want to make sure you want
to knock people out because youcall your baby.
She says what are big housegames?
(26:52):
The legendary big house gamecalls your baby because he can't
remember your name.
You gonna curse him out too.
I said I see your point.
He might have called me gal.
Come here, gal.
Did he ever call you baby?
Well, i'm talking about thisman is up there with Dean Smith.
I mean just the fact that hecalled me anything.
(27:13):
I just feel so honored that Iwas in his presence, And so even
he called me gal.
I don't have to act like a gal.
I carried myself in a certainway.
Kyla Cofer (27:23):
Well, we get to determine how people are going
to respond to us and respect usand how we show up for something
, always, 100% of the time.
So, even if someone calls yousomething that you don't
appreciate, we get to decide howwe're going to respond to that.
So then we're still in controlin that moment And we get to
decide how we're going to reactand who we're going to be.
So we're going to continue tobe a person where they just call
(27:46):
us by whatever random name, orwe're going to get to be the
show up so that they know whatour name is.
And we get to always, 100% ofthe time.
no matter who you are, youalways have the power over
yourself and your own controland your own actions and the way
that you show up.
And so, when you're talkingabout in these situations, you
were just grateful to be in hispresence And I, like, i think he
was lucky to be in yours, right.
Monique AJ Smith (28:10):
Well, i'll give you a look again.
Big House games.
Now his daughter and I are theclosest of family friends to
this day.
Yeah, i mean, it just depends.
I'm really because now I'm 55and almost everybody's younger
And so I get called Miss Monique, miss Smith, things of that
nature I do, correct if you callme Monique.
Kyla Cofer (28:33):
See, but now you can tell people that and then we'll
respect that, of course,correct?
Yes, yes, they'll respect thatvery, very quickly.
Monique, i really appreciateyour wisdom and your experience
and you just sharing your lifestory and the way that you see
leadership, because I thinkthat's so important.
We so often ask that questionlike, am I really a leader?
(28:53):
And you said you bring peoplecome to you and they say they
want to grow in their leadership.
But sometimes we I know formyself and I've seen this happen
so many times where people gowell, but I'm not really a
leader.
But we all are, and we can showleadership by doing things, by
taking action, by taking thatinitiative, as you said, and
(29:14):
that's what makes you a leader.
It's a well, do you want to bea leader?
If you want that position, ifyou want to be called a leader,
then show up.
Show up in a way that makes youa leader And that's what makes
you a leader.
Monique AJ Smith (29:24):
Well, you know it's funny you say that because
I have a lot of disgruntledpeople Like I never get the
promotion.
So what's not paying attention?
I'm ignored And I say we havegot to get better, because if
you seek to be better, you getover the bitterness.
But if you control thebitterness you're not going to
(29:45):
get better.
So let's make a decision.
How are we going to get better?
Nowthe key is when you get better,
that's when you expose others towhat better you got, and the
exposure equals elevation.
And so that's one.
And number two is gotta be selfaffirmation instead of external
(30:08):
affirmation.
You got to know you did a goodjob.
So that means you got to haveyour own measuring stick.
And so when that happens, okay,that's the peanut gallery
talking, don't even know what tolook for.
That was good.
So with me I go like okay, this, this, this happened.
Then I'm okay with it.
Now I'm going to be betterbecause I'm going to learn from
(30:29):
my situation, so I can be okaywith that.
So, depending upon what type ofjob you have, when I was at SID
I learned don't look for the AD, tell me good job.
The media person a good job.
The coach, you're telling me agood job And if I saw that kid's
face light up because theirname was in the paper that they
made all conference, you followme.
(30:51):
They had a hometown paper ranmy story and they never had that
story in there.
Kyla Cofer (30:59):
I was good Because you had your own measurement for
success.
You knew what success meant toyou.
Monique AJ Smith (31:04):
Well, that's another thing.
I don't seek success, iI seeksignificance.
What's the difference in that?
to you, success is defined bysociety.
It's defined by me.
What do I want to leave?
What is the legacy I want to beable to leave?
Here's the thing.
Success people are looking forlike immediately or maybe in a
(31:25):
year, but significance youreally won't see until whatever
you're planning takes root.
If taking root, it's nothappening immediately.
Kyla Cofer (31:32):
Yeah, like your garden.
I love your garden analogies.
It's great.
Yes, absolutely, monique.
I just have one last questionfor you.
