June 8, 2022 • 34 mins
Are you feeling like you are in the fire? How can you navigate the fire when you are in it and how can you see the gifts?
When we are leaving religion, or going through any transitions in life, it can feel as if we are being put in the fire. It feels painful, I get it trust me. And, there is beauty in this fire as it's burning away more layers of those places within that are asking to be deconstructed. This assists you in becoming more clear in who you are.
My book, Leaving Religion a Guide, is a powerful tool to assist you in your deconstruction. In this episode I share a bit about how this book came to life, the challenges that I faced while writing and publishing this book and I share one of my most vulnerable chapters around shame.
Come join my group mentorship program geared to assist any of you that are moving through transitions in life right now. The group starts July 6th and is packed with freebies, weekly calls, daily accountability and massive support and tools. This course will fill up quickly so snag your spot today. And, if you join my gift I want to give you an autographed copy of my book for free! Email me aj@amandajoyco.com to secure your spot.
To get my book, head over to amazon! https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Religion-Those-Leave-Behind/dp/1952566487/ref=sr_1_1?crid=15D40RVX90IO8&keywords=leaving+religion+%26+those&qid=1654713416&sprefix=leaving+religion+%26+those%2Caps%2C142&sr=8-1
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:03):
Hello, and welcome to my podcast leaving religion and
those really behind. I'm yourhost, Amanda J, Loveland. And I
was hoping to have an interviewto release today, but I don't
know if it is.
It's a combination of summerschool being out and being a mom
and all sorts of things. But theinterview that I had planned
(00:27):
this week, I had to take my dogto the emergency, the
veterinarian emergency place,and was there for six hours. So
while I thought about just notreleasing a podcast today, this
morning, my podcast usuallydrops today. And this morning,
as I've been sitting in mymeditation, it felt
(00:48):
very important to continue torelease an episode today. So as
I tapped into what got to bespoken to today, it was, it was
around this place ofdeconstruction. And I know a lot
of us right now are goingthrough places in our lives,
including myself, of movingthrough a lot of pain, and
(01:13):
moving through the pain body.
And this comes with those placeswhere we feel like we're in the
fire. We are, we're movingthrough what no longer is true
about ourselves. And as thoseplaces within us burn, it can
feel painful.
And when we leave religion, andwhen we navigate through these
(01:37):
places within and you know whatyou guys, it's not just
religion, right? This is, thisis truth for anything in life.
And I just shared a video todayon my social media channels,
about going through the refinersfire. And for me, personally, I
am going through a refiners firethat I have, I have never been
through the likes of. I mean,I've been through a lot of dark
(02:00):
nights of the soul, I've beenthrough a lot of really
challenging places in my life.
But this holy crap this, and Iknow that so many of you of us
are in similar boats. And I wasjust chatting with a friend of
mine, who is this beautifulhealer, and psychic and shaman
and all sorts of things. And shehad mentioned that she's just
(02:21):
been in it. And I echoed that Ihave been to and it was like
this response of really, I'm notthe only one because I feel like
we we hesitate to talk aboutsome of these low places that
we're going through, because wefeel that we are alone. And the
truth is, is we're not and thisis why I wanted to do this
(02:44):
episode today of whatever ishappening right now on the
planet. For those of us that arewanting to be all in in our
lives, it is requiring us tomove through the layers of our
ego, have those layers of oldconstructs of old belief systems
(03:04):
of old limiting beliefs, ofseeing places within ourselves
of where we're holding piecesthat are no longer true, to let
them burn so that they may becleared away so that we at the
end of the day, we can get tothe core of who we are and have
always been.
(03:25):
And this was I've beenreflecting upon my book that I
just wrote and published, andjust released oh, maybe it's
been two weeks now. And thewriting process is always
fascinating. And when this thisbook came through a few years
ago, and if you've listened tomy other podcasts, you will have
heard this story. But when Ireceived this download that I
(03:47):
got to do a book entitledleaving religion, and those we
leave behind, I knew that it wasfrom a place of neutrality, and
in a genuine place of no anger,no animosity, no blaming, no
finger pointing, and really abook that could assist people
and moving through andnavigating the waters after
(04:09):
religion. And this came throughmaybe it's been three years now.
And when I got this, you know ifyou've heard my story, you know
that I didn't leave with anger.
I didn't leave with holy crapthis church. You know, I didn't
have a lot of anger when I left.
But when this download came, itrequired me to look at those
(04:32):
places within of can I really dothis? Because when I do dissect
and when I do dive intodifferent places within
religion, there are places thatyou can get angry about the
patriarchy for me was one ofthose pieces that as I sat with,
can I do this? The deeppatriarchy pieces that have been
active in my family system andjust in the world that I had
(04:53):
experienced growing up not justwith family, but with church,
the church system, there was alot of anger there that I
I had no idea was even active,it was dormant and was hanging
out. And so I got to sit in thatI got to move through those
places of where I was hurt,where I was angry, where I felt
not justified, where I felt likeI was a victim to this archetype
(05:13):
that had been very much alive inmy, in my upbringing, and in my
youth, and in my DNA and myprogramming.
And, you know, is as you,obviously now we're three years
later, so it took me two yearsuntil this came back up again,
this idea of the book, and itturned into first a podcast, as
(05:35):
you know, and or may not know,depending if you've heard my
other podcast episodes, and thenI got to write the book. And as
I wrote this book, and as I'msharing this part of my story,
and just reflecting, this iswhat we go through, that at the
end of the day, we are spiritand form, we are spirit and form
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and we choose in a differentconstructs to learn what we got
what we get to learn at thetime, to go through different
types of schools, if you will,to learn more about ourselves.
Because one of the deepesttruths that I hold and that I am
becoming more acutely aware ofis every experience in life is
(06:19):
reflecting back a piece of you.
Because we are all of it.
And I know sometimes this is alittle bit hard to understand.
So I'm going to try and break itdown a little.
If we want to let go of thereligion construct for a moment,
or even take pieces of it.
Eternal life. Great. We believethat we're eternal beings, maybe
(06:43):
you believe this, or maybe youdon't, it's okay. Either way,
just go with me for a minute, ifyou will.
