January 15, 2023 • 35 mins
Meet Shelah Marie; Founder and CEO of The Curvy, Curly, Conscious movement, mental health & wellness influencer, meditation enthusiast, reality tv star & wife of platinum selling artist Ace Hood.
In this episode, Neal and Amer sit down with Shelah Marie, whose voice in the world of mental health, social justice, and wellness, is making real impact. Throughout the episode, they learn about how to have a conversation with your future self, self acceptance, the power of finding your own community, tips and tricks for success, and more!
For the full & uncut episode, along with a number of other perks, please visit www.leavelookingup.com/fans and subscribe!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:10):
Hey listeners. This is Neil Ludovic and Amir
John dalli, welcome to leave looking up where we have
uplifting conversations about the state of the world with our
heroes, with the intention to demystify orient and leave you.
Our listeners inspired for this episode, we sat down with a
(00:31):
truly inspiring woman. Sheila Marie whose voice in the
world of Mental Health, social justice, and wellness is making
real Fact, Sheila has many titles, including author,
influencer and educator, but most important to her, Sheila is
the founder of curvy curly conscious a movement focused on
(00:53):
decolonizing and celebrating black women's bodies.
In today's episode, we learn howto have a conversation with your
future self. Self-acceptance, the power of
finding your own Community tips and tricks for success and more
as we learn about Sheila's journey.
And now, without further Ado, let's start this episode.
(01:14):
We hope you enjoy it as much as we did and leave afterwards
looking up. I would encourage you to trust
yourself. Allow yourself to know, allow
(01:36):
yourself, you're not getting something from somewhere.
You have to figure out a way to get what you need.
Right? Why am I saying that is because
I want you to be happy and I want you to behold and
regardless of what's going on, the important thing is always
that we get our needs met by masturbation and manifestation,
that was one of our favorite topics from last year.
What is that? I don't know.
How do I do it? Sheila Marie.
(01:58):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you both for having me. I'm excited to be here.
I first met Sheila at a tedx harlem event coordinated in
2012. I feel that I've lived so many
lives. I'm still living.
So many lives that have so many lives.
I will live that. I sometimes don't know where's
the beginning? We kneel floated the idea of
(02:19):
getting to sit down with Sheila and ask her anything.
I was psyched to say the least. I want to know how she came to
be the inspiring person. She is today, I was raised in
South Florida and my mother is Cuban but white racially and her
family is also white Cuban and then my father's
(02:40):
African-American and so they divorced when I was three and
then my mother remarried, a white man who was I would say,
typically likes They're an American, that's how I became.
The only black person in my household and my day-to-day
experience was, I probably didn't really see many black
people may be at schools where Isaw the most, but even then, I
(03:01):
was in the gifted and talented program and maybe out of 50
kids, there was for black kids. And in my class there was one
and it was me. And then at the same time, I had
my little sister who's blonde hair, and blue eyes and she's my
best friend to this day. And so, you know, I remember
when she was Was born. I just thought she was like, a
baby doll. You know that we had like Little
(03:21):
Mermaid. We had predominantly all the
princesses and everything were white, fair skin.
A lot of the dolls I was playingwith white.
And so, I have this like little beautiful, white baby, and I was
just like, this is amazing. I'm like, this is like Toni
Morrison. Blue is II.
Was just like, what the hell didI do wrong?
What the fuck? Sorry, can I curse you?
(03:43):
Do whatever you want. Okay, so explain to me, how the
hell I got like It's like what, you know, it was asking having
these like, existential conversations my mom and she was
just overworked and she's gonna have time after this shit, you
know? But I was looking kiss away,
break it down, break it down, I know what happened.
Okay, so I know what happened. Okay.
Babies are all born white, that's what I thought that was
(04:05):
the standard, right? That's the norm.
And then like there's like a tanning part in the hospital and
like you go and you like, put your baby in the Tanner and like
you take him out when you want when they're ready and you just
forgot me in there, right? My mom is like, Like washing
dishes or something like Sheila.Yeah, okay.
Okay. I know what happened.
So you you can take me to Home Depot because we went there the
(04:26):
other day and there's pain, so we can fix this.
And so then when I realized okayyou can't go to Home Depot and
paint yourself. I was like, well you have to
pick a side. That's the message.
I was getting it's black or white, especially in America
breaks down to a binary that always falls apart.
When you put it under a microscope, but as a kid I'm
like it's either black or white.I can't fit in with white kids.
(04:47):
I was Like I don't want to I want to be around people that
look like me. Like what's up like I'm watching
Family Matters. I'm a father on the force and
that kid was my son. I think that you rousted.
My son, come on, give me a break.
It's dark. It's a black guy.
Oh, Case Closed. Lock him up.
You know, bottom line, your kid was in the wrong part of town.
(05:13):
Demonstrations. Okay, Crusader, I believe in
your car when I appreciate that.Oh my God.
What's wrong? If you want black history, go
back to Africa. And I'm looking at, like, wow,
(05:35):
what would it be like to be around a family that looks like
you to be around women, who knowhow to do your hair, or know how
to like a she putting on. On white people ocean and it's
not working, you know, seems like very rudimentary things but
it has so much meaning. And so, I just decided I was
going to be black. Like that, was it?
It was like going into Middle School, maybe sixth grade.
I was like, I'm tired of eating lunch in the bathroom and being
(05:58):
scared that. I'm going to be bullied and made
fun of because I'm Oreo, I'm hanging with white girls.
You know, I'm saying? I cut off all my white
girlfriends, and they were my homies and I just told myself,
you gotta fucking shoes. So I was like, Guys, I can't
come over anymore. Sorry can't ride to school with
you anymore. Mom dropped me off in the back
(06:19):
so I can walk. I don't want anyone to know.
I have a white Mom. I'm not showing any pictures of
my baby sister, and I'm just going to like fit in and that's
really what I did for. Maybe middle school, high
school, it started to become more natural.
Organic, I found a real group offriends who are like
authentically attracted to me and not what I did in middle
school, which was kind of like, oh, black or just black.
(06:40):
I'm going to fit in now. Everything is going to be good
but that doesn't mean You align on shared experience or values
or anything else other than skintone.
And so, that was that right there.
That little story can capsulate like, a lot of the things that
stayed with me throughout my whole life, having been on this
journey of self acceptance, Sheila realized that not
(07:00):
choosing between different partsof her identity, gave her the
ability to be kind of a chameleon.
She could weave in and out of different communities with ease
and confidence. I think that my early Cemented
this idea of one of these thingsis not like the other.
You're not really going to fit into groups.
You kind of don't know who you are.
You're too much for this group, not enough for that group, and
(07:23):
in many ways, I created that throughout my life.
That's why I go in and out of somany circles.
I was a teaching artist, but notformally a teacher because I
was, like, I don't wanna be a teacher teacher.
So, when I had my freedom, you know, and then I was in acting,
but I didn't really go into it and be it full time.
Like I was pursuing it full timebut always have the backdrop of
like, I need to teach You know, just in case this thing doesn't
(07:44):
work out, I don't know if I'm good, but I'm not that good.
I'm dating a rapper, but I'm notrappers wife.
I'm not rappers girlfriend, I'm kind of different, a little
weird. So, always like being in those
liminal spaces or in and out. At the same time, I feel that
has been my greatest strength, which I have not always been
able to call for those that wantto really internalize what this
is and understand who you are and what you're building.
(08:06):
Can you tell us about Curly Kirby Consciousness?
