The Coaching Scale: When to Ask, When to Tell

Ever found yourself asking too many questions or giving too many answers? You're not alone. This Solo-cast episode dives deep into the delicate balance leaders must strike between inquiry and instruction.

At the heart of this episode is the "coaching scale" - a powerful framework for understanding when to ask open-ended questions and when to provide direct guidance. The key insight: your approach must match your team member's capability level. For those with high competence, questions like "What have you tried?" foster critical thinking. For novices, demonstration and clear direction are essential - just as you wouldn't teach a child to tie shoes through questions alone.

What makes this concept particularly valuable is learning to identify where someone falls on the capability spectrum. By simply asking "Have you done this before?" and "How many times?", you gain immediate insight into whether open-ended questions will empower or frustrate them. The episode also explores the often-overlooked middle ground of providing options without dictating solutions - preserving ownership while still offering guidance.

The most powerful takeaway is recognizing that effective leadership requires flexibility across the entire coaching spectrum. Sometimes you need to roll up your sleeves and demonstrate; other times, the best thing you can do is ask questions that activate someone's existing knowledge. Mastering this balance transforms you from a one-dimensional leader into someone who knows exactly what each team member needs to grow at any given moment.

Ready to transform how you develop your team? Listen now and discover how to determine exactly when to ask and when to tell - your team will thank you for it. Share your biggest leadership challenges in the comments!

Download a PDF copy of Becoming the Promise You are Intended to Be
https://www.depthbuilder.com/books

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I want to talk to you about a common misstep that
myself and many, many otherpeople have when they have begun
developing the skill or thepractice of humble inquiry or,
more clearly, asking open-endedquestions.
Like in all things, we learn anew habit and we kind of just
swing.

(00:20):
The pendulum swings all the wayto the other side and it's the
only thing we do.
The reason I recommend that youstart spending more time asking
open-ended questions is so thatyou can build connection with
the human beings in front of you, so that you can better serve
the people in your space,instead of giving them answers

(00:53):
and solution, shanking them todeath.
It really is a way todemonstrate interest in the
human being and buildrelationships and have a better
understanding of what they'rethinking is and the things that
they care about.
Now, if you're like a managerand you have direct reports and
you never ask open-endedquestions, what you're usually
doing is telling people what todo.
Sure, that's part of the job,but that's not all of the job.
If you want to elevate and growyour career, you need to
develop people.
And so how do you developpeople?

(01:13):
Well, number one you help themor support them in engaging
their critical thinking, helpthem stay tied and connected to
their own agency.
Giving answers all the time isnot the way to do that.
Asking questions is the way todo that.

(01:35):
And, more accurately, notleading questions, not
closed-ended questions, butopen-ended questions.
What have you tried?
How do you think that will work?
Who else has worked on this?
So that gives the individual infront of you a pause to say, oh
well, I haven't tried anything.
Okay, how many times have youdone this?
About five times.

(01:58):
Okay, what'd you do the lasttime?
See where I'm at.
It's like you ask questions tohelp them realize that you've
got the skill set, you've gotthe capability to overcome the
thing.
Now, it is a hard skill tobuild, so it takes practice.
It takes intentional focus toask open-ended questions, and
what usually happens is we goall the way on the other side

(02:21):
and only ever ask open-endedquestions.
Now, if you're a manager or aboss, you're going to ruffle
some feathers by doing that, andso here's the deal.
Yes, open-ended questions areabsolutely valuable, they're
critical and they're probablythe tool that you don't have in
your toolbox.
But let's fast forward a littlebit.
Let's say you've beenpracticing and building that

(02:43):
skill of asking open-endedquestions, and now that's all
you do.
People are getting frustratedwith you.
People know that if they cometo you they're going to get some
wishy-washy question.
That isn't going to help at all, and that's also like not cool,
because now you start losingcredibility, and that ain't no

(03:03):
good, especially when you'releading people, leading teams or
leading a business.
So then it's like well, but Ithought you said to ask open
ended questions.
I guess Building the habit ofasking open ended questions is
powerful, but that doesn't meanto only ask open ended questions
.
So the question then is when isthe right time?