We're eternal beings, we energywe know at the fundamental level
never stops, it never dies, itnever goes away. Even at the
lowest, lowest lowest points ofvibration. It's still like when
(07:04):
you dissect a cell and you goall the way down, down, down,
down, down, it still hasmovement, even on the subatomic
levels, it still has movement,there's always movement. And so
energy never dies. And we areenergy we are energy and form we
are spirit and form. So we knowif you do that, what was that
(07:24):
movie, I can't remember how manysomething ounces is it six
ounces, something like that,where there was that scientific
study that was taken that wasdone where they took patients
that were dying and put them onweighted beds. And every time a
patient died, there was theexact it was grams, their exact
amount of grams, that left thebody that they decreased in
(07:47):
weight every time somebody died,then this was to prove that
something leaves the body whendeath happens. So we have
science that has backed up thatthere's something that
continues, we know that wecontinue in form. I know that in
my practice and what I do as ashamanic practitioner and with
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my, my clients, when I get towork with someone, and often a
loved one comes into that space,the communications that are able
to be had and the healing thatgets to be had even though that
person has crossed over, I'vewitnessed firsthand that that
(08:29):
doesn't die. And I'm sure manyof you have had experiences
where you've been able towitness firsthand that even when
a person dies, there is stillsomething there, there is still
an energy that is intact andthere just without a physical
form.
So as we are, you know, kind ofcoming to the fact that okay,
maybe we're energy and formmaybe then is it possible, that
(08:54):
we have multiple lifetimes, andmultiple times that we choose to
incarnate into this world, forlearning for growth, because,
and I've said this before, as wegrow, God grows whatever God is.
And as that energy the divinegrows, we grow. And there's a
mathematical equation, theFibonacci sequence that actually
(09:16):
shows through nature, andthrough math that we are oddly
all connected all one. So I liketo think about this of what if
all of us humans on this earthwere cells in an organism that
was much greater than we couldquite fathom? So you could think
(09:36):
of the organism as the divine assource energy as God.
And we are all cells of that. Soas one cell moves, it affects
another and as another cellmoves that affects us and so in
that, as if you look at a humanbody, all of it is one right.
(09:57):
It's all one experience, butthere
We're all having their uniqueexperience in the one. So if we
were to try to wrap our headsaround that, and try to take
that type of viewpoint, then asa single organism in my human
body as Amanda,if I am wanting on a soul level
(10:18):
to understand more and more ofwhat I'm capable of, and more
and more of what my God's selfcan be in human form, what I not
continue to choose to haveexperiences to where I can see
more clearly who I am, if I'mwilling to look. So for me right
now, I'm going through somepainful experiences in
(10:42):
relationships, where I have hadto, I have gotten the
opportunity to ask myself, Wheream I hiding? Where am I
betraying myself? Where am I notboth feet in with myself, and
the myriad of other things thatare continually popping up for
(11:02):
me to see because this is what'sbeing reflected to me and my
outer world. One of the reasonswhy I so love NLP, which is
neuro linguistic programming,and, and I'm a practitioner, but
one of the reasons why I lovedbringing that into my practice,
is because it is this reallyfascinating approach to
(11:24):
everything in your world isgiving you feedback, because our
unconscious mind is creating areality. And so as if there are
limiting beliefs that arehanging out in the unconscious
mind, let's bring it to thelight so that we can see it. So
then we can clear it and we canmove through that we can remove
that layer that no longerserves.
(11:47):
So as you all are in thisprocess of either leaving or
have left and aren't sure whereto go and where to navigate. I
applaud you. I want to honor youfor the courage that you're
having of even asking thesequestions, you guys asking
questions is one of the mostbeautiful ways to be able to
navigate and move throughanything. And being open to new
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possibilities and new ideas,allows for new things to come
in, when we become so harsh andso stagnant in any belief. In
any opinion, there is no roomand it's like the stagnant
water, there's no flow. And inour life, we get to have flow,
we get to have structure. But wealso get to have flow within
(12:31):
that container, that structurethat we're creating.
So as I wrote this book, I didso from this place of how can I,
with what I know, with what I'velearned with what I've gotten
to, you know, experience with myclients? How can I offer a tool
to all of those that areleaving, that they can have in
(12:54):
their hands, that they can useas a tool to be able to move
through their own stuff, theirown layers, their own barriers.
And this book was a beautifulprocess. And it is a simple
book, it is not very long, I waskind of surprised that as I
wrote this book ended up being awhopping 152 pages, including my
(13:17):
little you know about me kind ofpages. It's not a long book, and
it's $13. And as one of thethings that I wanted to share
with you, that I had gonethrough and and when I when I
receive and download to doanything, it takes me a minute
(13:39):
to move through my stuff, youknow, like I shared with this
book, right? I got to movethrough my step of where am I
still holding any of thesepieces? And what can I let go of
so that I can move throughclearly and cleanly. And when I
you know I write this book, Isend it to the publisher, we go
through the whole editing phase,we go through designing the
cover, and the cover didn't comethrough, right the first time.
(14:01):
It's like what in the heck ishappening. And then we finally
got it in the book. Like I had alot of really interesting
hurdles happened with this bookthat I didn't have have happened
with my first one.
And with anything in life for mewhen something pops up that
seems to be odd like this. And Iget to ask what is wanting to be
(14:24):
seen here. And when we firstread did a soft launch with my
book, The pricing was wrong. Itwas crazy cheap, it was pretty
much my cost. So I wasn't goingto make any money off of it. And
we couldn't get it to change. Mypublisher they the they kept
calling and trying to work withAmazon and there was just
(14:46):
problem after problem so it waslike What the crap that we do.
And so I really got to sit withthis and and what is this that
I'm being asked to see? And whatI realized is that this book is
not Mine, yes, my name is on thefront, I wrote it, but I
received it, I received it. Andthen I got to let go of this. So
(15:09):
I literally sat and did aprocess to where I let go of
this book, I gave the book backto itself. As a, you know, as
an, I don't know, an offering, Iguess, if you will, to anyone
who is seeking for a light in aplace that feels very dark, that
I hope that they'll find thisbook. And I hope that it will
(15:30):
bring them some light because itwill bring them back to
themselves.
And I got to also let go of theidea of needing to make money,
you know, I spent, this book waswritten faster than my last one.