You know, for the people that don't know Kirby curly conscious
is a Do that create safe spaces for women to heal and grow.
We are most known for the unrulyRetreat, which is our Retreat?
That is exclusively for women, who identify as black.
We do that our Retreat every year, but we also do other
(08:27):
events for women who are interested in healing and
growing but not taking it too. Seriously.
And I think that that's the bestthing about the curvy curly
conscious Community is that I'm not here to be some Guru that is
proclaimed to have it all together.
ER, and better than you and you should aspire to be me.
No, that's not it. Let's say you're just coming in
(08:48):
to occur because the conscious event and I would say my little
Spiel, the first thing we're going to do is we have to get
rid of judgment. Self-judgment is one of the
biggest blocks into being honestwith yourself, and in order to
do any thing, we're going to do Beyond this point, we need
radical honesty and the experience of not judging
ourselves and others. This bill is informed by her
(09:11):
experience working as a teachingartist in New York back when
Neil met her at the tedx event, almost 10 years ago, one of my
favorite things to do when I walked into a classroom, we had
to be put into these classrooms with kids who do not want to
hear theater stuff at all. And they would always complain.
And what I would do is I would walk into the classroom and say,
okay, I know you don't know me. I'm not your teacher.
(09:33):
I know you don't want to do this.
I'm going to give you 10 secondsof complaining.
Ten seconds to complain. Complain complain.
Get it all out. And then from there on, if
complaining shows up, we're going to say thank you, but no,
thank you. So we're going to do the same
thing with judgment. Any judgment that you have
yourself anything. That's you're nervous about any
judgment. You have of the are empowerment
(09:55):
and women's empowerment. Anything you have, you're gonna
say it work. 10 seconds. Everybody's going to get loud.
Everybody's gonna say anything that's standing in the way of
them getting what they need today, and then we counted
three. One, two, three.
Oh empowerment of It's aren't really empowering.
I can't believe what I'm doing here.
I'm, I'm alone. Nobody's gonna like me.
I'm not going to make any friends.
Oh my God, that'll even microwave on it.
(10:17):
Okay, and now welcome to Kirby fully conscious.
That's how we like lay the foundation.
So what we notice is like that'sjust a small like, you know,
activity, but it's that cosmology.
Like is that way of seeing the world that the foundation for
all of the events, Sheila built a beautiful space for black
(10:38):
women and from the very beginning it was unruly indeed.
The first Retreat we ever did, it's a clothing optional Resort
and I didn't quite know what I was getting into but this is the
Aries and me we go and ask questions later.
And the first night so you can choose, you don't have to, you
can choose, there's like a side,you can go in the pool and it's
(10:59):
like everybody's going to have regular swim stuff on or
whatever or you can go to the other side.
But you have to be new. You have to be fully nude.
Like that's the only way everybody was on that side.
The first night everybody's it was almost a hundred of us if we
were all over there and I was like, how did I get here?
But it was the coolant experience of my life and I'm so
happy, I was able to do it because it was a little awkward
(11:21):
for five minutes but Then after that it was it.
So you have a belly ring. Oh my goodness.
Oh my. Is that your c-section scar?
That's so cool me, too. That I love your stretch marks.
Look at mine, but it was just beautiful.
And I was like, this is the world I want for.
Where is? It was so cool.
I wish I could do one of those again that sounds like the most
(11:43):
awesome Retreat. Sheila succeeded in making a
liberating space for black women.
Free from everything Society project onto them.
If I'm like human like I know that I'm human for sure, but I
kind of feel like sometimes I was a part of like some other
people and they like dropped me off here by mistake and I really
(12:04):
am not supposed to be here. I thought for many years.
I'm too sensitive for this earth.
Like I'm crying. Everything hurts, my feelings.
I'm feeling people's emotions all the times.
I didn't know what an impact wasfor many years.
So I just thought, am I crazy like, you know, I'm highly
spiritual. I feel like I'm always seen.
Things that other people are notseeing.
(12:25):
And then, if I say people say that, I'm not, and I feel crazy,
and then I'm a black woman. I'm not supposed to be this
sensitive, you're supposed to bestrong, but I don't fit in, and
I always felt that I just am in the wrong world.
And then I found my community and I found other women who are
saying me too, I'm also sensitive, but I just don't show
(12:46):
it or I've never even had the space to explore it.
And so, I just think about the lineage, Of black women's bodies
and are, you know, labor taking care of our own family,
breastfeeding other people's children, and then coming home
and having to take care of your children and how much we
identify our worthiness, our value, our self-identity about
(13:06):
how much we can do, how much we can work.
And then not only for black women, everybody, especially, in
America, we live in fucking Wolfof Wall Street.
Like it, where you, you are worthy to pay some, what you can
produce, what if you produce andEven me I'm in the women's
empowerment space and and I usedto be like, yeah, girl boss,
(13:27):
that's what I want to be, or do you girl boss, my company, made
this much, I did this place, didit?
And then I thought to myself, like we're kind of just
recreating the same thing. But in pink, you know what I'm
saying? Recreating oppressive structures
isn't, what Sheila wanted to be doing like many of us before the
pandemic. She was going full speed but
(13:48):
once everything stopped, she realized.
It wasn't sustainable. Thing was going to give if she
didn't slow down and re-evaluatewhat success meant to her.
If it was no longer pink girl boss.
I felt that I was on a treadmilland then pandemic a and I got
off the trail on. I was like, oh my God, I'm
fucking tired, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted, I don't like the
(14:12):
way I'm living. I don't want working this hard,
black bodies in the United States, have been defined around
their labor, and even in worthiness, Around their labor,
you know, if you could produce acertain amount of cotton than
you would be a better Slave at that time.
And I think that for my community being taken completely
(14:35):
out of that environment, and it's a total disruption that you
don't even realize. I am a sensitive to.
I have feel like that also. I also feel like I maybe just
going with the flow of things that I don't like, I haven't
really thought about how much I don't like that and I don't
know. If you can come to that
realization without these types of disruptions and there, we
(14:57):
were very privileged to be able to have them.
I feel like I have a responsibility to offer up these
disruptions in a day-to-day typeof way or in a way for somebody
who can't go away. Can't afford a retreat, can't
leave their family. When she says disruptions, I
picture a train coming to an abrupt stop having to pause and
take stock taking the time to ask.
(15:19):
What am I actually doing? Interrupting.
The Breakneck pace of our daily lives allowing for deeper
reflection and increased self-awareness.
It's less about doing and more about not doing and being okay
with that. Which could have the greatest
impact on our mindsets. I saw a tick tock the other day
(15:39):
that said something. Like, for people who grew up in
chaos piece feels like boredom. And I have to remind myself
that, you know, there are tons of things more than I should be
doing more things and more and more and more and remind.
Myself like what a gift? It is to just feel like that,
I'm not on high alert right now.Like remind my nervous system
that we're not at War and it's okay, to be, you'll notice even
(16:03):
from my response, time and emails and the amount of jobs
that I take, I give myself spacenow that I've never given myself
permission to do because I actually want to live because
we're human being not a human doing.
And for me, that doesn't mean going on a big trip go.
It just means He's like, oh, youknow what?
(16:23):
I haven't played Sims in 10 years.
I fucking love this Sims. That's it.
You know, I'm going to read a book today whatever, you know,
not everything has to be geared towards.
