Being Seen with Rachael Wheeler

This is a unique episode where we dive into some healing work together. While this wasn't planned, it was exactly perfect. Rachael steps into her vulnerability and allowing herself to be fully seen in this episode which is such an inspiration to us all! When we allow ourselves to be seen, we allow for true healing and the ability to fully accept and love ourselves.

Rachael shares a bit about her story through leaving the mormon church and at the end of the episode I found myself wanting to know more of her story! So, we will be sharing another episode next week of her full story in her choice to step out of religion and out of her marriage.

Join us for a beautiful episode. If you would like to be a guest on my show and are wanting to work through a few of your blocks or pieces you are having a difficult time letting go, email me at [e-mail].

Connect with Rachael:

Email: [e-mail]

IG: Rachael.wheeler.376

Join my private facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/leavingreligion

Ready to claim all that you are? Join me at my next retreat experience: https://www.amandajoyloveland.com/inbody

For more tools to assist you in stepping out of religion: https://www.amandajoyloveland.com/leavingreligiontools

Grab my latest book! Leaving religion, a guide to finding your spiritual center after religion: https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Religion-Those-Leave-Behind/dp/1952566487/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1FUQQ23L4I458&keywords=leaving+religion+%26+those&qid=1655217437&sprefix=leaving+religion+%26+those%2Caps%2C126&sr=8-1

Let's stay in touch!

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Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:01):
Welcome, welcome welcome to my podcast leaving
religion a guide to navigatingthe waters after religion. I am
your host, Amanda Loveland. Andman, that title is a little bit
of a mouthful, I knew I neededto change it from leaving
religion and those we leavebehind to more of this, but I
need to figure out a little bitof a shorter title, something

(00:22):
that encompasses this, but witha shorter title. So if you have
any other ideas, shoot them overto me. And if you're looking for
a community, I'm I am in theprocess of growing a private
Facebook group that is currentlyentitled leaving religion and
those we leave behind. So ifyou're looking for a community,
head over there, join theconversations and share her

(00:45):
share possible podcast titleideas over there, I would love
to hear them. And as you mayhave already seen, I just
launched a embody experiencethat I get to co facilitate with
three other amazing women. Andthis experience is September 22,

(01:06):
through 25th, down inSpringdale, Utah, and is going
to be an unbelievableexperience. The The reason that
it felt so guided to do this isI don't know about you, but so
many of us are in a place of artwhere our souls are asking to be

(01:27):
fully embodied, we chose to behere in a physical body. And
while we are trying to obtainall the spiritual aspects of
ourselves, which is beautiful,and seeing what we're capable
of, and our gifts and ourabilities, it is crucial to
embody all of them and be in thephysical and be in the here and

(01:47):
the now with those pieces andallowing ourselves to be fully
seen, because the embodiment andthe body is the key. So by
stepping into this experiencewith us, we will be guiding you
and walking you throughdifferent different experiences,
different exercises to fully bein bodies. And then we're
actually doing an after programafter the retreat after this

(02:10):
experience to where we will becontinuing to assist you in
integrating these pieces.
Because far too many timespeople go to retreat
experiences, and they haveunbelievable things come through
to them and love how they feelin that space, and then trying
to integrate it at home ischallenging. So we are going to
walk you through that andactually have created a course

(02:30):
to assist you in that. As wellas we'll be doing some zoom
calls and other things. So ifthis is something that you are
feeling a soul yes to then youare to be in this space, we are
calling in some absolutelyamazing individuals that we get
to co create this space togetherwith and we are limiting the
space to 14 individuals. So ifyou are a yes, we anticipate

(02:52):
this selling out quite quickly.
Head over. In fact, I'mrecording this a week in
advance. So we'll see how manyspots we've sold. By the time
this release is head over to mywebsite, Amanda joy
loveland.com, forward slash inbody that's AI Nbody. And I will
put the link in the show notes.
So today's episode is quitedifferent. And I was really,

(03:14):
really grateful that thisbeautiful woman that I really
don't know we connected throughsocial media and then kind of
tried to record a few differenttimes, but got to step into this
space, just recently via zoom.
And as we stepped into thisspace, I was shown pretty
quickly that we get to actuallytreat this a little bit like a

(03:37):
session. So this is very candid,very real, very raw for her. And
I was so grateful that sheshowed up. So just stunning in
this space. So as we dive in,you'll hear how it shifts pretty
quickly. And we I guide herthrough a few processes. And
then she shares some of herstory that that I that many of

(04:03):
us can relate to and issomething that we get to really
talk about a lot of it has to dowith trauma, and some different
pieces along her story thatcoincides with religion kind of
dances in and out. So withoutfurther ado, let's dive into
this conversation that I got tohave with Rachel. Welcome,

(04:27):
Rachel, I am so excited to sitdown with you and you and I
don't know each other. So thisis really fun, because I don't
know, I really don't knowanything about you. So today I'm
sitting down with RachelWheeler, and we are recording
via zoom. Welcome. Thank you forcoming, Rachel and saying yes.
Yeah, thank you. So you saidyou've never done a podcast

(04:47):
before. So I know all sorts oflittle nerves come up,
especially talking about talkingabout this kind of a topic can
be challenging for most but it'salways fascinating when our soul
says yesYeah, my soul says yes about
nearly everything.
Well, there you go.
Well, I love it. What? I don'tknow where you want to start in

(05:10):
your journey it feels, it feelslike you already know where you
want to go. Have you thoughtabout have you been feeling into
this? Um,I mean, I really don't know
anything at this point.
Tell you tell you what thatmeans you don't know anything.

(05:33):
I mean, my whole life, I've hadall kinds of interests, like,
I'll be taking classes andlearning new skills, probably
till I die. So I get reallypassionate about anything I get
to learn, and I love learning.
But the more I know, more Ilearned the less I know,
obviously. Right? So I totallyconfident in a way, but I never

(05:56):
really didn't have very muchconfidence. So that's okay.
Yeah. So it feels like I'venever actually had this with any
of my guests so far. So I'mgonna, I'm gonna offer something
into this space. And you eithersay yes or no. Okay. It feels
like as you're sharing yourstory, there's also pieces that

(06:16):
it seems like you're still kindof unwinding from that we may
process through the podcast. Howare you? How are you with that?
Yeah, that sounds amazing.
Are you okay? If this is almostlike a little bit of a, like an
actual session?
Or Yeah, amazing, because II feel very

(06:39):
uncertain and directionless.
Right now,I can feel it's 111 as we're
talking about this. So if yourgame then I we're going to kind
of treat this a little bit likea session and we're going to
unwind some pieces. All right.
Do you feel comfortable withthat?
Yeah, that sounds good.

(07:00):
Tell me all the help I can get.
Well, hey, I would love for youjust to take a moment and
actually acknowledge all theplaces that you have been and
where you are now. Okay.
Especially how the last fewmonths have there been? Has
there been a lot of unwinding?
And a lot of shifts and a lot ofmovement?