But it still is a lot of timeand energy and commitment to
writing this book to writing anybook. And could I let go of
(15:51):
needing to be compensated forthat. And that was a really
interesting place to sit withinthe truth, the truth of the
matter was yes. And thereciprocity that hopefully will
happen is that it does assistanyone who is reading this and
so far, the feedback that I'mgetting is that it is offering
clarity. And ironically, theeditor that I that I used to
(16:13):
edit this book is someone I'veused before and and she's
Mormon. And so I asked her ifshe was okay with editing this
book, and could she do it in aplace of neutrality? And she had
shared some things with me andessentially said, yes,
absolutely, she would love to dothis book. And it felt good to
move forward with her. And Ireally appreciated her, you
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know, when she was done with it,and her feedback that she gave
me was, even with her she was,she was going through some
internal struggles with herwithin religion. And my book
gave her clarity even within herchoosing to stay in religion.
And that was really cool to hearand to have feedback, that even
(16:56):
in religion, this book offersclarity of how to dissect those
places within Becauseoftentimes, our heads and our
hearts like to wrestle with eachother, you'll hear that quote,
that the longest journey thatwill ever take us from our heads
to our hearts. And there is 100%truth in that. And our hearts
really are where truth resides.
It is where all truth resides.
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For us. It is that central partof our beingness and and truth
when you're looking for ananswer, when you're seeking an
answer your truth, your knowingwill come in calm, it will not
feel chaotic, it will not feelconfusing, it will be calm. And
that is your indicator that thatis your higher self. That is
your intuition. That is yourinternal guidance. That's right
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there. And oftentimes it isquiet. It is subtle. It is not
loud and crazy. I mean,sometimes it's loud. But when it
comes in loud, it's calm, it'sstrong.
But that for any of you rightnow that are wrestling with
anything, I would invite you toask what is the place within you
that feels calm? Have youalready received an answer that
(18:05):
felt calm, and then you'rewrestling with the logic behind
it. Because if that is the case,I encourage you to put down the
mental chatter, to get out ofthe resistance of judgment, of
judgment from others judgment ofyourself, of the what ifs of the
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unknown of whatever those placesare, that the mental pieces is
coming in, and move back to theheart move back to that calm,
clarity and trust that.
And as I,again, was sitting in my
meditation this morning, Iwanted to share a part of my
book that I didn't know I wasgoing to write. And I was really
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grateful for my publisher KaraPolson, that I got to work with
her in a mentorship a one on oneprogram that she offered for me,
that was very powerful. And shewas my check in every week of
where was I at and, and one ofthe times I was I was refusing I
was I was coming up upon a lotof excuses as to why I wasn't
(19:10):
writing. And when it came downto it's because I was hitting a
block and I had no idea I wasresisting writing about a topic
in my book and I had no idea andas we started moving through
that it was around sacredsexuality and then underneath
that was actually shame. And Iespecially I mean, I talk about
the energetic system I talkabout energetic anatomy, I talk
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about energy in general thingsthat I did not know I would be
doing in my book you knowleaving religion a guide to find
your spiritual center afterleaving religion. And in order
to find your spiritual center wedo get to understand what energy
is right because again, we'reenergy and form.
So as I sat down and I we had,you know, I had this beautiful
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and painful conversation withKira.
and I, we were talkingspecifically about shame. And as
we were talking about shame asshe was sharing some experiences
that she was having, we weretalking about the second chakra.
And our second chakra is whereit's our sick or sexual center
is the seat of our sexuality,but it also holds so much
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mystery, and mysticism withinthe second chakra, it's the
place right below your bellybutton. And it's our womb space.
For women. It's that thatliteral creation space, when we
create a physical human being inour body, it grows here. For
men, this is the seat of yoursexuality, it is for women as
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well. But what lies here iscreative creativity. And often
what happens is there is thisreally interesting paradox, that
creativity and sexuality getmuddled and confused. And so
when we're working with someonethat we may feel like oh, is
this sexual attraction, it'sactually this creative energy
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that wants to be expressed withanother and it doesn't mean
being intimate. And so we weretalking about this and talking
about some different experiencesthat that we had had.
And shame that lies underneathit, and how shame actually
blocks us and is mainly heldhere in the second chakra, it
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blocks us from our God givengifts, our natural, me and you
have a birthright of having allthese gifts as intuition, your
sight, your vision, all sorts ofGod given rights, every human I,
what's the word I'm looking for?
I'm stumbling over it anyway.
(21:47):
Your birthright, your birthrightis you have these things that
are just part of who you are.
And then we have these differentaspects that happen throughout
our lives, that programs andconstructs and DNA that models
everything and creates theselayers. So shame is one of the
lowest vibrations that we cancarry and shame will create
blocks and resistance with ournatural gifts. And so as we were
sitting in this conversation, Ihad all sorts of shame come up
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that I had no idea was there.
And this is what happens in ourhealing process. It is we
release a layer and then anotherlayer gets to be seen. And as we
release that layer, then anotherlayer gets to be seen. And it
really is this beautiful processthat we get to move through and
understanding that there. Thereis part of being human is that
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we get to be we get to look atour stuff. And the more we do
it, the less painful it becomesbecause we start acquiring more
tools. So that even in the pain,we don't have to suffer, we
understand and we can have atool sets and a perspective that
allows us to navigate it alittle easier than we would have
without it without, you know, alot of times when when we're
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first in it, we think that we'rea victim to it. And why is this
happening to me instead ofrealizing that this is happening
for you, and that on some levelyou asked for this so that you
can look at these places within.
So all the shame is popping, andit at first pissed me off. And
anybody will tell you this andyou've probably experienced this
one's another layer of somethingthat you feel like you've
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cleared pops, you get past likewhat in the actual hell? And
then I moved into okay, what inthe hell? Why is this coming up?
What do I get to look at here?
So I went into my treatment roomafter my call with Kira, and I
sat in the emotions and Iallowed for the emotions to come
up and I allowed my times myselftime and space to see and feel
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what got to be seen and felthere.
And as I did this, the amount ofemotions that came up literally
wrapped my body and my body wasshaking, it was trembling, the
tears were flowing, and thatfelt to write in to start
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writing. So I did and this partgot to be but put in my book. So
it felt to read this chapterthat's not very long. But the
chapter is titled unconsciousshame. And I would like to read
it to you. Like a thief in thenight shame takes and does not
leave any prisoners. It isquiet, stealthy and makes you
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feel like you are the one atfault. It rapes, tortures,
grieves, mourns breaks yourheart loves, weeps is broken.