What am I doing? And creating a finding that time
to just be and it sounds like a kind of cliche but it really is
true for me. Neil, and I are speaking with
(16:50):
Sheila Marie about why she started the curvy curly
conscious movement together. We want to dig deeper into the
tools. We've all used when facing
obstacles whether they're beyondour control or inside our own
heads. There's one awesome tool which
has been sort of a guiding Mantra in.
(17:12):
Where do you go when you have nowhere to go is your mind, your
mind is this infinite abyss and there's this cool tool called
The Invisible Council. It's a space that 4510 however
many people alive or dead that you idolize that you embody that
if you have questions about whatto do and how to do it, take 30
(17:32):
minutes on your Monday morning and have an invisible council
meeting and you sit down And youhave this meeting and what you
will learn about yourself just through the perspectives of the
other people that are coming there that are sitting down at
your little council meeting and having that community that can
challenge you and that can push you.
(17:53):
I think there's an ideal of masculinity that is like, I
don't need these kinds of tools and resources and take a moment
to myself. I was raised in a household with
the idea of bottling, your emotions and pulling pulling
yourself up by the bootstraps was completely internalized.
I'm just now in a space where that's shifting and changing But
it took that suggestion in combination with looking at a
(18:16):
few of my role models and hearing that they did that too.
There's a serious decolonizationthat needs to happen.
Both in our bodies for for what work is and I think a millennial
a millennial stance of you are defined by the work that you do.
What you said about the invisible council is so
interesting because one of my favorite meditation is, is based
(18:37):
on. Have you ever heard of Quantum
Jumping know? I based it off of that Quantum
Jumping is the Principal like there could be unlimited
parallel, universes and unlimited parallel versions of
you. And so if you're having an issue
here, all you have to do is justgo meet the other version of you
who's figured it out and see what they did and ask him, what
(18:57):
they did spend some time, watch what they're eating, watch what
they're doing, and it's very similar to that when you said,
where do you go and you have nowhere to go and I had so true
when I started my journey and I was living in New York and that
I couldn't afford to do any of that.
I went to free yoga classes. It.
I was meditating every day I just was like, I'm going to be
here. I'm gone.
(19:18):
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go at that time.
I was just getting out of an abusive relationship and I was
like I I can't even imagine and a guy like we having a healthy
Dynamic. Like I'm I'm worthless.
I'm a lovable. You know.
Like when you're out of a breakup, you feel terrible and
so I was going there like let mejust go visit the version of
myself. Whoo, What do I want?
(19:40):
I actually do want to be married.
I think I've been telling myselfthis whole Time.
I don't want to be married because I want to be like a
feminist like I'm in the independent.
I don't need anything. I'm gonna just live like on a
communist. So I was like, I'm gonna go meet
married Sheila and I'm gonna go see what she's doing.
And so this is at the time when I have no marriage prospects in
sight at all. I was I all right, I'm just
(20:02):
gonna go and see what I started reading.
I was devouring books at the time and so I went into this
meditation Quantum leaping, you basically you see a door and
then you open the door. The other side of the door will
be yourself, you have to identify whatever that that self
is okay. It's myself, who's married?
And first is I just observed, and I just saw and I have his
(20:24):
journal entry to this day and I wrote down that I noticed that
they were getting up like, on their own accord.
It wasn't like an alarm clock. So that told me, I think they
work for themselves. It's like me and a guy.
And I was like, okay, then when I saw him, he was darker skin.
I was like, yes, And he had likethese locks, who's like, oh,
(20:46):
he's so fine. He had locks and they were like,
down his back and I was like, okay?
I couldn't tell that it could bean athlete but he's not an
athlete. Like he's very athletic police
killed, but that's not what he does.
I can figure out what he does, but then I saw that I was making
breakfast and it was just a slowlike, getting out of the house.
(21:07):
So I was like, we're not rushed for anything, but the house
looks really nice. So we might be doing, okay?
Okay, and I wrote all those things down and like years
later, when I met a case, I had to read him, the journal entry
Aces, her husband better known as Ace Hood the multi-platinum
selling rapper and recording artist who you may know from
(21:29):
Love & Hip, Hop in Miami. I'm so blessed and thankful and
privilege and then he's muscular.
It could be an athlete, he used to play football, but he
doesn't. He has lots.
I was like, this is crazy. Like last year, we did a couples
therapy and one of our exerciseswas to go off and we
(21:50):
individually had to write down all the versions of ourselves
that ever existed from like any time that you felt that there
was a transition and you went from one version of yourself to
another. Then that's a new one and list
them. And like, give them a name and I
cannot tell you. That was the most profound
exercise of ever done. Not only for me, but learning
(22:10):
that about him. But even myself Sitting down and
then like, well it's almost as if they're all these versions of
myself are apart of this Orchestra and they needed to go
off and each of them needed to have their like rehearsals, like
the violin strings need to go together and harmonize with the
strings and the percussion and they can't all harmonize
together at the same time. They need to hear everybody's
(22:32):
like a different tones and ways of working.
But then when they come togetherI feel like previous points in
my life. I was fighting them.
I don't want to be that one. I don't like that one.
I reject that one. That one around.
And now I feel like I'm just notcoming to a place where they can
come together and harmonize the ability to have Harmony within
yourself. Absolutely changes the game.
(22:52):
I appreciate what she'll is talking about because giving
yourself permission to see is super important.
I always check in with my futureself and see what he's doing, it
helps me work through, whatever challenges I'm facing.
So how does Sheila give herself permission to see?
I'm writing my second book this year, the editor asked me who
(23:14):
you writing this book for, and Ikept thinking my community, I'm
writing it for a woman who had asimilar experience to me and,
and all those answers and I, andI kept going into my meditation
and be like, why does it feel like it's there?
But it's not quite there. And the other day I was like,
all right, all right, all right.Sheila, who wrote the book
(23:35):
already? She little wrote the book
already and Sheila who has it's amazing New York Times
best-seller about like Who is itin?
And I saw her. And she looked like, almost like
a superhero, and it was like, very clear to me.
I was like, oh, okay, I'm writing the book for myself.
Oh my gosh, am I narcissistic? Are you know, there's so many
nurses, teachers, distinct Rays.That's such a buzzword now.
(23:56):
No, no, it has to be altruistic has to be selfless, has to be
for my community. And then what I realized is that
like if you have a history of people pleasing, what you find
is that you can't even be egocentric.
You don't even know who you are.Your whole identity has been you
sir. By you being sensitive to the
needs and the thoughts and the opinions of others around you
(24:17):
and then they've been molded into your identity that to the
point where if you don't ever sit down and get to know who you
are, if you don't ever sit down and let yourself be the captain
of that ship, you can't them adjust then you can't even
manage. Then you can't even ship because
it's like you have that first step is being like okay what
part is me and what part is not me and how did I get here?
(24:40):
And why? And what I want to do now.
And so I think that going back to spend time with myself, felt
so comforting even just if it gave me the indication that I
could do it that I knew. And so now like coming here to
when I'm writing my book, I verymuch was like okay that's it.
I'm writing the book for those past versions of Sheila because
(25:02):
at any point during my journey if she would have read this book
it would have helped her in someway and I also am writing it for
the future version of me that can only Be born.
If I write the book, this beautiful picture that you paint
in my head, is this future? Like, I you've painted it, I see
this version this future versionof yourself and you meeting it.
(25:24):
I think that sometimes I have tomake sure to remind myself that
I met her because I'm always thinking about to Future
versions. So, remind yourself that you
have caught up with her in a certain way and fighting through
a lot of imposter syndrome of like what Why do people care
what I have to say? Like, I'm not a doctor, I'm not
a PhD. I'm that like, telling myself
(25:46):
all of these reasons why I'm notqualified.