(07:23):
Um, I probablyI've done a lot of unlearning,
in the past, probably. I mean,I'd say 16 plus years, but the
last eight years more intensely.
So just a lot of unlearning.
And now what sorry, there'sbecause we're on Zoom. Sometimes

(07:44):
there's a little bit of a delay,which drives me a little nuts,
but that's fine.
Yeah. And now I just feel kindof stuck.
Tell me speak a little bit morestuck in where? Where do you
when you take a breath? And youjust check in with your body?
Where is it? Where's that stuckfeeling in your body?

(08:07):
In my chest, and then in myreally everywhere in different
ways. Butokay, how long have you felt
this way?
Most of my life almost.
So all your life what? What is?
Have you always been reallyaware of this feeling of being

(08:31):
stuck? Or is it seem more acutenow?
Yeah, I've,I've always been aware to some
degree.
When I wasa baby, and a toddler, I would
just I would scream until Ifainted. And I don't know, I
feel like some of that wasdefinitely

(08:58):
the parenting that I wasreceiving. And I didn't get to,
like have my own will or my ownvoice or anything. And so that
was really frustrating to me.
And I also probably feltlimitations of my physical body.
But I started developing mytalents pretty fast, pretty
early on and was tended to bepretty natural. Most things that

(09:20):
I tried. So that's where I foundmy worth and value is in doing
what did you do? Yeah, what wereyou good at as a as a child as a
youthas a kid? Sports art and then
when I became a teenager, Istarted developing all kinds of
things like poetry andcaretaking and baking and

(09:42):
cooking piano by ear singingflute Wow, that's amazing.
And all the while while you weredoing all those things and
becoming really good at that andand being seen in those ways how
Did you feel inside internally?

(10:03):
Not good.
I was fighting against myselfand being kind of a tyrant. I
consider I did things exactlyright. And if I didn't, then it
was like punishment right away.
Because that way I could guardmyself from any punishment or
judgment from the outside, likenothing hurts. As the pressure I
put on myself.

(10:25):
Well, and oftentimes, especiallywhen we have things like that,
that are going on within us,we'll keep we'll move. We'll
keep moving really fast. We'llbe doing the next thing doing
the next thing doing the nextthing. What can I go and spend
my time in now? Because it's adistraction. Right. From what's
going on internally? Yeah,I used to be. Yeah. Now I like
just sitting still, I just wantto rest and draw and create,
create anything. That's my happyplace.

(10:51):
So you're you are a creator.
Yeah, that's beautiful. What doyou love to create?
I draw. I don't know if you'veseen anything on my Facebook
posts, but I usually post withone of my drawings. my more
recent. I draw, I sit down andplay the piano. I sing all the
time. I crochet I sew. Butlately, it's been more just

(11:13):
trying with all differentmediums.
Do you and I haven't seen that?
I'm excited to go check it out.
Um, do you find yourself whenyou do you dream a lot when you
sleep?
Yeah, yeah, I'm a dreamer. Andalso visions, visions, and
dreams have always been prettymuch there. So do
you? Do you travel a lot? Do youknow what I mean? When I asked

(11:36):
that?
Yeah, I work out things withrelationships. And even between
awake and asleep. I see peopledoing things all the time. And
people before I meet them, aswell. So
what what spirit is showing meis that you are very etheric
being in a physical body, right.
So you can tap into a lot ofdifferent realms and a lot of

(11:57):
different places at while beingin the physical. And, and you
feel things you're quitesensitive. That Correct? Yeah,
definitely.
Now, if we were in a fullsession, and you were sitting
here in my treatment room, Iwould tell you that I feel like
my whole job here is just topoint you back to you. So I am a

(12:22):
hollow bone or a vessel just toreceive information. And to
assist you in seeing you andthose parts of you that you're
asking to unwind and get moreclarity around. However, I'm
human, just like you are. So Ihave my own filter. So if
anything comes through, thatdoesn't feel true to you. Just
put it aside. And that way itgives you and I both permission
just to step into this space,and let us both be held with

(12:43):
whatever gets to come through.
And if it doesn't resonate,beautiful, if it does fantastic,
but you have autonomy, choiceand sovereignty in this
conversation. And hopefully youknow that in life, but I just I
just want to speak that to thespace. And if you are you open
to doing a little guided journeyfor a minute. Sure. I don't know

(13:04):
if you're comfortable with whereyou're at. Or if you want to lay
down it's completely up to you.
Okay, maybe I'll lay down, okay.
Holy cow, Did you just hear thatwe're having background noise?

(13:26):
This is it. This is I'm really Ilove playing right. And in each
conversation I have or eachsession or podcast interview, we
get to play and I don't knowwhat is happening outside in my
house, but some kid just dumpeda bunch of stuff. And your boys
are all playing in your house.
So it's like this is life,right? Yeah. Well, I would love
to invite you just to allowyourself to settle in bringing

(13:52):
all of your energy into yourbody. Now we're just going to
call in your angels, yourguides, just to surround this
space between both you and I.
And to just kind of put a littlebit of a barrier at your bedroom
door door so that your childrenare taken care of for the next

(14:15):
30 plus minutes, so that you canjust rest and be completely
present in this space. Seeing abubble of light, a circle of
light coming around you nowholding you creating a conduit
connecting us to both Earthenergies Pachamama energies and

(14:37):
to source the divine God.
Just opening that space.
And again, just imagining allenergy of you coming back to you
now that you're completelypresent in this moment fully
embodied.
And taking a few deep breathsallow you to settle even deeper.

(15:04):
And for those of you listening,you are welcome to also do the
sameand I would invite you, Rachel,
just to imagine yourselfsomewhere in nature.
Somewhere that feels safe goingthere now. Notice your

(15:26):
surroundings. Are you in themountains are you by an ocean, a
lake, a stream or river?
Or even the desert? Where areyou just see it
now? Notice that your feet arebarefoot and allow yourself

(15:47):
just to be completely presentand grounded in this space. Can
you still hear me Rachel? Yeah.
Okay. Your video just turnedoff. So I just want to make sure
you're you can turn it off ifyou want. It's completely fine.
Just wanted to make sure we werestill connected.

(16:08):
Good. Yeah.
So closing your eyes going backinto that place in nature and
noticing if it's if the sun isup or if its moon if it's day or
night.
Is there a breeze? Are there anyanimals around you any birds?

(16:31):
Good. As you're in this space,you'll notice in the distance a
child walking toward you see hernow? She comes towards you.
Notice how old she is? Do yousee her? How old is she? She is

(16:59):
14 months or two years. Yeah.
And I want you just to kneeldown in front of her
and reaching out taking her intoyour arms and holding her
bringing her heart to yourheart. And as you are holding

(17:23):
this little girl there's aversion of you
taking deep breaths andbreathing her essence all the
way into you feel those parts ofher that just want to be held
feel those parts of her thatjust want to feel reassured that
everything is okay. That she'ssafe being in a physical body

(17:47):
and all the senses that she'spicking up on all the pieces
that are so foreign to heror for her comfort and if she
could talk What would she say toyou now? What is it that she
needs? This little girl Whatdoes she need?