(03:23):
And so what I want to presentto you is the coaching scale.
So think of it as a slidingscale.
On one end, like coaching, isasking open-ended questions,
that humble inquiry thing.
On the other end is tellingthem what to do, or doing it and
demonstrating so they know howto do it.
Now that does like the doingand the demonstrating doesn't

(03:46):
build a whole lot of criticalthinking, but if they've never
done it before, they needsomebody to demonstrate how the
hell to do the thing.
And if they've done it before,then the open-ended questions
are can help them recognize thatthey do have the resources to
overcome the task at hand.
So then, how do we figure outor how do we gauge right?
One of the important questionsis have you?

(04:08):
When they bring you a problemor bring you a situation, the
first question you can ask ishave you dealt with this before?
How many times have you dealtwith this sort of thing?
Their response is going tosignal to you whether they have
high capability, moderatecapability or low capability, no
competence.
They've never done it before.

(04:29):
If they have never done itbefore, it is your job as the
leader, as the authority, todemonstrate how to do the thing.
Tell them how to do the thing.
Asking them open-endedquestions is only going to
irritate them and they will stopbringing problems to you, and

(04:49):
that's not okay.
You're the leader, right?
You're supposed to help solveproblems.
That's your primary job, and soI want you to imagine a kid
trying to teach a kid how to tietheir shoes right.
If you've ever done that before, maybe you just buy Velcro.
That is an option.
But if a child needs to tietheir shoes and they've never

(05:10):
done it before, it doesn'tmatter how many open-ended
questions you ask them.
They will not be able to tietheir shoes because they do not
have the skill set.
They don't have that capability.
So what do you do?
You start off by tying theirshoes for them, ask them to pay
attention, to look at whatyou're doing, and you do that a

(05:31):
bunch of times.
And then you start doing ittogether.
You say, hold this and do this,and you kind of walk them
through it.
So now you're doing it hand inhand because they're building
their capability.
They're still not ready to beasked open-ended questions.
And then, once they got it, youlet them do it, but under your
direct supervision.
You know, coach them throughthe little knick-knacky things

(05:52):
or things that they might forgetSuper awesome way to do it.
And then finally, once you knowthey've demonstrated they know
how to tie their shoes.
The next time they say I don'tknow how to tie my shoes, like,
well, what did you do last time?
Well, I did Okay, and you canask them open-ended questions to
get them over the finish line.
And so the point is you need tobe prepared to slide all the

(06:17):
way across the coaching scale interms of humble inquiry,
open-ended questions on one end.
The venue for that type ofcoaching is when people have
high competency.
They've done the thing before,they have experience on the
thing.
You just need to help them.
Remember that by asking themthose open-ended questions If
they've never done the damnthing, before you tell them what
the hell to do.

(06:37):
There's a bunch of steps in themiddle.
The one thing that I'll add inthe middle, just in case, like
this, is all new to you fromtelling people how to do it or
doing it for them to just askingopen-ended questions right in
the middle is providing someoptions.
Well, here's a few things toconsider, and the reason I say

(06:58):
here's a few things for you toconsider is because I'm not
telling them what to do.
Ultimately, they're going tomake the decision, and that's
ultra, ultra important, becausewhen they make the decision,
they maintain the ownership ofthe thing, and so they bring me
a thing.
I say Ooh.
And I say how many times haveyou dealt with this before?
I've never dealt.
Well, I did once.

(07:18):
How'd it turn out?
It didn't turn out too good, ohokay, how can I help you?
Well, I did once.
How did it turn out?
It didn't turn out too good, ohokay, how can I help you?
Well, I'm looking for someguidance.
It's like okay, well, you'veonly done it one time.
It didn't turn out the way youwanted it to.
What do you think about thesethree options?
Right, and option A, option B,option C, these three approaches
, and then they start kicking itaround.

(07:39):
It's like, okay, which one doyou feel most confident with?
We'll just say option C Awesome.
What do you need from me tohelp you execute that thing?
They answer you, you do whatthey ask, except for doing it
for them, right, because youwant to build the capability and
send them on their way.
So that's three points.
There's a bunch in the middlelike scattered all around, but

(08:00):
the important takeaway I wantyou to know is, when you're
building the habit of askingopen-ended questions and
demonstrating humble inquiry, becareful not to stay stuck there
.
Also, know that as the leaderor just a decent human being,
sometimes you just got to getyour hands dirty and go in there
and do the damn thing with themor for them.
If this landed with you, leaveme a comment in the chat and,

(08:24):
when you get a chance, check outthe replay of the live stream I
had on time management.
Be kind to yourself, be cooland we'll talk at you next time.
Peace.