And so I have to remind myself to impostor syndrome with, like,
shows up for a lot of us now, I have a question and it's along
this train of thought here, and,and it's about who you look up
to. And before I fully release, that
question. I also want to offer another
reflection, another acknowledgement, something else
(26:07):
that I'm that I'm seeing that I'm hearing here.
There's a book that I Of it's mymost gifted book.
It's called the anatomy of the spirit and there's a part in
that book where it talks about the four stages of personal
power. And one of these words came up,
the two stages are Revolution and involution.
The third stage is narcissism than the fourth is evolution.
(26:29):
So the first two in short our stages, where you kind of start
realizing that you might be thinking differently than people
around you, maybe you realize that you're queer, maybe you
realize that you're actually Alidon't want to be living in this
city anymore or maybe you might realize, oh, my gosh, what's
going on with single-use plastics?
Something about that, is different, right?
(26:50):
And then, in the third stage, this narcissistic stage, which
you said earlier, you said that,you know, there could be a lot
of different interpretations to that word.
In this case, the narcissistic phase is one where you're pretty
firm on your new value. You know, you do your best to
carry a reusable, water bottle everywhere.
You know you feel proud and you want to dress a certain way or
Etc. There's just this like phase
where you're like, this is who Iam right now and if The person
(27:11):
remains steadfast throughout this process, they shift into
the fourth stage which is evolution and they shift from
being a person to a Persona and one that can create a field that
galvanizes inspiration. And I'm saying this, because I
want to offer that reflection that what I'm hearing from you
is as a girl, you were realizingall of these ways in which the
world made you feel like you didn't belong and then somewhere
(27:34):
along the line, you did find your belonging.
And then that cup is runneth over.
That micro became a reflection of the macro and what you
created for yourself. Your own sense of belonging and
as where as we're hearing from you and as we're coloring in
these wonderful lines of your story, who do you look up to now
(27:56):
in addition to your future self who creates that sense of
belonging for you. Like I really, really look up to
people who are bold, I honestly look up to the Generation Z.
I think that's why I like Tik-Tok so much because they are
so bold and so intelligent and have such a grasp on how to talk
(28:18):
about race and gender that my generation is still like just
learning about. And they are so bold with how
they speak openly and accept whothey are.
And hold themselves accountable as feel that Generations.
He also has a kindness that I really think is refreshing.
Humans can be Harsh. And I really admire kind people
(28:41):
because it is very hard. It takes a lot of strength and
courage to be kind in our world.I love that you share that.
It gives me, it gives me a different lens to look into
that. I also think it it segues really
well into this idea of who were giving thanks to, who are we
recognizing Our Lives? Both that, we know and that we
don't know that Inspire us. Anyone that you haven't given
(29:04):
thanks to already that you wouldwant to do right now.
I wish I could find Miss miles. Miss miles, was my eighth grade
AP, English teacher. And on the first day of school,
she gave the whole class roses, everybody had like an individual
(29:25):
rows, and we were just like, what are we doing?
This is a rose and she said, now, look at your rose.
And look at everybody else's roast, right?
Everyone has a different rows. Some are closed, some are more
Open than others. Some are different sizes.
Your journey in this class, thisyear is going to be yours.
(29:46):
Don't compare yourself to the people around you and so that
was so comforting to me. She set the tone for how we were
going to move through the year and she always made learning so
fun. She did everything in such a fun
and creative way she held us to very high standards.
But if you fell behind, she always met you where you were.
And I never forget that day withthe Roses.
(30:07):
I tried to find her before. And I hope that this, this finds
her because Miss miles deserves all her roses as well.
Yes, miles, thank you. If you are listening to this,
please reach out to us. Thank you.
Miss Mi, thank you, Miss miles. What do you want our listeners,
(30:27):
your listeners to do after you hit this podcast, just finished
right now? What do you want their energy to
go to as soon as this ends sit for a second and silence before
I can move on to the next Said Tiffany even if it's actually 60
seconds and just sit and ask yourself.
If there's anything that you want to take anything, a lot of
things are going to fly by, but is there anything that you want
(30:49):
to take with? You is like there.
Any one thing that you can take any gem that you can take to
implement into your daily life? Because there's so many I'm sure
here and I really want to say thank you because I don't do
podcasts. I feel like I got some type of
healing on some aspect of my life, just being here from being
in a man that are supportive andMen.
That are uplifting women and andgiving us the micro sharing at
(31:12):
the kids. Really beautiful.
And you should definitely just be honored for that.
I'm honored by your presence. Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh. Thank you for so, so refreshing.
That's flashing happening right now.
But real version of myself that is working on internalizing.
(31:34):
A compliment is struggling rightnow.
The other version says let's confuse that with humor.
Okay this looks like a great moment to segue to the rapid
fire. All right, I started ready your
(31:57):
favorite movie? Um, oh that's too hard.
That's too hard. A revolutionary room favorite
song who are also my favorite song?
Oh, Part of Your World Little Mermaid.
Why haven't favorite foreign word?
(32:20):
What? And where was I?
In Dakar Senegal. That's how you say like say -
Jared. If I just remember is just, it
was just beautiful. That's all I can say.
Favorite fruit. Oh, I'm gonna go with Appleman
(32:40):
apples. All right.
Pancakes, or waffles? Waffles all day.
Oh yeah, hesitate on that. When are your golden hours?
When are you most productive? Like 2 to 5 p.m. and bring it
home? Chocolate or vanilla?
Exactly. I want to, I want to throw one
other one, other question in there.
(33:02):
What's the last thing you do before you go to bed for?
You going to wait before you endyour day the last and to them is
dead. Oh, I watch Netflix.
That's the last thing I do at the end of my day.
Yeah, me and my husband, we go watch something and the
complement to that is. What is the first thing you do
when you wake up I like what howdo you start your day?
Thirty minutes of exercise. For my men tools and everything.
(33:25):
Thank you so much Sheila for joining us, for being part of
leave looking up and, and givinga little bit of your time and
energy and mentality to us. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you seriously.
Thank you so much Sheila. Thank you.
The feeling is mutual. Thank you so much.
(33:48):
You can follow Sheila on all social channels at the Sheila
Marie. Or on her website at www.ge.com,
Marie.com leave looking up is hosted by myself near Ludovic,
and my co-host, Amir Jan Dolly, and produced by our small.
But Mighty team at Moon 31, a company dedicated to creating
(34:08):
platforms for Meaningful conversations.
That tackle the important issuesof today for folks that love
what they're hearing today and want to hear and see more.
We have the complete uncut and raw episodes in video form
available online on our Page by patreon at www.levitt.com up.com
fans there, you can support, what we're creating here.
(34:30):
Sound bites, that didn't make itto the Final Cut gain wisdom
from our guests score. Merch, be the first to access
our content and more also we'd like to take a second to thank
you for joining us today. So, if you haven't already,
please be sure to leave a ratingand review of the podcast in
your app of choice. We also recommend following us
(34:51):
on social media, At leave looking up on all social
channels or subscribing to our mailing list for special content
news and first dibs on the episodes, via our website at
leave looking up.com. This episode was created through
the combined efforts of myself as executive producer, and our
lead producer, Lucian glow to sleep the moon. 31 team also
(35:11):
includes designer and Draya. Kang glass, slipper, medium, and
engineer. Just inject, Carter an extra
special. Thanks to engineer, TJ,
dumpster, who mixed and masteredthis episode original theme
music. Bye.