(18:18):
Now that she won't be abandoned?
Yeah. Can you give that to her?
Yes. Yeah. What else does sheneed she needs to know that
she's not alone and walking intothe unknown Sophie heartstopper

(18:42):
kept him heldWho does she want to invite into
this space so that she knowsthat she's never alone? Is it
you? Is it someone else does shehave a guide that wants to come
in to see it now and what I'mbeing shown is actually inviting

(19:03):
youthere's two beings coming in one
looks like the Divine Motherand also whatever source God
that wants to show up for youguys to come to this space.
What are you noticingI noticed some resistance on my

(19:28):
part.
Is it because it's FaceTime andwe're recording here freaking
badass.
Maybe more. I can't seem to getpast the feeling of
feeling unworthy. Yeah.

(19:48):
Did How long has she had thisfeeling of being unworthy? Have
you had this feeling of beingunworthy?
I don't know. Since I was littleI want to just finish this
little process and then we'regoing to step into another piece
and clear that okay? Okay, yourgame so just closing your eyes
for a moment I know for me I cansee better and I can feel better

(20:11):
when my eyes are closed. I don'tknow about you. But just staying
in that space and nature holdingthat little girl that version of
you. And what I keep being shownis she's asking to come back
home to you. Is that availablefor both of you? Yeah, yes.
Right now in this space andwe're still gonna go and clear
it but can you tell this littlegirl can you give her all that

(20:32):
love that feeling of worthinessfrom the adult you to the child
you can you give her as muchlove unconditional beautiful
love, nourishment support? Andthat Divine Feminine mother
energy that you now hold? Canyou give that to
her? Yes, yeah. Can you see howworthy she is of love? Yeah.

(20:58):
So when you're ready, as you'reholding her, can you imagine
bringing her all the way intoyou. So embracing her imagine
herself, her being starting tointegrate with yours. And as it
comes in, you'll notice almost atwinkling or this light that
happens as her cells merge backinto you. So she comes home.

(21:20):
She's Welcome to home. And thatpart of you that is fractal off
is coming back to you now. Sofor more wholeness. breathing
that in breathing her inbreathing it all into your
cells, your tissues, your neuralpathways into your organs.
Moving through all the energeticbodies through the Astros,

(21:44):
outside of time and space beforeyou chose to incarnate just
bring her all the way in.
And let me know when it feelscomplete.

(22:08):
As you're noticing her comingin, I want you to notice that a
bubble or almost like a field oflight now starts projecting
through the crown of you all theway around you creating like a
toroidal field of light that nowfortifies your space so that
nothing that is unwanted canenter. And allowing yourself to

(22:32):
see that treadle field going upand out of the crown and down
around into the earth down intothe earth Chakra The Earth star
and coming back up into yourfeet.
So that cycle of energy comingup and out and down and around.
What I'm being shownis bringing this part of you
back in is now fortifying yourspace and like you've had it

(22:55):
fortified before something aboutthat aspect of you. That fractal
out, created a opening orunavailability so now that she
that's back in is creating thisprotection. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that'sprobably exactly what I needed.
That's why I didn't feel safebefore. So I needed something.

(23:18):
Yeah. Yeah.
You want to go clear this pieceof being unworthy
of feeling unworthy?
Yeah, I'm trying to figure outif it's still there, if I have
that safety now,I guess we can check in the fact
that you've verbalized it. Sowhat's fascinating about our
unconscious or subconscious mindis our subconscious mind is what

(23:41):
is driving our reality, right?
Like, maybe 20 is probably lessthan that, I know, it's less
than that. Maybe 15% of ourreality is, is from our
conscious mind, the rest of itis actually the unconscious mind
or the subconscious mind that iscreating our outer world. Yeah.

(24:03):
So if you have a limiting beliefthat's hanging out there and has
been since you were a child,which is when our limiting
beliefs are formed. So from theages of zero to nine, of you're
aware of all of this, from theages of zero to nine is when we
form our beliefs of the world,how it should be how we should
be in it. So at a young age, ifyou were not held or supported

(24:27):
in the ways that you needed tobe, then you would form this
belief that you're unworthy,unworthy of love unworthy of all
sorts of things. And because thesubconscious mind doesn't have,
it's like our blood pumpingthrough our body, it just does.
So it will continue to proveyou, right, you have this
belief, it's gonna prove youright? So you're gonna continue
having things show up over andover in your world that will

(24:50):
prove to you that you'reunworthy. You're not worthy to
continue that thing and finishthat to completion. You're not
worthy to have whatever it is inyour Life. What were you gonna
say?
Yeah, it's interesting saidabout these. I mean, a lot of us
have dual perceptions I realizedabout, I don't know how many

(25:14):
years ago, five years ago, I hada dream where there was a
haunted house and I walked in, Iwasn't afraid anymore. There
were scratches on the door intoa room, like someone was trying
to get out of the door. And thenI looked up on the shelf, and
there were some dolls, somebeautiful dolls. And it wasn't
creepy. It was just like, I knewthey were children that needed

(25:35):
to be brought back to life. Andthen I said, it's okay, you're
safe. Now you can come out. Andthere were five different girls
that were different versions ofme. Yeah, and different pastel
colored a pair and differenthairstyles, and they started
walking out into the world. Butthey were curious and had no
idea how to navigate the world.
And I felt this overwhelmingsense of responsibility to guide

(25:58):
them. And to make sure they werewith me until they could learn
how. Yeah, I learned that Idisassociated from him I was
young, and created all thesedifferent parts. And so I, I've
integrated them for the mostpart, but I think I still need
some times outside help, theonly people that could possibly

(26:19):
understand because I've done somuch work instead of much on my
own.
But one, really, we're all hereto help each other home and home
is back to ourselves, right?
It's like, I like you, I do mywork all the time, too. But it's
like, it never stops. Right?
We're always I was just writingabout this, because we're doing

(26:42):
this in body experience. And,and I just had a conversation
with someone who actually cameup to me and just said, you
know, thank you for being realand authentic when you post. And
I and that sat with me for aminute. Because oftentimes we
think one day we're going to bethere, we're going to arrive and
it's like, no, I don't care whoyou are. And if anybody ever
postures that they have it alltogether, they're lying. Always

(27:07):
integrating, and always learningand always pulling in parts of
us. And sometimes we do get to,to have outside help, because
some of these things, especiallyto what you're speaking of, is
challenging when we're lookingat Fractured parts of us and
sometimes just having somebodyelse guide, you know, hold you
in that space and guide and pullassist you in pulling that back

(27:27):
in.
Very helpful. Yeah, soI, I'm always aware that I mean,
I have the mindset, theconscious awareness, I guess, to
say that I am whole, I amhailed. But, and I do believe
that all the right people andexperiences come when they need

(27:51):
to, to bring things up and alsoto help us navigate through
them. So really, a perfecttrust, I just I guess it's
hardest when I'm caught in themoments of weakness, that's the
time that I just want to bealone, reflecting and creating
and breathe through it, and gooutside barefoot in cold water,