What, if anything, would youlike our audience if they wanted
to take something away?
what's the one thing you wantto make sure that they've heard
today?
Monique AJ Smith (31:45):
Well, because this is about leadership.
Okay, and you said, people sayI'm not a leader.
Well, you're leading just bybeing.
There's someone watching youall the time.
So you have to be real cautiousof where you're leading them.
Are you leading them to begrowth mindset or a fixed
mindset?
Fixed mindset is what everybodyelse thinks that things should
(32:07):
be.
Growth mindset is what could be.
Which one do you want to be?
I would like to invite peopleto come to my store called
seasonempowermentstorecom And sothat you can either check out
that, if you like athletics andtalk about leadership, that you
can come and check that out.
(32:27):
My magazine is out Women inleadership.
That's what it's all about.
Kyla Cofer (32:33):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much.
I really am grateful for yourtime And it's just it's so fun.
I really love talking to peoplewho have these extensive
careers because you have so muchexperience and wisdom that
comes with the lessons.
It's not just the tools thatyou have, it's all the stories
that you can bring with you, andso I just really appreciate you
(32:55):
sharing those and for beinghere on the podcast with me
today.
Thank you, thank you, Awesome.
Thank you, monique.
Hey, thank you so much forlistening.
If you've liked what you heardand you want some more tools and
resources to help you on yourjourney, go check out
KylaCovercom forward slash freestuff.
Welcome to the Leadership School Podcast.
I'm your host leadership andself-care coach, Kyla Cofer.
Here at the Leadership School,you'll hear leaders from around
the world sharing their storiesand expertise on how to lead
with balance and integrity.
Our goal Teach you how to be anextraordinary leader.
Welcome back leaders.
(00:32):
I am joined today with MoniqueAJ Smith.
She's a leadership strategist.
What her niche is is guidingathletic departments, sports
organizations and individualswho are really trying to advance
in their careers.
She is known for developingyoung leaders in athletics.
Today in our conversation,we're going to talk about what
(00:54):
that means and what that lookslike for her, how she spots
leaders and how she grows them,and what really does leadership
mean to her?
What does it mean to besuccessful and to have
significance as a leader inathletics?
I'm really grateful for thisconversation.
I know nothing about sports, soit's great to have somebody who
does and to share thatperspective, and I'm just so
(01:16):
thrilled to have her here withme on Leadership School podcast.
Monique, thanks so much forjoining me.
I know you had quite the day atthe last 24 hours, but I'm just
really grateful for you to behere and take the time to join
me on Leadership School.
Thanks for coming, absolutely.
Maybe you could start us off by.
I would love to just hear yourstory.
She has a really amazing storyand I would love to just hear
(01:37):
your process What led you up towhere you are now and what
you're doing these days.
Monique AJ Smith (01:42):
I shared with you.
If we were little girls, likein the third grade, and you came
to do a play date, i would havea list of the board games we're
going to play and in what order.
So I have been a leader sincethe beginning of time, and my
reasoning for that I don't wantus to miss any of the fun.
(02:03):
Okay, and so fast forward.
In high school I was SGApresident and I really just
wanted to right some wrongs andone of them was we lacked school
spirit, and school spiritmostly comes from sport entities
and I happened to be keepingbasketball scores since the
eighth grade, so it all kind ofcame together.
(02:25):
My father was assistantprincipal, so always had to be
an all athletic event, so it wasjust something that I saw and
watched Didn't know what I wasreally watching, but everybody
came together around anexporting event.
So my leadership was around howto build school spirit.
Because I just saw that we justdidn't have that And I'm from a
(02:50):
small town, from one it's onecounty school, but it's
different towns that make up theone county So we were so
separate.
So I hope that kind of explainswhat I mean about being so
separate And so fast forward.
I'm in college, my English youjust said well, you know, you
like to plan things, you like toorganize things, let's tell
(03:12):
stories, and so majoring inpublic relations.
So I went to Hampton University.
I thought I was majoring in PR,but I was majoring in mass
media arts, which was end upbeing doing well, because I
learned newspaper, television,magazine, of course, how to
become a reporter, and then theone class out of PR.
(03:32):
But then I was introduced by acard on a bulletin board that
said PR interns needed Cards onbulletin boards actually worked?
Yes, it was funny, huh.
And so that was my sophomoreyear in college It was January,
in my mind of fact And I signedup.
I was only woman well, onlygirl And I had three guys with
(03:55):
me and we were assigned to pickthe players of the week, coaches
of the week.