Brady W and background music. Provided from Blue Dot sessions.
Bye. Brady W and background music.
Provided from Blue Dot sessions.
Hey listeners. This is Neil Ludovic and Amir
John dalli, welcome to leave looking up where we have
uplifting conversations about the state of the world with our
heroes, with the intention to demystify orient and leave you.
Our listeners inspired for this episode, we sat down with a
(00:31):
truly inspiring woman. Sheila Marie whose voice in the
world of Mental Health, social justice, and wellness is making
real Fact, Sheila has many titles, including author,
influencer and educator, but most important to her, Sheila is
the founder of curvy curly conscious a movement focused on
(00:53):
decolonizing and celebrating black women's bodies.
In today's episode, we learn howto have a conversation with your
future self. Self-acceptance, the power of
finding your own Community tips and tricks for success and more
as we learn about Sheila's journey.
And now, without further Ado, let's start this episode.
(01:14):
We hope you enjoy it as much as we did and leave afterwards
looking up. I would encourage you to trust
yourself. Allow yourself to know, allow
(01:36):
yourself, you're not getting something from somewhere.
You have to figure out a way to get what you need.
Right? Why am I saying that is because
I want you to be happy and I want you to behold and
regardless of what's going on, the important thing is always
that we get our needs met by masturbation and manifestation,
that was one of our favorite topics from last year.
What is that? I don't know.
How do I do it? Sheila Marie.
(01:58):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you both for having me. I'm excited to be here.
I first met Sheila at a tedx harlem event coordinated in
2012. I feel that I've lived so many
lives. I'm still living.
So many lives that have so many lives.
I will live that. I sometimes don't know where's
the beginning? We kneel floated the idea of
(02:19):
getting to sit down with Sheila and ask her anything.
I was psyched to say the least. I want to know how she came to
be the inspiring person. She is today, I was raised in
South Florida and my mother is Cuban but white racially and her
family is also white Cuban and then my father's
(02:40):
African-American and so they divorced when I was three and
then my mother remarried, a white man who was I would say,
typically likes They're an American, that's how I became.
The only black person in my household and my day-to-day
experience was, I probably didn't really see many black
people may be at schools where Isaw the most, but even then, I
(03:01):
was in the gifted and talented program and maybe out of 50
kids, there was for black kids. And in my class there was one
and it was me. And then at the same time, I had
my little sister who's blonde hair, and blue eyes and she's my
best friend to this day. And so, you know, I remember
when she was Was born. I just thought she was like, a
baby doll. You know that we had like Little
(03:21):
Mermaid. We had predominantly all the
princesses and everything were white, fair skin.
A lot of the dolls I was playingwith white.
And so, I have this like little beautiful, white baby, and I was
just like, this is amazing. I'm like, this is like Toni
Morrison. Blue is II.
Was just like, what the hell didI do wrong?
What the fuck? Sorry, can I curse you?
(03:43):
Do whatever you want. Okay, so explain to me, how the
hell I got like It's like what, you know, it was asking having
these like, existential conversations my mom and she was
just overworked and she's gonna have time after this shit, you
know? But I was looking kiss away,
break it down, break it down, I know what happened.
Okay, so I know what happened. Okay.
Babies are all born white, that's what I thought that was
(04:05):
the standard, right? That's the norm.
And then like there's like a tanning part in the hospital and
like you go and you like, put your baby in the Tanner and like
you take him out when you want when they're ready and you just
forgot me in there, right? My mom is like, Like washing
dishes or something like Sheila.Yeah, okay.
Okay. I know what happened.
So you you can take me to Home Depot because we went there the
(04:26):
other day and there's pain, so we can fix this.
And so then when I realized okayyou can't go to Home Depot and
paint yourself. I was like, well you have to
pick a side. That's the message.
I was getting it's black or white, especially in America
breaks down to a binary that always falls apart.
When you put it under a microscope, but as a kid I'm
like it's either black or white.I can't fit in with white kids.
(04:47):
I was Like I don't want to I want to be around people that
look like me. Like what's up like I'm watching
Family Matters. I'm a father on the force and
that kid was my son. I think that you rousted.
My son, come on, give me a break.
It's dark. It's a black guy.
Oh, Case Closed. Lock him up.
You know, bottom line, your kid was in the wrong part of town.
(05:13):
Demonstrations. Okay, Crusader, I believe in
your car when I appreciate that.Oh my God.
What's wrong? If you want black history, go
back to Africa. And I'm looking at, like, wow,
(05:35):
what would it be like to be around a family that looks like
you to be around women, who knowhow to do your hair, or know how
to like a she putting on. On white people ocean and it's
not working, you know, seems like very rudimentary things but
it has so much meaning. And so, I just decided I was
going to be black. Like that, was it?
It was like going into Middle School, maybe sixth grade.
I was like, I'm tired of eating lunch in the bathroom and being
(05:58):
scared that. I'm going to be bullied and made
fun of because I'm Oreo, I'm hanging with white girls.
You know, I'm saying? I cut off all my white
girlfriends, and they were my homies and I just told myself,
you gotta fucking shoes. So I was like, Guys, I can't
come over anymore. Sorry can't ride to school with
you anymore. Mom dropped me off in the back
(06:19):
so I can walk. I don't want anyone to know.
I have a white Mom. I'm not showing any pictures of
my baby sister, and I'm just going to like fit in and that's
really what I did for. Maybe middle school, high
school, it started to become more natural.
Organic, I found a real group offriends who are like
authentically attracted to me and not what I did in middle
school, which was kind of like, oh, black or just black.
(06:40):
I'm going to fit in now. Everything is going to be good
but that doesn't mean You align on shared experience or values
or anything else other than skintone.
And so, that was that right there.
That little story can capsulate like, a lot of the things that
stayed with me throughout my whole life, having been on this
journey of self acceptance, Sheila realized that not
(07:00):
choosing between different partsof her identity, gave her the
ability to be kind of a chameleon.
She could weave in and out of different communities with ease
and confidence. I think that my early Cemented
this idea of one of these thingsis not like the other.
You're not really going to fit into groups.
You kind of don't know who you are.
You're too much for this group, not enough for that group, and
(07:23):
in many ways, I created that throughout my life.
That's why I go in and out of somany circles.
I was a teaching artist, but notformally a teacher because I
was, like, I don't wanna be a teacher teacher.
So, when I had my freedom, you know, and then I was in acting,
but I didn't really go into it and be it full time.
Like I was pursuing it full timebut always have the backdrop of
like, I need to teach You know, just in case this thing doesn't
(07:44):
work out, I don't know if I'm good, but I'm not that good.
I'm dating a rapper, but I'm notrappers wife.
I'm not rappers girlfriend, I'm kind of different, a little
weird. So, always like being in those
liminal spaces or in and out. At the same time, I feel that
has been my greatest strength, which I have not always been
able to call for those that wantto really internalize what this
is and understand who you are and what you're building.
(08:06):
Can you tell us about Curly Kirby Consciousness?
You know, for the people that don't know Kirby curly conscious
is a Do that create safe spaces for women to heal and grow.
We are most known for the unrulyRetreat, which is our Retreat?
That is exclusively for women, who identify as black.
We do that our Retreat every year, but we also do other
(08:27):
events for women who are interested in healing and
growing but not taking it too. Seriously.