(28:12):
that's my favorite thing. Orswim in cold water.
You have learned so much throughthese parts of you that you have
frag pulled away, it's actuallyforced you to know more of who
you are, is what I'm beingshown. If you didn't, if you
didn't have can you see that ifyou didn't have all those

(28:33):
experiences, all those places towhere it was challenging,
especially as a child that youwouldn't have been able to learn
and cultivate and grow to whereyou're at today?
Yeah, can you see that? Iappreciate all of it. And I can
meet so many people wherethey're at and understand them

(28:54):
where nobody else can write.
really grateful for it. But Ithink I long to somewhat be
understood. And that's wherewhat you just did is probably
going to come in handy justlearning how to do that for
myself and feel safe because Ido have little girl sites that
just I mean, I am I love so. Sopowerfully, I think and I just

(29:18):
give it all away. I gotta learnhow to you just taught me how to
do what I need to do.
So one is asking that questionfor yourself of what what part
of me is asking to be held andloved unconditionally, no matter
what it looks like, what itsounds like, what part of me

(29:39):
looks crazy. I mean, there'swhat what you're speaking to is
something that I feel like I Iam assisting myself and more and
more of us in coming towholeness, which means we get to
completely embrace those partsof us that we've shamed that
we've rattled off that we Wehave ignored because of I mean,

(30:03):
the list the we could rattle offall the reasons why, right?
Yeah. And those are the parts ofus. I love that you had that
dream of. That's not It's notscary to me anymore. I I
recently watched the DoctorStrange the last movie. Have you
seen that?

(30:23):
Yes, I have.
Do you remember the part wherehe goes to do the dreaming? And
he asks, whatever his his, youknow, girlfriend, not girlfriend
in that space, hey, I need youto look out because they're
going the demons are going tocome because I'm entering a
place I'm not supposed to be youremember that part? Yes. And
they start coming in and they'regoing in and they're totally

(30:45):
taking him over. And she says, Ican't remember exactly what she
says to you or what she says tohim. No, I don't but I yeah, I,
I believe if I remembercorrectly, she says you're a
magician. Use them. And all of asudden it she transmutes the
energy of like, Oh, these littlebuggers don't have any power
over me. It's just energy. It'sjust something that I can

(31:07):
utilize. And then he creates acape his cape with them. Now
they do you remember this?
I didn't know he created the keyfor them. But that part
definitely stood out to me,because that's the imagery that
I have in my mind all the timeright now. So it must be the
work that we all need to do. Andstanding up on a rock is my

(31:28):
imagery. But they can't reach meanymore. While or
they can. They can still it'slike all, I think,
and stuff like that. Say thatagain. I was gonna say they can
reach us. They can inflict pain,they can try to pull us down as
well. But we need to learn howto breathe through the pain, I
guess?

(31:49):
Or is it seeing ourselves in allpieces. So even those parts that
seems scary, or we're afraid ofmeeting it in love, and knowing
that it is a part of the whole,we can't have the light without
the shadow, the light actuallywouldn't exist? Our world would
be so much it would be dull ifthere was only light. So can we

(32:12):
meet even these parts that feelscary and demon that happened to
come in and meet it in love? Andacceptance? Because they are
parts of us that are asking tobe seen?
Yes. And I can do that formyself. But I'm terrified that
nobody else would be able to.
Because so far, most of myfamily and friends have not even

(32:34):
come close. So now I but I cando that for myself. I can I
think which is beautiful.
Yeah. So the more and more youdo that for you, you then give
give your children to do thesame. And anybody who's in your
circle and in your field to dothe same, right? Yeah. Because

(32:56):
your work ripples out. So itdoesn't matter what other people
are choosing because that'stheir journey. Yeah. Right.
Yeah. And I think that that'sbeautiful. Well, part of you is,
if you were to fully seeyourself and fully love
yourself, and you are no longerstuck. What would that look like

(33:17):
sound like feel likeI would be a famous
cosmetologist or to completelytransform like from the inside
out, just by me hearing them andgiving them some tools and

(33:38):
intuitively doing what I do.
Which is a lot like what youjust did with me. It's so easy
for other people, but sometimesI need to help with my own.
We all do. We all do. I don'tcare who you are, we all do.
Yeah. And I want to inparticular health caretakers,

(33:58):
because I was a military wife.
And for 14 years straight. I hadbabies every other year. And I
was day and night, 24 hours aday, not even getting two hours
break per week, taking care ofthem and just feeling broken and
weak a lot of the time eventhough I was doing an incredible
work and also breakinggenerational chains and

(34:21):
overcoming demons in the processof caretaking all the time. So,
where are you caretaking for youright now?
Well, right now it's hard,because I'm trying to get a
decent job even though I feellike I want to do just what I

(34:42):
love to do, which is what I donaturally which is creating and
being present with people. Yeah,I have a lot of intuitive
abilities. But right now I amworking FedEx midnight shift and
evening shifts just to get by onrent, and it's my first time in
the world by myself. Because Iwas, yeah, are you? You're a

(35:04):
single mama, or single mom now.
Yeah. But also before I became amom, I was the second mom and I
was caretaking for my fosterbrother, brother and sister and
also a bunch of other fosterkids for my parents, and they
were very codependent on me. Andso I married right out of that
situation. I tried and tried to,like, move out and do my own

(35:26):
thing. But they're like, we, weneed you. We need you. Yeah, so
pretty much since at age 13,I've been caretaking. Kind of
like as a second mom, and thenas a full time military mom. And
with not very much support in orhome.
So that piece that you sharedearlier of feeling not worthy.

(35:49):
Your world is reflecting that,right? Because, man, you have to
give all the time because youare unworthy of others giving to
you, you're unworthy of theworld giving to you and actually
supporting you and what you'rewanting in life. So this is
something that we'll do offlineif you're if you're open. But I
do want to do an NLP processwith you that's clearing that
belief that it'llbe good. And it really only has

(36:11):
to do with money, because I dofeel totally supported in every
way, which means I've shiftedquite a bit people show up right
when I need them as I need thembeautiful. But I can't get past
the money barrier. And I knowthat's a generational thing too.
I have lines of people that haveworked to exhaustion all the

(36:31):
time and not been paid for youknow, nearly
for so while on money is such aninteresting dynamic because I
love that you're speaking of thegenerational piece, because if
there is trauma or theirbeliefs, they do get passed down
through the lineage. Soespecially as we're talking with

(36:52):
religion, right? Also withreligion, what do you do with
money, you give a big portion ofyour income to this religion, to
build up Zion to build up theirthings that they're wanting,
wanting to build. And so it'sconditioned within our DNA. I
don't know how far back yourroots go within Mormonism, but
it's in, it's in the lineage.
You work hard. You give awayyour time, your efforts, your

(37:16):
talents, all to the building upof the kingdom of God. Right.
Yeah. And as women, we give awayour whole body in our sleep and
our sanity and everything else,you know, we're required. I
mean, we're expected to do it.
Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, and wemake covenants and ordinances to

