Being Seen & Heard

Where are we not allowing those in our circles to be seen and heard, especially with our men? 

Where are you not allowing yourself to own all parts of yourself and recognize the wholeness of all that you are?

It is time for us to pick up crosses, to burn them, to stop the suffering and to embody and be seen for all that we are. 

Let's stay in touch!

IG: @amanda.joy.loveland
FB Amanda Joy Loveland
www.amandajoyloveland.com
YouTube: Amanda Joy Loveland

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:03):
Well, welcome, welcome, welcome it has been, man, I
don't even know how many weekssince I have recorded and
dropped a podcast. So Iapologize to all of you that are
weekly listeners and have missedout having new episodes drop
today is a solo cast. And as Isat down, it kept filling to

(00:26):
record and drop an episode thisweek, and I didn't have a guest.
So it felt to sit down with youand share what comes out. And
this one, what Phil's like weget to speak on or what I get to
speak on and you and I are goingto have a conversation, I'm
going to pretend that you'resitting here with me, is around

(00:50):
our men.
And man, I'm going through someinteresting personal things in
my life rightnow, which is part of why I've
I've kind of put my podcast onthe side and, and I'm now just
kind of getting back into it andgetting some really amazing
interviews lined up. But I'mgoing through another kind of
personal shift, and ones thatare something that is completely

(01:13):
unexpected. And my world issomewhat getting flipped again.
And that while there's painthat's happening, there's beauty
in all of it. And I'm trulygrateful, I'm grateful for the
way that the universe has beenshowing up for me lately and the
call that I am hearing veryloudly, that if we are wanting a
new way of living a new way ofbeing in a new world, we cannot

(01:36):
do it from the places that wehave been. We can't do it from
the constructs of what we havebuilt on this planet so far in
this lifetime. But instead needto come from something, some
places that are new. And so inthat I have been called to trust
more to listen more and totrust. And one of the things

(01:57):
that is coming up very loudly isour men, our men, our men, our
men, and this personal thingthat I'm going through happens
to be with my husband. And I'llshare more more later when I'm
ready. But one of the things asI've been evaluating our
relationship that I saw veryclearly how often I have quieted

(02:18):
him, where I have not allowedfor him to be heard in our
conversations where I've cutthem off or corrected him. And I
know it's not just me. And theconversations that I've had with
different people over the lastseveral weeks, and actually
several months. It's been reallyinteresting. In fact, today, I
just had a conversation withsome other friends of mine, and

(02:40):
talking about the suicide rateswith men. And the my friend
threw out some statistics withthe highest suicide, suicide
rate of completion happens to bemen, and I think it was ages 45
to 55. And the just the suiciderates in general with men are
quite high. And why is that? Andanother friend of mine, who we

(03:04):
were having a conversationseveral weeks ago, has shared
some interesting thoughts andviewpoints around men that I
hadn't thought about. And youknow, as we when we get married,
especially when we get marriedyoung, right? Women, you're
gonna all I would love for youjust to own we get to own our
parts, right, we get to see howwe're showing up in our world

(03:25):
with our relationships, and, andhave room to shift it and, and
provide opportunities to open upto new ideas. And you know, when
we get married, we fall in lovewith this man. And we get
married, and then they want tostill go do the things that they
did before they were married andwe get really upset. And no, I
don't want you to go hang outwith your friends. And no, you

(03:48):
can't go play basketball withdata. Because I'm at home and
especially if you have kids andthose dynamics that changes. And
he made my friend Tony is TonyGerber that had made a comment
around this that you fell inlove with that version of that
man that did hang out with hisfriends that did these things

(04:08):
before you met, you fell in lovewith that version, and then you
want him to change. You want himto change to fit this idea of
what you think a partnership anda marriage should look like
based off of our societalconditioning and our side
societal programming of what apartnership should look like.
And men then you know, theycarry this responsibility to
provide and take care of thefamily. And they do so with

(04:30):
sacrificing a lot of who theyare. Now there's two sides of
the coin right? There are alsothe feminine qualities that were
the wives that were told, youknow, and conditioned that this
is what wives should do. And sothere's both but I specifically
want to talk to about our men.