And so I was introduced tosports information director,
which is the sports PR personfor athletics.
And again, when you think about,leadership is guiding, okay,
and so in this position, you'reguiding the focus of media, the
(04:20):
crowd and even opponents becauseyou're highlighting star
players.
But again, you're buildingcommunity again.
And so again, that's whatleaders do I like to?
with my clients, i like to sayhelp you lead your ship to your
desired destination.
And I usually do that by askingwho's guiding your ship first.
(04:41):
I want to know what influencesdo you have and how much of your
direction is determined by whatothers think versus what you
know in your gut.
So I help you kind of learnlisten to your gut first,
because if you're going to be aleader up the upfront, you
should be leading for what youbelieve in, that what everybody
else believes in.
So my first job was SID.
(05:02):
I got there for anything.
I could not do my roster untilall the student athletes had
been clear for compliance.
I got tired of waiting.
I said I'm going to forget howto do this myself.
So when you start figuringthings out, people gravitated.
People get things done, not thetitles.
So that's how my leadershippiece in athletics began to grow
(05:24):
.
I ended up being the athleticdirector at 28 years old.
Kyla Cofer (05:29):
That's not common right.
That's pretty unusual Formyself To be an athletic
director at just 28 and to be afemale athletic director Oh, yes
, and this is 1996, yes.
That's still even not commontoday, but in 1996, like that
was a huge accomplishment.
So how did you get to be anathletic director and how did
you move yourself up to that soquickly at such a young age?
(05:51):
It's called default.
Monique AJ Smith (05:54):
I said people gravity to people to get things
done, And so I was a person thatgot things done, when I got the
title or not.
And just so happens, I wasworking the Olympics when I got
the call.
He found me, tracked me down inAtlanta to say you know someone
with your current athleticdirectors leaving?
I said no, I didn't know thatyou know, I've been busy down
here, you know, and he says Iwant you to take the athletic
(06:16):
department, I want you to bethat.
And to my play director And I'mlike huh, I want to
congratulate you.
Kyla Cofer (06:22):
Even though that was a long time ago, I saw that.
Give you a high five.
Monique AJ Smith (06:27):
And so I said, let me think about it.
And so guess what happened thatnight when I was thinking about
it?
Kyla Cofer (06:32):
Hopefully they raised the salary.
Monique AJ Smith (06:34):
Now, we didn't get to.
We didn't get to that point.
The bomb went off at theOlympics.
Kyla Cofer (06:39):
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Monique AJ Smith (06:40):
I forgot about that, and I said it was
traumatic because I was in theparking.
We were on the interstate.
Now we're on state.
We were on, it was like a fourlane road and it was like a
parking lot.
Nothing was moving.
So people were telling us whatwas going on And I'm like did
you see?
you know, we had bad cellphones.
Ok, this is what we had.
So I didn't have any kind of wayof knowing what was really
(07:01):
going down.
And I said you know, life isshort, i'm going to go ahead and
take this position.
Someone sees potential in meand I'm going to take it.
And what things?
I don't know.
I'll learn on the job.
And it's interesting becausemost people, you know, get these
degrees and I believe education, but when what I learned was
under fire.
Now it's interesting because Ijust finished teaching six years
(07:24):
at Hamp University sportsmanagement courses, like three
courses a semester, and now Ican say, from experience to the
book, the steps you supposed totake.
I can marry all that together.
That's 30 years, 30 plus years.
I say 30, 34, 35 yearsexperience of leading athletic
(07:47):
departments, athletic events.
Kyla Cofer (07:50):
So where'd you go after athletic director?
How long were you the athleticdirector there?
Monique AJ Smith (07:54):
Two years And then I went to visual one.
I became a compliance director.
Ok, i'd be honest with you.
I was going through a divorce,so I gave up the coveted
athletic director positionEverybody's like, but you're so
rare And I'm like.
You know what Peace of mind issomething I can't put a price to
, and I'm going to have todepart.
And so I'll be honest with you.
(08:16):
I covered this experience in achapter called a public figure
mass, because it is something tobe a first.
The pressures of being a first.
People just don't don't have anunderstanding, even when I hear
people say so.
And so the first one.
So I have to say a littleprayer that they can deal with
the pressure, because thepressure for a high achiever,
(08:37):
the pressure and depression,come together.
It looks different for a highachiever And I will say I have a
tendency, even today, to gointo action mode, even when
there's something that I shouldprobably stop and just feel.