And I think that that's the bestthing about the curvy curly
conscious Community is that I'm not here to be some Guru that is
proclaimed to have it all together.
ER, and better than you and you should aspire to be me.
No, that's not it. Let's say you're just coming in
(08:48):
to occur because the conscious event and I would say my little
Spiel, the first thing we're going to do is we have to get
rid of judgment. Self-judgment is one of the
biggest blocks into being honestwith yourself, and in order to
do any thing, we're going to do Beyond this point, we need
radical honesty and the experience of not judging
ourselves and others. This bill is informed by her
(09:11):
experience working as a teachingartist in New York back when
Neil met her at the tedx event, almost 10 years ago, one of my
favorite things to do when I walked into a classroom, we had
to be put into these classrooms with kids who do not want to
hear theater stuff at all. And they would always complain.
And what I would do is I would walk into the classroom and say,
okay, I know you don't know me. I'm not your teacher.
(09:33):
I know you don't want to do this.
I'm going to give you 10 secondsof complaining.
Ten seconds to complain. Complain complain.
Get it all out. And then from there on, if
complaining shows up, we're going to say thank you, but no,
thank you. So we're going to do the same
thing with judgment. Any judgment that you have
yourself anything. That's you're nervous about any
judgment. You have of the are empowerment
(09:55):
and women's empowerment. Anything you have, you're gonna
say it work. 10 seconds. Everybody's going to get loud.
Everybody's gonna say anything that's standing in the way of
them getting what they need today, and then we counted
three. One, two, three.
Oh empowerment of It's aren't really empowering.
I can't believe what I'm doing here.
I'm, I'm alone. Nobody's gonna like me.
I'm not going to make any friends.
Oh my God, that'll even microwave on it.
(10:17):
Okay, and now welcome to Kirby fully conscious.
That's how we like lay the foundation.
So what we notice is like that'sjust a small like, you know,
activity, but it's that cosmology.
Like is that way of seeing the world that the foundation for
all of the events, Sheila built a beautiful space for black
(10:38):
women and from the very beginning it was unruly indeed.
The first Retreat we ever did, it's a clothing optional Resort
and I didn't quite know what I was getting into but this is the
Aries and me we go and ask questions later.
And the first night so you can choose, you don't have to, you
can choose, there's like a side,you can go in the pool and it's
(10:59):
like everybody's going to have regular swim stuff on or
whatever or you can go to the other side.
But you have to be new. You have to be fully nude.
Like that's the only way everybody was on that side.
The first night everybody's it was almost a hundred of us if we
were all over there and I was like, how did I get here?
But it was the coolant experience of my life and I'm so
happy, I was able to do it because it was a little awkward
(11:21):
for five minutes but Then after that it was it.
So you have a belly ring. Oh my goodness.
Oh my. Is that your c-section scar?
That's so cool me, too. That I love your stretch marks.
Look at mine, but it was just beautiful.
And I was like, this is the world I want for.
Where is? It was so cool.
I wish I could do one of those again that sounds like the most
(11:43):
awesome Retreat. Sheila succeeded in making a
liberating space for black women.
Free from everything Society project onto them.
If I'm like human like I know that I'm human for sure, but I
kind of feel like sometimes I was a part of like some other
people and they like dropped me off here by mistake and I really
(12:04):
am not supposed to be here. I thought for many years.
I'm too sensitive for this earth.
Like I'm crying. Everything hurts, my feelings.
I'm feeling people's emotions all the times.
I didn't know what an impact wasfor many years.
So I just thought, am I crazy like, you know, I'm highly
spiritual. I feel like I'm always seen.
Things that other people are notseeing.
(12:25):
And then, if I say people say that, I'm not, and I feel crazy,
and then I'm a black woman. I'm not supposed to be this
sensitive, you're supposed to bestrong, but I don't fit in, and
I always felt that I just am in the wrong world.
And then I found my community and I found other women who are
saying me too, I'm also sensitive, but I just don't show
(12:46):
it or I've never even had the space to explore it.
And so, I just think about the lineage, Of black women's bodies
and are, you know, labor taking care of our own family,
breastfeeding other people's children, and then coming home
and having to take care of your children and how much we
identify our worthiness, our value, our self-identity about
(13:06):
how much we can do, how much we can work.
And then not only for black women, everybody, especially, in
America, we live in fucking Wolfof Wall Street.
Like it, where you, you are worthy to pay some, what you can
produce, what if you produce andEven me I'm in the women's
empowerment space and and I usedto be like, yeah, girl boss,
(13:27):
that's what I want to be, or do you girl boss, my company, made
this much, I did this place, didit?
And then I thought to myself, like we're kind of just
recreating the same thing. But in pink, you know what I'm
saying? Recreating oppressive structures
isn't, what Sheila wanted to be doing like many of us before the
pandemic. She was going full speed but
(13:48):
once everything stopped, she realized.
It wasn't sustainable. Thing was going to give if she
didn't slow down and re-evaluatewhat success meant to her.
If it was no longer pink girl boss.
I felt that I was on a treadmilland then pandemic a and I got
off the trail on. I was like, oh my God, I'm
fucking tired, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted, I don't like the
(14:12):
way I'm living. I don't want working this hard,
black bodies in the United States, have been defined around
their labor, and even in worthiness, Around their labor,
you know, if you could produce acertain amount of cotton than
you would be a better Slave at that time.
And I think that for my community being taken completely
(14:35):
out of that environment, and it's a total disruption that you
don't even realize. I am a sensitive to.
I have feel like that also. I also feel like I maybe just
going with the flow of things that I don't like, I haven't
really thought about how much I don't like that and I don't
know. If you can come to that
realization without these types of disruptions and there, we
(14:57):
were very privileged to be able to have them.
I feel like I have a responsibility to offer up these
disruptions in a day-to-day typeof way or in a way for somebody
who can't go away. Can't afford a retreat, can't
leave their family. When she says disruptions, I
picture a train coming to an abrupt stop having to pause and
take stock taking the time to ask.
(15:19):
What am I actually doing? Interrupting.
The Breakneck pace of our daily lives allowing for deeper
reflection and increased self-awareness.
It's less about doing and more about not doing and being okay
with that. Which could have the greatest
impact on our mindsets. I saw a tick tock the other day
(15:39):
that said something. Like, for people who grew up in
chaos piece feels like boredom. And I have to remind myself
that, you know, there are tons of things more than I should be
doing more things and more and more and more and remind.
Myself like what a gift? It is to just feel like that,
I'm not on high alert right now.Like remind my nervous system
that we're not at War and it's okay, to be, you'll notice even
(16:03):
from my response, time and emails and the amount of jobs
that I take, I give myself spacenow that I've never given myself
permission to do because I actually want to live because
we're human being not a human doing.
And for me, that doesn't mean going on a big trip go.
It just means He's like, oh, youknow what?
(16:23):
I haven't played Sims in 10 years.
I fucking love this Sims. That's it.
You know, I'm going to read a book today whatever, you know,
not everything has to be geared towards.
What am I doing? And creating a finding that time
to just be and it sounds like a kind of cliche but it really is
true for me. Neil, and I are speaking with
(16:50):
Sheila Marie about why she started the curvy curly
conscious movement together. We want to dig deeper into the
tools. We've all used when facing
obstacles whether they're beyondour control or inside our own
heads. There's one awesome tool which
has been sort of a guiding Mantra in.