It's those parts of you thosepieces of your soul that have
left you by the wayside eachtime you felt shame. These
gentle soul pieces are left andforgotten as quiet shame
raptures your soul, body, mindand spirit slowly creating more
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and more distance between youand your divinity. Why? Because
we have a choice, because ineach moment, we get to choose a
pleasure or pain, because ineach moment, it's easier to buy
into the pain versus thepleasure
Your pain is what is taught isokay in this world. It is what
is socially acceptable pleasure,success, having everything you
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want and creating total joy andabundance for yourself causes
malice, raptures of desires fromothers and you become both the
victim and the perpetrator. Thisis only however when ego and
greed get in the way, truehumility, true Christ like
beingness is detached from allthings, even success and shame
and judgment. My burden islight. Take my yoke upon you
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yoke dot dot dot. What is thisword? What does this yoke mean?
When we have risen the Kundalinienergy through the car body, we
raise the gene and during orgasmthere's a white fluid that
excretes in the brain, a literalwhite fluid is excreted from the
brain. Is this the yolk? Theshadows of each aspect of me
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from each time I felt shame comeback to me now. At first they
scare me is they have a wilduntamed energy to them and I
question if it is okay towelcome them back in. They are
the witch, the warrior, thegoddess the sexual deviant. The
desire is part of me that has awish to experience all of the
world it is desire, desire tohave pleasure in this life,
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which comes in all forms ofsexual orgasmic joy, laughter,
love, wealth, traveling success,fulfillment and even purpose.
The shadow and the light comefrom the same source energy can
never be destroyed. Is itpossible that they are in
harmony with one another arelike the yin yang energy of
masculine feminine energies.
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The sacred union that twinflames, true twin flames have
moved through their shadows sothat they may fully integrate
with one another for completionin a life cycle. As the shadow
aspects step out in front of me,each one a part of myself that I
shamefully set aside, I nowchoose to step back into each
and every one, welcoming themback home. With each aspect
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coming in, I feel and see eachmemory along with the gifts of
learning and each experience,feeling heartache over the
abandonment of my soul, myspirit that is pure and perfect.
I have displaced these parts ofme for far too long. And now I
welcome them back in. By sodoing I heal my family line, I
heal my Lifetime's of trauma,where women were raped and taken
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for sexual pleasure instead ofhonored for the priestesses that
they were. I am that priestessback and forth. Now. I forgive
these beings these energies thattried to consume something they
did not know how to harness.
While there's a false sense ofpower over man with consuming
taking and having sexualpleasure. It is misused and
abused. This sexual rising witheach man is a sacred gift that
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when used properly unlocks giftsand abilities that we are all
seeking. It is true thateverything you are looking for
resides within you. Use theheart to get to the sacral
chakra, open more during sex,connecting the sacred and sexual
centers with the heart and askfor more and more openings, more
and more softness in the safetyof your beloved, asking you
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shall find, knock and it shallbe opened unto you believe you
will receive these things, thesegifts and these knowings feel
the priestess and priest energywithin you.
That chapter was probably one ofthe most profound for me of that
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entire book.
And if you choose to pick upthis book, I hope that you will
find profound truths withinyourself. And this book has been
one that as I got to write,there are several places where I
invite you there's actuallyplaces to write in your book,
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your copy that you pick up thatis is specifically for you so
that you can be guided to seethose places within you that are
asking to be brought to light.
And again as we do that we healparts of us that are begging for
us to be seen, that are beggingfor us to be brought more and
more into wholeness of all thatwe are. If you listen to that
episode that I did with HughVal, we talked about how the
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meaning of perfection actuallymeans wholeness. So is our whole
journey here on this earthsimply to understand or
recognize the wholeness of allthat we are and have always been
which means to acknowledge allparts of us.
So wherever you are today, mybeautiful friends, I encourage
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you to ask the hard questionswithin. If there is pain that
you're going through in thislife, ask what needs to be what
gets to be seen. And to start.
If you're not doing it, makesure you have a daily practice
of meditation and or prayerto ask those questions each day
of show me how this gets to beeasier. And as I was so
(29:53):
beautifully reminded by a friendof mine easy does not
necessarily mean IISee in the moment, if we were to
do things that were easy for me,I love, I love chocolate covered
cinnamon bears. And if I were toget into that every moment, I
would not be feeling veryhealthy, I would feel shitty
because sugar makes me feelshitty. But in the moment, it
(30:15):
could feel easy. So easy doesnot necessarily mean that it is
easy in the moment, but it'seasy in the long run.
So I invite you to ask in, inyour morning, practice in each
moment,show me how things get to be
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easy. And how can I be both feetin, in all areas of my life,
especially in the areas thatyou're struggling? What needs to
happen so that you can be bothfeet in that you can plant both
feet firmly, because oftentimes,our failures aren't in life or
because we are not all in.
So with all of that, I encourageyou to go buy my book, I know
(31:00):
that it's a beautiful guide thatit will help you with wherever
you are, even if you've alreadymoved through places and you
feel like you're in a goodspace, this book is still
extremely beneficial. And forthose that are looking for an
even deeper practice, I wasshown to do these guided
meditations that are a series offour that actually come almost
(31:21):
like a mini course that you canpurchase on my website for $33.
And one of the meditations inparticular, I was quite shocked
as to what came in when I domeditations. And when I step
into that space, I am what Ilike to call the hollow bone and
I just receive what gets to comein and then I speak it. So I was
(31:43):
surprised at what got to come inand one of the meditations is
towards the end. So if you arein that place where you are
ready to shed some massivelayers, buy my book and then go
get those meditations on mywebsite. I will provide the link
below.
But I You guys I just want tosay even as we're going through
(32:04):
some painful places, I'mexcited. I'm excited because as
we as so many of us are sheddingthese places these constructs
that no longer serve, we get tohave a new awareness of what is
possible and that that isexciting. That is exciting.
(32:24):
With wherever you are at in lifewith moving through the
transitions that you're goingthrough. I am opening up a group
mentorship program. That is asix week long program starting
July 6, that we will have aweekly calls daily
accountability, you'll create aprogram for yourself as far as
(32:45):
getting where you're wanting togo. Anyway there's a lot of
really beautiful tools where weget to support each other and be
held and I will be cofacilitating this with my
beautiful friend and businesspartner Sarah air and we yeah we
are starting this July 6, it is666 for the six weeks and there
are a lot of amazing freebiesthat you will get with this
(33:08):
program. This space is limitedon this as I don't want a huge
group. And for you my listenersif you are feeling called to do
this, I will gift you a freesigned copy of my book. So if
you're feeling the poll to cometo this if it is a soul Yes,
reach out to me through mysocial media pages if you want
(33:30):
more information or to secureyour spot, or you can email me
and I will put my email down inthe show notes below.