(04:51):
So we get married we have babiesmen go out provide that they're
supposed to be their protectors,the providers, the care givers
in that way the monetary Way,and they have all this immense
pressure to do to do that. Andthey sacrifice a lot, and they
sacrifice a lot of who they areto make their families happy to
fit this ideal of what they'resupposed to be.

(05:13):
Meanwhile, How many friends dothey have? What are they doing
for themselves, it's notconditional Well, or justified,
you know, if I, if I do this,and it's okay, if I spend money
over here, if I do this thing,then I'll go. And then it'll
justify why I can go spend timeto go hang out with my buddies,
or whatever, whatever it is. Andagain, we do that as women as

(05:36):
well. But there is there is alittle bit of a difference. And
our men, then we they do thesethings, then the statistics of
divorce, right? I've beenmarried four times for crying
out loud, the statistics ofdivorce are high. And with men,
most often they go throughdivorce, obviously, this is not
the norm. But this is often gothrough divorce. Now all this

(05:58):
hard work and money that theyhad, they had created for the
family system is now they're nowsupposed to take care of two
households, because they'regoing through a divorce. And
trying, you know, there's no asTony put it, there's no ROI and
that, and where's the payout?
kind of shitty. And when Ifacilitated my last retreat, we

(06:18):
did these things called adespacho. And our my last
retreat was mainly women. Andthere was a lot of pieces that
came up around men in a lot ofdifferent contexts. And we did
two dispatches, which are justBacho is a ceremonial piece that
is a shamanic practice. And itis a prayer of bundle
essentially, that you blow yourprayers into this despacho into

(06:39):
akin to, and you honor andthere's a lot of honoring and
ceremony that goes into this,and it's quite beautiful. And as
I fell to do these dispatches wecreated to one for the
masculine, one for the feminine,and we blew our prayers for
both, you know, one in one, oneof the other. And as I was doing

(07:00):
that, in the masculine, that'swhen I saw very clearly holy
cow, How often have I quieted myhusband, and not let him be
heard. And, as I am about tolaunch a new business with a
beautiful friend of mine, calledthe one pulse collective, one of
the things that we are, Sara andI are focused on is working with

(07:23):
men and starting to do menretreats. And as this has kind
of been coming about, I've beenstarted seeing how much our men
are wounded and, and arehurting, and looking for ways of
being able to be seen, and allthat they are and held and all
that they are and heard and allthat they are. And I was just at

(07:45):
a event not too long ago, whereI got to listen to some men that
were just didn't know eachother, but they were bonding
over common trauma. And Ithought it was interesting just
to witness their conversationand what they were, what they
were going through, and howdifficult it was, and yet the
curiosity that they were havingin their process and curiosity

(08:05):
of, of as they were kind ofleaving the Mormon religion on
top of some other things thatwere going on in their lives
and, and just the vulnerabilitythat they were sharing with each
other and allowing themselves tobe seen with each other was
quite beautiful. And there youguys, I did not plan on talking
about this. But I guess it getsto be spoken to of where are we

(08:27):
holding space for our men?
Women, if you're listening tothis, I invite you just to take
a moment, if you're not feelingheard, and you're getting
frustrated at your partner fornot feeling heard, try just to
hear them, try to just holdspace for them and see if it

(08:49):
doesn't shift. Oftentimes not. Imean, it's not often it's always
or our life is constantly givingus feedback. It's constantly a
mirror, and where we're notgetting what we're wanting in
the world. And where are we notgiving that to ourselves? Where
are you not hearing yourself?
And where are you not hearingyour partner? And can you just
open up to the idea of listeninga little deeper. And on top of

(09:11):
this, these these men that I waswitnessing and listening to that
I had just mentioned, as theywere talking about religion, I
could see the deep programmingthat had been forged there.
Especially with the priesthoodand that patriarchy piece. From
the feminine side, we havelooked at it as like this