I try to probably avoid thefeelings And I'm here to tell
you you avoid them.
(08:58):
They're going to hit you smackdab in the face.
You know it's from experience,oh, that's what I'm talking
about, which is why I can reallywork with women leaders and
athletics, because I can see.
Honestly I'll just say youmight want to see a therapist.
There's nothing wrong with you,it's just that you're snapping
about things that is not reallyimportant.
(09:19):
You need to just tell somebodyto talk to the.
That in second of coaching alsoworks for some people because
I'm able to help map that out.
I said that was that was really.
You're not going to believethis.
That was passive, aggressive.
You were upset about somethingelse and you took it out on this
person, and so I'm able to seethat because, again, I've had a
lot of experiences in theseareas.
(09:39):
So 2000, the commissioner forthe CIAA said come on back home
and I went to the CIAA, remainedthere for 13 years, went
there's director of publicrelations, i was promoted to
director of championships anddirector of governance and
essentially a chief of staff,and within those 13 years, what
(10:00):
I enjoyed the most was creatingthe professional development
programs.
Again, it's better to haveleaders than followers, and so
when you can see you talk aboutme being, you know, a rare
situation.
Most of the women that are nowsitting athlete directors came
from either a program I created,or how I facilitated for or or
(10:24):
did they get coaching with,because I have a net we would
find a potential in people andposition them for their next.
Kyla Cofer (10:32):
So what does that look like?
You have this amazing story oflong experience in athletics.
I know not very much aboutsports.
I am not a sports person.
This is why I really getexcited about interviewing
people in athletics, becauseit's a completely new field to
me.
My daughter just took softballand I was like what does that
mean when they, when they'redoing this?
This is a new conversation forme.
So you have this long historyand experience in sports.
(10:53):
So you were developing leadersin sports and athletic directors
and you're noticing people andyou're helping them along the
way.
What did that look like?
I mean, what are you actuallydoing in these roles?
Because when I think of sports,I did not actually realize
there was all of this hierarchy.
I thought like you went tocollege and you played like
basketball and I get some teams,like I just really think and I
(11:14):
knew that there's divisions, butI just didn't know how that all
worked.
So to hear that there'spersonal development programs,
I'm kind of excited about that.
Monique AJ Smith (11:21):
Oh, absolutely , But it's about leadership.
It's all about leadership.
I kind of don't have influenceon coaches because there's a lot
more to it than the exes andthe olds.
You know, I can talk aboutleadership how you lead your
team, how do you communicate,what tools do you use?
I got a lot of tools that Ishare, But mostly what I'm known
(11:42):
for is to see when that coachis ready to become a
administrator.
I'm known for that because Itell people all the time you can
hire somebody to coach like you, but you can't hire anybody to
lead like you.
Kyla Cofer (11:54):
Yeah, you're known, like you said, as the person who
develops those leaders.
So tell me, how are you doingthat, like, how are you seeing
people?
What are the traits and thingsthat you're noticing that this
is a person I need to work withto develop?
That's part one, and then parttwo is what do you do after that
?
What does that development of aleader look like?
Monique AJ Smith (12:13):
Well, most of the time the people kind of
identify themselves as a leader.
So let's just say So.
I may have a person who wantsme to mentor them, but I have a
program.
I have an advanced academywhere we meet every third Sunday
and I bring a topic of either Ior a guest expert.
So I have a guest expert that'sgoing to be on this Sunday And
(12:37):
we're talking about soft skills.
How, if you don't have softskills, how that stops your
advancement.
Because, again, i listen towhen I do executive coaching.
That's another piece ofexecutive coaching that I either
sitting ADs, folks who are inthat, who want to advance to the
next, and a not most of thetime they have not positioned
themselves as an expert.
So then that's why I put mylittle marketing hat, my PR
(12:59):
piece, on what is it that youwant to be known for?
Let me help you package it.
That's how I got the magazinesout.
You can see behind me.
You're paying upon where theyare.
This is how it flows.
So we have podcast listeners.
So the podcast listeners theyget information for free how to
advance their career and athleteadministration.
Kyla Cofer (13:20):
What's the name of your podcast?
Chat in the garden.
Monique AJ Smith (13:23):
Okay, chat in the garden And because when you
think about me and what youthink about growth.
So from there you can either goand want to do executive
coaching, which is we meet every30 days and I help with a
specific area, okay.