But wherever you are, as alwaysknow that you're not alone. I
see you. I feel you. We've gotthis and you my amazing friend
have done so many beautifulthings. I hope you can honor and
recognize all that you aresending you all so much love
Hello, and welcome to my podcast leaving religion and
those really behind. I'm yourhost, Amanda J, Loveland. And I
was hoping to have an interviewto release today, but I don't
know if it is.
It's a combination of summerschool being out and being a mom
and all sorts of things. But theinterview that I had planned
(00:27):
this week, I had to take my dogto the emergency, the
veterinarian emergency place,and was there for six hours. So
while I thought about just notreleasing a podcast today, this
morning, my podcast usuallydrops today. And this morning,
as I've been sitting in mymeditation, it felt
(00:48):
very important to continue torelease an episode today. So as
I tapped into what got to bespoken to today, it was, it was
around this place ofdeconstruction. And I know a lot
of us right now are goingthrough places in our lives,
including myself, of movingthrough a lot of pain, and
(01:13):
moving through the pain body.
And this comes with those placeswhere we feel like we're in the
fire. We are, we're movingthrough what no longer is true
about ourselves. And as thoseplaces within us burn, it can
feel painful.
And when we leave religion, andwhen we navigate through these
(01:37):
places within and you know whatyou guys, it's not just
religion, right? This is, thisis truth for anything in life.
And I just shared a video todayon my social media channels,
about going through the refinersfire. And for me, personally, I
am going through a refiners firethat I have, I have never been
through the likes of. I mean,I've been through a lot of dark
(02:00):
nights of the soul, I've beenthrough a lot of really
challenging places in my life.
But this holy crap this, and Iknow that so many of you of us
are in similar boats. And I wasjust chatting with a friend of
mine, who is this beautifulhealer, and psychic and shaman
and all sorts of things. And shehad mentioned that she's just
(02:21):
been in it. And I echoed that Ihave been to and it was like
this response of really, I'm notthe only one because I feel like
we we hesitate to talk aboutsome of these low places that
we're going through, because wefeel that we are alone. And the
truth is, is we're not and thisis why I wanted to do this
(02:44):
episode today of whatever ishappening right now on the
planet. For those of us that arewanting to be all in in our
lives, it is requiring us tomove through the layers of our
ego, have those layers of oldconstructs of old belief systems
(03:04):
of old limiting beliefs, ofseeing places within ourselves
of where we're holding piecesthat are no longer true, to let
them burn so that they may becleared away so that we at the
end of the day, we can get tothe core of who we are and have
always been.
(03:25):
And this was I've beenreflecting upon my book that I
just wrote and published, andjust released oh, maybe it's
been two weeks now. And thewriting process is always
fascinating. And when this thisbook came through a few years
ago, and if you've listened tomy other podcasts, you will have
heard this story. But when Ireceived this download that I
(03:47):
got to do a book entitledleaving religion, and those we
leave behind, I knew that it wasfrom a place of neutrality, and
in a genuine place of no anger,no animosity, no blaming, no
finger pointing, and really abook that could assist people
and moving through andnavigating the waters after
(04:09):
religion. And this came throughmaybe it's been three years now.
And when I got this, you know ifyou've heard my story, you know
that I didn't leave with anger.
I didn't leave with holy crapthis church. You know, I didn't
have a lot of anger when I left.
But when this download came, itrequired me to look at those
(04:32):
places within of can I really dothis? Because when I do dissect
and when I do dive intodifferent places within
religion, there are places thatyou can get angry about the
patriarchy for me was one ofthose pieces that as I sat with,
can I do this? The deeppatriarchy pieces that have been
active in my family system andjust in the world that I had
(04:53):
experienced growing up not justwith family, but with church,
the church system, there was alot of anger there that I
I had no idea was even active,it was dormant and was hanging
out. And so I got to sit in thatI got to move through those
places of where I was hurt,where I was angry, where I felt
not justified, where I felt likeI was a victim to this archetype
(05:13):
that had been very much alive inmy, in my upbringing, and in my
youth, and in my DNA and myprogramming.
And, you know, is as you,obviously now we're three years
later, so it took me two yearsuntil this came back up again,
this idea of the book, and itturned into first a podcast, as
(05:35):
you know, and or may not know,depending if you've heard my
other podcast episodes, and thenI got to write the book. And as
I wrote this book, and as I'msharing this part of my story,
and just reflecting, this iswhat we go through, that at the
end of the day, we are spiritand form, we are spirit and form
(05:56):
and we choose in a differentconstructs to learn what we got
what we get to learn at thetime, to go through different
types of schools, if you will,to learn more about ourselves.
Because one of the deepesttruths that I hold and that I am
becoming more acutely aware ofis every experience in life is
(06:19):
reflecting back a piece of you.
Because we are all of it.
And I know sometimes this is alittle bit hard to understand.
So I'm going to try and break itdown a little.
If we want to let go of thereligion construct for a moment,
or even take pieces of it.
Eternal life. Great. We believethat we're eternal beings, maybe
(06:43):
you believe this, or maybe youdon't, it's okay. Either way,
just go with me for a minute, ifyou will.
We're eternal beings, we energywe know at the fundamental level
never stops, it never dies, itnever goes away. Even at the
lowest, lowest lowest points ofvibration. It's still like when
(07:04):
you dissect a cell and you goall the way down, down, down,
down, down, it still hasmovement, even on the subatomic
levels, it still has movement,there's always movement. And so
energy never dies. And we areenergy we are energy and form we
are spirit and form. So we knowif you do that, what was that
(07:24):
movie, I can't remember how manysomething ounces is it six
ounces, something like that,where there was that scientific
study that was taken that wasdone where they took patients
that were dying and put them onweighted beds. And every time a
patient died, there was theexact it was grams, their exact
amount of grams, that left thebody that they decreased in
(07:47):
weight every time somebody died,then this was to prove that
something leaves the body whendeath happens. So we have
science that has backed up thatthere's something that
continues, we know that wecontinue in form. I know that in
my practice and what I do as ashamanic practitioner and with
(08:09):
my, my clients, when I get towork with someone, and often a
loved one comes into that space,the communications that are able
to be had and the healing thatgets to be had even though that
person has crossed over, I'vewitnessed firsthand that that
(08:29):
doesn't die. And I'm sure manyof you have had experiences
where you've been able towitness firsthand that even when
a person dies, there is stillsomething there, there is still
an energy that is intact andthere just without a physical
form.