(17:12):
Where do you go when you have nowhere to go is your mind, your
mind is this infinite abyss and there's this cool tool called
The Invisible Council. It's a space that 4510 however
many people alive or dead that you idolize that you embody that
if you have questions about whatto do and how to do it, take 30
(17:32):
minutes on your Monday morning and have an invisible council
meeting and you sit down And youhave this meeting and what you
will learn about yourself just through the perspectives of the
other people that are coming there that are sitting down at
your little council meeting and having that community that can
challenge you and that can push you.
(17:53):
I think there's an ideal of masculinity that is like, I
don't need these kinds of tools and resources and take a moment
to myself. I was raised in a household with
the idea of bottling, your emotions and pulling pulling
yourself up by the bootstraps was completely internalized.
I'm just now in a space where that's shifting and changing But
it took that suggestion in combination with looking at a
(18:16):
few of my role models and hearing that they did that too.
There's a serious decolonizationthat needs to happen.
Both in our bodies for for what work is and I think a millennial
a millennial stance of you are defined by the work that you do.
What you said about the invisible council is so
interesting because one of my favorite meditation is, is based
(18:37):
on. Have you ever heard of Quantum
Jumping know? I based it off of that Quantum
Jumping is the Principal like there could be unlimited
parallel, universes and unlimited parallel versions of
you. And so if you're having an issue
here, all you have to do is justgo meet the other version of you
who's figured it out and see what they did and ask him, what
(18:57):
they did spend some time, watch what they're eating, watch what
they're doing, and it's very similar to that when you said,
where do you go and you have nowhere to go and I had so true
when I started my journey and I was living in New York and that
I couldn't afford to do any of that.
I went to free yoga classes. It.
I was meditating every day I just was like, I'm going to be
here. I'm gone.
(19:18):
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go at that time.
I was just getting out of an abusive relationship and I was
like I I can't even imagine and a guy like we having a healthy
Dynamic. Like I'm I'm worthless.
I'm a lovable. You know.
Like when you're out of a breakup, you feel terrible and
so I was going there like let mejust go visit the version of
myself. Whoo, What do I want?
(19:40):
I actually do want to be married.
I think I've been telling myselfthis whole Time.
I don't want to be married because I want to be like a
feminist like I'm in the independent.
I don't need anything. I'm gonna just live like on a
communist. So I was like, I'm gonna go meet
married Sheila and I'm gonna go see what she's doing.
And so this is at the time when I have no marriage prospects in
sight at all. I was I all right, I'm just
(20:02):
gonna go and see what I started reading.
I was devouring books at the time and so I went into this
meditation Quantum leaping, you basically you see a door and
then you open the door. The other side of the door will
be yourself, you have to identify whatever that that self
is okay. It's myself, who's married?
And first is I just observed, and I just saw and I have his
(20:24):
journal entry to this day and I wrote down that I noticed that
they were getting up like, on their own accord.
It wasn't like an alarm clock. So that told me, I think they
work for themselves. It's like me and a guy.
And I was like, okay, then when I saw him, he was darker skin.
I was like, yes, And he had likethese locks, who's like, oh,
(20:46):
he's so fine. He had locks and they were like,
down his back and I was like, okay?
I couldn't tell that it could bean athlete but he's not an
athlete. Like he's very athletic police
killed, but that's not what he does.
I can figure out what he does, but then I saw that I was making
breakfast and it was just a slowlike, getting out of the house.
(21:07):
So I was like, we're not rushed for anything, but the house
looks really nice. So we might be doing, okay?
Okay, and I wrote all those things down and like years
later, when I met a case, I had to read him, the journal entry
Aces, her husband better known as Ace Hood the multi-platinum
selling rapper and recording artist who you may know from
(21:29):
Love & Hip, Hop in Miami. I'm so blessed and thankful and
privilege and then he's muscular.
It could be an athlete, he used to play football, but he
doesn't. He has lots.
I was like, this is crazy. Like last year, we did a couples
therapy and one of our exerciseswas to go off and we
(21:50):
individually had to write down all the versions of ourselves
that ever existed from like any time that you felt that there
was a transition and you went from one version of yourself to
another. Then that's a new one and list
them. And like, give them a name and I
cannot tell you. That was the most profound
exercise of ever done. Not only for me, but learning
(22:10):
that about him. But even myself Sitting down and
then like, well it's almost as if they're all these versions of
myself are apart of this Orchestra and they needed to go
off and each of them needed to have their like rehearsals, like
the violin strings need to go together and harmonize with the
strings and the percussion and they can't all harmonize
together at the same time. They need to hear everybody's
(22:32):
like a different tones and ways of working.
But then when they come togetherI feel like previous points in
my life. I was fighting them.
I don't want to be that one. I don't like that one.
I reject that one. That one around.
And now I feel like I'm just notcoming to a place where they can
come together and harmonize the ability to have Harmony within
yourself. Absolutely changes the game.
(22:52):
I appreciate what she'll is talking about because giving
yourself permission to see is super important.
I always check in with my futureself and see what he's doing, it
helps me work through, whatever challenges I'm facing.
So how does Sheila give herself permission to see?
I'm writing my second book this year, the editor asked me who
(23:14):
you writing this book for, and Ikept thinking my community, I'm
writing it for a woman who had asimilar experience to me and,
and all those answers and I, andI kept going into my meditation
and be like, why does it feel like it's there?
But it's not quite there. And the other day I was like,
all right, all right, all right.Sheila, who wrote the book
(23:35):
already? She little wrote the book
already and Sheila who has it's amazing New York Times
best-seller about like Who is itin?
And I saw her. And she looked like, almost like
a superhero, and it was like, very clear to me.
I was like, oh, okay, I'm writing the book for myself.
Oh my gosh, am I narcissistic? Are you know, there's so many
nurses, teachers, distinct Rays.That's such a buzzword now.
(23:56):
No, no, it has to be altruistic has to be selfless, has to be
for my community. And then what I realized is that
like if you have a history of people pleasing, what you find
is that you can't even be egocentric.
You don't even know who you are.Your whole identity has been you
sir. By you being sensitive to the
needs and the thoughts and the opinions of others around you
(24:17):
and then they've been molded into your identity that to the
point where if you don't ever sit down and get to know who you
are, if you don't ever sit down and let yourself be the captain
of that ship, you can't them adjust then you can't even
manage. Then you can't even ship because
it's like you have that first step is being like okay what
part is me and what part is not me and how did I get here?
(24:40):
And why? And what I want to do now.
And so I think that going back to spend time with myself, felt
so comforting even just if it gave me the indication that I
could do it that I knew. And so now like coming here to
when I'm writing my book, I verymuch was like okay that's it.
I'm writing the book for those past versions of Sheila because
(25:02):
at any point during my journey if she would have read this book
it would have helped her in someway and I also am writing it for
the future version of me that can only Be born.
If I write the book, this beautiful picture that you paint
in my head, is this future? Like, I you've painted it, I see
this version this future versionof yourself and you meeting it.
(25:24):
I think that sometimes I have tomake sure to remind myself that
I met her because I'm always thinking about to Future
versions. So, remind yourself that you
have caught up with her in a certain way and fighting through
a lot of imposter syndrome of like what Why do people care
what I have to say? Like, I'm not a doctor, I'm not
a PhD. I'm that like, telling myself
(25:46):
all of these reasons why I'm notqualified.