(37:36):
that. Yeah, that's true.
So there came a time when Ijust, I mean, two and a half
years ago, I had a total totalnervous breakdown and, and
breaking open of myself. Andthrough it, just all I said, I'm
just throwing it all off. AndI'm going to unlearn and be

(37:56):
done. And so I literally likerebelled against the religion.
And against our marriage to Ididn't want to, I didn't want to
do the marriage anymore. It wasnever a like a real
companionship. I was alone init. So.
So that was you been out ofreligion for two and a half

(38:17):
years? Or it? Did I get thatright?
No, I only got kicked out lastyear.
You got kicked out.
Do you mind sharing that?
Like got kicked out? Yeah. So Iwas attending beauty school for
a full year. Last year. Igraduated in August. And I think
it was in April that it wasinteresting. But I was feeling

(38:40):
desperate. Because two and ahalf years ago, I called What
was my husband, he was deployedduring that time. It was during
the COVID shutdowns. The very,very beginning. It was like the
last six weeks of school. Andall of a sudden, I was online
schooling, six out of seven ofmy kids. And I, I just I broke
after about three weeks, and Icalled him and I say I need a

(39:02):
divorce. Like this has notreally been a marriage ever,
even when you're home. So that'swhen I did but I didn't have the
strength to follow throughbecause he would talk me out of
it. And I needed hiscooperation, because we have a
bunch of kids involved in itcould get I didn't want it to
get ugly. I wanted them to behealthy and happy through it and
for things to shift in a waythat they could start growing

(39:23):
again. And that would be betterfor both of us. So I told him I
needed a divorce. But it wasn'tuntil a full year later that I
went to drastic measures becauseI just felt still powerless in
my ability to be heard in themarriage. And he had been doing
well for eight, eight months tolike start being present in our

(39:45):
family and with our kids. And Ithought oh, maybe this is
changing. But um I basicallywhile I was in beauty school, I
met a homeless man but I wasvery it's like I'd say electric
city I've been drawn to like amagnet, really powerful
electricity. And I ended up justalmost becoming obsessive with

(40:11):
him, I would try to find him onthe streets and make sure he had
lunch and stuff like that. Andthen I started just holding his
hand, here and there. He waslaying down in his tent one time
and just holding his hand. Ifelt homeless all my life,
because I felt like I abandonedmyself early on. So I've always
related to homeless people. Butit ended up that I ended up

(40:34):
making out with them. And what'sinteresting is that I actually
had a dream when I was at mybiological father's house. And
this guy actually reminds me ofmy biological father, who was
out of my life at age four. ButI was at the wicker house, and
this homeless man was laying onthe couch in the stream. And I

(40:58):
went up to him and kissed him infront of everyone on purpose.
And they all saw it. And I feltlike something was broken, then
some kind of binding wascompletely some cord was, in a
way. But also my templecovenants were broken at the
same time. And I did it onpurpose, because I knew that was

(41:21):
the only way that I would havethe strength to actually follow
through with divorce.
Yeah.
So then that happened, youfollow through a divorce, and
then I and then the religionpiece on round two at the same
time?
Yeah. So I got to have aninterview with the bishop break,
and then the state presidency,and I was really proud of

(41:42):
myself, but I can't believe howmuch I've grown from Ben to now
because I had such as shakyvoice in standing up for myself,
I let them know I said, I said,because because you know,
God leaves you His presenceleaves you if you sin, right. So

(42:03):
I toldthem, that's what they teach.
Yes. But that'sbasically said, No, as a matter
of fact, God and Christ, they'vebeen with me through the whole
thing. And I felt total rebirthtwo and a half years ago, during
my nervous breakdown. I rememberwalking at a beauty school for
the next several weeks afterthis happened. And all of a

(42:24):
sudden, I just remembered who Iam. So I was walking around,
saying, I am I am. And I feltthe fullness of me my power come
in. So I told the bishopric Isaid, not only is Christ with
me, but he is in and through me.
And I'm healing. He's beenmocking me every step of this

(42:48):
way, every step of my journey.
And the State Presidentbasically told me, Well, they
all told me in different wordsthat I'm deceived. and Vietnam,
either, I have to say, I have toput a plug in for my bishop and
my state president because theyare some of the most meek and
humble and genuine men that I'veever known. But I did have to
say I said, okay, so you'retelling me that my ability to

(43:13):
receive direction for my lifefrom God, that your, you know,
your authority to be able tohear God in my behalf, Trump's
my own? And, and he basicallysaid, like, yeah, like, that's
what the priesthood is. And Isaid, I hold the priesthood
power as well. And thepriesthood to me is just the

(43:37):
power given to men to do God'swill. That's the definition that
I love. So I was proud of myselffor standing up for myself, but
I couldn't believe how lookingback. Now, here's my new self,
that I could sit there and seethat just fine without a shaky
voice, but it was fighting tostand up for myself back then.

(44:01):
But how did that feel? Eventhough it was terrifying on the
other side of that, how did thatfeel?
It was awesome. So awesome. Andyou know, I had to build up to
that, through speaking my voiceto my husband. And I've been
terrified of men since I canremember from the time I was
little, because I actually had abiological father that had

(44:25):
joined a fundamentalist, prettyextreme break off of the Mormon
church, that practice polygamy.
And his his idea of women isthat women need to be obedient
to their husbands, you know,just very fundamentalist. And he
was projecting that I think, onmy mom, even when she was
pregnant with me. And then, andthen I've also had memories come

(44:48):
up through dreams aboutbrainwashing through ritual
abuseby him and He's not aware, I
don't thinkbecause there was something that
came over his eyes when ithappened in the dream when I was
four years old. So yeah, so itwas kind of brainwashed into me

(45:13):
from a young age like men haveauthority over you. And, and so
I found that I've always had avery obedient spirit
and people pleasing. AndI'm kind of like Ella and
chanted at the very end of thatmovie where she says, I will no
longer obey. That's, that'sexactly the curse that I'm

(45:35):
breaking. I mean, in the midstof because I haven't broken it
completely. But um, yeah, I,man, I just want to honor you,
and sharing everything thatyou've shared, because I know
that's vulnerable. And it'sbeautiful, and part of your
human journey. That Holy cow,Rachel, really beautiful. And

(45:59):
thank you. Thank you for sharingall of that. It is always
interesting, the things that wedo that we think we would never
do. And yet it gives usopportunities like with i and
I've spoken to this in a podcastbefore and one of my marriages,
I had an affair. And I never ina million years that I would do

(46:20):
that. But it was the only waythat would get me out of that
marriage, because I wouldn'thave done it any other way. And
I didn't realize it at the time,but later looking back, it's
like, and then I was No, I wasfree. There was something about
that, because what is adultery,right? It's a sin closest to
murder. And all of a sudden,holy crap, I just did one of the
worst imaginable things withinthe Mormon Church's eyes and

(46:43):
within my family system. And nowI'm free. So it's interesting
that things that we choose, andthen also the things that we
pass judgment on with others.
And yet, all of this is justpart of our experience for so
many different reasons, forlearning for growth, for
actually bringing parts of youback to you. Like how beautiful

(47:05):
with that story that you arefinding and pulling back your
voice that has been gone sinceyou were quite young, sharing
possible abuse type things thatare going on in your field. And
that's something I'd love tochat with you. But we'll chat
offline. One of the things thatI have been shown is and I'm

(47:28):
trying to decide if we dive intothis a little bit or not. But
the ritualistic abuse thathappens within religion, and I
don't care what religion it is,it's very real, very real. And
nine times out, well, it alwaysinvolves sexual abuse all the
time. And what I was shown isthat there is something that
gets implanted energeticallyinto the person being abused.