But usually the first thing Ido is mindset work, because we
talk about what I told you aboutthe mindset about who's got in
(13:44):
your shift.
So then when opportunities comeand this has happened, i can
remind them oh, find us, wasn'tthe reason why you want to move
to the next?
Oh, you want to be in thisposition because you want to
have autonomy, but that positionis not going to work for you
because that president reallyknows sports, so you really not
going to be running your ownhouse.
So I'm able to look and seethis is what your guiding
(14:05):
principles are and remind them,because when things come about,
you get all excited.
It's a shiny object syndrome.
You got to be careful of that,all right.
So then I have again themembership.
They're also coming up theranks seven weeks here and they
need networking.
They need to be like mindedindividuals, and so there I'm
looking at them, talk to eachother and I'm able to see their
(14:26):
thought process.
So what?
one lady came to me, want toget a coaching job.
I said you know what?
the way you think, you reallythink.
Look at administrative jobs andI want you to apply for this
job and this job.
Kyla Cofer (14:39):
You see what I'm saying.
Okay, so you've got such an inwith the sports like you know
who the people are, you know thenetworks, you know the
different job positions and thatit just makes sense to you.
So it's easy for you to kind oflook at someone and understand
their skill sets, their visionand know where they would be a
good fit and kind of refer andsteer them into places that they
would be successful.
Monique AJ Smith (15:00):
But you keep speaking about the sports and
it's nothing to do with thesports at all.
It's all about their leadership, you know.
Do they only think aboutthemselves?
Do they consider others whenthey are considering the next
direction we should go?
Do they communicate well?
Can they solve problems?
and I will put them inpositions like I have an event
(15:23):
and I'll invite my clients tocome and help me and I'm
watching this Can they rise tothe occasion Because people want
people to do it?
You can take a niche check.
You know, if you got to have aplan and you could execute that,
okay, well, that's not reallythe leader.
That's a follower who followdirection.
But can you create the plan ofaction and then communicate it
(15:44):
with people that you don't evenknow yet?
really And I watched one of myclients do that I said, oh yeah,
and so put them in a positionwhere I can see them shine and
then others can see.
You know, people say, oh yeah,monique, i always got rock stars
.
Nothing to do with sports,really, it just so happens that
this is our niche, but I reallycan't tell you how to hire a
good coach.
I'm going to be watching to seeif they curse the kids out.
(16:06):
There's some kids that likethat motivation, but I don't
even talk about that.
I'm looking at who can befavorite, perform with less
resources, who's creative to beable to?
if we don't have our icemachine, how can you go get ice
for your players?
Again, your advancement has alot to do with how you deal with
(16:29):
a block door.
Is that a block door or is thata door of opportunity?
Kyla Cofer (16:35):
Yeah.
And how do you manage the smallthings?
Yeah, because when you managethe small things and you problem
solve the small things, youhave those skills to problem
solve when things hit the fan orwhen they get bigger.
Monique AJ Smith (16:45):
Yeah.
Kyla Cofer (16:46):
Yeah.
So I started this podcastbecause I wanted to learn and
grow in my leadership journeyand I have been so incredibly
inspired by the guests and theconversations.
So once the interview ends, iactually keep the conversation
going because I have found thatsometimes the richest part of
the conversation is when we feellike the interview is over and
(17:08):
we can just kind of have arelaxed, more casual
conversation.
Also, if you've noticed, ifyou've been following this
podcast for some time, i used toask every guest two questions
What does integrity mean to themand what does balance look like
to them?
Well, I haven't stopped askingthose questions.
We're just putting those overon our Patreon page.
So go check it out atpatreoncom slash leadership
(17:30):
school and for $6.50 a month youcan support this podcast.
It takes a lot to produce everysingle episode and, honestly, I
can use a little bit of support.
So anything that you're able tocontribute would really mean a
lot to me and would be able tohelp me to continue to bring
these high caliber guests in tohave conversations on what does
(17:51):
it look like to be anextraordinary leader and how do
we practically do that.
So those conversations arecontinuing over at patreoncom
slash leadership school whereI'm asking guests some extra
questions, some bonus questions,and you'll get some bonus
content over there.
So be sure to go check it out.
Thanks so much for your supportand thanks so much for
subscribing, listening andsharing this podcast.
(18:13):
It does mean a lot and I'm sohonored to show up here in your
podcast feed.
Okay, so you mentioned coachesand coaching and you mentioned
just now custom at the kids.