So as we are, you know, kind ofcoming to the fact that okay,
maybe we're energy and formmaybe then is it possible, that
(08:54):
we have multiple lifetimes, andmultiple times that we choose to
incarnate into this world, forlearning for growth, because,
and I've said this before, as wegrow, God grows whatever God is.
And as that energy the divinegrows, we grow. And there's a
mathematical equation, theFibonacci sequence that actually
(09:16):
shows through nature, andthrough math that we are oddly
all connected all one. So I liketo think about this of what if
all of us humans on this earthwere cells in an organism that
was much greater than we couldquite fathom? So you could think
(09:36):
of the organism as the divine assource energy as God.
And we are all cells of that. Soas one cell moves, it affects
another and as another cellmoves that affects us and so in
that, as if you look at a humanbody, all of it is one right.
(09:57):
It's all one experience, butthere
We're all having their uniqueexperience in the one. So if we
were to try to wrap our headsaround that, and try to take
that type of viewpoint, then asa single organism in my human
body as Amanda,if I am wanting on a soul level
(10:18):
to understand more and more ofwhat I'm capable of, and more
and more of what my God's selfcan be in human form, what I not
continue to choose to haveexperiences to where I can see
more clearly who I am, if I'mwilling to look. So for me right
now, I'm going through somepainful experiences in
(10:42):
relationships, where I have hadto, I have gotten the
opportunity to ask myself, Wheream I hiding? Where am I
betraying myself? Where am I notboth feet in with myself, and
the myriad of other things thatare continually popping up for
(11:02):
me to see because this is what'sbeing reflected to me and my
outer world. One of the reasonswhy I so love NLP, which is
neuro linguistic programming,and, and I'm a practitioner, but
one of the reasons why I lovedbringing that into my practice,
is because it is this reallyfascinating approach to
(11:24):
everything in your world isgiving you feedback, because our
unconscious mind is creating areality. And so as if there are
limiting beliefs that arehanging out in the unconscious
mind, let's bring it to thelight so that we can see it. So
then we can clear it and we canmove through that we can remove
that layer that no longerserves.
(11:47):
So as you all are in thisprocess of either leaving or
have left and aren't sure whereto go and where to navigate. I
applaud you. I want to honor youfor the courage that you're
having of even asking thesequestions, you guys asking
questions is one of the mostbeautiful ways to be able to
navigate and move throughanything. And being open to new
(12:09):
possibilities and new ideas,allows for new things to come
in, when we become so harsh andso stagnant in any belief. In
any opinion, there is no roomand it's like the stagnant
water, there's no flow. And inour life, we get to have flow,
we get to have structure. But wealso get to have flow within
(12:31):
that container, that structurethat we're creating.
So as I wrote this book, I didso from this place of how can I,
with what I know, with what I'velearned with what I've gotten
to, you know, experience with myclients? How can I offer a tool
to all of those that areleaving, that they can have in
(12:54):
their hands, that they can useas a tool to be able to move
through their own stuff, theirown layers, their own barriers.
And this book was a beautifulprocess. And it is a simple
book, it is not very long, I waskind of surprised that as I
wrote this book ended up being awhopping 152 pages, including my
(13:17):
little you know about me kind ofpages. It's not a long book, and
it's $13. And as one of thethings that I wanted to share
with you, that I had gonethrough and and when I when I
receive and download to doanything, it takes me a minute
(13:39):
to move through my stuff, youknow, like I shared with this
book, right? I got to movethrough my step of where am I
still holding any of thesepieces? And what can I let go of
so that I can move throughclearly and cleanly. And when I
you know I write this book, Isend it to the publisher, we go
through the whole editing phase,we go through designing the
cover, and the cover didn't comethrough, right the first time.
(14:01):
It's like what in the heck ishappening. And then we finally
got it in the book. Like I had alot of really interesting
hurdles happened with this bookthat I didn't have have happened
with my first one.
And with anything in life for mewhen something pops up that
seems to be odd like this. And Iget to ask what is wanting to be
(14:24):
seen here. And when we firstread did a soft launch with my
book, The pricing was wrong. Itwas crazy cheap, it was pretty
much my cost. So I wasn't goingto make any money off of it. And
we couldn't get it to change. Mypublisher they the they kept
calling and trying to work withAmazon and there was just
(14:46):
problem after problem so it waslike What the crap that we do.
And so I really got to sit withthis and and what is this that
I'm being asked to see? And whatI realized is that this book is
not Mine, yes, my name is on thefront, I wrote it, but I
received it, I received it. Andthen I got to let go of this. So
(15:09):
I literally sat and did aprocess to where I let go of
this book, I gave the book backto itself. As a, you know, as
an, I don't know, an offering, Iguess, if you will, to anyone
who is seeking for a light in aplace that feels very dark, that
I hope that they'll find thisbook. And I hope that it will
(15:30):
bring them some light because itwill bring them back to
themselves.
And I got to also let go of theidea of needing to make money,
you know, I spent, this book waswritten faster than my last one.
But it still is a lot of timeand energy and commitment to
writing this book to writing anybook. And could I let go of
(15:51):
needing to be compensated forthat. And that was a really
interesting place to sit withinthe truth, the truth of the
matter was yes. And thereciprocity that hopefully will
happen is that it does assistanyone who is reading this and
so far, the feedback that I'mgetting is that it is offering
clarity. And ironically, theeditor that I that I used to
(16:13):
edit this book is someone I'veused before and and she's
Mormon. And so I asked her ifshe was okay with editing this
book, and could she do it in aplace of neutrality? And she had
shared some things with me andessentially said, yes,
absolutely, she would love to dothis book. And it felt good to
move forward with her. And Ireally appreciated her, you
(16:33):
know, when she was done with it,and her feedback that she gave
me was, even with her she was,she was going through some
internal struggles with herwithin religion. And my book
gave her clarity even within herchoosing to stay in religion.
And that was really cool to hearand to have feedback, that even
(16:56):
in religion, this book offersclarity of how to dissect those
places within Becauseoftentimes, our heads and our
hearts like to wrestle with eachother, you'll hear that quote,
that the longest journey thatwill ever take us from our heads
to our hearts. And there is 100%truth in that. And our hearts
really are where truth resides.