(47:51):
And it looks very similar tosomething that's very sacred.
But it's a little tweaked. And Ifound it really interesting to
be shown this because what itdoes like you're talking about
with Ella Enchanted or that evenseeing your father in that dream
that had this thing kind of comeover him is in our society and
in our world, when withinreligion, a lot of times things

(48:13):
can look and feel like truth.
But something's just a littletweaks. And that tweaking is
actually what polls and is likethat little shadow piece that
we're talking about that willanchor somebody into that and
actually create some sort ofallegiance, almost
allegiance casting a spell likethis is where it's kind of that

(48:36):
black magic. Yeah. And what thegifts in that right are the
ability to, to have thatexperience. So then you can then
see the other side of I'm notafraid of that anymore, because
I've been there done that andnow I can actually alchemize
that pull that into the hole ofall that I am have more
understanding more ability tolove others in a way that most

(48:59):
people can't. And no wonder I'vehad my voice suppressed. No
wonder I've had all these partsof me fractal out. And guess
what? It's time for them to comeback home now because I'm ready
to feel whole.
Yes. Yeah,that's incredible. You described
it perfectly. It's, it seems socomplicated when you have no
idea what's going on. And, andpeople that do discover it, it

(49:23):
feels like I mean, we are justseen as crazy. Now that never
happened. I don't know whatyou're talking about. But it's
when you try to escape the spellthat I mean, it's just crazy.
All the things that happen totry to escape. And then once you
do escape, it's like, now I'mjust in unknown territory.

(49:43):
There's no book for them.
There's no thing and it's kindof scary, but hopefully over
time, I'll learn to trustmyself.
Well, of course it feels scarybecause you've never been Hear
so it does feel scary. And yet Ilove one of my favorite sayings

(50:04):
is fear as often excitementwithout the breath. And we're
just stepping into the unknown.
So you know, the places you knowthe places within you that have
felt trapped, suffocated, allthose things that you were
talking about, you have knownthat, and now you're asking for
a different experience. Soanything outside of that, even
though you don't want to feelthat anymore, anything outside
of that will feel scary. Becauseyou've known this shit. You've

(50:26):
known what it feels like to feelthis place of suppression of not
speaking your truth, if not allof these places, you know that.
Now you're asking to not feelthat. So it's gonna feel scary
as shit. Yeah. And I gotportable.
Yeah. And I mean, the more I'mlearning we have to do, I guess,
I mean, because I feel like thisgenerational stuff comes from

(50:49):
both sides down both lines sostrongly. I mean, there's a lot
of generational abuse that Ihave already helped to stop. But
it's helped my kids, you know,I've worked myself to beyond
exhaustion beyond broken to giveyou the gift of being able to
critically think and choose yourown path. But there's still more

(51:10):
work to do. I still have passedon, you know, some things.
And they chose into that withyou. Yeah, right. Yeah,
they're teasing. So I thinkthey'll do just fine with it.
I, it is, like, there's thatpart of us that wants our
children to have that innocence,and to be able to maintain that

(51:30):
innocence. But then there's theother part for me that I'm
understanding and embracing moreand more of how grateful I am
that my kids have access totools and abilities, unlike
anything that I got to have whenI was their age. And so I'm
really excited to see whatthey'll choose to do now that
they have the skills to navigatelife and be able to see their
stuff at a young age, and beable to move through it like,

(51:54):
wow.
Yeah, I have to say that my twomiddle daughters came to me last
year, it had to have been inJune, both of them within about
two or three weeks of eachother, my middle daughters,
they're the ones that haveprobably been ignored a little
just because there's a lot ofcraziness going on. But they

(52:16):
both said similar things. One,one said, Mom, I feel like there
was this weight lifted off inMarch, April. That's when I made
out with homeless man. Oh,interesting. She said, I just
feel like more more happy, morelight, like life is gonna be
okay. And then my other daughterjust a little older came to me

(52:38):
and said, I feel free to choosemy own path now. And so, so
yeah, it's, it's none of myother work did anything like
that is worth it. My littledaughters, my middle daughters.
Yeah. And this, this sobeautifully illustrates
something I was shown. I wasreally frustrated. There's a

(53:01):
book called it didn't start withyou, that actually goes to the
science of how generationaltrauma comes forward, and how
they've actually been able toshow scientifically that yes,
generational trauma comesthrough the lineage, at least
seven generations. And, youknow, is everything that you're
speaking to how important thatwork is. And I see it with
clients all the time. And I wasfeeling really frustrated, like,

(53:23):
why on earth? Would we choose tohow would we why I don't want to
pass down to my trauma into mykids? Like, why would our
lineage Why would we choose thisas a construct with the design,
right? So he's sitting with itone day, and I was asking about
this, and I was shown somethingreally fascinating, and you just
spoke to this. But one of myother favorite sayings is pain

(53:43):
pushes until the soul calls. Sowhat if when we go into this
stuff to go clear, because we'refeeling it, that pain pushes we
go in and we clear this, what Iwas shown is when we clear it,
all the gifts from our DNA, ourlineage that they grew and
cultivated because they weregoing through those different
painful pieces, those gifts alsocome forward. So when that is

(54:04):
cleared and unbound and unwindwound out of our field. Now all
the gifts from all of thegenerations also come forward.
Yes, it's so true. I think itwas a couple of years ago where
I figured out my own definitionof honoring and exactly what
true honoring does, which is tosee the thing, whatever

(54:26):
generational thing are thepeople for all that they are all
the shadows and the light, thedemons, the curse person things.
And once you do that, then sorryabout that there was no qualify.
Then basically, by not honoringby blocking ourselves and

(54:46):
because I definitely put myparents up on a pedestal. I
mean, that's how they setthemselves as the authority
voice. And so I did that toavoid being punished and I just
saw them as God just as I sawGod As is pretty voice over me.
But when you actually starthonoring, then there's this very

(55:07):
or block that's completelyremoved. And you're right, all
of that all the power, all thegifts, all the beauty, and the
light just is able to flow free.
So yeah, that'ssomething that I actually taught
a lot. That was probably one ofthe main things in beauty school
when people were stuck, becausepeople would come to me with
major issues and theirrelationship with their mother

(55:28):
or father. And I said, ForgiveForgive for you, you know, hope
on a pono is a way andforgiveness method that I taught
and honor. And once you do, thenyou'll be given greater, greater
power over your life. I lovethat. And I love what when we
can see and hold people whenyou're talking to the honoring