How has coaching and coachingleadership changed over the last
30 years?
because I feel like peopledon't coach anymore the way they
(18:34):
were coached, not coaching theway that they were coached back
in 1990 that that whole systemhas changed.
Monique AJ Smith (18:43):
I hope not.
I hope they don't.
Yeah, because you cannot coachthe way you were coached because
kids are different.
Today, if you say you can'teven say you playing like a girl
anymore, you can't even say wegot a football team and assume
is our males.
You got to be ready for thatyoung lady whose parents is oh
(19:04):
no, my daughter would play withyou because where she came from
she played on a tackle team.
So again, you got to be able tobe improvising on how to do
that.
You're too young to know this.
But there was a show called theWhite Shadow that came out in
the 70s and it just so happensthat my cousin played on that
team, was an actor, and that'swhy I was watching it.
Now again, i'm in the third andfourth grade and I'm watching
(19:27):
this drama unfold.
But the lessons learned in that.
So we talked about how to knowhow to adapt.
So there was a learneddisability, a child with special
needs, that the coach in the TVshow had to try to implement in
his PE class.
And then the PE classtransformed into like a game And
(19:48):
at first he did not want to, hewas just the principal said you
got to be because, again backin the 70s it began.
You must integrate learneddisability students in the
mainstream.
In the 70s that was like unheardof, like what?
you messing my flow and you seehow the coach slash teacher has
(20:11):
to evolve and then how theyevolve, how the players evolve
and how he becomes.
It comes in an inclusivesituation.
So this was a 1970 show.
It still happens today.
You know we have a transgender.
All right, you may not haveever seen it before, but it's on
your campus now.
How are you going to adapt?
(20:32):
Can't have your hand in thesand.
Kyla Cofer (20:34):
You have to be ready to take leadership in that
situation, and you're going tohave, and they become political.
Right, the conversations becomepolitical, and so not only are
you having to manage I'm dealingwith the actual coaching
someone to meet their goals orto be on a team but now I'm
having to deal with everybody'sopinions about how I do it and
everybody's opinions aboutwhether or not I should, and all
(20:56):
this situation.
And so it's not just one thingthat coach or someone in
athletic leadership is trying tomanage.
It's a lot of different movingpieces.
Monique AJ Smith (21:04):
Exactly, And so we need to make sure we're in
a good head space.
Speaking about political,everything is political, But
what do you do Instead of beingin the water cooler?
oh, this is not right.
You spend your time buildingrelationships so that you'll
have the right person, the rightcard to win the issues at hand.
Kyla Cofer (21:24):
So, Monique, you've kind of moved from being in
official athletic positions likeworking for organizations, and
now you're kind of doing yourown thing.
You've got your podcast chat inthe garden.
What's the name of your companythat you're doing now?
Monique AJ Smith (21:35):
My company is called Seeds and Empowerment.
Kyla Cofer (21:37):
Okay, and tell me about all the little parts of
that.
Monique AJ Smith (21:40):
Well, I've been full time for about 10
years but I began doing titlenine audits for our universities
.
I was always a consultant,because I was doing this for the
conference office and thenother conferences was like hey,
can you do a women's program forus or help us grow our women
leaders within our athleticdepartment?
(22:01):
And I was like sure, and then Iwould give them the tools about
title nine and it just began.
Here's the point.
Can you imaginebeing the point person to bring
the unpleasantness of you're notspending money right for women,
okay, do you think you getclosed doors?
So I reversed it.
I said, okay, what you're goingto do is find out where the
(22:24):
money is being spent in theathletic department And then
you're going to take theinformation and make a
presentation to the financialpeople within the university and
athletics And then raise yourprofile and then you'll know
where the money is.
I mean, it is nine times out often.
That's how these women becameathletic directly, because they
(22:44):
became person to find costsavings, you see.
So they figured out how tosolve the problems.
Right, and so, instead of sayingwhy you're not spending money
on women you go find okay, willyou see this right here?
This right here is a violation.
But if we do blank, blank,blank blank we'll be great,
awesome.
Kyla Cofer (23:01):
So, yeah, finding a way to like be the person to
going above, going out of yourway, to start looking for things
like that, solving thoseproblems, and then bringing them
to people and saying, look,I've solved your problem for you
, the problem you didn't evenknow you had Be the answer Yeah,
and I say anything in thisreport I'm speaking of.
Monique AJ Smith (23:19):
No one ever wanted to do it.