It is where all truth resides.
(17:21):
For us. It is that central partof our beingness and and truth
when you're looking for ananswer, when you're seeking an
answer your truth, your knowingwill come in calm, it will not
feel chaotic, it will not feelconfusing, it will be calm. And
that is your indicator that thatis your higher self. That is
your intuition. That is yourinternal guidance. That's right
(17:44):
there. And oftentimes it isquiet. It is subtle. It is not
loud and crazy. I mean,sometimes it's loud. But when it
comes in loud, it's calm, it'sstrong.
But that for any of you rightnow that are wrestling with
anything, I would invite you toask what is the place within you
that feels calm? Have youalready received an answer that
(18:05):
felt calm, and then you'rewrestling with the logic behind
it. Because if that is the case,I encourage you to put down the
mental chatter, to get out ofthe resistance of judgment, of
judgment from others judgment ofyourself, of the what ifs of the
(18:25):
unknown of whatever those placesare, that the mental pieces is
coming in, and move back to theheart move back to that calm,
clarity and trust that.
And as I,again, was sitting in my
meditation this morning, Iwanted to share a part of my
book that I didn't know I wasgoing to write. And I was really
(18:49):
grateful for my publisher KaraPolson, that I got to work with
her in a mentorship a one on oneprogram that she offered for me,
that was very powerful. And shewas my check in every week of
where was I at and, and one ofthe times I was I was refusing I
was I was coming up upon a lotof excuses as to why I wasn't
(19:10):
writing. And when it came downto it's because I was hitting a
block and I had no idea I wasresisting writing about a topic
in my book and I had no idea andas we started moving through
that it was around sacredsexuality and then underneath
that was actually shame. And Iespecially I mean, I talk about
the energetic system I talkabout energetic anatomy, I talk
(19:33):
about energy in general thingsthat I did not know I would be
doing in my book you knowleaving religion a guide to find
your spiritual center afterleaving religion. And in order
to find your spiritual center wedo get to understand what energy
is right because again, we'reenergy and form.
So as I sat down and I we had,you know, I had this beautiful
(19:57):
and painful conversation withKira.
and I, we were talkingspecifically about shame. And as
we were talking about shame asshe was sharing some experiences
that she was having, we weretalking about the second chakra.
And our second chakra is whereit's our sick or sexual center
is the seat of our sexuality,but it also holds so much
(20:21):
mystery, and mysticism withinthe second chakra, it's the
place right below your bellybutton. And it's our womb space.
For women. It's that thatliteral creation space, when we
create a physical human being inour body, it grows here. For
men, this is the seat of yoursexuality, it is for women as
(20:43):
well. But what lies here iscreative creativity. And often
what happens is there is thisreally interesting paradox, that
creativity and sexuality getmuddled and confused. And so
when we're working with someonethat we may feel like oh, is
this sexual attraction, it'sactually this creative energy
(21:05):
that wants to be expressed withanother and it doesn't mean
being intimate. And so we weretalking about this and talking
about some different experiencesthat that we had had.
And shame that lies underneathit, and how shame actually
blocks us and is mainly heldhere in the second chakra, it
(21:25):
blocks us from our God givengifts, our natural, me and you
have a birthright of having allthese gifts as intuition, your
sight, your vision, all sorts ofGod given rights, every human I,
what's the word I'm looking for?
I'm stumbling over it anyway.
(21:47):
Your birthright, your birthrightis you have these things that
are just part of who you are.
And then we have these differentaspects that happen throughout
our lives, that programs andconstructs and DNA that models
everything and creates theselayers. So shame is one of the
lowest vibrations that we cancarry and shame will create
blocks and resistance with ournatural gifts. And so as we were
sitting in this conversation, Ihad all sorts of shame come up
(22:11):
that I had no idea was there.
And this is what happens in ourhealing process. It is we
release a layer and then anotherlayer gets to be seen. And as we
release that layer, then anotherlayer gets to be seen. And it
really is this beautiful processthat we get to move through and
understanding that there. Thereis part of being human is that
(22:33):
we get to be we get to look atour stuff. And the more we do
it, the less painful it becomesbecause we start acquiring more
tools. So that even in the pain,we don't have to suffer, we
understand and we can have atool sets and a perspective that
allows us to navigate it alittle easier than we would have
without it without, you know, alot of times when when we're
(22:56):
first in it, we think that we'rea victim to it. And why is this
happening to me instead ofrealizing that this is happening
for you, and that on some levelyou asked for this so that you
can look at these places within.
So all the shame is popping, andit at first pissed me off. And
anybody will tell you this andyou've probably experienced this
one's another layer of somethingthat you feel like you've
(23:16):
cleared pops, you get past likewhat in the actual hell? And
then I moved into okay, what inthe hell? Why is this coming up?
What do I get to look at here?
So I went into my treatment roomafter my call with Kira, and I
sat in the emotions and Iallowed for the emotions to come
up and I allowed my times myselftime and space to see and feel
(23:38):
what got to be seen and felthere.
And as I did this, the amount ofemotions that came up literally
wrapped my body and my body wasshaking, it was trembling, the
tears were flowing, and thatfelt to write in to start
(23:59):
writing. So I did and this partgot to be but put in my book. So
it felt to read this chapterthat's not very long. But the
chapter is titled unconsciousshame. And I would like to read
it to you. Like a thief in thenight shame takes and does not
leave any prisoners. It isquiet, stealthy and makes you
(24:23):
feel like you are the one atfault. It rapes, tortures,
grieves, mourns breaks yourheart loves, weeps is broken.
It's those parts of you thosepieces of your soul that have
left you by the wayside eachtime you felt shame. These
gentle soul pieces are left andforgotten as quiet shame
raptures your soul, body, mindand spirit slowly creating more
(24:46):
and more distance between youand your divinity. Why? Because
we have a choice, because ineach moment, we get to choose a
pleasure or pain, because ineach moment, it's easier to buy
into the pain versus thepleasure
Your pain is what is taught isokay in this world. It is what
is socially acceptable pleasure,success, having everything you
(25:08):
want and creating total joy andabundance for yourself causes
malice, raptures of desires fromothers and you become both the
victim and the perpetrator. Thisis only however when ego and
greed get in the way, truehumility, true Christ like
beingness is detached from allthings, even success and shame
and judgment. My burden islight. Take my yoke upon you
(25:31):
yoke dot dot dot. What is thisword? What does this yoke mean?