(55:49):
when we can hold them for justrecognizing that they're doing
the best that they can with whatthey know, and with what they
have. And then when we can alsogo in and, and recognize the
gifts and the things that wehave experienced through our
lives. There actually is no needfor forgiveness, because there's
an understanding there have arecognition that a we're human,
and be in all things we'reasking for experience. So what

(56:14):
did I grow through that painfulpiece. And once we can
acknowledge that we can see thatand we can pull that in, it
allows for these, these thingsto unbind. And I just had a
conversation today with someoneabout forgiveness is like
forgiveness doesn't mean weforget, because that was a piece
that I think people people oftenconstrue the two and forgiveness

(56:36):
just allows for our energy to nolonger be zapped into whatever
that thing was, like I can I cansee and hold you for. Yep, that
happened. And that may not havebeen okay. And that created a
lot of pain. But guess what thisare the things that I grew from
it. And I can forgive thatexperience. And I may not
forget. But I can still be in aplace of loving and loving

(57:00):
myself first. And allowing thatto radiate out. And one thing
you said earlier, when you wereseeing that you had starting to
hear I am, I think is a reallybeautiful piece that you're
adding into this because I Amthat I Am. Right. In my
experience. Jesus was not borninto a world where he was
perfect. He went later on andhad maybe what people would call

(57:25):
a break, you know, some sort ofa psychosis break. He went into
the mountains for 40 days and 40nights. And when he came out of
it, he knew he had an awakening.
And we were talking about howyou had Did you say you had a
What did you call yourrebirth? Or

(57:47):
no, you called it a break? AndI'm like who? I don't love that.
It's like no, you were justawakening?
I was yeah, Icall it a nervous breakdown,
call rebirth. It was a breakdownof what no longer served. And
sometimes that looks and feelslike you're going crazy. Beyond
really letting you're cominghome?
Yes, yeah, I looking back. Imean, I've been taught so much

(58:11):
about that whole experience,even in the past. I mean, from
month to month and week to week.
It's crazy what comes through,but it is it pretty much feels
like and so people I'm like, letpeople be drawn to me that are
going through this too, becauseit does feel like you're going
to like crazy. And everybodyaround you might see you as
going crazy. But what'shappening is that you've been
pushed down to the earth. And soyou've been pushed a little

(58:33):
further farther farther into thedarkness. And then when it's
your time, then you bust out ofthe seat and and start
sprouting. And then you startfeeling that first kind of waves
of light, and then the fullnessof everything. I mean, your
senses are heightened in everyway. And really terrifying. And
you feel really vulnerable tobecause you've had this outer

(58:55):
protective shell, you've been inthe womb really, for a long
time. And thinking that you're Imean, I was just thinking about
this, this morning. It's like weare in the matrix, which means
mother. So we're in the womb ofmother. And here we are in the
womb, we're in this warm waterand we're comfortable and we're

(59:16):
safe. But we're practicing usingour muscles by kicking in and
learning how to breathe andthings like that. And then once
we exit out, it's like thiswhole new experience and it can
be really terrifying becausewe're totally vulnerable. We
don't know how to walk and runand jump yet or anything so
so then we just go one step at atime. Yeah, right. Yeah. And I

(59:40):
don't know about you, but I'vehad many rebirths
Oh, yeah, this time.
That was probably thesignificant one because I was
willing to just let everythingfall off if it needed to. But
yeah, I was gonna share realquick if it's okay, absolutely
not. Um, my, my mentor, my firstAwakener is what I call him.

(01:00:05):
Eight years ago, I was at a helpthing in in Utah, where they're
doing all different modalitiesof healing in classes and stuff
like that with my best friend.
And we were both drawn to thisman that had really long, dark
curly hair that was back in abun and a beard. And I looked
over at him, and I just thought,well, like, There's something so

(01:00:27):
I just felt ancient wisdom. AndI thought, if I were to meet
someone like Moses, then Iimagine that's what he would
feel like, you know, his Yeah.
So I waited my turn to talk tohim. And I sat down with him.
And he spoke to me, I think, twoor three sentences. I was like,

(01:00:52):
what, I let them down. And I'mlike, what we study these for
the next 10 years. Soimmediately, my soul was so
hungry for whatever it was thathe had found, I sensed in him a
sense of, he understood hispower, and he was free from the
stuff that I was not free from.
And so I felt very drawn to him.

(01:01:16):
And over the course of the nextfour years, I would go to his
front yard. And, and I wouldtalk to him for a couple of
hours at a time. And he wouldlisten very proudly, he was very
present with me. And then hewould only say one phrase, or he
would do one motion. And it tookme literally five years to

(01:01:39):
understand what those thingsmeant. He was my first Awakener.
And after I met him is, is whenI started having major, like
just shifts, visions and dreamsand everything.
Beautiful.
How amazing. Is it that peoplecome into our lives have the

(01:02:00):
exact time we need them?
Yeah, it is amazing. So yeah.
Yeah, Ido trust and surrender to the
process. And I'm open to it. Ijust after certain things
happen. I'm like, I think someof the old programming still
comes in a little bit whenthere's really intense

(01:02:21):
experience. Andwell, you, you know that things
are in layers. Yeah, we'll clearone part of the program, then
something deeper will come up.
And then something deeper. Forme, I like one of my programs
around control equal safety,like I am constantly clearing
another layer, another layer,another layer. And yeah, it's

(01:02:44):
always that's why it's like,okay, one step at a time. And
just trusting that when I'mready for the next thing, it
will come in, and then and wejust get to get to a place to
where we start navigating itwith a let with an attitude.
That's more about oh, look howthis is serving me. Instead of
Ah, shit. What else is cominginto my

(01:03:04):
world? Right? Yeah, yeah. Ah,well, this has been a very
unique, like, we didn't evenreally dive into your story too
much. But we've been recordingfor an hour. So we probably need
to wrap up. Is there anythingelse that you feel that you want
to just share? or speak to oroffering to this space?

(01:03:26):
Before we close? Yeah,I guess. So. I just wanted to
give everybody a lot ofencouragement and love on your
journey, because it's not. It'snot for the faint of heart. It's
not easy. And I I wanted to saythat when this first Awakener
that I told you about the lasttime that I saw him, he was

(01:03:48):
standing 10 feet away from meand intensely looking at me
straight on. And in his mind,he's saying, Rachel, do you want
to be part of this work that I'mdoing? And my soul said yes. And
then we ended up going insideand my kids were coloring and I
whispered to him, I said, Buthow? Because of my life

(01:04:08):
circumstances, I didn't see anyway. He said, Don't worry about
it. And then we gave each otherhug and he said, See you soon
and I've never seen him since.
But I knew in that instance,that if I was saying yes, I
understood that I could begiving up literally everything
of my world that I knew. And Istill still said yes, this is my

(01:04:33):
work. I need to do this. So itcan be terrifying. But
yes, clarity what that work issince
a lot off and on, I still haveplenty of moments of self doubt,
because that's been the bane ofmy existence, self doubt. But I
have lots of breakthroughs andlots of clarity. I just don't

(01:04:56):
have for some reason can't seemto focus yet, and direct myself
and set goals, because Iunprogrammed myself from all
that I practice such extremeself discipline for too many
years. Like, okay, I need tobring some of that back ends. I
don't know how to navigate ityet. But

(01:05:16):
I've learned a lot about thatwhich we can have a
conversation, anotherconversation another time about
that. But one of the pieces thatI'm being shown is look at how
beautiful of an example of justan existence of a human in this
life fully embodied, justholding that space for you, and
then imparting the wisdom thatthat however he was shown and

(01:05:36):
given to impart to you, and howsignificant that was in opening
who you were, and assisting youthen to kind of start propelling
into where you're at today. Isthat is this work? Not just
being that? Is that? Yeah, isthat not what Jesus was showing?
as well? This can you do? Andthen some?