And so I have to remind myself to impostor syndrome with, like,
shows up for a lot of us now, I have a question and it's along
this train of thought here, and,and it's about who you look up
to. And before I fully release, that
question. I also want to offer another
reflection, another acknowledgement, something else
(26:07):
that I'm that I'm seeing that I'm hearing here.
There's a book that I Of it's mymost gifted book.
It's called the anatomy of the spirit and there's a part in
that book where it talks about the four stages of personal
power. And one of these words came up,
the two stages are Revolution and involution.
The third stage is narcissism than the fourth is evolution.
(26:29):
So the first two in short our stages, where you kind of start
realizing that you might be thinking differently than people
around you, maybe you realize that you're queer, maybe you
realize that you're actually Alidon't want to be living in this
city anymore or maybe you might realize, oh, my gosh, what's
going on with single-use plastics?
Something about that, is different, right?
(26:50):
And then, in the third stage, this narcissistic stage, which
you said earlier, you said that,you know, there could be a lot
of different interpretations to that word.
In this case, the narcissistic phase is one where you're pretty
firm on your new value. You know, you do your best to
carry a reusable, water bottle everywhere.
You know you feel proud and you want to dress a certain way or
Etc. There's just this like phase
where you're like, this is who Iam right now and if The person
(27:11):
remains steadfast throughout this process, they shift into
the fourth stage which is evolution and they shift from
being a person to a Persona and one that can create a field that
galvanizes inspiration. And I'm saying this, because I
want to offer that reflection that what I'm hearing from you
is as a girl, you were realizingall of these ways in which the
world made you feel like you didn't belong and then somewhere
(27:34):
along the line, you did find your belonging.
And then that cup is runneth over.
That micro became a reflection of the macro and what you
created for yourself. Your own sense of belonging and
as where as we're hearing from you and as we're coloring in
these wonderful lines of your story, who do you look up to now
(27:56):
in addition to your future self who creates that sense of
belonging for you. Like I really, really look up to
people who are bold, I honestly look up to the Generation Z.
I think that's why I like Tik-Tok so much because they are
so bold and so intelligent and have such a grasp on how to talk
(28:18):
about race and gender that my generation is still like just
learning about. And they are so bold with how
they speak openly and accept whothey are.
And hold themselves accountable as feel that Generations.
He also has a kindness that I really think is refreshing.
Humans can be Harsh. And I really admire kind people
(28:41):
because it is very hard. It takes a lot of strength and
courage to be kind in our world.I love that you share that.
It gives me, it gives me a different lens to look into
that. I also think it it segues really
well into this idea of who were giving thanks to, who are we
recognizing Our Lives? Both that, we know and that we
don't know that Inspire us. Anyone that you haven't given
(29:04):
thanks to already that you wouldwant to do right now.
I wish I could find Miss miles. Miss miles, was my eighth grade
AP, English teacher. And on the first day of school,
she gave the whole class roses, everybody had like an individual
(29:25):
rows, and we were just like, what are we doing?
This is a rose and she said, now, look at your rose.
And look at everybody else's roast, right?
Everyone has a different rows. Some are closed, some are more
Open than others. Some are different sizes.
Your journey in this class, thisyear is going to be yours.
(29:46):
Don't compare yourself to the people around you and so that
was so comforting to me. She set the tone for how we were
going to move through the year and she always made learning so
fun. She did everything in such a fun
and creative way she held us to very high standards.
But if you fell behind, she always met you where you were.
And I never forget that day withthe Roses.
(30:07):
I tried to find her before. And I hope that this, this finds
her because Miss miles deserves all her roses as well.
Yes, miles, thank you. If you are listening to this,
please reach out to us. Thank you.
Miss Mi, thank you, Miss miles. What do you want our listeners,
(30:27):
your listeners to do after you hit this podcast, just finished
right now? What do you want their energy to
go to as soon as this ends sit for a second and silence before
I can move on to the next Said Tiffany even if it's actually 60
seconds and just sit and ask yourself.
If there's anything that you want to take anything, a lot of
things are going to fly by, but is there anything that you want
(30:49):
to take with? You is like there.
Any one thing that you can take any gem that you can take to
implement into your daily life? Because there's so many I'm sure
here and I really want to say thank you because I don't do
podcasts. I feel like I got some type of
healing on some aspect of my life, just being here from being
in a man that are supportive andMen.
That are uplifting women and andgiving us the micro sharing at
(31:12):
the kids. Really beautiful.
And you should definitely just be honored for that.
I'm honored by your presence. Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh. Thank you for so, so refreshing.
That's flashing happening right now.
But real version of myself that is working on internalizing.
(31:34):
A compliment is struggling rightnow.
The other version says let's confuse that with humor.
Okay this looks like a great moment to segue to the rapid
fire. All right, I started ready your
(31:57):
favorite movie? Um, oh that's too hard.
That's too hard. A revolutionary room favorite
song who are also my favorite song?
Oh, Part of Your World Little Mermaid.
Why haven't favorite foreign word?
(32:20):
What? And where was I?
In Dakar Senegal. That's how you say like say -
Jared. If I just remember is just, it
was just beautiful. That's all I can say.
Favorite fruit. Oh, I'm gonna go with Appleman
(32:40):
apples. All right.
Pancakes, or waffles? Waffles all day.
Oh yeah, hesitate on that. When are your golden hours?
When are you most productive? Like 2 to 5 p.m. and bring it
home? Chocolate or vanilla?
Exactly. I want to, I want to throw one
other one, other question in there.
(33:02):
What's the last thing you do before you go to bed for?
You going to wait before you endyour day the last and to them is
dead. Oh, I watch Netflix.
That's the last thing I do at the end of my day.
Yeah, me and my husband, we go watch something and the
complement to that is. What is the first thing you do
when you wake up I like what howdo you start your day?
Thirty minutes of exercise. For my men tools and everything.
(33:25):
Thank you so much Sheila for joining us, for being part of
leave looking up and, and givinga little bit of your time and
energy and mentality to us. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you seriously.
Thank you so much Sheila. Thank you.
The feeling is mutual. Thank you so much.
(33:48):
You can follow Sheila on all social channels at the Sheila
Marie. Or on her website at www.ge.com,
Marie.com leave looking up is hosted by myself near Ludovic,
and my co-host, Amir Jan Dolly, and produced by our small.
But Mighty team at Moon 31, a company dedicated to creating
(34:08):
platforms for Meaningful conversations.
That tackle the important issuesof today for folks that love
what they're hearing today and want to hear and see more.
We have the complete uncut and raw episodes in video form
available online on our Page by patreon at www.levitt.com up.com
fans there, you can support, what we're creating here.
(34:30):
Sound bites, that didn't make itto the Final Cut gain wisdom
from our guests score. Merch, be the first to access
our content and more also we'd like to take a second to thank
you for joining us today. So, if you haven't already,
please be sure to leave a ratingand review of the podcast in
your app of choice. We also recommend following us
(34:51):
on social media, At leave looking up on all social
channels or subscribing to our mailing list for special content
news and first dibs on the episodes, via our website at
leave looking up.com. This episode was created through
the combined efforts of myself as executive producer, and our
lead producer, Lucian glow to sleep the moon. 31 team also
(35:11):
includes designer and Draya. Kang glass, slipper, medium, and
engineer. Just inject, Carter an extra
special. Thanks to engineer, TJ,
dumpster, who mixed and masteredthis episode original theme
music. Bye.
Brady W and background music. Provided from Blue Dot sessions.
Bye. Brady W and background music.
Provided from Blue Dot sessions.
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