(09:32):
shining, right women aren'tallowed to have priesthood.
Yeah, our men are notnecessarily the ones that that
chose that they're just abyproduct of a system that was
already created. So where arewe? And yet there is this
instant, like negative negativeemotions or negative feeling
towards men in general, andstead of understanding that this

(09:54):
was just a system that wascreated that we all chosen to at
one point in time and anotherand that our men are just Just
as wounded and programmed as weare, and maybe then some, the
pressure and the things that areon their shoulders to be these
leaders and these providers ispretty intense. And can we hold
a space for them to allow fortheir shoulders to soften, allow

(10:19):
for the wait to be put down, andto share in the conversations to
share in, in the vulnerabilityof who they are and who we all
are. You know, I think thatthere's this place within all of
us. That is asking to come backhome to the self. I mean, this

(10:41):
is what I do for a living isreally helping people to come
back home to themselves. That'swhat this one pulse Collective
is, is coming back to yourpulse. And then recognizing that
when you come back to yourpulse, you are connected to the
whole. And when we chooseourselves from a non wounded
place, and we choose the selflove, and we come back to the
self over and over again, in anon wounded place, it benefits

(11:04):
the whole. And from this place,this honoring of the self, can
we then look and witness ourshadows, those places of shame,
of guilt, of kinkiness, ofweirdness of fears, of all these
shadow aspects that we all holdand are afraid of? Can we see

(11:29):
ourselves in all of that, andrecognize that they are very
much a part of us and withoutthose pieces, we would not have
the flip side, we would not havethe polarized version of that,
or that the counterpart of thatwe wouldn't have these gifts if
we didn't have the shadows. Andthe can we integrate both the

(11:52):
God in us and the devil in us?
Can we witness and own that wehave aspects of both of those
that are alive within us, andthen be seen for that, except
those parts of us own thoseparts of us without rejecting
it, and come back to wholeness.
We have lived in such a planetof duality, a polarity, and we

(12:15):
are a war with ourselves. Andwhen we are at war within
ourselves, we will continue tohave war in the external. When
we abuse ourselves, we willcontinue to see abuse happening
in our world. When we havenegative self talk, when we have
all these things that we'redoing internally to ourselves,
we will see it reflected in theworld. Because at the end of the

(12:38):
day, we are creating ourreality. There is no God up
there that is a conditional Godthat is creating the wars and
the sex trafficking and theabuse, it is not God creating
that it is we we are doing thisas a collective we are. And this
is why it always comes back tothe self is because you can't

(13:00):
change the wheel until youchange the knee. And when you
come to the self and you own andyou embrace and you recognize
all the beauty and the pain, andthe trauma, and all of the
pieces that are a part of you,and instead of having it fractal
doubt, bring it into wholenessand own all of these God given
pieces. Because you are anaspect of God, you are connected

(13:24):
to God, you have divinity withinyou. It includes the light and
the shadow. And when you you ownall of that, when you embrace
all that, then we become Christand inform. And I've spoken
about this before, but Christwas not born as a Christ, who's
Yahshua Ben Joseph. And then heleaned into all of who he was,

(13:47):
that at times was painful, andat times was probably very
difficult and felt very alone.
Yet he leaned into the fear heembraced who he was he went both
feet in to the path that waschartered for him his soul's
call in this life, he leaned allin and he was okay with the
ripple effect that it created.

(14:13):
On some sometimes we createripples when we lean in to all
to all of who we are, and theybelieve that's why we don't
choose in sometimes. You know,it's I'm seeing a lot of
separation, a lot of divorce anda lot of unhealthy relationships
that are either breaking up orpeople are choosing and still.
And it's always interesting towitness why some people choose

(14:34):
out and why some people choosein. And often nine times out of
10 people will continue tochoose in because it's easier to
stay in pain, it's easier tostay in the discomfort it's
easier to stay in thedysfunction than it is to step
out into the unknown world. Howwill I do all these things
without this person even if I'mnot happy in it? So they stay in

(14:54):
the dysfunction. Instead ofstepping forward and putting
both feet in in this otherplace. They know that they
should And both are okay. Bothpaths are okay. And as I've had
just the conversations that havehappened over the last several
weeks that have just been eyeopening in so many ways, we have

(15:15):
had enough suffering on theplanet. And because we have this
Christ wound that lives withinus, and we believe that Christ
suffered for our sins, we thencontinually live out the
suffering over and over and overagain. Why I wrote about this in
my book that's going to bereleased this coming week.