(01:05:56):
Yes, it's Yep, it's true. Yep.
So what if there is no doing butbeing?
Yes, exactly. That's, that'skind of what I've been living
for a while. I just, I getextremely frustrated with
everything to do with the systemand the Internet and money and
all the scammers out there. Ican't even as my only stress and

(01:06:19):
frustration life. I'm like, letme just live outside and attend.
And I'll learn how to. That'swhere I'm at. I'm totally
willing to do that. I just feelthe need also to be here for my
kids in whatever way I can. Andjust being is enough.
Yeah.
Yeah, again, that's, uh, oh, Iwant us continue this

(01:06:39):
conversation. But I know we needto wrap up this. Because it,
everything comes to choice,right you and what do we desire
in life, there's that piece aswell. And then we get to harness
our energy, so that it's gearedtoward that thing that we are
desiring. But then it's thisreally beautiful about dance
between flow, surrender andstructure. That that is a really

(01:07:04):
unique thing. And I feel likeit's something that is difficult
to speak to, because it'ssomething that gets to
continually be experienced.
Like, how do I create thatstructure to harness this energy
to get towards where I'm wantingto go? Because this is my soul,
my heart's desire, because weare the gods, we are the
creators of our reality. So whatdo we want to create in our
worlds, and you're thisbeautiful creator. And I know

(01:07:26):
that I don't know what I don'tknow. So then I get to surrender
into the flow of okay, Godsource my higher self, whatever
it is, show me my next step.
Because you and I both know,things never turn out the way
that we picture them. Or wecreate as far as Oh, this is

(01:07:46):
what I want. This is how it'sgonna look like and it's like,
oh, really, let me show you howit's actually going to be
because it's always different.
Yeah,I think I'm awesome at flow and
surrender, but I'm not great atstructure, you know. But it
would help to maybe have a jobthat has specific set hours
because I started a differenttime every morning and evening.
So it's all different times inthe earlier in the morning.

(01:08:10):
Well, we'll clear that we're thepeace and then I'll be curious
to see what else comes into yourfield. Is there any or so are
you working with clients? areyou what are you this other part
of you? That's more passionateif someone wanted to connect
with you just to connect withyou? Is that something that's
available?
Yeah, yeah. I last year when thewhole I am came into view there

(01:08:32):
were hundreds and hundreds andhundreds of people like
probably exactly what themountain men had the effect on
me they were also just drawn tome drawn to me drawn to me. So
I've had to learn how to it'sokay for me not to give up my
energy and time to anyone that Idon't want to. Yeah, good for

(01:08:54):
me. But yeah, people are drawnto me I just right now I don't
feel like I can get more thanbasically functioning enough for
my kids with all the hours whichis so sad, because my life
should beeverything there's a time in a
season. Yeah. So give yourselfgrace for how much amazingness
that you're doing right now andbeing a single mom and

(01:09:17):
supporting your kids and doingeverything the best that you can
right now. Thank you Well then Iwill for now we won't there's no
contact info or anything for youthen right I just want to I want
to allow that to be available ifthat's something you would like
and if not that's completelyGreat. Yeah,

(01:09:39):
I mean, I'm trying to think Idon't check my messages on
Facebook because I get way waytoo many all the time. So I'm
done doing that butI do have a I'm trying to think
what would be the best probablyPhil
Phil into it and then I can putit in the show notes. We can we
can talk yeah, just share thatwith me with that later. And

(01:10:01):
then I can put that into theshow notes if people want to get
in touch with you.
All right, sounds good. Thankyou.
Thank you so much for steppingin this space. Is there anything
else that you feel like? Or doesit feel complete?
No, I think it's complete.
Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. I am very curious tohear how you all enjoy this

(01:10:23):
episode. One of the things thatI've thought about recently is I
love to do interactive episodes,which is a little tricky to do.
As there's really no way to doit live via podcast that I'm
aware of Now, unless I was goingto go on YouTube or do something
like that. But I want I reallywant to start doing

(01:10:44):
opportunities for those of youthat are really in a place of
just needing some direction, tobe able to come in to step into
this space and to, you know,allow yourself to be open and
allow me to assist you in comingback to yourself and to finding
those places within you that areasking to be seen. So this is

(01:11:06):
something that is of interest toyou. A I'd be curious how you
enjoyed this podcast. So pleaseshare, whether it's through that
Facebook group, that leavingreligion Facebook group, or
message me on my Amanda Lovelandpages either on Facebook or on
Instagram, I would really,really love your feedback. And
if this is something that youenjoyed, I do want to keep doing

(01:11:29):
it. So yeah, give me yourfeedback. I again, I so
appreciate Rachel and herwillingness and her beauty and
her knowledge and her wisdom ofall the things that she's grown
and cultivated. And I will sharein the show notes the way in
which you can get in contactwith her. And one of the pieces
that many have asked for is howdo I unwind and deconstruct even

(01:11:52):
deeper, especially with some ofthe things that I touched on.
And I did create that meditationbundle. That's actually a four
process a four step process fordifferent guided meditations
that are journeys to unwindingin the energetic realms, those
places within you that arebound. So I head over to my
website, Amanda joy loveland.comforward slash leaving religion

(01:12:14):
tools, and you can find thatbundle there. Also, you are
probably familiar that I wrote abook that's assisting you in
unwinding those places as well.
It is leaving religion in thosewho leave behind if you search
that on Amazon, you can find itor I will put the show the link
in the show notes below. Andthen my my experience is coming

(01:12:35):
up that I get to co facilitateSeptember 22 through 25th.
Again, if you're feeling a soulsYes, come join us head over to
my website again, Amandaloveland.com forward slash in
body i n body and secure yourspot today. And I hope that this

(01:12:55):
episode allowed for yourself tothere's like a permission piece
here right we get to allowourselves to be seen and the
more we allow ourselves to beseen in all ways. We get
permission to others to do thesame because at the end of the
day, we just want to feel lovedand we want to be able to love
ourselves first. So can you loveall those parts of you that are

(01:13:17):
asking to be seen witnessed andheld regardless of how they
look? Wherever you are today,sending you all so much