I said I'm going to teach youhow to do it And then you're
going to be the go to person Andthen you're going to be the
answer.
When you saw that one, then wesay can you do fix this?
How about this?
Even with my executive clientsright now, i said show me you
should teach your plan and I'mgoing to help you make
checkmarks.
You know how are we going toget these things done?
(23:41):
If you don't have one, i'mgoing to help you create one.
So and these are things thatpresidents look at So when you
say we need to do blank andblank and they say does it match
it?
Is it part of your strategicplan?
Your athletic department shouldteach your plan, should be a
underneath the umbrella of theuniversity.
Should teach your plan.
(24:01):
And so then when you have thesethings you're trying to get
done, they can't, they go.
Oh, when you check your box, ican check my box, but when you
go out here and say, well, weshould be doing so and so,
because so and so is doing it,then again you're not being a
leader here, you're being afollower of somebody else is
doing So like kind of just beingthe one to make the effort.
Take the initiative.
(24:23):
That's what people want.
You want to be a leader.
You got to be the one and takethe initiative, yeah absolutely,
absolutely, monique.
Kyla Cofer (24:31):
I'd love to hear about some of the advice that
you've received along the way.
Monique AJ Smith (24:34):
You know you started off really young.
Kyla Cofer (24:36):
What's maybe one of the best pieces of advice that
you've received.
Monique AJ Smith (24:39):
Oh girl, the one that I had to learn the hard
way was to pick your battles,and I'm seeing that with my
young folks.
This whole thing about beingauthentic, and oh no, i'm going
to be me.
Okay, i have a magazine calledsignificant athletics and sports
and I'm getting ready topublish the sixth issue in
(25:02):
August.
It comes to a year and one ofthe ladies in the first magazine
she talked about emotionalintelligence and she said again,
she's fairly young athletedirector but a winning athlete
director, division three,getting it done.
And so I thought I asked heryou know she's new wave, you
know being authentic self, andshe says they don't need to get
(25:24):
all of you all at one time.
Her name is Dr Angel, dr AngelMason, out of a division three
school in Atlanta area.
But that's what she said.
Because I want to give hercredit, but I claim it Just to
be authentic.
Doesn't that mean everybody canget all of you all at one time,
overwhelm them?
You need to be able to get themto know you and trust you And
(25:47):
then you can bring all of you.
No one's going to even payattention with all of you means,
and so to me that goes withpick your battles because I'm
like I was really I mean againbeing very young, 22 years old,
only female I was really strictabout how I let people address
me And if you were a male andyou said baby to me, oh, it was
(26:11):
like war.
And then I was blessed to havea female athletic director.
That was my boss before Ibecame So.
I actually saw how shenavigated, being around men and
got their respect.
That's what I was alwayslooking for.
How do you get men to respectyou?
And what I've learned is yougot to come with a knowledge
(26:31):
base, something that they don'tknow about, and that's how
things I just told you aboutTitle IX.
You know how the NCAA is aboutto do something and position
ourselves to be able to get thatsome of that money.
So with me she was like okay,you want to make sure you want
to knock people out because youcall your baby.
She says what are big housegames?
(26:52):
The legendary big house gamecalls your baby because he can't
remember your name.
You gonna curse him out too.
I said I see your point.
He might have called me gal.
Come here, gal.
Did he ever call you baby?
Well, i'm talking about thisman is up there with Dean Smith.
I mean just the fact that hecalled me anything.
(27:13):
I just feel so honored that Iwas in his presence, And so even
he called me gal.
I don't have to act like a gal.
I carried myself in a certainway.
Kyla Cofer (27:23):
Well, we get to determine how people are going
to respond to us and respect usand how we show up for something
, always, 100% of the time.
So, even if someone calls yousomething that you don't
appreciate, we get to decide howwe're going to respond to that.
So then we're still in controlin that moment And we get to
decide how we're going to reactand who we're going to be.
So we're going to continue tobe a person where they just call
(27:46):
us by whatever random name, orwe're going to get to be the
show up so that they know whatour name is.
And we get to always, 100% ofthe time.
no matter who you are, youalways have the power over
yourself and your own controland your own actions and the way
that you show up.
And so, when you're talkingabout in these situations, you
were just grateful to be in hispresence And I, like, i think he
was lucky to be in yours, right.
Monique AJ Smith (28:10):
Well, i'll give you a look again.
Big House games.