When we have risen the Kundalinienergy through the car body, we
raise the gene and during orgasmthere's a white fluid that
excretes in the brain, a literalwhite fluid is excreted from the
brain. Is this the yolk? Theshadows of each aspect of me
(25:52):
from each time I felt shame comeback to me now. At first they
scare me is they have a wilduntamed energy to them and I
question if it is okay towelcome them back in. They are
the witch, the warrior, thegoddess the sexual deviant. The
desire is part of me that has awish to experience all of the
world it is desire, desire tohave pleasure in this life,
(26:13):
which comes in all forms ofsexual orgasmic joy, laughter,
love, wealth, traveling success,fulfillment and even purpose.
The shadow and the light comefrom the same source energy can
never be destroyed. Is itpossible that they are in
harmony with one another arelike the yin yang energy of
masculine feminine energies.
(26:33):
The sacred union that twinflames, true twin flames have
moved through their shadows sothat they may fully integrate
with one another for completionin a life cycle. As the shadow
aspects step out in front of me,each one a part of myself that I
shamefully set aside, I nowchoose to step back into each
and every one, welcoming themback home. With each aspect
(26:55):
coming in, I feel and see eachmemory along with the gifts of
learning and each experience,feeling heartache over the
abandonment of my soul, myspirit that is pure and perfect.
I have displaced these parts ofme for far too long. And now I
welcome them back in. By sodoing I heal my family line, I
heal my Lifetime's of trauma,where women were raped and taken
(27:17):
for sexual pleasure instead ofhonored for the priestesses that
they were. I am that priestessback and forth. Now. I forgive
these beings these energies thattried to consume something they
did not know how to harness.
While there's a false sense ofpower over man with consuming
taking and having sexualpleasure. It is misused and
abused. This sexual rising witheach man is a sacred gift that
(27:38):
when used properly unlocks giftsand abilities that we are all
seeking. It is true thateverything you are looking for
resides within you. Use theheart to get to the sacral
chakra, open more during sex,connecting the sacred and sexual
centers with the heart and askfor more and more openings, more
and more softness in the safetyof your beloved, asking you
(28:01):
shall find, knock and it shallbe opened unto you believe you
will receive these things, thesegifts and these knowings feel
the priestess and priest energywithin you.
That chapter was probably one ofthe most profound for me of that
(28:21):
entire book.
And if you choose to pick upthis book, I hope that you will
find profound truths withinyourself. And this book has been
one that as I got to write,there are several places where I
invite you there's actuallyplaces to write in your book,
(28:44):
your copy that you pick up thatis is specifically for you so
that you can be guided to seethose places within you that are
asking to be brought to light.
And again as we do that we healparts of us that are begging for
us to be seen, that are beggingfor us to be brought more and
more into wholeness of all thatwe are. If you listen to that
episode that I did with HughVal, we talked about how the
(29:07):
meaning of perfection actuallymeans wholeness. So is our whole
journey here on this earthsimply to understand or
recognize the wholeness of allthat we are and have always been
which means to acknowledge allparts of us.
So wherever you are today, mybeautiful friends, I encourage
(29:31):
you to ask the hard questionswithin. If there is pain that
you're going through in thislife, ask what needs to be what
gets to be seen. And to start.
If you're not doing it, makesure you have a daily practice
of meditation and or prayerto ask those questions each day
of show me how this gets to beeasier. And as I was so
(29:53):
beautifully reminded by a friendof mine easy does not
necessarily mean IISee in the moment, if we were to
do things that were easy for me,I love, I love chocolate covered
cinnamon bears. And if I were toget into that every moment, I
would not be feeling veryhealthy, I would feel shitty
because sugar makes me feelshitty. But in the moment, it
(30:15):
could feel easy. So easy doesnot necessarily mean that it is
easy in the moment, but it'seasy in the long run.
So I invite you to ask in, inyour morning, practice in each
moment,show me how things get to be
(30:36):
easy. And how can I be both feetin, in all areas of my life,
especially in the areas thatyou're struggling? What needs to
happen so that you can be bothfeet in that you can plant both
feet firmly, because oftentimes,our failures aren't in life or
because we are not all in.
So with all of that, I encourageyou to go buy my book, I know
(31:00):
that it's a beautiful guide thatit will help you with wherever
you are, even if you've alreadymoved through places and you
feel like you're in a goodspace, this book is still
extremely beneficial. And forthose that are looking for an
even deeper practice, I wasshown to do these guided
meditations that are a series offour that actually come almost
(31:21):
like a mini course that you canpurchase on my website for $33.
And one of the meditations inparticular, I was quite shocked
as to what came in when I domeditations. And when I step
into that space, I am what Ilike to call the hollow bone and
I just receive what gets to comein and then I speak it. So I was
(31:43):
surprised at what got to come inand one of the meditations is
towards the end. So if you arein that place where you are
ready to shed some massivelayers, buy my book and then go
get those meditations on mywebsite. I will provide the link
below.
But I You guys I just want tosay even as we're going through
(32:04):
some painful places, I'mexcited. I'm excited because as
we as so many of us are sheddingthese places these constructs
that no longer serve, we get tohave a new awareness of what is
possible and that that isexciting. That is exciting.
(32:24):
With wherever you are at in lifewith moving through the
transitions that you're goingthrough. I am opening up a group
mentorship program. That is asix week long program starting
July 6, that we will have aweekly calls daily
accountability, you'll create aprogram for yourself as far as
(32:45):
getting where you're wanting togo. Anyway there's a lot of
really beautiful tools where weget to support each other and be
held and I will be cofacilitating this with my
beautiful friend and businesspartner Sarah air and we yeah we
are starting this July 6, it is666 for the six weeks and there
are a lot of amazing freebiesthat you will get with this
(33:08):
program. This space is limitedon this as I don't want a huge
group. And for you my listenersif you are feeling called to do
this, I will gift you a freesigned copy of my book. So if
you're feeling the poll to cometo this if it is a soul Yes,
reach out to me through mysocial media pages if you want
(33:30):
more information or to secureyour spot, or you can email me
and I will put my email down inthe show notes below.
But wherever you are, as alwaysknow that you're not alone. I
see you. I feel you. We've gotthis and you my amazing friend
have done so many beautifulthings. I hope you can honor and
recognize all that you aresending you all so much love
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