(15:35):
suffering and pain is moresocially acceptable than having
pleasure, joy, and havingeverything you've ever wanted.
Think about it. Are you morelikely to give compassion and
empathy and sympathy and supportto someone that's in pain,
versus support to someone andlove to someone and happiness
and joy and excitement? Issomeone that is literally living

(15:57):
their their wildest dreams? Whenare we going to put down the
suffering? When are we going tohonor ourselves for all that we
are an honor and witness and seeeach other in our wholeness? And
in order to do that, you've gotto see it within yourself first
period. So the suffering piece,are we done suffering? Are we

(16:23):
ready to take Christ off thecross and realize that this
beautiful man was just exampleof what we are here to do, which
is to lean into our greatness tolean into our gifts and learn
how to become God inform. Wechose to be humans, we chose to
have a physical body, we choseto have this coat of skins. And

(16:45):
then we chose to forget so thatwe could then remember because
how fun would that be? Is itpossible that this has just been
a school and a place for us justto learn more and more of who we
are in a physical form. My dadwhen he was alive was one that I

(17:06):
would find him often the housethat I grew up in, in Orem, when
he'd come home from work, and heworked really hard. He built up
this beautiful business, and hewas a brilliant entrepreneur.
And he spent a lot of time awayfrom home. But when he was home,
he was often outside, justadmiring nature admiring beauty.
And it was one of the thingsthat I to this day, like, I can

(17:27):
feel his energy of how he wasjust so in awe and connected to
the elements to the the sky, theearth, and honoring the creation
of it all and the beauty of itall. And I've probably I don't
know, a year or two ago, I wason a trip with my mom. And we
were driving out of Sedona, thatbeautiful canyon that winds out

(17:48):
of Sedona. And the whole trip mydad kept kept coming in, which
was quite sweet. And he's hecomes in quite often. But this
trip, he was there more thanthan he usually is. And as we
were driving out, he was showingme and it was quite touching.
And I hope I can communicatethis clearly. But he was showing

(18:11):
me that without the physicalbody, experiencing this earth is
somewhat mute, without thephysical body without feeling
without emotions, without thatenergetic connection that can
connect to all things and thenfill it in the body. There is a

(18:32):
sweetness that's lost. And soyou're showing me how much he
missed that how he missed theability that I had in that
moment to be sitting next to mybeautiful mother driving out of
this canyon. And witnessing thebeauty and the grandeur that was
around me and being in such suchawe of it that it brought me to
tears, the way that he wascommunicating how amazing it is

(18:58):
that we get to be in a humanform to fill that isn't is not
like there's nothing thatcompares.
And I appreciated that thesimpleness of just this deeper
understanding and deeperawareness that we chose into
human physical forms for areason. We wanted to have this

(19:20):
experience we wanted to know howto feel, to have pleasure to
have pain, to have bothspectrums. To experience all of
it. Because there is beauty inall of it. And without the
physical body the sweetnessisn't quite as tangible as it is
with the physical body. So whenare you going to put down the

(19:45):
suffering of whatever you'recarrying right now? When are you
going to put down your cross andstop carrying your cross? When
are you going to embrace allparts of you own the kinky parts
of you the shadow parts of youthose parts of you that are in
shame. When are you going toembrace it all, and see the
wholeness of yourself andwitness and honor all of you, so

(20:10):
that you can then do it forothers. And again, if we are
asking for different experiencein this world, we cannot do it
from the places that we havebeen, we cannot create a new
earth, from the constructs thathave been here, the programs,

(20:31):
the learning the knowledge thatwe've had, we can't do it from
those places. So I invite you toopen up to being curious as to
what gets to be had next. Whatdo I get to create today? Where
can I be more in play. Andanother friend that was just
sharing with me, one of thethings that my friend Sarah and