Now his daughter and I are theclosest of family friends to
this day.
Yeah, i mean, it just depends.
I'm really because now I'm 55and almost everybody's younger
And so I get called Miss Monique, miss Smith, things of that
nature I do, correct if you callme Monique.
Kyla Cofer (28:33):
See, but now you can tell people that and then we'll
respect that, of course,correct?
Yes, yes, they'll respect thatvery, very quickly.
Monique, i really appreciateyour wisdom and your experience
and you just sharing your lifestory and the way that you see
leadership, because I thinkthat's so important.
We so often ask that questionlike, am I really a leader?
(28:53):
And you said you bring peoplecome to you and they say they
want to grow in their leadership.
But sometimes we I know formyself and I've seen this happen
so many times where people gowell, but I'm not really a
leader.
But we all are, and we can showleadership by doing things, by
taking action, by taking thatinitiative, as you said, and
(29:14):
that's what makes you a leader.
It's a well, do you want to bea leader?
If you want that position, ifyou want to be called a leader,
then show up.
Show up in a way that makes youa leader And that's what makes
you a leader.
Monique AJ Smith (29:24):
Well, you know it's funny you say that because
I have a lot of disgruntledpeople Like I never get the
promotion.
So what's not paying attention?
I'm ignored And I say we havegot to get better, because if
you seek to be better, you getover the bitterness.
But if you control thebitterness you're not going to
(29:45):
get better.
So let's make a decision.
How are we going to get better?
Nowthe key is when you get better,
that's when you expose others towhat better you got, and the
exposure equals elevation.
And so that's one.
And number two is gotta be selfaffirmation instead of external
(30:08):
affirmation.
You got to know you did a goodjob.
So that means you got to haveyour own measuring stick.
And so when that happens, okay,that's the peanut gallery
talking, don't even know what tolook for.
That was good.
So with me I go like okay, this, this, this happened.
Then I'm okay with it.
Now I'm going to be betterbecause I'm going to learn from
(30:29):
my situation, so I can be okaywith that.
So, depending upon what type ofjob you have, when I was at SID
I learned don't look for the AD, tell me good job.
The media person a good job.
The coach, you're telling me agood job And if I saw that kid's
face light up because theirname was in the paper that they
made all conference, you followme.
(30:51):
They had a hometown paper ranmy story and they never had that
story in there.
Kyla Cofer (30:59):
I was good Because you had your own measurement for
success.
You knew what success meant toyou.
Monique AJ Smith (31:04):
Well, that's another thing.
I don't seek success, iI seeksignificance.
What's the difference in that?
to you, success is defined bysociety.
It's defined by me.
What do I want to leave?
What is the legacy I want to beable to leave?
Here's the thing.
Success people are looking forlike immediately or maybe in a
(31:25):
year, but significance youreally won't see until whatever
you're planning takes root.
If taking root, it's nothappening immediately.
Kyla Cofer (31:32):
Yeah, like your garden.
I love your garden analogies.
It's great.
Yes, absolutely, monique.
I just have one last questionfor you.
What, if anything, would youlike our audience if they wanted
to take something away?
what's the one thing you wantto make sure that they've heard
today?
Monique AJ Smith (31:45):
Well, because this is about leadership.
Okay, and you said, people sayI'm not a leader.
Well, you're leading just bybeing.
There's someone watching youall the time.
So you have to be real cautiousof where you're leading them.
Are you leading them to begrowth mindset or a fixed
mindset?
Fixed mindset is what everybodyelse thinks that things should
(32:07):
be.
Growth mindset is what could be.
Which one do you want to be?
I would like to invite peopleto come to my store called
seasonempowermentstorecom And sothat you can either check out
that, if you like athletics andtalk about leadership, that you
can come and check that out.
(32:27):
My magazine is out Women inleadership.
That's what it's all about.
Kyla Cofer (32:33):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much.
I really am grateful for yourtime And it's just it's so fun.
I really love talking to peoplewho have these extensive
careers because you have so muchexperience and wisdom that
comes with the lessons.
It's not just the tools thatyou have, it's all the stories
that you can bring with you, andso I just really appreciate you
(32:55):
sharing those and for beinghere on the podcast with me
today.
Thank you, thank you, Awesome.
Thank you, monique.
Hey, thank you so much forlistening.
If you've liked what you heardand you want some more tools and
resources to help you on yourjourney, go check out
KylaCovercom forward slash freestuff.
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