(20:53):
I talk a lot about is play. Andthe neural plasticity about how
in when you're in play, it onlytakes I think, 20 repetitions to
create a new neural pathwayversus like 300 repetitions when
you're not in play, which is ahuge difference, right. And as I
was sharing this with a friendof mine, he had mentioned too,

(21:13):
that there's a Buddhist practiceor Buddhist principle that when
we're in play, that's when theego dies. That's when there is
no ego. And because you'realways in play, and always in
curiosity, so if somethingcrappy happens in your life,
it's like, well, that'sinteresting. How is that
supporting me today on why isthis showing up and being more
curious and playful about it,and playful about the creations

(21:36):
that are happening? That itremoves in that, when you're in
play? It removes the suffering,because we get out of the story
of what that must mean? You'rechoosing out of religion? What
what must that mean about you?
And when you buy into thestories of what that must mean?
Or what people are thinking, orwhat, how are people going to
react to you, you create yourown suffering, right? If you had

(21:57):
no attachment to that story, andyou were just in plain curiosity
and wonder of this life, andwhat you get to create Next,
your transition out of religionwould not be as painful.
Wherever you are listening tome, whether you're driving or on
a walk, or wherever you are. Myinvitation to you today is where

(22:18):
can you give yourself somegrace, some grace for being
human, for living this humanexperience for being brave, and
having courage to stepping outof a construct that no longer
feels true? Where can you seeyour wins in life? And where can
you embrace those that you love,especially your partners,

(22:41):
especially the men in our lives?
Where can you open up more spaceto seeing them and allowing them
to be seen and heard? And wherecan you see and hear yourself
more.
At the end of the day, I hopeyou remember that we are all
doing the best that we can withwhat we know. And today for me,

(23:03):
I there are things that I feel Iknow today, and I know tomorrow,
they'll change my book that'sreleasing this Friday, I am so
excited to share with you. Andthis is a piece that if you are
in a little bit of a holdingpattern, or feeling stuck or
angry or sad, this book is areally beautiful tool that will
assist you in processes andexercises, to move through where

(23:27):
you're at. And to come back moreto your spiritual center.
Because at the end of the day,this is where we are all
screaming, to come back to howdo I know myself, know thyself.
For when you know yourself andyou own who you are the
connection that you have to theDivine, embracing all parts of

(23:49):
you, then this is when we createa new earth. Because we're all
than more trusting in theinspiration we're receiving.
We're receiving information andinspiration outside of time and
space. Because of the humanconstruct in the human mind,
there are things that we justcannot see and comprehend. And

(24:09):
so from that God eyesperspective, and having a
connection to the divine, or toyour higher self, whatever you
want to call it. There's greatwisdom to be had there. And then
we get to surrender and be inthe present and presence of what
is with nothing to do andnothing to defend and instead of

(24:31):
instead we're just in the ISM oflife. And we're just in the
moments. And when we're in thepresent moment we are in
presence with ourself and inpresence with ourselves being
completely seen at all times arewe not? So I believe my book
will be dropping this podcast isreleasing here tomorrow. And

(24:55):
then my book will be droppingFriday. So I'm going to share
the link actually, I'm not gonnashare the link But watch out for
it. If you're following me onsocial media, please make sure
you're checking my social mediabecause I would really love,
love, love to get this book inyour hands. I know that it's a
beautiful tool. It's only 1333.
For the book, I wanted to makesure that it wasn't super

(25:15):
expensive. Because this is abook that will be a great asset.
And then I've created someguided meditations to go along
with this book if it's somethingyou feel called to do. And
you'll find that website in mybook, The link to that website,
that webpage. So I hope thatthis podcast was helpful to you.
Like I said, I didn't know whatI was gonna be speaking on and

(25:36):
here we are. But wherever youare in the world, give yourself
grace. Give your children grace,give your partner's grace your
friends, your family, becausethat grace is something you are
seeking as well. Sending you allso much love